#and im tired of being alive

[little-elenaarchive]

#i dont care ill do whatever i want: ooc #woke up from a bad dream #in a lot of pain #log on to mobile which is always dumb bc it doesn't block the posts i have blocked #see two things right away that make me so fukkin angry #now im just sad #laying in bed wishing i didn't exist #because depression is the best #and im tired of being alive #i hate the holidays #i miss her so much and i shouldn't #and i just want to stop loving her #its been a year get over it #amd id love to but i cant no matter how hard i try #i still break down and sob over the dumbest shit #because of her #i still wake up and expect her to be sleeping on call with me #its like my brain remembers everything and fills in the empty space and i just hear her little snores #and her cats fucking around in her room #her shifting in her sleep #two years #for two years she was my entire world #what am i supposed to do without her #im happy she seems happy #its all i ever want for her #to be happy #i just miss when it was me that made her happy #because i was happy too...

[insignificantfailure]

im so fucking useless

#all I do is consume without contributing anything to society #i feel so guilty for eating breathing taking up space buying things producing trash wasting people's time and energy #literally my existence has no meaning #why am i alive #literally w.o.r.t.h.l.e.s.s. #tw depressive #tw depressing thoughts #tw depression #depressing shit #sorry for being depressing #im exhausted #i hate everything #i hate my self #more than anyone else #i dread having to exist #self h@te #i'm sad #mentally tired #vent #venting #personal

[ghostespresso]

staff logging on to tumblr dot com today

#staff sweetie i Promise you an algorithm would kill this webbed site #changing the way reblogs look/work would Absolutely kill this webbed site too #this is a Blogging Platform i dont want it to be like tiktok or twitter jesus #if you NEED to change something literally listen to the the Tumblr Users you pretend you cant hear #if money is what you need make your userbase Happy and you should be fine #the shop is fine blaze posts are fine ad free subscriptions are fine but dont get rid of shit that Works For You in favor of making money #someone really laced up their clown boots today im. so tired staff please dont #tumblr staff #EDIT: staff updated their original post to say we were all misunderstanding but #that doesnt stop the post from being stupid #the whole post was worded for Investors and then presented to the userbase #if you say 'we have big changes planned!' and dont put in the 'as options' its Your Fault that people read it as 'were changing everything' #staff isnt stupid. they know how they Should have worded it better than what they did #so yeah. someone Did lace up their clown boots before they hit post #edit pt 2 lol for the record i dont think tumblr would actually go through with all their changes in that post #they know how the userbase is and there are A Lot of us #i just dont like how? idk. condescending? the post sounded #and out of every place on the internet being being burned alive in the name of money #tumblr is the one place i know enough about to be Actually mad at lol #ive really liked some stuff staff has done in recent years #but talking to your userbase that way wasnt one

[forestofsprites]

did u know that there are people on this planet. and you love them. and they love you. and it may be the most magnificent thing that has ever occured to either one of you. or it could be as fleeting as summer's pass but no less sweet. nevertheless it's there. it exists

#maybe im just very tired but i am going to start crying #like woah okay im alive and here i am LOVING AND BEING LOVED #thoughts

[shadowxamyweek]

It really should be acknowledged, in one way or another, that Amy saved Shadow's life.

Not Sonic. Not Rouge. Their contributions later cannot be understated, but in a pivotal moment where it can be argued it counted most, Amy was the one to save Shadow's life by asking them to give everyone a chance.

By extension, she was asking Shadow to give themselves a chance.

And Shadow took it.

#and Sonic and Rouge GREIVE the fact they failed Shadow #that super short moment on the Ark- they're just standing there- unsure of what to do #Rouge has never been so WRONG about a person before- about so much in general- and it cost something immense #and Sonic- Sonic's never had someone die on him (in game). He's never failed to save everyone (in game). #they both failed #that's why they try so much harder when it turns out Shadow is alive. #i don't think either one of them forgives themselves #op rambles #shadow the hedgehog #amy rose #rouge the bat #sonic the hedgehog #this isn't ment to be shippy im just tired of Amy being errased from this pivotal moment #i have resided myself to that most likely being the case in the movies but tjrofbskf *damn it* you know? #like... just... augh #thoughts

[napping-sapphic]

really want a girl to hide me in her ridiculously oversized sweatshirt so i can be safe from The Problems™️

#wlw #wlw mood #sapphic #sapphism #lesbian #hello i am still here #unfortunately not being surrounded by a girls gigantic sweatshirt #but still here nonetheless #if the sweatshirt is big enough we can both duck down and hide in there #me putting on oversized clothes: this is going to fix me #and by that completely sound logic a girl putting me in her oversized clothes would heal me forever #simple math obvs #im so tired and forgot what i was saying but point is still alive as is blog just busy! #as always lol #hope you’re all well <3 #im gay and i like sleeping

[fastidious-and-a-mess]

guys can we PLEASE stop shipping riz w people. honestly at this point i kind of don’t even care if you yourself are also acespec/arospec/aspec.

yes, aspec people can be in relationships, etc etc, but riz specifically has expressed over and over and over again that that is something he personally has absolutely zero interest in.

he’s not just canonically aroace, he also canonically does not want a relationship.

“aroace people can be happy in romantic/sexual/queerplatonic relationships” is a true statement. “people who do not want to be in any kind of monogamous committed relationship can be happy in a monogamous committed relationship” is quite a bit harder to argue.

i’m just so sick of it. i’m glad we all understand that there’s nuance to aspec identities, and everyone’s expressions of and experiences with their own aspec identities are going to be different and personal.

like, it’s not even just about the asexual/aromantic aspect anymore. it’s also just refusing to let him not want to be in a relationship. why are so many people so resistant to the idea that he does not want to be in a relationship. like genuinely, why can you not accept that there are people who just don’t want that. who would just be unhappy in a relationship. why can’t you wrap your head around the idea that wanting a relationship is not a thing that everyone secretly wants. like, No, he hasn’t just not “met the right person” yet. because there is no right person. because he’s simply not interested.

this post is kind of rambly and not as effectively phrased as it could be i think but idc.

TL;DR: riz being aroace is not the only reason to not ship him. he also, explicitly and repeatedly, has stated he does not want to be in a relationship. “aspec people can be in relationships” is completely irrelevant because regardless riz simply does not want a relationship. please just respect thag.

edit: plz don’t like this is u wont rb. i won’t guilt you into rbing, it’s ur blog i’m not ur dad do what u want etc etc. it’s just irritating for me personally to see ppl interacting w this but not willing to actually put it on their blogs.

#sorry to keep this ‘’’’’’’ discoure ‘’’’’’’ alive #im just sooooo tired #i just don’t understand how so many people can see this character have such a significant part of characterization be about how #he does not want to be in a Relationship at all and how that affects him and his relationships with the people in his life #and then go ‘what if he was in a Relationship with his best friend’ #like come on!! #i don’t care how you define the Relationship. i don’t care about your own personal identity. #i don’t care about whatever reasons you come up with the justify why it’s actually totally fine #the bottom line is riz does not want that for himself and you’re deciding that that’s not worth respecting #sorry fabriz enjoyers but i wish you guys would just stfu #dimension 20 #fantasy high #riz gukgak #edit continued: ik it’s all just online fandom stuff. but it’s also representative of a larger issue #of people just being incapable of comprehending that some people don’t want relationships. or even past that; that some people actively want #to Not be in relationships. it’s people coming into contact with a person (character) like that and believing that that just can’t be true #that that person Must secretly actually want a relationship. even if they don’t know it. they just haven’t met the right person yet. etc etc #if you can’t give up outting riz in any kind of relationship then you cannot accept that some people really truly do not want relationships #that’s FINE. PLEASE just respect that

[depressiv]

ʷʰᵃᵗˢ ᵗʰᵉ ᶠᵘᶜᵏⁱⁿᵍ ᵖᵒⁱⁿᵗ

#im so tired #tired of this shit #im tired #i'm tired #tired #mentally tired #mentally unstable #mentally fucked #mental illness #depressing shit #sorry for being depressing #self destruction #depressiv's indirects #bpd mood #bpd life #tw self destruction #depressiv #bpd thoughts #whats the point #theres no point #why am i still here #why am i still alive #tw sui ideation #su1cide #su1c1d4l #su1c1dal #su1c1d3 #bpd shit #988blr #988twt

[pcktknife]

.

#being suicidal without wanting to die is the worst thing in the world. my curious nature keeps me alive cause I need to know what #happens next despite the loop but I really am so tired and ive noticed how it gets more difficult for me to enjoy and do things #im not confined to my bed but i sleep alot more and i never leave my room and im just here now im just here. #i wont let that kill me so theres nothing to worry about but its is stressful to have the thoughts every now and again #annoying at best stressful at worst #im only thinking like this cause its reallyyy lateill be better in the am going to bed now niiiite <3 #kae.txt

[fortheloveofexy]

stepping away for a while. fics are on indefinite hiatus until i come back. queue will run for a while til it's out.

bye.

#sorry yall #im just too worn thin and too burnt out to be here rn #this week has been Hard and im really struggling #and frankly im sick of fandom bullshit #sick of feeling like i cant say or post anything without being eaten alive #sick of getting random hate from people #sick of being mocked behind my back #sick of rude comments and messages and assholes arguing under my posts #I am so fucking Tired #and i just dont have it in me to keep posting and working on things when its like this #its just not fucking worth it

[redrobin-detective]

how quickly the glamour fades

 “What do you think the Captain does in his down time?” Wally asked, squirting a large amount of cheese whiz onto a cracker and eating it. He was still getting used to being the Flash, being in the Justice League alongside his uncle’s friends. They’d helped him grow as a hero and a person over the years and now he was one of them.

“I don’t know, Cap is always working,” Hal said, taking a bit of his pizza. “The guy never quits I’m telling you. If he’s not here, he’s putting out fires in the jungle or fighting space-magic-tentacle monsters or working with an apron at the soup kitchen. I don’t think he knows the meaning of ‘down time’.”

“We all have to take a break sometimes, even gods,” Wonder Woman said with a raised eye brow. She didn’t technically chastise him but Hal’s shoulder crept up to his ears anyway. “Marvel is the personification of the Gods’ will on Earth. He may not require physical rest I’m sure he must take moments to collect himself but it is, surely, none of our business.”

“I didn’t mean any disrespect,” Wally said hastily. “I’m still new here, trying to figure everything and everyone out with these big shoes to fill.” He cleared his throat and glanced over at the door Captain Marvel had exited out of a few minutes earlier. “I don’t know Marvel well, he was just a reserve member when I first met him and now we’ve moved into big leagues pretty much at the same time. I guess I’m trying to get to know my fellow newbie, he seems like a really nice guy, someone you’d want to talk to outside of work.”

“Yeah good luck with that,” Hal snorted and preemptively winced from the force of Diana’s glare. “What? Look, I love the big cheese as much as the next guy but he’s hard to pin down! He’ll smile and chat up here at the Watchtower no prob but he won’t go out for a drink, he won’t attend any of Bruce’s fancy parties. Barry used to practically beg the guy to come over and have some of Iris’ cooking and he turned him down every time.” A brief moment of silence as Hal coped with the sudden, casual mention of his best friend. “He’s friendly but not sociable.”

“Perhaps he needs time alone, away from all this,” J’onn said, walking in to stand by Diana. Without being asked, she reached into the cabinet and pulled out his favorite cookies. It could have been telepathy or simply years of love and experience. “As you mentioned, he spends much of his time battling the evils of the world, both the grand and the mundane. He may need solitude to cope.”

“Isolation doesn’t heal anything,” Wally grumbled, playing idly with the cheese whiz can. “The Titans taught me that there’s strength in community. I won’t begrudge the man some alone time but,” he sighed and set the can down. “I don’t know, he smiles like Dick does sometimes, when he’s keeping all the hurt inside. I think he could probably use someone to talk to.”

“He’s a god or something, it’s not like we can relate to him,” Hal sighed. “I’m with ya, Kid. I’d be over the moon if Cap ever decided to hang out after the battle was done but he’s just not that kinda guy.”

“Your kindness is appreciated, Wally but Marvel is entitled to his privacy. Should he ever need that listening ear you suggested, he of course knows he can come to us.” Diana smiled. Wally smiled back but still didn’t feel completely settled. There was something about Captain Marvel that never felt right, like he was only seeing a funhouse mirror version. His smiles were too perfect, his lines so cheesy, almost practiced. In a way, he almost didn’t feel real and that the real person was hiding behind this perfect cardboard cut out they all knew.

“Yeah, okay,” he frowned before perking back up. “Did you guys catch the game last nigh-”

“Don’t get me started squirt my team looked like they were sleepwalking, not playing.”

Hundreds of thousands of miles away in Fawcett City, a boy was cold and he was hungry.

“Achoo!” Billy Batson sneezed. “Ugh either someone’s talking ‘bout me or I’m coming down something.” He sniffled, wiping his nose on his threadbare sweater sleeve. “I don’t even know which is worse.”

It had been warm on the Watchtower when Bill, well Marvel, had finally left. The halls had been crowded and there’d been plenty of food and company. It would’ve been nice to stay but that wasn’t the way things worked. Cap didn’t need food to stay full or heat to keep him warm. He enjoyed the conversation but it felt so empty with the large wall he had to keep around his other life. It was safer this way, for him and for them.

The weather was turning cold and the shelters would have stopped giving out food by this late hour. Another night spent shivering and another night without a meal.

“It’s fine, you’re fine,” Billy chattered to himself as he slowly made his way back to the abandoned apartment he’d been sleeping in. “They don’t need to know about this, won’t care about another homeless kid. You’re lucky you get to know them as Marvel, you’re lucky to have Marvel.” He squeezed his eyes shut to fight back tears. It was an honor, a blessing to have the power to help people but oh did it hurt sometimes.

He wished he had someone to talk to about this but all he had was Tawney and the empty throne of the Wizard. There was the League but he couldn’t risk it, Marvel’s good standing was the only way they let him be active without giving away any details. They wouldn’t listen to him anyway, if they knew who their powerhouse really was. The illusion was hard to keep up sometimes but it was all he had.

All the way home, he hummed a tune he’d heard Black Canary humming while doling out portions of pizza and thought of the way Wonder Women’s gentle strong arms had felt around his shoulders and the sound of Lantern’s loud laughter and imagined that he wasn’t alone.

#title is lyrics from FatM Rabbit Heart (Raise it Up) #which is the most billy batson song ever #i don't actually know what I was trying to say #just wanted to hit on the inherent dichotomy of Marvel's perception vs reality #and this projection of Marvel as this omnipotent being who works 24/7 and isn't bound by human trappings #only for Billy to be crushing himself under this heavy weight #they want to know cap but think he's not into it while Billy is So Desperate for affection but is too afraid to confide #idk I was in a sad mood and thought of billy and this came out #wrote in 35 minute but 10 minutes were freaking out if Barry was still alive at this point in time before deciding eh whatever #i didnt review this at all lol just wrote the last word and hit post hahaaha #im tired

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

the high prices of fucking Everything is so exhausting i stg

#i need to take an uber to the vet TEN MINUTES AWAY #i repeat IT IS A TEN MINUTE DRIVE #and its gonna cost me nearly 60 bucks. the FUCK #and who knows how much the checkup for my cats is gonna cost #let alone whatever prescription they need for the long drive #im so tired. im so so tired #its moments like these where i can see my future #ah yes. working 9-5 for a company that sees me as nothing more than a tool to be replaced when broken #just barely scraping by on minimum wage in a world where that isnt enough to pay for essentials #left with no time or energy to actually enjoy being alive or do the things i love #years and years of the same exact shit over and over and over again hating every second #and KNOWING it could be so much better but also knowing that it fucking Cant. sigh #sorry sorry im just. angry again at the absolute state of things #i would love to love life but my fucking god the world at large makes it tough #white-knuckling the little things once again #man its just. its so STUPID lmao #like why are we torturing ourselves like this? why are we just Accepting this #life could be so great but stupid shit like taxes and inflation and utilities exist #most of the shit we have to pay for should be free. it should be free. #it shouldnt be difficult to Live just because the majority of us don't have the fake fucking paper to buy things #its pointless its ridiculous and it makes me furious #why should i kill myself just to survive huh. why should i. why should any of us. #we all deserve to fuckin. idk enjoy sunsets and good food and art and each others' company. #instead everyone's stressing themselves to death over making rent and getting groceries and paying bills. fuck. #id love to be able to create art that Sells and open a shop or something #but also the thought of creating purposefully marketable art purely to make money fucking kills me inside #comms are one thing but... just... sighing sighing sighing. man idk #i just dont know. ill deal but everytime i manage to think positively reality comes in with a sledgehammer and now i want to go back to bed #the point is to live BUT YA CANT FUCKIN LIVE BC POINTLESS STUFF REIGNS SUPREME. WHO'S GONNA COMMIT ARSON W ME CMON LETS GO #this stupid fucking country and this stupid fucking government. i hate it here

[anastacialy]

i do not know how to explain to people that "transmisogyny" is the specific transphobia that trans women + transfems face (often but not exclusively at the hands of cis people), and "transandrophobia" is the specific transphobia that trans men + mascs face (often but not exclusively at the hands of cis people), and that they all come together under the umbrella of "transphobia." these are not opposing concepts nor are they mutually exclusive, to believe in one does not mean non-belief in the other. is there a simpler way of phrasing this. can i be clearer.

#i can't handle that post that's going around accusing everyone who acknowledges the existence of transadrophobia of being a transmisogynist #i want to scream i want to peel my skin off thats not how this works that's not how any of this works #in fact one might imagine that understanding the nuances of all different types of transphobia might make you a better ally to trans women! #what a shock! #to understand that bioessentialism can harm trans women and trans men and nonbinary people and and and #im so tired. the hate campaigns are horrifying and the blatant and aggressive removal of trans women + transfems blogs is AWFUL and specifi #this falls under transmisogyny! we can acknowledge and understand that #right? right! #but that in no way just makes it trans men + mascs fault?? they are NOT the (only - there are cruel people in every demographic) people #who are mass reporting innocent transfem's blogs #it's TERFs and transmisogynists #if we have the nuance to understand that not every transmisogynist is a TERF then we can understand that not everyone who #acknowledges that transandrophobia is real is. a transmisogynist?! hello?? am i alive right now. am i currently living and breathing?? #genuinely reading that post doesn't feel real. that is so far from reality i'm nauseated. #txtly #i genuinely don't know how this can be made any clearer. #i'm tired. idk

[dykeomania]

ellie is that girlfriend who arrives at your dorm door the second she receives a "they're not here" text. she's got converse on and medium wash baggy jeans that hang low on her frame but are cuffed at the ends, and a big black hoodie that she thrifted that's wet and for a second, you laugh, because it's literally raining outside and you can tell that she hustled over here. and the incentive was sex. of course it was. but ellie is as bright as all hell at the fact that between both of your busy schedules, she got to see you, period. she's immediately all for cupping your face the second she passes through the door and you're flinching and giggling because her hands are so cold and she's literally wet and you're like, "why are you wet???" and she's like "why aren't you???" and she's so annoying but you're so in love so when ellie kisses you -- hungry and passionate and something that screams i missed you so much, i haven't seen you in 4 days and i know i'm clingy but that feels like 4 years, it sets you both on fire. and she's so gentle the way she muscles you to the well-known path of your mattress and you're both all mischievous giggles and clattering teeth. questions about how long your roommates will be gone for come out as mumbles that almost feel unimportant and in some regard, they are, because it doesn't matter if it's 5 minutes or if it's 50 minutes -- elllie's already pulling her hoodie over the top of her head (from the back, she's a menace), revealing the black wife beater underneath, and slinking up between your thighs, and hovering over your face. and she promises you, "we've got time," with no regard for the number you just gave her because that girl is gone the second she kisses you again because holy shit, has she been waiting for this. the world has no fucking idea how much ellie williams has missed her girlfriend and now, at least your dorm floor will know.

#im tired of being this girlfriend i want this girlfriend #godddddd ellie williams come alive for fuuuckks ssaaaaaaake #ellie williams x reader #fuck me dude #for as long as i am in undegrad i will not shut up about college!au ellie #ellie williams smut #ellie williams

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#i walked into a situation today where my mom was effectively already dead. effectively bc her body was and is still alive. still breathing #painful groaning purrs. but her mind was gone yesterday. my dad said he showed her a picture of the mountains i took that day and told her #i loved her and she smiled. thats what he said. maybe he was just being nice. or maybe thats the last time she thought of me. i dunno. but #the human body is an incredible thing. shes got a heart still powering a broken body. too full of tumors to function anymore. stomach #streched like a pregnant mother. it happed really fast and now its happening very slow #im somehow probably better off than the rest of them. i only got here for the aftermath of a downslide. my daily life will b least effected #i only really saw her twice a year living so far away and she didnt text much. didnt call often. so life wont change much ill just kno shes #not there. which is sad. but theres nothing to b done abt it. life goes on. it hasnt been all bad tho. its nice to talk to my family abt her #how incredible she was. bc she was. wish her mom wasnt here tho. she doesn't deserve to b here. my mom wouldnt want her here. she didnt want #her here. but anyway. i wish her body would just let her go now. so we can sleep. so this can be over. so she can rest #but even like this shes stubborn and resilient. they say it could go on for days but i hope not. may the universe let her rest shes gotta b #so tired after 10 years of this. but i have no regrets. she knew how i felt abt her. and i dont think she had regrets either. she did so #much up to the very end. went out on a high note without the burdon of knowing it was coming #i dunno. its just such a strange experience to watch the empty shell of your mother sleeping like a gurgling baby #unrelated

[1am-s0-veryt1red]

"katsuki is such an ugly baby"

"horikoshi must hate him fr"

man he's like THREE MINUTES OLD leave him alone y'all ain't ever seen a newborn before? all newborns are gross and wrinkly like little old people. stop comparing him to baby shoto who's probably at least a month old in that flashback. he's had time to develop his tiny little baby face

#im so tired of seeing it #like come on let him get used to being alive first before yall start roasting his appearance #is this what we've come to #babies are just little old people when theyre born #im just so tired of seeing him compared to shoto who was am infant and not a newborn #there is a difference #bnha spoilers #bnha 409 #bnha leaks #bakugou katsuki #gremlin son #ANYWAY. #in other news mitsuki is so mother #i love her so much #okay im done #an*