#not feeling like i need that to change & sure asf not focusing on Putting Myself Out There lmao. i put myself out there by existing & by | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

navalcriminalimagines · 3 years

Text

from NYC to DC

request: I was hoping to request a Barbra x reader where the reader and him have a really bad break up (honey make it angst asf I’m in the mood for that atm lmao don’t know why ) and they transfer because of it to NCIS (ouuuu cross over ) and they are happy and with her son/daughter.

author’s note: anon, again, thank you for your request!!! i hope you’ll have as much fun as i had writing this! that’s definitely not how i pictured it at first but inspo kept coming along the way!! maybe... just maybe, if you guys want it, i could make this a series... if you’re interested :)

words: 4,840

warnings: making out, slight smut, betray, cheating

tags: @averyhotchner

6 weeks.

6 weeks since you and your husband hasn’t been intimate. And it was way too long for you.

You and Rafael had been together for almost 9 years, married for 5, with a 4 years old little boy. Your record with any sexual activity was 3 months and to be fair, it was after you gave birth to Eduardo.

It’s been 6 weeks now, you had no idea why and you couldn’t wait another day. When you arrived at the office, you let your boss know you were taking your afternoon off. There’s nothing your team can’t take care of, so he agreed.

Right after, you texted your mother-in-law Lucia, asking her if she could take Edu for the night, maybe until Sunday. The plan was not to leave the bed and your husband’s naked body until you had to.

Before going home, you stopped to buy some lingerie. Tonight needs to be perfect, and what’s better than surprising your husband with new spicy lingerie?

You spent the afternoon cleaning the apartment, cooking Rafael’s favorite Cuban dish and preparing yourself. You looked at yourself in the mirror, with the lingerie on, wondering if you were the problem. Is he not attracted to you anymore? Obviously your body changed after you gave birth, but it never seemed to bother him before. Why now? Rafael never left you this long without touching and kissing your body, letting you know how much he loves you and wants you. Why doesn’t he do that anymore? What’s wrong with you?

A bit before 6, you texted your husband, asking what time he’s coming home. That’s something you often do, so there would be no surprise there.

Dunno, 8 maybe. He answered. But you couldn’t until 8.

Edu’s asking for you... could you make it for dinner? You sent.

Sure :)

Perfect. You made last minute prep before he got there. You curled your long hair just like he loves it, you only had mascara on, to make your blue eyes look bigger. You heard him coming home and looked at yourself one last time in the mirror. If nothing happens, something’s really wrong, you told yourself.

Rafael had a confused look on his face. His son was nowhere to find, the apartment smelled like ropa vieja. Candles were lit, and a bottle of wine was waiting on the coffee table. “Y/N?” He called.

“Hey handsome!” You emerged from the hallway, with a smile on your face. You looked gorgeous. You had Rafael’s favorite green dress on, his heart sunk. He stopped breathing for a moment.

“Wait, what day it is?” He asked.

“No particular day, Raf, don’t worry,” you chuckled and walked to him. “Just want a nice night with my husband,” you put your arms his neck and kissed him softly.

“Love the sound of that,” he smiled. “Love the smell too,” he kissed you again.

“I made your favorite,”

He laughed, “I wasn’t talking about the food. Although it does smell good. But I meant your scent,” Rafael gently kissed your shoulder and you heard him breath in your scent, “Victoria’s Secret bare vanilla,” he said, with his head hide in your neck.

“Oh! Talk dirty to me,” you chuckled. When he emerged from your neck, you took a moment to look at him, at his face, his eyes, his mouth... “I miss you, Raf,”

His eyebrows clenched together. “I’m here, amor. Always been,” he said.

“I know. I-it’s just—“ you shook your head, “Nevermind. Wine?” You offered and he nodded.

The night began well. You had small talks over dinner, Rafael enjoyed the dish you made. “It gets better every time,” he told you. But things went south pretty quickly when you took him to the bedroom. You made him sit on the edge of the bed and started to undress in front of him. “¡Coño!” You heard him. You smiled and continued the show until you were in your lingerie. “New?” He asked and you nodded.

“You’re gorgeous,” he said. He sat on his lap and started to kiss him deeply. You felt his hands on your body and gosh how you missed his touch and his kisses.

You couldn’t feel his crotch growing between your legs. You didn’t think further about it first, and you laid him down on the bed. You unhooked his belt, undid his button and put his pants down. You softly touched him through the fabric, waiting for his cock to react. Still nothing. Rafael wasn’t looking at you anymore, he was focused on the ceiling, as if he was wanting for this to be over.

“You okay over there?” You asked, a bit worried.

“Yeah, yeah. Keep going,” he answered.

You did as he said. You freed his cock and went to suck him. You did everything you usually do but nothing. There was no reaction. “Rafael? Something’s wrong?” You were already frustrated and it was getting worse.

“Lo siento, amor. I don’t know what’s happening,” Rafael sat back on the bed and put his boxer brief back on. He had a very sad look on the bed. You were lost. Is he really not attracted to you anymore? You sat in front of him, held his hand and tried to avoid the tears that were threatening to come out.

“Talk to him, my love. Do you not want me anymore?” You asked.

“No! Of course not! I do,” he interjected.

“I want to believe you but—your body says otherwise,” you said. “It never happened before, no matter how exhausted you were,”

He sighed but stayed silent. You saw a single tear running down his cheek. You closed the gap between you and your husband and hugged him. Rafael had his face buried in your chest, and you felt he was crying. “Baby, tell me what’s going on, please,” you begged.

“I’m so sorry, amor,” he cried, “so sorry,” he repeated.

“What for? Tell me,” you softly grabbed his face in your hand and forced him to look at you. “What are you sorry for?” You asked again. Still crying, he opened his mouth to talk but closed it immediately. “Rafael, please,” you begged again.

“It meant nothing, Y/N. It was a stupid mistake, one terribly stupid mistake and I feel so bad,” understanding what it was trying to tell you, you let go off his hands, taking an inch away from him. Disgust was obvious on your face. But you couldn’t say anything, this can’t be true. It can’t be happening. “Amor, I swear—“

“Shut up!” You exclaimed. There was so many things going through your mind at this very moment, you didn’t even know where to begin. Your heart was beating so fast, you swore it was coming out off your chest. Rafael tried to grab your hands but you swapped them away.

“Who?” You choked up.

“Does it matter?”

You stood up and started to put your clothes back on. “You bet your ass it does! I wanna know who that bitch is! You’ll take care of your case later! But don’t put your hopes high, you ruined our fucking marriage!”

“No, no!” Rafael interjected and jumped from the bed. He grabbed your arms to stop you from putting a sweater on. Your whole body was shaking from anger. Rafael saw something in your eyes he never saw before. Indeed, he knew he ruined the relationship. “There’s a way I can make you forgive me. It has to. We can’t—“

“We can’t what, Rafael?” You snapped. “End our relationship? Destroy our marriage, our family? I believe that’s what you did!” You pushed him aside so you could walk out of the bedroom. Rafael briefly lost his balance and found himself on the bed but he immediately went back on his feet and followed you. He grabbed you by your waist, preventing you from going further. He didn’t have time to say something, “I can’t believe I’ve been so stupid!” You weren’t really talking to your husband, but more letting your anger out, “Here I was, trying to understand what was happening. Asking myself why we didn’t have sex for weeks, thinking it was maybe my fault, that something was wrong with me, or with my body— I spent the entire afternoon preparing this night, so we could find each other again, so that it was just us. Just you and me—“ Rafael was holding you from behind, you didn’t have the strength to fight his grip. You were both crying, “I can’t believe you did this, Rafael. And for what? To empty your fucking balls?”

“I know I have no excuses,” Rafael had buried his head in your back, still holding you. He didn’t want to let go off you. He was scared that if he let you go, you would never come back. Maybe he was onto something. “I don’t know why I did it. I want to say it was because of alcohol, because I had a few drinks but, it doesn’t change anything, I know it,”

“You damn right it doesn’t,” you said, still crying. His hands were locked in your front, you took a look at his wedding band. How could he ruin your vows? Your promises?

“Please, amor,” this made you lose it. Being a federal agent makes you much stronger than him, so you didn’t struggle to get out off his arms.

“Do not ‘amor’ me, Rafael. You lost that right. You lost when you fucked that bitch. Hell, you lost it when your lips—“ you couldn’t finish your sentence. That thought of him with someone else makes you sick in your stomach. Rafael could see it on your face.

“I will do anything to make you forgive me, Y/N. I swear—“ he paused. “do you want me to get on my knees and beg for your forgiveness? Cause I’ll do it,” you saw him starting to kneel.

“Don’t even—“ you warned him and he stopped on his tracks. “We’ve been together for almost 10 years and you know me better than anyone. You know that cheating is a deal breaker,”

“Yes, I do. But—“ he tried.

“There’s no ‘but’, Rafael. I will never trust you again. I will never be able to look at you, to—kiss you or do anything, without thinking of what you did,”

“What does that mean?” He had this terribly sad look on his face, as if the world was ending. But it’s all on him. You can’t feel guilty about what you’re going to say.

“It’s over. We’re done,”

Rafael did beg for several minutes. At some point, he was getting so weak from the cries and the pain, he fell on his knees and held onto your waist. He apologized too many times you could count, he made promises, offers. He was willing to do anything so you could forgive him. But you couldn’t. Not now, not ever.

Neither of you slept that night. You couldn’t even look at him anymore. You didn’t know where to go, or what to do but you needed some fresh air. “Where you going?” Rafael asked when he saw you putting on your shoes.

“None of your damn business,” you slammed the door behind you.

After that, it all happened quickly. You did your best not to alarm your son but he noticed he wasn’t seeing his parents together anymore. You spent half your time at your best friend’s place. You focused on your job and your son, doing your best to avoid Rafael.

There was one thing you needed to know; who he cheated on you with. It didn’t take you long to figure out it was his coworker Olivia Benson. Rafael and you always made important not to mix professional and personal life, which is why you only met her a few times.

One night, you waited for her next to her car. You didn’t care she was a Lieutenant, and that you were in front of her precinct, just like you didn’t care when you saw that she wasn’t alone. Sonny Carisi was walking her to her car when you emerged from the dark.

“Mrs Barba, hey!” The detective greeted you, ��if you’re looking for your husband, he’s not here. Also, what’s wrong with him lately? He’s been more annoying than usual,” he smiled.

“You’re about to find out, detective,” on those words, you didn’t think twice before throwing a punch right into Olivia’s jaw and nose. It put all your strength in it, she lost her balance and thankfully for her, Sonny caught her. Was he supposed to arrest you? What was happening? “Next time you want to screw up with an ADA, chose a single one. But don’t worry now, he fucking is,” you just said and left.

“Lieu, what do I—?” Sonny asked, confused.

“Let her go, Carisi,” Olivia answered, holding her bloody nose, “You better not say a single word about this. To anyone,”

“How’s my favorite New Yorker agent?” Tobias Fornell greeted you with a hug. All the people you work with notice that something was wrong but no one dared to ask. You met Tobias a few years ago on the job, you immediately hit it off and he became a close friend. So close that it’s in his arms that you let go your pain, and cried every tear you had left. “Not so great, apparently,” he whispered. Fornell let you cry and calm down in his arms. “Wanna talk about it?”

You explained everything during a coffee break. A part of him wanted to go find and beat the crap out of Rafael. He probably would have done it if you didn’t have a little boy with him. Edu doesn’t deserve to see his father with cuts and bruises.

“What do you want to do now?” He asked.

“I have no idea. I need some time away from New York I think. Everything here makes me thing of him and I—I can’t deal with it,”

“Will ‘some time away’ be enough? I mean—if you’re up for a big change, NCIS team is one man down,”

At first, you refused. You weren’t ready for a change that big... until you broke into tears in front of a theater on Broadway, where Rafael took you for your first date. You couldn’t stay in New York. So you called Tobias and asked if NCIS had found someone. They hadn’t.

Since the breakup, you just dropped Eduardo in front of the apartment’s door, waited for Rafael to open and immediately left. This time you got in, to your husband’s surprise. His hopes went straight back up. You asked your son to go into his bedroom for a moment so you could talk with Rafael.

“How are you?” He asked, not sure it was the right move.

“Let’s not do that. I just want to let you know I’m moving to DC. With Edu—“

“Wait, what? No, there’s no—“

“I’m not asking for your permission, Rafael. I’m telling you. You’ll see your son every time you want to, DC is just a 3 hours train ride, okay? I can’t stay here. Not only you ruined our marriage, our family but you also ruined New York for me,”

“I—I can understand that, Y/N. But DC? Can’t you move somewhere I can see my son right after work if I want to?”

“Work opportunity,” you answered.

“What if I want him to stay here with me? And that you’re the one to comes on weekend to see him?” Rafael was on papa bear mode. He starts to understand you won’t ever forgive him, and he’s willing to accept it, no matter how bad it hurts. It’s all on him. But taking his son away? That’s a total different thing.

“If that’s what you want, hire a fucking lawyer. I’m leaving next week,”

Before you left the apartment you and Rafael shared for years, the apartment where Edu spent the first four years of his life, you did something that broke his heart for good. You left your wedding band on the coffee table.

* * *

Fornell welcomed you and your son in his house until you found a place of your own. You had a babysitter on demand with Emily. Eduardo likes her a lot already.

“Who is she again?” Tony asked his boss.

“A friend of Fornell. She was a FBI agent in New York, and now she’s with us,”

“You owned him something?”

Tony quickly regretted judging you without meeting you first. He didn’t like the idea of a complete stranger joining the team, but a few hours after your arrival, he knew he was wrong. You are lovable and you know your job. “Let’s go downstairs so you can meet Abby, Ducky and Palmer,” Gibbs told you and you followed him. Never in the world you had such a warm welcoming as the one Abby gave you. “I made this for you,” she offered you a sweater, “And Fornell told me your son loves to play to dress up, so I made him--this,” she showed off a dress that looked a little gothie. “It was one of my dress that I don’t wear anymore. I made a few adjustments and hopefully, it will suit--Eduardo?”

“Yes, but everybody calls him Edu. When I call him Eduardo, he knows it’s trouble,” you chuckled and took the dress from her, “He is going to love it! Thank you so much, Abigail, you didn’t have too,”

“Wow, she called me Abigail,” she said, looking at Gibbs. “Only Ducky does. But I can get used to it, coming from you too,” she smiled.

The next day you showed her a picture of Edu wearing the dress. Indeed he was loving it, he asked to sleep with it.

As you were looking for apartment, you realized you could actually make a dream of yours come true and buy a house. Your own house. New York didn’t give this opportunity. The houses the city had to offer didn’t look like real houses to you, that’s why you agreed with Rafael on buying an apartment on Park Avenue. But this was a new life. This is the time. You started to settle up, to know how much you could loan to the bank. Considering you had to buy every fourniture, a new car, and have something to eat in the fridge, it appeared impossible. For a moment you regretted no asking for an alimony and you growled at yourself.

“Everything okay over there?” you heard Gibbs asking from his desk. It was 9pm and you and him were the only ones left.

“Why are property prices so high?” you asked and you heard him chuckle.

“That’s why I’m glad I bought my house years ago,” Gibbs stood up and walked up to your desk. “Want to buy a place?”

“I thought it could be the time, but when I see the prices, everything I have to buy and my salary--it doesn’t match,”

“No alimony?”

“Hell no. Rafael wanted to, at least for Edu, but I told him that if he wants to give money to his son, he can do it when he’s visiting and put it on his bank account,”

“Your 4 years old has a bank account?” Gibbs smiled.

“For when he’ll be older, yeah. We never know what can happened,”

Your boss took a quick look at your computer, “What about that house?” he said. You were looking for houses on sell online, you stopped on a house. Not for what it looked like but for the price.

“It’s a smoking ruin, Gibbs. I clicked on it because that’s the best I can actually pay for,” you showed him the pictures of the house.

“With some handy work, we can make something of it,” he said.

“We?”

“You, me, Fornell, and probably the rest of the team if you ask them,”

“That ain’t gonna happen,”

Turns out, the next day when you arrived in the bullpen, everyone was there, looking at the screen. “’Grab your gear’?” you said, approaching your fairly new team.

“More like ‘buy the house’,” Abby interjected. You understood and shoot a glare at your boss, who was smiling. “So--all the wood works definitely go to Gibbs, Bishop said she’s good with the painting. McGee and I can do the floors,”

“I can take care of the bathroom, I redid ours,” Jimmy spoke up.

“Autopsy gremlin--that’s very unexpected,”

You watched them talking about the house for a moment. Your new team was planning to spend many weekends working a house you haven’t buy yet. Who are those people? You only met them weeks ago, and they are acting like...a family. That thought brought so many feelings inside you. You excused yourself and ran to the ladies room. “I got it,” Gibbs said the team and joined you. Thankfully there was no lady in there. You were crying over the sink and Gibbs gently took your hand and brought you in his arms.

“What’s wrong, Y/N?” he asked.

“That--what’s happening over there. It’s wrong,”

“Gonna need a little more info,”

You rise from his arms and looked at him, “There’s no way all of you are ruining your days off to help me,”

“We want to,” he spoke for everyone.

“But--why? Why would you do that?”

“Because that’s what families do, Y/N. Simple as that,” you looked down at your first, trying not to cry again.

“Rafael has been my only family, ever,” you confessed.

“Figured that out. Let us become your new family,”

You nodded, unsure of what is actually meant. “Damn you for reading my file,” Gibbs chuckled and invited you to go back to the team.

After many appointments for weeks, the house was finally yours. And on the team’s first day off after you got the keys, everyone showed up in used clothes. “Let’s get dirty!” Abby exclaimed, getting in your house. It was yours. That’s something you never thought would happen. Especially after the past months.

Ducky became the boss on that project. He made to-do lists and assigned the missions. Gibbs was in charge of the wooden floors, Bishop and Abby went painting upstairs. As he said, Jimmy assigned himself to the bathroom. Tony and McGee worked on the minor repairs, and you were the floating agent. Going where you were needed.

In the afternoon, Tobias showed up with Emily and Edu. Your son was wearing a overalls with doc martens and a baseball cap above his long dark hair. His fashion choices never stop to amaze you. “Mami!” he jumped into your arms. “Is it done yet?” he asked, excitingly.

“Oh no, baby! I told you we still have to stay with uncle Toby and Em for a while,”

You never had someone close enough to you and your son so that Edu would actually call them “Uncle” or “Aunt”. Now that’s what he’s doing with the entire team. “Can I see my bedroom?”

You took him upstairs to his future bedroom. Ellie and Abby were painting the walls. “Edu! I love your overalls,” Abby exclaimed.

“I love yours aunt Abby,”

“Wanna help the girls, baby?” you offered and Edu happily accepted. You went downstairs, helping Gibbs with the floor and your son stayed with your coworkers.

“I don’t want my room to be white!”

“Oh don’t worry, sweetie! We have to paint it white first and then you’ll choose the colors you want,” Bishop told Edu.

“Purple and green,”

“That’s an interesting mix,” Abby smiled.

“Mamiiii!” Edu came running to you, “I’m gonna have a disney wall in my room!”

“What?!”

“Aunt Ellie said so,”

You looked at Bishop who was standing right behind and she explained that she has a friend that will do it. For free. How amazing are those people.

For weeks, the entire team spent at least all their sundays working in the house. It was going really well. The house was becoming a home. Your home. Yours and your son. The guys were building the furniture you had already bought, Gibbs was taking care of the kitchen with Tobias, Jimmy was still working on the bathroom with Ducky’s help and Ellie and Abby was taking care of the final touches. Edu was having fun with Emily in the backyard.

“Phone!” everyone heard Gibbs shouting. All the phones were on the kitchen counter and Tobias checked the one that was ringing. When he saw “Rafael” written on it, he called for you. You answered and went on the porch in front the house.

“Mami and I just arrived in DC, we’re staying for the weekend. Can I pick up Edu?” Rafael asked over the phone.

“I--yeah sure. I’m sending you the address,”

You and Rafael only talk for your son. Edu told him you have a new house but Rafael doesn’t know you actually bought it. Your husband hears a lot about the team, Edu is fond of them. On one side, he likes that Edu is enjoying living in DC and the other side, he hates it. He wishes you and his son would come back. That you would forgive him from cheating on you.

For several weeks after you left, Rafael considered moving to DC too. To be close to his son obviously but also hoping it would make you change your mind, or at least realized he’s willing to do anything for you. But he came to the conclusion it was a bad idea. You moved to get away from him, he had to respect that.

Rafael and Lucia arrived in front of your house. You noticed the car through the window and told Edu his father was there. The little boy ran from the backyard to his father and his grandmother. “I miss you so much, cariño,” Rafael said, holding his son tight.

You went out of the house to greet your ex mother-in-law, “Hola mija, it’s good to see you,” she said. You hadn’t seen her since you left DC months ago.

“Papi, I have a disney wall in my room! Wanna see it?”

Rafael looked at you for approval and you gave it. The four of you walked inside the house. The first people Rafael saw, were Tony and Tim. Tony had his thumb in his mouth, “What the hell did you do DiNozzo?” you asked.

“He took his thumb for the screw,” Tim laughed and so did Edu.

“Oh, you think it’s funny, little cubano?” Tony told your son, playfully.

“Uh-oh,” you heard Edu say. He knew he was in trouble. He started to run in the house, chased by Tony. “Sorry,” you mouthed to Rafael, who stayed silent. What the hell did he do? Not only he lost you but you changed, and his son too. He lost his family, for good. He watched his boy getting grab by a man with silver hair. The guy gave a gentle kick to the one that was chasing Edu.

“Thank you uncle Gibbs,”

“Always, my bud,”

Being his over dramatic self, Tony was on the floor, holding his stomach. “Boss has a new favorite, I’m gonna die,”

“Cause you thought you once were my favorite?” Gibbs snapped.

“Bye cruel world,” Tony said, holding his chest and pretending to die. Edu took advantages of it and jumped on the italian agent. “Okay, I’m alive again,”

You and Rafael were watching them until you felt his hand on your arm. You looked at him, “Can we talk outside, por favor?” he asked. You told Lucia to sit on a chair and you joined Rafael on the porch’s stairs. “You look good,” he started to say. “Not just physically. You look like you’re in a good place with your life,”

“I am,” you agreed.

“I’m glad. If you’re happy, I’m happy,”

“Go to the point, Rafael,”

“I’m dating Olivia,” he confessed.

“Son of a--” you exclaimed but realized the house’s door was open. “Are you fucking serious, right now?”

“Why do you care? Which one are you dating? ‘Uncle Tony’? ‘Uncle Tim’? ‘Uncle Gibbs’? Huh?”

You were furious. For many reasons. He was dating someone before you even did, and moreover, it’s the woman he cheated on you with. That’s the ultimate betrayal to you.

“One second,” you showed your finger in the air and went back inside the house. You came back a moment later, followed by Gibbs. You dragged him outside the house and stood right in front of Rafael. You took a breath and kissed Gibbs. All teeth and tongues. Right under your husband’s eyes. Your boss definitely didn’t fight you. He actually deepen the kiss, holding you by your waist, making your body arch.

Tony was the first to see it - of course - and he called Tim. They were like kids watching their dad kissing the new beautiful woman of the neighborhood. You and Gibbs broke apart when you heard Rafael calling for Eduardo.

“We will definitely talk about that later,” Gibbs told you.

315 notes · View notes

education-tips · 7 years

Text

Tips for Seniors/Juniors in High School (Plan on Going to College) College Admissions Advice #1

So when I was a Junior/Senior i remember freaking out about what college I wanted to go to and what I wanted to be and whatever

NOW I know I want to be an educator and help teens through this time because I remember how stressful this process was.

So here’s a 10 Tip thread I made for Jr/Seniors in HS who plan on applying to college

Look first of all, let me just say a disclaimer: I am not a college admissions person, this was just my experience with the California’s college application system.

So in my experience: I had the luxury of applying to 10 colleges (8 pub, 2 Priv) all in California #blessfeewaivers

The schools I applied to all ranged from prestigious to average but most of them happened to be my safety schools.

I wanted to point this out bc that was one of the things you SHOULDN’T DO when applying to college.

Don’t doubt yourself

When applying to college, many people get too caught up on rankings and whether they can get in the college or not.

And I was the same way. I even made a list

p>When I was applying to college the main factors I looked for in a school were:

Prestige

Size of school

Weather

WOKE OR NOT

Difficulty to get in

How far was it from home

Etc

So make a list of what you want in a college. Especially if you want to dorm. You know what you want whether it be a school by the beach, or a school in a large city etc

Colleges won’t fit everything on your list, but if they do, congratulations you have found your dream school.

Apply to dream schools even if your dream school is insane to get into or it’s far away or whatever, apply to it!!

DREAM SCHOOLS DO NOT HAVE TO BE THE BEST SCHOOLS, THEY ARE NOT SYNONYMOUS ALTHOUGH THEY SOMETIMES CAN BE

Your dream school is the place you feel like you’d flourish AND fits the criteria you have set for yourself

Nobody should ever make you feel ashamed of your dream school because in the end if you get in you’ll be happy

Also, apply to places even if you doubt you’ll get in. They may not be your dream school but they might turn out to be.

You’ll have a better chance of getting in if you apply compared to the literal 0 chance you’ll have if you don’t apply.

Just have the guts to apply to your “dream school” or a school you really like aight.

But also realize that if you’re applying to less that 5 schools, then maybe you should consider some safety schools.

Apply to safety schools but not too many like me :)))))

These schools are not even schools that are low in “ranking” They are just schools you wouldn’t mind going to but the point is you’ll def get in.

Apply to schools you feel are what you want without focusing on your major too much

Be aware that yes your major might “matter” but apply to places that interest you as a whole. Your major might change. Your school, probably not.

And know what your comfortable with. Personally, I wanted to go to a school close enough to come home on then weekends but still be able to dorm.

Apply to private schools if you fit any of these 1. You got a dank scholarship 2. You’re not planning on dorming 3. Dream school 4. You’re rich 5. You got a fee waiver and why not

Private schools can be fucking expensive. They are smaller and have a “better quality education” but know that price is the main factor.

Many private schools in Cali offer really good education such as Stanford and USC

But unless they offer you a private school education at a public school price they can put you into some serious debt

Many of them also offer very little financial aid but do give out substantial scholarships. I was offered a $26,000 scholarship to a $65,000 school ???

So unless you have a fee waiver, applying to one of those schools and doing the work for it may not be all it’s cracked up to be in the end.

Work on your personal statement EARLY ASF

THE BIGGEST THING WHEN APPLYING TO COLLEGE IS THE PERSONAL STATEMENT SO IF YOU STRESS OUT ABOUT ANYTHING IT SHOULD BE THIS

Your personal statement is the only place in your college application that you can bluntly state: “IVE STRUGGLED IN LIFE PLEASE ACCEPT ME”

Depending on your past you either dread writing about you or you have nothing to write about.

But seriously start early. And if you don’t know where to start, just free write.

I had a dream and the following day I wrote about that shit and I actually used it in my essay. (As a metaphor)

Apply to Financial Aid and Look & apply for scholarships!

My decision on the school I finally chose had SOO much to do with financial aid.

Some schools sometimes will offer you little to no financial aid and if your a broke bitch like me you’re counting on that financial aid

If paying for college is a factor in your decision plan ahead, like start now.

Career Centers are your holy grail when talking about financial aid and colleges in general.

Look for scholarships to apply to ahead of time and get all the shit you need in order for you to submit them. (Letters of Recs)

Speaking of Letters of Rec, if you are planning on applying to a private school, most likely they will ask you for 2 or more letters of rec

So… 8. Make a Bragging Sheet

A bragging sheet is like a resume but for high school. Make a google doc and put down EVERYTHING YOU HAVE DONE IN HS OR ANYTHING THAT IS WORTHY OF MENTIONING

For example - Associative Student Body 2020-2024 - (Leadership Role: if any) [And then put a brief description of what y'all do but in a profesional manner]

My teacher made me do this after I asked him to write me a letter of rec and it helped me sooo much bc

This helps bc it will give your teachers (those who will write your letter or rec) something to say about you in their letter.

And make sure to give it to every teacher/ counselor that way they know exactly what they should put in your LetOfRec

If you’re a person who has done a lot of activities in HS, this will help bc most applications will ask you what you’ve done

Scholarships ask you what activities you’ve done in HS and you’ll have them all written down on this doc and all you have to do is copy it

It honestly comes in handy guys and it’s really easy to make. Google Bragging Sheet/Letter for more info about how to set it up

Do test scores matter when applying to college? ACT? SAT? AP? Answer: Yes and No

AP scores only matter if the schools you’re applying to actually give you credit for the test you’ve passed

However, if you are planning to go to a UC, AP English Scores are SUPER IMPORTANT so pass them at least with a 3. Or retake them if you can.

AP scores are also important depending on your major. If you are heading towards a STEM major they can help you gain credit in that area.

As for SAT and ACT scores, they matter depending on the school you’re applying to.

Applying to a more prestigious school, and having a better test score puts you at a greater advantage

But there are many cases where people get accepted to their dream school having really good curricular activities and average test scores

Don’t stess too much

The actual college application is fairly easy to navigate. Especially the UC app. But do not wait until the last day!!!

For a couple of years now the website to submit your application will crash the day the app is due so try to finish it at least two days before

But if you do your bragging sheet, those applications will be so easy bc all you have to do is copy and paste what you already have.

Colleges want to see that you saw high school as a 3 sided Pie Chart filling in Academics, Sports, and Extracurriculars

They want to see that even if you didn’t play sports, you excelled in academics or vice versa.

In the end, any school is going to help you get to where you want to go as long as you also put in the effort to make your dreams happen.

Maybe some schools will get you there faster but how would I know, I’m barely starting that path myself lol

Edit: I’m so happy you all have found this post enlightening!! It makes me really happy to have passed on some of my wisdom. Go check out the rest of my posts if you want more detailed info and if you have any questions feel free to ask!!!

Edit #2:

Hi everyone! I’ve noticed this post has been getting a lot of traction recently! I’m now in my third year of college and I just would like to point out that I have no idea how updated the current website is!! So please take into consideration that though some tips may apply the process may be different or updated, I really have no idea! On that note, I wish you all the best!!!

2K notes · View notes

kadobeclothing · 4 years

Text

5 Ways Working Remotely Changed the Way I Think About Teamwork

For the last three years I’ve been an architect on the Hipchat team working remotely, with the rest of my team working far, far away from me in San Francisco and Austin. People talk a lot about remote work these days, but as with most things, you never truly know until you’ve experienced it. I’ve learned quite a bit about remote teamwork along the way as an architect and developer. Here are some of the highlights:

1. Put people over product. In just over a year, my team went from a close, eight-person unit to over a hundred people. That’s a lot of growth in a little time. As more and more people were joining the team, I found myself focusing on the many features that needed to get out the door, instead of training and onboarding new developers (who were basically left to fend for themselves). As an architect, I should have realized how short-sighted that was. As an Atlassian, I should have realized that our values for teamwork were more important than our code.

Like bad first impressions, on-boarding done poorly can leave lasting damage that takes a long time to repair. On-boarding is about much more than teaching a developer where the source code is located, it is about communicating and living your company values, in our case, “Play as a team” or “Be the change you seek”. Personally sitting down and working shoulder-to-shoulder with a new team member imparts far more valuable information about your values than a hundred powerpoint presentations. When someone new joins a company, they come with a fairly blank slate for how things work and what is expected from them, so it is essential for them to see a team’s values in action and be given early opportunities to build relationships and contribute value. Lesson: Let that new feature release slip by a week. Sit down with a new team member and work on something together. Let them see rather than just read about your company’s values. Put aside the inconvenience of traveling for work and make that extra effort to connect with a new team member. The impression you give them, the relationships you build and the sense of purpose you instill will benefit the company far more than one week of coding. 2. Ownership is more important than perfection. During a particularly busy time at work, my team brought in a bunch of new developers who had a steep learning curve ahead of them. As a developer, I was concerned about the quality and consistency of the code, so I doubled down trying to review and be consulted on every change to the system. I might have been a tad bit overbearing. Looking back, I wish I realized the value of ownership, and how important it is for people to feel like what they’re working on is theirs. In my world, these types of extra duties might be fixing what’s broken, cleaning up unnecessary elements, taking time to improve the design, or writing documentation. These tasks often aren’t reflected Jira tickets or roadmap plans, but they’re part of the day-to-day work that keeps a codebase clean and flexible. Without ownership, developers do the absolute minimum required, causing the code base to become a dumping ground for different and often conflicting styles and patterns. And this can have a serious impact on morale when the language, frameworks, or code are unfamiliar. This isn’t about one architecture or another. It’s about onboarding and empowering developers. Lesson: Approach your code with a DevOps mindset, which encourages giving ownership to others. It is hard to trust someone new with your baby but find a way through onboarding, pairing, frequent trips, or even solving production failures together. Historically, Atlassian has given every developer write access to all products because that was the kind of open, trustworthy culture we wanted to create. If that’s not an option for you, find a non-critical part of the project they can dig into and feel like they own. 3. Define your role clearly. When I started at Atlassian in 2006, the engineering titles were developer, senior developer, and founder. That was it. Although we’ve grown a lot since then, I like to think of us all as just developers doing whatever is needed to make great products for our customers. But the reality is that as an organization grows, more specialized roles are needed to scale alongside the code and number of customers. A title is more than an ego boost, it is a way to communicate what you are (and are not) responsible for. Simply telling new folks your title isn’t enough, as it can be interpreted differently with every new person that hears it. Again, getting this wrong can cause long-term damage and be a factor in future disagreements or missed connections. Therefore, not defining your role isn’t about just you. It is about not hurting your team, your project, and ultimately, your customers. Architect is a title that has traditionally been a source of confusion not just at Atlassian but also in our industry. When I was the second person at Atlassian to receive this title, I figured it just meant a more senior developer, someone outside the normal planning process. When I became the integration architect, where I had to try to coordinate the activities of the different Atlassian architects, I realized the need to define the job description and I attempted to do so, with mixed results. Even today, that definition seems to be in flux. Regardless, it is especially important that your team is clear about what role you will play, and the sooner that is done, the easier things will be. Lesson: At the beginning of your tenure and with every onboarding, sit down with team members and talk about what you expect from them, what they should expect from you, and what shouldn’t be expected from either side. It is sometimes more important to discuss what aren’t your responsibilities than what are. 4. Tone matters online. As nearly all of us have experienced, in-person communication is much different than online communication. And there are even differences in how to communicate in different online contexts. For instance, what tone you take or what words you use in a personal chat or email may, in fact, not be appropriate for a large team chat room. In a large chat room, you may not have a solid personal relationship with each member, and their impression of you may come solely through chat communication. Chat is such an abbreviated form of human communication without all the nuances of facial expressions, body language, and tone, that the bits the reader fills in the gap may not match your intention. For example, what is meant as a joking, “wtf dude?” could be read by someone that can’t see you as an offensive attack.

To add another layer, what words may be appropriate in one culture aren’t necessarily appropriate in another. For example, from my time working with the US Navy and then later in Sydney, I picked up a habit of swearing like a sailor and telling it like it is. While these habits are well understood by my friends from these groups, another group could take them as wildly inappropriate. Lesson: Be careful how you communicate in a large chat room. Even if you know each member at the time of the chat, others could read it later and develop an unexpected impression of you that you might not find out until it’s too late. I once heard that remote communication is opt-in, whereas local is opt-out. Make sure they want to opt-in. 5. Remote-friendly is not necessarily remote-first. Hipchat being a chat application itself, we believe in the concept of remote office collaboration and we are remote-friendly. We operate in three major offices (Sydney, San Francisco, and Austin), and have local and remote workers spread out across at least eight different time zones. Even with the way we live and breathe remote collaboration, there are still gaps between this vision and a true remote-first culture. One particular perpetrator is the in-person side conversation that comes up between local people over lunch or in the hallway after a meeting. These are great and productive for the people involved, but since they are exclusively local, remote team members can’t voice and represent their views. If these hallway conversations aren’t communicated in a timely manner they can create a rift in team consensus, and sometimes create lasting hard feelings. Similarly, local people can feel threatened by unexpected or uncommunicated changes initiated by remote folks, and remote workers can be frustrated by decisions made in their absence or personal issues that aren’t communicated in a timely manner. It really is all about communication.

Remote-first teams adopt a structure both for communications and processes that allows each member, regardless of where they live, to be included in major and minor decision making, daily collaboration, and social interactions. The best example I can think of is from my time at theApache Software Foundation. In ASF projects, every single decision had to be proposed and approved on the single developer mailing list. This process took a lot longer than putting 10 people in a room for two hours, but it leveled the playing field for all team members. Lesson: Be very cognizant of the culture of the team you join as a remote employee. Find a way to create a remote-first team of remote or remote-friendly workers that can own a project and its execution independently. Failing that, ensure all decisions are made transparently and include remote workers as appropriate, leveraging time zone-friendly online tools and processes. Minimize the number of remote relationships that you need to create and maintain to do your job, and don’t think that knowing a few key folks in a remote office is enough. Be aggressive in identifying and reaching out one-on-one with remote team members that may disagree with your proposals; don’t wait to be told that there is dissension as it’ll be far too late. Final thoughts As my experience has shown me, being an architect is about so much more than code, frameworks, or system design—it’s about people and teams. If you are hired on a team, you are technically qualified to be there. What is less obvious, and admittedly more difficult to remember, is the importance of the non-technical bits. There seems to be a happy medium between getting shit done and singing kumbaya around the fire. While I’m still figuring out where the right balance is, I’ve learned that focusing on the long-term is much more impactful than getting bogged down in the details of the short-term. This article was originally published on The Atlassian blog and republished with permission.

Source link

source https://www.kadobeclothing.store/5-ways-working-remotely-changed-the-way-i-think-about-teamwork/

0 notes

justurneighboorhoodfriendlybg · 5 years

Text

I wrote my suicide letter

When I said people their section, I’m just gonna say it was for therapeutic reasons

What I’m not gonna tell them is that I wrote just in case I’d b too strung out if I’d really do it. Cause the best way it sounds like to do it is an OD

But anyways, that’s not what we’re focusing on

I wrote this and I feel like I shouldn’t share it to here. But I will cause

This is my dairy

This is the page where I can say anything I want

Post anything I want

Do anything I want n still have a good expectation of privacy

Cause on this public platform no one cares about me (lol almost like real life)

But just as a preface: I wrote this in one of our trials n tribulations. And if I sound stupid, please someone inbox me and give me the dose of reality I need. Also the letter started out as just as me venting in the notes on dudes computer and turned into a letter.

And without further ado:

how I feel/my last note

i will never be enough for anyone. I was so stupid to think i would get an happily ever after.

the ONLY reason i won’t kill myself is that it will make the most important person in my life too sad.

but once they die i can’t tell you what I’m going to do

I’m tired

of not being good enough

I’m tired of the way i look

I’m tired of the way i act

I’m tired of having waste my breath on people who don’t want even listen

Im tired of trying so hard to be good

trying so hard to be on the straight and narrow

and no matter what I’m always the fuck up

I’ve failed my mother in so many ways i don’t understand how she still loves me

i really thought arthur loved me, i really thought it was over for me in the dating game

i really thought i had found my soulmate

but he doesn’t want me either

all these girls in his phone, he face timed that girl

trynna link with that other one on tinder

all in the name of the “Threesome”

FUCK THAT

he just wants more, i am not enough. If it was really for the threesome you would have mentioned me

BUT YOU NEVER DO, except for twice and those both were a bust.

also the whole second wife shit

like WTF

i am never gonna have anything

Why did the lord make such a useless life.

just for me to never have anything

well i have my mother

and ruby’

i miss my chikitika

its not that i don’t love madam

but when arthurs done with me he can keep her

ill go back to being alone like i always am

i really wish i could end it all right now without causing my family pain

i haven’t forgotten about my “friends”

which the two most important ones arthur says their fake

but i miss them

i miss them so bad

i need to talk to them more

I know buddy has her mental problems but that doesn’t mean she’s faking

she’s going through a tough time and for the first time in a long ass time she didn’t have me to call and stay on the phone for hours

or with jade

we talked everyday

and now look at us

she doesn’t wan t to be my friend anymore

after All we’ve been through

after all we’ve talked about and experienced together

she’s pissed

cause i went MIA in the time she needed me the most

but this summer didn’t count ( to me at least)

its been a difficult summer and so far a difficult fall

this summer around my birthday, i just completely shut down

I’ve been going through shit too

but i don’t tell anyone

and I’m not going to try either

whats the point?

if i tell my mother, it’ll just make her sadder

i wasn’t there for jade, so why do i expect her to be there for me

and Buddy, i honestly can’t think of a good reason not to tell her. i know she’ll hear me and she’ll definitely understand

but what if she doesn’t

skyway was always me and jades plan

buddy and i were planning on doing a road trip of a life time filled with sights seeing and intense partying

and then we’d overdose together

and actually overdose his time

how much molly is too much?

i bet dying from an overdose of molly is a strangely intense feeling

but dying from an overdose of molly when on about at least 50 abs of acid. Maybe a whole sheet

sounds like id fry my brain

so if i miraculously survive i will be too braindead to even live and ill authorize buddy to pull the plug

cause when this happens i won’t have my mother around, She’ll already be in heaven

hopefully she’s forgotten all about me and she can rejoice in heaven with my grandma forever

i am already dead

my life: useless

the person i called my soulmate: i am not enough for him, i stress hiM out, i give him headaches. I don’t look good enough, i don’t do enough around the house, I’m lazy asf

HE WILL ALWAYS FIND SOMETHING WRONG BECAUSE I AM NOT WHAT HE WANTS

he’s still stuck on his ex’s

well they can have him cause I’m not going to keep anyone that doesn’t want to be kept

you know what this looks like? my suicide note

cause ima definitely leave a note. I can’t leave without saying my last words.

and fuck them if they listen to it or not thats on their soul

not mine

incase in the future when/if i do this and I’m too out of it to write letters, I’m going to leave this here. is not like arthur is going to read it. its too long for him too care this much and sit-down and read the whole thing. I’m sure in his mind it’ll be not worth the headache

so i will have some final statements that i think will forever ring true:

To whom it may concern,

im done. Its over. i really did my best to give it the good ole college try, but i can’t anymore. To whomever feels like they should blame yourself; please don’t, Because my mind has been made up, and nothing can change it except the lord himself. Don’t think “well maybe if i texted more/called more/ tried to be more in her life then maybe…. “ its all bullshit. you guys don’t need me in your life. you’ll find better companions, hopefully companions that will be good enough for you.

Jade: i will always love you because you are my best friend. All that time we spent together really helped me become who i was. You’re smart, crafty, beautiful and i know the world is going to want to destroy you in every way possible. be strong, stronger than i was. Cause you deserve the life you want/ With a husband that you’re completely in love with and he loves you back even more. And that he has a six figure job so he can spoil you with everything you desire, and that your kids may grow and prosper. You deserve your jerry, niklous is a dead dream cause you longer want me apart of your life. But thats ok, everyone says friends grow apart but you’ll always be my best friend. So even if I’m not in your life, you’ll always be in mine.

Buddy: my little sensitive sushi. we’ve been best friends forever. You’re one the purest souls. You’re honest, you always keep it real, (lol at least to me) I could never lie to you. And i really haven’t. You just want you to be free, to be happy. Fuck the money, fuc all this other shit. You jus want genuine happiness and love, and i really hope you find it. And i really hope you tell her kids about their tia krystal and that she would have loved them so much, she would have damn been their second mother. buddy i love you and you’re too amazing for this world. Yes, i know you have mental problems but that doesn’t make you any less of a person and it for sure do not mean you’re broken. It doesn’t even make you a bad person. if you haven’t been able to get the pills you need/ or if you don’t want to take them. it’ll all be ok cause those who really love you understand and will see past your brain malfunctioning sometimes. You deserve everything you want in life, and i hope you get it. You have my word and scouts honor that my spirit will try EVERYTHING in its power to come contact you. So don’t be scared if you feel a presence just confirm its me. and if i survive this attempt, bring my aunt the pastor to pray over me. Because i give you the power to tell the doctors to pull the cord, so after my aunts done, please make the right decision.

Payton: I fucking love you, and appreciate you so much. I wish could’ve spoiled you with everything because without you i would no have made it through tay or driving up to providence. You’ve been though so much already, i really don’t want you to be sad over this. Please live your best life to its full extent because the world needs you. You’re the ultimate mom friend, and if you ever have kids (or adopt some) I know you’ll be the biggest blessing in their life and the best soccer mom EVER.

Natalie & Isai: Im sorry to join you into one, but you both have been there for me through childish shit. But in the end both of you remained my real friends. natalie made my elementary school days fun and isai made middle school not horrible. I remember our little big squad. I remember angel, marco, that partially sociopathic girl, brittany, stephanie, lester and all the dumb shit we did. I remember feeling guilty for giving that poor teacher a heart attack. I’m getting off topic, that was always my problem, i could never focus on my tasks at hand. but i do love you both, and hope you both can handle everything life is going to through at you.

A.: I loved you. i loved you so completely that i lost myself in you. I didn’t do anything without you and i didn’t want to. but no matter how much i loved you, you didn’t see it. You didn’t recognize that I was putting my whole heart into what we had. I was trying so hard and its like it didn’t even matter,

I think that we fell in love because we were both hurt and needed someone . No matter how much you said you did, but you didn’t love me like i loved you. You were always more than enough for me, it even felt like i didn’t deserve you. but don’t blame yourself for my decision. It was a long time coming. Arthur, i hope you find someone that will be enough for you. The woman of your dreams, that you can actually see the love she gives you. She’s prolly african, she’ll cook all your favorite shit. Your family will love her and your kids will carry down the strong blood of your family. Thank you for trying to help me even though i’m clearly not your soulmate. But don’t blame yourself for this decision, take the best care of madam. Thats all i ask. Don’t give her away or sell her. And i wish dogs could read or understand because she’ll never get why she’ll never see me again. But thank you for the love you showed and just know that i won’t love anyone else like i loved you.

and everybody please:

Don’t miss me when I’m gone because I’ve simply just moved on. my decaying diseased flesh suit was only holding my spirit back. my soul has moved on to its next step and you should too.

Signed

Krystal Liana Fortuna Febles Guevara Santos (& almost Baygboe)

0 notes