#and i do say things. she doesn't fucking care about me as a person.

[sunkissed-zegras]

Paige nsfw hcs pls

─ warnings | NSFW under the cut! read at your own discretion!

─ taglist | @xocherishxo @iienstein @yazmunson @euphternal and here's a link to my taglist if anyone would like to join!!

─ ev's notes | the long awaited nsfw headcanons for paigey, i finally got the motivation to write it after i kept reading the INSANE smut yall keep writing (keep it up im lovin it) also this is such a mess, this is just rambling and not organized whatsoever, but wtv i hope yall enjoyed :)

woo, where do i even begin?

let's begin with the obvious, paige is a TOP, i can't stress this enough

i genuinely can't see anyone topping her she's just .... a TOP

but that doesn't mean she won't let you take the reigns every once in awhile, esp after a bad game/tiring practice because everyone once to be taken care of sometimes

i'm def not the first person to say this and certainly will not be the last but STRAP GAME GOES SOOOOO HARD

i feel like at first she's gonna be weirded out cus like... she likes only girls for a reason??? and she has her mouth and fingers??? why would she need a piece of plastic to make her girl feel good???

but the first time y'all try it, she's hooked

she forgets ab her hands after that

jk but like

yeah she's HOOKED

she gets really into it LOL, def can imagine her calling the strap her dick

oh and she fucks HARDDDD like, no room to breathe or anything

like you'll be gasping for air after and she'll be super duper proud

i read this one fic with like the dual ended one (i didn't even know that existed) and then i was like yep, yes this is the oneee

with positions, i can't see her doing anything more than like missionary (cus she loves to see your pretty face) and like from the back

but as soon as she discovers riding, it's OVERRRRR for you

she's making you ride her strap anytime she can, cus she loves it

she has her hands on your hips as she's guiding you and she LOVES IT so fucking much, like the power she has over you makes her go feral

oh and do not get me started on sucking her strap, cus again she loves the power she holds over you

she has your hair in a ponytail and the more you get comfortable with the whole thing, she WILL make you gag

she acts like it's her dick (yeah i know we covered that) but like esp when you're sucking her strap, she will just dirty talk u the entire time

"you like my dick, pretty girl? like gagging on my dick?" cus yeah, u do

oh and yes, she does have breeding kink

it breaks her heart that she can't get you pregnant 😪

but she sure as hell will pretend to!!!!!

will 100% bend you over and just yap about getting you pregnant

also if she's fucking you in missionary, she expects you to look at her the entire time

so if you turn away, she will grab your face and keep you looking straight at her

FUCK IDK WHY THAT'S SO HOT

paige is a D1 yapper i fear, and that would 10000% seep into the bedroom LMAO

mostly praise cus babygirl would feel really bad but when she gets into, she GETS into it

like she will call you her slut as she's about cum

that post-nut clarity goes hard the first time tho cus she's like no way i called my gf a dirty fucking slut 😭😭 she sits with her thoughts for a good 10 minutes trying to recollect herself

she is a munch for sure, like she will eat you out for hours and hours on end (not an exaggeration btw)

but she LOVES when you give back

it makes her go fucking feral when she sees you eating her out, like yessssssssssssss

she has to close her eyes bc if she keeps looking at your face, she WILL cum

she has a bad hair pulling problem, like she will grip your hair so hard your head will hurt after

it's apart of the appeal tho 🎀

her fav spot to get absolutely ate is her gaming chair cus like, she needs you in between her legs giving her support to get that victory royale 💯💯💯

she hates when she gets ass or tits bc she genuinely cannot pick

it depends on the day bc they're both great, she will never pick one

i feel like she's definitely thought ab fucking you in public but she can't risk it

SHES A D1 ATHLETE !!

the only time yall did was in a bathroom at an event and it was SOOO bad afterwards cus everyone could tell

you had to pretend like you didn't get your brains fucked out and paige had to pretend she didn't DO the fucking

but lowkey she enjoyed it a lot, but would she do it again?

maybe, a solid maybe (with the right motivation)

okay but like ....

she def has fingered u while the girls are over cus like, she was in a silly mood?

you just looked too fucking good, she had to

but thank god no one noticed (at least to yalls knowledge...)

she's a horny fuck ARGUE WITH THE WALL

she will get turned on by anything you do, like homegirl is just sooooo down bad for you

you could be applying chapstick and paige will be like "we need to fuck, now."

paige's aftercare is just giving you water and cuddling with you for 10 mis while scrolling on tiktok and then gets up to play fortnite with kk

she literally is the tiktok where it's like "after he rearranges my organs he goes and plays fortnite" i hope yall know what i'm talking about

but you don't mind ofc cus she makes you sit on her lap while playing

but then turns into another round cus shes a horny fuck

paige is all for hickies on YOU but she gets pissed when you give her a hickey cus she's like people are gonna see

like she's the only one who has to deal with the public 🙄🙄🙄

but she loves marking you EVERYWHERE, esp on your collarbone like it's so sexy

oh and god bless you in the summer, the ones on your thighs are getting AIRED OUT bc paige does not care

↳ make sure to check out my navigation or masterlist if you enjoyed! any interaction is greatly appreciated !

↳ thank you for reading all the way through, as always ♡

#wcbb x reader #wcbb #ncaaw #uconn huskies #ncaa wbb #women's college basketball #paige buckets #paige bueckers x reader #paige bueckers #paige x reader #paige bueckers fanfiction #paige bueckers smut #paige bueckers x oc #paige bueckers headcannons #paige bueckers fic #uconn wbb

[teewritessmth]

Arranged Marriage

(Part 01 / ?)

(Niko Omilana x f! reader)

Warnings : None

Summary : In order to be the grateful daughter, you have to comply with your father's request. But what is it?

"WHAT!?!!?", you stand up abruptly, question whether you had misheard the sentence.

"Y/n, you're gonna listen to your father, we're not going to argue over something as trivial as this". Your stepmum, Ryona, interjects rudely as she pulls a chair and sits down.

"TRIVIAL?", you exclaim.

Why did she care, you ask? Nope, I don't know either.

"Dad, why are you doing this? I mean give me a proper reason at least. You can't spring up a topic this serious and tell me to go with it." You try pleading with your dad, but he remains unfazed at your outburst.

"We've always wanted the best for you y/n. I've given you everything you wanted, done everything you asked me to. And when I tell you to say yes... You question me as your father?"

Your eyes drop to the floor. It was true. Your father was an amazing man and an even better parent. A sense of shame crawls through your spine as you realise just how much you owe him. He had done so much for you, yet you couldn't agree to one thing he had asked?

"Dad please, this is so stupid. I don't want to be married right now. I just started my career-", you reason.

"Making little videos isn't a fucking career, Y/n. Maybe you're pulling a few hundred dollars here and there, but that doesn't mean that this is a stable job. Do you even know how embarrassing it is to tell people that our daughter makes 'videos' on the internet. I mean even the phrasing of it is absolutely hysterical and shameful!" Ryona finishes her comment with a quick glance at her husband, motioning for him to speak.

"Y/n, please... ", Your dad looks at you with hopeful eyes. What you failed to notice was how that man's eyes filled up with tears as you sighed and started walking towards your room.

.

.

.

The following week was uncomfortable. Whenever you came down for breakfast, they'd stop talking. They'd drop whatever the hell the were doing and wander off somewhere else. I mean, you were used to Ryona pulling shit like this all the damn time, but not your dad.

He avoided you like the plague. This had gone to such an extent that the old man couldn't bear to be in the same room with you, avoiding your eyes everytime you tried to speak.

Perhaps it was how they treated you, or perhaps how that bizarre idea had implanted itself into your head. You weren't interested in anyone, and god forbid to say that you didn't have any personal goals to hit. You'd love to have a family, you'd love to have someone at home, just for the sake of it. You'd build the family you could never get as a child.

But how?

The were talking about marrying you off.

Or that's how you heard it.

Yeah, Definitely marrying you off.

But how does an option like that sound so much better than living in this hell hole.

Fucking hell.

It's been one month, that your dad and your stepmum have completely iced you out.

.

.

.

"I'll do it". You state, matter of factly, raising an eyebrow as your 'parents' turn towards you. They weren't gullible, they knew what you wanted to say.

"Y-you'll marry him? You'll marry Nikolas!", Your dad pulls you into a bone-crushing hug which you don't return. How could he be so happy at the thought of his wife sending their child away to a man they don't even know.

Well, they know him. You don't.

He's the son of your dad's bestfriend. Of course the know each other to an extent.

Whatever.

You had dug your own grave, might as well get it over with.

"But, I can't just say that I'll get married to him? He has to agree in order-".

"The boy has agreed a month ago. It was YOU who kept stalling the wedding. How long were you planning on doing this? Don't you see that we have an image to maintain? Now stop your wailing and mentally prepare yourself. You'll both get married in a week's time. I'm calling the Omilanas and confirming". Ryona makes herself very clear, making it painfully obvious that they were going to get you married forcefully if you didn't agree otherwise. Or else how could they manage a whole venue within such an acute time frame?

You nod weakly and head back upstairs, feeling defeated. Your future was written already, your yes meant NOTHING.

.

.

.

You've heard of him. He's big on YouTube, people in his comments often ask him to collab with you. You'd be lying if you said your comments said otherwise.

Oh how'd the internet would have an absolute field trip if they found out that their two favorite creators were about to me married.

Well....married for the sake of marrying.

Married for the sake of a title.

Married for the sake of your father.

You look at the dress and accessories you had picked out and sigh into your hands. It was happening.

Your wedding........... was tomorrow.

#betasquad #beta squad #betasquad x reader #beta squad x reader #niko omilana #niko omilana x reader #sharky #sharky x reader #chunkz #chunkz x reader #king kenny #king kenny x reader #aj shabeel #aj shabeel x reader #ukyt #uk #ajshabeel #uk youtubers #ajshabeel x reader #arranged marriage

[orcelito]

The good news: I will have Chinese food tomorrow

The bad news: I have to see my mom as part of it :[

#speculation nation #negative/ #i guess. i Am complaining. #i did agree to this. better to rip the bandaid off ahead of the family christmas. #but i havent talked to her since like... jeeze. i really think it's been over 2 years by this point now. #ignored all her calls and texts and Letters even #like what am i supposed to say? heyyy ma nice to see you (i guess). why havent i called? well uhhhhh #even in her letter she sent me it was essentially a nearly illegible journal she kept during a depressing as fuck time #something that really shouldve stayed as a journal. but no she wrapped it up stuck a sticker on it and drew some nail polish on the envelope #i am her child and yet she was using me as a therapist. venting things and In The Letter saying she didnt know why she said them #like. mom. you know you dont have to send me everything you write right? you know you can start over right? #but no she just writes with no filter. no consideration for me. #because she's a sad sad woman who sees her children as the only things worth living for #and i do say things. she doesn't fucking care about me as a person. #she just misses the experience of being these little impressionable people's Everything. #no one puts up with her bullshit these days and how sad is that? #so. well. that's the kind of reason why i havent talked to her. bc she's a fucking drain just to be around. #but shes my mother yada yada and something in me still feels maybe even slightly socially obligated to see her #really though i just want to see her Side of the family. i miss them. i haven't seen them in too long. #and in order to see them i have to see her. and i decided itd be best to see her ahead of time #so that family xmas is. at least slightly less awkward. hopefully. #what am i supposed to do if she tries to hug me or something? i dont want to hug her. #either she'll be all weepy that i havent been talking to her or she'll try to act like nothing's changed at all. #or maybe both. who knows. either way itll be entirely about her. as it always is. #i just need to make sure i dont end up alone with her #so long as my sister or grandma are there too she wont be As insufferable. hopefully.

[justablah56]

hmm I think instead of feeling bad I will simply project this bad onto The Character . for funsies .

#just blahs #not gonna do anything abt it bcs idk how i could but ovuehncke sparrow with scrupulosity ocd <3 #just consider with me sparrow being terrified of accidentally saying anything wrong or offending literally anyone #and her completely accidentally saying smthin offensive and trying to figure out how to properly deal with that #without just making the whole situation about herself rather than the person she actually offended #bcs shes afraid that makes her a bad person who just didnt care enough to be aware of herself #gets a bit venty past this point but guys im literally pinky promising you rn I'm ok and ill figure it out please no one bring it up to me #and nobody think about the fact that im projecting rn just think about sparrow ok #this is my way of dealing w similar stuff w/o making it about me bcs ik that thats a shitty thing to do and i need to work it out myself #aughhncns literally every time goddamnit . i accidentally do smthin wrong and then someone (very kindly !!!) tells me hey that was wrong #and then i have a breakdown about it and feel bad and overthink it for the next like week #jesus fucking christ ok it's fine im being patient with myself and i know no one thinks im a bad person #and i know that they know i didnt mean it #and i know that i did say smthin insensitive and thats just something i have to be aware of #and the fact that i said it doesn't mean that im a terrible horrific irredeemable person #i'm trying my best now to be aware of it and be better and think abt whst they said and that's all i can do and thats ok #its fine . #anyways . #also hi cookies if you see this genuinely thank you for telling me tho like i do appreciate it and i am ok dw

[finexbright]

.

#thinking thoughts that harry might actually be leaving his label and management and the whole three contract deal #wasn't a rumour at all because like what the fuck is actually happening #really fucking sorry but even if harry was straight. or wasn't with louis. he would NOT be dating this woman after everything #like every single person can see just how vile she is and how she's barely keeping up with her own lies #if you really want me to believe that harry is dating this woman who has no shred of self awareness #and has such a twisted view of things. and has been so cruel to so many people on set. and has supported #an actual abuser. and has looked down on one of the most respected actresses in hollywood rn. and has been spinning lies #then i honestly don't know what to tell you #i don't know how much truth there is to the nanny story but there was this quote about how she's fame hungry and how much she cares about #what other people and she's only with harry because of his fame and i think that was the only truth in that article #i don't know what sort of a hellish deal she negotiated with harry/his team but she was really fucking clever with it because what the fuck #convinced she doesn't have a team or publicist or whatever and that she's been pulling strings all along. anyways for fuck's sake #free harry from this mess and do you know what let him disappear for some time while she digs her own grave for her career #like you guys do see that she's been in the industry for over 20 years and has had so many career changes #acting/producing/directing etc and the thing that's gotten her the most fame is this pr stunt. is her bearding. says a lot about her #priorities and who she is as a person and if after all this you still think that harry is actually with her or that he's not #miserable with her. then boy do i have news for you. i don't claim to know him or whatever but like. any decent human would see through #her facade and back the fuck away. like any self respecting person would've seen her world of lies and said nope. i care about my life and #career goodbye. so yeah anyways hope this ends soon and hope she vanishes because it's clear that her career in hollywood is done for

[joyflameball]

"Everyone wants mean lesbians until they actually get one 🙄" Now this might confuse and surprise you, but there are such concepts like "'mean lesbian' does not mean 'lesbian who is an asshole to everyone'" and "people dislike it when you are a self centered asshole"

#''ohh but someone like susie deltarune-'' #she started as a lesbian who's an asshole to everyone #but then turned into sarcastic kinda rude jaded lesbian #which is generally what people mean when they talk about mean lesbians #when people say they want more mean lesbians #they mean that they want lesbians who are jaded and snarky and sarcastic #they are not saying being a lesbian gives you a pass to be the worst to be around #like bro being jaded and traumatized and bitter doesn't mean you can talk over everyone and then get mad when they push back on that #go to the server that's supposedly dedicated to shipping that's actually just ''let's talk about how COOL this person is'' #''if they make art let's SHOWER IT IN LOVE (if others make art let's give it like one or two comments lol)'' #''if they post a headcanon THE CONVERSATION IS ALL ABOUT THEM AND LET'S IGNORE EVERYONE ELSE'' #bro you are worshipped like a fucking god in every server i have seen you in #shut the fuck up and stop being a bitter asshole who talks over everyone and gets worshipped for it #vague #/nbh #since she blocked me lol #good fucking riddance please learn that being a lover of things is better than being a hater #''oh if you get talked over just drown it out in your love'' learn to do that yourself lol #you have ambient ''wants the world to fucking burn'' energy #i don't care if you're traumatized that doesn't give you a pass to be a self centered asshole to everyone #''haha here's a funny meme i made'' ''HE WOULD NOT FUCKING SAY THAT ARE YOU KIDDING'' #<- actual interaction i had with her. when she knew about my insecurities around mischaracterization. #which was followed by everyone as always going along with her #until i was like ''hi! that makes me feel shitty!'' #i think she blocked me after that lol #OH MY GOD #SHE DID #BROOOOO #''HI. PLEASE DON'T DO THIS THING THAT MAKES ME FEEL SHITTY. I'VE TALKED ABOUT MY INSECURITIES AROUND CHARACTERIZATION. PLEASE DON'T.'' #[GETS BLOCKED]

[toygirljackal-archive]

Fuck I feel so dumb

#vent in the tags #she doesn't follow me anymore. why does such a simple thing hurt so much. #I'm mourning a relationship that barely even happened... but it feels so impossible to move on from... #I... really hate that I feel this way. it feels unfair to people I love now... #vaguing but do you ever instantly hit it off with someone and fall immediately in love but then fuck it up and become unable to interact #for like weeks. and she cared about you and you cared about her but it didn't work and it was your fault. and you try to move on... #but every fourth thought is about her and how much you wish she was in your arms and you in hers. and you love other people but not like he #like somehow this person you've only known for a week and a half is more important than anyone else but she's the one person you forced awa #and it's been weeks and you still can't say anything because you know you'd only hurt her. but what if you could make her understand? #but if she can't you'll just be hurting her over and over and you can't bring yourself to risk that. bc you love her #you love her too much to love her. cruel irony #and maybe if she wanted she'd text you. but maybe she's feeling the same way and is waiting for you. so you're torn #do you share your feelings honestly and risk hurting her or leave her alone and risk hurting... #would it be better if you made yourself the bad guy? would she hurt less if she believed you were as bad as you think you were? #would it be better if you told her a lie. that you moved on. that you didn't love her anymore. or would it break her heart? #all I want is for her to be happy. and I know I can't give her that... #and she shared her struggles to feel worthy... and I KNOW she's worth it all and more... a million times more than I could ever give her... #I feel like I gave her false hope and broke her even worse... she said I didn't hurt her. I don't believe her but I really hope it's true #I think I'll be thinking about her forever. wondering “what if”s till I die

[haven-sent]

character stats

𝙻𝙰𝚈𝙴𝚁  𝟶𝟶𝟷    :    𝐓𝐇𝐄    𝐎𝐔𝐓𝐒𝐈𝐃𝐄.    

NAME  : stephanie “steph” gingrich

EYE COLOR  : hazel 

HAIR STYLE  /  COLOR  :  straight, shoulder length dark brown hair, experimented with a couple of different streaks of colour in high school.

HEIGHT  :     5′7

CLOTHING STYLE  :    exclusively in jeans at all times. formal event? black jeans. during the summer she’s pretty much only wearing tank tops to show off those drummer arms (deceptively buff looking, she is weak af). every other time it’s graphic tees, raglans and band tees, usually with a flannel or oversized button up thrown over the top and then a hoodie on top of that for winter. converse, or combat boots if she wants to add a little height. she basically just settled into her grunge phase in high school and never left it. if you see her not wearing a beanie you have witnessed a rare, almost mythical, sight.

BEST PHYSICAL FEATURE  :    her smile. absolutely adorable and incredibly infectious. also i love arm.

𝙻𝙰𝚈𝙴𝚁  𝟶𝟶𝟸    :    𝐓𝐇𝐄    𝐈𝐍𝐒𝐈𝐃𝐄.    

FEARS  :    getting close to people and them leaving her, losing loved ones, failing at her music career, ending up alone, disappointing her friends.

GUILTY PLEASURE  :    cheesy 90s pop, dancing when nobody’s watching, fruity cocktails, musicals

BIGGEST PET PEEVE  :    disorganization, being beaten at ANY game (she’s a very sore loser).

AMBITIONS FOR THE FUTURE  :    touring the world in a band.

𝙻𝙰𝚈𝙴𝚁  𝟶𝟶𝟹    :    𝐓𝐇𝐎𝐔𝐆𝐇𝐓𝐒.

FIRST THOUGHTS WAKING UP  :   coffee immediately needed to wake up, planning out what she wants to say on the radio that morning, if there’s a specific song on her brain that she wants to play.

WHAT THEY THINK ABOUT MOST  :    music - whether it’s a song she likes stuck in her head, or if she’s thinking about writing something. daydreaming about what she’d do if she made it big and had a steady career performing.

WHAT THEY THINK ABOUT BEFORE BED  :   her friends - the benefits of living in a small town is she gets to see and hang out with them pretty much every day and it always lets her go to sleep with a smile on her face.

WHAT THEY THINK THEIR BEST QUALITY IS  :    if anyone ever asked she’d say her smokin’ hot looks - an easy way to deflect. what she actually thinks is probably her sense of humour - she finds herself funny and most people seem to as well. her actual best quality is her ability to listen to people and know what they need to push through something tough.

𝙻𝙰𝚈𝙴𝚁  𝟶𝟶𝟺    :    𝐖𝐇𝐀𝐓’𝐒    𝐁𝐄𝐓𝐓𝐄𝐑?

SINGLE OR GROUP DATES  :    group - steph gets nervous around girls she actually likes and a group setting where she can pull focus from herself makes her way more comfortable.

TO BE LOVED OR RESPECTED  :    to be loved, but she’s scared of having to give it in return without a safety net.

BEAUTY OR BRAINS  :    bit of both, but brains add to the hotness.

DOGS OR CATS  :   cats. canonically will literally risk getting mauled to pet a cat.

𝙻𝙰𝚈𝙴𝚁  𝟶𝟶𝟻    :    𝐃𝐎    𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐘…

LIE  :    not usually, unless it’s necessary (usually to help cover for someone else). if you ask it of her though be warned - her pokerface is terrible.

BELIEVE IN THEMSELVES  :    it varies. she knows she’s good at what she does, she knows she’s hot, she knows she’s funny. objectively she knows all of this but she always falters at believing that it’s enough.

BELIEVE IN LOVE  :    yes. she’s been in love before and believes she could fall in love again. she’s just hesitant.

WANT SOMEONE  :    yes. anyone.

𝙻𝙰𝚈𝙴𝚁  𝟶𝟶𝟼    :    𝐇𝐀𝐕𝐄    𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐘    𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐑…

BEEN ON STAGE  :   quite a few times, she loves being on stage and performing in front of people.

CHANGED WHO THEY WERE TO FIT IN  :    not really. she’s never had the attitude of wanting to fit in with people who won’t like her for who she is and her interests. she doesn’t consider them worth her time. but she does suppress some elements of herself sometimes so as not to turn people off.

𝙻𝙰𝚈𝙴𝚁  𝟶𝟶𝟽    :    𝐅𝐀𝐕𝐎𝐔𝐑𝐈𝐓𝐄𝐒.

FAVORITE COLOR  :    red or purple.

FAVORITE ANIMAL  :    cats. otters are also super cute.

FAVORITE BOOK  :    gideon the ninth.

FAVORITE GAME  :    dungeons and dragons

𝙻𝙰𝚈𝙴𝚁  𝟶𝟶𝟾    :    𝐀𝐆𝐄.

DAY THEIR NEXT BIRTHDAY WILL BE  :    december 17th

HOW OLD WILL THEY BE  :    29

𝙻𝙰𝚈𝙴𝚁  𝟶𝟶𝟿    :    𝐅𝐈𝐍𝐈𝐒𝐇    𝐓𝐇𝐄    𝐒𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐄.

I LOVE  :   soft guitar melodies, headbanging to old 80s metal when no one’s around.

I FEEL  :    i might never be good enough to get what i want.

I HIDE  :    what i need if it might interfere with what others want.

I MISS  :    my dad, arcadia bay, gabe.

I WISH  :   i could get back the people i’ve lost or left behind.

tagged by: @reivontulet tagging:  i don’t know anyone here well enough yet to be tagging y’all out the blue but if you see this and want to do it please feel free

#badass dj? it's a no brainer | imagery #me looking at steph and i's clothing style: oh it's the same huh #this also sent me into a massive spiral on steph's true colours endgame choices like #i absolutely do think she's genuine when she says she doesn't care about seeing the world if it's not alongside alex #but it still breaks my heart a little that she's willing to give up her dream #something she went so back and forth on believing she was capable of achieving #that she already gave up once before when she didn't believe she could make it #because she doesn't want to lose alex #and she's not willing to make alex choose between their relationship and the other things alex needs to be happy #(and like the fear of losing your loved ones i feel is absolutely central to all the true colours characters) #(obvs everyone suffers the loss of gabe. ryan lost his mother pre-game. steph lost at least her mother in the storm - or chloe #gabe and alex desperate to reconnect after being torn from each other in the wake of losing their mother and being abandoned by their dad) #i absolutely believe steph would still be happy staying in haven because imo she does consider it home and would always come back anyway #but my girl my baby girl pls listen to your own advice #STOP THINKING ABOUT WHAT OTHER PEOPLE NEED AND THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU NEED #all this to say but yeah for the right person who steph can't live without? she drops everything for them even if it hurts #give me some prime angst material on that #doesn't even have to be romantic like she put off leaving haven because of gabe. because she loved him sm and he basically became her family #so anyway this is why i killed her dad because eh i see a muse with some fucked up attachment issues and think 'how can i make them worse' #long post #that's a lot of crying over steph for a friday lunch break

[therevengeoffrankenstein]

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#why does my mother have to be so terribly difficult? the divorce affected her too ofc (it was her idea and her divorce. not mine.) #but she acts like i'm personally attacking her every time i even so much as mention my home state or talk about my dad #in a positive manner for too long. like? she acts like i'm okay with everything that turned out and that i'd just get used to all the #changes and immediately disregard my life before. when that is not the case at all. #nobody's a mind reader but just because i'm not saying anything doesn't mean i don't have feelings about it. it's on her for #expecting something of me she didn't even care to ask how i really feel about it. #she talks a lot about how harmful assumptions about others are but then turns around and assumes i'm peachy keen because i'm not #actively protesting. she takes everything i say and do personally. it's note even fucking funny. #and she says i'm sensitive. i've been a fucking champ about it for the most part bc she's a #pussy ass cheating lying skank who thinks she can gaslight and manipulate me into submitting to her. #i can't believe she fucking gets mad at me for wanting to cook my own separate meal but also expects me to want to know how to drive and #have my whole next 5 to 10 years all planned out. and heaven forbid i move out or even want to live with my dad (/s) #she says i'm so smart and above everyone else my age intellectually but then she treats me like a child!! she regularly insults my #emotional intelligence. i guess because i had to teach myself all that nitty-gritty that she doesn't know better. maybe. but it could be #presumed that when she says i'm soooo smart she's including my emotional maturity. she literally says i'm Smarter Than Her (!!!!) and #and i'll 'do amazing things' but also expects me to want to live with her until i'm thirty!!! #there's nothing wrong with living with your parents but there's no way in hell i'm staying any longer than i have to living with her. #if push comes to shove i have a couple friends i can go live with closer to home. #i literally fucking hate it here. help me. #personal #don't rb ig lol #parents tw #divorce tw #emotional abuse tw #/vent

[dredshirtroberts]

listen. I know my family is bad at communication and acknowledgement of receipt of Thing but when the one thing that consistently happens semi-annually is that I get fussed at for not confirming I received something, it irks me a smidge.

Like if I'm expected to always confirm "Hey I got your [communication/gift]" then why aren't they doing it back? Especially considering the communication in this instance has really actually very important information they will want to know if they want to stay in contact with me.

Like????

Even if I'd just gotten a "K" in response, like. at least it would have let me know they got the damn thing. I sent this email TWO WEEKS AGO and only one person responded - and it was practically immediate too. Like... i know folks are busy, i know shit's going on. I get it. But it would help me feel so much less like I'm suddenly a pariah in the family out of nowhere if like one of the people I'd sent this to had just responded in some way shape or form.

I'd have answered a phone call - i wouldn't have liked it, but i'd have done it. A letter in the mail to my current address even. a message in a bottle probably wouldn't get to me because i'm pretty far from the beaches of the great lakes, and also they're even farther, but like. something right?

my sister at least confirmed she got it and just forgot to respond. i imagine that's what happened with everyone else because we have the same mental illnesses and look. i do it too. but also? also?? i was hounded to respond quickly to things, i was told off every time i wasn't responding within a half hour of any communication. I was asked instantly the next time they saw me if I'd gotten it, even if i hadn't had a chance to see the thing yet.

So forgive me, family, if I'm a little peeved off that all y'all are allowed to "forget to respond" for two whole fucking weeks and then a few extra days (because it's been 2 weeks, 3 days exactly) when i can't let something sit in the mailbox for 2 days because i couldn't get to my mailbox easily while living on my own without getting a phone call or text or email that there should be something waiting in there for me.

*enraged screeching*

#literally the deadline i gave them for my address change was Monday #technically they have until the 8th but i didn't give them that room because i feared they'd use it #and my birthday is this upcoming week and like. idk i was kind of looking forward to maybe getting a card or two perhaps that's silly of me #to look forward to receiving specifically birthday correspondence for my birthday idk man #like i don't have a lot of space to judge i'm also really bad at keeping up lines of communication but when someone sends you #an update with a deadline about when they're moving and to where exactly #and also a big update on a health issue that like. they've mentioned MULTIPLE times #it's generally considered courteous to at least SAY YOU RECEIVED THE MESSAGE even if you didn't have a chance to read the whole thing yet #like???????? #angry i am so angry #like yay my sister responded to the text IT TOOK 2 WEEKS AND ME POKING HER ABOUT IT #again i know. i know people are busy and have other things going on #why did *I* have to be the one who came up with work arounds and ways to avoid doing this to other people when no one else does it for me? #why was *I* the one always getting fussed at and told off and lectured about how rude i was for not getting back to people in a timelymanne #but it's fine for them to IGNORE ME FOR 2 FUCKING WEEKS #like fuck *off* with that bullshit i'm so fucking......... #i mean it. about the others. if my grandparents i sent this to and my other aunt don't respond they don't get any more updates on me #i don't tell them when i move next or where i've gone. if i change my phone number again they don't get it. #like. if you're not going to do me the courtesy of saying ''i got your message you sent'' #AFTER I'VE SENT A FOLLOW UP TWO WEEKS LATER #then you don't get to stay in touch because you clearly do not care about it. #....i already feel like i'm extremely unwantable and like no one will ever desire to stick with me long term #having the family members i spent the majority of my life being around not respond to me does not help that #the SINGULAR person in a whole list of recipients who responded quickly (and also thoroughly but that was *wholly* unexpected) #was someone I barely got a chance to know when I was young because of weird family drama I don't care about #because it doesn't fucking matter y'all are adults now act like it #like. the most supportive member of my family is a woman i thought disliked me on principle because i was my father's child #and it turns out no it's my dad who's the fucked up one who judged her children just because they were hers #cause he hates his sister for some fucking reason. #when she's genuinely the nicest and kindest person i've ever met in my whole family like???

[thedeliaishere]

YOUNG WOMAN - Actually, detective, I'm a woman.

EMPATHY [Easy: Success] - She says it so insistently, as if arguing with you. You may have upset her.

COMPOSURE [Formidable: Failure] - You feel a pit in your stomach. You did something wrong, but you don't know what.

LOGIC [Trivial: Success] - Her way of dressing, the feminine name, yet deep voice - it should have been clear to you sooner. She's transgender.

ESPIRIT DE CORPS [Formidable: Success] - Almost imperceptible, the lieutenant anxiously twitches his eyebrow.

DAMAGED MORALE - 1

Transgender? What's that?

This doesn't have any bearing on the investigation.

ENCYCLOPEDIA [Trivial: Success] - A transgender person is someone who does not identify with the gender they were assigned at birth. Oftentimes they will dress conforming to their desired gender roles, change their names, and seek medical intervention to, "transition."

Gender is rather bourgeois, anyway.

Why would any proud Revacholian discard their masculinity?

Changing your gender? That sounds like quite the hustle. Maybe we can learn a thing or two from this woman.

That's cool. I have no opinion on this one way or another.

RHETORIC [Medium: Success] - Just as Mazov dared to challenge the established order of capitalism, so too do others challenge the order of things such as sex and gender.

ELECTROCHEMISTRY [Trivial: Success] - IT'S BEEN SO LONG SINCE WE'VE FELT THE TOUCH OF A WOMAN. WHO CARES IF SHE USED TO BE A MAN? HAVE SEX WITH HER NOW! ITS WHAT A REAL MAN WOULD DO!

EMPATHY - [Trivial: Success] - Don't do that. It's clear now, you upset her for accidentally calling her a man. Just apologize.

COMPOSURE [Medium: Failure] - Profusely.

ESPIRIT DE CORPS [Medium: Success] - It's important to be a good ally.

DRAMA [Medium: Success] - Make a real show of it, sire!

"Oh, I didn't realize. I'm sorry."

"I'm so sorry I'm so sorry I'll leave you alone forever now."

"I haven't been a good representative of the RCM. We're here to help the people of Martinaise, no matter their identity. I'm sorry to have let you down."

[Drama - Legendary 14] Try and come up with an elaborate, heartfelt apology in the style of the turn of the century thespians.

HIGH 83% +1 Found testosterone ampoule on nightstand. +1 Homo-Sexual Underground. +1 Read about the turn of the century thespians. -1 Recovered your gun. -1 Masculinity challenged. This is a Red Check. It cannot be retried.

⚀⚀

CHECK FAILURE

YOU - You try and come up with the words to convey your apology to the young woman, but you come up blank. It's hard to fit, "transgender" into iambic pentameter, as it turns out.

DRAMA - I'm sorry, sire. I have failed you.

KIM KITSURAGI - "Detective? You've been standing there for a whole minute. Are you okay?"

ESPIRIT DE CORPS - Shit, the lieutenant is onto us. We have to say something soon, or we could lose him.

COMPOSURE [Trivial: Success] - Don't worry, we can still salvage this. Anyone have any ideas?

VOLITION [Heroic: Failure] - Let me handle this.

You - "I'm so sorry, I'm so fucking sorry. I'm such a fucking failure. Do you want me to kill myself?"

[ahbutimavillain]

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#feeling quite heard and seen and relieved atm #knowing that while my sister in law was chatting w/one of the cousins #who my wife and i call our other mother lmao #and saying like 'oh i don't think danielle likes me blah blah blah' #the cousin didn't let that shit fly #and defended me (ish) by saying that like whatever the case is however i look or act i've never said a bad thing about her ever #(except venting here or to my wife which is different lmao) #and she just kept saying oh she doesn't like me #and the cousin was like meh u just think that but that doens't mean it's true and just bc she doesn't like ur bf #doesn't mean she doesn't like u #and it's just funny bc like they want me to have a nice little face on and act all nice and fake and yada yada #but then are worried that i don't like them bc i have a mean face all the time #and it's just like #biotch if i didn't like u i wouldn't give a fuck that ur bf is garbage #it's BECAUSE i care that he bothers me so much and it bothers me you'd settle for trash #tho i do acknowledge it's none of my business and not my problem but i'm also DOING something to fix that problem #for MY benefit bc I'M sick of worrying etc etc #not just so YOU feel better about ur shit decisions #personal / #anyway it was nice #tho yes annoying to hear evidence of her playing the victim but whatever she's got her shit and i've got mine #.ooc ( dani is an asshole )

[thebibliosphere]

Whenever I talk about the medical neglect and ableism I've encountered as a victim of the healthcare system, there's always some cockwaffle who feels entitled to come into my inbox and make the argument of "not all doctors" while talking about how "people like them" (because it's always someone in a field of medicine who does this) are doing their best and it's really hard because so many people fake being ill to get on welfare (Yikes), but like, yeah, obviously #not all doctors, because if all doctors were negligent, bullying scum bags, I'd be dead.

But here's the thing: while I truly believe that the majority of doctors are doing their best in a system stacked against them and their patients, their presence does not negate the mass harm caused by the bad ones. And there are far more bad ones than you realize.

Fuck, John Oliver literally did a segment on this last week:

Yes, the truly bad, malicious doctors are in the minority. Most are just horrifically burned out and fighting a losing battle against a system, killing both them and their patients through a lack of funding and resources and profound overwork.

But the malicious ones do exist, and they will go out of their way to harm patients who don't kowtow to them.

I almost lost my life because when I was in my early twenties, I told a doctor I didn't think she was listening to me, and I disagreed with her assessment of my mental health (she was not a mental health doctor, and I was there for heart palpitations and chronic pain). She retaliated by putting "non-compliant" in my file.

There was also a fun little "doesn't show respect" note too that lives rent-free in my head because I know I wasn't rude. I was polite. I just didn't agree with her, and my refusal to accept her off-handed comment that "you probably have bipolar or BPD" (again, I was there for heart palpitations and chronic pain) meant I was "refusing care."

I wasn't. I just refused to be slapped with a mood/personality disorder when I was there because I kept fucking fainting when I stood up.

(Spoiler alert: it was dysautonomia)

That "non-compliant" marker followed me around for years. It followed me across an ocean and effectively ensured that any doctor I saw was going to treat me like absolute dogshit because no one wants to help Difficult Patients. It wasn't until I was so undeniably ill, literally on the brink of death, that anyone helped me.

I'm alive because of a good doctor. And all the good ones that came after him because of him.

So, I know they exist. You don't have to tell me that.

But I really fucking need you to acknowledge the bad ones and that you're part of a system with a long, long history of abusing minorities and vulnerable people. I need you to acknowledge that because it's the only way we're going to survive this godforsaken nightmare and make things better.

So yeah, #notalldoctors, but if you feel the need to say that because someone talking about being literally left to die by the medical system hurts your feelings, I'm going to have to ask you to take a step back and ask yourself if you're going into medicine for the right reasons.

Namely: do you want to help people, even the "difficult" ones?

Even the ones who might disagree with you?

Even if they're on welfare?

Even if they'll never get "better" in a way that means "cured"?

Just a thought. But hey, what do I know. I'm just someone who experienced hemolytic anemia because doctors kept telling me I was anxious and needed to exercise more 🤷‍♀️.

#chronic health tag #medical abuse #medical neglect #medical #ableism #to all the good health care workers who follow me and leave supportive comments: I appreciate you so much #but you need to come get your fellow drs #and idk #give 'em a shake or something #Youtube

[musical-chick-13]

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#personal rant in tags #(because I NEED to get shit off my chest and I might as well put it here) #I HATE. /HATE/. how much stock we (as a society) put into how people look #I hate that there's bias in EVERYTHING toward people who naturally seem closer to some arbitrary standard of attractiveness #I hate how people are judged by their bodies and literally not anything else #I hate that I'm expected to completely overhaul my appearance and keep doing that day after day after day to be seen as worthy of #respect and support. I hate how many times I've been interested in someone only for people around me to say 'oh but they're not #hot why do you like them?' I hate how the only time someone has ever outright expressed interest in me is when I looked like someone else #I hate how I'm not the only person who has experienced this that I know SO many instances of this #AM I NOT WORTHY OF RESPECT JUST BY VIRTUE OF BEING A HUMAN? ARE WE NOT ALL DESERVING OF LOVE AND SUPPORT BECAUSE WE ARE ALIVE??? #GENUINELY I DO NOT UNDERSTAND. YOUR OUTWARD APPEARANCE HAS /NOTHING/ TO DO WITH WHO YOU ARE AS A PERSON #IT DOESN'T INDICATE ANYTHING ABOUT HOW KIND OR UNDERSTANDING YOU ARE. WHAT YOUR INTERESTS ARE. WHAT YOU VALUE. HOW YOU SPEND YOUR TIME. #like...obviously I'm not perfect and I've still gotta de-internalize some stuff too! #but sometimes it feels like everyone is just so SHALLOW and JESUS fucking CHRIST am I /TIRED/ #I have never been '''pretty''' I will never BE '''pretty''' WHY DOES THAT BOTHER PEOPLE SO MUCH???!! #like genuinely just. it's one of the (many) things that has driven a wedge between me and my mom. it's made dating almost impossible. #it made a career in stage acting so much harder than it already was. truly it has put me at some sort of disconnect with a lot of humanity #AND I'M SORRY BUT THAT IS SO FUCKING /STUPID/ IT SHOULDN'T BE LIKE THIS WHY AM I BEING JUDGED ON THESE GROUNDS #*sigh* this was another reason why letting go of Her™ was so hard tbh. she didn't care what anyone looked like not even me #she made me feel beautiful because she genuinely liked who I was as a person. the one time I had this and look where we ended up lmao #...god this not-relationship really fucked me up didn't it sometimes I forget how much everything hurt me and how far back I set myself #because of it #ANYWAY we're probably not gonna sleep tonight :) #In the Vents

[inkskinned]

there are a lot of posts out there that are positive and healthy coping mechanisms for handling the holidays. this is not one of them :)

i think there's like. going to be times in your life you will be stuck in a social situation that you cannot escape from gracefully. i do not know why the internet doesn't believe these times exist. it's not always just that your physical safety is at risk - sometimes it's legit like "i just don't currently have the energy or time to put in the effort of responding to this." sometimes it's a coworker you hate so much. sometimes it's just like, fine, you know? like you know you can handle your aunt when she's cheerily horrible, but if you actually set a boundary around her, it's going to be weeks of fallout with your father.

i don't know why people think the answer is always just "cut them out!" or "don't let them get away with that!" because ... the real world is tricky and complicated. i think kind of a lot of us have an internal "radiation poisoning" meter for certain people. like - i'm talking about the ones who are absolutely giving you gradual ick damage. like, you can handle them, but you'll be exhausted.

and yes. you absolutely should listen to your therapist and the good posts about handling others and set good boundaries and take care of yourself. prioritize peace.

HOWEVER :) ...... since im often in a situation with a Gradual Sense of Ick person i cannot just "cut out" of my life (without losing someone else precious to me) - i have sort of developed the most. maladaptive form of mischief possible. because like, if i'm going to have to listen to this shit again, i like to have a little bit of private fun with it.

now! again, i am physically safe, just mentally drained by this man. you should only do this with people you are not in danger with. which leads me to my suggestions for when your Unfortunate Acquaintance shows up and says oh everyone pay attention to me.

my favorite word is "maybe!" said as brightly and happily as possible. whenever the Horrible Person starts in on a topic you do not want to go further with, particularly if they make a claim that you know to be inaccurate, do not respond to it. you and i have both tried to actually argue with this person, and it hasn't gone well, because this person just wants the drama of an argument. however, "maybe!" gives them literally nothing to go on. it is incredibly disarming. they are used to people having some response. they know they can't prove what they're saying, and maybe! treats them like the child they are. it dismisses them in the politest way possible.

i like to say maybe! and then, in their stunned silence, immediately change the subject. this is because i have adhd and i will have something unrelated to talk about, but if you can't think of topics fast enough, i recommend just pointing to something and saying, "isn't that lovely?" because fuck you let's bring in some positivity.

by the way. that second trick - of pointing to something and stating an opinion about it? - that just works on its own, like, 70% of the time. i picked it up from teaching preschoolers. it's an intentional "redirect". it stops children crying and it also stops grown adults from finishing their explanation on why women belong in kitchens. dual wielding!

keep it silly for yourself. i absolutely do not care if people think i'm fucking stupid (it's more fun if they do) and as a result i will purposefully misunderstand things just to see how long it takes them to realize i've completely removed them from the subject at hand. when they say "women aren't funny" i get to be like. "which women." "all women." "all women in america?" "no in the world." "like the mole people? the people in the world?" "what? no. like, alive." "oh are we not counting the mole people?" "what the fuck are you talking about." "you don't believe in the mole people?"

similarly, i play a personal game called "one up me." my Evil Acquaintance literally knows this game exists (my family & friends caught onto it and now also play it) and it always fucking gets him. i don't know why. you have to be willing to be a little free-spirited on this one, though. the trick is that when they make one of those horrible little bigoted or annoying comments they are always making, you need to go one unit weirder. not more intense, mind you - just more weird. "you don't look good in that dress." "yeah, actually, my other dress was covered in squid ink due to a mishap at the soup store." "you shouldn't wear such revealing clothes." "wait, what? oh shit. sorry, your son tears off strips when no one is looking and eats them. i swear it was longer before we left the building."

the point of "one up me" is to completely upend this person's narrative. we both know this person likes setting up situations where you cannot "win" and then they really like telling other people how badly you handled it. in a usual situation, if you respond "please don't say something that rude", you're a bitch. but if you let it happen, you're letting yourself be debased. they are not usually expecting door number three: unflappably odd. because what are they going to say when they're telling everyone how badly you behaved? "she said my son eats her dresses" ".... okay?"

if you can, form an allyship with someone whomst you can tagteam with. where they can pick up on your weird "soup store" story and run with it.

the following phrase is amazing and can be deployed for any situation: "oh, be nice :) it's the holidays!" i do not know why this works as often as it does. i'll say it for the most random shit. i think this is bc most of the time these people know they're being impolite, they just like to fight.

godbless. when in doubt, remember that you could always start stealing their pens.

the whole point of this is - if you can't escape. maybe see how long you can just be. like. a horrible little menace.

#this is objectively bad advice #don't listen to it protect yourself and do real work on yourself find one of the good posts i've made about this #but also. u know. if u want to have fun while u do the work of setting boundaries #.... it IS fun #i will say that my fear of him went SO down after i just started. fucking with him. #bc i used to get SO fucking upset #i'd spend WEEKS arguing with him. tearing my hair out. sick with anxiety and dread and anger about all of it #and now i just LITERALLY do not engage #instead i'm like '' haha :) mole people" and get the HELL out of any tense conversation #i kind of think some of these people are literally addicted to drama as a form of connection #they like the rush they get from arguing #but those arguments are incredibly damaging for me #so like..... i am in the process of literally rehabilitating this person to figure out how to find connection thru #NORMAL CONVERSATION #he doesn't get it yet #i also do talk to them like they're preschool kids lmafo . ''are you using a safe and kind voice right now?'' #'' do you need a snackie? you sound a little upset. let's have some hummus and come back to playtime when we feel ready''