#and i have 0 friends i feel like i dont exist most of the time. no one knows anythung abt me. no ones on my side

[0uterspacew0rm]

guys. guys I'm drunk. should I msg him (my old best friend who i fell out with permanently and horribly 8 whole months ago)

#idk he might have me blocked #worth a shot right #i literally start thinking like yhis every time i drink #pathetic rly #no but someone stop me. hes incredinly male and is low key a pos but he was my best friend he knew me better thsn anyone i care abt him sm #but i hated him more than anything. but then im also a pos just in a different way #and i have 0 friends i feel like i dont exist most of the time. no one knows anythung abt me. no ones on my side #and i just feel like if i never see him again ill jever have a friendship yhats deeoer than maybe an aquaintance bc weve known each other #for an entire decade #even if i wasnt a boring socially incompetent loser whose been called weird my entite life it wiukd take so much fuckig time to build any #kind of bond with anyoje #i just feel like. yeah j hate him. but hes the only person wholl ever rly get me #who ill ever truly know. like maybe we deserve each other yk #but then also. i cant deal w men. i just can't #idk i orobably wont do anything abt it. i always get like this #whats yhat post on here abt an essential part of being a tumblr user is the occasional pathetic personal post? yeah this is mine #sorry but im not

[cuctemaco6aku]

do any other systems struggle with severe self-hatred? how do you start liking eachother? im constantly seeing systems being friends with eachother or liking eachother and i really dont. have that experience at all

we're caught in a constant loop of bullying, abusing, and harassing eachother. we dont think eachother truly exist and if we do then we Shouldnt. and like... idk, yeah :0/ i dont see the purpose or reality of systemhood. "they protect me" but not when i need it the most? not from themselves? so what, internal abuse is perfectly acceptable but external abuse is where we draw the line or something? why cant i remember like, any system event that has happened "its a memory loss disorder" i should be able to remember major events actually. if i could before why cant i do it now.

im beginning to think i was just faking it this whole time. i dont know why or how i would do that but it makes way more sense than all of this being real. i dont think its fair that i have to deal with being told to kms daily by 20 or so other people who know me better than they know anyone else (so they must be right about me) it makes more sense that i just have minor memory problems and schizophrenia and it looks like systemhood ??? right??????

the more time goes on the more intolerant we are of eachothers existances and we're getting more hostile. or. i guess i'm just getting hostile towards myself because of self hatred? idk. maybe i shouldnt talk about systemhood in a post about a faker singlet being suicidal the normal amount

i feel like i want my trauma to be over so i can go back to being a normal person and not have to deal with these "people" in my head. theres no way DID is a life long illness i know in my body that it will end once i'm healed and i just want it to be over i want to be alone i hate these people so much and being trapped with them is a never ending nightmare

i dont ever see myself getting to a point where i like them, trust them, tolerate them. i really do hate them and wish they were dead and they really hate me and wish i was dead too. every time i see a post of systems loving eachother it just seems so fake and unreal

i dont want to stop hating them but i want to stop feeling pain about their existance. i guess. or lackof, most likely a lackof. idfk anymore

#i know im a bad person for wanting to hate them but like. have you met us #we are EXTREMELY hateable #we are the eeeeaassiest bullying target #theres a LOT to loathe about us and obviously we see it all #systema sobaky

[plushipaws]

I don't think im meant to host. Once our system found alastor (and kinda rebuilt him from the three alters he split into) he has been fronting most of the time and it felt natrual. I became his advisor the way other alters are usually mine. A lot of childhood memories are his. Sometimes hosts do just change over time but as soon as he started doing it again it was like. Oh thank god this is how it was meant to be.

I do think I have existed a long time and fronted even as a child but I think it was mostly him and I would advise him from the back seat the way many alters have done to me later. I think I was created for the advisor role and just had to become the host bc Alastor has very strong NPD and BPD traits (so i beleive whole system is NPD and BPD) that I was good at masking and we had to mask it. I think thats why plushi especially is kinda entirely preoccupied with being cute, non threatening, friendly, and not having needs of its own and existing to always be happy. Creature is focused on being a empathetic listener, helpful and solve peoples problems, and holding depression. We always felt like... kind of empty like, something missing, we should have more personality. I think we are smaller fragments and more specific role focused than we thought, oriented to survive abuse situations. We felt missing a person who we should be, and I think that was us subconsciously missing Alastor hosting.

Trauma caused Alastor him to split into more alters (he still is not a fusion of everyone he was but I think the others are ok being seperate and he likes how he is now) so we couldnt really find him until healing allow him to come together again, and the situation is safe enough I dont need to protect him anymore. We also accept our NPD and BPD and know how to cope with it enough to let him out and allow him to express symptoms in healthy ways.

Im still an active alter and will be around, though the two alters I am (i am a subsystem) switch who is awake more and my personality shifts depending on that, and its not been super plushi lately so it feels weird having this be our main, lol. But plushi will definitely be back, it was a lot of fun being paw and I know paw is still here. Just weird to go from plushi hosting to. There hasnt been a plushi around these parts in 30 days :0

We hope our friends and mutuals will like Alastor too since he will be fronting mostly and we will be around less as we switch to him hosting. He doesn't act quite like me though since I exist basically to hide him so if you don't we understand; he is a lot more openly narcissistic and low empathy which we know not everyone vibes with. (Hes also very openly flirty and kinky which may also put folks off but he understands boundaries and is Normal about them). Though we think we will be a prominent alter and still avalible often, but we don't want to host anymore. We did it for years and we weren't supposed to have to.

Don't worry we aren't going anywhere! We still front often but it used to be like... us usually and then maybe for 3 days tops another alter comes before defaulting to us, and now we may come for three days tops and default to Alastor. And my system members can post and talk online when awake even if not fronting. But Alastor's blog is definitely the most active hub for us rn.

Alastor is @radiostaticsmile

Thanks for reading

#serious post #save #plushi paws #tagging that so i can find this again and no talky tag #system things #plural system #alterhuman #host switching #personal

[rearranging-deck-chairs]

i know i was being a little reactive and passive agressive the other day when i was like it's more interesting when the doctor isnt autistic and im sorry about that i was being a bit of a jerk but with the distance of a few days and the soundness of mind that the mires of ficwriting and sleep deprivation will bring you i still stand behind that in kind of in the same way as what i said the other day about nonbinary

because to me being nonbinary feels sorta similar to being self-undiagnosed. like, if i say im not a boy OR a girl, what then? what does that call into question about the world you believe in? if i rock and tic and dont make eye contact, if i miss every third conversational cue im given and my modus operandi in social situations is to stand against the wall and observe, if im a disaster at crossing the road bc traffic is too complex for me, if i have all-encompassing interests that dont allow me to think about anything but it for months on end, and i say im NOT autistic, what then? what does that call into question about the world you believe in?

and like obviously the easy answer is to say im in denial, or being obstinate. you can say that. same way you can say theres only two genders and im a girl bc the doctor (the not-fun kind) said so.

and the maybe slightly more difficult answer is that any diagnosis is as much of a concept that was made at some point as any gender. someone decided to draw some lines and punt some people to one side of it and others to the other

i was wondering the other day when people who use fahrenheit start saying "it's freezing" if theyre speaking literally and not just mean it's very cold. because over here we're like "it freezes" once the temperature drops below 0. so i was wondering, for fahrenheiters does it start freezing at 0 too? do you have to wait until it's -18 celsius before you say it's freezing? but i asked @explaingravity and they said no it's from 32 degrees. when water freezes. "it freezes" when water freezes. makes sense right? that makes sense. but to me "freezing" meant 0. thats the freezing number. 0=freezing. but thats not true! thats JUST water. thats just water in like regular earthy conditions when you dont even put salt in it. other things freeze at different points. we just calibrated on water. and fahrenheit calibrated on... hang on a sec

0 °F, was established as the freezing temperature of a solution of brine made from a mixture of water, ice, and ammonium chloride (a salt)

brine, i guess? brine on one side, the human body on the other side. and like, both are similarly arbitrary right? to me 0 is the freezing number and to my american friends 32 is the freezing number, but neither is the freezing number, there IS no freezing number. you could say 0 is a boy and 32 is a girl

at what point does someone Become an assignation. when does it go from like a sticker on the skin, to something in their bones. when they choose it? when the doctor starts telling people "im the doctor"?

what does it mean to have the traits that people round up and put under a certain label, but claim you are not that thing? is that even possible? is the only way out of being that thing to redefine it? or just to move somewhere where it's defined differently? where the scale is calibrated differently?

i think doctor who, with its empire that is both great britain and alien, can be a nice way to examine and deconstruct concepts in our lives that we (in great britain or other places that share their concepts) take for granted. take as like, the divine right of kings, you know? i also think doctor who most of the time fails at this. regularly fails so hard it just reinforces its great british concepts. i think doctor who would be better if it dug deeper and if the doctor was not such a conservative (as in, inclined to preserve existing conditions)

and doctor who will still fail, and i hope one day that it will start living up to what i wish it was, but i also know this is a kind of big show and you have to limit the risks you take with it (see also my post about how i get they cant change the shape of the tardis but how i wish it would happen after 13 anyway) (you cant actually see that post, i have no idea where it went, it is definitely Somewhere but im never gonna find it again) (search terms are tardis + fire truck + iris wildthyme i'd guess)

but like, that doesnt stop me from still wanting to try and look at these deconstructions myself in fan stuff. im not super good at it bc i havent read a lot of books and dont really understand a lot of things yet but like. we can try?

i get 13 failed catastrophically at stopping being a cop and questioning the systems she was shown to be part of and victim of and complicit in, but like, we can still try to do that cant we? we can still try to question the things of our world we take for granted and try to kill the cop in our head?

tldr: i think not ascribing queerness and diagnosis to the doctor opens way more doors for interesting stuff than doing it. we can stretch our brains. try to come up with paradigms to see the world way differently than how we're taught to see it. theres way more potential there. same way theres way more potential in doctor who

shorter tldr: looms

#i let myself be distracted and write this instead of the fic i should be writing #spritzes myself with water #anyway disclaimers that are boring which is why i didnt put them in the post #i also dont think theyre entirely necessary but just to cover my bases #clearly im not saying theres no value at all in diagnosing things #and i also understand that people like it when their favourite characters are like them #alright #over and out #get back to my technobabble

[maikbeingacrminal]

H!gh and fly

one day freddy gaybear fcked ur (non-existing)dad who got preggo cuz fanfic logic. anyway you were born, such a dumbass, am i right? well anyway, u turned out to be gay, or just any mf from the lgbtq+ community, also u like comitting arson. so on, u fall inlove with William Afton and get trauma, haha L bozo, moving on. u got trauma and read weird fanfics like these. how tf did u even get to this point??? anyway freddy gaybear and ur (non-existing)dad are happily married(not happy w/ u tho), u have any sibling(u can choose gender this is a fanfiic after all) who is annoying as fck so u murder them and bury them in ur backyard(writer doesnt have one, never had one so he doesnt know what thats like but slay ig) and move on with ur life, ur parents are devestaded that ur sibling is gone so they kill u too, L bozo rip. they have some more kids that are more mentally stable than u are. freddy gaybear and ur (non-existing)dad had more children, 3 to be exact, piter, gaylord and james charles. peter griffin is a friend of gaylord, who has a crush on peter griffin, but peter griffin has a crush on james charles, BUT james charles has a crush on boss baby. years pass on(2 yrs), and james charles was making out with boss baby, having the time of their lives, nothing could go wrong, right? right???peter griffin saw them kissing, it made him mad, real mad, so he planned a murder on boss baby, he succeded with his plan, but james charles was so sad his lover was gone he drived into insanity and ended up in prison for mulitple crimes. peter griffin was sad, but he still had gaylord, who he had fallen inlove with overtime, they confessed their love to eachother and started dating, eventually getting married after some years, during their dino themed wedding ur (non-existing)dad had a heart attack and freddy gaybear died of a broken heart. the wedding countinued and they lived happily ever after.years pass, gaylord and peter had a baby grill called Remi, who was a wonderful kid, thats all. anyway, that all changed until remi discovered TWITTER. finding nsfw art of fnaf characters, such as freddy gaybear! and most importantly, ELON MUSK. traumatized and disgusted remi told puss's parents(remi has puss/pussy/puss-self pronouns, btw neo pronouns honestly suck ass, i hate having used one before, never again, 0/10) who took away puss's phone, puss didnt like that and called puss parents spagehti-eaters(thats a slur against italiens, pls dont say it to people, most importantly italiens), freddy gaybear is actually italien(he isnt hes probably from Utah or britian) and cried, gaylord comforted him and put remi under house arrest for a few days. later on remi went to school and everything was fine, until someone confessed their love to remi, the person who confessed their love was PLUMBER MARIO himself, but remi couldnt accept his feelings, MARIO was sad but he understood, they soon became close besties, bendy, a new student in their school, in their class, bendy suddenly fell inlove with MARIO on first sight. right away confessing his love to MARIO, who accepted those feelings bc he needed to get over remi, who all this time didnt accept those feelings bc puss was aroace and was happy that MARIO was able to get over puss, but no one knew the plot twist that was about to happen. BENDY WAS ACTUALLY RICK ASTLEY: who was also a undercover cop. when MARIO found out he was so turned on by that he exploded into thin air. rick astley didnt mind, he stopped loving MARIO anyway. remi was flabbergasted, like wtf??? remi moved soon to germany with puss's parents, who met baldi, whos remis new math teacher, remi is homeschooled now bc the writer cant be bothered to write shit in german)baldi was acually super nice and he also had a kid named morty, he also was married to rick Sanchez(poor morty btw, i hate king jellybean mf he needs to be tortured(reason is in S1 EP5) remi was happy for baldi and was happy too about how cool baldi was. thats it for now. happy end for remi :) maik the criminal#7808 on discord, hmu i got a server hehe haha *thumbs up*

#Rick and morty #Irl stuff #Rick astley #original character #baldi basics #Its actually way longer but had to short it down #Fnaf #Batim #Mario #James charles😥 #Ik how to make it longer now but oh well

[jorjmush]

breaking news: idiot with a fish hits 255 and kills god heres the part where i do a personal review all parts of the arcane river story

dont take these seriously

the adversary as a character 0/10: words dont describe how bad he is "...Oh!" "...Ah!" shut up youre an insult to every maplestory class

lost temple keeper + vanishing journey: 7/10

i did this in 2017 but most of the content is fetch quests and an introduction to completely new things you have no attachment to maybe i should give it a little more credit as the kao twist being revealed for the first time was kinda cool and the talk amongst the fandom

reverse city: 7/10 apparently i did this in 2021? i guess that makes sense because this didnt exist in 2017 why is earth real and called friends world still not invested in the story by this point but i liked t-boy

chu chu island: 6/10 this is when i came back so i actually think this story is quite fun and i liked the characters involved but in the grand scheme of things, its not good

feels like filler, wasnt truly important until yum yum was added YEARS LATER, feels like a waste of 5 levels when i still feel like you should fight the black mage at 250 instead of 255

yum yum island: 9/10 cooooooooool cooooooooooooooooooool has the same fun and and loveable whimsy of chu chu but this time it sets up something sinister and adds to the plot

the afrien fusion, the kaling reveal, chefs kiss

lachelein + crack of subconscious: 8/10 honestly i wasnt very invested in this lucid just makes this interesting

plus im a shade so i get extra dialogue

also this town name sucks gms hates non-english words

arcana: 7/10

rock spirits and i love the spirit of harmony was this just setup for tana

morass: 10/10

alright we getting into PLOT jean deserved better, tana deserved better, arkarium deserved what he got, shey deserved better, kritias deserved better

the flying fish TALKS and the moment where he takes the form of jean and shows himself to tana is so AMAZING i love this TRAGIC STORY

the maps are awful though especially if youre low on arcane force which i was

esfera: 8/10

why dont i actually remember much of what happened here i guess the information of tana has been so stuck in my head it doesnt feel like it was presented as new information to me anymore lots of nice exclusive dialogue here though and we get to meet ollie sellas: 11/10 i will cry right here right now this is such a good story with good atmosphere and pacing i CARE for both ollie and shubert greatly

moonbridge: 8/10

this is when the pacing and structure becomes spotty because it was part of the event i chose not to participate in which means i didnt get the full experience theres just so much dread in this questline so many losses from not being ready to fight the black mage the pacing towards the second half is bad though the cutoff is so strange because it feels like you have another 30 minutes to go when really you have 5 labyrinth of suffering: 8/10

hillas beats the shit out of your morale for an hour the dread continues and continues it shall tons of exclusive dialogue, always a favorite limina: 5/10 i feel like im supposed to feel more i feel like im supposed to do more all of the bosses are very weak which is very unsatisfying, orchid is tsundere and says the adversary hasnt lost anything which ranges from maybe true to absurdly false depending on who you are the claudine vs cygnus scene is legitimately pointless, nothing can describe in words how pointless it truly is the flying fish DIES and then suddenly you have to fight the black mage the black mage whos phases last 4 seconds in story mode i only ever got hit once

the adversary dying did make me actually sad though because everyone else thinks youre truly dead the flying fish comes back (yay) and then its revealed NO ONE DIES? and most of the soldiers get UNSNAPPED? the story finishes with orchid being tsundere again and your idiot of a character sitting on the flying fish leaving the scene

i feel like im in a cartoon

kaos memory: 8/10 a tragedy of a character destined to die kao deserved better shade aftermath: 10/10 thank god he gained a reason to live conclusion: why did i even type this out im just ready to move on to the grandis story

#maplestory #im so tired #limina was over an hour and a half long #but the black mage phases lasted 4 seconds each #woops became too much of a negative nancy

[wulvert]

more lore questions for u,,,same as before pls feel free to add more or avoid answering if u dont wanna spoil something/would rather it be shown in the comic!! i dont personally care about spoilers/implications but this is UR awesome media!! its completely up to u :]

do vampires naturally run colder since their heart beats slower, or are they still a normal human body temperature?

how much do vampires hunters actually know about vampire lore besides what it takes to kill/weaken/hurt them? are they mostly clueless?

is it public knowledge vampires and other creatures like trisha exist, or does the average person have no idea theres ghouls and beasties out there?

besides the bloodlust, would vampires suffer any similar symptoms to anemia when they're haven't drank, since it would mean they have a low rbc count? or would any symptoms besides bloodlust be more similar to human starvation? maybe a mix of both?

is it possible for vampires to drink non-human/non-vampiric blood, like animal blood? if it is, would most vampires just find it too small/distasteful a portion for it to be worth it? also, does this mean animals would be targeted as well when a vampire's in a bloodlust frenzy?

is,,,scarlet a vampire hunter?? ex-vampire-hunter??? i assumed she was since kelly recognized her and she seems knowledgeable about it, and tracked avery down, but its also rly funny to imagine she isn't and everyone at the bbq just going "strange! this woman isn't a hunter how'd she get here! well anyways. we'll make an exception bc she looks very polite and avery's finally introducing us to a friend (🏳️‍🌈🤨❓️). good for her!"

also not really a question but. ur lore implies avery was maybe just. blacked out laying in her own blood for at maximum a week before anyone went looking for her and its so. in character for her wet and patheticness,,,i love the unseen details in ur writing!!

hello!! I think it shouldnt be too spoilerly, heres the lore....

vampires are very cold, & its uncomfortable for them, so they end up sleeping next to radiators & heat vents like cats- blankets dont make them warmer either cause theres no body heat to trap under, they just insulate their coldness.

averys more knowledgeable about vampires than other vampire hunters just bc of her upbringing ( i think i mentioned it before? her entire huge family are all vampire hunters & shes been raised into it ), I think the average vampire hunter knows the basics, like stake silver sun crucifix, but I think they probably figure vampires are more zombie like than they actually are, scarlet was probably pretty disturbed to realise she's still herself now that shes a vampire, but avery already knew that's how it works- even if shes decided she can just say no to bloodlust, thats just her being her despite knowing better ( yes scarlet is also a vampire hunter ahah but shes found a loophole & doesnt hunt vampires anymore, but still gets paid for it :)

Vampires, werewolves etc. arent a secret but they arent thought about very much! theyre thought of being a lot more rare than they actually are

when vampires r hungry their veins hurt and they cant think about much other than blood. as for anemia their hands and feet cant get much colder but they can go kind of grey if starving 4 a extended period of time, and overall extremely pale. avery has no blood left right now which is why shes like. grey (people ask why scarlet doesnt look as dead as avery, its cuz she drinks blood regularly & also wears makeup) no fatigue though, i think they get very agitated.

vampires cannot drink non human/vampire blood, itd have the same effect as orange juice but like itd be gross bc its animal blood and it wouldnt taste good to them and theyd still feel sick 0 pros all cons :(

yea avery was lying in her pool of blood for a week 😔 kelly probably called her like 4 days in but didnt think much about it bc shes aloof and offputting 90% of the time anyway so it made sense for her to disappear for a bit... nobody else cared though

[arcaneyouth]

sending you some random OC questions(feel free to only answer one/specific ones and not all):

1. Do you have any OCs that you specifically created to be forgettable, but they decided not to be? If so, which ones?

2. If you had to pick one of your OCs to swap places with for an unspecified period of time, who would it be?

3. Which of your OCs do you think would want to be your friend if they were real and aware that you created them?

4. Do you have any OCs that were created entirely based on the vibes a specific song gave you? If so, which OCs and which songs?

1. would you believe me if i said theron. and now theyre the main antagonist/protagonist.

theron was originally meant to be like. a small detail. like they were part of the origin of how the demon came to be, but they no longer existed and no longer had influence on the demon. but instead they kind of. festered in my mind and fought for control and now the story is about them. its kind of really in theme when the main conflict of the story is about theron reclaiming control of their story that dara took from them. the story is definitely way better for it ADGSGFSHF

2. reverie. rip to them but i could handle the horrors of my reality not being real and i wouldnt take being a cool wizard for granted like THEY did

3. ,,,,,,,im going to answer this one under a cut actually. check the readmore

4. hrmm... this is hard cause i actually like,,,, have not Designed a character for myself in a WHILE. the last 2 characters i made with the intention of being for me and weren't adopts i just kept, were shadow (from the raid shadow legend gang) and ghost. and i made ghost a year ago. and my ocs typically arent based on songs, sure I'll make 200 song playlists for my ocs but i wont Make Them based on songs

im gonna have to count characters i remade for this, I'll go with george! George was originally a dnd npc that i was super hyperfixated on for like a year. that fixation eventually faded and i dont totally remember why i liked him so much, but i was considering remaking him for another story for a while and finally everything i wanted him to be clicked when i heard this

(would like to clarify i do not care that much about dsmp the songs just banging. have no clue what its about but its a bop)

didnt realize i even took some visual inspirations from the animation til now LMAO. but yeah now hes a fucked up crime guy whos also a himbo full of love. and violence.

3. this answers a bit. personal <3

most of my characters that Do canonically know i exist dont have super strong opinions on me. reverie was expecting something else when they met me and had to abandon the plan of using me as a way to get out of the game. dara thinks im annoying at best. a nuisance at worst. for pretty much every character ive made thats aware of me, im kind of like. just some guy. im just writing down what they're doing and its kind of annoying but not a big deal. and i know that cause i talk to them sometimes. i never thought it was a big deal i would just think really loudly in their direction and they'd respond. so, because of that, i do know of at least one character who is canonically my friend! phoenix, one of the deathspeaker gods, was genuinely one of my closest friends for a while. we talked All The Time and helped each other take care of ourselves if we needed it. i havent talked to elysium because she doesnt seem to fully be aware im there but if she does ever realize i think we'd be besties. she's so nice and pleasant

(will not be taking any follow up questions on this thanks <3 i have 0 interest in finding out Why they can respond to me they're just my buddies and i like them. dont think about it harder than that)

#asks

[arcenergy]

Would you be willing to share more info about Drax?? Pwease 👉👈

i have an obscenely long lore document but it's out of date at this point because my brainrot runs a mile a minute but drax tldr

ishgardian but got kicked out (his dad sux)

always pretty good with magic but never got the chance to practice

very quiet, emotionally stunted, didnt think much of himself

wandered around gridania from ~16-26. at first it was just random gigs to have some money but he eventually got into the adventuring gig because he crashed a lot of bars/inns/taverns and the usual crowds ended up squeezing his name/occupation out of him. drax at this point is like the vid of the dude reading a book at the tyler the creator concert

at first adventuring gigs were for the money and the people he traveled with were decent enough but he got more of an emotional attachment after dalamud fell and now he was Actually helping people

got considerably better at magic during his travels also started doing suspicious black magic oOOooOOOoooooooo but he's really good at blowing stuff up so its ok :) ! nothing bad happens i prommy

when hydaelyn gives her blessing of light it turns his brown eyes into that dodge ram bright ass yellow highbeams and it's genuinely unnerving for most people when they first see him and drax hated it until he ends up enjoying being hydaelyn's silliest soldier and sees it as physical proof of her blessing

during ARR MSQ he ends up going a little too hard on the magic and its killing him a little bit so he gets the emo white strips of hair

he's like omg no its ok ill stop <3 and then never stops. at all. he gets way overboard into the insane hero complex and obsessed w hydaelyn bc he didnt feel like he had a purpose until God Told Him So so he continually pushes himself and causes considerable injury to himself until it becomes routine years later

ends up becoming a drk after haurchefart dies cuz he feels bad about the homie and wants to take a more proactive role in protecting his friends instead of being a low life dps player. he also gets a little silly during heavensward (killed a LOT of templar knights)

also during heavensward since he lost the blessing for a lil bit the highbeams got turned off and his eyes were brown again n he hated people seeing it bc it was Vulnerable for him but in reality 99% ishgardians had 0 idea he looked any different and were freaked the fuck out by the pope killing, dragon-slaying man running around ishgard covered in blood and gore from WHO knows what and now he has lightbulbs for eyes. No fucking wonder people thought it was the end of days if they looked outside their window and saw THAT guy

also a set of duo as in Two ! warriors of light with my friends oc risu bc what's the point if there's no crazy homoerotic drama

drax is genuinely nice and kindhearted though i dont think that ever went away even as time went on. there's still a big soft spot in his heart for looking out for people as he gains an immense amount of empathy towards others during his travels/especially after the 'protector of Literally Everyone' role gets forced on his shoulders. he cares so much it's practically his downfall because he'd rather cut off his own hand then even risk the possibility of harming someone else with that hand. it doesnt help that he didnt view himself very highly before turning into a "hero" so now his self worth hinges on everyone thinking he's doing a Very Good Job being Hydaelyn's Specialest Guy at all times even though the light has nearly killed him like 30 fucking times at this point

i think he became more mentally unwell after killing hydaelyn and is trying to exist in a world that she left for everyone to do what they want with but drax never had the opportunity to do anything he ever wanted his entire life (and now hydaelyn essentially dictating the rest of his life by slapping her blessing on him) and he's now trying to fill the void by doing random shit until something clicks. stay tuned if this works out for him

ty for asking about him. ill fix the lore doc eventually (i wont)

#misc #ff #asks #drax aemyar #thank yew <3

[cogumielitos]

lack of MLM representation in cartoons

So, me and my friend wanted to dress up as cartoon characters for halloween and since we're both masculine presenting people we wanted a MLM or NBLM or NBLNB couple to dress up as.

Then i realize, there's none! Absolutely 0 cutsy mlm couples in cartoons, at least at the main stream ones.

"But there's ______ couple in ______ show!!" yeah, i know that there are some, like willow's dads, clyde's dads, bow's dads... I dont really want to dress up as a dad for hallowen lol.

Im just saying that comparing with WLW couples in cartoon mlm are basicly non-existent. There's no *canon* cute couple such as: - Marceline and Bubblegum - Luz and Amity - Adora and Catra - Rubi and Safira - Luna and Sam - Poison Ivy and Harley Quinn

Im not saying "WLW get to much representation, it shouldnt be so much!!", def theres no enough sapphic rep in midia but theres aaaway less *good* mlm rep. Even out of the cartoon world, I've notice that lately almost every tv show i watched there's a female queer character and im happy every time bc its a win for the community and my queer sisters/siblings. I also notice that the fist time i actualy felt represented by a piece of midia was a couple months ago when i watched Dead End, with Barney, a trans queer guy.

I wondered why this happens and i came with 2 possibilities:

Queer women/NBLW are more active in social midia . Every gay cartoon I've watched I've found bc a edit, a fanart, a tiktok or just a post on Instagram, and idk why but most of this posts were made by this community, even if where talking about mlm couples. Its almost like these couples are wrote *for* women and fujoshis, not by queer men for queen men. (like Young Royals and Red, White and Royal Blue). So I just have this feeling that every director its like: "Okay, we need a sapphic couple, even if its in the background so the gays will talk about it on tiktok and more gays will watch it"

(dont worry, Im also the gays...)

Sapphic couples apeal to straigth men so its "okay" to put them in. This one is hard to explain, so we all know how women are sexualized in everything they do, and we all know main stream media doesnt want to lose their huge ass "white cis-het men" public. So they figured that a better away of getting our pink money and the jack-asses money, its putting wlw couples so that men can sexualize them, rather then mlm couples, that those men are usually disgusted by.

I know this take its really disgusting but we all know that straight men sexualize queer women. And before anyone says smt, i know that queer women suffer homophobia and some man also say that "wlw couples disguste them", but like i said, we all know that straigth men sexualize queer women. And y'all cant possibily think that big companies like netflix and disney actualy care about queer issues, at a point they would rather not receive money from homophobes just to give us good rep.

Idk, i may be talking shit, let me know what you think final thougths: WE WANT CUTE MLM COUPLES TOO

#mlm thoughts #animated shows #gay cartoon #wlw community #mlm and nblm only #mlm in cartoons #I WANT GAYS IN SHOWS #GAYS #lgbtq community #queer #queer issues #homophobia

[vbee-miya]

helloo!!! could i get a matchup for bnha?? :0 (this is the first time im requesting something sorry if i say anything wrong msfnsnnd) im 18 (i turned 18 only some days ago lol), i use he/they pronouns (im a trans boy:]) and im gay mdmfms im an isfp and a hufflepuff if that matters!!! im v introverted and shy at first and im not someone who likes to go out because i have trouble with loud noises n too much people, but whenever i go out im the kind of person who talks too much (when im w friends) and is a literal clown, although i still cant talk with people outside my circle so other people have to often speak up for me (esp when i want to buy stuff mssmfmsmdlmao), as for my traits, ig im kind of pessimist when it comes to myself? but super optimistic when it comes to others, im also v anxious, protective towards ppl i like and very, very blunt, because i speak without thinking,,, i also daydream a lot and get distracted even more, i have a lot of energy too but i just dont show it so thats that!! as for hobbies im a writer and an artist! (daydreaming helps a lot for some reason), i like playing videogames and that stuff, and i also love researching things such as bugs (i love them but if you put a bug Infront of me i'd cry) and human behavior:], ii also have a lisp so how i speak in every single Language sounds funny,, im basically what would happen if you combined a nerd, anxiety, a clown and too much coffee (i cant even drink coffee bc of my adhd tho since it makes me very sleepy) hehebw i hope that information is good!! sorry for rambling too much again aa

༺❀༻ matchup ༺❀༻

i don't see why not, here ya go.

hop in on the adventures of tintin. 

he doesn’t mind going out to places that are quiet, or places that have little to no interaction with people. so probably like hanging around his dormitory or if given the chance when the school is on break he’d invite you to his place or if you ever offer, then you guys could hang around at your place. 

mirio to me is the type of guy who can easily warm up to people and usually knows what to say and do. i mean after all, what do you expect from someone in the big three? so even hanging out that random silence of awkwardness would cease to exist. the more you both start getting to know each other and start creating that good rapport he’d be able to talk about anything and everything. and let's say there’s a topic you love talking about that isn’t within his knowledge, then no worries he’d be more than willing to learn and listen about it. 

when you guys are outside, potentially to go out eating and or to buy things, mirio is your man, your buddy. you bet he’d be the one doing all the talking. i mean you can’t really shut him up. anyways when you guys go out to buy stuff he’d actually buy anything you’d want and that’s a fact. he’s generous. 

pessimism is natural, anyone can feel those doubts and it’s so easy seeing things negatively. especially about oneself. but as optimistic as mirio can be he’d understand where you’re coming from and rather than saying haphazardly things like “don’t think like that” “don’t say that'' he'd be more than willing to hear you out and encourage the hell out of you. because no one deserves to be thought about like that especially from us. 

your bluntness in my headcanon is something that catches him off guard sometimes, though he’d appreciate the bluntness. he’s most definitely the type to accept critical criticism or just anything about him. in terms of self-improvement. 

every time you have that burst of energy mirio would think that it’s cute. and sometimes if not most times would be highly fascinated with your daydreams and would actually give great writing ideas to write about as they’re not too complex and can be worked around rather quickly. 

there’s a funny little headcanon i have where he doesn’t mean to put a bug at your face, he just thought the stick bug was really cool and knew to some degree you’d research about them potentially. 

he’d wouldn’t even notice your lisp and would actually say that he doesn’t hear it. but till one day he really notices it and his world opened anew.

#matchup *.·:·.✧ #bnha matchup #mha headcanons #mirio x reader #mirio imagine #mirio headcanons #mirio togata #my hero academia matchup

[macjaket]

So u know the post about what number u hate? Well i have very strong opinions about all numbers, but ill bring them down to how can anyone hate any one digit nunber?

0- its just so shaped. Its just vibin and most people even forget he exists but this little guy is literally the center of the universe

1- dude. Hes the og. Like everyone starts to learn numbers with him. How can u not like him

2- oh youre gonna hate on the first even number? Why? To be quirky? Everyone loves even numbers and he is the first (except u count 0 even tho there a bit of a debate on whether or not 0 is even or odd but were not getting into that now)

3- like, u could hate on him for being the first odd number (not counting one), but 3 feels like a fun number. Like i personally really like the 3 multiplication table. Its just so nice, specially 3x5. It just feels right

4- i loooove every single member of the 2^n family. They are the cool kids that know they are cool and everyone knows they are cool

5- it’s literally the honorary even number. It is the cool kid that gets along with everyone (even and odds). It is the guy that always says hi to everyone in the room even if u dont really talk to him. He is wht the people that say they are cool think they are

6- hes not the coolest number, ill admit that. But its trying its best. U can see how he did his best to keep thing simple and chill for everyone. Also he is kinda the basis or time (sure u can say time is based around 12, but 12 is just 6x2 so its really based on 6)

7- go ahead. Hate on him just to go with the flow. Not knowing the 7 multiplication table is a u problem not his. 7 has been there for me my whole life and i love his table. 7x7 being 49 is just like music but with numbers (also im kinda biased cuz it was like one of the first multiplications table i learned cuz i wanted to prove i was better at math than anyone in my classes so i went after the hardest one first)

8- its a zero with a belt on. It is so friend shaped. This number is so well designed u cant hate on him for any reason (also part of the 2^n family wich i have stated i am a big fan of)

9- nine is almost perfection. The thing when u write 0-9 on one column and 9-0 on the column next to it and it forma the whole multiplication table -chefs kiss-

Anyways. Thanks for comming to my ted talk

#dont mind me im just ranting over here #but if anyone has any coments about it i am willing to die on this hill #also have arguments to support why every number is a good number (including decimals and fractions) #buuuuuut i will admit. i have some hate toward 17 and a conflictive relationship with 42

[galaxygrv]

ahh hollow being close to front and influencing my (spyte) own emotions towards things is certainly,, Something. its not like its out of the ordinary for us to bleed over neutral or positive opinions + emotions + etc. but like.. this is more negative stuff (which is a little more uncommon, but not rare). its mainly bcuz they dont like any ship content between them and their sourcemates. this is not good bcuz a good 50% of the fan content we see is ships w either quirrel or grimm (and another 50% of those ships arent fucking tagged w the ship names so theyre almost unavoidable). they Do Not like either of them for almost the same reason. theyre repulsed by most people (irl + in source) and they esp dont like romance. quirrel is okay as a person (boring + annoying but not the worst to sit in silence around), and they just dont feel anything towards him and they feel disgusted when they see the fan content. feelings r the same w grimm, they dont like him (boring + annoying again !!! how wonderful) and think hes off putting in the worst way possible.

anyways im neutral towards the ships on a day theyre not bleeding over to me but the days they are,,, wow. okay. hatred and disgust vibes x500

(this is not to say the ships themselves r gross, its perfectly fine to ship them lol. these r just our hollows feelings abt it)

below the read more is in depth stuff abt their dislike of a lot of people cuz they want to talk abt it but its gnna make the post too long lol. also ⚠️ cw for calling people/relationships unreal in a serious way? idk what to call that so its not tagged but heres the warning ⚠️

our mom is okay in their opinion, shes interesting to them and likes us and doesnt get mad at us that often and almost never argues w us. our father though.. he argues with them all the time. anytime he speaks theres always a problem and hollow does Not have a filter so they end up getting pissed and arguing and then its a whole Thing for a few hours and our dad just starts screaming at a point etc. etc. they also generally dont think hes interesting and theres nothing to benefit from interaction w him. sooo 0/10 for dad, 7.5/10 for mom bcuz she does get after us for our arfid and thats beyond annoying.

also, our friends piss them off regularly. they often feel like snapping at them and getting mad but hold back most of the time cuz they know i would cry my eyes out if we even had a minor disagreement. the only times they dont stay quiet abt it is when i agree w them (typically out of confusion on my part).

they also seem to b the main source of our whole "we are the only real people. everyone else doesnt actually exist. no one has real emotions or lives, we're the only ones who actually exist." thing. so thats a bit telling of one reason why they dont like many people. this happens especially with our brother and most people we see once and never again. they also feel this when they see others in sexual, romantic/romance adjacent, or generally affectionate (?) relationships.

its.. very strange to see others be in love and then only have the thoughts and vibes of "thats not right! why are they doing that? thats disgusting, i cant believe thats something they would do in front of us! what the fuck! that looks/is so unnatural!" etc. etc. its like.. x20 strength when we witness someone we're close to doing it. we've been in relationships before, and the feeling only gets worse as time goes on while we were in the relationship.

it also happens to ANY physical touch. handshakes, fist bumps, hugs, kisses (platonic or not), hair touching, cuddling etc. is all disgusting to them (and whoever is close enough to feel it too)

its. also very difficult to get their approval. i think i understand what "they dont like many people, so dont be surprised if they dont like you" means now. they even have neutral feelings towards the other members of the system, and they only like me moderately enough to talk to me.

so uh. i think its safe to say hollow is our main holder/source of repulsion towards people and any sort of relationships. i was wondering where the feelings would come from because they seemed to come and go at random, but i think i got it now :P

#🌀 #🐾 #our posts #cw vent #vent cw

[rail-jack]

Wait, what’s the full deal on Mara? She has me blocked too but for other “crimes” lmao

Every system and alter in the fandom, who has this somewhere visible on their profile, has been blocked by her which equates to 0 alters or systems in her stex server. Which is equal to actively excluding and discriminating based on disability and neurodivergency.

Our crime is simply existing. A lot of the alters in the fandom haven't been allowed the chance to interact or even know that there is another stex server besides the one that @gb-diesellok owns. I saw an ask where she said she is happy we found a place or something like that.

But that is because she basically forced Greaseball to make his own community where he would not be bothered for simply existing as he is. He has been told that Marastriker has made people believe that he is a problem person when it is simply not the case. He was treated atrociously. He was treated in a way that would fucking infuriate and trigger every trans person. I say trans because alters can experience a lot of the same feelings trans people do about our body, gender, personal identity, ect..

He was basically told 'i don't see you as Greaseball so I'm not calling you Greaseball. Pick a different name because i will not call you that" How would you feel if you were told that you should change your name to be allowed to still be part of a community? To be told that people won't respect your identity and choose to call you something else because THEY don't feel comfortable about your name? To be told that your name 'doesn't really matter' and if you can't compromise you will be kicked out from the community? Because that's what happened to him.

To be invited back?? and then told "I won't force anyone to be nice to you" when all he wanted was for the actual mods to not be so obvious in ignoring him until they found the most petty thing to cause an issue about (a single deleted message) because wel he was told he doesn't deserve special treatment (asking to be called his own name is a basic right, not special treatment )

but some specific person who is the owner's friend does get special treatment because of memory issues. Despite at the time the rule was dont abuse deleting messages (all members were allowed to delete messages) and apparently deleting a single message is abuse of the ability. Why not just get rid of this permission from the roles? That is not Greaseball's problem. It is a problem with a rule that allows it and the mods having it against him and twisting a rule to punish him for doing what was allowed in the first place.

I could go on. He has been painted as some mean and rude person but neither he nor I have been given a list of things he has done wrong. She just needs to say she fucking hates people that aren't the "Correct" or "Accepted" type of neurodivergent. Because that is the message she is sending to a whole group of people who just want to interact with everyone else but aren't allowed to because they are being gatekept from a fan community server based on what they are. (Unless the wording has since changed)

Greaseball has taken back his acceptance of her apology because he believes it was simply for face saving so she can appear friendly to new faces who don't know he isn't the first to be treated like shit. Everything she has done has been swept under the rug because if you speak up. The flying monkeys will begin to dm you and then leak your dms to her. Like please be a little less fucked up??? You don't have to involve all your friends because you just don't want to be nice to the guy named Greaseball?

Don't know, does any of that ring a bell to you? Have you been treated like this?

And you know she might go "oh don't bring up drama" it's not drama if it's fucking true. She just wants to silence her victims.

[spirithunterschoolwarpriestfan]

Stream of Consciousness after Ep 9

YO what they have actually the worst and most lame dude MARK MINNOW pulling up?? >o< 

jk maybe he’s cool idk

IDK that was a lot to unpack for a Mel fan.

When she had to say goodbye to Dad?! that shit was so sad

and her home got fireballed by her traumatized father WHO I GUESS SHE MAY HAVE TRAMUTIZED IN THE FIRTST PLACE??

and like... that's rough buddy

ALSO she’s like actually a death angel?? her form change was into a Shinigami???? feckn’ what?

Also that moment where Hikari was still crushing on monster mel was SO PRECIOUS im dying i love it so much they are perfect SO CUTE

Box jellies say “hai :3″

Mitsuaki. my boi. STILL not doin’ okay

He was the first one knocked out yet again lol

but also HE GOT A CALL FROM MOM?

oh no

that was not a great exchange

my lad is angsty and angry at her

and she is just like “i’m getting sued watch ur ass”

Loved that Kori and Noburo aside where THEY got to make fun of how awkward Togarashi and Mel where. Like my dudes you are just as awkward, you ain’t hard just because you are both edgy lol

Codex Temporal... bruh SO MUCH LORE just dropped!

its like mega old evil and about to dictate the direction of this whole show AND THEY DONT EVEN KNOW IF THEY CAN BE TRUELY Destroyed??? 

ALSO this shit has some kind of time travel powers and that is so crazy that ITO was tempted by its magic?? ALSO that flashback was so visceral that bro woke up throwing an actual fireball. I am worried about him.

That speech Ito gave to Mel about how they can be so strong and make positive change in the present world even when he cannot seems like important foreshadowing idk how

Chiyo-chan continues to be the best and cutest thing to exist. not news, but IMPORTANT

She is such a good friend to Mel, like their sisterlike relationship is so powerful

But like her waking up to even her “fuck you” shorts. it was all so peak Chiyo cuteness

Her and Hikari’s “Final Boss stuff” was also so inspireing low-key. Like Mel was muttering “be the final boss” when it was training time AND IT WAS SO

lost money betting on mitsuaki not getting knocked out first. Iconic.

Hikari lore need to drop next episode because ive got questions

That black sand was SO RAD

Togarashi. Sweet prince.

Togarashi feeling ashamed and getting ready to leave was heartbreaking

THEN that vision from his god :0

Was the burning tome a vision from his god that he is on the right path? the quest to destroy the Codex Temporal is holy for him at this point i guess

omg him and Mel making up was sop important to me AND THE HUGGS :’)))

with the pepper seed too?? that is a really cute intersectionality of their friendship and what they find meaning in, where Mel is caring for these pepper plants now and maybe Toga will cook using things she grow. I cannot wait to see how her garden will grow in the spring

Overall a great episode with plenty of heavy and badass stuff and lots of healing cutesy stuff. 10/10

#shswp ep9

[qvietflight]

take or leave advice by someone with 600+ ttrpgs, but a game summary should, in no particular order, include

what system it was made for, if any. system agnostic, dnd5e, pbta, forged in the dark, honey heist hack, etc. Not every game IS made for a another system, I know. Sometimes the game is just the GM + pdf + players, but that should be specified.

not JUST what it was inspired by! "Inspired by systems such as Forged in the Dark and Lasers and Feelings" is a a nice description, but what I really want to know is whether or not its a hack of one or if it is its own unique system. i want to appreciate the game in the fullest. I also want to categorize it 😭

If it is supplemental material for a system LINK THE SYSTEM or SRD or whatever it is supplemental to. Or specify that it is system agnostic supplemental material.

If it uses an existing engine, is it self contained or will I need buy the original material to understand what Im reading? Dont describe it as "self contained" tho, only because there is no consensus on what that means. Better to just spell it out unfortunately.

whether it is meant as a session 0, one shot or not, or whether it is a full campaign kit, etc

GM or GMless

# of players not including the GM (or be more simply described as solo-rpg or two player rpg)

ideal player experience, if relevant. (it is fine to make rpgs for experienced players! i imagine experienced players appreciate it.)

character level range, if that is relevant. (people who design for specific player level ranges are pretty cool, tbh)

All materials needed to play. including dice, pen & paper, candy, tokens, a stard deck of cards, or tarot cards, etc

Is it actually a LARP? because thats kind of a big deal, i mean seriously. LARPs are great but have unique demands (f'ex a larger space to play!) tag it as a LARP!!

genre. the written up story summary probs includes this right off the bat, but im gonna list it for the sake if clarity.

a rough estimate of time needed to play

tw warnings if necessary

link to safety tools! theyre already written, so they dont need to be made up (tho you certainly can write your own or develop a game with them intrinsically in mind, what evs.)

This seems like a lot, but honestly most of this info can be tucked right into the game description in a paragraph or less with a break for any links. In fact the plot summary is probably longer, which is cool. It is SUPER helpful for people sorting 600+ rpgs into categories anyone browsing for a new game to share with their friends. And every game deserves a chance =D

If anyone wants a link to the safety tools I think you can just google "ttrpg safety tools" but I can also just link them.

#ttrpgs #tlk to text.exe #I have a beef with page design of games too as in MAKE SURE YOUR PAGE IS READABLE #white text on a yellow background you gotta be fucking with me #I will harshly bitch about that in the collection blurb instead of putting your game summery because I CANT SEE IT #also you would think 'self contained' meant the same thing from game to game #that is: that it means all that is needed to understand how to play is contained within the downloadable files provided #unfortunately as I have discovered after several hundred game pages that is just not the case #but just because a description is bloated doesnt mean it doesnt sound fun or interesting so its whatever #all these games are so inspired I really do love looking them over and i really hope i can work through them all one day #but right now its ALL SORTING 😭😭