#bc you weren't expecting it

[s0fter-sin]

last thing i’ll say; people aren’t owed free content but creatives aren’t owed financial compensation either

#i say all this as a cretive btw lets head that off #their bottom line was ‘we want more money to make bigger things and we cant afford to so we want more money in order to do them’ #and that is a valid desire #but you cant just expect everyone to go along with that just bc you want it #watcher got where they are due to a loyal viewer base #to reject money from corporations in favour of money from that viewer base? thats skeevy #to default to a complete and absolute paywall removing all your content then pretend that you weren't going to? thats skeevy #to make a countdown to an announcement then make the announcement a somber trip down memory lane #and an ‘if only we can make more stuff like this wink wink’? thats skeevy #and its skeevy bc theyre a company and no matter how personable they are companies are not your friend #are they the rich we should be eating? no #but when your ceo drives a tesla and eats expensive food that is written off as a buisness expense #AND you have a patreon that you dont capitalise on but still brings you on average 100k a month #you cant act like youre a hard done by creative #endevouring to make more elaborate creations is a good idea #monetisation is a good idea #absolute monetisation with no thought to an alternative isnt #name one indie artist that relies entirely on paid content ill wait #coming out of my cage and ive been doing just fine.txt #watcher #shane madej #ryan bergara #steven lim #hey there demons it’s me ya boy #ghost files

[goldkirk]

I'm so proud of myself about finances in the past couple months. I still struggle with money but I did enough meditation and journaling and practicing about it to make myself able to actually face my loans and credit cards and savings and bills and start really truly organizing and addressing them for the first time in years instead of just flying by the seat of my pants.

Like. This is a huge deal for me. I've felt like I'm in deadly danger every time I've tried to think about money for years and years. I'm finally able to look it in the face and stare it down and start to organize and plan on purpose instead of just keeping up with the minimum to stay afloat. I'm so proud of myself.

It's still a refrain of "GUILT (funny link)" every time I think about money but I'm able to actually make spreadsheets and face the numbers and monthly tracking again, and even make a new full budget which I haven't been able to do in ages.

still feel guilt, overwhelm, and helplessness, but no longer feel as much deep elemental shame and terror. that's progress baby

#we don't need to talk about how many months and months of therapy visits and doctor appointments I put on credit cards #among other things #but I had to put my foot down about it a couple months ago and shout at myself a little saying HEY #I AM SHAKING YOU BY THE SHOULDERS I AM SHOUTING FOR YOU TO HEAR #OF COURSE IT WAS A TERRIBLE FINANCIAL DECISION BUT YOU WEREN'T EVEN EXPECTING TO BE ALIVE #THE CREDIT CARD DEBT WAS NECESSARY TO KEEP YOU ALIVE AND IT DID AND EVERYTHING ELSE IS WAY LESS IMPORTANT THAN THAT #why the FUCK are you feeling SO ASHAMED for making the best decision you knew how to make at the time??? #just because you know NOW that you could have tried some other options doesn't mean you did THEN #you may have known enough to feel shame and guilt yes but you would never in a million years have gotten the help you needed fast enough #by attempting to go another route #you didn't trust anyone besides a very few handfuls of people and even them it wasn't fully #and the stress of running it through parental insurance was so terrifying to you bc you didn't know what that would do #and you never had cosigners for anything your whole adult life. it's OKAY #you fucking DID YOUR BEST #YOU HAVE LEARNED. YOU HAVE MADE CHANGES. YOU HAVE ALREADY DONE BETTER #YOU WILL CONTINUE TO LEARN AND IMPROVE OVER TIME #it is not the end of the world. even the utilities sending you to debt collections etc etc #YOU ARE FIGURING IT OUT ONE PIECE AT A TIME #MORE PEOPLE ARE ASHAMED AND AFRAID OF THEIR OWN FINANCES THAN YOU THINK #if the people who fought and argued with and shamed you for considering student loans much less taking them out #had wanted you to actually be financially safer and healthier #they could have just fucking helped out or cosigned your loans or actively helped you find other solutions #instead of spending months and months telling you it was the worst decision ever and would ruin you financially for decades and such #you made the best decisions you could with the level of terror and knowledge that you had. it was enough to keep you alive. #isn't that enough? #isn't it a victory to survive?? isn't that enough?????? #god i'm cringing at sharing this but if it's been this hard for me surely at LEAST one of you has also made financial mistakes or regrets #and seeing me be honest that I fucked it all up too and it's a mess and I'm just climbing back through it as best as I can as I go #will hopefully make at least one of you feel a tiny bit less alone

[the-valiant-valkyrie]

comparing and contrasting them inside of my mind

#ieytd #i expect you to die #commander solaris #the fabricator #roxana prism #headcanons #not tagging this as art bc. its not enough for me to want to. anyways #i think abt this a lot its all very interesting. they all have a lot of talent but it's all in different directions #solaris is very problem solving in a literal sense. mechanical objective -> i'll build a machine that does that thing and nothing else #fabby usually makes more covert stuff so there's a lot more things that she needs to consider. size. shape. covertness. weight. etc #in ADDITION to lethality. which she excels at. #and prism tries so hard to tackle as many improvements as possible. and while she makes incredible things the robots weren't very. uh. #effective. at being super spy robots. #every weakness that was fixed just created a new one. and she works so fast she can't really think about the issues she's making #idk it's just all so fascinating to me #i can get pretentious all i want but i'll confess that i DID make this chart bc the fucking 'solaris can figure this part out' takes me OUT #it tears me up so bad. girl. that was YOUR idea. YOU do it

[rainymoodlet]

Kiss Me in Komorebi+ 🌸

[Episode One] First Impressions.

introducing Ainsley Copper by @jaigny!

ainsley was such a sweetheart from the moment he walked up!! he was embarrassed the minute dan introduced himself, and with his bio mentioning the publicity stunt the poor guy's agent was trying to pull, he didn't want daniel to feel pressured into advertising for him! daniel's not that kind of guy, though, and i'm sure those impressions won't stick! ;)

Part 9/22 | prev. | beg. | next.

#ts4 #ts4 edit #ts4 screenshots #ts4 gameplay #ts4 challenge #ts4 bachelor challenge #;kmik #sim: daniel #ainsley copper by jaigny #i am absolutely enamored with lil ainsley omg ;u; #poor sweetheart was flustered the entire time he and dan talked #and kept going on his phone I IMAGINE to avoid eye contact #but dan kept talking to him!!! #its so fun to watch who dan will initiate conversation with #versus who will initiate interactions with dan #dan very much lead his conversation with ainsley #but they weren't in want of things to talk about!! #thank you so much for him he is so sweet ;o; #i'm trying to get these DONE i am so excited for you guys to see the rest!! expect a few more today! #no tzrs bc i'm a monster and i want to get these handsome lads posteddd uvu

[acerikus]

Imagine being so obsessed w defending your misgendering of Kris that you claim toby doesn't include any queer rep in his games 😭

(the funny thing is nobody even said anything to this person in the thread, they just HAD to jump in lmao)

#utdr 'fans' who can't comprehend that Kris isn't a player insert are so fucking embarrassing. i understand thinking this at first but #surely playing the game for more than half an hour would have got realising how embarrassing this take is #like before i played undertale i thought frisk was a girl based on their looks in fanart I'd seen #and bc my expectations weren't high enough to expect such a big popular game to have a canon nonbinary character #but it doesn't take long watching it to see them consistently have they/them used lmao #people just genuinely not knowing about nonbinary people due to lack of life experience/experience w queer ppl is understandable too #but once you build yourself a makeshift hill to die on like this it becomes something else entirely. embarrassing behaviour from this person

[v-arbellanaris]

so fuckin late i just found out abt the matt healy nonsense and im fuckin disassociating bro x

#decades of work by grassroots organisers just to get the extremists to look away and pay no mind to queer people #so they can just fucking live. when public canings and beatings and jail time STILL HAPPENS for being queer bc it's listed as a crime #imagine doing that shit in a country where the rec 'treatment' for being gay is conversion therapy #imagine doing that. putting that spotlight on the thousands of people who are just barely surviving by relying on living in the shadows #while they chip away at the social constraints impeding progress bit by bit. imagine doing that. saying that. and then fucking off home #and ignoring all the homophobia and transphobia in YOUR country because it doesn't matter presumably bc its Worse when its nasty brown ppl #going BACK to your own homophobic transphobic country. leaving the thousands of people left exposed by that limelight. #im not even going to touch on ''im taking your money'' and the inherently disgusting colonialist bullshit in that #expecting him to donate to local queer charities is too much when he's a piece of shit #but jfc. and all his fucking insane fans going queer malaysians who have to live w the consequences of matt's actions who complain abt that #are suffering from internalised homophobia & i have no sympathy for you #firstly. queer malaysians saying 'stop - this is not advocacy it's actively threatening us' is not internalised homophobia #secondly. explain why you have no sympathy for queer people with internalised homophobia. #like. explain. as if we weren't all questioning and struggling. as if we come out of the womb just lucky enough to Know without a doubt. #as if we dont exist in societies and families that shape us into something we're not until we can't recognise ourselves #like explain why you have no sympathy for your fellow queers and act like they're the enemy. explain why you're siding with some cishet #trash white man actively endangering brown qpoc in the THOUSANDS in a drunken fit on stage. over the qpoc actually affected by this. #explain it. go on. #fucking sickeningggg it's SICKENING #tbd

[greghatecrimes]

i was getting ready to take an epsom salt bath yesterday when i started having the allergic reaction so i never got to. but now that everything is calmed down and i feel more normal, i have been able to bask in the epsom salt glory and i feel 100x more relaxed😌 epsom salt baths my beloved.

thinking i'll watch more house tonight but i'm debating which episodes. at this point i should honestly take episodes and make compilations of them that are just my favorite scenes for when i need something kinda mindless and shorter than normal (like the thirteen and house parts of the dig, or foreman and taub + wilson and thirteen in lockdown, house and wilson in birthmarks, the most fun parts of its a wonderful lie, etc)

#personal #anya shush #so far i requested sick days for monday and tuesday and thank god bc therrs #no way i could work tomorrow #is till gave so much benadryl in my sustem lmao #if anyone was ever curious (you weren't) epipens leave a bigger mark than you'd expect #still felt absolutely nothing when it went in tho!

[guinevereslancelot]

how is my friend's baby 12 days overdue and didn't come during the massive blizzard we had yesterday

#the entire town and most of the state had no power #the roads were basically impassable everywhere #thats exactly when you expect a baby to come esp if he's overdue #like he was WAITING for the blizzard #he wasnt going to come a week ago when the weather was nice and the roads were good #but no update so im assuming still no baby #he was never going to get a better chance to come at an inconvenient time #also im lowkey sad bc my mom pointed out he's probably never going to be able to wear tbe cute bear onsie i got him #its super warm and fluffy and he totes could have worn it if he came on time before easter #maybe not for beey long tho #but its april and this blizzard may have been our last snow 😔 #and he wont fit in it anymore in the fall #we have a slight chance of snow next week but more likely rain #anyway we shall see it might be chilly for a few more weeks and the occasional random day in april or may #but he's def missed peak dress your baby like a teddy bear weather #maybe i'll buy them the size up in the fall it wasnt that expensive lol #anyway my friend lives ~next door~ like half a mile away down a hill then up a really big hill and we couldn't get out of our driveway #but i told her to lmk if they needed anything bc i would have walked thru 2ft of snow if they needed it lol #but they were probably better off than we were bc they have a woodstove and probably a generator and her father in law has a snow plow #i think #so they probably weren't even trapped in the house lol

[moonlight-at-dawn]

I hate when companies use "We're family!" as an excuse to ask too much of their employees, or the nepotism towards family members. I have strong feelings because when I was a kid, my family owned a small printing company that my grandfather had started.

It was going through hard times (another gripe there, as it relates to the destruction of many small businesses), and this was how it was dealt with:

The non-family workers got priority for getting paid. When it got REALLY tough, they were encouraged to find work elsewhere. Not fired, just a "We don't know what's going to happen, so you should make sure you're taken care of" deal.

Then the in-laws, like my mom, and children, like my eldest cousin on that side.

Then the non-management immediate family (it was owned by my dad and uncle, while my two aunts - their sisters - worked in different positions).

When one of my aunts thought being family was enough to secure a steady paycheck and didn't actually work, they did the tough thing and caused some family drama by firing her. It was tough, the relationship has never been the same even though that was decades ago, but it needed to happen.

My uncle and father went months, even as much as a year, without paychecks, to ensure that everyone else got paid and the business could keep running.

THAT'S what "We're family" SHOULD mean. It means everyone gets taken care of. It means sacrifice by the HIGHEST, not the lowest.

Fuck companies that use it to demand sacrifice from the ones already with the least.

#misha rambles #as far as the brothers being the co-owners and the sisters not #while it could be an old sexism thing #i think in this case it also made the most sense #the one aunt i mentioned obviously couldn't be trusted to the responsibility #and the other one probably didn't want it tbh #wrt to the aunt that was fired #when her daughter got married i decided to travel to go to the wedding #that side of my family is so small and we used to be so close #then i was talking to my dad and he was like 'oh we weren't gonna go but if you are then we will' #then he passed that on to others #and most of us showed up #all bc i said yes without considering the family drama lmao #to this day idk if that was a good thing or if that annoyed them #maybe they were expecting 'no' and to not have to pay for us all XD

[the-furies]

Hi! I've come to recognize you as "the person who puts disco elysium content on my dash", and I barely know anything about it other than the fact that it's a videogame methinks, and like, since one tumblr blog > a million ad campaigns; I might try to get into it, wish me luck! Djbfnsnbfb, have a nice day :3

!!!!!!!! GOOD LUCK!! If you need a list of like. Shit To Watch Out For/TWs let us know bc it is. A LOT LMAO

#ask #LIKE YOU COULD GO INTO IT BLIND [or like... as blind as possible. since. we've probably rbed spoilers n shitJFNSKFJ] #but there's. some upsetting shit in there if yr not Prepared or anything. #DJDKSKCKC LIKE WE'D FEEL BAD IF SOMEONE GOT INTO OUR HYPERFIXATION & THEN HAD 2 STOP BC SOME FUCKED UP SHIT HAPPENED #THT THEY WEREN'T EXPECTING. IN FUCKED UP SHIT: THE GAMEJGKDKFKFKS

[lith-myathar]

There's this shitty thing about having trained yourself not to have needs, which is that you become so good at hiding them that even when you think you're signaling that you're upset and need help, it's so outwardly subtle that nobody really notices or they read it as a signal to leave you alone.

(Which is so wrongheaded in and of itself, like one needs to ASK for help not wait in silent agony for someone to notice you're in pain.)

and that sucks because it makes you feel like no one notices when you're upset because no one actually cares about you enough to pay attention

#it's such a self defeating behavior bc it's wanting people to be mind readers or whatever #to just be able to divine and anticipate your needs #kind of comes from the trauma response i think? like *I* am constantly trying to read moods and anticipate needs and reactions #like i want someone else to be as laser focused on my needs #as ive been on the needs of people around me living as a severe people-pleaser desperately trying to circumvent conflict #for as long as i can remember #but that's not really fair i think? because it's wanting people to act in a maladaptive way towards you? #to mirror your own maladaptive behavior #tell you what it's all Big Oofs and i really don't like it #i also hate the actual asking for help because *that's admitting i have needs* and not having needs = survival #it all just leads to problems getting really bad before i can even admit to myself i need to ask for help #godddddddd they did a number in me. like my parents weren't emotionally capable of dealing with my needs so they'd shut me down #with gaslighting or shaming or lashing out at me verbally #they didn't know how to help so instead they tried to make ''the problem'' (i.e. my difficult emotions) go away #they never went away but i did learn to stop asking for help or expecting anything but rebuke if i did

[airenyah]

ok so today i had my first thai class after a really long christmas break and somehow andreas gabalier (an austrian folk singer) and his music came up. and i don't remember what exactly my teacher said but he made a comment along the lines of "andreas gabalier is considered a standard good looking dude here in austria, right?" (my teacher is from thailand, so he wasn't sure about austrian people's preferences)

and his question was met with complete silence, because the thing is... our class consists of 3 middle aged guys plus one more guy in his early 30s. and then there's me. the only girl

and since no one answered the question about andreas gabalier's looks, our teacher then addressed me directly and following conversation ensued:

teacher: "[airenyah]?" me: (feeling slightly shy and embarrassed) ".....i don't know what andreas gabalier looks like 🙈" everyone: (breaks out in laughter) middle-aged classmate: (highly amused) "i suspect he's not your type..." (me: "oh 🙈") "you're not missing out on anything :D"

i really like my teacher but god, let me live. don't put me on the spot like that 😩😩😩

#i hate when people ask me my opinion on somebody's looks #esp if that somebody in question is an older dude (as in significantly older than me. doesn't have to be ''old'' in reality) #idk!!! the person looks normal to me!!! person-shaped!!! idk‚ what do you want from me!!! i'm too asexual for this conversation!!! #we're not super close in this class (it's online which doesn't help with that either) so no one actually knows shit about my sexuality #and idk if my teacher put me on the spot for heteronormative reasons bc i'm the only girl in class #or bc he trusts my opinion (technically i could be considered an expert in austrian culture‚ i have a BA for that now lol) #but somehow my classmate's comment felt really reassuring to me somehow #i have no idea what made him think that that singer wouldn't be my type (maybe the age difference??) but like #so true man. so true. you don't even know #what even IS my type #airenyah plappert #stories from my thai class #also yeah everyone was laughing but it wasn't mean-spirited like. they weren't laughing AT me #i think my comment was just funny to them bc they probably weren't expecting it and so maybe they were surprised #or maybe bc i'm also the youngest in the group so maybe in their heads they were going ''aw she's too young to know andreas gabalier'' #(i mean i WAS very much aware of him‚ i just never cared about him and his music and so i didn't care to know about his appearance) #the guys were laughing very amusedly while i was just sitting there like ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ lmao (i too was amused when they laughed tho) #anyway i have since looked up andreas gabalier's face and he is literally just some dude to me #i do hate his hairstyle tho. it looks greasy with gel ewww #but yeah apart from that my opinion on his looks is that he looks like an ordinary human being idk #nothing good and nothing bad about it #(except yeah. the hair gel maybe. maybe that IS bad actually)

[lunaetis]

@mmriesoftvat asked :

kami chomp on her cheek. nom!

unprompted. || always accepting

─「エデン」─  the SURPRISE ATTACK upon her cheek came unexpectedly. the trailblazer froze in place at the slight sting that came to her cheek. the bite didn't hurt, but it was enough to elicit a quiet half-moan, half-yelp from the other and the way her golden hues stared right at him as though trying to decipher his intention. it took a few seconds, only a few passing seconds before eden quickly looped her arms around his frame and pulled him closer.

                mouth parted, jaw-stretched, and fangs chomped down onto his cheek in the same manner he did. she left her mouth and teeth there for a bit longer, wanting a bite mark to appear. there was a slight glow in her AURIC ORBS as she gnawed gently, keeping her limbs coiled around him almost stubbornly so.

                " a bite for a bite. "

#mmriesoftvat #.answered #.[ eden | trailblazer ] #[ HJLKJHLKHJK i'M SO DONE #OFC SHE'D BITE BACK #OFC SHE WOULD #really kami ... i hope you weren't expecting any other responses bc tHERE'S NO WAY SHE WOULDN'T NOM BACK #and she's making sure she leaves a mark #if not on his cheek she's biting somewhere else #sTAPH IT YOU FERAL RACCOON ]

[artisanalpeanutbutter]

I'm so glad my friends are (mostly) not book lovers bc holy shit I hate she who became the sun so much and if I was surrounded by people who love it I would not be able to talk to them until they got over the hype. I only liked abt half of it and I would explain my feelings but I don't feel like doing that rn.

Tldr though: I didn't think it was feminist at all and going in thinking it was a feminist piece of literature made it a bad read for me. I liked how the author explored another gender class through the eunuchs though. Should've contested the other main character's misogyny & toxic masculinity (maybe that's not the right term here but idgaf this is just a tumblr post) though (can't remember their name bc i read it so long ago. The monk)

#same with iron widow and this is how you whatever the time war #so disappointed #they were hyped up so much but were riddled with issues #i liked all the other books i read last year though!!! #couldnt finish mexican gothic though bc i think it just wasnt the right vibe. i want to give it another shot though bc i usually love the #genre :3 #it wasnt bad i just wasnt in the right mood at ALL #OH also i think the bladerunner movie is leagues better than do androids dream of electric sheep but the book was still a good read yk? #i think there were additional elements in the book that just weren't tied together well enough #and didnt pay off well enough #like the religion payoff felt bizarre relative to the rest of the contents of the book. didnt feel fleshed oht enough #but perhaps that was the point and it just didnt click with me #no hate to the ppl who liked these books btw #oh i forgot about babel entirely. picked it up bc i was told it was like. decolonial magic and language but it sooooooooo wasnt. maybe im #just stupid or expecting too much idfk

[videogamelover99]

i’ve seen a lot of people talking about chuuya losing his trust in dazai and how it will lead dazai into accepting his feelings, finally having The Talk(TM), and apologizing. what’s your opinion on it?

Dropping this She Ra clip for...reasons: https://youtu.be/-1UicFp5DnI

#right before that was adora saying 'I never hated you!' which...ouch #for ppl not having watched shera spoilers i guess #'you'll have have to see the people you've hurt' flashing back to chuuya akutagawa atsushi Q #tbh i wouldnt want chuuya to lose his TRUST in dazai but i DO want a push for dazai to step it up like in DHC #the 'if youre gonna push people away then why am i trying' deal #but one that makes it clear its dazai's CHOICE #tbh im growing more and more convinced with the telephone scene and the 'what if chuuya joined the ada with dazai' thing #that the BIGGEST reason they weren't closer and weren't actual friends is bc Dazai kept pushing him away and chuuya could read the room #and he wasnt gonna bother for someone who didnt want him there #its literally dazai doing smth shitty and chuuya parsing if its 'i wanna get a rise out of you' shitty or 'i dont want you here' shitty #sure he pushes other ppl away too but they arent demanding like chuuya is #they dont expect as much from him #when oda made it clear he had for dazai's own sake dazai went and did it #bsd #asks #soukoku #remember how chuuya's first show of trust was after he demanded dazai explain why he decided to live? yeah #hes not ready to give more away #he almost commits suicide in front of oda and then tries to convince him it was all a PLOY like #dazai is a mess

[readingloveswounds]

so i encountered almost every single living Big Name in my field last night.

#sophies ramblings #UNEXPECTEDLY TOO #I WAS SUDDENLY CONFRONTED BY THE FACE OF A MAN IVE ONLY SEEN IN PICTURES #i had to INTRODUCE MYSELF to him bc they weren't expecting grad students to show up to this #also learning that M-M may be like 80 but is still SO SHARP and funny?? love women in academia #i know obviously that these are all just like. real people #but sometimes you've read the same three authors for YEARS #and then. there they are! right in front of you! #it was terrifying but good networking lmaooo