#better than drinking alone

[spacedustmantis]

finally someone else that doesn't like keeperschampion i feel so much less alone

like. i don't mind it. but. kian :(

fuck it rant under the cut. warning: me being bitchy about things that don't really matter

like. it's so obvious that a lot of people who ship keeperschampion don't really give a shit about kian. like. i love nbr. nbr goes fucking crazy. gay trans cunty crusty punk polycule in the 80's? are you fucking kidding me? that goes hard af! and the themes!!! they play off of each other as a trio really well! (personally i prefer meddling kids but you know. nbr is fun too)

and (not all, but a lot of) the keeperschampion posts just feel very, ignorant to kian's existence. going crazy over rand being mad that rolan left? very based. completely ignoring that he isn't mad kian left and why that might be? :/

it's sort of. reflecting the way the fandom as a whole tends to treat kian as a character. as if he's only there to be a whore and say funny quips. as if there's no substance to his character. as if there wasn't anything of note to talk about. he pretended he'd made it as a rockstar because he couldn't stand the inevitable disappointment in his friends' faces when they realized he abandoned them for nothing!!! that's crazy! that's fucking juicy!! let's talk about that more!!

let's talk about how kian, the queer kid, the faggot, the son of those freaky cult people, sneaks cheap alcohol into school, wears make up and skirts, made friends with rolan, the most straight laced boy, the pleasure to have in class kid, the track runner. let's talk about how rand and kian probably bonded over being sidelined and bullied, the paranoid stoner, the flamboyant drunk. let's talk about how both kian and rolan have trouble opening up, how rolan would've stood up for both rand and kian in high school, how kian would have noticed whenever rand slipped into a certain headspace after rachel went missing because he's attentive in a way rolan never had been. let's talk about how kian is just as important a part of their little group as rand and rolan are

obligatory disclaimer: people are allowed to not care about characters. people are allowed to not post about certain characters. people are definitely allowed to ship whatever the fuck they want. just because someone talks about a certain ship doesn't mean they don't care about the character that happens to be left out. in this case it just happens to align with how kian is treated outside of shipping and that grinds my gears a little. but that's personal and subjective. remember to let people enjoy media the way they want to

#just. #yeah #jrwi bitb #kian stone #timothy rand #rolan deep #buggy thoughts #buggy answers #better than drinking alone #scrubbing bubbles #silver screen

[politemagic]

To The Surface

Vessel always finds himself plagued by nightmares around the anniversary of his death. Even though he won't ask for comfort, choosing instead to suffer in silence, II takes notice, taking it upon himself to watch over him through the night.

II always has and always will protect Vessel, even if it means breaking one of their sacred rules.

Word Count: 855

a/n: It is implied here that Vessel and II knew each other prior to becoming vessels for Sleep. For a little context here, each member has died and been resurrected by Sleep, meaning Vessel's suicide attempt was successful. This is my first non-silly foray into writing for Sleep Token, it's just a little something I wrote last night, but feedback is greatly appreciated🖤

AO3

He was drowning again.

The water was prying at his lips, taunting his nostrils, begging him to give in, to slip away. He knew it was easier not to fight it, to let his body sink to the bottom and succumb to the darkness.

He began to part his lips, the water clawing its way in when he heard it, so faint he swore he had imagined it. Then he heard it again, louder, clearer.

His name.

He hadn’t heard it in so long, so long he had almost forgotten it entirely. It belonged to the face beneath his mask, the face he tried so desperately to forget. The face he concealed by his mask. 

The familiar voice cut through the water, wrapping itself around his torso and dragging him to the surface, his name echoing through his mind as he broke through to the air above…

Vessel gasped, shooting up in what he could vaguely recognize as his bed, sending someone toppling off the side onto the floor below. His chest heaved as he blinked furiously, trying to gain awareness of his surroundings. Tears spilled down his cheeks as sobs racked his body.

Then he heard it again, the same voice from his dream, whispering his name. A gentle hand came to his shoulder accompanied by another soft utterance of his name as he trembled, a pair of warm arms wrapping around him.

II kneeled on the bed beside Vessel and pulled him into his chest, letting him bury his face in his neck, rubbing soothing circles on his back as he sobbed. His nightmares had been getting worse recently, and II was starting to seriously worry about him. He knew that Vessel was often too embarrassed to come to any of them for comfort, even after all they’d been through together. So for the past two weeks he’d been setting alarms throughout the night to come check on him and make sure he was safe. Tonight, when he peeked into his bedroom, the sight of Vessel thrashing against the covers had sent him into a panic. He tried waking him, but nothing seemed to be able to snap him out of it. 

II knew he shouldn’t have done it, knew Sleep would likely be angry with him even if Vessel forgave him for using his true name. They were no longer the men they were, only vessels for Sleep, they had no name. But one look at the anguish on Vessel’s face pulled it from his lips involuntarily, a desperate attempt to help him. 

And it worked.

They stayed like that for the better part of an hour wrapped in each other, the room silent except for the heart wrenching sounds coming from deep within Vessel’s chest. Finally, Vessel tugged his face away from II’s neck, blinking away the tears as he sniffled. II brought his hand up to cup Vessel’s face, gently rubbing his thumb against his cheek. 

“You said my name,” Vessel croaked. “You really shouldn’t do that.”

“I tried not to. But you… you wouldn’t wake up.” II whispered, the concern evident in his voice. Vessel sighed, his eyes falling closed as he leaned his forehead against II’s shoulder.

“They’re getting bad again.” He said after a moment of silence.

“Are they all the same?” II asked. Vessel had told him once about the nightmares that plagued him around this time of year. Vessel nodded as he pulled away again, his eyes falling to his trembling hands. 

“But this one was…” Vessel trailed off, swallowing thickly. II gently took his hands, offering a reassuring squeeze. “Normally it’s silent, I’m just alone in this… nothingness. But this time, I could hear something. I could hear you.”

“Me?”

“I could hear you calling my name, and it felt like you were pulling me out of it. Like you were… saving me.” Vessel confessed, bringing his gaze back up to meet II’s eyes.

The vulnerable look in Vessel’s eyes snatched the words from his throat, he was already a man of few words even in less emotionally charged situations. So instead of speaking, he just wrapped his arms around Vessel’s shoulders and pulled him into a hug, clutching him tightly against his body. II felt Vessel’s arms wrap around his middle, the tension in his body slowly melting away as he let himself relish in II’s comforting embrace.

“I’m always going to save you.” II mumbled, holding back tears of his own. Vessel began to pull away, and II reluctantly released him.

“Would you stay with me? Just tonight?” He asked quietly, his lip quivering, and II immediately nodded.

“Of course.”

They laid facing each other, II’s hand running along Vessel’s side as they spoke in hushed whispers about nothing at all until Vessel’s eyes began to flutter closed. II smiled to himself as he watched his face relax as a peaceful slumber overtook him. He lifted his hand to brush the hair from his face, saying a silent prayer to Sleep to protect him from the darkness this time. He still laid awake until the sun rose though, just to make sure.

#last night i may or may not have ended up crying over my own idea that #the reason ii drinks so many red bulls is because he spends his nights making sure that ves never has to suffer these nightmares alone #so he has to overly caffeinate himself in order to stay awake during rehearsals. but it's all worth it so long as vessel is safe #(i'm hiding my insecurities in the tags because i'm trying to Do Better but i'm very nervous to share this.) #(it's much easier to share something silly than something that i feel has a little bit of weight? i just hope i do it justice.) #i'm trying to get more comfortable with sharing my writing. i'm getting better but i'm still very very anxious but its okay we're GROWING!! #sleep token #sleep token fanfiction #sleep token vessel #sleep token ii #vessel x ii #em's stcu

[wild-at-mind]

Goddamit I spent all my 20s so depressed, now in my mid-30s all I want is to have a nightlife suddenly.

#have definitely make variations of this post before but it's on my mind so here you go #i want to go to fuckin goth nights dammit #and rock nights and maybe even emo nights even though i was never an emo #or literally any kind of night...with friends or alone i don't care #i started drinking again after years of abstaining for the medication and was building up a tolerance to be less embarrassing #only now it's no good again because i'm on massive doses of antihistimines from late feb to early nov ffs #i don't have any particular reasons for not being intoxicated in any 'other' ways other than being too loserish to have connections #but all the same i'm trying to have a 30s that is better than my 20s and something i can look back on and say yeah that was fun #god i want that......please #i do have friends but most of them don't want to go clubbing so i would go alone but my preference would be with friends #who i trust not to make fun of me

[kiingbiing]

-

#talks #:/ I don’t understand this body #it’s really sensitive to changes and it can’t handle smoking/drinking (WHICH IS GOOD but not when I’m trying to enjoy with friends) #I’m forced to sit back and watch people enjoy what I can’t #in my prev reblog I ranted about preferring to smoke a cig compared to vape #and NOim not advocating for cigarettes over vape #vape will always be better #the only reason why I prefer cigarettes is because I’m v sensitive to nicotine apperantly and I can’t really vape a lot #so it’s never worth it to buy my own one since it would be a massive waste #a cig however #I only do 1 every once in a while (at a party) and I prefer to do it with someone rather than alone #but it give me what I’m kind of missing from vape #1 cig is satisfactory #I don’t really know what my limit is to vaping but I promise you it’s not a lot #and if I get sick I’m stuck on the couch waiting for the nausea to go away #but if I could I would buy vapes in a heartbeat #and it’s crazy how sensitive I am to alcohol… a few shots and I’m very drunk and it’s vomit century #and I enjoy being drunk/ it’s fun and warm #it’s kinda insulting to watch everyone around you enjoy a drink while you have to sit it out knowing it’s because of your body… #sorry for ranting #every once in a while I get reminded about how I am and I get frustrated #ultimately I know this is for the best but that doesn’t mean I can’t watch in envy #I can only take small amounts and hope life will treat me well #alcohol #vape #smoking

[gis4greenandgreenisgre4t]

so twomad died while I do not think he is a good person nor I do think he should be celebrated that’s honestly kind of a scary death to me. scary because as a black person w mental health issues and issues w social media, i often worry about spiraling and things like that. like a bit of giz lore but back when i was active on edeetwt (which is why i have pr04n4 content blocked teehee) I was only on Twitter for abt 4 months yet i had over 3-4K tweets. I was a severely lonely, insecure and isolated kid (since i was 15-6 then) and i fell into the rabbit hole of social media bc it was the closest thing i had to genuine human connection. and it made everything so much fucking worse. even though i (can confidently say) have grown from this, there are still echoes of the kind of person i used to be in my life. i still find myself being addicted to social media (though I try to take breaks and once did a one month stint off tiktok!!). i still find it hard to communicate and interact with people bc those feelings from that time are still in the back of y mind.

now PLEASE don’t get me wrong, I have never harassed, assaulted or threatened anyone, or done anything twomad has. Worst thing ive ever done in that era was like purge, and listen to yagami yato unironically. but what scares me is that i COULD spiral like that. I COULD become the kind of person that repeatedly hurts others and finds no fault within themselves. I COULD literally die and no one would give two shits about it until my corpse started inconveniencing them because I wasted my life being an awful irredeemable human being. And that’s literally my worst fear.

but honestly thank god that I’ve got loving family and friends who see me and care abt me. Thank god I can actually give enough of a shit abt myself to realize when I’m hurting myself. Thank god I’ve got my life of art and fashion and culture and learning and the world at large to keep me going. Thank god that I don’t want to leave this planet knowing that I didn’t do anything to help anyone in need.

#giz rants #I still flop sometimes but I imagine I always will so I don’t care as much #this has been something sitting w me that I’ve been wanting to get off my chest #and btw if u find urself stuck on the internet and alone and upset there IS a way out #you CAN get better #you may not be ready to grow just right now (as w me) but inshallah it wil come to you #or you’ll come to it #maybe one day it just snaps together and the sun is a little warmer than usual and you can take your first step #and it doesn’t have to be big #maybe just an hour a day/week #maybe a light walk outside #point is you have value you are important you are not disgusting you can change you make yourself pure if you want #Water must be clean before you drink it and you can be clean #🧽

[arcadianico]

i am having emotions

#you might think this is about a blorbo but actually i just listened to piano man by billy joel again #they’re sharing a drink they call loneliness/ but it’s better than drinking alone always gets me ok

[glittertimes]

As a 24 year old I’m kind of over drinking culture. The last time I really drank it took me a week to recover from it loll, I’ve been getting really dizzy since a covid infection 2 years ago, and I had a really bad flare-up a month ago after celebrating a friends birthday.

But even before that I drank pretty minimally and I didn’t like how my friends put the responsibility of caring for them on me when they put themselves in harmful situations. I’m always going to be there for my friends, but it takes a toll caring for people and watching them not have that same care for themselves.

And then it’s funny and normalized when people drink all the time.

#this is not meant to shame anyone with addictions or to say that I’m morally better than anyone #a couple of months ago my friend from hs who moved away a couple years e was visiting and she insisted we go to a club lol #it was my first time at a club since I turned 21 the month after Covid lockdown started loll! #and it was fun not caring about the people around me and just being silly and dancing while tipsy #but also the guys were creepy which I expected but it was weirder than I thought it’d be loll #like one guy who would just jump out at you while you were leaving the dance floor and tried to hug you and buy you a drink #he also found me again later and kept trying to get my Instagram loll but it’s that vibe you get around. #cishet men when you know they don’t like you as a person they just want to get any woman (even though I’m non-binary) #and I never feel bad saying no to guys like that loll plus I have a partner but even if I didn’t it still be a no lmao #and then another guy tried to pour his beer into my friend’s drink as I was carrying it back to the table for her from the bar #and it was so weird and gross like why would I want you to do that?!? #anyways my conclusion is being tipsy and silly with your friends can be fun! #but the culture around alcohol enables so many harmful behaviors and makes ppl unsafe! esp women queer and trans ppl and poc! #I also had to walk my partner home one time bc they drank so much and got so depressed they almost tried to hurt themselves #and I couldn’t leave them alone bc I was worried they’d try something again #just haven’t had great experiences and I’m one of the ‘lucky’ ones for not experiencing anything worse! #personal

[milo-is-rambling]

I forget how much I hate the taste of vodka but the whipped cream vodka is so much better my god

#make a drink sweet enough that you can’t taste it when it’s in ur mouth and then all u get is the whipped cream vodka in the burn #makes drinks more tolerable #also this is the fastest I think I’ve ever chugged an alcoholic drink #we are gonna get fucked up tonight bc we have daddy issues and fought with our mom this morning slayyy #smoked a cigarette at the lake now getting fucked up in my room while home alone #life is so good and it’s all bullshit forever #literally we could all die and it doesn’t matter and life is weird and crazy and I am happy it sucks and I am so fucking thrilled to be aliv #at all #life is good regardless of death but I wish death would just like wait patiently for my family #dad I miss u I hope you had a good four twenty where ever you ended up. im sorry moms acting like this. I hope my brothers okay at school. #I hope he’s having a good time and isn’t completely overwhelmed with everything. I was right and apparently he’s gonna come home after grad #uation and im excited to have him home again but my mothers all upset. I know it sucks that you’re dead but it’s nice knowing in a weird way #that you’re the reason me and hunter got close again. so thanks I guess for that. and smoking made me and mom grow closer. idk. you’ve done #a lot for us and most of it had to do with weed. today hurt worse than my birthday. or the six month anniversary. today sucked. and no one #else seemed to be torn apart by it and it made me feel like I was going crazy and no one could even tell #you would’ve noticed if I was acting different. I love you. wherever you are I still love you. and I’m sorry. I’m sorry I was such a bitch. #and I wish I took better care of you. but you were my father I wasn’t supposed to take care of you. you should’ve been there for me. we shou #have been there for mom and hunter and your parents and I’ve been thinking a lot about grammie actually. I don’t know how I feel. thinking #about her makes me cry now. I don’t have the heart to make her cry talking about my childhood but I miss her. and I miss being young. I miss #you coming to my Father’s Day dance recitals and coming back from bike week in Laconia and bringing me flowers always wearing your grey #Harley Davidson jacket and you’d have flowers in your arms and you’d be bored but so proud and you’d hug me and you’d smell like weed and #your beard was always scratchy when you’d hug me and I just miss you a lot. I miss you and I fucking hate you for it fuck. #note to self. ​don’t be pmsing and then get drinking and smoking and thinking of your dead father. you will cry

[napping-sapphic]

Having SUCH an on-brand moment rn as my neighbors are all partying for halloween while i lay in bed with an ice pack and ear plugs trying to drive away a migraine

#me a college student: why are college students so loud #to be fair i WAS going to try and do something a little more fun tonight but the head stuff ruined those plans #ear plugs coming in clutch though #i usually get anxiety not being able to hear stuff since i live alone #but god it’s worth it #if i had to hear ‘DRINK DRINK DRINK’ chants one more time my brain was going to explode #hope yall are all having a better spooky saturday than me tonight <3

[spacedustmantis]

bonkinh my head on you.,, bonk head to head,,. brains

BONK

#HI RALSEI :3 #how's your day ? #buggy thoughts #buggy answers #better than drinking alone #dubious science

[fractallogic]

I mean yeah dude no kidding she’s better when she eats, because that’s how humans work

Dude is in DENIAL and I am just so tired of it. I’m looking forward to talking to grandpa when he calls me so that I can get an update, because… sigh. I just want broad strokes. I mean yes a shitty update is an update but is it really better than no update? Idk.

Our energetic friend happened to call last night and since her mom also died of cancer and also had a brain tumor, it was especially meaningful to have her tell me for the umpteenth time that whatever decision I made re: seeing her is the right one. If someone who adored and cared for her mom in her final days says that… I mean, I KNOW it’s true, but coming from her I believe it.

Idk man. I want my mom to be at peace. I want her to die. She wouldn’t want to be like this.

#I bet she’s going to die while I’m in Nashville #I should text grandpa and see if she’s drinking anything because I think that’ll be a big clue #idk why death is scary #especially in situations like this #like. maybe I have a skewed view on it because I’ve been suicidal multiple times #but regardless of what your brand of spirituality believes happens it has to be better than this #death is an ending. it’s sad for the still-alive people! that’s reasonable! #but for a person who’s not going to get better and has no hope of going back to a fraction of their past self? #for someone who doesn’t respond and sleeps a lot and is already shutting down? #nah. death means you don’t have to struggle anymore #you don’t have to be changed by your partner and be embarrassed that your kids know you’re incontinent #you don’t have people talking down to you #you don’t have everything you talk about questioned or get asked questions like boy do you remember living up in Washington #you don’t have to have uncomfortable topics hidden from you or be talked about while you’re still in the room #you don’t have to have invasive questions asked about you #death—honestly—sounds like a relief after all this #and knowing how FIERCELY and OBNOXIOUSLY independent she was #and how she HATED asking for help #that alone… she would fucking hate this. she DID hate this when she was still able to do things on her own #but now? please just let her die. #like idk man this isn’t a family who believes that any of US are going to hell #everyone who’s religious believes everyone is going to heaven #and those of us who aren’t just want her to be able to have this end #like sorry mom I don’t know if you can be buried in the cemetery with your mom and the baby who died #but if you can’t be then I’ll have you cremated and figure out how to get your ashes spread up there #it’s the next best thing. #I hope you’re not hanging on just for me mom.

[skenpiel]

hmmm. i wonder if i should take my little sister out to eat tomorrow

#^ things that make me sound like a remarkably better and more considerate older sibling than i really am #theres a cafe or whatever in the inner city that serves a bunch of awesome sweet stuff #and i really wanna go drink their milkshakes and eat their. fucking cotton candy waffles #but i cant go alone and nobody likes my company but her #so id like to go with her tomorrow #im going out to buy fabric so ill be in the area anyway and shes going shopping with our aunt #thing is i dunno when theyll be done or if our aunt is gonna be taking her out to eat #but i dont wanna have to wait a whole weeeeeeeek their milkshakes are SOOOO good #they have biodegradable straws........ made of CANDY!!!!!!!! #so i wanna go as soon as possible. but i dont think ill be able to #but Um if its under the guise of wanting to spend time with my Darling Little Sister maybe i can convince her

[hella1975]

it's literally like 7pm on a tuesday and im doing vodka shots and watching a bootlegged musical, who needs a social life

(capt-snoozles)

i wish i was with you rn we could do drinking games together. the dream

#maybe not the vodka bit #pre-age-18 i could drink vodka like water #and now im 19 even the smell of it makes me want to leave the room like that's how much vodka ive consumed in my time #that my body just shuts down now #like yes i can still shot it and objectively better than most people #OH WAIT okay funny slightly embarrassing story #i once read a fanfic when i was like? 12? and for the life of me i dont remember what fandom it was #but i just know the MC was this assassin woman and she was written to be sooo cool and i wanted to be like her so bad #and one scene had her slamming NEAT TEQUILA ONE AFTER THE OTHER NO SALT NO LIME #without so much as flinching like she kept a straight face #and i realise now that the author must have been either a Child or someone who has never drank tequila before #but still i got it in my head that the DEFINITION of cool was doing shots without flinching #so since the age of like 14 i've been forcing myself to do every single shot with just a dead straight expression #to the point it's instinctive now #and it makes me laugh every time bc people ALWAYS say shit like 'omg how did you do that how didnt you react' #and im just like 'they dont know i set aspirations for coolness by the measures of a cringe fanfiction i read at age 12' #that storytime came out of nowhere but yeah SKJDHGKSH hope you're having fun bestie #if ur alone though pls dont drink too much it's unsafe and also a very bad habit to get into <3 ily #ask

[kissmefriendly]

I know I’m spiralling when I start drinking energy drinks. I don’t even like them. But here we are, a mental wreck who just needs one (1) friend to help out or somethin, maybe a hug, at 11am drinking Monster

#I can’t even have energy drinks. #I’m on anti epileptics this isn’t smart #coffee? tea? I think I’ve developed a caffeine tolerance #I need my ante upped #just to make it through the day #idk I think I’d probably die if someone hugged me #or break down crying #I really want a friend who isn’t in another country #I miss my friends #two are in America (and I’m totally different time zones) the other in Scotland #guys I am soft #unfortunately #the last hug I got was from a tired man who I assume is also quite lonely #but I need something more than a bro hug #I want someone to hold my hand and tell me they’re there and it’s okay #I’m in a bad spot right now but I’ll get better #and I won’t have to do it alone #basically what I crave is physical touch #and emotional connection #I miss my friends man #and I won’t be seeing any of them anytime in the foreseeable future #I proposed to one of my friends in America but she’s busy and has her own stuff on #even if it had been a courtroom wedding I wouldn’t want to put her through that stress #selfishly I wish she’d said yes #but I love her as friends do so I understand and want only the best for her

[sparrowsfall]

◎ 𝙲𝙷𝙰𝚁𝙰𝙲𝚃𝙴𝚁 𝚀𝚄𝙸𝚁𝙺𝚂 & 𝙷𝙰𝙱𝙸𝚃𝚂.

likes artificial watermelon | sleeps in what they are already wearing  |  eats their cereal with milk | listens to music with earbuds | hates the summer | can recite past the first four digits of pi | eats frosting out of the jar | doodles on their notebooks | can bake cookies | has a garden | has had a snowball fight | eats pancakes without syrup | prefers shorts over pants | can name more than ten superheroes | has a plan for the zombie apocalypse |  uses the same password for everything |  can’t hold their breath for more than fifteen seconds | watches anime | can say ‘ I love you ‘ in more than one language | prefers mechanical pencils | thinks space is cool | takes personality tests more than once to make sure |  can’t tie their shoelaces | has a purse | likes salads | likes cool colors better than warm colors | knows how to braid hair | reads biographies | can ice skate | knows their mbti | reads astrology charts | prefers the star wars prequels to the original trilogy | plays video games  | reads the newspaper | likes chocolate ice cream best | doesn’t cuss |  memorizes song lyrics |  collects coupons | has a preferred order at starbucks | likes movie theater popcorn | has seen a play | listens to music with headphones | owns a hoodie |  would rather own cds than online copies | has written a poem |  can shuffle cards | subscribes to a magazine |  double dips when eating | drinks directly out of the milk container | keeps a journal

tagged by @viagothedandy​ ( smooches for u gizmo )

tagging : thieves are valid !

#dash games. #he's a better cook than he is a baker however he makes some great jam thumbprint cookies #as for the double dipping n drinking out of containers.......he's a presumably 'single' man who lives alone n loves to graze what can i say

[ihatebnha]

my mom was so mean to me too today I cried

if you shoot her i'll bail u out of jail

#no im jk im sorry to hear this! #hopefully youre okay now or at least alone #drink some water have a snack watch a show #be good to yourself ok? #moms can be so mean sometimes #like no one can be meaner to u than ur mom #even if the relationship is good like. #dads will beat your *ss but moms will rip out ur heart and spit on it and step on it #but maybe tomorrow will be better #ask #anon #caitie chats