#but I feel like it’s slipping away

[quietiw]

.

#thoughts #I feel incredibly burdened #seeing the way people adopt media discourse so easily #becoming puppets to unseen masters cloaked in dangerous conservatism and hate #it makes me sick #I feel insane #our culture is so disturbed and it’s creating people who cannot see or think or feel independent from it #these holes we have dug to find truths are burying us and we are losing sight of each other #I cannot hope that these systems will change and heal #but I do not wish to fall into cynicism and dread #I wish I could help people #but it is so hard to keep myself afloat these days #it is so difficult to know what thoughts and beliefs are mine and which have been crafted and manipulated through the sieve of society #I want to grow old and wise and live in the trees and dirt and become more #but I feel like it’s slipping away #would it be easier to simply pass now #become one with everything and nothing #be more than I ever have been? #it’s so hard to stay afloat these days #everybody’s eyes are so vacant #who am I supposed to connect with #who is supposed to connect with me #I just want to drift down #swallowing #swallowed #if they found me in my hole #would they recognise me as one of them?

[derpiedoxie]

Mood

Full drawing!

#hajshajdhjahss sorry for being dead and not posting stuff in ages #the hyperfixation has been slipping away #reading some Solar lunacy relit the spark a bit though! so I decided to draw this! #had it sitting in the back of my head for ages after having no energy to do anything lol #more drawings coming whenever I feel like it #fnaf #fnaf security breach #fnaf sb #fnaf sun #five nights at freddy's #derpiedoxie #five nights at freddy's security breach #sundrop #fnaf daycare attendant #digital art #fanart #daycare attendant #security breach #fnaf fanart #doodle comic

[wachtelspinat]

i can't help but feel like my drawing days are kind of over. not entirely, i'll still be drawing from time to time. and deffo not because i want to. but i'm having this exact same feeling since mid 2022, since i was really struggling with my elective period, i kind of disconnected with art there and never truly found my way back. on top of everything that came after - moving, starting a job and working to be good at it which leaves such little room for other things because i can't handle my life well - there is just so much horrible shit going on. and i'm having a hard time comprehending it.

a part of me also feels very stupid for drawing one thing for almost 4 years now constantly, but another part of me knows "hey, but this makes you happy". it's a constant battle in my head because online spaces are like school grounds, and i don't actually wanna stand in the corner as that one kid that just can't shut up about that one character. but then again all i ever did was drawing fanart so... what does it. who gives a shit. be cringe and be free alright. but it kinda feels so hollow, esp. when you're at it for so long. a lot of mutuals move on. some are not even active anymore anywhere. and i wonder what happened. plus a huge chunk of the tone of the fandom has changed. also with the source material getting butchered so hard (since the release of ow2) it just kills the fun. playing this game used to be fun. playing this game was one thing that helped me getting through the last meters of university. it's like watching the downfall of the simpsons again without making the comparison too set in stone, just... this thing that used to be decent and nice and watching it getting ruined in real time (broken promises about pve, the recent gameplay changes?? the lore was fucked up from the start but they kind of tried, now it's just skins for 20+ dollars) while still having feelings for the characters is shit. anyway...

i recently went through a big folder of stuff i'd drawn at the age of 12-15 and there were so many fucked up but cool monster and cyborgs designs and just silly stupid stuff and all i could think of was that i felt so distanced from it, like i don't even know i think this is normal? because a lot of time has passed and a lot has happened and i knew i've drawn all this but i wasn't able to locate the person who did in my present me now and... it's just so normal that things move constantly forward but i feel like i missed huge chunks and passed a few stops and now i'm kind of lost.

i don't even know what i'm trying to say here anymore. i just feel sad because it feels like sth is slipping out of my grasp or sth has changed tremendously and i don't know how to make damage control.

i keep trying tho, i try to draw once a week at least. it's just like as soon as i take a step back and look at it i don't feel it at all. gonna continue tho, until it makes sense again i hope.

#this got a bit deep for saying i don't feel like art and i don't feel like it since 2022 #sorry for whining about this topic for so long already on here and twitter #but i've been drawing since 2004 and i can't deal with the feeling #of it slipping away #also ppl always recommend doing OCs or getting a new hyperfixation but #tbh i don't have the big brain powers for this #can't just switch or come up with sth new on the spot #esp with work #work is just very all consuming on so many lvls

[sloppygoaty]

dw he's not actually sad, just being dramatic

i've had this specific idea stuck in my mind for months so it was about time i drew it lol AND IF U SAW A TYPO NO YOU DIDN'T

+a few other extras under the cut

small cozy doodle i did for funsies

And a deleted version of the last panel bc the first one looked waaay too serious and not silly like i intended, my man looks like he just saw someone die asdfghj

#goat art #furry art #tododeku #the main reason im dumping these all at once is bc im starting to feel my interest slipping away #haven't been interested in bnha for a while now with this being the exeption #but alas most interests must die eventually #i might doodle a small conclusion to this comic of like. deku using his wool to knit a scarf to todo or smth #but i won't make promises! #anyway. thank you for the 2 people who bothered to read these tags u rly didn't need to lol

[foibles-fables]

sometimes this specific smile nudges its way into my mind and my hands, like, go numb

#the fondness is disgusting. actually. #like I feel the need to look away I fear #there is no platonic reason #that is the very face of the comphet mask slipping #talanah khane padish #aloy #horizon zero dawn #horizon forbidden west #aloy x talanah

[thatseadog]

I'm having thinking hours

Chip can physically feel himself being one moment away from forgetting who he is. From forgetting how to feel and turning completely hollow. In that late night, he knows he risks forgetting who he loves. Imagine him the next morning, in the peaceful quiet, with Gill and Jay next to him. He stares at his two co-captains and hates how the only thing that he feels is the memory of his heart aching. He knows he loves them, feels it in his soul, even though it doesn't appear to be tied to his body anymore. The thought of the chance that his consciousness just slips from his body and ceases to exist pushes him to let them know that he loves them. So he interrupts the silence. He shares that at any moment, Chip can die. That he loves Gillion, and how he's made him a better person; he would still be lost if it wasn't for him. That he loves Jay, that she's one of the only authority figures in his life, and how he would genuinely break if she was gone. Lays it all out: how he fully, completely trusted them from the beginning, that he knew they didn't trust him at first, but that it didn't stop him from being ready to risk his life for them, and how he would have done it in a million other timelines, no matter what story, era, or language it was written in. If his body ever becomes a soulless husk, they should know that deeply in his being, Gill and Jay have become a permanent part of him, and whether they like it or not, Chip has become a permanent part of them in return. So if Chip dies, he's taking a part of them with him forever, but in better news, they get to keep a part of him with them for as long as they live. And maybe they cry, maybe they hug for a long time, or maybe they reminisce about old times to freshen up Chip's memories because, just maybe, that'll keep him tethered to reality.

#jrwi #jrwi riptide #just roll with it #gillion tidestrider #jrwi gillion #jrwi podcast #jrwi show #chip jrwi #jrwi jay #109 jrwi spoilers #jrwi spoilers #i just have this scene in my mind where Chip gets scared of slipping away from himself #and the thoughts overcome him into telling gill and jay how much he loves them #to make them understand how monumental and special they are to him #like so much raw desperation to make them understand that he feels. he feels and cares so much for them #I've been coping

[qeyond]

You're my safe house.

#qeyond sucks #lawlight #death note #l lawliet #light yagami #idk how i feel about the lighting but ANYWAY #prompt was Lawlight slipped some edibles to chill their asses out during the yotsuba arc #they spent what felt like hours lost in a sea of carpet in their room #they eventually found each other again and got closer than theyve ever been #twisting their fingers through each others hair and tangling their gazes till sunset #theyll probably be embarrassed about this later and go back to hating each other #but this moment will stick in their minds forever. unrelenting. <3 #q art #i really dont know how i feel about how this one came out but i sure tried ksdhfkjsdf #edit: made the colors a little less desaturated ?? #also also also i think Light definitely gave L's forehead a very very tender kiss after this #like lips lingering for soooo long #L just shut his eyes and drifted away like a really content cat - w-

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#sorry im thinking abt death again #because it's weird to think that ive been in the room. maybe a meter away from someone as they died #that someone being my mom. its just weird. the time in the hospital feels like it happened in some dark little pocket universe detached from #time. a calm room and then the soft blips of a monitor then the nurse rushing in to say she'd passed #i dont kno y ppl use that phrase: passed on. i mean i do. it softens the topic. makes it sound peaceful. ive yet to use it. i just say she #died bc thats what happened. is that insensitive? i dunno. when i was home i realized that i come off as much stranger than i think. the way #my family see me doesnt fit how i see myself. i dont kno what to do with that. i dunno. theyre all together today #for an early easter. and im halfway across the country again. nose so stuffy ive had to mouth breathe for the last 3 days #and again. everything feels the same as it did before but also profoundly different. sometimes i cry in the mornings. or when i think abt #future vacations she wont be there for. bc in the end she quickly slipped away in a way that couldn't be described as peaceful until her #last half a day. and all i can think about in that tiny room is how scary it would be to lose control like that #and how its not fair and she didnt deserve to die only halfway through a lifetime. but its not about fair and its not about deserving. #sometimes bad things just happen. that's life. and now i own a book called motherless daughters. and now im standing with the countless #others who've lost their moms too early. ive already become aware of 3 ppl in my daily life who are in the same club #i keep thinking about this moment that happened between my parents at the hospital. apparently my dad was helping her get cleaned up and her #stomach was so bloated she looked like she had a bby in there. which my dad said. and my mom apparently said: but it's a baby no one want. i #dont kno y that upsets me so much. all the things i heard abt her being in the hospital before i got there upset me. and the rest of my #family was there to see it. so i have the least traumatic version of the story. and i got almost 27 years with her. except my sisters #probably got more time with her bc i spent so much time away. or maybe not. i dunno. #i dunno. im just sad that shes gone and sad that it was drawn out even a little bit. 6 days isnt long but im sure it felt like an eternity. #again not fair. nothings fair. 53 years of unfairness culminating in a tragedy. she would hate me characterizing it like that. she lived a #full life as they say. full with an asterisk on account of length #unrelated

[hopkei]

........but what if tho...?

level of insanity increasing.......

but wHAT IF tho?????

#sanity slowly slipping away #jfc those prices tho and thats BEFORE SHIPPING kms #ughhhhh i dont think i can do it #trying to bargain with myself #'but if i order them with magazines the price of shipping per item will be lower!!!!' #ive been waiting to buy my keito magazines bc the site i want to buy them from still doesnt have tv dan 51 and its making me so MAD #but maybe i could just buy them from this site instead hmmmmm.......????? #i can actually feel my brain melting i have to stop looking at these #i think it would literally be like 45 usd for one keiruchan the world is so cruel...... #i make adult money and am irresponsible but nOT THAT MUCH #one day keiruchan......one day........ #(lying in a pool of tears stroking photo of keiruchan) #cri #fantastics from exile tribe

[oscill4te]

Dopamine & avoidant behaviors

Reddit post that has me considering a lot rn (link)

#freeze type #dissociation #dopamine #executive dysfunction #i have been actively conditioning myself to avoid remembering or feeling anything #i had no idea negative rewards(the taking away of something unwanted) could produce dopamine. explains so much #i wonder if this is why emdr fucked with me so bad. it is somewhat like exposure therapy in a way (but not really) #but you feel all the somatic things again.and it is terrifying. so so terrifying. #slipped back into many bad habits after emdr to get back to avoiding and blurring my feelings. idk if it has to do w this #txt