#and crushed by fatigued

[thesoftestmess]

this might not be canon, but personally i need furina to struggle a whole lot longer and harder with post-prophecy depression and mental illness. She's played the same tiring and painful act for five centuries, was constantly in a life or death scenario and had to hide her true self from the world the entire time and she won't just recover in a few years from that.

There's parts of her that will never ever be compatible with a simple human lifestyle, and parts of her that are irreparably broken. She isn't sure of her personality after everything that happened and the lie she had to live. She slips between personas and her archon temperament comes through like a defensive mechanism at any sign of conflict or trouble.

She's plagued by nightmares. Of the flood, of the trial, of the people closest to her conspiring against her behind her back, and of being found out in a million terrible ways. Of saying the wrong thing, making a wrong decision. Of being found out, of being found out, of being found out.

Lying or keeping a secret feels existential still. Being honest still feels life threatening sometimes. Putting herself first feels like putting both hands on a hot stove.

She doesn't live in the palais anymore, doesn't have to sit through trials anymore, but her heart and soul are still there. In her dreams she's still at the place she spent her entire life's memories at.

Yes, she can make new memories, but it'll take time. More time than she has, maybe, now that she's the closest to being human she'll ever be.

She'll never be human in the way the people around her are.

What sort of human has 500 years worth of memories after all? What human tells personal anecdotes and mixes up their centuries?

What sort of human can feel the absence of their divinity like it's a physical thing? A voice that will never speak to her again, or keep her alive? What human has no family, no childhood?

What human remembers so little, but still remembers death somewhere deep within?

She jerks out of sleep from it sometimes, gasping for air, and spends the rest of the night awake, almost frozen by fear. The flood is over, but it's hard to convince her racing heart that the danger is too.

Humans have entire family trees that go generations back, but Furina was put into this world a solitary creature, her blood heavy with sin ever since she turned human.

She owns a hydro vision now and doesn't know how to yield it, but the ocean still calls out to her some days. Sea creatures flock to her like they can smell she's not human enough.

She learns how to make little hydro companions for herself, so the darkness and emptiness of her apartment feels less ominous when she lies awake at night.

She can't turn her vision into a weapon quite yet, but when it rains the droplets seem to cling to her. She's watched them roll upwards along her arm, watched them gather in her palm like kin. She wonders if sea creatures flock to neuvillette in a similar way, or if his immense power makes them recoil. She wonders if elemental dragons can feel regret. Wonders if he, too, ever feels entirely foreign in that human body he was given. If he, too, lies awake trying to grasp faint memories of a past life.

She's extremely human in the way she's plagued by body pains from not being able to relax just one day in five centuries. The years catch up with her once she gets out of survival mode, and fatigue is a constant companion now. Sleep comes difficultly and getting out of bed was easier when the fate of a whole nation depended on it. On her. She's never lived for just herself before and some days she's not sure she wants to.

She did her duty and earned her retirement and the story turned out well, all things considered. She still has people by her side, some of them.

Still, she feels raw and tired and overwhelmed by the life lying ahead of her. As a human and as someone who will always be Something Else.

#you can have your perfectly competent fully healed hyper independent furina #if i can have my mess of a person multiply-disordered and trying her best furina #like i'm sorry but this babygirl can fit sooooo much ptsd and depression and personality disorder into her #that's a girl with lifelong chronic pain from not being allowed to relax for a day in five centuries #that's a girl who needs a teeth protector at night because she'd grind he #*them into a fine powder from all the tension she still holds #that's someone who gets so low so suddenly and loes all her joy in the matter of minutes #that's someone who wants to catch up on a lifetime of being human but is bone-deep exhausted #and crushed by fatigued #my disability beam went all over her like neuv's water gun #now she's sopping wet and shivering i'm sorry #genshin impact #furina #fari talks fic

[fella-lovin-fella]

hey if you ever feel like you're faking your pain/mental illness/any symptoms, or if you feel like no one understands or believes you. i do. i believe you. i love you and i hope you do what you can to take care of yourself <3

#i spent so so much of my life in pain or sick #and being told i was faking it #or being dramatic #or just acting out for attention #and it's crushing #but being around people who genuinely care about me #and them BELIEVING me #it's such a foreign feeling #but it's life saving #i believe you #thank you for believing me #mental health #mental health awareness #chronic illness #chronic pain #chronic fatigue #chronically ill #mental health positivity #positivity #not mlm #dantes talking again

[countingfailuresnotstars]

every time that I think about the fact that for "normal people" normal level pain is zero pain I'm shocked, how is that even possible

#back like in march my friend made me realise that people dont get up every morning and they are as tired as they haven't slept #i haven't been the same ever since #im in a literal costant of body pain and brain fog #and i have a high fomo #so i try to keep up with everyone else #until i literally crush #lmao #also ive started to get migraines again so im truly having an amazing time #shut up cec #chronic pain #chronic illness #chronic fatigue

[callingauguste]

Having chronic fatigue syndrome and fibro is so weird.

Cause wtf do you mean I’m so tired I can’t move or think. BUT when I do fall asleep, I can’t sleep a full REM cycle so then I’m just in more pain.

AND THEN on top of that I’m at risk for sleep paralysis??? Like what?? Why don’t you just fix yourself??? Sleep normally pookie wookie please???

(I know that’s not possible, but it is funny).

God help me…

#fibromyalgia #chronically ill #chronic pain #chronic fatigue #cfs #pots #chronically fatigued #extreme fatigue #I’m just a sleep guy #but I’m not really sleepy #it’s more like bone crushing tired #hehehe #coping skills #coping with humor #i need sleep #im not sleeping #sleep paralysis

[delirious-donna]

It makes me so beyond happy to see people enjoying Higuruma content. 😭 He deserves soooo much more.

#whispers into the void #safe to say that I might have a little crush (infatuation) with the fatigued lawyer #oh hiromi… the man you are

[bearwuvimagines]

(Requested through dms) imagines for ppl with chronic fatigue

good request op! i have chronic exhaustion (unsure if it it’s the same thing exactly? have not gotten much info from psychs) so im surprised I haven’t written this before tbh

-ur f/o will always check in with you, and with your energy levels, and make sure you’re ok

-if you’re not, they’ll make sure to help and take care of you however they can- cuddles, hot drinks, reading to you, anything

-if you worry about being a burden, they will 100% put your mind at rest and assure you that they love you far too much to ever think of you that way

-imagine, one day you wake up and you can just tell it’s going to be a bad day. Ur f/o sits next to you on the bed and gives you the most gentlest loving smile and gently strokes ur hair for a minute while they talk to you before getting up and making you a hot drink. Then they wrap you both up in a blanket and wrap their arms around you and you guys just have a cozy day in bed :)

#f/o imagine #f/o imagines #imagine your f/o #sfw #romantic f/o #imagine your comfort character #imagine your fictional crush #f/o comfort #platonic f/o #comfort #self ship community #self ship #self shipping #self ship imagine #platonic or romantic #chronic exhaustion #chronic fatigue

[powerfulkicks]

fatigue is one of the worst feelings in the world because you want so so badly to do something, ANYTHING, but you can barely manage to get out of bed and it doesn't even look like you're trying when you're trying SO HARD to do what you used to be able to do....

#sitting upright drains me of energy #i feel like i'm sick #it might be my depression or it might be another symptom #like i've been fatigued but i could push past it #now i just can't #i can't do it #even if i try super hard #and that's crushing #i've always been told to just keep going #keep trying #i've always thought i could just keep going no matter what happened #no matter how tired i got i could push myself to go further #but for some reason it's not working #and that's frustrating

[whentherewerebicycles]

me googling “is wanting to lie in bed or on the sofa all day a pregnancy symptom” and then adding “but what if you kinda already did that all the time before”

#i have no insight into the workings of my own body #i don’t feel crushing fatigue I just feel like I’m draggingggggg #like just moving slow and having a hard time getting going #IUI tag

[moregraceful]

https://www.tumblr.com/andfasterthings/725126554215153664?source=share

Just saw ur tags about crushes and I second that.

Having a crush is so weird after so long. I can't believe I have to live like thisss. Sure being in high school and feeling shit was rough but now I still have to go to work and get groceries and drive myself everywhere and be a big kid AND be normal when I see my synagogue crush.

Ugh

- 💖

post.

you're exactly right. it's so fucked up having one of those reality-altering crushes as an adult. like yeah that kind of crush feels big in high school but EVERYTHING feels big in high school, and also high school sucks, so you just feel bad all the time anyway. big ocean feelings as an adult is like, oh great, i have to remember when my taxes are due and go to my job that i hate and pay for car insurance AND carry on a normal conversation with a crush while consumed with earth-damaging levels of atomic attraction and i want to die bc my feelings are bigger than my body. and then when there's even a breath of promise in the relationship, even a suggestion that this could be a real thing? this shit is NOT for the weak-hearted.

#synagogue crush!!!!! #the love letters i wrote and never sent...some of my best writing. also my worst. also my most insane. also my most romantic. #variations of romantic love as a concept is so fucking fascinating to me tbh #thank you for this ask i am suffering catastrophic levels of enclosure fatigue after taking my art down and throwing my rug out #💖 anon #cage replies

[coffeeandcalligraphy]

hit 5k in BODY BACK today :)

#i also received a ring i bought for myself to commemorate finishing SV in the mail #so today's been a good day #except for the fact that it started out so bad??? #my body is trying to kill me??? #like ma'am??? #I (my brain) #gave you HARRISON and you give me #chronic neck pain and soul crushing fatigue???? #seems ungrateful <3 #anyway so usually i don't do shit when I finish a book #but with my Adult money I said ok fine #it's perfect it's bird man core lmao #pathetic lonan ring <3 #that also is giving me... gendery peace <3 #wrote approx like 120 words in BB and called it a day #went on an hour walk #productivity queen <3 #ALSO ALSO if you're reading this #new video tomorrow that is moth work core #so watch it!!!! #idk what the smiley face is in this post btw no one should be smiling #5k in and NO INCITING INCIDENT TO BE SEEN #this is gonna end up a novel harrison i stg i'll never forgive u #maybe if he shut up more we'd be at idk #the PLOT by now

[zevrans]

.

#i had such a bad night i woke up somewhere around 10 times throughout the night #and if i wake up even once a night i wake up feeling crushed and very fatigued #my head hurts i think this restlessness came from the unsuccessfull job interview yesterday #they made me feel like i am 99% being employed after the 1st interview wasted 2 weeks of my time #and their boss talked to me like 5 mins very rudely question that could've been asked first time when i was called and not waste the time #and she told me go get magister's degree if i ever want to proceed where i want to like.. #that was said cery rudely and inappropriately like wtf do you care on my not even know when it will happen future hypothetical #plans when i came to get the job you're offering?? i am so sick of getting asked inappropriate questions like whom i am living with #when i plan to get married why am i not married do i want kids and etc #and then spewing nationalist stereotypes about the ppl of my ethnicity as a cherry on top #as if my ppl historically havent been through enough because this exact country getting gen*cided #or how do you spell that #forcefully being made part of the country because of the resources but still being seen by so many as outsiders in our own countty #*country #ok i got kind of carried away into history but this helplessness of mine angers me to no end... #and i just know if i wasnt the ethnicity i am i would've secured a job already but i keep stumbling upon these type of bigot employers #ok i guess now i see why i had such a bad night sleep.. #tbd

[cesium-sheep]

my lungs feel worse than they did yesterday and I don't have a prednisone dose today to counterbalance it. a christmas catalog arrived in the mail. forget surviving to see another streetlight concert, surviving to see christmas is starting to feel ambitious.

#ask to tag #I think the crushing sadness is a symptom too #I've had many hard times but they're rarely so uniform in weight. #I should at least be able to do my shopping for my partners #even if I can't get through all my crafts #and I can sort and label everything once I've bought it #(I usually sort it all as soon as I've got it all anyway) #so if they have to they can put my stuff in their stockings for each other #altho of course I still feel like no one will believe me #which also makes it difficult to believe myself #but my body very rarely lies to me #and cursory searching of 'feels like my body is shutting down' doesn't disprove my hypothesis #(altho the other results are like. ~emotional fatigue~ which. honey you best believe I know what that feels like.) #(this isn't that.)

[soulvomit]

Something fascinating to me that is not lost on me as a 48 year old who’s been through about 4-5 major social sea changes in how Learning Disabled then ND identity were constructed. And boy do I have some thermonuclear takes on it, having been through the ringer in some earlier constructions of ND (and as someone identifiably LD when that term was still being used, then ADHD; my parents avoided having me labeled autistic because of the social and educational pipeline that it would have put me in during the 70s and 80s). 

So, dyslexia had 5 minutes of fame in the 70s. (And there was some radical school reform discourse at that time, too.) This earlier thinking - focus on cognition and learning more than on other aspects of the ND experience - even affected the way that social problems were discussed within ADHD and later autism (as in, Asperger’s) because social stuff was still talked about in terms of “social learning disability.” (And I relate to a ton of my own experience more in terms of LD and cognition, than via the social obedience/conformity discourse that later entered the picture.) 

But the problem is that if you place the focus on how kids are LEARNING, you have to address how you’re TEACHING, don’t you. 

It’s a little too convenient to me sometimes that the focus shifted from learning disability, toward ADD/ADHD. 

The only way to address massive amounts of learning disability is actual reform. 

But ADD/ADHD could be addressed via existing medicolegal infrastructure.

Then, with the advent of Asperger’s, autism entered the picture.

It is fascinating to me that the big focus shifted from neuro differences whose main characteristic is learning disability, to those being very deprioritized behind the priorities of obedience (via ADHD) and then social conformity (via autism).

Now... let’s think about this, because the thing with ND experience and identity is that they sit at the intersection of culture, economy, and... politics.

#I really think lots of ADHD people and autistics who respond positively to stimulants... well they have different cognition #which would've fallen into the LD discourse in the 70s/80s #and what the stimulant is doing - is giving them a boost because THEIR BRAIN IS TIIIIIRED #that's exactly how I experience a ton of my shit tbh - crushing fatigue from having to deal with my different processing #in a one-size-fits-all mass-marketed world that probably very few people really can navigate

[goldkirk]

hey. Hi. Everyone younger than me, I have another tip: don’t throw too many physical body requirements out of the “adequate” zone at one time, because you’ll find the out of control ones almost instantly drag all the rest straight into dysfunction city at the same time and instead of buying yourself a little extra time or whatever, you’ll just be stuck in completely nonfunctional Consequence Land.

#No I cannot physically get up from lying down and make it all the way to any sink for water #nor can I even sit on the kitchen floor long enough to put together a quick meal #i signed myself up for a couple hours of this apparently and I accept my gate #aaaaaaand this is why I didn’t mess up like this since last year #your body can put up with a lot and still function freakishly well #but the second your blood pressure or a couple other things cross the threshold of #‘1% too far to compensate’ #you are Done. there is nothing you can do to fix the runaway body situation then #and you’re going to be benched for the next minutes or hours #it’s like a short term way louder and faster version of chronic illness crash periods where you’re crushed with fatigue or symptom clusters #for a stretch of days #this is the equivalent of a marching band but nightcore #and the long lasting crashes are like the slowed thrumming reverb edits #anyway. yeah. #shh katie #personal

[catzgam3rz]

Turns out when you don’t take your iron supplements you experience something called consequence of your actions! Who woulda thunk!

#I have found the source of the quite honestly soul crushing fatigue I’ve had today #I am so fucking tired but I can’t sleep ;w; #rambles #personal I suppose #vent #? maybe? #I cant even draw because my body has nothing left today lol #which sucks but I mean what I’m gonna do about it? stand up?