#bc i used to get SO fucking upset

[inkskinned]

there are a lot of posts out there that are positive and healthy coping mechanisms for handling the holidays. this is not one of them :)

i think there's like. going to be times in your life you will be stuck in a social situation that you cannot escape from gracefully. i do not know why the internet doesn't believe these times exist. it's not always just that your physical safety is at risk - sometimes it's legit like "i just don't currently have the energy or time to put in the effort of responding to this." sometimes it's a coworker you hate so much. sometimes it's just like, fine, you know? like you know you can handle your aunt when she's cheerily horrible, but if you actually set a boundary around her, it's going to be weeks of fallout with your father.

i don't know why people think the answer is always just "cut them out!" or "don't let them get away with that!" because ... the real world is tricky and complicated. i think kind of a lot of us have an internal "radiation poisoning" meter for certain people. like - i'm talking about the ones who are absolutely giving you gradual ick damage. like, you can handle them, but you'll be exhausted.

and yes. you absolutely should listen to your therapist and the good posts about handling others and set good boundaries and take care of yourself. prioritize peace.

HOWEVER :) ...... since im often in a situation with a Gradual Sense of Ick person i cannot just "cut out" of my life (without losing someone else precious to me) - i have sort of developed the most. maladaptive form of mischief possible. because like, if i'm going to have to listen to this shit again, i like to have a little bit of private fun with it.

now! again, i am physically safe, just mentally drained by this man. you should only do this with people you are not in danger with. which leads me to my suggestions for when your Unfortunate Acquaintance shows up and says oh everyone pay attention to me.

my favorite word is "maybe!" said as brightly and happily as possible. whenever the Horrible Person starts in on a topic you do not want to go further with, particularly if they make a claim that you know to be inaccurate, do not respond to it. you and i have both tried to actually argue with this person, and it hasn't gone well, because this person just wants the drama of an argument. however, "maybe!" gives them literally nothing to go on. it is incredibly disarming. they are used to people having some response. they know they can't prove what they're saying, and maybe! treats them like the child they are. it dismisses them in the politest way possible.

i like to say maybe! and then, in their stunned silence, immediately change the subject. this is because i have adhd and i will have something unrelated to talk about, but if you can't think of topics fast enough, i recommend just pointing to something and saying, "isn't that lovely?" because fuck you let's bring in some positivity.

by the way. that second trick - of pointing to something and stating an opinion about it? - that just works on its own, like, 70% of the time. i picked it up from teaching preschoolers. it's an intentional "redirect". it stops children crying and it also stops grown adults from finishing their explanation on why women belong in kitchens. dual wielding!

keep it silly for yourself. i absolutely do not care if people think i'm fucking stupid (it's more fun if they do) and as a result i will purposefully misunderstand things just to see how long it takes them to realize i've completely removed them from the subject at hand. when they say "women aren't funny" i get to be like. "which women." "all women." "all women in america?" "no in the world." "like the mole people? the people in the world?" "what? no. like, alive." "oh are we not counting the mole people?" "what the fuck are you talking about." "you don't believe in the mole people?"

similarly, i play a personal game called "one up me." my Evil Acquaintance literally knows this game exists (my family & friends caught onto it and now also play it) and it always fucking gets him. i don't know why. you have to be willing to be a little free-spirited on this one, though. the trick is that when they make one of those horrible little bigoted or annoying comments they are always making, you need to go one unit weirder. not more intense, mind you - just more weird. "you don't look good in that dress." "yeah, actually, my other dress was covered in squid ink due to a mishap at the soup store." "you shouldn't wear such revealing clothes." "wait, what? oh shit. sorry, your son tears off strips when no one is looking and eats them. i swear it was longer before we left the building."

the point of "one up me" is to completely upend this person's narrative. we both know this person likes setting up situations where you cannot "win" and then they really like telling other people how badly you handled it. in a usual situation, if you respond "please don't say something that rude", you're a bitch. but if you let it happen, you're letting yourself be debased. they are not usually expecting door number three: unflappably odd. because what are they going to say when they're telling everyone how badly you behaved? "she said my son eats her dresses" ".... okay?"

if you can, form an allyship with someone whomst you can tagteam with. where they can pick up on your weird "soup store" story and run with it.

the following phrase is amazing and can be deployed for any situation: "oh, be nice :) it's the holidays!" i do not know why this works as often as it does. i'll say it for the most random shit. i think this is bc most of the time these people know they're being impolite, they just like to fight.

godbless. when in doubt, remember that you could always start stealing their pens.

the whole point of this is - if you can't escape. maybe see how long you can just be. like. a horrible little menace.

#this is objectively bad advice #don't listen to it protect yourself and do real work on yourself find one of the good posts i've made about this #but also. u know. if u want to have fun while u do the work of setting boundaries #.... it IS fun #i will say that my fear of him went SO down after i just started. fucking with him. #bc i used to get SO fucking upset #i'd spend WEEKS arguing with him. tearing my hair out. sick with anxiety and dread and anger about all of it #and now i just LITERALLY do not engage #instead i'm like '' haha :) mole people" and get the HELL out of any tense conversation #i kind of think some of these people are literally addicted to drama as a form of connection #they like the rush they get from arguing #but those arguments are incredibly damaging for me #so like..... i am in the process of literally rehabilitating this person to figure out how to find connection thru #NORMAL CONVERSATION #he doesn't get it yet #i also do talk to them like they're preschool kids lmafo . ''are you using a safe and kind voice right now?'' #'' do you need a snackie? you sound a little upset. let's have some hummus and come back to playtime when we feel ready''

[grubloved]

its so silly but i just keep thinking abt being in norway and seeing for the first time kinda ever that like governments can do things to make peoples life better. for no other reason but just to improve things. like im sure norway has lots of problems i didnt see on a trip but i cannot stress how insane it was that the government had done things because it would be nice. to take care of people. ?????

#tour guide like yeah the minimum wage is decent here its 220 NOK (roughly ovr $22) but its not perfect and literally evryone in our group #being like $22??!?!?!???!?!!? MINIMUM!??!??!!? #i keep thinking about taking the bus and trams in oslo :( and abt walking IN THE STREET in bergen wjthout getting run over #or the restaurant on top of the bergen funiculr mountain getting state owned this year bc it was mismanaged ans going under but #everyone would like there to be a restaurant there so the government just decided to make sure there would be one???? #instead ofbjust letting it die??? #or ALL THE OIL AND POWER BEING STATE OWNED. HELLO? #its just insane idk. that things can for real be different. where i am theres a revolutionary amt of public teansport for a not huge city #but its still basically one bus and then the slowest most fucked up train in the whole world (40min drive = 2.5 hours by train) #assuming uh thw train doesnt get stuck again lol #it mostly exists to take mormon missionaries to the airport i think lol. #the 'walkable' old town section still has 4 and 6 lane roads you have to cross every block. #i dont know its just... its. augh!!!!!!!! #birdenest #we told one guy the minimum wage for waitstaff was about 21 NOK and he didnt believe us and got upset that we were lying

[bpdohwhatajoy]

People really underestimate my ability to fuck off when I feel like my presence isn’t wanted or valued

#ryan.txt #bpd #borderline personality disorder #I used to be awful at this #I’m getting better #wait till I’m at my full potential #to my ‘friend’ who started shit with me when I just cared about her well-being #who ignored me for an entire day #who pretty much only talks about herself #who I can’t even tell that she upsets me bc she always acts in a way that triggers the hell out of me #who can go awhile without talking to me #who after not even saying anything tried to hit me with the heyyyyy #who takes my presence and care for granted #yeah fuck you #and fuck you to my other ‘friend’ too #like don’t even get me started on these two I’m so fucking done #I hardly have any friends anymore and the two I’m closest to suck #good friend era when (it’s never happening for me)

[buildarocketboys]

Dear transmascs,

I love y'all, I appreciate your posts and find solidarity in your struggles. But please, PLEASE could you acknowledge that some (many) trans people who don't identify as transmasc share in the same struggles? Please could you acknowledge non-transmasc (afab) non-binary/genderqueer people in your posts that also affect them once in a while? Could you please NOT co-opt the death of a NON-BINARY trans person to talk about how transmascs are oppressed for being transmasculine? Like, yes, there are overlaps between transandrophobia and enbyphobia (and transmisogyny) and these are important to talk about but please realise that you can do this WITHOUT erasing non-binary people who do not identify as transmasc.

Idk maybe this seems like a non-issue to a lot of people but it's honestly deeply fucking upsetting to me, as an (afab) genderqueer person. I'm not saying you have to make all posts about transmasc people about non-binary people as well but please just. When something is ABOUT a non-binary person and that person doesn't explicitly identify as transmasc, please, please don't erase their identity and make it ONLY about the experience of being transmasc??

I'm so fucking tired.

Signed,

A genderqueer person

(btw if you come on this post being shitty about transmascs or talking about how transandrophobia isn't real or whatever, you're getting an instant block. This ain't about that, transandrophobia is real but so is enbyphobia/exorsexism.)

#ugh please don't fucking discourse on this post #but like #i see this shit all the time and mostly it's whatever #but I just saw a post doing this for that non-binary teenager who got killed #the poster acknowledged that they don't even know if they identified as transmasc or not #but still continued to use transmasc 'as an umbrella term' #please can you fucking not god #like you can talk about the overlap and how non-binary people are also affected by transandrophobia #without assuming all of them are transmasc/erasing the ones that aren't #sometimes! it's ok to say afab trans people!! #i know it gets used in a misgendering way sometimes but guess what? calling nb people transmasc when they're NOT #is ALSO MISGENDERING #im trying not to be bc i don't want to upset ppl but im so angry I'm sorry #trans stuff

[jasontoddenthusiastt]

On the subject of gotham county line and batman noel and so on and so forth it’s pretty frustrating (from a watsonian pov) that anytime Bruce hallucinates Jason being loving/ caring/helpful/compassionate towards him it’s always as robin and never as his current self

#it's ironic because Jason as robin never got the chance to become as obedient & devoted (malleable) to Bruce as he currently is #which is a result of being abused/manipulated for a more prolonged period of time #“maybe if I try harder and do it right this time he'll finally see the truth” #classic abuse tactic #no matter how well the victim fits the mold set by the abuser they’ll never acknowledge it #rather if they see you trying they’ll push harder and tell you you’re not perfect #the small shreds of affection here and there are important for motivating the victim to keep trying #kelseethe #Jason initiating the hug in rhato 27 after Bruce insinuated that those beatings will be a regular occurence bc he deems it a necessity #continuing to support Bruce even after Ethiopia and sticking around to help get Damian back #eagerly cooperating with Bruce + co in event leviathan then getting surprise pikachu faced/hurt after being betrayed #making a conscious decision to comfort Bruce in gotham war after Bruce fucked him up and left him behind #having undying conern for Bruce's wellbeing while Bruce regularly endangers his life #ex. Bruce's weird habit of committing vehicular assault on Jason whenever they're on the road demonstrated both in tfz and gotham war #point being: Jason was much more psychologically fit to be defiant towards Bruce when he was robin compared to now #he's more of a “good son”™ now than he was as robin Bruce is just too used to thinking whatever he wants and never being satisfied #the only times Jason got mad/upset at Bruce during one issue and continued to stay mad until the next #other than lost days and utrh was batman 410-411 and early in aditf before Bruce helps Jason find Sheila #so much worse has happened since then and all that just magically became water under the bridge off-panel

[thepringlesofblood]

fckin. i've watched Tin Can Bros' masterpiece Spies are Forever a bajillion times. I've listened to the soundtrack a bajllion times. when my phone malfunctioned and I lost all the music I downloaded from my dad's giant folder of pirated mp3s, the fuckin Spies Are Forever soundtrack was one of the 3 albums that remained bc it was one of the only ones I'd actually bought. which means i listened to it over and over and over until I was able to get student-discounted Spotify (and tbh i do still listen to it over and over, just on Spotify).

and I JUST NOW realized that Curt's beard from the 4 years after Owen's death is a double entendre.

the only other queer person he knew in his line of work just fucking died. of course he gets a beard.

#he needs to mourn without people questioning #why he's so upset over some guy from fully another agency #so he misdirects it as general depression/hiding himself from the world #so people don't pay attention [badum tssh] to the cause of his grief #fuck man every time i look at saf it gives me more interesting subtext #spies are forever #saf #tcb #tin can bros #curt mega #original post #i should've written my intro to queer studies final paper on spies are forever #i had it all planned out and i scrapped it bc i was scared my prof would watch it and not get the full context of the nazi stuff #and i did the adventure zone balance instead #which was nice but not nearly as deep of a lasagna as spies are forever #this shits got layers for days #tagpost #if you dont know what i mean by 'beard' in a queer context #google it before yelling at me #i know its kind of an older term idk if the youths use it anymore

[symphonyofsilence]

Learning about the Yunmeng Shuangjie and the Nieyao drama through Wei Wuxian's and Nie Mingjue's points of view.

#'AITA for avoiding my brother like the plague after being back from the dead after learning he's been looking for me this whole time #And denying him an explanation about how & why I accidentally killed our BIL & started a massacre that resulted in our sister's death #And orphaned our nephew. And talking back to him and telling him off instead of even looking slightly apologetic #when he berates me for telling our nephew whom I accidentally orphaned he lacks maternal education? #And then without even saying so much as a hi to my brother when entering his home bringing a stranger #(that I've been spending all my time with instead of going home and giving an explanation to the brother that has suffered so much bc of me #Bc it was the easier thing to do) #To his ancestral shrine and then teaming up with my boyfriend to beat him up in his own ancestral shrine when he gets upset? #And then telling him that all I did for him (& kept from him) was bc I owed his family and then leaving him behind bleeding #metaphorically & literally (both bc of me) and not even asking him how he is before running to fuck in the bushes with my boyfriend? #*sigh* I thought Jiang Cheng would always be on my side and Lan Wangji opposite us.' #'AITA for making numerous attempts on the life of my marginalized sworn brother and ex-subordinate who has risked his life saving mine #& kicking him down the stairs & offending his mother & going to kill him again #after I told him why he won't just kill himself for the betterment of the world after he refused #To risk his life & safety doing something he had no authority to do after he tried to explain his situation to me?' #mdzs #cql #the untamed #mo dao zu shi #chen qing ling #the grandmaster of demonic cultivation #nie mingjue #jin guangyao #wei wuxian #wei ying #jiang cheng #yunmeng shuangjie #jiang wanyin #yunmeng bros #twin heroes of yunmeng

[obscenicon]

something very freeing abt posting incest ship art on main instead of putting up a facade of neutrality on the whole thing. i am a weirdo and play w weird shit in a fiction and i no longer care what ppl think about it ^.^

#incest shipping is fun and cathartic and makes me happy #specifically bcs it can be so fucked up #and ppl who get rlly angry abt it r silly. imo. bcs it has never been that big of a deal #shipping incest hurts nobody and helps heal the hurt ive experienced. and some ppl will never get that and thats fine #art impacts us all in different ways. and we all express ourselves differently #and if it makes you uncomfortable or upset you can see yourself out i have no issue w that and i wish you well

[thyandrawrites]

I gotta say, as much as I normally sympathize more with Reo, reading chapter 13 of epinagi and rereading the main manga at the same time makes me feel for Nagi, too.

Seeing just how often Nagi's thoughts go to Reo, his reasons for snapping at him after the 3v3 makes so much more sense. In Nagi's narration, it's obvious that he holds a lot of respect to Reo as a player, other than a friend. Every time he faces a challenging opponent or sees a great play, his mind always goes to him. When he's not wishing to show Reo all these amazing things, he's reminding himself and others that they must keep challenging strong opponents to justify having left Reo behind. One way or another, their promise is always very present in his mind, and he's giving it his all to make it come true.

But then they run into each other in the baths and Reo is acting suddenly cold. He doesn't want to hear about Nagi's efforts, and he calls him a rival. It would be so easy to take offense to that, to assume—like Reo did—that the other has forgotten about their promise. But it's not here that Nagi's temper snaps. Instead, he takes it in stride, and actually looks kind of fired up for the chance of facing a Reo who will go all out. After all, Nagi understand wanting to take on strong guys, and through this and other subtle details, it's shown that in his mind Reo is still very much one of them. I'd say that he perceives Reo as an equal, if not strictly a teammate at present. This is especially clear when Nagi's first impulse is to still pick him as his first choice when they win. We've established that Nagi doesn't let sentimentality get in the way of having the best shot at achieving his dream (think of the pep talk he gives to Bachira about leaving him behind if he doesn't step up even if he and Isagi are close). So, all of this to say: Nagi speaks with his actions, and he chooses Reo for Reo's skills, not for his attachment to him as a friend. He respects him.

But he respects their dream more, in the end. Just like how he left with Isagi not by any fault of Reo's own, but to examine his own drive for football, Nagi once again makes the choice that would best result in bettering his plays. Not because he doesn't care, but because he's that serious about it, actually.

Again, Reo doesn't make the cut not because he lacks skills, but because his playstyle isn't compatible with the way Nagi's team is evolving. Reo would bring them balance because he's skilled and charismatic enough to singlehandedly whip up their mismatched chaos into a proper team. But being a team would make them worse players individually, and Nagi has enough maturity to know that's a step back for his own skills, not one forward. Not a single moment has passed by so far where he hasn't been putting his all towards fulfilling his end of the promise, or one where he hasn't had full faith in Reo in turn.

And then Reo, who has acted cold and standoffish all this time for seemingly no reason... Reo, who is so skilled but wants to be picked even if it means losing and possibly flunking out of the program, their best chance to get closer to the world cup... The same guy who swore they'd be best in the world, but whose efforts only stopped at winning in the first selection...

that Reo goes and accuses him of not giving a shit about their promise to each other.

I think I would've snapped back too

#Let's be real for a sec. Reo was a brat there #I totally get where he's coming from and he is absolutely right to be upset and hurt #But accusing nagi of indifference was a step too far come on #He used to trade his position for the goalie's so he could better slack off #Now he's putting his whole soul into it and you don't get how that's a love confession? Come the fuck on reoo wake uppppp #Ok im kidding about the love part but these two...I swear #Blue lock #Nagireo #I need to make a tag for my ramblings.... #It's not quite meta bc it's so ship focused but it deserves a tag #People who are more creative than me do you have any suggestions?? #Nagi seishirou #Mikage reo #Bllk thoughts

[skylilac]

this book is acruakly soooo disappointing

#i was thinking like oh religion and queer angels and culty stuff that sounds fun but its actually SO BORING #every fifteen pages he started talking abt his ex like i still love him and also hes ENGAGED???? but he keeps saying betrothed like a weirdo #and like hes literally still in love w his ex but i KNOW thats not the real li but hes talked to the real li like six times maybe #like why put a love triangle if everythings lame and boring #and like the workd building fucking sucks its so bad all i know is global warming made it rlly rlly hot #and ok i get this kinda dystopian setting is hard to pull off but why is it SO fucking jarring i keep forgetting its dystopia #and like listen i get queer rep being important but this is SO BAD. #its like modern queerness + future dystopian apocalypse and it fucking sucks #like nothing abt queerness evolved over the last few decades?? are you fr?? we’re still having the exact same queer discourse?? #if youre gonna write a love letter to queer survival at least be fucking CREATIVE #im not buying that human culture stayed totally static except for global warming and a religious apocalypse #what abt race what abt sports what abt food what abt jewelry and clothes and ughhhh this is so boring #ok and the li also has no personality traits bc every time hes there alk the mc says is #wow! he has floppy hair! that he pushes back w bobby pins! #oh my i dont know how to use the bobby pins he gave me so im gonna dramatically throw them on the floor when we have our only fight! #ALL I KNOW IS. he has floppy hair it might be black #this book fucking sucksssss im so upset i hate gr reviews #avery rambles

[pupcuck]

have been ill since i was a kid it is not going to get better or pass likeeee sick of people telling me otherwise

#🏩.diary #I’ve always been this way #like there is no fixing it it’s not even like #idk my mental illness isn’t even something i can use as an excuse it’s just me now like idk #my friends are insufferable they don’t get it that #it’s not the fucking same like im so upset why do they always make things ab themselves #im the one that has no other friends no job no love life im failing uni with no social life like no you don’t get it #and they’re always like oh i wish I wasn’t known on campus like you talking to people is so draining I hate it #I hate it so bad i need to kill myself #I’ve been suicidal since I was 11 like that’s it’s not gonna change #and then they wonder why I don’t wanna talk like sorry im too suicidal to hear ab you having multiple jobs and boyfriends and driving sorry #like im too bitter #why don’t you just do this I CANT!!! im ugly and repulsive and can’t go outside #I’ve been made fun of for my weight and face by family n school friends like why would k want to go outside when it’s not even. me that #thinks I’m repulsive but everyone around me too #my parents don’t ever call me pretty unless I have makeup on they’re repulsed by me I know they love me bc they have to love me but im such #a loser there’s nothing to be Proud of #I don’t know what to do at all it’s like I’ve fucked it over so badly I can’t fix a single thing #it’s like I have everything wrong w me and it’s humiliating #tw vent #sorry im worked up godddd #I hate when people talk me like it’s my first time feeling this way and that it’s easy to get over #just try getting ur license or doing this I psychically cannot bc I’m crippled by anxiety and facial and body dysmoprhia like fuck off #whatever whatever im too pussy to kill myself so I’ll just live in this fucking cycle forever and ever like bc im literally a fucking . #pussy what’s wrong w me #in other news my sisters separation anxiety is back and she won’t let go of me I can’t go to the bathroom without her coming she’s sleeping #in my bed again #she’s so clingy I love her but I can’t do anything

[tibli]

It feels voyeuristic to share videos/images of the brutal suffering the Palestinian people are going through every day, and I hate that it's come to that. I hate that these people are forced to display their loved one's mangled corpses for everyone to see, in the desperate hope that it will convince the governments of the world that they don't deserve to be treated like vermin to exterminate.

I want to be clear, they are not wrong for sharing these things, and it is paramount for us to show it to others. It is deeply upsetting and troubling to see these things, but that's exactly the point- that's the purpose. If they have to live through it, if they themselves cannot escape it, then it is our obligation AT THE VERY LEAST, to listen to them and look at whats happening, even if it disgusts us. ESPECIALLY if it disgusts us. We owe them that much. We owe them our anger and rage on their behalf. We owe them our full attention. Genocide is everyone's issue, and to look away is to help the perpetrator.

#palestine #gaza #i havent personally spoken abt it on here #as i prefer to share other peoples voices #but i keep seeing the take that like #its upsetting to see/its triggering/etc #and yes that sucks and i understand its hard to look at #but this is NOT THE SAME THING as an outsider sharing images of the dead against the wishes of the friends and family #this is the friends and family themselves sharing whats happening because thats all they can do #they are begging for help #and know that people rarely act without extreme emotional investment #no matter how bad the images make you feel #please remember that you are at the very least not the target of an active genocide #you can choose to ignore the brutality. they cant. they have to live it every fucking day #in a lot of cases im usually against sharing morbid images bc its typically disrespectful to the deceased #like in the cases of people that have been murdered by serial killers #and is usually used to sensationalize the story and often ends up dehumanizing the victim #but that is totally different from this #this is a group of people shouting to get the attention of others that can help them #and using any means necessary to do so #they are fighting for their lives. the least we can do is acknowledge that and amplify their voices #dont even bother arguing with me on this post. this is not something im changing my mind on #if this bothers you just unfollow or block or something

[jinstronaut]

this is also why i stopped using my tracked tag for a while tbh

#and i might do it again bc its just #a reminder that no one rly cares abt what i do / who i am etc #which might sound over dramatic idk how else to describe it tho its just hollow #it feels very much like a Chore and a Task and if i dont reblog things fast enough from my tag #people get very angry and/or upset with me even tho theres just #so much content and i have 0 time so everything gets queued no matter what #like this whole experience feels like a chore lmao #and it never ever used to #but now theres so much animosity if i dont behave / interact with things Properly #or whatever the make believe rules are idk #this dash can just be so negative like have we all truly descended into madness during this hiatus #bc like i get it ive been up and down and all around too but ive never been straight up MEAN to anyone in this community #and i never want to either so this entire situation thats been bubbling for months just feels like shit #bc what the fuck changed and how do we get back to where we were #i never ever ever ever felt this way before like idk the middle of last year #but ever since like last fall its just been idk. Bad #once again im sorry if ive ever done anything to upset anyone but my silence / absence doesnt mean i dont care #ive just been Incredibly busy due to some real life changes that are out of my control #i might not have energy to answer everything but i do Read everything and it does make me smile #and i save messages that are kind in my heart so i can be reminded of the root of what this blog is supposed to be #a space for something im very passionate about and previously had nowhere else to express said passion #so like idk if we all like the same things why does this weird feeling of competition linger over us lmao #why do all ccs have to fight???? each other???? when we all love and do the same things???? #i have nothing against anyone personally but what i Do take issue with is the way that ive been doing this since 2021 and im fully just #ignored and shoved aside by so many people for reasons i fully dont know or understand #so yeah idk this is a novel i just woke up from a spontaneous nap bc im so exhausted i can only stay awake for 3 hours at a time #but yeah anyways idk ! #be nice its so easy ! #tbd

[kkujo]

something i don't see people talking about is the way hyperfixations come in like stages and cycles like it's not just "i'm obsessed with this thing" it's like. euphoria from finding something new and it brings you so much joy and then as that initial dopamine rush wears off you start to get more and more down and feel isolated as you start to realise that no one else cares about it as much as you do and you feel silly for being so into it and the thoughts become repetitive and boring so you get more and more depressed and lonely and then you inevitably lose the hyperfix which leaves you drifting feeling miserable and hopeless until you start the cycle again. idk if i explained this well or if other people will understand but it brings genuine phases of euphoria and straight up depression and this is why i get annoyed when neurotypicals use words like hyperfixation to describe like, an interest. bc it's not. just an interest it becomes who you are and when you lose it it's like losing yourself and you spend so much energy thinking about it that it interrupts your daily life and it's so fucking draining 👍

#like if i see one more nt being like hyperfixation this hyperfixation that SHUT UP!! YOU HAVE AN INTEREST #talk to me when you stay up until 6am every night bc you can't fucking sleep bc ur thinking about it. #talk to me when you can't process emotions in a normal healthy way because you can only relate it back to your hyperfix #paired w madd especially it's IMPOSSIBLE to be normal about shit i swear 2 god because the second i'm upset or lonely it's straight back to #immersing myself in another world and being someone else and not facing my emotions instead letting 'someone else' deal with them #not just negative emotions yk it's anything it's fully immersive to the point i end up not knowing exactly who i am myself bc i'm rarely #myself in my head yk #and it's so isolating #and this is why i get mad when people use these terms lightly bc they don't fucking get it #oh you're hyperfixated? oh you're delusional? you're delulu? watch this #< guy who has delusions that all of his friends secretly hate him bc he's too insane abt xyz media and who feels alone bc no one else is as #into it even though it wouldn't be reasonable to expect them to be #like i'm constantly questioning whether all my friends are secretly against me & finding me annoying anytime i talk about it but it's fine #it's so fucking isolating #i'm not losing my hyperfix yet thank god but i am in the stage of like realisation where the initial euphoria has worn off and i'm like #fuck no one else gets it. no one else is thinking about it like i am. and it's so lonely #< like not to sound like 'i'm 14 and no one gets me' or i'm not like other girls or whatever 😭 #it's not me being dramatic i genuinely. know that no one else is spending every waking moment thinking about the things i am the way i do #and it's so incredibly depressing i can't even explain it in a way that will make sense #because i want to talk about it so fucking bad and i can't. even to my friends and gf who always listen i end up feeling annoying #and then i get genuinely delusional not like tiktok girl voice delulu like i genuinely start questioning my entire reality #just if i talk about something a little too much #bc i'm convinced i'm fucking annoying and no one gets it and they're thinking bad things about me #but i know they wouldn't. but it feels like they are #idk #anyways !

[angorwhosebabyisthis]

i feel like i should start making more of an effort, when i talk about something in a piece of media being Upsetting to me, to distinguish between 'cathartic' upsetting and 'gave me psychic damage' upsetting. sometimes i mean OUGH OW MY FEELINGS THIS FUCKS ME UP IN A MEANINGFUL AND RESONANT WAY, MY LIFE IS ENRICHED FOR BECOMING AWARE OF IT and sometimes i mean that it is genuinely distressing and i want to shake the creators and ask what the fuck they were thinking

#whosebaby talks #blog policy #this goes double when it comes to pieces of media to which i have both reactions lmao #i worry sometimes that not being clear about it makes it come across as if i'm saying 'something containing upsetting subject matter is Bad #when in fact a lot of upsetting subject matter is critical to depict; diversely so and often #and i am fiercely protective of the rep that resonates with me #which a lot of people are extremely quick to label as A Disrespectful Depiction absolutely no matter how it's done bc they want it erased #and use 'well it's only valid if it's done *respectfully*' as the Shirley Exception; with no intention of ever letting one be Allowed #but in spite of that there *are* absolutely fucking horrible and incredibly disrespectful ways for Upsetting Subject Matter to be depicted #and that deserves well-informed discussion and criticism; starting from an understanding of the actual purposes of fiction #and what infrastructure and language and framing and technique is used to achieve those purposes #and sometimes the purposes of a particular use are fucking awful! and executed in ways designed to cause real damage + get away with it! #so when i'm talking about something being Upsetting in the psychic damage sense; i'm referring to that #and the fact that not only is it infuriating and upsetting to witness that process in action #it amplifies the already deeply emotionally loaded subject matter; which may already require selfcare to engage with even when cathartic #and then yanks away the catharsis and just leaves you blasted in the face by uncushioned unvarnished Oh Right This Horrible Thing Exists #Thanks for Shoving My Face Straight into Boiling Acid Asshole #anyway complicated feelings about it but yeah i feel like i should try to be clearer lmao #(this isn't just about depictions of SA; and abuse in the sense most people think of first when they hear the word) #(although it comes up in that context often) #(see: Big Screan at pretty much everything with the talking animals in sd/mi but especially the fucking asylum lmao)