#but fuckin. if this is the price i have to pay for tumblr acting like a website ill take it

[gothwizardmagic]

remember when tumblr looked like this back in 2015 and everyone was furious when they got rid of the sidebar 🤷‍♂️

#not rebloggable bc i dont want to deal with the hoards #but look i dont care if its supposed to be a shitty twitter clone #im just glad it looks like a WEBSITE again instead of an app #its so much easier to access shit again #i do wish it was all on the right that was more intuitive to me personally #but fuckin. if this is the price i have to pay for tumblr acting like a website ill take it

[papirouge]

I hate how everything online feels so US centric you know? Like no, stop assuming when I say I’m pro life I’m for this backwards medieval attitudes Americans have towards socialism and social welfare that’s needed to help decrease abortion rates. Being pro life for me means I support socialist systems to care for the poor and those in need that includes women who are expecting babies and the babies themselves. America shutting down maternity wards and refusing maternity leave for workers and canceling legislation that would give kids in schools free lunches instead of fucking school shootings ever week is an explicit American issue. I’ll gatekeep all day on this - Americans are not and never been truly pro life. Especially since they worship their guns so much it’s in their constitution 🙄

The fact they indifferently use socialism, leftism, globalism, communism, liberalism - and now 'wokism'....like they were synonym is enough for me to know they are idiots. I hardly take any political take coming from USAmericans that seriously tbh.

I'm not that much of a political person myself, but USAmericans are the only people acting like advocating for free access to healthcare was instantly making someone a Communist... Only on Tumblr I've been called a commie for advocating for a better wealth distribution 💀 They are insane.

"first they ask for free stuff, then they'll come for my property!!" bestie, we all know you're broke and ain't owning shit. Sit down.

In their mind = getting stuff for free = stealing someone's labor. It doesn't occur in their mind that health distribution can make it happen while everyone getting paid. When I fainted in a mall, got sent to ER, got tested AND went to the pharmacy for medication, I only had to pay 10€ for ALL of this. And yet, the ER, the medics, and my pharmacists all got fairly paid.

It's a well known thing in France that tax evasion loss covers the retirement hole which is the excuse for that reform. That's why ppl are fuckin shit up. That's unfair to make the people pay the price of greedy billionaires. The money is here. Wealth dstribution is the problem.

That's why it's soooo annoying to these twat scream about Communism at the slight possibility of a better redistribution. The fact that they're aligning with millionaires when they're socially closer to the homeless person down their block is cringe.

And yeah, pro life is beyond simply fighting to protect the unborn. That's also why every pro gun pro lifers Americans has cognitive dissonance. They're brainwashed by their savage culture bred from genocide and slavery. They are spiritually cursed. Only a few ones got the Grace to snap out of it.

They really shown they ugly hypocrite asses when they *suddenly* cared about gun violence bc the shooter was trans..... Disgusting.

If me wanting universal healthcare & get pregnant women have free pregnancy care makes me a Communist I genuinely don't care lmao Hail Stalin. I'm absolutely immune to this brand of anathema. Me being a Communism won't make anything that I say any less true 💅🏾

USAmerican hate Communism bc they know it's the only regime that could virtually rekt them, because Nazism was mostly targeting Jews, so the Whites USAmerican don't care that much (they'll never openly admit it ofc, but their obsesssive hate boner against Communism -and not as much against Nazism- speaks louder than words)

#answered #papi truths

[jughead-is-canonically-aroace]

elaborate on kitsch and mass culture in the 50s? i'm interested 👀

oh yeah so i picked this book up at the secondhand store from the 1$ rack like 5, 6 years ago or something and only just got around to reading it, it's flight maps: adventures with nature in modern america by jennifer price and it's about america's changing relationship with conceptions of nature. i'm only halfway through but i'm really enjoying it.

it was on the 1$ rack because the prev owner had done a LOT of underlining, tho curiously not on this chapter, which of course has me acting in suit. the chapter in question is "a brief natural history of the plastic pink flamingo", i.e. the tacky king of lawn ornament kitsch. i'd recommend the whole chapter really (the whole book really), but in particular, re:the post i left that tag on, page 134, where i left the comment "my tumblr dash about marvel movies" in the margin in reference to basically the entire page.

here's a few choice quotes:

Greenberg warned that kitsch "[drew] its life blood" from real Culture and Dorfles now lamented that the "vampire kitsch" had evolved into "one of the crucial problem sin the history of art and aesthetics."

Critics had assailed the mass-produced arts for many decades, but the evils were multiplying as fast as plastics, and from Right and Left, the new Jeremiahs fulminated against mass art, fiction and movies -- and were on the verge of uniting against the nascent sins of television.

"Mass culture threatens... to cretinize our taste."

Mass culture, Macdonald feared, "voids... the deep realities," and "substitute[s] for the... originality... of real life." Greenberg had attacked kitsch as "vicarious experience and faked sensations" and "the epitome of all that is spurious in the life of our times." Dorfles agreed: it "killed all ability to distinguish between art and life."

now obviously some of this is a bit more dire than people tend to talk about marvel, but it's definitely following a long tradition of moral panic about mass art and mass culture - the idea that watching these shitty ass movies is eroding our ability to appreciate good art and preventing or harming the ability for good art to be created and appreciated by ruining our abilities for critical thought

honestly vis a vis marvel and critical analysis i think it's probably kind of the other way around - people are complicated and the culture is complicated and i think it's more likely that people enjoy marvel movies because they don't have critical thinking skills because of a variety of things going on in our society (school systems which teach to the test rather than actually teaching, the internet making it really easy to encounter a lot of information from a variety of sources of various repute with no way of telling which are actually reliable & allowing you to form long-lasting and relatively insular communities and form echo chambers, puritanism) than that people watched marvel movies and their critical thinking skills immediately shrivelled up and died.

but that's also not to say marvel movies are a neutral entity - just that they're not solely responsible for the death of all art or anything, they just suck ass, aren't good, and also are military/imperialist propaganda. which is the real reason why no one should watch them

(tho honestly if you wanna watch braindead propaganda drivel fuckin whatever. if you're aware and not internalizing the harmful messages like. who give a shit. it's your time to waste. the harm comes not from the consumption of media itself but from the lack of critical thought to prevent you from internalizing the bullshit, and the resultant actions you take)

(just dont pay for it for gods sake)

#oh and when you talk to me about it and i have to listen to you tell me i should watch endgame. no #changed my mind no one should watch marvel movies because it increases the chances someone will try to talk to me about marvel movies #asks #isay #flight maps #books

[speremint]

Hello! First, I adore your art style and am looking forward to BnR when it resumes! I have a question for your concerning commission etiquette. I commissioned a piece in May, paid full price upfront, and gave the artist space. After several months I reached out but never heard back. It's been 11 months at this point and I'm pretty sure I've been ghosted, and can't recover the funds. Any tips for future interactions that would help both an artist and myself feel secure with a commission?

I’m so late to responding to this I’m so so sorry

That’s honestly horrible; 11 months is definitely out of the chargeback period (I think it’s 6 months from the time of paying the invoice for chargebacks).

Moving forward, I always check in after a month if I’ve heard nothing. I unfortunately also just had to deal with a massive artist screwing me over on commissions; after being ghosted for three months I finally ended up threatening to do a chargeback. That, of course, got me a response, but I had to continuously tell this artist (bc they had the balls to keep the tip and the conversion amount from the currency exchange) that I would be issuing a chargeback at the end of the month if I wasn’t refunded the total cost.  Establishing hard deadlines if an artist is being flighty/uncommunicative is also vital.

It’s hard to put your foot down sometimes, but honestly... You’re paying for a service from a professional, and if that professional isn’t going to fuckin act like one then you deserve to be refunded in full.

I’d also say that, for future transactions, check to see if the artist has posted any commissions they’ve done or has a specific tag (this is kinda only applicable for tumblr tbh) for finished commissions. I also avoid commissioning big artists UNLESS they’re recommended to me by friends, or they specifically do only commissions and are good at posting them.

I can’t offer too much help other than just making sure there’s been other examples posted, and then not being afraid to put your foot down after a month or two. Like... definitely be understanding if the artist has had some personal issues spring up because that just kinda happens, but also understand that you might be getting fucked over and it’s better to cut your losses rather than wait for the chargeback period to be up.

Edit: and before some idiot comes at me in the replies or reblogs, I’m a professional artist and have been working in the comic industry for two years now; prior to that, I did online freelance commissions since I was 15, so I do know what I’m talking about and just cause you like an artist doesn’t exempt them from being a shitty business person.

#psa #andromeda1028 #commission tips

[ikemensengokufandom]

I have no intention to reblog her post on tumblr but you guys can see how self-entitled this woman is.

Firstly, the way you phrased "I have my rights to voice out my opinions as a whaler." You DID NOT indicated that "how unnatural it looks" or "angle seems odd" from the beginning.

FYI, you're the one who started this comment thread?

^ Need a reminder? Here you go 🙂

Secondly, you said you spent money on the game, but not to be passed off with such manner with the art. Excuse me, did you even know what's the baseline and how does it actually works within the industry? Your first respond was "They photoshopped it" instead of what you explained about the unnatural pose etc.

Firstly, not just PAPER but in EVERY aspect of the gaming industry, reuse of material is somehow the norm. One way is to save cost, time just so that the developers are able to quickly produce the product.

No, I'm not siding the developer on this. But do note that they are a company themselves and it's their job to milk consumers' money, and they're not the only company that are doing that. And to justify the pricing based just on artwork just shows how plain ignorant you are because you don't just fuckin' compare the pricing based on artwork. Developers in general have to be constantly active with different servers, and not to mention the new functions they added on etc? That's how you see whether if a game is worth paying for.

And to you being a whaler and spending 10k gems and all, it's your choice whether to spend or not to spend the money. PAPER did not force anyone of the players to spend couple of hundred bucks on their game. If you have problem with it, you can don't spend any dime on it, or just give up on the event right? 🙂 sure, we all know how shit PAPER are in terms on how they treated their consumers lmfao, trust me even I have problems with them but did I rudely shut off the others just so I can argue my point to prove that I'm right just because "I'm a whaler and I spent hell lot of money so I'm the king everyone must bow down to me?" Excuse me, you are not the only spender in that game.

The reason why the admin were pissed is because you acted on your own accord with your superiority complex and pissed off the other members. Ouch, you do know that CN and EN fandom are of different culture and opinions right? The admin were not being rude towards you at the beginning, it is you who 作死 that couldn't tolerate the facts that they cared for other members in the group.

Oh and please don't use criticism as an excuse, because your first response towards the other member(s) who disagree with you was "If my comment bothers you, you may skip it." Criticsm and nick-picking are whole lot of different meaning, but instead of criticsm and learn how to tackle with it, you got salty because not all of the members accepted your so-called criticism.

While you told others to skip your comment, you on the other hand didn't follow what you've preached and in fact somehow stalked Yume's account just because she removed your comments and what you did was "Fuck you" while she is just doing her job as an admin, aka SHE CREATED THE GROUP. So what, she has no rights to rant on her OWN FACEBOOK TIMELINE RIGHT AFTER YOU CUSSED AT HER RUDELY? 🤷‍♀️

So you're salty just because she did her job and prioritize the members instead of saying "yes" to the big whaler? What logic is this excuse me? 🤷‍♀️

And FYI to the group rules:

RESPECT EVERYONE'S LIKE: Lol you didn't seem to respect other people's views and opinions from the way you spoke. You told people to skip your comment yet you have rights to voice out, like wow as if the others' opinions are inferior 🙄

NO HATE SPEECH OR BULLYING: You just told admin to "Fuck you" and had proceed to stalk her facebook timeline and posted it on public 🙂

And now you're trying to victimize yourself just so you can mislead the others? Oh no, you're not getting away for that 🙂 You started the thread, you disregard other people's view while you expect the others to respct yours with that self-entitled attitude of yours. For someone who's from Singapore like me, older than anyone of us AND a long-time player, you should be ashamed of yourself.

And one last thing I would like to add on; you argued your point AS A CONSUMER while SHE ARGUED HERS AS AN ARTIST HERSELF. You claimed that they only take side to people who followed their scared rules, so does this sound like she's taking any sides?

Oh nooo.... Don't try to get me into "don't twist my words" and "I sabotage you" or calling others "crazy, delusional" etc once you lost an argument. That bullshit and attitude of yours has been lingering for YEARS until 都看的出来了. I honestly do not want to give a shit about this, or even write a tumblr post to rebuke yours as I do not want to get involved with you again. However, after 5-6 years you still have that shit self-centered fragile heart that still wants to twist the tales and portray yourself a better person? Sorry, you don't do that towards my friends.

This is not what you did few years ago anymore. Nobody's a young, ignorant dumbfuck anymore and your same old "twist the tales" methods ain't gonna work anymore. A few members are already pissed off with you way before this minor issue, and the admins themselves have high tolerance to bear with you and not kicking you out.

Sure, leave the group, nobody cares 😂 we are thankful for that lols.

And yeah Yume blocked you because unlike you, we can just simply delete someone like you from our life instead of being vengeful as fuck. Go ahead, continue to write a long-ass twisted tales about how shit you got treated in that group, or stalk someone's facebook timeline to justify yourself. If you can rant in your platform, so can us 🙂

奉劝您老人家一句，做人善良一点。 您别气坏了身子啊~ 不然就像您所说的，容颜会越来越老的，不是吗？

您要活在您自己的世界，那请便。我们这种人对您来说只会把您的地盘弄脏了~ 这样莫须有的罪名，老娘们可承担不起啊~💁‍♀️

#lovepro #love and producer #mr love queen's choice #rant #towards xingxueyue #get a reality check pls #恋与制作人 #戀與製作人 #otome #otome rant #fandom #恋とプロデューサー～EVOL×LOVE～ #러브앤프로듀서

[svtskneecaps]

@transparentnctseventeenperson YOU WANTED GUIDES HERE U GO I THREW MYSELF OUT OF MY BED IN EXCITEMENT SEEING THAT I STG

(people who know better pls check my work am baby)

THE LONG AND SHORT OF IT: TRCNG is a ten membered boy group under ts entertainment that debuted in October 2017 with Spectrum and deserves the absolute world thank u. Fandom name is Champions, we waited for y e a r s and we finally have it

(unfortunately i don’t speak korean and can’t force myself to watch through videos i don’t understand longer than like ten seconds, and with a lack of subbed video content there’s only so much i know about personalities so i’ll have to mostly stay away from there,,,,, i’m sorry)

Music Videos Yeehaw:

Missing

Wolf Baby

Spectrum

Utopia (it’s a dance practice technically but i fuckin love that song)

Game Changer has an mv i think but it’s blocked in my country (and no, i don’t have a VPN :( i don’t trust myself to download things anymore))

Blogs on Tumblr:

@hohyeon-anti (translations and other things, they’re gr8)

@bapwoo (gifs and other things, they’re also gr8 and helped me out when i went full stan)

(i can’t give u pointers on any other platform i don’t use twitter sorry; hopefully those guys can fill in my blanks tho)

discord (i snagged the one from bapwoo bc that’s the one i joined?? idk if it’s the same as the one hohyeon-anti runs and honestly i’m too afraid to check yeehaw edit: have recieved confirmation, they’re the same)

Translation Accs on Youtube (that I know of)

Rising Subs (inactive; last upload was 1 year ago)

TRCNG Subs (inactive; last upload was 1 year ago)

(just as a side note there’s this great channel that does crack for them it’s adoringguk check them out too it’s not optional they’re funny)

Other better guides:

An Actual Helpful Guide to TRCNG (it’s like 40 minutes tho, the price we pay for helpful rip)

An unhelpful guide to TRCNG (shorter and from November 2017, a month after debut, but still a goody it’ll hand u the basics)

An introduction they did on Arirang/Pops in Seoul (i don’t know how to introduce this one rip)

Members (i’m using their kprofiles page to make sure i’m not spreading inaccurate facts):

again, i can’t speak for personalities beyond intuition so unfortunately most of these are gonna be p short i’m sorry take it with a grain of salt (most of my knowledge comes from the 20 or so odd subtitled vids on the channels i linked + whoever posts on instagram, but there’s only so much i can glean from short captions, and some people post there like once in a blue moon so,,, sorry)

(if people have anything to add go for it i’ll credit)

Yang Taeseon

September 2000

leader

lead vocalist

a whole beanstalk (5′ 11″ / 182 cm) {most of them are beanstalks honestly what are they feeding them}

why are most of the clips i see of him screeching from somewhere offscreen i adore him

Kim Jihun

January 2000

oldest

lead vocalist

he played the violin (so as a viola i am duty bound to duel him)

had an acting career

gets overexcited and is probably going to hurt himself (fell off his chair once rip love him)

Choi Hayoung

August 22 2000 (s o o n)

main vocalist

speaks english (he lived in LA at one point wow fancy)

s i r e n n o i s e (it’s almost as bad as the one by my house damn dude what are your lungs)

knows / is friends w nct haechan (we stan intergroup friendships) (thx bapwoo)

Lee Hakmin

September 2000

kprofile has him listed as ‘vocalist, dancer’ and i don’t know enough about roles to disagree

he’s left handed nerd

jongup fanboy no 1 (thx bapwoo)

Jo Wooyeop

September 2000

vocalist, dancer

likes coffee; nickname ‘sweet caffeine’ bc he’s sweet & likes coffee

can do a minion impression (honey i love u but you’re on THIN FUCKIN ICE)

reportedly has two dogs, the intellectual (thx bapwoo)

Kim Jisung whaaaat another kpop jisung whatever will we do

December 2000

high rapper

child actor (i’m pretty sure he met / did a show with nct’s jisung but don’t quote me on that; there’s so many jisungs it could have been any of them) (bapwoo says it’s cursed and we do not speak but idk car wash balloon jisung is still p cute)

(i had to add the pic jisung honey i’m sorry)

had braces pre-debut

a little bit camera shy in some of those old videos (dunno if it still stands)

HIS MIND WTF SOME OF THE THINGS HE’S WRITTEN (here’s an example, another example)

Kim Hyunwoo

January 2001

low rapper, dancer

him n jisung trained the longest

he’s got this lil peace sign like thing i keep seeing him doing n it’s cute

voice so deep it’s illegal excuse u

has a cat (thx bapwoo) (ARE THERE PICS OF THE BAB IDK I LOVE CATS dogs are great but they scare me rip)

Yoo Siwoo

May 2001

low rapper

SPEAKS RUSSIAN HOW COOL IS THAT

lived in Kyrgyzstan for awhile, kprofiles says 7 years but i cannot confirm (thx bapwoo)

breaking: siwoo’s hair in missing era kills hundreds, more at ten

Lee Hohyeon

October 2001 (he’s younger than me and yet oodles more talented how is this possible)

main rapper

writes lyrics for their albums w jisung (w ow)

reportedly hosted The Show w Youngjae (i’m assuming a bap member but i didn’t stan rip) (thx bapwoo)

Kim Kangmin

November 2001

main vocalist, maknae

also wore braces pre-debut

damn good at bboying (second video on this insta post he’s like a helicopter wtf where did physics go)

does short covers of various songs (his bad guy cover killed me; i can’t listen to the original anymore like i’m sorry i just can’t)\

i’d look up more shit but i already spent like 2 hours on this rip and i think that’s p good for the basics; again for older stans pls correct me or add to this if you need/want

THANK U FOR LOOKING THESE BOYS DESERVE THE WORLD

#trcng #that's all i'm gonna tag i'm too lazy n also self conscious to put it in all the tags rip #i have so many tabs open #do i regret it #nah

[boogiewrites]

Choking On Sapphires 72

Characters: Alfie Solomons x Genevieve (OFC)

Title & Song: Stay In My Corner

Word Count: 4200+ 

Summary: On a night out with Arthur, reminiscing over drinks at Alfie's club, a face she hasn't seen since she was young appears out of nowhere and stirs up all the bad feelings and past trauma that it brought upon her. Alfie reads her as always and finds out the truth, even if it hurts her too much to tell him herself. He delivers on his promise of no one ever hurting her and getting away it. **Chapter song is Stay in My Corner by The Arcs.**

Warnings/Tags: References to past sexual assault. Not graphically described. Language. Protective Alfie. Revenge by Alfie for Gen. Alfie finds out why Gen left home all those years ago.

Click on my icon then go to my Mobile Masterlist in my bio for my other works and chapters. (Had to do this since Tumblr killed links, sorry.)

Arthur had come down to London for business for Tommy. Having already finished that part of his trip, he decides to call you and see if you'd like to get together for the evening. He makes it a point to call this time around because the effects of not doing so last time were still burned into his memory when he found Alfie having his way with you on top of your desk.

You sit at a more secluded booth in Alfie's club. Both you and Arthur are drunk, sharing stories and talking about marriage and babies and life outside of crime. You would seem just as normal as anyone else if you'd eavesdropped on the conversation. You got to suspend reality a bit as Alfie made snarky comments and came and went to handle business and schmoozing as the opportunities presented themselves. He'd never admit it, but he was thankful for having Arthur around, he kept you good and distracted and he knew he wouldn't let harm come to a single hair on your head. If there was something he had in common with the Shelby's, and particularly Arthur, it was that they would always fight for and protect you. His suspicions of you and Arthur having more than friendship between you had long since passed and he was thankful for it.

The hefty payout for the job done for the country, the killing of the fascists and Nazi's had certainly helped sway Alfie in his acceptance of the Shelby's as allies. You'd told him as you rode back from Birmingham the night you'd gotten drunk and sang for the entire bar how elated you were that he would entertain working with Tommy again for you. You poured out how proud you were of him, how touched he would change his stubborn ways for you and even though you were drunk, he felt that you really meant it. You also profusely apologized for Tommy having lied to him, but he understood. He knee jerk reaction was to get angry, and he admitted that, but he saw your point of view very clearly. He'd had to test the loyalty of many men and he knew how little trust he had in them personally, so he could only imagine with what you'd been through how low most men will go when they want something. He gave you a little bit of hell for it, whenever you would ask him to do something simple, such as fetch you a drink if he was going to the kitchen, he would ask you if you were sure you trusted him to do such a thing. At first, you had taken it seriously and he felt guilty afterward as he watched your previously cheerful face fall and your shoulders slump. He'd had to dig his way out of that one with kisses. But you soon caught on it was his way of making you pay for having done it and that was a totally acceptable price in your opinion.

With no secrets between you, you were both rather content with your lives at the moment. Living together was a dream for you, getting him to yourself so often, getting to wake up to him every morning and at least get to have him in your bed every night. He had started sending you gifts again, not all grand, sometimes something as simple as flowers or a batch of fresh bread to the house during the day. He didn't want you to feel like you weren't being doted on, what with your insistence that you cut back on your admittedly, lavish spending habits. Claire had been in shock when you sat down with the books in front of her and told her it was time to go through them, organize them and see where to cut corners. But you weren't about to cut anywhere that would affect anyone else, only yourself. So you went without shipments of special soaps and perfumes from France, canceled your portrait painting, saying you should put it off until you were married and have one done together. You were honing in the ways you'd stayed wild while culling the reckless behavior you'd been unlearning with your time in London. You felt good, solid like you were really getting a hold on yourself and your life again. Alfie satisfied your sexual needs, willing to play and experiment with you and as you loved the man it kept you perfectly happy, never considering looking elsewhere. If you'd known being in love with someone could've helped you from wanting to flight about the pretty boys you would've tried harder long ago to find it.

So when you were out with Arthur one evening, drunk and happy and not a care in the world, when a person from your past comes into your line of sight it shakes you more than it would have if you'd been on your toes and sober. Alfie is standing and talking to some of his men, his barked words all white noise to you as Arthur gossiped and shared stories. You rose a glass of wine to your lips and when you freeze in mid-motion, it even catches you off guard.

Arthur's face frowns deeply, seeing your eyes go wide, your face pale out. "What is it Genny?" he asks loudly, his drunken voice an echoing boom no matter what he tried to make it sound like.

You take a shaky inhale, seeing the man in an expensive tailored suit, walking on the lower level and looking around. When your mouth opens, tongue moving and lips trembling but no words come out, Arthur switches into protective mode.

He sets his glass down, scooting closer, speaking more quietly, putting his hand over yours and lowering your glass to the table as your hand had begun to shake. "Genny. What's wrong?" he asks with a low brow.

"Someone's here." your answer barely above a whisper. "In the tall hat. The man in the three-piece suit and the mustache." Your eyes start to blur and sting, having not blinked since you saw him. You begin to get flustered. You lower your gaze and put your hands on the table.

Alfie notices the sudden silence and seeing your body language stiff he turns his attention to you, leaning over the back of the booth to put his hands on your shoulders. "Somefin' wrong?" he asks, quirking his brow to Arthur.

"She said 'ere's a man here. She's frozen, poor thing." Arthurs observes, keeping his eyes on you.

"Who, love?" Alfie asks.

"The man in the tall hat. Mustache. Three piece suit. In front of the bar." you say softly, your hands up and touching Alfie's for comfort, your face down at your lap.

"Is that... fuck me that innit Prittance is it?" Arthur says with such disdain in his voice that Alfie knows something is wrong. He signals to his men to stay where they are next to him.

You nod and swallow loudly. "I need to..." you begin, clearing your throat and trying to get out of the booth. "Please move Arthur I need to be excused."

"Right, right." he says, sliding out of the booth and helping you.

"Who is that, love?" Alfie asks, pulling you to him as you try to leave for the restroom, blocking you from the man's sight.

"I need to go to the loo Alfie, please." you say not meeting his eyes, but he could see they were scared.

"Genny, what'd he do to you?" he cuts through the needless questions and gets to the point.

You shake your head and try to move gently away again.

"Genny you know you have to tell me. What the fuck am I supposed to do when ya start acting like a scared little bird? Tryin' to fly away. My Genny bee doesn't fly away does she?" he tries to be supportive and lift your chin up.

You take his hand and hold it, lowering it but forcing your eyes to meet him. "If I told you, you would kill him." you say flatly, holding his eyes to show you were serious. He lets you go, his forehead wrinkling, eyes batting in confusion, mind firing off options quicker than he could explore them.

"You follow her. Don't let her out of your sight except for in the loo. If you hear ANYFIN' that sounds wrong you go in, yeah?"

The young man nods and follows behind you quickly.

He turns to Arthur, who is watching you shrink into the distance with sad eyes.

"Now who the fuck is that and what the fuck did he do to our Genny?" Alfie spits out quietly, his shoulders hunched and body language ready to tear the man apart.

"I 'on't know if it's my place to say, mate." he shakes his head, his lips in a tight line as he sighs.

"I fuckin' swear Shelby if you don't tell me I'll beat it out of ya. She innit gonna tell me, she's fuckin' terrified. Now, who the fuck would scare her in such a way?" he demands.

Arthur looks back to meet Alfie's eyes, they're clearly hesitant, but he knew he's right. "Well." he begins, taking a deep breath. "She told me one night when we's pissed yeah? Talkin' 'bout our fucked up childhoods 'n that ya know? Reminiscing the 'ol trauma." he shrugs. "Apparently that man." he turns to finds him on the floor again, moving slowly about the space. "Did some awful things. And he's the reason she were kicked out of 'er own home when she was but a wee girl." he nods.

"What'd he do?" Alfie's voice is deep and dark, more animal than human now.

"She wouldn't say." he shakes his head. "But my guess is it's something fuckin' awful. As awful a thing as a man like 'im can do to a young girl." he shakes his head and looks to the ground. "I don't even wanna think about it."

Alfie shoots daggers with his eyes at the man who is oblivious to it. "I'm gonna fuckin' shoot him." he says, hand twitching for his gun.

"Ya can't fuckin' go off like some fuckin' cowboy there, Solomons, he's a powerful man, ya gotta bide your time if you want to take someone like him out."

"Powerful?"

"Some member of government me thinks? Somethin' of the sort." he tries to recall.

"Someone her father would know." he states coldly.

"Exactly." he gives a nod. "She's comin' back. Don't look so bloody angry." he suggests. "'Ello Genny." Arthur greets you with a sad smile.

"Alfie, love? Could we go home?" you ask with your purse clutched in your hands tightly.

"'Course sweetie." he says, rubbing his hands on your arms. "Ollie take her out the back, will you? I'll be out in just a moment, love. Just gotta tell 'ese boys what to do for the night. Fuckin' useless innit that?" he smiles and kisses your head. His eyes are dark as Ollie takes your arm and escorts you to the back. "That man 'ere. I want him followed. But don't get fuckin' caught. If you do get caught. You don't fuckin' know me, right? Ya got it? If he leaves here, I want him followed. I'll be back later for 'im. Abe, set up the basement for me." he adds with a dark tone to his order.

"The basement, sir?" he asks with raised brows, suprised by the request.

"Did I fuckin' stutter? Yes the fuckin' basement." he hisses, his chin jutting out at the man.

"Yes, sir." they all nod and break away, Alfie getting his coat and putting it on, taking a deep breath to center himself, to put on an indifferent face for you for the night.

Alfie tells Arthur to stay for a bit, look like things are normal, have some drinks, flirt, fuck whatever it was he did these days then to come back to Gen's he'd need him there for the night.

Alfie baby's you and you don't mind in the least. You're feeling terribly small like you had all those years ago. You'd been doing so well, feeling so confident and in control and then this man who had at one point destroyed your life, stripping you from everything that you'd once had appears out of nowhere. You believe it not be coincidence. What with George trying to fuck with you now. Of course, it was London and Alfie's club was popular, but you don't know why someone who worked with your father would be at a Jewish owned club. But perhaps he didn't even know who's it was, it wasn't like he was from London.

"You need to slow that mind down, pet." Alfie says, pulling you into his side. "I see those eyes dartin' about." he taps you on the nose and let out a heavy sigh.

"I know. I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize. Nuffin' to apologize for." he clarifies, kissing your head. "Ya want me to fetch ya little sleepy vial for ya? Help ya calm down? he offers, rubbing your arm reassuringly.

"Yes, please." you give in, rubbing your temples as he goes to your cabinet and brings it to you, sliding back into the bed. "Thank you." you speak softly, taking a drink of it and putting it on the bedside table.

"You've been doin' very well wif talkin' 'bout your feelin's as of late. Would that help you now?" he asks, pushing your hair back from your face, as he laid on his side, pulling you into his chest.

"I don't... it hurts to recall." you admit. You feel him nod, his chin moving in your hair.

"You know I'd happily remove anyone who hurts you from the face of the fuckin' earth, my love." he offers.

"I know. But you can't kill him." you mutter.

"Why not?" he asks, stroking your hair down your back as he knows relaxes you.

"Just can't. Not him." you say, your words mumbling now, he knows the potion you took was working.

"Is he important to ya love?" he asks.

"No." you slur out and snuggle your face into his chest. "He's just bad." you let out before sleep takes you. He holds you until your breathing is still, your lips parted with little snoozes escaping them.

"I'm gonna get him for you, my love." he says, kissing your forehead as he covers you up with the blankets. You don't register it at all, he touches your cheek one last time before he leaves.

He dresses, moving to the phone after waiting for Arthur to come home. "Do ya have him?" He asks his men on the phone. "And he's left? Right." he pauses, rubbing his chin. "You have the boys what don't look Jewish get him yeah? Steal a car, don't let no one see ya. Get him quiet and fast. And people have seen him elsewhere since he's left the club? Good." he nods. "Get him to the basement then. String him up. I'll be there soon."

"Ya gonna get 'im anyway?" Arthurs' voice carries from the doorway.

"No one hurts her and lives." he says, pointing in the direction of your bedroom. "I need you here, yeah? I need you to be able to say I was here all night. I got her out with her little sleepy time medicine, right? So she'll be fine for a while."

"Ah. Need me to be an alibi I see."

"I do." he nods, moving to the foyer of your home.

"And what about us?" he hears Claire with arms crossed across her chest, Aggie standing sheepishly behind her.

"Fuckin' 'ell." he groans, his shoulders slumping. "I was hopin' you were asleep." he says obviously.

"She told me who she saw tonight. I know what you think you're going to do." Claire announces walking towards him.

"What I fink? It's what I am gonna do, Claire. No thinkin' 'bout it. It's good as done."

"You are right about the no thinking part." she scolds and he purses his lips.

"I need you all here for my alibi as well. She's sleepin', she'll think I've been there the whole time. She won't know."

"So more lies?" She spits out and Alfie feels his face burn.

This was a secret, wasn't it? He sighs at the realization, so easily falling into his old habits that he hadn't even realized. "Then I'll tell her after it's done, yeah?"

"She told you not to do that." Claire says harshly.

"No one does whatever that man did to her and gets away with it. She won't let me kill her fuckin' father, thinks it'd be too obvious but I'll be damned if I've not got men on him every minute of the day to do such a thing. I told her I would protect her and that's what I'm gonna fuckin do, yeah? No one hurts her and lives." he spits out, his finger once again pointing in your direction.

Claire takes a deep breath and turns to Aggie. "Go see to her, Aggie. I need to depart some knowledge that you don't want to relive onto Mr. Solomons," she says with a solemn nod and Aggie frowns, knowing she was right. She waits for her to be out of earshot, a quiet room with only the patter of Aggie's feet echoing down the hall. "You can't kill him." she states plainly.

"Why the fuck not?"

"Because Gen wouldn't want you to." her arms go back across her chest, a look of disappointment on her face. "He's in a government position. People will try to find out what happened. He isn't some disposable lad who has no one."

"And I have killed people more important than 'im and here I stand, yeah? I pay the cops, Claire. I'm not some daft fuckin' donkey who doesn't know what he's doin'." his tone showing he takes clear offense to her statement. "So you tell me what he did to her so I can know what punishment to give 'im." he says moving closer to her, his voice seething and his head low. "I can see you hate him too." he says nodding her way.

"I do. I've wished him dead for years." she states coldly.

"Then tell me and we can all have our revenge." he offers.

The deal is a sweet one if it worked out. She knew Alfie was no amateur, and if anyone could pull it off, it would be him. She saw in his eyes he meant everything he said and that as long as he was around, no one would hurt you and get away with it. "She had to leave home because of him." she says, taking a less aggressive sigh and looking away from his intense gaze.

"Why?" he asks after her pause goes on too long.

"He's a friend of her fathers. Genevieve was rejecting every suitor that he sent her way. And in no delicate way. She was always very outspoken and rebellious towards anything her father tried to make her do. As you can imagine." she shrugs. "So George told her he was forcing her to marry that man. So when he was invited over, George leaves them in a room together alone, and displeased with her reaction when he tells her this... he..." she lets out a long sigh and closes her eyes. "He abused her." she forces out and waits before opening her eyes again. "I was there. I heard them and was locked away across the hall with the other girls. We were powerless." she shakes her head, rubbing her arms recalling the dark days. "He told her no one would believe her. Her word against his. That she had no right to refuse, she was his property now and after he was done with her no one would want a broken, used thing like her."

Alfie is deadly still, his face showing no emotion and that was how she knew he was close to exploding. "Go on." he grits out between clenched teeth.

"So, she runs to her mother. Who was horrified by the whole thing and approached George about it. There was fight that nearly tore that old, gilded house down. You know how bad Gen gets, so you can imagine the behavior of the woman who birthed her." her brows are high and her lips tight. "He refused to believe them, despite there being clear proof of it. I still remember how shaken Gen was. Dealing with that at such an impressionable age and then being treated in such a way by her father. To call her a liar with her looking like she did." she slumps her shoulders. "It wasn't as if she thought George loved her or anything but you can understand how she was broken by it nonetheless. He forced her out, saying he disowned her. Awful things were screamed and said, slaps and shoves given and taken by both. He said things no young girl should ever hear from anyone. Let alone their father. It broke her. She's carried those words with her all these years. They've fueled her to be better, most times, but they also fuel her demons. They made her think there was something wrong with her, deep down. Thinking there was something amiss about her that she couldn't fix, that she was unwanted, unlovable. It fueled a lot of her reckless and wild behavior. If it wasn't for Altar reigning her in, who even knows what would've happened. He gave her focus. Her mother eventually, under the guise of caring about the family's public image, of course, talked George into keeping her in the family for legal reasons. But it took him a long time to come to that decision and she had to build herself up from nothing on her own after that." her shoulder shrug, her hands up in defeat.

"That man." Alfie nods, his face red and his brow almost hiding his eyes. "That man did this to my Chanah?" he chokes out, his throat tight.

Claire looks at him with pity, knowing how much it hurt to know something like that about someone you loved. She simply nods.

"Has he had any contact with her since? She acted like she saw a ghost."

"She's been forced to be civil in social dinner situations. Her father kept inviting him, so even if she came home he was there and she eventually stopped going."

His heart breaks, his blood pumps faster, his face seems as if he's looking far away. His eyes narrow and twitch, darting back and forth in their clear overload of emotion. He knew this meant there had been no remorse from his man's end and he didn't feel bad in the least for about what he was about to do to him. In fact, he had started to feel a lot better about it. Certain things about your behavior start to make a lot more sense. Overwhelmed didn't begin to cover how he felt. He clears his throat as he felt a bit as if he were drowning in his emotions, both for your sake and his. "I am going to make him pay. For what he did to her. For what I'm sure he's done to others like her." he points at the door.

"I wish I could say I was against it." she shakes her head, her face now sad, lost in memories. "But I'm not. If you tell her after the fact, I can let you go. Because she deserves peace. Seeing her like that tonight I..." she swallows and wipes her face quickly as a tear threatens to show.

"I saw it too." he says with a nod.

"Nothing scares her anymore and she was..."

"Terrified."

"Yes." she nods and sighs. "I was hoping she had put it behind her but..." she shrugs. "Things like that don't fade so easily." she almost mumbles, but Alfie is close enough to hear.

"They do not." he says in agreement. "I will tell her, yeah? I will be careful. I will make him pay for what he's done to our girl. Be sure of that. She won't let me kill her father, but I will kill this man." he gives a stern nod.

"Be quick." Claire manages a whisper. "He doesn't deserve it but the sooner you're back-"

"The betta, yeah, I know." he says standing back up straight, fixing his coat and moving towards the door. "Thank you Claire. For telling me."

She gives a sad smile a nod. "I believe you to be the man for her. I wouldn't tell you otherwise. She's a complicated woman who has been through a lot and if I can share things like this with you and her not know I told you, then your ability to handle her better is worth the minor betrayal on my behalf."

"And I thank you for it. She will not know it was you. I guarantee that. I will be back as soon as I can." he gives a curt nod and with that, he disappears into the night to do the devil's work.

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[inspired-aspirer]

Z Berg and Ryan Ross Concert Masterpost

hello and I am sorry that I promised to post before Christmas about my experience of flying to LA for the Z Berg and Friends concert where I saw and met Ryan Ross. Here is a breakdown of the night and how it went from what I remember and if you have any questions after I post this I will do my best to answer them and if I cannot I will tell you and perhaps someone who can answer you question better than I.

1. anything before the concert

So I know many of the people reading this are not in fact, from Los Angeles California, and I can say I am not one of those people. I live in the middle of nowhere, better known as the state of Oklahoma. So the trip in and of itself was my Christmas present and cost ten times over the price of the ticket to the concert itself. I decided to purchase the tickets after Ryan Ross posted to instagram his photo of the Bad List shoot with “…Gonna play some new ones” as the caption to his post on 30th November. I then convinced three of my friends to come with me, flying from Oklahoma, Georgia and another from Alabama. We found some cheap ass tickets that ran about $250 each and convinced some family friends to let us use their beach house for a weekend and we were off. The tickets were $15.00 before taxes and fees, afterwards they rang up to be a grand total of $18.21.

It is notable that the tickets sold out prior to the day of the concert so I would recommend with any of Z’s concerts in the future, to buy your tickets weeks in advance to avoid anyone not getting a ticket.

2. the day of the concert

a. before doors open

The location of the concert was at the Pico Union Project which my friends and I looked up the night before to scope out the place. I recommend looking up the places around it if you plan on camping out for the day for a restroom and most definitely pack snacks. I ate lunch at noon and made the mistake of not eating again until 6am the next day which really was not a good thing. So pack snacks and take care of yourself. We got there around 3:30pm and there were already about 30ish people. We just missed Z coming out early to see everyone and take pictures, but nonetheless, we got a pretty great spot in line. I will say that for the most part, all of the people waiting outside the concert were lovely, and we all had a great time talking about what we were looking forward to and where everyone was from. I met some chill locals who had been to these things before, a guy who had been to every single one of Z’s concerts and a girl who, like me, got this trip as a Christmas present and flew with her mom all the way from Massachusetts.

*We all added eachother on insta and facebook so 10/10 quality people.

I will however, point out some things that were not good or respectful, and I hope people in the future will refrain from doing this in the future. 

1. Being disrespectful to people passing by, especially to some of the homeless people we saw walking by throughout the evening. 

2. Wearing new Panic! merch (I’ll get into this later because there was an issue to be dealt with during the meet and greet time.)

3. Playing new Panic! songs while people are trying to listen the pre-show sound check and rehearsals, or just playing new Panic! stuff in general

4. Also I overheard a group of girls say “Honestly, I am more of a Brendon fan, he is sooo hot. And tbh fuck Ryan Ross haha” and I get it, everyone is entitled to their opinion and such but if you are going to have that attitude, please keep it to yourself. I didn’t hear such negativity during the meet and greet from them but it really put me in a bad mood when I heard that.

The doors did open right at 8 o’clock and everyone was really good at staying in their place in line and not rushing the door. Have your tickets ready to scan and phones at full brightness. (Bring battery packs because you will need your phone for a ticket scan and probably for pics of the performances and if you want to meet them later so save it for as long as possible.) Due to our great spot in line we sat in the fourth row back which was prime seating and we had the great luck of sitting behind Z’s family which was really fun to hear them talk about the work put into the show and other fun tid bits. There was even a point when her grandmother said something like “I don’t know why they insisted on leaving so late to get here. I think they should have left early and had a nice lunch before all this” and I thought that was the most adorable and grandma thing to say. Also if you are 21 or older, you can get a wristband for alcohol, if you have your ID out and ready to show them when you first walk into the venue when they scan your ticket. I also recommend getting into the line for merch quickly because things do sell out and the line does take forever. I immediately got in line when my ticket was scanned while my friends snagged seats and it still took me about 20-30 minutes to get everything I wanted. Also I recommend taking cash to buy things, it makes everything go faster.

b. the concert

The concert itself was amazing. Z hosted the entire first half from the balcony in an exact replica of Sharon Tate’s wedding dress as I am sure you have seen photos of. I will confirm, it was magical. She curses like a sailor in front of a backdrop of pure grace. She interacted with he audience the entire time and genuinely enjoys just spending time with her fans and the people that came to hear some good music. The first half of the show was the “& Friends” portion of the show, with majority of the people playing one song each with a few exceptions such as Azure Ray, Jackson Browne, Alex Greenwald and of course, Ryan Ross. 

So throughout the concert, people in the concert/show (idk what I would call it officially???) would come in and out from backstage to watch each other, which I thought was wholesome. Ryan did not come out to watch like everyone else and my working theory is, the one time he did poke his head out the door, first of all, me and like 10 other people saw him, he smiled and winked (I died) and then went back in, after that people stopped paying attention to whomever was onstage and so I think he didn’t want to take away from the other acts performing. It's admirable and I understand why he stayed backstage until it was his time to go and then would promptly exit after his numbers were done. 

In the first half Ryan came out with Alex Greenwald and played the guitar for him. Everyone screamed and cheered despite the wonderfully melancholic mood of the crowd mixed with the beautifully crestfallen music that had preceded them. Alex jokingly said “wow you guys are so nice” after we screamed following the remark someone in the back made along the lines of “I love you Ryan”. Let’s be honest, we were all thinking it and she had the courage to say it. So as far as the number, he sat and played his guitar in a suit that looked one size too big and jet black hair that was perfectly out of place. It was heaven. Following Alex’s song, Ryan ditched the guitar and joined him to sing “Lonely Moonlight” as a duet. He made jokes prior to the song saying they wrote it “18 or 25 years ago”. Alex agreed and laughed to which Ryan amended “actually it was the year 1825 when we wrote this” and the crowed giggled with them. 

What I’m getting at is this entire concert, there were moments when you felt like no one else was around and you are sitting in any one of their living rooms, having a good time listening to them play their music and laugh with each other. “Lonely Moonlight” was beautiful and the hall was silent a part from them, no one dared speak until Ryan smiled and walked off the stage and disappeared backstage again. A few more beautiful songs later, many which Z sang in followed and then there was a brief intermission for approximately 15 minutes. 

The second half of the concert Z came back on stage to the “Overture” from Nightmare Before Christmas and I died. Her voice is literally angelic and I just want everyone to know that while you damn well know that she knows she has the best fuckin’ voice ever, she remained absolutely graceful about it in any duet she did and didn’t try to out do anyone and remained humble the entire freaking time and I’m gonna cut myself off right now because she is my role model. 

*inhales* 

Anyways, so I’m just gonna tell you she brought Ryan on stage with one of the most iconic ways you could bring Ryan on stage, “Um, haha, I think I need a little baby Ryro” *everyone screams* “I do that to when he walks into a room. After ten years it is getting pretty fuckin’ annoying” and he smiled and laughed and everyone was probably either screaming or crying or a combination of both. She and Ryan sang “Calm Before the Storm” together, he just sang with her and she played the guitar as well. After his bit in the song was done, he just walked to the back of the stage and sat on the floor and just smiled at her and did some funny gestures, (Again, I have this on video, I just don’t know how to link long videos in a tumblr post). The crowd was amused by this and it caused Z to turn around to see what was going on, and they laughed. 

Again the atmosphere was pure enjoyment and I wish everyone would get to experience that at any concert. Then he walked off stage while Z said “yeah we just love to watch you walk away” and truer words have never been spoken. The final time he did come out to perform was, of course, for “The Bad List”. 

c. The Bad List

Yes I am giving this one song an entire thing on it’s own because I just have a lot of things to say about this performance of this song. 

First of all, during the soundcheck while we (all the crazy fans) were outside we heard the song resonate outside the walls and the sound was angelic, so you could only imagine what it sounded like inside the venue. 

Second, everything before, during, and after really just was surreal and thank god I have the whole thing on video (and I mean the WHOLE 7.5 minutes) because it is NOT something I want to ever forget. Ryan came onstage, and hugged Z and everyone awed, and then she went into this adorable and heart-warming speech thanking her fans and the people coming out tonight while Ryan tried to move his mic to the other side of her. 

This was hilarious for two reasons. 

First, any footage I have seen of Ryan Ross, out doing normal people things has just been gold because just like the rest of us, I would imagine, he is on the struggle bus every day going nowhere fast. So he had a time and a half trying to move the mic stand along with everything else to the other side of the stage. 

Second, Z was completely oblivious the entire time he was trying his best, to move the mic. Adorable really. He also chimed in at the end of her speech that “She means that it’s all she has been talking about all week” which apparently embarrassed her but let’s be real, she is two perfect and sweet to even think abou tbeing embarassed. Don’t worry, she got him back by calling him out for saying they should turn up the piano “a weenie bit”. Then she announced they were going to sing “The Bad List” and everyone cheered to which Ryan responded with a sarcastic “Wait have you heard it yet?” and yeah, the song began. 

It was divinely depressing. It was perfection.

Videos of the preformance don’t do it justice. We were the first and so far the only audience to hear it live, and everything I did to get there up to this point was worth it. It was the best performance of any song I have ever witnessed. I will navigate this hell site and hopefully figure out how to upload the video without getting copyright to take it down on my youtube channel and link it below so you guys can watch it. 

As many of you know, the song it super personal to them and a few times, you heard Z’s voice break from the truth the lyrics spoke about their life, and when each of them sang, the other really didn’t look at them. It was moving to see the emotion that drove the lyrics to the song and to hear which lines bled the most to each of them. In the piano instrumental part of the song, Ryan broke up the melancholy mood by asking Z to dance with him and they smiled and had a blast (or so it looked). She eventually went limp in his arms to play dead and you could see Ryan laughing at the theatrics she pulled. 

After the song ended, the smiled, everyone cheered, and they exchanged a few words which I couldn’t make out before she pulled everyone on stage for the final number. Ryan, ever the smol bean, walked to the side of the stage and did his best to blend in when everyone else from the evening piled on stage.

d. last number and Post-concert

Ok so I am almost done, I promise. The last number was “All Out of Tears” which everyone came up on stage for and sang with her on. Everyone stood up from thier pews for the last song and everyone clapped, danced, and sang along with her. The guitar and bass from the speakers were so loud that the “Z” hanging above the stage fell down in the middle of the performance, to which Alex Greenwald played the tambourine to throughout the second half of the song. Z promised that she would stay until the very last person got a picture or hug or autograph and wouldn’t leave until then. 

The concert ended on a high note unlike another. 

side note: so I know there is a joke about Ryan not being able to clap, and let me tell you, I made a point to look at the big ass rings he wears all the time when I met him, and yeah it would make me not able to clap normal either. In the video I have of them preforming “All Out of Tears” he at one point shakes his hands and mouths “ow” because I’d imagine his poor hands hurt. So yeah, still funny but give the guy a break.

After a breif break they all came out from backstage and made their way to the Christmas tree. They (Ryan and Z, the rest of the people left before I could get their autograph) kept their promise. Ryan came out chugging yellow red bulls and Z was a new woman after ripping off her straps to her dress (she told me and my friends this). I waited two and a half hours in line to meet Ryan and Z. It was at about two in the morning when I finally got my turn to speak to him. I noticed throughout the evening, he was never short with anyone, and if someone seemed overwhelmed and nervous (@me) he would take a pause, ask for your name and listen intently to whatever that person had to say to him. I was extremely nervous to have him sign any old Panic! merch and I have a few things to say about Ryan Ross and Panic! merch at the concert.

First off, don’t wear it, especially if it is new. Now I am not one for gatekeeping on a lot of things. However, I did see an individual (my hero) make a girl take of a new Panic! lanyard before she went up to see Ryan. It is disrespectful and frankly insensitive for anyone to do that to him in my opinion. The entire time he was patient, and understanding and omg if you ever get to hear his chuckle you will surely die and go to heaven, but I am appalled at anyone who would wear new Panic! merch or have the audacity to have him sign it. Thankfully, she took it off and I didn’t see anyone ask him to sign any new Panic! merch.

Second, Ryan is more than delighted to see The Young Veins apparel. One of the people I met at the concert was wearing a Young Veins sweatshirt and I saw some albums and CD’s people brought to him to sign and he had no issue doing so. 

Third, on the issue of Panic! merch he WAS a part of, such as AFYCSO and Pretty. Odd. albums, he signs them no problem. The girl right before me had all three CD’s (afycso, pretty odd, and take a vacation) and he said “Wow haha, you have all three of them” and laughed. I split up the stuff I wanted signed between myself and three friends so I got four things signed. One was my 2007 Rolling Stones issue where Panic! made the cover, I flipped the magazine to the page that had his face on it and when I gave it to him I had the best reaction. 

Well, first I totally blanked out so I only remember this because one of my friends videotaped the whole thing. Anyways, I said “hi, don’t hate me for what I am about to have you sign” among other things, gave him a letter and a bag of sour patch kids, and he said, no worries and just continued talking to me like it was no big deal. when I handed him the magazine he went “Oh man, I haven’t seen this photo in a while.” and even was stumped as to where he should sign it. He took the time to talk to me and let me say what I wanted to say to him. I asked to hug him and he said ok. Just so you know, he lets you take any kind of photo you want (within reason). Unfortunately I don’t have a single photo where we are looking at the same camera, but I have a 10/10 photo of Ryan Ross giving me a hug and let me just say, I am blessed. Another of my friends got an afysco vinyl signed and another got the booklet to my Pretty. Odd. CD signed without any issue or trouble. 

Now, my friend had a silver sharpie which I gave her before to sign a poster I bought of the cover of The Bad List with him and Z on it and she said he went to sign it, started to, then saw the silver sharpie, and went, “that is a silver sharpie” and she went, “it is” and then he said “I want to sign with the silver sharpie” so he signed my poster AGAIN in silver sharpie. Then, she went to Z to have her sign it, and she signed it and said “Wait, did he sign this twice? Well now I have to” and she signed the poster at the top in the middle and again on the picture. So that is the story of how I got the poster signed twice by both of them. 

e. Tid bits

I don’t think you want to hear all of the tid bits I have from talking to them on and off for an hour or so but here are the highlights.

I also got to hear Ryan say he made the Christmas playlist that was playing in the background. 

At one point, Z said, “I have to go to the bathroom, but he will be mad at me if he knows I left. Don’t tell him” and ran to the bathroom. Well Ryan did notice and went “where did she go” and we said “She said we can’t tell you” and he laughed and went back to signing and talking to whoever was next in line. 

Before I left Ryan I said to him “by the way, I can’t wait to hear the new music” and he chuckled and replied “Soon, I promise” and smiled before I left, so there’s that. 

Also might I add. I got the best hug of my life from Z. I spent like two solid minutes with my fiends telling her she was absolute perfection (there are no lies in that statement) and gushed over how amazing the show was and everything else and then she game me a solid, and I mean solid, 30 second hug and to be honest I didn’t want to let go. Then we talked to her some more and had a good time and then realized we had to leave because we had about 2 and a half hours until we had to be at LAX for our flight out. I cried on the way back because hello? I met Ryan Ross and Z Berg and you best believe I will do just about anything to make sure I can go to any more of her concerts.

So yeah I will try to post videos later. Thank you for your patience with me and uploading it. If you have ANY questions, please send me an ask. I won’t mind answering them at all. I hope everyone had a wonderfully dreadful Christmas on The Bad List and I can’t wait to see what music Ryan has in store for 2019.

much love ♥♥♥

#ryan ross #george ryan ross iii #zberg #z berg and friends #concert #the bad list #Z Berg #ryro #lil baby ryro #pretty odd #afycso #the young veins #tyv #I met the best people and y'all need to know that #ryan and z were amazing #I love them #they are my heroes #I mean who wouldn't want to look up to these two? #they are so incredibly genuine #the video of me meeting ryro is embarrassing so I probably won't post it #sorry this was so long #also please do not steal or use my photos #not a day has gone by I haven't thought about this since the concert #Z if you ever read this just know that I still think you are perfect and eventhough I am brok #imma figure out a way to see every single one of your concerts #if there are typos #just know I am human

[kerfufflewatch]

it dissappearing sucks majorly but i'm glad you didn't intentionally delete it bc i was super excited to read it when i had the mental wherewithal (still am =D)

Yeah, I really don’t know what happened there! I don’t recall deleting it even accidentally, so I’m not . . . sure what happened. :V

But anyway.

Here’s me reposting that unfinished piece of my vampire Hanzo/hunter McCree fic, because Tumblr ate it, I guess!

--

A shiver ripples up McCree’s spine as cool lips meet the warm, delicate skin on the inside of his wrist. He tenses, arresting the shiver before it can shudder through his shoulders and give him away. Hanzo, if he notices at all, does not react.

Next is the gentle scrape of teeth, a warning and a question in one. McCree exhales, flexes his fist, and releases it again. There is a sting as pointed fangs sink into his skin, then nothing at all as the natural anesthetic kicks in and dulls the pain. Hanzo laps his tongue over the bite as if in apology before he wraps his lips over the wound. McCree turns his head away, feeling rude for staring, and tries to focus on keeping his breathing even.

There’s no point to it. He’s certain the vampire noticed his racing pulse, if he doesn’t outright hear the way McCree’s heart pounds. Even if McCree could somehow separate himself from the events taking place, there’s no ignoring Hanzo so close to him.

He’s allowed Hanzo to do this some half-dozen times in the last couple of months, less than half the time that they have actually known each other. He hadn’t, at first--not that Hanzo had asked, insistent that blood from the local wildlife would suffice. But McCree’s come to trust Hanzo well enough, knows he won’t up and try to drain him dry. A few mouthfuls of blood every so often is a small enough price to pay for a steadfast companion and not having share what little fresh meat he can catch on a long hunt.

But there’s no elegant way to do this without being completely in each other’s space. Hanzo shifts slightly, the motion putting the top of his head dangerously near McCree’s mouth, and McCree holds his breath. Even just allowing Hanzo to feed off his wrist means the vampire’s nearly in his lap, their knees bumping and Hanzo’s body tantalizing close. It’s remarkably intimate, and the closest McCree’s let anybody in the last few years that wasn’t actively trying to kill him. Half a dozen encounters like this hasn’t made this seem any more mundane.

McCree casts a glance about his surroundings, trying to focus on anything else besides Hanzo’s teeth in his wrist and the low burn of arousal in his gut. He peers up through the canopy of trees overhead, observing the clear blue sky through the grasping branches and fluttering leaves. The forest here is thin here at its edges, giving way to grassy plain perhaps half a mile further down the path, but still thick enough to provide some cover from prying eyes. Unlikely to see anyone else in this part of the country, so far from the next town, but one could never be too careful.

Hanzo lifts his head after a few moments, and McCree shivers as his skin prickles with the chilly morning air. Hanzo covers the wound with a folded cloth and turns his face away, but not before McCree catches sight of the crimson still staining his lips. Hanzo licks it away, chases a stray bead of blood under his lip with his thumb and sucks it off his skin before he finally looks at McCree. Clean and poised, as always. God forbid anyone look at him and think he were an uncivilized bloodsucker.

“Thank you,” he says. His dark eyes are slightly hooded, relaxed with satiation. McCree pretends to be occupied by his wound, though it is already sealing over. “That should sustain me through the next week, at the least.”

“‘Course.”

Hanzo gets to his feet, but hesitates, and McCree can feel his gaze on him. “Something wrong?” he dares to ask.

“No,” Hanzo says airily. He bends down for his pack and his gear, casually slinging them over his shoulder. “I am merely amazed that you continue to react the way that you do every time I drink from you.”

McCree levels an unimpressed look at him, but Hanzo’s teasing smile is unwavering. “Not like I can help it,” he mutters, dusting himself off as he stands.

“And that is what amazes me. Every human I have fed from has reacted similarly. I can’t imagine what about the process is so . . . exciting.” The smirk widens. “Especially coming from such a mighty hunter.”

McCree snorts. “Really? You can’t imagine someone being affected by you gettin’ up in their space and puttin’ your mouth all over them? You’re telling me that doesn’t affect you at all?”

“Of course not. It is just eating a meal. Are you telling me you get aroused any time you eat a biscuit?”

“Depends on the biscuit. Average one, maybe not, but if it were a handsome one that let me crawl in its lap every couple of weeks as part of the process of eating it--”

Hanzo’s nose wrinkles. “The metaphor does not work nearly so well.”

“Well, that’s because people aren’t biscuits. And I’m far more handsome than a fuckin’ biscuit, anyway.”

“Can we stop discussing biscuits?”

“You brought it up.” McCree throws his pack over his shoulder, double-checks that his pistol is still right where it should be at his hip. “C’mon. If you’re done makin’ fun of me for reacting the way any sane person does, we got another ten miles to go before we hit town.” He gestures out to the empty road, winding its way out of the small copse of trees and into an open plain. Hanzo frowns at him, his amusement evidently gone, and he gives a stiff nod before walking away.

They only walk for a moment or two before Hanzo makes an irritated noise, drawing McCree’s attention back. “It is not that I am unaware,” Hanzo says sourly. “Of course I realize that the act can be . . . intimate. But that is simply not the purpose, and--”

McCree holds up a hand. “Hanzo, it’s not that big a deal,” he says wearily. “I’m just givin’ you shit, the same way you do to me. Believe it or not, I do get it.”

Hanzo seems unsatisfied by the response, but his frown lessens as a few seconds pass. “There are times,” he says slowly, “where we might regard drinking in a similar context. But it is not common, and certainly not with everyone.”

“I figure not.”

“Most of the time, it is just something that is done. Whether we drink from animals or humans.”

“You really don’t gotta explain yourself to me,” McCree says, holding up both hands placatingly now. “Promise. I’m just tryin’ to get you to realize I’m not trying to be weird.”

Hanzo’s tense shoulders finally relax. He flashes McCree a brief smile. “Fair enough,” he says. “I do appreciate that you allow me this.”

McCree’s heart flutters a little, a strange but no longer unfamiliar feeling. “Of course,” he says. “Much better than eatin’ rabbits all the time, I bet.”

“And much easier.” Hanzo’s smile turns up with another smirk. “It is much more convenient traveling with a willing biscuit.”

McCree takes off his hat and swats Hanzo with it, and Hanzo bursts into laughter, bright and loud, as he fends off the halfhearted attack.  McCree’s chest feels warm and full for reasons that no longer have anything to do with Hanzo’s closeness or touch, and he can feel himself grinning like a fool. He shoves his hat back on his head and turns again to their path before he can be caught out.

So the whole thing might be more of a problem for him than on average. But Hanzo doesn’t have to know that.

#fuck you for eating my fic Tumblr #Kerfuffle Fic #Anonymous

[holy-mountaineering]

2019, Year of the Wand.

So, several of you know me in some "real life" (or not online anyway,) so you know this crap, sorry. For those who don't, here's my plan(t)s for the so-called "New Year" if you put any validity into the commonly used and terribly inaccurate calendar I speak of...

EDIT: HOW DID I FORGET: PUBLISH THE TAROT BOOK! It's a whole new ballgame for Tarot when this comes out. A fresh approach that is pretty goddamn needed in the muddy "everything is belief and feelings!" world of bullshit occultism occupying both Tumblr doot comma and pop culture in general. Hey, people might even read the book after buying it!

-I quit the bar (with the good vegetarian food) and got a fancy hotel job that pays higher than anything I've done (legally) in my life. It's also Night Auditor position in an "interesting" part of San Francisco, so stories and cryptids.

-This job is in addition to my very firm position as Innkeeper at a historic "Painted Lady" (see: Full House (terrible TV show stateside) where I basically live half the time, hanging with a variety of spirits in a location that looks like a Vincent Price movie set. This year I'm going to try to get jazz acts to play here, since I've been everywhere else in the music industry...

-More events at the Thrice Great Ouija Club! A bi-monthly (like yours truly) event to showcase folks working on new magick projects as well as music!

-Anyone who's ever seen me speak knows I'm better at public speaking than I give myself credit for and I need to do more of it

-Ancestor Work. Never done it before and won't talk about it much on here, but I'm excited about feeling like I'm in a place to talk to anyone I'm related to, dead or alive

-More Alchemy, more science, more nice equiptment to use for those purposes

-My garden (I know a garden in San Francisco! I also have a backyard! And basically live downtown!?!?!) will become more imbued with magick and I'll plant MORE herbs! My 4 year wormwood is amazing, fyi

-The Anarchist Accountant just gifted me a fuckin expensive Cannondale racing bike that I will soon be riding all over San Francisco to be a healthier person who sits next to demons on the bus less...

So, that's a glimpse into my life right now. I'm also gunna start DJing at my old bar job with a 1960s-80s occult themed set! I'm sure there are loads of other things I'm excited about but that's a bit! I wish for (pretty much) everyone to have an excellent New Year and may you be granted the accomplishment of your True Wills!

#personal fuckery #how's your life going? #mine is sick as fuck #I've spent my life making my life like this #I also plan to remove all instances where I need to lie #even weird white lies to your boss #that's why I keep it real with y'all #I wish someone would have with me #and if I'm beefing with you #apologize