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#anyways what better act of rebellion in an ideal world than to be happy despite (not because) of it am i right
kroosluvr · 20 days
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don't wanna talk, baby i just wanna dance
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warsmith-38 · 3 years
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How I would do RWBY pt. 5
Season Five.
Lingering drama amongst teams despite stable exterior.
Everyone’s a little wary of Blake on account of her cutting and running on them a couple seasons ago.
Everyone’s a little wary of Ruby and her insane berserker moment against Cinder.
Everyone’s a little wary of Yang and her being a bit of a dick recently.
Everyone’s a little wary of Weiss being a little emotionally fragile at this whole experience.
JNR is wary in general on the grounds that they didn’t sign up for this level of shit.
Everyone’s a little frazzled in general on account of recent events.
Qrow is giving them the rundown on Salem and Ozpin as far as he’s aware.
Says that they’re ancient demi-gods that have been fighting each other since before history.
He only knows so much because Ozpin is pretty tightlipped about his past and only gives certain individuals certain amounts of information.
Speaking of, Ozpin is there to greet them at Haven.
And teams CFVY and SSSN, leading to a happy reunion.
Haven headmaster is indisposed and can’t be present. (He’s on the phone with Salem)
Ozpin gives the skinny on what they know of Salem’s plan.
The exact plan still eludes them.
What they do know is that she has the remnants of the White Fang that follow Adam with the greater White Fang being uninvolved, a loose cabal of personal agents here and there, and literally countless grimm to bring to bear.
Easy odds, as far as they’re concerned.
They also tell him that Cinder has been beaten.
He doesn’t really care, seeing her as just another dime a dozen assassin.
He happier about Tyrian (Salem’s only truly competent assassin) being dead than anything about Cinder.
Ruby is quick to also say that being dropped down a pit doesn’t necessarily mean Cinder’s dead and if she shows up she gets first dibs.
Speaking of, Cinder is quite alive.
She is quickly found by Emerald and Mercury.
Cinder is wounded, but still powerful enough to kill the both of them should they piss her off.
Brief recovery period.
Discover that Salem isn’t returning her calls.
Salem’s decided that she’s gotten all she can out of Cinder and that she’s not worth further investment.
She can find another urchin, creep, or psycho to mold.
Brief moment of heartbreak is capped off with new plan to regain Salem’s favor.
Emerald and Mercury try to offer other options but eventually agree to come along because they have fuck all for other opportunities.
Get to Mistral and seek help of local crime boss for passage to Atlas to go about evil business there.
Crime boss restrains Emerald and Mercury.
Reveals that Neo already purchased their services.
Neo is angry at Cinder. Blames her for Roman’s death.
Cinder and Neo fight, Cinder wins, and shifts the blame of Roman to Ruby.
Neo acquiesces and teams up with Cinder and co. for revenge on Ruby. (Team CEMN for the win)
First act of new team is to kill local crime boss for trying to dupe 3/4 of them and steal their shit.
Neo just shrugs. No honor among thieves. They overcharged her anyway.
Set off for Atlas to cause problems on purpose to regain Salem’s attention.
RWBY + JNR take a well-earned moment of respite.
Catch up with CFVY and SSSN, fill them in on what’s been happening.
Ruby tries to bridge gaps by returning to being the designated weapon repairwoman.
Grills everyone for not taking better care of their shit.
Because how hard is it to do basic maintenance people?
Given downtime is able to upgrade Jaune’s sword + shield.
Sword has cooler design and shield can produce bubble shield effect now.
Ozpin takes RWBY and JNR aside to ask them to join his inner council.
He would have done it earlier but he was waiting to see if Ruby’s second semblance would ever awaken.
When they agree he elaborates further on Qrow’s earlier explanation.
He’s a great big windbag so he just info dumps everything (that they need to know) on them at once.
Explains that he is opposing demi-god to Salem. A deity of order and building as opposed to destruction and chaos.
Explains that he and Salem were created from on the whims of an ancient god of creation to guide the free peoples of the world and keep them all safe and sound.
Creator god fucked off after making the two of them on the grounds that it is explicitly a creator god not god of anything else.
It made the world. Caring for it is somebody else’s problem.
He and Salem disagreed as to how best to help people.
Salem thought that growth through conflict was the way to go and Ozpin thought that being the guiding hand from behind the scenes would work the best.
It eventually devolved into just trying to kill the other for getting in the way of each other’s plans.
Salem’s goal is to remove Ozpin from the equation and let people build and thrive in the natural way with a disaster, war, or genocide or two every now and then to keep them on their toes.
She’s basically the big evil boogeyman of the world.
Ozpin’s goal is to remove Salem on the grounds that he feels that the best thing he can do to keep order is not to allow said disasters, wars, or genocides and keep people alive for his later plans.
Either can only be killed by direct action of the other.
They keep themselves separate and ideally safe from each other.
Salem has been trying to find workaround for this for ages.
Salem created the grimm as a means of keeping humanity on its toes, fed by negative emotion in an attempt of dissuading such feelings.
They failed both at that and as a means to permanently kill Ozpin, but she now had an army for the rest of her plans.
Ozpin responded by creating and seeding the world with dust, giving the people a means to fight against the darkness surrounding them.
He never puts himself in the direct spotlight of history. Always the vizier, never the king.
Dust also had the side effect of eventually irradiating humanity and giving them aura and, furthermore, semblances.
These newly powered people, when dead and buried, eventually fossilize into more dust.
Most dust mines are ancient burial grounds. Creepy ain’t it?
Ozpin tried to capitalize on his success and tried to create super-soldiers to use said dust, aura, and semblances to protect humanity by combining human and animal traits.
Yep, Ozpin created the ancient faunus.
That and racism is indirectly his fault too.
He made the original faunus to be overseers and guardians to humanity.
In essence, they were designed to be feudal warlords with extra animal abilities that secretly answered only to him and ruled humans with iron fists.
Resulting human rebellions happened and Ozpin used his creations as scapegoats, letting them take all the blame and quietly …quieting anyone who knew the truth.
And that’s where the racism first came from. It has long since changed and muddied, but that was the initial reason.
He words all of this nicer and glides over the parts that make him look bad.
Salem and Ozpin have been picking at each other like that for eons.
Fall of Beacon only happened to try and distract Ozpin long enough for the latest scheme to kill him to be tried.
Destroying his pet project school was just a bonus.
Suffice it to say that that particular plan failed its main objective but still caused everything to fall apart.
Salem is now officially persona non grata, if she wasn’t already, among those present to the explanation.
Adam is trying to get more support from Sienna.
He has a small band of hardliners (psychos) with him but wants more bodies for his plans.
Gives big speech about faunus supremacy and the like.
Sienna tells him to fuck off, points out that he’s just repeating platitudes and doesn’t really care about the cause.
Reiterates his excommunication, citing working with Torchwick and Salem (despite the fact that she was cool with it at the time) as well as getting an unignorably large amount of his own people killed.
Collateral damage only goes so far, even for terrorists.
Adam vs Sienna.
Sienna wins and Adam slinks away, defeated but alive.
Adam’s hardliners get some more members but nowhere near what he wanted.
He’ll have to make do.
Salem wants him to do as terrorists do across Mistral.
Adam suggest that since Fall of Beacon worked fairly well… second verse same as the first?
Salem puts the kibosh on that plan.
She wants people to learn and thrive in a semi-natural way, she doesn’t want to just wipe them all out.
She’s fine with a little culling now and then but too much killing and they’ll never recover right.
Has new plan to try and kill Ozpin.
Has resurrected Tyrian, making a faunus/grimm Frankenstein thingy that she can directly possess at will.
All she needs is an opportunity to infiltrate him into Mistral.
Adam’s job is to provide an exploitable distraction.
He’s okay with that.
Yang has argument with Blake about running off like a punk.
Blake says it won’t happen again.
Yang says once bitten twice shy.
Ruby talks to Blake about Raven and Tai and the abandonment issues Yang has as a result of them both.
Meeting Raven and realizing that she was just a piece of shit this whole time only made things worse.
Says that Blake leaving like she did didn’t help.
Ruby also admits that her own leaving probably wasn’t great either.
Ruby wants her to know that she has faith in her but Yang has always needed a little more than faith.
Weiss airs some grievances to Yang about her dickish behavior.
Yang apologizes for her churlishness and reassures Weiss that the team is still going to be together but she is still mad at Blake.
Weiss tries to help smooth things over further but is interrupted.
Ilia shows up, is met with gun barrels.
Says she was sent by Sienna to take care of Adam, avoiding getting slotted by everyone.
Is kept at arm’s length but if she’s helping then, sure fine whatever, she can help.
Coco, Yatsuhashi, Weiss, and Ren try to talk to Ruby about not going crazy the next time she sees Cinder.
The best they can do is get her to agree that being so out of control insane while fighting her might not be the best way to fight.
They try and say that that’s really not good enough.
Ruby changes the subject via some odd noises she hears.
Haven headmaster (Lionheart? I barely know, or give much of a shit about, canon at this point) is part of The Cabal and is giving regular reports to Salem.
How else could CEMN masquerade as Haven students?
Almost gets walked in on.
Cheeses it but leaves the grimm thing that lets him talk to Salem.
Ruby has brief conversation with Salem.
Salem tries to tempt her, says that Ozpin is an asshole that only wants to control people not help them.
Ruby calls her a bitch.
Cites that Salem ruined her life and got some of her friends killed for this crap, not to mention her fucking mother.
Salem is just listening, still stunned from the audacity of being called a bitch right to her face.
Ruby finishes off by saying that even if Ozpin is an asshole, better the devil you know.
She then kills the grimm.
People now know there’s a turncoat and the only absolute they have is that it’s not Ruby or Ozpin (duh).
Everyone walking on eggshells, not sure who the traitor is.
Accusations are thrown around.
Eventually, after some shouting, everyone comes to the conclusion that it’s also not WBY, JNR, CFVY, or Qrow.
Logic starts to work its magic.
Lionheart tries to calm everyone down, IE: distract everyone from the growingly obvious.
Adam is up to his old tricks.
Blake and Ilia notice and point it out.
Lionheart breathes a sigh of relief as RWBY and JNR mobilize to stop Adam.
Adam is just a distraction.
Tyrian is slipped into the city via some bribes and carefully placed murders.
Adam has placed bombs across the city and broadcasts to the city that they’re doomed.
The civilians start to panic and draw grimm.
Mistral defense force is now busy dealing with said grimm.
Team splits up to stop the bombs.
Tyrian makes his move, attacks Ozpin directly.
Salem assumes direct control, hoping that this will count as her killing Ozpin herself.
SSSN and CFVY pop up and fight Tyrian!Salem.
Start getting their shit kicked in because it’s a fucking demi-goddess in a crazy scorpion demon body.
JNR returns.
Qrow finally does something too.
Ozpin even gets off his lazy ass.
Everyone helps take on Tyrian!Salem and win, killing Tyrian for good and pissing off Salem.
Ozpin got killed again to do it. (He’ll be back)
Blake and Yang find Adam.
Fight him, beat him, he runs away, we know how this song and dance goes.
Blake chases him alone.
Says that she has realized that Adam had been trying to commit suicide by anti-terrorism for a while.
Adam gets enraged and fights Blake again.
Adam final boss fight.
Blake starts winning.
Adam goes beyond the brink of madness.
In his anger he manages to destroy Blake’s weapon.
About to kill Blake but sees a little trinket he gave her when they were kids.
Sees his own reflection and sees a monster where he should be standing.
Realizes his own sense of self-destruction.
“I must already be dead,” –Vlad Dracula Tepes. It applies, says I.
Blake puts Adam down.
Yang arrives, worried that Blake ran off… again.
Blake has completely broken down.
Yang comforts Blake, who just had to kill one of her oldest friends.
Bombs and terrorists are dealt with.
RW see Blake is having troubles and embraces her along with Yang.
Blake, with tears in her eyes, swears to never abandon her team and friends ever again.
RWBY comes together and all vow to be there for each other.
Team RWBY are truly together once again.
Ruby uses parts from Adam’s weapon to repair and upgrade Blake’s.
Ozpin gets back up. (What I tell ya?)
Lionheart is found out as the traitor and calls everyone chicken shit for siding with Ozpin.
Says that Ozpin is a paranoid control freak who would strip them of all free will and thought if he could.
In fact, he says that that exact thing is Ozpin’s plan once Salem is beaten.
Salem at least promised freedom.
Ozpin doesn’t exactly deny these accusations by promptly and rather brutally executing Lionheart.
Reactions are cut short when a news bulletin plays on the TV about problems in Atlas.
WF-SDC war has officially stopped being a shadow war and there is now open combat in the streets.
They catch a very brief shot on the telly of something that looks a lot like a grimm arm on some chick.
Ruby has reacquired target-lock.
RWBY and JNR set off once again, this time for Atlas.
Season five done.
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hutchhitched · 4 years
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The Vintage Joshifer Series: End of Love—Chapter 21 (Final Chapter)
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End of Love by hutchhitched
Finally, y’all! A million years ago during Catching Fire promo, I stumbled into a friendship with some amazing Joshifer fans. Despite not being a full-blown shipper, I was absolutely thrilled to see an interest in writing historical AU fanfiction. For a long while, I knew what I wanted to write, but I couldn’t get the words to come. By the time I started posting, it seemed most of the Joshifer fandom had (understandably) moved on, but I still wanted to write this story and complete the commitment. After numerous delays and more stutters and stops than I can count, my contribution to @thevintagejoshiferseries​ is complete.
Big thanks to @burlesonspride​ for the banner and encouragement to join in on the fun. I know we don’t talk much anymore and you’ve moved on to other ventures, but I still adore you. There are a lot of others who deserve thanks, too, but you know who you are.
I chose the 1960s because the decade of rebellion speaks to me in so many ways. With recent events, I hope it does with some of you, too. There are so many people still struggling for political, economic, and human rights. The fight’s not over. Keep going.
Historical events in this chapter include the following:
The concert at Altamont in December 1969 became the symbol of excess and the end of a peaceful counterculture. If Woodstock was the ideal, Altamont demonstrated excess and danger and a drug culture that was out of control. There’s a lot of information on the event itself, but here are some great articles from Rolling Stone, the History Channel, Forbes, and The New Yorker.
Berkeley, California, December 1969
 “Oh my GAWWWWWWWWWD!!!!!” Brenda squealed as Jen emerged from the airport and streaked toward her college roommate. “It’s been so long. You look so good!”
 “You look so good, too!” Jen cried as she enveloped the other girl. “It’s so good to see you. I missed you so much, honey.”
 “You don’t miss me. I’m nobody. Unlike my former roommate who’s the toast of the networks. I’m so proud of you, Jennifer!”
 “Well, my professional life is great anyway,” Jen offered wryly and swallowed against the anger and pain that always lingered just below the surface since Josh’s disappearance over a year ago. “I’m happy about that.”
 “You really haven’t heard from him at all? No phone call? Not even another letter explaining anything?”
 Jen chuckled as she imagined Josh sitting down to write to her. The last time she’d seen him, he hadn’t been very interested in the written word. She couldn’t imagine that had changed much in the past twelve months, no matter how badly she wanted to hold onto the image of her former whatever-he’d-been as the guy she’d met in college and fallen in love with despite her best intentions. And now look where that had gotten her.
 “Nothing. Besides, I don’t live in Chicago anymore, remember? New York City’s a better fit, and my coverage of Stonewall made my career. He knows how to find me if he wants to hear from me again.”
 “But Jen—”
 “I looked for him, you know,” she admitted. “When I was in the Village and the protestors were marching in the streets. I saw Andre, Josh’s college roommate. He’s been part of the gay underground for years, and I thought maybe he might be there. Still an activist. Still fighting for change. To make the world better, but he wasn’t. None of his friends have heard from him since Nixon was elected, and I’m damn sure not going to call his family. They don’t know me, and I’m not going to beg him to be part of my life anymore. I’ve sacrificed enough for him.”
 Jen’s pronouncement hung in the air, and Brenda had enough grace to pretend she believed her. The silence stretched between the two women until Brenda shook her head and suggested they make their way to the cab line and head to their hotel. After all, they had a limited amount of time to get reacquainted before the alumni event they were supposed to attend.
 Jen blinked away tears as they drove through town and by campus. Memories assailed her at every corner, and she suddenly felt very old for someone who’d only graduated from college a few years prior. She wanted to kick herself for running out on Josh the night they’d first slept together, and she regretted not working through their problems when they lived together in Chicago. It had just been so easy to run or to seduce him instead. Sex had always been good between the two of them, and she liked it. She’d felt empowered when he lost himself in her or when he’d turned to her body for comfort. The problem was that he’d stopped looking to her and started hiding, too. When they’d both ignored their problems, they’d lost each other.
 A year later hadn’t dulled the ache of his absence. She’d been grieving since the election, but Josh had been for far longer. If she was fortunate—no, lucky—enough to find him again, she wouldn’t make the same mistake twice or however many times it was now. It would have to be pure luck to run into him again after all the ways fate had brought them together in the past, and she’d never been one to find four-leaf clovers. Unfortunately, last November seemed to be the end of their love story, no matter how much she wanted it to be another way.
 “You know there’s a big Stones concert tomorrow not far from here. Some of my friends are going.” Jen jumped when Brenda’s words broke through her reverie.
 “Really? I love them.”
 “I know,” her old roommate said with a grin. “Want to go?”
 “Absolutely! Wait, is this at Altamont? Woodstock West?”
 “I knew you’d know what I was talking about. Sometimes it’s hard to remember you’re in the news business and have your ear to the ground more than us mere mortals.”
 “Please,” Jen scoffed, but the wheels in her brain started turning. “If you’ll excuse me, I need to make a quick phone call.”
 With that she made a beeline for the payphones on the far side of the hotel lobby. If she could pull a few strings, she could tie this to her job and make her friend really happy. What use was working herself to death and making her way up the ladder, slapping away the roving hands, working ten times harder than her male colleagues only to get a third as far—what use was any of that if she couldn’t sometimes cash in her success for press passes at a major counterculture event? None, that’s what, so she was damn well going to call her affiliate and let them know where she was.
 After she completed her call, she made her way back to Brenda and they retired to their room to get ready for the alumni event. Jen made it through with as much grace and class as she could while attempting to stymie the rush of emotions that hit her every time she turned her head. She drank a little too much and laughed louder than she would have if she’d been acting completely like herself, but she survived. More than anything, she held onto the promise of seeing her favorite band in concert the next day. If she managed to score the press passes, even better.
 “We need to make a stop on the way to the speedway. Can you be ready to go in 30?” Jen asked when they woke the next morning.
 “What’s going on?”
 “I need to stop by the local NBC affiliate to pick up some papers. My boss is being a real stickler about my time off while I’m out here. Something about an assignment. I want to make sure we have plenty of time to get to Altamont before the big names go onstage.”
 “Why?”
 “Well, it was supposed to be a surprise, but… Because I got us press passes. We’ll be able to get anywhere with them—including backstage.”
 Brenda squealed and hugged her friend, which made Jen smile. It felt good that her hard work could help make someone else feel so good.
 “Altamont, here we come!”
 ****
 “This is a gas!” Brenda yelled into Jen’s ear. “These passes are the best.”
 Smiling, Jennifer nodded and then pointed to the crowd indicating she was headed into the fray for a little bit. Brenda indicated her approval, and Jen headed off by herself for a few minutes. There were so many people at the racetrack. The music was loud, and she needed a break. Besides, she wanted to check out the crowd in case she could use the information she gathered for a news story later. After all, she was a journalist, a damn good one, at that, and her career came first. Now that her love life was dead, something had to.
 Experiencing Altamont made her regret not taking her boss up on his suggestion she cover Woodstock. She’d considered it for a second, but she’d been exhausted from coverage of the Stonewall riots and then traveled home for a family function. At the time, she hadn’t wanted to take off on another assignment when there was plenty of news to cover in the city itself. If she had, though, she’d be able to compare the two music festivals.
 The crowd at Altamont seemed perfectly content, albeit jittery. The lower the sun dropped in the sky, the more unrest she felt. She stepped around a shirtless, bearded man on the edge of the mosh pit in front of the stage and froze. There, not even ten feet from her, was Josh Hutcherson, alive and in the flesh. The man who’d haunted her dreams and had made her weep far too often over the past year was there, cheering and whooping as the Rolling Stones shifted into another song.
 People surged around her. Frozen in place, she couldn’t drop her gaze from his face. Josh’s face. She’d imagined reuniting with him a million times, but now that the opportunity existed, she had no idea what to do or how to act or what to say. Stunned and breathless, she tried to smile, but she was positive her face held more of a grimace than anything else. And then he turned slightly, and she could tell the exact moment when he saw her. His handsome face went slack in shock, and he took a tentative, hobbled step toward her.
 It took a minute for her to realize something had shifted. Someone pushed while another shoved back, and the concertgoers pressed closer together. Squeezed between two large men, she fought for space and scrambled frantically to keep Josh in her sights.
 All hell erupted around her as men in black leather infiltrated the crowd. She saw a person fall and then another. Panicked fans stepped over the bodies on the ground, and she had to fight to stay upright at people swarmed around her. She struggled against the tightening noose, but she was losing ground.
 “Jennifer!”
 Suddenly, he was in front of her, pulling and tugging her free from the throng. He grabbed her hand and bulled his way toward the perimeter where it seemed there wasn’t quite so much danger.
 “What are you doing here?” he shouted over the noise. “I thought you were in New York?”
 She gaped at him. “How did you know that? Why are you here? Where have you been? And why the fuck did you leave me in Chicago, you shitless bastard?”
 Josh opened and closed his mouth a few times before his face broke into a wide grin. “God, I missed you,” he laughed and cupped her face in his hands. Before she could shake him off, he leaned forward and kissed her.
 Stunned, she stiffened under the onslaught, but she gradually melted into him. She’d forgotten how good he was at this, how his lips and tongue and teeth combined to weaken her knees and shatter her resolve. Then, she was kissing him back, passionate and frantic as he held her to him. She was seconds from tearing his shirt over his head when someone slammed into them. Hard.
 He broke away and glanced around them to assess the situation. “We need to get out of here,” he shouted and grabbed her hand to pull her along.
 “Wait! Brenda’s here. She’s backstage. I can’t leave her.”
 “Jen! I want you safe.”
 She shook her head and twisted to look at the stage. Everything was in chaos, but she glimpsed her roommate briefly. She waved and ducked away under the arm of one of the workers who’d been flocking around them when they’d first arrived. If the wide grin on her face was any indication, Brenda would be absolutely fine.
 “Let’s go!” she yelled but allowed him to pull her behind him through the rioting crowd and into a clear area near the parking lot.
 “Are you okay?” he asked, his hands running over her shoulders and arms and then back up to her face. “Are you hurt?”
 “I’m fine. I’m okay. Josh…”
 His lips were on hers again, warm and comforting and more than a little urgent. She wanted to lose herself in him, find comfort in a way she hadn’t been able to for so long. More than anything, she craved his skin against hers. More than she wanted to know why he’d gone or where he’d been or what his future plans were. She just needed him in a way she couldn’t explain. She only knew that she felt like she’d come home when she was with him. After all this time, he was still the person that made her feel more herself than anyone else.
 It felt like seconds and decades at the same time, but finally, their frantic make out session ended and they could look at each other more fully. She had a million questions, but the most important was the one she managed to blurt as he studied her with his hazel gaze.
 “Do you love me?”
 He raised his hand to her left cheek and traced her cheekbone with his thumb. His eyes flickered over her, and his lips curved into a smirk. “Of course, I love you,” he laughed. “I always have. I’ve been an idiot—worse, I’ve been a complete ass—but I’ve been in love with you for a decade.”
 “I live in New York. I’m not moving.”
 “I’ve already got my plane ticket back there. I was just staying with Connor through the holidays.”
 “I don’t trust you.”
 “I don’t blame you. I haven’t been very trustworthy, and I’m sorry.”
 She glared at him, but she couldn’t find her anger. His presence was a balm she hadn’t even known she’d needed. When he’d left, she’d thought it was the end of their love, but maybe tonight was really the beginning. If the last decade had taught her nothing else, everything was a gamble. Maybe she had another big one left in her.
 “Hey, Hutch.”
 “Yeah?” It felt like the world around them was holding its breath.
 “Take me home.”
 When he reached for her hand, she took it.
 ****
 The drive to his brother’s apartment seemed to take forever and not nearly long enough. She wasn’t nervous, exactly, but it had been over a year since he’d left. How would it feel to be with him again after all this time and so much pain between them?
 “Connor’s out with friends tonight. Spending the night with his boyfriend,” Josh announced as they pulled into a parking spot.
 “Okay,” she replied and sucked in a breath to hold. At least they wouldn’t have an audience for their reunion.
 “We don’t have to do anything,” he said, and she raised her eyes to his. Vulnerability poured from him, and she suddenly wanted to soothe him. She had the ability to provide him comfort, and that’s what she wanted more than anything else in that moment.
 “I want to do everything,” she answered firmly.
 He led her up the stairs to his brother’s apartment and unlocked the door. When they were inside, he tossed his keys on the table and turned to her. She went to him, and he pulled her close. His arms wrapped around her back to nestle her against his chest. Slowly, he lifted her chin and pressed his lips against hers.
 It was a chaste kiss, but it lit a fire inside her. She deepened the kiss by tilting her head and opening her mouth. Her tongue begged for attention, and he slid his against hers. His muffled grunt was matched by her lusty moan, and the thin veil of control they clung to snapped.
 “Jennifer,” he sighed. Their hands grappled with their clothing as it fell piece by piece. Frantic, she hopped onto the kitchen table and tucked him between her legs. He rubbed her quickly, just a tiny bit of prep, and then he was inside her, thrusting with his head thrown back. She wrapped her arms around his neck and hung on as he rammed into her. The table creaked under them, and she gripped him inside her tighter and tighter as he plunged erratically into her depths.
 “Fuck!” he shouted to the ceiling when his body tensed. He sank into her, and she felt a wet heat pulsing inside her when he came.
 She cradled him to her, grateful for his warmth in the chilling apartment, until he came back to himself. His mouth sought hers in a lazy journey across her cheek until they were kissing and kissing and then kissing more and more and more. She couldn’t get enough of him. He surrounded her, made her feel like she’d found everything she needed, and grounded her to the present.
 “I love you,” he mumbled against her lips. “I’m so sorry for leaving you.”
 She whimpered, both at his words, and him pulling out of her, but that turned to a forceful howl when he sank to his knees in front of her. She spread her legs further, and he leaned forward. Falling back on the table, she pressed her eyes closed and allowed herself to float. His tongue and fingers and lips and facial hair all worked to drive her over the edge, and she gripped the edge of the table as an orgasm rushed through her. Panting, she begged him to keep going.
 He took his time, nuzzling against her until she writhed under him. He prodded her legs into different positions, interspersed sucking on her clit with shoving his fingers inside her until she was wailing. She couldn’t control the sounds that poured from her any more than she could stop from climaxing multiple times as he took her apart.
 She lost track of time, of her name, of her roles and responsibilities. Nothing mattered but him on her, connected and intertwined in a way she always wanted them to be, that they’d never quite managed when they held back from each other. For the first time in ages, she felt he was completely open to her, and she responded in kind. Any inhibitions she still held fell away, and she ground against his face harder and harder.
 “Josh, I need more,” she whined, desperate for him to be inside her again.
 He stumbled to his feet and scooped her from the table. Half-carrying, half-supporting her, he walked them across the room to the ratty couch in the living room. Woozily, she glanced at the rumpled blankets and sheets where he’d obviously been sleeping and sank onto his lap when he sat.
 “You deserve so much better than a shitty couch in a rundown apartment. I’m sorry—”
 “Stop apologizing,” she slurred and kissed him. “I forgive you. I love you, too. Now, fuck me.”
 Josh buried his face in her neck and guided her thighs to the outside of his. She sank onto him and rocked her hips, meeting his stroke with hers. She rode him, then, bouncing and moaning his name, clutching his hair and raking her nails down his back as they raced to the finish. They reached it together, clinging to each other as they panted each other’s names. Her back bowed, and she dove over the edge, reaching for him, clinging to the man she’d met so many years ago, who’d helped her discover who she really was, what she believed in, and how she could fight for those principles. She didn’t want anyone else to take his place, and this time she’d battle for him as long as she needed to keep him by her side.
 When they finished, they lay together, hearts beating rapidly, and caressed every inch of bare skin they could reach. They made promises and plans, both grandiose and mundane, but most importantly, they made a pledge.
 Despite everything, there wouldn’t be the end of love. Instead, they were at the beginning.
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The Voice of Someone who Loves You- Isolation Journals #14
Write a love note to yourself. Write it from someone else’s point of view. It can be a real person or a made-up person. Start with the line: Dear [your name], If you could see what I see, you’d see that you are ______. 
Dear Myers, 
If you could see what I see, you’d see that you are so hard on yourself. That you are doing an incredible job. That your life has gone in a direction that I did not anticipate and I’m so proud of you for being where you are. You’d see that I have so much respect for you and your view of the world. You’d see that your body is beautiful at every stage and that criticizing it does not help, not even a tiny, fucking bit. You’d see that you really like reading, if you can just put down your phone. You’d see that you’re pulling yourself in 100 different directions at all times, that your anxiety is making you feel like you’re a failure, when in fact, you’re succeeding at so much. If you can see yourself from the way I see you, you’d see that you have so much compassion for others. You have this gentle leadership quality about you, you are well liked, you are special, you are a great cook, a sweet and attentive partner, you are an amazing listener: seriously, those skills are unparalleled. You have the ability to be friends with so many different types of people, which is rare. You can stretch outside borders, outside of yourself to see it from other’s perspectives. Which means you take on a lot, arguably too much. You’re an empath, an introvert, someone who doesn’t like a dirty house. You’re going to be a great mother some day. When you’re ready. And I know you’ll be ready because I can see it inside you now, you’re afraid of failure, of not knowing what to do, of society’s expectations, of your relationship taking a bit, of never vacuuming for pleasure again. Vacuuming out of necessity just isn’t quite the same. 
I wish you could see that your fears are so justified, that they make sense given your childhood, your traumas, conversations you had on summer nights you don’t remember, drunken toasts that have informed so much change. It happened slowly and then all at once. 
You hate snow, you love warmth and you like the beach more than the mountains, but you’re willing to try (most anything) once. You will probably never have anal sex. Ha and that’s okay. You could get there with some alcohol... maybe. But probably not. 
If you could see yourself, you’d see that loving reality TV is something you’ve spent enough of your life being ashamed of. You spent years and years and some more years putting other’s needs before your own. And I suspect you’ll do it again, but I know that you know better. That selflessness is not selfishness. 
If you could see yourself through your clients’ eyes, you’d see how patient you are, how curious, how quick you are (at times) to solve problems, to see the silver lining, to tie a bow akin to Christmas morning, all in an attempt to hold their pain. You’ve held so much of your own pain and you’ve had a hard time letting others hold it with you. You don’t want to be a burden. You don’t want anyone else to have a less than ideal day, time, hour, conversation, lunch, dinner, party, drink. 
If you could see yourself through your past lovers (uhh, we hate that word, but if you could see yourself through your past **PEOPLE who you’ve fucked or done something like that with**), you would see that wow, you tried really hard. And we knew you were trying hard. But then some of us didn’t, some of us thought you were this magical, mythical woman who never took a shit. Who fucked us whenever we wanted. Who had the ability to be at the right place at ANY time, even in Brooklyn in the middle of the goddamn night. You would see that we didn’t think you were fat. You would see that we thought you were too good for us the majority of the time. You could see that we saw your flaws and met them with our own flaws and you assumed responsibility for us and we did not know how to help you, so we let you help yourself. 
You would see that we were young and stupid and selfish and have moments at night when we feel terrible, marred with regret, composing an email in our heads, wanting to make amends. And then we don’t apologize because it’s morning and we never really spoke in the morning and if it was, it was always a goodbye. 
If you could see yourself through Stephen’s eyes, wow. It makes you emotion to even think about it. It makes you feel... so seen. Maybe too seen and then you might start to feel unworthy. And realize how low your self esteem really is. But if you could see yourself through Stephen’s eyes, you’d see how much he loves it when you cry, how you taking the blankets at night is really your own little act of rebellion against all harms you’ve faced, that you don’t take out the dog enough, but that he is happy to do it anyway. That you are his soul mate, even though he doesn’t believe in those. That you are hardworking, the most empathetic person he’s ever known. That you are a trooper, that he wants to travel more together in the future, that he loves you the same, even when you’re in a bad mood.
 If you could see yourself through Stephen’s eyes, you might feel invincible, incredible, all of the things that you know you are, but that history and self doubt have a way of making you forget. He thinks you’re perfect, even if you don’t think it yourself. What to you is imperfection is to him looking into the eyes of God. But a God that isn’t tied to any religion, just a metaphor for the overarching, aching sense that we. are. connected. That the world is wide, but we found each other, despite everything. That even with all the shit show, the negative self talk, the boys, the hammocks in back yards, the parks with a springtime picnic, that of all the people, all the grocery stores, all the coffee shops in the entire world, the whole of DC, we found each other. And Stephen would say that you looked beautiful after that yoga class in Whole Foods, that your smile was so easy, that your hair wasn’t greasy, that your cart was wine was an appropriate choice for a snow storm. That the world had rotated us one one millionth of a degree closer and now, our lives are on a parallel course.
If you could see yourself the way I’d do, you’d see how special you are. How you are enough. Plain and simple. 
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