#and you feel motivated and social

[haechannabelle]

timeline of events so far today:

woke up approximately 3am, couldn't go back to sleep

reblogged a lot of juyeon content

got up around 4:30

took vyvanse (which i used to be prescribed but am not anymore...but i still have a small supply for "emergencies")

got suuuper focused

made that birthday card for my friend

next on the agenda:

edit new header image (jeonghan in the fear video<3)

edit new icon photo (lee know....love of my life.....)

update my faves list/playlist/navigation post

go through my blog and add retroactive tags to posts (because i can't. stop. categorizing. the OCD lyfe !!!)

was the "emergency" that i wanted to do art/edit photos and organize my blog ??? maybe.....maaaaybe...............

#might also get crazy and start messaging lots of people #wow it's crazy when your brain is functioning #and you feel motivated and social #can't believe normal people just get to experience this raw #annabelle talks

[dennisboobs]

my favourite thing about the always sunny podcast is listening to rcg all say something extremely neurodivergent and then agree amongst themselves and convince themselves its completely normal

#and to be clear im not diagnosing them charlie said he wasn't neurotypical #like deadass i think. the reason some of their writers just completely botch the gang's motivations/dialogue sometimes is bc at their core #these characters are all. SO autistic. which inevitably leads to them being misunderstood by others outside their group #whether rcg realizes it or not they inject this very specific vibe of neurodivergence into the gang #and its why they will just. argue over inconsequential details bc they Need to be understood completely #they can't just drop it unless they are crystal fucking clear #imo the biggest mistake other writers make is thinking that the gang is completely desensitized when its more like #they just don't react the way you would expect #which is often... adjacent to that but still distinct. and its trauma that influences this as well #the gang does not believe they themselves are 'bad people'. theyre most often oblivious to the fact that the things they do are insane #rob saying he doesnt pick up on social cues and then going on to argue in circles with glenn #i dont think last week was anything crazy but i think. rob doesn't know when to let up. which is a problem that *i* have #and while it comes across as being confrontational in an 'im right youre wrong' way i dont think its driven by ego here #just like with how as they said mac and dennis are making up while chucking bread rolls at each other #on both sides its frustration at being misunderstood #but they are all similar enough that even if they disagree over small details theyre usually on the same page. and this can be beneficial!! #thats the conclusion of the ep!!!! whether its suggesting smoking to cancel out the toxic apple skin or suggesting words u cant think of #glenn said he was upset about feeling misrepresented and picked on #dennis gets angry for those exact reasons in.... ALL of his big rage scenes #its frustration that leads to anger because youre speaking to (another) brick wall and you can't adequately explain yourself #which. glenn is clearly more competent than dennis & i think a lot of the time in sunny the gang is WAY more obtuse for the sake of comedy #but its interesting to watch the dynamic because as charlie said last week #they are mac and dennis (especially when theyre fighting) #i just think.. they are in a semi-unique position to understand this because this is how they are. while several other writers do not get i #ada speaks #untagged

[onewholivesinloops]

it's so funny to think back of how so many people thought it was dumb that murders would happen over a doll in watanagashi/meakashi when as ever shion has been simmering for a long time and it's just the straw that broke the camel's back. yasu is the same. they said she murdered everyone because she just wanted a prince on a pony. "she just didn't want to study" we're in a time loop now. they're all just catalysts that people use to invalidate their victimhood.

satoko, shion and yasu are extremely similar in that they're all victims of abuse who interpret their complex trauma through the lens of their feelings for a specific person (rika, satoshi, battler).

#also every time i see the studying complaint i just *stares in neurodivergent and mentally ill* #schools being intensive to the point of making a person want to give up and even becoming suicidal is a theme in the anime #of course it's never just one thing #people keep framing satoko as if she has 'only one reason' to do murder when she has so many layers of issues #both family and social which inform her decisions #anyway school being a huge source of her problems is fine #satoko is clearly struggling with attention and memory problems #we see her sitting in class being unable to focus and she even starts feeling sick when she forces herself for example #unlike the hinamizawa school this environment isn't one that fits her #she's also othered and abused on top of all this #you can tell who's the abled neurotypical person who never had to struggle at school growing up from what they think of satoko's motives #higurashi #higurashi gou #higurashi sotsu #umineko #gamo.txt

[my-current-obsession]

Dunno if it's a hot take, but I think the "platonic" path for Chihiro (as in making the "wrong" choices early on so she doesn't even confess, not just rejecting her when she does) was actually WAY better than her romantic rank 9.

Instead of getting insanely jealous of the thought of Mitsuru and MC spending time together (for the sake of HELPING HER), she's actually totally fine with that and begins to leave before stopping because she's upset AT HERSELF for continuing to rely on others. Her motivation to confront the teacher is entirely about taking action herself rather than it being centered on a desperate attempt to fix things quickly to keep the guy she likes away from another girl.

The way she celebrates with MC on the rooftop afterwards is really cute too. She acknowledges her growth in being able to confront an adult male by herself while also recognizing she still has a ways to go and this is kind of just the beginning. It's just really good character development and very wholesome, how her FRIENDSHIP with MC helped her become more confident and capable. Meanwhile her romance has that character "development" tied entirely to her being very jealous/possessive. She was only able to confront the teacher because she was terrified to let MC be alone with Mitsuru. That's not really growth, and it's certainly not a healthy foundation for romance.

#persona #p3 #persona 3 reload #for the record i LIKE chihiro as a character and even find her appealing romantically. but her actual romance arc is... bad. #honestly when she came on strong in this version at rank 5 i swerved IMMEDIATELY towards 'she's jumping to conclusions' #because it just feels true? she BARELY knows you at this point. it's way too soon to say she's in love IMO. #and narratively i think this ended up being more satisfying. she was quick to agree that it probably WASN'T love. and that was that. #after that we had a very wholesome and lovely friendship and she learned to stand up for herself #WITHOUT needing the motivation of potentially 'losing' her crush to another guy. but rather just because she WANTED to grow & change. #anyway sidenote i'm like 2 days away from january and despite my best efforts i'm not going to max every social link #i might've been able to do it if not for the 2 weeks of winter vacation too. brutal. #i'll be close though! only two links undone - keisuke and either mitsuru or aigis. thinking i'll leave mitsuru. #i've no intention of dating mitsuru so gotta try and max aigis since she's so... relevant to the ending. as it were.

[vargaslovinghours]

Y’all are being subjected to my Sims 2 tests, so there

The other set of Vargases came over for a visit and Scriabin picked up Shmee and started talking to Scriabin through him. Very normal, very usual

I downloaded some circle-glasses recolours and hghghh they look so good! Closer every day to his final details! Getting ever closer!

Edgar too! I made him a custom hair with a lighter undercut - I’m mostly happy with it, probably could’ve shifted it a shade closer to his skintone but the texturing was weird no matter what :P And his stripey shirt! I wish Body Shop didn’t have that hands-on-hips pose lol, it looks so much better in-game, but that’s all the better :)

I got some new clothes for Todd as well! As soon as I saw this ‘fit I was like “Oh that’s 100% Todd there he is.” Scriadad hug ♥ So cute

Foot-dancing together stopp it’s so cute!!

The way he looks at them stoppp <3 <3 They kept doing this right up til they left for home haha, Todd’s giggles are the cutest

Used SimPE to save him to the Body Shop, I now have infinite copies of The Boyyyy ♪

Moved him in with his “parents” as just shadow people basically, they’re not gonna matter in a bit as long as I remember how to get the Social Worker/Adoption process to work properly. Get her Todd!!

Wanna play? :D

Menacing :(

Look, Todd, your new dads are here! Initially I wasn’t sure who I wanted to adopt him, got lots of options; the first passes, the married couple with their own Todd, Johnny?? He definitely doesn’t have the facilities for a child lol But these are the ones that showed up on their own, so the married Vargases are the winners!

Scriabin cares more about him than his actual parents ;; A stranger off the street shows him more care! Not that it’s a high watermark

Look at him being a good dad!

Weh, he just wants friends ;; Poor baby

Best timeline, thank you

While we wait for CPS, let’s get some other interactions in! Nny is mean so he tended to prank the other two with a nose flick - mostly Edgar lol ♪ Now kiss

“Oh please don’t break all my bones~ :3” I love Todd looking up at them haha <3

Pffft, I think he was talking about the other Scriabin and just how attractive he is. Classic Scriabin. Alternatively, also funny to imagine him bragging himself up about how he’s just so handsome that Edgar can’t help but love him hahaha ♪

Allow me to tickle you with my KNIFE! >:D

Get a load of this guy lol

He ended up passing out at one point - I forgot which motives make CPS show up >.> - and completely 0%’d his comfort, but for some reason stargazing increased it?? It’s the same ground wh

Is two not enough to satisfy your butterfly bloodlust child?? He ended up with three, I had him release them before he was picked up by the Social Worker - success!

He rolled a new Want as soon as Todd was taken away - “Wants to see Ghost of Todd” Woah, dark! :0

And here he is on the married Vargases’ lot!! Success!! I did it right!! Heck yeah! :D Unfortunately they were uh, indisposed at the time. Good job guys pft

Goes right for Shmee, he really is Todd <3

#The Sims 2 #My queue is too backlogged on main! And I /have/ been working on a lot of Vargas-specific Sims 2 retextures so it's fine lol #These are still tests - as said up top lol - so these events are ''non canon'' to what will eventually be my actual Vargas family #The beats will be similar tho! It's mostly just a lot of tweaking at this point to get everything just where I want before the domino falls #Edgar Nny and Todd are all so close to done - Scriabin still needs a bit more work lol of course he's the problem member ♪ #It'll be worth it tho! >:3c Handsome lad <3 #Did find out some interesting things with the Social Worker/Adoption process :0 Most importantly that adoption basically wipes everything #Wipes memories and family relations and changes the last name! So I'll have to go in with SimPE to change his name back once I'm there #I love SimPE haha ♪ I mean it's just an extension of how much I love TS2 but I just ughsjkhagf it's a good program! #It's extremely powerful and easy to get lost in if you don't know where to look but it's also incredibly user-friendly if you do know #Like - it's as easy as ''Open this sub-menu. Click this button. Rename this. You're all done'' it's just jdsflf Sims 2 my beloved <3 <3 #I decided to cheat down the Casils' relationship with Todd before everything else - thus why his father is menacing him for the prank #I've seen Sims with not high enough friendship to not take a water balloon as a fun invitation but not between a parent and child! #It's subtle but the parent being mad and the kid cowering :( It's sadly appropriate for Todd #I stuck the Casils in a box to wait things out and they ended up glitching frozen in bed - they're effectively dead by Motive but can't move #So they can't die /or/ live - feels fitting #If you'd like to recreate CPS taking your child away without straight up torturing them! - Hunger. You just need hunger lol #Alternately you can also have them miss class if you'd prefer to feed them - both will result in being taken away after long enough #If I return to this save it's gonna be confusing since both Todds are identical and have the same names lol #I do have a bunch of new clothes! Second shopping trip :D #There's something oddly fitting for the Vargases to adopt twin/clones lol - fun shenaniganary until the Final Version comes to pass #Although now that I think of it I Could also give them a toddler!Todd hmmmmmm #It's an idea :)

[viaetor]

(๑╥﹏╥)੭ ♡

#❛ㅤ𓆩✦𓆪ㅤ:ㅤooc﹔ㅤㅤ/ㅤㅤchaos and aether simpery. #tbd / #ive been really Really low on social energy and Motivation in general #not kinda like in a burnout way! but close-ish #so i wanted to apologise for the time i take in getting back to messages / servers / threads #but also kinda like #appreciate how patient and understanding you all are with me ;;;;;; #i know a lot of us suffer from anxiety / depression / issues in general and i find it amazing how we're all trying our best #despite adversities and what comes our ways #i have this cyclical issue of burnout happening over and over and i dont remember my last genuine vacation #so it means a lot that i have friends and partners that can like! understand and wait for me ;;;;;; #it genuinely means a lot to me!!! makes me feel like i belong somewhere #despite its issues the genpact rpc was the one that im having the most fun in. and the one i feel like people understand #so thanks for being so lovely with me!!! #I'll slowly get back to DMs / threads / asks etc <333 #just need to die a lil beforehand sksmflgmg kokomi is just like me frfr #vent / #just in case!

[vaugarde]

i get the frustration with so many villains now getting treatment like “oh they had a sucky childhood so actually you need to feel bad for them and not hold them accountable for their actions” but the counter of “this person was born evil and cant ever grow and its pathetic to assume that they can, also people cant be redeemed no matter what and this is fantastic writing actually” is so exhausting. 

#like... no one is born grinning maliciously with a knife out the womb. no one starts out that way #and anything thats ever tried to portray a character that way at birth has only ever been ironically funny #idk its annoying when people are like ''actually its more interesting that the character doesnt have a motive for killing people'' #like. coming off of bullet train rn but even ''this character otherwise has a perfect life but they accidentally killed and now theyre #fascinated with all the ways people can die'' is more interesting than ''idk thats just how they are *shrugs*'' #like yes someone can have the perfect upbringing and social life and still turn out to be sadistic but you can still work with that #as opposed to ''they were born evil thats just how they were always gonna be SORRY'' #like. idk go into that ''perfect social life and family''. what did that family value? what were the friends like? #what did that person experience outside of those things? what did they consume? #did their social standing actually breed some sort of entitlement to them? do they perhaps freak out if something doesnt go their way? #are they insecure deep down? does that drive them to it? are they a perfectionist? do they assume peoples feelings? #i remember reading this wc fancomic that explained why a character was evil and like her mom died #and the attention from her mothers death made her obsessed with being fawned over so she started medical abuse #and letting her patients die so that people would fawn over her the same way every time #and the op was like ''HEY before you yell at me shes NOT evil bc her mom died ok she was gonna turn out evil no matter what'' #like... no no go into the emotional vulnerability implied there. go into the morbid introduction to slow death at a young age #go into the potential desensitization go into that. youre already willing to make her multifauceted and with positive traits #why are you afraid of implying shes even SOMEWHAT sympathetic and just want to say she was gonna do that regardless #and i fault the atmosphere around this stuff most of all like we should never have implied that giving a villain a reason to be evil #was stupid woobifying bullshit that was out of touch with reality #echoed voice

[brown-little-robin]

I think I'm going to treat myself to being off tumblr until Tuesday. a nice long stretch of four days to force my brain to calm down, and if I feel like it, maybe a longer vacation soon. I'll be back today (or maybe tomorrow) to post the next Strange Redemption chapter, and my queue will be running.

In the meantime, I'll be doing art, talking to friends, playing board games, working, cleaning, et cetera... :)

🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸

bye! see you later!

#I'm fine it's just my brain has got the GOFASTER social media rot again and I'm taking one of my 'sloww downnn' breaks :) #Robin speaks #btw this summer has been way better than last summer :) I think everyone in the house is less stressed #so we're all happier and more motivated #I'm able to be more proactive about stuff and I'm finding it easier to get to bed at a good time #I'm working on a good balance with tumblr and thinking maybe a weekly break would be a good idea? I don't know #I may have to make some changes to how I use the site too #it would probably be prudent to schedule myself a break from ceramics posting for a while #well... we'll see! #if you know me on discord I'll still be there. feel free to talk to me there—in fact I invite you to do so!

[caffeinatedopossum]

People be like "merry Christmas" meanwhile I'm over here uncovering new depths of my trauma

#yeah so apparently I experienced csa and I'm honestly not processing that super well #i started just telling people about stuff that happened that i never want to talk about #and they were like 'uh yeah thats csa im sorry you went through that' 💀 #like wdym that was csa?? ahhhdjdj ah djdhdgd #in all seriousness though I've gad a lot of very painful realizations about this lately #like the fact that people knew and not only let it happen but actively tried to allow it to continue #and prevent people who actually try to do anything about it from finding out. including me! i was told it was all normal #like 'oh yes this is all normal. but also dont tell anyone this.' #'not because its wrong but because theyll get the wrong idea' #god. i can't comprehend it #i never thought it was sa because ive always been asexual. i couldnt think of any motive so i just didnt know #i didn't have any grasp of what sexuality was in general. i thought it was like a social construct or a game i was sometimes bad at #i still don't understand. i hate how when i think about it all i feel like a little kid again

[sl1ghtly0dd]

ok well my days been shit and all but I will say seeing one of my old professors posting resources/guides for faculty supporting campus protests did give me a touch of pride for my college and major. Like being in Texas and working for a job that I can’t be too “political” I have to be careful about what I’m sharing right now but seeing her posts made me feel a lot more like I can also be vocal, if she’s willing to risk her career I think I can too.

#not the first life lesson I’ve learned from that proffesor but I’m not surprised I’m still motivated by and learning from her still #(also fyi i do have to be careful about what i post on social media butttt #I’m feeling safer on tumblr. I had to review my followers here thouroghly but I don’t think any work customers follow me) #and if you do know me from my job… please don’t tell my boss I support ‘political’ things like the end of a fucking genocide…. #also like.. I think arts professors that look at surrealism a lot maybe should talk more about genocide protests considering #(the surrealists were during the Second World War btw for contexts)

[tvrningout]

links are updated, and rules are updated, too! there's nothing new that really applies to my current mutuals bc y'all know the drill, but you're welcome to take a look if you want <3

#alright now i sleep oof #just happy i'm done ;;;; #next... i edit my ding dang affiliates and mains list #i might do a post about it? bc tbh i do not have the social battery to message everyone i'd consider as a main #affiliates are easier bc they're people who are connected to characters/lore on your blog so i don't feel nervous there #but man... some of y'all are 100% mains in my head even if i haven't written you down yet #i'm just shy about asking and tbh i've needed to edit my pinned post for ages asdfg it's just now that i'm feeling motivated #anyway!! to bed i go <3 pls have the loveliest night <3 #get ready to ramble | ooc

[ardri-na-bpiteog]

do irish people know you can call out racism without diving enthusiastically into classism instead?

#literally every mention of right wing groups #the comments are full of people with their 'lol dole scroungers at it again' shit #like #you're not really any better than the racists you're criticising #when you're doing so by looking down on social welfare recipients #it definitely makes me think that you're not really motivated by a desire to fight racism #you just want to feel superior

[veone]

The social anxiety I have is the reason I speak the way I do on here to other people and never send asks. I have alot of thoughts but in the end I don’t want to annoy people. worst thing in the world is to be annoying according to my brain. Not being mean and hurtful I can’t imagine people doing that not on purpose oddly enough.

#it’s the way I feel bad saying thank you all the time and expressing appreciation that people like what I’m doing 🥲 I don’t think it’s #enough but I feel like I responsed differently it comes across disingenuous because I really want to say thank you for like what I post it #it’s very motivating and this makes me feel good about what I post and that feels not enough 😭 #I can’t express it in words properly but I feel like that what suppose to be said #social anxiety is a bitch #ya over think everything

[theduchessofnaxos]

This paper is actually going quite well.

Too bad it's complete bullshit.

#I'm not lying #but I'm definitely not being brutally honest about the historiography here #look the first few works are technically all social histories but there's a qualitative difference from the later ones #and the politics is still important enough that I should get to call them political histories #Also frankly I don't care #I just need to finish the damn paper by midnight and then I will be free of this fucking course #I have never in my LIFE dreaded going to class before this course #And honestly? It's soul crushing! I have no will to succeed here! #My only motivation is that I liked the rest of the semester and I need to pass this class to continue the program! #the professor asked for an additional evaluation (still anonymous) and I'm torn about how brutal to be #because on the one hand it was an enlightening course and I am definitely better equipped as a historian than I was three months ago. #on the other hand every single one of my classmates had completely given up by the end because no matter what we did it wasn't good enough #and also the professor was just fucking mean a whole bunch. But in that subtle way where you feel crazy for noticing. #so the class was horrible but I don't want him to feel horrible but also maybe he deserves it??? I can't even tell if he's actually a dick #or just acts like one #which is perhaps not a meaningful distinction but if he doesn't mean to I'd feel bad being too harsh #though several incidents make me think he meant to #blegh. It'll all be over by midnight! #And then I can focus on studying for women's history and - joy of joys - writing a syllabus about Victorian fashion and politics #I fucking love historical fashion that's going to be absurdly fun

[craycraybluejay]

i hate everyone i hate life i hate fucking everything just fucking when is it over when do i get to see everyone else hurt like i hurt when do i get to my permanent holiday off this nightmare train.

#vent post #iwantagun.txt #no one gives a shit about me or you or anyone motivation culture is a scam that wants to eat your wallet #they want you to FUCK them or they want you to BE THEIR STRESS BALL or they want you to be a STATUS SYMBOL or anything anything at all but #a person with their own needs and feelings and pain #you give and you give and you take so much shit thinking you can change the cards you were played #you can't. #what's the point of playing at civility and turning the other cheek and sucking up when none of it does anything but make you feel pathetic #the people with any power in your life are almost always Not You and they often don't particularly care what you need or want #they don't care about maintaining a social contract with you they don't care about honouring your work with any kindness or reward #because as long as they SAY that what you're doing will get them to be good to you you will work that angle in the hope of good #and then they can just go back on it and entrench you deeper and deeper into servitude #until you realize theres no point to it and they throw you another bone so you lose your rationale again #no one repays their FUCKING debts. no one is charitable. to you it is your life to everyone it is just a game #this is NOT a game #i am not obligated to take anyones fucking shit!!! die!!!! #if i dont off myself before i get the chance i am putting every fucker who so much as looked at me wrong in hell #jail. in deep with organized crime. permanently sick. i dont care. i just want to know that they hurt and hurt and hurt till they die #i want them to be afraid. in agony. throw them those bones they threw me just to yank them away again and again #they have to pay. im never going to make it but all i wish for is to be just influential enough to do to them what they did to me tenfold #PLEASE come throw a good hard punch at me so I have a good excuse to beat your ass half to death #PLEASE break into my house so I can knock you over the head with a crowbar #PLEASE give me reason to finally get a little of that vengeance. of course you deserve it i know you did something like that to someone #i know you refused to help a friend when they were broke and homeless. i know you manipulated an ex into sex. i know you looked down on #someone that just needed help. i know you ignored your kid when they were sick. i know you did something. #I'm sick? violent? mad? sure. but YOU are the acceptable evil that builds that festering rage #you are the good bad thing that keeps the wheels turning and the lowest rung down where you agree they ought to be #you have it a long time coming

[aeolids-zenith]

i hate posts that are supposed to be positivity for people who lack friends or that say that social connections are like unexpectedly inevitable/straightforward to make or something, but then like. don't elaborate on how that is possible. it always just makes me feel more hopeless

#space chirrup #idk. i suppose even if there was actually anything theoretically actionable in those posts i still might not feel like it'd work for me #i mean i've tried googling for actual advice but for some reason ''how to make friends as a chronically online socially stunted #possibly autistic barely-transitioned transgender young adult introvert with esoteric interests'' doesn't turn up anything useful #(idk if ''possibly autistic'' is accurate all the self-assessments i've done plus the psychologist i went to said i probably wasn't) #i suspect that i might be unnecessarily limiting myself with all of that #but i have absolutely no idea what is a reasonable amount to step outside of my comfort zone/interests #i don't even have anything that i want out of basic social interactions the thing that compels me is intimacy. #but i don't want that with someone i don't know already. #but how do i get to know people when there's nothing i want to do with them and i have trouble feeling like i want things in general #does that mean i'm depressed. i've had conflicting feedback on whether i am. what is the productive course of action if i am #bc i keep thinking that like medication wouldn't be worth it if i didn't have a plan to actually improve my life but that if i had a #plan i could just do it without medication #but idk maybe medication would allow me to identify an actually viable plan. ggggggg #ALSO does it make a difference that i only feel strongly about this when it's late at night #people always say not to trust how you feel at night but it's not like i feel GOOD about my life in the daytime it's just kinda neutral #like there's enough for me to survive without significant effort and i'm not completely joyless but idk what it's all for #and night is the only time i feel motivated to do anything about it. #though usually that thing is just writing a vent post on tumblr or something equivalently unproductive lolllll