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loquatenjoyer69 · 27 days

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Matoba and Burden and Desire

I originally watched/read Natsuyuu back in fall of 2022, and then a few months ago, literally out of nowhere, my brain was like “Hey, remember that loquat story Matoba told in that one arc? It felt like there was something there, let’s go reread that,” which I did, and have been in hexorcists hell about ever since.

(pictured: a sane person’s reaction to reading natsuyuu)

And really, that’s it. The loquat story feels like there’s something there, but I couldn’t quite figure out what was going on. But after my close rereading of that arc, I think I’ve at least come to one coherent conclusion about it, even if it’s perhaps the most basic one: I think the loquats are an allegory for the greater themes of burden/desire in this arc. The following is my attempt to lay out my thoughts, but unfortunately I have never been known for my conciseness or my ability to organize my thoughts, so be forewarned. This will be rambly and include a few tangents/too much detail.

The story of the Miharu family is a story of a family that was once respected, had a relationship/contract with powerful ayakashi, and eventually fell into ruin, leaving behind their contracts. The ayakashi, the mihashira, still come to uphold their part of the agreement without fail, but the family is gone. So who comes in their place to maintain the contract? The Matobas, and in the present day, the current head of the Matoba clan is Matoba Seiji. In order to maintain this deal with a group of powerful youkai, which neither he nor his family actually made, Matoba has to come and perform the welcoming ritual to avoid incurring the wrath of the mihashira.

Matoba is a character marked by burden, I think. Though he is the head of the most powerful exorcist clan, and therefore one might expect that he can pretty much do what he wants, I don’t actually think he has much personal freedom. The only son of the main family, he was probably marked as the heir from birth (if not, he would have had to be once his sister left but I still need to read 120+ so I don’t know exactly what the deal with her is). The clan’s interests are his interests. He can’t do anything that might hurt the reputation of or endanger the clan, and he is obligated to do things that benefit the clan. Matoba is Matoba.

In chapter 25, in his debut arc, he tells Natsume 「使えるものは使わないと。人を守る為に、強い妖が欲しいと思っているだけですよ。その為には恨まれたり代償を払うことを気にしていたら、この家業はやっていけませんしね」

"One should make use of useful things. I just want ayakashi in order to protect people. If I was worried about being hated or suffering consequences, I could not carry on the family business,"

(this is actually one of those annoying instances of a Japanese sentence that’s more dense than would sound good in English. Matoba seems to be explaining his personal worldview/thoughts here with 思っている even though in English you’d never say “I just feel like/think I want strong ayakashi…” He’s explaining that this is the way he thinks, I think lol).

Matoba doesn’t get the privilege of having a good reputation among humans or ayakashi, since we learn in special chapter 17 that no good ayakashi will make deals with the Matobas because of their famous broken promise. Matoba Seiji not only inherits the burden of monthly eye-stealing visits, he also can’t make contracts with ayakashi and takes on all the distrust that’s built up over generations from both humans and ayakashi.

And now Matoba is taking on the debts of a dead branch family to avoid possibly endangering his own.

In the locked room, when Matoba is goading Natori into breaking them out, he says 「どうです？あなたには解くことができますか名取。無理ならばすべて私が片付けてさしあげましょうか？」

"Well, can you do it, Natori? If you can’t, shall I take care of everything for you?"

I’m unsure how much of this is Matoba teasing Natori (as he seems to like doing in the Homura arc) about how he’s not as powerful/skilled as Matoba, and how much is him simply making an offer because he’s Matoba and he’s The One Who Takes Care Of Everything. I think either way, there is at least a good amount of the latter going on here.

In special chapter 17, Matoba shows up at Natori’s house and helps him exorcise the ayakashi that’s been haunting him. After Natori wakes up, he tries to offer to help Matoba in some way. I think he felt uncomfortable being the only one being helped, and wanted to find something he could offer Matoba, even though Matoba seems to have everything he needs. Natori offers to listen to his problems, and Matoba smiles (of course) and says he’s fine. Even teenage Matoba is like “You’re not the one who helps me, I’m the one who helps you.” Though this chapter is from Natori’s perspective, so Natori believes Matoba was just using him to get an ayakashi, I’m not sure that’s true. I don’t know for sure what Matoba’s motives were, but I don’t believe teenage Natori is an unbiased observer of him lol.

Now that we’ve laid all that out, let’s talk briefly about the Miharus, a once respected family who made a deal with ayakashi they didn’t understand, and fell into ruin. According to the ayakashi who wants to sabotage the ritual, there was a member of the Miharu family called Masakiyo. Masakiyo was stern for the most part, but there was someone he loved. However, he couldn’t be with that person because he couldn’t make them shoulder the burdens of his family business, but neither could he simply abandon his family. He had to stay with his family and let this person go. This was the only time this ayakashi saw Masakiyo cry. Then we get this panel:

(pictured: bench of I Hate My Life, credit to @joelletwo for that lol)

In his despair, Masakiyo wished there was no Miharu family. The ayakashi, feeling indebted to Masakiyo for letting it go during an exorcism, overhears him and decides that destroying the Miharu family will bring Masakiyo happiness. This is an unintended contract between the two of them. Masakiyo unwittingly causes an ayakashi to spend years (decades?) trying in vain to destroy his family in order to repay a perceived debt. This isn’t Masakiyo’s fault, really, it was just an unfortunate misunderstanding. The ayakashi didn’t understand that Masakiyo wanted it to be free and live the life he couldn’t. “You were almost exorcised because of human circumstances. You were saved on the whim of a human. What debt? You are free. Go wherever you want. Live however you want.”

After all the mihashira business is wrapped up, Matoba thanks Natori for his help, Natori says he probably couldn’t have gotten out of the room without Matoba, and Matoba laughs and says “Then we’re even this time.” Neither one is indebted to the other this time…they’re even. Then Natori says The Line:

「何かを継ぎ背負っていく…その真の重みは私などにははかり知れません。でも今はこう思うようにもなりました。重いものもひとりでなければと…」

"I don’t know the true weight of shouldering a burden you’ve inherited, but now I’ve come to think that even heavy things can be carried if you’re not alone,"

(this is another one of the aforementioned Dense Japanese Sentences, and I really prefer the fan TL version of this line but I’m translating it this way to try to convey all the stuff he’s saying). Natori once again reaches out to Matoba, trying to offer him maybe the only thing he can: support, listening to his problems, shouldering his burdens. This time, though, we don’t get a Matoba Smile and “I’m fine,” we get this:

(pictured: Matoba on the bench of I Hate My Life, or “Matoba Cow Beach” as I refer to this image in my head)

What is Matoba thinking here? I really don’t know. If I draw the obvious parallel with Masakiyo, I guess he’s contemplating his two…selves, as it were. His duty to his family vs his personal desire for companionship. And I do think Matoba wants companionship. I read his behavior in special chapter 15 as genuinely wanting to be friends with Natori. I think he was excited that there was someone else his age who was relatively powerful, and who wasn’t concerned with all the Matoba stuff. Hence his insistence on Natori calling him Seiji. He wanted to be close to Natori.

And finally, we can come back to the loquats. Natsume hears Matoba mocking the mihashira for continuing to protect the Miharu house even after the family has all died out, and thinks perhaps Matoba is envious of ayakashi who go to such great lengths to keep promises.

"Matoba-san, who keeps breaking promises, and doesn’t have anyone to make new ones with."

Matoba wonders how the welcoming ritual will go next time, but decides he won’t worry since he probably won’t even be the head of the clan at that time. Natsume offers him a loquat, saying cheer up, and Matoba does his Thing, saying “How odd, do I look upset?” and then tells The Story.

When Matoba was a teenager, he really wanted to try the loquats from Yorishima’s yard. One day, he was there with Natori, and Yorishima gave them both one. The loquat was delicious and sweet; Matoba felt that his “desire had been fulfilled,” but Natori got a sour one, and Matoba felt like Yorishima-san had wanted to give a loquat to Natori, and only given one to Matoba because he was there, so he thought “Ah there’s no winning even in such a small thing as this.” Matoba gets what he wants, but it wasn’t meant for him, and the one it was meant for is worse off, so did he really win? He was the only one who got to enjoy the delicious loquat. These are the unintended consequences, the burdens if you will, of desire.

Natsume speculates that the agreement with the mihashira began when someone had the wish to protect the Miharu family, and there was an ayakashi who happened to be there, much like the situation with Masakiyo and the sabotaging ayakashi. A simple and innocent wish accidentally creates a generations-long burden that Matoba eventually has to shoulder.

I think Matoba must be painfully aware of his power and influence, and that even his smallest actions could cause unintended consequences. I wonder if he sees the Miharu family as a warning of what could happen to his own family if he slips up… And it wasn’t just a mistake on the part of the Miharus, but a failure of the Matoba clan head of that time, whose responsibility it was to look out for the branch families. Matoba Seiji is not just responsible for the success of his own family, but protecting the branch families, and of course non-exorcists as well. I imagine he feels like he doesn’t have the time or room to act on any of his own personal desires, and his little loquat anecdote is evidence of that, to me. It’s bittersweet (lol). And Natori’s takeaway, meanwhile, is more casual as you might expect. When Natsume asks him if he likes loquats, he says he’s not sure because his first one wasn’t very good. To Natori, a loquat is something he might try again and like. To Matoba, it’s a reminder of what he can and can’t have.

#natsume yuujinchou #matoba seiji #really sorry this is so long and i'm sure i could cut it down. i am bad at that.#i hope i ended up saying something though lol #i want to try to write more thoughts about other stuff #hopefully if i do it more I'll get better #my meta

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joelletwo · 1 month

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summary of natsuyuu chapter 128 - start of The Sealed-Off Storehouse arc

new arc (sort of) new post! my previous summaries for the preceding related arcs here. we continue increasing the cast of exorcist-related characters... and we see some familiar ones :)

Ms. Iwami comes to visit Takuma, saying her grandfather always told her if there was a problem she didn’t understand, she could rely on Takuma. She wants him to take a look at something, but he tells her he’s lost his youkai sight and wouldn’t be any help if there really was danger. He’s happy to hear her out, though, since her grandfather helped him as an young unknown exorcist. But she suddenly gets flustered over coming to him over something as silly as a joke her grandfather had played on her, saying she’ll enter her storehouse after all. She leaves, crossing paths with Natori and Natsume at the door.

(natsume: natori-san you can't just burst in 😰)

(natori: were you visiting? iwami: it's not important. pay no attention to the opening scene)

(takuma: what's all this about, shuuichi-kun? natori: *prompts his little buddy to take charge*)

Takuma asks why they’ve come, and Natsume explains that he wants help looking into the painting he found at the exorcist auction.

(takuma: why were you at an exorcist auction!!! natori, already been thru this: that's what i'm saying. natsume's actual next response: well... there were various circumstances...)

Natori thinks Takuma will know more than he does, although the auction was highly anonymous, since he has more industry connections. Takuma’s happy to since Natsume helped him with his shiki before. First, they ask who was visiting before their arrival, and Takuma explains she's the granddaughter of a close friend of his mentor’s, and he’s worried about not being able to help with her situation.

Natori and Natsume go to meet with her to put him at ease. Natori says Natsume didn’t have to come (which Nyanko agrees with), but Natsume wants to hear from as many people as possible while he’s looking into the painting. Natori asks him what kind of person Reiko was. From the yokai, you only hear that she was "violent," from humans, she was "weird," but in that painting Natsume saw a different Reiko he’s unfamiliar with. If he could hear about the Reiko that painter knew…

They’re interrupted by fangirls recognizing Natori, irritating Nyanko, who asks why they had to take the bus instead of Natori’s car. He laughs and says it’s a habit from his student days, daydreaming that if he went out to places with lots of people, someone would eventually recognize his gecko and call out to him.

(natori, about to say something really heartbreaking: it's because i'm a romantic ^_^)

(iwami: no one's gone in that storehouse for decades. natori: you're saying...? iwami: there's "something that will curse you if you look at it" in there.)

Ms. Iwami welcomes them as Takuma’s representatives and fusses over a “if you look at it, you’ll be cursed” story her grandfather always told her about something in the storehouse on the property, which might’ve just been a story to keep the kids out, and which she can’t decide if she believes or not while wanting to reorganize it after her father’s passing. Nyanko calls the Iwami house creepy, as it’s filled with lots of strange things, like a weird wall hanging Natsume is startled by.

Natori and Natsume go to check out the storehouse at her urging. Natori’s shiki go in to investigate first, but Natsume stops Hiiragi, checking if she’ll be okay in a place that might remind her of bad memories. She assures him she’s used to storehouses after helping with Natori’s work for so long, and that she doesn’t regret those memories anyways, as they led to her meeting Natsume and Natori.

Natori’s shiki report nothing strange. Natori goes in to make sure, and Natsume asks to come with, saying he doesn’t want to miss finding any more hidden connections to Reiko. Natori makes them both paper dolls that will absorb a single curse in their place as a precaution.

(natori telling natsume the same thing natsume's been telling tanuma when he tags along in recent arcs: and you prooooomise to leave if anything goes wrong, right? ^_^)

He lights incense that will be attracted to any curse if there’s one to be found, but it takes time to accumulate. In the meantime, they look around the place: Natori for clues, Nyanko for treasures, and Natsume for anything about Reiko. Natori finds the texts of a famous exorcist.

(natori: huh? natsume: ! don't tell me you found the curse... natori: no, it's a book of Mr. Shirakouji... it really is a treasure 0_0;;)

Nyanko spots a wall of photos, all featuring prominent exorcists (including a younger Takuma, and Takuma’s mentor) with the same man accompanying them. While they’re looking at him, Ms. Iwami calls them back for a break.

She says the man is probably her grandfather, who had connections to and sponsored all sorts of exorcists through her (non-Sighted) family’s commitment to the traditions, which meant she gets sent all sorts of thank-you gifts for him, including the wall hanging Natsume saw earlier. Natsume startles to look and see it’s moved, though Iwami denies that and says its just a picture of the great youkai protecting her house. She suddenly gets confused about who told her the “curse you if you look at it” story, remembering a ghostly figure, but shakes it off.

(iwami: don't worry about it! me: okay yay ^_^ 💕)

Natori asks about Takuma. She says he was a wonderfully skilled disciple her grandfather’s friend took under his wing who her grandfather sponsored after seeing his talent. Natori is happy to hear him praised.

They go back out to the storehouse, relieved nothing’s happened so far although Natori and Nyanko agree something feels strange, wondering if there’s a barrier. They notice Natori’s incense has gathered around a ceiling tile.

(natori: hey, watch it =_=;)

Natori pushes it up and finds a second floor to the storehouse with ofuda talismans on the rafters hiding it from being discovered, possibly what the incense reacted to, but Natori cautions them to stay guarded. He spots a mirror with ink writing on it - Natori tells them not to look at their reflections, as it’s enchanted, saying it’s probably the “something that curses you if you look at it.”

(chapter end)

#natsume yuujinchou #natsumanga #exe #i love not doing 50 chapters at once so i can put in as many screenshots as i want lol

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taizi · 6 months

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run, boy, run

chapter four

natsume yuujinchou pairing: one-sided kitanishi word count: 3k summary: Nishimura has a cursed mark on his arm, a crush on Natsume’s famous idol friend, and a whole lot of brand new problems that start and end with the taboo circle on his arm. full circle au

read on ao3

Satoru’s first clue that something is off is the black town car with dark-tinted windows parked a few blocks down from his house.

Most of his neighbors don’t have cars, and the ones who do have little boxy, fuel-efficient numbers that live under tarps in driveways until it’s time for the bi-monthly grocery haul.

The unfamiliar vehicle makes his lizard brain stir uneasily, but Satoru has been having a hard time lately distinguishing between things he should actually be worried about and things the curse is twisting all out of proportion.

Since no one else on the street is outwardly panicking, he takes that as his cue to keep walking.

Satoru’s second clue is what gives him real pause. Fish, perched on his shoulder, is making a noise he’s never heard from her before. It’s a subvocal thing, low and rumbling, and her beady eyes are fixed without wavering on the car.

Or something near the car.

Automatically, his hand drifts toward his pocket, and the cellphone there that’s practically bursting with the names of people who made him swear to reach out to them if he was in trouble.

Kiyoshi was still home when I left, Satoru thinks. I could just turn around.

But mom was still home, too, and if he walked back through the front door at the same time he should have been walking into homeroom, she would blow a fuse.

The thought of her tirade causes his arm to twinge sharply, and he drops his hand away from his pocket. Be normal, he scolds himself. You promised Kitamoto you’d be normal. Normal people don’t worry about random cars.

Since he first discovered Taki’s circle, Satoru has seen dozens of yokai around town, big and small, mostly minding their own business. And their own business had very little to do with Satoru unless he stuck his nose in it. If there’s a spirit over there on the other end of the street, one that’s causing Fish to bait her wings and grumble, then there’s a good chance it doesn’t have anything to do with Satoru anyway.

At the very least, he’s certain that it isn’t the monster that cursed him. He and Fish have an agreed-upon signal for that, which is essentially just Fish screeching like a klaxon until help shows up.

Still, Satoru pivots on his heel and cuts down a side-street. He’ll take the long way to school today. He doesn’t want to go near that car.

“We keep meeting in alleys,” an unfortunately familiar voice says cheerfully, just before a hand lands on his shoulder.

Fish takes off in a flurry of feathers, a distant speck in the sky before anyone could even think about catching her. The first thing Satoru feels is relief that she’s gone. Right on the heels of relief comes a cool wash of dread, and a dull, steady ache in his arm. He turns, already knowing who he’ll find behind him.

As easily as if they’re old friends, Matoba Seiji smiles.

At school, Nishimura’s friends are lingering by the entrance, getting more and more restless with every second. When the bell rings, and they should all be in class, detention is the last thing on their minds.

Over the last week, one or more of them has always been there to walk with Nishimura before and after school, but he insisted and they agreed to let the constant guard taper off a bit.

He’s been doing a lot better since their war council with Natori, but the curse is still active and present in his mind, and they can see it when it goes to work on him. When Nishimura starts to think his friends don’t trust him to do something as simple as make it to school on his own, and his arm blooms with vivid, obscene color, the only thing they can do is assure him. Tell him of course that isn’t true, they do trust him, and if he thinks he doesn’t need an entourage, then they’ll be willing to back off a bit and give it a try. Anything that might give him a foothold to wrestle control of his mind back.

But he was supposed to be here nearly ten minutes ago, even accounting for the way he constantly gets distracted by cute dogs and weird bugs and talkative neighbors. Tsuji, who lives a few houses down from Nishimura, once famously dragged him into homeroom by the elbow and announced, “I bumped into him in the combini this morning, holding the bento he bought for lunch in his hands, and he told me he forgot about school until he saw my uniform.” It was hilarious at the time.

“Sensei left early to make sure he got here,” Natsume says tersely. “Something’s wrong.”

“I’m calling Kiyoshi-niisan,” Kitamoto says, phone already pressed to his ear.

Taki, who has been pacing in restless circles since Nishimura didn’t show up on time, says, “He can’t see. He doesn’t have the circle anymore. What if—”

“Don’t,” Tanuma says, not unkindly, but more like he can’t bear to listen to her bolt down that frightening rabbit hole. “I’m sure he’s okay. Fish would have told us if he wasn’t.”

At about that moment, in an example of the most absurdly perfect timing any bird has ever had, an agitated magpie flutters down onto the closed gate and raises the alarm.

Sitting in the backseat of the town car, his arms folded tightly across his front to hide the way his hands are trembling, the unconscious Nyanko-sensei a heavy, boneless weight in his lap, Satoru says, as firmly as he can manage, “I told you, I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“I think you do,” Matoba replies easily. “Your little pet is proof of that.”

Even more glad now that Fish seized the opportunity to bolt at the first sign of trouble, Satoru insists, “She’s just a bird. There’s a ton of birds just like her around here. Natsume’s mom has crows in her garden.”

He doesn’t know how long he’ll get away with playing dumb—when Nyanko-sensei scared Matoba off that night after the visit with Natori, the lucky cat spoke in front of them both. There’s no way this guy forgot about that. But Satoru has no idea what is safe to discuss with this boogeyman Natsume was so careful to warn him about, so he defaults to bald-faced denial.

Something darts across Matoba’s face that looks like curiosity when Satoru mentions Touko, there and gone again in a split-second.

“This conversation would go a lot smoother if you’d do me the courtesy of honesty,” is what Matoba says, as if he’s been the epitome of good manners this entire time.

The half of Satoru’s brain that isn’t spinning in anxious circles puffs up in indignation.

“Courtesy? You’re the one who abducted me on my way to school!”

Rather than offense, Matoba seems to take delight in his attitude. He’s weirdly likable, for all that he’s also very dangerous and powerful, if Natsume and Nyanko-sensei are to be believed. It creates a sense of conflict in Satoru’s head, because part of him wants to sit here and argue with the friendly, conversational man, while another, much larger part wants to run far, far away.

That larger part wins, because Satoru is literally in the backseat of a strange car, alone, with his phone sitting out of reach on the dashboard up front.

He wonders, for a brief, hysterical moment, if anyone is missing him yet.

“I can see why you and Natsume are friends,” Matoba says, as if he’s a proud relative and Natsume is a charming, if ornery, little cousin. “And I can see that you know more than you are willing to share with me. Is that loyalty, I wonder? Or ignorance?” He leans in, his long hair falling over his shoulder, and says, “Are you being kept in the dark?”

Satoru presses his arms tighter against his middle, trying to think past the hurthurthurt that pulses through the curse mark. He’s glad he wore long sleeves today.

He’s beginning to see shadows again, even here in the well-lit interior of the car. It’s a fog that creeps into his head, past reason and logic and common sense. Sometimes Satoru can feel it starting to happen, his mind turning against him as dark sympathetic magic makes him doubt, but there’s nothing he can do when that happens except cling to what he knows and hope it’s enough.

He remembers, against better judgement, being made to wash the seeing circle away. Natori’s face frowning at him from across the table, even though he got what he wanted.

Was he being kept in the dark?

No, Satoru thinks. It was for his own good. His friends were worried.

Were they? Then where are they? If they’re so worried about him, why aren’t they here?

They don’t know where I am, Satoru thinks wildly. No one knows where I am.

He doesn’t know where he is, either. They’ve been driving for what feels like a long time, and the windows are too dark to see through unless he presses his face against the glass and he won’t do that while Matoba is watching him. Nyanko-sensei, Natsume’s unofficial shiki and glorified babysitter, is sprawled across Satoru’s knees in an unnatural sleep and dead to the world.

He’s on his own.

“I’m sure you must have heard stories about me,” the man says, almost gently. He’s still smiling. “But really, I’m not so bad. I just want to have a talk, and then I’ll drop you off wherever you want.”

Rattled, Satoru dares to glance sidelong at him. Matoba’s smile widens.

“All you have to do is tell me the truth,” he goes on. “Just level with me. Are your eyes the same as mine? Do you see the same strange world that I do? Is that why you and Natsume are such good friends, hm? A common perspective? It would explain a lot.”

Something about that remark wriggles past everything else, a slippery eel darting through muddy water. It’s the first clear-headed thought Satoru manages to grasp.

“What’s that mean?” he asks. “What does it have to do with us being friends?”

“Well, historically, Natsume doesn’t have the best track record, does he?” Matoba’s voice is rich with laughter. It isn’t mean-spirited, but it rubs Satoru wrong anyway. “I’m sure you know what I mean.”

“I don’t,” Satoru blurts. The pain in his arm recedes and the shadows peel away—he’s still afraid, but it’s the normal sort of fear now. It’s not the influence of a monster, leaning on him until he can’t see or think or hear straight. And it’s eclipsed, easily, by irritation. “He’s my friend because he’s funny and sarcastic and nice to everybody and a sore loser at trivia games. I like him. Our whole class likes him. It has nothing to do with whatever you’re talking about.”

That curiosity flicks across Matoba’s expression again, like something Satoru told him is brand-new information, completely unheard of.

It doesn’t do anything to curb his knowing smile which, in Satoru’s opinion, has become less likable and more punchable with every second Matoba talks about Natsume like he actually knows anything about him.

“And even if he did see your strange world, or whatever, what does that have to do with me? And what are you accomplishing by kidnapping me?”

“I would hardly call it kidnapping—”

“There are so many other things he has to worry about without worrying about you,” Satoru goes on, warming up to the subject. “You just show up and make his life difficult and threaten him and drag him into dangerous situations like he doesn’t endanger himself enough as it is! Yeah, he told me stories about you, because you scare him.”

For the first time, Matoba seems genuinely thrown-off.

“No I don’t,” the man says. “He’s well aware that there are better things to be afraid of.”

Satoru knows that much, too. Being cursed by a yokai on the edge of the woods was equally as scary as being forced into a car by a stranger. Maybe those two situations were entirely different, but the way Satoru’s heart thundered in his chest, the way he wondered for a brutally honest split-second if he’d ever see his brother or his friends again, was exactly the same.

“That's the point,” Satoru says belligerently, aware that he’s digging his own grave, “Natsume knows a monster when he sees one.”

Matoba studies him with keen eyes. His smirk is a quiet, thoughtful thing now.

“One last question,” he says. Lifting a pale, elegant hand, he points to the other side of the partition, at the burly figure in the driver’s seat. “What do you think of that guy?”

Burying anxious fingers in Nyanko-sensei’s thick fur, Satoru darts a glance that way, trying to find the trap in Matoba’s words. The driver, for his part, doesn’t turn to look back or acknowledge Matoba in any way.

“I don’t know,” Satoru says defensively. “He hasn’t said anything this whole time.”

Matoba’s smile widens, as pleased as a cat with a canary.

“That’s fair,” he replies, and gestures with his hand. The driver catches the signal somehow and twirls the steering wheel, pulling the car around in a neat U-turn. “A deal’s a deal. Where am I taking you?”

Home, Satoru wants to say, except mom will be there, and she’ll be angry if he shows up when he’s not supposed to. Kitamoto, is his very next thought, filled with wanting, so he says, “School. Even though I’ll definitely have detention thanks to you.”

“Studious,” Matoba says with a laugh. “I admire that.”

Rubbing one of Nyanko-sensei’s velvety ears between his fingers, Satoru asks, “When will sensei wake up?”

“I’d give it another hour,” Matoba replies, his tone reassuring. “He’s a little too eager with his teeth when it’s just the two of us, so I figured it was best to be extra cautious.”

Secretly, Satoru wishes Nyanko-sensei had managed to get one good bite in. Then maybe Matoba would have slightly less to be smug about.

Something strikes the windshield, and Satoru flinches in surprise. The car continues gliding smoothly forward, but another tiny projectile joins the first, and then another after that. Satoru stares as all the windows on the car are plastered with scraps of paper until the vehicle is entirely covered.

The interior is dim now, cave-like, and Satoru clutches Nyanko-sensei closer.

“Oh, don’t worry,” Matoba says, making another gesture. The car slows and comes to a stop. He sounds unbothered, unlocking the doors with the button panel by his arm. “They’re here for you.”

When the door lock springs up, Satoru grapples for the handle and wrenches it open before Matoba can change his mind. He all but topples out of the car, Natsume’s cat clutched in the crook of one arm.

By the time he’s managed to find his feet, large hands are on his shoulders, guiding him upright. He jerks back reflexively, whipping his head around, but it’s not another stranger. It’s Natori, and the breath goes out of Satoru’s lungs in a rush of relief. He doesn’t even question how the man is standing here in front of him, the last place on earth a famous actor should be.

“Easy,” the man says, studying Satoru’s face carefully. “Are you hurt?”

Satoru shakes his head. For all that he was running his mouth a moment ago, he’s got nothing to say now. He lets himself be pushed behind Natori’s back as Natori makes himself a wall between Satoru and Matoba.

“There is such a thing,” Natori grits out, glaring murder at his shadowy counterpart, “as going too far.”

“You’re always one step ahead of me, Shuuichi-kun,” Matoba replies genially. “It seems like every remarkable child I manage to find has already been snatched up by the Natori clan.”

“This child has a family willing to press charges,” Natori bites back. “If you don’t think his aunt would take you to court and drag your name through dirt until she won, that’s only because you haven’t met her yet.”

Kitamoto’s mom, Satoru’s Auntie Mikako, is a force of nature. If she got wind of this, it’s over for Matoba already.

But he remembers Natsume’s warnings, how he talked about Matoba’s connections and his powerful family, and he doesn’t want the Kitamotos anywhere near him.

“Natori-dono,” someone behind Satoru says.

Jerking his head, as if shaking off a collar someone tried to put around his neck, Natori says, “This is far from over. But for now, get lost.”

“It’s always such a pleasure,” Matoba laughs, and leans out the door Satoru left hanging ajar to pass Satoru’s phone to Natori. After snapping the door shut smartly, he rolls down the window, because of course he has something else to say. Satoru tenses when Matoba looks at him, and Natori makes a furious sound, but the strange man only adds in parting, “Natsume is lucky to have a friend like you. I hope he keeps you close.”

From anyone else, it might have been a threat. From Matoba, it sounds genuine. For the life of him, Satoru can’t get a bead on this guy at all.

When the car pulls away, Natori says, “Follow. Make sure he leaves,” which Satoru assumes is a command to his shiki. He’s too busy staring down at the lucky cat in his arms and keeping his breathing steady to worry overmuch about what’s going on around him now.

That is, until Natori touches his chin, a gentle instruction to lift his head. The man looks angry and exhausted and worried, his eyes sharp behind his glasses.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” he demands.

“I’m sure,” Satoru replies. “All he did was talk to me. He asked me questions about Natsume and the guy driving the car and then said he’d drop me off at school. He’s really weird.”

Natori’s face does something strange. “There wasn’t a guy driving the car.”

Satoru frowns at him, pushed well past his personal threshold of stuff he’s willing to put up with. He’s over today. He’s going to have to deal with an unexplained absence from school and his mom’s temper when she finds out, but that sounds like tomorrow’s problem. All he wants right now is his bird and his best friend and a stack of comfort movies and sugary snacks, and maybe his brother, too. He doesn’t think that’s too much to ask for.

“It’s not like it was driving itself,” he mutters.

“No,” Natori says slowly. “You misunderstood me. There wasn’t a human driving the car.”

Satoru blinks at him. As he watches, a little black tattoo crawls up the side of Natori’s face, coming to rest on his forehead.

“Oh,” he says dumbly.

Belatedly, he looks over his shoulder, and finds Hiiragi lingering behind him, where she’s probably been this whole time. She’s a little hazy around the edges, like he needs to squint to see her properly, but she’s there.

“You’re not wearing the circle?” Natori asks in a quiet voice. He sounds like he already knows the answer.

Satoru shakes his head, wide-eyed.

“Guess my eyes adjusted,” he whispers.

#natsume yuujinchou #natsuyuu #nishimura satoru #matoba seiji #natori shuuichi #my writing #full circle #natsuyuu fic #and it only took me 2 years :)

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haru-chi · 9 months

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Why isn't Natori's cousin arc talked about much ?

It was such a masterpiece of a story. it was very powerful and tragic which just hurts so much and I'm not over it or I'll ever be, it also had so many things to talk about .. like a lot for example:

-the undying trust Natori had for Natsume that no words reached his heart like Natsume's words

-that deep sad desire inside his heart which later on got crushed in the ugliest of ways not once but twice

-the fact that the Natori clan might have some secret that led people fearing their return or hating them which might be what led someone to break the barriers that protect their house ?

-Natori hating himself more and more for being weak and having such simple desire (NOOOOO PLEASE T^T)

-Natori pushing himself through his trauma for Natsume's sake !!!

-Natori's family being as worse as Natsume's relatives! I SO HATE THEM AS MUCH AS NATSUME'S RELATIVES!! THOSE COWRDS!!

-some more exorcist lore! "I thought he would wear a hat" pleaaase that killed me I can't see him doing it xDDD

-Natori's complicated emotions about the Matoba ><

-"Mitsuru was never going to be the family I dreamed of. If she had been born, she wouldn't have been my ally but my enemy" >> this simply shattered my heart to pieces that I remember I took moments off the pages to recomposed myself .. too much I just can't okay T^T

-big BIG BIG respect for Natori's resolve and pride as an exorcist even if that actually hurts him or cast him in the dark since I thought he might actually regret being an exorcist sometimes but aaaaaaaaaaaa that resolve !!! I was happy yet sad and crying !!!

-"I'm glad you're the one who exorcised me Natori Shuuichi" >> nope I'm okay not breaking down in tears or anything at all T^T

-a bit on Natori and his shiki's relationship T^T

-Natsume's respect for Natori's choice at the end that he didn't interfere and hating himself for not being able to find a solution for both ><

-WHAT WAS NATORI GONNA DO TO HIMSELF IF NATSUME DIDN'T APPEAR THIS IDIOT!!!!

I feel there's more things worth mentioning but those are what's on my mind right now, I so wanna expand on everything and talk much about them but can't with this very unstable health of mine for now T^T

must come back to it one day .. I must since this story is just another masterpiece from Midorikawa-sensei that need more people to talk about it .. no simple words can express what I feel about this arc ..

#natsume yuujinchou #natsuyuu #natori shuuichi #I think since this put such a heavy damage on Natori both physically and mentally #I won't blame him for not joining in the current arc no matter how much I wished he was #he need a rest #can you imaging how many heart attack he would've get if he joined in the current arc ? poor Natori #this story was too heavy that even I needed a rest after it ><#I so wish I can fully express everything -sigh-#it kinda of always break me down that I can't do what I want much cuz of this health of mine #but still the fact I manage to write here and there is still a big thing for me :)#plus this manga is like a ray of light in this darkness #they make me forget whatever pain I'm in #especially Seiji .. he's ..#or wait that's not the place to talk about this lol

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hyephyep · 10 months

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thinking about how much of natsume yuujinchou is about inheritance. good and bad.

the young man that hid into a painting to ecsape the burden of his familial responsibilities. the miharu leader who wept as he imagined being free of his clan. the yokai that tried so hard to help both men find life beyond their duties.

the miharu clan dying out, and the deal they left unfinished tumbling down the chain to land on seiji's shoulders. seiji wondering how the matoba head that led during miharu's fall felt about a clan the matobas are responsible for dying out. seiji taking up that responsibility, knowing he has to leave it unfinished for a clan head coming after him.

natori cutting himself off from critisizing the miharu's deal that left behind such a burden, and natsume wondering which of the three people in the room (natori, seiji, or natsume himself) natori thought it would hit too close to home for.

(i wrote this post over a year ago, and drafted it here bc i wanted to reread natsuyuu to better inform it. got too busy to finish the reread, never got back to the post. im giving up on the reread thing post is happening now)

re: natori thoughts on my dash today he is. holding uo an inheritance like matoba and natsume are but the feelings around it ARE so different. No one really considered Reiko's legacy an inheritance until Natsume made the decision to make it one, with love and care and dedication. Matoba's clan expected him to continue a long, respected inheritance, and he dedicated himself to that expectation wholesale. Natori's family tried to get rid of it. Make it a thing of the past. He made a choice like Natsume did, but in such a different way, picking up this abandoned thing and saying, "I don't care what you want me to do with it, I'm going to carry it."

Taki and Tanuma... lil different. Particularly Tanuma Taki and her grandfather ARE reviving family traditions and knowledge, for all that those traditions don't weigh heavily the same way the Natsume/Natori/Matoba circle is dealing with. It's still a labor of love.

But I can't recall any time Tanuma or his dad really talked about whether he wants to follow his dad's footsteps? They're a great family of two, his dad clearly cares a lot, but it doesn't manifest the same way. And maybe that'll be explored more later, Tanuma's feelings about his dad's professtion. Or maybe he fits into the themes in his own way: a reminder that picking up the torch isn't the only way to love family, and choosing to go a different path isn't betrayal. We'll see I guess.

#natsuyuu #this is unrefined bc i dont feel like doing it. if you have a rebuttle or addition go ahead and share we can refine this together #j this isnt AS closely related to your natori thoughts as i remembered it being but have it anyways

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asoftspotforangels · 5 days

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so I was tagged three times lately so I am putting it all in one post XD

from least to most difficult askfhjadkhfjkdlhaf

from @hardboiledteacozy 💝

⟡ rules : answer + tag 9 people you want to get to know better and/or catch up with!

⟡ fav color : green 💚

⟡ last song : Moment's Silence (Common Tongue) by Hozier

⟡ last movie : Barbie (I haven't seen any movie since last year lol). tv series - 1670

⟡ currently reading : I just finished I'm Glad My Mom Died by Jennette McCurdy and started 1F: Fukushima I Nuclear Power Plant Work Log by Tatsuta Kazuto

⟡ currently watching : Dungeon Meshi 🍳

⟡ currently craving : some nice juicy oranges 😔 if anyone has tips on how to choose the best oranges, let me know pls

⟡ coffee or tea : I like coffee only if it's a sweet treat (so with milk and sugar or some sugary syrup); tea, however !! 🥰 a few days ago I opened a blend I got who knows how many years ago and from where or from whom, it's green and white tea, and it's soooo gooood~

from @minnichan 💗

Rules: pick a song for each letter of your url and tag that many people. my url is too long for that lol

I have a playlist for songs I currently listen to, let's see if it's enought to complete this game… there's not a huge variety of artists tho ^^"

A - Appaloosa by Lor S - Sinktank by Inabakumori O - Overdose by Natori (hi minni!!!! I saw a cover of it in one of your asks lately!!! :3) F - fanfiction by Lor (yes, that's a lyrics video on their official channel xd) T - Tail by Sunmi (when will she come back to Poland TT__TT) S - Sweet Dream from Alien Stage by C!naH / by BL8M (I have both versions on my playlist, yeah) P - Post Shelter by Inabakumori O - Order of Silence from Genshin (ost from Cyno's demo) T - Trafalgar Square by Lor F - FightSong by Eve O - Overture from Jesus Christ Superstar 1996 R - Ruler Of My Heart from Alien Stage ( ‼ spoilers from Alien Stage here ‼ cw: blood, violence, death, panic attack) A - agaki (亜ガキ) by Ora (sometimes the background music skips between left and right side and I love it) N - Nonsense Bungaku by Eve G - A Gentleman's Fantasy from Honkai Star Rail (amazing boss theme!!) E - Ezra Was Right by Grandbrothers (this one starts quite slowly, if you're impatient you can start at 3:15 xD) L - Lagtrain by Inabakumori S - $hrek 2 by Lor (cw: guys without shirts fighting at school)

Lor is a Polish band that I recommend with my whole heart :3

many Eve's MVs are like short animes, I love them so so much

the whole Alien Stage is quite short, because it's basically made of music videos and there's less than 10 rn (here's a playlist for anyone interested) (but it can be quite triggering sometimes)

fuck gachas and their gambling, but genshin and star rail have amazing music

here's a very fun fact: I started listening to Eve and Inabakumori last year on April 17 and May 4 respectively, so about a year ago!!

from @dangerliesbeforeyou 💖

list 5 topics i can talk on for an hour without preparing any material

this one's difficult!!!! because I can endlessly talk about my fandoms and blorbos........only. I don't feel knowledgeable on anything specific, but I could, however, ramble on about my interests

I'm back to that Stardew Valley Grind™ rn so I could talk a lot about my farm. my first farm. year three, winter, and it's probably the ugliest farm you've ever seen. and. and also. my cyhaino sdv au brainrot. 😳

genshin, especially my ultimate blorbo Alhaitham 🌱 idk, I just like this guy, I saw first leaks and I was like 👉 this guy. this is my dude.

my babeys blue lions from fire emblem 3 houses 😭 I chose them in my first playthrough and I still do NOT care about anyone else (that's an exaggeration, I care about others, but... not as much... 😔) also, Sylvain is there and flirty red guys are my ultimate weakness. I know he can, just, switch to your house if you're playing female Byleth (lol), but I don't want to separate him from his friends 😭 they're all traumatised and need hugs

painting and drawing! lately I fell back in love in traditional art and I picked up acrylic painting, and I'm watching a lot of videos and learning a lot - by my own trial and error too, but it's fun!

various handcraft I learned - embroidery, crocheting, knitting, punch needle, sewing - and stuff I created. I don't do all these all the time, only when I feel like it so.....irregularly lol! but I have lots of ideas and some plans, and unfinished works

tagging: @natowe @one-trash-alek @hardboiledteacozy @dangerliesbeforeyou @minnichan

@vanyafresita @giosele @shuuenka @thebrokenwriter911

tagging everyone for everything, do whichever you want or nothing at all, no pressure ✨

(but I love reading other people's answers :3)

pretty dividers from @cafekitsune (x)

#Agnieszka talks #I had to separate the tagging because I couldn't @ more than 5 people in one line ._.

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coquelicoq · 5 months

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Natori Shuuichi is aware of the effect he has on women.

It was in high school that he realized the whispers about him were discussing his looks rather than regurgitating the same old gossip about the "creepy stories" he used to tell before he had learned how to lie. He had gotten so used to ignoring the ever-present giggles that it took a girl confessing to him for the first time for him to figure it out.

Mocking giggles and embarrassed giggles, after all, could sound pretty similar from the outside.

He had turned down that girl, angry even after it became clear it wasn't some kind of prank. The lizard youkai had come to bask on his right cheekbone halfway through, and she just kept stammering out her confession like she couldn't even see it. Because she couldn't. She wanted him because she thought he was pretty, but she was wrong. All she knew about him was what was on the surface, and that she couldn't even see correctly! How dare she make it his problem that she wanted some version of him that didn't actually exist? Why should he have to deal with her feelings for some guy she had fabricated and then projected onto him?

His rejection was harsh, but it didn't seem to stop the whispers. Somehow girls kept working up the courage to approach him. And every time it was just a reminder that nobody knew him at all.

He learned to accept his alienation, to cultivate it, even as he resented it. It made a horrible kind of sense. The logic went like this: No one could really know him because they couldn't really see him; they couldn't see what he saw. And if his family had taught him anything, it was that knowing how different he really was only made people want nothing to do with him. So he hid the parts of himself that others didn't understand, and in so doing ensured that no one else would even have the opportunity to try.

His childhood had only taught him to hide, to subtract; he hadn't yet learned the additive side of lying - pretending to care about things he didn't care about, pretending to feel things he didn't feel. He still didn't know how to act happy and carefree when he wasn't. He didn't yet understand that faking could be just as alienating - just as defensive, just as protective - as withdrawal.

He was stuck in a mess of contradictions and full of resentment for everyone who had put him there: the youkai, his family, his peers, himself most of all. He couldn't see any way to break the cycle. He was trapped.

That's when Seiji came along.

#fragment of wip number twooooooo #this one i was like. conflicted bc i wanted to mention his fear around the lizard youkai hurting others #but mostly i wanted to focus on his anger and i did not have the energy to do both #i just think it would be so so soooo good to explore how he went from this guy who gets mad at girls who want to date him #to a guy who gets mad at seiji for being so glib and unfazed #to mr. glib unfazed sparkle on princess heartthrob #he did a 180 & leaned in hard & weaponized it and i want to know how that happened & what matoba had to do with it

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qserasera · 7 months

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thanks to your manga chapter lists i have now caught up (i think) on the horrible exorcist arcs and OH MY GOD. a of all, i did know from fandom osmosis that matoba is a cat person but i did not expect him to start NAMING THEM OFF LIKE A FANTASY FOOTBALL ROSTER and asking one of them to come home with him???? 🥺😻 and secondly i loved when sensei goes "oooh look, natori's pro-matoba~~" and natori is like "that's disgusting and wrong. i've never - it's none of your - you have the nerve, the audacity - matoba is my rival, technically. and he is terrible, face-wise." (i'm reading into it a little. BUT NOT THAT MUCH??) and okay i should have been writing down my thoughts because they're all jumbled up now but i remember just loving how casually matoba was like "yeah one time when i was here with natori..." WHICH IMPLIES that they were basically hanging out all the time as teens?? in contrast to natori's backstory chapter which makes it sound like after the three-horned ayakashi thing natori would just go to meetings and hear people talk about matoba but not actually see him. even the only other time we see them together in that chapter is when natori is asleep, so again it's sort of matoba who provides us with all information about their relationship outside of when they first met. WAIT NO natori waking up at his house somehow with only matoba there like DID HE CARRY HIM???? i'm losing it. i can't believe y'all have been dealing with this for years at this point. how do you do it? like can you refer me to a therapist. i am losing my hinges as we speak.

@howdydowdy u should know im sitting here cackling over a cup of tea and rubbing my hands together like those shady villains in a plush armchair but!!

YES

secondly i loved when sensei goes "oooh look, natori's pro-matoba~~"

heheheheheheheheh :3

WAIT NO natori waking up at his house somehow with only matoba there like DID HE CARRY HIM????

princess-carried, according to our (delusional) popular fanon but. yea. u get it. you See it now!!!

im going to write a much longer detailed response to this when im not being buried in friday emails (doing my little matoba-esque chores) BUT I LOVE THAT U SENT THIS ASK TO ME, THANK U SO MUCH.....it means more to me than u knowww and also and okay i should have been writing down my thoughts because they're all jumbled up now

PLEASE DO. WRITE ONE FOR LIKE. the special chapter 17 and also the locked-room-house-loquats one i wanna understand allll your reactions and your favorite panels!!! of all!! time!!!!!! > :3c

#replies to an admiring bog #howdydowdy #we got...we got another one....im SO GLAD...my heart is warm!!!#also the moments u listed out are all S-Tier moments no question #horrible exorcists #natsume yuujinchou spoilers #kind of #long post

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defeateddetectives · 3 months

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had the year end fic review meme brewing in the drafts and forgot all about it until now so for my own reference and posterity's sake: 2k23 edition (while its still uh january!)

apparently i used to do this every year for a while and then had several years of writerly drought so here's manifesting more words for the years ahead!! as with previous years, using metrics from ao3

Total number of completed stories: 8

Total word count: ~8k or so

Fandoms written in: drrr!! (gasp), project k, jjk, natsume yuujinchou (really truly bar revival 2k23 or die trying!!!!!)

Looking back, did you write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you'd predicted? the last few years had totally sapped me creatively so the bar was on the floor. more than expected by that metric even if much less than i had relative to years before that.

What's your own favorite story of the year? kirigami probably! i guess the good thing about doing this a month into the new year is i dont have to mysteriously redact the yuletide reveal anymore :)

Did you take any writing risks this year? i posted drrr!! fic after ages and that wasnt bb gangsters-centric! and tried my hand at jjk characters' voices (posted only a tip of that iceberg) which was ~adventurous even though i still dont rly have a handle on em! birthright was a risk bc it was a total shot in the dark about a dynamic we havent even seen play out yet??? (more matoba siblings lore when, ms. midorikawaaaa)

Do you have any fanfic or ofic goals for the New Year? just telling myself to keep writing, dont overthink it, and remember everything you write will generally sound awkward and clunky after reading it for the 100th time without stepping away

My best story of this year: i never have an objective measure on this so my fave(s) are typically the best to me

My most popular story of this year: parthian shot & saccades are tied at this moment by ao3 kudos science if we're going by that!

Story of mine most under-appreciated by the universe, in my opinion: nothing stands out over the year

Most fun story to write: a few come to mind. though it was a v tiny memefill, i had a lot of fun with where the hours bend and it came very easily! fun fact: i was in the vicinity of houjicha cheesecake at the time and it subliminally crept into the fic which i only realized much later :')

more beautiful than night was also written amidst a self-indulgent single-sitting whirlwind with so much love and really felt like going back to basics because 2nd person mkiz nonsense is my brain's default state of being apparently <3

kirigami was wildly fun in a very different way like a puzzle i needed to crack and couldnt step away from until i did

Story with the single sexiest moment: mayhaps natori shuuichi ready to throw down at his first appearance in kirgami :D while maybe not what most people would call sexy, the entire dynamic and vibe throughout (anguished repressed bidirectional longing and all) was very sexy To Me!

Story that shifted my own perceptions of the characters: wound up contemplating izaya and celty's absolutely bonkers dynamic via zero sum game in a way i dont think i had before

Hardest story to write: kirigami bc of the mental gymnastics of remixing that original vol 28 canon arc that is an absolute masterpiece in storytelling in its own right. i was very intimidated about doing it justice and as a gift-fic as well! the months leading up to yuletide were also bananas overall so, all things considered, it's a miracle that it came through on time!!

parthian shot also comes to mind bc the current canonverse exorcists dynamic, as delicious as it is, feels so frail and tenuous and i find myself wanting to handle it with the utmost care and respect when trying to show it

Biggest Disappointment: the stories i invested a lot in, i wound up fairly happy with! [endless number of ancient wips glare at me in disappointment]

Biggest Surprise: bar revival 2k23 in its entirety tbh :') also probably the extent to which i fell into jjk/stsg hell but i guess you cant really tell from the finished works for better or worse!!!

#memetime #for reference #year end fic review

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scorpionatori · 2 years

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Natori Shuuichi Character Analysis

Natori Shuuichi is one of the main supporting characters in Natsume Yuujinchou and probably the character who’s been the most polarizing in the fandom . As tends to happen with more polarizing characters, there’s been a lot of misconceptions and simplifications of his character. He’s the supporting character we have the most background info on and, like all the characters, is very complicated and fleshed out. His character arc and his dynamic with Natsume have gone through a lot of developments, from his cautionary tale type introduction to becoming one of Natsume’s most trusted friends. This essay will discuss his background and go into detail on many aspects of his character, as well as his dynamic with the protagonist.

General Background

“Since I was little, I’ve been able to see things other people can’t. My grandfather and father became furious when I told them, and my mother looked sad. Our family apparently used to be exorcists, but the ability to ‘see’ died out. The family business folded. Ever since then, they’ve been afraid that one day the youkai will come for revenge. Then I was born, a new link to the youkai world. They started to think that I was the cause of the misfortunes that beset the family. Like my mother getting ill and dying and my grandfather becoming an invalid…”

Unlike Natsume, whose relatives didn’t know about the existence of youkai, Natori was born to a family of former exorcists. But instead of being grateful there was finally a new person in the family who could see, his family pinned the blame on him any time something bad happened to them, including the death of his own mother. He was seen as the source of tragedy in his family, and even told Hiiragi as a young child that if that were true, someone should have gotten rid of him before anything bad had happened. Because of what his relatives said, he believed as a young child that he was better off dead than alive.

In addition to this, a mysterious lizard-shaped youkai appeared on his skin one day when he was a child. This is what led him to begin studying all the exorcism resources in his family’s storehouse, but even into his early twenties has never found out what it is, other than realizing it never travels to his left leg. It’s revealed in special chapter 15/s5e8 that he feared it was some kind of curse and that it could hurt other people if they touched it.

Even aside from being hated for his youkai-seeing abilities, he was deemed worthless by his father who said he couldn’t do anything except scare the family to get attention. When he started prioritizing studying over eating, his father said if he had to skip dinner in order to get results, he was never good enough for anything in the first place.

It’s revealed late in the manga that his relatives stopped having children after he was born because they were scared of having another child who was like him. He desperately wanted a partner in his family to walk side by side with, but he saw through the disguise of his “younger cousin” and never got to have this. His aunt and uncle, his only relatives who didn’t resent him, abandoned their estate and left for good.

Overall, his upbringing mainly involved being seen as a misfortune to others and too insufficient to amount to anything. By his teens, he had become avoidant of others, irritable and sensitive, very hard on himself, and developed an unstable sense of personal identity, with nothing in his life to tether himself to the world.

Joining the Exorcist Community

“I heard the rumors among youkai and exorcists. People still judged us harshly as a family, and this creepy, roving mark wasn’t helping. But at least when I was among people who could see them, I didn’t have to lie”.

Joining the exorcist community brought a mix of both positive and negative things into Natori’s life.

On the positive end, it provided him with a source of stability he hadn’t had before, something he could anchor himself to. He found a purpose for himself, and a way to use his abilities to help others when before they had only been seen as something that brought harm. He could finally be around people who saw the same things he did.

On the negative end, he entered a community full of power hungry people who just wanted to use their abilities to gain power and status. The community held mindsets that youkai, and even humans, were tools to be acquired and used. Additionally, he quickly discovered that he was from a clan that was looked down upon and ridiculed by the rest of the community, and because of this, he isn’t treated well in the community.

At the beginning of his backstory chapter, we see he was very disconnected from others and the world around him. He was even disconnected from himself. His family avoided him at home and he avoided his peers at school. The thing he busied himself with most was spending time alone in the family storehouse, studying the exorcist resources left behind by his clan before they left the business.

The exorcist community was the first source of stability and community he had in his life. It was a place where he could be away from his relatives who loathed him and where he could be surrounded by people with his sight. However, he immediately discovered upon going to his first exorcist meeting that even among people who could see, he was hated and scoffed at simply because of his family name. At home he was hated by his family because of his abilities, and at exorcist meetings he was hated by people who shared his abilities because of his family. They gossiped about him the same way his classmates gossiped about him at school. Despite this, he still felt content that he finally had found a purpose in his life, something to reach for and goals to achieve.

There were several main reasons driving him to pursue a career as an exorcist.

“If I keep going, I might find out how to get rid of this thing. Without it, I won’t have to feel so irritated. I might be able to be a nicer person. Even to my family…”

Finding a way to get rid of the lizard mark was a driving motivation that goes back all the way to his childhood. It’s what sparked his curiosity and determination to learn about youkai years before he even became an exorcist.

The lizard is an unknown entity that lives and crawls around on his body -> this causes him to be constantly anxious because he doesn’t know what it is or if it’s hurting him and/or others and probably feels violated by it as well -> because he’s scared and anxious and uncomfortable all the time he’s always irritated -> because he’s always irritated he finds it difficult to be nice to people -> because he finds it difficult to be nice he avoids others and in general feels like he’s a bad person who hurts others.

Therefore, when he goes back to the beginning of that sequence, he thinks the solution is to remove the lizard mark in order to become kind. His anxiety around the lizard mark is tied into his opinion of himself as someone who isn’t kind, and learning to become an exorcist becomes the apparent pathway to eventually be rid of his dilemma.

“But maybe if I was able to exorcise this youkai, Mr. Takuma will accept me as one of them? Will I be able to prove myself to the other exorcists?”

Another is his longing for acceptance and belonging. He needs to be loved and needed by others, as this is something he never received in his childhood. He unfortunately doesn’t receive a lot of this upon entering the exorcist community. Even so, this doesn’t discourage him. He accepts that he needs to be patient and bide his time. If he can become strong enough, then he can become useful. He can “become somebody that somebody needs”. If he can defeat the youkai attacking exorcists, maybe Takuma will accept him as one. He thinks in order to be accepted by others, he needs to be of use to them, he needs to prove himself to others. He’s never been accepted just as he is, so he needs to make himself as strong and productive as possible so he can provide something for others, because he doesn’t think he’s worth anything by himself.

“Dad… You’re worried about revenge because you used to be an exorcist. But what if… you helped people?”

The other big thing that drove him to become an exorcist is his general desire to help and protect others. Considering he grew up being told his presence was dangerous to others, it makes sense that he feels responsibility for keeping people safe. His abilities were always seen as a curse, but what if he could turn his abilities into a blessing?

Sadly, the exorcism community doesn’t always contain the noble intentions and selfless desire to protect others and the accepting and understanding community that Natori had probably hoped for. It’s full of competition and sabotage between people who want to become famous and powerful and exorcise youkai at random just to test their powers and will even curse their colleagues out of envy. This clashed with Natori’s ideals and goals, as he was more concerned with getting stronger in order to help people and become useful than he was with acquiring power and status for his own gain and reputation. He wanted to find a way to become kind, but entered a community full of unkind and petty people who try to undermine others. He wanted to be amongst people he wouldn’t have to lie to, but he ended up having to become an even better liar. Despite the positives it brought to his life it was also detrimental to enter a society like that at a time he was most vulnerable and unsure of himself and his identity.

Meeting Matoba and Takuma

“I’m not as good as the others, but I can see youkai better through glass. You know, It may be conceit, but I like to do what I can to protect people”. -Takuma

“You can’t protect anything if you’re not powerful, Shuuichi” -Matoba

Matoba and Takuma were the first two exorcists Natori met personally, and they appeared as two very different potential roles in his life, and represented different sets of ideals.

Takuma appears to Natori as a potential mentor or father figure. He is warm and kind to him and tells him he’s a nice kid, as opposed to how he’s been treated and seen by adults up until now. Takuma isn’t as strong as other exorcists, but he wants to do all he can to protect people and rid them of the fear and uncertainty they feel from youkai. This is what Natori also wants to achieve as an exorcist. He immediately latches onto Takuma’s kindness and desire to help people.

However, even if Takuma is kind and cares for him, he keeps him at a distance and it doesn’t seem he ever became a true reliable mentor to him. This comes from a reasonable desire for Natori to stay out of trouble. He continuously tells him he needs to not come to exorcist meetings or take jobs, as it isn’t something for children to be involved in. While this may be true, Natori wasn’t going to back out of the exorcist community no matter how many times Takuma told him to. What he needed wasn’t for someone to tell him to stay away from danger when he wasn’t going to do hat, he needed someone to look after him and guide him and teach him and to provide support in general.

Additionally, Natori didn’t have anything else. His family was abusive and neglectful and he was uncomfortable and alone during school. He needed a community where he felt he could be himself and where he could have some kind of connection and be productive. Natori also doesn’t interpret Takuma’s pushing away as simply attempts to convince him to stay out of danger, but as a rejection because he isn’t strong enough. Throughout his first backstory, he thinks he needs to make himself stronger and more powerful. If he can do that, he’ll prove to Takuma that he belongs in the community, that he’s worthy of being an exorcist.

Matoba is the first (and possibly only) peer close to his age Natori met who could see youkai. This would hopefully be a good thing, but the first thing he tells Natori is that he’s looking for allies he can “use”. This is the opposite of what Natori wants. He wants to be useful to others, but not used. Matoba is his first introduction to the kind of mindsets the exorcist community holds. The Matoba clan has maintained power since they started the community. When other weaker clans had fallen, they simply resigned to being absorbed into the head clan for protection. Natori’s clan is the one that refused to join and ended up leaving. Matoba wants to team up, but Natori immediately reads him as condescending and judgmental.

From what we’ve learned about him and his clan, Matoba was raised to become the head of a powerful clan since he was young. It’s clearly seen in the way he talks and acts that he was taught his clan is at the top and the other clans are weak and foolish and stubborn. He’s been taught that you should use anyone and anything at your disposal who is useful. This worries Natori, who grew up being labeled as lazy and worthless. He has a very low view of himself and is desperate to prove that he is useful. But he doesn’t want to be useful as someone’s ally, he wants to be useful as an individual.

This reflects the history of his clan’s history. The Natori clan wouldn’t work with the others and refused help to the very end, eventually giving up and leaving. We don’t know all of the details, but it’s likely this was out of pride as a very powerful clan. Like his ancestors, Natori also is resistant to Matoba’s help. However, this isn’t out of pride or thinking he’s too good for help, it’s because he thinks very poorly of himself and believes if he has to team up with someone stronger than him, than he isn’t good enough. He helps Matoba defeat the youkai they were hunting, but denies credit, giving it all to Matoba. Despite making a decent effort for his lack of experience, he thinks he failed completely. He wasn’t good enough to defeat it by himself, which means he failed.

While it’s understandable that Natori felt uncomfortable around Matoba and avoided him, it isn’t fair to say Matoba was completely responsible for them not getting along, or that his only intentions were to make use of him and use him as an ally, or that he looked down on Natori. Matoba likes Natori, and he wants Natori to like him. He has a curious and enthusiastic nature, and takes genuine interest in others.

Even if Natori is weaker than him, Matoba has respect for him and tries to provide helpful tips and compliments. He tells him things that could be helpful and compliments him when he succeeds at something (or at least makes an honest effort to). But unfortunately, despite his compliments being genuine, Matoba easily comes off as judgmental and superior and Natori is very sensitive to this. When someone your age or younger is obviously more experienced and stronger and talented than you are, when they try to be of help or compliment things that are much easier to them than they are to you, they are obviously reminding you of your weakness and inferiority and that you are to far behind to ever catch up. This is how Natori thinks, and it makes him very uncomfortable around Matoba. If he accepts his help, he accepts he isn’t strong enough to figure things out for himself. He can’t become his own person and follow his desired path if he gets stuck under someone with a clear and paved path.

More on Natori and Matoba’s Dilemma

Matoba and Natori’s situations are reversed in many ways.

Matoba is from the head exorcist clan which has held power since the community started, and has been raised to be its leader. He would’ve grown up hearing his powers were a good thing. By his teens, he’s already grown into the role expected of him perfectly: he’s intelligent, cunning, ambitious, confidently seeks allies, has top-class spiritual abilities, and already knows the in’s and out’s of the industry. Natori is from a fallen exorcist clan. He grew up being loathed and ostracized and mistreated by his family members because of his abilities. He is intelligent, ambitious, and powerful despite his family’s expectations and views of him. Matoba has massive expectations and burdens from his family that he’s had to grow up with. Natori has no expectations on him or burdens to carry. Matoba has a narrow role assigned to him by others that he has to fit into, Natori has had to assign a role onto himself.

Because Matoba has been given a clear and set path to follow with an entire clan backing him and guiding him, he is strong and unwavering, he knows who he is supposed to be and knows how to exist as that person. But because of this, his freedom is limited and he has very little space or opportunity to explore any options outside of what’s been given. He wasn’t given the choice on who he wants to be because it was already chosen for him.

Because Natori was essentially discarded and cut off from his family at a young age (at least emotionally), he has never had a clear path ahead of him to follow and has had no one to back him up. He is shaky and uncertain about everything. He knows what kind of person he wants to be, but is unable to clearly see the kind of person he already is. However, the lack of expectations on him means he has the freedom to explore his options and think on what path he wants to create for himself, since there was never one given to him.

They have natural gaps between each other that aren’t terribly big, but can never be crossed. Natori and Matoba are both powerful, but Natori will never see the beautiful chrysanthemums on the kimono. The two are close in age, but Natori will always be a year older than Matoba.

Despite their differences, they have more in common than Natori would like to accept. They are both very lonely, and they both crave closeness even if they deny it or put on fake ulterior motives.

Natori is lonely because he was isolated as something scary and unwanted, and his family kept him at a distance out of disgust and hatred. Matoba is lonely because he was isolated as a powerful asset for his clan, and may have been seen and raised as the future clan leader more than as just a normal human child.

In-between

We don’t know a lot about Natori between our two glimpses of him as a teenager and when we first meet him as an adult in the series. What we do know is that he had achieved his goal of becoming a powerful exorcist, acquired two youkai servants (we still don’t know the story behind Sasago), and somewhere along the line became a charming up-and-coming movie star. His personality had also developed both for better and worse, you could argue. On one hand he had become a charming and more friendly person to be around, as opposed to his withdrawn and irritable teenage self. On the other hand, he had grown a lot more cold and cynical, and seemed to pick up a lot of behaviors and mindsets from the exorcist community (belief that youkai are either dangerous or they exist to be used as tools, manipulative behaviors, it’s better to take care of youkai before they pose a risk to humans, etc).

Natori’s strengths: He is a charming and friendly person who’s kind and polite to his fans and coworkers. Even if he could be acting this way for appearances, he’s still learned to put aside his natural irritability and distrust of people in order to treat people he encounters politely (as opposed to the irritable and brusque way he interacted with his peers before). He is quick to recognize his mistakes and apologize for them, able to admit when he’s in the wrong (such as apologizing for the way he involved Natsume in his exorcism business). He is very concerned for others and it is his goal to help and protect others. He is determined and persevering and wants to search for his path in life.

Natori’s flaws: He has picked up deceptive and manipulative traits in order to thrive in his work community (such as omitting information or doing things in secret, acting charming to get what he wants or asking harsh questions to try and get Natsume to change his views). He is overprotective, and tends to use deceptive behavior in order to go about trying to keep people (Natsume in particular) safe. He is cold and cynical early on, often speaking harshly to Natsume when it comes to their disagreements about youkai (calling him naive and hypocritical, telling him he shouldn’t be soft to them, saying he needs to choose between youkai and humans).

Meeting Natsume

“I’m sorry, Natsume. I didn’t want to get you involved like this. You remind me of how I used to be. I just wanted to talk. I thought there were things I could tell you.”

After spending years being influenced and exposed to the exorcist community, Natori’s life was altered again after meeting our protagonist, Natsume. Exorcists exist at one end of a spectrum of youkai-seers: sympathizing with youkai is foolish and dangerous, youkai should be used as tools, you can’t protect people if you’re too soft; and Natsume is at the other end: being very sympathetic towards youkai, believing youkai are complex and have feelings and should be respected, you shouldn’t hurt them.

Natori had many expectations in place when he first met Natsume: he was a young child who needed to be protected, he knew the same suffering and therefore must have responded accordingly (aka the same way Natori did), he’s very powerful and would prove to be a powerful assistant and exorcist, he needed someone older who could see the same things as him as a guide and mentor. What he got instead was a very headstrong kid who had become very sympathetic towards youkai, even to the point of being very against hurting them even in the case of urgent self defense. Natsume showed zero interest in helping with exorcism and continuously resisted Natori’s efforts to persuade him otherwise.

Natori backed off on recruiting him for exorcism after seeing his reckless behavior, but still saw him as someone who needed to be guided and protected, and he still remained concerned at Natsume’s sympathy for youkai.

Natsume and Youkai

“Don’t be naive. You have to have zero tolerance when they attack humans. [...] You see them, don’t you? Surely you of all people understand, after the suffering they’ve put you through. [...] You need to stay detached… or you’ll regret it someday.”

“It’s too late to be sorry after there’s an incident. You’re being a hypocrite. What if they lived near your beloved Fujiwaras? Would you still say it’s no big deal? [...] It’s about time you decided which is more important to you – humans or youkai.”

Natori has been in a community that only sees youkai as tools to be used, or dangerous creatures to get rid of. It’s a shock to him when Natsume yells at him for attacking a youkai in self defense, and later on when he jumps into a dangerous spell circle to protect one.

Natsume shows as strong sympathy for youkai as he does for humans, something that Natori has never seen before. Youkai cause suffering to humans, especially humans who can see. Natsume has suffered because of youkai like Natori has, but yet he still cares for them as if they’re people. Natori early in the series sees Natsume as naive and foolish for this. He’ll regret getting emotionally attached to them, he’ll regret it if he doesn’t hurt a youkai who is dangerous.

Natori has absorbed what the community taught him, what Matoba taught him. He needs to help Natsume realize how dangerous his mindset is. He chides Natsume for his softness, and he speaks very harshly and coldly to him during the situation with Kai. He ends up telling him he must make a choice between humans and youkai. If he really cares about humans, he should stop caring about youkai. But Natsume refuses to choose. He cares about both equally. Natori realizes he was too harsh and apologizes.

He keeps his concern and caution, but he gradually begins to accept Natsume’s nature and his insistence at being connected to both worlds.

Natsume and the Exorcist Community

“I’m sorry, Natsume… I brought you here so you’d see you weren’t alone. But maybe someone with your power shouldn’t make yourself known to others.”

“Now I’m sorry that I got you involved in this business in the first place… back then, I think I wanted to enlist you as an ally. Someone who could help me. That wasn’t fair to you. But now, I’m just happy to help you.”

It’s strange to me that the fandom often hated Natori for trying to involve Natsume in exorcism. It was very early on that he strongly regretted this, and he has spent most of the series trying to keep Natsume away from exorcists. The only two times he directly got Natsume involved in exorcism was when they first met (being very pushy about involving him even though Natsume was disinterested) and when he took him to the assembly (which Natsume actually did want to go to and help with). I don’t count the hot springs trip as he hadn’t expected it to turn into a big situation or intended to directly have Natsume help him. Every other time he’s either asked Natsume to leave (with Natsume choosing to stay or being unable to leave for some reason) or he’s let him tag along because he knew it would be safer than Natsume getting involved by himself.

Keeping Natsume away from the exorcist business has been one of Natori’s primary motivations for most of the series. He knows it was wrong to involve him in such a dangerous world, and that Natsume should be able to grow up and try to live a normal life. This is what he wants for him.

Natori especially grows concerned once Natsume gets involved with the Matoba clan, and he tries to interfere with them getting involved. The first time happened during the Kai arc. He specifically took the job from the Matoba clan to keep them away from where Natsume lives. He’s even unusually cold and harsh towards Natsume to try and dissuade him from being even remotely involved in the situation.

But then Natsume does get directly involved with Matoba very soon after this. It is especially the incident with Matoba’s letter that causes Natori to involve himself secretly. He finds out Natsume received a letter from Matoba, and decides to monitor the situation from a distance, using a paper doll to interfere when needed. He ultimately destroys the letter without Natsume’s knowledge. This is where we first see Natori’s desperate attempts to interfere in hopes of keeping Natsume safe. This then leads to the situation with the Book of Friends next time he shows up.

The Book of Friends

“Urihime. Natsume is carrying something that’s important to him. Find out what it is. Ginro made it sound like it’s something dangerous… that exorcists shouldn’t know about. Natsume is too nice and reckless. I wonder if it’s something he shouldn’t even have.”

“Such a dangerous thing… should be thrown into a fire.”

The situation with the Book of Friends is the other thing Natori has received a lot of hate for from the fandom. It was interpreted simply as a betrayal of trust and an action he took because he thought Natsume was too naive and innocent to be in possession of such an object. But was anyone considering the situation from Natori’s point of view?

Natori is an adult. Natsume is a child. Natsume is in possession of a dangerous forbidden object that attracts the attention of youkai, some of whom are hostile, and would attract the attention of most exorcists if they were to know about it. Natori is part of the community that both forbid the object, but which also contains many people who’d probably want it for themselves. Natori is understandably very protective of Natsume, and finding out about the Book of Friends was very troubling. It explains why he’s so involved with youkai, and it is a situation that puts him in danger quite often.

Natori knew Natsume was hiding something after overhearing Ginro talk about the Book. And then later he saw how Natsume reacted to the matter of forbidden contracts. This gave him a pretty good idea as to what Natsume was secretly carrying. Natori knew he had to do something, even if it meant trying to find out about it behind Natsume’s back. In Natori’s mind and experience, it’s better to be deceptive and secretive than to wait until someone gets hurt.

Natori frankly is the only human who can protect Natsume from both youkai and the exorcist community. He also should take some responsibility for his safety, as he is an adult figure and also was the one who first dragged Natsume into the world of exorcism.

It was arguably “wrong” to search for information on Natsume’s secret, but it also would be bad to just completely ignore his younger friend being in danger. It makes sense he felt it was very important to try and learn more about it.

Natori and Natsume

“Will you help me with my other job? Hmm… You’re speechless. I’m sorry. This must seem pretty sudden. I was just feeling happy. Do you get it now? You’re not alone. You and I are alike.”

“Natsume. Thank you. It made me happy that you trusted me. For real. I want to be your friend. I want to help you. With all my heart. So… I want you to keep this safe. I don’t think I could trust myself as much as you trusted me.”

Natori and Natsume’s relationship started off rough, but it’s probably gone through the most changes and growth out of all of the relationships in this series. In the beginning, Natori is harsh and cynical. He sees Natsume as being too naive and soft, and believes he needs to adopt Natori’s own ideas: that youkai are mostly bad and dangerous, and it’s best to take care of the particularly dangerous ones before they hurt people. He thinks if Natsume keeps his soft idealism, he’ll be in bad situations and have to regret it one day.

But Natori continuously watches how kind and wonderful Natsume is, and he grows to deeply admire him for this. He still worries a lot about his safety and is skeptical of his relationship to youkai, but he’s nevertheless supportive, and would do anything to help him out. He quickly regrets how he got Natsume involved in a dangerous world, and is fiercely protective of him. Natsume grows very fond of Natori, and considers him a dear friend.

In the beginning, Natori sees Natsume as someone who needs to be guided and changed and molded to fit his own ideas, but he gradually comes to see Natsume as a strong and kind person, and wants to be his equal and his friend. He also admires Natsume’s perseverance in staying connected to other people, something Natori gave up on. Natsume almost gave this all up after seeing Tanuma was hurt, and Natori is the one who told him he needs to hang on to these connections.

Despite how shaky their relationship started off, Natori has become a very kind and supportive friend who cares for Natsume deeply and is willing to help him no matter what. He has grown to respect him even though he didn’t understand him at first, and even admires him for his differences. Their friendship has become solid and reliable, and they have both started learning to be able to lean on each other for support.

Growth Between Natori and Matoba

“You’re quite right. But I like it my way. The Matoba clan has their ways… and I’m looking for my own way… the ideal I want to strive for. That’s my goal, even if I’m fighting in the dark.”

“I won’t pretend to know what it’s like… to bear the burden of the legacy you’ve had to shoulder. But I think… that these days, a person doesn’t have to bear it alone.”

Natori has shown a lot of growth in his recent interactions with Matoba.

Back when they fought a youkai together as teenagers, Natori thought he had failed. His spell barely worked, and Matoba was the one who killed the thing. When Matoba congratulated him for his help, Natori denied being of any use, saying Matoba was the one who took care of it. He couldn’t take care of things himself like he wanted, so he took that as a complete failure and denied any credit.

After getting locked in a room together as adults, Matoba once again thanks Natori for his help. Natori doesn’t deny it this time, and instead thanks Matoba for his help as well. He proceeds to tell him he thinks nowadays people don’t have to bear their burdens alone. This shows a lot of growth, compared to when he thought he failed for not being able to take care of a dangerous youkai by himself. Now he happily cooperates with people, both offering and accepting help.

His interactions with Matoba as of late have also shown how patient he’s become. In the past, he responded to Matoba with frustration and irritability at anything that rubbed him the wrong way, even shoving him once. But then when Matoba chides him for having weak servants when they’re locked in the room, instead of getting angry, Natori calmly tells him he’s happy with how things are, and he’s still working on searching for the path he wants to follow.

He’s still lost and unsure of things, but he’s accepted that he’s still working on himself, instead of wallowing in self-pity and feeling like a failure.

In the past, the two of them seemed to dance around each other, avoiding help and brushing off concern. Natori wanted to be far apart from him, while Matoba wanted a partner. Natori wanted to be of help, while Matoba brushed off the concern with a smile. In recent chapters, they have been working together efficiently, accepting and offering help.

Natori is getting better at no longer stubbornly refusing help from others, and can accept that it’s better if people work on things together.

Identity Issues

“I suppose there’s nothing riding on my shoulders. I wonder if… that’s why the world seems so unstable.”

Natori has an unstable sense of self. He’s unable to see himself clearly, struggling to see his virtues and strengths, being unsure of his personal values, and is very disconnected from both himself and others.

He could also be interpreted as having alexithymia (inability to recognize or understand emotions in oneself, and also ties in to struggling to understand the emotions of others). He doesn't understand why he feels the way he does, and his emotions seem to have more of a physical reaction (saying he "feels sick") than being actually processed well. He seems to have a hard time understanding others' points of view and emotional responses as well.

Despite the identity disturbance, he does acquire strong goals. To become a powerful exorcist who doesn’t waver, and to be a kinder person who doesn’t hurt others. This is why discovering the exorcist community was such a pivotal moment in his life. He went from being driftless and detached to finding a strong purpose in life.

Natori faces a dilemma: he’s stubborn and doesn’t want to be shaped by someone else, but he also has a weak identity, leading him to be easily influenced by others. He wants to follow his own path, but still succumbs to some of the toxicity of the exorcist community. He describes his world as wavering.

He doesn’t have any burdens like Matoba has. He has nothing tethering him to the world, and therefore he doesn’t know who he is, or who he’s supposed to be. He feels lost and disconnected. This is perhaps why the exorcist community is so enticing. It finally gives him a purpose in life, a goal to strive for. He now knows what he wants to be. But he still remains lost after this, and still struggles to figure out his path in life.

However, in later chapters he seems to accept that he’s still searching for the path he wants to follow, and he’s determined to keep looking for it even if he makes mistakes along the way. He still struggles with his personal identity and his purpose in life, but he’s grown from his unsteadiness and fear he used to feel.

Deceptive Nature

“I’ve gotten too used to tricking people. You were having so much fun. I should have explained it to you. I’m sorry, Natsume. I’m really sorry.”

While he’s quick to admit he struggles with it, deceptive behavior is probably Natori’s most prominent and persistent flaw that still hasn’t completely gone away. He has a tendency to omit details, find out information in secret, or simply lie about things. This is also one of Natsume’s flaws, although they have some similar and different reasons for lying.

Natsume’s reasons are generally for keeping his abilities and youkai a secret from others, which requires lying frequently. This is naturally something Natori also has to do. He and Natori both will come up with lies or stories in order to gather information. Natori will often find out information about people in secret, such as when he tried finding out about the Book of Friends behind Natsume’s back. He isn’t explicitly lying to Natsume, but he is being deceptive by intentionally gathering information about something important to Natsume without his knowledge.

Something that Natori does that Natsume doesn’t is lying to get his own way. This mainly happened when he lied to Natsume about the situation with the hot springs, telling him he won the tickets in a contest and omitted the fact that he was actually going for an exorcism job. He also uses charm and wit to try and hide his true intentions at times.

Natori, like Natsume, has had to learn to lie in order to survive in a society that won’t believe what he’s gone through. However, even though he found a community that sees what he can, he has to become a worse liar to survive there as well. It’s ironic, as Natori believed it would be a community where he wouldn’t have to lie. But sadly the exorcist community is full of back-stabbing and trickery, and Natori’s had to pick up these skills himself.

Fortunately, he is well aware he’s struggled with these things and is working on unlearning them. He has been becoming a more sincere person for Natsume, and they’re both getting better at not hiding important things from each other anymore.

Relationship to People

“I’m not looking down on anyone. It’s just that… when your perceptions are different, conversations don’t mesh. And it makes me feel uncomfortable.”

Natori is asocial, and strongly avoids being close to other people. He doesn't seem to mind being around other people, but personal interactions are kept at a minimum. It seems he avoids actually mingling with any of his coworkers from either job, despite being friendly and charming to them. He lives alone and lacks close friends, only having professional or casual relationships.

Natsume becomes the one exception. But the reason this happened is that Natsume is easy and safe. He’s young (young being something adults equate with being impressionable), he has similar trauma as Natori, he can see youkai, and he isn’t part of the exorcist community. Additionally, Natori didn’t originally approach Natsume as a friend (despite wanting this), but as a potential mentor to him. Natori presented himself as someone who could teach Natsume a lot about youkai, and how to protect himself and others. So Natori at first sees him as someone he can shape and guide.

There are natural boundaries between Natsume and Natori that keep them at a safe distance. They are almost a decade apart in age, they live in different towns, Natsume is a student, Natori is an adult with two jobs. Natsume is someone he can be familiar with and fond of, while still maintaining a safe distance. Being friends with people his own age would have higher risk of them trying to form a closer, more emotionally intimate connection with less excuses to escape. Natsume is someone further in age he lives away from and only has a chance to see on occasion. He doesn’t risk having constant inescapable contact. Ironically, it’s because of all these boundaries that Natsume is easier to approach and form a bond with.

Matoba is a different story. He’s a similar age, has an almost opposite background, wants to be the one to shape and guide Natori, and lives nearby and is part of the same community. He is also more skilled and experienced. This is troublesome for Natori. He doesn’t want to be close to him, and actively chooses to be apart from him. He doesn’t want to be shaped by someone else, the way he wanted to shape Natsume when they first met. The idea of being close to someone his own age who’s both so different and yet also similar is a terrifying prospect to him, so he stays away from Matoba.

Natori faces a dilemma where he can't be close to people without sight, because he's too uncomfortable being with others who can't see the same world as him, but he also can't be with others like him due to his family being resented by his community. This again is why Natsume is the one safe person he feels kinship with. Someone who can see his world clearly, but who isn't a part of the community that looks down on him.

Natori is scared of being hurt and affected by others, but also scared of hurting others. So he waits until he finds the "perfect" person he thinks he can find a true kindred spirit in. But they still struggle to get along and Natori ends up being hurtful multiple times. This thankfully doesn't deter him, and instead he finally challenges himself to maintain and form a friendship despite the difficulties and despite making damaging mistakes. He remains determined and doesn't give up, and he always tries to make amends.

Famous Actor

Natori’s acting career ties into both his issues with his identity and his asociality. When you act, you get to wear someone else’s face. People see the character, not you. This works perfectly for Natori, and gives him the means of connecting with people without having to risk any intimacy or actual closeness. He receives the love and attention and praise he missed out on as a child, but doesn’t have to lose anything by giving himself in return. He gets to be different faces on screen and be pretty and popular and beloved, but he can avoid having to get close to anyone.

Again, Natori doesn’t mind being around people, it’s the actual closeness and conversations that make him uncomfortable. He’s happy to walk and talk with passing fans and receive congratulations from his movie coworkers, but he stays away from anything beyond that. He also is averse to being vulnerable. Acting is considered a vulnerable job, but the thing is, it's a safe vulnerability. The audience is watching the character, not you, even if you’re pouring yourself into the character.

Acting also provides a sort of temporary identity. You get to put a mask on and play out an imaginary scripted person. You can lean on your own experiences while being a completely different person. It's a safe and guarded way to explore human nature and personal identity. Perfect for someone who struggles to see themselves clearly.

Problems with the Fandom

“He’s always dragging Natsume into his exorcism business!”: I already went over this a lot. He got him involved a couple times and realized very early on this was wrong and apologized. He has spent most of the series trying to keep him from getting involved.

“He’s an asshole!”: He was mean several times and apologized each time. He’s a kindhearted and gentle and supportive person.

“He’s a liar!”: So is Natsume.

“He wants to change Natsume and tries to push his views onto him!”: He did at first, but realized it was wrong and has come to deeply admire Natsume and respect his differences.

Conclusion

Natori is a very fleshed out and well-written character in Natsume Yuujinchou. He has a lot of flaws, but that just means he’s had even more positive growth as a character. He goes from being harsh and cynical to being a very kind and supportive friend to Natsume. His similarities and differences to Natsume make him an intriguing character in the series and his relationship with Natsume to me is one of the most interesting parts in the story. He’s sadly received a lot of hate and backlash from the fandom, mostly due to misinterpretations of his character. Thankfully it’s gotten a lot better, but I think it’s important in the fandom space to discuss these things in detail instead of misreading everything and jumping to conclusions.

#natsume yuujinchou #natsume's book of friends #natsuyuu #natori shuuichi #natsume takashi

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lunasohma · 6 months

Text

timepiece

[ ao3 / ff.net ]

Natori has an appointment.

to go with my headcanon

—

Natori is in a bit of a hurry, but what's new?

He takes the few steps down to the shop, then he's through the door, leaving the street’s noise behind. Whatever comes with him is soundly dampened, sinking into upholstery and wood.

The maze of furniture has shifted, even from last week. A sign of good business, right? Today, it's a hard right toward the familiar sound of the radio skipping in and out of frequency. Being just below ground level has more of an effect than he would expect.

The sights are new as Natori makes his way through. A set of high-backed dining chairs. Ornately carved end tables. A slightly imposing, towering armoire. Miraculously dust-free as usual, the low light catches on the polished wood.

In contrast, the wide plank of the floor has long since lost its varnished shine, its creaks and groans. The past couple of times Natori was here, Mori-san mentioned that it would soon need to be redone or replaced. Natori thinks it a shame but can understand the danger of old wood in a place like this, with glass cabinetry and ancient furniture.

Still, not yet, as these kinds of projects go. Time will tell, he’d said, and the irony is hardly lost here.

Natori ducks through the chandeliers. Brushing by the hanging crystals sets off a soft, tinkling song. Near the back of the shop, things start to shrink. After all, they must fit neatly into glass cases and displays, along narrow velvet-lined shelves.

“Natori-san. Just in time.”

The small, charming thought takes root in his mind. “A pun?”

The watchmaker’s smile is always easily given, and his response is playfully rueful. “I don’t think I, of all people, have any right to deny it.”

Natori laughs.

—

Antique furniture evaluation and restoration, watch and jewelry repair too. Natori suspects that Mori-san wears many hats as he has yet to meet his business partner.

He’s honored that Natori thinks so but says he’s happier dealing with the fine and finicky. With hooks, eyes, and chains. With miniature mechanism and tiny ticking gears. Better him than Natori, who would sooner lose patience with such little things.

An offer of tea is made though he has come to expect Natori’s answer.

“Unfortunately, I’ve got to run.”

“Keeping busy as usual.” Mori-san nods approvingly, then brightens. “That reminds me, I’ve just seen your latest drama!”

In short order, Natori’s modesty and a slight embarrassment flare up and Mori-san heeds none of it, going on to highlight all his favorite parts. Natori can only let his enthusiasm wash over him and finds that he is comfortable.

—

There are some vague stresses in the leather band that Mori-san diligently points out. Nothing major yet, no worries. Simply something to keep in mind for the future. Everything else is running just fine.

“So, there we are.” Natori’s left wrist regains the familiar weight. He’s missed it.

“Thank you, it’s always good to see you.”

“And to have your watch back, of course.”

“Only since you do such a good job.” And so, Mori-san is summarily humbled and they are even.

—

He doesn’t have much more time to linger so he retraces his path back to the front. The chandeliers sing their goodbye and the doorbell chimes its farewell.

Until next time, they say.

Natori looks forward to it.

#happy birthday :’)#natori shuuichi #natori #my fic #fanfiction #natsume yuujinchou #natsuyuu #hexfest2k23

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adanaac · 10 months

Note

Could I ask about your OC's? Specifically Ophicucus and Tsuru, I love how majestic Ophi is drawn and Tsuru fascinates me both with the concept and also how lovely you have illustrated him.

I hope you are well, and thank you again for helping me with my questions o7.

Sincerely HMAD.

oh good i get to talk about my son!!

my blorbo my beloved my babygirl he means everything to me

i made him in 2017 so hes sort of grown up with me (or i've grown up and realised things about him that i couldn't have when i was younger. i have so many complicated feelings abt this that i made a short comic about it last year)

to preface this im not a great writer dont expect good writing from me lol all i have is my personal experience and stealing tropes from stories i like

(got a lot to say so its all going under the cut. also a lot of death mention)

So. who is this dude

Tsuru (not his real name in-story, i havent come up with one im happy with), 18 years old, a ghost

he has a little sister, Ori, 15, who was meant to be my sona but then i just drew him more and like drawing him more anyway

first 2 drawings i ever did of him. he was based off natori natsume yuujinchou at this point, i dont remember why or if i even liked natori that much, but i remember distinctly hes based off him

u may have noticed he sort of looks older in my older art. this is because first of all art style drift lol but also as ive gotten older ive figured out that 18 isnt actually that old.

theres also a black haired version of him (two actually) its basically something like this ⬇️

important to know that everything about this dude is a convoluted metaphor

i lovingly summarize white tsuru as "people pleaser" and black tsuru as "nihilist prick" in my head and those are the things consistent throughout all the AU versions of him

(important differences only to me) alive tsuru doesnt act like black tsuru at all thats just his warped self perception (he also doesnt act exactly like white tsuru either)

also alive tsuru has black eyes and the shortest hair, black tsuru has blue eyes and slightly longer hair (also white tsuru is slightly taller than both of them)

if they all existed at the same time they would hate each other on sight but fortunately (unfortunately?) he is just 1 dude with issues

the general vibe is white tsuru is the "yippee floaty trickster" brand of ghost and black tsuru is the sort of ghost in horror media that stands just outside your field of view in the darkness dripping with blood

for the longest time only white haired tsuru was a "character", "black haired tsuru" existed just as his corpse at most, a footnote

but over the past 2 years ive figured that hes actually really fun to draw and play with, and in a different way than white tsuru

(wait fuck isnt this just abe trio. i do always almost accidentally draw tsuru when im trying to draw haruaki.... fuck.....)

(ive had tsuru for long enough that i just keep tacking details from my fav characters onto him.....)

halls smp

so ive been on this minecraft roleplay server called halls smp with other artists for the past 2 years, theres a new season of it every few months with a different theme each time to keep things fresh and ive just been making AU versions of tsuru for it so ive had a lot of opportunity to think about him

season 1 - halloween - jiangshi tsuru

this one is almost entirely unchanged from his base characterization because i didnt want to rp too much and also didnt know there would be future seasons at this point (also basically after the first day i gave up on being called "tsuru" bc its too hard to pronounce and everyone called me canada anyway)

same basic story, guy dies and theres now a white haired version of him (actually this is the same for all the AUs). in fact im pretty sure the black haired version of this one is exactly base alivetsuru. basically what ive been interested in exploring is different kinds of death, the events leading up to it, and what kind of person he becomes afterwards (but also in equal amounts im interested in making fun designs and playing minecraft and fucking around)

(this feels like the start of the beginners guide...)

i associate him with doves and at the time, tarot card 18: the moon, but in retrospect i now think he's card 0: the fool.

season 2 - winter - ishmael

guy who died at sea and eaten by a interdimensional whale and got isekaied. loosely conceptually based off moby dick, although i havent actually read it LOL but i did spend a week reading up on drowning and hypothermia

strangely, his death didnt create a white haired version of him, perhaps because he didnt have anything in life to give up his identity and replace it with. (and also remember the hair color doesnt actually mean dead/alive)

im only calling him ishmael now in retrospect, at the time he was just tsuru/canada

while designing him i had the biggest crisis bc i didnt want him to look to much like this old old oc i had (pic 1) but then i sucked it up and went with it anyway

i never got around to drawing it but his fingers are black from frostbite thats why he wears gloves all the time.

hes one of my favorite iterations of tsuru he looks so mad or upset all the time it makes me want to tease him, and also i think the grey skin and eyebags are very cute

i associate him with whales and tarot card 18: the moon

season 3 - golden grove - fox tsuru

honestly i think this is my favorite design of him i kinda popped off. i think im just a lot more comfortable working with warm colors. and also i associate white tsuru with foxes anyway (black tsuru is totally a catboy btw) (why is he not associated with cranes if his name is tsuru you ask?? bc cranes are hard to draw next question. he did start out based off cranes tbf, thats where the white hair and the tallness comes from)

dead fox possessing his dead human friend's body (although thats only the most literal interpretation of events; in all these iterations there's only ever been 1 person) the white tsurus are mostly interested in "moving on", whatever that means to each of them

btw my banner on this blog is him

hes sort of a set with s2 tsuru to me, mostly bc theyre the ideals that "white tsuru" and "black tsuru" hold taken to the extremes, and also theyre on opposite ends of the "hates people hates talking" and "loves to talk and mess with people" scale

anyway. hes tarot card 10: wheel of fortune to me

season 4 - wild west - mirage

the desert dragon, mirage. this is the season i started giving them actual names that arent "tsuru" and putting actual thought into the story lol previously it was just vibes-based character design. i have a short thing written about him thats meant to be the script for a comic, but i never got around to drawing it.

a sandworm-esque dragon that got tired of being a dragon and took up a passing witch's offer to give him a human form. this is all a metaphor i think. he has longer hair bc i wanted to spice things up a little

(also i consider this a form of death bc he left behind a giant sandworm/dragon skeleton somewhere in the desert)

the mirage-dragon thing comes from the shen 蜃 (which is used in the chinese word for mirage, 海市蜃楼 haishi shenlou, literally translating to "ocean city and shen's castle"). it's a clam-like dragon that produces foam that creates mirages over the ocean.

if u read "even if you slit my mouth", this is what the "shinkiro" or "shin" in recent chapters is. (i had one of those "smug because i already know all about the mythological creature a story is referencing" moments, which i also had with the four gods in yohaji bc i used to translate a game that mentioned them too)

isnt it romantic in a way? that the two places mirages are most known for happening are the ocean and the desert.

i dont have too much art of him because around this time i was uhhh (checks calendar) got back into yohaji and got consumed by it for a couple months lol (can u even blame me. it was july to september that was when like chapter 91 came out lol)

an earlier version of his design that i didnt end up using but i still really like this art

hes tarot card 9: the hermit to me

season 5 - fairytales/medieval - ophiuchus

NO FUCKING WAY YOURE NEVER GOING TO BELIEVE THIS for this one i actually ironed out what kind of people the black haired and white haired versions of him are. and also specifically this one isnt black tsuru but alive tsuru

i have a short poem thing about him, to summarize its like so many other fairytales about grateful animals granting their saviors something, but it doesnt end well for anyone

hes based off ophiuchus and asclepius of course, but also a lot of other snake stories in general, like the lindwurm and baishezhuan

to reiterate, for none of these stories do i consider there to ever actually have been 2 separate people, its always just 1 fucked up guy

i also sort of consider him to be a set with mirage, for both being serpents, and also for being "black tsuru whose personality is like white tsuru" and "white tsuru whose personality is like black tsuru", thereby codifying for myself that to him, someone who's stuck in his own head a lot, what matters most to him is his ideals, what all his actions are in pursuit of

he's tarot card 12: the hanged man to me

bonus: dnd character - alba

i also have a version of him i play for dnd, named alba to match with my party who all have color themed names. a halfling ranger who's very small and very loud. except he has amnesia and cant remember anything from before he was 12 (hes around 18 now according to him), including that he's actually a changeling who just transformed into a halfling to seem older than he is to work at a bar and nearly died in a bar fight.

(if you spend as much time fretting over semantics as me, you may note that changelings are medium sized and cannot transform into halflings which are small sized, for which my explanation is that he's been in halfling form since he was a kid, and after the amnesia he thought he actually was a halfling. this is also why his hair is white btw bc changelings have white hair. pre-amnesia in his "actual" halfling transformation he had black hair. i care too much about semantics but hey isnt dnd the semantics game anyway?)

anyway congrats alba for being the only version of tsuru that hasn't outright "died"!! if only because dnd has actual rules and i can't pull my usual death-ghost nonsense as easily!!!

hes very ship of theseus to me, all versions of him are. what makes up a person? what defines them? is it their face, their appearance, their name? their personality, their memories, their ideals? if you slowly replace each of those, one at a time, with a copy thats very similar to the original, at what point are you a different person?

as thanks for reading all of this i'll reveal what some of the metaphors are, the core of who tsuru, as a character, is to me. maybe this is fairly obvious, but all the death and personality weirdness stuff is a convoluted metaphor for depression and autism, as well as the experience of reading the things you've written years ago, seeing old photos and others talking about who you were years ago and finding that person wholly unfamiliar, that you understand the thought process of that person no more than you would a stranger's, as a result of having taken apart your identity and replaced it piece by piece with things from people you like more than yourself.

im always scared of scrutinizing tsuru too hard because he's just a weird reflection of myself, and i think i'll only be able to write a version of him thats more of a "whole person" once i figure that out for myself. the only way you see your own reflection is through a mirror after all, a flattened 2D surface.

haha this got kinda weird and depressing and personal at the end (mostly bc ive been writing this in the middle of the night, its now 4am)

after seeing my soul laid bare like this, if theres one takeaway, i think its pretty obvious why i'm so enamored by the parts of yohaji that i talk about often (huh wasnt this a post about my oc why did it become about yohaji)

oh yeah i just realised u probably also wanted to hear more about my yohaji version of tsuru specifically. honestly theres not really more to it i just like drawing him in situations. like of course the same themes apply but i just like drawing this dude thats 90% the reason hes my sona. like heres a pokemon au of him i drew recently bc i wanted to draw them as kids and also as pokemon gijinkas

anyway thats all. not really bc i could go on and on about him but this is way too long and also way too personal at this point. i think about him a disproportionate amount, i only have 2 other ocs i remotely care about and the extent of my thoughts for those guys is "i think hes fun 👍"

this has probably also been like, the 3rd most comprehensive description of tsuru that ive made, 1st being the thoughts in my head and 2nd being the past 5 years worth of DMs with my friend who i talk about tsuru with

(why was this sort of structured like the beginners guide. if youve seen the beginners guide tell me if im right or delusional. if u havent, go watch a playthrough of it, have an existential crisis, and then afterwards tell me)

#canada art #canada ocs #this hit the 30 image per post limit lmaoo

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kinosternon · 5 months

Text

20 Questions

Got tagged by @marezelle (like a month ago, whoops) and this looks fun, so I'm gonna try it!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

Officially 37, unofficially 57-ish (I have a lot on anon right now, plus some semi-ancient FFN stuff posted under a pseud)

2. What’s your total AO3 words count?

Apparently, 644,538.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Kind of a lot? One "it's complicated" fandom which I tend to stay on anon for, especially lately; a fair bit for a very specific corner of Free!, also for Natsume's Book of Friends. Voltron's an ex-fandom but I had fun with it right when it started; there's a handful of other anime I've cycled through. I've got an Undertale longfic I'd really like to get back to one of these days. Lately, a whole bunch of stuff for the 9 Worlds series by Victoria Goddard, which is both amazing in itself and also has my favorite fan community to date.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Names Gone Before—my one and only Adventure Zone fic, and a oneshot, but apparently it was a hit lol

Chasing Silver, Chasing Gold—my beautiful monstrosity of a love letter to the characters introduced in the third season of Free!, and which came out too late for most of the English-speaking fandom to notice it very much (this goes for the show itself and also the timing of my publishing🥲). I am so grateful that so many people have managed to find it regardless!

Equivalence—aforementioned Undertale longfic. I really want to finish it one of these days, but I know what's coming in the last arc and it intimidates me. XP

Omimai—of all my Natsume fics, I'll admit I wouldn't have figured this to be the top one. But I guess Natori is a fan favorite, and I do appreciate that it's very solidly a gen fic that gets a lot of love regardless.

Like trust falls from towers—aforementioned s1-era Voltron fic. It was an experiment to get me posting more, I had fun with it while it lasted, and I got some truly wonderful comments and support from folks reading along while I was working on it. I still go back and reread it sometimes, and I think it was pretty good.

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I always try to! I want to show appreciation and make sure people know that going to the effort it takes to write a comment means a great deal to me.

6. What’s the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

That's a tough one. Probably Pistachio Christmas Tree, as it's a snapshot of a really rough time in the POV character's life and doesn't really show any signs of things getting better for him anytime soon. (All my angsty endings come from canon compliance, lol)

OH. Or Chasing Fingerprints, which is a Nabari no Ou AU oneshot that I wrote back in high school. I wrote it under some weird constraints and don't really like it all that much, but the ending is ambiguous and deeply angsty.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

That is also weirdly difficult to say! Snapshots for Natsume, Slow your breath down (just take it slow) for Victoria Goddard's novel Plum Duff, and turning in your hand for At the Feet of the Sun (also by Goddard). Two of those three are wintertime fluff; I enjoy that subgenre a whole lot.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

No. I've occasionally had some slightly weird interactions, but overall I'd say even those were well and enthusiastically meant.

9. Do you write smut? If so what kind?

Occasionally, and I'm not sure what kind it'd count as. Insecure, possibly? (me or the characters, either-or XP)

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

Only two so far! The weirder one was my first-ever fic, where I technically crossed over Twilight with both old!Who and new!Who. Then there's Clowder, which crossed over two of Yuhki Kamatani's manga from pretty different eras and genres and which I'm pretty darned proud of.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not to my knowledge, no.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

I had someone ask once, a while back, but at the moment I don't remember which fic it was, or if I ended up hearing how it went.

13. Have you ever cowritten a fic before?

...If adding to a bredlik compilation counts, then yes? And I've also done a fair bit of writing to requested prompts for gift exchanges and the like, which isn't the same thing as cowriting but which feels at least a little bit similar.

14. What’s your all-time favourite ship?

Oh man, how can I choose? 😭 At the top this has to be a tie between Miharu & Yoite (Nabari no Ou, QPR extraordinaire) and Yukito/Touya (Cardcaptor Sakura, TRC, etc). But also Merthur was my first ship-ship. HiyoIku (Free!) for writeability and general fucked-up-ness, but I'm not always 100% sure I ship it, tragically. Natsume and Tanuma for the same uncertainty minus about 90% of the toxicity, whee.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

I'm not going to say "doubt," but uh. A couple of "it's complicated" fandom pieces (especially the ones I originally meant to be series) and also the Undertale longfic. Also some 9 Worlds WIPs, but I haven't started publishing those ones yet, either.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Characterization is a big one—it matters a lot to me and also I've been complimented on it. Fic is my love letter to canon and so I tend to focus on what I love about canon the most, which is almost always the characters' interiority and/or relationship dynamics. I also think I'm usually fairly good at matching the tone of the original, though admittedly the translation aspect of anime stuff gives me a bit of leeway there.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Logistics. I will forget who I put in a room over a certain number of characters, and explaining how people get to and from things (or even appear in a scene) is a terrible chore. (And that's just people—my track record for items, especially furniture, is even worse.) I suspect that my overall pacing also suffers from this because coming up for practical reasons for scenes to start can be difficult.

Also scene transitions, because I write things out of order. :B

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I probably won't, for several reasons. For one, I feel like without a dedicated beta, my errors would be immersion-breaking for anyone with high enough Japanese proficiency. Also, on the other side of things, presumably most of my readers wouldn't be able to make the jump from English into Japanese (which is the only other language I'm remotely able to write in), so accessibility would be an issue. That said, I've occasionally tried to factor in what I know about Japanese and "translate" (at least a bit) to adjust how I write dialogue, when writing fics based on anime.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Doctor Who/Twilight, lol. (I cared a lot about them both, okay? Also I thought trying to mash up their canonical vampire mythologies would be funny! And I was definitely right about at least one of those things.)

20. Favourite fic you’ve ever written?

Oh this is also mean. It's gotta be Chasing Silver, Chasing Gold though. It kicked my ass but I also put my heart and soul into it, and its length, completion, and the responses I've gotten to it have all combined to profoundly affect how I see myself as a writer. (Which may sound a little suspect, but the thing is, I spent years massively looking up to people who could write longfic, most of all to people that could do so and finish. It meant so so much to be able to join those ranks myself, whether or not I manage to do it again someday.) It genuinely feels like one of the most significant things I've done with my life, and it's something I think I'll always be proud of myself for managing to write through to the end.

Annnd done! I'm gonna tag @octopus--writer just for fun ;)

#fanfiction #about the writer #writing memes

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necle · 1 year

Text

title: Where Camellias Fall and Grow characters: Natsume Takashi, Tanuma Kaname, Taki Tooru, Nyanko-sensei wordcount: 6.3K ao3 link: Here summary: Natsume, Tanuma, and Taki travel to field deep within a forest to pick some wild camellia flowers. They then encounter a camellia spirit while there.

A bit late but Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays, @nin-deer ! I’m your secret santa in the @natsume-ss gift exchange. The prompts were platonic friendship and found family, which I hope I was able to convey in this fic. Hope you enjoy.

It was a cold, winter day. The three of them were all bundled up in coats and boots as they stood in the middle of a clearing. There were many bushes scattered throughout the field, each with bright red flowers in bloom that were caked in snow. The three of them each had a straw basket beside them that had a small layer of leaves and flowers from what they had plucked from the bushes.

“Thank you for helping me out.” Natsume thanked the two of them as he placed the flower in his basket. “I’m embarrassed to admit it, but the money I had saved up for Christmas had to be used for emergency funds. And I couldn’t bring anyone else with me here.”

“Not to worry.” Tanuma assured him, “You had given me an excuse to leave the house. It is so tempting to stay in and snooze the season away. I wouldn’t normally be able to see a pretty sight such as this in the middle of winter.”

“Same. I would have been cramped up inside reading too many books. It’s so beautiful to see so many camellias blooming in the snow.” Taki agreed, “How did you even find this place? I don’t think I’ve seen so many of them together other than the public gardens, let alone wild ones.”

“A youkai friend told me about this spot. She said they’ve been blooming here for centuries in the winter almost undisturbed.” Natsume explained to her, “Because of that, sometimes it can be a breeding ground for old spirits, so it is best for this area to be pruned from time to time. Though she says it is too much of a hassle and nobody cares about it to do it often enough…”

“The field needs to be pruned because of old spirits? Does this mean this place is not safe?” Tanuma asked Natsume.

“It should be, or so she had said.” Natsume answered, though his voice lacked confidence as he now realized the potential danger this situation could bring. He should check with Natori later if this place is within radar for exorcists. “In any case, we won’t stick to this place for long. And I’ll make sure Nyanko-sensei does his job if we run into trouble.”

“What? My job is to only protect your wimpy butt. Don’t go bringing along other people into this deal.” Nyanko-sensei abruptly got up from his napping spot.

“Come on, Sensei. Don’t be lazy.” Natsume chided him. “You have fur and you’re napping. Tanuma and Taki don’t and they’re helping out.”

“Pff. Not my problem.” Nyanko-sensei blew off Natsume before he plopped right back down, curling into his napping spot without a care.

“You lazy cat.”

“It’s alright, Natsume-kun. Sensei helps out when it counts.” Taki said in defense of the cat, “And I don’t think we’ll run into trouble.” Tanuma nodded in agreement.

“Let me know if you guys don’t feel safe or are feeling unwell. Especially you, Tanuma.”

“Sure, I’ll let you know.” Tanuma assured him, “Still. I’m not surprised this place is so undisturbed. It’s so high up in the mountains. Even if you hiked here, you would really have to know your way unless you had someone like Ponta to fly them over.” Tanuma observed.

“It was incredible. I’ve been on an airplane once, but it was nowhere nearly as cool as riding on Nyanko-sensei. Not to mention soft or fluffy.” Taki blissfully reminced. “You hadn’t told me you had rode on him before, Tanuma-kun. You are so lucky!”

“That…” Tanuma remembered the incident at the Omibashira mansion, “I was too exhausted to enjoy the ride at the time…”

“That is a shame. Please take me flying once in a while.” Taki requested, looking at the cat expectantly.

“If it means I can get you off my back, I’ll gladly do it.” Nyanko-sensei replied.

“I think you need to let her ride on your back for her to do that.” Tanuma pointed out, smiling wryly.

“A couple rides on my back will save me the future times of her clutching my back and my entire body.”

“Aww. I don’t want to stop that either.” she confessed before she scooped up the cat.

“This isn’t the time, you fool. Let me go!” Nyanko complained as he struggled to get out of the girl’s grasp.

Natsume and Tanuma chuckled at the cat’s predicament.

They eventually resumed plucking the leaves and flowers from the bushes. The plan was to pluck evenly across the bushes. They had collected quite a lot, though the bushes still remained relatively full.

After some time, they heard a voice call out. “Hey, look at this.”

Tanuma and Natsume looked around and noticed Taki was no longer nearby. They then refocused their attention from where the sound came from within the forest.

“Over here.” Taki called out again, as if to confirm their thoughts.

They both headed towards the source of the sound and the trail of footsteps in the snow. They quickly caught sight of Taki and headed towards where she stood. There was a wide, tall tree that was full of striking red camellias in bloom. The tree was more than ten feet tall and stood out amongst the evergreen trees that carried no flowers of its own.

Natsume checked on the other two and noticed the still gaze Tanuma had towards the tree. “Tanuma?”

“Oh?” Tanuma snapped out of his stupor, realizing Natsume had called out to him.

“Are you ok?”

“Yeah, I’m alright. I was just taken aback from how large this tree is. I never knew it could grow as a tree that is this tall. It feels like a presence looming over me.”

“...Yeah, that is true. I mostly see camellias in bushes or much smaller trees.” Natsume agreed, “What led you here, Taki?”

“I no longer saw Nyanko-sensei around so I decided to look for him.” Taki explained to them, “Though I saw this beautiful tree and got distracted.”

“Yeah. I don’t blame you.” said Tanuma.

“Maybe we could grab a couple of these flowers and leaves from here?” Taki suggested.

“Sure.”

The trunk and branches didn’t look strong enough to support their weight, and no one wanted to risk trying to climb it and damage the tree. Instead, they decided to grab a few flowers and leaves from the lower branches.

After their arms were full, they walked back to the place they came from.

“That was a good spot you found.” Natsume complimented her, adjusting his hold to secure his collection of loose leaves.

“Thanks. Though should we be leaving Nyanko-sensei behind?” Taki wondered.

“Ehh. He’ll be fine. Probably napping on a branch somewhere.”

“He might be trying to hide from you, Taki-san.” Tanuma teased lightly.

“Aww. That’s not fair.” Taki pouted, sulking a little. “You wanted to get the camellias for the Fujiwaras, right?”

“Yes. Touko-san mentioned how she enjoyed it as a mochi filling and the tea you can make from it. And that she had not made it in a long time. And Shigeru-san said he liked to eat the petals fried with sugar.” explained Natsume.

“Wow. That sounds like it would be an interesting flavor. I’ve never tried it before,” said Tanuma.

“Me either.” Taki seconded, “Tell me how it tastes and if she could share the recipe.”

“Sure. She will probably tell me to invite you guys over to try some.”

“I look forward to it.”

They soon reached the clearing, baskets still in their same place as they left them. However, as they approached their original haul, it had looked a bit different.

“Hey, does something look a little off here?” Taki noticed.

“Yeah. I swear, we had a bit more than this.” Tanuma agreed.

“I think so too. But the baskets don’t look like they were knocked over and I don’t see anything has spilled out.” Natsume observed, noting the undisturbed surroundings. “Maybe we thought we had more than we did? Or maybe an animal took some?”

“Do animals eat camellias?” wondered Taki.

Natsume looked unsure and Tanuma shrugged.

“I guess we should go collect some more.” Tanuma suggested.

The three of them dumped their newly acquired collection into their baskets before they resumed plucking the leaves and flowers from the nearby shrubs.

As they refilled more of their baskets, Taki spoke up. “Nyanko-sensei has been gone for a while now, hasn’t he.”

“We made back the progress we lost now, at least. We could probably look for him.” Tanuma suggested.

“You guys stay here. I’ll go get him.” Natsume volunteered as he got up, “Could you keep a watch of my stuff?”

“Sure.” Taki assured him before she and Tanuma resumed plucking the flowers and leaves.

Natsume entered back into the forest, calling out to his feline companion.

“Nyanko-sensei! Where are you?”

Natsume was met with no response in return. Rustlings of the wind filled in the silence.

The tail end of his scarf fluttered in the passing breeze. Natsume readjusted it so it blocked the fresh cold air from his face. He was lucky that it wasn’t snowing or else that cat would have blended seamlessly in with the snow. As he circled around the clearing within the forest, he found himself back in front of the large, camellia tree.

Natsume stopped and looked back up. It really was a huge tree. Like the field, he was surprised the flowers didn’t look at all dampened by the snow. It was enchanting to see such an ornamented tree in an otherwise ordinary area. As he absorbed the sight before him, Natsume found himself slowly reaching for a flower.

“Excuse me.”

Natsume jolted in surprise, pulling his hands back. He turned to see a woman standing nearby the tree. She had long, jet black hair, and was wearing a black and red kimono with a large flower pattern near the ends of it.

How did I miss her before? With such a conspicuous outfit, Natsume was surprised he didn’t notice her standing there before. “I’m sorry. I didn’t see you there.” Natsume apologized, still stunned to find another person here.

“No. It is alright.” she said. “May I ask what are you doing here?”

“I-” Natsume was caught off guard by the sudden question, before he responded. “I’m just visiting here to see the camellia flowers.”

“Really? You came all this way here to see the flowers? This area isn’t easy to reach.” she pointed out.

“Yes, it was not.” Natsume responded.

“Did you come here by yourself?”

Natsume thought his words carefully. There was something definitely off here. She could be someone living up here in the mountains. But even with her traditional clothes, the material of her kimono looked very light on a cold day like this. And neither him nor Nyanko-sensei saw any houses or cabins nearby on their arrival to this place.

Speaking of, Nyanko-sensei was nowhere to be seen. He didn’t want to take any risks with Tanuma and Taki around.

“Yes, it’s just me.” Natsume answered curtly before he turned away, “I should head back.” He started to walk away.

“You’re here to pick the camellias, are you not?”

Natsume stopped in his place before he turned back towards her. The woman stayed still in her spot, an eerie smile on her face.

“I don’t mean to stop you. I had seen you come by earlier.” the woman explained as Natsume stayed silent, “You should collect some of the flowers and leaves from this tree too. They’re beautiful, but they are going to go to waste before the season ends. So if you are plucking them, you should help yourself to the ones on this tree too.”

Natsume considered his options. “Did you… see a cat by chance?”

The lady stood there with a confused look before she slightly tilted her head to the side, “I did see an orange and white cat. He appears to be sleeping on one of the upper branches of this tree.

“Sleeping?” Natsume questioned. It’s not that he couldn’t see that being the case, but Nyanko-sensei should have heard him by now. Then again, Sensei can be a heavy sleeper when he wants to be. Natsume looked up at the tree. The branches looked sturdy enough to support a cat, even one like Nyanko-sensei. But with the leaves and snow obstructing his view, he could not tell from this distance if he was there.

“You won’t be able to see from there.” the woman spoke up, as if reading his thoughts, “Why don’t you step closer?”

Natsume looked back at the woman again. Natsume would have not been surprised if the lady was an ayakashi, given her odd mannerisms. Still, Natsume sensed no ill presence from her. If Nyanko-sensei were to be napping, he would likely be there in this tree.

Hesitatingly, Natsume stepped closer to the tree. He squinted, searching through the branches for any sign of his cat.

Natsume could hear a faint buzzing by his ear.

“What?” Natsume yelped and jumped back. The bee hovered in place, buzzing loudly, before landing on Natsume’s hand. He then felt a sharp pain in his finger as the bug stung his hand.

“Ouch!” Natsume winced before he flicked his wrist, sending the bee tumbling. Natsume nursed his sore finger, noticing there was no needle attached to him. The bee reoriented itself back upright and facing Natsume once more. It then darted straight towards him.

Natsume bolted immediately, running as fast as he could from the bee. Despite the distance traveled, the bee pursued, ignoring the lady entirely.

Natsume soon found himself back at the clearing, with Taki and Tanuma still plucking away.

“Natsume, did you find where-Natsume?”

“Taki! Tanuma! I’m being chased by a bee.”

“A bee?” Taki asked as both she and Tanuma got up.

Natsume decided to run around the edge of the clearing, staying away from his friends so they wouldn’t get chased too. Natsume could only hope he could outrun or out-tire it, but that didn’t look to happen any time soon.

“Watch out, Natsume!”

With a glimpse of reflected glass, Natsume stopped and ducked. He heard something sweep over him before some muffled buzzing. After he felt no new pain from the bee despite his stationary position, Natsume looked up to see Tanuma holding a jar with the bee inside.

Natsume sighed in relief. “Thank you, Tanuma.”

“Glad I got it on the first try. Thank Taki for the spare jar.”

“It was the jar that we had the konpeito from before. Glad we have another use for it too.”

The three of them watched the bug buzzing against the glass. It was ramming itself into the wall repeatedly, though the bee’s behavior is not what made this situation peculiar.

“Does this bee look a little odd to you?”

“Yeah, it does. Its body isn’t black and yellow. It almost looks orange and white in this lighting.”

The bug stopped ramming its head into the glass, then landed on the bottom of the jar on top of a remaining candy piece.

“I’m glad you finally figured it out.” a raspy, high pitch voice sounded in a familiar tone.

“What? It can talk.” Taki exclaimed.

“Don’t tell me… Sensei, is that you?”

“Sensei?!”

“Yes, you fool. Of course it’s me. Who else could be?”

“Ponta got turned into a bee?”

“Well, if you spoke up earlier and didn’t sting and chase me the entire time, maybe I would have noticed sooner.”

“You weren’t paying attention and almost walked into that lady’s trap. I had to stop you somehow.”

“Lady? Trap?”

“So she was an ayakashi.” Natsume concluded.

“Natsume-kun, what’s going on?”

Natsume sighed, realizing all that was being told was pieces of the story. “Let me start from the beginning. I was searching for Nyanko-sensei and eventually found myself back to that camellia tree we saw before. A lady was there in her red and black kimono that I am now sure she is as an ayakashi. She said she knew where Nyanko-sensei was and to look up the tree. Next thing I knew, Nyanko-sensei bit me while he was like this and chased me back to here.”

“Serves you right. You weren’t listening to a word I was saying! It’s like how you punch me sometimes to knock some sense into me.” Nyanko-sensei justified himself.

“That is not comparable.”

“Anyways, Sensei. How did you end up like this?” Tanuma interjected, hoping to stop their little squabble.

“Well, I was looking for a prime spot to nap in the trees and thought that tree would provide good sunlight. I saw the same lady you saw too, though unlike this dummy here, I knew instantly she was an ayakashi. She then mentioned the tree had some good fermented sake inside, so I went closer to take a peak and then turned into this.”

“Really? You fell for that so easily because of alcohol? You’re hopeless.” Natsume sighed, exasperated.

“Shut up. You aren’t paying me for this job so I had to find a way to wile away the time.” Nyanko-sensei argued back.

“Sensei. I want to let you know. I still love you, even if you are a bee.” Taki cheered him supportingly.

“Huh? I don’t know what nonsense you are blabbering about.” said Nyanko-sensei, befuddled by the girl’s statement, “Though I will say your tastes are impeccable as always, young lady.”

“Guess the camelia sake around here after all.” Tanuma gave a light-hearted jab.

“C’mon, Tanuma-kun. Just look at bee Nyanko-sensei. He is so small. Isn’t he adorable?”

The three of them looked back to the bee, who sat on the konpeito candy like a rocking chair. He intermittently licked the candy like a lollipop.

“Regardless,” Natsume spoke up, not wanting to entertain this tangent further, “Do you remember anything else about the youkai? Like the type she is?”

“Not a clue.” Nyanko-sensei replied nonchalantly, too busy licking his feast.

“I vaguely remember reading some legends about a lady with long black hair being seen by the camellia trees. A man had turned into a bee after he had been beckoned to come closer. Which I guess fits what happened to Nyanko-sensei.” explained Taki.

“Well, that seems to check out. In more than one way.” Natsume noted before checking back to the said victim. Nyanko-sensei bristled back at him. “Do you remember anything else?”

Taki shook her head. “Sorry, I do not.”

“That’s ok. At least we know for sure we are dealing with some kind of known ayakashi.” said Tanuma in support.

“What should we do, Sensei? It’s not safe here and I would rather send at least Tanuma and Taki home. But it will be difficult to go back with you like this.”

“Yeah, I don’t think we would be able to trek down the mountain safely, even if we wanted to.” Tanuma agreed.

“That is true. I don’t know what spell the lady put on me, or if it will wear off.” Nyanko-sensei replied, “It can’t be helped. As much as I don’t want to, we will have to go back and get her to reverse it.”

“You think so? Will she undo it just like that?”

The bee nodded. “We have to. I’m still mad she turned me into this and will fully make her turn me back.”

“I know Sensei is strong but I don’t know how a bee will fare well against another full-sized ayakashi.”

“Don’t underestimate my strength, human.” Nyanko-sensei argued proudly, puffing up his chest. “Still, I don’t sense any bad aura coming from her. Moreover, if she saw you picking the camellias earlier, she would have caught you in your lie that you were alone. But she didn’t point it out.”

“I see.” Natsume understood his point, “We’ll go. Taki and Tanuma, you stay here.”

“Wait, Natsume-kun. Let us come with you.”

“Yeah.” Tanuma agreed, “Sensei is like this, so if something happens to you, we wouldn’t know. And maybe we will be able to help somehow.”

“Thank you, I appreciate the thought. Still, I don’t know how dangerous she could be. Especially with Sensei in this state.”

“I said don’t underestimate me! Though they should still come,” said Nyanko-sensei, “Hinoe mentioned those other legends about the camellias here, right? If that camellia lady is here, I don’t see this field being any more safer.”

“I see. Our baskets did get emptied at some point.” Natsume considered.

“Thank you, Nyanko-sensei.” Taki said gratefully.

“Just stay close to me, both of you. And if there is trouble, just run as far as you can.” Natsume instructed. The two of them nodded.

“In any case, get me out of this jar!”

Taki unscrewed the jar lid and they all went back into the forest. Nyanko-sensei fluttered beside Natsume, while Tanuma and Taki trailed behind him. It didn’t take too long for them to arrive back to the spot.

“Is that her…?” Taki pointed to the one ahead of them.

As expected, the lady was still standing there, a smile ever present.

“Yes. It is her.” Natsume confirmed, before he noticed, “Wait, you can see her?”

“So can I.” Tanuma seconded. “Oddly enough, my head feels a lot less heavy than the last time we came here.”

They turned back to her. She may be a more powerful youkai enough to conceal her aura, at least.

“Still, stay behind me. Just in case.” Natsume reminded them.

They all walked to the tree, though the lady did not make any new movements. She simply said, “You have returned.”

“You’re an ayakashi, aren’t you?” Natsume questioned her.

She nodded. Taki and Tanuma looked at each other.

“Were you the one who did this to Nyanko-sensei?” Natsume gestured at the bee.

“I am sorry to have deceived you, child of man.” she said apologetically, “But this was the only way I thought I could talk to you.”

“Who cares what your reason is? Just hurry up and turn me back to normal!” Nyanko interjected, buzzing about.

“She turned you into a bee to get a request out of us. I don’t think she will return you back just because you asked.”

“You have my word. I will return you back to normal. But I would like you to fulfill a request of mine.”

“What is that you want?” Natsume asked.

The spirit sat down by the tree and after a moment of hesitation, everyone else did the same.

“The flower field you were all picking from is very old. People had planted camellia flowers here to mourn for the fallen samurai that had died.” she explained, “But camellias don’t bring pleasant memories for the mourners. Even though the whole flower falls rather than just the petals, it reminds them of a person’s head that had been chopped off. Those fears and ill feelings had lingered in these flowers for a very long time, though most of them have been dispelled at this point. But I have lived for so long. Those are the only memories and meaning I feel for these flowers, despite being one myself. This area is so remote, so no other normal humans visits here after all.”

“Normal humans?” Tanuma asked.

“A couple of exorcists have found this spot.” she elaborated. Natsume remained still.

“Creating objects from wood of certain trees like camellia trees may imbue it with a spirit.” Nyanko-sensei hazarded a guess, “I’m assuming that is what is happening here?”

The spirit nodded. “Indeed. Specifically, if you create a mortar and pestle out of this wood and perform its corresponding incantation, a dark energy forms within me and is then sent to the tool in question. From what I’ve seen, the tool is meant to be given a gift, which then the dark energy manifests into a spirit and attacks the recipient.”

“That is horrible…” Taki commented quietly, a sad expression on her face.

The spirit’s smile turned weary. She gazed at the tree with distant eyes. “I feel it each time it’s invoked. Over these past decades, I’ve become more drained and sick because of it. I’m so exhausted and tired. All I could see is despair and curses with my existence.”

Natsume felt something ache in his heart. The spirit then faced the ones in front of her.

“When you all first came, I had suspected you all as well. You all communicated with that vesselled beast, after all. But when I figured out you were not exorcists and watched you spend time in these fields happily, with such honest expressions, genuinely enjoying this cursed plant, even to use as a real gift and food as nourishment for a loved one, I…”

The lady looked down, her eyes lit with something new. “I was touched.”

She looked back at the four of them. “My plan initially was to have you burn this tree and possibly this field too. But after some reconsideration, I humbly request from you to do something else.” She then bowed.

“What is that?” Natsume asked.

She lifted her head and looked at Nyanko-sensei. “First, I ask your companion to use their purifying light on this tree.”

“Why? Won’t you die from it?” Nyanko-sensei piped up.

“Rest assured. Your light isn’t strong enough to eliminate me. But it will be enough to affect its structural properties where it cannot be used to imbue it my spirit like before.”

“You're an impudent one, aren’t you? Well, this isn’t as troublesome as Natsume’s typical side quests.”

“Is that all you really need?” Natsume asked, ignoring Nyanko-sensei’s comment.

“Yes. That is all.”

Natsume thought over what the camellia spirit had asked. There seemed nothing wrong with her request. In truth, a part of him even felt sorry for her too. But he had to ensure this would be actually safe and that he wasn’t being swayed into a trap. Taki and Tanuma watched Natsume with concerned expressions, though they chose to say nothing.

“Is this truly safe? For both my friends here and you.” Natsume asked.

“Yes. I’m sure you already have had experience with your youkai companion’s powers with your friends. But if you are worried about me, I will not harm you or your friends.”

“And you?” Tanuma asked suddenly, surprising both Natsume and Taki, “You’ll also be fine, right?”

She nodded. “Yes, I will.”

Natsume turned back to the youkai. “We’ll agree. But we have two conditions we need you to meet.”

“What are they?”

“First: you have to keep your word that you won’t harm my two friends, and yourself. And that you will need to stay in this human form and not turn back into a spirit.”

“I can oblige, but may I ask why this request?” she asked him.

Natsume glanced over at the two, and Tanuma and Taki looked back at him curiously.

“My friends here, Tanuma and Taki, cannot see youkai. And Tanuma doesn’t feel well when you are in your spirit form.”

She nodded her head. “Understood.”

“Second: please return Nyanko-sensei back to his original self. He won’t be able to purify you in this form.”

In an instant, the bee turned back into a fortune cat.

“Done.” she said.

“Phew, I’m finally back.” Nyanko-sensei with a sigh of relief. He stretched his body as if getting up from a particularly restful nap before he trotted towards Natsume and complained, “And why am I second on your list of conditions?”

“Taki’s and Tanuma’s safety are important. And it turned out fine in the end. You’re back to normal anyways-”

“Sorry, may we add one more condition to the list?”

Everyone turned towards Taki. “Could we also make sure Natsume stays safe as well?”

Tanuma also nodded in support. “I also asked this as well.”

“Taki…. Tanuma… ”

She chuckled, and the three of them stared anxiously. “The three of you are so silly. Didn’t I promise you already, children of man? I have no intentions of harming anyone. Even your furry companion.”

“Again, why am I secondary here?”

“Thank you. And I was to add one more thing, Camellia Spirit.” Taki added, “It really just isn’t us who are interested in these flowers. I don’t know how it may have been before, but they are very commonly used to decorate homes and buildings now because of how pretty they are. And the leaves are used to make tea too. So while I know what camellias had been considered before, and it is true we can’t bring them into hospitals, please know your flower isn’t only seen as a curse by people in our world.”

“I see. That is wonderful to hear. You are all very sweet. Even though I am the one troubling you all.” said the spirit, looking comforted, “I rarely have any encounters with humans compared to the past as I am bound to this remote place, nor do I have much interest in leaving here. But I’m glad the world is in a much better state than before. Thank you.”

“Bahh. This is all so sappy and troublesome.”

In a puff of smoke, Nyanko-sensei transformed into his youkai form. Taki and Tanuma felt the sudden breeze, before looking around confused as the feline companion was no longer to be seen. However, Nyanko-sensei wasted no more time waiting, his forehead mark glowing a bright light directed towards the tree.

The sudden flash was blinding, making Natsume, Taki, and Tanuma shield their faces. After the light disappeared, everyone opened their eyes to see the tree was alight with a blue fire, as well as the camelia spirit herself.

“Oh no! They’re all burning!” Taki yelled, and the three of them ran towards them.

“Wait.” the lady said, causing them to stop. Despite her predicament, there was a comforted smile on her face. “These flames are not that of fire. I do not feel like I am being burned, but rather, it feels like a gentle warmth that is almost healing.” She closed her eyes, and the ends of her kimono and body began to disappear while the light moved up. The three looked worried but were unsure what to do. “Thank you, children of man. I am going to take a long slumber, until the snow melts and spring returns. Goodbye.” A few moments passed until her entire body disappeared. Not long after, the flames on the tree died out too.

Everyone stood in stunned silence, taking in on what had happened.

“That was a strange experience.” Nyanko-sensei spoke up before returning back to his fortune cat form, “Ahh. It feels great to be back like this.”

“Way to ruin the moment.” said Natsume with a sigh.

“Still, I’m glad we were able to help in some way. Even if we didn’t realize it.” Taki said with a soft expression, “It’s been a while since I’ve talked to an ayakashi like this.”

“What? You interact with me all the time.” Nyanko-sensei pointed out. “Though that was quite a bit you sent off that camellia spirit with.”

“That is true.” Taki said, “How do I say it…I can sort of understand her in that I had similar feelings about my grandpa’s circle. My family is creeped out by his stuff, but it is my only connection to him. Not that it hadn’t led to a very terrifying experience that had led me to be alone for almost a year. But it also led me to meeting Natsume-kun, Tanuma-kun, Sensei, and everyone else. And later it has led me to help others too, if only a handful of times. So while I cannot use it anymore, it doesn’t change the fact to me it is my treasure.”

“I think I know what Taki is saying,” Tanuma added, “It’s not as in depth as yours. But it was similar to how youkai were something my dad and I feared, and that had left us very isolated for a long time. But when I compare how things are now, I would have not expected to get here and know all of you and everyone else from this same connection that made me so fearful when I was young. It’s strange how a view can change like that.”

Natsume nodded, a familiar feeling in his chest returning. That’s right. It is like that for me too.

“Speaking of you two,” Nyanko-sensei piped up. He looked at Tanuma and Taki, “It was interesting that you both were able to witness so much today. Normally neither of you are able to follow what is going on but this time, you were able to see and hear everything in this situation, to even the tree being on fire.”

“That is true.” said Taki as she realized it too, “I’ve only seen Sensei’s spell one other time. So I was really surprised when I saw the tree and her on fire. It was strange to see her and the tree be completely fine.”

“Yeah. That was very shocking to watch,” Tanuma agreed, “She was a lot less scary than I first thought her to be. Even my headache disappeared when we returned back to the tree.”

“That is rare. Usually, powerful youkai trigger the opposite reaction from you. But her appearing in human form must have made it stop.” Natsume noted.

“That goes to show her how touched she was.” Nyanko-sensei suggested, “Usually malevolent spirits such as her become quite absorbed in their state, until they get exorcized or eaten by another creature. I guess the prolonged drainage of being continually used as an exorcist’s tool must have fizzled out that energy. And in that resulting state, it was easier for her to at least be more receptive for help.”

“Err, I don’t quite exactly follow-” Tanuma admitted before he got startled and looked up, “Do you guys hear that sound?”

Everyone else followed suit and noticed the rustling sounds that came from the tree. The tree progressively shook more and more violently. Then, it suddenly stopped. One by one, the leaves and flowers began to fall.

“Whoa.” Tanuma spoke as he watched the falling foliage, “What’s going on?”

“Is this from your powers, Sensei?” Taki asked him.

“Probably. The tree it sprouted from is no longer there. With that connection severed, those flowers and leaves have now dislodged.”

“What? Does this mean this tree is dead now?” Tanuma asked.

“No. It won’t take too long before the leaves and camellia regrow, even in this winter. Just that the wood with this new tree no longer has its magical properties.” Nyanko-sensei explained, “This works out for you guys, in its own way. She had tampered with your baskets earlier to get you to stay longer, right? Think of this as her way to make up for the flowers and leaves she snuffed out of you guys earlier.”

“Thank goodness. I’m glad the tree is fine” said Taki, relieved.

“Let’s make use of the leaves and flowers she has given us before they all land on the ground.”

Everyone then knelt down and began to collect the falling foliage.

“Watching the leaves and camellias fall like this, it is so mesmerizing to watch. It is such a large flower, but it is strange to see it fall all at once.”

“Yeah. I get what the flower falling is said to represent. But as I watch all these falling now, at least to me, it’s hard to see here unless I really stretch it.”

“Yeah. I guess we’re lucky that we are in safer times now. That all we see from this is a beautiful shower of leaves and flowers.”

Natsume nodded in agreement. I could understand what she meant by seeing things in one way for so long , Natsume began to reminisce as he thought back to his friends’ and the camellia spirit’s words.

Before I had moved to this town, I had also thought that youkai and human connections were painful and not worth having. That hardly any good can result from them, based on how my experiences with them before. But after meeting everyone, the more I interacted with them and the other ayakashi, I feel I was able to see a different scenery. Things could still be painful at times, but they had led to so many wonderful things as well. It was like a pop of color in an otherwise monochrome scenery. And before I knew it, the world had become so vivid. Now, both the eventful, the mundane, and everything in between, they feel like treasures to me.

“Natsume-kun?”

Natsume awoke from his thoughts.

“Natsume-kun?” Taki repeated. “Are you alright?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. Sorry, I was thinking back about something.”

“What were you thinking about?” Tanuma asked him.

“I was-err, never mind.” Natsume stopped himself. “I’m embarrassed to say it.”

“Aww, that’s no fun. You don’t need to be shy.” encouraged Taki, “Though if you rather not say it, that is ok too.”

“Thank you. Maybe I will share it with you guys another day.” said Natsume.

“We'll be all ears.” Tanuma replied.

“Maybe we should come back here again another time. If the flowers come back, we can invite everyone else to a picnic.” Taki suggested.

“That’s not a bad idea. Though maybe not in the winter, because it is too hard to climb this mountain on our own.” Tanuma pointed out. “I still want to bring some flowers for the temple, but Natsume, let us know how the food tastes.”

“Mmmn hmmn. I will bring some over if I can too.” said Natsume.

Meanings don’t have to stay stagnant. So long as we continue to experience life, there can always be a chance for change.

After they completely filled their baskets until they could carry no more, they continued to watch the shower of leaves and flowers fall onto the snow.

Author's notes:

The camellia spirit is loosely based off of Furutsubaki No Rei. There are different versions of them based off the region, though I couldn't find too much about the one from Natsume's place (Kumamoto prefecture). I mixed some of the interpretations together plus extended it a bit, leaning with a sympathetic interpretation of it. You can read them the more of the original lore here.

Camellias nowadays mostly have positive conations, with differences in meaning depending on its colour. While they are also associated with a "noble death" and a samurai's decapitation during the Edo period, I have no idea if this meaning is still prevalent nowadays. Though its true you aren't suppose to bring them to sick people and in hospitals.

For food, the leaves are used to make tea with certain varieties of camellias. As for the mochi, from what I could find, there are two types: 1) one that has a bean filling inside with camellia leaves holding the mochi itself (the leaves are not edible), 2) and one that makes a mochi filling paste out of the petals. The former (called "tsubaski mochi") is more traditional and common but you can't eat the camellia part from the dish. The later dish seems to be a more recent variation and I only found it in a handful of recipes. As for which one Touko used: let's just say Touko likes to experiment with her food sometimes. Regardless, if you are interested to make any of the dishes listed here, just make sure you do your own research to make it

Thank you for reading. Hope you enjoyed it!

#natsumess2022 #natsume yuujinchou #natsume’s book of friends #natsume takashi #nyanko-sensei #tanuma kaname #taki tooru #necle’s fics #takashi natsume #kaname tanuma #tooru taki #hanakotoba #Merry Christmas

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