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regallibellbright · 2 months

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So the central roles of the Guardians AU are pretty well set and did so pretty much immediately (Joshua-Ventuswill, Rindo-Lest/Frey, Neku, Shiki, Beat and Rhyme-Leon, Dolce, Dylas and Amber.) There was a brief moment where I considered a situation where Neku was the resident amnesiac befriending a god, but Kitaniji and the GMs as Guardians instead just Does Not Work, and Neku’s the keystone that holds the rest of the gang together. (As a result, Shiki, Beat and Rhyme are all elves - half-elf in Shiki’s case - so that they could all lose Neku, be royally pissed off at him for vanishing without telling them, and then still be alive a couple centuries later to make the same choice he did. Everyone knows it’s at least as much for Neku as it is for Joshua.)

On the other hand, Megumi Kitaniji as Volkanon as first attendant/de facto mayor? Yeah that checked out, which lends itself to the following very fun dynamics:

1) Megumi, increasingly caught off-guard by the sheer Weirdness that is this year, on increasingly better terms with Rindo who’s at least as bewildered by this all as anyone else.

2) Neku comes back. Neku looks at least a decade younger than Megumi. Neku as a Dragon Priest from 1,000 years ago has seniority over Megumi’s rank, not just himself. (Sidenote: Megumi has maybe just been demoted?) Neku treats his god so informally Megumi would probably rather die than consider it, given Joshua’s the Divine Dragon of Mind. Neku now lives here and, while the other newcomers have their own bedrooms they sometimes use, is the Divine Dragon’s personal teddy bear and only ceded when the other Guardians are ALSO sleeping on the Divine Dragon’s dais so that Neku can get Maximal Amounts of Cuddles, which is about half the time.

Megumi has a lot to process.

3) We’ll be skipping Arc Two in favor of post-reunion Shenanigans, but this is not because there is no Empire presence in the city! No, it’s because Megumi has had Shiba Miyakaze’s number from the MINUTE that blowhard “mercenary” walked into town with his entourage, and the two of them are engaged in a mental cold war. Since everyone else was more loyal to Shiba than the Empire, it’s been three years, and they’re actually pretty happy with this city and their cover identities and think the boss doesn’t really want to move on either, this has derailed all plans of sabotage in favor of PERSONAL rivalry.

(In the background, the local florist-and-nutrients and poisons shopkeeper, Ayano Kamachi, has been having her own icy hostility Thing with the Dragon Knights’ second-in-command, it’s just that she and Konishi are much gayer about it by this point and in deep, deep denial. Shoka’s running a bet with the rest of the town about how that hookup finally happens.)

#rf4 guardians au #of the major NPCs I haven’t QUITE settled on Fuya Kanon and Tsugumi’s jobs but the rest I think I’ve got #oh and Hazuki but that’s more ‘okay is there actually ROOM for a third Divine Dragon to show up without being repetitive?’#‘or do I make him mortal which fundamentally Does Not Compute?’#(Hanekoma being the second and also being a Livia-style Secret Dragon In Human Form.)#(Kubo is I’m pretty sure just Fiersome and therefore benched. I’m keeping Ethelberd because his closest equivalent motiveswise #is Minamimoto who I’d way rather have as an artist who came to town and was immediately adopted against his will by a local restauranteur.)#(this town’s equivalent to SELPHIA. Number One Source of Sudden Surprise Adoptions.)

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chisungie · 2 months

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#for personal reasons i really want lv 1k fiersome and aquaticus but like. girl fuck ur boss taming item </3 #i also want a lv 1k terrable but honestly. mine is almost lv 700 and im patient + leveling isnt that bad against 1k enemies tbh.#any actual 1k boss that uses magic murders me 100% tho. i gotta sit on grims back like a bitch baby so i dont die </3 #OH. BUT THE DOWNSIDE OF AQUATICUS IS X SPELL COSTS RP... the upside of grim's x spell is its multiple fast elem hits and requires #very little or no rp :) very lovely for any enemy that doesnt resist wind.#ohh i want chimera too.. i didnt get the low lv one bc i got the stuff for it after bringing my stats up enough to farm 1k maze so..#i need a lot more than what i have rn if i dont wanna spam reset tho.. sobs..#44597 #pause. ik everyone said ventuswill isnt worth it and i was thinking nah i want her unlocked anyway bc shws lovely and #her boss moves are cool but YO? LEVEL 75? YOUVE GOT TO BE KIDDING.

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thistlefaethfort · 10 days

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ayda aguefort im so sorry brennan couldn't let you in this season because you would have flawlessly resurrected uncorrupted ankarna and become the most fiersome warrior of all time for her. cassandra paladin fig and ankarna palading ayda au when?!??!?

#sharkie rambles #fantasy high #fantasy high junior year #fhjy #dimension 20 #figayda #ayda aguefort #ankarna #brennan lee mulligan

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eldritch-spouse · 2 months

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Hello… Yeah, my boss wants me to *heavy sigh* “work late” again tonight… What choice?! ...*eyes water*… I'm sorry I didn't mean to snap at you… *wipes eyes*...Yeah, it is…*sees Pinter getting out of a meeting looking very irritated*...Sorry dear but I gotta get back to work… I love you too dear, bye-bye *hangs up phone and sighs*

[Mansplain manipulate manwhore time.]

Pinter exits the meeting room with a fiersome scowl.

Some saps just don't quite have the synapses to pick up on what the slime is putting down. Sometimes they're smart enough to realize they need to play along to keep even a shred of their earnings, other times they like to wave their little policies and evident breaches of contract in his face. Like they have a modicum of a choice here. Usually, this amuses the business shark, today it's just irritating him, if you had to guess.

The man who walked in with Pinter is waved away by the fuming monster, likely ordered to get him a drink. And fast.

His eyes scheme the room, and for a sliver of a second, you dare hope that he misses your presence entirely. You even settled by the water dispenser, like some kind of sad decorative plant.

No such mercy.

The slime's whiskers perk and he moves towards you, prompting you to shove your phone away.

" Get me that cunt's profiles again. " Pinter grumbles, adjusting his tie.

" Y- Yes sir. "

He sighs when the poor dude tasked with getting his coffee shows up, taking it and making yet another dismissive flick of the finger to let him know he should leave.

" That your boy calling you just now? "

Boy. Tch.

" No... No, it was just- "

" Don't lie to me, girly. " Pinter chuckles. " I knew you were going to call him when I told you to stay. "

He pauses enough to let you open your mouth but not to let you actually speak.

" You ever notice he always makes you feel like shit when you have to work late? Look at that little frown, hm. You didn't look like that before you called him. "

You huff. " N- No sir, he just cares for my health- "

Pinter laughs. " Oh, you're so cute. Sweetheart, he acts like a manbaby. I bet he got snappy about it again. What's he doing for you? Is he putting in extra hours too? No, I bet he's spreading his ass on the couch and muttering about his bitch of a girlfriend. "

Well, he did start bitching... And that gets on your nerves honestly. Wanting the conversation to end, you simply shrug and look off to the side, waiting.

Your boss beams out of you, jostling you to stand straighter than a plank when he claps a hand onto your shoulder.

" Jeez, you're going to put me in a bad mood like that. " You're pretty sure he's still fuming from that meeting. " How about we get something sweet from that pastry we passed by earlier, hm princess? "

You can't bring yourself to feel offended when that same hand moves to comfortably grab onto the meat of your waist.

#Pinter oc #tce rp ask

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hylorien · 9 months

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The way I see it, Vi and Xaden are compliments of their dragons. Tairn is a grump, but he's always out to protect Andarna and Violet. He has a soft spot for his girls, including Sgaeyl, but otherwise, he's noble, fiersome, regal. Xaden is MUCH the same.

Sgaeyl, on the other hand, is vicious. She's short-tempered, spicy, and gets her point across. She ONLY has eyes for Tairn. Whoooo does this sound like 👀

#fourth wing #nature will find the balance #i love this little dragon family #and their perfect baby girl #Andarna my love i did not forget you!!!!!#xaden riorson #violet sorrengail #tairn #tairneanach #sgaeyl #andarnaurram #andarna

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hirsheyskisses · 6 months

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I think we all know 18 needs to happen with Zoro

We're Not Lost!

SPOOKTOBER (2023) EVENT 🎃 👻

RORONOA ZORO x READER (Short)

Summary: you should've never trusted zoro to know the way to the Halloween party..

The new island you and the straw hats had docked on was very famous for one thing- its Halloween party.

As the others went ahead to scout out the land, you and zoro had stayed behind to watch the ship for a bit.

You were amazingly excited for all the spooks and costumes and treats where zoro was- to no surprise, just excited for the booze.

As the moon rose in the pitch black sky, being the only light offered, you both decided it was time to catch up to the others, with Zoro, to your surprise, being confident enough to take the lead..

Well, that was a mistake, in the kindest terms possible-

"Just trust me on this, I know where I'm going." Thats what Zoro had said three hours ago, and being too giddy about the party to question him, you'd blindly chosen to follow the swordsman on the dark and dreary island.

Now, you found yourselves in the woods, with nothing but the moon and the terrifying howls of the night to accompany you both. Every angle you glanced at had trees that looked like they were reaching for you, every shadow had hungry eyes, every snap of a twig let you know there were creatures in this forest.

"...what was that?" You'd asked nervously for the umpteenth time, pressing a bit closer to Zoro. He shrugged his shoulders, "I dunno.. but I feel like we should've reached the party by now. I know it was this way.." He grumbled, looking around with crossed arms. Zoro seemed completely relaxed, unlike you, who was a nervous wreck. "You got us lost, you asshole!"

"We are NOT lost." Zoro snapped, being interrupted by another rather fiersome howl- that sounded like it was getting closer. "We're just.. conveniently placed in a spooky forest." He drew a sword. The movements in the brush gave away one thing: whatever had been following you both was huge. Drawing your gun, you backed into Zoro's side, who chuckled darkly. "We've faced some of the toughest pirates at see.. and you're trembling like a puppy."

He teased, another crunch echoing in your ear. You didn't even have the heart to give him a witty comeback, and Zoro noticed that. He didn't like it, either. Just as he made to speak again, a face broke through the overgrowth. A wolfish face covered in blood, saliva dripping from its jaws. By the time you'd raised your gun Zoro had already acted, blades slicing the mighty beast down in an instant. Zoro glanced back at you, and you slowly lowered your pistol. "...showoff."

You scoffed softly, and Zoro shrugged. "It was easy pickings." Without warning, he grabbed your wrist and began to pull you along. Baffled, you gasped, "zo? What're you-" "We're gonna get out of this damn forest.. together."

#roronoa zoro x reader #zoro roronoa x reader #zoro x reader #one piece x reader #one piece roronoa zoro #one piece zoro #zoro #roronoa zoro

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tinylantern · 6 months

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So wait a second...

In official Rune Factory 4 lore, Ventuswill was supposed to die many, many centuries ago. It's uncertain how many, but it's generally accepted that Leon likely became the first Guardian around 1000 years ago. The big thing is that, in theory, Ventuswill's natural lifespan could have been much longer with no need for Guardians or Rune Spheres, but she was born in a land where the runes were beginning to die out and was thus weak. The Earthmates creating the Rune Spheres was as much about restoring runes to the land as it was saving Ventuswill because while the world can go on without Ventuswill, the world cannot go on without runes. Without runes, the land becomes barren, crops won't grow, and all life eventually ends.

Now, I don't know much about Rune Factory 2 since I haven't actually played it (and anyone who has is free to correct me on the below points), but from what I've read online in terms of the lore, Fiersome's apocalypse would have happened a thousand years ago had the ancient Earthmates not placed their seal on him--roughly when Ventuswill was originally supposed to expire. And every thousand years, the seal on him has to be renewed; if not, the world is destined to be destroyed in Fiersome's raging apocalyptic hellfire, after which Terrable will awaken and restore life to the charred landscape at the cost of eliminating whatever remaining life has survived--in other words, a total rebirth of the planet.

Between the close timing of these two past events--the point that Ventuswill's life was originally supposed to end and the point when the seal was placed on Fiersome--and the fact they were to occur when the world's runes were starting to dry up, the Earthmates both past and present have been staving off the inevitable End of the World for centuries. The world, as we know it, could have been destroyed a thousand years ago as it was supposed to, but the Earthmates said "Nope! It's too nice to let it all die!" and have done everything they can to extend its lifespan.

And that's when we get to Rune Factory 5 and an incredibly dark statement from the main antagonist, Gideon. According to Gideon, Alice/Ares is the last known Earthmate--not the last, but there are so few Earthmates that if there are any others left, they're most likely in hiding and are on their way to becoming an extinct species. Now, Ventuswill's longevity has been ensured thanks to the actions of Lest/Frey during RF4 and she'll probably still be munching on pancakes in 1000 years, but if the Earthmates wind up going extinct, there's no way to restore Fiersome's seal because only Earthmates are capable of renewing the magic used to keep him locked up. And Fiersome is not the only godlike creature capable of causing the world's inevitable destruction; Tides of Destiny gave us the Legendary Golem, whose cataclysmic battle with the Native Dragons led to the creation of the current world, and RF5's potential apocalypse was that of the Fathomless Dread, an eldritch abomination that literally had to be sealed in another dimension to prevent it from destroying the world.

The Rune Factory world has brushed time and time again with total annihilation and the only reason it has managed to avoid catastrophe was because there was an Earthmate around to stop it. What happens when there are no longer any Earthmates to stop the end of all? Or is it possible that the Earthmates are going to experience a revival of some sort? Besides a castle-esque design, the logo for Rune Factory 6 does suspiciously feature a seraph/halo motif, after all...

#rune factory #rune factory 2 #rune factory 4 #rune factory 5 #rf #rf2 #rf4 #rf5 #spoilers

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randomwriteronline · 11 months

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“Now,” Arezu began whistfully, “Not to pit two exquisite Ladies against each other, but - if they had to fight, who do you think would win between Lady Lilligant and Lady Sneasler?”

“Sneasler,” Ingo replied instantly.

There was a hot second of stunned silence.

“No hesitation, huh,” Mai noted.

“I am basing myself purely on typing,” the man began explaining as he briefly stopped carving the second wooden spoon he would give as a traditional wedding gift to Palina and Iscan: “If both had been pure Fighting it would have been a perfectly fair fight, but Lilligant has the disadvantage of being part Grass, which Poison happens to be supereffective against.”

“That’s why your Tangela hates me,” Melli commented.

“She does not,” Ingo replied.

“Why does she suffocate me then?”

“I have told you already, her hugs are not an attempt at your life, she is simply made out of a mass of vines which can sometimes result in hazardous situations despite her best intentions.”

“Is there someone Lady Lilligant could take on?” Arezu distracted them.

Ingo turned to her without missing a beat: “Avalugg, Basculegion, and possibly Kleavor, though it would be a very tight match.”

“No she could not take on Lord Avalugg!” Gaeric blurted out.

“He is doubly weak to Fighting and his Rock type would not do him many favors against Grass,” the other man replied, shattering his hopes in one fell swoop.

“But he’s-!” the warden fumbled on his words for a moment, waving his arms vehemently to find a comprehensible enough way to explain himself before having to resort to just: “Big!”

“Fair argument!” Ingo admitted. “But typing wise, he’d be done for. It’s a very unfortunate pair, mostly on account of neither type covering the other’s weaknesses. He would similarly lose against Sneasler, Arcanine, Basculegion, Electrode, Kleavor, and... No, that should be it, I believe. Ursaluna would would put up a valuable effort, but wouldn't survive the Ice. My condolences, Miss Calaba.”

The woman didn’t even move from where she napped, just gave him an ok.

Melli laughed at the disheartened Gaeric.

Mai smacked him to get him to stop.

“He’d be good against Braviary,” Sabi predicted.

That got her a gentle pat on her head, away from the braids she was getting done: “Indeed,” Ingo nodded, “Flying is weak to both Ice and Rock. He’d also fare pretty badly against Kleavor - Bugs are awful for Psychic types.”

“But he’d be good against Sneasler?”

“Oh, he’d decimate her. Both of his types are supereffective against her. Wyrdeer too, she’d have no chance against him. For more information on how weak Poison is to Psychic please refer to Melli and his many defeats at the spoons of Alakazam.” and he ducked to evade a halfhearted slap. “Also Ursaluna! Ground is another powerful weakness of the vitriolic type. Congratulations, Miss Calaba.”

She gave him a thumbs up and continued not caring.

Palina hummed, struggling for a moment with Sabi’s green hair as she tried to untangle a knot: “How’d my young Lord do?” she asked with genuine curiousity: “He hasn’t been mentioned much, has he?”

“Fire type seldom has trouble in matchups, so he’d be fairly fortunate in a fight against most of his fellow Nobles...” the expert mumbled: “Lilligant, Kleavor, Avalugg as I’ve mentioned, Electrode - Ursaluna would asphalt him, though. Together with Basculegion they are his worst enemies. In a fight, of course, I’m well aware they’re on excellent terms.”

Iscan waved a little to reassure him: “The Lord isn’t a big fighter anyways, he probably wouldn’t do too well.”

“Oh, he’d be quite good actually! Plenty of the Nobles would be in trouble against his Water and Ghost combination, he’s rather fiersome! Electrode is the only one to be a total threat to him - those two are probably the ones to look out for the most. Terrific typings, the both of them.”

His sleeve was tugged to take him out of his musings: Lian twisted his mouth at him to properly figure out how to express his question, looking particularly pissed as he side-eyed what Ingo refused to look at but knew was probably a very smug Diamond warden with a burning desire to bury the guy alive, which would have severely worsened not just inter-clan relationships but also the fairly relaxed gathering they were having.

“So - this is all just, theories, right,” the kid began.

“Yes, based on types.”

Lian hummed deeply, pressing his mouth flat, and a fairly well-known feeling he could only denominate as Oh No took over Ingo as he dreaded the question.

“So you could tell who would win between Almighty Palkia and Dialga?”

Now that was something not to be touched with a 25 and a half foot pole, as evidenced by the other Pearl wardens shooting a glare at Lian and most of their Diamond counterparts paling notably.

Ingo, bless his heart, completely lost the religious implications somewhere in the cogs of his battle-analitycal machine churning in his brain.

“That would require an actual battle to be determined, actually!” he answered without missing a beat: “Both of them are Dragon types, meaning they have at the same time a massive advantage and disadvantage on one another, so effectively the chance at one prevailing over the other just based on that is rendered null, and since their secondary typings of Steel and Water are completely neutral to one another, a fight between the two of them would end up being rather balanced. It would also probably be an incredible spectacle with a very high chance of completely tearing reality as we know it apart according to professor Laventon’s studies, so it would be best for them and the rest of the world to remain on good terms and never have the chance to settle the score between them if they had any to settle.”

The young warden mumbled an agreement.

Not the way anybody expected a bomb like that to be defused.

But oh thank fuck it worked!

“What about the third one?” Iscan asked meekly. “The worm?”

Ingo buffered for a second: “Dragon-Ghost,” he recalled. “Same exact situation as the other two. No certain prevailing, and we should hope not to find out.”

“Ghost is good against Ghost, right?” Palina intervened.

The man nodded. A funny thought striked him: “With enough determination, it could be taken down by Basculegion. And by Avalugg as well.”

Gaeric cheered at his Lord’s good honor being restored.

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furrbbyx · 4 months

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You're the glorious and undefeated two headed Naga King👑 being courted by fiersome and lovely suitors from around the kingdom❤️‍🔥

After a night of introductions and feasting, and day of gaming flirting, and hunting, you must chose a select few to stay😍

The choices with the most votes are eliminated.

Pick a monster to go home👉🏿🏠

#terato #monster lover #monster fucker #monster bachelor

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texas-gothic · 4 months

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So, Percy Jackson and The Olympians. To say that I have been excited for this show is perhaps a bit of an understatement. I have been waiting for a faithful, quality adaptation of these books since I was a boy. It's been a road fraught with many disappointments, but at last, it is here.

My feelings on this outing are overwhelmingly positive. There are some criticisms, to be sure, and we'll get to them momentarily, but I really can not emphasize enough how impressed I am with this. By far its greatest qualities are casting and production design. The choices made in these departments are simply inspired. Walker Scobel has proven himself a perfect pick for the part of Percy Jackson, and Leah Jeffries and Aryan Simhadri have as well. Special praise really must be given to Virginia Kull, who so artfully exudes not only the love and care but also the fiersome determination that have defined Sally Jackson for millions of readers around the world, myself included. The sets and costumes are stellar. The design of the cabins and grounds is beyond anything even I had imagined them to be. They have a rugged, lived-in look but nonetheless contain an essential lement of awe and wonder. James Bobin's direction perfectly captures these feelings in a way very similar to how Chris Colombus captured the arrival at H*gw*rts in his own films. Let's hope Rick Riordan never ruins this for us the way Jowling Knowling Rowling has for her own increasingly embattled fans.

There are, of course, problems. Every production has them. I think the most glaring so far is the characterization of Gabe Ugliano. Gabe has the distinction of being one of the most loathsome characters in the series, standing up even against the likes of Kronos. He represents a very real evil that many children are sadly forced to endure, and a key part of The Lightning Thief is Percy and Sally's victory over and liberation from Gabe and his abuse. What we have here is a man being played for comic relief. He's an asshole for sure, but he doesn't strike me as a problem that can only be reminded with a long hard look at Medusa's face. I would like to see Percy and Sally's abuse taken more seriously.

I'm also not so sure about some of the corners that are being cut here. I understand that this is still only an adaptation, and that Disney is only willing to pay for so much, but large chunks of the story before Percy's arrival at Camp Halfblood have been removed from the story. The sequence with the oracle has been removed as well, and the attack by the hellhound also. Both of these things become very important down the road, the oracle especially, and I do not see the benefit in removing them. There is also information being presented far too early, especially Sally's survival. Her reveal as Hades' trump card in the Underworld was a punch in the gut when I was a boy, and I am saddened that something so tense and dramatic will now be lost in translation.

Still, I am very happy with this production. The good outweighs the bad a thousand to one, and I am greatly anticipating the release of the next episode on December 27. We will speak more of this then.

#percy jackson #percy jackson and the olympians #pjo #rick riordan

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runefactorynonsense · 2 years

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Spooktober - Day 17 - Fire

RAINBOW!

#Spooktober #TWO Rf3 images in a row? A new record!#Rune Factory 3 #RF3 #Rune Factory Daria #RF Daria #Margot's RF Art #The easy way out for this prompt would've been to draw Fiersome #but lately I've been thinking about how magic seems to be common but we don't see people using things other than return/teleport #so I've been thinking about what elemental spells to give various people #and when I was thinking of 'fire' I got the image of Daria using fire magic to give brilliant multicolor shows #And I LOVE IT #Also her design is one of the most fluid ones of any characters I've ever drawn??? Referencing her was so easy- the pose was hard #I had so much fun with this

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minsungies · 4 months

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Okay I desperately need to replay rf2 because I'm like

Frantically trying to remember if there was any dwarf characters or if that was something introduced in like....tides of destiny or frontier or smth

But I'm also desperately trying to remember what the fuck the deal was with Gordon. Like he was a priest....but what exactly did their religion hinge on??? Cuz as far as we know, the native dragons are the world's Gods. But I don't remember any mention of a native dragon outside of the fact that we had to fight....I think Fiersome??

#chris rambles about rune factory

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bee-tee-rus · 2 months

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MML AU where King Pistachion is a single dad going on a T/indr date with you and Derek keeps fucking shit up:

(press "Keep Reading" for the fic)

Your legs bounce with anticipation. You tie the 50th knot out of the paper sheath that your straw came in, now noticing how strong it-- oh! Nope, it finally tore. Broken out of your daze now, you take a look around the little sandwich shop that you sit alone in, wondering when your date will show.

Online dating isn't really your thing, due to the countless articles and stories you've sunken time into reading, giving your paranoia a whole 'nother level of paranoia. But it really can't be that bad, right? You are hyper aware or any potential danger, so it all should be fine.

Some minutes pass, and you just got back to your seat with a Pistachio latte. You laugh to yourself, remembering that the guy's screename who you are supposed to meet was... "King Pistachion". He didn't look like your typical human. In fact, dude didn't look human in the slightest. Like some hot sexy monstrous treeman. Hey, there's a first time for everything! You pat your pocket to be sure you brought tweezers-- in case of any splinters.

RING! The door opens after what seemed like an eternity and you are 99% sure that the being who came through is him. I mean, how many men made of wood really live around here... Actually, that's a great question and you'll look into that later.

The tree man swivels his head and squints his eyes as he looks around the room. I lock my eyes onto him, yet remain silent as he surveys the room. I can't help but feel a bit intimidated. Once he turns my way and meets my gaze, I flash a weak smile and wave. He straightens up, nearly missing the ceiling as a huge smile forms across his face. The man comes forward and then I realize just how much taller he is than I. If this date gets far enough... I wonder how THAT will play out? I shake those unwanted thoughts away.

"H-hi, I'm Anon. Um from the uh... The app." God, why are you nervous?

"I know, as soon as those gems glistened my way, they drew me in... Anon~" the man says with smoothness as he kneels down and grabs your hand, his large stick thumb caressing the top of your hand in a seductive way.

Oh God, he is laying it on a little too thick.

"Uh..." You pull your hand away, feeling awkward from the sudden gesture. "Here, let's sit down and maybe talk some first, kinda get to know each other?"

"Ha ha yes, my little berry. Here... Let me--"

"AH!"

Suddenly, you are light on your feet. In fact, you aren't even on your feet anymore! This man had the audacity to pick you up and carry you bridal style to your seat. Sir, this is a Jimmy John's. He pulls out your chair with one hand and gently sits you down, then goes over to his seat and plops down in it. He leans his chin on his clasped hands as he leans forward to give you his undivided attention. What is with this guy? It seems like he is wanting to get to the good part already, like slow down!

"Haha... " You chuckle nervously, not knowing how to react to his chivalrous antics. "So... Is 'King Pistachion' your real name?"

"Yes."

"Really? No really?"

"Well I suppose if I had a human identity, I would go by 'Pcarl'. The 'P' is silent."

His face looks proud of his swift answer to you. The gears in your brain start turning and churning. There's not a single 'P' in 'Carl', what is he... ? Whatever, you won't question his logic for now.

"Okay, Pcarl..." You look the strange man up and down, not really feeling the name. You get the strong feeling that he just made that up on the spot. "Can I call you KP?"

"If that's what your heart desires, little berry~" he purrs out as he flashes a wink in your general direction.

You let out a sigh and try your best to reel the tree man back to square one with you.

"Anyways, KP, tell me a little about yourself. What do you do for fun? What sorta job do you do?"

"Oh you know. Terraforming foreign lands with my bountiful seed to grow my fiersome army of Pistachion soilders so we can rule this dying planet."

A smirk forms on his face as he leans back with his arms crossed.

With a strained poker face, you can only bring yourself to respond with a repeated question.

"... And for work?"

"Terraforming foreign lands with my bountiful seed to grow my fiersome army of Pistachion soilders so we can rule this dying planet."

Hm, so he's pretty much a Line A to Line B guy. You are uncertain whether you should feel threatened or not. Your thoughts get cut off when you hear an adult male voice boom through the restaurant.

"DAAAAAD! DAAAAAD WHERE ARE YOU?"

The whiny voice feels as though it is being focused towards us. KP lets out a grumble, face palming and muttering something under his breath. You can only make out a, "Not now" due to the Ed Sheeran music drowning out miniscule sounds. King Pistachion lifts up a finger to you as though he is motioning you to hold on, stands up and turns to face the door where the voice came from. He inhales as his eyes close and brows furrow, then responds.

"What now, Derek? Daddy's busy with 'business'!" KP holds out his hands towards you. So you are a business matter now? You would feel offended, yet the curiosity of this situation keeps you quiet as you become the onlooker of whatever is about to transpire.

This "Derek" was smaller in size compared to his father, being the size of a human adult male. He kinda had a BioShock thing going on with his fashion, with the top hat and tailcoat combo. He stuck some resemblance to his dad, except for the chiseled features of his face. You would think this guy could be a model or something.

"You said you would be quick and it's been 5 hours already!" Derek says with exasperation.

"Derek, stop being so dramatic. I've only been in here for 10 minutes and was this close you getting you a mommy" KP hisses as he presses his index finger against his thumb to emphasize how close he was to--

"What? I never agreed to anything like-- Is that why you have been so flirtatious from the get-go?" You can't believe that this guy really thought that it would take a mere day of cheesy romantic antics to get someone to just marry him.

"It was going so well, I could see in your eyes that your heart began to call out to me." He turns his head to you and looks a little smug, as though he truly believed this date was going great.

"I don't want a new mom! I'm happy with the one we got at home" Derek stomps his foot to assert his belief.

"Your 'mom' is a heat lamp, that's not a mother. That's a machine that aids. We need the touch and love of a real being, especially for when I'm busy with my plans."

"Her name is 'Laura' and you would know that if you ever came home and spent time with us!"

You are assuming that the heat lamp 's name is Laura. It's a bit hard to follow this conversation, yet you try your best since it involves you in the mix. Derek begins to walk towards the table and stands in front of you, rubbing his chin as he thinks.

"How old are you?" He asks as he narrows his eyes, making sure that you do not lie to him.

"30?"

He huffs as he throws his arms up and spins around to walk away. Derek begins to become as boisterous as he was before.

"Really, Dad? They're not much older from me or your other kids! That's like you're dating my siblings or something!"

"Don't be disgusting, Derek. It's not like that at all, get over it!" King Pistachion 's tone is now becoming more impatient at how his son is publically judging him around strangers. Something flat and green grows from the bush on his head, he reaches and picks it off. Wait, is that... Did he just illegally grow cash?

"Here's $50, just-- PLEASE, go find some entertainment and let Daddy finish business."

The steamed tree man towers over his son, holding out the totally legal cash for Derek to accept. A few seconds pass and Derek silently snatches the cash and leaves. Kind Pistachion lets out a heavy sigh of relief and dusts his hands, sitting back down and his face quickly transforms from anger to... Oh he's gonna keep trying, isn't he?

"So... Anyways, have you ever lay with a man of lumber?" His eyebrow raises as he leans forward, doing his best (and failing) to woo you.

"Uhh... "

"YOU KNOW I SPRINKLED WEED KILLER ON YOU IN YOUR SLEEP SO YOU CAN'T MAKE BABIES!"

This time, you did not hear the door open but you recognize the voice. It's Derek once more, only this time he is holding a yellow dog. You hear the chair scoot and look to find King Pistachion looking horrified. Is this man afraid of dogs?

"D-Derek, put that thing away now! You don't know what you're doing!" KP shakily says as he presses his back against the wall.

Derek chuckles as he pets the blissfully unaware dog that he carries.

"Oh I do know what I am doing, father..."

He puts his hands under the dog's arms and holds it up and far from him, Lion King style. The smile of Derek fades, his head tilted down with his brows furrowed, causing dramatic shadows on his face.

"I just gave this dog a full bowl of water and cranberries... He hasn't relieved himself yet. Now if you don't piss off from this pointless date and take me home..." Derek pats the dog's belly and a swoosh of fluids can be heard. "Then I'll have no choice but to piss you out of here."

What the hell is going on? Without a peep, King Pistachion stands up and heads towards the door. He seems cautious as he passes the airborne pup, squeezing his large frame by his son and through the exit. Derek has a prideful grin, puts the dog down and goes to follow his dad into the parking lot.

You are now out of your seat and rush to the window. You want to see what sort of vehicle these two travelled in. What exactly are these beings? Are they aliens? A science experiment gone wrong? Surely, something like them wouldn't be driving something so basic, right?

Wrong.

Why are you surprised? KP and his son enter a dual colored PT Cruiser, the top half being a pale green while the bottom half is a pale yellow. Ha, it's a PisTachio Cruiser. From here, you can vaguely make out both of their expressions from the car. King Pistachion wears a look of irked defeat and Derek has the smile of someone who got their way. The car drives off and now you are just sitting alone in the shop, not wanting to even finish your pistachio coffee.

"I don't think I like pistachios anymore."

#my writing #one shot #this was really dumb #i just imagined it and decided to write it out #milo murphy's law #king pistachion #derek #mml #mml fanfic #the drawing is crappy since I sketched it on my phone #my art

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