#bf was like please for me smoke actual weed. fine -_-

[everymanpdf]

dating older men is hard because you will want to eat lofthouse cookies and a red bull for lunch and smoke delta 8 from the gas station and they will be like 'i am worried about you'

#bf was like please for me smoke actual weed. fine -_- #i just got triscuits and yogurt instead of cookies and doritos. like an eighty year old woman

[clearlyshyobservation]

Kokichi is dying (V3 chatfic, no particular ship)

TW: Infers abuse, talks about ableism, neglect, panic attack pretty much, depression, self loathing. never being good enough

i am so sorry but vr au's need to be sad, love yall :)

(Background info: This is set in a vr au, they are not with their fake memory parents (Ie; kaito's kind grandparents) but rather why they really have)

(Also i have no fucking clue what ship i was going for???? pretty sure they are all on the table, and kokichi talks like an idiot in this and i love it. Gonta's writing is based off of his Japanese talking style, so no more caveman talking).

USERNAMES:

(Space monkey: Kaito, Detective pikachu: shuichi, Elton john: kaede, Antman: gonta, Mr. Gonstealyoman: korekiyo, Atua's bitch: angie, emoboi: ryoma, be-boop: kiibo, bread roll: Maki, cum dumpster: miu, mommy: kirumi, Gremlin: Kokichi)

TLDR: Chaos ensues, slight angst

Gremlin: omfg im fucking sicK im gonna fucking die i bet this was kaitos bitch ass fault for coughing on me with his tuberculosis headass gROSSSSS I HATE EVERYTHINGGG

Space Monkey: i-

Space monkey: I didn't get you sick dumbass,,,, my tb is fugckin cured bi-

Bread roll: he's dramatic and gross dont believe him

Gremlin: yall mean for what?

Gremlin: i have a life taking disease and yall laughing i- 

Gremlin: see you at my funeral bitch

Detective pikachu: What are you sick with then

Gremlin: anythong bitch, im the universe

Antman: He sounds delusional, thats not good

Detective pikachu: He's always delusional, he's Kokichi

Mr. gonstealyoman: I guess this name is better than my old one

Mr. gonstealyoman: thank you kokichi :) I am glad we have come to an understanding

Gremlin: kay sexy

Gremlin: IGNRE WHAT I JUST SENT

Gremlin: IGNORE IT IGNORE IT IGNORE ITTTTT

Antman: who was that for???

Gremlin: NO ONE,,, 

Gremlin: Okay,,, maybe sexy tall men in general lowkey

Gremlin: okay,,,, maybe anyone over 6 feet 

Detective pikachu: i feel excluded

Detective pikachu: good, i don't like you kokichi, your an ass

Gremlin: u sound jelly shumaiiiiii

be-boop: perhaps he is telling the truth, you know,

be-boop: according to my data, in chapter four Shuichi stated that you will never have friends, and no one will ever like you

Gremlin: SHUT THE FUCK UP STOP MAKING ME FEEL BADBSKVKHDVKDSKJV

Antman: do you need me to come over? I can make you tea?

mommy: Do you know how to do that, Gonta? I can teach you?

Antman: Gonta does know, thank you very much. 

Antman: Gonta is not a child, Tojo-chan, please don't regard me as one

Antman: Gonta can cook, can clean, can be gentle, and has his own mind

Space monkey: but we're just making sure man, cuz, you know,,,, chapter 4

Antman: I am capable of things just like you!!!!!

Antman: Gonta doesn't know why you guys treat me like a child :(

Gremlin: yeah, hot stuff over there is basically a prodigy homies

Antman: Gonta is dumb though, don't say that.

Antman: Gonta is no prodigy, in fact, he is below average in everything

Gremlin: Whats ur test scores bitch

Antman: Gonta got a 98 on my english test,, but i wanted a 100, which would make Gonta actually smart :( 

Antman: Gonta is not good enough to be friends with you all

Antman: I can do basic stuff like tojo said...

Antman: maybe i do need help?

Antman: im not sure anymore:((((

Gremlin: THEY ARE ABLEIST GONTA,,, THEY FEEL SUPERIOR FOR TREATING UUUUU LIKE A CHILD

Detective pikachu: You sound really delusional Kokichi, maybe you should get sleep

Gremlin: S T F U, IM SPITTING ST8 FACTS BITCH

Detective pikachu: Sure you are. Now get some rest. 

Gremlin: GRRRR WHY WONT YOU LISTEN TO ME YOU IDIOTS??

Bread roll: Cause your stupid and aggressive

Gremlin: your personality, basically?

Bread roll: shut up at least i have a boyfriend

Gremlin: Technically, you just stole my frienemy 

Gremlin: Yall do be avoiding each other doe

Space Monkey: WE ARE NOT

Gremlin: Yeah yeah

Gremlin: yesterday i saw you to enter the same cafe by accident, duck your heads, then sit across the cafe from each other, all while  avoiding eye contact

Gremlin: Soooo,,, things not going well in paradise?

Detective pikachu: you're nosy

Gremlin: says the literal detective 

Space monkey: everythings fine your just a dickkkk

Gremlin: "oooo! Im momo-chan, i say bad word and go brrrrr"

Space monkey: im going to fucking stab him 

Gremlin: You cant, ive already enslaved you with my chaotic, yet cute hijinks, havent i~

Space monkey: STOP STOP NO NOT THE SQUIGLY

Gremlin: is it the sex? WHY DONT YOU MAKE EYE CNOTACT WITH UR LADY NO MORE 

Space monkey: ITS NOT THE SEX I HATE YOU

Gremlin: im free by the way at 8 ;)

Bread roll: STOP trying to steal my boyfriend kokichi, ive told you this before

Bread roll: NO

Bread roll: BODY

Antman: Gonta interrupts to say, Gonta loves you kokichi, and we should get flowers together, than maybe we can prank some people :D 

Bread roll: Ive never wanted to stab you more, gonta

Gremlin: I'd enjoy that very much, fine fellow ;)

Gremlin: but idk,,,, can you like take care of me first, cuz IM SICK BECAUSE OF KAITO TUBERCULOSIS ASS

Space monkey: I DONT HAVE TB ANYMORE

Gremlin: SURE YOU DONT 

Space monkey: I DONT

Gremlin:  BUT GUESS WHAT

Gremlin: YOU STILL SMOKE DUMBASS AND THATS NOT GOOD FOR U OR YOUR TUBERCULOSIS

Detective pikachu: He smokes?

Atua's bitch: he does, i walked in on him in the bathroom lmao

Atua's bitch: he was scared shitless and threw it out the window, needless to say atua does nt approve

Gremlin: DO YOU EVEN HAVE THE VACCINE????

Space monkey: Uh,,, i was taught vaccines were bad, so no i don't have the vaccine

Gremlin: I HATE OLD PEOPLE

Gremlin: ABOLISH OLD PEOPLEEEE

Gremlin: THEY SPREAD MISINFORMATION AND IT PHISCALLY HURTS ME TO SEEEEEE

Space monkey: your dramatic, it cant be that bad

Gremlin: say that when you catch it again

Gremlin: i swear you coughed on me like,,,, 5 weeks ago tho

Antman: OOOO! Fun fact: Tuberculosis can lay dormant from 3 months to a few years! 

Space monkey: u guys are just trying to scare me

Bread roll: Just checked the chat after using the br and,,m YOUDONT HAVE YOU VACCINES???

Detective pikachu: Im sorry, but kaito, please,,,,, for the love of god get vaccines

Space monkey: alright alright, ill do it cuz you guys are all on my case and i don't like being the villain :(

Gremlin: Im so happy i have gonta with me rn, he is making me tea while yall rot in your distant ass relationship (THIS IS FOR YOU KAITO)

Space monkey: Im going to destroy your bloodline in about three seconds if you dont stfu right fucking now

Gremlin: Hhehe i have an inaprwopwiate joke uwu

emoboi: STOP PLEASE DEAR GOD

cum dumpster: wHAt Is iT YOU WHORE

Gremlin: i was gonna say wouldn't he need to like,,,, have sex with my family to weed out my bloodline or something??

cum dumpster: i-

cum dumpster: Why am i acting surprised, ive watched porn with more extravagant plots than this

cum dumpster: ie; are you guys FUCKING? RIGHT INFRONT OF MY SALAD??? is one i will cherish with my soul

emoboi: hehe why did she point out the salad

Space monkey: I hate u kokichi, i truly do

Gremlin: I bet if you got the chance u would kiss me space boy :P

Bread roll has left the chat

Space monkey: o god is she ddoing one of those bf loyalty tests or smthing???

Space monkey: now im nervous lmao

Gremlin: why you so nervous stupid~~~~

Gremlin: It not like ur cheating on her homie

Space monkey: It's just a placebo effect

Gremlin: My brain feels fried Momo-chan,, i don't understand big boy words right now

Space monkey: Basically, if you take a pill that doesn't do anything but you don't know that and believe it does, you will scientifically start to feel better

Gremlin: first and only time saying this, but thank you 

Space monkey: HEHEHEB YOU SAID THANK YOU YOU SAID THANK YOUYOU SAID THANK YOUYOU SAID THANK YOUYOU SAID THANK YOU

Gremlin: Kaito,,, imma need you to do me a favor and look up on your ceiling

Space monkey: i hate you, idk what it is, but i hte you

Gremlin: good <3

Space monkey: HE REPLACED ALL MY THE STARS ON MY CELING WITH FUCKIBG DICKSSS

Space monkey: THIS IS THE LST FUCKING STRAW IM GONNA LOSE IT

Space monkey: IF MY GRANDPARENTS SEE THIS BULLSHIT THEY ARE GOING TO KILL ME, SLAP ME, MAYBE BREAK MY NECK AND DESTROY MEE

Space monkey: Im GENUINLEY panicing HOW TF am i gona get this off my wal???? They are going to bbat me senselpess help me shUichi

Detective pikachu: o god, i can sense the sheer pain and scaredness in  that tet, 

Detective pikachu: are you for real gong to get hurt or are you pulling a kokichi?

Space monkey: FUCKING HELP ME IM NOT FUCKING JOKINGKABKCB HELP THEY ARE NOT HOME RN THEY ARE LIKEE,,,, 40 MINUTES AWAY PLEASEE 

Gremlin: okay,,, maybe this wasn't the best prank.,,, i guess i'll help clean up cuz im not that much of a sociopath

Gremlin: tbh my parents can go shove it too lowkey terrible 0/10 

Space monkey: AHHHH IM SO SCARED PLS PSL GET HERE FAST

be-boop: Of course, i will come, i will survey the outside of the house

Antman: Gonta is coming too! We will get this done in under 40 minutes!

Space monkey: OKAY

Gremlin: Lowkey, if i cough on you ignore it bitch your the one who made me like this

Space monkey: W HA TDONT COUGH ON ME IM NOT SICK ANYMORE

Gremlin: I will give you TB again just cuz your making me suffer

Space monkey: Suffer what??? putting dicks on my FUCKING WALL???

Gremlin: Guilt, idiot, im feeling guilty. 

cum dumpster: oof thats new

emoboi: yeah i wasn't expecting it

Mr.gonstealyoman: Me neither. It is rather peculiar seeing it being texted by him because he is always feels not guilty of his bad actions.

be-boop: I do believe he means it, though...

emoboi: impossible.

cum dumpster: i agree, literally impossible.

Gremlin: I HAVE A FUCKIBG SOUL YOU CRazY CONSPIRACISTS

Antman: Quick question, shuichi can i stay with you again? It'll be dark when i get home and gonta can't do that so,,, please help

Detective pikachu: my parents are like blank slates, who eat slowly, watch tv slowly, and never look at me. Im sure they wouldn't mind :P

Antman: ALRIGHT! :D LETS GET MISSION: MR. MOMOTA ROOM REPAIR DONE!

Gremlin: ooo! I like the name! IM INNNN! 

Detective pikachu: On it!

be-boop: Ready for look out!

Space monkey: I love you guys :)

AN: Im lowkey sorry i ended this chaotic mess with angst,,,, but like fr i love it i love angst,, i hate reading it but love writing it

#kokichiouma #oumota #Ougoku #chat fic #kaito momota #kiibo #miu iruma #gonta gokuhara #ryoma #angie #shuichi saihara #vr au #kirumi #maki harukawa #korekiyo #danganronpav3 #danganronpa #grossness

[yumehoxo]

Convinced -eren x reader

⚠️Warning this story contains mature content!⚠️ (Substance use, alcohol, sexual content, strong language) All characters are 18 or older

*Ding*

*Ding*

"Ughhh how much more fucking annoying can you get?" You think to yourself. It was 12:03 pm, and Connie won't stop texting you. Every since break started all you have been doing, is staying home, watching Netflix, getting high as fuck, eat, then fall asleep. (As you should be). Your roommate was not home yet since last night when she said she was going to a "get-together" with some friends, and Connie wouldn't stop texting you about the party he went to last night. "Why can't they all just leave me alone??!! A bitch gotta get some me-time." You thought, "it's not like I want to go out in this cold weather anyway, tch". You walk over to your bathroom which surprisingly not as messy, except the bottles of soap sitting around your sink and an occasional Plan b packet or two. "This bitch needs to stop taking my Plan b, what if I need that later... who am I kidding as if I'm going to need it, i don't plan on hooking up with anyone anytime soon!" You said to yourself.

You start fixing your bathroom, throwing away all the empty bottles and astray swishers, you take all the useless tissues lying on the floor and throw them all into the bin to take out to the trash cans in front of your complex. You don't complain about where you live..."it's nice and quiet and the people here are-" The door slams open. "OMG Y/N YOU WILL NEVER GUESS WHAT HAPPENED!" Shouted your roommate, Alessia. She was a pretty, pale skin toned girl, with green eyes, and huge tits. You often find yourself thinking.."I would low key hook up with her if she wasn't a disgusting, annoying, loud bitch". But you still respected her she'd always help you with whatever you going through, and she was surprisingly really smart. You thought of her as more of an irresponsible older sister than a roommate. You can hear footsteps rushing to your bathroom door, and the door finally slam open, "OMG girl- you will NEVER guess what happened last night" Alessia half screamed. Her hair was a mess and she was holding her heels in one hand and phone in the other. "So I went to this party last night with my friends and I met this SUPERRRR HOT guy, his name was Jean and we ended up hooking up and he asked for my number and I have a date tomorrow with him" she squealed, she was so happy you could've sworn you saw sparkles shimmer though her eyes...then it hit you... "DID YOU JUST SAY JEAN?!" You basically shouted at her with a look of surprise written all over your face. "yeah I did... whyyyyy, how do you know him?" she said sharply to you. You swallowed hard and said to her... "we dated for all of high school, I mean we never actually had sex but he gave me head, vice-versa" you said while lighting a blunt. "girl- no fucking way, should I cancel the date? If you want me to I will!" She said with a concerned look on her face. "Nahh, I don't really give a fuck, not like it was anything serious" you said as you exhaled smoke from your mouth as the familiar tingly sense you get from smoking hits you. "Awww, are you sure I feel bad now!" Alessia exclaimed. "Bitch I just said I don't care, now get the fuck out of my bathroom and go get your self cleaned up" you say while opening the window to get some fresh air. "Okayyy~ thank you love, also your should go out more I haven't seen you leave the house once except to go get food and pick up weed from your plug, I'm really concerned about you.." Alessia said with a look of desperation. "Girl that is none of your business , if you keep on talking I'll take back what I said about your date with Jean earlier." You stated coldly to her flicking off excess ashes from you blunt. "Nooo-noooooooo don't do that, fine I'll leave you aloneeee!" She said in a whiny tone, as you heard her stumble off to her room and slam the door shut.

"Just when I thought I was going to get some peace and quiet" you said to yourself rolling your eyes. You picked up your phone and FaceTimed Connie, ready to chew him out for waking you up. As the line trilled you turned on your shower to wait for the the hit water to come. "YOOOOO Y/N! Why didn't you answer my texts??" Connie shouted through the phone causing you to lower your volume. "Because I was fucking asleep jackass and you woke me up-" "Why are your eyes so red?" Connie interrupted you, "I swear imma kill that little mother fucker one day" you thought to yourself, clearly irritated. "Why is it any if your business?" You responded back to Connie. "Because I'm your best friendddd" he replied back in a singy-songey voice. "How many times have I told you to lay off the weed?" Connie asked in a matter of fact tone. "Clearly not enough" you said back in a bratty attitude ,blowing smoke straight to the camera. "Yooo pass me some" Connie joked with you , " I'm too broke to buy any weed since I'm too busy buying Sasha food" he said with a pouty expression. " Awww how cute, I wish I had a bf like youuu"  you said in an almost pouty, yet cold way. "If you want to find someone like that then you should go to more parties, they're are plenty of guys who would want to do that for you, I haven't seen one guy who hasn't wanted you whenever we go out." Connie said. "Hmmm maybe I will.." you said to Connie. You could see his whole face light up "WAIT ARE YOU FRL? YOU'LL ACTUALLY COME TO A PARTY?!" Connie asked excitedly. "Yeah sure why not, it's just like I have anything better to do anyways" you shrugged. " Yeh for real, your such a homebody" Connie joked with you. "Yeah I really am- OH SHIT MY SHOWER I GOT TO GO CONNIE BYEEEE" you ended the phone and hopped right in. The comforting feeling of the warm water hitting your bare back made you feel like you never wanted to leave. You washed you hair and body, shaved your legs, and exfoliated your skin. As you got out of the shower you wrapped your towel around you realizing your didn't bring clothes into the bathroom and you have to go to your room. You took a bra and panties set you bought from VS and put it on. You put lotion in your skin and did your facial routine, you never needed much makeup anyway since you were natural beauty, but you never admitted it. You threw on a pair of tight black sports shorts and a mesh crop top to go with it. You snapped a mirror pic making sure to get all of your curves into the photo and sent it as you streaks for the day. "Wow I can't believe I'm going to go to a party after so many months..." you thought to yourself.

*Ding*

Connie:

-Yo imma pick you up at around 7:30-ish to be ready.

"Ughh I hope I'm making the right decision”.

————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————

AUTHORS NOTE:

Y'all this is my first time writing a Fanfic so please don't kill me if it's not good 😭😭.

If y'all could please tell me any suggestions, or errors I made I would greatly appreciate it 🤧

Anyway love y'all muah. 🥰💞✨

#eren yeager smut #anime #eren x reader #x reader #aot x reader #x female reader #modern au #aot modern au #tonguepiercing

[wesimpforxiao]

My Backstory (IRL)

Before I begin, if you want nothing to do with hearing about abusive relationships, possible eating disorder, anxiety disorders/depression/suicide, sexual assualt, manipulation, gaslighting, sexual harassment, etc, SKIP THIS POST.

So, I would like to start off by saying the NSFW content I *try* to write always falls stale, 1. being because I get embarrassed or ashamed by my writing my own thoughts, and 2. because of the rest of this post.  So the Albedo NSFW may not happen, but I asked just in case (i have some of it written out, but it is very stale).  And also because I may or may not have accidentally triggered a trauma response as I was writing the Albedo post (oops...)

To begin, freshman year of high school, 14 yrs old, (I’m 20 and in college now), I started dating this guy that was in my grade.  I have an anxiety disorder, so when we started going out, I immediately stopped eating because I constantly felt sick to my stomach.  It wasn’t because I thought I was fat or anything, I just felt sick.  Think butterflies in your stomach times 10 and ALL the time.  We dated for a month before he broke up with me.  During that time, he had suddenly brought up the idea of me sending nude or bra/undie pics to him.  Him and his friend (who was in the call with us) tag-teamed and said that it was normal and asked when I would be ready to send pictures.  Both of them asked that.  Red flag number one.  I said 3 months just to please them, not that I was actually going to do it.

Once he broke up with me, I was DEVASTATED. I feel A LOT, and it was my first ‘relationship.’ Exactly a month later, he texted me, saying he wanted to be friends.  I said okay.  He never acknowledged my presence at school, often avoiding my eyes.  Sometime into that he had asked me what I would do if he had asked me out again, and when I said I’d say yes, he immediately texted back and said “i am so sorry, my friend [insert name] was texting you on my phone and I didn’t know until now.”  Red flag number two.

Then, after we had stopped being friends, a month passes.  He texts me again, this time saying “It’s been 3 months.”  Yeah.  Did you read the part where I said I’d consider sending pictures at 3 months? That only applied if we were dating for that long (and I still wouldnt do that), so where is his logic?  Now, I don’t know why I even got back together with him, but I did.  For a week.  And just like the first time, I felt sick to my stomach.  I always look back on this as a warning from God.  And this time, he wasn’t hiding his intentions.  He was CONSTANTLY making sexual jokes, sending inappropriate emoji ‘jokes,’ and asking for nudes.  He did not stop asking even when I told him to, and even when I told him it made my stomachache worsen.  I did not trust him, but I stayed for a full week of hell.  Eventually I slightly caved, showing him on facetime me in my bra and underwear (My thinking: he couldn’t save pictures that way).  He covered his camera.  Did he take screenshots or something? I don’t know.  It was awful.  I kicked him to the curb the next day, still feeling like *I* should be the one apologizing.  He eventually “tried” to apologize thru text, but was too much of a coward to apologize in person when i requested that.  He says he had cancer or something, I honestly don’t care. His actions were inexcusable and it was pathetic that he used it as an excuse.

I hated him so strongly for the next 3-4 years, but the story doesn’t end there.  A new guy, senior, 17 yrs old.  End of my freshman year.  We get together.  He didn’t properly ask me out, just assumed we were dating after we confessed our feelings EVEN THOUGH I told him my dad said to wait 3 months.  Red flag number three.  So, by the bf’s standards, 6 months into the relationship, I stay over at his place for New year’s.  I will admit that we did stuff over the phone prior to then, but I consider to be fine with that timeline.  At some point while we were planning to do stuff (if ya know what I mean but NOT full on hoo-ha stuff okay) for New year’s, he said “Who knows, maybe we’ll get carried away ;)” Red flag number four.  This immediately made me uncomfortable, and I was not fully comfortable when the day came either.

We were making out (consensual, but I feel like i was forcing myself a bit), I let him touch me down *there* (which he sucked at lemme tell ya) (also it was fine when he touched me before this day), and then he asked to touch my chest.  *Previously, he had stated if i wasnt sure, hed touch over my bra first and go slow.  He did not do either, instead immediately slipping his hand under my bra.* That is when something inside me snapped, and I felt number than I already was. Red flag number five.

I didn’t stop him because I wanted to feel something, anything.  I got nothing.  And then came the time when he decided to say “Now its your turn,” grabbed my hand, and put it down his pants, ignoring me, who was saying “I don’t know how to, I’m not sure I want to.”  

I felt nothing for a few days, and then depression set in.  It didn’t feel connected to that incident, and i didn’t connect the dots until later.  It got so bad I had almost decided to kill myself three months later.  My anxiety was through the roof, and every day my trauma manifested itself in the question “Do I actually love him?”  It was a living hell to be inside my head all the time.  He at one point asked me “Are you sure you were okay with what happened on new year’s? You’re acting like you’ve been raped.”  When I said I wasn’t, he said “oh.” and we never talked about it again.

The relationship continued for another year despite my obvious depression and anxiety that revolved around him. He lied to me on several occasions, disregarded my boundaries (i.e. continued to make sexual jokes even though they clearly bugged me after the assault), and refused to get a job so he could smoke weed all day.  My parents urged him to prove himself (he was out of high school by this time), and when I eventually took their side and gently nudged him along, he said “You are in a relationship with me, not your parents.  Its either me or them.”  Red flags six through ten right there.

When I managed to break it off with him, a ‘friend’ apparently took his side.  This is the girlfriend in the “His Reaction to Your Ex(es)” post(s).  This friend was actually an adopted cousin of mine, and we were not on speaking terms at this point because she had taken my first bf’s side, saying that *I* had to forgive him and that I was in the wrong for not wanting to talk to him or accept his half-assed apologies. (She was not at our school during the time me and that guy dated so she literally knew nothing).  I cut her off because of that.  Turns out she had a massive crush on the dude and he was already taken by someone else.  

So, this same chick sides with the second bf, telling people that I’m the one who hurt him and whatnot.  I come to find out that him and her are now dating and honestly, it is hilarious.  Even I think she deserves better.  He has no future, and I came to realize that, knowing that if i stayed with him longer I would have 100% actually killed myself, or died spiritually.

So yeah, that’s my story, hopelessly in love with fictional characters now because I am too traumatized by what they have done.  I cannot be touched sexually without reverting to a depression or an anxious mess.  Even if I did manage to be in a relationship after that, I don’t think I’d ever be able to have sex with someone. And finally I cannot have a healthy relationship, because what is that, really?  I’m just gonna live alone with some goats LOL.

[ofcloudsandstars]

Hey, dear! I've missed seeing you on my dash, how are you doing? What would you say your summer has been like? Sending lots of love and good vibes!

Ahhh this is so kind! I hope you have been well too. I am working on September’s forecast but I have been a bit slow since I am tired with some stuff going on. I am working on a sacred geometry virtual gallery for the plant alchemist mentor so I have been dizzy with motion sickness throwing this gallery together before the full moon haha. 

Last week I just got back from the most insane adventure that I may probably get around to writing another endlessly long post about haha. (editing this post, it turns out that THIS has become the endlessly long post about it haha so I am having a read more added). CW: sex details. It may be TMI but I added a warning before lol 

  Anyway I was having this mutual attraction with this italian guy I met through work who ALSO has a venus in Scorpio like me. We were going to go on a date but the world succumbed to The Plague. He returned to Puglia to be with his family as he quit the company and his apartment so he can just chill and live for free while he figures stuff out, but he was flirting with me through text all throughout lockdown and begging me to visit him when it was safer to travel so I was like: Oh yeah?!?!?! And I booked a 5 day long first date/vacation to Puglia to be with him lmaoo. Venus in Scorpio is intense as hell but we just be like that. My close aries witch friend moved to Southern Italy with her BF too for the time being so I was like ok if stuff goes south she can come save me but this guy like took me FARRR AWAY on the southern coast like 3 hours from her omg. He booked beautiful places like old medieval stone villas (omg one place had a wooden four poster bed, a stone fireplace with a cauldron and a huge color-changing hot tub jacuzzi next to the bed lmaoooo) and we ate endless seafood and went to the beach everyday. Only set back is we were NOT SEXUALLY COMPATIBLE at ALL and it’s really sad cause yeah I got his star chart and over analyzed it before going over there but sometimes I doubt myself like ohh not everyone is their starchart to a T, like you should give people a chance. But he was  e x a c t l y  like his star chart.

First he has A LOT of trines like a lot of fire energy which is great. He’s super passionate, but the trines means he is too chill and positive which is nice but it means he has little motivation to do anything. (Think when there are great trine transits happening, it’s FANTASTIC for doing magic and manifesting things but those days the energy is so chill and harmonious you don’t even want to do anything and they can easily pass you by.) Meanwhile my chart?? It’s fucking SQUARES ALL DAY BABEY like Squares, Oppositions and more Squares. I have something called the grand cross on my fucking chart lmao. So that means I overthink, I can get stressed easily, my life soundtrack is just this long anxiety ridden drum and base background music as I fucking parkour through endless obstacles of racism, sexism, gender identity, fleeing the states cause it’s becoming a totalitarian government, learning a bunch of european languages and skills in case I gotta flee england next, thinking about the future, thinking about my actions in the present, thinking about how I can learn from the wounds of my past, lmao everything is thought about at least 1000 times. I also have a lot of Saturn energy my chart is Saturn dominant so there is a lot of planning, structure and organizing to me. Meanwhile since he is hosting he never has a plan and is always ‘go with the flow’ so sometimes it makes me nervous cause the first place he booked was some GHETTO sex motel that looked like sex traffic was happening in there and I was in the middle of no where with him and I was nervous like praying to the Spirits of Nature and Venus to help me work this out haha. But it was ok. 

His life is so easy cause he’s like a handsome italian man with a mom that wants him to live at home with her until he finds a wife to mommy him. He never has to do any house work or really any work at all cause his parents will support him cause that’s normal in Italy. Honestly if I got with him I would never get that same treatment I would also be hauling ass in the background to cater to him and our kids until the day I die. He also doesn’t really understand what it’s like to be of a group of people ostracized by society. He is a hot cishet white man and has a whole community of good friends and a mom to support him with whatever he does.

He’s also like really traditional and was raised Christian. I told him I was a witch and he was like ohhhhhhhmyGOddddddd and thought it was fucking weird haha and I was like: YOU NEVER NOTICED ME AND ROXANNE (my aries witch friend who moved to Italy who literally wears massive metal pentagrams everyday) ARE WITCHES?! And he was like: I do not know about this haha. 

Lastly about his starchart which worried me when I first reviewed it is that our natal mars are at a square. I mean I have had sex with someone’s Mars in Aries before and it was great but his sex?? Was TERRIBLEEEE!!!!!!!!! TERRIBLEEEEEEEE OHHHH MY GOD. I am going to add a CW for some sex details in case you want to scroll but like: 

--

My Mars is in Cancer so I do like it to be sensual and cuddly with some oral action but he was like so terrible and disgusting and I feel like he probably only slept with girls in his country who may have been traditional like him and never said anything to him cause I am like I dunno how you got away with this for so long having terrible sex like this. Like so grabby and aggressive it fucking hurts like he would have left bruises and I hate that shit like sex is supposed to feel good!! I don’t mind if you grab my ass cause it’s just sacks of fat lol but my boobs have shit in them like glands you can’t be grabbing that!! And sorry this may be TMI but like I’d communicate with him all the spots I’d like him to go to cause they are the most sensitive ones and he’d just ATTACK THEM like some type of police dog sniffing hidden cocaine I am like BITCH CALM DOWN I literally would have to stop him so many times so he wouldn’t hurt me. And he once said: Oh but I like that (being aggressive in bed) and that annoyed me so much I was like: Oh so if you like aggression do you want me to grab and twist your balls in the same way? And he was like: no. lol 

And then his kissing was tErrible. He wouldn’t even start out sensual he would literally just shove his whole tongue in my mouth and it’d be slimy and terrible and tastes like the ash from the weed he’s always smoking and once during sex I bent down to make out with him and he literally just stuck his tongue out in preparation I paused like: NO!!! Like omg he got me so heated I am so heated just typing this lmao. I am also really sensitive with like sensory things and have misophonia so sometimes if certain stimulations are stimulating me the wrong way I get more put off than the usual person and sex is so intimate like every time he grabbed a sensitive part of me I wanted to slap him the fuck back haha. The funniest part though is when I’d give up on him trying to pleasure me (everything was terrible, the fingering was like someone who is in a rush to get the elevator and is jamming the button impatiently; the actual fucking was like.. off beat?? And he could NEVER LAST; he gave me head once but that was interesting I felt like he was trying to karate chop my clit with his tongue lmao I was like please stop omg) I was like fine ok just lie down and I will give you head and we can get this over with.. And when I gave him head for the first time he did not moan or anything he would just say: Mamma Mia!!; and FUCKING HELL it would kill the mood but also I couldn’t concentrate cause I’d be fucking laughing just choking on him laughing like I could NOT. 

-- End sex detail mention lol 

Anyway I am always wary of sex with Mars in Aries people but this experience is going to make me avoid them and have trust issues haha. Anyway I got a lovely free vacation in a beautiful region with incredible food. His friends were nice though my Italian is really terrible and nonexistent (omg also speaking about communication, he forgot most of his english so it was a challenge speaking to him haha). We were both wild as hell to do this even though we didn’t really know each other but whatever that’s the Scorpio in Venus. And in a perfect Scorpio fashion we may never see each other ever again because he may not return to London, I mean we pretty much fell out of infatuation with each other cause of the terrible sex chemistry and the only reason I have to return to that region of Italy is to see my witch friend there but there is a chance she is going to move to London again and she lives in a different city from him lol. 

So yeah I have been quiet over here but this is my current life. If you want to look at the gallery I am working on it’s in it’s rough draft form but you can find it here! 

https://www.artsteps.com/view/5f4946b290389d2f7d705e86

#personal #seiokona #back at it again with me never having a moment of chill lol

[lovemesomesurveys]

Do you still talk to the person you liked 4 months ago?: I didn’t like anyone 4 months ago.

When’s the last time you screamed really loud?: Probably the last time I had a spider on me !!!

Where do you want to live when you are older?: I’m happy living with my family, but I’d love for us to live somewhere else.

When was the last time you were sick?: I often don’t feel all that great, but as far as an actual virus or something of the sort I had a cold a few months ago.

Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you?: My dad and brother.

What is the relationship between you and the last person you kissed?: There isn’t one. We haven’t seen or talked to each other in almost 5 years and I don’t see that changing.

Are all of your friends in relationships?: “All my friends” ha.

Name something you disliked about the day you had today?: It’s only 4 in the morning, but I’m feeling kinda crappy and I’m in pain right now.

How long was your last phone conversation?: Like 2 minutes.

Why did you last laugh really hard?: Hmm. It’s been awhile since I’ve had a good laugh like that.

Have you had your birthday this year yet?: No, nope it’s at the end of this month.

Can you recite the alphabet backward?: I could, but it would take me a little longer. 

Would you rather have orange juice or milk with your breakfast?: Ew, neither. Give me coffee, please.

Would you ever tell your mom about the things you’ve done sexually?: No. I’m a full grown adult, I don’t see any reason why I’d ever bring that up. 

Is there anyone out there who can make you cry very easily?: It’s usually more situational or my depression and anxiety than a person.

When was the last time you told someone you love them?: Recently.

Do you enjoy watching comedies or horror movies more?: I enjoy both.

Who was the last person you talked to last night in person before bed?: My brother.

What will you be doing tomorrow?: It’s the 4th and my dad and brother bought some fireworks. Not the big ones like you see at events and whatnot, just ones you do in the street.

Do you have clothes that belong to other people?: No.

If you have siblings, which one of you is going to be married first?: My younger brother. 

How late did you stay up last night?: Until like 7ish. 

What would you name your future daughter?: I’m not having children.

Who was the last person to text you?: My mom.

What did y'all talk about?: She was letting me know about something.

Think to the last person you kissed, have you ever kissed them on a bed?: No.

Has anyone told you “Forever and Always” then left?: Something like that.

What is your current relationship status?: Single.

Angry at anyone?: Just myself.

Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?: My mom.

Is there anyone you would do anything for?: My loved ones.

Does the last person you held hands with mean something to you?: No. That doesn’t mean I don’t care, it just means I don’t feel the way I once I did about him. The romantic feelings are gone. I wish him the best, though.

Is it hard to make you laugh?: Uhh it depends.

Do you think any of your exes will eventually want to be with you again?: Nope. And that’s fine.

How many people have you had strong feelings for in the year of 2009?: I don’t think I had feelings for anyone in that way in 2009.

Is it okay to kiss people when you’re single?: If you want, so long as they’re also single.

Where is the person you last kissed at this moment?: *shrug* It’s 4:30 in the morning, so he’s probably at home but I don’t know.

Would you rather pierce your tongue or lip?: Neither.

Next time you will kiss someone?: I don’t knowww.

Something’s wrong. First person you go to?: Either my mom, brother, or no one and just vent about it in a survey and on Twitter. It really just depends.

Do you hate it when people smoke around you?: Cigarettes, yes. It makes me feel lightheaded, gives me a headache, and makes my heart rate increase.

Have you ever broken someone’s heart?: Yes. :/

Ever gotten yourself into a confusing situation?: Life.

Do you have an attitude?: I’m an irritable and moody person and I can be snippy and pissy. :/

When was the last time that you were genuinely happy?: I don’t know.

Do you know anybody whose last name is a color?: No.

Would you kiss someone to make your ex bf/gf mad?: No. I’m past those high school games.

How was last night?: Eh, it was alright.

If you were in the hospital would your number one come see you?: My number 1 in life is my mom, and she would already be right there with me.

Have you ever dyed your hair?: Numerous times.

When someone says “we need to talk,” what runs through your mind?: Oh, don’t say that to me it makes me very anxious. 

Do you know anyone that smokes weed?: Yeah.

Are your parents still together?: Yes.

What are you wearing on your feet?: Socks.

Is it awkward when you run into your ex?: It doesn’t happen, thankfully.

Who do you blame for your bad mood today?: My body.

Have you ever fallen asleep with the last person you kissed?: No.

Do you remember names or faces better?: I’m pretty good with both.

Does it matter to you if your boyfriend/ girlfriend drinks?: No, unless he was an alcoholic and/or became very obnoxious, rude, or abusive when drunk.

Waiting for something?: Not really.

When is the next time you will see your number one on your top friends?: Myspace died over a decade ago. I’ll see my number 1 in life later on today.

You find out your ex is having a kid with someone you say?: I wouldn’t say anything. It would be a little weird I think and I’d probably have some kind of feelings about it, but. I’m sure it’ll happen one day, so. Who knows if I’ll ever even know, he doesn’t post on social media anymore.

#personal #text #survey #surveys

[juliivn-blog]

[ bill skarsgård, cismale, he/him, 29 ] BRAIN STEW by GREEN DAY? whenever i hear that song, it reminds me of JULIAN NILSSON. maybe because they’re SELF-RELIANT but also CAVALIER. they’ve been living at mulberry apartments since SEPTEMBER of 2018 in APARTMENT 203 and have 1 ROOMMATE. [ lainie, she/her, 21+, cst ]

hello bitches it me ( lainie ) back at it again !! this time bringing u the anti adrian and pls be wary bc there are a lot of sensitive topics down below ( tws for major drug use, drug addiction, death, grief, shitty parenting, neglect, abandonment?? kind of idk better safe than sorry ) also u can find a tl;dr at the bottom since it’s literally SO LONG

BACKGROUND

so bear with me bc his background info is kind of Long!! his mom and dad are from just outside of st louis, missouri. his mom came from a pretty wealthy family and she was just like tryna be ~rebellious in her young adult years by dating julian’s dad (who came from a super trashy family and had a Bad Boy Rep). when she was 19 and he was 22 she got pregnant ( with julian ) and her fam was like get rid of that baby or ur gone !! but they were “““madly in love””” and she was on her rebellious shit so they literally eloped to the city ( st louis ) and got an apartment together and had julian but never actually got married bc they were too cool ( read: irresponsible ) for that. ofc this ended up being rly miserable bc she was used to living the rich life and now her family had disowned her, and suddenly she was starting to realize this dude she had a kid with was kind of a deadbeat party boy with no interest in having a family, not to mention she started realizing like?? i don’t actually want a kid this is a lot of work?? so like julian’s childhood years were a lot of him having to learn to take care of himself and not having anyone to depend on most of the time. and that’s not to say they didn’t both care abt him on some level bc there were definitely times they paid attention to him and gave him a birthday party or two but for the most part he was on his own

his secret favorite memory is flying a kite with his dad when he was 4 but u would be more likely to win the lottery than get him talking abt that

fast forward 5 years and finally julian’s dad, now in his late 20s and getting antsy, peaces the fuck out to los angeles to live his best party boy life. baby julian is very upset bc even tho his dad doesnt pay a lot of attention to him he like idolizes him. julian’s mom is saltier than EVER about having to take care of a kid but she doesn’t wanna go to LA ( especially for this asshole she doesn’t even like anymore ) and her parents won’t have anything to do with her or her illegitimate child so the NEXT 5 years are a lot of moving around from shitty apartment to shitty apartment and job to job by themselves. his dad would now and then send weird postcards and letters and pictures and stuff from cali so he had like a vague idea of the fact that his dad was living his own life somewhere that looked super wild, and when he was 11 years old he sent a letter back asking if he could come live with him. his dad contacts his mom, there’s a bunch of fighting, but in the end julian did indeed get to go live with his dad in los angeles, mostly bc his mom just didn’t give a fuck anymore and was lowkey like…u know what fine take him i can have my life back

obviously his dad does not know how to be a dad !!! he kind of thought of julian as his little like…..sidekick like he just thought having this 11 year old kid around was hilarious. so julian went to LA and was living with his dad and his dad’s friends in a relatively nice apartment but like it’s always filled with people doing drugs and having sex and it’s just. not child friendly at all. so that’s how julian was introduced to weed at the ripe young age of 11!!! from there on out he was like a big time weed and cigarette smoker, was very early having sex and trying other drugs, and by the time he graduated high school he was already hardcore doing coke

so julian like kind of wanted to go to college bc some part of him did crave normalcy, but he was way too far up his own ass to get his shit together for that !! plus like….he didn’t rly have good role models. so his first year after high school instead of getting on a good path for his future he decided living his best life would include moving into an apartment with his cokehead best friend. it was around that time that julian met his first boyfriend. he was already totally aware he was bi, had slept with boys in high school, but this was the first time he rly fell in love with a guy. he was like……….head! over! heels! for this boy. julian met him at a club and he was like sort of soft and relatively innocent until they started dating and julian got him smoking weed and then snorting coke

this next part is very triggering so please read with caution !! when he was 23, julian tried heroin for the first time. for about 6 months it gradually got really bad, his life started spiraling, and his bf was like….becoming unable to deal with it, especially bc while julian was getting worse his bf was kind of trying to move in the opposite direction and get off the coke and get his life back together. there was a lot of fighting, but his bf kept not actually making the move to end things bc he loved julian and was just like hoping something would turn around. one night, however, in a moment of weakness, he let julian talk him into trying heroin with him. it was kind of an “i promise i’ll get clean if u try it with me this one time” thing. being in and out of consciousness and not really aware of what was going on, he didn’t notice that his bf was overdosing and he ended up dying simply bc the heroin was too much for his body and he stopped breathing. julian didn’t notice until the morning when he woke up, and obviously that was by far the most traumatic thing that’s ever happened to him and left some deep ass emotional scars

so following this, he actually did check himself into rehab. he was there for 3 months, got completely clean, but he only managed to stay that way for two weeks before he was first snorting heroin again and then back to shooting up and selling drugs

it was about 2 yrs later when he was 26 that he met his next bf while he was doing a deal at some seedy bar outside of town. they quickly fell into a completely unanticipated relationship–notably, julian’s first since his boyfriend’s death. in spite of that trauma and feeling guilty even as he did it, he started introducing this boyfriend to drugs. in his mind, it was kind of a thing where he fell in love really fast and really hard out of nowhere and he saw this sad little thing with no place to go and drugs are the only thing he’s ever known himself, so it was very natural to be like “here try this it helps” and also naively convincing himself he’d never let what happened before happen again

so 3 years later they’re living together and completely broke, living mostly off the money julian makes selling drugs and whatever else they can scrape up, when his bf decides he wants to do a road trip across the country. julian’s very impulsive, doesn’t really give a shit about anything in LA anyway, and to top it off has a hard time saying no to him. SO a road trip it is !! they make it all the way across the country before finally using up the last of their money and realizing they don’t have enough to get back

they stopped in north carolina for a while while julian saved up enough cash for them to at least get somewhere they liked better, which is how they wound up in baltimore !!

here their jeep completely broke down and julian sold it so that the money from that plus the money he made selling drugs they could put toward a deposit on an apartment

it’s in their heads to get back to la eventually, but baltimore is kind of their ~scene so julian’s in no hurry. he’s selling drugs again but they use a lot of what he’s supposed to sell so......they’re not going anywhere any time soon anyway ytseugukhej

PERSONALITY

so now that his lengthy as fuck background is over with………julian is an extremely EXTREMELY dry sarcastic person. the guilt over his bf has made him a hell of a lot worse, like his sense of humor is so so much darker than it was before that happened, but he’s honestly just a rly sarcastic person to begin with. he has some softness inside especially for people he rly cares abt, but you will not catch julian being sentimental or taking literally anything seriously unless you’ve managed to seriously worm your way into his heart

he’s not like a GRUMP tho at all he just….doesn’t take things seriously. he’s literally the embodiment of every bart simpson meme

“whatever my dude” is his aesthetic

he’s very careful about his drug dealing, he won’t go around talking about it or anything, he does it all under the radar as much as he can and especially having done it for so long now and having experienced a lot of traumatic crap, he’s pretty good at what he does and he won’t fuck with people he doesn’t trust

even when it’s warm it’s not totally unlikely to see him in long sleeves bc he has really bad track marks all over his arms from shooting up so much, especially in the early days when he was really bad at it

he absolutely will not talk about his past and if anything even close to it comes up in conversation he will skate right over that so qUICK ur head will spin

i think that’s IT FOR NOW if u made it this far i commend ur effort and attention span. im gna list some plots n stuff below ( beyond the song connections ) and hit me uP for some angst bc ya girl is here for the drama as usual

CONNECTION IDEAS

u can find song connections HERE

any and all drug related things !! people who buy from him ( especially weed, he’s a lot more lenient about to whom he sells weed as opposed to other stuff ), people he introduces to drugs, friends he actually does drugs with

he’s very dry and enigmatic but he’s also quite social so seriously give me friends for him. he’s high a LOT but not always and he likes being out doing stuff

definitely somebody or somebodies who don’t trust him and his drug addict bart simpson vibe please please give me people who don’t like him

along that same vein it takes a lot to get julian worked up and in fight mode bc he prefers to just let things roll off his shoulders but it would def be fun to have someone who gets him to that point

also somebody who?? maybe thinks they can “fix” him and genuinely does their best to try and persuade him to change his life and that it’s not too late to turn everything around ( this is basically the song connection medicine by daughter )

if ur muse is randomly from st louis missouri????? hit me up with a past connection from way back in julian’s childhood

also someone he went to high school with in LA if they’re from LA. this person would probably not be surprised at the way julian turned out ystefygdjhs

AND TL;DR BECAUSE THIS IS SO LONG

a drug addict and dealer who learned to take care of himself from an early age because of neglectful parents. got a boyfriend addicted to drugs and lost him to an overdose when he was in his early twenties, went to rehab, relapsed, met another bf years later with whom he decided to road trip across the country and got stuck in baltimore. dry, sarcastic, kind of a douche, epitome of every bart simpson meme, walking tragedy. 

#soundintro #wow @ how much i ramble

[damein-the-reaper-blog]

I recently moved to California it is nice an all but the people I moved up here with I just want to sock.

Let me explain. I came up here with $700. Only $100 went to gas. One of the two, which is a couple, paid the same. Which was nice. I didn’t have to waste $200 on gas. Then I spent about close to $300 on food since at the time I didn’t have food stamps. The rest was spend on weed for them. Yes I know probably wondering why I did so. The guy has back problems and weed helps him not feel it. Understandable. I’m also a nice guy. So I gave them the money. What upset me is that they don’t know how to conserve the weed. It was about $300 in weed that probably lasted less than a month. And it wasnt a full here is $300. I gave them that in totally within a month. See what I mean? Yes I could have said no. But his back problems are so bad that he will puke. I can’t stand that AT ALL. So of course no matter what I will step forward. Of course he paid me back in gas money and little bit of weed for myself at the time. Which is fine. But over the time I have been here. He has asked about 5 more times for weed money. He gets money checks for his back. And most of it also went towards weed. So I spent another $300 on them. That in totally is $600. I COULD HAVE HAD THAT FUCKING SAVED FOR BILLS. I’m not upset about what was already paid back. I’m just now realizing that they owe me close to $250. And here I was thinking he only owed me $60. And I know the guy isnt this dense to not realize this.

But thats not all.

About 3 times he said we ALL, meaning all three of us, should start growing a pair and keep the guest house clean. We use the dishes. I said every time that I have been waiting on them cause I was cleaning up after them. I did the dishes, I took their trash and put it in the trash bin, put their recycling in bags, as well as clean the porch of their dishes and trash, and sweeped everywhere. I’m a person that would keep a hotel as nice as they present it so that the cleaners wouldn’t have to do much or even nothing at all.

The guy proposed that since me and his gf work that he will be house bitch. His words not mine. So I was holding him up to it. And most of the time the guest house was fucking disgusting. Of course I blew up about it. Yet he twisted it around and was mad I was coming at him. I tried explained my past to him and either I was cut off and he explained his past or he wasnt really listening. And at the end he said he wanted to sock me for blowing up. Yes I could have not come at him the way I did. But can you blame me? I have a past of being a shadow to everyone and mostly stepped on by others. And most of the time already spend up here was cleaning up after them. And he wants to say that? I know he isnt dense. It was obvious 100% that they were using me.

Then later I thought everything was cool. Hoping that stopped them from stepping over me. And that we are on neutral ground and that we all equally keep the guest house clean. But the dishes was still mostly in the sink and the counters littered with trash. I ignored it cause I wasn’t going to clean up after them anymore. I expected them to understand that after my outburst of cleaning up after them. Me still stupid and not realizing they think themselves as entitled. Showed them where I was keeping my snacks and said they could eat certain ones. They were good about it. After everything was eaten. I got more and it was mostly towards chocolate this time. And stuff was disappearing. I am a sweet tooth but my teeth are sensitive so I can’t eat them as fast as they were disappearing. I did yell at them twice about it. And I was blamed. Saying I probably ate it and forgot. I immediately knew that was an excuse.

Also about 2 or 3 months ago I suggested that I would like to go to bed at 8 pm. So that I can get up early. They agreed. At the time I didn’t really care cause I felt free and that I can do what I want. My room was their living room cause I had the ps4. Once I started realizing that the past doesnt matter anymore I started noticing things. That they weren’t keep my room clean and that they were staying in my room till 1 or 2 in the morning. Me wanting to be a morning person and wanting to get up early was starting to get annoying. Cause I was being forced to stay up. So I asked them to leave at 10. That is two hours past the agreed time. They agreed to that yet still was pushing past the new time. They go to the porch afterwards anyways. I didn’t see the big deal they were making it be that they desperately needed to be in my room. I asked them again more firmly that they need to leave at 10 and they should be keeping my room clean. They were doing it but was doing so half assed. Some trash was still on the ground. Not all their dishes were taken. Their cans weren’t put up. Most of the trash that were in my trash cans were overfilling and theirs. As well as the bags for the cans were overfilling. I also noticed someone was still eating my snacks. All of that showed they had no respect towards me. And the guy wants to talk about trust. They lost my trust once they started walking over me and doing as they please. So I wrote rules down.

All they had to do since using my room was 3 simple rules that to me was common sense. Keep friend room clean since I’m using it, take his dog for potty breaks since he is at work, and leave his room at his desired time. The last one I didn’t make clear until later. But they werent even doing the most known rule of all time which was the first one. Which to me showed they probably either didn’t view me as a friend at all or didn’t give a shit about disrespecting a friend.

The rules I wrote down were-

Leave at 10. No ifs, ands or buts about it. 

Keep my room clean. I should have put half ass isnt acceptable.

A new rule- On off days only smoke. No ps4 or tv. It was to not have me distracted on me researching stuff. And that whenever I decided I could play my games. And I put- if you cant do 1 tiny thing on list no tv or ps4. Yet I come home to find the tv gone, the harddrive that he gave me gone, their stuff gone, and the chair they put in my room gone. Which showed they were petty and not willing to go by my rules. And if I confront them about it they will either cover it up or I would figure out who was being entitled and everything would finally go back to when we first came up here with no walking over anyone.

I confronted the guy and he denied hard. He twisted stuff around as well as not giving a shit what kind of past I had. Which is the most stupidest thing I heard. Cause a persons past shows through peoples actions and how they view others. And explaining a persons past gives others ideas on how a person would react to anything. And that told me he did not view me as a friend and didnt have respect for me. Yet in the argument he was hurt when I said I didn’t trust him. I wanted to say- did you already forget what you guys did to me? I think we got to a stale mate and that he actually finally understood me and where I was coming from. Yet he said that me in the business is decided by his gf. In the argument he explained stuff of his gf on how she viewed me.

That I spend all my money on stupid stuff. At the time I agreed cause in the past I did so. But since moving to California I haven’t done no such thing. The only things my money went towards is food, my dogs food, my dogs toys, my dogs leash and harness, my glasses for looking at my phone and laptop, an avengers 22 ticket, $5 bag of clothes, notebooks, pens, calendar, and small white board. Only one thing on what I just listed was stupid. The avengers ticket. Yes it was a nice experience besides me needing a new tire, my cars engine crapping out and having to pay parking. I dont see what they mean by that. When I look at them money wise. I see them spending every last cent towards weed and stupid stuff. Like the gf complains on her feet. Yet doesnt get foot insoles but instead gets hair dye. 

And the bf said that his gf was tired of working her ass off and seeing me blow my money and me complaining about rent. I look back now and think what? From what I listed, besides the avengers ticket, was me blowing money? All that stuff I bought was over a period of time. And most of my money was going towards bills that I had. And I’m using everything that was bought. So really anyone reading this tell me how was I blowing money? The only person blowing money is them. Cause if they conserve the weed they get to actually last more than an day they would have more money. And I truly mean that. From what I see them getting, it could last them at least a week or two. Yet it only lasts them for maybe 3 days. Cause they dont care about conserving it.

He also said that she was done of my drama. I think back now and think what? What drama? You mean me yelling at you guys for eating my shit? You mean me getting pissed off at you guys for not keeping my room clean and its mostly your stuff all around my room? You mean me getting pissed off that you wont get out of my room at my desired time? You mean me getting pissed off at you guys for not knowing basic manners?

Yes I did blow up over rent. That one was my bad cause if I realized sooner where my money was going which was fast food. I would have had money for rent for at least one of the months. And supposedly I didn’t pay rent for 3 months. The first month was understandable why I didn’t cause I was transfering to another dominos but the guy was transphobic so it didn’t work out. The second month was also understandable. Cause I was in the beginning looking for a job. My mother texted saying I’m probably not doing so and she did it for me. Applied to at least 20 jobs. So I thought oh great I will probably hear back. But I did not. The third month I just got a job and all my other bills mattered over rent. My car and phone bill. Cause I was a delivery driver. Having such things was a necessity. I told him once I get enough saved I will pay her back.

I’m just tired of being stepped on. It was obvious 100%. Yet it has been denied but apologized for. And he said he was going to come tell me if I’m in the business stil or not. But he hasnt even come tell me. Its been a week. What is there to decide? I hope things are finally now on neutral grounding. But now looking back and hearing the gf cry and sound frustrated outside makes me think she is still playing the victim. I dont know if its her pretending and its always been her or if its been the bf thats been stepping all over me and she knows and thats why she cried. Hell I wouldn’t be surprised if it was both. Just tired of it all. They need to stop play pretend and wake up. I’m tired of using my past for them to understand where I’m coming from. It should be basic manners. I forget not everyone knows those.

#Rants

[shinozaki-ayumi]

Please answer all the things from the ask thing I can't decide what I want to know most :'''(

omg thats ok!! this’ll be a long one then lol

1. You woke up naked next to the last person you texted, what would you say?

its my boyfriend, so i’d probably be just like… “oh hey, that’s cool”

2. What’s going on between you and the last person you kissed?

he’s my boyfriend lol

3. If your boyfriend or girlfriend was into drugs, would you care?

yeah mostly because i don’t want to associate myself with it and i’d also just be really concerned about their health too? like weed isn’t bad but anything else is a no

4. Is your last name longer than six letters?

nope. exactly 6

5. Was your last kiss drunk or sober?

sober bc i don’t drink lol

6. Have you ever wanted to have someone but you messed it up?

the only person i’ve ever had a crush on is my current and only boyfriend so no 

7. What does your last received text say?

“pack up your stuff”

8. How many times have you kissed the last person you kissed?

too many times over the past three years to even begin to count

9. Where was your last kiss at?

about 20 mins ago at my boyfriend’s front door

10. When is the last time you saw your sister?

i don’t have a sister, but i have a brother and i saw him 2 minutes ago

11. What do you drink in the morning?

tea or milk

12. Where did you sleep last night?

in my own bed 

13. Do you think relationships are hard?

not really because if you are really meant to be with someone you both will put in the effort to make sure you are respectful of each other. i do think it’s probably difficult to find a partner though, especially in high school bc those almost never last. 

14. If you could go back and change something in the past 5 months, would you?

not really honestly lol. this year has been pretty decent.

15. You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, any problems?

nope. it would prooobably be pretty awesome actually

16. Would you rather it be sunny or rainy?

rainy! i love rain so much. it’s so relaxing to listen to and watch.

17. Do you know anyone with the same middle name as you?

no. my middle name is Jean, so i don’t know many people with that as a middle name. i don’t think it’s very popular.

18. Are you wearing jeans,sweatpants,or pajama pants?

pajama pants :D

19. Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 years from now?

hell yes. my boyfriend and i have been together for three years already and are more stable and loving than we ever have. 

20. Does anyone like you?

not at the moment i don’t think, but i have known about several guys who have liked me. aside from the current bf, they were all… gross….

21. Have you ever kissed someone with a name that starts with an S?

my boyfriend’s name is Stefan lol

22. Is the last person you kissed gay?

nope, he’s straight as can be

23. Is there a person you CANNOT stand?

SO MANY. SO SO MANY.

24. Have you ever considered getting a tattoo?

absolutely! i want something simple (like a triforce or something) on my wrist or ankle. 

25. In the past week have you cried?

this morning lmao

26. What breed was the last dog you saw?

mutt/mix/hunting dog thing. idk what she is. her name is hazel and she is my boyfriend’s dog.

27. Do you dry off in the shower or out of the shower?

mix of both? lol

28. Have you ever kissed a football player?

no none of the football players at my school are even remotely attractive to me 

29. Do you think you’re old?

…im 16, so no

30. Do you like text messaging?

it’s ok. but honestly, in comparison to the past few years, i just prefer talking in person or on skype

31. What type of day are you having?

GARBAGE but its ok because its getting better as it goes :)

32. Have you ever thought about getting your nose pierced?

no… the only piercings i want are more ear piercings.

33. Do you prefer warm or cold weather?

cold. like, mid fall weather. 

34. Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you?

i would literally die to save my boyfriend from suffering

35. Would you prefer a relationship or a fling?

relationship; flings/one-time things are not appealing to me. i like friendship and emotional bonding.

36. Are you a simple or complicated person?

complicated, but i don’t think anyone is really “simple.”

37. What song are you listening to?

none, my computer just decided to turn volume up to 100% for some reason without me pressing the buttons and now my ears are ringing. nice.

38. When you say you’re sorry do you mean it?

depends who i’m talking to and whether or not they deserve it39. Is there a girl that knows everything or almost everything about you?

a girl? ya, but only one. i only have a few female friends. most of my friends are boys lol40. What made you start liking the person you like now?

i had a dream that they were sleeping in my room and the next day at school i almost threw up when i saw them. good times.41. When did you last receive a text message?

about an hour ago42. What is wrong with you right now?

TOO. MUCH. HOMEWORK. 43. How well do you know the last female you texted?

she’s my mom, so pretty well i think lol44. Does anyone disgust you?

a variety of people. pro-life people especially disgust me. also any religious zealots and closed-minded people in general. 45. Would you date someone right now if they asked?

no, way too dedicated to my actual boyfriend.46. Are you in a good mood right now?

i’ve been better but my current mood is far better than my mood yesterday/this morning!!47. Who was the last person you talked to in person?

my mom48. What color shirt are you wearing?

black49. Has someone recently told you something you didn’t want to hear?

yeah… it’s pretty personal though. not gonna talk about it.50. Anyone you’re giving up on?

not currently but in the past year or two, many people51. Do you hate the person you fell hardest for?

not in the slightest

52. Have you ever thought about giving up on someone but couldn’t?

not sure if this means in a relationship or not but platonically yes. that friendship ended in far shittier ways though, so sometimes i sort of regret it. don’t think it could’ve ended any other way though.53. Do you like rain?

I LOVE RAIN 54. Do you care if your boyfriend/girlfriend drinks?

yeah because if they are a huge party animal who wants to drink all the time and loves being drunk all the time i am NOT compatible with them. casually drinking once in a while would probably be fine though.55. Have you ever liked somebody and never told them?

the only person i’ve ever liked is fully aware that i like him lol56. Do you like to cuddle?

YES. SO MUCH. I LIVE ON CUDDLES.57. Are you shy?

yeah but i’m growing out of it a bit!!!58. Do you get along with girls?

not really59. Have you dated the person you texted last?

currently dating60. What do you carry with you at all times?

phone, pencils, sketchbook61. If you were paid 1 million dollars to spend the night in a supposed haunted house, would you?

I’D DO IT FOR FREE 62. Do you think you can last in a relationship for five months?

it’s been three years in my current one, so yes lol63. Think back to October, were you in a relationship?

you all know the answer to this64. The person you like kisses you on the forehead, do you find this cute?

yes i love when he does this. its gentle and reassuring65. Did anything “cute” happen in the last week?

idk. not cute, but i had some nice moments with my bf. mostly just laying on my bed and talking about “deep” stuff while playing fire emblem

66. How old are the last three people you kissed?

theres only been one and he’s 17 

67. Would you rather pay to get your nails done or do them yourself?

do them myself but i haven’t done my nails in years    68. Which do you like better- Zebra print or leopard print?    

can i say neither69. Do you have any stickers on your car?    

i dont have a car but my family does not70. Would you rather listen to Luke Bryan or Lil Wayne?   

….can i say neither?  71. Blackberry, Anroid, or iPhone? 

iPhone   72. When’s the last time you had pizza from Pizza Hut?   

ages ago because my town’s only Pizza Hut closed years ago  73. Do you like diet soda?    

no those cancer-inducing chemicals can stay 5000000 miles away from my body74. What color are the walls in your room?    

dark yellow-y tan 75. Are you 16 or older?    

i’m 1676. Do you watch Pretty Little Liars?   

no, tried, not a fan 77. Do you have a job?    

no and i am dreading it. i’d like to take commissions instead lol

 78. What are your initials?  

EJC  79. Did you ever have braces?    

yes and they are long gone. i am grateful80. Are you from the south?    

nope, upstate New York! best state 

81. What does your last status on facebook say?    

i don’t use facebook82. Do you still talk to the first person you ever kissed?  

lol  83. Are you closer to your mom or your dad?    

my mom84. Have you ever done cheerleading or gymnastics?  

neither  85. What’s the last movie you saw in theaters?  

i genuinely do not remember. i think Rogue One  86. Do you smoke?    

HELL no 87. Would you rather wear heels or flip flops?    

flip flops88. Is your phone touch screen?    

yes89. Do you normally wear your hair straight or curly?    

straight90. Have you ever snuck out of your house?    

no91. Would you rather swim in a river, lake, or pool?   

pool 92. Have you ever made out in a car?    

yes93. …Had sex in a car?  

no lol  94. Are you single or in a relationship?  

in a relationship  95. What were you doing last night at midnight? 

sleeping   

96. When’s the last time you saw fireworks? 

fourth of july on Saratoga Lake    97. Do you like the camera on your phone?  

its much better than my last one, but still not the best. i have a 5s   98. Have you ever had a friend with benefits?   

nope 99. Have you ever passed out from drinking?    

never drank 100. Are you friends with people on facebook that you actually hate?  

not on facebook, but on instagram yes  101. Have you ever had a pregnancy scare?    

yes even though it was 99.9% irrational. i’m tokophobic lol. thank god for the pill 102. Name your favorite Kesha song:    

i cant even name one 103. Do you have any tan lines right now?  

HAHAHAHAHAHA i’m of british and german descent (aka about as white as they can come) so my skin burns, never tans   104. Would you ever wear cowboy boots with shorts?  

absolutely not

#oof that took a while lol #sorry if im boring but thanks for the ask! #emma talks #Anonymous

[neworld17-blog]

fucktheworld

all i want to do is be happy but no one seems to give a fuck. i'm always the problem. parents don't know me. i'm fake. i don't even know who i am. i can't even try to fit in right. i'm not pretty. smart. funny. nice. i'm actually an awful person. i just need help. but there's no one to help me. parents won't listen. my one friend thinks it's stupid. idk what my other friends intentions are or if we're even friends. how do i get out? out of this fucking nonsense it's fucking retarded. i need some peace but i can't find it. things get better? ya... for a little while and then it came crashing down again. it started again. you know those things that sting when u shower and try to clean off your shame and guilt. i need one person. just one fucking person who is truly there for me. i can't even do that for myself. IM A FUCK UP. i didn't want to believe it but here we are. i'm terrified of dying but it feels like i'm already dead inside. what's the point of it all? the grades? the jobs? the money? to be on top? to be the best? i can't do that. i'm at the bottom. I WILL ALWAYS BE ON THE BOTTOM. im not the underdog or that quiet girl who sits in the corner and reads. i'm the girl who fucking tries her hardest for people to like her even a little but always comes across as annoying and trying too hard. i don't know how to feel happy anymore. i'm stuck with constant anger and sadness. i can't feel anything else. i don't feel love for my parents anymore. i really really want to but i can't. they judge me and put me down and idk if it's intentional but god doesn't it fucking kill me. idk how to make out relationship work. idk how. at all. but it's my fault that idk. i wish i had a close relationship with them both but how do i do that when their whole idea of me is a lie. i drink. i smoke. i do drugs. i have sex. they think i'm a virgin who occasionally sips coolers. idk what would happen if they found out. sometimes i wish they didn't like me. that if i messed up they would kick me out. give me a better reason to feel this way. but they do their best even if it's not good. i wish i could do my best. but i just can't care to. i care so much but the effort will never be shown. it stupid. i feel awful. mom, dad.. i'm so sorry i'm your daughter. you deserve so much better than me. everyone deserves better than me. i'm the crust on the pizza you don't eat, the song you skip, or the fucking buzzing sound that drives u crazy. i'm no good. not for me. not for anyone. i have no one. how the fuck did this happen? i just want things to get better. i want to be accepted for who i am. like the fact i don't like presents. or christmas. or travelling. THAT I DONT NEED TO LIKE WHAT YOU WANT ME TO. it's not my fault i don't like it. don't get mad at me for it. i'm always having to go with what people want. never what i want. it's just the way it goes i guess. constantly being told to be quiet because i'm too loud. i'm only loud because u don't listen to me. telling me to calm down and relax. ITS BECAUSE YOU NEVER FUCKING HEAR WHAT I SAY. it's never about me until there's a problem to blame me for. i'm sorry i cost u stupid money. i promise u when i'm older i will pay you back. i swear to god i will. i really wish you could have seen how well i was doing.. maybe not in school but i was so fucking happy. so god damn happy. u didn't care. u were just hung up on my happiness coming from someone who smokes weed. r u fucking kidding me. WEED? i've been smoking weed before i met her. and she's bad? u think i do nothing bad and i'm a "good kid" but i actually do bad stuff so if you knew would i still be a good kid or would i now magically turn into a bad kid? my happiness got cut short. i get the short end of the stick every time. u hang out with me ya but just while ur bf is at work. or before u get to see him again. i feel like u hang out with me as a favour now.. it feels like it's a task or a chore for u.. i'm sorry.. i'm just trying to stay close to you.. but i don't even know if we're close anymore. he's your boyfriend. your top priority. i get that. but when u literally see him everyday for a long period of time and you don't want to leave and hang out i get fucking sad. ITS A FUCKING BOY. when did i turn into someone that's there when he's not? use me.. that's fine.. just know that i notice. i'm a fuck up. no surprise there. but when do i get something i want? please just something that will last. i can't go thru this slow separation again. it fucking sucks. my hearts fucking broken and the pieces having fucking turned to dust. u can't fucking fix that shit. it's done. over. fucked up. how the fuck do i get that shit together again? i fucking don't. cuz nothing in life fucking works out. you ever wonder what you would do if you had 3 wishes..? ill tell you mine: -rich forever> y? because everything fucking involves money. no matter what it is. EVEN FUCKING WATER WILL COST MONEY. i'd always be financially secure. -for everyone having a hard time not to happen anymore. whether you're homeless, sick, being bullied, starving. to just stop. live in a fucking world where everything goes smoothly. -for my parents to know i really love them and am sorry for everything i do. i love and appreciate you guys i really do and i'm sorry for acting like i don't. i'm just trying to figure some shit out right now. please just know i would t want anyone else to take your place. if i had a bonus wish tho.. i'd wish for people to like me.. just enough for them to not look at me weird, judge me, talk shit behind my back, wave or say hey. i genuinely want to be liked. it's so fucking hard being the outcast in a group. i'm even a fucking outcast to the fucking outcasts. high school is a fucking nightmare and i'm just trying to make it thru. doing what i can. people don't think i notice them glare at me, laugh at me, look me up and down for my clothes or the fact i'm not skinny. i notice.. i'm sorry i can't be what you want either. BUT WHY THE FUCK DOES IT MATTER TO YOU IF I FUCKING WEAR UGLY CLOTHES TO SCHOOL DOES IT FUCKING EFFEXT YOU????? GO FUCK YOURSELF FUCKING SNOTTY ASS BOYS AND GIRLS. ill fucking judge u for your shitty ass personality that you're trying to hide in your fucking expensive clothes that your mommy bought. fuck this shit i'm sorry i just need a fucking sign that it's all gonna be okay. just one fucking thing. cuz right now everything is falling apart and idk what to do. please. i can't keep doing this everyday. i hadn't cried in months until now. i've cried everyday for the past 2 weeks. cry on the inside like a winner? i'm a fucking loser. i don't know what to do anymore. i can't fix anything. ...2017

[juliivn-blog]

*  bill skarsgård, age 27, he/him  | oh, them? that’s julian nilsson. they’ve lived in carina bay for, like, one week. last time i spoke to them they were a drug dealer, and if i remember correctly, they’re an aries. seeing them around always makes me think of track marks hidden beneath a long-sleeved shirt, the watery reflection of a neon sign in a motel parking lot, the eerie quiet of 5am after a sleepless night. ( lainie, 24, cst, she/her ) 

hello bitches it me ur local bag of literal garbage ( lainie ) back at it again !! this time bringing u the anti adrian and pls be wary bc there are a lot of sensitive topics down below ( tws for major drug use, drug addiction, death, grief, shitty parenting, neglect, abandonment?? kind of idk better safe than sorry )

so bear with me bc his background info is kind of Long!! his mom and dad are from just outside of st louis, missouri. his mom came from a pretty wealthy family and she was just like tryna be ~rebellious in her young adult years by dating julian’s dad (who came from a super trashy family and had a Bad Boy Rep). when she was 19 and he was 22 she got pregnant ( with julian ) and her fam was like lol get rid of that baby or ur gone !! but they were “““madly in love””” and she was on her rebellious shit so they literally eloped to the city ( st louis ) and got an apartment together and had julian but never actually got married bc they were too cool ( read: irresponsible ) for that. ofc this ended up being rly miserable bc she was used to living the rich life and now her family had disowned her, and suddenly she was starting to realize this dude she had a kid with was kind of a deadbeat party boy with no interest in having a family, not to mention she started realizing like?? i don’t actually want a kid this is a lot of work?? so like julian’s childhood years were a lot of him having to learn to take care of himself and not having anyone to depend on most of the time. and that’s not to say they didn’t both care abt him on some level bc there were definitely times they paid attention to him and gave him a birthday party or two but for the most part he was on his own

fast forward 5 years and finally julian’s dad, now in his late 20s and getting antsy, peaces the fuck out to los angeles to live his best party boy life. baby julian is very upset bc even tho his dad doesnt pay a lot of attention to him he like idolizes him. julian’s mom is saltier than EVER about having to take care of a kid but she doesn’t wanna go to LA ( especially for this asshole she doesn’t even like anymore ) and her parents won’t have anything to do with her or her illegitimate child so the NEXT 5 years are a lot of moving around from shitty apartment to shitty apartment and job to job by themselves. his dad would now and then send weird postcards and stuff from cali so he had like a vague idea of the fact that his dad was living his own life somewhere that looked super wild, and when he was 11 years old he managed to send a letter back asking if he could come live with him. his dad contacts his mom, there’s a bunch of fighting, but in the end julian did indeed get to go live with his dad in los angeles, mostly bc his mom just didn’t give a fuck anymore and was lowkey like…u know what fine take him i can have my life back

obviously his dad does not know how to be a dad !!! he kind of thought of julian as his little like…..sidekick like he just thought having this 11 year old kid around was hilarious. so julian went to LA and was living with his dad and his dad’s friends in a relatively nice apartment but like it’s always filled with people doing drugs and having sex and it’s just. not child friendly at all. so that’s how julian was introduced to weed at the ripe young age of 11!!! from there on out he was like a big time weed and cigarette smoker, was very early having sex and trying other drugs, and by the time he graduated high school he was already hardcore doing coke

so julian like kind of wanted to go to college bc some part of him did crave normalcy, but he was way too far up his own ass to get his shit together for that !! plus like....he didn’t rly have good role models. so his first year after high school instead of getting on a good path for his future he decided living his best life would include moving into an apartment with his cokehead best friend. it was around that time that julian met his first boyfriend. he was already totally aware he was bi, had slept with boys in high school, but this was the first time he rly fell in love with a guy. he was like……….head! over! heels! for this boy. julian met him at a club and he was like sort of soft and relatively innocent until they started dating and julian got him smoking weed and then snorting coke

this next part is very triggering so please read with caution !! when he was 21, julian tried heroin for the first time. for about 6 months it gradually got really bad, his life started spiraling, and his bf was like….becoming unable to deal with it, especially bc while julian was getting worse his bf was kind of trying to move in the opposite direction and get off the coke and get his life back together. there was a lot of fighting, but his bf kept not actually making the move to end things bc he loved julian and was just like hoping something would turn around. one night, however, in a moment of weakness, he let julian talk him into trying heroin with him. it was kind of a “i promise i’ll get clean if u try it with me this one time” thing. being in and out of consciousness and not really aware of what was going on, he didn’t notice that his bf was overdosing and he ended up dying simply bc the heroin was too much for his body and he stopped breathing. julian didn’t notice until the morning when he woke up, and obviously that was by far the most traumatic thing that’s ever happened to him and left some deep ass emotional scars

so following this, he actually did check himself into rehab. he was there for 3 months, got completely clean, but he only managed to stay that way for two weeks before he was first snorting heroin again and then back to shooting up and selling drugs

it was about a year later when he was 23 that he met kit while he was doing a deal at some seedy bar outside of town. they quickly fell into a completely unanticipated relationship--notably, julian’s first since his boyfriend’s death. in spite of that trauma and feeling guilty even as he did it, he started introducing kit to drugs. in his mind, it was kind of a thing where he fell in love really fast and really hard out of nowhere and he saw this sad little thing with no place to go and drugs are the only thing he’s ever known himself, so it was very natural to be like “here try this it helps” and also naively convincing himself he’d never let what happened before happen again

so four years later they’re living together and completely broke, living mostly off the money julian makes selling drugs and whatever else they can scrape up, when kit decides he wants to do a road trip across the country. julian’s very impulsive, doesn’t really give a shit about anything in LA anyway, and to top it off has a hard time saying no to kit. SO a road trip it is !! they make it all the way across the country before finally using up the last of their money and realizing they don’t have enough to get back

which is how he wound up in carina bay! they’re currently living out of julian’s car with a little makeshift bed in the back and he’s selling drugs again to try and save up enough so they can get home, but they use most of what he’s supposed to sell so it’s.......not going very well euyagafdhs

so now that his lengthy as fuck background is over with………julian is an extremely EXTREMELY dry sarcastic person. the guilt over his bf has made him wayyyyyyyy worse, like his sense of humor is so so much darker than it was before that happened, but he’s honestly just a rly sarcastic person to begin with. he has some softness inside especially for people he rly cares abt, but you will not catch julian being sentimental or taking literally anything seriously unless you’ve managed to seriously worm your way into his heart

he’s not like a GRUMP tho at all he just....doesn’t take things seriously. he’s literally the embodiment of every bart simpson meme

"whatever my dude” is his aesthetic

he’s very careful about his drug dealing, he won’t go around talking about it or anything, he does it all under the radar as much as he can and especially having done it for so long now and having experienced a lot of traumatic crap, he’s pretty good at what he does and he won’t fuck with people he doesn’t trust

even when it’s warm it’s not totally unlikely to see him in long sleeves bc he has really bad track marks all over his arms from shooting up so much, especially in the early days when he was really bad at it

he absolutely will not talk about his past and if anything even close to it comes up in conversation he will skate right over that so qUICK ur head will spin

i think that’s IT FOR NOW if u made it this far i commend ur effort and attention span. im gna list some plots n stuff below and hit me uP for some angst bc ya girl is here for the drama as usual

CONNECTION IDEAS

any and all drug related things !! people who buy from him (especially weed, he’s a lot more lenient about to whom he sells weed as opposed to other stuff), people he introduces to drugs, friends he actually does drugs with

he’s very dry and enigmatic but he’s also quite social so seriously give me friends for him. he’s high a LOT but not always and he likes being out doing stuff

definitely somebody or somebodies who don’t trust him and his drug addict bart simpson vibe please please give me people who don’t like him

along that same vein it takes a lot to get julian worked up and in fight mode bc he prefers to just let things roll off his shoulders but it would def be fun to have someone who gets him to that point

also somebody who?? maybe thinks they can “fix” him and genuinely does their best to try and persuade him to change his life and that it’s not too late to turn everything around

if ur muse is randomly from st louis missouri????? hit me up with a past connection from way back in julian’s childhood 

also someone he went to high school with in LA if they’re from LA. this person would probably not be surprised at the way julian turned out ystefygdjhs

#carinaintro #drugs tw #death tw #grief tw #there are more extensive tws under the cut #yuergfajkwehs #god this is long im so #sorry