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therappundit · 3 years

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***BEST OF 2020: The Best Rap Albums From a Historically Horrible Year***

So much has been said about this year, so on the last day of 2020 I don’t need to dive any further into exploration of what made this year so challenging (both at a personal and global level), but on the bright side I will say that two unrelated forces saved this year for me: 1.) my amazing baby daughter, and 2.) the seemingly never ending cycle of new, interesting music releases.

Before we dive in, just two points on my criteria for this list:

- must be released within this calendar year (1/1 - 12/31/20)

- must consist of at least 7 tracks

- rankings are according to a combination of my own favorite albums, and other impressive pieces of work that might not be directly up my alley, but I still found truly impressive

So for my last post of 2020...here are the Top 100 Rap Albums/Projects of 2020 (and a more than worthy list of albums that belong on that same list, further down the page):

10. HOMME by Kipp Stone

Without a doubt the most under-the-radar project on this list, and technically a mixtape and not an "album"...but that doesn't matter much to me, because this effort contains every bit of passion, every bit of perspective, and every bit of sheer love for rapping as any of the the best rap albums of 2020. It's hard to say whether East Cleveland is headed towards similar territory that Detroit, Buffalo, and Rochester now occupy, but with HOMME Kipp Stone captures the hunger, anxiety and forever shoulder-chipped struggle of having big dreams that seem more like unlikely fantasies. Kipp was buzzing a few years back, but making his grand return with this project is confirmation that he is next level talent and is more than ready to make a big splash in 2021.

9. Reasonable Drought by Stove God Cook$ and Roc Marciano

Quotes, on top of quotes, on top of quotes. Not sure what else to say about Roc Marciano's protege at this point, who came out of nowhere to close out 2020 as one of the most sought after feature-verse assassins in the business today. Yes, his bars are hilarious, but it's the outside-the-box references and unpredictable bar pairings that truly made this project such an impressive debut. Roc provided high quality instrumentals for Reasonable Drought, but it's clear that he was intentionally lurking in the background to allow the Stove God to stand on his own two. While the album is probably not at the level of Jigga's classic Reasonable Doubt debut that this project tips its' cap to, it's not hard to imagine that someday we will look back at Stove God Cook$' debut as the coming out party for one of New York City's finest MCs.

8. Àdá Irin by Navy Blue

I never imagined that one of the biggest challenges at this point would not be whether or not Navy Blue deserves to be recognized as having one of the top rap 10 albums of 2020, but rather which album to choose for the top 10!? From Earl Sweatshirt affiliate and Soundcloud producer to standout solo talent, the west coast born by east coast stationed MC/writer/producer/model/skateboarder (!?) had himself a banner year. Of his many gifts, his strongest is his ability to craft beautiful, soulful soundscapes that blend the best elements of the NYC lofi scene with shades of late 90's L.A. underground. Dealing with themes of love, loss, joy, and depression, Navy seems to possess wisdom well beyond his years, and it enabled him to craft not one, but two of the most inviting and accessible offerings from lofi circles that I have heard, and I mean that in the best way possible.

7. From King To A God (Deluxe) by Conway The Machine

He did it. Griselda's top muscle came through to deliver his most well-rounded, and arguably strongest overall project yet. Everything from the bars, to the varied production, to the bleeding soul of this project exemplifies the difference between an album and a "tape". The Machine was a machine in 2020, blitzing an astronomical number of feature verses, but FKTG was the gem he needed in his crown to solidify himself as a contender for best MC in the game moving forward. While this is not his actual Shady Records label debut (who knows when that will arrive now), this certainly feels like his major league arrival.

6. Alfredo by Freddie Gibbs and The Alchemist

Two hip-hop specialists getting together to drop a project just for fun in the middle of a pandemic...what could go wrong? Well, almost nothing, actually. Freddie arrived dripping with soul and Al slid a nice little package of beats his way, and what we ended up with was a strong partner-project to FETTI (their previous stellar collaboration alongside Curren$y), only packaged with little snippets of personal revelations and free-flowing opinions throughout. Gibbs is one of the masters of hooking you in with his voice and contagious flow, so much so that his skills as a talented writer are often overlooked. While not necessarily the incredible revelation that his collaborations with Madlib have been thus far, there's enough strong chemistry here between MC and producer to lock Alfredo down as easily one of the best rap projects of 2020. And the Grammy's would certainly agree.

5. Descendants of Cain by Ka

One of the genre's true master writers, Ka albums feel like audio literature placed over hard-nosed rap beats. Many rappers view themselves as true artists, but few can say they are capable of weaving the type of rhyme poetry that Ka seems to wield with casual ease. The truth is that it's not easy, we just aren't around to witness the care and editing that goes into Ka's work. Featuring too many stirring quotes to single out (and let us not forget an incredible surprise verse from fellow Metal Clergy-man, Roc Marcinao), Decendants of Cain is yet another impressive addition to Ka's catalogue, doing more to capture the paradoxical surroundings of environments that are equal parts harsh and loving - and often doing so through religious metaphors - than many MCs can do in a year. His lyrical paintings of the world may be bleak, but they are not without hope.

4. As God Intended by Che Noir & Apollo Brown

Apollo Brown has been one of the most revered - albeit not loudly proclaimed - underground hip-hop producers of the past decade. He has joined forces with many talented MCs to drop full partner projects, but perhaps none as under-the-radar as Buffalo's Che Noir. But what Che Noir lacked in household name status heading into 2020, she more than makes up for with conviction, writing ability, and the skills of an elite MC. The result of this collaboration is a beautiful, personal, at times painful, and at times just straight badass album, and one that deserves recognition from top rap circles. In my opinion, this is the greatest production work of Apollo Brown's career thus far, and it's hard to say where it will rank for Che Noir since she seems to be a fresh talent that is very much still on the rise - but as of right now, you have to call her one of the best in the biz today.

3. Pray for Paris by Westside Gunn

Westside Gunn is one of the masters of the volume game. That's not to say he - or anyone in camp Griselda - sacrifice quality over quantity, but it's safe to say that you know what you're gonna get with a Westside Gunn album. Welp, WSG rewrote the script with this one. What began as an art-inspired passion project between album releases ended up being the overall strongest Griselda project of 2020, and one of the year's most fascinating rap albums. Since his highly regarded Supreme Blientele album, Gunn has gradually been pulling his own lyrical content out of the spotlight, opting to play cook and curator, throwing a mixture of in-house producers and rappers in a pot with outside talent, to mirror the ambiance of a dark, gritty rap fashion show. His projects are less statements of content, than they are audio "scenes" that the listener is invited into, as if they’re Basquiat level exhibitions quantum-leaping forward in time to now live amongst a hungry, thriving rap scene in upstate New York. That's not to say that PFP isn't a lyrical feast as well, with everyone from Tyler, The Creator to Joey Bada$$ to Wale to professional dancer Cartier William having their turn in the spotlight. All thanks to Westside Gunn, the rare MC that enjoys being the host of his own party more than being the center of attention at one.

2. A Written Testimony by Jay Electronica (featuring JAY-Z)

While some are waving the Act II flag as Jay Electronica's "real" debut album, I am less interested in a cool collection of mostly-finished old songs, and much more interested in a polished, brilliantly produced project with (again, mostly) new verses from both Electronica and JAY-Z. It's easily the shortest selection on this list, but I feel like the quality of each individual song makes up for the brevity. I couldn't care less whether anyone thinks this is more of a duo-album or a solo piece, because the themes are certainly coming from Electronica's wheel house, and the fact that Hov was able to tweak his content to meet him there, is one of the things that makes AWT so special to me.

1. The Price of Tea in China (Deluxe) by Boldy James and The Alchemist

No, it doesn’t represent a seismic shift in the culture, and no it’s not *the album* that we heard blasting out of everyone’s (or anyone’s) car speakers this year, but when it came to sheer execution, and mastery over the style of music they were aiming to make, there just simply wasn’t one flaw in Boldy James and The Alchemist’s The Price of Tea in China. From the distinctly moody production, to the guest verses, to the steady hand of a wizened veteran of the street life, intent on sharing unfiltered tales of his underworld without any additional bells or whistles, it all clicks so well that I can’t picture taking the project out of my rotation. Uncle Al went deeeeeeep into his bag with this one, and Boldy seems to have returned from the industry grave to reach the highest level of recognition of his career. In a year stuffed with a plethora of high quality examples of every flavor of rap music imaginable, The Price of Tea in China is the ideal pick for album of the year, because it’s prestige is built upon it’s ability to simply be what it wanted to be without turning an ear to trends or reaching for broader recognition. TPOTIC’s broader recognition is made possible due to Boldy & Al’s artistic commitment to just making the type of music that a MC from Detroit and a legendary underground producer from Los Angeles love to make, and for that we should be very grateful.

Top 100 (all belong in the Top 25-50, but…there’s only 100 spots in the Top 100, so here we go):

11. FlySiifu by Fly Anakin & Pink Siifu

12. Song of Sage: Post Panic! by Navy Blue

13. Eastern Medicine, Western Illness by Preservation

14. Too Afraid To Dance EP by Chuck Strangers

15. Noise Kandy 4 by Rome Streetz

16. Mt. Marci by Roc Marciano

17. Burden of Proof by Benny The Butcher & Hit-Boy

18. Battle Scar Decorated by Monday Night & Henny L.O.

19. We Know the Truth (Deluxe) by Drakeo the Ruler

20. The Allegory by Royce Da 5′9″

21. Bag Talk by yungmorpheus & Pink Siifu

22. Innocent Country 2 by Quelle Chris

23. Weight of the World by MIKE

24. Kontraband by Rome Streetz & Farma Beats

25. BRASS by Moor Mother & billy woods

26. Try Again by ovrkast.

27. Shrines by Armand Hammer

28. The Smartest by Tee Grizzley

29. Good Energy by Grafh

30. Substance Abuse by Rigz & Futurewave

31. Cold Water by Medhane

32. King’s Disease by Nas & Hit-Boy

33. Milestones by Skyzoo

34. Young & Turnt 2 by 42 Dugg

35. My Turn by Lil Baby

36. Manger on McNichols by Boldy James and Sterling Toles

37. The OutRunners by Curren$y & Harry Fraud

38. Mach’s Hard Lemonade by Mach-Hommy

39. Sages by Henny L.O. & Ohbliv

40. E.L.E. (Extinction Level Event): The Final World Front by Busta Rhymes

41. Lake Water by SeKwence

42. At the End of the Day. by Fly Anakin

43. Sole Food by Deniro Farrar

44. The Oracle 3 by Grafh

45. The Blue Tape by Tree

46. lo&behold by lojii

47. Who Made The Sunshine by Westside Gunn

48. RTJ4 by Run The Jewels

49. Whitehouse Studio, Pt. 2 by Various Aritsts [Detroit]

50. Carpe Noctem by Big Ghost Ltd

51. Infinite Wisdom by Lord Jah-Monte Ogbon

52. The Throwaways by The Opioid Era

53. Anyways by Young Nudy

54. PTSD (Deluxe) by G Herbo

55. Holly Favored by Monday Night & Foisey

56. THE GOAT by Polo G

57. Dump YOD: Krutoy Edition by Your Old Droog

58. The Face of Jason by ANKHLEJOHN

59. Two4one by Jay Worthy

60. Poetic Substance by RIM & Vinyl Villain

61. ve·loc·i·ty by H31R (Maassai & JWords)

62. UNLOCKED by Denzel Curry & Kenny Beats

63. Slim E and Friends by CHASETHEMONEY

64. Alone Time by YL

65. FLYGOD Is An Awesome God 2 by Westside Gunn

66. OBLIVION by Black Noi$e

67. Sleeper Effect by Sleep Sinatra

68. Savage Mode 2 by 21 Savage & Metro Boomin

69. Thug Tear by Big Kashuna O.G. & Monday Night

70. II - The Next Wave by Quakers

71. Demon & Mufasa by Yhung T.O. & DaBoii

72. Eternal Atake by Lil Uzi Vert

73. Miles by Blu & Exile

74. IMMORTALKOMBAT by Al Divino & Estee Nack

75. The Baltimore Housing Project by Jay Royale

76. I’m Still Perfect by Baby Smoove

77. The Grotesque & Beautiful by Teller Bank$

78. Crime Scenes by Ransom & Nicholas Craven

79. Streams Of Thought, Vol. 3. by Black Thought

80. Ways and Means by Rasheed Chappell & 38 Spesh

89. Sacred Psalms by El Camino & 38 Spesh

90. As Above So Below by ANKHLEJOHN

91. Tomorrow Is Forgotten by Stik Figa & Conductor Williams

92. So Help Me God! by 2 Chainz

93. Sauce Monk Volume 3 by Sauce Heist & Camoflauge Monk

94. A Beautiful Drug by WTM Scoob

95. Don’t Play It Straight by Small Bills (ELUCID & The Lasso)

96. No More Humble Fashion by Flee Lord

97. Pharaoh Chain by Planet Asia & Tha Musalini

98. Numb by Sha Hef

99. Interstate 38 by 38 Spesh

100. Get Money Teach Babies by Heist Life & Spanish Ran

THE REST OF THE BEST (all belong in the Top 100 releases of 2020, blame 2020 for being such a stacked year for music) - in no particular order:

Assata by CV$ a.k.a. Con$piracy & Teller Bank$, Spencer for HIGHER 3 by Vic Spencer & sonnyjim, Big Bad Boldy by Boldy James & Real Bad Man, Da 5th Power by Mooch, Muthaland by BbyMutha, Act II: Patents of Nobility (The Turn) by Jay Electronica, Long Story Short by Heem, Eileen by 14 Trapdoors, Free Drakeo by Drakeo the Ruler, Da Fixtape by Da Cloth, The L.I.B.R.A. by T.I., Sinners & Saints by Rasheed Chappell & Buckwild, Black Schemata by yungmorpheus............... Polly by the Powder Keg by Chuck Chan & Pad Scientist, High Off Life by Future, Memphis Massacre 2 by Duke Deuce, LSD by The Leonard Simpson Duo & Guilty Simpson, Funeral by Lil Wayne............ RAW UNKNOWN by Spectacular Diagnostics, Nezzie’s Star by Eddie Kaine, ShrapKnel (self-titled), The Bluest Note by Skyzoo & Dumbo Station, WUNNA by Gunna, Meet The Woo 2 by Pop Smoke, Fresh Air by UFO Fev & Statik Selektah, Vito by Vince Ash, Avenues by Tony Seltzer & Adrian Lau, Spilligion by Spillage Village, GRIMM & EViL by GRiMM Doza, Closer Than They Appear by Lyric Jones, RUDEBWOY by CJ Fly, Wired Different by Ty Farris & Bozack Morris, Rocket to Nebula by Killah Priest, NO Blade of Grass by V Don, I’m My Brother’s Keeper by Yella Beezy & Trapboy Freddy................. Carhartt Champions by Tree Mason, No Hook 3 by Dunbar, Rowhouse Whispers by Ray West & Zilla Rocca, Magneto Was Right #4 by Raz Fresco, DUMP LIFE by Tha God Fahim, Jay NiCE & Left Lane Didon, FNTG: From Niggaz to Godz by Squeegie O, PANAGNL4E, Vol. 2 by Los and Nutty, Thank You For Using GTL by Drakeo & JoogSzn, Adjust to the Game by Larry June, BETTER by Deante’ Hitchcock, No Cosign Just Cocaine 3 by Ty Farris, Vangarde by Mr. Lif & Stu Bangas, MSYKM by Tsu Surf, Your Birthday’s Cancelled by Iron Wigs.................. LULU by Conway & The Alchemist, No One Mourns The Wicked by Conway & Big Ghost, Talk Soon by Nolan The Ninja, FULL CIRCLE by Medhane, Detroit 2 by Big Sean, Juno by Che Noir & 38 Spesh, Send Them To Coventry by Pa Salieu............... Marlowe 2 by Marlowe (L’Orange & Solemn Brigham), The Versace Tape by Boldy James & Jay Versace, The Balancing Act by Statik Selektah, Capital Gains by Willie The Kid, Deutsche Marks 2 by Willie The Kid & V Don, Keep Going by Larry June & Harry Fraud, The Sharecropper’s Daughter by Sa-Roc, Seven Times Down Eight Times Up by Elzhi & JR Swiftz.................... The Ghost of Fritz by Jamal Gasol, Don’t Feed the Monster by Homeboy Sandman & Quelle Chris, Anime, Trauma and Divorce by Open Mike Eagle, Brentwood by Poloboy Nunu, The Listening Session by Billy Danze & TooBusy, Midnight Sons by Zilla Rocca & Chong Wizard, A Piece of Mine by Bub Rock, The Rock Period by Bub Rock, WINTER by DJ Muggs, Bartier Bounty 2 by Sada Baby, Cincorginals by Tobe Nwigwe, Director’s Cut (Scene Three) by Ransom & Nicholas Craven, Rather Be A Real One by Vic Spencer.............. Exhibit Q by Deniro Farrar, After 12 by Che Noir, Blank Checc by Baby Money, Jesus Is My Homeboy by YL, The People’s Champ by Flee Lord, In The Name of Prodigy by Flee Lord & Havoc, Culture Over Corporate by Uptown X.O., Sell Sole 2 by Dej Loaf, Progress by Struggle Mike, Merry Wickmas by Shawny Binladen, Don’t Ask Me Where I’m From by Donsmith, Serene by VRN Hayes, In My Life by Dat Boi Vic, Ho, Why Is You Here? by Flo Milli, Limbo by Aminé........................................thank you, and cheers to a happier, healthier New Year. 🙏

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carriagelamp · 4 years

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April 2020 Book Review - Quarantine Brain Fry Edition

This month of quarantine was much more challenging for me that last March... I suppose because we’re really in the throws of it, and the “extended spring break” feel has worn off. Between general World Anxieties and the incredible challenges of trying to adapt my work into an online setting, my brain has been absolute mush -- and I have a feeling I’m not the only one. Most of my books this month are either very easy reads (comics and children’s novels) or rereads or both! Honestly, I’ve been playing a lot more Animal Crossing than I have been reading...

So the theme for this month of reading? Treat your brain to a rest, and go reread that favourite comic or picture book or graphic novel from when you were a kid. We don’t have libraries or book stores at the moment, so dig deep into your shelf for something you love that you haven’t touched in a while. Here’s what I read:

Ghost Hunters Adventure Club and the Mystery of the Grande Chateau

I’m going to start with best and most unexpected book that I read this month (although this is actually a New Book and not a reread, so maybe it’s a bad start). It’s a Hardy Boys parody novel, and yes it’s by the Game Grumps. The only reason I even found out it existed was because my brother heard about it and we decided that this would be our next Sibling Read Aloud. It made a great read aloud. I was rather skeptical at first, but it was genuinely very clever and very, very funny. There characters were fucking delightful, as they bumbled their way through the mystery, and we ended up accidentally reading almost half the book in one sitting because we couldn’t put it down once we got to endgame. If you like satire and Classic Youth Mystery then do yourself a favour and give this a go. I am desperate for a sequel.

ISHI: Simple Tips from a Solid Friend

A picture book that was recommended to some of the local elementary children who are dealing with isolation from school and their friends. Its beauty is in its simplicity. It shows Ishi, a very simple white stone, experience challenges that it must then find ways to cope with. Things like loneliness, feeling empty or scared, being sad... all things children (and adults, I very much appreciated this little story) may be experiencing. This is definitely a picture book, not a self-help book, but it’s still very encouraging and makes me want to go and create my own Ishi. There’s a reading of it is online, and if you’re feeling like having a solid stone friend reassure you, I would recommend going to listen to it!

Bone 1-5

So, the first in my long list of books that I reread: I’ve started rereading the Bone series for the first time in years. Hands down one of my all time favourite graphic novel series. If you haven’t read Bone, it’s a classic and one of the best example of American graphic novels imho. It’s about Fone Bone and his cousins who, after being driven out of Boneville by Phoney Bone’s money-grubbling stunts, have found themselves across a desert and in a strange, fantastical valley where nothing makes sense. The three of them get drawn into the strange mysteries and adventures of Thorn, her grandmother, and the village of Barrelhaven. Such a perfect blend of beautiful art, comedy and off-the-wall cartoon-level hijinks, as well as really intense, dark adventure and tension as the story unfolds.

Also created this sequence, which may be the funniest two panels ever drawn in a comic

Here Is Greenwood v1

A charming ‘90s manga from my stash that I decided to reread. Honestly one of my favourite feel-good mangas, because it’s such a simple, pure, good-hearted slice of life without some of the gimmicks that other manga use. It’s about Kazuya starting at an all-boys school partway into the year, and moving into the school’s dorms. The entire book is just about him being constantly pestered by the well-meaning characters that share the dorm with him. It’s just goofy and fun, and has the fantastic aesthetic of a good ‘90s manga. Also, it was one of those books that, while technically not ~queer~ was also ~queer enough~ for my deprived teenage soul.

Blood Of Elves

The fourth book of the Witcher series that I’ve finished. I’ll be honest, not my favourite. I really enjoyed the beginning, the whole espionage thing with Dandelion, and then Ciri with Geralt, the Kaer Morhen witchers, and Triss. That was all really fun. It felt like it dragged a lot more though after Ciri joined Yennefer... And yet I love Yennefer as a character, she is hilariously snide and clever and really sweet with Ciri. But it felt like a scene that could have been done in a couple chapters took up half the book. Maybe that’s just because, as I said, my brain was mush and I couldn’t deal with it. I have the next book and as soon as my brain doesn’t look like chicken noodle soup anymore I will be starting it!

The Mouse and the Motorcycle

You know I love a good animal adventure story, and this is one that I adored as a child. The story of Ralph, a young mouse living with his family in a rundown motel, and how he and a young human boy discover that they can understand each other through a shared passion for vehicles... in particular a red toy motorcycle. There’s just something heartwarming about Ralph racing around a motel on a tiny toy motorcycle that runs when he makes motorcycles noises. I’ll have to find the second one as soon as libraries are open again.

Kit: The Adventures of a Raccoon

Another animal adventure story from my childhood, although this one is more of a chapter book than a true novel. This is a book that I’ve been lowkey hunting for years and finally came across in a school library. It’s a more realistic look at what a raccoon’s life is like, from birth to adulthood. Rereading it, it’s not a particularly exciting book and wouldn’t have otherwise stood out to me, but there’s still something that calls to me. It’s very gentle and makes this raccoon’s growing and learning feel very soft and compassionate, even if there are tragedies and death.

A quick edit because it was only just now that I realized that this is a Canadian lit book! Always exciting to discover that a favourite is Canadian!

Calvin and Hobbes: Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat

Calvin and Hobbes, yet one more bullet to add to the list of Comfort Comics that I’ve pulled out to keep my mind entertained while I can’t quite process Proper Novels. I doubt there’s anything I can say about Calvin and Hobbes that hasn’t already been said. You’ve either read these books already, and are nodding along with me, or you haven’t and therefore are not a human being I can relate to.

Spy vs Spy

I dug out some of the old Spy vs Spy comics we had as kids. They’re basically falling to pieces, but it was fun -- like so many other books on this list -- to revisit something so familiar but which I haven’t looked at in years. These were a very odd experience to reread, because on one hand Spy vs Spy comics have such a simple, goofy premise it’s hard not to just grin and laugh while you read them, but also like... yup they sure are old and kinda ~problematique~ eh? Whatcha gonna do.

The Twisted Ones

The read aloud my brother and I did before Ghost Hunters, although we technically finished reading it at the very end of March, but too late for it to make that book roundup post. Look, I’m not going to defend myself here. Yes, I’ve read an obscene number of Five Nights at Freddy’s books. The first one of this series The Silver Eyes was honestly better than I would have expected. This sequel was not as good, unsurprisingly, but the main character is still so fucking bizarre, so different than the sort of protagonist I would normally expect from a series like this, that I can’t quite bring myself to stop reading them. And when I had a moment of Realization, about what might be in store for the third book, I genuinely screamed at my brother who was reading at the time. So yes. Somehow this youth horror is better than it has any right to be -- not good but better than it should be -- and yes I will be reading the third the second the libraries open again.

The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh

Another reread! This was a book I got as a birthday present when I was in... probably preschool? It’s a cross between a large picture book and a chapter book. It’s essentially a “novelization” of the original Disney movie, and it has such cute art to go along with it. Winnie the Pooh has always been a favourite of mine, and reading this old book was like a warm hug. Makes me want to see if I can get my VCR set up so I can watch that old movie again...

Frog and Toad Together

A friend found someone reading this book in a very asmr-style on youtube and recommended I listen because they found it super chill. And they were right! It is ridiculously chill. I’ve never read a Frog and Toad story before, but it’s really just a very cute old book that immediately launches you right back into grade one.

The BFG

This is my first time reading the BFG and it has all of Dahl’s usual charm and quirkiness. A young girl gets plucked out of an abusive orphanage by the Big Friendly Giant, who brings her to the terrifying Land Of Giants... all of which are bigger and crueller than the BFG, and who have an appetite for human flesh. It was quick and fun, and it’s always hard not to fall in love with Dahl’s sweet characters, especially this big eared, dream-catching giant.

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lastgeeksdying · 7 years

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On the twelve Friday the 13th films

I recently rewatched or watched for the first time all of the F13 movies. Here's what I thought. On Part 1: The ending is a cool twist on expectations, even today. Most folks go into this film still expecting Jason Vorhees and instead are shocked. If they get that far. Because this movie is super garbage otherwise. Poorly written, poorly edited, it looks like it's from the early 70's but instead is from the 80's. The movie goes out of it's way to make you hate most of the characters. On Part 2: A remix of the first film, trying to make a sequel to a really strange final moment. Lumberjack/Baghead/KKK Jason here is the where his personality seems maluable, but you can see the seeds of him starting to become the Silly theatrical maniac that would come on display as we go. On Part 3: If the first film is laughable bad for it's low budget, this is laughable for how big it's budget is and how much time is wasted on shitty 3D effects. But Jason with a Harpoon gun is choice. On Part 4: Solid. Because it felt like it was going to be the last Jason movie, it did a good job creating the world of Crystal Lake and bringing it to a close. It also cautiously set up sequels. Corey Feldman did a good job for a child actor. On Part 5: Interesting ideas with Characters as developed as the first few films so...actually underrated. I think this film gets a lot of hate because SPOILERS the killer isn't Jason. Much Like Halloween III, Every character that isn't Tommy, is laughably bad. I think a really good reboot could do Tommy's arc justice. If a writer was careful. This also feels like the point where the series is taking itself less seriously. This may be because it's become a cash grab annual franchise, but I think it gives the franchise a soul. It's not a dark a gritty series anymore. It's not Low Rent Halloween, but it's not the campy gore-fest of Nightmare on Elm Street. It's exactly where I want it to be. On Part six: Great. If my favorite Jason movie didn't exist, this would be it. It takes every trope established in the franchise up to this point and nails them. It has Tommy come back and not pay off the ending of Part 5 since audiences hated that, and instead has been have a break down and create the thing he hates. It's when the series moves from silly, but maybe real to Supernatural Killer. I feel like every idea non-fans have of the character of Jason comes from this movie. My only complaint is that his costume isn't as cool as the one in 7. On Part Seven: The last act is cool. Otherwise this movie just trots along at a slow pace. Nothing super exciting happens, even with a telekinetic main character. This was originially conceived as a Carrie vs Jason movie, but they couldn't get the rights. Which is likely for the best considering how they handled Tina's backstory here. But it'd be funny to use this movie as a launch pad for continuing Carries rain of destruction. But the last 20-30 minutes are worth the wait. Once Tina starts cutting loose with her powers, suddenly Jason has a real adversary that he can go toe to toe with. On Takes Manhattan: Half good, half a joke So the funny story about this movie, go watch the trailer. It's all this is a movie set in new york. You know this is new york. And here's shots of Jason on a street! Here's Jason on a Subway. For anyone whose seen the movie, they laugh at the trailer. Because it's actually set on a "cruise" ship that passes by Crystal Lake on it's way to New York. It's 2/3rds of the film before they reach New York. Then it's about 2/3rds of the time remaining on the docks and the warehouses there. Including a really gross and needless mugging, drugging, and attempted rape scene. The last third spends most of it's time getting from the docks, to downtown New York, onto a Subway, and then into the Sewers. The last 10ish minutes are in the Sewers and Jason dies in the stupidiest, most non-sensical way. Now, this is the part where I say something that sounds silly. The stuff on the boat? Actually feels like Jason and the Friday the Thirteenth movies. The stuff in New York? So bad, and such a joke...which leads us to... On Jason Goes to Hell: Hated it. Don't do it. This is the worst film in the franchise. This is a film that is trying way way too hard to take itself seriously and make Jason scary again. It loses all of the fun of the previous movies and it just falls apart. It's way too late to try to go back. It's plot is nonsensical. Long Story Short: Jason gets tricked by the FBI who blow his body up. Then via MAGIC(???) or something it's discovered in the dumbest way possible that Jason isn't just Supernatural, but a demon. And it's the dumbest fucking thing. The coroner examining Jason's body is maybe compelled by the heart, maybe he's just crazy, to eat Jason's heart. This transfers Jason from his exploded body into the coroner's body. Now he can run around and kill people, and as his new body is dying he has to change into a new person. Yeah, it's a body swaping movie that feels like they just reshot a huge chunk of the movie to take a generic horror movie and make it about Jason. And surprise, it was heavily reshot and edited and changed by the producer/franchise creator because the lead actress walked off set and the director had to be let go with days of filming still to go. And then later they went back and filmed more. So about 60 percent of the movie was done after the principle filming. This gets worse when you get to the fact that there was a secret Vorhees sister who had a daughter who had a daughter. The Sister is killed and now Jason is hunting the Daughter and her daughter. But it's not a Michael Myers situation. It's because of a shitty prophecy that Jason can reborn his original body by using a blood relatives body. At the end of the film, Jason breaks out of his body as a demon creature, and it looks really bad. Eventually he uses the body the dead sister (He didn't use the sister earlier because the writers had thought of that plot line yet. There were three writers, can you tell?). Jason is reborn, there is another prophecy about only a Vorhees can kill a Vorhees so Jason's niece stabs Jason witha magic knife and he gets pulled into hell. Then big suprise ending moment. The surprise ending moment is that Freddy Krugars claw comes out of the ground and Freddy Laughs. At this point, they were trying hard to get a Freddy Vs Jason movie, but hadn't nailed the rights yet. This will lead to them making Jason X. The one redeeming moment is that they used a prop from another movie as just a creepy book in the Vorhees house. But for fans it is the Necronomicon from Evil Dead. Which lead to a comic of Freddy Vs Jason Vs Ash. On Jason X: Loved it. Jason X is my favorite film in the franchise. If Jason goes to Hell takes itself too seriously, Jason X understands how campy it needs to be and what a scifi movie needs to be. There are characters I genuinely like and am saddened when they die. There are surprises for someone who hadn't watched it in years. You can tell that these were fans of Alien and Aliens and wanted to Mash them together with the previous core Jason concepts. And by doing so it creates magic. It also has a cool premise about the idea that Jason in the future isn't unstoppable, but he is tough. They stop him, and then in the fifth act twist, space science accidentally gives him an upgrade and he becomes Uber Jason, who crashes on Earth 2. I don't want to ruin anything else about the movie, but this is the movie with the best line. "Hey guys, it's fine! He just wanted his machete back!" And not only is it a great line, it actually works in context and creates a hilarious but terrifying moment. On Freddy Vs Jason: It's so bad. And it's a shame because there is bare concept that's good. The idea that Freddy has been forgotten. That the town banded together to try and stop him from existing by blocking thoughts and dreams of him and redacting everything possible, that's neat. The film is missing elements that are key to making it work. The first thing is the teens. They are all shitlords and totally not worth your time. The "Good" Characters are both flimsy at best, but also not really likable. Characters don't make dumb choices, the writers drop bad ideas into their heads because they want certain scenes or plot. The entire plot involving dream suppressing drugs feels like it is going to be important, but by the midpoint, the film has tossed it out. Freddy has always been a pretty garbage and had traded entirely on gore and Robert Englund's performance. Here he makes dumb decision after dumb decision. And it's just...you know, I don't even care. What really pushed this movie into almost Goes to Hell bad is it's portrayal of Jason. This Jason has no personality. He's a big killy monster who wants to kill. He doesn't have any of the theatrics that make Jason interesting to watch. He doesn't have the weird teleports or the brutal kills. He's boring here. And then they gave him a weakness. They handed him a water phobia. Which doesn't fit the character or the continuity. He Looks like a Jason Cosplayer and has the scripting of one. It's bad, and mostly unforgivable. The redeeming element of this movie is that there are ideas here that are interesting, but so much of it is mishandled by bad direction and bad writing that it just becomes a shame. On the Remake: I appreciate that the used the film to try and pay homage to what little plot exists in the first three films. Let's show the mom is a killer. Let's show him do some kills with the bag on his head. Let's have him find the mask after his bag is damaged. And that's the first 40 minutes. It is almost like they knew they a modern audience could take just one of those films plots and they really wanted to speed it up. It even feels like they want to create a Tommy Jarvis like anti-Jason in the form of the very tall Jared Padelecki. It's important to remember this is a new Jason, and a new world. And I am okay with that. But the writing feels too on the nose. It gives character traits to people that are going to die, and character missions for characters who will survive. I don't hate this new Jason. I want to know why he grows weed and doesn't want to let anyone near it. That's really weird. But overall the film does some brutal kills. It has nudity for nudity sake. It has drug use. It has virginal characters. It has the killer. It has the teens (Who are campers instead of counselors which annoys me but whatever). And even has a smidge of heart. I just feel like the film could have been tighter. The flashback about Pamela should have been saved as a Camp Fire story flashback. And the first group of Campers should have been killed off much faster. The film spends a solid fifteen minutes with them, when it should have been five. The biggest missed opportunity here is that it is trying to be serious again, and it needed to embrace the camp. There is a part where a character walks off and starts singing with his ipod to Sister Christian. This should have lead into a montage where Jason kills those five to that song. Ultimately, there were only a few I will ever go back to. And only one I'd tell people is worth the time to watch if you like comedy/horror(Jason X rules!) Don't worry guys, he just wanted his Machete back!

#F13 #Friday the 13th #friday the 13th the game #Jason Vorhees #Freddy Kruger #Batman

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reprehensiblewombat · 7 years

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I just had a nightmare. I don’t usually have nightmares, but when I do I deal with them by retelling them. Usually, awake and using awake-rules, they’re ridiculous or hilarious or both. I normally retell them to a person, but it’s 5:30 in the morning and no one’s awake right now.

So, nightmare under the cut, featuring Lin-Manuel Miranda.

So, Lin-Manuel Miranda has written a new play and cast me in it. This isn’t good, because I suck. Like, I suck so hard my parents were making fun of me during a rehearsal.

(For some godforsaken reason, these rehearsals took place in a cabin on a lake in rural Winconsin.)

At the end of rehearsal, Lin-Manuel was giving us notes. (I don’t know why only at the end of rehearsal, either.) When it came to me, he said, “If you want to be less of a disappointment...” but he did not finish his sentence. There was literally nothing I could do to be less of a disappointment. Instead, he just decided to cut several scenes so I only ended up with three lines. (Why don’t you just fire me and recast, bro?)

So, after rehearsal, almost everyone has gone except Lin-Manuel, who feels an obligation to be the last one to leave, myself, trying to get up the courage to ask for better advice, and a fellow cast member who is getting a ride home with me.

My parents are that ride. They’re waiting outside to take me and this other woman home. I don’t know why. I am an adult with both a car and a driver’s license. I think this is to increase how pathetic I am.

Eventually, I decide I cannot talk to Lin-Manuel freaking Miranda, who freaking hates me, and just pick up my stuff to leave.

There is a knock on the door. All three of us turn. “Is that your parents?” Lin-Manuel Miranda asks. Because of course he knows that I am too pathetic to drive myself to and from rehearsals.

“No,” I reply. Because it’s not. Neither of them would feel the need to knock.

My Fellow Cast Member (I’m sorry, my brain didn’t name this character) opens the door. It is none other than Mrs. Pamela Voorhees. She stabs My Fellow Cast Member in the face, killing her instantly. Her son, Jason, is in the process of breaking the window above the kitchen sink. I do not know what this will do for him. He’s so freaking huge that he cannot physically fit through that window, even if he breaks all the glass.

I take a brief second to be glad that mother and son have been reunited after their deaths as blade wielding murder-zombies. It’s kinda sweet.

Then I slam my whole body into the door to keep Mrs. Voorhees from getting in. This doesn’t work, at all. Mostly because the door no longer has the ability to lock.

Plan B. There is a fire place behind me. I grab an iron poker. I swing it at the head of Mrs. Voorhees. She dies. For real this time. (At least, until the sequel.) Then I turn my attention to the much thornier problem of Jason, who is far more immortal than his mom. (He has many more sequels.)

But I don’t get to attack him, because suddenly everything shifts, and I’m in a dream world created by Freddy Krueger. I know it’s created by Freddy Krueger, because it includes some of his favorite set pieces. (Industrial pipes. Bad lighting. Coma children sprawled about.) “Are you and Jason having another verses?” I shout.

I did not get to bring the poker with me in my dream. It’s okay. I’m much better at fighting monsters than dealing with disappointed Lin-Manuel.

One of the coma children “wakes up” and starts speaking to me in Freddy’s voice. “Didja like my movie?” he asks, using the little girl’s face to grin maniacally.

“Which one?”

He pauses for a moment, thinking, before saying. “The first one.”

Admittedly, that’s the only one I’ve seen. “I thought the scares were lacking and the most it had to offer was being unnecessarily gross.” The little girl’s arm turns into a giant worm arm that wraps around mine. I shake it off. “See? Unnecessarily gross. I’m not here to play games. Put on the finger knives and come at me, bro.”

Freddy turns from a little girl into himself and does just that. His finger knives pass harmlessly through my arm. I grin. “I knew there had to be consequences to you pulling me here without me actually being asleep.” (Joke’s on me. I was, in fact, asleep. So meta.)

“I can torment you for the rest of eternity!” Freddy growls. I’m sure that’s true. He can keep showing up in my dreams until I die. However, he can’t kill me, so I decide to worry about it later.

“Keep telling yourself that. I’m going back to the real world.”

And I do. Just like that, I’m back at the cabin. Door hanging off it’s hinges, window broken, poker in my hand. Neither Jason nor Lin-Manuel Miranda are anywhere to be seen.

I dislike cat and mouse games. Better to face Jason head on. He’s probably poker-proof, but if he isn’t, I win. If he is, well... at least Freddy won’t get to hang out in my dreams anymore. I head out of the cabin toward the lake, poker in hand. About halfway between the house and the shore, I stop.

“I WASN’T EVEN GOING TO HAVE SEX!” I scream into the night. Then I wait, ready.

I have miscalculated. Jason is behind me. He chops my head off with his machete, and everything goes sideways for a second. Then I wake up.

I don’t know what happened to Lin-Manuel Miranda. I hope he made it out okay.

#I had a nightmare #Lin-Manuel Miranda #jason voorhees #freddy krueger #mrs. voorhees #I personally believe that the myth that dying in your dream is bad for you was invented by nightmares #because facing the monster head on can kill you #but you also wake up #and the nightmare ends #I don't think the nightmare wants to end #but it does so SUCK IT FREDDY #I beat you like two different ways!#Lin Manuel Miranda being disappointed in me is honestly the scariest part of this nightmare #It peaked early #I'm out of my element in a musical #but then the monsters attack and I turn into kind of a badass #what does that say about me?

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