#and then after next week it's not my fucking problem because i will be on pto

[themanwhowouldbefruit]

my doctor was sooooo fucking worthless and unhelpful im going to masturbate and i hope it fucking kills me

#“no need for follow up” #“yeah you did have several cysts we scrapped off your remaining ovary but. dw about it. idk why they were there. dw about it. oh also your #ovary on that side was freakishly huge but. dw about it. it might go away. dw about it #*doctor shrug emoji* “ #“go see a gyno next year maybe. but not me im too important for that. go find and onboard a gyno to your situation. next year maybe idk lol” #he barely even looked at my incision like #this fucking appointment could have been an email. or a phone call. or they just could have let me start driving again. also i forgot to ask #if i can stop drinking ensure now or after the 6 weeks? cause that shit cost $$$$. but he probably would have been super unhelpful if i had #fr fr this guy only wanted to give me the time of day when he thought i might have fun cancer inside and now he's like gtfo!!!! get your #fugly cancerless ass out of here!!!! recover from a major surgery on your own you swagless cancerless loser 🤣 we arent helping your #swagless ass!!! #anyway it seems weird and fucked up that im was never offered to see a physical therapist and i guess am going to have to blindly trust my #abs they sliced thru are healing or whatever and to rawdog my own physical recovery of my muscles? even just dumb shit like. my center of #gravity has drastically changed since the mass removal and my back hurts like shit all the time because all my posture muscles were built up #for when i had an extra 30 pounds of cyst hanging in the front and my posture and walking reflected that. and i lowkey don't know how #hard i am able to be with my healing incision because its really tight and makes me hunch forwards still. like i would really like to know #how much i can safely or maybe should be forcing my skin and incision to stretch. without damage? is that crazy #am i crazy??? #this shit is why i didnt see a doctor for 2 years until my problems had snowballed into a 30 pounds ovarian cyst that was crushing my other #organs and had one of my kidneys all backed up with piss. and even getting emergency treatment for it everyone was like. how did you like it #get this bad?? how could you not know you needed to seek medical treatment???? like. bro. seeking medical treatment isnt even a guarantee to #get medical treatment. #anyway he said my “remaining ovary seemed low key polycystic but dw about it. don't quote me on that im not dealing with it.” #bro i dont want to doctor google it i wanted an actual doctor to deal with it. fuck you. #like. maybe even a doctor who knows my situation so i dont have to struggle with getting someone to believe me and take me seriously. #but whatever. back to trying to figure out the daily protein and extra calories my body needs for recovery via doctor google i guess. #its fine 🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬

[camelspit]

how am i supposed to raise my gpa if i keep getting the shittiest fucking teachers on earth oh my god. no more peace and love i hope they die.

#i am. so fucking done. #14 days left of the semester and i am on the verge of giving up #staring at the final in a week or two like. #girl. no one is passing that shit and it is your fault. #and then youre going to have the fucking audacity to lecture us about #how we're the problem because we dont study correctly #like you always fucking do #and its like no! #youve always been the fucking problem!! #go back to the school you fucking came from bc we were a lot better without you bitch #god im just. so angry. #like my team mate was honest to god unironically praying after we took the quiz #like girl !!!! people should not have to pray for good grades !!! #tell me how we still got a 72 with ALL OF US working together #AND DOUBLE CHECKING IT LIKE 5 TIMES #AND WE WERE LIKE THE HIGHEST GRADE IN THE CLASS ??? #BE FR. #I HOPE YOU FALL IN A FUCKING PIT #and i probably wont be able to take spanish 4 next year because HE teaches upper level spanish now #and im so fucking pissed about that #like i want to learn spanish but im not doing that in this class. because he doesnt teach it. #i cant do this for another semester. i would rather die. #and next semester im taking art and #apparently i got the teacher who never gives hundreds because 'art isnt perfect' #girl WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU #IF I DID THE WORK GIVE ME THE 100 STOP MAKING THIS SOME MORAL BLATHER OR WHATEVER

[arionawrites]

1. it’s my 24th birthday today, so my goal of being published by the time i’m 25 is now a one year looming monster, but i never specified what kind of published and am currently looking in various literary magazines that are recommended for writers who have yet to be published, so i’m surprisingly confident that i can make it work? and tbh even if whatever i write isn’t officially published before my 25th birthday, if i have someone in the process of being published then i’ll be happy!! no matter what though, i’m gonna try to be proud of myself for at least giving it my best shot!!

2. i honestly love that my birthday is on the ides of march because the ides of march meme shitposting is only a thing on tumblr but it also being my birthday makes it easier to like. be excited about the ides of march outside of tumblr. like even in person i can be like “it’s my birthday! i’m an ides of march babe (:” and if someone is like oh what’s that? or if they say something along the lines of oh like julius caesar? i can be like yep!! and even if it’s a small thing outside of tumblr it brings me immense enjoyment and amusement being able to bring it up off of tumblr

3. transportation situation has been very rough since june 2023 when i totalled my car, my gap insurance are being assholes and i ended up putting my foot down on the phone with them yesterday which i’m pretty proud of because i am NOT a confrontational person (something i’ve been working on this past year, so seeing some improvement with my ability to hold my ground and not be a pushover yesterday was very cool!!) i was told i’d get a response from them by friday next week no matter what, and if i don’t then friday of next week i will continue to wreak havoc upon them. but my moms car which i’ve been using since my accident broke down yesterday, hopefully it’s fixable but my parents were saying it might be done for, so trying to think of how i’m gonna get to work next week is kind of stressing me out lmao, but for now i’m just gonna focus on enjoying my birthday the best i can because i don’t want to start off being 24 with an overwhelming anxiety for something that won’t be a potential issue until monday. plus i already messaged my boss today to let her know that i’m going to do everything i can to make it work out but just so she’s in the loop and knows of the potential of me not being able to make my morning shifts (one of my coworkers said she’s more than happy to give me a ride for our afternoon shifts which does help relieve some of the stress!) and i told her i’d let her know for sure sunday so that if necessary she can have time to figure out someone to fill in for me in the mornings!

overall: life is weird and i ended being 23 yesterday with a shitty situation but a positive outlook and i am going to enjoy my first day of being 24 no matter what because honestly i fucking earned it. happy friday everyone, i hope it’s a good day for you and me both!

#aritalks #i did cry a little bit when i first woke up because i dont really know what to do about work and also i hate not having a car i can use #not only because of the work aspect but also getting my license when i was 18 gave me a freedom i didn’t have before #and i don’t like having to rely on other people just to like go to the fucking store or something yk #but then my best friend/roommate messaged me happy birthday and i was like fuck it! today is going to be a good day! #the stressful uncertainties can wait until tomorrow #also one of my best friends who hasn’t said happy birthday to me the past two years #(not intentionally im p sure they were just busy on my birthdays the past two years #and then had that moment of ‘oh shit i didnt send a message fuck i think its too late now’ which i totally get bc anxiety things yk) #was one of the first people to message me happy birthday!! #i’m also hoping to still be able to go see my mom and then stay the night at my dads tonight #so i can see both my parents and also my baby siblings for my birthday #my dads working today but after he texted happy birthday i sent him a text asking if he thinks we could still make it work #my mom is asleep still i think (she called me at midnight and left a voicemail singing happy birthday!! but her sleep schedule has been all #over the place recently so i’m waiting until 11:30 to call her which is in like 30 mins) #but she said something yesterday about driving out to me to give me a hug and also bring me my diabetes stuff that got delivered #(her house is my mailing address because i know it’s not going to change bc it’s my great grandparents house that she’s partially inhereting #when my great grandpa dies but since i have moved out of my dads my address has changed twice and i didnt have a mailbox at my last place so #just for the sake of consistency and not having to worry about important shit getting sent to the wrong address i’ve had her house as my #mailing address since i moved out of my dads at 19) #so i think i’m gonna ask her if she can just pick me up instead so i can go to her house w her and hang out with her #and hopefully my dad will be able to at least stop by with my siblings so i can see them too #i’d like to stay the night with them but if we can’t make it happen then i can also stay the night w my mom and hopefully tomorrow figure #out the car situation. might have to rent a car for a week if i can afford it? best case scenario is my moms car can be fixed but i still #dont know whats wrong with it ik there are two potential problems and one is fixable the other is not #the fixable one would cost like $150-$400 to fix depending on if we get a used part or a new one #if its $150-$200 ish i can probably afford to pay for the whole thing or at least most of it #but if its more than that hopefully my dad or one of my family members can help #and i can just pay them back in like $50 increments with my next few paychecks #just realized i said i wouldnt worry abt the car thing today and also i think im at tag limit to i’ll stop now lmao xoxo gossip girl ❤️

[jorvikzelda]

This may be a good and normal thing but I have absolutely zero regrets about having purchased the laptop last night. Like all day yesterday and even as I was buying I was going oh god should I should I not but now I’m not even having second thoughts about the huge display lmao

#SO FUCKING GLAD that I actually did some extra research rather than just going meh the one I looked at before is probably better #I think it was a SIGN that I got paid a little early for the month’s work and then like the day after the laptop I bought went on sale #(Didn’t actually pay immediately so I didn’t USE any of that money but that is besides the point) #Only with the reservation of man… it’s big… and heavy… and REALLY huge and that’s bad… #I HAD deep down been going ‘man if only there was a bigger laptop with the same specs as the one I wanna buy’ #And then!!! This baby pops up!! With a big display and BETTER specs!!!!!!!! #Cannot begin to express my excitement at playing Real People Games like that hasn’t even been a POSSIBILITY #Stray is at the top of my list right next to ranch of rivershine #And also probably Elden Ring that shit looks NEAT #(Also yes there is a catch and a reason this one is cheaper even though it’s better! The one I was planning on getting had an OLED display #This one’s just a normal good old LCD display. But in all honesty that is ABSOLUTELY a sacrifice I’m willing to make lol) #z talks #not horse game #Also the fact it’s not currently in stock so I’ll be waiting almost 3 weeks for it also very much feels like a good thing #Like. I have a Date on which I can expect to Receive It. And that means I have a very set time frame for the stuff I want to do to prepare #(mainly organise my cloud storage to make sure everything’s where it should be) #(but that’s a bigger problem than it might sound like because I have a LOT of files)

[aroace-moron]

Just had my graduation ceremony

Pretty sure my ears might be bleeding

Applause should be banned permanently forever this feels like an ableist hatecrime

#for clarification #i was not graduating school forecer #theres still a bit before that #but i did leave a school #also ouch #there's only so many times someone you have never met before tells you how good a job you did in keeping it together and only sob #not scream on stage like you felt like you would any second #because of the fucking noise they were continuing to pour into my eardrums #even though it was pretty damn obvious that the noise was the fucking problem #before you feel infantalized #like #no one really tried to solve the issue but everyone was telling me how brave i was after #like they were not the guys i was brave in spite of #fuck this man #hyperacusis #autism #graduation #anyway i feel öike i've been run over by a bus or something #so ima go to bed and sleep for the next 7 weeks #bye

[regular-lord-reckoner]

well, after a lot of crying and procrastinating and getting my anxiety ramped all the way up i finally emailed a potential therapist so that’s at least one thing i can check off my list :’)

#i dunno why that felt so goddamn hard to do but boy oh boy did it!!! #had to pull up templates of 'how to send an email to a therapist' as well as the email i sent to another one awhile back #and even then i still went through about a million drafts all to just basically be like #'hey i'm looking to start therapy can i schedule an appointment or consultation with you?' #like why was that so hard???? #but at least it's done #feel like i haven't gotten much else done that i've meant to but that was a big one so i'm going to try to de-stress #even though i've still got several hours of work left but i'm going to try to take it easy #anything i can't get done today is just going to have to wait until next week #and then after next week it's not my fucking problem because i will be on pto #so...suck on that #:P #anyway my brain has completely stopped working now so bye!!

[iknaenmal]

WHY! IS! IRL FRIENDSHIP! SO HARD!!!!!

#UAGHRHR #theres. theres this friend who has been ignoring me for MONTHS #like she still hangs out with me but doesnt even talk to me or listen to me when i talk to her #and last week i asked her why she ignored me all the time and she got mad at me and told me she didnt want to hang out with me anymore #which is. a HUGE relief actually #so the next day she spent HALF of the recess someplace #but then when she got bored with whatever she was doing she just. came and started to talk to me like nothing happened?????? #so i left #and shes in france now for a week bc of some school thing #and i thought it would be nice because i wouldnt have to deal with her for a whole week #but she just. called me out of the blue????? #and starts talking about how france is cold and she saw a cool car and stuff #and OURGHHG why does she only call me after we have argued and not even. apologize or anything #but i dont care i dont want her to apologize!! i want her to leave me alone for once #shes been my friend for about ten years which is more than half of my whole life #and aurhg..... i dont want to be her friend anymore this is do fucking exhausting #ough damn. sorry for that.. i didnt mean to ramble abt my personal problems for that long #or at all for that matter #ikna grumbles

[pochapal]

everything is always in a state of happen

#:) #phd meeting got postponed but now i need to find a way to reschedule around the huge timehole of jury duty #problem is that late april is pushing in on the end of the semester so i don't know when these people will be working and aaaaaah #why the fuck is jury duty two weeks long this is not very slay to me and my tight timeframes! #anyway the next month is going to be approximately one billion trillion times more stressful now. lol. #AND i took another sick turn because i pushed myself too hard the other day setting back my covid recovery #so i am stressed and sick and burdened with so many tasks and deadlines and responsibilities #i can only guarantee things will be normal for the rest of this week. after that it's anyone's guess

[uhjpg]

moodboard for when ur gonna fucking end it all

#i JUST get home . #my cats SHIT ON MY FLOOR because they’re mad i left + my family went somewhere else #i spend 30 mins cleaning that up right after getting back from the airport #AND THEN . #THE FUCKING BRAND NEW FRIDGE #IS BROKEN. #puddles everywhere….rotten food….. everything!!!!!!!! #ANDDDD the rest of my family is out of the country rn and where they are it’s like 2 a.m. so i can’t call and ask for help about the fridge #i am SO tired i just wanna shower except oh . I have to cLEAN THE SHOWER first . because my cats pissed in it🫥🫥 #these mfs have SUCHHH a bad attitude problem when they’re left alone ……………… #btw when i left my family was still here so idk WHAT the fuck they did for a week and a half but 🫥🫥🫥🫥🫥🫥🫥 #oh also i need to get ready for work . #and start on assignments for the next two weeks #and finish my personal statement #and finish my shadowing hours + contact hospitals and ask them if i can shadow there #and HRGEHDHDHDBDN is nothing ever easy #ok hi if u made it this far down how u doing babygirl😏 #jay.txt

[tardis--dreams]

To summarize today's day in university:

- got diagnosed with social phobia by a class mate (bitch?!)

- heard a Very cool lecture/presentation by a guest lecturer

- our lecturer said she kinda liked our idea for our presentation

- had lunch with friends in the uni canteen which was nice but evoked some existential despair

#about that social phobia thing: first she showed me the term on her phone during a seminar (when she couldn't talk loudly) #asking if i had that to which i said no i do not?! #then after class she again said 'i think you have social phobia. because you don't like talking to people or in class' *nodding knowingly* #to which i again said i did Not have it but ok whatever #because hello?! the only person allowed to say i have social anxiety is Me. fuck you?! #like I DO say i have social anxiety because i do i guess. but a) not talking in class is not an indicator for this #b) i Do talk in class lmao. and I've never actually had any problems around her regarding anxiety #like i have no problem talking to classmates or saying something in the classes we have together so Fuck Off?! #(i mean it is a giant problem sometimes in some contexts but STILL. YOU DON'T GET TO 'DIAGNOSE' ME. #i hereby officially undiagnose myself from that thank you very much) #ANYWAY do you know the feeling of meeting someone you really look up to like maybe an author or a musician or whatever in REAL LIFE #AND YOU GET TO TALK TO THEM? that excitement where you're like 'omg i can't believe that's happening i can't believe you're here in a room #with me TALKING TO ME? and I get to hear about something unpublished you're working on rn?? like exclusive insight into current research??? #that was me today during that presentation by that guest lecturer! I've read most of her articles and at some point idk i guess you find #researchers in your field whose work you just find Very interesting and then when you get to meet them it feels a little unreal #(not to fangirl over a linguist or anything. i rarely do that (don't speak to me about my favorite lecturer who i also totally don't see as #a huge inspiration or anything)) #but yeah also i was so worried about the presentation next week but now our lecturer said she didn't hate the topic I'm more chill about it #AND yeah sorry folks‚ healthcare doesn't exist here :( no i can't help you find a doctor there's no hope just accept it #I LOVE the fact that international students keep bringing up this topic! the sheer despair and Anxiety you get to hear about! fantastic! #like I'm sorry about this obviously but that's just how we live here? What do you MEAN in your country you just can go to a doctor FOR FREE #and they'll help you? what yeah man I'll come to Russia with you! (seriously. this is one of the main things preventing people from staying #here. the absolute Lack of healthcare. people who are like 'yeah i love it here but honestly? I'm too scared something might happen #and then no one will help me.. yep. understandable. i have just accepted that i will die due to this #but if you have the option to go (back) to a country where things are different I'd do that tbh. #(sorry just normal lunch conversation topics we have here #i still feel very nice and fuzzy because i was invited ahahaha (i have a sad life lmao)) #shut up amy #university ramblings

[arthur-r]

i’ve gotten really bad over break at falling asleep in a time frame where i can wake up in the morning and function at capacity. but in other news i’ve written a very angry song aimed at my father. so that’s fun

#good morning everybody i tried so hard to go to sleep when i still had a chance at eight hours #i’m still gonna get seven but that’s like. if i fall asleep immediately #anyway my dad deserves to have a song about his problems i focused too much on my mom with hard to break #although actually the core memory that made me want to write that song is my dad calling me a monster when i was like ten #however the song itself is mostly about the way my mom looks at me. where it’s like i’m not human. which is a mom thing #anyway things have been really bad at home lately like i’ve mostly avoided talking about it but literally earlier today i packed a bag to #run away and just kind of changed my mind when i found out my mom was working #(because the type of running away i mean is not as drastic as it necessarily sounds. mostly just wanted to move into the apartment #permanently and im basically going to do that starting next week like i’ll be supposed to go home but i can always decide not to) #anyway do you kiss my mother with that mouth or let your anger rise and cuss her out? do you want to fuck her or do you say fuck her? #either way you fucking overshare!! do you kiss my mother with that mouth? or tell me to shut up and get the fuck out? #and when you tell those jokes do you understand how deep it goes? cant you see i’m broken from the actions that you chose?? #i just wanna get out of this i just keep getting sadder!! i’d rather not even exist does my involvement matter?? #[/ly] anyway then the song goes on after that for another while. but it’s like. long. so i’ll spare you the rest #came up with the first bit on guitar a few days ago and my dad heard the chords from my room and was like hey that sounds like pink floyd #and i had to be like nope just a chromatic scale. and be glad that i was only whispering the words #anyway if you see me right now no you don’t. and i am so incredibly asleep rn. spooky scary talking in my sleep (/all of this is untrue) #sleeping is like. my favorite hobby. but i am entirely incapable of it when there are this many anxieties floating around my head #it also maybe doesn’t help that i finished the caffeinated lemonade this morning at like 1pm. digging my own hole to lie in here #anyway im going to try and stay after school tomorrow and then go to the apartment from there. rather than see my dad and pretend we’re okay #but hi from after midnight. i miss the days where i could sleep in until ten cause im kind of a night owl i just also really like sleeping #like if i could be blathers from animal crossing and nap for twelve hours getting woke up every once in a while and given a fossil and then #going back to sleep. and then waking up when it’s dark out and every once in a while getting given a fossil. that’s the life #anyway sorry for still being here. i was eyes closed for a while and my do not disturb has been on this whole time. and yet i’m awake #going to post this and go to sleep. though. cause unless we get another snow day in a row then i do have school tomorrow morning #and a snow day would actually be terrible because of. aforementioned not wanting to be at home. and being snowed in is terrifying #ok anyway i really have to go to sleep but yeah. goodnight world wish me luck again with sleeping!! #me. my post. mine. #delete later #ask to tag

[valentineish]

My roommate may kill me with his carelessness

#he was 'feeling off again' but said he was fine and had a negative test #continued on as normal for like 4 days #turns out he was still coughing and sneezing and feeling 'kind of weird' up through TODAY but forgot #was apparently putting off his flu shot until JANUARY even though flu season has been starting early and hitting hard since 2020 #meanwhile i still don't have full lung capacity from catching covid from him like 4 months ago #already at risk for complications because of a million other health problems #i have chewed him out about this several times. he works in fucking schools for fuck's sake #now i have a fever coming on and feel so exhausted. have to do measures of my blood oxygen every couple of hours for the next week. #and i still. STILL. have to clean up after him. and now sanitize everything he's continued using. #the lack of empathy spoiled rich kids have is truly something to behold #cat-astrophes

[chelseasdagger]

.

#idk if y’all know what an overgrowth of bismuth in your body does but i’m gonna type it out cause i’m feelin some typa way #and obviously ignore this pfff i’m just angy #you guys know the brand pepto bismol or whatever the hell it’s called outside of the states idk it’s that pink shit that tastes gross but #you take it when you have disgrstive problems or nausea of whatnot #so i have to take it quite pretty often because of my intestines being fucked and general anxiety making my stomach pains worse #but here’s the kicker #now whenever i take it - and this didn’t use to happen before - when i wake up the next day or look a few hours later #my whole tongue is black like this layer of film on it #and i know like gosh chelsea it’s not that big of a deal #it’s not but all it does is remind me of WHY i have such a build up of this product inside of me that it turns my tongue black after ONE #dose when i haven’t taken it in two or three months #and it makes me sad because he’s already messed up other parts of me and i don’t want to be touched #and when i see my tongue all i can think about is the weeks after it all happened and i kept taking more and more medicine because my #anxiety was making my stomach hurt so badly it was just in pain #i now recognize it as guilt and that i blamed myself for what happened #but i know now it wasn’t my fault. i don’t think it was #but anyway yeah just… wanted to get that off my chest #i hate that man for what he did to my brain but also the one thing the one medicine i had that was a comfort to me is now also ruined #because of mornings like these #where i try not to gag as i brush the back of my tongue and get that layer of blackness off #and it’s mornings like these i get angry at him #shut up chelsea #< the one time i truly need the tag PFFF

[shoveitevil]

god. why does no one care about me in this damned house

#two days of hanging out with childhood friends having the best fun I’ve had all holidays just to be ruined by my brother #my god #firstly you have a complete fucking meltdown right before we’re supposed to leave despite you having a full 6 hours to prepare while im #in a rush to get in the car 10 mins after waking up because my mum didn’t wake me up #then you make us call you because you were feeling left out despite you specifically saying you didn’t want to hang out with these people #then the next day you agree to go and immediately start insulting me for laughs and then hitting me with hard plastic when I respond #you continue to do things to the rest of us and then complain when we do the same #eventually going to mum and conveniently ignoring any part where he hit me #then you act moody the rest of the damn day watching youtube and then say all that time watching YouTube was stressing you out #then I get home after a 40 min drive of josh crying over some unexplained problem with all the “stress” on his face leaving immediately #my mum asks me why I wasn’t feeling the best and I explain all the shit that josh did to me #and then she has the nerve to stay “why have you stayed so mad about this” as if josh doesn’t constantly pull this shit #apparently she thought all the times we didn’t fight were just normal?? as if I don’t have to constantly walk on eggshells around josh #and I had to explain how I constantly had to comprise for him and how I just for once wanted to have fun with my friends #and even then we constantly invited him to play with us #and then refused to #the two hour later I decide for once in my life to be vulnerable with my dad and get on the verge of tears explaining how I’m treated by jo #and how despite doing the actual limit to what I can mentally handle to appease josh he still treats me like dogshit #and he decides to make this about him and his brother and how their relationship worked #and then told me basically that my brother will never leave my life and I have to stay with him forever #I love my mother #My father and my brother not so much #but when it’s not about josh getting a pinprick and having to cancel a 2 week holiday #it’s about mum and dad and how they are going through a rough patch and constantly have to let us know #the only time it feels like I’m paid any attention to at all is when I’m with my sisters or I get a grade back #ughhhhhhhhhhhh #vent

[chocolaytte]

밤 (night) - i

#p:korea #c:seoul #l:university #d:20210824 #i really do use tumblr as my personal personal journal #i moved to a bigger house because my parents told me they would help me pay rent in exchange for having a place to stay when they come visi #well now they are here and they are backtracking #they told me they will not help me pay my rent anymore but they are staying at my house #and worse yet they are already inviting themsleves for next year #they have been here for two weeks and everyday they have made a cooment about my weight #that i need to lose weight exercise more stop eating this or drinking that #my mental health has plummeted #i am at that point where i go to sleep praying not to wake up the next day #the visa allows them to come for 90 days and they are staying the fucking 90 days #i really don't want to wake up tomorrow #and i feel like i have no one to talk #my friends once told me that i just complained and after that i haven't opened up to them again about my problems #so i always talk to my brother but i feel like i just bother him #please i don't want to wake up #i seriously haven't felt happiness in years #didn't feel happiness when i graduated or when seeing my parents after a year or after moving back to seoul #no happiness just apathy #i am seriously just waiting for the embrace of death #i even have a list of reason as to why i shouldn't jump of a bridge and the reason are mostly one piece and not wanting my family to feelba

[keepingthepeaceinouterspace]

.

#one day my weeks won't be busy and stressful because of medical appointments but this week is not it!! nor is this month really #2 appts this week. out of town next week. 2 appts the week after. #then I'm hoping to get a follow up scheduled within a week or two of that #I had like 6 appts in the last three weeks #and then I want to get a mole lopped off while I'm blowing through my deductible so. #I just would like the problems to stop #but maybe next I'll be focusing on suing my dentist we shall see!!!!!! #on 4/1 I go in for a teeth cleaning with my new dentist and I will have her look at my root canal tooth and I am betting money #that I will need to get something fixed with it #it's not normal that it's still a problem spot more than FOUR FULL MONTHS after I got it done #fuck that dentist