#and it's only supposed to get worse </3

[orcelito]

Tfw I am like. Stuck in bed lol. Bc all the exhaustion of the past few days has caught up with me

I need to Bake.... metamorphosis....

#speculation nation #i was playing tales of arise earlier. which is pretty fun ngl #tho the battle system will take some getting used to #probably didnt help that im exhausted as hell lol #i gave up and went to nap. intending to nap for only an hour or so #but i think. i want to keep napping. #i still have that God Damned manager meeting tonight. god i fucking Hate those things. #so i cant just Sleep #which tbh if it were up to me im so tired i probably would like to just sleep #like. hooooly shit the past few days have been demanding #doesnt help that the weather's awful so biking has been a chore too #lol i even slipped on some sludge earlier today. caught myself but banged my leg a bit. not fun #and it's only supposed to get worse </3 #i want winter to be over already actually. thank you! #for now... rest... i really need it.

[cureblogging]

Gonna say something potentially controversial:

I think Heartcatch suffers from the Up phenomenon in that people remember it as an excellent, if not flawless masterpiece when it actually has One (1) excellent, if not flawless moment in the beginning and is otherwise nothing special.

#pretty cure #babs' musings #precure: heartcatch #i remember sitting there watching 4 episodes at a time and asking myself “so when does it get as Great as people say” #i admire how different it is in tone and style to other seasons. it really stands out in that regard! #but that doesn't make it automatically better (or worse) than other seasons #it was funnier. #but the story? really underwhelming imo #the only notable part about the plot was the very first scene that set the intrigue and mystery of Yuri's character #but what they deliver on that front was extremely disappointing for me #and all the other characters get pretty mid arcs as well #Tsubomi has anxiety about not being good at anything. nothing comes of that besides one or two insults from the villains. #Itsuki has to crossdress in order to continue the family business because her brother has vague illness #that's never confronted in any satisfying way. it just sorta fades away once she decides she likes being a girl #Erika's insecurity regarding her sister is honestly the most engaging of these arcs and that's because I have a little sister #I suppose I set my expectations too high for that season. but people call it The Best Precure Season when it's not even in my top 3 so far #and that's kinda concerning for me going forward #suite is also proving to be a huge bore for me. extremely artificial season going through the motions of the franchise #Hummy... save me. Hummy. Save me Hummy #I really don't want to struggle through 13 more unremarkable seasons in the hopes of recapturing the magic of Futari Wa and Fresh #argh. i hate not liking things #sorry for the rant in the tags.

[hella1975]

assigning a character the highest honour like *adds go home by julien baker to their playlist*

#and by honour i mean pointing at them like TRAUMATISED! TRAUMATISED! TRAUMATISED! #like yeah relating to this song is a red flag actually. yeah it's one of the most personal songs in the world to me #and i actively am not allowed to listen to it some days bc it makes me significantly worse #even if im in a GOOD mood because of the layers upon layers of emotions ive associated with it #yeah i literally wont even blorbo post to this song even if it's accurate to a character because it's so personal #so they have to be REALLY FUCKING SPECIAL AND FUCKED IN THE HEAD to get this honour. enter touya #i made him a playlist im going crazy like yeah actually of course i was always gonna be weird about him #like he's got fire themes. he's got body horror. he just wanted to be good. he's ethel cain coded. he's georgia coded #he's got mommy AND daddy AND sibling issues. he's the only other character ive let even come close to mary on a cross #he's a waiting room girlie. he's an archer girlie. im tearing my hair the fuck out of my scalp #why does the first character ive latched onto this hard since CHUUYA have to be from mha of all things #like that's embarassing for me im embarassed to be here. and yet #touya todoroki #the thing that makes me sick about touya is yes the abuse he went through via his quirk and his dad etc etc #but also bc sekota peak happened when he was 13 right? and he's 24 now? that's 11 years unaccounted for #like ik it's confirmed his burns put him in a coma for 3 years and all for one and the dr guy just stapled his stubborn self together #which is something else i will YELL MY HEAD OFF ABOUT WHAT THE FUCKKKKK HE WAS A CHILD STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT #but im pretty sure it's confirmed that after 3 years he goes off again on his own? which still leaves him as a teenager? #like he straight up burns himself alive at 13 wakes up at 16 and reappears at 24 with dyed hair and piercings and a bad attitude #and im not supposed to wonder? or get upset? like i absolutely am leaning into the 'he was on the streets' angle bc i hate myself #and that's devastating and also what alternative is there logically like he has NOTHING #no home no money no name that he can feasibly use not even an appearance that will warrant anything but more cruelty #so youve got this child on the streets with injuries that absolutely cause insane amounts of pain daily he's literally STAPLED together #and he's completely alone and the only thing getting him through is this growing hatred and rage #like id set all my plans around killing the guy that put me there too actually just to fucking get me out of bed in the morning #I CANNOT STOP THINKING ABOUT HIM. WHERE WAS HE FOR THE PAST DECADE. HORIKOSHI PLEASE #I WANNA GO HOME IM SICK THERES MORE WHISKEY THAN BLOOD IN MY VEINS MORE TAR THAN AIR IN MY LUNGS #PIERCE MY SKIN NEEDLES TO WORN OUT RAGS THE FOLDS IN MY ARMS THE SICKENING BLACK AND I HAVENT BEEN TAKING MY MEDS #I KNOW MY BODY IS JUST DIRTY CLOTHES IM TIRED OF WASHING MY HANDS GOD I WANT TO GO HOME

[kelin-is-writing]

not my boss scolding me today because i didn't smile a lot, like— bruh if i was happy i would smile duh????

#kelin talks #kelin's ramblings #and besides when did i not smile???? is this mf for real???? i smile (sometimes forcibly too) so much that my cheeks and jaw fucking hurts #god my dream of the other night about me resigning from this place is 🤏🏼 close to manifest itself irl #he has never (in these past almost 3 months) ever said to me that i did a 'good job' #the only thing this bastard does is criticize me guilty trip me and downplay me from 3pm until 0am #but then i'm supposed to smile???? when all he does is giving me anxiety and my insomnia getting worse???? #well... damn... sorry i didn't smile to a customer for 0.01s my bad #plus i'm also very tired and from the back of my neck to my lower back it hurts and burns like hell #how tf am i supposed to smile when i'm in physical and psychological pain????

[daz4i]

if i go through yom kippur without giving at least one angry speech about why this holiday is filled with hypocrisy and encourages people to be shittier in the long run you can assume I've been replaced by an evil clone

#why do you need a special day of the year to say sorry. not even in a genuine or personal way just a ''sorry if i hurt you xx'' mostly #are you only apologizing bc you think god is looking? a bit meaningless then innit #also reminds me how in tisha b'av a bunch of religious politicians talked abt how harmful unjustified hate is #(best word i could find for שנאת חינם tho it doesn't feel 100% fitting) like 3 days after being openly homophobic #not even getting into the worse stuff they did bc then I'd get political when I'm supposed to criticize religion lol #my point is. this day is meaningless when you behave this way the rest of the year #and if god existed and was actually fair. he would not forgive you #tldr i hate judaism as a religion and people who use it as an excuse to be awful.

[bethiewhimsy]

i’ve been stricken with so many problems.

#1) the fucking yearning. go away. i don’t need romantic love. it SUCKS and it’s BAD. disgusting. #2) a sudden repulsion for skirts???? WHAT THE HELL. I LOVE SKIRTS. BUT I CANT BRING MYSELF TO WEAR THEM RN. it’s so fucking weird. #3) i have to actually decide what to do with my life. like. big things. like getting a damn apartment. #4) the crippling fear of growing up has resurfaced. i just turned 20. i don’t want to do this shit anymore. #anyway i’m fine 👍 #i suppose this is a vent post??? but in the tags. #haven’t vented on tumblr dot com in a hot hot hot minute #not since my irl friend started following me (hopefully they’re not reading this but if they are: hi) #ranting in the tags feels SO much safer. like. no one’s coming in here #OH ANOTHER THING. #5) a fucking midterm is here and it takes EFFORT. #it’s whatever im just feeling feelings and that’s all right #at least i have a fun little thing to look forward to this weekend #im going to see a ballet !!! #but damn……::::that makes me think about how i’ll never actually do anything with my life. #like we can’t all be on the stage but hell #like??? the knowledge that it only gets worse from here???????????? what the actual hell #and sometimes i think about how i’ll always have to be in the closet. #which sometimes im completely fine with and other times it hurts me a lot #idk. IDK. #anyway. im 20 and i don’t know what im doing with my life and ive never had a lover and i don’t have many friends #and i don’t have any passions or dreams or goals and we’re all only here to one day die. #damn i guess this is why people journal #maybe i should pick up journaling #i think it’d help tbh #anyway im rlly truly actually done now #edit: I HAVE ANOTHER PROBLEM #6) MY PERIOD IS MAKING ME UPSET. everything hurts and im gonna be so nauseous and gross tomorrow help me. pain & agony #7) i cant fall asleep!!!!!!!!!!! but im so tired!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #8) im gonna have to sit thru a transphobic + misogynistic + toxic ass chapel teaching tomorrow.

[painfully-unoriginal]

I need a new job NOW i know i keep posting about it but shit is getting dire i truly dont know what to do

#p #only one other time have i had a job where i come home crying from the stress and the physical pain #i cannot keep this up. esp now that hes got me working an extra night every week #this sucks. i hate it here #like u dont get it #one of my coworkers is potentially dead #we're down to a crew of 3 ppl while my manager who ISNT EVEN SUPPOSED TO BE ORDERING keeps bringing in 800 - 1000 piece trucks #I'm in so much pain. I'm so exhausted. i thought maybe there was still hope for things to work out here but they just keep getting worse #there are no jobs here. I'm stuck. what do i do

[abluehappyface]

Sometimes I wish my "premonitions" weren't correct...

#i knew it wasn't a cold #i wish it was a cold #but it's never that simple #and now my mum has COVID 3 days before Christmas #are we going to celebrate Christmas with her? #what does Christmas without the only parent you have look like? #what am i supposed to do? #i know it doesn't help to think this way #but anything mild can become worse with time #what then? #what happens to us then? #i don't even care about me anymore #what about my sister #9 is too young to loose the only parent that you have #9 is too young to have your mother say 'i can't come home for Christmas' #18 is too young to try and figure out how to care for a 9 year old #I KNOW NOTHING #i just hope it gets better from here #i may have to figure out how to get my sister to school after new years #but im hoping i don't #i never stopped masking #but she got more lenient as mandades got lifted #i tried to tell her to mask #but i couldn't force her #now look at us #so as im sitting here crying behind this screen #please wear a mask #you think it's not going to happen to you #but then it does #and when it does you'll never be ready

[yuridovewing]

Disclaimer: I personally have not finished TBC beyond the first book. I did finish AVOS and its back half is considered poor quality for a reason. If you aren't having fun now I can tell you right now you wouldnt enjoy the rest. At most I think (iirc) the last book is important bc it establishes Juniperclaw attacking SkyClan, and Shadowsight getting a vision to swim in the flooded lake to 'unite' the clans- both of which are relevant to TBC in some way. But even then you could probably skim to the rrlevant parts, IDK.

i'll be real when i made that post last night it was kind of out of sarcasm and pettiness, like i do think im still gonna read those last three books and skim the boring parts at the very least, but that's on me cause now when i look at the post it does come across as very whiny and serious so that's on me lmao. (and i was kinda whiny at the moment cause i always forget about how mean spirited these books are.)

buuuuut hearing what people are saying, it does make me feel a bit better for skimming the back half of avos cause i think thats what i'm gonna have to do for sanity's sake if i want to catch up. i do want to give quotes and takes that are really backed up by the books and not secondhand info so i will try to keep to it but i think if i'm gonna read about thunderclan being shitty to twigpaw then im gonna start skimming cause like, we all know they were shitty to twigpaw now, it was uncomfortable when she was a kid and its uncomfortable still now that she's an adult. you don't need to see that backed up once again.

#i really cant emphasize enough that while i like the petty melodrama i can get out of these books #some of it is really just... exhausting. especially under the new team cause i got the WORST impression of them #ill pay close attention to scenes like briarlight's death and how they regard it and see if twigpaw's treatment improves #but like the main thing abt these books that doesnt hold up is that theyre just... kinda miserable #no one learns anything and any attempt at deconstructing the clans' violence is thrown out with ''but they meant well!'' #newsflash! intent doesnt always matter! actions speak louder than words! #and its especially difficult in avos cause while i dont like alderheart. no one here is treated well #i mean i think alder is treated better by the narrative compared to spark but hes gotta deal with his (lbr) emotionally abusive mentor #and the narrative twisting itself backwards to make him a victim and no one agrees with him. and i like underdog protags #but it feels so contrived and mean here. the journey cats all turning on him and demeaning him and twigpaw is so weird #it feels forced and unnecessary. woven for some drawn out conflict so he can be a victim and ooooo doesnt his sister suuuuck #and thats not even touching on the actual shit twig and violet go through. which while its kinda better its still a slog #cause at the end of the day they look directly at the camera and go ''remember! thunderclan did nothing wrong!'' #theyll only admit shadowclan is wrong which is ok cause theyre the evil and pathetic clan we're supposed to hate i guess #and the ultimate conclusion is not that the clans were disgusting for treating children that way. #its that they were mistaken all along cause they were CLANBORN children all along! and now we gotta prove skyclan is a valid clan #cause if thats not a valid clan then theyre not valid cats! #and isnt that just. so much worse of a conclusion? that even after darktail was born out of the clans dismissing and mistreating outsiders #theyre not even entertaining the idea that the way they treat cats like him violet and twig isnt okay? #nope! they actually kinda call attention to it in book 3 when darktail says he and violet are alike #and its supposed to be him being wrong and manipulative and gross rather than anything meaningful #avos liveread #mail #idk. sometimes i do regret deciding to catch up cause avos is just a miserable experience so far

[lulubeanie]

Having a lot of thoughts about these beasts rn..

#duck speaks #dhmis #I know I draw them already but my thoughts on them have changed since then #I think it would be more fun if they had different personalities from the original guys #closer to the personality of the one they got the color from but still kinda similar to the original guy also #kinda like a mix #and also #they are like a glitch that happened when the machine was unplugged and are not supposed to exist #they were probably put away in a separate house until Lesley or whoever figured out what to do with them #but then they were eventually forgotten about and so technically allowed to do whatever they want #I think they probably got like the first 3 or 4 teachers sent to them before they were forgotten tho #also they tried to tear the sketchbook in half so :/ #(Green guy didn't take well to being called uncreative tried to tear them up but Red duck tried to intervene only to make it worse I think) #I think if they met the originals (who probably were replaced after the glitch I bet) #things would start to get weird #they are not supposed to be in close proximity to their doubles or they could start to glitch out and stuff #they can meet the other guys from the trio that aren't like the glitch version of themself and be fine tho #they do not particularly like the other versions of their friends tho #they think that they aren't acting right and all that #oh I've also seen people making like #black and white version of the guys too #maybe that's what happens when the doubles get too close to eachother? #the originals can be replaced if this happens #but the swap color ones can't because they don't have backups (again they're not supposed to exist) #so.. yeah #they'd just stay that way #:/ #oh well #there's other rgb trios #puppets

[dashiellqvverty]

tbh i don’t believe ppl who say they shave bc leg hair gives them sensory issues or whatever bc *i* actually get sensory issues from shaving so like. what is the truth.

#obviously my experiences are universal (slash ess) #but literally i quit shaving my legs permanently after having a meltdown abt not being able to get it complete/perfect/symmetrical #continued to shave my armpits until i finished high school bc i was in dance and i did get a little insecure onstage #but more than that i was afraid my teachers would make me shave. i was already pushing it w my haircut lmao #(i didn’t do any intensive classes or competition it probably would’ve been fine but. the owner was mean #i barely interacted with her but i was afraid she’d single me out) #ANYWAY shaving my armpits def was worse for my sensory issues #like they’re a little uncomfortable sometimes snow but never as bad as when the hair was stubbly and growing back out #i also have upper lip hair that i’ve never done anything about <3 #that’s the only thing i’d actually consider removing but idk how i would #that’s one of those things where i always felt like everybody else knew something i didn’t #like i’m i’m not supposed to have a mustache but how is everybody else getting rid of it that they’re not telling me. #i’m aware of different ways but i don’t want to do that Wrong One #that’s not the issue now so much as i don’t want to learn to shave my face and don’t want it to grow back more visible (i know it doesn’t #grow back thicker but if it was stubbly it would be noticeable.) #i also have a unibrow and i love her <3 #r.txt

[headaching]

receiving a clear diagnosis can sometimes feel like a death sentence and it’s okay to feel that way

#i got a clear mri result which is ofc objectively a good thing #but it’s not a comfort to me to know that ‘nothing is wrong’ when im debilitated by pain for the fourth day in a row #my only options are medication and possibly surgery if (more like when) the meds don’t work #im trying my second anticonvulsant and if it doesn’t work i’ll probably be prescribed a controlled substance #and ive been researching quality of life for people with my condition and honestly?? i feel like there’s no hope #everyone is on super high doses of intense medications that they build tolerances to until they’re taking so much that they’re a zombie #and this condition is extremely rare for someone so young to have so i can only imagine it’ll get worse #basically im walking around with the knowledge that this might never go away and i might never feel better #and in fact it will probably get exponentially worse #how am i supposed to be okay with that? im not #anyway im sure a lot of people relate to this and if you do im so sorry. i hope you can figure out what’s wrong soon #being disabled can feel so bleak and it’s okay to acknowledge that #like if you read i guess <3 also you can reblog this if you want <3

[braywashed]

I went from handling the bullshit well to being a stressed anxious mess.

#by thursday i was so high strung tbh #friday was way worse and i just couldnt wait for the weekend so i wouldnt have to make phone calls #but then i spent like half of it in bed #and now its monday again... great #i really only need to make one call for shit #but i also need to call two family members #and then i think theres just the signing the thing for ashes to handle? #and some other paperwork thats supposed to take a couple weeks #ugh i just want to stop having phone calls #i just want like 3 straight days of not having to talk to anyone about it #not look at any fucking papers or old account numbers or get anything in the mail

[the-cat-at-the-theatre-door]

Struck by the Tumble and Etcetera are cousins agenda this evening.

#not by blood but they're cousins <3 #Tumblebrutus #Etcetera #extemporize back chat #i get struck most effectively by like tiny coincidental relationships between cats in my hcs #tumble would only go along with asapargus to visit auntie jelly if he promised etcetera would be there #not because he doesnt like auntie jelly but because dad and her talk *forever* about boring stuff #and he gets so *bored* but at least if etcetera is there he can snatch her quietly from her basket and bring her outside to play #or she'll run out behind him when they come in and tackle him so he'll piggy back her out (he has no choice) #tumble isn't so good at the 'make sure she doesn't get into trouble' part #etcetera is very good at the 'hey! leave him alone! *reveals something extremely embarrassing about him #that inevitably makes it worse and he gets cross with her for involving herself but you know what actually #it's kinda nice she stood up for him but never do that again*' #'why are you dragging her along?' 'cause she's such a crybaby! 'i'm gonna tell! i'm gonna tell if you don't let me come!' #while etcetera sticks her tongue out at him #and when they're older they're keeping that good olde theatre cat generational tradition alive #because they're the ones left who...understand i suppose? #because they grew up fully under that influence #while jerrie and teazer were exposed to less of it #not for any other reason than they weren't super interested for the longest time #so tumble and cettie carry that quiet weight of mutual understanding

[cheekblush]

spent the whole day in bed on my phone someone please assassinate me

#i just can't stop wasting time... #was supposed to study but here we are #this whole month was horrible tbh #started the new year with covid my birthday was absolutely underwhelming & now i'm suffering from neck pain #i start physical therapy on tuesday i'm so anxious but i just hope it helps :( #i'm only 3 weeks into school & i'm already so sick & tired of it all #i'm tired of having exams every fucking week & having to study all the time #i also need to schedule a meeting with the principal of the school bc i have too many sick days #i'm so scared they won't let me graduate bc i missed a lot of school days but what can i do when i have so many health issues :( #this year definitely didn't start out great for me & i can feel myself getting depressed again #it feels like every year is just worse than the previous one #i think my problem is that i just want my life to magically get better without putting in any effort myself #but i'm just so TIRED of everything life shouldn't be so hard #and i hate how i'm just constantly complaining instead of taking action but it just feels like everything i do is always in vain #like i'm trying i'm trying i'm trying but i'm hanging on by a thread #to quote kafka: i could have built the pyramids with the effort it takes me to cling on to life and reason #😔😔😔 #☁️

[just-sp-in-inginthevoid]

I love interacting with anime only and say stuff like "oh yeah, Nanami is in Malaysia now. With his best friend" or "We're all waiting for Gojo to stop playing Minecraft"

#everytime they ask for spoilers i try to not say much still #once someone asked me if it gets worst than Junpei #what was i supposed to answer ? #i said it got one hundred time worse #junpei was a tutorial or whatever. a tutorial for us to understand that gege doesnt care #once (2) someone asked me if Nobara died #internally i was screaming #externally i succeeded to keep a normal face and answered : no #once (3) an anime only said to me: Megumi's father is an asshole #but i do not spoil #so i just said #youve only got Megumi's point of view. his father is more ambiguous than that #jjk spoilers #jjk #jujutsu kaisen