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#beyond the unseen
kagoutiss · 1 month
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din’s champion
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new-york-no-shoes · 1 month
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I say this as someone who lives up Taylor swifts asshole but why are people so obsessed with Taylor’s whereabouts right now?
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infizero · 11 months
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also his drawings. make me insane. im pretty sure ive made a post about this before a while ago but i just love looking at his silly little drawings it adds so much to his character. even after everything he's been through he's still got some humor and lightheartedness in him. and he's really good at drawing too!! so it's likely something he's been doing since he was a kid
#will always believe in closeted art kid michael who became a bully so he wouldnt get bullied himself <- REAL TO ME!#anyways all his drawings are fun but i still cant get over the little hearts he scribbled in the margins of that one page#theyre just so simple and....... human. i dont know ToT#this guy is literally an undead purple zombie and he's doodling little hearts in a book#it just reminds you that michael IS a Real Guy. like canon fnaf kind of sucks ass when it comes to actually attaching any people or real#human emotion to the events of the games (very much focuses more on What Happened over actual character stuff)#(which is fine but not what i rlly look for in media usually lol.... which is why i love stuff like og fnaf vhs#which is much more character-driven)#but anyways. i think his comments and drawings in the logbook work wonders in making michael feel more real#and less like just unseen protagonist who we know about vaguely#thats why i cling so hard onto little things like his habit of chewing gum. or just him liking to draw in general#usually i dont like when fandoms make One Trait of a character super prominent/their whole personality#but with michael we know SO UNFATHOMABLY LITTLE about his character/personality that these little scraps of info are rlly all we have#in terms of his character beyond The Things That Happened To/Around Him#OH also. his love of that stupid fucking vampire show is SOOOO near and dear to my heart#another thing that makes him so painfully human. yes he is serious protagonist guy who goes thru the most unimaginable shit ever#but at the end of the day. he like many of us enjoys a stupid cartoon that he probably takes way too seriously for what it actually is#his comment about it in the logbook still makes me laugh THIS MF IS PROJECTING ONTO A FICTIONAL CHARACTER IN HIS LITTLE SHOW#HE JUST LIKE ME FR#ANYWAYS holy fucking shit i did NOT mean to go on this long of a rant#i just fucking love michael afton so much im sorry#serena.txt
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catmint1 · 2 years
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To those before, to those after. To us now and to those beyond. Seen or unseen, here but not here.
Christopher Pike, The Midnight Club
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pastel-rights · 4 months
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Sweet prince(ss) this, belladonna that, miss journalist here, my beloved there… do you even KNOW my name???
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#( do you even know it. )#( you seem like the type of guy who’d take me to Starbucks and have me use my name for the drink order because you didn’t know it beforehand#and couldn’t be bothered to ask. )#( we’ll be seven years into our relationship and you still wouldn’t know my name. huh. bastard. )#( belladonna me one more time I dare you!!!!!! )#( say my name!!! say it!!!! say!!!!! it!!!! right now!!!! prove me wrong!!!!!!! )#( but we both know you won’t. because you can’t say my name because you don’t know it for a DAMN. )#( throwing my hands into the air. tossing them even. )#( and then you have the audacity to beg me not to leave you!!! and that you’re scared of being left alone!!!! )#( alone in all encompassing darkness. in chains. shackles. as you’re bound to a life as a flower shrouded in darkness who’s only option is#to wither and to rot away until you become nothing more than a hollowed#and empty shell of the man you once were because someone else wrote a story in which you could never win. and you’ve lost your mind to#the madness that lies around every corner. and you’ll always be beaten up and broken down. dissected and torn apart. your mind broken. your#soul abused and your life torn to pieces like paper in the shredder. )#( and you shall never be able to love for your love has been twisted beyond repair and the only love you can give is the mercy of death for#loving you is akin to loving the grim reaper as he takes you away by your hand to a distant place unseen by man. )#( BUT EVEN THE GRIM REAPER WOULD KNOW MY NAME SO……. WHAT’S YOUR EXCUSE. /j /lh )
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patriciavetinari · 1 year
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In times when shitty fantasy is rearing its capitalist hydra heads, may I once again suggest turning to Discworld.
Please, if you haven't, check it out. If you're one of those miserables who claims antisemite terf writing holds a special place in your heart because you were conned as a child into a happy meal franchise, may I please urge you to grow up and upgrade that special place to works of fantasy that are deeper, whackier, better written, better nuanced, handle abuse, bigotry, social and political issues in a manner that is not british middle class liberal, and have a better fucking magic system.
Aside from being just plain good stories and hysterically funny writing.
Come on. Read another book. And if you allow that book to be any of the Discworld ones, in literally any order, you will start to heal and may have hope of being one day reintroduced into society of decent people.
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harmonyhealinghub · 8 months
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Unlocking the Mystical Powers of Dowsing Rods for Divination
Shaina Tranquilino
August 27, 2023
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In the world of divination, there are various tools and techniques that seekers turn to in their quest for spiritual insight. One such method is dowsing, a practice that utilizes dowsing rods as a means of connecting with higher energies and obtaining answers to perplexing questions. In this blog post, we will explore the fascinating art of using dowsing rods for divination, its history, and practical tips on how to harness their mystical powers.
Understanding Dowsing:
Dowsing dates back centuries and has been used across cultures worldwide. This ancient technique involves using Y-shaped or L-shaped metal rods or wooden sticks to locate hidden resources such as water sources, minerals, or even lost objects. However, dowsing can also be employed as a powerful tool for divination by those seeking guidance from the spiritual realm.
1. Choosing Your Dowsing Rods:
When it comes to selecting your dowsing rods, personal preference plays a significant role. Some practitioners prefer traditional L-shaped copper rods, while others opt for Y-shaped metal ones or even wooden sticks. Experiment with different materials and shapes to discover which works best for you. Remember that the most important factor is your connection with the tool.
2. Preparing Yourself:
Before embarking on any divination practice, it's crucial to ground yourself and create a sacred space conducive to spiritual work. Take a few deep breaths, center yourself, and clear your mind of any distractions or preconceptions. Visualize an energetic shield around you for protection during your divination session.
3. Setting Intentions:
Clearly define your intentions before starting your dowsing session. Be specific about what you seek clarity on or wish to uncover through this practice. Whether it's finding answers about relationships, career decisions, or simply gaining general guidance from the universe, setting clear intentions will help focus your energy.
4. Holding the Dowsing Rods:
Hold the dowsing rods lightly but firmly in a relaxed manner. Allow them to rest comfortably in your hands, with the longer ends pointing forward or upward and the short ends held loosely.
5. Establishing Yes/No Responses:
To begin, establish simple yes/no responses with your dowsing rods. Hold the rods parallel to each other while asking a question that can be answered with a definite "yes." Observe any movement of the rods towards each other or away from each other as they respond to your query. Repeat this process for a definitive "no" response, noting any different movements or reactions.
6. Asking Questions:
Once you have established your yes/no responses, you can proceed to ask specific questions. Ask one question at a time, allowing an appropriate pause between each query to allow the rods to respond and settle before moving on.
7. Trust Your Intuition:
While dowsing rods serve as a conduit for divination, it's crucial to remember that ultimately, you are tapping into your intuition and higher guidance. Trust your instincts and interpret the movements of the rods based on your inner knowingness rather than seeking external validation. Over time, you will develop a stronger connection with both yourself and the tool.
Dowsing rods offer seekers of spiritual insight a unique method of connecting with unseen energies and gaining clarity on various aspects of life. By choosing suitable dowsing rods, setting intentions, establishing yes/no responses, and trusting your intuition, you can unlock the hidden depths of divination through these mystical tools. Embrace the art of dowsing and let its ancient wisdom guide you on your personal journey of self-discovery and enlightenment.
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foundationaldecay · 1 year
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i’m gonna rig up bombs around the 2023 oscars venue and whether everyone lives or gets exploded hinges entirely on top gun winning zero awards
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istherewifiinhell · 2 years
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read progress: chapter 109 (i usually dont keep read after i get home but oh fuck oh god)
Highlights: a shorter section but fucking dense with things to react to so its wordy
98 all this talk of kdj morals and I didn't get to the child endangerment/distress
It occurs to be I dont know what a Ichthyosaurius (i look it up. maybe i do? from abzu???)
99 what kind of time line is this. fascinating but also. What the fuck are you two talking about
LGY wearing a snapback and HDH with headphones. I love kids
LGY SYS BABY FIGHT. opposite of befriending the only other child at the hotel pool
SYS: i know who kdj likes! a girl! LGY: no....
101 LJH is also sparing lives for yjh's happiness jesus christ
My Lieutenant.... bear suit and a beard you say
hes like a kicked puppy to me
102 KDJ trying to get an intimate stabbing in before king of killing kicks in
YJH crying cause his weird little dude IS DYING
103 bald general blushing at their "companionship" i mean. same but lol
KDJ oh he is being emotional for coins ofc
YOU DENSE MF. You have a GAY crush on a fictional character WHOSE NOW REAL
Heavy metal bean??
104 KDJ everyone loves you so much you STUPID MAN
105 oh he loves them so much too
it was the first time i noticed his back was big and wide -> is now really the time
and lonely..... -> what are you gonna do about it spoon him?
106 AH. it is time to hate the gods.
107 Scribe of heaven is embarassed. Absolute good deep in thought -> FEEL SHAME U FUCKS
Go Crazy. Make a fuss. Until the Day I pull out your tongues -> ATTACK AND DETHRONE GOD
108 Why is everyone crying. GOD DUDE WHAT THE FUCK
rotating in my mind. i hrnnnggg. god. okay. ill tell you i actually kept reading into 109 a little but emotional just. wasnt quite. i needed to sit with this. but. i guess lets call the theme. Managing Expectations. with kids, all powerful gods. that boy you like and are having intense delusions about (i almost said psychosexual but like. too clueless for that. romance violence maybe. intimacy smth smth). but no actually god. we are getting heavy into the everyone knows how much these two mean to each other and are making assumptions. but like. WHAT ARE U TO EACH OTHER.
and as for the. uhhhhhh devastating disaster drama. agency. gods. performance. some secret was pulled there at the end. and. KDJ is. both more in tune with the emotional tenor of whats going on and has also never been farther from it. Like. Objectively. He understands and feels for the tragedy of it. hes despairing at the communicative gap that might exist. he understands the horrors that have been endured and the tragedy of death. of failing, and of being powerless to stop the situation, that he can never truly know how its affecting young SYS. but. okay. why is everyone crying. DUDE. circles again. but with more depth this time. which. i think is called a downward spiral jfbjdhbsdb
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garden-eel-draws · 10 days
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Ah, yes, calling a System function.
Also known as calling upon a wizard to use a tiny sliver of their vast, unknowable magicks to System.out.print()
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little-lanterns · 16 days
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there is just something about the new babel event that i can't explain well, it feels like lone trail but with less lesbian
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dawnled · 3 months
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tag post #3 ( canon (and related) verses ) !
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dontmeanyoudontmissit · 4 months
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contact-guy · 4 months
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I was seized with a fervor and could not rest until I illustrated one of my favorite scenes from Sherlock Holmes: the Adventure of the Devil's Foot. While Holmes and Watson take a holiday in the Cornish countryside for Holmes's health, multiple people in the nearby village are found driven mad or dead from horror. Holmes deduces a substance that was burned in their presence is to blame. With a bit of the mysterious powder and a gas lamp in hand, he proposes an experiment to Watson...
content warning for drug use!
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I'm not sure if it's supported by the canon but in my mind this is the first time Holmes ever apologies to Watson and he is so overcome with emotion that he immediately makes it weird
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"It is not for me, my dear Watson, to stand in the way of the official police force. I leave them all the evidence which I found. The poison still remained upon the talc had they the wit to find it. Now, Watson, we will light our lamp; we will, however, take the precaution to open our window to avoid the premature decease of two deserving members of society, and you will seat yourself near that open window in an armchair unless, like a sensible man, you determine to have nothing to do with the affair. Oh, you will see it out, will you? I thought I knew my Watson. This chair I will place opposite yours, so that we may be the same distance from the poison and face to face. The door we will leave ajar. Each is now in a position to watch the other and to bring the experiment to an end should the symptoms seem alarming. Is that all clear? Well, then, I take our powder--or what remains of it--from the envelope, and I lay it above the burning lamp. So! Now, Watson, let us sit down and await developments."
They were not long in coming. I had hardly settled in my chair before I was conscious of a thick, musky odour, subtle and nauseous. At the very first whiff of it my brain and my imagination were beyond all control. A thick, black cloud swirled before my eyes, and my mind told me that in this cloud, unseen as yet, but about to spring out upon my appalled senses, lurked all that was vaguely horrible, all that was monstrous and inconceivably wicked in the universe. Vague shapes swirled and swam amid the dark cloud-bank, each a menace and a warning of something coming, the advent of some unspeakable dweller upon the threshold, whose very shadow would blast my soul. A freezing horror took possession of me. I felt that my hair was rising, that my eyes were protruding, that my mouth was opened, and my tongue like leather. The turmoil within my brain was such that something must surely snap. I tried to scream and was vaguely aware of some hoarse croak which was my own voice, but distant and detached from myself. At the same moment, in some effort of escape, I broke through that cloud of despair and had a glimpse of Holmes's face, white, rigid, and drawn with horror--the very look which I had seen upon the features of the dead. It was that vision which gave me an instant of sanity and of strength. I dashed from my chair, threw my arms round Holmes, and together we lurched through the door, and an instant afterwards had thrown ourselves down upon the grass plot and were lying side by side, conscious only of the glorious sunshine which was bursting its way through the hellish cloud of terror which had girt us in. Slowly it rose from our souls like the mists from a landscape until peace and reason had returned, and we were sitting upon the grass, wiping our clammy foreheads, and looking with apprehension at each other to mark the last traces of that terrific experience which we had undergone.
"Upon my word, Watson!" said Holmes at last with an unsteady voice, "I owe you both my thanks and an apology. It was an unjustifiable experiment even for one's self, and doubly so for a friend. I am really very sorry."
"You know," I answered with some emotion, for I have never seen so much of Holmes's heart before, "that it is my greatest joy and privilege to help you."
He relapsed at once into the half-humorous, half-cynical vein which was his habitual attitude to those about him. "It would be superfluous to drive us mad, my dear Watson," said he. "A candid observer would certainly declare that we were so already before we embarked upon so wild an experiment. I confess that I never imagined that the effect could be so sudden and so severe." He dashed into the cottage, and, reappearing with the burning lamp held at full arm's length, he threw it among a bank of brambles. "We must give the room a little time to clear. I take it, Watson, that you have no longer a shadow of a doubt as to how these tragedies were produced?"
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bostantanweer · 2 years
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الحياه فى العالم الآخر
New Post has been published on https://bostantanweer.com/%d8%a7%d9%84%d8%ad%d9%8a%d8%a7%d9%87-%d9%81%d9%89-%d8%a7%d9%84%d8%b9%d8%a7%d9%84%d9%85-%d8%a7%d9%84%d8%a2%d8%ae%d8%b1/
الحياه فى العالم الآخر
  كتاب ” الحياه فى العالم الآخر ” أملته روح روبرت رجل الدين هوبنسون على صديقه الوسيط أنتونى بورجيا
سنقدم هنا مقتطفات من كتاب ” الحياه فى العالم الآخر ” The World Unseen  ” أملى على الوسيط أنتونى بورجيا .
الكتاب من روائع الكتب الروحية حيث يسجل أشياء ومشاهدات عن مرحلة ما بعد الأنتقال لعالم الروح .
وسيط الجلاء السمعى والكتابة الروحية 
أنتونى بورجيا هو وسيط ” جلاء سمعى”  وكان سعيدا جدا باستقبال المعلومات التى أمليت عليه من صديقه رجل الدين المنتقل  “روبرت هوبنسون” .
لكونها تكشف النقاب عن كتير من الحقائق الروحية ولأنها أعطت الأمل لملايين البشر ويزيح فكرة الخوف من الموت . 
النسخة الآنجليزية من الكتاب موجودة على أمازون The World Unseen. والنسخة العربية ترجمه د. سيد نصار رئيس الجمعية المصرية الذى كان رئيسا للجمعية المصرية للدراسات الروحية بالأسكندرية موجودة فى مكتبة منشأة المعارف بالأسكندرية .
الروح التى أملت الكتاب 
”  روبرت هوبنسون”  الروح التى أملت الكتاب كان ابن كبير أساقفة كاتدرائية ” كانتربرى ” بانجلترا . والكتاب يمثل الجزء الثانى من المعلومات التى أملاها هوبنسون على أنتونى بورجيا .
حيث أملى من قبله كتابه الأول ” ماوراء الحياه ” “Beyond this life”  الذى سجل فيه انتقاله ورحلاته فى المستويات والطبقات الروحية المختلفة .
أما الكتاب الذى نحن بصدده فهو حقيقى شيق جدا ويتحدث عن اشياء كثيرة تعتبر حياه ثانيه حقيقية ستعيشها الروح باوصاف كامله :
شكل البيوت ، عالم الأطفال ، العشب والأزهار ، الطيور ، الأنهار ، الطرق التى ليس بها مرور ، العلم والمكتبات ، المستشفيات ، الزيارات بين الطبقات والمستويات المختلفة كيف تتم وماهو المسموح والغير مسموح به ، الفنون ، العلوم والأختراعات ، الموسيقى ، قوه الفكر وطريقة التواصل بين البشر فى عالم الروح . أيضا تحدث عن زيارته لبعض الأماكن الرديئة المظلمه وأوصافها والأماكن العلوية وسعاداتها .
الجدير بالذكر ان روبرت هوبنسون حاول كثيرا الأتصال بالأرض حتى استطاع أخيرا من خلال صديقه الوسيط الروحى أن يتكلم من خلاله وأن يكتب هذا الكتاب الذى يعد من أهم كلاسيكيات الأدب الروحى .
روبرت هوبنسون كان حريصا على ايصال هذه المعلومات لكونه كان رجل دين.
وقد أراد أن يوضح الكثير من المعلومات التى تعزز فكره خلود الروح وتلقى الضوء على فكره الجزاء والخوف من الموت. وتوضح كيف نستعد لحياتنا الأبدية من خلال شروحاته القيمة.
سوف نقدم مقتطفات ملخصة من هذا الكتاب القيم فى المقالات التالية .
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utterlyazriel · 3 months
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the green emotion
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someone requested jealous!azriel and i... made up a whole plot. i hope it's decent and fulfills the craving ! i'm a firm believer than he's so silly when he gets jealous <3 friends to lovers, about 4k
Azriel was not a jealous Male.
That was what he told himself. Jealousy was something that possessed the likes of Cassian or Rhys, driven to territorial acts that likened them to wild beasts. Fueled by their protectiveness, their senses dulled beyond reason.
Jealousy was a sharp whip with a taunting bite and Azriel was one of few who did not bend beneath it.
He had adopted a strength over millennia, an iron will, that prevented him from harboring such unsavory feelings. He was a stronger male than that, not so easily willed by strong ugly emotions such as jealousy.
That was what he told himself — as he tailed behind you, hanging back far enough you could not detect his presence, his shadows shrouding him.
It was reaching evening in Velaris, the last remnants of the sun's dappled light scattered across the cobblestones. You were clothed in a velvet cloak that reached down to your ankles. Its hood was drawn up, to cover your face.
If Azriel didn’t know you so well, not the weight of your steps and the lithe you carried yourself with, you may have slipped by unnoticed.
But Azriel was the Spymaster for a reason — and you were keeping secrets.
Truly, it itched and picked at him as he turned reason over and over again in his mind as he followed you. What possible reason could you have for skirting around in the dark? To slip from your friends and cloak yourself, wishing to remain unseen on the streets of your home?
It didn’t make sense to him. No thoughts of treason ever breached his mind. You wouldn’t dare, he knew that. You treasured your family as deeply as Azriel did himself, having bled and fought for your space beside them many years ago.
But as Azriel traced the path you walked, knowing you were fully in your right to go about your business however you pleased, it couldn’t be ignored. Logic kept pointing fingers in the same direction.
If he did not suspect you of withholding vital information from your court, then his quiet tailing must be fueled by something else. Something as trivial as an emotion such as…. jealousy.
Azriel bristled at the thought and his wings shook silently behind him, as if shaking off some imaginary snow.
He did not get jealous.
He was simply… ensuring the safety of his court. Which included your own safety. Even the thought made him grimace in the shadows, knowing the smack he would receive from Cassian if his brother ever heard the implication you couldn’t fend for yourself.
You most certainly could. Azriel and Cassian had both spent their fair share of hours battling against you in the fighting ring, training you up.
And it’s hardly likely that the image of you — donned in your fighting leathers, forehead beaded with sweat, chest heaving as you gripped your sword tight and grinned across the ring — was something Azriel would forget anytime soon.
Cauldron boil him if he ever had to admit aloud just how often he thought of that image.
Still, something within him kept his feet moving, footsteps as quiet as the night.
Faelight illuminated across the cobbles, the light of the rising moon, brighter in this court than any other, cast across the doorsteps of the townhouses. You had wound through the streets and ended up two streets stray from the Palace of Threads and Jewels. On a doorstep that Azriel had never seen before.
Your hood fell to your shoulders as you pushed it back gently, revealing the column of your throat and the curve of your shoulders. The faint moonlight glided across your skin, a luminous glow curling up against your collarbones. Azriel swallowed from his place in the shadows.
It was never a surprise to find you beautiful. To revere your enchanting otherworldly beauty — that Azriel was used to. And yet still, even after all these years, he had not managed to master the way it stole the breath from his lungs every time.
A familiar hunger yawned within him. He averted his eyes from you to the door.
He forced himself to take in the details, listening as his shadows whispered things his eyes could not attest. An artist's home. Damaged and rebuilt in the last battle of Velaris. The inhabitant was a Male, living alone.
Something blistered awfully inside Azriel.
Why would you visit a home such as this? Azriel could think of a few reasons that could warrant a visit so late in the evening, with your face concealed and your footsteps light. He felt his stomach turn over. Something foul burned in his gut.
The door before you opened and Azriel turned his face fast, slicing his gaze to the ground before he could see the Fae who greeted you.
Suddenly, this felt too close to an invasion of privacy. If you wished to keep your lovers a secret, as he himself did, this was a direct violation of your wishes.
That was... if this man was, indeed, your lover.
Something vulgar, something ugly reared up in his veins. Azriel clenched his fists at his sides, siphons gleaming, and willed it down.
Jealousy would not become him. Jealousy was not— did not control him.
And yet he could feel it, coursing through his blood, choking up his throat. Azriel tried to push it down, to fight against it with reason, with logic. You were promised to no Male, least of all to him. But...
But he could've sworn.
As quickly as the words appeared in his mind, Azriel stamped them down with an icy fury.
A silent curse followed them, directed at himself for his own foolishness. How many times would he walk this road before he eventually learned?
There had been no heated moments between you, no wandering eyes, no lingering hands; none that he had not imagined. None that his mind had no conjured up in its own twisted hope.
When you sought him out in the night, tormented by your own mind and how it kept you from sleep, you were seeking... a friend, Azriel realised bitterly.
There was nothing deeper to your decision to show up at his door but no one else's. Nothing was hidden in the way you chose a seat next to him at every dinner, nor the way you found a way to be beside him at the tables at Rita's.
Sitting close enough so that he could smell the alluring scent of your perfume. Could see the gleam of your bright eyes as you glanced at him after every joke, almost as if to see what might make him smile.
No. He steeled himself, shutting down every sweet moment of you he had been subconsciously collecting, holding to a greater magnitude than you clearly did.
You were not like Mor or Cassian. You did not warm the sheets of many Fae beds, slipping in and out of them without a care.
You were... alike to himself, Azriel had thought. Dedicated yourself to one.
He scowled at himself in the dark. This— this rendezvous in the dark did not dispel what he knew about you. It did not make it untrue.
It simply meant his feeble hope, that the one, the Fae you might dedicate yourself entirely was him... was just that—a hope.
It did not sway the reality of the world, the matter of truth that you crept out in the night to meet on shadowed doorsteps. Azriel felt his shadows smoking around him, spun into a frenzy at his unwelcome revelation. He snapped in his wings a little tighter.
Coming here tonight, following you, had been a mistake.
It seemed perfectly logical after that night for Azriel to take a step back, to rein himself in.
Not that there was not much to rein back — but the small actions reserved just for you, the unrestrained smiles, the inside jokes ribbed back at one another.
The things he had perceived as meaning more. He knew, that if he wanted to protect his heart from further ache, he should stop doing them.
But... maybe the only thing he did better than fighting, he thought grievously, was being utterly lovesick for someone who would never feel the same.
At the very least, he would hold his feelings to secrecy. It began with the smallest retractions, like weaning an addict off their favourite drug.
Azriel knew if he pulled away too quick, it would send him into a sort of withdrawal — and after all these years spent together, he wasn't sure he knew how to live with a deficit of you. Of your brazen smile and sparkling eyes.
Slow and sure. Over the next week, he willed himself to quit bothering you, to empty a space in your life so you could invite in others, those that meant more to you. So, there could be space for your new... lover.
Even the word sounded bitter in his mind.
Azriel opted for longer training in the morning. Let his sparring sessions with Cassian bleed longer and longer, not leaving the blazing hot rooftop even when Cass winds up limping inside.
He had received a halfhearted scowl from the warrior, undoubtedly for how unrelenting he had been in his fighting this week.
The time he usually sets aside for you, to read side by side in the library, to bake, to enjoy each other's company — Azriel swept it aside for you, to free up your schedule.
Noticed how you spend your free time down in Velaris. He doesn't dare tail you again.
The week crawls by slowly, stretching out thick, black tar.
Come Sunday, a day you normally reserved for spending with him, Azriel knows his extra insistence on training isn't enough of an excuse to keep you away. He trains late anyway.
True to his suspicions, it takes less than an hour for you to appear— having come to find him.
Azriel can sense you, even before his shadows murmur sweet things in his ears about the most beautiful Fae watching him through the window.
You're lingering at the door, unusually reserved. He can feel your hesitancy, even as he works his aching muscles through yet another set of exercises. His shadows stay in close, the edge of his body whispering in and out of darkness, his siphons gleaming.
You wait, watching quietly, until the sword he's wielding, a strong, broad Illyrian blade, is placed down to rest. Then, there's the soft pad of your feet as you step out into the training area. He hears you coming but he does not turn to face you.
“I've missed you this week.”
Even with his back turned, Azriel fights to keep his expression neutral, even as his eyes flutter at your admission. There's a tug on his shadows, their desire to wisp across to you proving a challenge to resist. He holds himself still, stern, and doesn't even a ruffle of his wings to indicate he's heard you.
"I—" Azriel begins. He still can't bear to turn to face you. "I'm sorry to hear that."
He can hear the noise of confusion that slips from your throat — evidently, it isn't the response you're expecting.
Azriel focuses on the sword before him, his bicep bulging as he lifts its weight and wanders to the stand of weapons. He pretends to be immersed in the decision of which to train with next, even though he's been out here for hours.
Even with his silent cold shoulder, he can still hear you behind him, your feet dragging softly across the ground in what is surely a hesitant nervous action. But still, you haven't left.
"Well, maybeee…" You continue on, voice still aiming for light and breezy, as if he hasn't been avoiding you. You're still trying.
Azriel's chest tightens up with a familiar ache, one that always lingers around you. Since seeing you that night, on another Male's doorstep, its sting has become particularly cruel. Jealousy has a cold bite.
"If you’re nearly done... I mean, if your somewhat obsessive workout regime is finally complete..."
You're winding on, taking jabs that would normally make him smile. You'd take a gentle rolling of his eyes at this point. Azriel turns to you, his face remaining passive.
"I was wondering if you wanted to come sit with me in the library," You say, voice suddenly softer now that he's facing you. "If you’re not too busy, that is.”
Azriel steels himself, eyes cutting to the ground as he forces himself to not wilt beneath your hopeful gaze. He knew it would be hard to pull himself away from you but this? This is nearing torture.
He clears his throat. “I am.”
He turns and begins to peel off the layers of Illyrian leathers from his torso, remaining diligent at keeping himself from caving to you. He can feel the ugly emotion rolling just beneath the surface, a gruesome green monster that threatens his usual composure.
Behind him, he hears your soft, saddened oh. His wings give a tiny shiver at it, even as he continues the methodical process of unwinding after training.
Piece by piece, his armor comes off, until even his shirt has been shed. His skin glistens under the shine of the afternoon sun, the muscles beneath rippling and sore from exertion.
There's a moment of silence and Azriel keeps his head bowed as he gathers himself, prepared to bathe the sweat and grime off himself. It wasn't a complete lie he had told.
Perhaps, he thinks wistfully, he could wash some of his unjust jealousy away with it. Being so unwound by his feelings is taking its toll on him, considering how unused to it he is. He waits, ears keenly listening for the sign of your departure.
After a minute of quietness, he can only assume you've slipped away silently. He sighs, half in relief and half in his sorrow.
"What are you busy doing?"
Your voice pipes up and Azriel glances behind him, surprised that you haven't left after all. His wings tuck in a little tighter.
"y/n." He murmurs your name and it comes out almost as a plea. Now, faced with you pulling apart his loose lie, Azriel finds he doesn't have it within him to lie to your face. "Please."
You don't say anything.
Azriel's shadows dance around him, agitated and frenzied, and he wills them to calm— though, that had always been an impossible request in your presence. He takes a sharp inhale and walks towards the door, leaving you behind on the rooftop.
He gets halfway down the hallway, heading for his room before your voice calls out again.
"Busy avoiding me?"
You've followed him from the training ring and now you stand at the end of the hallway, your arms crossed firmly across your chest. Your face is contorted into a hard expression, a furrow between your brows.
Azriel sighs and turns back to you. He hadn't been able to keep his secret from Mor — why, oh why did he think that he would have any more luck when it came to you?
You— enigmatic, wonderful you. Maybe, all Azriel hopes to do today is to delay the inevitable rejection for a different day. An easier day.
A day where he isn't feeling so easily undone by his the enormity of his envy. Envious of what he can't have but so desperately desires.
As he turns to face you, it's impossible to miss the way your eyes dart down to his bare chest. You stare for a moment too long and it looks like it takes an effort to drag your eyes up. You swallow heavily, the bob of your throat unmissable. Even from afar, Azriel swears there's a glow to your cheeks.
No. No, he wasn't doing that to himself anymore! He wouldn't— he couldn't be having those thoughts about you anymore. You had a lover for Mother's sake.
"I'm not—"
"Oh my Gods, don't even try to say you're not avoiding me." You interrupt him sharply. You begin to stamp your way down the hallway, eyes narrowed, your annoyance clear to see.
A door in the hallway opens. Distracted by something over his shoulder, Cassian takes a blundering loud step out into the hallway before he freezes.
He spots you first, eyes widening and wings bunching up at your obvious fury. His head turns, finding Azriel down the other end of the hallway.
"Oh... Mother, this is happening now, huh? I'm just gonna— uh, get food later." He jerks his thumb over his shoulder, quickly turning and disappearing back into his room. His door closes with a quiet snip.
In the moment of distraction, you don't notice how Azriel has moved away stealthily— his shadows aiding his quiet getaway. He's not entirely sure what his plan is; he doubts he can avoid this argument by simply shutting himself in his room. Turns out, he's selfish enough to be willing to try.
Sure enough, it takes another moment before his wings twitch, his shadows reporting on your incoming footsteps moments before he hears them himself.
He busies himself with digging through his drawers and sends a silent request to the House, praying it might keep the door locked against you.
He can do this— he can swallow down his burning heart and keep your friendship he values so dearly, he swears he can. Just not today.
He hears the door open.
Glancing up, he narrows his eyes at the House and calls it a foul word in his mind. The Faelights of his room seem to twinkle mischievously in response.
"Az," You breathe softly.
His name sounds unbearably tender coming from your lips. His wings give a little rustle, curling closer around himself.
Despite his lack of reply, you aren't deterred. He can hear your footsteps, gentle and not at all like your prior furious stomps down the hallway, as they wind around his bed.
Chest stirring with an old ache, he keeps himself facing away. He slips a shirt on and prays you give him one more day to rein in his treacherous heart. One more day. He just can't do it today.
"Did I... Did I do something?"
Your voice is suddenly a lot smaller.
Azriel softens instantly at the sound of it, feeling his resolve begin to crumble. He crushes his eyes closed and thinks of what he had seen down in Velaris — forces himself to imagine you with another Male, in his arms, in his bed.
But even if his jealousy is so terribly unwarranted, he cannot bring himself to lie to you.
"No," The word grates out his throat roughly.
Because it's the truth. You hadn't done anything wrong and— and Azriel refused to hurt you just because he couldn't contain a few rampant feelings.
"Really?" The tinge of annoyance is back in your words and Azriel can't even blame you.
"Because then why it is that you have been avoiding me since— since the day I was-"
You cut your own words off and Azriel fills in the blank on his own. Since the day down in the city—where I saw you entering another Male's home, hidden in your cloak, like you were meeting a lover— and even though you're completely allowed to do that, I am like every other gods forsaken jealous Male in Prythian, getting upset over this, even if you are not truly mine.
He turns to you finally, his hands clenched at his side and he wills the next sentence out.
"What or who you choose to spend your free time with—" He inhales a long breath, forcing his face to remain neutral even as he feels his teeth grit together. "—is none of my concern."
Your face scrunches up, confused. Then the furrow between your eyebrows is back and Azriel feels a tad nervous. You aren't often angry, least of all with him.
"Cauldron boil me," You bury your face into your hands for a second. Then you drag them down languidly with a groan, peeking up at him over your hands.
"Did you follow me?"
Azriel feels a bit off-guard. His voice isn't as sure when he says, "It is my duty to survey my court."
You bristle a little at that and the nervousness within him grows a little bigger.
"'Who I choose to spend my time with?'" You repeat his words back to him with a tone of incredulity, your hands motioning wildly before you. Faintly, Azriel begins to sense the feeling of foolishness rising within him.
"For Mother's sake, Az, I was buying you a birthday gift, not sleeping with him!"
The moment the words burst from your lips, two things happen. Azriel stiffens, the true nature of your stealthy endeavor through Velaris making a fool of him indeed.
You were... cloaked and hidden because you had been planning a surprise. For him. For his birthday. Something he hadn't even considered was around the corner as it held no high merit with him. His eyes widen and his lips part an inch.
And you — you straighten up, eyes wide, looking as though you've been struck by lightning.
"You were jealous." You gasp.
Not a question, a statement.
"No," Azriel denies, without thinking. His heart rabbits in his chest. The irony of acting out the way he did, because jealousy had blinded him in the first place, is not lost on him.
Suddenly, all his envy is washed away, replaced quickly by a bumbling foolish embarrassment. He wishes he could winnow out of the House. He considers the window behind him for a moment, if only to spare himself from revealing his true feelings to you.
One glance back at your face, your expression edging towards crestfallen, and any thoughts of running away vanishes.
"Yes." He quickly amends, voice meek.
His wings give a little shudder, twisting in closer as he realises what he's admitted aloud. How there was no coming back from this.
No one had ever made him as loose-tongued as you do. Azriel is embarrassed to be caught stumbling over his words.
"I realise..." He croaks out, suddenly finding the slats of the floorboards immensely more interesting. His shadows have slowed from their nervous frenzy, making lazy motions instead, as if to soothe him. "That may not be ideal. My feelings, that is."
A beat of silence. Azriel studies a spot on the floor intently. His heart flounders wildly behind his ribs. His embarrassment seeps something closer to mortification.
Your shoes peek into the edge of his vision and Azriel's head shifts up slowly, his hazel eyes finding yours and burning into them.
His shadows whisper a thousand things to him — but all of them are dulled, quietened, as he simply stares at you. Feels something between the pair of you hang in the balance, just a breeze from unraveling.
Your eyes are bright. Acutely, he realises he can smell relief rolling off you in heavy waves. Amongst it, too, is a hint of... happiness. Happiness.
“Oh, you big Illyrian baby,” You coo, a teasing lilt to your tone.
His cheeks grow warm. Something white-hot tips down his spine as you step in closer, swaying into his space. He can smell the alluring scent of you and his heart thrums in his chest at your nearness, aching to be closer.
"Some spymaster you are, huh?" You say, voice barely above a whisper.
Azriel stays silent but his head tilts to the side just an inch in his puzzlement, his eyebrows knitting together. Hazel eyes peer at you with such an intensity that it sends goosebumps crawling across your skin— his eyes searching your face for answers to his thousand questions.
"Knowing everything except for this." You continue, words feather-soft.
You don’t say what this is but Azriel thinks he knows. Hopes he knows. His hands at his sides clench tighter, his fingers curled up into fists, and the motion catches your attention.
Moving so slowly, you reach out and gingerly take his wrist between your delicate fingers. Azriel lets you. A whine crawls up in the back of his throat and his swallows it back down.
He watches closely as you pull his hand up, forward, cradling it with your own two. His fingers twitch, so unfamiliar with such tender touches.
The shadows scouring around his shoulders burst into a frenzy, circling down his arms and twirling around your intertwined hands. It's as though they're... dancing, Azriel thinks.
"I... hoped." He admits quietly, his voice full of longing.
You shift his mottled hand, turning it gently so his palm is facing yours. Then you hold your own up against it, like you're comparing hand sizes.
Azriel can barely tear his eyes off where your hand presses into his to look up at you. Something molten hot begins to scorch through his veins. A realisation. A dream that may be finally answered. It feels like pure starlight.
Your hand is dwarfed against his own scarred one — and when Azriel curls his fingers, they hug the top of yours gently. You press back against his hand, like the smallest hug back.
You murmur back. "You don't need hope."
Your gaze skirts up from your joined hands, your lips twitching into a nervous smile.
Your eyebrows have drawn together in the middle, just a bit, as though what's happening is something you find devastatingly beautiful. As though you think that way about him. About the two of you, together.
Azriel finds himself thinking of all he would give in the world —all the mountains he'd move and dragons he'd slay— for you to keep looking at him that way.
"You already have me."
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