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lgcmax · 4 years

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hellooooo my legacy loves !! i hope life’s been treating you all well ! i know right now things are still pretty difficult ( as been all of 2020 tbh ), so i just wanted to flood the dash w a little positivity !! you know, sometimes i feel bad because it seems that i can’t connect with everyone as much as i’d like, and it sucks !! but between my spotty activity at times and bad response times i didn’t want you to think i loved you all any less. so !!! below you will find a love letter to all of you lovely muns as well as some individual comments about my favorite thing about your muses everybody ! also, if you have lgc friends who aren’t really dash scrollers feel free to share this with them so that they can see !! anyways, go ahead and enjoy 😇💖

dear legacy,

okay - let me start by saying - i care for you sooooo so much !! and that goes for ALL of you reading this !! even if we’ve never talked, or you just joined, or we talk like every other month but never seem to catch each other at the right time ? i care for you !!! and don’t you ever forget it. honestly, legay is one of the healthiest places i’ve been in to develop my muse in a safe space, void of any judgement or just weird vibes. and that has to do with all of you, and i’d like to thank you for that !! our mods, of course, get a special hug for all that you guys do - i know that things can get hard, and we test your patience sometimes ... i get it !! but to us, you’re kinda like our rp parents ?? we might nag, joke, and annoy but it’s all out of love, we promise ahaha !! anywho, once again everyone i’ve met in legacy, has no lie been so special to me ?? and i want you guys to know that !! literally all of you, even if it was just a quick message, have made an imprint on the great rp experience i’ve had here and i’d like to thank you for that ! and no this isn’t me leaving, i promise i’m gonna stick around for a loong time to come ahaha. but honestly, who would’ve thought ? i was bouncing around from rp to rp, and i didn’t recall, if i’m being hoenst, expect anything to come out of me giving this place a shot for the 2nd time ? but i’m so grateful to have gotten such a wonderful experience that made me not want to leave. there’s always things to do, muses to meet, and it’s crazy how well everyone keeps the dash flowing ! i’m always excited to look at what you and your muses are up too, and honestly i’m lowkey invested in all their little relationships lol ?? but that’s what makes this place so special ! the friendships, the enemies, the romance, and everything in between has made this into such a unique writing atmosphere to be a part of. so for that, i say thank you. and here’s to more legacy for years to come !!

now for the special portion of my letter !!! in alphabetical order, you will find a compliment of mine for your muse below !! phew, here i go :

( and pls ... if i forgot u ... i apologize 20000x !! PLEASE tell me lol !! obviously this is for muses who are here at the time of writing this 10/2/2020, and i may update ! but if your muse is here at that time and you don’t see them PLEASE tell me i want to write them something but i might have accidentally deleted someone’s in the process of writing so many ! )

phunsawat kannika first of all i have the fattest crush on her fc ojoijjoioij !! anyways, i love the commitment to all her pages, all her character inspos are my favorite, and i’m really interested to see her adjustment to korea ! i think she’s doing a great job already and will show that she can go even further !

yoon aria i haven’t got to say it yet but i LOVE how much of a meme she is oijoiiooij !! esp since she’s a model, it’s fun to have one who’s this cool model on camera but honestly so real and fun ?? like it gives her so much depth and i’m sure she’ll develop a loyal fanbase of like-minded goofs ? i want her and nari to interact tbh haha !!

lee benji my KING ! i love seeing benji develop his sense of purpose and try to see what he wants to become in the long run, and also how he’s stayed true to himself even after mocing to a whole different country ! and of course, his commitment to caring for others !

pongsak tee i ship jinseo and tee oijojoijoij !!!!!! anywho we love the thai representation, i really have enjoyed seeing tee’s progress over the past few months and how he’s adapting to slowly coming into the starlight ? it seems he’s still managed to maintain his kindness and i really enjoy that about him !

im nari is void because she is my muse but i love her very much hee hee !!

kang eunho first off as i’m writing this i see eunho’s first words for his babysitting solo is him flipping out over how cute babies are and i just think that’s adorable lol. but anywho ! eunho’s such a little sunshine and def gives me baby energy ?? light of my life. he’s like legacy’s daily dose of vitamins !

im bomi hana ... my favorite girl who i’m in love with ojjojjoijioji !! i think hana is so weird and goofy in the BEST ways and she’s an example of someone who’s not a famous girl, but a girl who happened to get famous ? i love her for her quirks and all her uniqueness, gamer girls ftw, 10/10 main character material !

hwang minjun i also love shinha and minjun too lmao !!! they are ... v cute !! i love how warm minjun’s heart is from what i’ve seen, and how open and accepting he is to all types of people and welcomes them to his warm fuzzy heart !!! also i would like to personally thank him for taking max in when they were in tokyo max DOES NOT deserve !

kim jinah ah i love her sm !! i know it sounds like max talking, but i love how she’s basically one of the bros lmao ?? but really ! i love her dually embracing of her cuter side and her more casual one, and how she just seems like the type of person you can have a drink and a good talk with ? and her interactions w junghwan stand out and give her an unexpected soft side !

lee yushin i feel like yushin is the younger brother we all wish we had but don’t deserve !! just a real fresh breath of air, definitely a little goofy but just as sweet ?? has the capability to win over even the coldest muses hearts ! and i am rooting for actor yushin 100%. you got this bud !!!!

kim nami somehow nami always pops up first on my dashboard but i’m not mad about it at all lol !! and i think nami is actually very multi-dimensional ! she already seems pretty sure of where she wants herself to go, and i think she’s going to make a really good senior to mentor junior trainees once she’s debuted for a bit ! she def will come correct !!!

lin yue the way i’m SO invested in guessing what she’s eating but never can .... ahh !! also she loves martial arts which means nari would love her if she knew her uwu. anyways to me she’s quite the baddie, i feel like she’s got her toes dipped in a lot of things and therefore will be very versatile in what she can do ? i really love that ( outside of her outstanding visuals ) she actually has a v good personality and niche interests !

ahn dohwan i have promised myself i wouldn’t put any emphasis on fcs but since vernon is one of my ults i literally have to say: TASTE. anywho lmao !! dohwan gives me cafe boy vibes ?? hear me out. could totally see him making someone a macchiato while listening to their problems and offering advice ? he just seems like a v good listener & adviser ! i think once he debuts for real for real he’s gonna have a lot of bf material made by fans haha !!

leong charlotte first of all i just need to comment i saw a while ago on the dash when charlotte covered i wait and that was ?? iconic ??? we stan ??? streamday6pls ahem anyways ! her being in a band itself makes her an instant baddie, but beyond that she also seems v kind & passionate from what i’ve seen ! she’s got the cute & the fierce, and because of that i think she’ll be fierce competition in the industry once she debuts !

choi max is my muse however as my first bb here i love him deeply heart heart !!

jung ahin i will not lie i did not know seungwoo before i saw ahin, then realized he kinda looked like wonwoo and started to simp ?? IOJOIJOJ anyway this is more of an ooc note but thank u ahin’s mun for bringing me to the light 😇anyways !! i want ahin to do more things to make himself happy bc i think he really is this close to living his best life !! i want something really really good to make him super happy yk ? also i support his english learning journey !

kang jaemin HI ME REALIZING I NEED TO MESSAGE U BACK I’M SORRY SCREECH anyway !! he has a very warm presence, i feel like even when he debuts he’ll be the approachable type ? but also he’s just so smiley and i love it !! such a little fuzzball !! i do feel like more is going on in jaemin’s head than people would think, though ??

lee jaewoo listen jaewoo is my baby ok ... and he’s nari’s too ! also btw did you ever get that birthday text from her own his acc ? anyways i’m going wayy of topic let’s regroup lol !! i honestly admire the level of passion and drive he has so young, and he’s already come so far ? jaewoo has a lot of love in his heart for people and i hope he keeps that even after years of acting ! he truly is the light of lgc agency uwu !

seo yura i feel like yura is v real ! i think she only hides the things she feels are nessescary about herself, but to me she still comess off as really genuine ? it seems she has many types of connections present in her life, which i really like ! i think she’ll do really good at holding her own once it’s time for her official debut and i’m excited to see what’s ahead !

kang jun i think jun doubts himself far more than he realizes just how much he’s capable of !! jun is so adorable and he might hate me for saying that but it is what it is !! i don’t think he’s recognized his true power yet, and though that’s sort of good at humbling him, i think he will be a beast when he becomes fully confident ?? and i believe he will !! i think getting a proper fanbase will show him just how much he can do !

ji haneul okay haneul made it to type zero, so tbh he already has his life together more than half of us ?? IOJOIJOJ no but for real i think haneul is a true ✨professional ✨even if he wouldn’t believe me if i told him ? although HE might not be so confident in it, i think haneul’s growing into his more mature self well and it’ll actually help him in the long run as he starts his journey in the idol industry !

kang jina you know what ? i think jina would be a really good leader in her group, if she were to debut as an idol ! i think she has really good communication skills and seems to just vibe with everyone around her ? which is important, as a leader ! but i also feel like she could lighten the mood and kay down the rules depending on which is needed ? that’s just how i feel ! i think she’d do well <3

seo geonwoo first of his theme is so aesthetically pleasing wow ?? anywho ! i do really enjoy geonwoo and honestly need to pay him more attention ! i honestly respect the fact that he knows his own power, and isn’t afraid to be confident in himself ? he just seems v sure of how he wants to live his life which makes him seem v stable, and def in the right direction ! i think he most often knows whats best for himself, and that’s a really valuable skill to have !

ok miyoung first off i DEFININTELY whole-heartedly ship miyoung and hunji, i do !! 😌 but yes miyoung def has romcom protagonist vibes, and i mean that in the best way possible ?? like she’s got quite a lot of things going on for her simultaneously, all while trying to discover things about herself too ?? i empathize with the level of chaos in her life but i think she’s handling it all very well and it’s exciting to read about !

son nabi nabi my ANGEL. i didn’t even know nabi too well prior to us plotting but now i’m so glad that i do !! she has the kindest heart and is willing to go out of her way, even for people she isn’t that close to, just out of the good of her heart ? and i think that’s so powerful ! she’s so baby and i vow to protect her from all the horrors of the entertainment industry because she’s a prime example of light amongst darkness !

ahn jaehwa you knowww jaehwa’s my girl 😚 i just love her adventurous spirit, and how she definitely is filled with more mischief than she may show on first impression ? i think she can use that to her advantage, and it will translate really well as charisma !! her and max’s first interaction showed me just how much of a daredevil she can be and i love it ! psa, we need to plot again !

lee yohan first of yushina nd yohan’s broken friendship is some .... tea 🍵 i’m intrigued ... really i am !! i kinda wanna give him a massage chair for his birthday because i feel like there really is a lot of internal conflict going on in his head ? def hoping he achieves the dream od getting famous before he’s forced to enlist and drop his dreams, and in return for my support i am expecting free starbucks coffee on him, lol !!

bae nathan i honestly didn’t even realize just how iconic nathan is until we started plotting ? him and max share a lot of similarities, which i love, but beyond that he just is such a real dude who kinda just seems ... ok with being not perfect ? and i enjoy that ! he’s accepting the fact that he makes mistakes and knows that that’s ok. i feel like in the future he’d have a fire podcast ?? like i just feel like it’d be so real and entertaining !

han allie first of all, happy ( belated ? ) birthday to allie !!! second of all, producers in general are always just so interesting to me ? i feel like even though she’s still finding it, allie’s rather focused on creating a sound for herself and making it different ? def has the drive to make her dreams a reality, and i know she’ll do well ! allie, fighting !

kim junghwan i think junghwan has a heart of gold ! he’s good at working with others and def would have nice personality to just sit and talk about life with ! i think he also has a lot of hobbies and interests that are v cute and soft boi, so he’s definitely gonna attract the soft stans !! he’s another person i feel would make great leader material some day. also ship him and jinah all the way 😉

kim alex first off i LOVE luna she is my pride and joy .... i feel v embarrased i think we were supposed to thread and i forgot ! but that beside the point !! i feel like he does have crazy duality ?? at some points it’s like “wow, nice man, pet parent of the year” and other times it’s like “wow this man is wilding did he just say that ??” but ... the way i love both !! it’s so interesting seeing his conflicts and how he deals with other people, but maybe that’s the messy mun in me 🙊

ahn jaesun jaesun !! a king. first off i said it to danbi’s mun before but i am just putting it out there i love him & danbi together i do, i ship it !!! secondly i think, maybe because he’s been around for a quite awhile, but you ( the mun ) seem to have a very good grasp on his character ? i think he’s had really significant but gradual development, sort of coming out of his shell and expanding the things he’s willing to take on ! and i love that for him.

yoon shinha let me repeat that minjun and shinha - i ship it !!! i don’t even know hwo to describe it but i just love the energy shinha exudes !! it’s fun, playful, and full of energy, and i think that’ll transfer really well on stage !! he’s the type of guy who’s just down for whatever and i feel like he could befriend anybody if he really wanted to ! i like that about him and think he’ll have no problem getting along w whoever he works with in the future !

kyo miyeon my queen .... oh how i love her ! 😣❤ i think miyeon’s got a cold exterior with a soft interior ?? like she’s sososo composed and a little cold on the outside, but in reality she’s just over here loving animals and the simple things in life ? i think once she debuts she’s going to have fans have v passionate debates about whether they like her cool or soft side more since they’re both so prominent and so good !!

løvehjerte emil first off emil being from denmark and his name immediately stood out to me when he was accepted, and to me makes him v unique ? also doyoung rights ;) i like how well he seems to adapt to the situations presented to him, even if they’re new and unfamiliar to him ! i think he has his ability to keep his cool, but is still learning a lot from being a trainee and proving he can definitely grow beyond what he’s already accomplished !

jung miso miso is the baddest b no one can change mt mind oijoijoijo !!!!! but no for real i always have admired miso even if i haven’t got to interact w her on my muses too much ? at first i def got vibes of the popular girl everyone wants to be just like ? but i’ve realized she’s a loot more ! she has ( shrek vc ) layers, and i think it’s good to see someone who has a lot of things people would see as ideal, but without being unobtainable !

nam yunho yunho intrigues me so much !! i’m sad max hasn’t gotten to interact with him yet lol !! i feel like in this i keep comparing muses to character types but - just take a journey with me ok soijioiofoijfio !! i so see yunho as one of those guys in the movies about small town who’s family has has a business there for years and he’s the chill guy who shows the main character around town ? AND THAT’S A GOOD THING LMAO ! i feel like he’s just immensly chill and always is just vibing and down for a good time ! <3

jo jiwoo i think jiwoo is so exceptionally cute !! but don’t underestimate her because to me she also does have a very fiery spirit ?? and i love it !! def would have the potential to be a maknae on top and i am here for it !! but since she wants to be an actor i def see her even stealing the hearts of the staff ?? the best example of a puppy in real life i’ve ever seen !

na sera first of all being a twin is automatically cool so there’s that ?? but also !! i like how hard she’s fighting to prove her own, individual self worth ! i’m definitely excited to see how she’ll find her “thing” that really riles her up and makes her feel passionate ? and that maybe she’ll decide the idol thing is for her and go forward with it as a career !

min soyoun i think soyoun’s definitely go the girl next door charm, she defintiely seems like the type who you could be friends with easily, and i think she’ll maintain that even when she’s more famous ! she gives me free spirit vibes, and i think that even if she doesn’t know how, life will somehow work to make sure she always does well ! she’s defintiely proved her individuality and i think she’ll stand out from most around her !

geum danbi ugh danbi ... the way i’m obsessed with her ! i mentioned this already but her and jaesun ? cute we ship it !! i am a stan, i am ! anyways i think that danbi is so powerful, and i don’t mean that jokingly ! she does hold a very commanding presence for me, and i really respect her resilience in continuing to fight for her debut, even after being discouraged numerous times in the past ! i think that’ll make her debut all the more worth it, as she has taken the time to get even better and improve her skills !

jang taesung taesung ... the way i really am fascinated by him ! i don’t even interact w him on my muses but he’s still so entertaining to me !! he’s so casual and i just enjoy seeing his interactions ? he isn’t afraid to be authentically him, and though he doesn’t really show it in his words all the time he’s got a lot of emotions swirling around there ! he do ... he do be messy sometimes i get it ?? he’s a lil problematic ?? but it entertains me so we will take it !

song ahri ok i don’t want to claim this bc i’m not COMPLETELY sure but do i have permission to ship her and geonwoo .... i saw their thread on the dash and they’re so cute what 😚💖 ( revision : they are together i can say this lol !!! ) anywho onto ahri things ! she just seems like the sweetest person EVER she’s v gentle with her words and actions, and definitely seems like a comforter of sorts ? i think that, whoever she gets close to, would def have her to lean on in hard times ! she’s like

son seolmi first of congrats on seolmi as the new musical actress !! we need more of them >.< but i feel like when seolmi looks back on her training experience she’ll be very proud of herself ! she has made a lot of improvements over her training period, found her passions, and worked to prove herself ! but i think, although she’s working v hard, she’s also doing twice as good at maintaining her friendships and being good to the people around her !

seo minseok minseok a true angel !! i know we haven’t gotten to write together in a while, but seeing his thread w nari we had i saw how kind he was ! he’s loyal to the people he calls friends, open to trying new things, and i think in the future when he gains experience he’ll be a really great mentor to the people who he precedes !

oh max ok first off i feel like i cannot not say this everytime i see him on the dash or a thread with him i’m constantly in a state of confusion about which max it is oijoioiiojaojoi ?? but !! i’m despite their names, they’re actually pretty different ! because unlike max choi, oh max is has a very loving and warm personality, and even though he comes from money you couldn’t really tell by his personality ?

park dohyun i def want him and max to interact together, side note !! because they’re both goofs and, of course, we need as many lgc boys connections as we can ! but anywho, i love dohyun, as i feel muses such as him are v necessary ! he definitely provides comic relief, and even though he doesn’t like to reveal his emotions, that just reveals another component to his emotional depth ! even if he isn’t someone who is vulnerable, i think it is great he does his best to make others happy !!

lee jiho i mean can i pls just adopt jiho as my child ?? he’s so cute oijjoijoij !! i think all though he’s ambitious and knows what he wants in life, he’s also realistic with himself and knows what he can expect and how to work toward a clothes ! it’s a trait not everyone has so i like that he does ! i think he’s also enough of a positive thinker that throughout any troubles he may have, he’ll get through it with a nice mindset !

lee hanbyul i think that once debuted officially officially, hanbyul will definitely grow in popularity almost immediately ! she’s already done well at gaining the hearts of fans even when she was a trainee, and with so many friends and opportunities under her belt she’ll get big in no time ! i think she’ll definitely be well known and that she’ll bring multiple fandoms together because it’s just hard not to like her !

jung jihye i love jihye !! she’s so raw and rolling with all the punches life has given her ? even after a rocky start to her career, she’s ready to give it a second chance, and although she went through a lot of bullying discovered a newfound love for acting ! i think that her dedication to being happy will show in her passion for whatever she acts in in the future, and i’m excited to see how the public perceives her !

tsai sunisa isa is the ultimate chill dude haha !! i think that he’s very calm and level-headed, while not coming off as careless ? although he’s very casual, he clearly does care about the other’s around him, and i think for him that shows in the little details rather than the big things ? i think he’s the type of person who does well at picking up on the energies of others, and noticing small details about them ! v v cool 💖😌

shin yeseo u KNOW me and max are collectively whipped for her oijoijoi !!! no but honestly, from what i’ve viewed of yeseo from an outside perspective, she’s goes beyond the socially required level of thoughtful ? she really does listen to everyone’s perspective and do what she thinks is best for everyone involved and i really like that ! i also like that the simple things are enough to make her very happy, and that she puts her all into the ones she cares for !

kang yonghwa i love how in love yonghwa is in with life, and how bright his spirit is !! he has such a ... sunshine spirit ? that’s the best way i can put it ! he’s just so positive the majority of the time, and i feel he has the ability to see the best traits of others and bring that out of them ! i also love his sense of adventure, and i think he’ll be a favorite for fans in no time ! kang yonghwa, 10 / 10, our best boy !!

kim hyunbin hyunbin reminds me of a cartoon character, in the best way ! he’s definitely very theatrical, and also has a more playful, teasing side to him ? i think that everyone needs a hyunbin in their life because he’s very considerate of the emotions of the people around him, and on top of that has a lot of interests and boosts any social scenario !

choi jinyoung jinyoung ... an angel ! it’s so my fault we don’t but we should plot more ! uwu anywho ! first off, happy belated birthday to him ! i noticed that during our to the max thread, despite being a little overwhelmed by human tsunami max choi, he stayed very polite and was open to trying a new experience out, and for that i really gained respect for him ! i think he’s a v soft boy but i don’t think he’s weak at all, in fact maintaining his kindness for others has shown my just how strong he is !! 😇😇

oh eunhye just like her article says, eunhye has a real knack for entertaining and i think it’s already begun to show ! i think her authenticity easily transfers to the camera, and that it makes people love her all the more ? she has the type of hypnotizing personality that makes people want to get to know her, and i don’t think it’s coincidence that she’s had the opportunities that she’s had already come to her !

oh gitaek congrats on becoming a producer gitaek !! clap clap !! hehee but i think gitaek is very adaptable ! even in environments when he doesn’t want to do anything, he’s going to push through - like dancing, for instance ! also him and hyunbin’s dynamic ?? v interesting. i’m invested on seeing where it goes ! i think gitaek has a lot of potential, much of which he’s already showing, and i think he’ll have no problem discovering himself fully and becoming big !

son alec just gotta say i always mix him and alex up on accident i wanna scream oijooi !! but also while scrolling his page and saw this: “ old people are amazing, is the conclusion he’s come to yet again ” and i just wanna say i love him for that ojojoioij !! but anyways, alec gives me the vibe of a young adult still sort of finding their way, and i really love that ! he enjoys what he does but still has doubts, and i think that little back and forths very important ! i hope he becomes a super famous actor and achieves all his dreams !

son jieun i love how much jieun cares for her friends !! she was bold enough to straight up call taesung out for mistreating allie and tbh ... kinda in love with that energy ?? i think her bravery goes beyond even just this though, as she’s already tried many new things that others may have strayed away from in fear ! her sense of justice and determination is something i admire and honestly i feel like if it wasn’t for her obvious career path she’d be a great lawyer haha !!

nam jueun it’s the way i want to claim that i indeed am one of seojin & jueun’s biggest fans ... i am 😌✌ but listen !! i have to respect jueun for the way that she’s managed to repair a damaged relationship AND work on herself and her career at the same time ? and both are going good ! she’s also got a real edge to her, and i feel like she doesn’t realize just how cool she is ?? we stan !

park seojin now we alr know ... seojin is one of the muses i am most whipped for in legacy i cannot lie i’m sorry !!! listen ,,, i love my tsundere !! he’s had exceptional development, but in really small yet significant ways, and he’s grown so much in the time he’s been here ! in terms of max, he’s definitely starting to take on a more nurturing role, and in term of himself, getting a better idea of who he is as an artist and a person and i think that’s gonna really show when his band debuts ! also think he’ll be a strict yet incredibly respected mentor when the day comes ? anyways i’ll just say i l*ve park seojin and go 😭💔

lee jiae lee jiae, the apple of my eye !! i was astounded how much kindness could be fit into one small body ?? even in situaitons she doesn’t like, she maintains her bright spirit that brings people to her in the first place, and i think that comforts the people around her if they’re having a hard time as well ! but i think she also does have a bit of a chaotic side when panicked and i do love it i do !! do not underestimate lee jiae everyone i am betting all my money on the fact that she can beat some ass !!

hwang sori first of all her theme made me gasp it’s literally so incredibly gorgeous omg ?? but !! the first thing i read was hwang sori is an ugly crier and that made ME ugly cry with laughter LMAOWAOOA !! even though she’s relatively new i’ve already come to love how out of the box and unapologetically her she is ! she has so much to offer, both on and off stage, and i know she’s destined to be a star ! i’m already so invested and excited to see what she does in the future !

lee aaron aaron !! our dad of the year sobs. of course, my favorite thing about aaron is how nurturing he is ! he has no problem taking care of others, and i think that although it’s easy for younger / less experienced trainees to be intimidated by those above them, aaron removes that stigma completely ! truly a gentle soul. my only complaint about aaron is that he’s so selfless that i feel he sometimes forget about himself, so aaron please eat more and take care of your health oijoijoioij !!

lee youngmin the way i love youngmin !! i was so touched by his patience when he helped my baby nari get herself together when it came to learning lines for cram school ! it proved to me that he’s a v caring person, and even if acting was sort of a sore subject for him, he still went through with helping her ! and that brings me to my next point - congrats for joining the actors youngmin !! i admire him for giving something he’s apprehensive about another shot, and i’m so incredibly excited to see how it goes for him !

song yifei ok even though i don’t know yifei too well yet seeing her intro did help me see why i’m going to love her so much !! i appreciate her adaptation to such an unusual environment like korea, and although i’m sure she’s homesick and a little lost she’s already doing her part to adjust to life in korea ! starting so young, i have to admire her work ethic and her strength by not giving up ! i’m excited to see what she can offer us all !

hwang minsik ok so !! even though minsik is quite the introvert, i think it’s v cool that he has worked past that, and although it may have been uncomfortable, got more comfortable performing in front of others ! i think that being in his head for the majority of the time will actually prove to work in his favor, as it’ll be easier to transfer all the emotions he’s feeling into his music when he locks down and pursues his dream of being a producer !

tsuchiya mitsuki from what i’ve seen, mitsuki seems to be very considerate of others, and i like that she celebrates other’s accomplishments outside of just her own ! the entertainment career can be a very risky and sometimes scary one, but i think that she’s doing a great job at rolling with it and putting her all into forming it into a serious career path for herself !

yamashita ichika i think she put it best - she’s new to korea, but not this world !! i love love LOVE how sure of herself ichika is, and though it may come off as blunt, maybe y’all aren’t just ready to accept the truth she’s spilling ... 👀 lMAO no but for real !! she’s a woman who knows what she wants and i never will be mad at that ! you can never say that ichika doesn’t keep it real and i think that’s something we need to learn from her !

hwang subin i think subin is incredibly self-aware, which really is such a super important trait to have ?? he’s had a lot of conflicts over his training period, but he’s overcame them, and to me he holds a lot of grace even in those scenarios he has this sort of ... calmness to him ? idk maybe that’s subjective but that’s how i feel ! i think in the end he’s going to turn the pain into power, and he’ll be one of the people really idolized for their resilience !

kim minjee i feel like along her path to fame, she’s learning all sorts of new things about herself in the industry, and that feeling of self-discovery is awesome ! i think she’s a really good example of the changes people go through throughout their path toward stardom ! i think she does her best to embrace both the highs and lows life brings her, which i think is preparing her to be a really steady person when it comes to being famous !

im hyunjin my baby !! the way i love him beyond measure !! he gets along with max so well and i love how well they balance off each other’s energy ! he’s got a boyish charm that helps me remember that yes, a lot of the trainees are still kids at heart, and that reminder is v refreshing ! though a lot has been thrown on him with this trimester, he’s been a good sport, and i think he’s such an accurate representation of someone who’s growing up in the spotlight ! i think it’s enough for me to excuse him mixing up the maxs. 😚😌

okamoto akira what a wonderful soul ugh !! he really did impact nari’s heart with his unconditional kindness. i think he’s grown even in his time in the rp alone ? he’s so kind to others, and i love how he holds interest in other people and their stories ! even though he’s still getting adjusted to life in korea, i think he’s doing a great job at getting his name out there while making a good impression of himself. but like i said about aaron pls, akira, take care of yourself more !! you deserve the best, heart heart !!

jeon haeun haeun has such an intense drive when it comes to her love for dance and performing, and i hope she never loses that ! it’s the most important thing, after all ! she’s got such a spunky personality, which will work in her favor as it will keep eyes on her even after she’s off the stage ! she’s a baby, being so young, but already has proved herself to have a worthy place in legacy, and i think she’s even got the capability to teach the older trainees a thing or two, haah !

park viggo i definitely respect viggo, because of the insecurities that have developed from his biological parents putting him up for adoption, he’s shone so brightly already at such a young age ! and i just read his solo w / his encounter with his biological father and - literal chills ?? but .... phew ! i’m so impressed by how he’s had so many horrible experience influence his life, but not let it overtake him ? he’s so strong and if he can handle what life has already thrown at him, i know he’ll have nothing but good to look forward to from now on !

techaapaikhun kit i don’t think i’ve had the chance to tell you yet .... but god i LOVE kit oijoioi !! he’s such a loveable ball of fluff ! he has a very big heart, and i feel like even when he doesn’t know exactly what to do or what’s going on he’s still very much 😊💖✨ ?? you would never think he’s a foreigner because he just seems in high spirits ! also him and daehyung’s interactions ? 10 / 10 in terms of entertainment, definitely deserves a read !

ahn yein i love the short queen energy this woman exudes !! her duality is already quickly becoming my favorite thing about her ?? she’s so this and this ! i truly cannot wait to see how she’ll let her musical style influence the type of music she produces, and i think she’s a producer full of energy who has the potential for being famous for her music and her own personality !

seo yumi though yumi did go through a lot of hardship with her first debut, i really respect her for fighting to prove she deserves a spot in a group for a second time, even if the first time wasn’t even her fault ! i think because of it, even if her light’s dimmed a little, her enhanced discipline will work in her favor, as well as her prior experience, and potentially give her a step up among others ! which, hopefully, will make the hardships she went through not to be in vein !

han insoo insoo’s gone through quite a bit, and though i’d imagine that to be incredibly tough on him, he hasn’t lost his shine ! he still has a brightness to him when interacting around the people he loves, and i think that’s what it takes to be in a band ! i wish nothing but the best for him, because honestly, i think he’s just trying to get by and have a good time, and i really have to respect it !

choi jongsuk okay so from what i see jongsuk is a tad manipulative in the way he interacts with people ... and yet ... i stan ? obviously this isn’t a very good trait, but it is entertaining, especially for a messy mun like me haha !! i think, if he wants to, he can actually use his particularly good social skills to his advantage, and become a charmer among his fans !

choi daehyun omg prince daehyun rise !!! i always love the spoiled rich boy types, because to me, they have the most room for growth ! if i’m being honest with you as ... awful as he might be i think he’s one of those trainees who would 100% give everyone a run for their money ? because if he doesn’t have anything ( beside money ofc ) he has confidence, and well .... confidence is a dangerous thing !! i’m really really anticipating seeing how he’ll get along with the other trainees, and his journey in legacy !!

chwe hunji phew .... my adoptive son !! i admit i am slightly biased to hunji i am i am what about it !!! 😌💖 i gush about him all the time so i’ll keep it ( relatively ) short - i don’t think hunji realizes, but given the whirlwind of events that’s happened in less than a year, he’s doing a fantastic job of both grieving and growing !! he’s been able to look out for those who need him most even in his darkest times, put up with max’s shenanigans even amongst trying to decipher his feelings for him, and adapted to a ever-changing climate that comes with being a trainee in his hardest year ! not to mention how much he’s grown since his arrival !! his development ?? chef’s kiss !

kang dongwon first of all already massive respect to dongwon for doing school and training at the same time ?? that’s already difficult in itself ! but i think he’s taken a lot of risks despite not necessarily wanting to, like expanding outside of activities he’d expected that he would do ! it’s good for him to dip his toe into numerous places, and he’ll be less thrown off if he’s asked to do something unexpected in the future. also him & his relationship w his siblings is the best haha !!

park sarang first off seojin and sarang together are such a cool duo !! the concept of siblings in the industry is honestly so cool ?? but anywho ! but i soso admire sarang !! even though she was initially was following her brother’s dream, it’s gradually morphed into her own, and she really has developed an individual name for herself, which shows her passion and determinism ! i also love how they have a healthy relationship, even with normal sibling fights, without getting into super super competitive territory ?? that just shows her capability to love & that’s great !

kim jinseo first off !! his familial relationship w shinha ? we love to see it ! cutest cousins on the block ! but what i admire about jinseo is how stable he is ! i think he can help people and handle his own problems without getting too stressed, he’s a good problem solver and i think he can calm down and figure out the best way to approach a situation ? also once again him & tee ? cute, we ship it 😊

kim ara first off, friend of the year award goes to ara for helping hanbyul through her breakup and working around processing her emotions ! and also that she’s pretty mature in handling her own breakup w / nathan ! that brings me to the point that i feel ara is a thoughtful person, who definitely sees the good even in bad scenarios and tries to think of the positives that come out of her life, even if it can be difficult to do so !

jin eunji now we know that’s my queen !!!!! i honestly love seeing eunji’s development, and she’s much more of a deep character than she shows on the outside ?? and there’s even more left for others to discover about her ! she’s trying to work through her shit but I like her because she’s the realest depiction of someone who’s growing - because it’s not particularly nice or cute ?? it’s rough but it’s real, she’s struggling to grow and move through her emotions but she’s growing nonetheless and i love that for her !!!

park seon seon is def the type of girl who is just sort of taking it day by day, and i respect it so much !! she has a lot to discover of herself and what she wants to do, but quite honestly i like that about her !! i think that she’s still young and def doesn’t need to stress about it, and i like that she’s just sort of flowing in whichever direction that life wants to take her ! i can only imagine how far she’ll go when she discovers her true potential !

lim sanghyun i feel like sanghyun really is prepared for any situation that’s thrown at him, even if he feels like he can’t do it !! i mean, since birth he’s had tons of bad cards thrown at him, and yet he always manages to turn them into something good ? although it may seem like he doesn’t have good fortune, to me, it seems he has the opposite, because he always finds a way out the trenches !! i think sanghyun’s legacy’s phoenix !

choi daehyung omg daehyung has been a favorite of mine since he came !! i love peeking at the many relationships he has bc they’re tbh so interesting !! he's honestly fit to be a main character in a show ? and i think, despite what daehyung thinks, he’s grown a lot in the time he’s been here ! to me, he’s more aware of his emotions, and more reflective of the choices he makes ! sure he’s got some things to work on but let’s be real .... don’t we all ?

lau mike mike is such a breath of fresh air !! def a roll with the punches kind of guy - reminds me of those popular kids where it’s just like ... dang, things always seem to be go well for them ?? i’m jealous ?? but i think more of that has to do with mike rather than him just having good luck ! he does good at adapting & working hard, from moving to korea, to changing careers, to now training ! he seems to excel and everything he does and i have no doubt that will help him out in the long run !

li zimeng meng is so pretty !! but she’s also SO much more !! this whole thing of her feeling average, and like she didn’t really stand out in comparison to the other trainees .... it’s so real !! and honestly, so good for her ! even though she doesn’t feel special always, i KNOW she is, but i think it’s also great she has this good foundation ? because rather than being good at only 1 thing and realizing in the long run she hates it, zimeng has the potential to be super well-versed and i think she’ll be more aware of what she needs to work on to improve !

tsai king truly our king ... and i don’t mean that ironically !! i looove king’s development, i truly love to see it !! though he’s still got his pride, i think he’s transformed his confidence from blind cockiness to a reason for him to want to work hard and succeed ?? king definitely had things to work on, but he has worked on them, and i think he’s truly proved his place in legacy in the long time he’s been here !! also thoroughly impressed w how much he’s done !

bae doha i think that if I had to describe doha, it would be “ proceed with caution ” !! he’s a cautious person, i feel, who wants the balance between having a good life and keeping himself grounded ? which is a really good type of personality, and I think it would make him a leader for those around him ! he’s also very observant, and i think that will make him much more meticulous of a person as an actor !

song shaun first of all i gotta still thank shaun for doing tiktok dances with max back in the day !!!! that was iconic and i will never forget it lol !! and i'm so glad he’s back. anyways, i think shaun is definitely the type of person that’ll stay true to himself even after becoming famous, he seems v carefree, but also w/o not losing that ambition to work hard ??

pongsak arinya arin is so freaking adorable !!! i think she’s like a puppy and I love it !! she’s so curious about the way around her, i think she just loves what life has to offer her and in turn life loves her ?? she has such a playful and optimistic light about her and to me, it’s impossible not to want to be her friend !! her fans will easily love her <33

jeon haru to me, haru seems like a team player !! he listens to the input of other’s, and i think before rushing to do what he wants to do, it’s in his spirit to think of how his actions affect other people ! and i think that’s shown in how he’s babysitting on the show, even though he’s a little panicked ! i also think he’s a good self-soother, he’s good at helping calm himself down and make himself feel better, and to me that’s so great !!

liu jiao I think she’s doing a great job at making her reality one she enjoys ! she’s struggling to find the differences between her dreams and her moms, what she wants and what she doesn’t ! and still, i believe that she’s doing well and spreading love to those around her despite ! i hope she finds full inner peace and that she can live a life of happiness ( and a little wrecklessness tbh ) without any worries !!

#this took SO LONG my arm hurts iojooijoi !!#anyway ... hope u all enjoy !! <33 #ily all sm !!! <33 #( as told by jada :: ooc. )#( this is our page :: bookmark. )#this is queued bc i'm not home but i'll be on later uwu !

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chibivesicle · 3 years

Text

Golden Kamuy chapter 259 & 260 - predictable events [shrugs]

Chapter 259 starts with a flashback to Abashiri Prison as Boutarou is released from solitary confinement. Shiraishi asks him what he did to land in solitary, specifically who he beat up - and we learn it was Ueji. This goes back to the story by Ueji about how he told Boutarou he saw his aunt, a woman that Boutarou has now confirmed never existed. Since Ueji was messing with Boutarou, he was upset/offended enough that he had no problem killing him.

This shows us that Boutarou seems to be sensitive to joking/teasing/bullying as Shiraishi chides him for his frequent trips to solitary.

This allows for us to see a contemplative/serious facial expression on Boutarou’s face before he continues the conversation with Shiraishi who is picking his nose with his toes?

This then allows for a wistful looking image of Shiraishi replying that he doesn’t have any family waiting for him outside of prison, and he was abandoned at a temple as a baby. This knowledge of abandonment is how Boutarou wants to connect with Shiraishi; that they are alone in this world at the present.

This allows Boutarou to ask him if he’d return to the temple, but Shiraishi could careless; he ran away in the first place and it likely doesn’t exist as it seemed to be on its way out. As expected, he just jokes if he had a lot of money he’d spent it on prostitutes (and implying that he’s filling his emptiness with transactional sex).

Nihei, reminds them the only thing that matters is to use the tattoo as a way to get out of prison and do whatever you want unrelated to the gold. This is expected for the man who returned to the mountain to hunt.

They return to Boutarou’s goal, to amass a small fortune e.g. the gold and create his own kingdom. The next page or so just focuses on how he came from a large family with 14 members and how he was the only one who didn’t die of smallpox. He isn’t just interested in having a large family to compensate for his lost family, he goes beyond that where by becoming the king, he’ll always be remembered and not forgotten as the founder. He is a man who wants to preserve himself not only genetically through having lots of kids but also through mythology and nation building concepts.

Shiraishi and Nihei tease him a little about his dreams which they find to be completely unrealistic which he is not amused with. Speaking very frankly with him, Shiraishi points out that Boutarou is a lonely guy and that his dream is a reflection of his loneliness.

This exchange is interesting to me for two reasons. 1.) This shows us that Shiraishi is an observant guy which we know but it is another instance of it in his past. 2.) He can be very blunt and forward with Boutarou. I find him to be very assertive with Boutarou, a man who just came out of solitary for beating up another prisoner. Yet, Shiraishi can speak like this with him and this also alludes to their current time line interactions where Boutarou respects Shiraishi and understands him well - as well as Shiraishi understands him.

This frank openness between them continues on the next page. Shiraishi jokes back that he’s been a king - and escape king. But Boutarou’s critique of him is a valid and honest one.

Breaking out of jail isn’t a long term plan. Having a dream like Boutarou’s is a viable plan, that since he is unwelcome in current society, he’s like ‘fuck this - I’ll just make my own society’ He lost his home and community support and it was clearly influential on him as a child both having a family and then the loss. So, for him creating his own special home is his driving force in his actions and reason to become involved in the hunt for the gold.

And not missing a beat, he tells Shiraishi he also needs to create his own home if he lacks one - just like him. The level of frankness between the two of them - they clearly have more than just a passing ‘professional’ relationship.

The manga returns to the current events and Boutarou is telling Asirpa to let go of the door so that she can return to her home with Sugimoto and that they can become a family. I get it, he knows she has a crush on him and all little girls dream of finding a man and getting married etc etc. I don’t doubt Asirpa’s crush on Sugimoto, but she is also not the type of young teen girl who would be so simple minded.

Sugimoto is struggling to breathe in a corridor of the brewery as he falls into his rather pathetic monologuing about how pathetic he is. Nice copy and paste of the rifle there Noda. We saw it a few chapters ago when Ogata was eyeing Usami’s which was also Ogata’s when Vasily sniped at them.

Why do I not take Sugimoto’s whole ‘boo hoo’ bit seriously? Because this shows us how he actually sees Asirpa and her relationship with him. He ‘finally got her back’ she ‘got stolen away again’. Even with the English translation, the intention is still clear, Asirpa is like an object to him.

Read these following sentences;

1. Kiro and Ogata stole Asirpa from Sugimoto.

2. Kiro and Ogata kidnapped Asirpa from Sugimoto.

3. Kiro, and Ogata took Asirpa to Karafuto.

As an objective reader of the manga which of these is the most factually correct? Number 3, at heart Kiro and Ogata had a plan to take Asirpa to Karafuto to learn the code and connect with Sofia. Yet, this is not the narrative that Sugimoto tells himself or others. He continues to go with number 1, that Kiro and Ogata stole Asirpa from him and now Boutarou stole Asirpa from him. Asirpa is something that he possesses. This is problematic as it shows how unequal their partnership is.

I’d argue a more equal partnership if he used number 2. That she was kidnapped which is a word we use to distinguish people from mere objects in English. Is my argument 100% based on this - not quite since we are working with the translation of the original text, but ever since Karafuto, Sugimoto has acted like Asirpa is something that he and only he has privy to and completely ignores the fact that she is her own person and will exercise free will.

Therefore, this also pokes holes in Boutarou’s reading that Asirpa will cave to the idea that if he tells her to go home and marry Sugimoto that will solve her problems. I’m pretty confident that Asirpa does not see her relationship with Sugimoto the same way that he sees her and Shiraishi already made a point about this back before they were to meet up with Tsurumi.

Anyways, back to the action. We don’t see if Asirpa let’s go of the door, we just see that Koito is aggressively approaching Boutarou with his sabre raised and notices that he has Asirpa.

With is luscious locks, Bouatrou is able to distract Koito and punch him with his long reach. He goes to shoot Koito, but a shot hits his hand with the revolver and it is Tsukishima close behind.

He orders Boutarou to withdraw, and he dashes out with Asirpa and heads to a lower level where the beer flood happened.

Asirpa is still resisting trying to hold onto the railings of a staircase, making his fast escape a bit of an issue. She also is able to raise a fundamental question - the gold was supposed to be used by the Ainu to create their own country. Therefore, if the gold is stolen by Boutarou, she will be unable to protect her own homeland - the one he keeps telling her to go back to.

We get an image of the clear cutting of the forest in Hokkaido that almost killed her and then she thinks of the kotan where Wilk was born that is now a fox farm. The traces of her Karafuto relatives is already gone, taken over by the Japanese for less sustainable practices.

Boutarou sweats nervously, he doesn’t have an answer for her since this is now an example of conflict with their own dreams and goals for the gold. However, this philosophical pause from him, allows for Koito the strike him with his sabre from behind. Koito prepares for his second strike as Boutarou falls back into the pool of beer.

Asirpa meanwhile still clings to the stair railing as Koito is ready to strike again.

Boutarou swims off and it is unclear where he’s gone to. Koito is impressed by Boutarou’s toughness as Asirpa coughs on the stairs. Only then do we hear Tsukishima’s voice asking Koito where he is. And with that I internally groan.

Me - goddammit Koito! Why did you go and do almost the exact same thing you did on the ice floe and with Sugimoto. Don’t rush ahead with no back up. You just realized he’s a tough guy. Well, at least this time he tells Tsukishima where he is and to come quickly.

He says that he secured Asirpa and doesn’t notice that Boutarou has emerged from the beer and is clearly going to attack him. He looks like a gross beer/swamp monster, his teeth visible and eyes covered by his long hair.

By time Tsukishima arrives with his rifle at ready he sees Asirpa and only Koito’s sabre.

[facepalms]

Come on Koito, I’m rooting for you buddy, but please stop running ahead. You are slowly getting better, but one aspect of being a leader of men is to have men to lead, not leave behind.

And the chapter ends with his heightened tension that Koito has been pulled back under the beer.

I have other deep thoughts (lol. terrible pun) about chapter 259 so lets move onto 260 which goes back a few seconds to show us what happened to Koito. Boutarou reaches out towards Koito and he’s able to overpower him.

Asirpa tries to crawl away as Koito drops his sabre and is drug under the surface of the beer. We all know that Boutarou is going to try to drown him as he can hold his breath longer than his victims.

Tsukishima finally reaches where Asirpa is and he flat out asks her were Koito is. She ignores him and tries to dash away, but he grabs onto her wolf pelt cloak. The last panel then shoes her as she draws her knife and swings at Tsukishima!

Yes! Asirpa is about to use her knife against him! There is so much desperation in her behavior. Koito then reaches his hand up as bubbles come to the surface, and we see Tsukishima holding Asirpa’s hand on her knife. Tsukishima calls out for Koito and Asirpa tells him that he was pulled into the beer.

He then uses his rifle to hold her against him and still holds her hand with the knife out of the way as he tells himself that Asirpa is more important than everything else.

Koito is held underwater as his boot sticks out and we see that Boutarou is trying to strangle him with his hair (he truly has impressive hair!) as Koito begins to weaken. We are left briefly wondering if Koito will be abandoned - but come on, we know what will happen.

Tsukishima kicks Boutarou in the head allowing Koito to sit up. Tsukishima then shoots Boutarou, and we see some blood diffuse out into the beer. Tsukishima is focused as he ejects the empty shell and Boutarou swims off.

He tells Koito to get out of the beer as he may return, and Koito angrily asks about Asirpa. She’s heading out on her own, as the smoke causes her to cough her knife out and ready. Koito is upset that Tsukishima[aaaa] let her go to save him. This is so interesting to me as it does show that Koito felt that he is less important than Asirpa. He was willing to potentially die which, despite his impulsive behaviors, this time he at least seems to be aware of it.

Tsukishima can’t look at him as he apologizes and Koito berates him that saving him is not a priority. This pretty much seals the deal for these two men. Tsukishima is Koito’s older brother and he has shown that he doesn’t have it in himself to hurt Koito for Tsurumi.

This is at least one instance where Koito does at least own up and state that he should have followed orders. So, kudos to more self-aware Koito, though I’m sure he’s still thankful that Tsukishima saved him.

Nikaido is randomly wandering around (clearly no longer wanting to kill Sugimoto) as he finds her.

She again aggressively goes to strike him with her knife. Asirpa is beyond desperate - is she trying to mirror Sugimoto by just forging ahead and attacking everyone with no thought about harming them?

But just like with Tsukishima, she is immediately overpowered. Without her poison tipped arrows, she’s at a huge disadvantage. Emulating your crush’s fighting style isn’t going to work.

Thankfully, karma intervenes and she doesn’t harm him. Instead, she activates his chopstick dispenser and she’s taken down by a chopstick to the forehead.

This is rather fitting since, she’s been stopped by an item she would find important, chopsticks which along with spoons facilitate one of her loves - food. And with that she is delivered to Tsurumi who praises Nikaido.

The next page is when things get really interesting. Nikaido is upset that Sugimoto is alive and Tsurumi blows him off. Very rough looking Tsukishima and Koito then make it to Tsurumi to see that Asirpa has been caught. Likely on autopilot, Tsukishima starts speaking . . . but Koito then continues and reports to him as the commanding officer of the two.

He then mid-explaination becomes incredibly uncomfortable unable to speak. We can’t see Tsurumi’s facial expression, it would be nice to know what Koito sees as he only awkwardly ends stating they were in the brewery.

Koito is sweating profusely, whatever Tsurumi looked like, he just realized that he should have let Tsukishima do the talking as he’s given away that his fear of speaking to Tsurumi is gone. The fact that Tsurumi hesitates before telling him that he understands, leaves Koito in shock as Tsukishima is likely trying to not lose it with him. Since he now knows that Koito has given away something about his changed status towards Tsurumi. Since Tsurumi is in the realm of super smart villain, I’d guess Tsukishima knows that Tsurumi knows about how Koito learned something about his kidnapping which was what lead to his in ability to speak to him in the first place. Recall, that when they were in Kagoshima, young Koito could speak to Tsurumi with little issue.

Tsurumi then calls for a retreat and avoid any more fights. Apparently, he now has enough information to crack the code. Okay Tsurumi - does this mean you can do so with Asirpa? Since, he still doesn’t know the Ainu name that is matches with. . . .

Nikaido pouts in the background as Koito looks like he wants to fade into the background. Tsukishima clearly doesn’t look happy either as he holds Asirpa. I guess being Tsurumi’s right hand man means he gets to hold onto her?

He likely feels uncomfortable about things since now that Koito has let the cat out of the bag, Tsurumi will likely ask him about what happened between them.

Boutarou exits, pissed off at how he lost Asirpa but seems to be alright overall. Of course, the next page reveals Sugimoto charging towards him to give Asirpa back. Yep, attack first, ask questions later/maybe Sugimoto.

Sugimoto pretty much has murder eyes as he thinks attacking Boutarou will solve his problem.

Now, the fact that Boutarou has survived this well, tells me that he likely has the same ‘luck’ that Sugimoto has. He was stabbed by Sugimoto, his ear cut off, slashed by Koito, and shot twice by Tsukishima. It is pretty damn obvious that Boutarou is to be both a foil and a twin to Sugimoto. The only difference between them is Boutarou became a criminal, while Sugimoto became a soldier a man with a license to kill under the laws of the government while enlisted in the army. Since leaving the army, he’s killed many people in the quest for the gold, but that doesn’t make him a ‘good guy’ because he’s a former soldier.

Sugimoto is always trying to tell others how he’s better than they are. He’s better than the convicts because he didn’t break the law. But, if we look at his own actions, he may have been worse than some of the convicts having killed more people than they did. Think of Shiraishi or Nihei. Nihei killed those hunters, but he refused to go off to war and lost his son in the Sino-Japanese war. Therefore, we could argue that based on the number of people killed, Sugimoto is far worse than Nihei as he was almost karmic in his revenge. Furthermore, Nihei even let himself be arrested, he killed the one man but didn’t even fight the police as his revenge was complete and he accepted his fate.

What I’m getting to is that Boutarou is the character who is going to disrupt Sugimoto and make him very uncomfortable and be unable to keep acting like he’s on the ‘right’ side of things. Sugimoto needs to stop othering the convicts and tell himself he’s better than all of them - his own decisions led him to this just like something drove Boutarou to become a pirate and criminal.

I predict that Shiraishi will rush in to stop Sugimoto from killing Boutarou. We still need to learn more about their past and what is the full connection between Shiraishi and Boutarou. There is much more to learn, Shiraishi is too open and frank with him and he lets Boutarou get close to him physically and emotionally.

Hijikata’s group then regroups and decides what to do. Of course Hijikata being the manly man that he is, states he’ll enter if required.

Kirawus then begins to panic that that no one has seen Kadokura. Apparently shooting off the firework was too distracting for him and he didn’t keep track of his drinking buddy. What were you doing man? Where were you? You aren’t very good at these sorts of things?

Kadokura apologizes to Hijikata for failing to stick with him to the end as he lie on the floor of the room with the mash pots. We see Kirawus at his most emotional as he cries out and Kantarou holds him back.

Is Kirawus a softy at heart? I was predicting that he’d have gone in to save him but no, we get a demonstration of Kadokura’s good bad luck as the collapsing building makes a bed for him, tucks him into the futon and even gives him a beer to enjoy.

I personally like this use of extremely unlikely events surrounding him. Sometimes, I find some of the more crass humor in GK to be not my cup of tea, but this sort of absurdist humor is good. For a very action and emotionally charged chapter this is a good resolution of the tension.

Kadokura is rewarded for trying his best by being rescued by the building. Yep, he’s certainly more competent than he appears. Is he the secret weapon of team Hijikata?

Conclusions on these chapters.

As I stated in the title, things are pretty predictable, but rewarding for the readers at least.

Asirpa has shown that when she loses her cool, she leads to her own capture. Separated from Sugimoto, she makes many poor decisions. She tries to leave Koito to be killed by Boutarou. She attacks Tsukishima and Nikaido. She tried to use the poison arrow on Kikuta. As a character who started out with a strong do no harm to other humans, she’s quickly sliding into grey. I think the worst part was almost ignoring Koito. She is hesitant to tell Tsukishima what happened and uses his pause to try to attack him.

Her capture is the worst outcome of events. She should have listened to Kikuta and found another solution. She could have just let Boutarou escape with her and bide her time. It seems that her reckless and aggressive behavior has backfired. Sure, some readers will be like ‘She was just defending herself!’ but without her arrows, she is at a huge disadvantage and should know when to give up. I’m pretty sure that this mindset comes from her being with Sugimoto.

Boutarou will team up with Sugimoto with Shiraishi as the mediator. ‘Cause it is obvious.

Koito is freaked out that he gave away his personal growth, Nikaido is stewing in the background and Tsukishma just looks guilty.

Hijikata’s group will likely retreat with Kadokura leaving Shiraishi, Boutarou, and Sugimoto behind. Since other than Shiraishi, the other two men are just annoyances to Hijikata.

Ogata is somewhere. Is he going to continue his sniper battle or will he retreat? He seemed pretty chill when he walked by Kikuta. The smoke and fire and chaos will really mess with things, but Vasily is likely losing his cool.

Vasily, the character who had potential but currently is lame may be waiting for Ogata? Or maybe he could pull back?

Lastly, where is Kikuta? Does he know that Ogata shot Usami? I can’t help but seeing him stroll into the headquarters of the 27th and be like “Hey everyone. What did I miss?” [as he strikes a sexy pose and lights a cigarette].

It would be neat to learn if they at least chatted about something.

Well that is all for now. Let’s see how the insanity continues to unfold.

#golden kamuy #golden kamuy meta #asirpa #koito otonoshin #tsukishima hajime #tsurumi tokushirou #nikaido #sugimoto saichi #boutarou the pirate #Shiraishi Yoshitake #warrant officer kikuta #kadokura #kirawus #hijikata toshizo

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spacedogships · 3 years

Note

Okay I know this is out of the blue but how do we know if you consider us a mutual? Sorry, just wanna know.

It’s no problem anon I’m happy to answer! ^w^ Mutual just means we both follow each other, but I normally use mutual as a shorthand way of saying ‘someone I know’ uwu I’ll normally say ‘friends and mutuals’ bc of this since I don’t follow some of my tumblr friend’s blogs, just bc I’m not interested in what they’re posting about at the moment or they post way more frequently than anyone else and it floods my dash lol ^^’ Basically if we’ve talked or u regularly interact with my posts or we frequently rb stuff from each other and suchlike I’ll probably classify u as someone I know and therefore u would be in the ‘friends and mutuals’ category uwu <3

#I hope that answered ur question properly anon!! ^w^

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swishandflickwit · 4 years

Text

free falling (into your arms) — 1/1

Summary: She longs for purchase and in this slippery turmoil, it is him who grounds her.

Him who is her anchor in this howling monsoon.

following the events of the southern raiders, katara & zuko steal a bit of time together before they reunite with the rest of their friends.

Rating: General Audiences

Words: 7.4k

Warnings: unbeta'd, i wrote this instead of sleeping, missing scene post-tsr, touchy-feely katara so don't read if that bothers you?, rambly iroh-channeling zuko, katara and zuko talk about bloodbending

AN: for zutara week 2020 day 5 - hesitancy

(maybe. idk. if you squint? i started this before i knew about zutara week then didn't have time to write for any of the other prompts so i just sorta... made it... work? lol)

you know what gets me about tsr every time? its when katara and zuko hug and it was like they'd done it a million times before and after that, touches between them became not frequent exactly but easy and maybe being almost murder buddies does that too but idk, she wanted to murder him .02 seconds ago and now they're co-parenting everyone else and i was like, something more had to have happened right? in the journey between whale tail island and ember island and from when zuko left katara to pick up the rest of the gaang something deeper had to have happened??? i cannot fathom it otherwise. i simply refuse. and so, this mess was born lmao. also we saw katara giving zuko a very tasteful peptalk, i wanted him to give her one too, one first? but like, make it cute and rambly.

Song Inspirations: title and lyrics (and fic inspired by) from Away From The Current by Keiko Necesario (such a zutara song, honestly), my tears ricochet by Taylor Swift

Also on: ff.net | AO3

Other writing

little by little i'm falling, deeper than the sea

maybe you can swim with me

They are gone before Yon Rha ever opens his eyes.

They dash away with a speed that leaves her breathless, everything around her a blur made even murkier given the deluge upon them.

(they run faster still yet never farther it seems, and she hates, hates, hates until the feeling chokes her, consumes her, although she doesn't know at what whom, and she hates that she hates at all)

And she cannot recall how her hand finds its way into Zuko's but she is grateful anyway—grateful because his grip is warm, pleasantly so even if they hadn't already been entrenched in the growing cold of the rain. The heat of him keeps her shivering at bay, the calluses that shape his palm slot in the grooves of her own lifelines and hold her aloft when her feet tangle in the flood and cobblestone.

She is grateful because as they race towards sanctuary his grasp—skin surprisingly rougher than how she imagines a prince's touch would be—becomes the only thing preventing her from greeting the dirt like an old friend. She is grateful, for if their fingers hadn't been twined—however clumsily—then nothing would stop her from floating away with the torrent of her element. There is smog shrouding her until both her vision and her brain is clouded. She longs for purchase and in this slippery turmoil, it is him who grounds her.

Him who is her anchor in this howling monsoon.

The thought is wild; even incomprehensible just a day ago when he was clearly the embodiment of her torment—the spawn of a tyrant, the heir of the destruction that brought about her mother's demise. His is the face of the Enemy, yet she does nothing to stop the proclamation from sharpening in her fogged-up mind.

Not now when the line between who he was and who he is grows more indistinct with every second she spends with him, not now when they have come so far with just each other to rely on. Not now when she’s lost count of how many times she nearly tumbles, her name tearing from his lips in a frayed yet concerned hiss that she knows she has not earned. And most definitely not now—not when he has witnessed her at her most cruel, engaging in an act so vile she swore never to utilize it and yet and yet and yet. She brands the word hypocrite onto her soul as penance but it is a feckless measure because she knows, even if it sickens her, that she does not—she does not—

(she might as well add coward there too, since she does not, cannot, finish this line of reasoning)

(it is quite possible though that she is being too harsh on herself, like she always is. after all, she remembers how zuko's eyes had merely widened as he understood what her bending had done, what she had done, yet he had not so much as flinched.

he simply carried on.

her guilt however, prevents her from truly conceiving this and she buries the brief awe that had sparked in the prince's gaze, then, and juxtaposes it with the terror she had expected—that which she truly deserves)

The sight of Appa has her knees weakening so that she is collapsing into the shelter of Zuko's arms. It’s as if her body likens the presence of the bison to safety, granting her permission to crumple, to break.

Not that Zuko allows her to, not really, not in the way she expects.

Appa wields the pair of them upright as Zuko braces against the bison and she against the firebender. It allows him to clutch at her with a desperation that borders on painful. With the entirety of her weight supported by him, she finds that he is just as calescent as the tenure of his hold suggests. It would console her, strange as the source of it is, were it not for the sheer, cold fright that arrests his otherwise golden orbs. The consolation does come however, when she discerns that it is not her he is frightened of, no. But he is frightened.

He is frightened for her, and the strangeness, too, evinces when she is humbled by the realization.

"Katara," he gasps when she clamps staunchly at his biceps.

"G-get me out of here," she stutters, no longer able to temper the tremble in her voice nor the shaking of her limbs, though the chilly outpour has far to do with either instance. "Get me out of here now."

He nods, the haze of distress aborting from his stare. But before he can board them both onto Appa, she transfers her clench from his arms to the collar of his drenched, ebony tunic and says, "Don't."

Don't take me back to them, she means to relay. Don't let them see me like this, she silently begs. Not yet not yet not yet, please not yet.

But the words are frozen in her throat, weighed by dark, dark things—things like shame and disgust and panic and a numbing cold—so only one word escapes her in a whisper, an aborted sob, that she does not expect him to hear. But stranger still (or, at this point she is coming to learn, maybe not so) is the increasing understanding that continues to dawn on his expression, and which manifests itself in an assertive nod.

He is scooping her into a bridal carry when a renewed hysteria grips her, her wicked musings seeing fit to torture her in her fatigue. What if he misunderstood? What if he brings me to the others? What if he tells them?

(a smaller, but no less clamorous, part of her adds, what if they hate you—what if he hates you?)

(not that she could bare the others' judgement any easier but the prospect of his hatred being directed at her in addition to theirs just grates and she feels like shattering)

With the dregs of her dwindling vigor, her digits tighten on the cloth around his neck—the movement not to harm when it comes to him for once, but a bid to further explain herself. Zuko is unfazed by the storm brewing within her, ever a growing paragon of sympathy.

"I know a place," he vouches gently—surefooted in a way that is becoming familiar to her when the early morning light comes, loathe as she is to admit it before (strengthen your root, aang)—and equally soft in her ear, "Trust me."

I do, she longs to vow, but the ice inside her grows and the promise is taken with the rushing wind as he grabs the reins and takes off.

The loss of him is jarring.

It should befuddle her. Given their less than stellar past, Zuko and proximity had always been in the context of situations she would rather forget—on battlegrounds, and glowing prisons, and more recently, safe houses with separate rooms and large common areas, along with the very saddle they sit on. Before that, it had been open fields upon which they would assemble their singular tents. They meet and they share spaces, but hardly do they ever touch.

(and while ba sing se is a memory she is coming to terms with, it is one that still slightly smarts and therefore, one she does not count)

Up until recently she was more than fine with this arrangement. They gave each other a wide berth, and everyone was, if not happy, content for it.

But in this new and mystifying After, when she falls like liquid and he is the only solid thing to catch her (and cup her and hold her and keep her together), the previous avoidance feels petty, stupid and childish—never mind that they are children.

(not that she's felt that way recently, if she ever felt that way at all)

In the After, the switch from her frigid distance to his succoring cradle, while abrupt, is the furthest thing from unwelcome.

So, she whimpers when he motions to settle her atop the bed of the saddle. The way he carries her has them the nearest they've ever been to each other—her every downy curve pressed against the hard lines of his lithe yet lean figure. She wants to lose herself in the embers of his gaze. She wants to melt into his skin. She wants to burrow in his inner warmth and never come out, anything to thaw the glacial stalactites that have snared her insides.

Later, she will acknowledge that her sudden attachment to his fire has less to do with his actual ability to provide heat so much as it has to do with her need to cauterize the atrocity that mars her soul. Now though, in this tenuous yet bright After, with him as her only source of light in the darkness that suffocates her—he seems both close and not close enough. It's any wonder then, that the moment they both touch down from Appa, she clings to him.

Though it is her who slumps into his arms again, she knows she catches him off guard. She can tell by the way his breath stutters and tension suddenly seizes his every muscle, while his heart beats a staccato rhythm in his chest. She gets the fleeting impression he is a stranger to affection despite the love he so blatantly harbors for his uncle when he speaks about him. Katara, nurturing by nature, determines right then and there to rectify this post-haste. So, cling she does, like a newborn panda-koala to its mother.

At some point in their journey, the rain abates. The air is sweltering in this Fire Nation island he has taken her to, and still, she clings some more. She is unyielding yet tender in her embrace, until she senses the incredulity dissipating from his aura, until the tautness dissolves from his bones and sinews, until his heart slows in repose, until the glaciers that make up her blood—not melt, precisely but—soften enough that she can feel beyond her trepidation, until the incalescence of him steams the water from their clothes and seeps into her skin.

It is as much awkward as it is dulcifying, but neither is inclined to let go. For the first time since they had embarked on the mission, perhaps even so far as the first time since they met… they can both finally, properly breathe.

He holds her and she holds him, until the sun from which he channels his own energy draws towards the horizon, the effulgent curves of the inflamed heavenly body sinking to kiss the sea. The cold creeps ever closer yet never over her.

How could they be so bold? When Katara falls asleep in the arms of the firebender prince.

-//////-

The moon is high when she awakens next.

Yue is full, beautiful and blinding against the inky sky and yet, she is alone.

A new bout of dread rushes through her, the ice in her veins solidifying with terrible alacrity to accompany the tumult of her insecurities.

He left, of course he left, he knows what you can do, snarls and spits the cloying thing residing within her that which she fatuously assumed had been temporary. He knows who you are, what you are, and he fears you.

He is right to do so.

A twig snaps and her head swivels towards the sound. With a shudder of relief, she alights upon the vision of Zuko appearing from the tree line that borders the inner edge of the beach, Appa not far behind him. There are offcuts of leaves in the bison's gargantuan mouth and a pile of firewood in the prince's arms. Her eyes dart briefly at the bonfire dancing sedately a few paces from where she lies, but mostly they drink him in.

Zuko had been muttering quietly to Appa but at her scrutiny, he stops. When he locks onto her, he offers a pallid smile (though with the shadows playing at his visage, the turn of his lips is more grimace than anything) and a similarly tentative, "Hey."

"You—" she murmurs, stilted and rigid as she works to swallow the residues of her panic. "Don't—" and there's that awful word again although this time, she manages to get the rest of the request, demand, plea sentence out. "Don't leave."

(the words me and again are unspoken yet heard just as loudly and acutely as if they had been shouted)

"I won't," he is quick to reply. Still, she is not assuaged, even must fight to prevent her hands from reaching for him. It makes her feel pathetic. Katara has always been free with her affections and in turn has never been in want for touch. So, to crave Zuko's—of all people—warmth is an occurrence she never could have foreseen, insatiable avarice warring against her leaden contrition especially now that she knows, with incontestable surety, how they fit together. Her rapacity presses for victory, so much so that she resorts to sitting on her hands to further quell the urge to wrap herself around him.

Assurances made, Zuko resumes tending to the fire while Katara distracts herself by ruminating on her newfound regard for the prince.

(conclusions are drawn but the significance of them has her repelling the revelations just as rapidly as they are made—to be dissected and inspected by the katara of later)

For once, she is static as Zuko navigates the tedium that comes with setting up camp. With the fire done, he unfurls their sleeping bags at a respectable distance. He follows this with a careful inventory of their provisions, and when the stock is accounted for, he dishes out the appropriate rations (seal jerky being the sole menu as they had neither time nor patience to scrounge for anything more the night they left). He even goes so far as to pet Appa and confirm the bison's comfort, a palpable if subtle bond there that she allows herself to recognize at last. There is a naturality to his gestures that would fascinate her had she happened upon it any other night. As it is, she is still a tad too miffed—her head swimming in agitation from having woken up thinking she was alone—to fully appreciate his initiative.

She reaches for her bundle of jerky when she notices the state of her hands. As a result of sheltering them amongst the fine grains of the ground, they have surfaced dusted with sand. Zuko notes this at the same time she does with a startled, "Oh!"

She is about to voice her puzzlement at his reaction or even dismiss the mess as an inconvenience easily solutioned when he jogs to the shallow depths of the sea. There he shreds parts of the bottom of his tunic before dousing them into the ocean. Upon his return he kneels before her and, with a consideration that mesmerizes her, wipes her palms with the waterlogged strips.

She novels at the various means with which he astonishes her, and might continue to astonish her, during their—now indefinitely extended—period together.

He dabs cautiously at the grime and scrapes clinging stubbornly at her flesh, something rusty yet accustomed in his body language—like the intimation is a fragment of his past, however long forgotten.

Distantly, she registers that Zuko is an older sibling. Maybe not exactly like Sokka, but a big brother all the same. She tries to picture Azula—not as the elegant, cunning, dangerous princess she knows now—but younger… softer… before power and bloodlust planted its insidious roots and sprouted weeds. Was there a time her eyes shined with fondness instead of anger? Where she had whispered sweet words, not to manipulate but, to share in her mirth? Did she ever come to Zuko like this, dirty and bleeding, certain he would know what to do to soothe her hurts away?

She tries to conjure it and fails miserably. If anything, she is more disturbed at the prospect that Zuko might view her as something like a sister. Though a part of Katara knows how irrational it is to fixate on such an inconsequential surmise, an even bigger part of her bristles.

She feels it then.

The frost that she so adamantly hoped was chased away by Zuko's fire, surges with renewed vigor inside her. It twists into that something dark and ugly, something that has been haunting her all night—one Katara knows but is reluctant, afraid, to name.

Zuko is blissfully unaware that he is the subject of her grisly musings. He runs the cloth over her palms with the same intensity he seems to tackle his every circumstance, his swipes relentless in their bid to rid her skin of impurities. Then again, she expects no less from the firebender who persistently chased them across the world only to just as doggedly proclaim his loyalty to their cause. What throws her off however, is the determined patience he exhibits so as to avoid her open cuts, for no other reason she can think of than to prevent the inevitably harsh sting of the saltwater on the wounds—never mind that the scratches are no larger than a fingernail at best and as long as that of her thumb at worst—his cleaning caress focused yet light.

The purposeful care would endear him to her, if the thought that he might see her as a sister-figure didn't enduringly unsettle her so.

He is close to finishing when the dark thing inside her rattles to make itself known.

"I can do it myself."

But the whispered grievance lacks the vehemence with which such a statement is usually made. Perhaps that is why Zuko doesn't completely halt so much as slows. His clasp on her hands grows even looser, the miniscule shift in his hold telling her that she may breakaway at her leisure.

"Right," he breathes when she doesn’t pull away. "Waterbender."

The title chafes her, glass shards piercing at her chest in a way that simultaneously encourages her rabidness and makes her want to crawl out of her body. Again, the inclination to fuse herself onto Zuko and his feverishness becomes an unbearable need. Now that she has gotten a little more than a couple of hours of sleep, she has enough sense to be embarrassed for her rather enthusiastic tenacity to adhere herself to him earlier. She should be loathe to so much as breathe the same air as him, yet here she is again, just as eager and willing to meld into his incandescence with nary a thought to his convenience.

(it’s situations like these that she cannot deny her relation to sokka—much to her chagrin—because clearly, she is an idiot)

But her pride and common sense impede her impulse for now so, on somewhat imperceptibly wobbly legs she walks to the shoreline, hoping the proximity to her element will infuse her with tranquility.

(or in this case, what little is left of her sanity)

Shoes tossed aside and her ankles deep in the water, Katara moves into her stances with an almost paralleled elegance to her element. The exhaustion that has latched onto every inch of her, down to the very marrow of her bones, hardly strains her when the moon imparts her with the strength she necessitates to go through the entirety of her bending repertoire. More than anything, she is further compelled by the prospect that the familiar maneuvers will dispel the slithering sickness that pervades her.

Except… she can feel him, his breath, his blood, his stare. He is watching, just watching, and it unnerves her so much that she loses her instinctual fluidity the more complicated her katas become, no matter that as a master she could easily do them in her sleep.

Just then, a particularly exuberant tide slams into her knees and disquiets her balance just as she is approaching the pinnacle of her most complex stance. And although she wavers only a little, her toes immediately hasping onto the seabed, it's as if a dam inside her caves. The profundity of the night's events crashes into her so it is less like she had stumbled and more like she had capsized as a ship does from the enormity of a storm—turbulent and impuissant against the raging current.

What have I done? she sobs in her mind, even as her power—exorbitant from the fullness of Yue's grace—crests in response to her distress. It thrums like wildfire through her veins, yet she has never felt further from calidity.

No, it is not a fever that grabs hold of her.

What have I done? she asks again when it is the deadly frost of winter that bites at her soul. From the ocean of her anguish, her grief, ascends a tempestuous tide that shapes into that of her repulsiveness. Everything about herself that she abhors, every repugnant crack that splinters at her perfection, at her supposed goodness, all the jagged pieces she runs herself ragged to keep smooth and hidden, boils to the surface in choppy torrents of her bending.

With the endless expanse of the sea at her disposal, Katara crimps her fingers until she traps herself in a barricade of ice. The structure is flawless, her reflection undisturbed and perfect.

How she hates and hates and hates.

With a scream, Katara raises her arms above her head, the roughness of her motility entirely contrary to her element. The ice around her begins to fracture then, her image fragmenting so that the ugliness carefully concealed in her interior is mirrored upon her exterior, free from the shadows at last.

This, she decides, this is what I have done.

A swelter licks at her back but it barely warrants her contemplation. The entirety of her attention is fixated on how the fissures distorting her glass shadow paint her in harsh, unflattering angles, and yet she has never felt more right.

She wonders what that says about herself… how she very well knows even as she asks it, and what scares her isn’t that she is afraid of the answer but that she is not.

“Enough.”

His command, soft and gentle as the steam it is carried on so it is less edict and more entreaty, pierces the condensation she hadn’t heeded was gathering at her feet until it is right in front of her. She should be vexed, maybe even surprised.

But Zuko always did have a way of making himself seen—of making himself known.

“That’s enough,” his rasp is even deeper, seared as it is by his concern of which she is still unused to receiving. His fingers on her shoulder are preternaturally warm this time, but it takes all of her not to lean into it regardless. “You’ll hurt yourself!”

“Isn’t that what I deserve?” she growls, tearing away from his grasp only to turn towards him so that he bears the omneity of her depravity.

The time for hiding, at least when it comes to the prince, has long since come to an end.

His eyes widen, and she almost smiles at his predictable fear—except he is reaching for her once more, a mixture of confusion and vehemence dripping from his inflection instead when he exclaims, “Of course not! What are you talking about?”

Something like hurt flashes across his eyes when she jerks from him again, her back thudding forcefully against her ice wall. His perplexity echoes throughout her so that she retorts, just as stridently, “What am I talking about? What are you?”

The question in his eyes is genuine and unfading, and Katara wants to fall into him all over again just for that. But she holds on to her anger, coats it around her like she would glazed armor to defend against the sheer magnitude of him.

“Y-you saw what I did,” she hisses but when he shakes his head again, she falters against the smooth, rime palisade. Who knew all it took to defeat her was a pair of amber eyes molten with sincerity? And that it would hurt her if when the seafret weight of it—cozy like a blanket made from her Gran-Gran’s hand as opposed to the armor she sheaths herself in—slips from her fingers like vapor, gone as quickly as she had it, if she ever had it at all?

She wonders why she cares.

(except she knows the answer to that, too)

“You know what I am,” she mumbles dejectedly.

“And what is that?” he whispers, equally muted.

It is only when she stills at the question that she notices she was quivering in the first place. She closes her eyes, like the act might suppress the truth despite how fully aware she is of its inevitability.

She stalls. A step, a pulse, a blink, and then—

“Monster,” she breathes.

She convinces herself that she is not petrified of what she will see when she meets his gaze, so she forces herself to look.

To her surprise, he isn’t looking at her at all and it confounds her so much she forgets to be relieved.

It is their sorry encampment he is facing when he says, “Come by the fire,” and he doesn’t check if she follows but he does incline his head over his shoulder enough to add, “I don’t want you to freeze any more than you already have.”

She wants to tell him that should be the least of his worries, that ice would be the furthest breach to her downfall. But the quip sounds paltry even in her head, and the fact that he still worries silences her just as effectively.

She doesn’t know what to do with herself when he sits but the nonchalance in his demeanor—legs held loosely in the lotus position, his arms propped lazily behind him, and his head tipped placidly at the sky—presents an invitation. Even if it isn’t, his propinquity tempts her.

He is gravity and, as she has well proven, she is helpless against his pull.

“Say something,” she implores from beside him, the bonfire void when nothing but a foot separates them, the emanating heat she siphons from his skin is more than adequate to fend off the brisk, night air.

“Yon Rha is alive.”

“Death would have been too kind for a spineless vermin like him,” she blazes through gritted teeth, before the fight leaves her altogether. “But that’s not—” she sighs. “He’s not why.”

“You’re talking about the soldier on the ship.”

“I swore,” her speech is warbled even in susurration, “I swore I would never call upon my power that way. I promised, with my brother and my best friends as my witnesses, but the first opportunity away from them presents itself and what do I do?” Her eyes are red-rimmed and crusty from the volume of tears she had shed the previous night, and yet a fountain must reside within her for tiny rivulets of them stream down her cheeks anyway—the more she wipes them away, the faster they fall. It is her turn to shake her head. “You must think I’m a monster too.”

His scrutiny is scorching when he abandons his seemingly languid perch to render the plenitude of his attention on her.

“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” he responds evenly.

“I don’t? How dare you!” the resuscitation of a still embittered memory has her erupting from her position and kicking up sand as she abruptly rises to her feet. That he remains seated, countenance so calculatingly neutral his resemblance to his sister has never seemed more evident, only fuels her ire. “I took this man’s will. I reached into his blood, his life source, and I commanded it as my own. I corrupted my bending and nearly defiled him for it. And maybe he wasn’t innocent, but he was innocent to me. Who knows what I would have done if I hadn’t realized he was the wrong man? Would you have stopped me then? I can’t imagine you would have when you just stood by as I almost murdered another man in cold blood! What then?” her chest is heaving with her fervency, but her declamation is a mellifluous contrast to her beginning parlance. “What then?" she sags back down to the ground in a boneless heap, rubbing at her wet cheeks in vain, and she is so tired of crying. "It was monstrous. I’m monstrous.”

“Maybe you did do a monstrous thing,” he starts solemnly, “but that doesn’t make you a monster,” his inflection is just as subdued as hers, and it doesn’t escape her that this entire night he has matched—if not capitulated to—her, motion by motion, tone for tone; that he ducks low when she aims high, is cool when she runs hot, and spirited when she falls into despair. It’s like he views them on equal footing, like he never intends to be above her, only with her. She finds that she is moved by this revelation, something emotive and electric pulsing rapturously at her fingertips. But before she can further delve on it, he continues, and the poignancy scatters like ashes in the wind in the wake of the sorrow on his tongue.

“I should know, I grew up around them,” he laughs but it is the sound of broken glass, so pained and humorless it scrapes against the cusped contours of her own smattered heart. “There are days when even I can’t distinguish myself from them. So, believe me,” his fingers ghosting his scar. “There are worse things a monster can do than grant mercy.”

“I’m sorry,” she conveys staunchly, and she means it. They have danced this dance before, so she is no stranger to the ridges that separate smooth skin from marred one when her digits trace the worn pathways. “I’m sorry,” she repeats.

“Don’t,” he gives her hand a squeeze when he slips it from beneath hers, before placing it on her knee with some semblance of propriety, remnants from his days of royalty she supposes.

(she refuses to entertain the more conceivable possibility that it is a repeated unaccustomedness to touch, lest she track down the firelord and prematurely end this war, avatar or not)

“Don't be. Not for me, not for tonight, not for anything.”

She doesn’t know why she protests but she does. Is this not what she wants to hear? Does she not want this vindication?

“But the bloodbending—”

“Is just another part of you.”

“A bad part,” she mutters, demeaningly.

His cautious veneer ruptures at this, the sneer contorting his mouth so evocative of the days when he was her adversary that she almost summons a spear of ice out of habit. But the ardor in his aurelian orbs and the passion in his smoke-encased voice arrests her in the present, so that there is no mistaking the reproach in his homily, yes, but the acceptance too.

“Could the nomads not command the very air that passes through your lungs? Had the Dai Li not thought twice about burying you alive? Wouldn’t you be able to drown a foe just as easily as you could conjure your healing water to save them? Is destruction all there is to fire, when it can also warm you and cook your food?” he snarls and as if in demonstration, the roaring pit before them blazes for a fraction of a second before resuming its indolent conflagration. “Every element has their strengths and their weaknesses, every person their good and bad side,” he stares at his hands, elbows propped limply upon his bent knees, and something despondent and regretful dulling the sparkling tinder in his eyes. “Some bad sides, stronger than others,” he finishes quietly.

“I don’t regret it,” she confesses, and she should be humiliated by this admission that has been clawing at her chest and choking at her throat. But all she is is unbothered, unbound—more airbender than water for the first time in her life, and is this how Aang constantly feels? Is this what propelled him to leave the day his destiny was revealed to him? Not that she did then but how could she ever blame him now, when this liberation was so exhilarating?

“Still doesn’t make you a monster, though.”

“But does it make me a good person?”

He sighs, rubbing at his nose in a pantomime so boyish, it disarms her. For a moment she forgets who he is and who she is and who they are to each other.

And what is that exactly?

“I think it just means you’re trying,” he shrugs. “We've all got the potential for darkness and lightness within us, our powers just as capable of tipping towards either side. But I guess the question for every moment is, to which side are you going to choose to be a vessel for? Or—or maybe it isn't so clean cut. Maybe it's just about finding the in-between, the…” he trails off, appearing lost in thought as his gaze trains on the skyline, like he might find the wayward reverie there.

She thinks back to the aftermath of the siege of the North, remembers Aang orating similar advice.

Push and pull… he had imparted, yin and yang…

“Balance,” she hums.

He gives her an appreciative glance that she perceives all the way to her bones.

“Yes,” he agrees. She can almost sense the connections cultivating in his brain and she lets it, not daring to interrupt him when she is so enchanted by this scarce sight of an artless but enthusiastic Zuko. “No one is wholly good or evil, but it’s the choices you make in seeking your inner balance that will ultimately define you, right? And I know what you’re gonna ask—did you make the right choices last night? Honestly, I couldn’t say. I think you’re the only one who can really answer that.” He takes a deep breath, biting at his lips before venturing gingerly, “Far be it from me to pass judgement, but I need you to know that I could never… see you like that. You’re scary, sure, and I think you like that,” she hides a satisfied smile at that, at how he reads her. “But a monster? Spirits, never.” He runs a hand through his hair, before rubbing at the nape of his neck. “You didn’t have to spare that—that—asshole, but you did.” There’s a blush to his cheeks that she only understands when he remarks, “And not that my opinion really matters to you but, you’re seriously one of the strongest people I know.”

And something inside her clicks into place as the validation she didn’t know she was seeking washes over her in gentle eddies. She doesn’t feel strong just then, the total opposite, in fact. But his unyielding support sedates the foreboding mass of algid tenebrosity inside her, if only for a little while, so that she resembles something a little like solid.

“Actually,” she gibes, however feebly. “I was gonna ask how a hothead like you got so wise.”

The little gust of wind that escapes him is not exactly a laugh, but she counts it as a victory all the same. “My uncle would have better insight for you. I mean, it would probably be wrapped in an enigma tied in a tea-related metaphor, but no less helpful.”

"I don't know," she drawls, though not unkindly, as she bumps her shoulder amiably against his. She relishes the contact when he doesn’t shift away. "You're not so bad."

"I'm not?"

The vulnerability in his resonance tells her his inquiry goes beyond his ability to provide advice, and after everything he's given her this night alone, it is only fitting that she is more than willing to reciprocate.

“No, no I don’t think that at all. I dare say,” she smiles, sinking into his side. “You, Prince Zuko, are good.”

“Good,” he mouths disbelievingly, as if he never thought the word could be tethered to him, like no one’s ever called him that. Maybe they haven’t, which saddens her because she may as well have been one of the reasons for that. It's just another thing to add to her growing list of what she hopes to do for the fire prince who has not received enough warmth and kindness in his life, as she is gradually discovering. “Never really been good at being… good,” the upturn of his lips is self-deprecating but the candor of it lends a light to his face that makes its former absence even starker, but no less stunning in its rarity. “You know that more than anyone, and for that I’m sorry. Truly, I am.”

“You’re trying,” she parrots, and his smile widens minutely, but it is enough. She akins it to the sun, peeking from the horizon after days sequestered forlornly behind storm clouds, and she is esurient for the homeliness his warmth is sure to supply. She doesn’t know it, but it will be a long time before she sees even a glimmer of it again. For now, she basks in his glow, until the ice strangling her core melts into liquid into mist except before she can evaporate, he is there to moor her to the safety of port.

Her fingers drift within reach of his scar and this close to him, breaths mingling and noses a hairsbreadth apart, she can make out the misshapen shape of a hand. There is a story there, a tragic one, no doubt. And she hopes he trusts her the same way she unequivocally does him (for how can she not after what they have been through and what they have exchanged? and she will tell him, she will) to one day divulge, but not tonight. She does not want to taint the effulgence of this moment with any more talk of darkness.

She only wants his charming guilelessness, no matter how unintentional, and his graceless chatter. She wants the domesticity of his hands and the honor of his brand of protection. And if you had asked her two days ago, her answer would have been completely different but now, now she revels in his mercurial temper as much as she values his ardent humility.

She just wants to be present as he continues to try, and what more could she desire from a friend?

It shouldn’t, but it hits her like a riptide; he’s her friend. And it’s been inclement waters seeing as they had to maneuver all the way from opposite sides of the battlefield to a necessary alliance to a revenge-driven field trip. And it shouldn’t be the most peculiar thought of the night, certainly not the most astounding, but it is. It is.

After so long chasing each other across the world, he is here. He is here and he is her friend, one who is privy to a side of her she had kept shackled and secreted, even from herself and still he understands, still—

He stays.

“I know I’ve asked so much of you already, but can I ask just once more?”

He doesn’t hesitate. He’s her friend and she is his and it is nothing like she has ever known before. It is hard-earned and precious and marvelous.

It is everything.

“Anything you need, Katara,” he avers most earnestly, eyes burning with companionship and hands outstretched in pillars of support. “Anything I can give and it’s yours.”

(and, if the buoyant churning in her gut is any indication, maybe even more and oh, Tui and La, but she is in trouble—)

She follows the elongated indents of his left palm, tracking the lines there that had aligned so exquisitely with hers as he banished every reluctancy and held her hand even then, and is overtaken by a flashback—to a village bordered by a volcano, a similar position but in reverse, a powerful bender suddenly thunderous in her head.

(—not that she’s ever buckled from a challenge before)

Yue’s brilliance is kind on him, coloring his pale skin ethereal so that it shimmers otherworldly against her own sun-kissed flesh. The nobility of his lineage is subtle, found mostly in the sharp slant of his nose, his jaw and his cheekbones. But his beauty and his potency lies in the abstruse, the unseen. It is in the way he makes awful tea and shares jokes of which he only knows the punchline because he knows it is the best way to honor the person he loves most in this world. It is in his pursuit to make amends even when the road to redemption is shabby and difficult, or that redemption means cleansing the grime from the hands of a slip of a girl who once hated him. It’s his tenacity to get up no matter how many times he is beaten down.

“I don’t need anything,” she reassures him, her cadence shy when she requests, “I would like it if we stayed here though.” Her timidity, so inimical from her former gusto, almost paralyzes her now but she braves cupping his left cheek anyway, fingers cosseting the edge of his mark. “The two of us, just a little longer.”

“We’ll stay as long as you want,” he accedes. This time, he isn’t a spectator to the affection, nor does he recede from it. To her delight, he leans into it, to her, going so far as to envelope her hand with his so that her touch becomes a halcyon balm upon his scored side. “Anything, and it’s yours,” he recurs with quiet insistence.

He is the sun, unfailing and true, and it is from his radiance that she allows the yearning to bloom.

And you? her heart is a riot beneath her ribcage, but—in the aftermath of so much struggling, both of the internal and external kind—her smile is miraculous in its serenity. What if it’s you that I want?

“Good,” she says instead, wishing with all her might that he hears the veracity behind her hushed yet no less steely declaration. “So very good.”

The way those pools of gold soften, his other hand brushing delicately at the last of her errant tears, tells her he does… that he might just believe.

-//////-

As much as she wants to suspend time, war stops for no one and she can no longer ignore the suffering that rages on beyond them.

She knows who to blame for the impetuous loss of her innocence, that it is the cowardice of power-hungry despots that have forced children like her to the frontlines of this hundred-year persecution. She knows the futility of this knowledge because justice is not hers to serve in this case, it is a burden she shares with thousands upon thousands of others. And when judgement comes for the depraved likes of Yon Rha, Zhao, and Ozai, she will have to contend with the bile that bubbles in the back of her throat and the sin splicing her soul because for them, she has no forgiveness to spare.

But Zuko…

I’m sorry. Truly, I am.

“I am ready to forgive you.”

After, the last of her abiding hesitancy to accept him bleeds into purpose-filled promise when she throws her arms around him—her head at his shoulder, cheek nestled at the hollow of his throat, his breath hot on her neck, and his hands large and comforting at the small of her back—it is as natural as breathing and as prevailing as her heartbeat. This is how she breaks—a tundra seizing her lungs and a storm in her mind that threatens to drown out the light until the inferno in his touch razes the darkness and reminds her to breathe, to reach out, to stand tall, stand steady, and this is how she mends, too—her waters fresh against his raging anger, cool and calm and healing the burns that have pained him, mind and heart, body and soul. It is pieces of her latching onto the pieces of him, until they are in adept symmetry, crowning harmony.

A perfect balance.

And although it is him seeking forgiveness, she cannot help but feel that it is her who finds absolution.

Right in the circle of his arms.

in the cold, i feel your warmth

i’m free falling into your arms

AN: first zutara fic asdfghjkl hope you enjoyed it!

lets cry about zutara together sksksksk so pls come say hi to me!

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wickednerdery · 6 years

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Title: Taste Author: @wickednerdery Fandom: Tolkien/The Hobbit Pairing/character: Thranduil/Reader Rating: FRM Summary: “...I was curious of your taste.” Notes: This started as a random, vague, thought in my head and grew like a damned forest fire....There’s been a LOT of damn fine Lee Pace/Thranduil stuff on my dash recently, lol!! …Anyway gets a “Read More” cut because it’s NSFW and long (if you wanna get right to the dirty stuff, just skip to the second half, haha), lol!

It’d been long since I had the feeling of an outsider in my own home, but here it returned, strengthened, as the Elves of Mirkwood whispered about the firen among their guests. Some spoke in interest, some in worry, others insult, but all were careful to avoid me as a being. There would be no direct acknowledgement of my existence until the Elvenking had his say in it.

His statement was short; a cold raking of eyes over my body, a sigh, and a declaration to begin the feast of Ethuil.

After the feast there was wine and music and singing and dancing and I escaped it all to settle just beyond the walls to take in the night sky. These were not my people, but neither was Man. As a child I wondered what had made me so undesirable to the Edain that I would be left to die...at least with the Elves I knew. I did not shine, I did not flow or float through existence as they did. No matter how skilled, how poised, I was for my own kind I would always be flawed for theirs. And, one day, I would grow old and die.

“You are not attending my festivities.” The voice was glass-smooth, deep as a cave. “You do me great dishonor.” He hissed slightly in the last word so that I shivered into my turn.

He stood tall as an Anod with silken white hair and skin that shone in the moonlight. Rarely did I pay much mind to the appearance of Elves these days, but the king seemed beyond others of his kind. In iced eyes I gave up my voice in favor of controlling my body, denying myself the urge to touch what was forbidden.

“You dare refuse to speak to a king?” He switched to the common tongue, perhaps thinking I could not speak Sindarin.

“Forgive me, your highness,” I lowered my head, snapped back into reality. “I did not dare to dream one such as yourself would speak to me.”

His breath suggested pleasure at my words, but his message was the same. “You are not attending my festivities. What am I to take from this?”

I raised my head, but not my eyes. “I fear am I not welcome. Not...not by you, your majesty, but by others. I do not belong, I know this. I did not wish to become a distraction to your celebration.” The words were placation, but only in their delivery. I knew I was a distraction, I knew I did not belong, and I did fear that I was unwelcome by at least some of the revelers.

“Look at me, Adaneth.” Thranduil ordered, I obeyed. “Your people are my guests, therefore you are my guest. I will not have my guests in an un-festive manner on the feast of Ethuil, it does not bode well for the new year.”

“Yes, your majesty.”

The Elvenking’s lips flicked up, then he began to lean. Down. In. The smell of fresh trees and wildflowers filled my nose as his breath became a cool breeze on my cheek. Once pressed, however, his lips were warm. Warm and soft and he turned into stars as everything around us went black.

I awoke wrapped in silk with the sensation of feathery clouds beneath. The only light came from the moon and the man settled as if upon his throne before me. “I am accustomed to the behaviors of the males of your race,” he soothed out. “But, tell me, do the females faint with frequency?”

His delivery was either in earnest or poorly executed jest and left me unsure how to answer. I begged forgiveness. “Goheno nin, Aran Thranduil.” I examined the bed born from a tree I’d been lain in, I examined the similar chair Thranduil lounged in, but I dare not look at the Elvenking.

“Are you frightened?”

“Ashamed.”

In a single, swift, move he was on the bed beside me. “Look at me.” I did. “Do not hide your shame from me again, Adaneth.”

“Yes, your highness.”

He closed in and I focused only on remaining still, with eyes open, as Thranduil’s scent again threatened to overwhelm. My breath held as soft lips again hit my skin; this time I could feel the warmth of them spread through me, pool in my belly. In his draw back his head tilted with interest and I saw it was a test, though of what was not clear.

“You smell, taste, of Ennor, is this always so?”

I shrugged, unsure what to make of the statement or the question that followed it. Elves could sense things I never could and their tastes were not always the same. I could not discern if this was a compliment, insult, or merely commentary...and I dared not presume any should I risk offense.

Thranduil leaned in, my breath held, and he paused. “Do you wish not to be kissed?

“I wish not to faint,” I blurted the confession so that his lips curled in amusement.

“Worry not, frail child, I would catch you as before.”

Reassuring hands cupped my face, added chill to compliment the heat of his mouth, as it sought and caught mine. While there were thousands of years experience to his actions, there was testing too. The kiss growing hard, demanding submission, before lightening into a tease, then back to dominating again. His tongue ran along my lips only to brush past in search of my tongue, teasing it, tempting it to follow his movements. He tasted heavily of wine and berried sweets.

I shuddered as a hand traveled down from face to collarbone to breast, whimpered when it pulled away. The iciness of his eyes thawed only to be replaced by a blue blaze as the tips of his fingers returned. There was a rush that soared through my veins, set bumps across my flesh, and propelled my lips to his.

Even in taking the initiative there was no doubting the king was in charge. The king whose touch turned into grab, grope, massage as nipples grew hard against the soft fabric that separated his skin from mine. The king who, so swift I cannot remember how, put me on my back with thighs spread to cradle his body. The king who, in a single rut across my body, released an excitement from within that I’d never felt.

A gasp escaped at the sudden wetness between my thighs, the stick of my slip against the back of my legs. His arousal was undeniable, pressing, grinding, against my pelvis. My hands fumbled to unclasp and unknot his tunic, expose marble skin to my hungry mouth; his hands tore, as if my gown were fân, and I arched when his mouth devoured bare breasts.

Perhaps I should have asked why - why me, why now - but I dared not speak lest I break the spell.

With hands moving up my dress, grazing across slowly exposed skin, Thranduil continued down the terrain of my body. His tongue, teeth, lips devoted itself to every peak and valley to be found until mouth met hands at the hips. “Edro.” He ordered and I obeyed.

“Gods!” I cried as his tongue slipped between my folds, flicked against the bundle of nerves only my own hands had touched before. The reaction pleased him as his cool laugh chilled before he repeated the act. My legs attempted to close in the overwhelming rush of his ministrations, but his hands quickly took the option from me. He held me down, still, opened wide for him to do as he pleased...as I pleased, begging to him and the Valar and every being in existence for him to never stop.

The heat of his mouth attended to my clit, kissing softly, then suckling at it, before letting cool air brush across it so that I risked jumping. His tongue lapped at my juices, drew teasingly around my entry, before dipping in to taste my arousal from its source.

I mewled, a hint of discomfort mixing with the pleasure, as a slickened finger replaced the tip of his tongue. My hips rolled on instinct; my desire fell to need as another finger stretched me. I could not speak, could not think, beyond my gasping arousal. The flame begun in my belly turned raging fire that spread throughout, drove tension into my muscles, flooded my cunt and thighs.

I saw nothing, heard nothing, as the blackness and stars threatened to take me over again. I felt only Thranduil - his fingers caressing a place inside I’d never known existed, his mouth tasting every ounce of me, his breath causing shudders - and my own heart pounding against my ribs. I arched in a high gasp, gripped the king’s sheets, and shook with such intensity I feared something was wrong with me.

As quickly as I was overwhelmed, I was relaxed in a way I’d not experienced before. I felt as if I finally understood the word bliss in its truest form. There was a whimper in my panting as the king pulled his fingers from me and I was left hollow.

“Thuio,” he reminded softly, sternly, as he settled to lay beside me. “I cannot abide you losing consciousness with every contact we make.”

My next exhale was a small laugh, then I grew hopeful. “There will be more?”

“Not tonight.” I frowned and it was his turn to laugh. “We’ve been gone from the festivities far too long.”

“What about you? Your desire?”

He kissed my forehead, then my lips, softly. “My desire is under my control.” It was a gentle reassurance before he stood and took care to reassemble his flawless appearance. “I will send someone with a new gown for you, do not worry or rush...you’ve fainted, remember?” There was a tint of a smirk to his lips.

“Thranduil...your highness?”

His brows arched expectantly.

“Why?”

“I told you, Adaneth, I was curious of your taste.”

He gave a long, slow, bow to me and swept out the door.

This is probably just a one-shot of naughtiness, but if I think of a good follow-up I’ll write it, I’m sure. And, yes, throughout I used Elvish - specifically Sindarin, which to the best of my research/recall is what Thranduil speaks - and I’ll put the meanings of the words at the bottom for those curious...and please don’t attack if I’m wrong on these, I used a few sites and, haha, I’m not an Elvish expert, lol!

Next Pieces: Scent, Sight, Sound

Not tagging anyone, but IF I write more and you want to be tagged, just let me know.

(The gif was found on Google and edited by me.)

Word Glossary (in order of usage):

Firen - human Ethuil - Spring, the first season of the Elvish new year Edain - Man, as in the species Anod - Ent, the trees that are people in The Lord of the Rings Adaneth - Woman, as in the female of the species Man Goheno nin, Aran Thranduil - translation: Forgive me, King Thranduil Ennor - Middle-Earth, as in not just earth/dirt, lol Fân - (basically) veil of clouds Edro - the imperative of open, as in it’s a command Valar - "angelic powers" or "gods" subordinate to the one God Thuio -the imperative of breathe, as in it’s a command

#thranduil #lord of the rings #the hobbit #elves #elvenking #thranduil x reader #fanfiction #My writing #not my gifs #by also kinda my gifs #smutty smut #i don't even know #i don't even care #come and play with me #mirkwood #lee pace

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