#but also I'm stupid and like conecting everything

[imperfect-seraph]

I've been eating lunch feeling the hammering of my heart in my throat only because I got the anxious feeling that someone (a familiar) is gonna enter the house and see me eating, the amount of guilt that I have everytime I eat anything is stupid, now is a fucking salad and all I can think of is how useless I am and the only thing I can do is consume shit that I don't deserve.

I'm weighting 57kg and I'm so fucking ugly in my eyes, I still can see the same fat boy I was years before, all the loose skin and marks that leaved in my body is something for sure, oh but when I actually see some difference the amount of joy is amazing, I don't love being the typical skinny guy, I wish I was muscular but man, better than the alternative, but yeah, it's not fucking funny how I'm so fucking close to having a panick attack everytime I eat, or how sometimes I can actually enjoy it and later I spend hours regretting it, oh! And how I prefer to die instead of accepting food from other people (chocolate for example) and can't really explain why I can't accept it

#I'm probably gonna get fucking cancelled but I make the conection with fatness with women because I got misgender when I was like that #so ofcrs all the suffering of it i relate it to that #also I was taught that I should eat everything on my plate and don't waste anything #so now I feel awful when I have to throw away food #And I won't tell anyone about my problem with food because in my mind is a women thing to have a eating disorder #dysphoria can be a stupid bitch sometimes

[just-1-scorpio]

Cellblock Chaos is a mess

Spoler warning!

This story is a mess. I already had a love-hate realetionship with this game. But this story made it harder to overlook the flaws of the game. This far the stories were actually good, or at the weary least likeble. Sorry if I will sound overthinking, or stupid, and for the grammer mistakes English is not my first launvige.

One of the many problems of this story is that it's too short for the story, and for the themes. The leinght of this event story, is just not enough for what they try to achieve, both with the themes, character "development", and such they try to achieve. Yes, we can say that lately the event stories are shorter, but they still meneged to work in a way. But here giving it more stage would have helped the story, and the writing, because as if now it feels as if they just rushed everything.

And an another problem stems from this. The character writing, and story writing. First the characters, and they interaction. Amber is likably through out the event, but they did a poorer job with Toland, and Jin Qiu. Yes, they have they moment, but those don't save the event. And an another thing is. I'm the only one who thinks that what Jin Qiu said about Amber feels rushed? If the event was longer, and the two had more screan time together, then it would have been better. It just feels rushed.

If they given more time, and more screan time between her, Jin Qiu, and Toland, then the ending had been better. Let's imagine Amber and Jin Qiu arguing like they did in the event, and Jin Qiu tells Amber what happand in the past (the guy he shoot), and with this unintentionaly opening up to Amber, and it's eather the two talking it out in an emotional screan, or Jin Qiu sends Amber out of his office. Eather way Amber, and the players would have more conection to him, so when Toland lies about him, it would have more of an emotional impact, along side with his monolog about her in the fight between him and Toland, and the ending. Similar with Toland in my openion. Imagine Toland not just using Amber's idias, but also getting things out of her, and using those too to manupilet her. It would't make her look this dumb.

If it was up to me, there would also be an another character, who was chought along side with Toland, who helped him in that particler crime, and is also a repited criminal, but instead of manipuleting Amber, he is actually touched and moved by her tryind to help him, and is ready to tell the everything, but can't because of Toland. And in the end his testemony doas not mean anything because nobady believes him, and Jin Qiu's own testemony. And before Amber realise, he asks Jin Qiu in they shared cell, that why didn't he told Amber what happand in the final comfortetion, and Jin Qiu answering that it's better this way, because then Amber might become similar to him, and lementing his unethical methods.

Is this sounds clishe? Yes. But is it better then we actually got? Posably.

This event is a whole mess.

#Dislyte #Cellblock Chaos is a mess #It's imposible to ignore the game's problems now #dislyte jin qiu #dislyte toland #Dislyte Amber

[ravenonice]

Update on my ongoing fics! (and fun facts)

In case you're here because of my fics, here's a little update everything concerning those :D

I just started my semester abroad in Scotland. Since I'll be working and I want to travel a bit too, I will be busy...so I am not entirely sure yet how much time I'll have for writing... So updates might come even less regularly than they already are...I'm sorry.

As for specific fics:

Playlist of a Love

I've run into a stupid problem here... I have a notebook that contains the scores and layouts for Yuuri's short and free for the rest of the season, as well as Viktor's free (I've decided to not think of a short for him because it's really not relevant at all...). And I left that Notebook in Germany...in a box...in a self storage place...because I'm stupid...

The next few chapters are centered around Yuuri's programs and the story they tell and how that story changes a lot. The scores are fairly important for that too because a lot of Yuuri's perception of himself is based on those. Without wanting to spoil too much, but I think I established this in the last two chapters, it's a big part of how Viktor and Yuuri communicate emotions with each other.

So, in order to continue the story line like I intended too...I need those scores and notes on the programs...

I'll need to do that all over again and it's going to take some time and a lot of effort...and I don't know if I'll have that time and energy any time soon...

So this fic is on ice (badum tss...) for an uncertain amount of time, I'm sorry.

It's a shame really because a lot of it is allready written or outlined...but the key conecting pieces are simply missing...

Outlook on the future of the story (aka: why you maybe want to bear with me ^^'):

I have a halfway finished one shot prequel for PoaL regarding Viktor's childhood that I want to post when we get to that part in the story. It just doesn't fit in the flow of the story telling, so I'm posting it seperatly.

I also started writing a prequel for Yuuri which will be considerably longer than Viktor's....and I really shouldn't do that before finishing the main story...but the thing is is that PoaL is basically finished in my head...but not on "paper"...and I need to write it down because it also helps me understand my version of Yuuri better and how to write him, same reason why I write the Viktor one shot. Maybe I'll start posting it alongside PoaL as soon as it wouldn't spoil anything anymore.

I have a whole ass fanfiction in my notes app which's whole purpose is for me to practice writing smut with plot because I never published smut before...but there will be smut in PoaL and I want it to be damn good. If anyone is interested in a snipet of that while you wait I'm happy to provide that ;) As for the plot part: Viktor has commitment issues, Yuuri takes whatever he can get.

Hearts of Glass

I'm actually halfway through the 4th chapter! This chapter will conclude the World Championships arc and we will soon move on too Yuuri's Hasetsu vacation and his training for the new season :D I'm really excited for this actually!

Fun fact: when I started writing I thought it would be a two chapter fic or a really long one shot to take my mind of PoaL for a moment...

At first I wanted Yuuri to win worlds and then resolve the issue after the banquet there... But then I got ideas for what a season with them being absolutly pissed at each other would look like and all the sexual tension and now this fic has about 14 chapters planned...uff...

I will continue to use irl programs as inspiration because I don't really want to make this more work for me than I have too...and I have Yuuri's programs planned.

Skip the next paragraph if you don't want any spoilers:

If you listen to the playlist to this fic, there is a hint for Yuuri's short programm ;)

Since Viktor isn't coaching Yuuri, I can't keep Eros and Yuri on ice... But: Viktor will get Eros.

End of Spoiler

I don't have a free for Viktor...I need something that works well with Eros but is also expressing the complicated romantic feelings he has for Yuuri. So if you have any ideas: Please leave them here! If you just know music that's great too honestly, I'm willing to make an exception on the low effort rule here if it means I get what I'm looking for ^^'

The Air I Breathe

I finished the 3rd chapter...but I hate it. Viktor is way too out of character and it's really just boring to read so I'll have to work on this a lot more...

As I mentioned before, there are 5 chapters to this fic, and all of them live in my notes app more or less finished, they just need polishing.

Fun fact: This was also meant to be a one shot! But in the very beginning, this was part of the very first draft of Playlist of a Love! I was sick with covid remember? So Yuuri had to deal with that...uups...

In that very early draft, the banquet night ended with Viktor putting his number on a scrap piece of paper and putting it behind Yuuri's phone case while he showers.

TW: Non-con

They had sex in that version and I cut that because I found that to overstep the boundaries and on what a healthy and trusting relationship could be built on... Yuuri was blackout drunk after all and I don't think Viktor would take advantage of that...and I also don't want to romanticize such things at all. Viktor scraped at that boundary in the version I have now enough...

End of TW

Yuuri does find the paper on the flight to Detroit, but he's way to confused and embarassed by what happened to actually call or text...

The season ends like it does in canon with Yuuri flopping at Nationals and not going to 4CC and Worlds. And also with the Stammi Vicino video.

So Viktor does show up and then there's a lot of hurt/ (no) comfort and i honestly don't quite know why I randomly decided to almost murder Yuuri in the process ^^' despite me having covid

It did not make any sense so I scrapped it all and replaced it with what I have now....which also still has parts that don't make sense and I need to smooth over...but oh well I'm getting there...

When I wrote Viktors backstory for PoaL I felt really sad and angsty...so I dug this out again and decided to turn it into a standalone fic.

Other updates in relation to my fics:

As mentioned before I have a ticket for the Saturday events of the Grand Prix Event in Sheffield! It's the first competition I will be at and I hope that I'll take some things with me that'll help me with describing competitions better!

I posted a very angsty one shot when I couldn't sleep and was really depressed....so if you are into main character death and dead soulmate AUs, Maybe my soulmate died... is for you ^^' I appologize in advance for possible mistakes and terrible writing...I did not read it again...I just couldn't...

So...that's the info dumb regarding my fics ^^' If you read this far: Thank you for your interest in my writing! I really appreciate you all <3

#yuri on ice #yoi #yuri on ice fanfiction #yoi fanfiction #yoi fanfic

[alesreadings]

Supernatural Academy: Year One by Jaymin Eve.

✧ 3 stars. ✧ "Knowing I have you guys in my corner... it means everything. I would cut a bitch for you. Girl power, my friend. This is girl power."

I guess I'm out of my reading slump, or trying to. This book took me a while for that reason: my reading slump has last at least 3 months, and I'm slowly recovering, lol. I'm still debating so hard with this one. Maddison James lives a "normal life", moving on from city to city and changing her hair color every year on her birthday, january 1st... Until a tracker finds her and tells her that she isn't human and has to go to an Academy to learn how to control her power or she will be dangerous for the humans, yada, yada, yada. I like books with the academy / boarding school trope, because I missed my teen years due depression (that's a story for another day, lol) and so, I think they're pretty cool, entertained and a little bit refreshing. I like the idea of making new friends who will be with you fighting darkness and that kind of shit. This one, however, didn't feel as much as I expected (that's also why I don't make illusion with books in general). Maddison is recluted by Ilia and she goes to the Supernatural Academy. But there's something weird with Maddi: she doesn't know where does she fits, in which specie: demi-fae, magic users, vampires, shapeshifters, etc. Year One is basically a high school with people of 20+ years old. We have the girls who think they're superior than everyone else, the irrelevant people, the daughter of the princeps and the hot guys who don't mix with the other kids, and that also are so fucking powerful because why not? Maddi draws the attention to her in the moment she arrives to the Academy. Maddi falls into the arms of the super popular, hot, rich and powerful boy, Asher. The conection between them two is so goddamn fast. In matter of seconds, they know something is going on between them... The normal thing, right? The bad bitches mess up with Maddi and warn her to stay away from the hot kids. Another total normal thing. The pace is a little bit fast. Some characters are easy to love or to hate. Maddi is annoying, I still don't know if shelf this book as "badass female mc" or as "stupid female mc because Maddi was both sometimes. In the second half of the book, I get to dislike her. Asher was pretty good at the beginning of the book. It was towards the end when he became the asshole overprotective "hero" that believes he can decide over the girl and ugh, I wanted to kick him so bad. AXL IS MY FAVE NERDY HOT BOY, DON'T YOU FUCKING TOUCH MY BOY. Rone was being hostile with Maddi at first but suddenly he's like "I will protect you" and ?????? wHAT THE FUCK!! Jesse and Calen are sweethearts and I must protect them but still, they lack of personality and development. This is not a reverse harem (I don't like them tbh), even if it feels like that. While many people likes the bad boy with dark hair, edgy and rude and annoying, I like the hot nerd dude who's always with a book. Don't ask me why, I just know I love that type of guy, yES, AXL, I'M TALKING TO YOU! I wanted to kick Maddi for being an idiot the 99.99% of the time. She was feeling horny or rejecting the possible idea of being part of an ancient specie and was like "nO wAy I'm ThAt SpEsHuL, i JuSt CaN't", which is annoying as the fucking hell. Trust me, there's nothing that exasperates me the most than a girl trying to pretend that she isn't speshul, when she clearly is it, because hello, the book is of your pov. I'm not complaining, there were a couple of good moments, but some felt really dry, senseless and pointless. It's a 50/50 for me and I guess I will pick up the second one, but not yet because my currently reading list it still a little bit bigger for me, lol. bUT IF AXL DIES, I WILL RIOT AND BURN THIS WHOLE FUCKING WORLD FOR HIM.

#supernatural academy #jaymin eve #review #reviews #3 stars #edits #edit #mine #academy like #new adult #fae #fiction #magic #shapeshifters #vampires #urban fantasy #romance #trilogy #adventure