#i just think.. they are in a semi-unique position to understand this because this is how they are. while several other writers do not get i

[niconebula]

Okay, I really want Watching and Dreaming to include in it's themes a conversation about The Collector's immortality and King's self professed semi-immortality. The big elephant in the room is that King is eventually going to outlive all of his family and friends dozens of times over. He starts implying that they have this kind of connection and understanding to Eda, but we haven't seen it play out yet. This is the reason it's important to set him and the Collector up as the genuine best friends I'm sure they will start (slowly) becoming by the end of the series.

I find TOH to be a death and naturality positive show. Caleb will never actually speak from his grave to Belos, there's no communicating with the dead and any attempt at a reversal of the natural cycle, like Belos re-animating tons of Grimwalkers, is obviously framed as being bad. I could make a whole post just on this topic. It's also why I'm not completely on board with the guy from the in-between being THE titan himself.

It's been said by Dana that The Collectors are all about being unnatural, resisting change, and preserving time. They collect so that things may never fade, and the Titans were in direct opposition to this in their creating of new, different life through death. Therefore, I'd like them to tackle the theme head on with King opening up about his existential dread and uncertainties. One of my fears ever since the big reveal was that they were going to find some magical way to change King into a mortal being so that he could be with his family in a 'normal' way. This would be a bad move for a lot of reasons; primarily that it blows a hole in the legacy he carries as the last Titan and representative of his people. Though it might be comforting to him to live the life he originally expected, it would take away his unique identity. With the Collector, a lot of theories hinge upon his magic being drained in some kind of way, making him into a normal mortal child as a solution to his problems. I'll be really disappointed if this happens. I'm not against them preserving a large part of his magic somehow in an amulet to allow them to access it once they come of age and maturity (incredibly specific because this is my idea right now). But anything further would be taking away their identity as well as making King once again alone by the time the Clawthornes die (again unless they do it to him too.. it would be bad though).

Both being the only one of their species remaining from the war (though there may be more Collectors further out there), their reconciliation is an incredibly strong theme. And for King to know that he's not alone in trying to accept his history and Titan-hood, and everything that entails. I'm also just incredibly curious about the kinds of things they would get up to in the farther future including some inter-dimensional or worldly travel and for King the rebuilding of the Titan species; a lore topic for another day but I tend to think King only having a dad is quite literal in that Titans are a 'male' only species and reproduce in a kind of magical asexual way.

#question for another day; is the demon realm ACTUALLY another dimension or is it just another planet that can be reached #through a portal? and would that imply collectors exist on Earth too and are responsible for alien abduction stories? #tune in for more next week #the owl house #toh spoilers #king clawthorne #the collector #put pictures in to break up the text cause UHH its a lot #come get ur loreposting!!!

[leonsi]

seeing all these rottmnt/2012 crossovers bash on the 2012 bros’ relationship with each other is kiiindaaa upsetting as someone who’s uncomfortable with expressing and receiving overt affection

but hey what do i know i probablyy just have all toxic unhealthy relationships where we never understand each other and share mutual trust and love *twirls hair*

the 2012 bros may not openly express their love like the rottmnt boys do, but that doesnt mean its not there. and acting like the rottmnt relationships are automatically better and the only Right standard for healthy relationships seems pretty,, juvenile and inexperienced imo. love isnt only expressed through physical affection and saying things like “i love you,” openly, and assuming there is no love in a relationship without those things is… odd.

love is not only in words or hugs. the 2012 boys can love each other just as much as the rottmnt boys without being open about it. 2012 raph, especially, loves to show affection through acts of service, physical affection, and quality time, but he doesn’t like any of this to be commented on because it makes him uncomfortable. and thats okay! he doesn’t need to express affection openly to have it be there.

just as rottmnt donnie can express love and affection outside of hugs and words, so too can the 2012 boys. they all have their own unique ways of expressing love that the others all respect and recognize, and dismissing that feels less like it’s intentional, and more like the people writing these crossovers just don’t recognize alternate forms of expression exist. which, again,, reeks of inexperience.

( also semi-related tangent speaking of donnie he literally fucking . put a shock collar on his brother like he’s a dog in an attempt to change him. and brainwashed his brothers. and frequently puts his own wants and needs over their own - which is totally fine, if it didn’t happen all the time. it’s kinda laughable to say 2012 raph is worse than rottmnt donnie honestly

siblings hit each other. okay. siblings hit each other. i need y’all to recognize this. i will power drive my little brother into the floor over the last oreo. siblings hitting each other is not abusive (TYPICALLY) because there are established boundaries both parties abide by. like i will never touch my siblings if they are in a bad mood, trying to concentrate on something, or otherwise in a bad position (like standing somewhere dangerous, by a corner etc), and i will never intentionally hurt them. if i think they are actually hurt, we stop immediately until they tell me theyre fine. roughhousing with your siblings is fun. it is bonding. its a self-esteem booster to be able to pick up ur freshman brother okay.

the 2012 bros always abide by these rules. they never hurt each other beyond what the other party can handle, and if they do, it is very clearly treated as a bad thing by them or the other brothers so they realize they went over the line, and they resolve it by the end of the episode (as is the way of formulaic kids shows).

rottmnt donnie. put a fucking shock collar on his brother. and this is funny to him. and not something he ever learns from. and totally not weirdly sexual. But 2012 raph is the bad guy? ok )

i mean. i dont know what i expect from a fandom full of chronically online children who truly dont have experience with relationships. but it just really irks me for some reason and its currently one in the morning so im feeling whiny about it.

affection outside of words and hugs exists. affection outside of words and hugs exist!! and if you know that then you know that the 2012 boys love each other so so so much, just as much as rottmnt. just because they express it differently than in sanitized queer TV shows and not overtly, so you kinda have to pick up on nuance, doesnt mean they dont love each other. let people love other people in non-overt ways!

#seriously as someone who. hates receiving and giving direct affection #to the point where someone even sharing a fic of mine out of affection or complimenting me makes me. uncomfortable i guess. #it really irks me when these fics bash on the subtle kind of love #i love doing things for people !! i love love love doing acts of service and adult parallel play and small physical affection #and having that love devalued and discredited because its not… clear enough. idk feels odd #it feels like it comes from teenagers who hug their partners in the high school hallways and block the entier fuckin path and talk in #baby voices #okay. it feels like it comes from that specific kind of person. okay. i said it. you feel like you have attachment issues #i just !! this is such a STUPID thing to get worked up about . but its one thirty am i literally do not care anymore ig #anyway #vent #ramble #rottmnt slander #rottmnt donnie slander #IM SORRY I CANT HOMD IT BACK ANYMORE. I HATE HIM. HE HAS ZERO REDEEMING QUALITIES TO ME. IM SORRY NERO

[minluvrz]

eren and armin hc’s !

. [ characters: armin arlert , eren jeager. ]

. cw; nothing much, just fluff. pet names such as baby, babe, etc. gender neutral reader. idk why these ended up being about food LMAOO.

this is basically just me expressing how the two act. that’s it. this is also 100% factual

armin arlert - shellfish hater

- i feel like armin is the type of person to just really dislike seafoods like shrimp, crawfish, clams, etc..

-he would be fine with eating fish like salmon and such, but thinks the thought of shrimp and crawfish is absolutely vile.

armin was sitting behind you on the bed, with you enclosed in front of him, with your chest leaning against his back. It was a position you two would always find yourselves in as you liked being as close to each other as possible. however, with armin being as smart as he is, he’ll probably be reading a book as you two enjoy each other’s presence. “y/n. look.”

he held a book in front of your face, showing you some sort of marine life. it took you quite some processing to process that you were looking at prawn.

“see, isn’t it so cute?”

armins always had a thing for learning about marine life, but sometimes his knowledge on the subject was way too much.

“yeah, it’s cute!”

just know that after this convo he’ll always question why you like eating it ☠️.

“you know babe, i can’t understand why you eat them”

“are you not weirded out by the fact that it actually looks like a dead animal?”

-the moment an animal actually looks like an animal, he’ll lowkey feel bad .

BONUS!

armin has really bad allergies in the spring, so expect him to always have benadryl or something on him

eren jeager - picky eater…

i don’t know why, but it’s pretty much an established fact in my head that even is a very picky eater. you two would be at a semi expensive restaurant ordering your meals, but eren decides to be a little wild and try something unique!

“i’ll have mac n’ cheese with chicken tenders and grapes.”

your mouth hung open in awe of the at that your boyfriend seriously had no shame. the waiter walked away with a fast pace, and you finally let out the cackle you’d been stifling since he uttered those words.

“babe you literally just ordered off the kids menu.”

“i stick with my mac n cheese because it’s kraft and it’ll stay the same every single time. And It’s really fucking hard to mess up chicken tenders.” he shrugged his shoulders briskly and leaned down to take another sip of his orange juice, causing his hair to fall in front of his eyes.

“I thought we made an agreement that you had to try one different food today.”

“did you not see the menu? everything looked absolutely disgusting. beef wellington got too many syllables in it anyways. i don’t trust that shit”

you leaned back into your seat with a sigh and waited for your man child to receive his meal 😐.

#armin arlert #armin x reader #armin x y/n #aot smut #aot x reader #aot headcanons #eren smut #eren jaeger #eren x reader #eren headcanons #armin headcanons #eren jeager x reader #armin arlert x reader

[nobleburn]

✨ 👉👈

hahaha you have fallen into my trap now you can only sit there and take it as I drop compliments and praise upon you, you can do nothing to stop me, the uno reverse card is entirely disabled

When I started writing Lilli on tumblr, I was worried that she was going to be too abrasive for most people, or that people would dislike her. I really poured years of my life into playing her in D&D and I try not to be TOO precious with my OCs, but Lilli, uniquely, means more to me than any other OC probably ever could, for a lot of reasons. I was so afraid that people wouldn't like her or be interested in her, or that they would only like her if I changed her or made her different, and from the start, I remember being so excited and so thankful that you seemed to like her as she was and think she was cool.

Even before we talked more, even before Eira and Nikolette and anything after, I was just so grateful that you liked Lilli enough to write Wylan opposite her. I don't know if I ever told you that, how close I came to shutting her blog down and taking her away from Tumblr because it felt like I just couldn't make her work here, and maybe I just wasn't a good fit for writing on this site anymore, and what ultimately changed my mind and made me want to keep trying was writing with you. I don't think I could ever thank you enough for that.

And then from there, your writing was so good and it felt like we clicked in a way that I've only clicked with a handful of writers that quickly and that easily, like it felt like there was an immediate mutual understanding of what the dynamic was, and what we were going for, and how things could progress, to the point where even when I was struggling to feel creative or make writing happen, and even when things took forever on my end, I really wanted to get it right in our thread.

I was already primed to be in awe of Wylan, how comfortable you seemed to be writing him, your ability to put him in so many different AUs and crossovers in a way that made him fit in, but also preserved what was uniquely his, and then you hit me with a multi-muse? With like a dozen characters that were all so different and unique? Different canons, different personalities, different genres, and somehow you were pulling them all off so well? Boy, I was floored. There were a handful of characters I was semi-familiar with (Samus, Armstrong, Mizuki) and then characters I'd never heard of at all (Raguna, Dogi, the OCs), but it felt like you had a vision for all of them in the same way you did Wylan, like you knew what they were about, you knew how they could fit into tons of different settings, and you knew how to make them work as RP characters.

That's actually the most impressive thing to me, like, it's one thing to be just a technically good writer. Lots of people are. It's another thing to be so clear on like, not just how to write something that is nice to read or shows a strong command of language, but that is easy and clear and FUN for someone else to write alongside. Lots of people have a story inside them and can write by themself, but I've always always always been impressed by your ability to write great stuff that somehow has the perfect mix of getting across your own character, leaving space and development potential for the opposite character, and also moving things forward into a plot or a story.

You are an absolute joy to write with, I have a ton of fun thinking about plots and threads and memes with you and your characters, I would literally perish for Eira. You're super easy to plot with, you're great at coming up with ideas and you also bring great energy to my ideas, to the point where it feels to me that so much of what we figure out together feels like real collaboration. I'm always in the position of both loving the things we're writing, and being extremely excited for what might come next.

Anyway yeah, you're fucking awesome and I'm so glad that I get to write with you as often as I do.

#dcviated #answered memes #thanks for the ask! #you cannot escape the praise

[neverluckygoldfish]

45 -

Warning: I got a lot to say (as usual).

I got married!! Again. Hehe, finally had our weekend we booked two years ago. It was absolutely stunning. But it was a lot. Can we normalize not wanting a big wedding or even a wedding at all? Can we normalize wedding anxiety? Can we normalize dreading big events?

Can everyone just understand that I had a difficult childhood so big intense emotions are terrifying for me and I usually use alcohol/drugs to tamp it down so I can still experience them, albeit distantly. Not excusing, just explaining.

Also - hello this shit is expensive! And we had a frugal wedding.

In the sense that, as a bride, I feel like I should be all sparkles in my eyes and over the moon and dancing on a rainbow - but really, it was my nightmare. My ADHD was in overdrive & the whole weekend felt like a blackout. Reading personal intimate vows in front of people? No thank you lol. Having all eyes on me? I’ll pass. Feeling immense pressure to have ONE perfect day? I’d rather crack.

But I did it anyway. I’m glad I did. And I did all the super emotionally intense parts, sober as a priest. Yay!

Some positives: I’m so lucky to have people who will travel just to celebrate with me. My mom made a speech…it was poetic & very sweet. She described me as “radiant, effervescent, and vivacious”. Like?????? :) I love a good vocabulary.

Umm my stepdad made a speech and he was a freaking VIBE. We haven’t always gotten along but he loves my mom fiercely & is so supportive of her. So I can’t really fault the guy, even if sometimes I’m just like *points to head* “wtf is going on up there?”. I also got some quality time with my extended family, whom I rarely see. They flew over two oceans and two continents just to be with me for this day! Like how amazing is that. :)

The whole night looked like something out of a fairytale with a bohemian theme and fairy lights. Turqoiuse waters & perfect white sand. It was dreamy and picturesque and beautiful.

On top of that, I have friends in all places - I’m not really a one group friend. So it’s a little unnerving to have everyone come together (Will they get along? Will there be drama? Will it be awkward? Will I be so focused on everyone else’s experience that I forget to enjoy my own? LOL but really)

But it was so so much better than I could have ever imagined. We all had a blast!

Speaking OF sobriety, yeah we broke that shit. I had my first alcoholic drink in almost 5 months. Now, those of the I bleed AA variety would freak out because yes, I relapsed. And omg haven’t I read the big book that says I can never ever ever have a drink again? What will Bill think? /s

But hear me out: I discussed my choice to drink with my therapist prior to actually doing it. I had a support system and a harm reduction plan in place. And, I’ve been doing a LOT of work in the last few months to identify, forgive, heal myself & limiting beliefs/negative thought patterns. Ya know, the ones that I used alcohol and drugs to cope with. I’m not anywhere close to where I’d like to be but I’m a hell of a lot farther away from who I used to be.

As my therapist put it: “It seems like this is a symbolic decision for you. Kind of like a “fuck you I am in charge of my life & I can make my own decisions and I don’t care what anyone else thinks”. She’s not wrong.

BUT BUT BUT here’s the best part! Yes I drank, however all it did was remind me of how shitty alcohol actually feels. I don’t miss the hangovers one bit. I enjoy feeling semi-stable in my emotional sense. I like feeling clear headed. Also drinking a lot makes you bloated and more susceptible to gaining extra weight. We want to be snatched always!!!!

I am going back to my life with no intention or desire to drink. No desperate wanting to escape. How freaking wild. Now what works for me may not work for anyone else - but again, sobriety & recovery are so unique to everyone. Everyone’s story starts from the same feelings, but recovery is not a one size fits all.

With all of that being said - I feel super good these days. Not in like a manic & overstimulated way, but a sort of quiet peace that comes with feeling like I am really loving myself for all that I have been, all that I am, and all that I will be.

I want to live my life & the idea of all the things I can do is exciting now. I no longer feel (constantly) like I’m drudging through the monotony of life. I know bad days will come. So will good days. Slowly but surely, I am creating new habits that take me further from my past and closer to the light of my future.

I came to the realization that who fucking cares? The world and the people in my life (though with the best of intentions) will tell me who they think I should be. Will tell me how to fit the mold. But I don’t care about fitting the mold anymore. I don’t want to apologize for having needs and existing. I have people who love all the little bits of me and have always loved them, despite my inner critic telling me I have to earn it.

I decide who I am.

I mean, there’s tons of awful fucking people in the world, who are still loved by someone. Like even Hitler had his main squeeze til the final breath. If that’s any consolation lol.

And just from a nerdy math perspective… statistically speaking, there are 8B+ people in the world. If 10 don’t like me or don’t get me, theres 10 more that do!

I trust my inner She to guide me to where I want to be and to attract the people that I need. These days I have faith.

Each day a little better and brighter.

#self love #healing #recovery #mental health #sobriety #healing journey #spiritual growth #addiction recovery #alcoholism #depression recovery #drug relapse #relapse #the little things #baby steps #fall down seven times stand up eight #we keep going #onward and upward #bad days happen but so do good days #happiness #compassion #thanks for coming to my ted talk #self empowerment #self awareness #self reflection #note to self #selflove #higher self #self healing #inner peace #in the moment

[beabaseball]

I fell down a weird... hole in the internet the last 24 hours, reading articles that I want to talk about but cannot talk about for the exact reasons I want to talk about them. I've backed all these links up on the wayback machine in fear they ever go offline. All of these are explicit, talk about sex and genitalia explicitly, and discuss consent, social suppression, and non-consent. First, The Tearoom - A public bathroom simulator about police surveillance of MSM (men who have sex with men) based off a nonfiction study from the US and UK from the 1970s. Sent me off on so many directions, I clicked every god damn link this thing has. What I remember is mostly in the area of sexuality but only because the guns and masculinity commentary are so smoothly succinct.

"What if this gun is my penis" is a pretty obvious metaphor, but it helped me ensure a variety of shapes to orally service. You could say gun culture is somewhat body-positive -- there is relatively little size-shaming around unique pistol designs (e.g. a Mauser C96) or unique concepts (e.g. the trendy "Obrez"), a gun can be "cool" for a myriad of reasons. Take that, size queens! More importantly, guns also help me escalate my resistance against Twitch's draconian game-banning policies because guns are clearly not penises. Therefore, there is no basis for Twitch to ban my game, like it banned the rest of my games -- however, if they still ban my game, then it will be the first time in history that the game industry regulates and bans a game about guns

The Husband Stitch by Carmen Maria Machado - a short story, discussed in the next article. Warnings are for themes of non-consent (which is different from sexual assault, but also a warning for a mentioned semi-described sexual assault), explicit sexual situations, and just. The scariest stage directions I've ever read. Cultural context just in case: the green ribbon is a reference to this specific retelling as a children's story, which may be spoilers but I assume you're expected to recognize it? And 'The Husband Stitch' a medical practice/myth/nightmare where, during vaginal birth where the perineum is torn or cut, it is stitched up... with one extra stitch "for the husband" to make the wife tighter when having vaginal sex. Something about a human being an object for the pleasure of someone else. Of bodies not belonging to themselves. Not of specific incidents of trauma but the damage of existing in a world in a way that has you cut away pieces of yourself. I want to talk about this story and what I still don't understand about it. I want to talk about the ribbons.

What I Don't Tell My Students About 'The Husband Stitch' - an article discussing the above story. I guess it doesn't say anything you don't already get from the story. I think it intentionally glosses over the consent themes to focus on the disbelief at the root of that consent violation, and the role that disbelief plays in specifically misogyny. Which is also in racism, in antisemitism, in the way absolute reality is unbearable. Something something. Gender and sexuality. Something something, even as an aroace agender, the kindness and necessity of depicting perversion in art.

#beatext #articles #to read #reading list #something.

[twelvedaysinaugust]

Because she's the only one making this relationship semi-believable. /

I know we don’t and likely will never know why this is the case, but it drives me a little crazy not to even have a placeholder plausible explanation for this. I can see why a lot of people believe that Harry hates her, given this context, but I don’t see it in the way they interact (he doesn’t seem like he is particularly close to her or good friends, but he seems comfortable with her at least). Earlier, and especially paired with the rumors/blind items about Harry partying, I thought maybe it was to seed a break up narrative that would allow Olivia to put a positive spin on it and place most of the blame on Harry (since his reputation would probably handle the hit better and bounce back more quickly), but it’s been going on for a long time and nothing else seems to be moving in that direction. It could just be Harry doing what Harry wants, but I find it odd that saying something nice about her in print would cross a line for him when pap kisses wouldn’t. And if he’s genuinely unhappy with the pr relationship, I don’t see why they can’t end it. The movie is out, and while I didn’t expect them to end things immediately, they could certainly wind things down over time, since I don’t see what either of them are getting out of this any longer.

I don’t know why, but it only becomes more apparent to me over time that Harry has very strict boundaries about this relationship. He does not mention her unless directly asked, and then only in a professional capacity. He didn’t even attempt to tie any of the songs from this album to her (even though he seemed to have no issue with it with Camille). He’s not willing to put in work to make this relationship seem believable (even the pap pics are largely unconvincing because of how unhappy or awkward he looks in most of them). And yet the relationship is continuing. It makes me wonder if there really is some kind of rationale about him needing a beard during my policeman promo (which Harry would understandably be unhappy about, but an unhappiness that doesn’t stem directly from Olivia herself), though that seems not only to be a miscalculation given the queerbaiting discourse around Harry lately but also just… uniquely cruel in a way that would make me deeply sad if it were true.

It's like... He doesn't want Olivia to be connected to his creative work or the official narrative about his life. She will be, of course. But I'm thinking more about this after Harry gave the poppers sign the thumbs up tonight.

I guess for me, My Policeman is a satisfactory placeholder. The timing of some of the PDA and pap walks would align with that, too. But I think Harry wants to be out. As always, I use that word loosely because I don't think anyone wants to be closeted, but we live in a world that is not ideal. My point is that I think Harry wants to be out in this world. So I don't think he resents Olivia. I think he resents the situation. But also... If Harry is going to do what he does and allow people to ask the questions he allows them to ask, I often wonder what the barrier is to him making some kind of statement that suggests he sees himself as part of the community. Because I think the issues would arise more from him openly dating a man than from him making some kind of broad statement like, “I see myself as part of the community.” But when he answers questions about his sexuality, he's very, very careful to not answer in a way that could be construed as a coming out. It makes me think that he has a very specific idea in his mind of how he wants to come out - and that it's just not possible at the moment. But it's very hard to reconcile the tension between the Holivia pap pictures and Harry wearing a green flower on his lapel at the My Policeman premiere and saying the boa is the universal symbol of 'out' and a million other things. So my more general placeholder is that Harry wants to be out, but cannot come out in the way he wants at this moment in time.

#it’s late and I’m tired #but this made sense in my head

[dreamsbanana]

Bdcraft cubik pro texturing

#BDCRAFT CUBIK PRO TEXTURING DRIVERS#

#BDCRAFT CUBIK PRO TEXTURING DRIVER#

#BDCRAFT CUBIK PRO TEXTURING UPGRADE#

#BDCRAFT CUBIK PRO TEXTURING FULL#

This download record installs the Intel® Processor Diagnostic Tool release.V My Story I always created games. Downloads for Intel® Pentium® Processor E5200 (2M Cache, 2.50 GHz, 800 MHz. Of Cores 2 Processor Base Frequency 2.50 GHz Cache 2 MB L2. Intel® Pentium® Processor E5200 (2M Cache, 2.50 GHz, 800 MHz FSB) quick reference.

#BDCRAFT CUBIK PRO TEXTURING DRIVER#

Intel E5200 Motherboard Driver Download > d9768dc345 (intel E5200) to Amd FX 8320.Intel® Pentium® Processor E5200 (2M Cache, 2.50.

#BDCRAFT CUBIK PRO TEXTURING DRIVERS#

Intel pentium r dual core cpu e5200 drivers freeload.

An online tool to show others your Model with a unique link (online 3D preview of the Cubik model).

A very easy to use interface (create your model with several clicks, edit UV Map of all your Elements faces at once, manage all your model textures easily with the Material Manager, 3D textured and anti-aliased preview.).

Many unique and useful tools (UV Mapping editor, Automatic Cullface optimizer, OBJ/DXF voxelizer.).

Edit Modes to customize the item position in game easily (thanks to the 3D Preview).

#BDCRAFT CUBIK PRO TEXTURING FULL#

New version of Cubik PRO is available (v0.87) Full changelog can be found there: Briefly, Cubik have: The fact that you can't post your creations for download makes it worthless. Not trying to bash your resource pack (I actually downloaded it a while back and really like it) but money can still be made on an adfly link as I'm sure you understand. Very few people have reached that level of success. You being a popular pack maker can of course make the money back that you used to buy this. The problem is, for some of us, making resource packs is only a hobby A lot of us just don't have extra money. If you don't want to pay for (semi)professional software like Photoshop, Acorn or PSP use Gimp or. If people think it's not worth it - use the lite version or free alternatives, even when they're inferior. This app isn't expensive at all! A cinema ticket is more expensive than the pro version, you get what you pay for. Quote from I despise the tendency that software has to be cheap or even free - damn mobile app market. I can tell this took a lot of time to make but come on, its a waste of effort if no one gets to use it because of the cost. Until you realize that resource pack making isn't a huge market of people who are willing to spend money on a tool that could become broken if the devs decide to change anything again with the block model format, your not going to get your works worth. I get that your trying to make money off your stuff but between your hugely successful resource pack and any money that this would bring in with a freeload, I'm sure you make enough money already.

#BDCRAFT CUBIK PRO TEXTURING UPGRADE#

Your losing a lot of downloads from people because to be able to do anything with your program, you have to upgrade to pro. Also, you should know that they may contain viruses or malware. I'm a bit sad to see somes are posting this online even knowing that they bought it to do so and even knowing that it's not a big company work behind the scene (but an Indie dev) but that doesn't matter that much because the people who like what I done, always come to and support me aswell as the bdcraft community.īy the way, the pirated versions online are not supported by me or BDcraft. That's not a problem infact: A software is pirated when it is useful and/or loved. Lloyd banks the hunger for more zip sharebeast. With our unique approach to crawling we index shared files withing hours after Upload. Still, it looks like it will be a huge service to the community. Otherwise there will be a lot of pirated 'PRO' versions floating around very quickly after release(Oh, what am I saying, they will crack/pirate immediately anyway). Up it to 10 and a lot of people will use it for fun(rails take usually take around 6, and my last project took 25). My only beef is that the 'LITE' version only allows for 4 cubes. After spending many hours over the last week on modeling in raw.json. Also if you are going to use it, get the paid one. Maybe this is only in the free version, but I wouldn't think so.

#Bdcraft cubik pro texturing

[beauty-and-passion]

What Eurovision 2021 taught us

1. That a nice, enjoyable show was possible (even if 4 presenters are still too much)

Of course nothing can beat Love Love Peace Peace (even if Ja Ja Ding Dong does its best), but this year's intermissions were very enjoyable.

We expected something flashy and over the top because hey, The Netherlands. Sex, drugs, gays and all that jazz.

But instead Covid surprised us. And then The Netherlands surprised us even more, by making a very enjoyable show, despite the restrictions. My personal favourites were:

The water intermission of the first semi-final. I loved the mixed feelings, how water is both scary and respected, for being such a powerful, unstoppable force.

The rooftop concerts during the final. Social distancing? Sure, no problem, let's make the past winners sing on top of some roofs all over Rotterdam. That was pure genius, I loved it so much.

On the other hand, the presenters were basically all useless. We could've had just two of them instead of four. But hey, at least they weren't as cringy as the three scary ukranians from 2017 or the useless four ladies from Portugal. The true highlights of the show were the intermissions, the guests and especially the songs themselves and this is perfectly good for me.

________________________

2. That we can live in a world without boring ass ballads

I’ve never been so proud of the Eurovision public, especially during the second semifinal: that evening was PACKED with ballads. Boring ballad after boring ballad, with just a couple more funny songs in between.

The ballads were all left behind. Even the two Amen. And I love the irony we chose El Diablo and the finnish band for the final, but no Amen. No saints allowed, only the norwegian angel. As it always should be.

And so we had the best final I've seen since I started following Eurovision in 2014. Catchy songs, dance songs, upbeat songs. And power ballads. Yes, ballads can still have a place, but only if they're good.

Because yes, Switzerland and France were good. Very good. Just not as good as the ones the public wanted.

________________________

3. That we want Eurovision, not Englishvision

Every year, the same message blasts from all Europeans: send a song in your native language. This show is supposed to make other people from Europe (and the rest of the world) to know more about your own country, to enjoy its rhythm and to listen to something we don't usually hear. So why waste this huge opportunity, to bring a generic song in English?

Because the English song wins. Because we all understand English, so English has more chances.

Flash news: GUESS WHO WON THIS YEAR. No, it’s not the generic English song.

The public has been crystal clear, the final poll is even clearer: the top five includes an italian song, an ukraine song, two french songs and only one english song. We want different styles and rhythms, we want to listen to Europe.

So I want to give my full thank you to:

Albania: amazing song, great voice, wonderful language. Do it again.

Serbia: these ladies are fantastic, their song is great and they sang it in their language so I love them

Switzerland: thank you for leaving English to the side to give us some good french

Spain: the song wasn't as good as Universo, but it was in sexy spanish, so thank you for using it almost every year

Danemark: the song was terrible, but it was in your language and this alone deserves everything

France: I know we all make fun of you for being France, but your language is perfect for songs, so thank you for always using it

Ukraine: take note, Ukraine, because Europe is madly in love with your language and your rhythm

Italy: our language is beautiful, so thank you for delivering every year

While my biggest biases go to:

Greece: a generic pop song with no balkan rhythm and no greek either? An absolute shame, greek should always be used for songs.

Russia: russian language is very melodious and yes, we got something this year, but what about bringing a full russian song? We want it!

Germany: I may sound crazy, but I honestly think german language is good for songs. It's not like the mediterranean languages, but it still works. So please, do not be scared and show what you can do with it!

Scandinavian countries: why do you never want to bring your own language? Do it, don't be scared! Yes, Sweden, I'm talking with you: you still never tried to bring something in swedish, so do it.

________________________

4. That we don't want Americans to play with us

For reasons we still have to understand, Flo Rida was competing this year. And he was competing for San Marino, the smallest European country.

I'm pretty sure they took some time to explain to him what was going on, where he was, where San Marino is, wtf was happening, why there were sexy italians and ukranian witches and a norwegian angel and loads of beautiful women everywhere.

And I loved how we all send memes about this, about ahahah why is Flo Rida here, what if San Marino wins where would they host Eurovision, all while enjoying an actual catchy song.

And then, in the end, Flo Rida basically disappeared. Who remembers Flo Rida, when we got Ukraine, Italy, Finland, Iceland, and the UK? And Germany being wholesome? And the love story between Norway and Azerbaijan? We collectively forgot about him and I think it's very sexy from Europe to just say "nope" and push America away, even if for just one week.

And this isn't the first time: we basically showed Madonna in a corner in 2019, thanks to Mans, Eleni, Verka and Conchita. Once again, Europeans knows what they want: we don't want Americans. Australia can because they're like that little brother we took under our wing for no reason and now it's part of us. But not Americans.

The rest of the year is all yours, but one week is ours.

________________________

5. That we can lose like bosses

This year, the voting results have been absolutely insane and FOUR COUNTRIES got zero points from the public, while the UK got both zero points from the public AND the jury.

Don't get me wrong, the song was bad. And yes, Brexit played a role in this. And yes, hating England is Europe’s favourite sport.

But can we please all take a moment and appreciate how James Newman reacted? The public gave him a round of applause and he celebrated this achievement like a boss.

And he had all the reasons! He achieved something incredible, he unlocked something that this new voting system was supposed to never lead to. But he did it. So hats off to you, my boy: My Last Breath was better.

Germany is also used to the bottom of the chart, but this year I really thought Jendrik could have a chance to achieve a higher position. The song was funny, carefree, lively, the hand costume was the kind of trash we need and the message was nice as well. But he still got 3 points.

Despite that, Jendrik celebrated like a maniac and seeing his this happy made me happy as well. I really wish him the best.

________________________

6. That FUCK YOU JURY

Again, same message every year: the jury vote should be eliminated. It's a fucking farce and their votes have nothing to do with what the public want.

The jury focuses on the voices, except when they don't, and clearly giving points to your neighbours is because you like the song, not because they're your neighbours.

I usually make fun of Greece and Cyprus showing eternal love to each other, by giving 12 points to each other every year, but this time, it sounded even more stupid than usual. It really looked like a farce. Why should we see this farce? Why can't we just choose what the public wants? So at least we would blame ourselves for our shitty musical tastes.

Even if I'm pretty sure we all have great musical tastes. Let's not forget that in 2019 the public's winner was Norway, with a song that mixed english, a catchy rhythm and an amazing part in yoik language. Arcade is good as well, but we cannot deny the norwegian entry was a lot more interesting.

And this year, the public's taste was flawless:

Look at this beauty: italian glam rock, ukranian techno folk, french powerful ballad, finnish hard rock and whatever that thing was with Iceland.

There's variety, there's everything for everyone. And there are native languages. Italian, Ukranian, and French on top three, followed by English.

Moral of the story: the public is great and the jury should be abolished forever.

________________________

7. That Ukranian technofolk is all we needed in our lives

I didn’t see enough love for Go_A, so as italian, I think it's my sworn duty to give my appreciation to them and their amazing entry, because this band is awesome and Shum is currently on top of the Spotify top 50 - as it should be, because everyone should listen to it and join this slavic rave party.

I already liked their entry for 2020, Solovey. But I also liked My Last Breath from the UK and Universo from Spain. And this year they brought two of the worst songs. So I was very wary of Go_A.

But Shum is an absolute blast. Katerina Pavlenko's voice is unique and the song is even more, because based on ukranian folklore and traditional dances to summon the spirit of spring. They managed to teach something to all Europe in a three minute song and I think that’s incredibly sexy of them.

And so, I searched for other songs and OMG, I don’t know how it’s possible, but they are all great. Rano-Ranenko, Zhalmenina, Tanula, they all are perfect and I’m in love with this band.

And if all of this is not enough, THEY DID A COVER OF DANCING LASHA TUMBAI. The most iconic Eurovision song, sang by our god Verka. And this is the coolest, most badass cover ever in the whole universe. Please listen to it HERE everyone needs to hear this.

So thank you, Ukraine, for giving us Go_A. We all had a small empty place in our hearts and this place has ben perfectly filled by them.

And yif you think you don’t need ukranian technofolk, is only because you still haven’t listened to it. Please listen and enjoy Shum. You’re welcome.

________________________

8. That rock and roll never dies (and Italy’s well deserved victory)

The last time Italy won was in 19-fucking-90. 31 years ago. I was just born.

And now, they finally won again. And what a song! Despite being italian, I've never listened to Maneskin before, but oh damn, this song is good. Not all their songs are, but this one is. And also Morirò da re.

Their show was perfect as well. This post is really eye-opening about how well they put on their show. The use of the stage, the movements, everything has been part of a great performance, even their clothes. Damiano's voice never faltered, despite having an entire continent watching him. They handled the stage like bosses, despite being only in their twenties. And they gave us some good fucking rock.

And so the public said a loud "FUCK YOU" to the jury and chose its winners. The sassy, sexy italians.

And yes, I know that there has been a lot of petty polemics because those youngsters are having drugs!1!! as if they were a bunch of idiots who used drugs on international TV, with their manager sitting next to them.

Of course it was a pointless accusation and honestly I don't care if some people are sore losers. The drug results were negative anyway, what a shocker.

What we should truly think about is how strong the Maneskin's bladders are, because they spent the whole evening of the final drinking the entire alcohol supply of the Eurovision and, at the end, they were still happy and cool. Hats off to you, you sexy people.

This man is just iconic, why did I miss him before.

Also, have some more Maneskin. You know, as a treat.

________________________

9. That solidarity and wholesomeness are the biggest winners

It's just beautiful to see these nice people, from all over Europe, bonding, having fun, taking photos together and being friends.

The true winner of this, is probably Norway: Tix wanted to have a good time and he had a good time. The video of him vibing with Ukraine and Germany while listening Hard Rock Hallelujah is the best (HERE). His love story with Efendi from Azerbaijan is even better (please, check the video on his youtube channel, it's hilarious). I don't like his song, but he's a great guy and deserves everything.

The italian and finnish rock relationship is also great. Maneskin and Dark Sides found each other, considering they were the only two rock bands in the competition, so mutual appreciation was inevitable.

But Damiano is also a man of culture and he appreciates Ukraine's entry. And Ukraine appreciates both Finland and Italy. Is this what world peace looks like? Because I love it.

________________________

10. That Italians will be Europe's clowns again (and you're all allowed to make fun of us)

Beware, Europe: we Italians are messy and chaotic, our presenters don’t know a single word in English, we are homoerotic AND homophobic at the same time, our musical competitions are so fucking sloooow... let’s say next year’s Eurovision is going to be interesting.

And yes, you’re allowed to make fun of us. We don’t care, we won, so we deserve to be Europe’s clowns once again.

And I don’t know who the presenters will be (my bets are on everyone’s favourites: Fiorello, Amadeus and Malgioglio), I don’t know how we will ridicule ourselves once again, I don’t know where will we find the money to put on the show, I don’t know how ungodly long it will be... but I know that Mans Zelmerlow will be part of it. This man loves Eurovision just like all of us, so I can already see him packing his suitcase and planning his flight to Italy. Come to us, Mans, we will wait for you. We actually need an English presenter, so if you have nothing else to do...

#beauty talks about stuff #eurovision #eurovision 2021 #italy #ukraine #uk #maneskin #go_a #europe #I bet you all forgot again about san marino #and flo rida #why was he here #we might never know #uk stop being sore losers and take yourself less seriously #france you did great #but ukraine did better #go_a my beloved #thank you maneskin for delivering some good music #finland was awesome #some good rock heck yes #such good songs #thank you europe for giving us such amazing show #and now back to my regular scheduling

[maxwell-grant]

AIUI, Burbank is even more a question mark than The Shadow is; we don't know if that's a personal name, surname, or nickname, we no nothing of his past, his personal life, or even (again, AIUI) his personality. Is that something that should be kept in adaptations, or ought he be developed more?

Both.

The thing about developing a mystery is that you still need to have something in place to purposefully obscure or slowly reveal. You still need to give your audience tidbits and information here and there that makes them want to learn more and find out what the answer is, even if they know it's never really happening, even if the answer couldn't possibly live up to the hype.

Twin Peaks was able to delay the mystery of Laura Palmer's murder for an entire season and more partially because Laura Palmer had such an rich, troubled inner life and turmoil, that we could gradually receive snippets of information regarding it every episode and still not know the whole story, so much so that, even after we learned who did it, there were still many, many stories to be told within Laura Palmer's life and the city. This holds true for The Shadow, and it holds true for Burbank.

Gibson successfully created intrigue regarding Burbank because, not only was Burbank a crucially important figure in The Shadow's organization and therefore someone we'd want to know more about, but because everytime Burbank showed up to play a substantial role, you could gleam something new about him. Burbank is a great example of staging in The Shadow pulps because his scenes are often written as if we were watching a movie where the head of our main character keeps being blocked from view, until it's revealed, and it doesn't really help us understand him much better than before, even though we've come to learn more about what he acts and looks like.

In fact, The Shadow even seems to be aware of this, such as in the scene below when the narration goes to great lenghts to obscure Burbank's face, even in a scene when there is literally no one around but Burbank and The Shadow. Why go through this much trouble to obscure Burbank from no one but the reader? Why not just refrain from describing what he looks like instead of making sure we can't even imagine what he looks like in our heads in the scene? What's the mystery over what's ostensibly just an average quiet-faced man? And so Burbank doesn't become just a mystery, but a tantalizing one.

The fellow's back was toward the light; since the elevator was dark, it was impossible to distinguish his features. When he helped The Shadow carry the boxes to an open apartment, the bulky objects came in front of the man's face. Since the apartment was dark, too, the features of this silent companion remained as concealed as The Shadow's own.

The fact pleased The Shadow. The less people who saw Burbank, the better - Voice of Death

For example, we do know where Burbank's name comes from, and potentially his first name. In both “The Shadow Laughs” and “The Case Of Congressman Coyd,” Burbank is referred to as “Mr. Burbank,” which indicates it's a last name. In The Death Giver, Burbank hands Harry a business card

At three fifteen, the stenographer entered and tendered Harry a card. It bore the name:

L. BURBANK MOTION PICTURE OPERATOR

A later story specifically namedrops famous horticulturist Luther Burbank, and according to Will Murray, Walter Gibson did confirm to him personally that Burbank was named after Luther Burbank.

We know Burbank's main feature is that he's "quiet-faced" with a "soft, even-toned voice", and that characters can recognize Burbank by his voice even when his face is obscured, but his look isn't consistent. His sole appearence in a cover comes from The Lone Tiger, where he seems to be past his fifties and being semi-bald, but it's not how he looks in Edd Cartier's illustration where he's got a hairdo. Both seem to be somewhat based on Dr David Burbank, the New Hampshire dentist who founded the city. He's been said to be at least 40 once, and this in itself is at odds with some descriptions that place Burbank as younger than The Shadow and describe him as "a young man with a solemn look", which is more in line with how he tends to be depicted in comics, particularly the blonde man with the eyepiece designed by Michael Kaluta.

We know he was officially introduced after Harry Vincent and Claude Fellows, but that apparently he's known The Shadow for quite a while, as he (as Cranston) refers to Burbank as "an old friend" in his introduction (is he an old friend of Cranston as well?). Robert Sampson speculated that the two met in 1924 at a radio station, where as Rick Lai speculates that Burbank may have been recruited in an unrecorded adventure in Rio de Janeiro, mentioned in Gypsy Vengeance, that took place between the first and second novels.

We know that Burbank is at a rather unique position among the agents because he is maybe the most important figure in The Shadow's network, the main keeper of The Shadow's secrets, the one entrusted to run the organization on The Shadow's absence, the only one who can directly reach The Shadow in the Sanctum, and if anyone knows anything about whatever secrets there are in The Shadow's past, it's definitely him, but he's also the one we know the least about as a person, and contrary to the other agents, Burbank is often described in mechanized terms, which gives him a rather inhuman aura somewhat different than that of The Shadow's.

In a sense, Burbank was the mainspring of the machinery that The Shadow used in his warfare against crime.

As contact man, he kept in touch with all the active agents; there were times when he actually ran things, during The Shadow's absence. Tonight was one of those rare occasions when Burbank was needed on active duty.

Nevertheless, the human cogwheel had connected up a switchboard and had a short−wave radio set handy, so that he could continue his contact duties from this empty apartment - Voice of Death

When emergency demanded, Burbank served as he now was serving. Instead of making calls to the deserted sanctum, he was issuing orders in The Shadow's stead. - The Key

Everytime Burbank gets any sort of spotlight, we learn a little more about him, who he is, what he can't and can do. His methods, what he does to spend the time, some of the things he does for The Shadow outside of communications like planting recording devices in criminal hide-outs and devising or managing electrical devices and The Shadow's advanced technology (even if he doesn't fully understand it).

"Burbank began his own attempt to scale the wall. Ordinarily, his clutches would have been inadequate, and his toe holds were uncertain. But the wire was drawing upward under The Shadow's haul. It gave the needed support whenever Burbank floundered. The Shadow could actually sense his agent's progress by the varying strain upon the wire. At last, Burbank flopped over the roof edge like a landed fish" - Masters of Death

There were remarkable devices here. Burbank understood some of them, but the millionaire alone was familiar with all the equipment - Eyes of The Shadow

“To Burbank, long, lone vigils were nothing. He was not a man of action; he was one of endurance. Prompt, precise and always dependable, Burbank had served The Shadow well.“ - The Key

During his long hours of duty, he resorted to one methodical habit as he bided away the time. He always had a supply of chewing gum.” - The Killer

Burbank leaned back in his chair. His position was one of patient relaxation. While he awaited new telephone calls, his attitude was one of complete passivity. There was nothing excitable in the make-up of this man who sat with his back toward the light. Yet Burbank was a man of amazing endurance. In place of action, he exercised untiring vigilance. It was this quality that made him a most important factor in the affairs of that amazing personage known as The Shadow - The Killer

Burbank is, at once, the barrier between the agents (and by extension, us) and The Shadow, as well as the bridge that allows the agents (and us) to find and reach The Shadow.

And I do like it that Burbank's specifically said to not be cut for action, that he's not really a fighter or a marksman or even a super tech genius, on paper he's really just a guy who sits in a chair all day fiddling with radio equipment. But he is still cool and impressive by the standards of what matters most in The Shadow's world. He's patient and resourceful and vigilant and clever and trustworthy, and he's someone that The Shadow trusts more so than anyone else.

There was no sound of the door closing; no sound, indeed, to indicate that any person had moved in that direction. Yet Burbank knew, from experience, that his master, The Shadow, had departed, after giving him the sign that his vigil was ended.

Such word usually came from The Shadow’s sanctum. Tonight, being in the vicinity of Burbank’s present station, The Shadow had preferred to give his faithful agent fifteen or twenty minutes of extra respite by visiting him in person

Such was the way of The Shadow. Though none of his trusted operatives had ever seen his undisguised face; though his ways and actions were secret and mysterious to them; they received constant signs of The Shadow’s appreciation of their reliable cooperation - Death Triangle

In Suite 808, a figure was seated in front of the writing table. It was The Shadow, in his guise as Arnaud; Burbank was off duty, asleep in the other room.

The telephone buzzed; The Shadow answered it. He spoke in a quiet, methodical tone, a perfect imitation of Burbank's voice. Harry Vincent reported - The Case of Congressman Coyd

On one hand, I don't think the "mystery" of Burbank is ever going to be ruined, or should be ruined. But on the other hand, I definitely think there's a lot of room to explore more regarding what exactly is he as a person, as an agent, what kind of roles he plays, what is his connection to The Shadow or what relationship he has with other agents or other people he's meant to be in more direct contact with. I think it's a matter of balance.

There's a lot of room to work with particularly regarding how you could adapt Burbank into adaptations set in different time periods (not necessarily modern day), because with how communication technology had advanced beyond imagination, there's a lot of ways you could adapt or recontextualize Burbank, The Shadow's social network.

#replies tag #pulp heroes #pulp fiction #the shadow #shadow magazine #burbank #shadow comics

[mariaiscrafting]

I don’t like the comparisons between Tales and Quackity’s latest stream.

I feel like, every single storyteller on the SMP has a unique method of storytelling. The most common we see, because it is most-easily compatible with livestreaming, is a mixture of improv, very loose scripting, and transitioning between being semi in-character and fully in-character. This is the kinda storytelling we get from most of the Eggpire, the Syndicate - that which was first started by Wilbur, at least on the Dream SMP. There’s also the kinda monologuing and intensely angsty experience we get from a couple streamers, most often from Ranboo. Tommy adopts this method sometimes, too, and Jack has done this kind of RP style since early December. Tommy, however, has sketched out a new kind of storytelling for himself, marked by relatively shorter RP bits, where time is traded for quality and planning. 

Now, let’s talk Karl. Karl, from the beginning, with that first Tales stream when he challenged them to create a nation in an hour flat, has always told his stories through loose planning, a focus on builds and atmosphere, and frequent banter and fourth wall breaks. Every Tales episode, I see people complaining about the CCs involved not taking the plot seriously, when that is literally just the nature of any Tales episode. The Tales episodes are not meant to have a huge impact, individually, and they are not meant to be fully-scripted or artful. The focus is always on building and tying each episode to a greater storyline - that of time travel and the In Between. Karl doesn’t seem to be the best at the traditional, fully in-character style of RP we’ve grown used to seeing other CCs employ. So, he works to his strengths, and in my opinion, balances a Dora the Explorer-style knowledge of the plot and the audience with short, impactful storylines. It’s funny, it’s entertaining, and it doesn’t make Tales any less fun to watch than angstier, more immersive storytelling. On the contrary, I think having at least one storyline that is told in a somewhat light, comedic manner, is beneficial for SMP fans who can get emotionally exhausted from keeping up with the heavy topics of normal lore. For example, while the greater SMP tackles death so heavily, deaths in Tales can still be laughed off, while understanding that they still have canon implications. Sometimes, it just nice to not have to genuinely mourn a character and think about all the emotional trauma surrounding their death; sometimes, it’s just nice to make memes about a character’s death and make only lightly-angsty headcanons and fanart about those deaths.

Quackity is, no doubt, revolutionizing RP storytelling within the SMP. He’s using factors we’ve seen in a few others’ styles of storytelling - a stricter outline/script like Tommy, improvised dialogue like most CCs, and cinematic, prerecorded sections like Ponk and Karl - but he’s also exemplifying just how much talent and effort he can put into the SMP and his character’s position in the story. I’m fuckign exciting, and I can say without a doubt that his lore streams will likely bump their way to the top for me, in regards to my own personal preferences. 

But still, I fucking hate the comparisons between his and Karl’s streams. Karl’s streams aren’t trying to be like what Quackity created today. Karl’s streams work best with what Karl wants to put effort into, with what Karl is best at doing. Quackity has always had the potential for amazing RP, and he’s clearly a really dedicated guy and probably a good writer, considering the whole career in law schtick. It makes sense that he’d focus on organizing all these CCs together, on making a stricter script rather than a loose take on lore streams, on tackling morality and character-building. It speaks to what cc!Quackity is best at and most interested in. In the same damn way, it makes sense that cc!Karl would focus on including as large and diverse a cast as possible, given that he is known for jumping between content creator groups and befriending people all across the Internet. It makes sense that he would focus on builds, when he is literally one of the only CCs on the SMP to care about aesthetics, and when you consider that his first Tales episode was literally about building a nation within a time frame. It makes sense that he would focus on entertainment, rather than seriousness or immersiveness, given that he isn’t great at RP without breaking the fourth wall and that he’s still pretty new to streaming. 

I just think that, objectively, the two styles of storytelling aren’t comparable.

#this is the first of my many many posts im gonna make about this stream lol #quackity #karl #tales from the smp #tftsmp #dream smp #.txt #long post #bangers

[snackleggg]

City of splintering hopes: Chapter 4 "Meda-Lean"

~~~

Ao3

~~~

When Danny came out the other side of the cave, back into the Far Frozen, he turned around to confirm yep the bird robot is still following me.

"So why exactly has keeping me safe been 'added as your top objective'?" Danny asked, using air quotes when referencing what the robot had said earlier.

"Because you are a Halfa" It replied. Danny actually paused at that.

He turned around and started making the trek back to the yeti civilisation in the Far Frozen, following the route that Frostbite had led him through.

"Okay but I wasn't born a Halfa. I'm not a citizen of that city or even related to those Halfas in anyway so why did you activate?" Danny asked.

He heard the crunching of snow behind him stop and he also came to a stop to look behind him at the robot. It had it's head tilted to the side again, seemingly a common gesture for it when it was thinking or maybe confused?

"It does not matter if you were not born a Halfa. What matters is you are one now and that was proven by the activation once you stepped into the Hall of the Ancients" It stated and Danny could tell by it's abrupt blink that he was making a face because he did not understand half the things that just- well not 'came out of it's mouth', it didn't have a mouth but that last sentence definitely had him confused beyond all belief.

"Wat" Danny said "Hall of the what now? Activation? What are you talking about?"

"The Hall of the Ancients is the name of the structure atop the capital." It explained "The automatic pairing system was activated by your presence as it sensed you had not been assigned a droid and therefore assigned me to you" the robot finished and Danny needed a second to take all that in.

Instead of facing everything that sentence implied Danny turned back around and continued walking. He soon heard the crunching of snow behind him signalling that the robot bird was following.

"So... it only turned on because it sensed I was a Halfa?" Danny asked after a brief silence.

"Correct. All Halfas are assigned droids to assist and protect them in their everyday lives, especially those who travel outside of the Hidden lands" It explained and Danny was trying to wrap his mind around it. More questions suddenly started popping up into his mind, thankfully he finally had someone who seemed to know what they were talking about.

For some reason Danny felt relieved. The automatic system that the original Halfas left behind had recognised him as a Halfa and that made him feel very validated.

"Why'd it choose you?" Danny asked after briefly mulling over the question. He had seen many of those statues in the alcoves in the walls and there had probably been more he hadn't seen deeper inside the building. So why was this specific droid chosen for him?

"Each droid has a unique personality of sorts, unique responses to certain situations and when you stepped into the building it scanned your core and automatically found the droid best suited to serve and protect you" It replied.

"So there are just a bunch of pre-made droids laying around waiting to be assigned?" Danny asked, he couldn't help the sadness that tainted his voice. Those droids would probably never be activated, Danny sure as hell wasn't letting Vlad get his grubby little hands on one. He shuddered at the very thought of Vlad knowing about the ruins.

"Incorrect" It informed him "Halfa children typically have droids created and assigned for them at the age of 10. All droids in the Hall of the Ancients had already been created and assigned to a Halfa at some point and were all once active. Including myself." the robot said, there was something in it's voice but Danny couldn't place his finger on it.

"Wait so.... how long have you been deactivated for?" He asked.

"It has been roughly 247 years since I was last active" It replied, that strange tone in it's voice again.

"And that was when...." He could piece together what that meant but the droid answered him anyway.

"When Pariah Dark was launching his attack on the Halfas" Danny suddenly recognised the emotion in it's voice. Grief. Sadness. Hesitancy.

Even if it was a robot Danny could only imagine what it was like. Then another thought hit him and he stopped again in his tracks on the path. But only for a moment before he continued. He could sense the robot's worried gaze but Danny wasn't going to bring up what had caused him to stop. He didn't even want to look back at the droid.

Danny couldn't bring himself to ask more questions, not yet. Maybe another time when his core wasn't clenching in sympathy for the droid.

They walked in silence, every once in a while Danny looked back at the robot bird to see it was seemingly surveying it's surroundings. Danny thought back to how he had scanned the landscape around him when he had come through here with Frostbite and he bit back a laugh at the similarity. It didn't take long before the droid snapped it's attention back to him whenever it noticed him glancing.

Finally they made it back to landscape and terrain Danny was familiar with and it wasn't long before Frostbite popped out and greeted him.

"Great One! You have returned!" Frostbite exclaimed and then he took notice of the new face following behind Danny but instead of any number of reactions Danny had expected Frostbite just glanced at it with something akin to nostalgia in his eyes before diverting his attention back to Danny.

"You're injured!" Frostbite shouted, finally taking noticed of his broken nose. The blood, having dried up ages ago, now looked a muddy brown and felt flaky against Danny's skin.

"Yeah, I had a bit of a crash" Danny said, straining the last word as he glanced at the robot bird that simply blinked back at him.

"Come, let's get you fixed up then before your travel home" Frostbite insisted, ushering him towards the yeti tribe to get his nose fixed up.

Half an hour later and lots of assuring Frostbite that "I'm fine" "No, I don't have a concussion" "Yes, I will make sure to be careful to avoid faceplanting into anything", Danny was finally given the okay to go home but before he left he had one last thing to ask Frostbite.

"Frosty, why aren't you phased by the sudden stone robot bird following me around?" Danny asked, gesturing to said droid who was still hunched over as it stood behind him. Danny had noticed that the robot bird, while not hunching to the point of meeting his eye level anymore, was still not standing to it's full height. He also noticed that no one in the Far Frozen tribe batted an eye at the stone being.

"Oh! Sorry Great One, you must be confused by our lack of reaction! It's just these stone creatures always accompanied past Halfas. If anything we had been surprised when first meeting you that you did not have one. I had a feeling that you may gain one by visiting the sight of their origin" Frostbite replied thoughtfully, a paw held to his chin as he briefly examined the droid.

Danny felt his eye twitch slightly "And you didn't think to inform me that when entering the remains of a Halfa civilisation that some ancient automatic system would decide to give me some bodyguard assistant?" Danny asked, his tone becoming more hysterical as the absurdness of the situation sunk in.

"I apologise Great One. It had only crossed my mind after you had already entered the cave" Frostbite at least had the decency to look sheepish.

Danny took a deep breath before letting it out and giving a slightly strained smile "it's... okay. At least you didn't mean to leave out that semi important fact" He said.

Finally, finally! Danny started his flight home after one last goodbye to Frostbite. He also quickly discovered that bird like stone beings could apparently fly. The droid flew above Danny, stone wings spread and the occasional flap of them even though he was pretty sure that wasn't necessary but he wasn't about to rain all over the robot bird's parade.

Halfway home he realised that he will definitely not be able to explain a giant stone robot following him around to his parents.

"Hey uh... can you turn invisible?" Danny directed to the robot flying above him. The droid looked down at him, blinking once, before replying "Yes, I can but it is energy consuming so only for short periods of time"

"Cool cool cool coolcoolcoolcool, cause when we get to the portal you're gonna have to turn invisible so my parents don't see you" Danny said, a scenario of what would happen to the droid if his parents saw it played in his mind and he quickly shook it from his head.

"Portal? Are we travelling to the living realm?" The robot bird asked and Danny remembered that this was a robot two centuries and a half out of it's time. He would need to keep as close an eye on it as it was keeping on him.

"Yeah. I kind of live there but my parents don't really know about the whole being a Halfa thing so if you stay out of their sight I would really appreciate it. My sister Jazz is fine though, she knows" Danny dreaded having to explain this to Jazz. 'Hey Jazz! I went to the ancient ruins of the original Halfas like we talked about yesterday! I accidently triggered some automatic pairing system that gave me a robot bodyguard for the foreseeable future!' Yeah, that was not going to be a fun conversation.

"I will be mindful" The droid replied before they fell back into a comfortable silence.

Soon the Fenton ghost portal came into view and they both landed on the floating rock it was positioned on.

"Okay remember, invisible. I'll tell you when you can drop the invisibility. Just stay quiet and try not to touch anything" Danny said, making sure he got across how serious this was to the droid.

The robot bird nodded before disappearing from sight instantly.

Danny turned around and did the same, turning himself invisible as he walked through. He mildly panicked when the thought that the droid wouldn't be able to follow him crossed his mind but the feeling of three claw like stone fingers on his shoulder quickly got rid of those doubts.

As expected, his parents were working in the lab, focused intensely on their newest invention which of course was a blaster of some kind. Danny rolled his eyes, another weapon he would have to dodge.

As Danny walked through the lab it was unnerving to him how quiet the droid was managing to be. No heavy footsteps like when they had been walking through the Far Frozen and the cave. No sound of camera like clicking from blinking. The only indication Danny had that it was there were the cool stone fingers on his shoulder.

They made it up the stairs with out a single noise and as soon as they got through the doors Danny immediately dropped his invisibility.

"You can drop it now" He said when the droid didn't immediately follow his example. After the robot became visible again Danny moved around it to close the door to the lab and he sighed in relief.

Despite the fact that he had left in the morning it was evening now as Danny had spent roughly 7 and a half hours on his little side quest. He let the transformation back to his human form go over him and breathed a little in relief.

He saw in the corner of his eye the droid jerk back a bit and he turned to see it blinking repeatedly at him with that same clicking noise before suddenly stopping.

"Your clothes are different than in your other form" It stated.

"Yeah, what of it?" Danny asked as the droid stared at him, still hunched over but Danny was pretty sure it would hit it's head on the ceiling if it stood at it's full height.

"I am an information retrieval droid. Though my objectives have been updated for your safety as top priority I still must gather as much information as possible on everything around me" It stated. Danny made a mental note never to let it onto the internet unsupervised.

"Oh well, like I said earlier I wasn't born a Halfa. I kind of half died? Or maybe I died fully but was half brought back to life? Either way I died, whether half or fully, and those clothes were just the ones I died in" Danny shrugged.

The droid looked at him for another second before seemingly accepting that answer and turning it's attention to their surroundings.

"Right, if you're going to be following me around you should know the layout of the house" Danny said, rubbing the back of his neck nervously. The droid nodded absentmindedly, Danny could see it's thin pupils moving around rapidly, trying to take in as much information about the surroundings as possible no doubt.

"Well this is the kitchen. We eat food in here but you don't have a mouth and are a robot so I don't think you'll find yourself in here too often. You already saw the lab, in the basement. Don't go down there unless I'm with you because my parents are down there like 70% of the time" Danny said as he gestured around and then to the door behind them.

Danny started moving into the living room and the droid followed him, he noted that the sound of it's heavy footsteps had returned.

"Living room, we'll pass through here alot to get to the front door so if my parents are ever in here you'll have to turn invisible and be quiet" Danny said, again making a sweeping motion with his arm to show the room. It was weird, he kind of felt like he was showing around a secret roommate.

They went up the stairs. Danny quickly explained that the droid should never ever follow him into the bathroom. An off handed comment to avoid his parents room and the stairs that led to the Ops center. He also pointed out Jazz's room before ending the tour with his own room.

"Since you insist on being around me all the time you'll be spending alot of time in here" Danny said after he closed the door to his room.

The droid was looking around with great interest, examining the books he had on his shelf and all the different space themed things scattered around his room. Danny felt a little embarrassed and could feel his face heating up even though he knew the robot was most likely analysing everything so it could get a better understanding of the Halfa it had been paired with.

Then a thought hit Danny.

"This might be an awkward question to ask now but uh-" the droid turned to face him as he fumbled with something he should've asked from the start "Do you um, have a name I could call you?" Danny asked. He was getting a little tired referring to it as 'the droid' and 'the robot bird' in his head.

"Why yes, you may call me Meda-Lean" They said and Danny blinked.

"Medalean? Or wait- Meda Lean" Danny corrected himself and Meda-Lean nodded.

"Can I call ya Meds for short? Y'know like a nickname?" Danny asked.

"Yes, you may call me 'Meds'." Meds confirmed and the way their eyes seemed to half close gave the impression that if they had a mouth they would be smiling.

----

A stone statue stood tall in a ravaged battlefield. The land was empty and quiet until suddenly the statue moved. The grey stone fell apart revealing a ghost. A rumour that the worlds, both the living and the dead, had forgotten.

The tall figure stood and stretched out two large metallic wings from his back, being careful not to jostle the bow and bag of arrows also resting on his back. Despite not needing to breath he took in a deep breath before releasing it as a loud sigh that echoed throughout the long abandoned battlefield.

"I smell Halfa"

~~~

First | Previous | Next

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I'll be tagging all content do to with this story with the tag City of splintering hopes so if guys want to you can follow the story easier. You can also use that tag for any questions or content you guys make of the story!

#danny phantom #city of splintering hopes #chapter 4 #danny fenton #Meda-Lean #dp frostbite #danny phantom fic #danny phantom au #my writing #dp fanfic #fanfic

[gemsofgreece]

First semi-final thoughts

Since Greece participates in Eurovision in general I decided to write my thoughts about the first semi final here too.

Lithuania: Just like it was first presented, but I like it and it certainly has a special 2021 vibe and a unique attitude.

Slovenia: This song was overlooked from the beginning but it was a strong power ballad with great vocals. Was it because it is a song about Christian faith? Probably. That doesn’t mean it was not good.

Russia: I like the chorus of this song but I don’t have the patience to wait for it. Chorus deserved to qualify, the rest didn’t.

Sweden: Not a bad song but it wasn’t a qualifier except it’s Sweden so it WAS a qualifier nothing new under the sun

Australia: Just bad really bad.

North Macedonia: Typical Eurovision ballad that usually goes nowhere despite the good vocals.

Ireland: Bad vocals, cool stage idea that didn’t come across well though, a mess.

Cyprus: The performance was FLAWLESS, maybe even the best tonight, but I will say it again, Cyprus sends Fuego over and over again and I have had enough. The song is mediocre at best.

Norway: I hadn’t paid attention to this before due to its weird outfits but it is an actually good song.

Croatia: Here, I liked this song more than the similar Cypriot one. Everything was right, I don’t understand why it didn’t get through.

Belgium: It is a good song but very underwhelming. The juries passed this one.

Israel: Weird to hear a song titled Set Me Free right now. I don’t know if Israel should compete this year but as it comes to the song itself, it surprised me positively. It was much better than the studio version and the singer is very talented.

Romania: I am so sad. Amnesia was in my top five. I love both the song and the singer. I am so sorry she was so anxious. The video concept didn’t translate well on stage. Also why on earth did they choose that dress for her?!?!??

Azerbaijan: Ariana Grande copycat repeating MATA HARI 100 times. Can we bring Croatia back at least?

Ukraine: My second fave song. I have the impression it was slightly off tune tonight but it’s through so it’s fine. Definitely the most unique song this year.

Malta: I love the singer and the song, I don’t care for the stage aesthetic though and I think the concept is a clear ripoff of Netta’s Toy. Very good though.

BONUS:

Germany: This is horrible from start to end just no.

Italy: My dream job is to be Victoria de Angelis. Ok seriously Italy must win at last. Not only because their entry is in every way perfect, song, performance, act, staging, vibes, aesthetics, everything but because it’s been like 10 years that Italy sweats to win like no other country and every year it is spat on the face. Wtf, let this country win, it is going crazy with despair. Thanks to Italy for always serving quality and Italian finezza since they came back.

Netherlands: Post edit to clarify that I forgot to write about the Dutch song. It is not bad by any means… but I forgot about it.

#Eurovision #esc 2021 #Eurovision song contest #Eurovision 2021 #first semi-final #esc

[jaeheewillalwaysbemyfav]

Obey Me: The Brothers Accidentally Trigger an Abused MC: Satan (4/7)

Disclaimer: I’m not an expert on abuse or mental health. I’m not portraying how one should respond to these situations, only how I think the characters might. Abuse and trauma in particular are very complex topics, and people respond in all sorts of ways to them, and sometimes it gets really bad on all sides.

I can only draw from my personal experiences as well as those of people who have shared their stories or who I’m close with. There’s no one narrative of abuse and how it affects someone, so what I’m familiar with might not be what you’re familiar with. Let’s try and all be respectful of each other.

Content Warnings: Heated arguments, reference to past abuse, parental abuse, trauma response, breaking down in tears, this is quintessential hurt/comfort y’all, buckle up

It’s Satan’s turn! The fun thing about Satan is he’s super in control of himself until he absolutely isn’t, and then it’s terrible for everyone involved.

Lucifer (X), Mammon (X), Leviathan (X), Satan (you are here), Asmodeus (X), Beelzebub (X), Belphegor (X)

That one there is Satan, the fourth eldest of us. At first glance, he may seem like a responsible demon with a good head on his shoulders, but looks can be deceiving. [...] He may flash you a pretty smile like that, but you had better be careful because it is all an act.

MC had been warned about the Avatar of Wrath the day they arrived in the Devildom. While his brothers wear their sins on their sleeves, Satan keeps his almost entirely under wraps. His anger comes out like steam from the edges of the lid covering a boiling pot, hissing quiet but heated remarks, only exploding into something more dangerous if disturbed. 

But as they spent more time with him, MC found it harder and harder to associate Lucifer’s warning with the demon in front of them. Yes, Satan could be prickly if provoked, and he certainly has a fair share of issues to work through, but he wears soft sweaters, and reads trashy romance novels he hides under the jackets of more sophisticated looking nonfiction titles, and would turn the House of Lamentation into a cat shelter if left unsupervised. And so that warning became as serious to them as Mammon’s pitiful mugging attempt when they first met all those months ago. 

An easy mistake.

As it’s so unusual for Satan to express his anger in an obvious manner, MC is very concerned when they see him storm off to his room surrounded by the flaming aura of barely-contained magic. They chase after him without thinking, wanting to comfort their friend. 

Satan’s room contains more than a room of its apparent size should. A small tower bedroom should not be able to hold the sprawling library it does, but the looming bookshelves stretch far into the darkness nonetheless. Despite this, the books still spill out from the shelves and form piles all over the room and even circle overhead in lazy loops. Though today, their master’s wrath propels them faster and faster, moving more erratically and occasionally crashing into furniture when they fall too low.

MC forgets to knock.

Satan’s head whips around, eyes blazing. 

The books move before he registers who’s standing in the doorway.

Years of practice throws their body low to the ground to avoid the projectiles, but he has more, he has more and he’s still mad, mad at me mad at me my fault my fault still more still more don’t move don’t move-

Footsteps, a voice, he’s yelling, he’s yelling, yelling at me I did it again no no no-

A hand reaches out to them.

“PLEASE DON’T-!” their scream rips out of their throat and Satan freezes.

MC’s eyes shine with tears, open wide and-

Staring.

At.

Him.

Like a monster.

Satan’s tail wraps around his leg tight enough to draw blood. “Well? What are you going to do, MC? Leave? Run away from the monster?” 

They’re shaking, but can’t move from their position on the floor. “GO ALREADY! Or a couple of measly books will be the least of your problems!” 

They scramble to their feet, barely upright as they half sprint, half tumble down the stairs.

A loud THUD echoes through the House of Lamentation as, for the first time in countless years, all of the books in Satan’s room fall to the floor, lifeless.

Until they burst into flames, and the spire hosting the Avatar of Wrath’s bedroom ignites in the roar of a viridian inferno.

It takes the careful spellwork of Lucifer, aided by a frantic Leviathan, to keep the fires sequestered to Satan’s tower. Even still, seeing the entire structure ablaze like that is terrifying for MC, both because of its unprecedented scale and the knowledge of who is causing it. 

The brothers, minus Satan, congregate outside the House of Lamentation in a semi circle of annoyance. Levi, Asmo, and Mammon quickly get into an argument about whose personal items are more valuable and worth saving in the event of a house-wide fire, while the twins grouse about being pulled away from their very important activities of raiding the fridge and napping, respectively. 

Both Lucifer and MC are not listening to them, for very different reasons. Their gazes are fixed on the burning tower, Lucifer a cool mask of stoicism and MC vacant and nearly unblinking. They stay like this for a long moment, as the bickering of the others settles into a hum of white noise. 

“MC.” They start upon hearing Lucifer’s voice.

“You saw him just before this.” 

A fit of blinking, ending with a sniff and a nod.

“I-I didn’t mean to- He looked so ups-set, I just…” 

“Stop.” They freeze as Lucifer lowers himself to their eye level. He holds out his hand towards their shoulder and then pulls it back, thinking better of it. “I am not blaming you. Satan’s lack of self control is not your fault.

“What concerns me right now is your wellbeing.”

“O-Oh. Well, it was pretty startling, but I wasn’t burned or anyth-”

“What did he say to you that prompted such a strong response?” Silence. “This,” Lucifer gestures broadly to MC, “is not because of the fire. Something happened before, that upset the both of you. What was it?”

“SAAATAAAAAAAAAAN!”

Oh, that’s just who he needs to deal with right now. 

A couple of choice curses flicker through Satan’s mind as he continues to sort through his books, cataloguing which ones were completely destroyed by the fire and which were unscathed or can be salvaged. He pulls out a charred book from a pile of ashes and dusts off the partially melted cover. It’s barely identifiable, but…

One of MC’s recommendations, a murder-mysterty from the human world. 

He drops it like it was still burning.

Lucifer navigates through the scorched shelves and piles of wreckage until he finds his brother, curled in on himself in a crouched position and shaking, surrounded by the remains of the knowledge he holds so dear.

His lecture dies in his throat.

“Satan-” The demon in question cuts him off.

“Get it over with.”

Lucifer says nothing.

“Go ahead!” Satan’s voice wavers as he speaks, unfolding from his pose just enough to challenge his brother. “Let me have it: I’ve tarnished Lord Diavolo’s oh-so-sacred reputation, I’ve ruined the exchange program, I have no self control, I-” He compresses back into himself. “I’ve terrified MC and they never want to speak to me again.”

“No,” Lucifer says. “For one, I think you understand well enough the consequences of your actions this time.” 

When this provokes no response, he continues, “...and MC does want to speak with you.”

The expression on Satan’s face when his head snaps up to make eye contact with Lucifer reminds him of when the Avatar of Wrath was first born, all raw emotion and alert, untrusting eyes. 

The conversation is painful, but very much needed. After hearing MC’s story, Satan is almost glad he just burned through the majority of his energy in that fire, as if he had even an ounce of it, he would dedicate it to tracking down and slaughtering MC’s loathsome parents. But for them, he pushes the feelings aside. For now.

He apologizes (many times) in words, but even after MC repeatedly tells him it’s okay and they understand, he doesn’t quite stop. His apologies manifest in actions instead: soft, concerned glances in MC’s direction when his brothers get into a spat; an outstretched hand and an offer to go on a walk when they’re feeling overwhelmed; book recommendations with recurring themes of overcoming trauma and not necessarily forgiving those who abused you. 

He also adds something new to his room: a little enchanted tablet by the doorway displaying an unusual “weather” report. Thanks to special sensors placed throughout Satan’s room, the tablet can pick up the level of magical activity in the area and display an appropriate warning. Since he knows how volatile he can be when in an especially bad mood, Satan explains that the monitor will say what he can’t. Since it also measures the velocity of the flying books, it doubles as a pretty good warning service for incoming projectiles as well, he adds sheepishly. 

“I know how hard it can be to forgive someone who’s hurt you, even accidentally. I’m so grateful you’ve given me a second chance, MC, and I fully intend on never letting it go to waste.”

Lucifer doesn’t address the final part of Satan’s remark. He doesn’t need to. His silence says enough.

Satan has done it. He’s turned away the only person who ever saw him as a unique person. The worst case scenario, the unthinkable nightmare, realized. 

He’s fine. More than fine. He throws himself into his studies, marks higher than ever. While his smiles have never reached his eyes, they barely appear on his face at all. His mask is a fragile apathy that quickly crumbles into irritation whenever someone notices it. With his mood more volatile than ever, even his brothers distance themselves, unsure of how to approach him. He only shows up during mealtimes, and barely at that. 

Sometimes smoke drifts out from the tower his room is in. No one acknowledges this.

He respects MC’s wishes, gives them space and time aplenty. He can wait. He deserves to wait.

He deserves this.

#obey me #obey me! satan #obey me imagines #obey me: swd #obey me shall we date #mine #my writing #satan

[cheshire-castle-library]

What is "self care"? I think I've confused it with "treating myself" for a long time.

I did a think where I assigned some of my friends Camp Halfblood Cabins, and of course they asked why and I had to explain these not so solid concrete thoughts - these impressions - of people i love, and why i felt they vibed with these imaginary characters and places and fictional representstion of the gods that I also love.

It wasn't too hard, but it took some thought; and for some of them I used imagery to exemplify the feelings I couldn't say in words. But in so doing, I realized that I can say all these wonderful and true things about my friends. Each person's explanation different, each reason or feeling unique and meaningful to my experience of them.

My superpower is learning about people quickly, from their word choice and mannerisms. It's how I love people, is by learning their patterns, their boundries, interests, dislikes, passions.

I just saw a post that I think was about Lorde lyrics, about putting fresh flowers in every room to csre for yourself they way you cared for someone else. I know this is probably about a lost romance, but what if - for a moment - it was just about you loving yourself in the same language you love your friends, your family, you partners?

This is why I think maybe I don't understand self care. I'm very cruel to myself in the inside. I judge myself for stupid things I would never judge my friends for. I love my friends as they are, I don't see flaws and positive traits, I just see these people I would die to protect.

So why can't I love myself in the same language? Why can't I send myself posts that I'd really like, why can't I write semi-poetic explanations of why I'm in the Percy Jackson Cabin I think I am? Is that self care? Is it caring about yourself? Is it prioritizing not just your needs but your happiness?

Maybe its not just washing your face every night or making sure you eat 3 meals a day. Maybe that's just the bare minimum for being alive - equivelent to apologizing for bumping into a stranger in the street. Maybe Self care is accepting yourself for who you are, not seeing useful traits and flaws, but a person. Maybe its also being able to tell yourself "hey man, that's not cool" and then doing better, but not telling yourself "you're worthless because you did that one shitty thing". My friends wouldn't say that to me, even if they were angry; and i sure as hell don't say it to them.

I wonder if this is a "forest for the trees" problem. I wonder if you are just too close to "You" that you can only see the pieces of you - the trees - and so you aren't able to step back and see all of You - the forest. Maybe we're all forests made of trees, and some trees are malnourished and some are growing much bigger than others; and tending this forest of you means cutting down the blighted trees and feeding the malnourished ones so they can catch up and be as big as the giant ones.

Idk, food for thought I guess. I feel antsy about posting this honestly, because I'm really just thinking out loud. But maybe someone else has an idea or needs to hear someone else going through it too.

#my big mouth #melancholy #tired #phdblr #studyblr #grad studyblr #gradblr #i cant bring myself to delete this #but i need to clean out my drafts for my own health #so i guess i posting this #queue mean the world to me