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#and I FINALLY got this to cooperate afterward. A practice image from what is a larger scene in my mind
runefactorynonsense · 4 months
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Happy Year of the Dragon!!
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missmorosis · 3 years
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just them doing your hair
-> feat. oikawa, bokuto, and tsukishima
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word count: 730
genre: fluffy crack ig BAHDHD
besties idk I JUST WANTED TO WRITE THIS JDHDJR
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"Hurry up, our date's waiting!" Oikawa sang, his voice slightly muffled against the bathroom door. You huffed as you struggled to brush through what seemed to be thousands of tangles in your hair.
"Tooruuu," you whined. "My hair really isn't cooperating." You nudged the door open, and your boyfriend peeked through.
"I'll do it for you!" He gestured for you to hand him your hairbrush, and you did, giving him a reluctant look. Oikawa clicked his tongue. "Have some faith in me, I've got this."
"Have... have you done a girl's hair before?" You twisted your head back to look at him, but he frowned before forcing your head to face forward.
"Uhh, does Iwa-chan count?" You sighed, shaking your head. "Then you don't need to know the answer. Now, don't move."
You thought it was wrong to trust Oikawa, but you found yourself changing your mind afterwards. Yes, it took ten minutes just to brush your hair properly. However, he was persistent. (Mans really had to Google hair tutorials.)
In the end, you had to admit: he exceeded your expectations, passing your mental exam with flying colors. Somehow, his precision on the court translated to precision on your hair, not that you were complaining of course. It was indeed beautiful. It took him a bit of time to get there, but you were definitely date ready.
"Told you I could do it," he stuck his tongue out at you, and you rolled your eyes.
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"Kou!" At the sound of his nickname, the boy in question, Bokuto, perked up. "Can you do my hair for me?"
"Only if you do my hair afterwards!" You nodded with a smile, and he practically bounced over to you.
It was a mistake.
A for effort, you thought, staring at the image of Bokuto hard at work on your hair. Unfortunately, it looked like something a toddler would do to your hair- hair clips left and right, messy tangles-that-barely-pass-as-braids all around.
Somehow, it was worse than before, and you laughed at the thought. At least you got to do Bokuto's hair now...
"Finished!" he said, finalizing the unique look with a bright pink bow. You laughed, reaching for the hair brush to do his hair.
"Ooh, ooh, use those clips you bought the other day," he suggested, and you clapped your hands.
"Oh! Yeah, almost forgot about those." You thrusted open the nearest drawer, running your hands through everything as you fished for the new hair clips you bought. Cheering as you found your hands on them and pulled them out of the drawer, you waved the pack of hair clips in front of your boyfriend's face. "Which color?"
He tapped on a blue one, which was your favorite as well. You plucked the blue open and clipped it into Bokuto's spiky hair.
"Perfect," he smiled at his reflection in the mirror, meeting your eyes. The two of you burst into laughter.
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"Kei, do my hair for me?" Tsukishima, who had been listening to music as he stared out the window (for no reason other than looking "cool"), plucked an earbud out of his ear and looked at you.
"Your hair? Why, it's fine as it is." He was being genuine: why would you have to do your hair if it was good already? Would that not be a waste of time?
You huffed, clearly you wanted more.
"I want to make it better, genius." You tossed the hairbrush you held in your hand into his lap, and he looked down at it before looking back up at you with a bored expression.
"Do it yourself," he said. You groaned, of course that was his response. It didn't mean you would stop trying, though.
"Please?" You gave him your best puppy dog eyes, doing your best to make his wall crumble.
"... fine." He adjusted his grip on the hairbrush. "Hand me that rubber band."
The way he did your hair was relaxing; the rare touch from Tsukishima made your skin tingle with warmth. He was gentle with everything, and it felt like he knew what he was doing.
In reality, he had no idea what he was doing. He had put on a "know it all" front, but really, he had told you to "do it yourself" because he didn't know how to do it himself. He just put one strand of hair in front of the other, praying it would look good in the end.
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NOT EDITED HDHDJDIF
Haikyuu Taglist: @floralkawa ​ @ray-ofmoonlight ​ @sushijimawakatoshi ​ @bokutsumie ​ @felixsamour ​​
but LOOK AT ME GO!! POSTING WRITING TWO DAYS IN A ROW BAYBEEEE
okay its 1am good night everyone BWBDB
send an ask to get added bestie <33
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soyforramen · 3 years
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Daffodils and Hyacinths
Or that Beronica Flower Shop/Tattoo Shop AU no one asked for.  (Cross posted on Ao3)
The second to last thing Veronica expected when she moved to the sleepy town of Riverdale was for the shop owner across the street to show up with homemade cookies.  It was such a quaint and nostalgic image that she had to suppress a laugh least she offend the women.  Instead she thanked her and wrote the whole incident off.  Even if they were neighbors of a sort that didn’t mean they’d ever mean anything to each other.  In New York Veronica hadn’t been able to name a single one of her neighbors.  Why should this town be any different?
-
It only took a few glasses of wine after the local town meeting, and Veronica found herself leading Betty through the flower shop.  Her neighbor’s quirky arrival last week with a basket of cookies, initially seen as a power play to prove to the town how kind and benevolent Betty was, had turned into a tense sort of friendship.  Veronica was cool every time Betty had made a point of waving good afternoon.  And the few times they’d run into each other at the only grocer in town, Betty had made a genuine effort in asking how Veronica was adjusting to life in the small town.
Veronica, a consummate city girl, did her best to rebuff Betty’s attempts at friendship - an indifference borne largely to bearing the Lodge name for so long - but it didn’t take much for her resolve to break down.  Betty, it turned out, was one of the rarest people in the world - someone who didn’t try to act like someone they weren’t.
And thus an odd friendship was struck up, one that was set in stone tonight as they both stood against the ridiculous zoning ordinances balefully aimed at the lower income neighborhoods in this ticky-tacky town.
Both bemoaned the tragedy of white gentrification afterwards between shots of tequila and three bottles of wine.  Unwilling for the night to end, Veronica asked Betty to join her at the flower shop.  A simple, innocent question that nonetheless brought a pretty rose blush to her cheeks that climbed downward through the night.  
They raced through the shadows of the shop, hands clasped together like narcissus and chinodoxa blooms in spring.  Giggling at the strange shapes the grow lights cast along the walls, Veronica lead her to the office door.
“I keep a bottle of rum in my desk,” she said breathlessly.  As she stepped through the door, her fingers automatically reached towards the leaves of her own personal plants.  “My grandmother’s secret recipe.”
“So much color,” Betty murmured.  She slipped off her jacket and set it on a chair as the hothouse humidity took its toll.  “I never realized orchids came in so many different colors.”
“One for each of my exes,” Veronica said as she pulled out the bottle of rum.  She gazed lovingly at each and set two shot glasses on the desk.  “They love the grow lamps.”
She held out a shot glass and felt a tremor when Betty’s fingers grazed hers.  Veronica watched as Betty threw back the shot, the muscles in her long throat working against the sharp flavor.  
“What is that?”
“Cardamom,” Veronica said as she sat on the corner of her desk.  She sipped at her own rum and let the flavor roll around her tongue.  
“Why flowers?” Betty asked as she reached for the rum bottle.
The question made Veronica pause.  It was a question she’d never been asked; a question she’d never thought to ask herself.  After all, flowers were one of the few ways her mother showed genuine affection.  Perhaps it was even how she showed love.  Almost before she could walk, Veronica knew that flowers meant different things.  Lilies for purity; blood red poppies for refusal.  Lavender for admiration; buttercups for childish ingratitude.  Veronica had been around flowers and plants her entire life, reading their meanings was as easy as breathing.  The thought that she could ever live without them was anathema.
The language of flowers was the one gift from her mother that really had any meaning in the long run.  It was a practice that Veronica had lost herself in many times, one that no one seemed to understand.  
But to tell Betty all of that, to open up to that kind of vulnerability?  As much as she might like her, as much as she might trust her, Veronica was not ready for that sort of confession.
“Why tattoo’s?” came her response.
Betty chewed on her lip and stared with unfocused eyes at the long-out-of-season Bird of Paradise - Veronica’s daily reminder that she was in this tiny town because she valued her freedom above all else.   At first, Veronica wondered if she’d committed a faux pas; perhaps she wasn’t the only one who had trust issues.  But after a while, she came to realize that Betty was also weighing how honest, how vulnerable she wanted to be.
“I like the pain,” Betty finally admitted.
She gazed at Veronica, already defensive against any sort of judgment or condemnation.  When Betty didn’t find it, she continued, her voice relieved.
“I was always the good kid.  My sister was wild, and when she ran away the whole family fell apart.  Dad moved away, Mom joined a cult.  My brother went to live halfway across the country.  In less than a year I lost my whole family, and I was just so angry.  Both my parents hated tattoos; they said they were trashy and vulgar.  So…”
Betty tugged at the neck of her sweater, and Veronica eyed the soft skin.  In soft, looping script along Betty’s collarbone read, “my life is my own.”
“My senior year of high school I lived with the one person who meant the world to me.  But he’d gotten into Yale and I hadn’t, so we got matching tattoo’s.”   Her fingers caressed the space over her heart, and Veronica longed to know what lay under all those layers.  It was one more puzzle piece to the enigma that was Betty Cooper.  But just as Veronica had her secrets to keep, so, too, did Betty.
“After that, it just became an addiction.  The steady pain of the needle, the infusion of ink.”  Betty rolled up her sleeve and set her arm on Veronica’s lap.  Veronica traced the delicate lines along the snow globe that depicted the sleepy town.  From the town square to Pop’s Diner, it seemed the only thing missing was Betty’s own tattoo parlor.
“My grandfather helped build Riverdale, and when he passed my mother gave away everything to the cult.  So I got this instead of his snow globe collection,” Betty said, sadness etched in her eyes.  She laughed despite it.  “You can only imagine how my mother took it when I showed up to his funeral in a sleeveless dress.”
Veronica’s lips quirked into a smile, her fingers dancing across Betty’s skin.  Carefully, Veronica raised Betty’s tattooed arm to her lips and pressed her lips against the skin of her wrist.  The faint aroma of rosewater greeted her.  When she glanced up, Betty drew a sharp breath, but that rose pink flush at the base of her neck was back.  Encouraged, Veronica leaned forward to press a kiss along Betty’s collarbone, then another at the base of her neck.  
Betty pulled away, only to meet Veronica’s lips with her own.
-
Riding a wave of romanticism - one that had started with a hothouse tryst a few weeks ago and seemingly had no end in sight - Veronica picked up dinner from the only decent restaurant in town.  She knew Betty’s schedule was tight, but fifteen minutes together was enough to make her day.  Besides, Veronica had become accustomed to idling in the tattoo shop while Betty worked, the soothing pastels and new art calm enough to make Veronica forget about the barrage of legal notices in her mail box.  And if that wasn’t enough, Betty always kept a  stash of rotating pulp mysteries beneath the register.
But when she walked into the shop, Veronica’s stomach dropped.  A pink-haired woman sat far too close to Betty to be anything but a customer.  She leaned forward to whisper something, and Betty let out a peal of laughter.  Veronica set the food down and watched, irritation rising climbing like ivy in her throat.
When the woman finally left, Veronica made her way over to Betty’s station as casually as she could manage.  She knew she was being unreasonable; after all, Betty was allowed to have friends Veronica didn’t know about.  It wasn’t as if they were dating.
“Who was that?” Veronica asked, her eyes locked on a photo of the old Riverdale rail station.
“An old friend,” Betty said.  She wiped down the station, seemingly unaware of Veronica’s frustration.  “I think you’d like Toni, you two are a lot alike.”
That turn of phrase sparked a fuse and Veronica couldn’t help but grip the pearls at her throat.  Despite the innocent, entirely plausible explanation - and Veronica’s bone deep conviction that Betty wasn’t that kind of person - the afterimage sat at the forefront of her mind.  The pair were too casual, too close emotionally, for Veronica’s demons not to flare up.
“What’s up?” Betty prompted.  “I thought we were going to meet at the Wyrm later tonight.”
Veronica shrugged, still playing at nonchalance, and walked towards the waiting area.  She picked up a magazine and flipped through the pages to keep her hands still. On every page, Toni’s smiling face, inches from Betty’s, stared back at her.  They’d been dating a few weeks, and yet Veronica had never felt that sort of closeness with Betty.
It was the realization that Veronica wanted that sort of connection was frightening.  She was a Lodge, after all, and love was never an option.  Not unless it came with strings and attachments, political and social gains otherwise closed off to her family.  As a Lodge, hers was a morbid, skeptical view of love.  And how could it not be, after all the role models she’d had in her life?
And yet, what she had with Betty felt more solid, more real.  It was a mutually beneficial relationship where Betty expected nothing more than a little of Veronica’s time.
“I closed up early,” Veronica finally said.  She dropped the magazine on the table and forced as much carelessness into her voice as she could manage.  “I thought we might eat in tonight.  I didn’t realize you had company.”
Betty grimaced - apparently Veronica’s attempt at nonchalance had fallen flatter than a late May rain garden.  A pang of guilt went through Veronica; yet she couldn’t help but twist the knife.  It was the only other hobby her mother had shared with her.
“V, you know I’m booked solid -“
Veronica waved her off and pulled on her jacket.  “It’s fine.  I’ve got things to take care of.  Enjoy dinner.”
She stormed out of the door, ignoring Betty’s call.  Something broke against the wall and Veronica forced herself to keep moving.  
Whatever this was had taken root deep within her very cells, but a few days in New York would be more than enough to uproot it.
-
It had taken a week before Betty showed up in the flower shop.  The look on her face told Veronica not to try and pretend they weren’t anything more than neighbors.  Despite Veronica’s refusal to take any texts, calls, or dms from Betty, it seemed the stubborn blonde worked on an entirely different plane.
“What’s going on?” Betty asked, ignoring the customer Veronica was helping.
Veronica finished setting the baby’s breath among the white roses - a strange, uninspiring choice for a get well bouquet - before acknowledging her, a move that only served to irritate Betty further.
Thankfully, Betty waited until they were alone to round on her.
“Why have you been ignoring me?”
Veronica lifted a shoulder in a half-hearted shrug.  A coy move, meant to signify her own feigned indifference.  Betty crossed her arms and fixed her with a stare.
With a sigh, Veronica said, “I don’t know.”
“Seriously?”
“Look, this isn’t easy for me,” Veronica snapped.  She picked at the left over cuttings. Idly she arranged and rearranged them into strange shapes that seemed to reflect her own indecision.  “I’ve never had… I’ve never …”
Somehow, despite all her own musings on the subject, the words about why Betty affected her so much wouldn’t come.  
“Who was she?”
Betty quirked an eyebrow.  “Who?”
“That woman with the pink hair.”
“Is that what this is about?” Betty sighed and walked towards a nearby plant stand that held a range of hyacinths.  Her hand grazed over the yellow petals as she regarded Veronica.  “Toni and I grew up together.  Now she’s engaged to my cousin.”
The air went out of the room and Veronica sagged against the table.  She felt as foolish, as silly as she knew she was being.
“Oh.”
“Veronica,” Betty began, her hands still grasping the flowers, “if we’re going to make this work -“
The world shifted, and suddenly all Veronica could see and hear was Betty.  It couldn’t possibly be this simple.  It never was.  Betty was after something, and now that Veronica had misstepped it would finally come to light.
“-you have to talk to me about these things.  I don’t want to lose you over something as stupid as jealously.”
“That’s it?”
Betty gave her a sharp, bewildered look that sent waves of guilt through Veronica.  Veronica dropped her eyes to the cuttings in front of her.  It was strange, truly, how much she wanted Betty to understand.  They both came with familial baggage; the only question was whether that baggage would match in the long run.
“I’m sorry,” Veronica said with a wince.  “It’s just… everyone’s always had these … expectations of me.  There was always something they wanted.  Comes with my father’s legacy I suppose,” she scoffed.
When she looked up, she was startled to find Betty standing in front of her.  With a gentle smile, Betty took up Veronica’s hands in hers.  
“The only thing I want from you is a little of your time,” Betty said.  With a sly grin, she added, “And maybe that yellow flower over there.”
Veronica huffed out a laugh.  “The hyacinth?”  
Betty nodded.
“No, not that one,” Veronica said.  She slipped her hands from Betty’s and walked to the far aisle.  It was easy to know what she was looking for, even though she knew the meaning would be lost.  
When she set the plant in front of Betty, Veronica’s heart fluttered at her smile.  
“It’s gorgeous,” Betty murmured.  Her fingers toyed with the long yellow leaves.  “A daffodil, right?”
Veronica nodded.
“What does it mean?” Betty asked.
“New beginnings.”  Veronica bit her lip, oddly shy.  “And forgiveness.”
Betty grinned and leaned over the counter to press a kiss to Veronica’s forehead.  “You won’t always be able to buy me off with flowers.  And you promise to talk these things through with me in the future.”
“I promise, so long as you give me a chance.”
-
Late one evening, as the neon lights cast a blue and red glow across Betty’s bare skin, Veronica lay her head on Betty’s chest, her breath heavy and her skin still flush with sweat.  The sound of her heartbeat lulled Veronica into a meditative state as a contented drowsiness began to take hold.
“I’ve got issues,” Veronica breathed.  Her confession, honest and vulnerable, slipped out of her without a second thought.
Betty’s chuckle was laced with sleep.  She wrapped an arm around Veronica’s shoulder, her long fingers tracing patterns along the skin.  “We all have issues V.”
Veronica raised up on her elbows.  Betty’s hair fanned out around her, a pink halo in the neon light, with her eyes half closed in satiety.  
“Give me yours, then,” Veronica said with a sudden protectiveness.
“Only if you give me yours,” came the swift reply.  
Veronica held up her pink, and Betty grasped it with her own.  Sealed with a kiss, Veronica settled back against Betty for the long haul.
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seven-oomen · 4 years
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Okay, this probably won’t be that long, because I have an early shift in the morning, and really should probably already be in bed.  But, I am very glad to hear from you again, even if things are shitty right now.  Also, omg, again, you are not a dick for focusing on your mental health for a while.  I figured there was a good chance that was part of what was going on.  I have multiple friends who have pulled back from various social media, because shit is just really fucked up right now, and most people are having trouble dealing, without any extra issues on top of it. 
I’m really sorry about your therapists, and hope you can either find some equally helpful new ones, or maybe follow your old ones if they end up somewhere else?  Would having official diagnoses possibly help make your old employer more cooperative about the unemployment stuff?  And that sucks about the whole reducing how much welfare you get if people help you thing.  The US has similar stupid issues with some of their programs.  I have a friend on disability that has to be careful how much child support she gets from her ex at a time because if she has too much in savings she could lose her disability.  Which is ridiculous on so many levels, but hey, what else would I expect from this country at this point?
Things at work/in my city have somewhat settled down at this point.  Protests are still happening, and the cops are still being assholes, but slightly less so than before.  Things aren’t not good necessarily, but they’re better.  And while I still have to fight the urge to throw elbows with customers who can’t understand proper social distancing, work has been okay on that front at least.  My schedule has been all over the place due to various people on vacation/medical leave, but thankfully nothing covid related.
Speaking of vacations, I did finally get a few days off, even though I did not get as much done as I’d hoped.  I did get at least a few items checked off my list however, so that’s something.  The most entertaining part was after I finally cleaned out my “bar cabinet” as such, and tossed all the old and/or opened liqueurs left by past roommates and guests that hadn’t been touched, in some cases, in years.  I didn’t toss everything, but it was a pretty fair amount, and as I was taking out my recycling afterwards I just kept praying I wouldn’t run into any neighbors lest they decide to stage an intervention (so…many…empty…bottles…)
I’m trying to get into the holiday spirit this year, but between (probable) executive dysfunction and rollercoastering anxiety, it’s been sporadic at best.  I added some more songs to the Halloween mix on my computer, so now it’s nearly 10 hours of music, so I’ve been playing it to try and help.  I have a decent amount of decorations up now, and I caved and bought two frankly huge pumpkins at the grocery the other day that I now have to figure out what to do with.  One of my friends is trying to arrange a spooky gift exchange since we can’t have any of the parties we normally would, so we’ll see how that goes.
And I will definitely get that story dug back out and give it a going over as soon as I have a free day.  I think it was pretty much done, but it’s been a little bit since I looked at it because I’ve been trying to get further in my current WIP (I need to listen to that “Just write the scene” post, because that’s one of my main issues right now, thinking of scenes for later and getting irritated because I’m not that far in the plot yet.)  And I very much still love that universe, and think of those assholes fairly often.
Holy crud, it’s later than I realized.  To sum up, I’m very glad that you’re still here, and if getting through stuff requires the occasional tumblr sabbatical, that is absolutely okay.  Take care of you first.  And if you want to email me, you can, that’s an older email address, but I do still check it sometimes.  Be warned, however, that I am pretty much fuckall useless for any helpful advice.  My main skill is to be awkwardly yet earnestly encouraging while having no real clue what to say.  But I’m here.  And on a related note, I continue to be awed and impressed at the way you refuse to let any of this stop you, and keep pushing through despite everything, even if it doesn’t feel that way from your side of the view.  (I hope that made sense.  Like I said, not so great with the practical advice/support, but I assure you the sentiment it there.)  I’m glad you’re doing the best you can, and that Mo is doing okay (I didn’t know he’d been having issues, poor kitty!)  Sending all the hope and positive energy (to both of you!)  *Hugs!*  
Nah but I feel like a dick for not saying anything or responding to anyone on here and I feel like a dick for worrying people. And for that, I do owe you an apology.
(I also recognize that this is probably one of these things that was hammered into me and is a residual thing I still do. I apologize for everything.)
And honestly, it’s really appreciated. It really doesn’t feel like it no, but the logical part of me does agree with you on that one. And I’m really glad you’re still around <3
Mo’s doing okay despite his arthosis, he was limping a little last week but the new food seems to be working and it’s slowly easing again. He seems to be a lot happier now.
Ooh, Spooky gift exchange sounds like a blast though! I was going to go ghost hunting but one of my friends has COVID at the moment and we’re going into a second intelligent lock down over here. 
(You’d think the Dutch would be better at social distancing and wearing masks... but- yeah, more and more people seem to be doing the typical annoying Dutch habit of me me me and fuck everybody else and I’m not going to be controlled by my government and wear a muzzle. And yeah, we have a semi-curfew now and Germany has already decided to close its border to us.)
So I definitely get how it might feel for you guys and I’m really sorry people are being dicks to you. If I could slap them I would. <3 
I’m glad you got to take a few days off though, sounds like it was really something you needed and I’m happy you got to tick some boxes.
Also this is the funniest thing I’ve read all day:
The most entertaining part was after I finally cleaned out my “bar cabinet” as such, and tossed all the old and/or opened liqueurs left by past roommates and guests that hadn’t been touched, in some cases, in years.  I didn’t toss everything, but it was a pretty fair amount, and as I was taking out my recycling afterwards I just kept praying I wouldn’t run into any neighbors lest they decide to stage an intervention (so…many…empty…bottles…)
Cause it kinda gives me the image of Noah doing that when he’s clearing out his own house to prepare for the move to the Hale house. And he clears out some of the old bottles of alcohol. And my brain keeps supplying the image where his family catches him in the act and stages an intervention for him.
Idk why that’s so funny to me.
Glad your neighbours didn’t catch you though XD.
It is kinda late over here too so I’mma head in and catch some zzzz’s. Hope your day went well!
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theothersidepress · 5 years
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From The Wilderness To Scole Swansong – Pt 1
http://bit.ly/2Iv1FLG
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Photographer: Arto Marttinen | Source: Unsplash
A compelling series about how direct guidance from Spirit created The Spiritual Science Foundation in Spain.
By Robin P Foy
November 1998. The month when our world fell apart!
That is exactly how it felt when the unique, pioneering 'Scole Experiment' ended quite suddenly and unexpectedly after 5 years of the most amazing Physical Mediumship phenomena that we had ever witnessed in our 25 years of intimate and sustained involvement in this field.
Can you imagine exactly what it feels like to lose your entire family; suddenly, and without prior warning? That is exactly what losing our wonderful Spirit Team felt like!
Coming Soon: The Scole Movie
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The 'Scole Experiment' has since become quite famous for its pioneering role – and the role of our beloved Spirit Team – in introducing a new way of producing physical phenomena to mainstream Psychic Research. So much so, that a big-screen Scole Movie is planned about our historic project, based on the book The Scole Experiment by authors Grant and Jane Solomon.
The mind-blowing, often unique phenomena that we witnessed over more than 1,000 hours of sitting during the experimental Scole years was produced by using only a mix of 3 different types of energy dubbed 'Creative Energy' by our Spirit Team. This method has since been named and recognized as Energy-Based phenomena, as opposed to the more traditional Ectoplasm-based phenomena that was practiced widely over the previous 150 years of Physical Mediumship. Energy-based phenomena is now becoming increasingly popular with groups who set out to develop physical mediumship and its stunning objective results.
In the 'stunned' months immediately following the final sittings of the 'Scole Experiment', all four of us Scole Group members presented public seminars for interested people and researchers which set out the hard work and achievements of our Scole Spirit Team.
From the video footage taken during the live sessions at Scole, Alan Bennett edited together a superb compilation of some of our phenomena, together with animated images of ET beings that visited us during the Experiment – leaving pictures of themselves behind for us to see. There were also a number of pictures of the Spirit World itself – including animated trees and fields, plus pyramids similar to those in ancient Egypt. None of these videos and still images had previously been released to the public.
It was during the first of these seminars that we met the authors Grant and Jane Solomon, who had never sat with us – but were still so taken by the Scole results. Their enthusiasm compelled them to write a book about us entitled 'The Scole Experiment', which became a bestseller. It was Grant and Jane who coined the phrase 'The Scole Experiment' and the title has since stuck.
Such was the interest in the 'Scole Experiment' that in the two years following its demise, many different people and groups from all over the world arrived on our Scole doorstep uninvited, expecting to interview us and be entertained. Despite a large number of rubberneckers, however, many really were serious experimenters and researchers themselves.
We also received numerous offers from several either amateur or quasi professional film makers and documentary makers to take part in their proposed films and documentaries. No payment was ever offered for our services or cooperation in their projects. Most simply wanted to make a name for themselves by getting involved in reporting the special and unique Scole results from their own angle.
'The Afterlife Investigations'
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We turned the majority of these potential documentary projects down on the spot as few seemed genuine and none offered our own editorial freedom. However, we decided to jointly cooperate in the making of Tim Coleman and Dan Drasin's Documentary 'The Afterlife Investigations' about Scole.
This film was completed by Tim Coleman and has since proved to be a major informational documentary, showcasing amazing evidence of the afterlife which we gathered during our five-year experiment.
The Afterlife Investigations has been seen by millions of people over the years, and played an instrumental role in changing the views of many people who were previously committed skeptics!
I was asked to take part in radio and TV interviews, which I happily did (without any payment). There were also invitations for me to lecture on Scole in Columbus, Ohio, in the USA (which I did on two separate occasions), and another in Budapest, Hungary, which I also did. I appeared at a number of psychic seminars by invitation. There were articles in the 'Sunday Times Supplement'; the EDP (Eastern Daily Press) magazine; plus a special Japanese magazine that reported our Scole results and published some of our photos received during sittings via the 'psychic photography department' of our Spirit Team.
Uninvited Guests of a Different Kind
One of the very first uninvited visitors after our Experiments had finished, was a dentist from Israel – Doctor Adrian Klein – who has since become a very good friend. On another occasion, a party of eight people arrived one afternoon from Italy. This party included Marcello Bacci (the famous Direct Radio Voice medium) and his wife Marina, together with their friends Emanuel Toriello; Alex Zampieri, with Italian Lawyer Amerigo Festa and their three wives.
Whilst enjoying a drink with this group at the Scole Inn, and in full light, I witnessed the unexpected arrival of a few apported glass trinkets – one of which actually arrived in my own pocket without any of the Italian group touching me!
This meeting resulted in our being invited to Marcello Bacci's laboratory at Grosseto in Italy (three times in all) to experience Bacci's impressive Direct Radio Voice phenomena.
As a result of this invitation, and after our initial visit to Italy, two of the party who had visited us at Scole – Emanuel and Alex – became good friends. They worked in the UK for a so that they could join us in starting a new group at Scole, some 18 months after our original Experiment finished in 1998.
Just The Two Of Us
Tumblr media
After a few months with our two new sitters, it was obvious that the new group was not going to be successful – but the experience did reawaken our passion for sitting. Although the circle with the Italians did not work out, we went back to the drawing board and started sitting all over again – just Sandra and I.
First of all, we simply sat together on a weekly basis. Very little happened during these sittings until we invited our daughter and grandson to join us. On the few occasions we sat with them in the cellar at Scole, we noticed some reoccurring phenomena.
For example, a ping-pong ball 'scooted around' rapidly in a Pyrex bowl on our central table each time they joined us. This got our attention! Although our daughter and grandson were unable to sit with us regularly in the experiments, these early results did give us the motivation to continue.
Then we started to look for other circle members to join us on a regular basis. Up until 2006, we tried all sorts of different combinations of sitters in our new group. Once again, though, most of these produced very little in the way of results. We also started to have private readings with a number of professional mediums to see if we could get any clues from Spirit as to what they wanted us to do.
Finally, at a local spiritual centre near Diss, we came across an evidential deep trance medium called Les Driver. Both of us had short sittings with him and Les was able to put us in touch with some of the Spirit Team we had known at Scole in an evidential way.
This led us to believe that Spirit still had a job for us to do – and that the timing had to be right for us to once again develop some excellent phenomena. It also caused us to visit Les a second time (around 2002) for a private sitting in his home at Worksop in Nottinghamshire.
More accurate revelations came from this joint sitting and it became obvious that we did need to once again start sitting seriously, and that there was already a Spirit Team in place to monitor our efforts and help with the new centre development.
Les had himself given a large part of this private sitting in deep trance and soon afterwards, was able to work as an electrician close to Scole and combine that with a weekly sitting with the two of us. This continued for several months. Although we got lots of encouragement from Spirit via Les's deep trance, the eagerly sought phenomena just did not happen again at that time, and Sandra and I went back to simply sitting together for a while.
DelaWarr Camera Experiments
Shortly afterwards, we were contacted by Peter Moscow – the then President of the American Psychotronics Association and one of the founders of the Electronic Medicine Association in the UK. Peter had a holistic healing clinic in St Louis, Kentucky and was extremely knowledgeable in the field of radionics, and especially electronic radionic gadgets that he used, many of which were to his own specification. Peter was also a member of the Delawarr Society of Radionics.
Seeing that we had enjoyed such good physical mediumship and phenomena during the 'Scole Experiment', Peter was anxious to discover if we were able to get any positive results with his DelaWarr Camera. As far as we knew, there were only two original DelaWarr Cameras left in existence.
It was a very large piece of equipment that did not, in any way, resemble an actual camera. It worked on 'radionic' psychic principles, some of which go hand-in-hand with physical phenomena.
The De La Warrs made many radionics experiments with the De La Warr Radionic Camera in particular. A few amazing experiments the De La Warrs carried out included one in which they produced a photograph of a three-month-old fetus from the blood sample of a pregnant woman, with the lady being over 50 miles away at the time.
Another example involved taking a picture of a patient’s brain from a blood sample, which showed a tumour. An autopsy after the patient’s death showed a tumour in the exact place on the brain that was depicted in the photograph.
In 1950, George De La Warr took a photograph using a drop of his own blood and a drop of his wife Marjorie's blood while holding the thought in his mind of their wedding day in 1929. The photo they received showed two human-like figures standing side by side, although not clearly identifiable as George and Marjorie.
From 2003 to 2006, and between our weekly sittings for the development of physical phenomena, we started to experiment with the De La Warr Camera that Peter had lent us. Surprisingly, although our sessions with the camera were a bit hit and miss, we did start to get some very good psychic pictures and photographic images when we used the camera, so there was definite development taking place.
Our results, however, were never up to the standard of the photographs obtained when the De La Warrs were using and experimenting with their camera. The camera was returned to a scientific researcher designated by Peter before we left Scole.
We considered the possibility of retiring abroad, but could not agree on which country would suit us best. So, for a few years, we travelled to France, Cyprus and Majorca to seriously look at suitable retirement properties. France came out as favorite initially, but we thought that such a move might involve us in too much red tape, and dropped the idea for a while.
It was in early 2004 that Sandra began to receive crystal clear clairvoyant and clairaudient messages again. Whilst she sat quietly during her night-shift job in a Diss electronics factory, she kept getting a recurring message which constantly told her to 'move to Spain'.
In Part 2, Robin and Sandra Foy embark on the unknown road to Spain.
Watch The Tosp Interview On The Scole Experiments
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Travel gave me back my confidence after I was diagnosed with a chronic illness
Travel gave me back my confidence after I was diagnosed with a chronic illness
Tumblr media
Growing up, travel was the highlight of my year. My mom was an expert at planning vacations that took us off the beaten path. We'd visit far flung locations where friendly local residents were completely unaccustomed to seeing American tourists. We never stayed in ritzy hotels or expensive regions-my mom's goal for us to become immersed in local culture as much as one can on a two-week trip.
When I was 13, I was diagnosed with an eating disorder. Dual diagnoses of PTSD and anxiety disorder soon followed. I was hospitalized multiple times throughout middle school and high school, but even then, travel still remained something I looked forward to. With my mom in charge of all the planning, I didn't have to worry about those pesky logistics and felt safe surrounded by family, regardless of what country we happened to be in.
I continued to struggle with health issues throughout college, but I was doing well enough that I could spend my junior academic year in London. I quickly formed a close group of friends and we did everything together, from exploring our temporary home city to traveling through Europe.
But there was one difference between my friends and me: They had no qualms or anxiety about adventuring alone or planning our trips. I was a different story.
My anxiety and PTSD had taken a firm grip on me, and I began to suffer from panic attacks. The public transit system in London is easy to use, but I still had an irrational fear of somehow getting lost and wandering the streets aimlessly for hours if I chose to explore the city on my own. (Never mind the fact that cabs were more than plentiful-my anxiety had no interest in facts.) If it hadn't been for my friends, I would never have had the opportunity to travel to Barcelona, Rome, Amsterdam, Prague, and other beautiful European cities. The most independent thing I did was stay by myself at a hostel in Florence when I visited a friend who was living with a host family during her own junior year abroad.
After graduating college, travel fell off my radar for quite a while-primarily for financial reasons. I moved to New York City (just two hours away from my hometown in Connecticut), so the cost of living didn't exactly leave much room for vacation money.
Tumblr media
Yukinori Hasumi/Getty Images
Anxiety and PTSD remained my constant companions, but a new health problem arose. I began to experience physical symptoms that were at times debilitating-extreme fatigue, joint and muscle pain, unexplained fevers, and skin rashes.
I went to multiple doctors, asking to be tested for autoimmune illnesses (they run in my family), but I was dismissed and told that my symptoms were simply a result of my mental health issues.
In 2015, I took a major leap and moved across the country to Seattle, where I still live now. I didn't know anyone in my new city when I moved, but I craved a fresh start and a clean slate. I spent hours exploring neighborhoods on my own, and people who had lived here for years joked that I'd seen more of Seattle than they had. Looking back, this was the first sign that solo travel would have a role in my future-I loved Seattle immediately and formed a wonderful group of friends.
But my health worsened. A year after moving here, I was raped by a stranger at a concert afterparty, and my confidence and sense of empowerment hit the floor.
My physical health continued to deteriorate to the point that I could sleep for 16 hours a day and still feel exhausted. My body constantly ached. My fevers spiked to 103 so frequently that I stopped being alarmed when I looked at the thermometer. Once again, I became afraid to stray far from my apartment alone. What if I became dizzy and passed out? What if I suffered a panic attack?
After seeing way more doctors than I should have, I was finally diagnosed with a severe autoimmune illness. Thanks to medication, acupuncture, and medical massages, I stabilized. And thanks to therapy, my mental health stabilized, too. Plus, now that I had established my career and was living in a city with a lower cost of living than New York, I had some spending money in my bank account. Last summer, I decided to use it to buy myself a birthday present: A solo trip to Santa Barbara, California. It wasn't far or particularly ambitious, but it was a first step. It was up to me to do all the planning and set up the itinerary. I felt a thrill as I began to plan.
Tumblr media
Caitlin Flynn
The trip was low-key, but I had an absolutely amazing time. I spent every moment exploring and only returned to my hotel to shower after a hike, change for dinner, and go to bed.
Something else had happened right before I left for Santa Barbara-I'd been invited on a trip to Monterey where I'd learn to drive race cars at Laguna Seca Raceway. I wavered. Driving on the street is one of my anxiety triggers and I only drive about twice a year (when I'm at home in suburban Connecticut). But I couldn't turn down what I knew would be a once in a lifetime opportunity. I reminded myself of Tina Fey's words of wisdom: “Say yes and you'll figure it out afterwards.”
The trip happened to be directly after my Santa Barbara getaway. I flew from Santa Barbara to Monterey, then headed to the raceway the next day. I won't lie; when I got in the race car, panic set in and I seriously considered feigning illness and heading back to the hotel. But I talked myself off the ledge and, with the help of an amazing instructor, I spent over three hours speeding around Laguna Seca Raceway, enjoying the challenge and the stunning views. When I texted the photos to my family and friends, they couldn't believe it.
Tumblr media
Caitlin Flynn
In the year since my first foray into solo travel, I've been lucky enough to continue to take amazing trip-sometimes completely on my own, and sometimes with other journalists. With every new adventure, I feel even more invigorated, empowered, and hungry to continue traveling and experiencing new things. In January I headed to Utah where I learned to ski on the slopes where the 2002 Olympic Games took place, and in May I swallowed my fear of heights and went zip-lining. Much to my surprise, I absolutely loved both activities.
Tumblr media
Caitlin Flynn
Every time I challenge myself to try something new, I experience anxiety and thoughts such as “What the hell did I get myself into?” And every single time, I push through those anxieties and intrusive thoughts,
I feel a new sense of confidence.
Tumblr media
Caitlin Flynn
These days, my friends and I joke that the Seattle airport is my second home. But none of this is to say that my anxiety is gone-and neither is my autoimmune illness, which has at times flared up while I'm traveling. The flareups scare me because I'm far from my treatment team. Sometimes, I'm in foreign countries where navigating the health care system would be extremely difficult if an emergency arose.
But it's more than worth it, and I'm no longer scared by the idea of handling these issues if I'm traveling solo. It would, of course, be extremely stressful and unpleasant, but I know I'm capable. And that's what matters. In fact, I now prefer traveling alone because I get to be in control of the itinerary. When I do my research before a trip, I know that I can spend as much or as little time at each site as I like.
In July, I took my first cruise to the Bahamas with Royal Caribbean. I was given the option of bringing a companion, and I initially planned to bring my best friend. Then she had to back out when she got a new job. As much as I love traveling with her, it was fine with me that I'd be alone. There's always a next time (she and I make excellent travel companions) and there's always an upside to solo travel. I was disappointed when my asthma flared up on the second day of the trip and I had to miss out on snorkeling, but I was spending the day on a private island with a good book in my hand.
I focused on my breathing and my absolutely stunning surroundings, just as my doctors and I had practiced, and things were more than okay.
Tumblr media
Caitlin Flynn
When my flareups and panic attacks occur during travel, I remind myself of how far I've come and how capable I am of handling any speed bumps that will inevitably occur once in awhile.
Just a year ago I was nervously sitting at SeaTac waiting for my flight to Santa Barbara, wondering if I'd spend the whole trip sitting in my hotel room because I was afraid of getting lost. Today, I'm sitting in my apartment planning a solo trip to Amsterdam and my biggest concern is finding the cheapest flight possible.
I loved Amsterdam when I visited in college, but this time I'm going alone. Every detail of planning is my responsibility. A year ago, that would have terrified me. Today, all I can think is, “This trip can't come soon enough.”
***
Spending so many years battling mental and physical illnesses takes a significant toll on the body, mind, and brain.
I'd become so convinced that a flareup or panic attack would be unmanageable if it happened outside my apartment or in a public space where I was alone. I gave up my independence. They say the first step is usually the hardest one to take, and that was certainly true in my case. I never imagined that my birthday trip to the small city of Santa Barbara would turn into a life of constant travel. My anxiety and autoimmune illness definitely don't always cooperate, but dealing with the rough days is more than worth it. I am grateful for all the opportunities I've had to face my fears, to embrace each new city, state, and country that I'm lucky enough to visit.
The post Travel gave me back my confidence after I was diagnosed with a chronic illness appeared first on HelloGiggles.
0 notes
tothe-tooth-blog · 6 years
Text
Travel gave me back my confidence after I was diagnosed with a chronic illness
Travel gave me back my confidence after I was diagnosed with a chronic illness
Tumblr media
Growing up, travel was the highlight of my year. My mom was an expert at planning vacations that took us off the beaten path. We'd visit far flung locations where friendly local residents were completely unaccustomed to seeing American tourists. We never stayed in ritzy hotels or expensive regions-my mom's goal for us to become immersed in local culture as much as one can on a two-week trip.
When I was 13, I was diagnosed with an eating disorder. Dual diagnoses of PTSD and anxiety disorder soon followed. I was hospitalized multiple times throughout middle school and high school, but even then, travel still remained something I looked forward to. With my mom in charge of all the planning, I didn't have to worry about those pesky logistics and felt safe surrounded by family, regardless of what country we happened to be in.
I continued to struggle with health issues throughout college, but I was doing well enough that I could spend my junior academic year in London. I quickly formed a close group of friends and we did everything together, from exploring our temporary home city to traveling through Europe.
But there was one difference between my friends and me: They had no qualms or anxiety about adventuring alone or planning our trips. I was a different story.
My anxiety and PTSD had taken a firm grip on me, and I began to suffer from panic attacks. The public transit system in London is easy to use, but I still had an irrational fear of somehow getting lost and wandering the streets aimlessly for hours if I chose to explore the city on my own. (Never mind the fact that cabs were more than plentiful-my anxiety had no interest in facts.) If it hadn't been for my friends, I would never have had the opportunity to travel to Barcelona, Rome, Amsterdam, Prague, and other beautiful European cities. The most independent thing I did was stay by myself at a hostel in Florence when I visited a friend who was living with a host family during her own junior year abroad.
After graduating college, travel fell off my radar for quite a while-primarily for financial reasons. I moved to New York City (just two hours away from my hometown in Connecticut), so the cost of living didn't exactly leave much room for vacation money.
Tumblr media
Yukinori Hasumi/Getty Images
Anxiety and PTSD remained my constant companions, but a new health problem arose. I began to experience physical symptoms that were at times debilitating-extreme fatigue, joint and muscle pain, unexplained fevers, and skin rashes.
I went to multiple doctors, asking to be tested for autoimmune illnesses (they run in my family), but I was dismissed and told that my symptoms were simply a result of my mental health issues.
In 2015, I took a major leap and moved across the country to Seattle, where I still live now. I didn't know anyone in my new city when I moved, but I craved a fresh start and a clean slate. I spent hours exploring neighborhoods on my own, and people who had lived here for years joked that I'd seen more of Seattle than they had. Looking back, this was the first sign that solo travel would have a role in my future-I loved Seattle immediately and formed a wonderful group of friends.
But my health worsened. A year after moving here, I was raped by a stranger at a concert afterparty, and my confidence and sense of empowerment hit the floor.
My physical health continued to deteriorate to the point that I could sleep for 16 hours a day and still feel exhausted. My body constantly ached. My fevers spiked to 103 so frequently that I stopped being alarmed when I looked at the thermometer. Once again, I became afraid to stray far from my apartment alone. What if I became dizzy and passed out? What if I suffered a panic attack?
After seeing way more doctors than I should have, I was finally diagnosed with a severe autoimmune illness. Thanks to medication, acupuncture, and medical massages, I stabilized. And thanks to therapy, my mental health stabilized, too. Plus, now that I had established my career and was living in a city with a lower cost of living than New York, I had some spending money in my bank account. Last summer, I decided to use it to buy myself a birthday present: A solo trip to Santa Barbara, California. It wasn't far or particularly ambitious, but it was a first step. It was up to me to do all the planning and set up the itinerary. I felt a thrill as I began to plan.
Tumblr media
Caitlin Flynn
The trip was low-key, but I had an absolutely amazing time. I spent every moment exploring and only returned to my hotel to shower after a hike, change for dinner, and go to bed.
Something else had happened right before I left for Santa Barbara-I'd been invited on a trip to Monterey where I'd learn to drive race cars at Laguna Seca Raceway. I wavered. Driving on the street is one of my anxiety triggers and I only drive about twice a year (when I'm at home in suburban Connecticut). But I couldn't turn down what I knew would be a once in a lifetime opportunity. I reminded myself of Tina Fey's words of wisdom: “Say yes and you'll figure it out afterwards.”
The trip happened to be directly after my Santa Barbara getaway. I flew from Santa Barbara to Monterey, then headed to the raceway the next day. I won't lie; when I got in the race car, panic set in and I seriously considered feigning illness and heading back to the hotel. But I talked myself off the ledge and, with the help of an amazing instructor, I spent over three hours speeding around Laguna Seca Raceway, enjoying the challenge and the stunning views. When I texted the photos to my family and friends, they couldn't believe it.
Tumblr media
Caitlin Flynn
In the year since my first foray into solo travel, I've been lucky enough to continue to take amazing trip-sometimes completely on my own, and sometimes with other journalists. With every new adventure, I feel even more invigorated, empowered, and hungry to continue traveling and experiencing new things. In January I headed to Utah where I learned to ski on the slopes where the 2002 Olympic Games took place, and in May I swallowed my fear of heights and went zip-lining. Much to my surprise, I absolutely loved both activities.
Tumblr media
Caitlin Flynn
Every time I challenge myself to try something new, I experience anxiety and thoughts such as “What the hell did I get myself into?” And every single time, I push through those anxieties and intrusive thoughts,
I feel a new sense of confidence.
Tumblr media
Caitlin Flynn
These days, my friends and I joke that the Seattle airport is my second home. But none of this is to say that my anxiety is gone-and neither is my autoimmune illness, which has at times flared up while I'm traveling. The flareups scare me because I'm far from my treatment team. Sometimes, I'm in foreign countries where navigating the health care system would be extremely difficult if an emergency arose.
But it's more than worth it, and I'm no longer scared by the idea of handling these issues if I'm traveling solo. It would, of course, be extremely stressful and unpleasant, but I know I'm capable. And that's what matters. In fact, I now prefer traveling alone because I get to be in control of the itinerary. When I do my research before a trip, I know that I can spend as much or as little time at each site as I like.
In July, I took my first cruise to the Bahamas with Royal Caribbean. I was given the option of bringing a companion, and I initially planned to bring my best friend. Then she had to back out when she got a new job. As much as I love traveling with her, it was fine with me that I'd be alone. There's always a next time (she and I make excellent travel companions) and there's always an upside to solo travel. I was disappointed when my asthma flared up on the second day of the trip and I had to miss out on snorkeling, but I was spending the day on a private island with a good book in my hand.
I focused on my breathing and my absolutely stunning surroundings, just as my doctors and I had practiced, and things were more than okay.
Tumblr media
Caitlin Flynn
When my flareups and panic attacks occur during travel, I remind myself of how far I've come and how capable I am of handling any speed bumps that will inevitably occur once in awhile.
Just a year ago I was nervously sitting at SeaTac waiting for my flight to Santa Barbara, wondering if I'd spend the whole trip sitting in my hotel room because I was afraid of getting lost. Today, I'm sitting in my apartment planning a solo trip to Amsterdam and my biggest concern is finding the cheapest flight possible.
I loved Amsterdam when I visited in college, but this time I'm going alone. Every detail of planning is my responsibility. A year ago, that would have terrified me. Today, all I can think is, “This trip can't come soon enough.”
***
Spending so many years battling mental and physical illnesses takes a significant toll on the body, mind, and brain.
I'd become so convinced that a flareup or panic attack would be unmanageable if it happened outside my apartment or in a public space where I was alone. I gave up my independence. They say the first step is usually the hardest one to take, and that was certainly true in my case. I never imagined that my birthday trip to the small city of Santa Barbara would turn into a life of constant travel. My anxiety and autoimmune illness definitely don't always cooperate, but dealing with the rough days is more than worth it. I am grateful for all the opportunities I've had to face my fears, to embrace each new city, state, and country that I'm lucky enough to visit.
The post Travel gave me back my confidence after I was diagnosed with a chronic illness appeared first on HelloGiggles.
0 notes
inkundu1 · 6 years
Text
Travel gave me back my confidence after I was diagnosed with a chronic illness
Travel gave me back my confidence after I was diagnosed with a chronic illness
Tumblr media
Growing up, travel was the highlight of my year. My mom was an expert at planning vacations that took us off the beaten path. We'd visit far flung locations where friendly local residents were completely unaccustomed to seeing American tourists. We never stayed in ritzy hotels or expensive regions-my mom's goal for us to become immersed in local culture as much as one can on a two-week trip.
When I was 13, I was diagnosed with an eating disorder. Dual diagnoses of PTSD and anxiety disorder soon followed. I was hospitalized multiple times throughout middle school and high school, but even then, travel still remained something I looked forward to. With my mom in charge of all the planning, I didn't have to worry about those pesky logistics and felt safe surrounded by family, regardless of what country we happened to be in.
I continued to struggle with health issues throughout college, but I was doing well enough that I could spend my junior academic year in London. I quickly formed a close group of friends and we did everything together, from exploring our temporary home city to traveling through Europe.
But there was one difference between my friends and me: They had no qualms or anxiety about adventuring alone or planning our trips. I was a different story.
My anxiety and PTSD had taken a firm grip on me, and I began to suffer from panic attacks. The public transit system in London is easy to use, but I still had an irrational fear of somehow getting lost and wandering the streets aimlessly for hours if I chose to explore the city on my own. (Never mind the fact that cabs were more than plentiful-my anxiety had no interest in facts.) If it hadn't been for my friends, I would never have had the opportunity to travel to Barcelona, Rome, Amsterdam, Prague, and other beautiful European cities. The most independent thing I did was stay by myself at a hostel in Florence when I visited a friend who was living with a host family during her own junior year abroad.
After graduating college, travel fell off my radar for quite a while-primarily for financial reasons. I moved to New York City (just two hours away from my hometown in Connecticut), so the cost of living didn't exactly leave much room for vacation money.
Tumblr media
Yukinori Hasumi/Getty Images
Anxiety and PTSD remained my constant companions, but a new health problem arose. I began to experience physical symptoms that were at times debilitating-extreme fatigue, joint and muscle pain, unexplained fevers, and skin rashes.
I went to multiple doctors, asking to be tested for autoimmune illnesses (they run in my family), but I was dismissed and told that my symptoms were simply a result of my mental health issues.
In 2015, I took a major leap and moved across the country to Seattle, where I still live now. I didn't know anyone in my new city when I moved, but I craved a fresh start and a clean slate. I spent hours exploring neighborhoods on my own, and people who had lived here for years joked that I'd seen more of Seattle than they had. Looking back, this was the first sign that solo travel would have a role in my future-I loved Seattle immediately and formed a wonderful group of friends.
But my health worsened. A year after moving here, I was raped by a stranger at a concert afterparty, and my confidence and sense of empowerment hit the floor.
My physical health continued to deteriorate to the point that I could sleep for 16 hours a day and still feel exhausted. My body constantly ached. My fevers spiked to 103 so frequently that I stopped being alarmed when I looked at the thermometer. Once again, I became afraid to stray far from my apartment alone. What if I became dizzy and passed out? What if I suffered a panic attack?
After seeing way more doctors than I should have, I was finally diagnosed with a severe autoimmune illness. Thanks to medication, acupuncture, and medical massages, I stabilized. And thanks to therapy, my mental health stabilized, too. Plus, now that I had established my career and was living in a city with a lower cost of living than New York, I had some spending money in my bank account. Last summer, I decided to use it to buy myself a birthday present: A solo trip to Santa Barbara, California. It wasn't far or particularly ambitious, but it was a first step. It was up to me to do all the planning and set up the itinerary. I felt a thrill as I began to plan.
Tumblr media
Caitlin Flynn
The trip was low-key, but I had an absolutely amazing time. I spent every moment exploring and only returned to my hotel to shower after a hike, change for dinner, and go to bed.
Something else had happened right before I left for Santa Barbara-I'd been invited on a trip to Monterey where I'd learn to drive race cars at Laguna Seca Raceway. I wavered. Driving on the street is one of my anxiety triggers and I only drive about twice a year (when I'm at home in suburban Connecticut). But I couldn't turn down what I knew would be a once in a lifetime opportunity. I reminded myself of Tina Fey's words of wisdom: “Say yes and you'll figure it out afterwards.”
The trip happened to be directly after my Santa Barbara getaway. I flew from Santa Barbara to Monterey, then headed to the raceway the next day. I won't lie; when I got in the race car, panic set in and I seriously considered feigning illness and heading back to the hotel. But I talked myself off the ledge and, with the help of an amazing instructor, I spent over three hours speeding around Laguna Seca Raceway, enjoying the challenge and the stunning views. When I texted the photos to my family and friends, they couldn't believe it.
Tumblr media
Caitlin Flynn
In the year since my first foray into solo travel, I've been lucky enough to continue to take amazing trip-sometimes completely on my own, and sometimes with other journalists. With every new adventure, I feel even more invigorated, empowered, and hungry to continue traveling and experiencing new things. In January I headed to Utah where I learned to ski on the slopes where the 2002 Olympic Games took place, and in May I swallowed my fear of heights and went zip-lining. Much to my surprise, I absolutely loved both activities.
Tumblr media
Caitlin Flynn
Every time I challenge myself to try something new, I experience anxiety and thoughts such as “What the hell did I get myself into?” And every single time, I push through those anxieties and intrusive thoughts,
I feel a new sense of confidence.
Tumblr media
Caitlin Flynn
These days, my friends and I joke that the Seattle airport is my second home. But none of this is to say that my anxiety is gone-and neither is my autoimmune illness, which has at times flared up while I'm traveling. The flareups scare me because I'm far from my treatment team. Sometimes, I'm in foreign countries where navigating the health care system would be extremely difficult if an emergency arose.
But it's more than worth it, and I'm no longer scared by the idea of handling these issues if I'm traveling solo. It would, of course, be extremely stressful and unpleasant, but I know I'm capable. And that's what matters. In fact, I now prefer traveling alone because I get to be in control of the itinerary. When I do my research before a trip, I know that I can spend as much or as little time at each site as I like.
In July, I took my first cruise to the Bahamas with Royal Caribbean. I was given the option of bringing a companion, and I initially planned to bring my best friend. Then she had to back out when she got a new job. As much as I love traveling with her, it was fine with me that I'd be alone. There's always a next time (she and I make excellent travel companions) and there's always an upside to solo travel. I was disappointed when my asthma flared up on the second day of the trip and I had to miss out on snorkeling, but I was spending the day on a private island with a good book in my hand.
I focused on my breathing and my absolutely stunning surroundings, just as my doctors and I had practiced, and things were more than okay.
Tumblr media
Caitlin Flynn
When my flareups and panic attacks occur during travel, I remind myself of how far I've come and how capable I am of handling any speed bumps that will inevitably occur once in awhile.
Just a year ago I was nervously sitting at SeaTac waiting for my flight to Santa Barbara, wondering if I'd spend the whole trip sitting in my hotel room because I was afraid of getting lost. Today, I'm sitting in my apartment planning a solo trip to Amsterdam and my biggest concern is finding the cheapest flight possible.
I loved Amsterdam when I visited in college, but this time I'm going alone. Every detail of planning is my responsibility. A year ago, that would have terrified me. Today, all I can think is, “This trip can't come soon enough.”
***
Spending so many years battling mental and physical illnesses takes a significant toll on the body, mind, and brain.
I'd become so convinced that a flareup or panic attack would be unmanageable if it happened outside my apartment or in a public space where I was alone. I gave up my independence. They say the first step is usually the hardest one to take, and that was certainly true in my case. I never imagined that my birthday trip to the small city of Santa Barbara would turn into a life of constant travel. My anxiety and autoimmune illness definitely don't always cooperate, but dealing with the rough days is more than worth it. I am grateful for all the opportunities I've had to face my fears, to embrace each new city, state, and country that I'm lucky enough to visit.
The post Travel gave me back my confidence after I was diagnosed with a chronic illness appeared first on HelloGiggles.
0 notes
cowgirluli-blog · 6 years
Text
Travel gave me back my confidence after I was diagnosed with a chronic illness
Travel gave me back my confidence after I was diagnosed with a chronic illness
Tumblr media
Growing up, travel was the highlight of my year. My mom was an expert at planning vacations that took us off the beaten path. We'd visit far flung locations where friendly local residents were completely unaccustomed to seeing American tourists. We never stayed in ritzy hotels or expensive regions-my mom's goal for us to become immersed in local culture as much as one can on a two-week trip.
When I was 13, I was diagnosed with an eating disorder. Dual diagnoses of PTSD and anxiety disorder soon followed. I was hospitalized multiple times throughout middle school and high school, but even then, travel still remained something I looked forward to. With my mom in charge of all the planning, I didn't have to worry about those pesky logistics and felt safe surrounded by family, regardless of what country we happened to be in.
I continued to struggle with health issues throughout college, but I was doing well enough that I could spend my junior academic year in London. I quickly formed a close group of friends and we did everything together, from exploring our temporary home city to traveling through Europe.
But there was one difference between my friends and me: They had no qualms or anxiety about adventuring alone or planning our trips. I was a different story.
My anxiety and PTSD had taken a firm grip on me, and I began to suffer from panic attacks. The public transit system in London is easy to use, but I still had an irrational fear of somehow getting lost and wandering the streets aimlessly for hours if I chose to explore the city on my own. (Never mind the fact that cabs were more than plentiful-my anxiety had no interest in facts.) If it hadn't been for my friends, I would never have had the opportunity to travel to Barcelona, Rome, Amsterdam, Prague, and other beautiful European cities. The most independent thing I did was stay by myself at a hostel in Florence when I visited a friend who was living with a host family during her own junior year abroad.
After graduating college, travel fell off my radar for quite a while-primarily for financial reasons. I moved to New York City (just two hours away from my hometown in Connecticut), so the cost of living didn't exactly leave much room for vacation money.
Tumblr media
Yukinori Hasumi/Getty Images
Anxiety and PTSD remained my constant companions, but a new health problem arose. I began to experience physical symptoms that were at times debilitating-extreme fatigue, joint and muscle pain, unexplained fevers, and skin rashes.
I went to multiple doctors, asking to be tested for autoimmune illnesses (they run in my family), but I was dismissed and told that my symptoms were simply a result of my mental health issues.
In 2015, I took a major leap and moved across the country to Seattle, where I still live now. I didn't know anyone in my new city when I moved, but I craved a fresh start and a clean slate. I spent hours exploring neighborhoods on my own, and people who had lived here for years joked that I'd seen more of Seattle than they had. Looking back, this was the first sign that solo travel would have a role in my future-I loved Seattle immediately and formed a wonderful group of friends.
But my health worsened. A year after moving here, I was raped by a stranger at a concert afterparty, and my confidence and sense of empowerment hit the floor.
My physical health continued to deteriorate to the point that I could sleep for 16 hours a day and still feel exhausted. My body constantly ached. My fevers spiked to 103 so frequently that I stopped being alarmed when I looked at the thermometer. Once again, I became afraid to stray far from my apartment alone. What if I became dizzy and passed out? What if I suffered a panic attack?
After seeing way more doctors than I should have, I was finally diagnosed with a severe autoimmune illness. Thanks to medication, acupuncture, and medical massages, I stabilized. And thanks to therapy, my mental health stabilized, too. Plus, now that I had established my career and was living in a city with a lower cost of living than New York, I had some spending money in my bank account. Last summer, I decided to use it to buy myself a birthday present: A solo trip to Santa Barbara, California. It wasn't far or particularly ambitious, but it was a first step. It was up to me to do all the planning and set up the itinerary. I felt a thrill as I began to plan.
Tumblr media
Caitlin Flynn
The trip was low-key, but I had an absolutely amazing time. I spent every moment exploring and only returned to my hotel to shower after a hike, change for dinner, and go to bed.
Something else had happened right before I left for Santa Barbara-I'd been invited on a trip to Monterey where I'd learn to drive race cars at Laguna Seca Raceway. I wavered. Driving on the street is one of my anxiety triggers and I only drive about twice a year (when I'm at home in suburban Connecticut). But I couldn't turn down what I knew would be a once in a lifetime opportunity. I reminded myself of Tina Fey's words of wisdom: “Say yes and you'll figure it out afterwards.”
The trip happened to be directly after my Santa Barbara getaway. I flew from Santa Barbara to Monterey, then headed to the raceway the next day. I won't lie; when I got in the race car, panic set in and I seriously considered feigning illness and heading back to the hotel. But I talked myself off the ledge and, with the help of an amazing instructor, I spent over three hours speeding around Laguna Seca Raceway, enjoying the challenge and the stunning views. When I texted the photos to my family and friends, they couldn't believe it.
Tumblr media
Caitlin Flynn
In the year since my first foray into solo travel, I've been lucky enough to continue to take amazing trip-sometimes completely on my own, and sometimes with other journalists. With every new adventure, I feel even more invigorated, empowered, and hungry to continue traveling and experiencing new things. In January I headed to Utah where I learned to ski on the slopes where the 2002 Olympic Games took place, and in May I swallowed my fear of heights and went zip-lining. Much to my surprise, I absolutely loved both activities.
Tumblr media
Caitlin Flynn
Every time I challenge myself to try something new, I experience anxiety and thoughts such as “What the hell did I get myself into?” And every single time, I push through those anxieties and intrusive thoughts,
I feel a new sense of confidence.
Tumblr media
Caitlin Flynn
These days, my friends and I joke that the Seattle airport is my second home. But none of this is to say that my anxiety is gone-and neither is my autoimmune illness, which has at times flared up while I'm traveling. The flareups scare me because I'm far from my treatment team. Sometimes, I'm in foreign countries where navigating the health care system would be extremely difficult if an emergency arose.
But it's more than worth it, and I'm no longer scared by the idea of handling these issues if I'm traveling solo. It would, of course, be extremely stressful and unpleasant, but I know I'm capable. And that's what matters. In fact, I now prefer traveling alone because I get to be in control of the itinerary. When I do my research before a trip, I know that I can spend as much or as little time at each site as I like.
In July, I took my first cruise to the Bahamas with Royal Caribbean. I was given the option of bringing a companion, and I initially planned to bring my best friend. Then she had to back out when she got a new job. As much as I love traveling with her, it was fine with me that I'd be alone. There's always a next time (she and I make excellent travel companions) and there's always an upside to solo travel. I was disappointed when my asthma flared up on the second day of the trip and I had to miss out on snorkeling, but I was spending the day on a private island with a good book in my hand.
I focused on my breathing and my absolutely stunning surroundings, just as my doctors and I had practiced, and things were more than okay.
Tumblr media
Caitlin Flynn
When my flareups and panic attacks occur during travel, I remind myself of how far I've come and how capable I am of handling any speed bumps that will inevitably occur once in awhile.
Just a year ago I was nervously sitting at SeaTac waiting for my flight to Santa Barbara, wondering if I'd spend the whole trip sitting in my hotel room because I was afraid of getting lost. Today, I'm sitting in my apartment planning a solo trip to Amsterdam and my biggest concern is finding the cheapest flight possible.
I loved Amsterdam when I visited in college, but this time I'm going alone. Every detail of planning is my responsibility. A year ago, that would have terrified me. Today, all I can think is, “This trip can't come soon enough.”
***
Spending so many years battling mental and physical illnesses takes a significant toll on the body, mind, and brain.
I'd become so convinced that a flareup or panic attack would be unmanageable if it happened outside my apartment or in a public space where I was alone. I gave up my independence. They say the first step is usually the hardest one to take, and that was certainly true in my case. I never imagined that my birthday trip to the small city of Santa Barbara would turn into a life of constant travel. My anxiety and autoimmune illness definitely don't always cooperate, but dealing with the rough days is more than worth it. I am grateful for all the opportunities I've had to face my fears, to embrace each new city, state, and country that I'm lucky enough to visit.
The post Travel gave me back my confidence after I was diagnosed with a chronic illness appeared first on HelloGiggles.
0 notes
ungracefulswan-blog · 6 years
Text
Travel gave me back my confidence after I was diagnosed with a chronic illness
Travel gave me back my confidence after I was diagnosed with a chronic illness
Tumblr media
Growing up, travel was the highlight of my year. My mom was an expert at planning vacations that took us off the beaten path. We'd visit far flung locations where friendly local residents were completely unaccustomed to seeing American tourists. We never stayed in ritzy hotels or expensive regions-my mom's goal for us to become immersed in local culture as much as one can on a two-week trip.
When I was 13, I was diagnosed with an eating disorder. Dual diagnoses of PTSD and anxiety disorder soon followed. I was hospitalized multiple times throughout middle school and high school, but even then, travel still remained something I looked forward to. With my mom in charge of all the planning, I didn't have to worry about those pesky logistics and felt safe surrounded by family, regardless of what country we happened to be in.
I continued to struggle with health issues throughout college, but I was doing well enough that I could spend my junior academic year in London. I quickly formed a close group of friends and we did everything together, from exploring our temporary home city to traveling through Europe.
But there was one difference between my friends and me: They had no qualms or anxiety about adventuring alone or planning our trips. I was a different story.
My anxiety and PTSD had taken a firm grip on me, and I began to suffer from panic attacks. The public transit system in London is easy to use, but I still had an irrational fear of somehow getting lost and wandering the streets aimlessly for hours if I chose to explore the city on my own. (Never mind the fact that cabs were more than plentiful-my anxiety had no interest in facts.) If it hadn't been for my friends, I would never have had the opportunity to travel to Barcelona, Rome, Amsterdam, Prague, and other beautiful European cities. The most independent thing I did was stay by myself at a hostel in Florence when I visited a friend who was living with a host family during her own junior year abroad.
After graduating college, travel fell off my radar for quite a while-primarily for financial reasons. I moved to New York City (just two hours away from my hometown in Connecticut), so the cost of living didn't exactly leave much room for vacation money.
Tumblr media
Yukinori Hasumi/Getty Images
Anxiety and PTSD remained my constant companions, but a new health problem arose. I began to experience physical symptoms that were at times debilitating-extreme fatigue, joint and muscle pain, unexplained fevers, and skin rashes.
I went to multiple doctors, asking to be tested for autoimmune illnesses (they run in my family), but I was dismissed and told that my symptoms were simply a result of my mental health issues.
In 2015, I took a major leap and moved across the country to Seattle, where I still live now. I didn't know anyone in my new city when I moved, but I craved a fresh start and a clean slate. I spent hours exploring neighborhoods on my own, and people who had lived here for years joked that I'd seen more of Seattle than they had. Looking back, this was the first sign that solo travel would have a role in my future-I loved Seattle immediately and formed a wonderful group of friends.
But my health worsened. A year after moving here, I was raped by a stranger at a concert afterparty, and my confidence and sense of empowerment hit the floor.
My physical health continued to deteriorate to the point that I could sleep for 16 hours a day and still feel exhausted. My body constantly ached. My fevers spiked to 103 so frequently that I stopped being alarmed when I looked at the thermometer. Once again, I became afraid to stray far from my apartment alone. What if I became dizzy and passed out? What if I suffered a panic attack?
After seeing way more doctors than I should have, I was finally diagnosed with a severe autoimmune illness. Thanks to medication, acupuncture, and medical massages, I stabilized. And thanks to therapy, my mental health stabilized, too. Plus, now that I had established my career and was living in a city with a lower cost of living than New York, I had some spending money in my bank account. Last summer, I decided to use it to buy myself a birthday present: A solo trip to Santa Barbara, California. It wasn't far or particularly ambitious, but it was a first step. It was up to me to do all the planning and set up the itinerary. I felt a thrill as I began to plan.
Tumblr media
Caitlin Flynn
The trip was low-key, but I had an absolutely amazing time. I spent every moment exploring and only returned to my hotel to shower after a hike, change for dinner, and go to bed.
Something else had happened right before I left for Santa Barbara-I'd been invited on a trip to Monterey where I'd learn to drive race cars at Laguna Seca Raceway. I wavered. Driving on the street is one of my anxiety triggers and I only drive about twice a year (when I'm at home in suburban Connecticut). But I couldn't turn down what I knew would be a once in a lifetime opportunity. I reminded myself of Tina Fey's words of wisdom: “Say yes and you'll figure it out afterwards.”
The trip happened to be directly after my Santa Barbara getaway. I flew from Santa Barbara to Monterey, then headed to the raceway the next day. I won't lie; when I got in the race car, panic set in and I seriously considered feigning illness and heading back to the hotel. But I talked myself off the ledge and, with the help of an amazing instructor, I spent over three hours speeding around Laguna Seca Raceway, enjoying the challenge and the stunning views. When I texted the photos to my family and friends, they couldn't believe it.
Tumblr media
Caitlin Flynn
In the year since my first foray into solo travel, I've been lucky enough to continue to take amazing trip-sometimes completely on my own, and sometimes with other journalists. With every new adventure, I feel even more invigorated, empowered, and hungry to continue traveling and experiencing new things. In January I headed to Utah where I learned to ski on the slopes where the 2002 Olympic Games took place, and in May I swallowed my fear of heights and went zip-lining. Much to my surprise, I absolutely loved both activities.
Tumblr media
Caitlin Flynn
Every time I challenge myself to try something new, I experience anxiety and thoughts such as “What the hell did I get myself into?” And every single time, I push through those anxieties and intrusive thoughts,
I feel a new sense of confidence.
Tumblr media
Caitlin Flynn
These days, my friends and I joke that the Seattle airport is my second home. But none of this is to say that my anxiety is gone-and neither is my autoimmune illness, which has at times flared up while I'm traveling. The flareups scare me because I'm far from my treatment team. Sometimes, I'm in foreign countries where navigating the health care system would be extremely difficult if an emergency arose.
But it's more than worth it, and I'm no longer scared by the idea of handling these issues if I'm traveling solo. It would, of course, be extremely stressful and unpleasant, but I know I'm capable. And that's what matters. In fact, I now prefer traveling alone because I get to be in control of the itinerary. When I do my research before a trip, I know that I can spend as much or as little time at each site as I like.
In July, I took my first cruise to the Bahamas with Royal Caribbean. I was given the option of bringing a companion, and I initially planned to bring my best friend. Then she had to back out when she got a new job. As much as I love traveling with her, it was fine with me that I'd be alone. There's always a next time (she and I make excellent travel companions) and there's always an upside to solo travel. I was disappointed when my asthma flared up on the second day of the trip and I had to miss out on snorkeling, but I was spending the day on a private island with a good book in my hand.
I focused on my breathing and my absolutely stunning surroundings, just as my doctors and I had practiced, and things were more than okay.
Tumblr media
Caitlin Flynn
When my flareups and panic attacks occur during travel, I remind myself of how far I've come and how capable I am of handling any speed bumps that will inevitably occur once in awhile.
Just a year ago I was nervously sitting at SeaTac waiting for my flight to Santa Barbara, wondering if I'd spend the whole trip sitting in my hotel room because I was afraid of getting lost. Today, I'm sitting in my apartment planning a solo trip to Amsterdam and my biggest concern is finding the cheapest flight possible.
I loved Amsterdam when I visited in college, but this time I'm going alone. Every detail of planning is my responsibility. A year ago, that would have terrified me. Today, all I can think is, “This trip can't come soon enough.”
***
Spending so many years battling mental and physical illnesses takes a significant toll on the body, mind, and brain.
I'd become so convinced that a flareup or panic attack would be unmanageable if it happened outside my apartment or in a public space where I was alone. I gave up my independence. They say the first step is usually the hardest one to take, and that was certainly true in my case. I never imagined that my birthday trip to the small city of Santa Barbara would turn into a life of constant travel. My anxiety and autoimmune illness definitely don't always cooperate, but dealing with the rough days is more than worth it. I am grateful for all the opportunities I've had to face my fears, to embrace each new city, state, and country that I'm lucky enough to visit.
The post Travel gave me back my confidence after I was diagnosed with a chronic illness appeared first on HelloGiggles.
0 notes
Text
Travel gave me back my confidence after I was diagnosed with a chronic illness
Travel gave me back my confidence after I was diagnosed with a chronic illness
Tumblr media
Growing up, travel was the highlight of my year. My mom was an expert at planning vacations that took us off the beaten path. We'd visit far flung locations where friendly local residents were completely unaccustomed to seeing American tourists. We never stayed in ritzy hotels or expensive regions-my mom's goal for us to become immersed in local culture as much as one can on a two-week trip.
When I was 13, I was diagnosed with an eating disorder. Dual diagnoses of PTSD and anxiety disorder soon followed. I was hospitalized multiple times throughout middle school and high school, but even then, travel still remained something I looked forward to. With my mom in charge of all the planning, I didn't have to worry about those pesky logistics and felt safe surrounded by family, regardless of what country we happened to be in.
I continued to struggle with health issues throughout college, but I was doing well enough that I could spend my junior academic year in London. I quickly formed a close group of friends and we did everything together, from exploring our temporary home city to traveling through Europe.
But there was one difference between my friends and me: They had no qualms or anxiety about adventuring alone or planning our trips. I was a different story.
My anxiety and PTSD had taken a firm grip on me, and I began to suffer from panic attacks. The public transit system in London is easy to use, but I still had an irrational fear of somehow getting lost and wandering the streets aimlessly for hours if I chose to explore the city on my own. (Never mind the fact that cabs were more than plentiful-my anxiety had no interest in facts.) If it hadn't been for my friends, I would never have had the opportunity to travel to Barcelona, Rome, Amsterdam, Prague, and other beautiful European cities. The most independent thing I did was stay by myself at a hostel in Florence when I visited a friend who was living with a host family during her own junior year abroad.
After graduating college, travel fell off my radar for quite a while-primarily for financial reasons. I moved to New York City (just two hours away from my hometown in Connecticut), so the cost of living didn't exactly leave much room for vacation money.
Tumblr media
Yukinori Hasumi/Getty Images
Anxiety and PTSD remained my constant companions, but a new health problem arose. I began to experience physical symptoms that were at times debilitating-extreme fatigue, joint and muscle pain, unexplained fevers, and skin rashes.
I went to multiple doctors, asking to be tested for autoimmune illnesses (they run in my family), but I was dismissed and told that my symptoms were simply a result of my mental health issues.
In 2015, I took a major leap and moved across the country to Seattle, where I still live now. I didn't know anyone in my new city when I moved, but I craved a fresh start and a clean slate. I spent hours exploring neighborhoods on my own, and people who had lived here for years joked that I'd seen more of Seattle than they had. Looking back, this was the first sign that solo travel would have a role in my future-I loved Seattle immediately and formed a wonderful group of friends.
But my health worsened. A year after moving here, I was raped by a stranger at a concert afterparty, and my confidence and sense of empowerment hit the floor.
My physical health continued to deteriorate to the point that I could sleep for 16 hours a day and still feel exhausted. My body constantly ached. My fevers spiked to 103 so frequently that I stopped being alarmed when I looked at the thermometer. Once again, I became afraid to stray far from my apartment alone. What if I became dizzy and passed out? What if I suffered a panic attack?
After seeing way more doctors than I should have, I was finally diagnosed with a severe autoimmune illness. Thanks to medication, acupuncture, and medical massages, I stabilized. And thanks to therapy, my mental health stabilized, too. Plus, now that I had established my career and was living in a city with a lower cost of living than New York, I had some spending money in my bank account. Last summer, I decided to use it to buy myself a birthday present: A solo trip to Santa Barbara, California. It wasn't far or particularly ambitious, but it was a first step. It was up to me to do all the planning and set up the itinerary. I felt a thrill as I began to plan.
Tumblr media
Caitlin Flynn
The trip was low-key, but I had an absolutely amazing time. I spent every moment exploring and only returned to my hotel to shower after a hike, change for dinner, and go to bed.
Something else had happened right before I left for Santa Barbara-I'd been invited on a trip to Monterey where I'd learn to drive race cars at Laguna Seca Raceway. I wavered. Driving on the street is one of my anxiety triggers and I only drive about twice a year (when I'm at home in suburban Connecticut). But I couldn't turn down what I knew would be a once in a lifetime opportunity. I reminded myself of Tina Fey's words of wisdom: “Say yes and you'll figure it out afterwards.”
The trip happened to be directly after my Santa Barbara getaway. I flew from Santa Barbara to Monterey, then headed to the raceway the next day. I won't lie; when I got in the race car, panic set in and I seriously considered feigning illness and heading back to the hotel. But I talked myself off the ledge and, with the help of an amazing instructor, I spent over three hours speeding around Laguna Seca Raceway, enjoying the challenge and the stunning views. When I texted the photos to my family and friends, they couldn't believe it.
Tumblr media
Caitlin Flynn
In the year since my first foray into solo travel, I've been lucky enough to continue to take amazing trip-sometimes completely on my own, and sometimes with other journalists. With every new adventure, I feel even more invigorated, empowered, and hungry to continue traveling and experiencing new things. In January I headed to Utah where I learned to ski on the slopes where the 2002 Olympic Games took place, and in May I swallowed my fear of heights and went zip-lining. Much to my surprise, I absolutely loved both activities.
Tumblr media
Caitlin Flynn
Every time I challenge myself to try something new, I experience anxiety and thoughts such as “What the hell did I get myself into?” And every single time, I push through those anxieties and intrusive thoughts,
I feel a new sense of confidence.
Tumblr media
Caitlin Flynn
These days, my friends and I joke that the Seattle airport is my second home. But none of this is to say that my anxiety is gone-and neither is my autoimmune illness, which has at times flared up while I'm traveling. The flareups scare me because I'm far from my treatment team. Sometimes, I'm in foreign countries where navigating the health care system would be extremely difficult if an emergency arose.
But it's more than worth it, and I'm no longer scared by the idea of handling these issues if I'm traveling solo. It would, of course, be extremely stressful and unpleasant, but I know I'm capable. And that's what matters. In fact, I now prefer traveling alone because I get to be in control of the itinerary. When I do my research before a trip, I know that I can spend as much or as little time at each site as I like.
In July, I took my first cruise to the Bahamas with Royal Caribbean. I was given the option of bringing a companion, and I initially planned to bring my best friend. Then she had to back out when she got a new job. As much as I love traveling with her, it was fine with me that I'd be alone. There's always a next time (she and I make excellent travel companions) and there's always an upside to solo travel. I was disappointed when my asthma flared up on the second day of the trip and I had to miss out on snorkeling, but I was spending the day on a private island with a good book in my hand.
I focused on my breathing and my absolutely stunning surroundings, just as my doctors and I had practiced, and things were more than okay.
Tumblr media
Caitlin Flynn
When my flareups and panic attacks occur during travel, I remind myself of how far I've come and how capable I am of handling any speed bumps that will inevitably occur once in awhile.
Just a year ago I was nervously sitting at SeaTac waiting for my flight to Santa Barbara, wondering if I'd spend the whole trip sitting in my hotel room because I was afraid of getting lost. Today, I'm sitting in my apartment planning a solo trip to Amsterdam and my biggest concern is finding the cheapest flight possible.
I loved Amsterdam when I visited in college, but this time I'm going alone. Every detail of planning is my responsibility. A year ago, that would have terrified me. Today, all I can think is, “This trip can't come soon enough.”
***
Spending so many years battling mental and physical illnesses takes a significant toll on the body, mind, and brain.
I'd become so convinced that a flareup or panic attack would be unmanageable if it happened outside my apartment or in a public space where I was alone. I gave up my independence. They say the first step is usually the hardest one to take, and that was certainly true in my case. I never imagined that my birthday trip to the small city of Santa Barbara would turn into a life of constant travel. My anxiety and autoimmune illness definitely don't always cooperate, but dealing with the rough days is more than worth it. I am grateful for all the opportunities I've had to face my fears, to embrace each new city, state, and country that I'm lucky enough to visit.
The post Travel gave me back my confidence after I was diagnosed with a chronic illness appeared first on HelloGiggles.
0 notes
theothersidepress · 5 years
Text
From The Wilderness To Scole Swansong – Pt 1
http://bit.ly/2IVHs0u
Tumblr media
Photographer: Arto Marttinen | Source: Unsplash
A compelling series about how direct guidance from Spirit created The Spiritual Science Foundation in Spain.
By Robin P Foy
November 1998. The month when our world fell apart!
That is exactly how it felt when the unique, pioneering 'Scole Experiment' ended quite suddenly and unexpectedly after 5 years of the most amazing Physical Mediumship phenomena that we had ever witnessed in our 25 years of intimate and sustained involvement in this field.
Can you imagine exactly what it feels like to lose your entire family; suddenly, and without prior warning? That is exactly what losing our wonderful Spirit Team felt like!
Coming Soon: The Scole Movie
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The 'Scole Experiment' has since become quite famous for its pioneering role – and the role of our beloved Spirit Team – in introducing a new way of producing physical phenomena to mainstream Psychic Research. So much so, that a big-screen Scole Movie is planned about our historic project, based on the book The Scole Experiment by authors Grant and Jane Solomon.
The mind-blowing, often unique phenomena that we witnessed over more than 1,000 hours of sitting during the experimental Scole years was produced by using only a mix of 3 different types of energy dubbed 'Creative Energy' by our Spirit Team. This method has since been named and recognized as Energy-Based phenomena, as opposed to the more traditional Ectoplasm-based phenomena that was practiced widely over the previous 150 years of Physical Mediumship. Energy-based phenomena is now becoming increasingly popular with groups who set out to develop physical mediumship and its stunning objective results.
In the 'stunned' months immediately following the final sittings of the 'Scole Experiment', all four of us Scole Group members presented public seminars for interested people and researchers which set out the hard work and achievements of our Scole Spirit Team.
From the video footage taken during the live sessions at Scole, Alan Bennett edited together a superb compilation of some of our phenomena, together with animated images of ET beings that visited us during the Experiment – leaving pictures of themselves behind for us to see. There were also a number of pictures of the Spirit World itself – including animated trees and fields, plus pyramids similar to those in ancient Egypt. None of these videos and still images had previously been released to the public.
It was during the first of these seminars that we met the authors Grant and Jane Solomon, who had never sat with us – but were still so taken by the Scole results. Their enthusiasm compelled them to write a book about us entitled 'The Scole Experiment', which became a bestseller. It was Grant and Jane who coined the phrase 'The Scole Experiment' and the title has since stuck.
Such was the interest in the 'Scole Experiment' that in the two years following its demise, many different people and groups from all over the world arrived on our Scole doorstep uninvited, expecting to interview us and be entertained. Despite a large number of rubberneckers, however, many really were serious experimenters and researchers themselves.
We also received numerous offers from several either amateur or quasi professional film makers and documentary makers to take part in their proposed films and documentaries. No payment was ever offered for our services or cooperation in their projects. Most simply wanted to make a name for themselves by getting involved in reporting the special and unique Scole results from their own angle.
'The Afterlife Investigations'
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We turned the majority of these potential documentary projects down on the spot as few seemed genuine and none offered our own editorial freedom. However, we decided to jointly cooperate in the making of Tim Coleman and Dan Drasin's Documentary 'The Afterlife Investigations' about Scole.
This film was completed by Tim Coleman and has since proved to be a major informational documentary, showcasing amazing evidence of the afterlife which we gathered during our five-year experiment.
The Afterlife Investigations has been seen by millions of people over the years, and played an instrumental role in changing the views of many people who were previously committed skeptics!
I was asked to take part in radio and TV interviews, which I happily did (without any payment). There were also invitations for me to lecture on Scole in Columbus, Ohio, in the USA (which I did on two separate occasions), and another in Budapest, Hungary, which I also did. I appeared at a number of psychic seminars by invitation. There were articles in the 'Sunday Times Supplement'; the EDP (Eastern Daily Press) magazine; plus a special Japanese magazine that reported our Scole results and published some of our photos received during sittings via the 'psychic photography department' of our Spirit Team.
Uninvited Guests of a Different Kind
One of the very first uninvited visitors after our Experiments had finished, was a dentist from Israel – Doctor Adrian Klein – who has since become a very good friend. On another occasion, a party of eight people arrived one afternoon from Italy. This party included Marcello Bacci (the famous Direct Radio Voice medium) and his wife Marina, together with their friends Emanuel Toriello; Alex Zampieri, with Italian Lawyer Amerigo Festa and their three wives.
Whilst enjoying a drink with this group at the Scole Inn, and in full light, I witnessed the unexpected arrival of a few apported glass trinkets – one of which actually arrived in my own pocket without any of the Italian group touching me!
This meeting resulted in our being invited to Marcello Bacci's laboratory at Grosseto in Italy (three times in all) to experience Bacci's impressive Direct Radio Voice phenomena.
As a result of this invitation, and after our initial visit to Italy, two of the party who had visited us at Scole – Emanuel and Alex – became good friends. They worked in the UK for a so that they could join us in starting a new group at Scole, some 18 months after our original Experiment finished in 1998.
Just The Two Of Us
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After a few months with our two new sitters, it was obvious that the new group was not going to be successful – but the experience did reawaken our passion for sitting. Although the circle with the Italians did not work out, we went back to the drawing board and started sitting all over again – just Sandra and I.
First of all, we simply sat together on a weekly basis. Very little happened during these sittings until we invited our daughter and grandson to join us. On the few occasions we sat with them in the cellar at Scole, we noticed some reoccurring phenomena.
For example, a ping-pong ball 'scooted around' rapidly in a Pyrex bowl on our central table each time they joined us. This got our attention! Although our daughter and grandson were unable to sit with us regularly in the experiments, these early results did give us the motivation to continue.
Then we started to look for other circle members to join us on a regular basis. Up until 2006, we tried all sorts of different combinations of sitters in our new group. Once again, though, most of these produced very little in the way of results. We also started to have private readings with a number of professional mediums to see if we could get any clues from Spirit as to what they wanted us to do.
Finally, at a local spiritual centre near Diss, we came across an evidential deep trance medium called Les Driver. Both of us had short sittings with him and Les was able to put us in touch with some of the Spirit Team we had known at Scole in an evidential way.
This led us to believe that Spirit still had a job for us to do – and that the timing had to be right for us to once again develop some excellent phenomena. It also caused us to visit Les a second time (around 2002) for a private sitting in his home at Worksop in Nottinghamshire.
More accurate revelations came from this joint sitting and it became obvious that we did need to once again start sitting seriously, and that there was already a Spirit Team in place to monitor our efforts and help with the new centre development.
Les had himself given a large part of this private sitting in deep trance and soon afterwards, was able to work as an electrician close to Scole and combine that with a weekly sitting with the two of us. This continued for several months. Although we got lots of encouragement from Spirit via Les's deep trance, the eagerly sought phenomena just did not happen again at that time, and Sandra and I went back to simply sitting together for a while.
DelaWarr Camera Experiments
Shortly afterwards, we were contacted by Peter Moscow – the then President of the American Psychotronics Association and one of the founders of the Electronic Medicine Association in the UK. Peter had a holistic healing clinic in St Louis, Kentucky and was extremely knowledgeable in the field of radionics, and especially electronic radionic gadgets that he used, many of which were to his own specification. Peter was also a member of the Delawarr Society of Radionics.
Seeing that we had enjoyed such good physical mediumship and phenomena during the 'Scole Experiment', Peter was anxious to discover if we were able to get any positive results with his DelaWarr Camera. As far as we knew, there were only two original DelaWarr Cameras left in existence.
It was a very large piece of equipment that did not, in any way, resemble an actual camera. It worked on 'radionic' psychic principles, some of which go hand-in-hand with physical phenomena.
The De La Warrs made many radionics experiments with the De La Warr Radionic Camera in particular. A few amazing experiments the De La Warrs carried out included one in which they produced a photograph of a three-month-old fetus from the blood sample of a pregnant woman, with the lady being over 50 miles away at the time.
Another example involved taking a picture of a patient’s brain from a blood sample, which showed a tumour. An autopsy after the patient’s death showed a tumour in the exact place on the brain that was depicted in the photograph.
In 1950, George De La Warr took a photograph using a drop of his own blood and a drop of his wife Marjorie's blood while holding the thought in his mind of their wedding day in 1929. The photo they received showed two human-like figures standing side by side, although not clearly identifiable as George and Marjorie.
From 2003 to 2006, and between our weekly sittings for the development of physical phenomena, we started to experiment with the De La Warr Camera that Peter had lent us. Surprisingly, although our sessions with the camera were a bit hit and miss, we did start to get some very good psychic pictures and photographic images when we used the camera, so there was definite development taking place.
Our results, however, were never up to the standard of the photographs obtained when the De La Warrs were using and experimenting with their camera. The camera was returned to a scientific researcher designated by Peter before we left Scole.
We considered the possibility of retiring abroad, but could not agree on which country would suit us best. So, for a few years, we travelled to France, Cyprus and Majorca to seriously look at suitable retirement properties. France came out as favorite initially, but we thought that such a move might involve us in too much red tape, and dropped the idea for a while.
It was in early 2004 that Sandra began to receive crystal clear clairvoyant and clairaudient messages again. Whilst she sat quietly during her night-shift job in a Diss electronics factory, she kept getting a recurring message which constantly told her to 'move to Spain'.
In Part 2, Robin and Sandra Foy embark on the unknown road to Spain.
Watch The Tosp Interview On The Scole Experiments
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junker-town · 7 years
Text
LeBron James is better than ever
Fourteen years in and he’s never been this good, even if he’s no longer winning MVP trophies.
BOSTON — It was after Game 1 and Brad Stevens was asked to consider the impossible quandary that is LeBron James. It had been a ruthlessly efficient night for LeBron, who had 38 points, nine rebounds, seven assists, and there wasn’t a damn thing the Celtics could do about any of it.
He ran through almost the whole Celtic roster of would-be defenders from Jae Crowder to Jaylen Brown to poor Kelly Olynyk who got left on an island (twice!) and wound up shipwrecked.
“He made it clear,” Stevens said simply. “It was very clear that he was trying to get to the rim on us no matter who was on him.”
Photo by Tim Bradbury/Getty Images
This is the issue the Celtics, and everyone else, has against LeBron. They don’t want to double him because he’ll pick them apart with passes to his cadre of shooters. They don’t want to get caught in a scramble game because that leaves openings for offensive rebounders crashing the glass. So, the one-on-one approach it was, and the only saving grace for the Celtics was that James missed five of his six 3-point attempts.
“This is a perfect roster with regard to how many predicaments they can put you in with all the shooting around him,” Stevens had said before the game.
LeBron brushed off his night (“It’s not an individual match-up for me, no matter who’s in front of me”) while suggesting that the Cavs didn’t play up to their standards. Before Thursday’s off-day practice, James doubled down saying he didn’t feel all that well and that he’d be “much better” in Game 2.
Welp.
James had 30 points on Friday and shot 12-of-18 from the floor while making four of his six 3-pointers. He had seven assists, three blocks, four steals and was a plus-46 (!) in less than 33 minutes of action. One can argue that LeBron’s Game 2 was better than his Game 1, but that’s not really the point. Better than what: Our standards or his?
That leads back to another Game 1 comment from Stevens that warrants further inspection.
Winslow Townson-USA TODAY Sports
“It’s hard to believe, but he’s better than when I got into the league,” Stevens said. “A lot better. Just as you get older, you gain more experiences, you see more things. Yeah, I didn’t think he could get any better after that, but he is.”
That’s a heavy statement considering that LeBron was thought to be at his peak when Stevens came into the league. James was coming off a run of four MVP awards in five years and two straight championships punctuated by a pair of Finals MVPs. His 2013 season was viewed by many as the absolute apex of his career.
One might think he’d never reach those heights again and so over the last four seasons, James has settled into a new space that exists solely for him. He is the best player in the league with, or without, the official hardware. While just about everyone acknowledges LeBron’s designation, others have been rewarded for their excellent individual seasons.
Kevin Durant and Steph Curry have won MVPs and it’s likely that either Russell Westbrook or James Harden will win it this season. It’s also been suggested that Kawhi Leonard is now the best two-way player in the league, although the postseason has opened that one up again. (That’s through no fault of Leonard’s play, which has been fantastic when healthy.)
The MVP is a regular season award, after all, and it wasn’t a huge surprise that those three were named finalists for the award before Game 2, while James was not. Therein lies a riddle: Is the Most Valuable Player the one who is most valuable to their team or the one who is most valuable to the league?
Winslow Townson-USA TODAY Sports
“No, I didn’t see it,” James said afterward, downplaying the motivation angle. “And what are you going to do about it at the end of the day? My only job is to try to be the MVP for this team every night, put my teammates, put our franchise in position to be successful and ultimately compete for a championship. For me, I know what I bring to the table. This league knows what I bring to the table.”
That they do and we should start with the notion that James is not the same player he was four years ago. While always cerebral and intelligent, he seems to have elevated his mental approach to a plane of transcendental peace. As he said earlier in the postseason, what does he have left to prove?
LeBron can still destroy everything in his path, but he takes delight in not only winning, but winning his way; where everyone is involved and the team rides his wave alongside him. Consider his mesmerizing passing ability and his desire to find open looks for and opportunities for not only Kevin Love and Kyrie Irving, but also Kyle Korver, J.R. Smith, and Tristan Thompson.
Individually, LeBron has become a machine. His ability to pace himself through heavy playoff minutes is becoming legendary. His shooting has stabilized after a notably down season last year, and as 538’s Chris Herring pointed out, James is an efficiency monster when he drives to the basket. He doesn’t have to guard the best player every night anymore, but his defensive presence is everywhere.
His teammates also rave about his leadership abilities. His example is the one they follow, whether it’s a late-night film session after the plane arrives in a visiting town or an off-day practice to stay sharp amid long periods of inactivity.
Photo by Adam Glanzman/Getty Images
“What he does is he just breeds confidence in everybody,” Korver said. “You know he’s going to make the right play. You know he can always take over a game on both ends of the floor. It’s nice to be figuring out how to play off him instead of worrying about how to gameplan for him. It’s a whole different thought process.”
Korver knows from experience, having been on the losing end of countless postseason battles with James from his days with Chicago and Atlanta. So, how would he gameplan for LeBron? Korver laughed. “It’s tough,” was all he’d say.
The LeBron that we’re seeing in the postseason has been spectacular and efficient, while maintaining an edge that lets everyone in the building know that he’s not going to lay down for an acceptable loss. He led a 26-point rally on the road against the Pacers and demoralized the Raptors in Toronto during the second round. The first two games in Boston have produced staggering blowouts.
The Cavs may have been listless down the stretch, but it’s obvious now that they were biding their time for the postseason. So much for the importance of home court advantage, or for that matter, the importance of the regular season. LeBron is beyond such mundane matters.
What we’re seeing is a new chapter in our continuing effort to understand this generational player in real time. He’s different, for sure, but is he better than 2013, a season that will be held up in years to come as one of LeBron’s defining campaigns?
Bob DeChiara-USA TODAY Sports
“Yeah, he’s better,” his longtime teammate James Jones said. “In every way. He’s a better shooter. He’s a better communicator. Better passer. He’s peaking. He’s in his prime and usually that’s the result of continual and gradual improvement.”
Jones would know. He’s been with LeBron since their Miami days, a run that has lasted seven years and included four MVPs, three championships, and countless reinterpretations of the most fascinating player in basketball. I pointed out the common perception that LeBron peaked four years ago. Jones nodded and continued.
“Statistically, but you can’t measure everything he does in statistics,” he said. “That’s kind of been the problem with LeBron since Day 1. It always comes back to numbers for him, but at this point because those numbers are a given, you expect him to put those numbers up. Now people are paying attention to how he’s doing it.”
Jones noted that you if you watch closely enough you can see LeBron’s genius at work during the course of games. How he probes and investigates, how he sees things before everyone else does, how he counters and adjusts. LeBron has his hand in everything and is all things at all times.
“When you look at it now,” Jones said, “it starts to look effortless.”
We are left, then, with the notion that LeBron has become sui generis, a player incapable of comparison or even competition within his era. He has been beaten, yes, but he has rarely been bowed.
Greg M. Cooper-USA TODAY Sports
He has outlasted his elders, maintained his level beyond his peers, and his closest rivals now span generations. In a historical context, he is chasing no less a figure than Michael Jordan, although that full accounting must wait for a later day. It all starts to get a little overwhelming.
“The best way to do it is to compare LeBron versus himself,” Jones said. “Every player is unique. Every player is different. Every player, especially the great ones like Mike, like Larry, they redefine their position. They redefine what you thought a prototypical 2-guard, small forward was.
“Bron is Bron,” Jones continued. “He’s changed the game as far what you’d expect from a wing, or a small forward. Now he’s in that territory where you really can’t define him by position. Right now when you look at him, all you can say he’s the best player in the world.”
In the aftermath of Game 2’s brutal onslaught, the same phrase was uttered by league executive and longtime league observers: No one has ever seen anything like it. Nobody has. There is LeBron and there is everyone else.
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