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#and you appreciate the silence more
kettleghost · 2 days
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hi tumblr, long time no see! i would like to announce i am opening commissions!!
all the details are here on my ko.fi! please check it out, it’d be super appreciated :D and please make sure to read the rules before commissioning me and all that stuff, hope everyone’s been doing well!
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And done! Mostly archivists, some Roier, Fit, and the rest of deathfam at the end. TW: aftermath of torture, major character injuries, fantasy sickness, ooc warning for probs everyone but the situation is fucked so who knows. It's 6638 words please just take it as it is and love it or at least the idea for me <3
The doorbell rings, and it pulls Cellbit from his sleep. He’s curled on the floor of the fear room, having never quite made it to bed last night. With a bit of effort he pulls himself to his feet, cursing out whomever decided to wake him at this hour.
If it isn’t important, he’s starting another murder spree.
“Coming!” he calls, unsure if it will reach, as he takes the elevator up and then stalks down the hallways.
He gets to the doorway, and rips it open. With a sigh he prepares to berate them, only to freeze as he opens the door.
It’s Philza.
Philza. Who has been missing for a little over two months.
Philza, dressed in rags and smelling of blood.
“Philza?” He asks, looking over him, looking for his wounds. “We missed you; where've you been?”
And it doesn't matter that Cellbit had been asleep, because Philza is somehow alive and somehow back, even after so long. He can’t be angry, not seeing him wide eyed and like this.
He doesn't get a reply, just a shake of Philza's head. He sways in place, stumbling into the wall. Cellbit reaches out, taking his arm and trying to support him.
Philza looks at him, and there's a purple taint to his eyes.
Some sort of void sickness?
What the fuck.
Cellbit wants to ask, wants to scream and to shout, but there are clearly much more pressing problems here. Instead he takes a deep breath, and tries to position himself to take more of Philza's weight.
Cellbit is a wet tissue of a man, strength wise but he could swear Philza was never this light before.
Philza, who flinches at the touch, then all but collapses against Cellbit's side.
“Do you have a warpstone?” Cellbit asks, already thinking through if he has the supplies to make a spare. “We should probably get you to the infirmary…”
The weight on Cellbit's side is suddenly gone. A trail of bloody footprints stain the stonework as Philza stumbles backwards, rapidly shaking his head. All until he's pressed against the wall and the… then he just shakes.
And, fuck, Philza is usually a sensible one. But it's been months, and he's wounded, and Cellbit can see the signs of torture and knows the obvious culprits but…
“Okay,” he thinks, and thinks again. “Okay. My drawing room then. I have the first aid kit Mike made for Richas somewhere.”
Philza calms, and hesitantly nods, and goes as if to stand before leaning back against the wall, and offering out hands instead.
Why isn't he speaking? Void-sickness, possibly, but if so Cellbit would expect the taint to be visible on his lips or throat. Roier would probably say something about trauma, but Roier isn't here right now - he's taken Richas and Pepito for a sleepover at Foolish's dragon and, hell, at least the children aren't here to see the blood on the floor.
He'll have to clean before they get home.
Still, Cellbit takes Philza's arm, helping him drape his weight across Cellbit. He drags more than carries him, and most of their movement is kept going only by Cellbit.
Beneath his hands, Cellbit can feel things - too thin, but then the Federation has probably starved him (why is he void-sick, if the Federation took him? That doesn't add up but who else would it be?). There's dried blood beneath his fingers, and some tacky like the scabs have not quite been able to set. There are ridges, too, new scars born across his skin. Philza’s own fingers are weak against Cellbit’s arm, hurting and blistered and the skin scraped like he had been scrabbling in gravel.
Torture. Cellbit knows what torture is.
He wonders if Philza remembers any of it, or if he is like him.
Either way, Cellbit is going to find Cucurucho, and rip his spine through his neck.
With a trail of bloody footprints they make it to the drawing room. Cellbit helps Philza sit, making sure he is steady before letting go. There's a water jug left on the table, so he gets Philza a glass, and hands it to him.
Cellbit doesn’t ask ‘where the fuck have you been’ like he wants to, nor does he comment on the man’s state, instead he says “wait there. I’ll get some potions” before turning and sprinting back up the stairs.
Potions, bandages, stuff for stitches, water and soup - he grabs two buckets of water and a bottle or three of antiseptic, too, just to be sure. Did the Federation have him? It’s the only answer Cellbit can think of - from just a brief look Cellbit could see he was covered in wounds, friction burns on his ankles and wrists while his feet bled, and he looks half-starved. He’s pale, too, too pale, and he isn’t sure whether to hope it’s blood loss or lack of sunlight as both options suck.
He messages Roier, just in case - Missa he’ll worry about later, once he knows what is going on. No need to worry Philza’s loved ones in the middle of the night, and certainly not when they’re surrounded by people.
HIs knife goes in his belt - there’s no room for mistakes.
And then it’s sprinting back to his front room, only to find Philza is… gone?
He would call it a hallucination, if not for the bloody footprints still all over his carpet, and the still-full glass of water beside the sofa.
“Philza?” he calls, swallowing the crack in his voice.
Did the Feds steal him back from his own damned house?!
There’s a shuffling nearby. Cellbit turns, looks up, sees Philza perched on his toes, bloodying the top of his bookshelf.
“Sit back down and let me see where you’re hurt,” Cellbit points to the chair.
Philza looks about and around, curling tighter into himself. He stares at the window.
Jumps down.
Bolts towards it.
Crashes into the glass.
There’s a very definite noise of main, but it’s muffled and something about it is /wrong/.
Cellbit grabs his shoulder, steadying him, leading him back to the sofa. His own hands are shaking, and Philza keeps glancing back to the window.
What about the window is wrong…?
As soon as he sits down, Cellbit goes to examine it. He cannot see anything odd, but pulls tight the curtains just in case. 
“Better?” Cellbit asks.
He does not get a response, so he just hopes that he is.
The next question is… What first… Philza’s body is an itinerary of injuries - his face and his wings suspiciously intact but for the exhaustion and the void-sickness in his eyes, the stain also dappled across his nails and small patches of skin - but Cellbit knows what he wants first.
Everything is bad, but it is Philza’s feet that are bleeding.
So he grabs everything and kneels before the sofa. Carefully, watching Philza as closely as he is watched in return, he takes one of his feet. Cellbit has to pick the remains of utterly ruined shoes away, just tiny scraps of the fabric which once made up the uppers and soles. Beneath that are the wounds, and around it the blood.
Some of it is stones, and mud, and sticks, and dirt.
Some of it is blisters, a mark of how long Philza must have been walking.
Some of it looks suspiciously like very, very deliberate slash marks - all across the soles of his feet, and across the backs of his ankles. They’re deep, and surrounded by cross-hatched scars of equally thin slashes, like the wounds have been applied again and again and again.
If Cellbit were to cut someone’s feet like that, it would be to stop them from running. With how deep the slashes are… He doesn’t think that Philza was ever supposed to walk again.
“Fuck,” he feels himself swear and this… this doesn’t look like the Federation at all.
The friction burns around his wrists and ankles, looking like chains, sure, but the slicing…? They’d trust their bars, and they’d torture with something bigger, and if you are genuinely a flight risk they lock you away. Not… Not this.
It’s just as cruel, but not really in their style.
So he’s killing Cucurucho and someone else, then. Just got to work out who, because he cannot think of anything else on the Island which would trap someone in the void.
Still he slowly works on picking out the debris, doing his best to clean the wounds with a cloth dipped in clean water and antiseptic poured on it as he goes. The wounds are so extensive, though, and dirty, that…
Well, Cellbit isn’t a doctor; he pours the entire other bottle of antiseptic into one of the water buckets. Once he’s done all he can with his fingers and the cloth, he shoves Philza’s foot into the bucket.
Philza makes a strange noise; Cellbit checks, but he is gestured at to continue, so… So he repeats the actions.
The second foot is, somehow, worse; the cuts are shallower, but there’s barely skin between them.
Cellbit is out of his depth, he’s so far out of his depth, but they need treating now, and Roier has yet to answer the message - he’s probably, like everyone else, already asleep.
He picks out the gravel, and places this foot more carefully into the antiseptic bucket, and prays it’s enough to avoid an infection.
From there he moves to where he felt blood before, tracking the wounds. These ones are smaller, simpler, much more like their usual issues. Cellbit knows how to clean up a cut and bandage an awkward shoulder wound - he’s done it before. He can bandage to give pressure to a sprained wrist, and he’s certainly had his fair share of blistered fingers in his life.
The quantity is wrong, all wrong, but actually tending the wounds is something anyone of the island could have done.
And then… And then he must get carried away, too busy charting them, too busy tracking the black-ish stains on Philza’s stress and trying to calculate how bad the void-sickness is, too occupied to be taking proper care.
Because he does not mean to scrape a blister on his palm, tearing it open and letting the fluid leak out.
But he does.
Philza screams, but it does not come fully out. Neither do his lips open, the sound trapped in his throat and his nose, and Cellbit…
Cellbit has a horrible realisation.
“Philza,” he asks. “Philza, can you open your mouth for me?”
Philza shakes his head.
Wait, English is ambiguous, maybe… Maybe he’s not…
“You can’t, or you won’t?”
One shaking finger is raised.
And Cellbit slowly nods.
He’s known things like this before, he’s seen it before - he’s done it to people before - but think of it being done to someone who has only ever trusted him, only ever tried to help or be his friend…
“Can I touch your lips?” he asks.
Philza doesn’t react at all. He stares at Cellbit and barely even breathes.
Still Cellbit approaches, hesitant hands reaching out. He cannot see anything, not like this, so…
So if he’s right…
It’s not glue.
He’d be able to feel it if it were glue.
Slowly, carefully, he pushes a finger between Philza’s lips
and there, at the back, he finds the stitches. Thin but strong, pulled extremely tight and narrowly sewn. There’s not even space for a straw, and Cellbit knows how to fix this but he’s not sure he /can/.
He doesn’t even know who he needs to dissect.
“I…” he stares at it, leans closer to look, examines the thread - it was white, once, but it’s brown with dried blood and spit. They’re set so far back that they’re sewn more into Philza’s gums than the skin of his lips.
Cellbit pulls his hands away, “I don’t think I can help without hurting you.”
Philza tilts his head to the side, and gestures with bandaged hands.
He seems… resigned. Like he expected this.
Scared, too, glancing now at the door.
Who can Cellbit ask for help? Philza would probably want Missa, or maybe Fit or Etoiles or… Someone else early. But Fit is helping Missa protect Chayanne and Tallulah, and Etoiles is knee deep in /something/, which…
Roier might know. Pac and Mike are scientists, they could. Foolish has all sorts of strange skills, as does Bad.
He could just put a message in the general chat, but he really, really doesn’t want to do that…
And, there is also the problem that everyone is asleep.
“I’m going to get you some pyjamas,” Cellbit decides on, rather than making a decision before he’s worked out the right answer. “Will you be alright?”
Philza nods, his eyes already drifting to the door.
Cellbit hates it, hates how wrong this all is; Philza should not be curled on his sofa, clutching at himself, injured and shaking in fear. But, he is, and there is very little that Cellbit can do about it.
Something to wear is a start though - he heads back to his room, leaving Cellbit behind. Nobody on the island has a lot of spare clothes, but he manages to find a clean and relatively soft nightshirt at the bottom of a chest. He shakes out the worst of the creases, deems it serviceable enough, and heads back.
Philza is gone.
Again.
This time Cellbit checks for the footsteps - wet and still slightly tinged pink. Cursing the man and everything else he runs after, hoping he didn’t get too far.
He finds him very close to the bridge’s warp plate. Cellbit grabs his arm and, this time, Philza fights back.
It’s not a long fight, only seconds before Philza is limp in his grip and doing his best to snarl despite his sewn together lips.
The stitches don’t tear, but his skin does.
“Stop that!” Cellbit tries. “You’re making it worse.”
Philza /freezes/ when Cellbit yells, and his heart drops somehow further into his feet.
“Just… Come back inside? Please?”
Cellbit is so fucking tired.
Philza… Shakes his head.
“Philza.”
He pulls away his arm, and tries to run.
It’s not…
“Why are you running?”
It is far from the tone that Cellbit usually asks that question in, but it’s still one.
Philza… Does pause. He can’t even mouth his words, but he gestures to his eyes, and then to the darkness around them, glancing over his shoulder as he does.
He’s been looking around a lot…
“You’re being chased?”
Given someone was clearly trying to keep him wherever he was, it’s the obvious conclusion.
He nods - once, twice, gestures harder at the darkness and makes to keep running.
And then his eyes catch on a rose.
Missa had mentioned something about roses, how they were supposed to protect the family. There had been a garden of roses, the children asleep and Philza and Missa sat talking beneath the moon. And then Phil just… Dropped through the floor mid-sentence. Gone, before Missa could grab him. Gone, just like that, from a garden that should have been a sanctuary but whose leaves were withered now.
They’d looked and they’d searched and they’d hunted, and all that could be found was a small hole, with purple-touched darkness beneath.
Much the same colour as the void-taint in Philza’s eyes.
Cellbit picks a rose from the bush, and hands it to Philza, “Missa mentioned they’re… protection charms for you?”
At the mention of Missa, Philza's eyes snap from the flower to Cellbit, eyes suddenly much wider and Cellbit…
Cellbit maybe should have said sooner, because all he would want to know if he’d been tortured is if Roier and Richarlyson were safe.
“He’s safe,” Cellbit promises. “Foolish is hosting a sleepover for the Eggs tonight - he took Chayanne and Tallulah.” 
Philza doesn’t look like he believes him.
So, Cellbit presses on.
“He showed me the rose garden, though the flowers were dead,” he continues. “And the… hole? Portal? Void-patch?”
Philza wriggles his hand, holds up three fingers, and huh. Between the rose and talk of Missa, he at least seems to have calmed a tiny bit. The talk of a dead garden seems upsetting, but he clings to the rose in bandaged hands like something precious.
“It was very small, very precise. Clearly whatever took you only wants you,” and Cellbit is spitballing, only hoping he is on the right track both emotionally and logically as he still pieces it together. “It hasn’t taken anyone else, either; even if you stay in my house, it’s unlikely it will take me.”
Frankly, Cellbit doesn’t care if it does - all the more chance to create a distraction for one of them to kill it - but he knows Philza will.
Because it’s Philza, and he’s a better person than Cellbit ever had the chance to be.
“So, please, come back inside?”
Philza looks at the rose, then at Cellbit’s hand, then hesitantly, very hesitantly, takes it.
It’s hard work, leading Philza back into the safety of the castle. He’s edgier than before, and keeps being startled by the slightest sounds. He is usually vigilant, noticing the smallest of oddities, but to jump at every animal scurrying in the underbush…
Cellbit sees him reach for an axe which is not there, and maybe that’s part of the problem too.
They make it back to safety, and Philza clings to the rose even as his feet are cleaned again - bandaged this time - and he is helped into the nightshirt. Cellbit has always been the taller of the two, but they were once of similar builds - it should not hang nearly as loosely as it does.
With his lips sewn shut… Cellbit isn’t sure he can help.
“They’re probably asleep, but do you want me to text Missa? So he can bring Chayanne and Tallulah in the morning?”
Philza hesitates - if he’s still being chased… Well, Cellbit can guess why the concern.
“I can put some wards down, and ask them to come with Roier? He’ll look after them.”
He gets a nod this time, though it is slow.
Cellbit pulls out his communicator, focused as he tries to think of how to tell Missa - it’s not even a case of what would he want to know if Roier was in Philza’s situation, because Missa… Cellbit doesn’t know the man well, but they certainly have very different personalities.
In the end he settles on ‘Philza appeared at my place last night. He’s hurt, but I’ve been looking after him. Get Roier to show you over. Doesn’t have a communicator or anything.’
He shows it to Philza, who hits send, and then with clumsy, bandaged fingers writes ‘Did HE hurt you? Be safe - HE still wants me.’
That message is sent, then another is typed. It’s just as slow, Philza obviously frustrated as he has to delete duplicated letters. Still, he turns Cellbit’s communicator towards him, and shows him the message.
‘Cut it’
That those words took three minutes and clear /pain/ to write cuts deeply into Cellbit.
Just being stabbed is too kind for whatever did this. Cellbit will tear it apart with his /teeth/.
“Cut what?” he asks.
Philza hesitates, before stealing Cellbit’s knife, and bringing it to his lips.
“Stop!” Cellbit grabs his wrist, disarming him far more easily than he should have been able to. “You’ll hurt yourself.”
The reply he gets is a withering glare.
It’s good to see him have some confidence back, whatever the roses mean, but if he’s going to use it to hurt himself…
“I don’t… Think I can do this,” Cellbit licks his own lips, running a thumb of Philza’s.
His hand with the knife in it is grabbed, and tugged on.
“Fine!” If he doesn’t, Philza’s going to do it as soon as his back is turned, isn’t he? “God, I’ll try. But just enough to drink something, okay? I don’t trust myself.”
There’s a long pause, but eventually Philza nods. Cellbit swaps his knife for a smaller switchblade, flicking it open and peeling Philza’s lips open. He aims for the centre where there is least risk of damaging other things, carefully slotting the knife through…
Fuck.
He manages to cut a few of the strings, but in doing so he catches Philza’s lip. It’s not a deep cut, but he can see the blood bubbling.
He wants to lick it.
He presses a tissue there instead.
“Hold this, just let me get you a straw.”
Cellbit waits to make sure Philza has the tissue held in place - he’s smiling at him, how is Philza smiling at him when he /cut/ and /torture victim/ - before running to the kitchens.
How is he being trusted like this? He’s a fucking murderer, a heartless, cruel man; he isn’t…
He isn’t someone you fucking trust with a knife near your face.
What has this island done to him? He doesn’t mind it, doesn’t… He doesn’t hate it, he actually likes it - the having friends, the having family, the people relying on him.
It’s fucking terrifying, though.
This has only proved that.
He still needs some moments to calm down. His hands shake with the memory of blood on Philza’s lip, and it’s all he can do to pour some soup into a saucepan, and set it on the hob. Half-remembering the last time he starved he adds extra water, thinning it down. While it cooks he makes himself tea, and fetches Philza water, apple juice, and a selection of straws.
It takes a few minutes to warm the soup through. Once it has, Cellbit has just about found his footing again. He serves it up, and carries everything through.
“Here, sorry about the wait,” he says.
Philza has somehow found a second rose, and is awkwardly braiding them together. With his hands it is loose, but Cellbit can see what he’s trying for.
His lip has stopped bleeding, at least.
Neither is put down as he’s handed the glass of water. It takes Cellbit a few moments to work out the problem, but eventually realises; with his own fully functional hands he helps Philza angle the straw through the gap in the stitching, and lets him drink.
He drinks like a dying man, and Cellbit supposes it’s close enough to true. He doubts either of them have any idea how long his lips have been stitched together, but it’s long enough that the thread is stained…
Philza manages the water, then looks curiously at the rest of the tray. Cellbit offers it to him; he hesitates over the juice, but points at the soup.
Cellbit checks the temperature first - drinking the water had been slow enough to cool it down a little at least - before helping Philza once again. This time he has to help support the bowl as well as the straw. It’s awkward, but they manage it between them.
About a third of the watery soup is managed before Philza refuses more.
Cellbit has no idea if that’s good or not.
Still, they’re both exhausted, and it’s something to keep him going, and Roier will be here in the morning. Roier isn’t a doctor, of course, but Cellbit trusts him with significantly more delicate things than himself.
Cellbit can be dexterous, but delicate is for investigations not handiwork.
Forcing Philza to walk again on his injured feet seems needlessly cruel; the sofa is not the comfiest place to sleep, but Cellbit would put money on it being the comfiest place he’s slept in a long while.
“Sleep here - I’ll go grab some blankets,” Cellbit says, and he leaves, and by the time he returns Philza has already passed out on the couch.
He tucks the blankets around him, making sure he will stay warm overnight; the castle is draughty at the best of times, and when someone is sick and injured is not the time to tempt fate.
Then he sits on the floor beside the bed, knife in his lap, meaning to think and meaning to keep guard.
Most of Philza’s injuries are just torture wounds. They say little about his captor, or what they want. He’s clearly been in the End or the Void for too long - his eyes have a hint more purple, there’s dappled stains across his skin, and Cellbit isn’t sure which symptoms he has but it will probably make him struggle for warmth and fuck with his brain. That should be something like proof against this being a Federation ploy - they don’t seem to have easy access to other dimensions - but is not definitive.
The slicing on his feet despite the lack of it on his wings also is not definitive, but does not fit their usual goal. Unusual location and unusual goals? Probably not them. Stitching inside his mouth… Adds to that, really, the Federation are more cut your tongue out or sedate people sorts, not sew them up.
A goal, a goal… Philza’s face and his wings are mostly untouched, which would imply some awful… display piece, Cellbit supposes. The rags of his clothes would count against it, but perhaps he was only allowed to wear them when he was needed. Despite that appearance he could not have been that highly valued - the stitching in his mouth prevents drinking, so he would have died in another few days. Mentally scattered, but does seem to recognise people and places still - Cellbit rules out brainwashing, or at least if they tried it they failed. The injuries don’t imply anything sexual, which leaves…
Cellbit runs through it all again. Nothing quite makes sense, except…
End entities don’t like water, do they? Maybe they don’t need to drink.
Do they even need to eat? Or do they exist on some other sort of sustenance?
If he was held captive by something with no need to eat or drink, the sewn up mouth is no longer incompatible with the idea of a trophy, or a prize…
---
At some point Cellbit must have fallen back to sleep, because he wakes up to yelling. He doesn’t even think - he grabs the closest item - bucket of water - and throws it in the direction of the assailant.
He recognises the voice about three seconds later, when Roier shrieks.
“Fuck! Sorry!” Cellbit’s awake now, hair stuck to the side of his face as he scrambles up.
“Bitch!” Roier shakes off the water then, realising Cellbit is getting up, latches onto him.
Now they are both wet.
“Are you okay?! Roier’s revenge is had, or maybe not as wet hands trail all over him. “Fuck, Gatinho, don’t message me asking for medical advice at 3am and leave blood on the carpet! Come wake me up next time!”
“I’m fine!” he promises back. “I’m sorry, I’m okay, I’m fine - is Missa with you?”
“Missa?”
Roier left before Missa was awake. Fuck. Hopefully he works it out, because Cellbit’s too asleep for this.
“It’s Philza,” Cellbit replies, dropping his voice at the secret. “He woke me up last night, looking for help. I think?”
Roier’s lips form a perfect O, as he turns and finally spots Philza still sleeping on the couch. Cellbit watches as he looks him over - most of the injuries are beneath the blankets, but he is still clearly unwell - and then sees the straw in the part-finished bowl of watery soup.
A rose is still clutched in Philza’s hand, just visible where it slips out from the blanket.
“How bad is it?” Roier asks, quiet.
“They sewed his fucking mouth shut,” Cellbit replies. “I cut a little so he could drink, but stopped when I caught his lip. Cuff burns on his wrists and ankles, fucked hands, they sliced up his /feet/ so he couldn’t run, then he ran on them barefoot anyway.”
“Stupid Feds,” Roier’s nose twitches.
Cellbit shakes his head, “there’s void-taint on his chest and in his eyes. No idea how sick he is, but the Feds don’t have End access.”
“That we know about.”
And Cellbit has to concede that point - still, he talks Roier quietly through Philza’s other injuries, and explains what he did. At the end, his husband looks about as helpless as he feels, but does pull a small pair of scissors out of a pocket.
“We should probably give him, I dunno, antibiotics or something,” Roier pulls a face. “For his feet. How do we treat void-sickness? Is it just keep him away from it?”
Cellbit has no idea - it’s not like he has spent prolonged periods of time in the End, “someone will know, right? Maybe when Missa gets here?”
Roier raises an eyebrow and, fair, Missa also has likely never been to the End, but Cellbit thinks the man deserves more credit than he ever gets. If it’s for Philza, he can probably brute force his way into the answer by sheer stubbornness alone.
That entire family is a bit like that.
“If not… We can at least ask who they want telling,” Cellbit concedes. “I didn’t want to just put anything in general and have everyone on my house.”
“We’re going to murder whoever did this, right?”
“Of course.”
Roier kisses his cheek, and once Cellbit is done blushing he finds Philza watching them.
“Morning,” he says, as Roier notices and waves.
“Hey Philza,” Roier drawls on the name. “Cellbo says you got something stuck in your mouth?”
Philza flips him off. It’s a clear struggle for him to sit up, but he manages it.
“Is it okay if Roier takes the stitches out?” Cellbit asks, getting a withering look from both of them at how soft his voice turned as he said it.
Despite that, Philza nods. Roier nudges him into a different position, and sits opposite on the sofa; he actually remembers to wash his hands before peeling back Philza’s lips, and Cellbit feels a bit stupid for not thinking of that.
As he watches Roier carefully use the tiny scissors to cut the threads, Cellbit keeps guard. His fingers flick back and forth over his knife but there’s no target, nobody who isn’t dear to him here to use it on.
He’s helpless, and he knows it; hopefully between them they can work out who he needs to kill and how.
The threads are cut, and Philza is allowed a drink as Roier finds the tweezers in the first aid kit. Pulling out the threads comes with flinching and bleeding wounds, and there’s only so much that antiseptic-soaked cotton wool can do.
The thread-holes are small enough that they stop bleeding quickly, but the blood from Philza’s mouth is horrific.
There’s a thread or two left to remove when Cellbit hears the door, and remembers he should have checked his comms. He leaves Roier treating Philza to head down.
This time he opens the door to find Missa, Chayanne and Tallulah - and an awkward looking FitMC, hanging towards the back.
And Cellbit suddenly realises it’d be a really bad idea to let the children see their father while Roier’s still treating him.
“Is Phil…?” Missa asks.
“Roier’s treating some of his injuries,” Cellbit replies. “Do you want to help me make breakfast for everyone?”
The sign Chayanne slammed down is put away in favour of nodding, and grabbing his sister’s hand. If Missa bought Fit, even if only for directions, Cellbit is happy enough to let him in - he gestures for him to follow, and leads everyone to the kitchen.
It’s awkward, and quiet, and nobody seems to know how to break it. Still, Cellbit shows them around and admits “they sewed his mouth shut. Roier’s fixing it, but we need light and easy food, okay?”
For all he nods, Chayanne seems to misunderstand. There is some simple stuff, yes, but a flurry of activity and complicated dishes too. Tallulah arranges them on the plate with extreme focus, and Cellbit…
Cellbit takes the two adults, and uses the stove.
Quietly, while the children are occupied, he explains what he knows. They listen, Missa frets, and Fit’s face is grim.
“I want to check with him first,” Fit looks at Missa, who gives him a nod. “But I think I know what bullshit he got himself into.”
“You do?” Cellbit asks.
Fit shrugs, looks uncomfortable. “He was scared, thought he was being threatened… We’ll explain later.”
And that’s the sort of shit Cellbit could have done with knowing before this shit happened. He’d like to strange someone, but he knows why he wasn’t told; Purgatory was… rough, to say the least.
“We didn’t tell anyone,” Missa adds, in Spanish, Fit glancing at his wrist to read the translations. “Fit only knows because it started when I was gone and the kids were missing.”
Cellbit doesn’t feel much better - the egg cracks with a little too much force, and he imagines it’s a skull.
It takes a little while for breakfast to be ready, and Cellbit hopes it gave Roier enough time. He warns the children their father is probably hurting, so be gentle, and also his mouth and hands hurt so he may not say much.
They consider him with far too much seriousness for their age; Tallulah writes a sign for them both, simply reading ‘I know’.
He leads them back through. Philza is holding some gauze to his lip, curled up in the corner of the sofa and watching the room. Roier sits on the other corner, sword clearly in grabbing range even as he tries to keep up low and playful chatter. It goes quiet when everyone else enters.
Chayanne and Tallulah move first, running to their father’s side. Neither of them touch him, though, waiting for the quiet ‘hello’ spoken in a deeply hoarse voice, and for Philza to offer them each a hand. Missa follows, taking the middle spot on the sofa. He hesitates, barely risking moving, but Philza leans his head on his shoulder and so Missa snakes an arm behind his back.
Every one of the four of them is either carrying or wearing a rose. Now he looks, Fit has one too.
“Was it him?” Fit asks, sitting heavily on a chair opposite.
Philza nods.
“Well, fuck,” Fit sighs, and looks around. “I’m gonna guess you need stuff for void-sickness? Anything else I should ask Pac e Mike for?”
And of course Tazercraft are the obvious people to ask. Scientists with a habit of breaking reality have likely seen this before.
“Antibiotics,” Roier adds. “For preventing infection in wounds dirty for too long? And painkillers.”
Philza gives him a withering glare at painkillers, but his hands are busy with his children and even if his lips are now free, it must /hurt/.
Chayanne distracts him by placing a huge amount of food both on his lap, and the floor all around. Missa laughs and Philza looks fond, but shakes his head softly. Missa takes one of the broths, though, and offers it to him.
Despite having his mouth free, Philza still reaches for a straw.
And Cellbit, Cellbit wants answers, but Fit is texting his boyfriend who Cellbit hopes has Richarlyson, so there’s not really anyone to ask.
Roier pulls a silly face at him.
Cellbit likes to think he’s above pulling one back, but whatever he does, Roier laughs anyway.
But, he does have breakfast for everyone else, so he hands it around and drinks his coffee and waits impatiently patiently for the family to quietly sort themselves out.
Eventually, Philza looks at Cellbit, mouthing ‘thank you’ and then, “I… you want to know?”
“Yes.”
Philza looks at Missa, then Fit - both of them nod.
“Fit,” Missa says. “Can you? I am not sure all of how to say it in English.”
Fit sighs again, puts his communicator away, and nods.
“What do you know of the Ender King?” He asks.
It’s a name that Cellbit has never heard before, but ideas are already forming; Roier is also shaking his head, a shrug on his arms and confusion in his eyes.
“Right,” Fit pulls a series of faces. “Now, I don’t know a lot. But, couple of months ago, Phil called me over to his house. It’s happened a few times - seeing messages and structural changes in the bunker I couldn’t see. One time Pac was with me, and he was just weirded out-”
Philza butts in, with a quiet, “it was Rose.”
“Rose?”
Philza nods, Chayanne slams down a sign.
‘She looks after us!’ the boy writes. ‘All of our familia.’
“She’s a goddess,” Missa adds, slowly, clearly thinking about his words. “But her powers are weak here… She looks after four, King only wants one.”
Tallulah adds ‘it’s why the bad things can’t find us’, and Cellbit isn’t quite sure which bad things Tallulah means, but it has to mean something.
Eye workers, maybe.
The idea of a goddess protecting a family is… Not exactly strange to Cellbit; he’s dabbled in the occult enough to know what sort of entities would do that, at least.
“She’s my,” Philza coughs, harsh, his throat not really ready for talking. “Spawn goddess. Where I come from.”
That’s stranger, but explains why she might like that.
“Right,” Fit says. “That one turned out to be less a problem, but the one that followed… When I went over Philza was in the middle of a panic attack, only not crying because Chayanne and Tallulah were there. He said a being from his dreams had contacted him, one more powerful than anything, against which there’s nothing we can ever do. Something about a war, and wanting Phil for himself. Phil made me promise to look after the kids if he was taken, that he’d find some way back but we were /not/ to go after him.”
And they listened? Cellbit is mostly surprised that they listened, but then Philza and his friends are more practical sorts than himself and Roier.
“There were more letters,” Missa says. “He started… corrupting Rose’s letters? Because he couldn’t find Philza.”
“And then he found you.” Cellbit finishes.
And it’s not the whole story, he knows it isn’t the whole story, but he’s got enough for the themes - a being which calls itself a god wants Philza for some reason is hunting him. That being comes from wherever Philza was before here, and has plans for him. Perhaps he is trapped as a pawn in a war between the gods and a war prisoner you are trying to sell makes sense for his treatment.
Perhaps he did something to piss off the god.
“My memory is,” Philza gestures to his head, and Cellbit knows the amnesia affecting many islanders touched him too, so he nods. “I don’t remember but…”
There’s a sign, turned to Philza where Cellbit cannot see.
Philza’s face shifts, and softens, and he reaches out for his children again as he says “I promised, didn’t I?”
“Does he have weaknesses,” Roier asks. “Everything has weaknesses!”
Philza laughs, bitter and dry. It turns into another coughing fit, one that leaves him shaking and leaning on Missa for support.
Cellbit notes Fit texting again, and has his suspicions as to what it says.
Once Philza recovers, he says, “the Ender King is fucking dead, mate. Water burnt him, but now he has no body… He’s weaker, can’t steal entire cities anymore, but he lost his weaknesses to.”
Worse than a god, it is the ghost of a god.
Has no body, though?
Cellbit looks at Philza again, and wonders - the void sickness has clearly done more to his mind than his body, and a deity of the End could likely manipulate it. If it had left him a functional body but empty mental shell…
War prisoner or flesh suit, either way Cellbit needs to work out how to kill a god’s ghost.
[Notes - void sickness. I’ve not really developed it but tldr overworld bodies are not well adapted to other realms. Too long in the void (also the End, where the atmosphere is void) fucks you up. Purple rash-like staining across skin, purple tint getting into your eyes. Common symptoms include dissociation, derealisation, and a susceptibility to the cold. If it reaches organs it can cause them to shut down, though always works from the outside in (or if caused by eating too much chorus fruit, which is an option, from your digestive tract out). The comment about Philza’s lips or throat with not speaking is if the taint had reached either his voice box or the muscles controlling his lips. Philza’s actually pretty fucking resistant to it, by a combination of genetics and very slowly increasing his exposure over time. Most people would be dead from that long, he’s just… It’s deep enough to cause muscle weakness in places, but it isn’t yet deep enough to cause damage like ‘lungs cease functioning’. The ‘bonus’ of his mouth sewn shut is they couldn’t feed him end-food, so it was only working out-in not in-out. Much like with fairies if you eat of the end bad shit happens.]
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oddly-casual · 7 months
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I think Mutant Mayhem is the first tmnt propriety to make Leo my favorite turtle right off the bat.
Not that I don’t like Leo anywhere else, but usually it takes me like a second rewatch or something to really pick apart Leo’s character in full to appreciate him- and even then he’s usually not my favorite.
But MM Leo is my favorite for reasons I cannot identify.
Maybe it’s the way he walks, his cringe fail personality, I don’t know but I care about this loser so much.
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Idk he cares so much abt his siblings despite the fact that they can be so mean to him sometimes. He is also the one who continually pushes to do the right thing when theres nothing (or even sometimes worst things) to gain from it.
Even his attempts at being cool come off as dorkish but it’s charming in a way only little kids can be. In a ‘you’re doing your best sweetie’. Leo is a single mother of three while also being a teenage boy, that takes work.
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He’s such a silent but calculating character, ironically when he doesn’t try so hard and does what he feels is right he gets the best results (ie his leader speech, the plan to be accepted, gaining the acceptance of other mutants) for all his fumbling and try hard attitude he has such natural potential it’s insane.
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nshtn · 1 month
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oh boy oh boy the riddler's got a scar-l!
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zappedbyzabka · 8 months
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Need more Johnny wearing necklaces but also talking about his trauma of being abused, then abused again by another man and groomed
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stilldoingscience · 1 year
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people really need to get a grip. The pale blue eye is a book set in 1830s, why are you surprised that there’s misogyny in the film?
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snickerdoodlles · 4 days
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there's a point at which someone's fear of being a dick wraps back around to them just being a dick anyways
#im side-eyeing those who reblogged my post on ethnocentrism and missed the point#but im also thinking about the tags i saw on being too scared to comment on fic#the first is being ~too scared~ to write cultures other than their own#(1. my point was people should be learning *as they watch the show* not just when they write#2. i just. jfC. stop saying youre too scared to *try* to write from another culture/POV different from your own as tho its a *good* thing)#the second is just annoying/frustrating because being too scared to participate in community is how community's die#i dont want to be dismissive of cancel culture because i do know the stories and there is always indv cases of a person ready to be a dick#but like. its just *not* a thing most people have to be worried about. very likely you're just not big enough to have that concern.#anxiety's no joke but like. u dont just accept the anxiety as the excuse. you have to challenge it. i've been there but u cant feed it.#and i dont want to sound dismissive of that anxiety but im really frustrated with seeing people throw that excuse around#without considering how their fear-based attitudes/actions come off in turn#such as not showing fandom creatives any appreciation for fear of saying the ~wrong~ thing#which comes off as creatives' stuff seeming to be ignored completely or otherwise very discouraging silence#when the only rule for tags/comments is to treat others the way you wish to be treated and apologize if you accidentally tread a toe#and being more worried about accidentally stepping on a theoretical persons toe than interested in showing actual people gratitude#like? pretty sure im not the only one side-eyeing that like ''have u really considered this feeling/logic????''#again: its not saying that anxiety isnt a dick or easy to dismiss but i am saying maybe challenge it or at least reflect on it#i just#blahh#the commenting thing is way more mild than the other but tags arent for that conversation and i need a much better brain space for that one
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mooniekive · 8 months
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The fact that Slow Burn has gotten a few kuddos, and hundreds of hits, and I’ve only gotten 3 comments since posting part 4 and I feel almost nothing… must mean I’m almost out of the woods 😮‍💨
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oculusxcaro · 11 months
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What is your role in the found family?
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The "Comic Relief"
Yes, alright, you tell your jokes and do your bits. You break awkward silences and sing silly songs. But what about when you're not keeping the levity? What else makes up the person who makes others feel good? You're kind. You connect with people. You hate to see others sad. You have a vice or two--who doesn't--but the point is, you are the epitome of what it is to be human, and you are able to encompass the absolutely zany improbability of life as we know it. People are comforted by you. They cherish your spirit and relate to you. But it can be difficult when you're not laughing. Comedy becomes a wall to keep worse feelings out, or in. A person who feels any emotion to the extreme will undoubtedly feel others the same way. Laughing is great, but... perhaps a big reason you appreciate your family is because there's something you can't stand in a silence.
Tagged by: @made-of-archimedes, @satrniid, @the-rorschach-mask (♡♡♡) Tagging: Whoever would like to do it?
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kindafooey · 1 year
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Had a bit of a xenophobic moment just now lmao
#I was at a campfire site minding my own business when a bunch of southerners came up#and while sternly pretending that I wasn't there they put on godawful music and started doing yoga#and I. well. I'll admit I could've made an attempt to be more communicative but like. I was literally right there#and they were being extremely rude. like. I don't know it's a cultural thing because I genuinely do not understand southern finns#but I think it's customary to ask if it's okay to blast music from your shitty boombox when there are others present??#not to mention that we were literally in the middle of the forest where people usually want to enjoy the silence ffs#and they didn't so much as say hi#so I was like. fuck it. two csn play this game. and I pulled up my phone and searched for 10 hours of annoying noise on youtube#and started blasting that to drown their dumbfuck yoga music#and eventually they pulled that gross fake southerner smile and asked me if I wanted to join them#and I was like. no I don't think I will. I was just curious how long they were willing to pretend that I wasn't there#and I told them it's common sense to ask other people if they're okay with playing music that loud especially in a situation like this#and they were STILL fake smiling at me and said I'm free to join. so I was like. okay gals listen up.#I don't know if this is how you do it in helsinki but it does not fucking fly in lapland and maybe they'd be better off going the fuck back#to where they came from#(which is a gross thing to say to anyone I KNOW but I was being talked down and fake smiled at#and feeling fairly fucking pissed at that point)#then I was like aight I've had enough I'm outta here#but changed my mind and came back#at which point they turned off the music and actually apologized. which I can appreciate#so uhh yeah. I can be obnoxious and gross sometimes lol#but even though it didn't come out in the best possible way I still think it was like. a well-deserved moment of straightforwardness#for the three of them#honestly I don't feel ashamed at all haha#but maybe next time I'll be more polite. just maybe. no prommies tho
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sluttish-armchair · 1 year
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NOW I KNOW WHAT THE MINISTRY OF LOVE REMINDS ME OF:
soup.avi
Forever going to picture O’Brien as Ray Ray LOL
#1984 book#soup.avi tw#cannibalism tw#just in case#Don’t worry guys; soup.avi is a piece of performance art#It’s so bleak tragic and macabre…. I kind of appreciate it now that I’m not a petrified twelve-year-old#From the graininess of the camera to the comically large spoon to the sterile monochrome set and characters juxtaposing the man#the table and the bowl#Even though the two guys are obviously costumes; the way everything is done makes them appear as if they are some real alien entities#And the fact that there are two that look exactly alike is reminiscent of the “men in black” urban legends (not the movie LOL)#And the fact that you cannot see anyone’s faces really dehumanizes everyone: the Brothers Ray look otherworldly#and the man looks like an abused animal#There is no real dialogue either; only crying from the man and silence from the Rays#which adds to the anonymity of the piece; making it seem more believable as a “video from the dark web”#Especially considering the fact that the way the man’s face is censored is with the use of a black bar across the eyes#Because the eyes are the windows to the soul; so it symbolizes the loss of a soul on his part… because he ate the soup. He is defeated.#He was forced into destroying his sense of identity and morality by some unknown circumstance#If it is his wife he’s eating (as the theories say); then why is he eating his wife? Likely to save his children from the same fate#Sorry this got dark#Why the fuck am I analyzing soup.avi#Get a grip woman
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intheconfessiondial · 2 years
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Peter Appreciation Post
A selection of his roles over the years. Not all the ones I’ve seen, because that would be way too many (and because Aftersun gives me second-hand embarrassment), and not including any I haven’t seen. Somehow I struggled most with 12.
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firewoodfigs · 2 years
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eyetheguard · 2 years
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00. the fool : what are your muse’s thoughts on new beginnings ? does it frighten them or excite them ? | 05. the hierophant : what are your muse’s morals / ethics ? do they follow their moral code strictly ? | 18. the moon : what does your muse long for ? is it a realistic desire ?
00. the fool : what are your muse’s thoughts on new beginnings ? does it frighten them or excite them ?
Milo is excited for new beginnings. So much of his life has been a long process of starting anew and learning that he doesn't know as much about himself that he thought he did, and although it's incredibly difficult to come into his own, he's been making progress at a slow and steady rate.
05. the hierophant : what are your muse’s morals / ethics ? do they follow their moral code strictly ?
Milo's morals mostly boil down to try not to do harm, help those who need it, and respect nature. Pretty open ended and typical, and thanks to MSQ there are some exceptions and situations where he could not uphold one or two of those things. The lives of other people take priority to him, but due to the way he was raised, his stint in the Twelveswood after being disowned, and his resulting 'gift', respecting nature is the most obvious one.
He makes sure he's on top of his botany knowledge, taking care to not take too much (and give back what he can) from the environments he forages and gathers in. This is actually somewhat separate from his "relationship" with the Twelveswood - he's quite strict with himself there still, but has a number of odd rituals and habits that he does every time he returns there. His gift is a little demanding, but if the only harm done is to himself he's since accepted it as a small price to pay to not cause any further disturbances. Generally he doesn't try to impose this stuff on other people, and he gathers and forages alone most of the time to avoid seeming 'off' about it all.
18. the moon : what does your muse long for ? is it a realistic desire ?
Milo secretly longs for a sense of inner silence. Not calm, not joy, not even rest, in the way that most people do - but the silence he felt with death in his throat and lungs, the silence of the end, and nothing more. It is something he does not talk about and feels great shame - things have been improving for him but that desire gnaws at a part of his brain when he lets himself daydream too much. It's not unrealistic to most, but due to his gift and some other problems surrounding it it feels like that silence brought on by death is distant if not impossible for him to actually have. If he could have it while living, that would be nice, but he knows not to get his hopes up.
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inkskinned · 9 months
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no, actually, where is the whimsy?
my ex had a best friend named larry who asked me once: what do you think comes after irony?
we were at the bar where larry worked. it was a quiet night, and he'd hopped over to sit with us on the patron side. i swirled the lemon around my limoncello martini.
earnest positivity, i said, while my ex said, art self-destructs.
i stared at my ex. he stared at me.
his argument was the cinemasins argument: look how bad media is becoming! look at the loopholes and the dumb shit!
it was roughly 2011. galaxy print was still in. at the time, i had a favorite shirt that was a wolf howling at the moon. it got ripped in half in the wash and i honestly still mourn it. i dressed like effie stonem, because everyone did. and irony was the name of the thing. men liked MLP "ironically." the internet liked the kind of crass, "anti-mainstream" vibes of things like fuck romance, touch my butt and buy me pizza. we put cats in sunglasses everywhere, which was because we only liked things in irony.
and media had the same vibe in it: anti-hero white men would be "hard to love" and then storm off the scene. nobody was just earnestly trying to save the world: they were jaded, angry, unoriginal. mad you even asked them to try to help.
my ex ends up not being wrong. cinemasins becomes super popular. a lot of people start viewing media with this lens that is the cruelest, most jaded depiction. it's wrong for your character to have unexplained powers, even if the entire movie is about how strange it is she has unexplained powers - that is still considered a "loophole." characters make thoughtless, panicked choices? loophole. characters are actually kind people, despite hardship? loophole. features a woman doing literally anything without assistance? loophole. movies become hyper-aware of scrutiny, and now irony rules the media.
which means you go to a movie, and the character has to turn to the screen and say "beats me!!" or one of the side characters has to have some kind of quip like "are you seriously telling me that you think this is normal?" because nothing can happen in earnest. like a sitcom laugh track, we now anticipate the fourth-wall break: the moment that the media acknowledges it is telling a story. the media has to apologize for itself, or else someone like my ex rolls their eyes.
but here's the thing: i wasn't wrong either.
the difference might be that i am (and always have been) so soft-hearted that any crack in the light of this world will spear me into the ground. and i was the poet in the relationship. (he thought that was the same thing as being naïve and stupid). i was making things daily. i knew how all of us artists are driven by some strange desire to evolve. he notably liked to critique art, not to create it.
so yes, i've made things that are bitter and angry and even ironic. i've made long, sharp poems with all capital letters, and i've made poems about how the silence stretches out like a song. someone wrote once that we will spend our whole lives just circling the place we grew up. i think it's more that we spend our whole lives trying to remake a home. i think it's that as we age, it becomes less exciting to build the castle on the beach - we become aware of erosion, of windforce. we realize what we really want is to come home to our dog, castle or not.
and while art in the foreground is mired in white male violence and irony, and aggression, and not taking anything seriously - i don't think that's true of all art. i think more and more artists are leaning in to the things we love. the world has changed so much. they have taken so many things from us. the only thing we have left is love. at the bottom of the moving box - all we get is the faint sense that we have to appreciate what little we've got. i can't enjoy this stuff ironically anymore: what room do i have for irony? if it makes me happy, that is an amazing thing. there are so few happy places left for me. i want to be happy because of how leaves shiver beside each other like nestling birds. i want to be happy because of the color pink, and how magenta doesn't exist. i have spent so much of this life suffering, i have earned my right to a gentle ending. if nothing matters, i get to assign meaning to the nothing. i get to create meaning. i am an artist first and foremost, which means creation is my thing.
where is the whimsy? wherever i fucking put it. because if this is my last fucking chance to do any good in this world - i want to do it earnestly. i want to write things that make you happy. that make people feel heard and seen. what comes after irony has to be positivity.
it was close to my 21st birthday. in 7 years, i would end up writing a book about this relationship, which is hopefully coming out somewhere around May 2024. i come back to this bar scene in my memories a lot. i keep thinking of how pale my ex was. the look that crossed his face. how i looked back at him. how for a moment, both of us couldn't recognize the other person. like the gulf between us was a suddenly wide and cavernous thing. like we were alien to each other. he never took my opinion seriously, and he always seemed surprised whenever his manic-pixie-dream-girl ever broke free of the plot. like in the whole time we were together, i wasn't human enough.
this knowledge: where he said nothing comes after, my only instinct was what comes after is love.
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