#because depression is the best

[little-elenaarchive]

#i dont care ill do whatever i want: ooc #woke up from a bad dream #in a lot of pain #log on to mobile which is always dumb bc it doesn't block the posts i have blocked #see two things right away that make me so fukkin angry #now im just sad #laying in bed wishing i didn't exist #because depression is the best #and im tired of being alive #i hate the holidays #i miss her so much and i shouldn't #and i just want to stop loving her #its been a year get over it #amd id love to but i cant no matter how hard i try #i still break down and sob over the dumbest shit #because of her #i still wake up and expect her to be sleeping on call with me #its like my brain remembers everything and fills in the empty space and i just hear her little snores #and her cats fucking around in her room #her shifting in her sleep #two years #for two years she was my entire world #what am i supposed to do without her #im happy she seems happy #its all i ever want for her #to be happy #i just miss when it was me that made her happy #because i was happy too...

[kaibacorpintern]

yugioh isn't "good" i.e. its hardly a cowboy bebop or NGE or FLCL or mushishi but if anyone was like "it's bad" i'd be like be quiet. kaiba's about to summon obelisk out of the fucking ground

#millennium world sucks in so many ways. virtual world resists sense-making #battle city suffers from the wildly uneven relative power of the character motivations #the ceremonial duel is thematically indecisive and contradictory #and. of course. JOHJI #but yugioh is great. i fucking love yugioh #intern memo #edit: NGE is on this post because it's a masterpiece and rightfully described as one of the best anime of all time #a gripping and unflinching portrait of depression and alienation and the struggles of intimacy and loneliness

[oceanwithouthermoon]

sometimes i think about how nendo, kaido, saiki, (and sometimes kuboyasu but usually only when associated with them) are canonically the losers of PK and people actively dislike them, talk bad about them, make rumors about them, etc.

#which is crazy because theyre known to be besties with teruhashi and hairo #literally like. the most popular people at school ? #which like. i also get that this is even part of the reason saiki is disliked #but people dislike and even straught up bully him even before he and teru are known to be friends #but nobody ever thinks 'hey maybe theyre chill!' since the most loved people in school love them? #im so sorry saiki lmao #idk i just feel like people dont talk enough about the fact that even though he tries his fucking best to be so average and unnoticed- #he still gets fucking BULLIED ? like that is so depressing lol #anime onlys dont get to see it as much</3 #saiki k #tdlosk #the disastrous life of saiki k. #saiki kusuo #kaido shun #nendo riki #meows post

[featherymainffins]

I hate to say it but I might have to admit that Redditors can be pretty based sometimes

#dead by daylight #dbd #dbd unknown #dbd the unknown #pls pls pls you can trust me to be normal about that i am completely normal about that i am so normal about these themes #and their direct opposite i am normal and can be trusted with anything that's either like Th//e La//st Uni//corn or its direct opposite #like no. no i have to remember that bhvr have no idea what they're doing. i must not get sucked in. i must remember better games... unless #like no you have no idea what id give for this to be intended like aaaaugh i am unimaginably insane about the inhuman desperately #trying to be human in any way it can and the world continually rejecting those efforts #just like i am incredibly abnormal about humanity as a horror for the inhuman and the active rejection of humanity by something #that is; despite its best efforts and thw verdict of its biology; human. haha humanity as a horror you are forced to be and #perhaps always were but never had the chance to realise it. anyway. i digressed. #also the actual reason why Oh Gross (aka The Unknown) looks like that is because the lore states that some people thought #it was just a typical serial killer and gross is just a cumulation of everything everyone has ever thought about it #(god thats depressing) #so yeah. sorry no themes of humanity here i think. though id kill for them.

[mamawasatesttube]

timcassie is so compelling to me. they were not into each other even a little bit. it was such a messy coping mechanism fuelled entirely by grief. they were making out with each other because they were both substituting each other for kon. cassie was far more aware she was doing this than tim was. unironically, dating a girl here is one of the gayest things tim has done

#rimi talks #it is SO messy and its so fun. i don't think geoff even realized the implications but they sure are there when you read it #god... you know its BAD when modern comics have me missing tt03 of all Fucking comics #but like. todays ''tell don't show'' writers would N E V E R do something this interesting #tom taylor would be all. oh! tim we shouldn't kiss. i'm just substituting you for kon because i miss him and you were his best friend! #and then he'd have tim go oh wow cassie you're right i didn't realize that! my bad. all forgiven? yay!!! :) #GOD YOU KNOW ITS BAD OUT HERE WHEN I THINK *GEOFF* DID SOMETHING RIGHT. GOD. GOD #GEOFF MY MORTAL ENEMY GEOFF. grits teeth yeah geoffrey i have to give you this one............ #its just such a deliciously unhealthy coping mechanism. theyre a MESS. theyre using each other. theyre only able to go on bc of each other #its not a romance but it IS a codependency #bart isn't even dead yet when this happens. like. he's just off being the flash. #bart (extremely depressed bc he couldnt stop sbp and hold him in the speed force forever): :| ok #not his circus. not his monkeys. #well it is his monkeys even if he left the circus. but he's too depressed to deal with it #but its so fun. this relationship is haunted. there's a ghost in the middle. they both want to kiss him instead of each other. #tim #cassie #timcassie

[masterisabelle]

ROBOTS CANNOT CRY, I HAVE TRIED

Does anyone notice how Axis makes a lot of jokes, jokes that are usually mentioned after he says something lore heavy

#like :all of my comrades have rusted over: was quickly brushed aside with :I always knew I was the best: #what if he was stupid because of memory repression and trauma #what if I made him depressing #my art #axis #undertale yellow axis 014 #undertale yellow axis #axis 014 #uty axis #uty #uty fanart #undertale yellow #undertale yellow fanart

[midnight-moth]

Need some fluffy RainDrop maybe with Phantom? Of them just needing to cuddle and sleep after a few rough shows in a row like they've been doing. Maybe Phantoms absolutely exhausted and really craving affection and cuddled but doesn't think he's allowed to join in with any of the pack (especially Rain and Dew) but they bring him in for cuddles and give him all the affection he needs (they all need tbh, especially Rain after that video you posted earlier) <3

Sometimes it’s better not to ask. What’s wrong? What do you need? How can I help? Those questions are better suited to someone who might be able to answer them. And maybe he could, with time and perspective. Maybe not.

Phantom doesn’t know what’s wrong after all. It was all so much fun. A loud disarray of sound and light and applause. Which he enjoyed. So why does he feel like a pumpkin left on the steps after Halloween? All the guts scraped out but for a short while you were filled with warmth, a soft glow that lit up everyone around you.

But now he feels hollow, discarded. He’s fingers drift across one of the plush bats tossed to him on stage. It has a red ribbon tied around its neck. He’s so happy everyone knows how much he loves bats. He isn’t sure how they knew. But he doesn’t know them, what they love, he can’t give them anything back. Just a few hours of his time, a piece of paper with song names on it, a small triangular piece of plastic.

And he realizes that no, they don’t know him at all. Not really. But that isn’t what really gets to him, makes him toss and turn at night, leaves him staring at the ceiling all night. Listening to the muffled sounds of sleep, or the occasional moan or hiss disrupts the near silence.

It’s that he’s surrounded by the same ghouls day in, day out, and they must understand how he feels. And he can see how they all lean harder and harder on one another, ritual after ritual after ritual.

But he doesn’t know that he’s supposed to assume. That he’s allowed to lean too. Rest his weary head on Mountain’s shoulder. Ask for Dew’s burning fingers to dig into his sore muscles. Let Swiss absolutely smother him in a never-ending bear hug. Dissolve into the tattered sofa while Aurora rakes her claws across his scalp. Just be close, let them dry his eyes, a respite for his tear-stained pillowcase.

And the others, they don’t realize that they should offer. Aurora, the self proclaimed pack princess, from day 0 she had no issue asking any of them to piggy back her 4’10” frame when her feet hurt, to wrap their bodies around her like blankets at night when she was cold.

He wonders how loneliness can simultaneously feel like a gaping void, and yet have such presence. Taking up so much room in his body, when he wraps his arms around his ribs and squeezes he can feel it butting up against his insides. He wonders how there’s any room left for his heart and his lungs but they keep beating and inflating anyway.

Perhaps there was something written on his face that day, those particular lines carving a new expression on his face that they’d never seen before. Perhaps that energy they felt when he was summoned, the kind that they were sure caused the ground to shake, felt dull.

Rain noticed first, and Dew merely had to follow his line of sight throughout the day to see for himself. The way Phantom’s body sagged when he wasn’t on stage anymore. That he was barely lifting his feet off the ground as he moved about the venue.

The thud his body made when he collapsed into his bunk that night was like the exclamation at the end of the thought Rain and Dew had both been finding words for that day.

A long run on sentence that contained why didn’t we notice sooner and why didn’t he say anything and have we made him feel unwelcome, unwanted? That last thought, it had teeth, and they dug right into the most tender scar Dew possessed.

At first Phantom thought the depressions in the mattress around him were an illusion. He jumped when fingers connected with his shoulder, nearly smacking his head against the low ceiling.

But soon hands we’re guiding him back down, arms worming their way underneath his ribs and wrapping him up back to front. Rain’s cool hand soothing the ache in his head. Dew’s body heat softening the rigid form his contracted muscles forced him in to.

He tries to speak but the only thing that comes out is a ragged little croak. So Rain presses a kiss to his lips to silence him. It says tell us later, rest now.

“Sorry we made you wait so long, bug.” Dew murmurs in his ear. He doesn’t think he’s ever heard that gentle lilt in his voice before. “But we’re here now. All of us are here, for you.”

#media nocte asks #nameless ghouls #dewdrop ghoul #rain ghoul #phantom ghoul #I hope this is okay #I am trying to just not care if it isn’t the best because it’s all I can do #and maybe I can still enjoy it even if I know I can do better #because maybe this is just how it is now #midnight moth writes #cw depression #cw hurt comfort

[thesoftestmess]

this might not be canon, but personally i need furina to struggle a whole lot longer and harder with post-prophecy depression and mental illness. She's played the same tiring and painful act for five centuries, was constantly in a life or death scenario and had to hide her true self from the world the entire time and she won't just recover in a few years from that.

There's parts of her that will never ever be compatible with a simple human lifestyle, and parts of her that are irreparably broken. She isn't sure of her personality after everything that happened and the lie she had to live. She slips between personas and her archon temperament comes through like a defensive mechanism at any sign of conflict or trouble.

She's plagued by nightmares. Of the flood, of the trial, of the people closest to her conspiring against her behind her back, and of being found out in a million terrible ways. Of saying the wrong thing, making a wrong decision. Of being found out, of being found out, of being found out.

Lying or keeping a secret feels existential still. Being honest still feels life threatening sometimes. Putting herself first feels like putting both hands on a hot stove.

She doesn't live in the palais anymore, doesn't have to sit through trials anymore, but her heart and soul are still there. In her dreams she's still at the place she spent her entire life's memories at.

Yes, she can make new memories, but it'll take time. More time than she has, maybe, now that she's the closest to being human she'll ever be.

She'll never be human in the way the people around her are.

What sort of human has 500 years worth of memories after all? What human tells personal anecdotes and mixes up their centuries?

What sort of human can feel the absence of their divinity like it's a physical thing? A voice that will never speak to her again, or keep her alive? What human has no family, no childhood?

What human remembers so little, but still remembers death somewhere deep within?

She jerks out of sleep from it sometimes, gasping for air, and spends the rest of the night awake, almost frozen by fear. The flood is over, but it's hard to convince her racing heart that the danger is too.

Humans have entire family trees that go generations back, but Furina was put into this world a solitary creature, her blood heavy with sin ever since she turned human.

She owns a hydro vision now and doesn't know how to yield it, but the ocean still calls out to her some days. Sea creatures flock to her like they can smell she's not human enough.

She learns how to make little hydro companions for herself, so the darkness and emptiness of her apartment feels less ominous when she lies awake at night.

She can't turn her vision into a weapon quite yet, but when it rains the droplets seem to cling to her. She's watched them roll upwards along her arm, watched them gather in her palm like kin. She wonders if sea creatures flock to neuvillette in a similar way, or if his immense power makes them recoil. She wonders if elemental dragons can feel regret. Wonders if he, too, ever feels entirely foreign in that human body he was given. If he, too, lies awake trying to grasp faint memories of a past life.

She's extremely human in the way she's plagued by body pains from not being able to relax just one day in five centuries. The years catch up with her once she gets out of survival mode, and fatigue is a constant companion now. Sleep comes difficultly and getting out of bed was easier when the fate of a whole nation depended on it. On her. She's never lived for just herself before and some days she's not sure she wants to.

She did her duty and earned her retirement and the story turned out well, all things considered. She still has people by her side, some of them.

Still, she feels raw and tired and overwhelmed by the life lying ahead of her. As a human and as someone who will always be Something Else.

#you can have your perfectly competent fully healed hyper independent furina #if i can have my mess of a person multiply-disordered and trying her best furina #like i'm sorry but this babygirl can fit sooooo much ptsd and depression and personality disorder into her #that's a girl with lifelong chronic pain from not being allowed to relax for a day in five centuries #that's a girl who needs a teeth protector at night because she'd grind he #*them into a fine powder from all the tension she still holds #that's someone who gets so low so suddenly and loes all her joy in the matter of minutes #that's someone who wants to catch up on a lifetime of being human but is bone-deep exhausted #and crushed by fatigued #my disability beam went all over her like neuv's water gun #now she's sopping wet and shivering i'm sorry #genshin impact #furina #fari talks fic

[cemeterything]

you guys shouldn't have let me watch the terror i just read a fic about two of the lead poisoned arctic explorer guys huddling for warmth while one of them is dying and the other one desperately tries to get him to stay awake by talking to him because he's terrified he'll wake up to find him dead in his arms and it made me so sad that i had to watch one of those car crash simulation tiktoks to snap myself out of it

#🐉 #ngl i dont really Get the shipping hype this show generated #but i do like these 2 guys because mr hey wanna be boy best friends *dies in your arms* #convinces jared harris typecast depressed survival horror show guy to help him commit suicide by poison #because hes too sick and half corpse already to do it himself. and also begs him to eat his body to survive. #which. like. you might as well have put bait on a hook and mailed it to my address.

[starbuck]

we need to defend a protagonist’s right to suck ass and be boring and do everything wrong

#LISTEN. #i once saw a post claiming that [redacted] isn’t the protagonist because ??????? Who knows???? #he’s not the most charming i guess?? #and it’s like. that is LITERALLY not how that works… #you can’t just Decide that someone isn’t the protagonist because you don’t like them #HE’S LITERALLY THE POV CHARACTER LIKE WHAT THE FUCK #LET THIS MAN SUCK AND FAIL AND CRY AND BE THE PROTAGONIST #(also for the record - those are his best features imo - everyone else is just mean) #people will really see a depressed and traumatized man and go ‘wow he’s so boring’ #because they are fools and understand nothing #anyway. #[redacted] is my lame ass boyfriend and if everybody doesn’t clap i’m blowing the whole building up

[tubchunk]

did anyone else notice how all the time today, q!tubbo was doing dangerous stuff with no proper safety or armor? he fell off the side of the hole TWICE to the point of being knocked and he had to be saved by sunny, when tallulah dropped the picture, he jumped STRAIGHT DOWN without using the glider. he kept doing dangerous stuff without any real protection....

like it is clear now: he is NOT okay, he is barely hanging on since the funeral, even though he said he needs to close that chapter of his life for his daughter's sake. i wouldn't be surprised if he just grows more and more reckless, making sure everyone around him is safe while he keeps throwing himself into more and more dangerous situations without proper safety. that downward spiral has been happening slowly.

but i think its about to accelerate.

#qtubbo lore today was the worst (best) thing to ever happen to me #like i am not the same person i was before 6pm gmt #mans came in saying “i wanted to mess around with storytelling again” and pulled out THE MOST HEARTBREAKING SHIT EVER #LIKE THIS IS STRAIGHT UP DEPRESSING #he knows that fred was the only one to ever take him seriously. to care about what he wanted. and now he's gone #and he's going to close this chapter of his life and push all the grief and rage and pain down because he has a daughter to take care of no #he has to be there for her. not for himself but for her #q!tubbo the character you are #qsmp #qsmp tubbo

[scificrows]

Is there a 300 page essay about Murderbot's armor (specifically the opaque helmet) as a not-so-subtle metaphor for masking in a clearly neurodivergent character already? Because I need it.

The way Murderbot is unvoluntarily without its opaque armor in All System Red in front of the crew (i.e. unmasking) and appears surprised at its own strong facial expressions and other people's reaction to it? The vulnerability that comes with that and how Murderbot spends pretty much the rest of the book wearing or actively missing its armor which keeps it safe from the mortifying ordeal of being known (yet sometimes other characters suggest it might help for it to not opacify the helmet in order for others to see it as a person and to trust it (and in the end idk if it would have achieved the rewards of being loved by its humans and have had its needs met if it hadn't unmasked in this relatively safe environment sometimes)).

Also there's the whole avoiding-looking-directly-at-people-and-using-drones-instead thing which Murderbot usually hides using the opaque helmet, but whenever it doesn't have that people notice it and many react negatively/confused. I think that's a whole neurodivergent-applicable situation in and of itself? Like damn

And then Mensah encourages Murderbot not to wear armor on Preservation station since it would not need it there, Murderbot is hesitant but ends up not wearing any (like 4 books later when we finally get to that bridge) (going for the comfortable clothes it chose for itself instead, with very strong feelings about the whole being able to make choices thing that I cannot go into further at this point because I would absolutely end up BITING SOMETHING OR SOMEONE).

And I'm not going to advocate for unmasking all the time in any setting because hell no, sometimes it absolutely sucks and people are irritated by Murderbot's now visible quirks and are afraid of what they don't know, but many GET TO KNOW Murderbot better and because there are other people that make sure Murderbot is safe and respected and are willing to get people fired for it if they disrespect it (Pin-Lee my beloved) Murderbot can experiment with this situation without being exiled to some abonded part of a planet and other people are forced to spend enough time around ot to learn to respect it and even like it. I just....... It must be so scary and Murderbot is handling so much at once and in this essay I will

PS sorry this is a disorganized mess but so am I and I have so many Thoughts and even more Emotions and so little patience.

#murderbot #the murderbot diaries #all systems red #murderbot diaries #𓄿 #i sincerely hope this post isn't insensitive because i feel like the autism vibes are strong with murderbot and i am not diagnosed with tha #but i have adhd and a fun mix of anxiety and depression #and i've been deepdiving into autism research to help get one of my closest friends diagnosed (not possible at the moment) #and i relate so strongly in many ways and i dont know if its just that adhd and autism can overlap heavily #or my personal cocktail of adhd anxiety depression etc #or if i am on the spectrum somewhere myself #in any case i feel very strong solidarity and i hope i am not overstepping #but the main point here is the masking and that is DEFINITELY something ive been struggling with a lot recently #hence the strong emotions lol #i dont like to unmask. it sucks. but it can be so worth it. #and i am practicing and learning and trying my best #i feel like this fun sideblog for my scifi hyperfixations is quickly turning into a mess of therapy ramblings for myself #maybe thats because i love these books particularly BECAUSE i relate so strongly to these characters #in ways that are not NormalTM. and surprising for me #and ways that really help me figure out who i am and why dealing sith other people is so difficult for me #welp nevermind #all hail murderbot i guess

[cestacruz]

In F/SR, Chiemon was the victim of the Shimabara Rebellion, his family and his village all died because They were christians

He doesn't ever stop being religious, he still prays to God, even if he has given up everything else

He has no hopes of going to Heaven, so what he wants is to see that Hell he lived again

Because that's what he believes that he deserves

And yet, at the end of the day, the only thing Chiemon wants was to be saved (from the DLC 1, Lancer's Team ending, he prays at (possibly) his mother's grave)

But he can't allow himself that because he doesn't even believe he should have survived at all

Why only him

His mother, his father, all of them killed

And he was the only one who survived

Left in that hell

And then you have Lancer

He prayed her summoning, he started the chant as a prayer

Jeanne, who gave her life to save everyone

Who was fine with being killed because she had saved her country

They are opposites and they are one and the same

#do NOT tag as ship AT ALL or i kill you #they go to church together btw #chiemon doesnt want to but jeanne is like “i'll buy ice cream” she doesnt havey money and chiemon doesnt care for ice cream #he still accepts because his 19 year old older sister|mom (he is on his 20s) looks very sad and while he wont admit it #he cares a little #Just a little #like literally. he cares so little. #he mainly wants her to die #which is hilarious to me #he really doesnt like her #but he wants to be saved #and if he let her #she would #saving is what she does best #she'll pray away your depression chiemon. just trust #she can do it #if he had summoned JAlter (the avenger. lancer isnt jalter. shes just jeanne) #FSR wouldve been WAYYY different #17 more bad endings #unlocked #i love characters who are religious and sad

[songmingisthighs]

stupid is twtiny convincing people that ateez ABSOLUTELY HATES KQ using wooyoung being a little shit by pronouncing brand names on wanteez as "proof"

#even the bitch who said ateez copied skz by using red and black in the comeback schedule isn't as stupid #like #maybe just don't stan ateez #if you're so against kq #bc omg #use your head ?? #just think about it #ateez is ateez bc of kq #no matter what #like despite them making songs themselves #ateez exist because of kq #and ngl #you can say whatever #i will defend kq #kq is one of the best companies in terms of their treatment towards their idols #like would you rather ateez gets pressured to do plastic surgery ??? #go on EXTREMELY unhealthy diets ???? #be stressed and depressed when they just wanna be idols but they can't bc they're mismanaged ???? #like fuck you and your stupidity #tell me you don't understand how a company function without telling me you don't understand how a company function #🖕🖕🖕🖕 #logic where #smt tmi

[lynxgriffin]

I just realized, the paper trail ralseis are just the mane 6 from mlp-

I will debate this, because I find there's no one that I can map onto Applejack!

#ask lynx stuff #PT ask #Is it Ralsei? No because then who's Twilight Sparkle?? #gonna tell me Lairse is Rainbow Dash?? #Sareli just doesn't match with anyone! None of them are his sort of self-depreciating depressed! #like at best you got Aelsir and Pinkie Pie but there's too many mismatches otherwise!

[thatoneudguy]

I love Until Dawn (evidently) but omg everytime I play the game or think abt the game I end up feeling so gd sad. Like damn its bleak. Josh Washington genuinely has made me cry more times than I can count.

#until dawn #josh washington #joshua washington #its just the saddest thing ever #Id have it no other way of course #but like ow #its just tragedy after tragedy #theres no real comfort in any of the endings #josh always dies or becomes a monster #and he was doomed to that fate the second they made the choice to play that prank on hannah #theres literally nothing that could be done and it makes you feel so helpless #even in the best case scenario where the other 7 live they have to live with all that trauma and knowledge they cant share with anyone ever #their friends are dead. The Washington kids are dead and its all because of a stupid prank most of them played. #and with Sam she literally loses all her actual close friends #all of them just have to live with the guilt #UD has no happy ending for anyone and its so painfully depressing and thats why the story is good. It makes an impact. #god I love this stupid game sm