#and then in immediate retrospect it's like I Mean I Knew It & even now to be saying it feels like i've effectively already said it | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

am-i-the-asshole-official · 7 months

Note

wibta if i keep having sex with my friends dad? nsfw warning

i (20s cismale) got invited by my friend (20s nonbinary) to try out some new edibles they made last thursday. this isnt too weird because both of us are unemployed (they get disability, i get money from unemployment, and we both live with our parents) and usually during the day their dad (50s cismale) is at work so we get the house to ourselves. well last thursday was different because i came over late in the night when their dad was home, and he offered to make me some dinner too. i get the munchies really bad so i was immediately like yes please and thank you while i fucked off to my friends room. we played some smash bros while we waited for the cookies to kick in, and when it started to hit his dad called us both out for dinner. dinner was great, and his dad is super chill — so he let us raid his alcohol cabinet. i dont think he knew either of us were stoned for the record (im naturally really quiet/dont make eye contact, my friend sounds high 24/7 naturally) so i dont think he was like trying to get anyone drunk or anything. my tolerance is pretty good but my friends is shit so it didnt take long until they were like blackout drunk and passing out on the couch, while their dad and i were both drunk too (not blackout but pretty drunk, and i was still high) and sitting on the opposite side of the couch next to eachother

important fact about me - i crossdress like femboys or whatever theyre called. i like looking really feminine and cute and confusing people. im not trans or anything like that gender is just a game and i am winning it. but i do tend to dress up in very egirl/goth gf clothes if you know what i mean, and i look pretty convincing ive been told (friend tells me i would pass for ciswoman with the makeup on). i think their dad maybe forgot that i was me (he usually sees me in boy clothes) and he started hitting on me? i didnt think i was gay or bi either until he started doing it and i got really flustered but i didnt stop him? again i was fucked up so the attention felt really nice despite it being my friends dad. but anyways he kept getting closer until he kissed me, and it felt nice so i let it keep going? which was probably super fucked up in retrospect. but anyways stuff gets hot and steamy, their dad doesnt bother lifting up my skirt, one thing leads to another and we have sex. he definitely noticed im not a girl during that (its pretty hard to miss lol) but he didnt stop so we kept going for a while

after we were done he and i passed out on the couch in a kind of awkward position, we both woke up in the morning and i think thats when he realized im me, but he didnt seem to freak out even though hes straight?? or at least i thought he was straight. but we had sex again in the morning and then when my friend woke up we all had breakfast and i went back to my friends room and we hung out more and got high again. while we were though i accidentally spilled the beans to my friend, and they FREAKED out on me and said that i was so gross for doing that, and they cant believe that it happened, stuff like that. they kicked me out of their room and their dad had to drive me home because i was shaking bad from it. but while their dad drove me home i was super pissed and mad and not thinking straight (haha) and so i tried to convince their dad to take a detour so we could fuck again. and he was like, okay sure, so we did?? but now i feel horrible for doing it knowing that it grossed my friend out so much, but i really like their dad and he seems to like me too, and i want to keep banging him :(

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

584 notes · View notes

honey-beann · 6 months

Note

Sooo does this mean we can get some nines fluff? plssss?

Sweet, and Soft, and Gentle

Nines x Reader

Well, this certainly isn't the fluffiest thing I've ever written, but here's a little fic that I wrote randomly last night because I am weak to whatever the hell this trope is haha. I hope you enjoy!

Word Count: 1,643

The front desk assistant walked quickly into the bullpen, looking a little bit nervous as he cleared his throat slightly, catching the attention of everyone there as he did so (much to his chagrin).

Today was his very first day without the desk manager present after she had called out sick, and of course that also had to be the day that an unexpected visitor with an almost unbelievable reason for coming in waltzed her way into the office, asking for someone that the poor assistant had never once heard anyone ask for before.

So now, here he was, walking as quickly as he could without causing alarm in an attempt to stay ahead of you so that he had the opportunity to ask the many precinct workers if they happened to know anyone by your name.

Sure, you had requested one man in particular, but he just couldn't imagine what someone like you could ever need someone like him for, so he opted instead to announce your presence to the entire room in hopes of someone you actually knew telling him that it was okay if you came in to visit without a supervising attendee present.

"Sorry to bother you guys, but I have someone by the name of-"

"Nines?"

Your voice was a little quiet and hesitant as you spoke, as if you were worried you might be in the wrong place.

Immediately, all eyes shifted from the front desk assistant to you, including a pair of steely gray orbs that had notably not been watching the man standing at the front of the room prior to your voice being heard.

To everyone's surprise, the android who went by the very same name you had spoken stood up, abandoning his coat on the back of his chair, which he left two entire feet away from his desk as he made his way over to you.

And that alone was a shock.

Nines was the office neat freak, and regardless of weather, when he moved away from his desk he always put that jacket of his on, no matter how brief the trip away would be.

And to leave his chair out of place?

It was almost unthinkable to imagine he would do something like that. Hell, he even begrudgingly pushed Gavin's in when the detective left it sitting away from his desk.

But here Nines was, walking toward you, a stranger to damn near everyone in the office, as if nothing else in the world ever had or ever would matter more.

You let out what appeared to be a sigh of relief at the man's approach, smiling tiredly up at him as he offered you a faint grin, one that touched his eyes far more than it did his lips.

"Button."

He said as he grew closer, causing nearly the entire office to look around at one another in surprise.

Had Nines just used a pet name?

You blushed a bit but took a few steps forward, meeting the android closer than you would have otherwise as he reached down to cup the side of your cheek, allowing you to lean into his touch contentedly.

"To what do I owe the pleasure of this sudden visit?"

He asked gently, causing you to shrug your shoulders a bit in response, cheeks still pink with embarrassment.

"I uh, I had to make a delivery next door and thought I would pop in to say hi, but then I learned that I wasn't actually on your guest list yet so I tried to back out of it, except I didn't want anyone at the desk to think I was just some weirdo who had been trying to get in randomly so I decided to ask if someone could escort me in to say hello... Kind of a dumb idea in retrospect..."

You sighed, gaze cast downward as the android in front of you raised a brow at your words, clearly confused about something, but more than patient enough to allow you to finish your thought.

"I'm sorry for bothering you at work."

You continued softly, refusing to make eye contact with Nines until he tutted and used two of his fingers to lightly push your chin upward, all but forcing you to look him in the eye as he spoke.

"Listen to me, Button."

He said almost sternly, though his eyes were alight with a slightly smug amusement,

"You're never a bother."

You sputtered a bit at the kindness of the android's words, but had very little time to reply before Nines was turning towards the desk assistant.

"Why couldn't you find her on my accepted visitors list? Is the system down?"

He asked, his tone full of a nearly unkind sternness far different from the one he had regarded you with as he spoke.

The assistant blanched.

"To be honest Detective, I never checked... During my training I was told that you never got visitors, so I had assumed that you just didn't allow for them..."

Nines scoffed, turning his attention back towards you, expression as apologetic and soothing as ever,

"It was only a misunderstanding."

He said gently, tucking a few loose strands of hair behind your ear as he glanced back toward the desk assistant,

"One that I am sure will be remedied in the future."

That sentence was damn near growled, and the assistant was quick to nod before rushing off under the guise of work.

Strange, considering his lunch break was only three minutes away.

Nines however, could not have cared less about how much he had undoubtedly frightened the young man, and instead leaned forward, bumping his forehead lightly against your own as he sighed, murmuring a quiet apology before you shook your head and stood on your toes in order to press a sweet kiss against his lips.

Nines seemed a bit surprised at this, but grinned nonetheless, reaching an arm around your back and using it to tug you closer before he gently applied a downward pressure, urging you to stand normally as he leaned further forward to better accommodate for the height difference the two of you shared.

The entire room watched on in awe save for a few pairs of exasperated eyes, which remained mostly trained on the screens in front of them.

But to everyone else, this was far too jarring to even imagine looking away from.

It just didn't make sense.

You were sweet and soft and oh so gentle, everything a city like Detroit could've eaten up and spat out in a second.

And Nines was well...

Nines.

Even those who were closest to him would call him unyielding at best, and occasionally outright cruel at worst.

No one had ever seen him bend to the will of anything.

So why was he quite literally bending down to press his lips to yours as you all but melted into his touch, obviously soothed by his typically threatening presence?

The entire precinct watched on in shock as you smiled against the rk900's lips, pulling away after a few seconds to plant a gentle kiss to the very tip of his nose as he chuckled quietly, his eyes rolling ever so slightly in a way that made it obvious how much he enjoyed your foolish expression of adoration.

"You have a very interesting way of saying hello, little one."

Nines said softly, his hand moving to cup the back of your head as he regarded you with amusement, eyes following the gentle curve of your smile lovingly.

You blushed a bit, but couldn't help but grow giddy beneath his gaze, mouth opening slightly to comment,

"Are you not a fan?"

You asked, watching as Nines all but scoffed before shaking his head,

"No, I think I prefer the way you go about things presently over anything else you might come up with."

He teased before planting a soft kiss against your forehead and pulling away, glancing towards the bullpen full of officers and detectives who were staring shamelessly at the two of you.

Usually, he would roll his eyes, or even laugh if he caught the entire room watching him like that, but this time he ignored them completely, glancing down at you and offering his arm before speaking again.

"How about I take you out to lunch to make up for all of the confusion, hmm little one? Make coming to visit a little bit more worthwhile?"

You grinned and nodded in response, grabbing his arm and taking a few steps towards the exit alongside him when you suddenly stopped, gasping lightly as you realized that Nines was missing something he would typically consider important.

"Your jacket!"

You announced, dashing over to the garment before knocking the chair it had been hanging on back into the spot against his desk with your hip thoughtlessly, your smile dangerously close to contagious for all who watched as you rushed back to the man who remained standing near the doorway, amusement evident in his expression.

"Thank you, Button."

He said genuinely as you grew closer, holding his familiar white jacket out to him,

"Whatever would I do without you?"

You laughed cheerily at that, and everyone watched as you took Nines' arm once more, walking out of the building and into the warm afternoon air side by side.

The room was silent for a few moments afterward, before murmurs began breaking out around the office, until finally everything got quiet again after Gavin piped up rather loudly,

"Who the hell was that?!"

He shouted, a confusion that nearly everyone in the room shared evident in his tone.

But still, not everyone had been left in the dark, and three men sitting at their respective desks spoke up in accidental unison to prove it, all of them sounding mildly exasperated and reasonably amused.

"His wife."

#dbh x reader #c: nines #nines x reader #rk900 x reader #dbh nines x reader #dbh fics #dbh x reader fluff

98 notes · View notes

blockgamepirate · 2 months

Note

(that post was so banger it finally made me register an alt) Honestly, you are so correct about L'Manberg

I remember regularly lurking around mcytblr and reading analysis and I think I only saw coherent L'Manberg nationalism analysis from, like, Xephyr and a c!Dream blogger/fan. Which is crazy in retrospect, because the ease with which most of the fandom leaned into fictional country hardcore patriotism was/is kinda insane

And the ensuing anti Doomsday stance -- like we all know that terrorism is bad and shit, but absolute refusal to acknowledge that maybe Doomsday trio and co were not punished by the narrative for having done that was because they were right was. sure something!

omg that's very flattering thank you :D

By Xephyr I assume you mean @considermygenderminecrafted ? Because yes, xe has some of the best L'Manburg critique out there, as well as some of the best c!Wilbur critique, everybody should absolutely check it out immediately (altho frustratingly, I just tried to find some of their posts as an example but Tumblr's search function is still absolute garbage (Xeph, do you have some of your great posts at hand and if so, can you just link some of them in the reblogs or something?))

And yes. There are valid criticisms that can be made of the Doomsday Trio's tactics (which even Techno himself sort of acknowledged later), but at the end of the day, they were on the right side of history

(Well Dream's character less so, but I can't even be bothered to try to analyse him at this point because none of his plans make sense to me)

Also nobody ever seems to acknowledge that Doomsday Trio were acting in self-defence, since L'Manburg had already gone after both Techno and Phil, and was at the time trying to kill Dream as well, although he kinda beat them to the punch (possibly because he already knew they were planning to kill him? idk, I'm not sure if that was ever confirmed or not)

But yeah, the argument about them needing to be punished by the narrative was always absurd to me, and it just betrays the fandom's belief that L'Manburg was supposed to be objectively good, despite all the evidence that it very much was not, not even to its own citizens! And possibly also the unquestioned assumption of "state good, anarchy bad"

Meanwhile the actual narrative repeatedly shows that L'Manburg always ends up becoming toxic, corrupt and ultimately oppressive, even under the Good President, while on the other hand the anarchist commune eventually turns into a sanctuary for all sorts of people who need a safe place to stay (even arguably the aforementioned former Good President when he needs somewhere to hide his son from kidnappers)

And yeah, this is why I did get pretty heated about some of the debates at the time, and I kinda still do, because in the process of assuming that L'Manburg was always the good guys, they ended up repeatedly justifying just absolutely horrific state violence as well as excusing early L'Manburg's xenophobia (as comedic as it initially was), which unfortunately mirrors a lot of real world authoritarianism and xenophobia

To be fair a lot of this was probably also protagonist-centric morality, since most of these people also saw the L'Manburg side as the main characters, but then again what is nationalism if not a form of protagonist-centric morality where you see your own country as the protagonist of the world lol

I might actually need to make a proper post now since multiple people have shown interest, unfortunately I'm also very lazy and kinda made my main points in that low effort post already

Which would mean that it would actually have to be a high effort post to justify its existence

#asks #hopemadethisaccforsendingasks

31 notes · View notes

ghoulodont · 8 days

Text

Catacombs Within

Approaching the threshold of a new era, an old omen looms. Part of the Blur Turns to Haze series.

Relationship: Raindrop Characters: Dewdrop, Rain Words: 1459

Mental Illness, Angst (sort of), its like an intervention type of scenario

Read below or on AO3

Rain checks his phone again. He pulls open his text conversation with Dewdrop. His most recent sent message — can we talk? — hovers unread at the bottom of the screen, timestamped fourteen minutes ago.

The rightmost digit of the clock increments — fifteen minutes ago, now.

Rain tosses his phone down on the bed with a sigh. He runs his hands over his face. Fifteen minutes ago, or a little longer, Dew had stormed out of the room and slammed the door behind him. The events leading up to that moment, brief as they were, feel in retrospect like some surreal dream sequence, an out-of-control downward spiral that doesn’t quite add up.

Then again, maybe it was entirely logical and predictable. Rain knew it would be a sensitive subject. Maybe he just didn’t anticipate how sensitive it would be. For a while now, he had been considering when to bring it up, and how. He let that all go out the window when his concern became too large to suppress. It was impulsive, and that was stupid.

He gave Dew a measured fifteen minutes of leeway to act. Now that those fifteen minutes are up, it’s time for him to move on to the next step in his ad-hoc algorithm for conflict resolution.

Down the hall, under the slanted lights of the setting sun through the windows behind him, he knocks on Dew’s door — three sharp taps, even and mechanical. “Dew,” he calls, “it’s me.”

He waits, hands held behind his back. He strains to hear inside the closed room. If he focuses, head tipped to one side in the quiet corridor, he imagines he’s hearing footsteps.

Only a few breaths later, the door opens a sliver and Dew’s face peeks out through the opening.

“Can we talk?” Rain asks.

Dew pulls the door open slightly, revealing just a little bit more of his face. He doesn’t look angry. His expression is totally blank — it could be tranquil, out of context. It could be carved from stone.

“Can I come in?”

Dew seems to take a second to consider this, but then he nods and steps back from the door.

Rain slips inside and pushes the door closed. Dew immediately locks it behind them, the deadbolt sliding into place with a cold metallic clunk. He turns and leads the way into his room. Rain follows.

The two of them pause, standing aimlessly in the center of the room for an awkward moment, before Dew sits down on the edge of his bed. He looks up at Rain expectantly, wordlessly.

“Can I sit?” It’s the kind of thing Rain hasn’t asked in who knows how long — years, maybe. He’s slept in this bed countless times, spent hundreds of hours here awake and asleep and every state in between. But it seems prudent, so he asks.

Dew nods. His eyes dart away, gaze fixating to some empty spot on the wall.

Rain sits gently, like Dew is asleep and he’s trying not to wake him. The mattress creaks anyway, dips under his weight — indifferent to his consideration. They settle into silence, side by side.

“I’m sorry if I scared you,” Rain starts.

Dew shakes his head.

“I wanted to say, I’m not trying to get you in trouble or anything. I’m just worried about you. That’s all.”

“I know.”

“Okay.” Rain isn’t sure how to press further, or if he should. The words he holds inside of him — suggestions, judgments — feel like a loaded gun. He waits for Dew to say something first.

Dew fidgets, weaving his fingers together. When he speaks, his voice is quiet. “I didn’t— I don’t want to treat you like that.”

“It’s okay.”

“I mean, I don’t want to let you become part of it.”

“Part of...?” Part of it. Rain has already gathered what it is — he would argue that’s the reason for this entire situation in the first place — but he’s still not sure what it looks like from Dew’s perspective.

Dew wraps his arms around his own midsection. He looks like he’s trying to discreetly hold his body together, to contain something that would otherwise ooze out. “It’s all— It’s trying to destroy everything I have. It’s so clear.” He shakes his head. “So clear.”

Every statement Dew makes, every action, is like a drop of water in a bucket that now, once again, overflows. Rain can’t sit with his thoughts any longer. “Don’t you think you should talk to your psychiatrist, or—”

Dew suddenly stands up like he’s going to leave.

Rain grabs his wrist. “Wait, I’m sorry—”

Dew wrenches his hand away, but he freezes in place. He stands still, one stride away from the bed, facing the door.

“Can we talk about it?” Rain asks, quietly. The tension in the air glistens like ice, and carries the same chill. “Please?”

“Yeah.” Dew takes a tentative step toward the bed. He stands there for a moment before he sits back down. “Go ahead.”

Rain takes a breath, renewing his commitment to following his calculated talking points. “Honestly, I’ve been noticing things for weeks. I was going to—”

“You think I don’t realize?”

Rain looks up, and Dew is staring at him with a surreal intensity. “Well, I wasn’t sure—”

Dew shakes his head. “I’m the first one to notice. Always.” His eyes are watching so wholly, so wide, a complete departure from his previously averted gaze.

Rain can’t help but stare back. Dew’s focus is unwavering, his face expressionless. The nagging familiarity of it, distant, drips like a leaky faucet.

Dew blinks once. “There’s so much you don’t see.”

It’s something Rain accepted a long time ago, but it still hurts to hear. It gnaws at his chest, the reminder of that insurmountable barrier.

Dew’s eyes dig into Rain’s skin.

“Is it the same as...?” Rain doesn’t have a word for what should follow, but he doesn’t have to say it. He doesn’t have to say any of it, really. He already knows the answer.

“Yes. Yes, it’s like— like time is folded in on itself.”

Rain nods. It is familiar, this situation, drawing a clear connection to a moment in the past. The difference, now, is that it’s no longer unknown. Though between them it remains unnamed, it has a definite presence, if only as a concept, as an it.

It’s striking, though, how different it is, how strange it feels, considering this was the first Dew that Rain ever met — the one who was there when he was summoned, who he grew so close to within the nascent weeks of his life. This was the only Dew he knew, once. Now that he knows another Dew, a more established one, this one feels like nothing but a fragmentary imitation — like all that time was meaningless.

Rain watches him shake his head, as if telling an unseen something no, his eyes unfocused again.

Suddenly, Dew turns his whole body to face him, one leg falling askew onto the bed. “I need you to support me.”

“I do support you.”

“I mean, I need you to be on my side. Completely.”

“I am.” Rain reaches out and grasps Dew’s hand where it rests on the bed. “I am on your side.”

“You’re not. You don’t want me.”

Rain’s heart sinks. “I just don’t want you to be sick.”

Dew scoffs, a sort of casually dismissive noise, incongruous with the weight of the present discussion. “You don’t know what you’re asking from me.”

“Then tell me. Please.”

Dew shakes his head, a serene smile washing over his features.

“I want to support you,” Rain pushes.

Dew clambers over the short distance between them to straddle Rain’s lap, planting himself down and pinning Rain’s legs to the bed with his weight. “Then treat me like there’s nothing wrong.”

Rain doesn’t resist as Dew wraps him in an embrace, arms draped loosely around his neck. He can feel the rise and fall of Dew’s breaths where their chests come together. He places his hands on Dew’s hips, resting them there without restricting, careful not to hold too tight.

Dew leans closer. He presses his face into the side of Rain’s neck, the air of his exhale brushing past Rain’s collarbone. For a moment, all that matters is that they’re alive, both of them — lungs respiring, hearts beating, entire beings emergent from a collection of cells and signals — until reality returns with all its nuance and uncertainty.

“I don’t know if I can do that,” Rain says, “because I still think you need to talk to your psychiatrist.”

When Dew hums, Rain can feel the vibration of it through the convergence of skin against skin. “I’ll do it tomorrow.”

Somehow, it feels like tomorrow might never arrive.

#ghost band fanfic #raindrop april #fic i wrote #bt2h #guys im sorry im not doing amazing rn so my attention span is limited and there may not be adequate overarching themes -_-

24 notes · View notes

cowgurrrl · 2 months

Note

JUST WATCHED THE SAG-AFTRA FOUNDATION VIDEO WITH PEDRO PASCAL ANDDDD.....gotta mention her but the idea of actress!reader having a similar segment for herself, getting similar questions while rockstar!joel is there to support her?? YES PLEASE, it'd be so cute !!! and actress!reader would have some amazing answers and little stories to share about her career me thinks

I love this idea!!

Good Old Days

Pairing: rockstar!joel miller x actress!reader

Summary: this ask!!

Warnings: unedited because I simply cannot be asked, the kids are so grown up in this :(, fun little reflections, I think that’s it!

It feels weird to be at a point in your career to be able to do a Career Retrospective with SAG-AFTRA, but it also feels well-earned. You’ve been in the business long enough to have seen a thing or two and you’re excited for the opportunity to get to talk about it. Plus, Joel took the day off from working at the label and is sitting in the audience of other card-carrying SAG actors. The woman interviewing you introduces you to the crowd and you walk out to modest applause and an especially loud whistle from Joel. You blow him a kiss before settling across from your interviewer, Kate, who immediately gets into it.

“Thank you so much for joining us today. Should we start with the question everyone probably asks you? When did you get your SAG card?” She asks and you laugh a little at the memory.

“I got my SAG card literally the second I got my first gig in LA. It was mandatory for the project and the project was Sweet Water-”

“That was your first gig when you got to LA?”

“Yeah. My apartment wasn’t even unpacked when I got sent home with the script and they were like, ‘make sure you mark in your script’ and all that stuff and I didn’t have a dining room table. I was literally marking stuff while sitting on the floor.”

“That’s must’ve been a big leap.”

“It was huge. This was a tiny pilot that was coming onto this huge scene of TV medical dramas and it wasn’t supposed to be set in this big city, it was a rural hospital, and we didn’t know if it was gonna get picked up. So, yeah, it was pretty scary for a second. My family was terrified but they told me they felt a little better once I was a part of the union.” You shrug, not knowing how much you actually believe that, but their support got you to where you are for a reason.

“That’s surprising to know, especially now that it’s a huge success.”

“We didn’t know for a long time if it was gonna flop or not,” you admit. “I remember Carolina and I would always get stuck doing night shoots and we’d just be exhausted and covered in the fake blood or whatever and we would look at each other like, ‘what the fuck are we doing?’ But I loved that character and I loved that show.”

“How did you get into acting before all that?” She asks and you stretch your memory back as far as you can.

“I think I was always interested in it. I worked at a movie theatre for a while just so I could go see movies for free and when we read plays in class, I would always get really excited. I did theatre throughout high school and college but it didn’t really start to feel like a real career until I started working. Like I would act in little short films and get paid like $100 for a week of work and I thought that was what acting was. So, I just kept taking on projects and kept working and then eventually got noticed but I think even if I didn’t get picked up, I would still be acting in some capacity.

“And you went to NYU?” She asks and you nod. “What drew you to NYU?”

“I mean, isn’t it every young actors dream to go to New York? I just thought that’s where people were actors and artists and I wanted to be a part of it. I moved to the city and knew absolutely no one and it was a real starving artist kinda vibe for a while. Like I was a waitress at two different restaurants and one of them was in Midtown and the other was in the Upper East side so I was constantly jumping boroughs and spending money on subway tickets. But it was a really great experience and I met a lot of incredibly talented people.”

“Including Carolina Garcia-Long.”

“Oh, especially Carolina Garcia-Long!” You exclaim, excited to talk about one of your favorite people. “She’s such an amazing person and I’m so lucky I got to start my career with her. I just love her and Ryan so much.”

“Had you guys acted together before Sweet Water?”

“Yeah, so Carolina and I had been scene partners during class assignments and we were often at the same auditions for things. Ryan and I didn’t act together professionally until… I wanna say our first project together was Self Made Men? That was right when he was starting to pick up steam in his career and it was my first movie right off of Sweet Water and I played this super minor character named Sunday. I was really only on the call sheet for a few days but we had so much fun that he kept inviting me back, if not to work, then to learn and that totally changed things for me,” you furrow your brows as you think. “I might have to text him after this and ask because I’m almost positive we did something together before Self Made Men. But way before that, in New York, our paths just kept crossing and crossing and then Carolina and I finally moved in together in this tiny little apartment in Hell’s Kitchen with two other girls. I actually took Joel by there on our first trip to New York together and he was so shocked at how shitty the building was. Sorry, can I swear? If not, I think I’ve already broken that rule.” You cover your mouth and look around for someone to make a cutting motion at their throat to get you to stop but everyone just laughs.

“You can say whatever you want.” Kate says and you let out a relieved sigh.

“Okay, good,” you say. “But yeah, I remember him asking all these questions like, ‘wait, how many people live there?’ And I was like, ‘well four of us but sometimes their boyfriends or whatever would stay over so sometimes up to eight people.’ He was such a dad about it, just panicking about fire safety and whatever else. It was so stupidly endearing.”

“And he’s here today, right?” She asks and you look out into the crowd until you find his smiling face and point him out to her.

“He’s over there in that corner, trying to act like he doesn’t know we’re talking about him.” He blushes at your words and shakes his head but you just smile.

“Something I didn’t know about your husband is that he’s actually a card-carrying member of SAG-AFTRA.”

“He is!” You say, excitedly. “For like the first ten years of our marriage, he would come to set and just randomly get placed as an extra or a random character. I think he even said two lines once as like a barista or something but we did an episode of Things We Don’t Talk About together where they actually cast him as police officer and that entire production was a must-join so, yeah, he got his little SAG-AFTRA card and became a union man.”

“Did you ever think you’d get to do TV with your husband?” She asks and you laugh.

“I never even thought I’d be on TV, let alone my husband.”

“I guess that’s true because you did a lot of Shakespeare before coming to film and TV, what drew you to that?”

“I honestly don’t know. I think I just needed a job around the time I actually started doing Shakespeare so it was more of a necessity than anything. I didn’t really care about it in school and it was always confusing but once I got into shows and learning more about it, I was totally hooked. I did Shakespeare in the Park several times and did some off off off Broadway Shakespeare work, too, and I just love it. And we’ve raised our kids on it.”

“Have you really?”

“Oh, yeah. Our son and daughter-in-law actually just had their first little girl and she’s named after a Shakespearean character.” You say, beaming from just talking about Juno.

“Do we get to know the name?” She asks and you shake your head.

“I’m afraid that’s not my secret to tell, but she is very, very cute.”

“Well, congratulations to both of you.”

“Thank you,” you say. The rest of the interview goes well and you even get to tease the new project you’re working on with Violet. It feels good to recap such a fun and still running career, a feat not everyone gets to celebrate. It also helps that Joel is waiting in the wings with a big hug and kiss the second you’re off stage.

#one for the money two for the show #oftm #oftm family #rockstar!joel miller x actress!reader #the last of us au #tlou au #joel miller au #joel miller fluff

26 notes · View notes

whatanightmaregrinch · 1 year

Text

John Hancock x Fem!Sole Survivor- First kisses

When John Hancock kissed Sole for the first time; it was…bad. He assumed a lady like her would know how to be gentle, but it was bruising and rough and not at all like he expected from her. His lips were trying to keep up, but he couldn’t get past how aggressive the kiss was. He knew his lips were no glass of Nuka Cola to touch; the radiation drug he’d taken years ago had seen to that, but damn. Their foreheads bumped together, and he found himself thankful his nose wasn’t there for her to crush. Her hands were shaking as they gripped the front of his jacket, and he had to stifle an amused laugh as she withdrew, flushed and heavily embarrassed. “Don’t you say a word, John. Not a word.” She accused him, jabbing a finger into his chest. He raised a long gone brow like she was asking the impossible. He couldn’t not say anything. “Look, all I’m sayin’ is ya could use a Calmex or somethin’, it’s not like it was ya first kiss or anythin’ .” He said teasingly, smiling as he talked to communicate it didn’t bother him as much as it was bothering her. They had plenty of time for her to practice, John wasn’t as easily put off as others might be. Besides, how was she supposed to improve if no one told her? Her blush deepened immediately, and she stepped away from him. Her whole demeanor had changed, and she found herself looking at their feet. But it was, Hancock. That was my first kiss. “Yeah haha- no, I’ve kissed so many people, you’ve got no idea.” She tried to smooth talk, but her voice raised a pitch by the end of the sentence and she couldn’t even look him in the face. John had felt slightly unsettled at her tone, and then suddenly; it clicked. “You’ve.. you’ve had your first kiss, right?” He said nervously. She was married at one point, she had a child. Surely he was just being silly- “Yes-“ See Hancock? Stop being a fuckwa- “-…Just now.” Shit. Fucking shit. She was looking at him with an expression he could only describe as brave. Her beautiful face was contorted with embarrassment; he could see something akin to vulnerability showing on her face. What a fucking asshole you are, John Hancock. Well done. “I uh, I didn’t mean too…” he stumbled, and she rubbed her arm awkwardly. “It’s okay, John. You did, but you didn’t know; It’s okay.” She comforted, and he felt shame rise up within him. He’d just insulted her and she was the one trying to comfort him. He didn’t know what to say to fix the situation, especially after he’d done a Hancock special and put his stupid fucking foot in his stupid fucking mouth. All he’d wanted since they’d admitted their feelings for each other weeks ago was to be close like this, and now she’d finally come to him-he’d royally fucked it. He wanted to reach out to her, but didn’t know how, so he just moved on, fidgeting as he spoke. “-How did you manage to get a kid without… you know..” he trailed off, not sure how to finish his sentence. She went quiet for a moment, trying to figure out a response. She searched the air, trying to find the words she needed, but she just kept glancing back at John’s face; patiently waiting for his partner to answer. “It was.. different, back then. You didn’t have time, to get things done. There was civil unrest- I think a lot of us just got married and had kids because we were scared we wouldn’t get the chance. Nate wasn’t a bad guy, we were just too young.” She said unevenly, with the tone of a woman who could have over 200 years of retrospection could . Hancock held back his opinions about how he could have still lent over and kissed her at any time. He didn’t want to make things into an argument, although committed that to memory so he could bring it up to her at a later date. His heart suddenly stuttered as it dutifully reminded him that he was her first kiss. Him. He grasped her hands with his own; her watching him intently as he pressed a kiss against her knuckle tenderly, and the blush came right back to her cheeks. He was rewarded with a small smile, and one-hundred percent of her attention. “Sooo…. What I’m hearin’ ya say is, the good ole mayor was your first? Even if ya had to wait 200 years for me?” She snorted, pinching his hands in reply. “In a round-about way, yes. If it helps you sleep better.” She said, amused by his bravado. He grinned, wolfishly. “Baby, with you next to me I won’t sleep at all.”

#fallout 4 #fallout companions #john hancock fo4 #john hancock x reader #fanfiction #almost fluffy #Tried uploading this 6 times :)))))))/

89 notes · View notes

blackjackkent · 4 months

Text

So. Circus combat!

We have four enemy combatants - our clown friend, plus the two dangerous animal handlers and the blink dog, whose name is Bitey Buddy and is probably about to live up to it.

I have a feeling the displacer beast might have been joining too if Hector hadn't busted the lock on its cage earlier.

Karlach immediately rages and oneshots one of the handlers, because she is MAD pissed about her boyfriend being put on display and treated like that by Absolutist thugs at what was supposed to be a fun time, and, uh...

I guess we could have guessed that, in retrospect. >.<

There are a bunch of cowering civilians hanging around. One of them comments, "I always knew I'd die at a circus," which really makes me wonder WHY THE HELL SHE IS HERE. XD

Interestingly, because they're doppelgangers, they aren't counted as humanoid, which means Hold Person doesn't work (my standard go-to crowd-control in a big fight). Hold Monster, presumably, would but only Gale has that and he is not here.

I had Jaheira turn into a saber-tooth tiger though which was badass.

Shoutout to this random bugbear named Fyodor who decided to join in the fight on our side! He missed every single attack he made during the fight but I respect him for trying.

Karlach then got the kill on the second handler as well, in a way that feels like it must be a glitch. She used Pommel Strike after missing her second attack, and despite it saying it does 1d4 damage and a potential stun, it instead knocked off all 14 of the handler's remaining hit points and killed him.

Go figure.

At this point Dribbles killed a fucking civilian with his first attack, so now Hector is PISSED. He and the others all just gathered around Dribbles and beat the everloving shit out of him.

Get his ass.

"A doppelganger," Shadowheart comments thoughtfully after the fight is over. "At least we didn't kill a real clown in front of an audience."

The lead doppelganger is carrying this note on him:

The He in question, I assume, is Bhaal, and this was all orchestrated by Orin. The Tribunal is curious though. Not sure what that's referring to.

Hector is REALLY unsettled by this whole experience. In the course of this day he has had sharp reminders of Karlach's determination to die free, as well as the fact that literally anyone he talks to going forward could potentially be a shapeshifter in disguise. All that on top of the fact that he just feels incredibly overwhelmed by the whole circus experience, even the "normal" parts.

I think there's a bit more to explore in this area and we'll finish looking around tomorrow, but for now, Hector needs a long rest in a big way.

#bjk plays baldur's gate 3 #hector carlisle #holy mackerel what a day :P

10 notes · View notes

langernameohnebedeutung · 7 months

Text

This exchange is actually really interesting to me because of what it implies:

one thing we learn in retrospect is that Al Bronson knows much more about Blaine's crimes than this, considering that she's Stacey Boss' niece. But obviously she cannot bring up any of those things because it would blow her cover and bring her into some serious danger. Which means she can only name offences she learnt from other sources.

Which still leaves plenty of sources, considering how many people Blaine probably conned and screwed over in his lifetime. But the drug-dealing angle leads me to believe that she's (at least implying) that her source is his criminal record because we know that Blaine has a record there because he had an outstanding warrant in season 2:

the thing is, we know Stacey Boss knew that the cops knew about this because he knew that Blaine was Peyton's informant in season 2 so this is a safe thing for Al to bring up. But - This leaves the Theft.

The thing is, since she's saying this (and considering that Blaine isn't the least bit worried about her knowing this) we also know she has to have this from some safe source. And because we follow the show, we know that it cannot simply be a sentencing that happened after season 2. It must have happened at any point before the Boat Party.

There is also the fact that she mentions "theft" as if it should be clear to Blaine what she is talking about and Blaine seems to know what she is talking about - which means he must assume she is talking about some very specific instance(s?) of theft considering that Blaine really steals a lot of stuff all the time and has presumably done so far quite some time. Guy got some serious sticky fingers. But he seems to think he knows what she's talking about and be unconcerned about it and not see the need to explain more - so he even seems to be fine with her knowing whatever details she knows. He doesn't see a threat.

Now, the likeliest explanation for her being able to safely mention the theft and Blaine seemingly knowing immediately to which theft she is referring is: The source here is also the legal system. This means that whatever theft Blaine accused of/perpetuated/was involved in would also have been documented by law enforcement or the legal system in some shape or form.

Now, in season 2 we learn that Blaine has exactly 1 outstanding warrant - for the drug-dealing. And this means that whatever capacity Blaine was involved in this theft in - is not an open warrant. Which means:

EITHER Blaine was sentenced for this which would means he either actually did jail time before OR he's paid a fine (depending on the degree of theft and if he had even more priors*)

OR Blaine was at least put on trial for this but wasn't sentenced (if there was some form of court hearing, this would make it even safer for Al to know about this)

OR he's cut a deal before and got away the same way

*there is another thing. Because like any normal person, I obviously went back and checked the data sheet that Dale shows Clive in season 2 with Blaine's criminal record. Now, it's actually very carefully arranged to tell us literally as few details as possible but we learn this:

Which means that Blaine was already dealing (and was using the name "DeBeers") at the age of 18. Which is also interesting considering that we know he already had contacts to drug-addicts when he was as young as 11.

#I WANT TO KNOW MORE ABOUT WHAT THEFT HE GOT CAUGHT FOR. This is crucial information hewwo????#izombie #fandom history #blaine debeers

14 notes · View notes

jmdbjk · 1 year

Text

2022: it’s a wrap.

2022. It’s been real. Too real. Not exactly how I thought it would unfold. But it’s the end of December and now we know.

THEY knew 2022 was THE year. Time was working against them because of Jin’s age. But shit happened in the world, in their country. Or I should say, shit DIDN’T happen that they perhaps expected or hoped.

There was no brand new BTS comeback album, but a compilation which was wonderful, rich and retrospective. Each of the members reflected on their “proof” and why they chose the songs they did for the album.

They teased PROOF at the end of the last PTD concert in Las Vegas in April. They knew long before that how 2022 was gonna play out.

Even though they hinted at the end of 2021 that there might be a world tour, there was no new comeback album and no new world tour for it, but as it happened, they gave us a single, amazing one-off concert that was free to the entire world. Immediately it was fraught with controversy, negativity and disorganization. But they pulled it off spectacularly in grand BTS style. Bangtan Bangtanned.

The Festa dinner in June truly revealed their turmoil. It was a hard year for them and they worked and fought so hard to make it as good as possible for us. It was so heartbreaking to see them struggling to tell us they were committed to staying together but they needed to step away from the group in order to work on themselves as artists and to find out who they were as people.

We started getting their solo work in the form of Jack in the Box and Indigo and The Astronaut. The individual artistic growth is already amazing. We already see Joon resolving some of the internal conflicts he was facing this past summer. The more we see him during interviews the more he is smiling and looks happy. It’s a big relief.

We will never know how truly heartbroken and frustrated they were this year. They may never reveal the reasons why they hinted at a world tour that never happened. And all the other bullshit they went through, especially Jimin and his privacy breach and how that may have influenced changes. I am so sorry and sad they felt they had to make the decisions they did but Jimin said they did EVERYTHING the best they could, ALWAYS keeping ARMY in their minds and hearts.

Their military service has been announced and is now underway. It has been a very emotional month for us and the members, seeing Jin off to begin his enlistment obligation.

Yes, we all hoped beyond hope there would be a military exemption. But they really set it up so we could process it little by little so that by October, when they made the announcement, we were ready to accept it even though we were still hoping they had an out somewhere.

As the announcement says: “...it is a promise, there’s much more yet to come in the years ahead from BTS.”

Emotional rollercoaster for everyone is the best description of 2022.

We saw some changes as far as social media presence on their parts. As far as the guys are concerned, Twitter has mostly been abandoned for Instagram and Weverse. The Weverse platform had a total makeover this year.

Jimin, who used to be the king of Twitter selcas a few years ago, dropped off the face of the social media universe for a while and is now posting on Weverse more than he visits his Instagram account. Jungkook continued his very erratic usage, wiping his entire Instagram at one point, “just because,” and starting over. He posted on Weverse for Jimin’s birthday, his first post there since July 2019 on that platform.

Hobi and Namjoon are our social media kings on Instagram now. Followed by Tae, Jin and Yoongi. Useless debate still rages TODAY on how significant their social media usage is, who they post pictures of, who they comment or like, what does it mean, if anything?

Now we look forward to 2023.

A New Years custom in South Korea is to watch the sunrise on New Year’s day. Throngs of people go out in public places waiting for the sunrise.

It is an optimistic way of greeting the new set of twelve months. A fresh new year, a new sun, a new day. We need all the optimism we can gather. Take a deep breath. This is a kumbaya moment! (lol).

2023 will bring new thrills for us as we look forward to new solo music and appearances and content. New documentaries, new Run BTS! So many rumors flying about tv dramas and collaborations. There is a lot in store for them and us in 2023.

However, it will all be severely tempered with each new heartbreak watching each one of them finally take that big step and enter the military for their service (assuming they all go in 2023).

We will probably see less and less interactions on social media, of course especially after they all enter the military. We should expect nothing for birthdays, anniversaries, holidays or when milestones are reached or awards achieved. We will have to get used to their silence on social.

All we can do is support them the best way we can. And stick together and try not to create too much negativity among us. When it gets overwhelming, just step away for a while, there’s nothing wrong with that. Take time, think about why you love Jin, Yoongi, Hobi, Namjoon, Jimin, Jungkook and Taehyung.

We already know we get to start off with a brand new episode of Run BTS!

ANYWAY! Happy new year to you all and I hope everyone gets to start it on their best note. So bring it on 2023! FIGHTING!

#pep talk!#BTS fighting! ARMY fighting!#2022 wasn't quite 2020 too #but close #2022 don't let the door hit you in the ass when you leave #2023 i already know you're gonna be a motherfucker #jin will be back in 2024 #2025 will be the year of BTS #its not that far off #the pandemic started 3 years ago #in 2025 i will be army for almost 6 years #maybe jimin will send us a new years message #last year he drunk texted us at 5 a.m.

55 notes · View notes

catflowerqueen · 11 months

Text

While today’s episode was heartbreaking, it also revealed something that, in retrospect, might explain some of Moon’s worse habits and some ways the brothers are actually more similar than we all thought. Mainly, how Sun just revealed that part of the reason he has been so adamant and compulsive about cleaning the barrels is because he wants to stay busy and keep his mind off his guilt and negative thoughts. Both Moon and Earth have noticed how run down this is making Sun—which is why it reminded me of Moon in early November, where he was literally working himself to exhaustion and the point of passing out trying to find all of Eclipse’s back-ups. And even more recently, he has been working himself into exhaustion and dimension-hopping despite admitting how tired it makes him (with Sun even noting that he likely just worked through all that in the past, as well).

Moon asked Sun before the memory wipe if he still heard Bloodmoon’s echoes, because the people you kill never really leave you. In doing so—and in some of the memories he mentioned when he dove into his mind searching for KC—he pretty much admitted that he also hears echoes and suffers from the same guilt and doubt Sun now feels. And, I mean—we already know he felt guilty for how he treated Sun in the past and the way Moon blamed himself for Eclipse existing in the first place. So I feel like it is very reasonable to assume that Moon also tries/tried to deal with such feelings by basically keeping himself so busy that he never had time to think of them. And we all know how that worked out for him—extremely badly.

I feel like the reason all of this is hitting Sun now is because he’s no longer in panic/survival mode now that Eclipse seems to have played all his hands and whatever the Creator is up to doesn’t seem like an immediate threat. Well, that and the fact that his siblings are apparently forcing him to take a break. Honestly, as sad and hard as it is for him to go through this… he probably needed it? He did get the chance to confront and work through some things, and he showed that he knows he did the best he could and that his mind is lying to him. He has accepted his actions. It just doesn’t make any of it any easier to deal with. …And hearing him say he loved Moon, and that the Moon he knew really is gone/different now really did hurt. Even though I know he still loves the current Moon very much.

I just hope this little family gets a real break soon.

On another note--seems like on the Monty and Foxy side of things, Foxy might be getting his memories back. Which is good for him, as well as hilarious for us in getting to see some of Monty's other failed business ventures. A lot of the comments were speculating that this might mean Foxy would get his crush on Moon back, but I doubt it. The two of them have already hung out together a bit and Foxy admitted he didn't feel that way about Moon anymore, so I don't think that is going to change. Especially since his prior interest seemed very shallow in the face of the two of them actually interacting for an extended period of time.

#SAMS #sun and moon show #monty and foxy show

17 notes · View notes

buckieduckie2 · 1 year

Text

why i joined tumblr and why i ship byler- cause i want to info dump cause i can

i wanna tell everyone why i got on tumblr because i can and i want to

so i got on tumblr because of byler during august. i started shipping byler during july.

i was kinda late to the stranger things party and i didnt actually watch it until may of 2022, but funny enough, it WASNT because of season 4 at all actually. my friend just really really wanted me to watch it because she thought id like it. she was riiiiiggghhthttttt.

yeah lmfao i didnt watch stranger things cause there was so much hype around season 4, i watched it because i wanted something gay to watch cause my heart stopper hyperfixation had just gone away and i still needed something gay to watch. i dm my friend saying "hey, do you have anything gay to watch because i need to watch something gay" and she gave me a list and was like "richie from IT is gay" and "will from stranger things is gay" and of course MY brain translated this to "mike is gay" because of notions from before hand i had about this little known to me character mike and also the fact that i knew that finn wolfhard played richie so i mistook will for mike because i was thinking the FCU and- yeah

so yeah i watched stranger things because a) my frined really wanted me to and b) the knowlege that mike was gay and thats what pushed me

anyways to safe to say i was THOROUGHLY confused when they started pulling the mike and el narraitve cause i LEGITEMATELY just thought it was straight canon like genuinelly- i had already imagined what i thougt the coming out scene would be like for him- LMFOAOOOO

anyways back on track- so then mike and el kissed and ill admit i was a lil disappointed but i was like fuck it ig theyre cute and then proceeded to be BLINDEDDDDDD by comp het. twas a very sad three next seasons for me in retrospect 😔

so then i saw the "its not my fault you dont like girls" and then i was like- oh yeah this is the dude my friend was talking about

ANYWAYS

so yeah why i got on tumblr?

cause i got on pinterest andnndndnd yk naturally statrted filling my feed with stranger things stuff and of course i loved will cause he was gay and that made me so like omgggggg yass hes gay and that makes me so happy- but like i didnt ship byler- I THOUGHT HE WAS GONNA GET TO SEE ONE DUDE IN THE VERY LAST SCENE HELP 💀🖐 i now realize im allowed to hold myself to better standards

so everytime i would see something byler related id be like, yeahhhhhhh its cute but not for me </3 cause i was like "yeah will likes mike but obvi mike doesnt like will back 🙄" and i thought it was a lil kookie and also was a firm believer that mike was straight cause yk i love throwing away all my suspicions that were raised while watching season 4 yk i love just forgetting everything 💀

and THEN one faitful day in july i was over at my friends house (The same gril who made me wtch stranger things) and we were watching gay stranger things edits on tiktok (as ya do) and GIRLIE

there was one edit- (and usually as i was watching these compilations i would just ignore the byler stuff and-) it was a rink-o-mania edit

need i say more

i saw that look

i SAW THAT LOOK

and i knew

we paused the video immediately and were like "well- i mean i know that mike is straight-" "yeah exactLy-" "but-" "but-" "but right there-" "yeah i dont know that-" "that seemed pretty gay-" "but mike is straight, right?" "yeah- yeah..- mike is straight..." "yeah..." "...yeah..."

literally how it went

anyways so then im like- its running thorugh my head all evening and like- that sole video was enough to like 99% convince me he was gay- like cmon fellas lets be real here. anyways so yeah i was now 99% convinced that mike was gay or not straight yk (im a gay mike truther now) and we talked about it for a lil and

yeah so then i started paying more attention to the byler posts on my pinterest page and i started reading theroies, all of which were tumblr screen shots and i started really convinceing myself- still was on the fence but-

the one post, and one of the first posts that i read. and the post that conviced me was "Why I no longer think Mike Wheeler is Bi, but Gay" yk the iconic post from @kaypeace21? yeah so i read that and was like "fuck im convinced" and then i proceeded to read the entirety of the byler slides over the course of a 3 day period and fully fully convinced myself

and yeah i kept looking at theories on pinterest screen shotted from tumblr and yk byler was my everything (and still very much is) and i loved pinterest and spent all of my time on there and- 💀 i read- i read w- wh- wattpad fics 💀😟 BUT ITS OKAY because i actually found a pretty good collection of one shots on there but- nah man after one specific fic i found i had to call it quits cause i couldnt handle it anymore 💀💀💀💀

and then i found one poster on pinterest that would just do daily updates on the byler tag on tumblr and eventuallyyyyyy i decided tumblr looked really fun and i was tired of just watching afar tired of WAVING FROM A WINDOW WOOOOAAHHHOWOWAHHHOOOHHH

yeah so i decided enough was enough and i wanted to be directly at the source and part of the action

and now im here <33333

and yeah so i have officially upgraded from Pinterest and Wattpad™ to AO3 and Tumblr™ and thank the lord too 😟🙏

@l0v3c0r3e peer presuring you into reading this entire unit of a post

#byler #byler tumblr #byler pinterest

22 notes · View notes

aeternallis · 3 months

Text

KM Discord Server

As a POC (SE Asian) who was also dogpiled on a much a smaller scale in another discord server, and as one who'd witnessed in real time the events that unfolded in December 2023 in the KM discord server, I think the one thing that's been lost in all this chaos and drama is the human decency of giving people the benefit of the doubt.

Feel free to skip this section!

And for a little background, here's my experience: I reblogged a post on my blog and ranted about a few headcanons that I don't agree with in the tags. Some people read my tags, and concluded from that one post that I'm an outright ableist. Mind you, it was one day, and one post when I had absolutely no filter. Yet still, in which case, the conclusion drawn about me was fair, since in retrospect, I see where I went wrong. Again, I was frustrated for one day in that post and did not think of my tone whatsoever. I face the repercussions of that misjudgment today. For the record, just because I'm a POC, it doesn't mean that I'm immune to hurting other people, no matter the fact that that was never my intention. I did hurt certain individuals with that one damn post and the tags I wrote, and I'll be apologetic and remorseful about it for a long time. But having said that, I'd honestly expected certain people in this fandom to be mature enough to reach out in private first and ask for some clarifications, not to be immediately gossiped about in the discord server we were a part of. On top of that, besides that one incident, I hadn't even realized there was already growing resentment towards the metas I've written for KP/Kimchay, besides one of the few times I brought up personal frustrations I experienced as a POC. Lol

From what I've noticed with this incident in the KM server as well as the small discord server I was a part of, when POC share their own cultural context and understanding of something, not just the piece of media for which is the reason why we were all there in the first place, the knee-jerk reaction for most westerners are almost always to think of those things as "fandom policing."

In fact, in a separate conversation from my experience, one of them even said, "it's not so much about culture!" LOLOL To have that sentiment hurled towards me, while I was speaking of my frustrations of when culture erasure takes place in conversations of certain topics, while the conversation took place in a discord server meant to celebrate an Asian piece of queer media…was quite an experience. XD Goodness, I can only wonder what it's like to be able to have the privilege to say that so easily. That's all I'll say. Ha~

Yet still, from my own point of view, do I call the people who hurt me “individuals with a colonizer mindset” and that other word that’s hanging around right now and unsaid, just because of these few incidents? My knee-jerk reaction is to say yes, considering I wasn't even given a chance to explain myself, but I'll clamp that knee-jerk reaction down as much as I can, because despite everything, I still personally think the KM discord server and that other discord server still did more good than bad (not by much though), in the grand scheme of things. Those servers allowed for some instances of astounding cross-cultural communication (even if it also allowed rampant western ignorance to thrive), and for what it's worth, there are still good people in this community, despite everything.

And at the end of the day, who am I to hurl hurtful labels towards those who'd hurt me, when I hardly even knew them in the first place (two of them I never even talked to, LOL), and I know to myself that they meant no harm at the end of the day. Even if they certainly didn’t hesitate to throw the label “ableist” at me without a second thought.

It's a serious thing to throw a label like that at someone, even if my own experience as a POC who was dogpiled on by a number of westerners...hmm, let's stop that train of thought.

Getting back on track. Even still, these opinions I hold won't erase the experiences of other POC members in this fandom and in the KM discord server, the hurt they've experienced, nor can I speak for any one of them.

I think the bad habit of knee-jerk reactions—specifically the knee-jerk reaction of those wanting to protect the KM discord server in the way that's perceived to result in the least amount of drama, the gut instinct to not want to be caught in the crossfire, the conscious choice to tolerate such things, for the sake of preserving the safe space that one has left—is pretty much what's dominating the behaviors of people responsible right now.

The mods who run such servers like the KM server and others like it—they're not perfect, but I would have at least expected from them to be more open and proactive to the concerns of its POC members. Perhaps it's too much to expect that they would be equipped to handle very sensitive issues as the ones its POC members experienced, but damn...the bar is quite low, even just to meet the minimum.

And that's the most frustrating thing, to be honest. All this time, in all these various situations for those who’ve spoken out, it's the POC members of the community who are ALWAYS the ones who are pressured to having to give people the benefit of the doubt, to have to be careful of what they say, but NOWHERE in these situations is that sentiment even remotely returned to POC.

It was the POC members affected by the incident in December who had to remain patient with the mods, it was the POC members who had to face the backlash of negativity that happened, it’s the POC members of the community who’ve had to face the accusations of fandom policing, it’s the POC members of the community who have to face daily micro aggressions in this fandom, when all we’ve done is express opinions and our viewpoints.

At the end of the day, it’s POC members of the community who face the repercussions of having spoken out, yet the rest of the westerners in this community have the damn luxury to walk away, unscathed, to think to themselves that they did nothing wrong.

So I’ll be blunt this one time: yes, for the most part, there are good people in this fandom, there are. But even so, not a single one of us here is perfect, we’re all human.

And if I do say so myself, there is indeed quite a desperate need for fandom spaces, not just the KP fandom, to decolonize their ways of operating, starting with: giving POC the benefit of the doubt and actually trying to handle our concerns with some effort.

#KinnPorsche #KimChay #kinnporsche the series #KM discord server #yet again #another piece of Asian queer media #being taken over by westerners #and their callous attitude towards POC #what else is freakin’ new

6 notes · View notes

yukidragon · 1 year

Text

Sunny Day Jack - Moonlight

Hey, hey, remember the Bad End AU? Remember how I teased about making a part 2?

Inspiration struck, and now the bad ending can continue. Here is a peek of the unpolished rough draft. Eventually I’ll polish both parts of these and put them into my Sunshine in Another World collection.

Credit goes to @okamiliqueur for the comic that started it all.

Warning: there is mentions of major character death, gore, body horror, trauma, and grief in this short story. Please read only if you’re in the headspace for such dark subject matter. Also, general reminder, this fandom is for Adults Only. I hope you enjoy the continuation of this sad what if scenario.

Don’t worry, this is an AU and not canon for the main story of Sunshine in Hell. Sunshine in Hell is going to have a happy ending, I promise. This AU is just an exploration of how things could wind up going so very, very wrong for Jack and Alice.

@channydraws @earthgirlaesthetic @sai-of-the-7-stars @cheriihoney @illary-kore

Edit - Now you can read the polished version of the first part of the Bad End AU over here on AO3.

...

It wasn’t supposed to be this way.

Joseph couldn’t entirely blame Ian and Shaun for what they did. He had gone too far as Jack, done too many things that he shouldn’t for Alice’s sake.

Joseph paused before shaking his head harshly. No, he shouldn’t lie to himself. He did it all for his own sake, for his own feelings of love, fear, desperation, and all the messed up shit that was twisted up inside his head as Jack.

Jack wasn’t as clean as he deluded himself into believing; he was a monster.

Joseph couldn’t really blame Ian and Shaun for sending the monster known as Jack to hell.

That didn’t mean he could ever forgive them for it.

It wasn’t as though Joseph was entirely free of Jack. He remembered everything, including the thought process he had when he lost himself so deeply into the character that he was practically a caricature of a person. He wanted to be ‘perfect,’ and in his fucked up mind, that’s what Jack was. Everyone loved Sunny Day Jack after all, not him, not Joseph, no matter what last name he used.

Only Alice was different.

Joseph knew it from the start. He felt it deep down in his soul where he kept the piece of her soul that she gave to him to save him from hell. How could he not fall in love with someone who gave up so much for him when everyone else gave up on him so easily?

He wanted so badly to be perfect for her as Jack, to be everything she could ever want so that she would never regret saving him and keep him with her forever. Now, in retrospect, he could see how ridiculous the idea was. The ‘perfect’ mask of Sunny Day Jack showed cracks even on the first day.

Yet, despite getting glimpses of the unclean filth that was Joseph behind his mask, Alice didn’t shy away. She didn’t try to peel it off him either. He could still remember the panic he felt the day she asked if he knew the name Joseph Haberdae, the evasive answers he gave to redirect the topic so he wouldn’t lie to her. He couldn’t lie to her.

She let him. She realized what he was doing and let him pretend he got away with it. He could still remember her words to him after he fooled himself into thinking otherwise.

“I don’t mind calling you by whatever name you want. Even if you used a different name before or change it later… as long as it’s the name that feels most like you, then that’s what I’ll call you.”

At the time, it made him panic. Alice saw through him, through the facade of Jack and saw the ugly side of him that he tried so desperately to hide. He remembered how badly he denied it - he wasn’t Joseph anymore, he refused to be.

Alice let him change the topic then too. Joseph barely remembered what clumsy attempt he made to talk about anything else, but he remembered the gentle smile she gave him, the softness of her lips as she kissed him to quiet his rambling. He devoured her lips like a man starved and made love to her immediately after, needing to hear her call the name Jack so desperately, needing to hear her say that she loved him.

Joseph missed that, the way Alice would shyly say she loved him, and he could feel how she meant every word. She was so afraid of getting hurt again, but so brave for trusting him, for loving him. He wanted so badly to never betray that trust.

It wasn’t supposed to be this way.

The morning sun trickled in through the curtains, muted from the cloudy day, but the light caught the strands of Alice’s fair colored hair, making it shine with a faintly golden hue. She was curled up in their bed, eyes peacefully closed. She wasn’t as warm as she should be, he could never forget her beautiful warmth that filled him up and completely chased away the cold, never mistake the feel of her for anyone else. So much of her warmth was gone now, not completely, but enough that Joseph could tell that she wasn’t all there even though he held her close to his chest.

It was time to get up. Joseph was tempted to stay in bed with her a little while longer, pretend things were normal a little while longer. Jack was the morning person, not him. He hated dragging himself out of bed in the morning for school or work, but obligation forced him. He had to take care of them both now.

“Good morning, sunshine,” Joseph said, the words coming out in a cheerful cadence out of habit as he gently nudged Alice to help rouse her awake.

Though Joseph braced himself, he could never quite get used to what he saw when Alice opened her eyes. Her left eye was still the same beautiful blue of the sky just at the break of dawn, only a bit cloudier than before, but what replaced her right eye was something else entirely.

It was some sort of mess of plastic, darker chunks with shinier strands that reminded him of VHS tape ribbon. It was both artificial yet somehow organic as it blended into the flesh of her eye socket.

Joseph hated to look at it, this thing that had infected his sunshine, but he refused to run away from his mistakes again. He managed a smile thanks to so many years of practice doing so no matter how he felt. “Hey there.”

“Good morning,” Alice said. Her voice wasn’t the same anymore, not really. Joseph recognized it immediately - he would never forget the sound of her voice - but there was something off about it in a way that he couldn’t quite describe, something that reminded him uncomfortably of the static hell that he had been trapped in for 40 years.

Despite this, Joseph sought out her lips again, and Alice returned the loving morning kiss he planted there. She didn’t move her mouth against his quite the same anymore, a little less lively than before, but he could still feel her love.

Alice’s love was the one thing Joseph felt all the time. It thrummed in his chest. With every beat of his heart - her heart - he felt it resonate through every inch of him. Her love was warm and beautiful and everything he could have ever asked for except that this heart she gave him should have been inside her.

Despite how much Joseph didn’t want to see it, he looked down anyway. Her pajama shirt covered it, but he could see the outline of the misshapen mass that filled the hole in her chest, a giant tumor of plastic wrongness that replaced the heart Alice gave him. It throbbed faintly when he watched closely enough, a twisted mockery of the heart that should have been there.

In a sick way, Joseph was grateful for whatever supernatural infection that cursed tape left in Alice. He still remembered the sight of her after the ritual pulled him out of hell and brought him back to life. He still had nightmares of seeing her sprawled on the floor, bleeding out from the hole in her chest where her heart should have been and her empty eye socket. He remembered the fear and pain he felt as he watched the light fade from her remaining eye, how desperately he called her name and begged her not to leave him alone. He would have given anything for a miracle in that moment, and perhaps whatever cruel god or devil trapped him in the tape for 40 years listened.

It was horrific watching that thing take shape. Something artificial, unnatural, plastic, fleshy, and not right grew like some sort of fungus or tumor, filling in the empty space with something entirely wrong.

It was the tape. Joseph knew it immediately. Whatever cruel magic changed a simple VHS tape into something entirely unnatural and cursed had mingled with the ritual that Alice cast, and these things that grew in her body were the results.

As horrific as the results were to look at, as awful as the implications were, Joseph hated that he also felt a little grateful for them as well. Because of the tape, he didn’t lose Alice that day. She was still alive… if he could call it that.

Then again, he wasn’t quite sure he was really alive when he had been Jack as well.

Joseph never wanted Alice to do something like this, not for him or anyone else. He never wanted her to hurt or for anything to diminish her beautiful light.

Yet, she performed such a ghastly ritual to save him. Joseph looked over all of her notes, both the carefully written instructions she made for herself and the overwrought emotional scrawls that bled her hurt and frustration over losing him. The words written in the margins of some of the pages made the heart she gave him ache.

“I miss you.”

“I’ll save you.”

“Jack.”

“This is my fault.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I love you.”

“Forever.”

Joseph could imagine Alice hunched over the papers and writing late into the night. He could practically see her cry over him in the small warped circles of paper and smeared ink that marked where her tears fell. He could feel just how much she loved him in these notes, how desperate she was to bring him back despite all the mistakes he made as Jack.

The notes and strange tomes Alice left behind didn’t mention anything about the tumor that had formed from the cursed VHS tape that was keeping her alive. Maybe the ritual didn’t account for the mixing in another type of dark magic and how it might affect the results.

“You must sacrifice the part of you that you hold most dear.”

It was a cryptic line, one that gave no real hint as to the real price to be paid to perform the ritual to resurrect the dead, but the results spoke for themselves.

Alice loved him. Her love for him was what she held most dear, which was why the cost was her heart.

It made a cruel sort of sense to Joseph. What he didn’t understand was why it took one of her eyes too and put it in him. He could look in mirrors now - people could see him now - but he had a hard time looking at himself when he could see one of his sunshine’s beautiful pale blue eyes staring back at him. Every time he saw it, he felt judged, even though he knew that Alice never judged him.

No, it was just Joseph judging himself for his own filthy soul and what it cost the most pure person who ever had the misfortune to love him.

Despite feeling this way, Joseph still couldn’t let go of Alice or her love. She sacrificed so much for him, he couldn’t, wouldn’t throw that way. For as guilty as he felt, he treasured what she gave him with the same greedy ferocity as a dragon guarding his hoard.

He was going to fix this. He was going to bring back his sunshine’s light.

Joseph helped Alice out of bed and encouraged her to get dressed with him. She was still present, able to talk, but not really initiating conversation. She responded when he spoke first, needing his prompting to guide her through the motions of acting human.

The only things Alice would do unprompted would be to hold onto Joseph or say the words he once longed so desperately to hear.

“I love you, Jack.”

Joseph managed a smile, though it was strained at the edges despite all his experience pretending to be happy even at the hardest of times. He should correct her, he knew. He wasn’t Jack anymore, but he could never bring himself to. She wasn’t all there. She understood simple instructions, allowed him to guide her through the day to eat and care for herself even when he had to work. She probably would call him Joseph if he asked her to.

But it was the fact that they were the only words that Alice would say of her own accord, not as a response to his voice, that stopped Joseph. It was like they were a recording, the last message she had for him before she died and came back as something no longer human.

That was what Alice seemed to be now - an echo of her former self. Instead of glowing like the sun, she was the faint hints of its glorious light reflected off the moon, still beautiful in its own way, but not enough to banish the darkness that overtook the world.

Joseph pressed a soft kiss to Alice’s forehead. “I love you too, Alice… so much.”

“I’ll love you forever,” Alice responded.

“Forever,” Joseph repeated softly. “I’ll never leave you, my love. I promise.”

Joseph closed the distance between them, cutting off whatever response she would give him next with a gentle kiss. Before, when he was Jack, he never would have tired of hearing Alice tell him how much she loved him, but even though he knew the words were real, they felt so hollow now, and he could only handle so much before the guilt tore him up more than her love healed him.

Jack was no more. Gone were the bright primary colored clothing, the blue from his dark hair, and the makeup that hid the tattoos he regretted getting in his youth. He was Joseph now, not quite human, but far more of one than Jack ever was.

“I’m going to fix this,” Joseph murmured against her lips. “I promise…” He moved to press another kiss against her forehead. “I promise, I’ll make everything okay again.”

Alice closed her eyes and exhaled, the sound close to a pleasured sigh that let Joseph know that, in spite of all the changes she went through and how unnatural she seemed now, a part of her was still there, still with him despite it all. “I trust you.”

Joseph believed her, and he smiled more easily at that. He gave her another kiss, trailing down to press more on her cheeks as he took a moment to appreciate her serene face without the sight of the unnatural mass behind her right eyelid.

Joseph wasn’t clean. He would no longer lie to himself that he was. He wouldn’t pretend to be someone perfect anymore. What happened to Alice was all his fault. He did some awful things, even while he deluded himself that he was someone “clean.” He felt fully awake now and aware of who he was, what he was.

He was a sinner - that was why he went to hell for 40 years.

Alice didn’t deserve to live through that hell. Joseph would save her, just like she saved him when she gave him a piece of her soul and then all of her heart.

No matter what it took, Joseph wouldn’t rest until they could both be happy and whole together. Whatever price he had to pay, he would pay it to get rid of the curse of the tape once and for all.

Joseph wasn’t clean. He wasn’t perfect. He wasn’t Jack. He wasn’t going to lie to himself about what he truly was anymore.

He was a monster, but he was the monster who Alice loved with all her heart and soul, the monster she gave up everything to save.

Joseph refused to let all her sacrifices be in vain.

They would be happy again, Joseph would make sure of it.

Even if he had to burn the entire cold and uncaring world down around them to do it.

#Sunny Day Jack #Something's Wrong With Sunny Day Jack #SunnyDayJack #sdj #swwsdj #Bad End AU #My Writing #Sunshine in Another Hell

35 notes · View notes

dumplingequivalent · 3 months

Text

hey I think I know why old people are insincere assholes the essay

Yknow when you're trying to connect to someone from an older generation, and they gloss over your attempts at genuine connection?

Like when a family member got you a gift that really meant something to you, but when you try to express your genuine gratitude, it seems like they don't really give a shit?

Or maybe you open up and share something personal with an older coworker or family friend along with some advice on a concern that you've been actively worrying about for them, but they don't acknowledge it or even act like they heard you at all?

Something clicked for me today, and now I think it's bigger than Poppop's Just An Asshole Sometimes.

I think there's been a huge shift in western culture around authenticity and genuine expression in the past two decades or so - the way we as a society and culture view it, express it, present it, and respond to it - that's causing minor intergenerational conflicts in our personal lives, but more importantly, major conflicts in our shared public spaces.

Hear me out.

1. Authenticity Then VS Now

2. Authenticity Becomes A Privilege And No One Tells The Boomers

3. Boomer-Meta and Why It Matters

1. Authenticity Then Vs Now

If you're on tumblr you probably understand nuance -

- so I think the concept of "authenticity" meaning something different to Boomers than it does to Millennials or Gen Z isn't baffling to you. it probably feels really familiar.

If you went to a US school in the 2000's, you probably remember the DARE program and anti-smoking and anti-drug ads on TV. And if you don't, you probably already have an idea of what I'm talking about. Things made by adults that felt embarrassingly out of touch to the children they were designed for.

As we all know, these all flopped immediately yet lasted the whole decade. (flopped except for the anti-smoking ads which I'll come back to) In retrospect, these marketing attempts says a lot more about the generation of adults responsible for them.

Things like the DARE program were, pretty transparently, designed to resemble what boomers remembered was "cool and interesting" from their own childhoods. My favorite example is Yello Dino and his video on "Tricky People" that's a painfully obvious homage to Fonzie from Happy Days crossed with Barney that's just as painful to watch.

youtube

Watch from 8:03-15:30 or so to see Yello Dino appear and sing a stranger danger song with the Local Kids™.

It's easy to look at this kind of thing and the DARE program and say "of course kids didn't fall for any of this, it's so poorly made; blatantly trying to sell an idea;" etc. But I think the core issue is authenticity.

Remember the anti-smoking ads? Those worked in the end because they featured people who looked like people we knew in person, with real problems from actions they really regretted. And that stuck.

But the Boomer "How Do You Do Fellow Kids" bullshit was never grounded in reality.

The approach they were trying to replicate only worked back in the boomers childhoods because everyone was seen as being genuine by default.

People in real life told the truth unless proven otherwise. Comedians on TV said things to make the audience present laugh. Singers appeared on TV so you could see them as well as hear them. People in ads were selling you a product.

Actors acted like their characters to portray that character "genuinely".

Why would they lie? Their job is to be that character. If they say they like Big Coffee Brand™, you might laugh as it's obviously an ad,

but you also then believed that to be true.

No, really. The section on Fonzie's wiki page bout Henry Winkler's involvement in social issues, titled "Civic Involvement," reads like a social commentary in a dystopian horror. There's little to no distinction between the character and the actor. Henry Winkler is Fonzie, and Fonzie is Henry Winkler.

So if you wanna be like Fonzie, you wanna be like Henry Winkler. You wanna smoke and drink and say what Henry Winkler does, because that's what Fonzie does.

Do you see where I'm going with this?

Now, flash forward to the 2000's.

The police officers doing DARE were (mostly) never thrilled to be there. The anti-weed ads were so exaggerated that they seemed cartoony. Hell, some of them were cartoons, just unfunny ones. And most importantly, we were taught from a very young age that everyone is always lying.

"Never reveal personal information about yourself to strangers or online to protect yourself" turns into "Everyone is lying to you to get something from you" really, really fast.

People in real life aren't to be believed until they can prove what they say is true. Comedians on TV say things to keep themselves relevant and in the rumor mill. Singers appear on TV to sell concert tickets and promote albums. Ads use social issues that affect real people as marketing. Actors are people who are pretty and pretend to be other people in a way that's never convincing, but sometimes if they're feeling generous they'll let you know what they really think and feel.

So, why would anyone tell the truth?

Why should you?

2) Authenticity Becomes A Privilege And No One Tells Boomers

(Thank you for reading this far and I promise I'm don't with the edgy "everything sucks" poetry now)

So now we've all grown up into jaded adults who've been taught to not trust but to strive to "be your unique self" and that creates some weird social dichotomies.

If you want to be truly happy, you must accept yourself and do what you want to do.

....but then you risk being seen as a cringey fuck that gets laughed at on Facebook by your highschool classmates and all of your previous bosses.

All jokes aside, modern society prioritizes a readied public face now more than ever, and that's really exemplified in the Internet celebrity experience. Taking a mild stance on anything generates tabloids attention, and doing something the public frowns upon can ruin a person's career permanently. you're on tumblr, this isn't news to you. you get what I mean.

This consequently makes moments of genuine emotion and expression from these celebrities inherently risky - and thus, a much more rare occurrence. Moments of streamers getting scared by spiders or cockroaches blow up constantly because, I mean yeah sure it's funny, but it's also really REALLY difficult to stage a believable reaction to something like that. And that carnal reaction draws out the desire for connection in all of us. That moment of unfiltered response feels special - a brief glimpse behind the curtain.

And celebrities online know it too. Apology videos, let's plays, streaming - all of this media has a built in sense of authenticity that is vital to making it work. Authenticity is a premium social currency in this space, and that bleeds into our everyday lives as well.

If the most badass and brave thing your idols can do is to be sincere, then eventually, you'll probably feel that way too. It makes sense - sincerity is vulnerable. Choosing to be deliberately honest and emotional when you have no expectation to be is a powerful thing. At least, to most of us it is.

While this is all happening, there's an entire generation of people who are still experiencing the world like when happy days was airing.

Dr. Oz, Dr. Phil, Rachel Ray.......whatever other bullshit they put on TV, all of it begins to make more sense when you focus on their target audience - the middle aged and elderly.

Yes, really. Think of who you know in real life who absolutely loved The Big Bang Theory.

I mean, come on. This image makes me sad, dude.

Humor me for a moment. let's just run with my theory and say middle-aged and older people are all walking around as if everyone is always telling the truth to them.

Is it really that surprising that Dr. Oz was/is?? as successful as he was? As it turns out, believing everything to be true until proven otherwise is incredibly dangerous when applied to medical practice!

While we were growing up, the middle aged and elderly were spending their time being constantly self-absorbed and, just, unapologetically themselves. Which doesn't sound bad in theory, but it's really not as straightforward as it sounds.

3. Boomer-Meta And Why It Matters

So boomers are gullible. the sky is blue. why should you care

The point to all this is that authenticity is very important to modern society, and the difference of what authenticity means and how it's expressed matter drastically when understanding each other is vital.

Boomers were raised to always be genuine. If one believes themself to always be truthful, that lends to forming a bias in their own favor. And breaking the mentality down further, "I always say what I mean and I mean what I say" implies that what was said is what is true. And further, someone changing their "story" is an indicator of deception.

I've met plenty of older generation people who act like sharing their opinion is a gift in and of itself i.e. unwarranted comments on cooking or food, interjected advice about the conversation subject. Similarly, questions about the validity of a statement seem to often be taken as questioning ones morals.

This personal bias is very apparent in interpersonal situations. An attempt to be more genuine with someone who thinks this way would come across as staged and more insincere, and conversely, speaking with a clear bias appears superficial and ignorant.

But the real conflict is how this affects our news and politics. A core misunderstanding of what sincerity is and what it looks like, from either side, is dooms any conversation before it ever begins.

The lack of literacy in each other's values adds so much unnecessary conflict into already divisive matters. The stagnation in the legal progress of important social issues is probably worsened with so many of the US lawmakers being elderly themselves.

I don't have a great way to end this thing, but thanks for reading my weird essay.

The slow realization that a misunderstanding could be at the center of most major political conflict in the US consumed me for like 12 hours today and I appreciate you taking time to read my ramblings.

#i wrote a fucking essay and for what #ugh #i hope this was worth...anything to someone #i have NO idea how to tag this bro #long #generational conflict #baby boomers #millennials #gen z #zillenial #idk #Youtube

5 notes · View notes

altocat · 1 year

Note

I really like your headcanon about Gast being Genesis's father!

Just out of curiosity though, who's his mom?

Behold! Alto info-dumps!

Genesis' biological mother was a scientist who volunteered to be part of the Project G program. She and Gast had utterly no feelings for each other and essentially just came together because Hollander had already volunteered and they felt it was their duty to try for their own specimen. Thus, Genesis was born, after being subjected to the Jenova cells as well. And Gast immediately distanced himself after his job was done because that's just how Gast do. He was more distracted with the beginnings of what was to eventually become Project S, and eventually just stopped checking in altogether once Sephiroth was born. He had no interest in either specimens of Project G, and hadn’t really planned on getting attached to any of the specimens until he sort of fell in love with little Seph.

Genesis' mother resembles Genesis heavily, with beautiful auburn hair and Genesis' more delicate features. She knew from the beginning that she was not going to raise the child herself and was fine with that because she wanted to get back to her duties as soon as possible. Still, she was permitted to hold onto the infant Genesis for his first few months. Genesis was a VERY sickly baby and she offered to nurse him until he was strong enough. She became rather attached to him and was gloomy when the time came to give him up to his new adopted parents in Banora. But she ultimately accepted the outcome as she felt the project outweighed her feelings. She loved her son, in her own stern, stoic way. But she loved her work even more.

She would come and visit him every now and then though. Sort of a "family friend" who would occasionally bring Genesis trinkets and gifts. Genesis thought she was some sort of wealthy governess or sponsor from Midgar who worked with his father. He thought it was weird that she was the only adult who actually seemed to pay attention to him, or discipline whenever she caught him acting out.

Genesis never finds out, of course. And in retrospect, she's glad. She was always a rather reserved, antisocial creature. Not very warm or openly affectionate. She was mainly just focused on her research. She's glad when he ultimately joins SOLDIER as it means she'll get to see him more often. And she'll occasionally drop by for a visit. It's not a conventional mother-son bond. She's more of his grumpy eccentric aunt or advisor, constantly telling him to get his head out of the clouds and work hard for what he wants. To surpass Sephiroth. To become a hero if he really wants it that badly.

And it is she that ultimately advocates for his safety and protection after the events of Crisis Core, working behind the scenes to ensure that her son has what he needs to survive in a world full of enemies and regret.

She can't be his mother. And part of her doesn't really want to be. But she can at least be his friend.

#genesis rhapsodos #gast faremis #gencanons #ffvii #ff7 #crisis core #final fantasy 7 #asks #headcanons #Genesis thankfully doesn't have mommy issues so it's all good #jenova #crisis core reunion #angeal hewley #sephiroth

30 notes · View notes