#anyway today its just because im at work but doing NO work at work

[bsaka7]

on my weekly "i'm going to run a marathon" thought process grind where i talk myself into and then immediately talk myself out of it

#its bc my sprint tri is this saturday and im like gonna train for a half in july after it #the main L tho is that im going from 1000ft above sea level to 6k #since 2019 my goal has to run a marathon and i was on track in 2020 then COVID #anyway today its just because im at work but doing NO work at work #and instead reading some random running articles that r like! its good to run to enjoy it! u dont have to be fast! #which is pretty much my philosophy like yes i ran ten seasons of xc so obv i think about time #but its like. never ever ever my goal #back before i got kicked off xc by the new coach the team was like....[tetrapod] u are the most likely to run a ultra and i was like :). #but look at me now #the other thing is. i have enjoyed training for this tri but its like. #i just feel like i am in bad shape for 3 sports intstead of good shape for one!!! #though i did have a lovely bike yesterday #anyway i am NOT running a marathon this year for two reasons 1) moving somewhere where i don't have a support network 2) altitude #BUT 2023 I WILL!!! #GOTTA LEARN HOW TO RUN MOUNTAINS FIRST!!!! CUZ I FAILED AT IT LAST YEAR!!!!! #i went from the flattest county in one state to a hilly part of the next so this is just the NEXT STEP #anyway sorry for the jocktalk lololol i will probably delete this

[abirddogmoment]

i hope i never stop being amazed at the power of latent learning, like wow how cool is it to practice something a little bit, take a long break so it can sink in, and then return and do it beautifully??? amazing phenomenal and so so cool

#dogblr #dog training #i feel that i have gotten soooo much better at 'ending on a good note' instead of pushing for another perfect rep #i catch myself more often and quit while we're ahead #anyway this is specifically about my beautiful dogs #i was watching a reel of this persom teaching a 5mo border collie to wrap jumps #and she did it in probably about 60 or 70 reps in one session #and i was thinking that it would take me at least 10 or 15 sessions with rory because i can get maaaaaybe 5 reps of any behaviour #before shes like nah this sucks #but the coolest thing about training brittanies is just #you do your 3 or 4 reps and quit #and you come back a week later and they GET it #its like they need a long time to process it #but they WILL process it in your time off #anyway shes doing a really decent baby freestack in a front position #we practiced it once two weeks ago and then returned to it today and she nailed it #i tried to video but of course it did not work #storal of the mory: i love a dog that constantly humbles me in this specific way #im glad this was a brittany thing and not just a mav thing because i love training in this way

[twilightarcade]

everyday I draw beautiful arms and forwhat

#wordstag #whatever. I know I need to do them. Morally speaking and artistically speaking #but it makes me soooo sad like yeah sorry. im gonna have to censor you with a sleeve. That’s literally a rectangle. Yeah it’s irreversible. #I suffer everyday and forwhat. Does this amuse someone out there? Did someone want me to live this way? #anyway its actually so hot in here. And also so late. On da clock. I haven’t stayed up this long in ages #kind of weird. Like in my heart I know it probably the drugs (<- see: I had some caffeine both today and yesterday. Calling it a drug #sounds funny & amuses me.) but also what the hellllll literally what if bro up to. #I could be like. Sleepin with this time. Dreamin and things of the sort. But we’re here. Hellworld #anyway that arm thing I think its because I like 2 wear long sleeves. Like to the point where if I wear short sleeves someone is bound to #throw some sorta fit about it. HENCEFORTH ! I force my ideas onto innocent characters. Because of woke. #or something along those lines. Really it just gives me more fabric to work with <- guy who doesn’t outfit design all too often #anyway ive been watching house season one as of late have you seen that show dude . #ok uhhhherrrhmmmmmmm bye

[betweenblackberrybranches]

I just need to rant for a second :)

Screaming into the void please dont judge me

#that feeling when you and the person you live with have to move out of two rooms of your flat because the flooring had to be done there #and your girlfriend just. doesnt. do. anything. unless you strongarm her into it at which point she snaps at you and treats you #like you are unreasonable for not letting her just sit there and ply video games while you do all the work #eventhough its her fault that we didnt even have a full week to prepare for it because she just took the fastest possible appointment for it #when they called her to do the appointment #also sitting there like 'it will be fine we can do it in time' yea no shit because i am actually doing all the fucking work #its not like i usually do almost all the chores anyways #i ask her to help me move her pottet plants she is just like 'no. not because i dont want to help but because i dont want to move them' #why does she have to act as if she is doing me a fucking favour when putting away her own stuff that she never cleans up otherwise anyways #i am tired #like great. let me just do all of the work and then get angry at me when i ask you when you will be able to cook after taking 'me time' #because i have to clean out the kitchen but you thought it was a good idea to bring meat that has to be cooked today #because from tomorrow on we wont have a kitchen for 7 days #but then you definetly wont do the dishes after cooking which means ill have to do it #ontop of all the other stuff #idk im just annoyed #incredibly annoyed

[spamtoon]

i would take their poison

Sketch + Line Art for those Clicking Under the Cut(tm) (archival purposes honestly)

#moshi monsters #sweet tooth moshi monsters #experimentation i am COG AWFUL at digital dear goodness i was playing with coloring and transparency and all those fun digital doodads. #next time i probably wont have black outline or i'll do it differently. or i'll try well. not doing this. it sure was a process im #i'm an amateur everyone who masically only doodles. does the sketch look better than the final. kinda! but thats okay because im learning #and y'know what. sometimes in life you just need to draw faves no consequences #for how saturated a character they are i kinda feel like i pastelled things too muc and trapped myself with my convoluted layer setup but m #it was looking WEIRD with everything at full force #maybe the sparkles look dumb maybe the hair looks dumb and out of place and why i kinda made the lollipop a little funky too #uhh. first digital piece posted... ever? #the arm is SO fucky i am not that was. thats not what perspective is spam #yes this is what i spent a good chunk of today doing after i started working on coloring it and then. decided to go for it. #cooolrs a little inaccurate on the horns and such but man one of the biggest art things was like #i dont have to have everything at their perfect hex codes all the time. this would look way worse if i just. used their standard colors #yeah this is. instead of looking like its forward and to the right it kinda just looks like they have a Bigger hypno-lolly #especialy becase. i did not bother on the gloves and platforms i the sparkles work with 2 kinda sorta but you know #im practicing! i'm learning! i'll get better and learn how to do things more effectively! #anyway. sweet toof #though hey their arm looks even more fucked in the line art and sketch SO #note to future self have a Consistent Line Art Size so that if you feel like the line art looks like shit during coloring you dont have to #gamble on what size it was while changing it #sketch lollipop looks better i should have kept it small. but its fine. we'll get em next time boys (tm) #yes i know my gif post was so fancy and then the drawing is just THIS

[todayisafridaynight]

i HAVE to keep the daigo plush locked away lest i squeeze it every five minutes to alleviate the cuteness aggression i feel whenever i see it

#snap chats #being without my computer charger has been maddening #that makes me sound terminally online and its because i am. its also cause all i ever wanna do is draw :(( #AND I ESP WANNA WORK ON MY COMMS NOOOOO FUCK #i mean i was at least able to read through yakuza’s bias vol 2… so theres that… #MY SCHOOL STORE DIDNT HAVE LAPTOP CHARGERS i had to order one… hopefully it gets here Overnight like i asked….. if not ill kill #anyway. daigo plushie so cute :(((((((((((((((( #mine cute too but theres just something especially squeezeable about daigo #alas.. thats what the aoki plush’ll be for. my personal stress toy ☠️☠️☠️☠️ #lowkey i wish i also got ichi but then i remenbee they made him pale as all hell and Yeah Im Not Putting Money To That #THE SMALLEST BIT OF A TAN I BEG YOU RGG WHY IS HE SO PALE IT DONT LOOK RIIIIGHT :(((( #anyway.. i have my last class in half an hour… lemme drink this tea… #also Lowkey obsessed with my outfit today.. its that butterfly shirt + gold accessories since theyre monarch butterflies #tho Lowkey 2x the black and yellow remind me of the watase blokes from gaiden…… wack….. #ok bye its tea time #help one of my roommates just came home and she just announces like. ‘man those edibles were. OUGH’ #calling my dad to pick me up nooo im a lame straight edge dont talk about drugs around me ill scream and cry LMAO #ok im done byebye lemme drink this good god

[natjennie]

sorry i havent been very active lately I've been having a real shit couple days idk why

#ive been like right on the verge of a breakdown all day today #and i can feel it coming. the tears are IN my eyes. #it's just. everything is so hard. #it can't be this hard all the time for everyone right? #because if it is and everyone is just being normal and doing fine and coping and being an adult about it #then that makes me a failure. #and i dont know what im supposed to do with that. #its also so fucking hard to see something you might want for yourself #and be inundated with the weight of all the barriers #and all the ways that you'll never get there #all the reasons it wont work. everything just feels so difficult #like EVERYTHING everything everything is minimum 10 steps and it never fucking ends #idk why im feeling so bad like ive been taking my medicine ive been trying really hard to eat and drink and take them #like no matter what i do im always in pain and tired and sad and frustrated #and it never fucking stops #anyway sorry #venting #vent post

[rose-lalondde]

pro tip: if you think you have adhd then don't start a master's program before you even get a diagnosis (also you need a stronger prescription, you have astigmatism, and reading glasses aren't gonna cut it)

#i can handle one class just fine but 2 classes??? im killing myself #im working too so its like i never have time for myself and its just a neverending well of assignments and work plus i hate the schedule #why is everything due at 10:59 and why is it due in the middle of the week but i have to come back the next 2 days and write responses #one of my classes will trade out a disucssion for the week with an assignment thats due at the end of the week and i like that sm better #the other class makes use do a discussion and an assignment in the same week #and usually they're all due at the same time so i go to work and then go home do my homework and then do more homework on the weekend #then go back to work do you understand my problem #anyway my mom casually confirmed that i have astigmatism recently which ??? #but my eyesight is fine but driving in the dark is hell and its not b/c of the dark! #any kind of bright light blinds me like it could be a sunny day and i won't be seeing shit for that entire drive omg #just realized that this might be the cause of an increase in headaches wait... #ok back on track: adhd consultation (maybe) in a month and a half! #i don't have a therapist so im hoping my doctor can help? or at least refer me to somebody that can help b/c looking is hard omg #where the therapists at omg #moon posts #long one today because i am procrastinating so i can give up <3

[theoxvest]

Invasion of the Pearlheads

#oxventure #art #katie pearlhead #today was just one of those days #where I manage to feel like one of the most unlikable people alive #really its a mix of my ex dropping off my old stuff yesterday while i wasnt at my place and only telling me afterwards #and then today my work friends just throwing me under the bus because i was behind on emails and they had the help and they were in trouble #for talking too much #and finding this out from another coworker above in work status who said the boss did not agree with this reasoning #and Im like #I dont know what Im supposed to be doing anymore #I am trying my best but I am at the end of my rope here #anyway haha funny oxventure gestures #im so sorry to Katie Pearlhead she just works very well as a vent character

[crescentfool]

doing things outside of your usual is such a humbling experience...

#lizzy speaks #to those who are curious what prompted this: my friend and i are collaborating on a video essay together #we picked it back up a week and a half ago after it laid in limbo for a month or two #and we're currently in the phase of editing it together (scripting + recording the VO is done) #and MAN. my respect for people who work on scripted/informative content just shot up through the ROOF #most of my experience with editing comes from footage first and then edit down approach (rather than creating/gathering visuals to uplift- #a written script) and it's. well. they engage with very different skillsets i think #my friend who i am collaborating with is very amused at me because this is not her first rodeo. meanwhile me as a first-timer. #i am telling her about how i am losing my mind over my editing timeline having gaps of footage because i couldn't think of anything to put #for certain portions (or i just didnt feel like looking through preexisting footage on the internet and dl-ing it) #and she compared it to 'telling a kid whos going thru puberty that its normal' EKLHFGLHH #im ngl the way i have spent like maybe 10 hours today off and on looking up footage and fact checking the splat artbook is so. explodes #it makes sifting through an 11 hour batch of footage of me playing big run sound like a cakewalk in comparison LMAOO #anyway if you read this far thank you :D i hope that in 2024 i can continue to be humbled in trying new things #and i highly encourage others 2 do so too! try a new method of approaching something or do smthn slightly adjacent to what you do! #tis a good learning experience and also makes u very appreciative of the things that are out there methinks #im literally only editing an 11 minute segment or so idfk how people make those 1+ hr video essays LIKE HELLO??? ESP IF ITS LICENSED MEDIA #HOW DO U GET ALL THE FOOTAGE FOR THAT. U MUST BE REALLY HYPERFIXATED AND DEDICATED TO THAT. DAMN. anyway. have a good 2023 everyone!

[the-trans-dragon]

Added a fourth ingredient to my most complicated food dish I can make >:3 I even wished I had some butter to add! Ill have to remember to buy some ^w^ I don't think I've bought butter in months

#i am doing my best as an autistic adult to learn to cook all on my own and its scary. im proud of myself for adding another ingredient! #plus this means ive had like...FOUR different types of vegetables today???? normally i eat nothing but peanut butter so heck yeah #my mom called today and i mentioned i havwnt been eating well and she scolded me and then belittled me for not knowing how to cook #and at one point she said in a belittling tone “i guess i should have taught you how to cook!” and i said “that would have been nice.” #and she was like “well no one taught me. i just figured it out on my own when i was an adult.” i did NOT mention that one of our most common #meals growing up was Plain Baked Chicken (a little lemon juice and pepper as seasonings). i know no one taught her. i know my grandma was #busy trying to cope with being a 1970s housewife in the increasingly-nuclear-family atmosphere and didnt have time to teach my mom as a kid #and i know my mom was busy working 3 jobs at once to raise me so. but still. #anyways im letting my hurbis decide to name this dish Microwave Vegetable Casserole bc there isnt really a definition for casserole that i #follow so. i can stretch that definition to include my dish. fun fact: this is a dish i invented for a pet chicken i had! now i eat it #because its tasty and easy and one of the dishes i have experience with :) i just added garlic salt today for the first time and its even #tastier than before! #sorenhoots

[soldier-poet-king]

Making myself sad, but also strangely at peace, by working on an astarion playlist at work, y'know, as a real consummate professional

#the duality of fran #ok break over i gotta go do work #its like. a wip. #i always add soooo many songs to character playlists #and then i gotta sit with them awhile to whittle it down #or else they'd all be like 12 hrs long of the same songs for every character #yes i get it all my faves are variations on the same handful of themes #and i have brainworms #anyway life is terrible but i am going to be terrible-r. and that is a threat :) #man oh man i know this is partially because [redcated] #but i cant fix that because its out of my hands unless i do [redcated] which is frowned upon bad by [redcated] #and its just. oh i hate it here. get rid of this shit immediately #it is totes normal to grow up wishing you had a legitimate medical reason to get a hysterectomy. a normal by product of ur religion totes #dont @ me im not arguing today i am just. gah. #there are so many factors at play here i am going back to my silly little soft playlist and work spreadsheets

[sleevebuscemii]

.

#i hate how wishy washy my social life is in this city like. #like everything has to be Planned and is a Thing and it’s like. i don’t want to go to a fancy group dinner #or get invited to a birthday party #i just want someone who will go to target with me #or come over and keep me company while i do laundry and then get tacos after like. #something that Actually feels intimate…idk #but now its like. i either go to this fancy dinner with a big group (who are mostly couples) and at least have something to do today #or. i spend my saturday alone. #like even the friends i have 1 on 1 its like. plans have to be made in advance if we wanna go get coffee or something #like nothing is just. spontaneous and casual its alk a Thing #but also like fuck. i just spent whole week at work alone i don’t wanna be alone in my weekend too like fuuuuuck this #and its like. i can’t help but feel like its my fault but i know its been hard because i work remote so im so fucking isolated #sometimes i think i should just move home but i know thatll just make me feel like i failed #at like. moving to a big city and making it work #but also i know its not just me like lonely city by olivia laing blah blah blah but goddddddd #i am a social creature!!!! i want to be around people!!!!! but in a meaningful and fulfilling way!!!!!!! #anyway thats my therapy session for today see u next time #m

[autisticlee]

having some sort of chronic pain and tiredness issue and joint problems and whatnot but not knowing exactly what the problem is is really good at leading you feeling like you're faking it or making a big deal out of nothing or making it up. especially if there's a good day where it's not as bad and you can walk straight without limping for the first time in a year. but then you can wake up the next day and can barely walk and wonder why you can't just walk normal. it's hard to not guilt trip yourself into dealing with pain by trying to ignore it and force yourself to walk "normal" all the time

#chronic pain #chronic exhaustion #idk what else to tag #another day of why was lee walking normal and barely pain at work yesterday but then today so much pain and exhausted #wish i knew what was exactly the problem. was diagnosed with “generalized hypermobility” but doesnt do much #not a real diagnosis. basically just a thing to tell me “theres nothing wrong. exercise more” but how???? i keep trying but hurt myself #my job is physical labor and therefore exercise. it hurts. is exhausting. no energy to do more. walking is exhausting #have to focus so much energy on not popping hips out of place and twisting knees and ankles and falling. never hurts less #still think about how failed the heds test by 1 point but had several people with heds or who have close friends/family with it who told me #they think i have it and should go het diagnosed or just ask me if i have it because they recognize the symptoms #and every time i tell them the doctor i saw about my joint issues and stuff denied it they get super confused and tell me to try #another doctor. unfortunately i have to go through my designated health system and they dont have multiple doctors of each specialty #and i in general have no clue how to navigate health stuff or how to advocate for myself and have no help or support system at all so 🤷 #anyway. it makes me wonder if i *do* have that or if my floppy bendy joints are just similarly bad and exercise will cure me #and im just bad at it because i have no clue what is right and wrong movement unless someone watches me and corrects me the whole time #and no i wont learn or get better. im so disconnected from this body that i will never learn what feels right and wrong. #still cant even tell when im hungry until i almost pass out!!!!!!! of thirsty!! or even have to pee until its emergency level piss!!!!!! #so no way to tell when hypermobiling joints when exercising or when form is slipping and not correct anymore. #been trying things to get better at that but still hasnt improved at all #what was i talking about......right. dont think ill ever get heds diagnosis since cant pass the test for that. so cant get much support/help #am on my own with youtube tutorials and hoping i dont keep hurting myself wishing exercise will cure me and “good days” become permanent #also why are video tutorials SO HARD TO FOLLOW AND LEARN FROM. im sk bad at it yet everyone tells me its the best and only way to learn but #its SO HARD FOR ME 😭😭😭😭😭 MAKES ME SO FRUSTRATED AND UPSET

[moni-logues]

im simply here to say that mental illness is lame and embarrassing and exhausting and pre-menstrual exacerbation can also FUCK OFF

#i probably wont be writing today or doing any of the things i know i should do to make myself feel better #because im going to rot into my sofa instead #does peace sign while crying #its funny cause in some ways my antidepressants ARE working and I do feel better but in others #its been like a month since i cooked a real meal and i barely even care #anyway sorry just had to inform the void #moni logs

[broke-on-books]

😍😍😍

#accidentally slept through my only class today #which whoops sorry. (my 9am english) #which kind of killed step 1 of a plan of mine but thats okay #anyways THEN i had to go downtown to pick up this award bc i forgot to show up to the ceremony like a dumb dumb #but the building was like a 25 minute walk and it was COLD (punishment for my dumb dumbness tbh) but anyways i got there early so i walked #around the block and then went inside and picked up my medal #and i was already far downtown so then i popped my head in a couple of stores as i slowly walked back #got a few things from target. new hair clip nail polish m&ms pens and then a mango. very excited to eat that either later today or tomorrow #then i popped in the calligraphy store and then the comic shop and looked around. saw some white ribbon in the calligraphy store which ive #been looking for but didnt get it because it was a bit wide and kind of expensive and i want a lot for my project idea #(want to write out some of my favorite poems on them in sharpie and then use it to accessorize) #and then i went to the comic shop and peeked around. saw a nubia issue and a few gl 2021s in the discount bin but i didnt get them bc #they were all middle issues and i havent read those books yet although i do want to someday bc my guys were in them. one of the gl 21s even #had simon on the cover so i was very !!!!!!!! thats my guy!!!!! #didnt buy anything there but i did ask the guy to make sure to order a copy of the spirit world tpb so ill stop by to get that in a few wks #and then i went to the bookstore cafe and got a cold brew and did a but of English there. they have tables in the stacks its nice. the one i #grabbed was just surrounded by old paperbacks of sci fi and thrillers lol. didnt see anything id read but recognized a few author names like #card (no enders game though) and the pern lady (idk her name i havent read it). anyways did half a blog post thats technically late (ill #backdate though dw) and then packed up and i grabbed a gyro from the halal cart on that block which i just finished back at my dorm <3333 #anyways good times. now im gonna try and spam some work and go to freaking trivia team for the first time in a month later. oops #blah #oh and i think the halal cart guy may have given me a free soda. unsure abt that though bc its possible it came with and i was just being #silly again. so anyways i had a ginger ale too