#because i've fucking met them!

[thespacesay]

i find it fascinating (/negative) how people think there's some clear and present divide between physical and mental disabilities, and treat it as if the only overlap is when you have both.

like... for one, can we acknowledge that there is not, in fact, a binary of types of disabilities? how do you describe cognitive disabilities that affect both physical and mental function? what of disorders that originate in exclusively physical ways (ie, post concusive syndrome) but present with strong mental symptoms (anger, change in personality?)

how can you claim to support neurological disabilities and claim that ADHD is not, in any way, a physical disability? why is it different only if the presentation of a disability is seen as mental?

like... genuinely speaking, when I see posts insisting that movements around disabilities are meant for only the physically disabled, all I can believe is that you too have fallen victim to ableism. You are using a baseless categorization to separate and divide when the border is always going to be fuzzy, and always going to be used to hurt rather than help on a systemic level.

#disability #disabled pride month #disability pride month #like maybe it's growing up with a strong connection to the cognitively disabled community in my area #but like. cool tell me more about how mentally ill folks are invading our spaces for physical disability #while i chat with an adult on my brother's disabled sports team who is relatively physically abled #but whose disabilities are cognitive and both impair his fine motor skills and give him a nasty temper #who i genuinely fear will one day have an unprepared person put in charge of his group home and will be hurt by the police #for having a disability that makes it hard for him to express his thoughts and quick to anger #tell me that you don't understand disabled pride to also be about the mentally disabled folks who were sterilized in eugenics movements - #because i've fucking met them! #tell me that autistic people killed by the police for meltdowns and shutdowns and 'acting weird' aren't allowed to be part of this movement #because you can't consider that you've been taught by an asshole society that there's always 'invaders' taking advantage of social movements #when often those are closely related groups with such significant overlap that it's so foolish to insist we are not one group in solidarity #one group in spirit! #just!!! ugh!!! #disabled pride is for all disabled folks #there is no one disability that can be separated from our activism without harming us all

[trans-cuchulainn]

"i'm not bad at this language, i'm just bad at social interaction, promise": a neurodivergent language learner's catchphrase

#give me three minutes to sort my sentences into the right order and you'll get them in either english or irish #put me on the spot however and you're getting fuck all tbh #langblr #languages #i feel like i didn't make a very good impression these last couple of weeks #in that everyone would've thought i knew less than i do #and I'm also frustrated with myself for not being able to speak more #but i was fully on the verge of shutdown most days. i think I'm still too fatigued from the insane past month I've had #i went into this exhausted and mentally broken #also it doesn't really matter what other people thought of me #but it feels like it matters and that's weird and painful and annoying #because i think i was misinterpreted by everyone who met me this week #(gender. irish level. interest level. friendliness. humour.) #and i think they might've liked the real me better but i lacked the spoons to convey myself

[mod2amaryllis]

Pepper passed away this morning. last night jose called me over while tending them; she was dehydrated, lethargic, wheezing, I'd played with her normally the day before. she's been slowing down with age, but this was a crash. we gave her water and heat support, i was planning to bring her in to work first thing this morning, but when we woke up she was gone in the same cozy position we left her in. i believe she just faded peacefully.

we're pretty devastated. she was 14, our first animal, we've had her almost half our lives. she was very much jose's baby. it really hit me when i carried her to my clinic and prepped her for cremation; that's a task i do frequently after euthanasia and it's become a kind of ritual, but carrying your own animal is just so different. I'm really sad.

#the timing is good and bad #we're leaving the country in a week and I'm so grateful she passed while we were still here #but it means Sophie is gonna be alone for a whole month.. #we've brought up getting her a companion but she was bonded to pepper literally her whole life so it would be a long and- #-careful process. certainly not something we could arrange in a week. #I'm just gonna hang with her as much as possible #I've thought about losing one of them in the abstract and how weird it would be because they're such a fixture of our family #and yeah it fucking sucks #Sophie is asleep right now ofc but i wish i could hang with her #m2a #animal death #my pets #pepper was the most docile creature imaginable. I've never met a nicer chin. man

[proudfreakmetarusonniku]

Like honestly I think that people are genuinely unaware of how MCYT and the internet as a whole used to be because like… the space is improving. Things coming to light when they happen and not years later is a good thing. Not only is it impossible to have a space with no bad people ever, any space that appears as such is actively dangerous and suppressing the victims within the community as a way to stay “pure.” I really worry about people leaving for those sorts of spaces because in my experience they’re far more rotten than MCYT could ever be, because victims are shamed into silence and treated like dirt to keep that spotless reputation. It’s a show of purity, not any support for victims, because Victims Coming Out Is A Good Thing. It means they feel safe in the space to do that. Places that seem safer because they don’t have all that are just ones that silence any victim far worse.

#myct #psa #abuse victims coming forward is a good thing and people portraying it as a sign mcyt is uniquely rotten is fucking terrifying #because by idolising spaces that don’t have abuse victims coming out you’re encouraging them to keep silent #I’ve met many people like wilbur soot in quote unquote wholesome communities #where speaking out against them made you a pariah becuase they valued appearing free of abuse than actually stamping out abusers #I've seen way more exploitative systems than even the qsmp admin thing and if you spoke out you were the difficult one who deserved hate #communities cannot purge abusers they simply need to be open to removing them #Valuing moral purity only silences that because acting like abusers are good people is easier and looks better

[sciderman]

Sometimes i remember a comics moment i randomly came across somewhere, where Sam Wilson mentiones a musical and Steve Rodgers says he doesn't like musicals, to whitch Sam goes "Guess that means you really are straight" and even tho i don't care about Cap America or the Avengers, the moment stuck in me for that quote by Sam. And like....Sci, any ideas if straight men actually don't like musicals or is that bullshit?

actually i think i know more gay men who hate musicals than i know straight men who hate musicals. i've had a drag queen stop me point blank when i was about to sing a barbra streisand song, and i know so many gays who pointedly hate abba. so based on my experience i think the inverse is true. most of the straight men i know are kind of impartial about musicals, but gay men? hate.

my theory is that a lot of gay men don't want to fall into stereotypes, maybe. but thaaaaat's just a theory! a gay theory.

#sci speaks #i'm trying to understand the gays. they are a mystery to me. #i've seen a lot more toxic masculinity coming from gay men than i have from straight men. #i think it makes sense. they have less women in their lives. so they reckon with a lot more masculinity. more dick measuring. #also gay men have some of THE most unhealthy romantic relationships i've ever seen in my life. #this isn't a blanket statement on everyone but just from what i've seen. it's such a strange pattern i've observed. #lesbians? healthy. straights? usually healthy. gay men? universally a tire fire that makes me say “if you hate each other so much ??” #“why are you together??????????” #i have never met a cis gay mlm couple in real life that was healthy. every single one of them made my eyes widen in horror. #i want them to be healthy. please treat each other better. #the number of bitchy bitchy fights i've seen between mlm couples in public that make me so terrified #but i know mlm relationships in general are usually less... affectionate than wlw relationships. even and especially friendships. #just an observation. #i hate to say that there is a definite difference between amab vs afab experiences when it comes to relationship dynamics but. #of course there is. there is. as much as i want to say gender and sex do not matter. it really does. #it makes a difference. it does. #which is kind of why i'm glad i was born in the body i was. when people say “trans means you feel you were born in the wrong body” #im like.. i don't think that's true. i don't think that's true for me. #i wouldn't be me if i wasn't born the way i was. and i want to be me. but i'm a boy. i'm a boy but in the body that i have. #my body is still a boy's body. because i live in here. #sorry this went off on a tangent. #but yeah i know my brain would be different if i was amab. and i don't want all those other issues. #i think the only reason i'm so peaceful and serene is because i'm afab. and afabulous. #i see cis guys and im like.. yeah i don't want what you got. #once again! lucky to be me! i'm lucky. im lucky i have a vargooba. thank fuck for that! #couldve been so much worse off. could've been born with a dick and would be fighting for my life right now.

[joyful-soul-collector]

Idk who needs to hear this but if you really like a fanfic someone has written, please don't do these things:

don't read through the whole fic and only ever comment at the very end with just "update please"

don't dump all of your trauma in the comments and talk about how this story literally stopped you from committing suicide. Talking about how the story helped you and that you've been through similar experiences is fine, but please do not tell me the story singlehandedly stopped you from killing yourself.

please do not describe said attempt to kill yourself in detail in the comments directly addressing the author. Just don't do that please.

PLEASE DO NOT EVER IMPLY THAT IF THE AUTHOR DOESN'T UPDATE THE STORY, YOU'RE GOING TO KILL YOURSELF. DON'T DO THAT. PLEASE DO NOT EVER DO THAT. NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER DO THAT.

-sincerely an author who had that happen to him just now and has had things like that happen before (though to a less extreme degree)

#Wattpad is fucking insane #fanfiction #fanfic #fandom etiquette #Fanfiction etiquette #I haven't updated that story in about two years but because it's popular on Wattpad I still get comments #And a lot of them are nice they really are #But some of them just. I've never met people more entitled. Literally. #It's because they're all kids. They're all teenagers that think authors are just a story machine #I'll finish this story one day. But on my own time and because *I* want to #Not because some asshole read the whole thing and commented 'update please' once #Or because some kid thought they could sway me by graphically describing their trauma and suicidality #Fucking hell

[wineonmytshirt]

hmmm unfollowing and blocking lots of people

#this is raw in the tags so if you're easily triggered by mental health stuff don't read it!!!!!!!!! #last night i reblogged one of those asylum posts before i was like wait that's fucked up and i deleted it and i feel really bad #like i've been to a mental health hospital a few times i know what it's like in there and how dehumanizing it can feel #i remember everything that happened. and the things i saw and the people i met there. the time i was threatened with sedation. #watching you take your meds and ensuring you swallow them because you can't be trusted #the hard beds and them opening your door every 15 minutes to make sure you aren't hurting yourself #taking my clothes off in front of people multiple times to prove i didn't have drugs and that my self harm scars had already been there #and i'm seeing lots more and other mental health/lobotomy/asylum 'memes' and jokes and it's.... it's really not okay guys #you have to think about how this might make someone else feel who has been through this shit #it's reality and it's not a meme #please be more careful #jen talking to herself #ttpd

[gxlden-angels]

^ Bearer of the curse (Had to be the one to tell my therapist that some southern christians say "Daddy god" unironically)

#We've realized why I've been feeling so weird about my family being pentecostal #essentially I always joked about my family being a cult/part of a cult #it's my fun fact about myself! I escaped a cult! #makes people curious cause holy shit a cult but also wow! ur so cool! you escaped! #but it's a lot easier to make that joke when it's 'haha my family is quirky' #versus 'my family openly identifies with a group considered an extremist cult by mainstream standards' #its not a bit anymore #it's not a fun fact its like #A Real Recognized Cult #that preys on vulnerable people like my family and makes them think they're nothing without it #they get that high during the praise breaks and give a bunch of their already limited income #then go back to being miserable but saying they're joyful because the lord loves a cheerful giver #its fucked up #and it's not a bit anymore #I make it a bit with jokes like that but it's just Not #My therapist said he never met someone who grew up in that #but had seen it a couple times and thought it was Weird #So I make the same old joke about speaking in tongues sounding like gibberish #and it hits different because he doesn't get it #I made that joke with other family members who experienced it #but it's different sitting in a therapist's office walking back and forth back and forth #doing the little [ba dum ba dum badum HA] rhythm they all speak with #before the piano kicks up and people are crying screaming falling on the floor #stomping and shouting and singing #the emotional tension suffocated you and you don't know why you're crying but you are #and here I am #in my therapist's office #as he stares at me in horror and it all falls together #ex christian #religious trauma

[bijoumikhawal]

got reminded of the "saying Arabs conquered and colonized North Africa is Zionist because obviously no one saying that coulx possibly draw a distinction between North African Arabs and Palestinian Arabs, and even drawing a distinction between Arabs and Imazighen is colonizer shit" school of thought

#cipher talk #I have seem Zionists co-opt the language of MENA Indigenous groups but MF that doesn't mean we're WRONG #It means they're stealing our talking points to appeal to more left leaning people #How is it you can recognize that they've co-opted the language of social justice and that that doesn't mean social justice is bad #Until the people YOU dispossess are mentioned and suddenly you're doing step 8 of the 8 steps of white settler colonial denial #Just like the Israelis do! #And yeah like. Some people don't draw the distinction. That's a product of intergenerational trauma and how our communities #Get manipulated by the US and shit. I've also met Arabs not from North Africa that refuse to draw a distinction #And see a discussion of how Arabs have hurt Indigenous Africans as an attack on them when it doesn't make sense to do so #I've also met a lot of people who DO clearly draw a distinction because the material conditions of Palestinians are that of Indigenity #Are your material conditions as a postcolonial North African with an Arab name and a mosque and skin that isn't black that of Indigenity? #Do you not have people with your face in the government (regardless of how shifty it is)? Did someone take your land or your churches land? #Do you struggle with employment? Is your tongue not the most common one? Are your cultural clothes looked at with distaste? #Are your girls targeted for kidnapping and rape to force them to not be of your culture? Are your women called whores who WANT rape? #Are you harassed by cops? Does the government try to take your kids because they have bullshit adoption laws? #Do your kids get arrested at 12 or 13 and almost sent a thousand miles away from home before pressure stays the order? #Is your language called feudal? Do people tell you they hope it dies soon? Is your name a barrier in your life? #Did they drown your fucking village? #Because all of these are things Copts and Nubians can say yes to #Before I even start on the shit done in the Maghreb or the fuckery about how Egypt defines 'Amazigh territory' (which is very complicated)

[theprodigxl-daughter]

gotta love how christians on tumblr will see us being like 'I would fight god in a parking lot' 'christianity ruined my life' '*extensive post about all the ways the church traumatized you*' and think 'wow surely these people seem like people who would love to hear about christ. it really seems like if i say "god loves you" or, worse, if i offend them and tell them to repent they WILL convert'. like, my guy, what's not clicking here.

#somehow they seem to leave me alone???? but i've seem what's been happening with my mutuals and ugh #its disgusting #not that we can expect them to respect boundaries but like. #most if not all of us have extensively discussed our trauma in these blogs bc it's what we created them for #some of us have shared here what we perhaps would never tell another soul in real life #these blogs are a open wound for all to see because for a lot of us being open about this hurt is what allowed us to move towards healing #which is why these blogs and this space is sacred theyre supposed to be a safe space #but OF COURSE they wouldn't respect that #and it doesn't surprise me it really doesnt but oh boy #the expectations were low and they weren't met how can a group of people suck SO BAD #leave us alone for fuck's sake #ex christian #ex religious #exvangelical #ex fundamentalist

[kittyregime]

Crazy how there are western leftwingers who will outright reject allyship from Israelis who want to help Palestinians and establish a state but will defend Hamas to their last breath

#yeah i'm never going to shut up about westerners who support hamas #i don't even think I've met a gazan refugee who had anything good to say about them other than them not being the idf #there is a reason they don't hold elections because they'd fucking loose and be subsequently discarded like the trash they are #and discarded is putting it nicely #palestinians in gaza deserve better

[arsonist-chicken]

Do you ever like.. get a sudden surge of love and admiration and just general happiness because of a friend, so much so that it's almost overwhelming, and you are just so, so glad you met them and hope you'll never have to let them go and get to keep them in your life forever? Yeah ❤️💖🐗🧚‍♂️🦄

#i should go to sleep #but these are the moments i wonder again if i know what a crush feels like and if i can tell the difference between periodical very strong #but platonic affection for a friend and having a tiny crush on them #oh well. in the end does it matter? #but it would still be nice to be able to tell the difference. if nothing else then to know when i actually have a crush on someone i'm not #that close to like that friend or that fond of #fucking hell god please never let me have to let them go. i don't think i've ever met someone i'm that comfortable around and around whom #it's so easy to just be myself #or rarely. maybe with two other friends i don't feel the need to hold back myself from blurting stuff out and interrupting them and #apologising and asking them to continue or just like.. say whatever comes to mind or touch electric pasture fences to see if it still stings #(it does btw but in a sensorally really nice way 10/10 would recommend) #why do amazing people often live so damn far away? last time i met a bunch of people i really got to love was almost lifesaving and #definitely mental health saving. we used to talk every day and now i barely know what any of them are up to :( covid really fucked us over #with everyone just trying to survive and stay sane. we really lost touch and now it #*it's hard to get that back because we're strewn across europe and brasil and the us and everyone's an adult with responsibilities now #i miss them :( gotta try harder to rekindle that #anyway @the universe or whatever fuckers listening: if you put me in circumstances that make me lose touch with her like with them #i'll set the world on fire. she's become far too important to me to let that happen #okay as always i couldn't damn shut up in the tags alright bye bye good night whatever my cat's purring now instead of snoring #scientists of tumblr invent a teleportation machine now. i want to lie in a park and watch dogs and read side by side and remember how good #life can be #mine

[thethingything]

I find it kind of interesting that we have a couple of delusions (and the hallucinations that come with those) that just kind of involve gruesome stuff happening to us, especially because they weren't as gruesome at first but have gotten more so over time.

the hallucinations are all somatic ones (sensations instead of visuals or audio) but they're stuff like I guess what our brain thinks it would feel like if our organs were decomposing, or being eaten by maggots, or just stuff with a similar vibe to that?

I can put up with it for the most part, but like I did nearly throw up on the bed because of it earlier and I'd really like to not experience that again

#personal #thoughts #🍬 post #emetophobia tw #vent post #<- I guess? I mean it kinda sucks but I'm not that upset about it right now #anyway this is partly from the Cotard's delusion and partly because we also get delusions involving being parasitised #I think they're kind of linked together for us. like there's a similar vibe to them somehow #anyway the Cotard's delusion is like... it flares up every so often and gets really intense #but otherwise it's mostly just there in the background as like ''yeah that's a thing we experience'' but not affecting us that much #it's hard to explain how we usually feel about it when it's not flaring up really intensely #but at the moment it is flaring up so it's like... okay I guess this is what we're doing for the foreseeable future #idk we might just wake up later and be like ''oh never mind'' or it might flare up for a few weeks or whatever #also talking about this is wild because like I've definitely mentioned us having it but I'm still aware that everything says it's super rar #even though we've met multiple other people who have it and we had it for years without knowing it had a name or anything #but I'm still paranoid about getting fakeclaimed because people like to be like ''that's so rare. there's no way you can have that'' #like idk what to tell you buddy my brain is convinced that I'm dead and that my organs are decomposing. I'm not happy about it either #being able to double-bookkeep and know we're experiencing a delusion also makes it weirder #because it's like yeah I know it sounds ridiculous and is technically impossible but my brain has decided that none of that matters #and me being like ''well that can't be true'' feels like being in denial so even though I know it's a delusion #a lot of the time it's easier to just lean into it and go ''okay sure I guess I'm dead. who gives a shit'' #anyway let's see how I end up feeling after talking about this because either I'll post it and be like ''yeah this is fine'' #or I'll get paranoid about being fakeclaimed or people being like ''what the actual fuck'' and end up deleting it

[rapidhighway]

I'm seeing more people pleasing takes on reels today again I have controversial opinions maybe I need to be beat on the head or somethin idk

#AUAUAUGH #someone compare people pleas with being manipulative and like idk #the comment section was just fuulll of people going it's not manipulation it's a trauma response and i agree but #at the same time I'm not really a people pleaser but i have a person like this in my life and #it does feel like they are just lying to you know #someone said you're not entitled to someone else's authenticity #WELL I THINK I FUCKING AM?? #what I don't go in the world and interact with people so i can be lied to #like whenever I'm met with this behavior i get that this is a mental issue of this other person but it makes me feel like shit #to know I'm basically being lied to constantly by this person who's supposed to be a friend or whatever #supposed to be nice to me at least #idk idk 🙄 #idk if this is a hot take or what this behavior just makes me reallyyy uncomfortable and i feel like i can generally tell if someone is #doing it esp if we spend more time together #sucks to feel like this so im just ughhhh #i wouldn't call it manipulation but i sure would call it lying and i don't like being lied to haha #might call it... my own trauma thing #i just feel really conflicted about the comment section who acted like this is completely okay to do to someone #because it sure doesn't feel fair to me it's quite upsetting idk i feel like I've been having some thoughts about this kind of stuff about #idk what to do with these thoughts so im writing them here idk lmao

[spiritofjustice]

just remembered how some of my old friends used to act about art. it was wild because they basically believed that if you were bad at something, you should never post it or subject anybody to it, and you should only stick to things you’re good at.

how do you get better at something if you aren’t allowed to engage in it or show it to anyone. why does this matter in the first place anyways

#Psy's no punctuation posts #this barely scratches the surface of how deeply unpleasant these people were but i still think abt this sometimes #this was mainly directed at a small disabled artist they obsessively hated and followed #and they wanted that artist to stop drawing or writing forever because they thought it was bad and wanted the artist to stick to their good #skills... which was costume design #granted the costume design was great! but like why should they only be allowed to do stuff people deem good enough #for the record the reason the artist's art was so bad to them was because the artist has pretty big motor skill issues bcs of hand tremors #yes they spent countless hours making fun of a disabled artist for being disabled while saying it wasn't bcs of that bcs reasons #who cares if an artist makes bad art. if it makes them fucking happy who fucking CARES #it was wild too bcs one of my friend redrew a piece they did to fix it and the redraw was bad KRGF #no self awareness fr #i felt bad for that artist bcs my friends would go out of their way to interact w them or like go in their discord servers #it's weird as fuck. i've never met people so obsessed with the folks they hate before. they'd belong right on kiwifarms if they werent trans

[starlit-meloncholia]

one thing i never thought i'd get into was fashion. i used to buy just whatever clothes fit me at Walmart, but ever since i committed to only wear clothes that make me happy i've come to realize how deeply enjoyable clothing can be. (putting it below for politeness)

when i was still working in homeless services, i worked with a veteran client who always dressed like a cowboy. i once asked him why, and he told me it was because when he left the army, he didn't know who he was any more without it. The routine, training, and combat he saw made it so when he got out, he wasn't the same person he was when he went in. So, he decided if he didn't know who he was, then he'd just be who he liked, and he liked cowboys.

one day a few years ago, sick of boymoding at work after a scolding from my boss about painting my nails, i decided to pack up all my men's clothing and donate it. i kept a few shirts with sentimental value and boxed the rest up to drop off at goodwill. now having pretty much no clothes i had no choice but to buy an entire new wardrobe, and i had no idea what i was doing. i was sick of wearing clothes i didn't like, but i had also never liked any clothes i'd ever worn. so i asked myself: what did i like?

i just got an order of clothes i got with a christmas gift card and i'm so happy just looking at these cute moon leggings i got to wear today. i'm excited for another order to come, because i bought my favorite dress again so i can wear it more. i have a distinct aesthetic that i'm now known for, and i feel more confident and happy than ever. every time i step out of the door in a cute outfit i feel like the baddest bitch on the block.

#i don't really have a point #i'm just drunk and kind of emotional about the fact that i bought another of my favorite dress #owning a duplicate piece of clothing just because i like it would have been completely unthinkable to me five years ago #also as a fun anecdote about that guy he had a really cute service dog i got to play with as part of my job #bc the dog had to know who to go to in an emergency and i was shelter staff #she was the sweetest pupper and drooled. so fucking much. i've never met another dog that drooled as much as she did #i dm'd a d&d one shot for a few of my clients once (i worked nights and fuckall happened most of them) and we gave her a character sheet #oh also. a different client asked what we were doing and my resident assistant answered: #'playing d&d. it's a lot like being homeless but instead of the street it's a forest and instead of spiceheads it's goblins.' #and i fucking died