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angelwiththeblue-box · 1 year

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HAEMOGLOBIN!!!

ok so stardust is about this kid Tristan thorn who is the son of this guy Dunstan thorn and this faerie woman. In the prologue, Dustan and the faerie woman Do The Do and then the faerie woman goes back to faerie because where dunstan/Tristan lives is this town called wall and once every nine years on the mayday the meadow beyond the wall welcomes the faerie market and thats how Dunstan and the faerie woman met anyway so after they fricked the frack the faerie woman went back to being enslaved by this very unkind witch who turned her into a peacock for her troubles and Dunstan went and married a very nice woman who pretended Tristan was her baby when he turned up on the doorstep in a basket and so they raised him like that

FLASH FORWARD EIGHTEEN YEARS Tristan has never been allowed to go to the faerie festival. He is very close with his father and not as close with his mother. And he’s head over heels for this girl Victoria forester and one night he’s like eyyyy Victoria heres all the things I would do to win your heart and its very romantic etc etc and anyway they see a star fall to the ground in the far distance and Victoria is like bring that star to me and I will give you your heart’s desire and Tristan is like Bet and he goes on his merry way with a full endorsement from his father

Anyway he crosses the border into faerie and he meets this short little man who feeds him things and gives him a candle that will take him miles in one step (its magical) and he also learns that he knows the locations of Literally Anything in faerie as long as it is an established place like it can’t be a person

CUT BACK TO WHEN THE STAR FALLS, BUT FROM THE POINT OF VIEW OF FAERIE

The lord of the stormhold is dying. His three sons, Primus, septimus, and secundus (the others were all killed by each other) are all wondering who will be the next lord of stormhold. Anyway he takes this stone he’s wearing and YEETS it out the window like fucking FAR. It hits a star and they both fall to the ground and the lord is like ok whoever brings that stone back to the stormhold will be the next king. And then he dies.

AT THE SAME TIME, A COTTAGE OF WITCHES OBSERVES THE STAR FALLING AND ARE INCREDIBLY HAPPY ABOUT IT

Why, you may ask? Well, my heart, there are six of them. Three are youthful as ever, and three are not. The three who are not wish to be youthful again, but they can only do so by eating the heart of a star. So they draw straws and the one that wins eats the last piece of the last heart they had and she becomes youthful but only for a little while. You see, she needs the heart of that new star.

ANYWAY TRISTAN MAKES IT TO THE CLEARING USING THAT FANCY CANDLE HE GOT BUT O H N O IT BURNS ALMOST OUT!!! HES STUCK!!! HES TRAVELLED HUNDREDS OF MILES IN MINUTES, SURELY IT WILL TAKE SIMPLY M O N T H S TO GET BACK!!

Ah but check it out theres this really pretty girl here and she’s shining in the night almost like the stars WAIT A MINUTE-

Yeah the star is a girl (its a romance what do you think)

She broke her leg when she fell and is pretty much like. Broken. Anyway Tristan comes up to her and is like hey. You are my kidnappee now. I have to give you to the love my life so she’ll marry me. And the star is like weird flex but ok and then Tristan puts a chain on her (not good) and then they go on their merry way (not really they’re kind of stuck and shit out of luck)

AT THE SAME TIME THE PRINCES OF STORMHOLD (THERE ARE TWO LEFT BECAUSE SEPTIMUS KILLED SECUNDUS) ARE CHASING EACH OTHER AND PRIMUS IS TRYING HIS LEVEL BEST NOT TO DIE! HE DOES SMART STUFF ETC ETC

MEANWHILE THE NOW YOUTHFUL WITCH IS ON HER MERRY WAY TO FINDING THE STAR! She stops at a caravan of a familiar looking old woman with a very familiar peacock and is like hey I’m a witch you’re a witch lets be besties and the old witch (who is the old witch from the market if you did not catch on) is like aight bet and then she puts truth serum in the youthful witch’s food and she’s like hehehehe I’m so smart anyway whats new Scooby doo and the youthful witch has to tell her but when she does she is like I cast this spell upon ye that you will never remember any of this you will never see this star so long as you shall live (hold on to that its important) and then the youthful witch goes back to the search (the peacock the other witch had is watching all of this very disdainfully)

Also Tristan and the star have found a unicorn! They’re riding it now. And the star is like so I got knocked out of the sky because SOME DUMB FUCK THREW A ROCK AT ME and she pulls out the rock that the lord of the stormhold threw and she’s like this is so fucking dumb Tristan look how dumb this is and Tristan is like yes I see how dumb it is and she’s like good will you let me go now and he’s like no

uhhh. Things happen. They bond over shit.

THE STAR MAKES A BREAK FOR IT WHEN TRISTAN GOES INTO TOWN FOR FOOD!!! SHE TAKES THE UNICORN AND FUCKING G O E S! Tristan goes after her LITERALLY ONLY BECAUSE HE WANTS TO GET WITH VICTORIA NO OTHER REASON along the way he meets this very nice man who says his name is Primus and he has this very nice carriage! How nice!

AT THE SAME TIME

THE WITCH HAS SET UP A POPUP IN RIGHT IN THE PATH OF THE STAR! THIS IS WHERE SHE WILL LAY HER TRAP! She transfigures two goats to be the innkeeper (her husband) and a pot-maid (basically a servant) and then she waits! Eventually, the star (who’s name is yvaine) happens upon the inn. Salvation, at last!!!

pay no attention to the innkeeper’s wife, who is sharpening a knife and licking her lips. All is well.

Also yvaine doesn’t eat food or drink anything because she subsists on the moonshine or some shit

Ok back to Tristan who has spent some time in this carriage with this fellow Primus and they’ve just happened upon an inn!!! How nice!!! Tristan volunteers to sleep in the barn with the horses and theres a white horse back there too but no matter he’s too tired Primus tells him he’ll get the pot-maid to bring out some brandy and thats the end of it.

UNTIL!!! THE BRANDY IS BROUGHT OUT!!! AND JUST AS HE GOES TO DRINK IT!!! THE STABLE CRASHES AND THE UNICORN COMES BURSTING THROUGH AND STICKS HIS HORN IN IT!!! TRISTAN RECALLS SOMETHING: UNICORN HORN NEUTRALIZES POISON!!! GASP!!! HE’S ALMOST BEEN POISONED!!!

HE RUSHES INSIDE

AT THE SAME MOMENT

THE WITCH IS GETTING CREEPIER AND PRIMUS IS TRYING HIS BEST

TRISTAN BREAKS IN AND IS LIKE PRIMUS BRO I ALMOST GOT POISONED SHE ALMOST POISONED ME AND THEN HE SEES YVAINE AND HES LIKE OMG BABE IVE BEEN LOOKING EVERYWHERE FOR YOU AND THEN ALL HELL BREAKS LOOSE

THERE IS SHOUTING

THERE IS FIGHTING

THE WITCH KILLS PRIMUS

SHES COMING FOR YVAINE AND TRISTAN

BUT TRISTAN STILL HAS THE CANDLE

HE FASHIONS A WICK FROM HIS SHIRT AND THRUSTS IT INTO THE RAGING FIRE! HE AND YVAINE TAKE A STEP AND A STEP AND A STEP AND TRISTAN HOLDS THE CANDLE UNTIL IT BURNS OUT, SCARRING HIS HAND BEYOND BELIEF!!!

WHERE ARE THEY NOW?

On a cloud. chilling.

The witch flees the in and septimus happens upon it and sees his dead brother and is like ha lol ur dead and then he’s like FUCK I DIDNT KILL YOU NOW I HAVE TO GO TAKE REVENGE ON THE PERSON WHO DID FUCK U BRO

So he goes to go kill the witch (he killed like all his brothers so he should be fine)

Ok and then Tristan and yvaine get picked up from the cloud by some flying people who know Tristan through that little fellow who gave him the candle in the beginning and they spend some time with them (a few weeks maybe?) they help to heal Tristan’s hand and yvaine’s leg, though it never heals correctly, so she always has a limp now

And eventually they get dropped off a ways away from wall (closer than they were but still far) and the flying people are like byeee!!! Lovely to meet u :))) and then Tristan and yvaine are like damn better get moving I guess

The witch is like hehehehe they want to get to wall let me set up camp in this pass which is the only way to get there hehehe no one will stop me!!! And septimus is like IM GONNA ARSON IT and he almost does but she catches him and is like BITCHBOY I AM A WITCH YOURE DUMB and then she kills him

Anyway yvaine and Tristan meet this old witch lady (its the same one with the bird and the peacock) and barter with her safe passage to wall because she’s headed there for the faerie market. They use this glass flower his dad gave him which he got from the faerie market himself. Weirdly enough the witch doesn’t notice yvaine or acknowledge her like???? At all???? Ok then and also she turns Tristan into a hamster because why the hell not

So they’re on their merry way to wall and tristan is a hamster and yvaine is still not noticed by the witch so she chills with the bird sometimes and the bird is nice very smart for a bird actually

And they of course pass by the home of the youthful witch who almost got arsoned but did not and also she’s not that youthful anymore and she’s like HALT and shit and she’s like WHAT HAVE YE IN UR CARAVAN and the old lady witch is like nothing hehehe just a hamster hehehe (and because she is cursed to never notice yvaine) the witch believes her!!! They escape thanks to the failings in the witch’s own spell!!!

BACK TO WALL!! THE FAERIE MARKET IS IN FULL SWING!! THEY TRY TO GO IN BUT ARE BARRED BY THESE GUARDS WHO ARE LIKE MMMM NAH AND TRISTAN IS LIKE GOTDAMN OK

So they go back to the faerie market and have a sleep with long romantic pauses (Tristan is seriously reconsidering marriage to Victoria at this point cos like. Yvaine is fucking great yk) and yvaine is like HE WILL NEVER LOVE ME BUT I WILL COPE BECAUSE THAT IS WHAT I DO and in the morning its like TRISTAN THERES SOMEONE HERE FOR YOU and Tristan is like ah yes my lady love Victoria brb yvaine (because men) but actually its his sister who is like YOU FUCKER YOU WERE GONE AN ASS LONG TIME WHAT THE HELL and Tristan is like ah yes about that and then he sees Victoria who is like TRISTAN W MUST TALK IMMEDIATELY

Basically she eplxains that she is going to marry mr Monday (who once employed Tristan) and she is very happy but a promise is a promise and if he has her star then she will fulfill his heart’s desire and Tristan is like well I’m a Grown and Matured man now I DESIRE THAT YOU MARRY MR MONDAY LITERALLY THIS WEEK and also that I get to be with yvaine lets gooooo and Victoria is like FUCK YEAHHHH!!!! And so she and mr Monday get married

And Tristan is like yvaine can live with me in wall but also wall fucking sucks what if I just live in faerie forever that would fuck

Also yvaine can’t cross the border out of faerie bc then she turns into a rock (similar to the stone of stormhold which she still has btw)

WHEN VICTORIA AND MR MONDAY GET MARRIED THE PEACOCK WHO IS NOW A WOMAN FOR FAERIE MARKET REASONS IS LIKE AHA IM FREE!!! Because the terms of her enslavement were that she would be freed on a week where the moon lost her daughter (the stars are the moons daughters) and two Mondays came together in the same week (Victoria and mr Monday got married) and so she’s free now and she finds Tristan and is like SURPRISE BITCH IM UR MOM ALSO IM THE LAST REMAINING CHILD OF THE LORD OF STORMHOLD BET U DIDNT SEE THAT COMING DO U KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS OH YEAH UR THE FUCKEN LORD OF STORMHOLD COS UR BAE OVER THERE HAS THE ROCK

And Tristan is like wait no I don’t wanna and he and his mom are all ready to get up and arms and yvaine is like mmm I’m gonna go now and she wanders off and runs into NONE OTHER THAN THE NO-LONGER-YOUTHFUL-WITCH who luckily can’t get her heart anymore and they have a conversation and the no longer youthful witch is like I don’t get it why can’t I steal your heart and yvaine is like perhaps because it belongs to someone else (and it was at this point in the book that I came upon my brilliant idea) and then she throws a wanton glance at Tristan and the witch is like *insert that one hades meme here*

Anyway Tristan and his mom have it sorted that she’s (his mum) is gonna go back to the stormhold and be the interim ruler while he and yvaine make their own way and she’s like yeah ok and it turns out she’s such a fire queen that by the time (about six months later) yvaine and Tristan get there its so good they leave a note like “hey so we’re gonna stay out longer don’t begrudge us our travels xoxo gossip girl” and so they do that for a bit

Then they come back and Tristan and yvaine take over as the rulers of the stormhold and all is peaches and cream forever and ever and then Tristan dies and yvaine doesn’t but she does sit in a tower gazing at the stars for the end of time and no one ever mentions her limp

THE END

damn

#val answers #spi!!!#steve to my robin <3

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