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#and this isnt me asking for compliments in fact please dont bc ill feel bad about it
semercury · 1 year
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Every time I have an awkward interaction I want to die.
#stuff sarah says#and every time we kiss i swear i could fly#jokes aside i really hate it#like can i not be in agony every time something is a little awkward?#all it was was me saying it was time for me to leave and waiting for an affirmative so i knew it was okay#like its not the end of the world but i feel like i can see it from here#anyway when i was like 13 i started hanging out with the friend group i was with through high school#bc one of the girls (the leader in the way friend groups often have them?) asked me to a sleepover bc she felt sorry for me#and she later like literally told me that#and idk ive been thinking about that a lot lately bc of the music ive been listening to bc im listening to it for the first time#but they all really liked the band back then and were pretty adamant that i wouldnt and idk it made me feel like i didn't belong#which like i guess i didnt in a way? and i never really belonged anywhere#but anyway like. can you really blame me for being afraid of social interaction and always thinking people will hate me#when most of my formative years were spent with people who either wanted to take advantage of me and thats why they liked me#or with people who felt sorry for me. i remember another friend group. this one more in elementary school. likr late. 6th grade.#saying i was like a lost puppy and that comparison still hurts so bad to this day#so just like i dont get what people would ever like about me so i have to act perfect to make up for it bc apparently im pretty undesirable#and this isnt me asking for compliments in fact please dont bc ill feel bad about it#i just like. please understand i am still unlearning a lot of this and some days are easier#and rn im emotional and want to cry or scratch my face off bc i felt awkward at work and i just have to live like this#sorry im weird in friendships. i mostly assume people dont actually want me around#bc the alternative is that they want to hurt me and at least tolerating me out of pity is neutral?#fuck idk
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hey-hamlet · 5 years
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BNHA AU Ideas: Lab-brat
also on AO3
TL;DR: 
Age 7, Izuku is taken from the family he knows to become a human labrat for the league of villains.
Age 13, he escapes.
izuku is a lil quirkless kid, born to an absent dad and a really great mum
like hisashi? he vanished when it came out izuku was quirkless. little did they know, he was actually trying to do right by them by doing that
because when izuku turns 6 hisashi's boss finds out about his quirkless son. dr tsubasa has new nomu fodder
hisashi tries to stop them but he doesnt want his son to suffer this alone if they kill him, so he gives in, they take izuku on his 7th birthday. bakugo is angry because no one will tell him what happened to izuku, because no one knows. inko moves in with the bakugos
now, they've never made a nomu from a quirkless kid before, but afo has given quirks to quirkless people before, and they didn't have any negative effects, which he's interested in. so they ask izuku if hed like a quirk and izuku says yes please! because he doesnt know hes been kidnapped, because his dad is there
afo is honestly just very interested in where this is going, he doesnt ever expect to really use izuku as a nomu, more a lab rat than anything. plus, the kid is cute and plays well with tomura so he might be useful
he asks izuku what type of quirk he'd like and izuku rambles about quirks for a little bit happily and tsubasa is Very Interested because if, like he thinks, the extra quirks dont break this kid's brain, hes going to have one very helpful labrat
also yes in this au shigiraki calls him "lab-brat"
so izuku eventually comes to the end of his quirk ramble and says "something minor but that can be used creatively"
so afo gives him a hardening quirk that can be used on a meter square of skin at a time
afo tells him it might hurt a bit but izuku says hes brave! so he takes it without crying and afo tells him hes very strong
izuku asks when hes going to see his mum. afo smiles and hisashi has a bad feeling
"your mum didn't want you anymore, she asked your dad to take care of you because he didn't like that you were quirkless. i didn't think that was fair so i told your father he could bring you to stay here."
and izuku is upset but his mum was never very supportive of him,,, she was nice? but other than that she just kinda exsisted. afo tells him its ok, sometime people are very mean without meaning to be and izuku is allowed to stay with dr tsubasa and his father so izuku cheers up a little
the doctor says hes going to work as his lab assistant as homeschooling and izuku is very excited to study quirks!! hisashi feels kinda bad bc he didn't want his son to be a villain but he's in awe of afo's ability to lie his actual ass off and his son is happy now so it's all good
basically: they know izuku has a hero complex a mile wide, so instead of breaking him, they play into it
anyway, extra quirks don't seem to degrade his mental function, afo tells izuku his quirks are from villains, trades and donations,,, which,,, he's not really lying ab that
izuku is priceless as a living growing experiment so they are very kind to him and pretty fond of him, he ends up getting a lot of healing quirks to compliment his role as lab-brat/nurse 
so he has a much less powerful rewind quirk than eri, its like only 3 times normal speed in reverse, activated by choice
he has a pyrokinesis quirk (he got it for his birthday, he wanted to match his dad)
a feathered wing quirk (requested by dr tsubasa bc it would he "practical" (aka dude has issues))
he no longer has the hardening quirk, it went to an "employee"
also has a night vision quirk, a disinfection quirk, a jump quirk and a mild resistance quirk
most of the quirks he has a helpful ones, but ones that couldn't be used on nomu bc they needed an actual strategy to use. he had an emitter with mind mutation qualities at one point? so hes kinda a mismatch of a fluffy, glowing, lanky green child 
v e r y smart, also very pale! because he's been outside very rarely
hes been told hes doing contract work for the heroics commission
so he does quirk testing (hes given the quirk for a bit and mucks around with it, then gives it back) and analysis
hes always thought something was wrong? because his big brother tomura hates heroes and ways always upset, his dad and tsubasa looked sad sometimes and sensei got hurt really badly one day and he had to help fix him
(he almost threw up bc afo had n o f a c e and izuku had to touch him, tsubasa couldn't convince izuku afo was alive until he had his eyes back)
and bc izuku is a soft boy he just wants to save them! so age 13 he goes to the part of the lab hes not allowed to bc its too "dangerous"
and
its filled
with what once
were people
he runs
afo isnt surpirsed exactly, he was expecting this and had a tracker implanted in the kid. but he thinks this could be interesting, new data to collect. the chip can read his vitals/location etc. so they dont need him by their side to collect data on him
so he just tells tsubasa and hisashi to let him go, afo will collect him if he gets too hurt. shigiraki is sad bc his mariokart buddy is gone but the labbrat with be back soon, because heroes are terrible
so they move the lab just incase, but dont really expect izuku to sell them out
so izuku is on his own in a city he doesnt know
hes not treated very well by strangers because hes very "mutant" looking, and has no money to his name. he doesnt trust police, he doesnt trust most heroes
a lot of the heroes he did analysis on turned out to be shady at best and hes nervous they'll throw him back to sensei
then he remembers nezu
nezu was a labrat, just like him.
and he thinks he might have a hope
so izuku knows the heroes that work at UA
he knows they are all good people too. heroics teaching pays well, but not as well as patrolling can, so they must value the kids over fame. however, he also knows rocking up in front of them asking to see nezu is a terrible idea 
but its the only one he has
so, before he does all this he gets nezu's email and explains that he needs to talk to him, knowing nezu wont respond but at least he'll know of izuku if this stupid idea works, so he becomes a hero chaser
mics fight? shows up, heals mic and tells him he needs to talk to nezu then he runs away bc the police are coming
midnight? blocks a knife with his wing and heals her wounds, telling her he really needs to talk to nezu
aizawa? finds him bleeding in an alley and sits with him for an hour while he heals his wounds, tells him he really needs to talk to nezu
so at this point, nezu is very intrigued mostly because mic, midnight and aizawa have no idea what this kid's quirk is, and they have described him as looking different each time
so when the alarm goes off at UA before school starts hes not particularly alarmed, and he asks everyone to wait before responding
hes rewarded when he sees a sheepish izuku knocking on his window
anyway, izuku isnt doing too hot. in fact, afo was a few days away from picking him up because he was starving, cold and in pain
nezu opens the window and the first thing out of izuku’s mouth is "i was a labrat too" and nezu is Very Very Interested
izuku spills all he can and its clear to nezu that even though izuku thinks hes been treated well? he hasn't been 
so nezu asks izuku if he has anywhere to go. which he doesnt, because his mum "gave him away" nezu asks if he'd be ok if he stayed with some of the teachers and izuku says "no i dont want to be a bother, ill find somewhere!" and aizawa walks in and says "lol nope come with me"
so hes just turned 14 fyi, aizawa is teaching some 3rd years and after they graduate hes getting a new class of first years (which hes going to expell all of them.)
so anyway, izuku tells them ab his quirks and nezu has a bad feeling so he calls all might and allmight has the worst feeling bc fuck its afo the bastard isn’t dead
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