#and try and find Something to cling to

[isogenderskitty]

tw suicide mention

this is extremely dark, but like... hear me out. what would steph even do with herself if she had ended up killing pete? she has no family to go home to, no clear aspirations... and i'm sure she doesn't even want to think about the possibility of someday getting over pete and finding someone else. i can't get the idea out of my head that she would've just... hung around long enough to see the lords in black make good on their end of the deal, and then... created a parallel to romeo & juliet, if you catch my drift.

#tw suicide #PLEASE dont reblog this without some kind of tw thank you #honestly? it's fucked up but... part of me would rather she got to be with pete on the other side than see her go home to that empty house #just devoid of any hopes or dreams #and try and find Something to cling to #the worst part is that i can't even really think of anything on her behalf #the press would probably not help either. they'd swarm her for information on her dad's disappearance #they'd make up insane rumour after insane rumour #what does she have to move on to???? #hatchetfield #npmd #stephanie lauter #steph lauter #lautski #... kinda sorta. sorry #god this sucks but i cant get it out of my head now #i mean yes given enough time her grief would fade and she could find Something to work towards im sure #but how long would that take and who would even be there to help her?? grace?? she isnt gonna listen to grace for anything ever again #my real hope would be that she somehow ends up at miss retros and miss holloway can help her i guess. #i like the idea of people ending up there in times of crisis #like it's a little oasis in hatchetfield

[timothylawrence]

finding out Ulder was distant from pretty much Wylls birth has left me only capable of thinking abt how lonely all of Wyll’s childhood stories are. he’s always alone in them and if his father ever makes an appearance, it’s to scold him.

no wonder he searched for mermaids and lead such a fantastical imagination. he was always alone and the only person he ever craved love and attention from was unreachable- even if he was physically there.

And now I’m reminded of a quote by Dennis Nurkse: in the park the child says: watch me. It will not count unless you see.

#ewbie.txt #quite literally doomed to never make him proud #like why is this kid at a bar getting his first kiss. why does his dad keep sending him to the sharess caress for notes when he has more #capable people around him. I swear it feels like he just couldn’t handle his son around him. maybe it was the guilt. #maybe he just wanted wyll to find something else to cling to that wasn’t him because he knew he couldn’t open up to his own kid #and then he sends him away. battered and maimed. instead of trying to understand what happened #miz literally knew what she was doing when she preyed after wyllyam she knew he was going to take her offer and she knew how to isolate him #BUT THEN HE KEEPS ALL HIS TREASURED MOMENTS IN A JOURNAL!! SECURED FROM EVERYONE!! #was it out of shame?? out of heartbreak??? could he not stand to see any mention of his boy!!! #ughhhhhhh everyone in wylls life failed him!!! everyone!!!

[summerendroll]

me going fuckkk the people who said they wanted to be a lesbian in a faggy way were so right

#im done trying to be femme after ym recent epiphany that i spend too mhch time worrying abt being femme right #and femme enough. and whatever. more than i actually enjoy being a Cute Femme. id rather be faggy dyke actually #i think it was important to me to cling to some semblance of outwardly identifying w womanhood or something #but instead ive found: somehow simultaneously being more comfortable in being Not Cis and also being One Of The Girls #wheres that collection of peoples self descriptions from the 90s or something. they were all great. i need to find it

[dykedivorce]

if any other bitch in konoha had been gay apart from sasuke none of this would have happened to my son naruto.

#pussy from the turbotron edgelord 3000 and his whole life went up in flame. NOT worth it #no but fr it's insane how he bamboozled every fan into thinking he was so interesting and cool and badass when . #at the point im at in shippuden hes by far the least interesting of the main characters. one track mind (vengeance) and no depth beyond that #like the other characters rn : sakura coming in to her own ; finding her path and her strength + sharing a connection so deep with naruto #over their common loss that they both just Know although they absolutely cant talk about it #yamato: the only survivor of orochimaru's monstrous experiments on children; kakashi's stand in thats so different from kakashi #it makes you wonder what it would have been like with him as their teacher from the start; #a mystery thats clearly trying his best but whose mission truly is A Lot #SAI: A BRAINWASHED SPY A PAWN FOR A SECRET ORGANISATION WHO CLINGS TO HIS HUMANITY NO MATTER HOW MANY TIMES HES BEEN PUNISHED FOR IT #WHO FELL IN LOVE WITH NARUTO FOR MAKING HIM REALIZE HOW DEEP THINGS COULD BE FELT AND HOW DEEP RELATIONSHIPS COULD RUN #WHO HAS BEEN DRAWING A BOOK FOR HIS DEAD BROTHER FOR YEARS EVEN IF HE'S FORGOTTEN WHAT HIS BROTHER LOOKS LIKE #WHO DECIDED TO SPARE SASUKE BECAUSE HE'S LOVED. WHO JUST WANTS TO LEARN HOW TO LIVE A HUMAN LIFE. #MOST AUTISTIC CODED CHARACTER OF ALL TIMES HAS NEVER SUCCESSFULLY MASKED A DAY IN HIS LIFE. #sasuke: sasuke #anyway. im not touching on naruto because i could be here for days #BUT while sasuke on his own so far is very whatever. the narusasu dynamic is truly one for the ages #bc i just saw the ep where sasuke manages to see kyuubi inside naruto and wooshes him away and it's very like. #oh so hes literally seeing naruto's demons and banishing them even as hes telling naruto they dont matter to each other anymore. #oh ok cool cool cool cool this feels normal and not something to obsess over #jesus christ why am i typing all this. who here cares #naruto thoughts

[vickyvicarious]

in the context of that other post, I am now having thoughts about Hardison who has grown up with lots of hugs and cuddles and loves to give and receive both, tailoring his touches to match the comfort levels of his partners...

and them noticing how much he loves contact and finding new ways to do that for him <3

#leverage #alec hardison #thiefsome #he of course notices and adapta to their needs! #but also HE has needs which include skin to skin touch on a regular basis. he is a cuddly man. #finding ways that work for him without bothering them even if it isn't something they would normally do bc they love him.... #i want it #(what if parker clinging/hanging on his head that one time was an example of this gone wrong #hardison: babe i'm trying to ty- #parker: no hardison you need cuddles i'm giving you cuddles. this is for your own good #*drapes herself across him very inconveniently*)

[lukewarmbreadatamoderatepace]

In the kind of setting where gods directly get their power from the belief of mortals, then like....

Gods fading out of existence due to lack of believers would be common enough, but inherently that's not going to get much attention, since by the time they die no one believed in them anyway. But if a god that lots of people still believed in died, it feels like that'd make some pretty big waves. That's a powerful being under a pretty big spotlight.

So like, say that, for the first time ever, a Major God falls (this could be from whatever cause you like but I like the bonus irony you get if it was fellow god(s) that did it). All the gods would be trying to keep it quiet, would be PISSED at the ones who did it. Can't let the mortals know we can die! But you can't keep that up literally forever. A GOD is DEAD, it's surely gonna leak out somehow.

I'm imagining kind of a chain reaction: the first prominent god dying triggers the first major batch of conversions to the "none of them are gods, actually, they're just powerful magical assholes" school of atheism. If they can die, then they were never gods to begin with.

People dying or converting to different religions wouldn't affect the net balance of power between gods and mortals-- a mortal dying removes one believer and one belief-target, someone swapping to favoring a different god is just moving the power around among them.

but atheism? That's directly robbing the gods of a follower, with no equivalent reduction in mortal-power!

#originally in response to another post but I'd decided to break it out into its own thing #april 10th 2022 #god I was struggling. hadn't even been 2 weeks. #I was like desperately clinging to this post trying to do some not-actually-very-interesting worldbuilding #because at least it was SOMETHING. i didn't actually find it interesting but it was distracting me the tiniest bit and NOTHING distracted m #unfinished #meh

[spaceratprodigy]

was thinking about somethin somethin nicky "breaking up" with iris while slow dancing with her

#extra salt in the wound if it's the night ellie and trav surprise them with a makeshift date night #breaking up in quotations bc at this point they wouldn't really be established but It Would Be Obvious ya'know #idk I've been messing around with parts of iris's story again for funsies and wanted some change of scenery #so playing around with ideas #such as nick even if he does have real feelings for her beyond not necessarily wanting their partnership to end #he's incredibly aware he is never capable of being the partner she needs in the ways she'd really want #he doesn't doubt how much she loves him. he knows she does #he also knows how quickly and easily she would sacrifice herself desperately hoping that love would last #and he doesn't want to see her unhappy clinging to something. to him. when she deserves more. someone who can give her the life she wants #thinking about him. her in his arms. the shotgun blast to the heart. saying the first I love you while pushing her away at the same time #also really really really have been thinking up the chain of events that would lead up to her dropping everything and going back on the road #alone again for the first time in a long while #needed a catalyst for her just kinda ✨disappearing✨ for a long while and no one not even deeks can find her #travis trying desperately to contact her at her home base. but she's not there to answer the radio #and he starts trying to talk to her through dcr because he knows she's listening #his lil stumbly voice telling her how sorry he is for what happened. that he wants her to come home. that he's worried. that he misses her #rambling #miss ma'am iris is that you

[chaoswillcalmusdown]

i feel like everyone's watching the bear s2 hating claire meanwhile i'm here like 'hmmmmm interesting that carmy is trying to have a normal relationship with a girl who def knew michael and reminds him of a life 'before' shit happened and when things were nice and easy'

#if i get to the end and carmy's like 'oh yeah just getting shacked up with claire' i'll be vaguely disappointed but like #he starts off talking about how he doesn't even know what fun is #and he's here trying to go to parties and be a normal young person and catch up on all the stuff he missed which makes sense #i'll be surprised if the writers want it to be real and deep bc it's so far very shallow and like. he's trying to be normal!!! #i paused halfway through ep 6 and i'm just thinking #i do think the casting of claire is a bit off bc i keep thinking they look like they should play siblings or like cousins #she looks more like jaw than the girl who plays sugar #the bear #though i will say i hate the directing choices when they talk #the bit in the store?? when it was like 5 seconds on carmy then cut to 5 seconds on claire cut to 5 seconds on carmy etc #something was not good with those angles and just. no #though also: what's more realistic for a straight white man who is going through some shit than for him to cling onto some girl ? #instead of going to therapy... just find a girl who will listen to you..... it's incrediBLy realistic

[butchysterics]

[vaguely gesturing to discourse buzzing on the horizon] there is no pure pristine culture to return to, we have to interrogate the ones we have and make our own

#no shame to ppl reconnecting with their european ancestral culture but i am suspicious of those movements too #white supremacy runs so deep #and idk if it’s rly truly less appropriative and more just to cling to reviving european traditions you’re deeply detached from #i want to give the benefit of doubt to everyone trying to find a place in the world and do it right / justly #but i do wonder if white settlers in the US need to find ways of being that acknowledge where and what we are #not some distant detached ‘return to culture’ or invisibilizing American Culture #but finding specificity in Where You Are and how you got there #building relationships with the land and local community and the uniqueness in that #and still grappling with white supremacy and settler colonialism as 100% saturating forces which are core to all of this #i don’t think there are perfect answers but it’s worth talking about #the disconnect from Culture/tradition/meaning-making structures is something everyone grapples with individually #it’s your own familial / ancestral history to wrestle with but #there are common threads of disconnection to Being American #and specific shared baggage to the broad umbrella of White Americanism #idk just scattered thoughts we need to figure out how to be good ppl without letting ourselves off the hook for systemic violence

[dailyeca]

why dont u like cars eca

what's there to like about em.

#eca orichird #daily eca #lil' eca #not the only one with shades and opinions (asks) #imagine you are a scrawny 4 year old runaway in a big city. the sidewalks are crowded; the afternoon sun beats down; and you're bustled #along with the movement of pedestrians because if you stop moving you're going to get trampled or caught. the movement of the crowd splits #slightly and in the blur you try to move where there's less foot traffic; hit your knees against a metal ledge; and clamber up the step #there's the sound of beeping and coins; but no one notices as you're pushed inward (you realize you're now inside something; a building?) #every chair is taken; there's a disorienting amount of people standing around you. it's loud and scary. your voice catches in your throat #and if you weren't nonverbal already; you sure are now. you dont know what’s happening. the thing you're in jolts and you'd almost fall ove #if you weren't packed in on all sides; there's a rumbling roar that mixes with the rush in your ears and through the sparse gaps in people #you can see the world passing by through glass; the thing you're in is /moving/ and you don't know where and you dont know how to escape an #you can’t find an exit and there's so many people and no one seems to care about you; you’re surrounded by legs much taller than you. #the metal around you rumbles and jolts and screeches and stops and starts and you’re knocked against strangers and you’re scared. #you are in there for an eternity; the people around you shift but more always take their place. at some point; the crowd thins a little #you scramble to follow a lady who seems to know where to go and you emerge onto a sidewalk in front of a library. you’ve never been here #you dont know how far you are from the orphanage. you dont know how to get back. you are very small and scared and feel like things are #never going to be the same again. the suffocation of the bus clings to you; though it may just be a panic attack. lady enters the library #and you unsteadily follow her inside; you spend the rest of the day hiding on a beanbag chair under the stairs and crying silently #at 4 years old this is the worst experience of your life and it sticks with you forever. not to worry though; there will be more.

[ow-old-men]

wouldn't it be so cool if when the pve for ow2 comes out the story and writing of it all is so horrendously bad that it has a reaction effect within the fandom that kickstarts people making their own versions of the game's story and soon there's fan comics that are 20x better than anything bl*zzard could dream of

I know this is somewhat a joke question, and yes- on the face of it, it would be

But in reality, that would not be the reaction to canon content being bad. Spite can only support you for so long - and more importantly, people are already doing just that; creating. If PvE comes out and is horrendously bad, people will be disappointed, they’ll be angry, they’ll post about how they feared this but had dared to hope, I’ll make a very big and funny and time consuming post writing a fake job application to the blizzard writers or some dumb shit like that. And then some of us will leave and some will stick around and make the same shit posts and drawings and what have you not

It’s all already there, you don’t have to punish yourself waiting around for something you don’t want

So sorry for being overly sincere, but if you want fandom to thrive, you shouldn’t sit around and wait for canon to write itself off for good, you should go out and look for the amazing stuff people are already putting out. Hell, you should make your own! Community and enthusiasm and love will always make better stuff than bitterness

#overwatch #overwatch 2 #gen not trying to be shitty anon #but like yeah #it wil eat all your joy if you spend your time putting a lot of energy into Waiting and Hoping #also at some point you have to just … find better media #I’m not joking when I say I’ve only stayed on ow for so long because I also consume and think a lot about Good Media #you NEED to let it go at some point #I know this is tumblr and we love saying shit about being motivated by spite #but if you have the choice between spite and literally anything else TAKE THE OTHER THING #it’s a good security net and if there’s nothing else absolutely cling on #but wild geese blah blah you don’t have to punish yourself all the time #find something the soft animal of your body ACTUALLY loves as it is right now #and let it love it #(also I will just say it in the tags actually; this is a kinda weird thing to say to a guy who has an does and will write fic? #i *am* making content it’s just not comics cause that’s not what I do #if you want comics you should violently support everyone who does some kind of sequential fan art they are real people #not creatures who will spawn en masse at some point in the future #I am already doing my craft at the level I want to for this fandom; you either read it or you don’t #but it’s weird being in my inbox wishing for another type of art)

[eeunwoo]

this is super on brand for me but today I’m experiencing debilitating frustration @ being misunderstood on the internet like some kind of loser 😩

#I’m v open and literally never lie unless it’s needed #so u can see why I struggle with people trying to claim the opposite when they don’t know me. or make assumptions and pass them off as fact #or come to conclusions without asking anyone who would actually know #and if you see some of my posts you’d argue the same about me but the fact is if I post something that could change peoples views about #somebody else .. I check with multiple people who know #that’s why the v@l and her bestie situation was particularly upsetting bc there’s an entire group of people who knows I’m right but. didn’t #say anything in support and just let a bunch of ppl send me anon hate and invent things that aren’t true #and use that situation to fit fake narratives they already thought of before #I’m not dredging it up again I’m just using it as an example #or the anon on my last blog listing a bunch of things about me that they got completely wrong and didn’t bother asking about #and sometimes I always think about clarifying those things in a huge post. but then I remember those people will just find something new to #cling on to. so there’s no point. #but it doesn’t mean it’s not upsetting. you know ? #and it’s not about a single person or anything it’s just. in general. #I’ve been criticised for admitting I’m not perfect and can be an asshole about things and somebody basically said that’s not ok either #so it’s like whatever I do sucks anyway sjdjsdn #and that’s what bothers me I think. that I doubt I’d be shunned and blacklisted as a creator to THIS extent if people took the time to #actually ask me if the things people say are true and what my explanation is #anyways .. #mrow.org

[aye-of-newt]

every time I think about unlikely lovers I need to lie down

#it’s the moment that just rips me to shreds #the hope in the face of hopeless the knowing what will happen and trying to still find something to cling to #something sweet to enjoy #and then ​looking at each other and finding it #this show will destroy me so beautifully each time #falsettos

[detransdamnation]

I hope someone will be afraid to lose me one day.

#i hope someone will meet me and not know how they ever got by without me #i hope someone will find me easy to love #i hope i'll be someone's first choice. for anything at all. #i want to be someone's someone. #it's selfish i know #the selfish outcome of a cruel game #or maybe it's not so cruel #maybe it's not even a game at all #maybe it's just destiny #i try so hard to be a good person and there are times i believe i truly am #but good people don't struggle so greatly to keep their loved ones close to their heart. #there has to be something wrong with me. #there can't be something coincidentally wrong with every single piece of my heart who has left. it doesn't fucking work that way. #maybe i really am a defect lmao #maybe i am better off truly alone #but damn if i ever stop clinging onto this sliver of hope that maybe i'm wrong. #just talking to myself #text #my post

[sealpup9]

That clipdrop thing is the last time I ever try to make a post about something important ever again. People on this site have the critical thinking skills of an orange. If y'all have sources give them to me then. You've completely misunderstood why I brought it up and refuse to look at anything else, just want to make drama.

Give me your damn sources instead of yelling. Im sick of all of this i've had a long ass week.

This was literally about just being wary of uploading your art onto random websites and to pay attention to TOS. On top of that, about why AI art is dangerous. But no one seems to grasp that and I'm done trying to explain it.

#fuck anyone who isn't reading everything #its less about clipdrop and more about just a warning about TOS and AI art in general and people keep clinging to shit #if it was debunked then give me your sources and i'll gladly take the damn post down #but until then im keeping it up #i've had a long fucking week and I was just trying to help people realize that they shouldn't just upload their art to any old website #clipdrop #ai artwork #my post #im so done with social media #between this and being harassed on twitter over the fact that I don't ship something im just done #social media fucking sucks all of you guys who can't find anytging better to do suck

[pinkcadillaccas]

Anyone else feeling the relentless march of time on this Saturday night

#sat on the bus going home from my second to last shift at this job #saw lots of people at work that used to know me for my old job that i absolutely loved and did for 6 years #and i was describing why i know all these people to my coworkers and i was like oh my god thats not me anymore #thats who i used to be what the fuck #and this is the same bus journey that ive been doing for three years #on the same bus ive taken since i started taking the bus #its the same journey but im so different #and im moving into a different phase of life again #how many times have i sat on this bus #how many times have i sat in this seat #how many times have i driven this route how many me's #I've literally moved to the big city and moved back and i am irrevocably changed and im looking at the same shops out of fo the window #everything is the same but so different #since i started taking this bus i have changed so much that i would not recognise myself in the mirror #my boss said 'dont be a stranger' sir i am a stranger to myself #how long can i not be a stranger #how long can you try and keep up with the dregs of your old life until it no longer fits #how long can you keep coming back until it becomes somewhere unrecognisable. or you become unrecognisable #how do you mourn losing something of yourself when it happens so slowly and you dont realise it until its been dead and buried for years #do you ever find yourself falling into old thought patterns and finding that you have no conviction #the you who started thinking that is gone. you dont feel this way. but you did #even just about a band you like. or a snack you always used to buy before school #one of my essays this term could have been about humes view that we dont have a concrete self #and i just thought how am i supposed to answer that #how am i supposed to say no hes right there is no continuous self. i know this because i am filled with ghosts #because i look in the mirror and part of me tries to look through the eyes of teenage me #just to wonder what they would think #and i cant do it. because we are so far apart that they are not me #i am clinging on to friends and places as though i am someone that i am not because rhe ghost of a child inside me demands it #even if the words are hollow and the feelings are long gone