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#little fun things.... they dont matter in the grand scheme of things because this is a borrowed world anyways
kroosluvr · 22 days
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don't wanna talk, baby i just wanna dance
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puppyeared · 6 months
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its so hard to watch time pass when things like careers and assignments exist. what do you mean im supposed to take that seriously
#I have an assignment that was due a week ago and I really really dont want to do it. I have to but i dont want to#im probably making it worse because my brain has built a wall around it so now i can’t do literally anything else until thats done. but#because I don’t want to do it I’m just kinda stuck. turns out this is what they meant when they said emotional regulation is part of#exec dysfunction.. I’ll have a thought like if I get a little bit of it done now i can get it over with. I can just submit something#and then not even 5 minutes later itll be like ugh but I have to draw all the assets out. I have to write things and make spreads ugh#and its just flopping between those two things. i hate it when ppl are like well how much time do you need to work on one thing#because BOY id love to know too. I’d love to know exactly when my brain wants to cooperate with me and work around that but I cant#even my period can’t decide when it wants to punch me in the stomach. which is kinda funny in the grand scheme of things but still#its so weird im just lying on my bed thinking abt all this like damn.. the time will pass anyways no matter what I decide to do.. damn….#if I submit that assignment now and take the L I literally won’t die. it’ll just be a deduction on an assignment nobody will ask me about#I know this but I’m still stressing myself about it so my thoughts aren’t really connecting to my body. weird#maybe its because Im having a hard time looking forward to things. theres definitely a lot I should be living for but I don’t really feel#a strong attachment to it I guess? it’s been like this for a while with holidays and meeting with friends so I just don’t#I kinda figured its because im pretty passionless and its more like passing interest. but it’s not very fun when it feels like I’m going to#be living distraction to distraction for the next 70 years or so lol#idk it kind of feels like slowly bleeding out. which is funny because I actually did experience blood loss this week#had a 30 minute nosebleed and literally could not stand. also it felt like someone was pinching the back of my brain which was interesting#yapping#does this count as vent#vent#Ive just been making an oc carrd and contemplate changing my blog header for the past 3 days honestly
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littledigits · 5 months
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thoughts on the cut episodes and ppls reactions 'n stuff
Since it was confirmed that a few more episodes of Hilda were written but cut, I do think the reaction of people finding this out is really interesting and not just because its fairly common in the industry and isint a sign of anything bad necessarily. I mean heck, in a weird way being behind the scenes and then seeing how people interpret things, what they take as important, what they think is a thread…all of that is interesting. When your job is basically trying to get people to pick up what you're putting down storywise its kind of a neat topic, because everyone communicates in their own way.
BTW before I keep going this is not a post to say dont crit/vent/complain/whatever about whatever the heck you want in hilda or any media, you do you. I think peoples honest takes are fascinating (said in victoria van gale voice) and even just people speaking their mind shows that they are interested and they care so that matters. Also not one singular post triggered this, its just been on my mind as I surface level read things so no stressies.
When It comes to the cut episodes, I'm seeing some people assume that whatever was cut would have fixed some of the crits they may have had about the season..and who knows, maybe yes? But I'd say ultimately probably not. Not because they dont include things that people want to see, or may have some topics people want expanded on ..but because thats just impossible in the grand scheme of things.
I mean this applies to shows in general, not just hilda. Every person who watches a show has their own idea of what the show represents to them. For some of its more of the surface events or characters where as others connect it with a deeper emotion. A lot of people respond to different tones of the episodes, which there are many. Some people prefer the one off adventures that stand alone as their own stories and others want to see more of a stronger through line. Some may see a new character and expect a new arc and thread, while others wonder why we couldn't've used a previously introduced character. Some may read between the lines more and others may take what is presented as very straight forward and literal …and no one is WRONG, because our big wrinkly brain meats all have their own tastes and ways of imputing information.
Television animation is rife with factors that actually futz with the quality and ability of the team to make a beautiful, amazing product like EVERY DAY. The script process and what goes into production is just one. The team is made up of many creatives all with their own varied experiences and voices just like the audience. In order for people to have their own voices and say, you are going to end up with some things that hit better then others, especially if the team is allowed to grow and experiment and play a little. Hilda has always been a show where we've been able to have a lot of creative say, and i think that sincerity comes through ! but with the sincerity and that humanity, it also means that there are going to be things that arnt going to make sense in the grand scheme of things lol. Even the writers and creators and producers have differing opinions on what to explore and dive into, probably more so then fandoms haha. Having more episodes may scratch some itches but not all, HECK, those episodes being cut could have re-allocated resources to other areas that helped elevate your fav ep of the season ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ who knows! Schrodinger's episodes! (also ngl I was having cold sweats over the scope of some of them as cool as they were. The season may have been shorter but it was intense..it takes a long time to do stuff that looks that clean and crisp)
Imperfect art is very human! Do the best you can at the time with the factors you have. I was given so much trust and freedom on my episodes, and I was just happy to do something fun that allowed me and my team to grow and learn. I was fucking STOKED to get a one off story because it was way less pressure for me to take my next step directing cuz just doing the thing is a feat. Any sincerity you feel cant come through if that means we're afraid that we cant make mistakes, or do a story choice ppl wont vibe with. All you can do is do the best you can, see if people are picking up what you're putting down, and grow from it for next time.
Anyway, just a thought ramble. Its not to say do or dont do this or think this way blah blah. I just love that storytelling is messy and complex and everyones gonna take it a lil differently, especially if you have a team where you allow lots of voices to have input. It is all just a big experiment to see if people leave with a particular experience by putting your resources into the things you have that matter, and try you best to distract from burnt edges or patched up holes that happened throughout the process of making the dang thing lol.
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extraterezi · 8 months
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I'm a big fan of two characters being well aware that they love each other - no oblivious unrequited pining, no miscommunication - just being fully aware that they're loved back, BUT, emotions and situations being messy and scary enough for them to not quite know what to do about it and/or messing it up real bad. Bc in real life you'll notice - relationships are really hard! Even when the situation seems simple enough. Being honest and brave is terrifying! And reading other peoples intentions without bias is a complicated endeavor even for the most empathic and socially blessed
And I think that's whats putting me off about a lot of good omens s2 content I see on here, bc while I agree that they can both be dense in their own separate ways, Aziraphale and Crowley know logically that they are important to each other and that it goes both ways. But see, that doesnt mean anything in the grand scheme of things. That doesnt mean they know in what way and what that means for them. Someone can tell you they love you to your face and you'll realize, if you give it a think, that that doesn't mean you know any more at all about what that person wants from you
I think letting the characters know both gives them some agency and emotional depth beyond "these oblivious gay idiots cant see they're soulmates", which was charming the first few times it happened but now just feels so trite. Its also detrimental to the conversation we could have about the really fun stuff about characters and their relationship to each other - their values and way of thinking and saying things and how those will inevitable clash with the other's and create conflict!
The tension in Aziraphale and Crowleys relationship doesnt come from will-they-wont-they insecure pining. And it doesnt necessarily come from the classic fanfic miscommunication either. It comes from the fact that they have different worldviews and ways of thinking of their relationship, different worries and insecurities, that makes it hard to communicate. To read the others actions. And human romance would not resolve that. A proper consensual kiss would not solve shit! It would communicate to the other that they do, indeed, want to engage in that kind of physical human activities. It would say things about their desire and how human it is and how theyre not on the side of hell nor heaven but rather with earth and humanity because thats what they've become really. It might even make both of them more likely to listen to the other with good faith. BUT. Its not enough, not even close, to resolving that tension.
So. I don't want a fluffy next season. I dont want them to just TALK TO EACH OTHER! <3 and confess and smooch and merry second coming of christ everyone. I like a happy ending as much as anyone, but theres so much potential here to make this complicated and appealing, and if we're stuck on the level where we believe them to be oblivious to each others heart-eyes and 6000 years of gallivating I think thats as far as we'll ever get.
This is not specifically about gomens though I just think its unrealistic and boring to reduce all pairings to "theyre so insecure and/or stupid they cant see that theyre in love" bc while you can definitely have a hard time believing you are loved, in real life doing anything alone with another person will feel intimate and special no matter your relationship, and if you like them and they happen to hold eyecontact and ask you to hang out more just that alone will make the vast majority of people go "hmm seems like they might like me". What that means is another pickle all together. But you'll definitely consider it! And if you do everything together and are always referred to as a duo and save the world together and have little inside jokes? ...yea
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weirdlizard26 · 6 months
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ok hello hi in honour of me finishing season 6 of dr who i will write out my impression of it before starting s7! that there WILL be spoilers so im putting it under the cut!
first things first, it was definitely a HUGE improvement from s5 in my opinion. like it was in general just a lot more enjoyable for me, though still not quite satisfactory. i think matt smith finally got properly into the role too which is nice.
still. this season was deeply unsatisfying. there were so many interesting threads that i feel just didnt go anywhere or didnt get nearly enough development.
1) i thought the "youre my best friend" scene btwn amy and the doctor was very very sweet but i felt it just came out of nowhere? she spent the entire s5 having to "choose" between him and rory and i do appreciate their friendship but i wish they had more time to really develop that kind of relationship
2) i was honestly so happy to see 2 companions throughout this whole season! i think it makes up for a really fun dynamic :]
3) i love rory with all my heart hes such a sweetheart but i feel a little weird about his character development? it definitely makes a lot of sense seeing as how hes 2k years old at this point but it just feels to me like that was done at amy's expense? it feels like shes denied the same development time and time again and i dont like that. i will be honest i don't like her as a person and that in part is due to her behaviour in s5 (i will never fucking forgive them for that scene where she confessed to the doctor it was so dumb and so deeply unpleasant but i digress) BUT i think shes an interesting character and wasnt done justice. like!!! the way i see it, she is contrasted with all the previous companions by the fact that shes not that great of a person. which isnt a bad thing! she had such a huge potential for growth but it felt like every time she learned a lesson she forgot it the very next episode or it just felt like it just didnt matter in the grand scheme of things. which i blame on the writing, in case that wasnt clear. great potential, terrible performance
4) and now for the loose threads.
4a) madame kovarian was such an intriguing villain and the sneak peaks we got of her only hyped it up but then i feel that just went nowhere? she served cunt for one whole episode where she wasnt even the main focus and then died. and im assuming she didnt REALLY die given this is doctor who after all but her participation in this season specifically was deeply disappointing to me.
4b) in the same vein, i really wish we could see more of melody and more specifically her upbringing and training. all that teasing of "the woman who murders the doctor" only for her to try to kill him for half an episode and suddenly become "one of the good guys" as soon as he makes sad wet puppy eyes at her?
4c) in the same vein (again) all the teasing of how river and the doctor meet and fall in love and then when she meets him for the first time they dont even get to spend any time together to bond and actually develop any real feeling for each other? and then they just get married for no reason other than it was teased? "i love you more than any living being in the universe" bold statement for a girl who met him ~twice~! it was all so intriguing but it just fell flat in the end.
4d) now dont get me wrong. i fucking hated the ending scene of mid season finale. "um actually all of this horror is your fault because you did too good of a job saving people so now people who want to do fucked up shit are scared of you and want to kill you. if only you didnt save all those people so good we wouldnt be in this situation!" like do you realize how ridiculous that is. even so! that literally didnt fucking go anywhere. was it just supposed to be a one-off guilt trip that never gets addressed again and doesnt change anything other than anger me? what was the purpose of that. it was said as if it was leading up to some huge character discovery moment for the doctor but then it just. didnt. he just left to look for melody.
4e) "i didnt want you to die without making you see how much people love you" yeah and. yeah? go on? oh? we're just leaving it at that? no old friends coming together to save his ass and yell at him abt how much they care about him? other than the justice whatever that we saw in ONE episode and who didnt even get any help from the doctor lending him their robot suit? ok.
4f) all that build-up to accepting your fate and being at peace with death (which like. we've already done all that with ten and i loved that arc but whatever ok lets do it again i guess) only for him to not die was. a little disappointing? i mean dont get me wrong im glad hes ok but it just felt empty bc it didnt lead to anything. and like again i LOVED the solution to that particular puzzle! of course the doctor lies and of course he'll find a way to cheat death again thats what he DOES but its just upsetting that that whole build-up was virtually for nothing
ok thats all for now. in conclusion, s6 was much better than s5 for me but still disappointing. hoping s7 will pick up!
as always i welcome any and all comments and discussion just be niceys to me
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hailmary-forgiveme · 11 months
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i know its not impossible to live a normal, happy life as a person with mental issues, but sometimes it seems like such a foreign idea. i dont think i can ever be loved because there is js something wrong with me n im not pretty or thin. i understand why i barely have friends, i understand why no one would ever like me romantically. i think my friends barely tolerate me. i js wish is could be better and perfect, or as close to perfect. i dont want to feel fucked up. sure, i know nothing i do as a teenager really matters (at least when it comes to the relationships n friendships i have) in the grand scheme of things, and that everything is temporary. in a few years, i wont remember all of these thoughts i had right now, in this exact moment, but im still feeling the emotions, and it affects me greatly, no matter how much i try to say it doesnt matter, its a temporary. but thats whats terrifying; its all temporary. i wont be remembered. i will probably just be the kid who was quiet and barely had friends in many ppl's memory. i have done nothing to make sure i leave a mark on this world. i dont think i have even left a lasting impression on someone. i just want to know that i will be remembered and loved. maybe i just have to wait until i do something noteworthy, maybe then i could be loved, but honestly, i dont know. i js feel like i will be alone forever. i wont have friends or a family or anyone. i feel like im so difficult to love and/or befriend. i just wish i was better. i wish i was like my best friend. she is perfect, so many ppl love her, and reasonably so. shes beautiful n fun n a great person all around. i wish i could be like that. i hate myself so much. i miss being a stupid child who didnt know anything and thought i was gonna live a happily-ever-after, disney princess story. im sure kid me would be disappointed in current me. not last year me tho, last year me would be proud. but me from 10 yrs old n before, yea, she would be disappointed. i was supposed to be better than this. what happened? i was supposed to be a happy teenage kid. i wasnt supposed to be this. im sorry. im so sorry. i wish i could fix myself. i wish i could become what i truly wanted to be. i dont want to be like this. i swear i can be the good little kid again, i want to be her, please. i dont want to be me. please, i js want to be okay again. i wish i had go thru with my suicide plan last year, or the year prior to that. i didnt mean to live this long. i dont want to live any longer. i need to rest.
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mattelektras · 2 years
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in your opinion what’s ur top 4 worst dc writers and top 4 worst marvel writers (and maybe top writers too for both?)
even writers i'd put at the top i have issues with sometimes or im not willing to commit to them being good for the future i dont wanna get too friendly w these bitches
tbh most writers write for both marvel and dc (and other stuff) so theres only rly one list and it’s more than 4 because i’m jessie, 25, and i never learned how to shut the fuck up
frank miller - has wronged me personally as well as just. being a bad person and that showing in his writing
dan slott - will see a spiderman franchise doing perfectly fine, ask who is going to fuck this up for the rest of time? and not wait for an answer
grant morrison - just never seems to care about the history of the character theyre writing. like there's jsut no substance because they pretty much do whatever they want regardless of the consequences
charles soule - has wronged me personally. writes comics for years and fails to convince me even once that he likes the character
scott lobdell - just. a fucking idiot. just dumb as all fuck w the atrocious choices he makes in his writing. an honest to god moron
dc: tom king - just writes in circles whist thinking he's saying something profound. he isnt
chuck austen - makes some balls to the walls insane choices no one asked for. sees a woman, fuckin floors it. yes she hulk SHOULD fuck juggernaut and anyone who disagrees doesnt understand redemption
bendis - just. wildly shifts from writing good shit and then some absolute nonsense. often tries to take established characters in new directions and it WORKS sometimes ie daredevil identity reveal but other times its a shitshow ie mcu tinged guardians
brian azzarello - edginess isnt a skill. i would know
favourites that i like but exist eternally on thin ice
mark waid - basic action superhero genre shit w a real intelligence and thoughtfulness which is what makes comics more than just silly little picture books sometimes
ed brubaker - has a classic spy brand throughout all of his books without it being repetitive or boring or out of place
ann nocenti - really DEVELOPS her characters. no character shes ever written has been the same at the end of her run. you believe that theyre really gone through some shit
greg rucka (elektra vol 2 notwithstanding. i do not perceive it) - just fuckin. GOOD honestly. innovative stories without the need for continuity events, care about what hes writing
peter milligan - this is a me thing i think. i just find his writing kinda comfy. ive read elektra vol1, justice league dark vol 1, xstatix more times than i can count. theyre nothing universe changing or groundbreaking and they dont really matter in the grand scheme but i have Fun. his red lanterns book give me bleez content. i owe him my life
john byrne - his superman stuff has real like. soul. and u cant write superman without it. ppl talk about frank miller ~~~~defining batman or daredevil or whatever but byrne's superman is what Defining a character looks like imo
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fairycosmos · 4 years
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here’s my controversial opinion: celebs will never FULLY deserve the millions they make in my eyes simply because they’ll never work harder than the majority out there who struggle w putting food on the table, who don’t have enough money to live sometimes. celebs work hard, the industry is brutal, and many of them deserve fortune for it, but never those ridiculously high numbers. entertainment shouldn’t pay more than the brutal labor that runs countries.
omg no i totally agree like WHO.....decided......to pay them soooo much?? especially because it's likely that they came from a well off background anyway if they made it in music/acting. i know it's a result of large scale public interest but like idk. i feel like celeb culture is so performative. for example, why do people scream when they see them?? they say it's because they enjoy their work so they're excited but bro......... i enjoy pizza i dont lose my mind when i see the chef........youre just reacting how you think you should react. like who created clout and why does it translate into this life of luxury and excess 😐 and RIGHT??? like it's physically impossible to work 10000x harder than a manual labourer when the only thing you have to worry about is what look you're going to wear next. it pisses me off no end that the majority of us will suffer our whole lives working jobs we cant stand to keep a roof over our heads when there are people out there with all the freedom and stability money can buy, for doing little to nothing in the grand scheme. it's not just depressing, it's frustrating, because this is our entire existence. and i feel like a constructively critical eye is a lens we should look at all celebs through. because their life of privilege absolutely blinds them when it comes to shit that matters. i wish they would just release their fun little songs and movies and go, like underground musicians and actors. the world absolutely needs art, it doesn't need a select group of elite celebrities being paid hundreds of millions for breathing you know??? omgggg 😐
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queenjunoking · 3 years
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Wolf Taming Pt 15
CW: Noncon - Shock Collar - Pain - Petplay - Drugs - Kidnapping  - Manipulation  
Sasha was giving me a wary look. I couldn’t blame her. But I wanted to start the morning by getting her as off balance as possible. A simple question that would shape the day.
"Well? Speak." The silence was going on for a bit too long.
"Why? I see you upgraded this prison last night and now you're offering to let me see the outside. Are you actually capable of feeling guilty? Trying to make amends for what you've been doing?" Sasha was already in a mood. I had hoped that getting at least a full night's rest would make her less irritable.
"That's a lot of words for a yes or not question Sasha. If you like it down here so much we don't have to go outside. We can stay down here today."
"N-" she flinched as she tried to talk. Sasha picked up on a lot of things quickly. She understood her new name. She knew I'd let her yap if I said she could speak. She just seemed incapable of learning when she was allowed to speak. It's not like I've given her a command or anything.
"Something to say girl? Speak." It was hard not to get a little drunk off the power. Here I was standing in front of this woman so much stronger than me, yet she was incapable of getting off her knees. It felt nice to have someone on their hands and knees in front of me. So strong yet so clearly inferior.
"I would like to go outside." She said what she knew I wanted to hear. So polite and courteous despite the words coming out from behind her clenched teeth like some pouty child.
"I'm going to give you a warning. You have to stick with your answer, no giving up. There are consequences if you don't follow the rules of the path you choose. I'll ask once more. Do you want to go outside or stay down here? You will have to earn going outside today. If you instead want to stay down here you won't get the option of seeing the sun again for a very long time. Speak."
I was doing my best to both push her towards the option I wanted her to choose. Not getting to be in the sunlight for a few months if she chose not to take my generous offer felt like a good motivator. It also helped to prepare her for today a bit. She knew she was giving up more going outside than staying here.
I saw the flame in Sasha wane for the moment. "I… want to go outside." She sounded dejected as the weight of her decision hit her.
"Good puppy. That's a great step forward for both of us. Just for that I'm turning off the yap shocker, just be careful about what you say. I’ll be back in a moment Sasha, I need to grab something for you." I walked into the toy room and grabbed the same mitts she wore before and a new ear headband. A prototype idea that I had bought from the market. Today was the perfect day to test it.
"Close your eyes Sasha so I can surprise you." I was a little surprised to see that she actually did it. "Guess what I brought you?"
"Something new to humiliate me with?" Sasha responded with a sigh. She was right, but why couldn't she be excited for it.
“Here I thought you were going to work with me today Sasha.” I was a bit unimpressed on how quickly she began to mope. But she knew what was on the line. She took a deep breath and smiled at me.
“You have so many… unique toys that I can’t even imagine what you have.”  Her voice suddenly took an upbeat tone. Happy and dripping with sarcasm. Despite her new tone, I wouldn’t be surprised if she didn’t know what half the stuff I wanted to use on her was. “What do you have… um…” She stumbled at the end, but I wasn’t sure why.
“Something wrong Sasha?” She kept her eyes shut, she didn’t want to disobey but she hit some kind of block.
“You brought me here… some time ago. I don’t know how much time has passed. You’ve chosen a name for me. But I don’t have a name for you." I could see her game. But she had a point. It would be good for her to have a way to refer to me.
"If you’re good for me I’ll give you a name to use in a bit. Open your eyes, Sasha." She opened them and looked at the gear I brought her. She tried her best to hide her disdain for the gear, but I could see she was dreading putting everything back on.
"What am I Sasha?" I was focused on getting her paws locked on so I wasn't looking at her, but I could tell there were probably a thousand very mean words she wanted to say. She stayed quiet though. "Speak your mind Sasha."
"Now you want me to speak my mind? Last time I did that you made me run until I dropped. You hurt me for speaking, you're probably waiting to find an excuse to hurt me again.” Sasha knew she was striking a nerve, I could hear that matter-of-factness in her voice. I wasn’t waiting to hurt her. Not that it wouldn’t enjoy it if the opportunity arose. She was right on some level though, I had lost my temper.
“You’re right Sasha. Well, sort of. I’m not looking for an excuse to hurt you. You’d never get a shock again if you fell in line. But, I did the wrong thing last night and lost my temper.” I sat on the floor in front of the cage so I could be eye level with Sasha. Maybe lowering myself to her level would help sell my apology. “I spent a lot of time creating that room for you and what you said about it hurt my feelings and I lost my temper when it shouldn’t have bothered me. There’s not much I can do to make it up to you.” 
“You could let me go.” She suggested the idea for what seemed to be the millionth time, but this time she sounded happy and chipper about it.
I just ignored her and continued. It wasn’t worth the time to acknowledge what she said. "I'm hoping today will be a nice day. If all goes according to plan you'll get to go outside and enjoy the breeze and the sunshine.”
“I had those things but you brought me down here instead.” There was some bitterness in her voice she was trying to hide. She wanted to use a matter-of-fact tone, to try and tell me why I was doing “bad things.” The bitterness undercut her attempt.
“I thought you weren’t going to be difficult.” I  reached through the bars and placed the new ears on her head. Her protests were amusing. There was no real strength behind them, she was afraid of pushing too hard and making me snap again. But if she wasn’t going to try and tell me that I should let her go she may as well just give up, and luckily Sasha wasn’t a quitter.
She sighed and examined her hands, locked away safely inside of her paws. “So is this what you do? Just go around kidnapping people for your weird fetish? Are there other people here fulfilling some other fantasy? Like some kind of… whatever.” It was fun watching her overextend herself when she went on her little rants. It was cute when she hit a point that showed she really didn’t know anything about what she was upset over.
“I’m guessing you weren’t really a porn person? You seem to be struggling to name a kink. I could name a few off for you and see how much you can intuit from the names. Either way, you only get one question like that a day. If you’re good today you can choose to ask that tonight.” She shot me a glare. I thought I was being helpful, I’d love to show her just how little she knew.
“W-whatever can we just… do whatever it is you wanted to do to me.” She started off embarrassed but unfortunately she was dejected at the end.
“No need to lose that enthusiasm. You make it sound like I’m forcing your hand. Like you don’t have a choice in the matter.” I was giving her more choices than she should have. She was lucky to have me, any other owner would never have given her such generous options. None of them would have let her stay herself. She should be happy she was even able to act like a brat.
“Like I dont... you’re a kidnapper!” She looked at me like I had just told her the dumbest thing in her life. Perhaps it wasn’t an unfair reaction.
“I think that’s a bit harsh of a term. I had you picked up like a stray dog on the street and you were brought to me. I rescued you if nothing else. Technically I didn’t even rescue you from the streets. Technically some very… nice people I paid very well, who you hurt very, badly did. Not that I care much. Costed me an extra grand for each one of them that was injured but what’s four thousand dollars in the grand scheme of things?” It cut into my toy budget a bit, but it was worth it. If I hadn’t hired as many as I did Sasha might not be here right now. She may have easily gotten away and I would have lost my only chance. If you’re burned you don’t get to try again; those were the rules.
“Fo-four thousand dollars? You spent four thousand dollars to kidnap me?” It’s like she wasn’t even listening. Who would go through the effect to take someone for a measly four thousand dollars?
I wasn’t able to contain a chuckle. “Four thousand dollars was the extra I had to pay because of all the bones you broke. Bringing you here cost much, much more than that. But that doesn’t matter. I have entertained more than enough of your questions. I let you get snippy with me but I expect the chipper attitude you had when I was having you guess what I brought you. You will do what I say and I expect minimum expectation.”
“But…” she started and trailed off. 
“But what Sasha?” I raised an eyebrow, waiting to see what she was going to complain about.
“You… never answer my question on what to call you.” Her response was measured. She was digging for some kind of information, hoping I was dumb enough to just give her my name. “Without having something to call you it makes it difficult to answer some questions in the manner you want them to be. You know everything about me somehow, but I know nothing about you.”
Sasha made fair points. It’s one of the many reasons I loved her. So level headed and calculating while she was locked in a cage. I had gotten on a tangent and forgotten to get back to her question.
I wouldn’t be giving her my name of course. Most of us had a different name we chose when we joined the group, only used between each other and our property. I never bothered with it, it seemed pointless at the time. I could see why it was useful now. Though, even if I had one I’m not sure I wanted to give it to Sasha. Letting her use my name was a bit too much, a wolf doesn’t need to know their owner’s name.
Titles were the obvious choice. I had no official titles, just irrelevant epithets. Goddess was popular among those I saw that had an overly inflated ego. It wasn’t a title that fit me though. I wasn’t above everyone else, everyone else was simply below me. That was the difference. Miss was cute and what I had considered applying to have put on my file, but it set the wrong tone here. Mistress was closer in the right direction. It was a commanding title but it didn’t feel right to me. There was nothing wrong with it but it just wasn’t what I wanted.
There was one I could think of that fulfilled everything I wanted. Maybe it wasn’t as graceful as miss and it didn’t give off the same vibes as mistress. But it was the one I wanted Sasha to refer to me as.
“Master.” Short, succinct and immediately rectifies any power imbalance when she was allowed to talk.
It caught her off guard. “What? That’s not wha-” 
I cut her off. She wanted my name, not this title. I could see from the look on her face she already knew she made a mistake by letting me choose what she called me. All those awful names that went through her head earlier, everything she wanted to call me was gone. She now had a name for me. The only one that would ever matter.
“You will refer to me as Master. Understood?” I stood up straight and did what I could to make myself as big as possible. As intimidating as I could be. Showing her the phone so she remembered I could shock her at any point probably helped.
“Y-yes.” She looked at my phone, then at the floor.
“Yes what?” I prompted her to correct herself.
“Yes… Master.”
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wickymicky · 4 years
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can weki meki be considered successful though? i love them and their fanbase is a positive place compared to other ioi groups, but they haven't gotten any wins and i think that people really don't talk about them (the general korean public + the international kpop fandom doesn't seem to pay any attention to anyone but the ioi members) i mean i guess in that theyre still promoting theyre successful but not really in actual popularity, which is really too bad since theyre such a good group :(
it depends on how you define success, for sure. they’re not successful in terms of general popularity, sure, but they have a solid audience. i think if you have enough people who not only like your group, but actually ult your group, you’re doing something right. dreamcatcher’s the same way. both of these groups put out songs that fit their respective aesthetics, and cater to their existing fanbases. i think you build a better fanbase by appeasing the people who already love you than by trying to win over as many people as possible. because when you aim for universal popularity, it shows, and the songs can sometimes lack personality, and comebacks can be drastically different from each other because the company considers each attempt a failure. i gotta mention dia again... they’re a group whose company really seems to want to shoot for the widest possible audience, and so they just kept trying shit and moving on to something else when it didnt go viral. 
it seems like mbk’s intended audience when giving dia a comeback is “people who arent fans”, in order to try and win them over and be instantly successful overnight, like momoland was with bboom bboom. fantagio and happyface’s intended audience seems to be “our fans, people who get us and are liking what we’re doing here already”. that’s the kind of thing that makes someone go from a casual fan to ulting a group, and those are the people who tell their friends to listen to their favorite group lol. weki meki and dreamcatcher have strong fandoms because they spread by word of mouth, i think. so does loona, that’s the whole point of the “stan loona” meme lol, that counts as word of mouth. loona’s career is taking off a little bit right now, but i think generally the reason people get into loona is because they see how much other people like loona, lol. that’s how i did! same with dreamcatcher and kinda same with weki meki, though i was aware of them before i got into them, a little bit. 
so i guess weki meki aren’t successful in terms of like... you know... success... lmao....... but i think they’re successful in doing what they set out to do and not only getting a fandom but maintaining a fandom. they’re a fun group to be a fan of, i think. that’s why they won me and a lot of other people over. i think that’s a valid form of success. maybe they dont make as much money as other groups (they definitely dont lmao), but... i mean that probably should matter to me more lmao but selfishly i kinda dont care, i dont get into groups because of how monetarily successful they are, i’m just here for a good time. if weki meki never gets a music show win, it wouldnt make any difference to me. i’ll support them and vote for them cause it’d be nice to, but it’s not that important to me. i think engagement from fans is just as important if not more so than wins and chart positions. groups dont stick around for years because they have famous members or had a hit song or whatever... if they did, then pentagon would be as big as bts lol. groups stick around because they have an audience. attention isnt important unless you know how to keep it. it’s no use if they have a big song and then nobody sticks around for their next one. having two songs that do “pretty good” is better than having one that does amazing and one that totally flops. and i think having a dedicated fandom is a pretty important factor in determining what songs do “pretty good” in the first place. 
also, i think that in the grand scheme of things, they’re not like a totally nugu group. just like how it’s wrong to call them popular, it’s also wrong to call them unpopular, lol. they’re doing alright, all things considered. picky picky is almost at 10 million views, which’ll be their third to hit that milestone, and while tiki taka and dazzle dazzle arent anywhere near that, still, there’s a lot of groups that would kill to have even one music video with 10 million. when you compare them to groups that regularly get music show wins or music videos with 20 or 30 million views, sure weki meki look like an obscure group, especially in terms of how well theyre known outside of korea, and even in korea, as you said. but when you compare them to the groups who struggle to crack a million views, and who lose and gain members every comeback, and who even other kpop fans often havent heard of... then i think it’s clear that weki meki are sitting in a relatively comfortable position. it’s not perfect, but things are fairly okay, lol. 
oh and one last thing, i just wanna say that “being known inside/outside of korea” also isnt that big a deal to me tbh. much as it pains me to say it... i think armys are sorta half-right when they say that it’s really just bts at the top. i think it’s not that simple, obviously groups like blackpink, twice, and red velvet have made a huge impact, and of course groups like snsd and exo, but still, the pool of groups like that is relatively small. for the most part, kpop is still pretty small and niche. success with the general public in and out of korea doesnt necessarily matter to me all that much, because i think what matters more is how successful a group is among kpop fans. even in korea, like, not every korean person is into kpop lol. there are people like us who are into the scene and community, and there are people who dont give a shit. i mean, that should be obvious, but it’s worth pointing out that like nobody talks about anime like it has to appeal to the general public. sure, everyone’s heard of dragonball and naruto, but there are successful anime out there that the general public has never heard of, but theyre successful because people who are into anime like it a lot. you know what i mean? its successful in the anime fan community. when you look at it like that, comparing weki meki to a group that has found recognition outside the kpop fan community is kind of a stretch and not very helpful. if you think about how recognized weki meki are by the community of people who are into kpop girl groups, then i think they’re not doing that bad. shrug. and i think their future is still bright
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livealives · 5 years
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hello hello it’s kavi the menace again :D i’ve rambled about wolfgang and now i will ramble about phoenix. once again dont be afraid to hmu on d*scord ( greedling#3129 ) or shoot me a tumblr im.
APPLICATION
∽∕ [PARK SEONGHWA, CISMALE, HE/HIM ] hey! you must be that [ TWENTY-ONE ] year old player people were talking about! they kept saying your name is [PHOENIX MAY], but that you go by [ NYX ], and that you’re a [ PERENNIAL] and from [NEW YORK]. oh! and also that you’ve been working as a [PRIVATE INVESTIGATOR] while you’re in here. I really hope it’s true, ‘cus i’ve also heard that you’re [DETERMINED] & [SINCERE], but i’m not going to lie that some say you’re [ PESSIMISTIC ] & [ APPREHENSIVE ]. wait a second…now that I think about it, you kind of remind me of [ WILTED FLOWERS, INK STAINED HANDS, BLOOD SHOT EYES ], which is pretty cool! see you around then! ∕∽
TRIGGER WARNINGS: CAR CRASH, DEATH
STATISTICS
► basics;
full name (f, l): phoenix may age: 21 birthday: december 5 deathday: september 18 this year gender: cismale sexual orientation: gay occupation: private investigator main realm: skyline ► background;
place of birth: new brunswick, new jersey residence @ time of death: new york education: criminal justice major in progress ► physical;
faceclaim: park seonghwa eye color: brown  hair color & style: when he died, he had soft brown hair [link]  height: 5′10 tattoos, birthmarks, scars, etc: has a little heart shaped birthmark on his right wrist. in game: nyx has two distinct appearances. the first is blond hair [link] & pointed elf-like ears. the second is black hair [link] & vampire-like fangs. the reason? he just wanted to have a lil fun bc he didnt really allow himself to have fun when he was alive. also, he was very obsessed with fantasy as a child... thus the ears & fangs...
► personality;
positive traits: (mentally) strong, realistic, thoughtful, perceptive negative traits: blunt, hard-headed, anxious, uptight alignment: neutral good more: think a lot first, act later. makes lists to stay organized and on top of things. caring, borderline parental at times. takes care of others before himself; finds himself to be rather unimportant in the grand scheme of things. will take a bullet for someone he doesnt know the name of. analytical and very intelligent. he can make split second decisions but it isn’t something he’s comfortable with. if possible, he likes to sleep on big decisions so he can make the best choice (but lbr, he wont actually be able to sleep). drives himself anxious to no end bc of how much he overthinks. determined as all hell. hates making choices (think chidi from the good place). needs to let loose but never got the chance to.
► misc;
hobbies: taking care of plants, singing (but never infront of anyone that isnt his family) favorite book: lord of the rings & the hobbit.  favorite music genre: alternative & rock pets: no pets, only plants
BIOGRAPHY
nyx was the oldest of three children. his younger siblings erew fraternal twins and were born when nyx was 10. their parents were extremely busy and had little to no time to spend with their kids. they werent bad parents, they were just busy and forgetful. nyx harbored nothing against them, in fact, he absolutely loved them. both of his parents worked as incredibly smart researchers and were somehow involved in the creation of utopia.
so nyx was essentially left to raise his siblings himself. he learned to be independent at a very young age so he could be a good role model for his siblings and take care of them properly. 
he’s a mediocre cook, an incredible cuddler, a good shoulder to cry on, a good bedtime story teller & lullaby singer, etc etc i cant words right now
even when raising two kids, he managed to keep his grades high enough & do enough extra curriculars to graduate valedictorian and attend columbia as a criminal justice major. he got a license for private investigation and started a side job soon after.
last febuary, his entire world fell apart. he got a call from robert woof johnson hospital about his family. all of a sudden, his entire family was dead. the details were redacted, and he was told that it was ruled an accident. no matter how hard he pressed and who he asked, no one said a thing.
his grades faltered but he kept them up for the rest of the semester. he stopped working and isolated himself from his friends. he stopped taking care of himself and even the plants he loved so dearly started to die. he stayed up for weeks and months trying to piece together any sort of detail regarding what happened.
he died at the start of the semester that just started. scatterbrained and low on sleep, he was involved in a hit and run. the ambulance was able to gather data necessary to upload him to utopia before somewhat stabilizing him. in the hospital his condition worsened and he ended up passing that night. a friend that had once been close to him consented on his behalf for him to be uploaded into utopia. 
in utopia, hes deadset on finding two things: his family and answers. 
he still somewhat-works as a private investigator, meaning that if someone comes to him with a grievance, he’ll do anything in his power to help them.  
this is short and barely coherent because i really dont have many details for him yet. basically, phoenix is just a very nice person trying to do nice things but nice things dont happen to him. connections page coming soon. i will leave u with this incredibly cute gif.
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Hi can you do an analysis of a rogue of time? Thanks so much,
ooo this is gonna be fun
rouges are some of the most kind players, regardless of aspect, youll meet. when i say kind, i dont mean a pushover, tho. theyre nice and wonderful people, but if you push em too far, watch out. theyll only take so much before they tell you to fuck off. whether thats in words or a kick to the crotch, who knows. its up to the rouge to decide. they may make poor decisions themself, but no ones going to make those poor decisions for them. thats THEYRE job.
“Those bound to the aspect of Time are fighters, full stop. Their lives are often marked by struggle, not so much because fate has it in for them, but because they are fundamentally incapable of just accepting things as they come. They value action over passive acceptance, even if that may not be the wisest or safest choice. Don't try to tell a Time-bound to sit still and look pretty. They are very goal-focused, and tend to value the destination over the journey, and you won't find them making that journey in any traditional sort of way. To quote cheesy posters found on many a guidance counselor's wall-"impossible is just a word". If you need a miracle, they are who you call. At their best, the Time-bound are empathetic and relentless problem-solvers. At their worst they are ruthless, defensive, and impulsive.”
okay, time to crack our collective knuckles and get to brass tacks. a rouge of time likely knows good and well about time from watching others deal with their time. these others they watch may be family, friends, acquaintances, characters from books and movies, anyone that isnt Them. the rouge isnt sought out for advice by many, but they do give it freely. anytime a person talks of a specific choice, a fork in the road that can lead to a different fate, they give their two cents. “i have a friend [friend is another word for character in my favorite book] that went through something like this! they handled it this way, so it might work for you!” that help may not be great, but they have peace of mind knowing they helped someone out in such a dill of a pickle. 
they dont mean to be the Annoying type of helpers, the “Oh! Heres A Handy Dandy Way To Fix All Of Your Problems!” kind of guy, they just genuinely want to aid others. they want to see everyone become their best version of themselves. this rouge has seen many people fall to their demise over a few, seemingly innocent, choices and dont want to see another persons downfall when it can be easily avoided. 
i can see this rouge not liking Time, what it stands for. not liking the endings, the “everything will happen as its supposed to happen” type of destiny shit. theyre afraid of what that “destiny” can be. they dont want people to just go into a meh life, they want others to be happy, joyful, excited, any other word you can think that means live a happy fuckin life. theyre good people, just a bit confused on how to offer their advice.
the rouges mission is to learn to step back. not everything is a cockhair away from complete ruin. if it is? so what. its not like you can change the fact that flaming trash can on wheels is hitting that gas tank when youre a good three blocks away from the action. you may see some of the backlash, but their wasy never anything you could Do to stop it. if there was, its too late. you tried your best at the time and thats all that matters. but 9/10, youre not that big of a star in the grand scheme of things. youre not a white giant, youre just a little pin prick in the vincent van gogh of it all. pick up some fucking nihilism. i mean, god damn. 
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taylornock · 5 years
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moments + feelings.
life is weird. its fucking weird!
there are so many things that happen in your life for a reason. so. damn. many. and the people, the people in your life. i am a firm believer and lover of the power of people to change you - i can not even begin to explain the impact that different people have had on my life as i have grown. good or bad, big or small, simple or major big picture, the people i am surrounded by are constantly shaping the person that i am.
i am so incredibly blessed with the life i have, and although there are days i curse the heavens for whatever is thrown at me or my loved ones, i am so unbelievably grateful. when i look at the people i love and whose name pops up on my phone throughout the day it leaves me speechless.
its so hard to recognize and appreciate that all these people care about me and acknowledge my thoughts and feelings and interests. connections are so special, and i value them more than anything.
i don’t care what anyone tells you, money means nothing. in the grand scheme of things if i have $15 to my name but have the best people to spend that $15 on, everything makes sense. this is how it’s supposed to be.
i could write for hours on the impact of random people on my life. the impact of my parents. the impact of the family in cleveland and all over the world who have raised me. the impact of my friends who have taught me more about maturity, growth, and who i am myself than i could even begin to think of on my own.
its a wednesday night in july around 10:13 pm and im writing this because i don’t know why? i am feeling extra #tender tonight and want to start writing out feelings like this so i can remember them.
this year, i have had some of the best “feelings”; those type of feelings i know i should write down immediately.
i remember the feeling of looking at my roommate, my best friend, the sister i never had, as we woke up on a sunday morning and realized that we were both going to receive bids from the sororities we wanted; that after a 2 week period of self conscious judging and overanalyzing we found places that we could call home inside the school we had already made ours. i love you, E. i remember the feeling of watching my favorite band light up a stage in columbus with beautiful graphics of malibu skies, and leaning my head on the shoulder of one of my best friends who loves music in her soul just as much as me, feeling so connected and happy at one of the greatest nights ive ever had. i love you, C. i remember the feeling of the first stupid drive around the suburbs in my best friend’s white subaru, just like it was summer 2018 again and we were just graduating high school sobbing about leaving each other for schools 74 miles away from each other. i love you,E. i remember the feeling of venting to my best friend about anxiety and how much of a struggle is to tell everyone you are okay and let your parents know that maybe it isn’t just you and you need someone to tell you that you are gonna be okay. i remember talking to each other and realizing that just taking a pill for the serotonin in our bodies that doesn’t quite add up doesnt make us science experiments; it makes us just as human and struggling as the rest of the whole god damn planet. i love you, J.
at school, i remember the feeling of telling one of my best friends that i didnt know if i was okay and i thought i was going crazy. i remember her telling me to never apologize and to stop fucking saying sorry. saying sorry for what? being sad? i remember her feeding my tissues as i laid in her bed and telling me she would take me to as many appointments that i needed to tell me that i was gonna be okay. i love you, R.
i remember the feeling of leaving behind my dorm, that number 7 2 7, that i had called my own home and the first sign of independence id had for the past year. i loved that little tiny box and every soul that flew in and out of it so much, my heart still hurts. i remember walking across the hall to say goodbye to the sister i had developed over the past semester, and hugging her into my chest as we both sobbed refusing to believe that all the fun was over. i love you, J.
its so hard for me to accept change, and when things are different, i hate facing the truth of the matter in that life goes on keeping steady moving no matter how fucking hard you try and stop it.
all of these feelings are in my mind and make up every inch of my being - i am feeling especially overwhelmed in this moment with all these times that ive had.
the inner demons in me are telling me that writing this is stupid and i need to stop having epiphanies when im alone - but for the first time in a long time im telling myself to shut up. being alone makes me sad and think extra hard but right now i am going to cherish the feeling of my hot laptop on my legs and the sound of the fan running in my room as i write this in the silence of my house. i am going to miss this moment more than i can understand in years from now, when things are so so much different and never as simple as they are now.
i hate how much time i take for granted and i hate how much i complain about the things that dont even matter. i love everyone and everything in my life so much, even the days and things i HATE have made me the person i am. i love people, i love music i love quotes i love things i love places . i love living and i love writing. i love writing about this moment and all the moments to come - im going to make this page a journal of moments. follow along with me for alllllll the feelings of life baby. imma do me and i want everyone to feel it with me. lets connect  
xoxoxox
gossiP GIRL
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my boyfriend and i have been planning on seeing endgame together since before it was released and we just havent had a time yet where we’re both free and have a way to get to the theater
he texted me a little earlier and said his friends are all going to see it tonight at 10 and asked if i would be free. i told him that i have work in the morning, and that he knows this because i work literally every single saturday morning and have for the past 7 months. and he was like “well i didnt know that thats why i asked” which?? he literally does know because its been that way for over half a year but whatever. so i told him i wouldnt be able to do that. and then he asked “what if i take you home right after?” and like
endgame is three hours long. it would be after 1 am by the time we leave the theater. i have to get up for work at 5 am. so i told him that i cant?? function at work? on less than 4 hours of sleep?? and he said okay and i was a little put out that he didn’t like, consider anything going on with me but it was whatever. so we started talking about detective pikachu and how excited we were to see it. and then he said “i’m starting to get more excited to see all the cute pokemon than i am to see endgame, even with the excitement of going tonight i’m still thinking about that chunky little mouse”
and i just kind of stopped and said “oh. you’re going?”
and he said yes and then asked if it was okay and?? like i just said i guess because i don’t want to be that girlfriend but i’m actually really fucking upset about it
and it isnt even really the movie like, i like the avengers. i’m not super into the mcu but i do like the movies.
it’s more just like? this was something we were planning on doing together? for like? over a month? and he just kinda? decided to go with his friends instead without even really  telling me? like i thought when i said i couldn’t go he would just,,, not go with them. because i wasn’t going. and it was supposed to be an us thing.
and i feel so fucking stupid because i’m like actually crying right now and having a little trouble breathing properly and i really dont want this to turn into a panic attack because its a really fucking dumb thing to get upset about but just
with everything going on recently with family members dying and finding out my dad got married last fucking year and didnt tell me and my manipulative grandmother popping up out of nowhere after 6 years and my car breaking down and costing so much to fix and my mom’s dad being so upset all the time and not able to take care of himself and my friend relying solely on me for trying to feel better after a bad experience and constantly triggering me by talking about it and like i just
everything is so much and i know this is insignificant but like, it was supposed to be for us, something fun to do to get a break from all of this shit going on in my life and he doesnt even care? like i know he doesnt think about it the way i do but like? it wouldnt kill him to consider things from my perspective every once in a while
and now hes texting me saying “youre mad at me” like yeah no fucking shit im mad. im mad that literally nothing can go right even onnce, im mad that nobody stops to think about how i feel, im mad that im going through all of this shit alone
and i’m already getting flare ups of this incredibly fucking painful and itchy and disgusting rash shit i have because of all the stress and this really isnt fucking helping and i cant fucking deal with all of this like i know this is such a small thing and it doesnt matter in the grand scheme of things and i have no right to be upset about it but just
id like for one thing to be okay and go the way i planned and hoped. just once. just one fucking time. 
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rxbodybuilding · 5 years
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Okay, this is for newbies, coming here for info., let me give you some alternative perspectives here. Yes they are my perspective, and yes, maybe I'm just a dork....but I have found, much to my dismay, that I'm a pretty average guy with pretty typical results and experiences........ 1) if you look real closely here, you will see that with the exception of EPO, the real results from taking gear is "hit or miss" - for me anyways, a typical USA cat IV, at a typical weight, doing typical races, I noticed no performance gains at all. I did notice big wattage increases on the trainer, but the extra weight on the bike negated alot of the gains.....I did get bigger guns, and I did get horny all the time, and I did recover quickly - initially, but I did NOT suddenly start winning......and the interesting thing is, that my "energizer bunny" side-effects of increased testosteron started to wear off.... 2) IMHO, its a waste to be taking "endurance dossages"...why risk going to prison for a dosage that is going to have little to no effect on performance? Testosterone seems to be the only thing that really works anyways......but at less then 250mg your just replacing what you already got (unless your deficient). I mean, if you wanna recover, drink a protein drink right after working out.......that works too..... 3) Since "endurance dossages" are a waste, you gotta take at least 250mg per week of test. but if you do be prepared to have to really watch your diet and really be careful about bloat......as a Cat IV/masters - half the reason I got into bike racing was so I didnt have to count every *#(#% calorie..... 3) if you take winny at effective dossages, chances are your knees are gonna hurt. If you take Dbol at effective dossages your gonna suck aerobically. if you take Tbol at effective dossages, chances are your gonna have to watch out for killer headaches, oh and chances are your HR will increase and make all your HR training zones whacked...... Now I have the added pleasure of an injury....seems my strength outpaced my fitness in a timetrial and I'm paying the price......I remember smuggly reading one of the anti-steroid internet articles about injuries because of muscles vs. tendons, or some bologny like that, and I have to wonder....... So what have I come away with from my year of experimentation? One, a new found knowledge that the anti-steroid hysteria is exactly that, hysteria. Two, the public's perception that steroids are going to make you superman is wrong. You will gain muscle mass, but muscle mass doesnt mean increased performance, otherwise we'd all be bodybuilders. I mean, how many really massive pursuiters and/or road racers have you seen? And if your a Cat III on down, get a life, your Not a sprint specialist no matter how hard you wish you were....Three, its cool to aspire to being a track sprinter, but in reality it kinda sucks....I mean, your gonna suck in timetrialing, road racing, and weekend mountain/hill rides....all that for 1 or 2 measly track meets, that really dont matter in the grand scheme of things anyways..... Damn, maybe I burned myself out, thinking testosterone would let me overtrain consistently for a long period of time........I sure am being negative.....Okay, so your probably thinking I'm a looser, and your a "real" bike racer with "real" knowledge.....thats cool, but if your just the average Joe Blow racer, realize that the gear isnt all its cracked up to be...... Here's the plan next year ( a little more informed I believe)......do testosterone from November to January when hitting the gym hard.....then simply try to maintain the gains naturally.....and if I start to feel beat in late summer next year maybe do a 150mg testosterone cycle to pick myself up. But the idea of taking testosterone in the spring for on bike training is out. I mean testosterone is good for building mass and its good for "general well being"...but its benefits on performance arent all that. Finally, to you clomid naysayers, I dropped about 10 pounds when I took Clomid, but physically I feel like crap.....is that the Clomid, decrease in gear, overtraining? Who knows.....all I know is that I'm going through a severe midlife crisis....I've discovered the secret to 30/40 year old gym guys with big muscles....hmm, I've always wanted big muscles....but damn, bike racing is lots of fun, and big muscles just slow you down... lol, you get the picture..... Flame away, but I believe I'm speaking truth for about 80% of steroid experimenters (steroid users with the purpose of increased performance rather then increase mass that is).....
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abundantchewtoys · 5 years
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HS Epi: Meat p23&24 reaction
So, uh, how about that Meenah, huh?
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I'd actually wager she's not collaborating with Alt Calliope, just intent on confronting her solo, logic be damned. Then again, assuming Alt Calliope's really evil, if she has a silver tongue* she might have made Meenah a convincing offer, don't mind that she wants to consume all and everything. *Figuratively, since she should have a white tongue - although, consuming Caliborn might have changed that, I guess?
As for what the next page might hold - I'd like it that Kanaya, Dave and Karkat would band together and go to Dirk's place. But it's just as likely Dirk will get back to Kanaya nigh-instantaneous after narrating this last part. And he might just influence them into dropping their suspicion, for now.
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"KANAYA: Why Are You With Rose KANAYA: What Is Going On" Ah, well, so he really did only spent an acceptable amount of time keeping Kanaya on hold. Just enough to pen down what happened to John. ... He won't pretend he's righting John-fanfiction to cover up his previous remark about John & the plot, now, will he? :P
"DIRK: Why would you think something was going on?
DIRK: By which I mean, why would you automatically assume that what’s going on has a sinister overtone.
KANAYA: Did I Say That I Suspected Something Sinister Was Going On
DIRK: Not with your words, no." ... I didn't realize, but because Dirk and Rose are so similar in demeanor, it's basically time to dust off ye olde flight-broads-and-their-horseshitometer, isn't it? There's going to be a bit of back and forth here, for sure.
"DIRK: But in the grand scheme of things, isn’t something always “going on”? Why would you even ask “what is going on” if you didn’t assume that the thing going on was both abnormal and untoward.
KANAYA: Well Now I Definitely Think That Something Sinister Is Going On Because You Are Obviously Trying To Distract Me With Semantics" "Phrasing!" is not something Kanaya is focusing on when people might be in jeopardy. Nice try, Dirk.
"DIRK: A tactic I’m sure you’re familiar with.
KANAYA: Excuse Me
DIRK: I’m just making an observation. You know your wife pretty well.
KANAYA: ...
DIRK: You know all of her tricks, all her little personality quirks. You’re confident that you know everything about her.
DIRK: But for some reason, you have no idea where she is right now." ... Is he trying to make Rose look guilty of something now? ... I would almost think he's trying to bluff his way out with his omniscience, but Kanaya's actually not going to take it well if he demonstrates he knows more than he should.
"KANAYA: Why Dont We Start This Conversation Over Again And You Can Say The Correct Thing This Time" "KANAYA: Hello
KANAYA: Excuse Me But I Would Like To Speak With My Wife Rose
KANAYA: Whose Phone I Do Believe I Am Calling
KANAYA: As Even These Primitive Human Smartphones Have Acceptably Accurate Caller ID Technology" This is Kanaya at her best. Longwinded and accidentally(?) sarcastic.
"DIRK: Sorry, Rose can’t come to the phone right now.
DIRK: She is otherwise... /occupied/.
KANAYA: Where Is She
DIRK: She’s at my place.
KANAYA: Im Sorry What
KANAYA: Rose Is Extremely Ill And Should Not Be Leaving The House Alone
KANAYA: What Is She Doing At Your Place" Rose didn't seem bothered by Dirk's request to come over, but that might have just been her overestimating herself. Plus, Dirk claimed he had a solution to her condition. I don't think the solution is getting her to fall asleep. Unless it gives her time to readjust, but then why wouldn't her pills have helped? I also don't think he's induced a situation where Rose is in a sort of trance, a dreambubble-like dream, communicating with her alternate selves while she absorbs their knowledge. Would be a fun conversation to read, though.
"DIRK: Chillaxing, whilst we discuss the inevitable heat death of the universe and the unknowable, solitary nature of human consciousness.
KANAYA: I See" That second part may have been discussed somewhat, but it already passed. Kanaya's not going to buy this even it laid in the discount bin.
"
KANAYA: If She Is Capable Of Such Abstract Polemics Why Is It That She Cannot Speak With Me
DIRK: That’s a damned good question." I had NO idea Dirk was this bad a liar. Guess it was only due to his AI nature that Lil Hal was so good at it, huh?
"Kanaya loves Rose, but sometimes love just isn’t enough. Sometimes what you need is /understanding/." He can't really work his magic on her through the phone, right? ... Plus, even then, she's not a god tier, she isn't growing towards an ultimate self, why would he bother?
"KANAYA: I Am Not Making A Joke
DIRK: Me neither.
DIRK: I don’t really “do” jokes?
KANAYA: Neither Do I" Why is Dirk even pulling her leg like this, I mean, he could've lied convincingly OR told the truth, why this? ... Maybe the "understanding" bit didn't mean Dirk's trying to understand Kanaya. Maybe he means, Kanaya can't help Rose but Dirk can. But still, why all this horseshit?
"DIRK: I do often make statements which hold varying degrees of irony, acerbic wit, or dry expressions of amusement.
KANAYA: Yes That Roughly Describes Many Of The Remarks I Make As Well
DIRK: I knew you’d understand." Oh... OH!!! He wants the OTHER people to understand HIM! Somehow, that is what triggered Rose's current state?? And he's trying to make Kanaya faint as well?? But WHY?? Well, now you can start the game of "when did Kanaya's comments start sounding like Dirk's", which her quirks makes more difficult. I suppose it's already happening, when I read back. D:
"KANAYA: However My Commiseration On This Matter Should Not Be Mistaken For A Gesture Of Friendship Or Camaraderie At This Moment" This echoes Karkat's comments in the vein of "this doesn't mean that friendship is what's taking place here".
"DIRK: Then it seems we’re at an impasse." Is that true, really? Not sure if Kanaya can withstand this... whatever it is. Sympathetic linking??
"KANAYA: It Wont Be An Impasse For Very Long
KANAYA: Im Coming Over Immediately
KANAYA: To Retrieve My Wife
DIRK: If that’s what you want.
KANAYA: Tell Her That Im On My Way
DIRK: Sure. I’ll get right on that." WHAT'S YOUR GAME??? It still seems like he might stop her at the last moment, I mean. Why would he allow them to confront him?
"Rose looks up from where she’s suffering on the floor. The shadows around her are growing. She stares at me with glassy eyes.
ROSE: Is everything okay?" Wut?? She's conscious again? ... Don't tell me Dirk was, in fact, telling the truth, and while he wrote the previous scenes, he simultaneously spent time talking with Rose. That's really like a Doc Scratch thing to do, you know, holding multiple conversations at once.
"DIRK: Yeah. Just a telemarketer.
DIRK: You know how those carapacians can be when they want to sell you some chess shit.
DIRK: Impossible to get ’em off the phone." So... He's trying to talk Rose into coming to a certain understanding, then? (All the while isolating her from her loved ones.) Nothing as crude as a soulbot, he's trying to walk her through the final stages of the ultimate self? Even if she specifically stated the idea scares her? She's not well though, in pain as she is, she didn't notice who Dirk was talking to.
'The shadows around her are growing', it said about her. I suppose it's due to the hour, not an indication that her ultimate self is grimdark? I hope?
---
"The server Meenah fled through is a distant speck now." Ooh! Back to John now! Guess Rose's conversation continues in the background. Pleased to see Dirk deems his continued adventures plot-relevant enough to continue narrating after a small time skip. So uh, I guess John wasn't able to open the device himself. Otherwise he'd have wanted to get his ring back.
"It doesn’t really bother you, though. It’s not like you had any plans for it. Taking it from Aranea was, like, a bonus as far as you were concerned." Huh! I didn't think he'd be so 'meh' about it.
"Extra life ring? Nice, maybe it’ll come in handy someday. Scratch that now." I guess the whole "conditional immortality" thing kind of makes resurrection artifacts lose their shine. But Rose, I assume, had a plan for John travelling back to that moment that extended beyond "pre-emptively clock the bitch that killed my alternate self before she could do it". Well, I GUESS it could be she didn't, Terezi messed with him too through her list.
"The young Condesce has it, and is probably hatching bold new plans as we speak. Not that those plans will ever have anything to do with you." Is this John's thoughts, Dirk giving John's thoughts, or Dirk's own opinion? Does he think her plans will have something to do with himself instead of John?
"Hours and hours slip by. Your eyes starts to hurt, and the wound in your chest starts feeling numb. It’s a disconcerting combination of sensations." Okay, so the wound was still there. But is the numbness coming from it healing, slowly, or the poison? :/ I can imagine peaking at white space for so long is a drag on the eyes, especially if your glasses are in such a shoddy state. Plus he's probably getting real tired. Just as long as he doesn't realize he died at one point, when someone mentions his eyes are white. :/
"After a while you think about tending to your wound. There must be something in your dad’s wallet that you could use to bandage the gash." Well, better late than never, I guess? Though that doesn't apply to poisoned wounds...
"You eye the wallet and try to imagine what could possibly be inside it that would be of any use on a medical basis. A straight razor?" So... he did peek inside it before we skipped ahead. Guess he might not have accessed the wallet modus so much as peeked at the literal object, and found a note?
"You notice you can’t seem to make yourself care about healing yourself long enough to continue entertaining ways to MacGyver your body back to health" That the depression talking again, John? :/
"A glint of red catches your eye, just ahead. Then it’s gone. No... there it is again, another glint. It’s flickering or sparkling in some way." I don't think it's Red Miles? :P Maybe Terezi's dragon wings.
... Blaperile has a good idea, it might be the red ruby slippers. Welp. At least John might call his search for Jade over when he finds them? But that seems to go against Dirk's plan for keeping him out there, hmmm.
"What it that? You drift toward it without urgency, worried that it’s exactly what you think it might be.
You get close enough to confirm. Two small red slippers, coated in tiny gemstones." The witch has gone to the wizard's lair, but she won't be coming back from there. End poem. :/
"Jade’s empty shoes are a depressing sight, but you feel a sense of duty to retrieve them. Might as well. You secure them in the wallet, along with whatever other junk is in there." Not sure if they have any magical properties. They DID lead Game Over Terezi to her 'home', in a sense, with Game Over Vriska.
"Your wound is starting to throb again. You can hear your blood in your ears. The rush of your pulse is so loud that it almost sounds like the engine of a rocket sputtering to a stop." Pfffff, that's literally what's happening, right? Terezi finding him, having flown over with her dragon wings. If so, the non-magical ruby slippers worked! In a nice twist from Game Over Terezi finding John while she was gravely injured and wearing the slippers. Well, to be fair, they're red and bright, and that's why GO Terezi took them, of course post-victory Terezi would be attracted to them out here as well!
"Wait. It sounds exactly like the engine of a rocket sputtering to a stop." Finally! I've been looking forward to this reunion. To see Terezi's reaction to everything that's happened, her knowledge of Vriska's current state, and just see how the demeanor between John and Terezi is now, after all this time.
"She hovers in place, looking not a whole lot different from when you last saw her years ago." I think she aged as much as him, though of course a time difference shouldn't be ruled out. But even so, tealbloods age real slow anyway.
"Her arms are crossed over her chest, making knifelike angles where her elbows jut out." Terezi is really all edges, isn't she? Sharp in body as in mind as in glasses as in horns. :D
"She is giving you a look of absolute disregard. It’s an expression of exasperation so performative and habitual, it sends bolts of aching nostalgia and fondness through your heart." <3<, back in business!
"Dumbly, you raise your hand and give her a dorky little wave. It does not adequately communicate whatever it is you’re feeling right now. But then, nothing else would, you suppose.
She waves back. But hearing her voice is what makes it real.
TEREZI: H3Y LOS3R" That's probably how they said goodbye on Earth C as well. It's how they said goodbye before the last fights in the session, anyway.
---
Cool, something to look forward to. I'm banking on Terezi's sharpness/aspect, to notice Dirk's influence on John/the plot! Might be too much to hope for, though.
But hey, now John has retrieved the wallet like Game Over Terezi wanted. Not sure it'll become relevant, since Vriska & Terezi deduced he'd need it to captchalogue Earth C.
Also, I really hope her Mindy thing gets discussed, what she underwent during Terezi: Remem8er.
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