#but i took the job cause i already am not doing any theatre this semester at school and i was like 'it'll be bad for my career to not do | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

hilllsnholland · 5 years

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Bucket List - Prequel

Wc: 3.8k

Warnings: swearing, drinking, depression, anxiety, and other mental health talk

Summary: Tom has no idea what he wants to do with his life. He’s stuck in the suburban town of Creekview with Harrison and two idiots friends. No passion, no drive, nothing but a beer by the poolside. Until he meets Y/N, the Deaf rebel who has a bucket list she needs to complete by the end of the summer. The two come together to make their last summer of freedom the best Creekview has ever seen. What could possibly go wrong? Or more so, what could possibly go right?

Dashboard Confessional’s ‘Hands Down’ played through a wireless speaker while Tom took another sip of beer. Although American beer did not have the same kick as England’s, it would have to do. Nothing was the same here, which was the main reason why Tom was drinking four days out of the week. Since the semester ended a week ago it was a blur of sun, drinking, and constant calls from his parents.

Tom tilted back in the lounge chair, sunglasses sitting perfectly on his face. From the distance, he could hear someone calling his name but choose to ignore it. Tom amplified the sound and sighed. Watching the pool water ripple was becoming mind numbing. But that was the point of doing all of this. Acting like he was a bum on vacation was a facade to mask the over presenting battle in his head. Tom could not stop the pestering thoughts and anxiety from creeping up on him, so he pushed it down with alcohol.

Tom sat lazily in the stiff counselor chair. He had been waiting there for almost twenty minutes now, unsure of what the reasoning was. This was college, not regular high school. Why was he being sent to the office? Maybe they did things differently in America but this felt strange. Every few minutes he would look over his shoulder to see if anyone was coming his way. Tom wasn’t a nervous person, but he felt like he was under arrest. Something was definitely not right.

“Mr. Holland?”

Tom snapped straight up and turned to see the Head of Counseling, Mrs. Scott, reaching her hand out to greet him. He shook her hand, standing up awkwardly and following her as she took a seat at her desk.

“Am I in some sort of trouble?”

Mrs. Scott, who usually wears a bright smile, is flat lipped as she types away on her computer. Tom had met her at orientation with Harrison. She was a middle-aged woman who was wise and a school favorite at Creekview State. Not that Tom had to think about it, it was all Harrison’s fault he was even here. Why would he leave beautiful London for this small Bay Area suburb? His best mate of course.

Somehow Harrison had gotten hooked on the idea of moving to California. Not even LA, but San Francisco area. Tom never understood it. It was a different world out here. The weather was bipolar, people had weird phrases, and the school system made no sense. Yet, Harrison begged him to go to California with him. Showed him the transfer program at Creekview State, and now here they were. Well, here Tom is, sitting in front of a very concerned counselor.

“Thomas-”

“Tom, just call me Tom,”

Mrs. Scott nods and turns the computer to face him.

“You have spectacular grades Tom, but you haven’t selected your major?” She points to the screen where major is set to ‘undetermined’. “And I believe you are aware of our policy correct?”

Tom nods slowly. At orientation, they had made it very clear that by the end of a student’s two years at Creekview, a major needed to be set. Administrators claimed that it was a way to ensure students achieve success, but Tom could see through that bullshit. Having students select majors early on ensures that the college can get as much money as possible from donors and the state. Tom though, did not have a major planned out.

“So, school ends in a week Tom and I need to know what your major is.” Mrs. Scott puts on a plastic smile.

“Mrs. Scott, I don’t know what I want to major in,” Tom says flatly. “I don’t see a future in any of the careers paths that the school promotes.”

Harrison had found his calling in theatre. He knew what he wanted since he was a kid. Tom however was lost. He found no satisfaction in business or English, not even theatre sparked that joy. He felt lost. A true imposter syndrome at its best. Tom was grasping at straws of life, watching everyone else know what they wanted. Harry and Sam, his own brothers, knew exactly what they wanted. They were set. Tom was the oldest, yet he was in their shadow.

“I’m sure we can find something-”

“Seriously, I’ve tried every career test and gone to all the job fairs. I don’t know my place. I can not figure out where I belong,”

Red was the only word to describe the interaction. Tom’s face was rouged with frustration and embarrassment, his heart pumping against his chest. His hands shook on his thighs, he had never expressed this concern ever. Now Mrs. Scott was blinking at him, mouth open slightly as she tried to figure out what to say. Tom wanted to run out of the building and never come back. This could be the chance to move back to England, start over with his education and figure it out there.

“I can tell you’re under a lot of stress. You’re in a country you didn’t grow up in and now you’re being forced to grow up. I get it Tom, so I’ll give you a choice.” Mrs. Scott brings out a piece of paper and turns it to Tom. “You can pick a major now or I can give you until the first day of Fall term. If you choose now, you get aid and first pick to all classes. If you wait, you’ll have to pay upfront and have to deal with last pick classes.”

A choice. A real fucking choice that Tom had the opportunity to pick. He didn’t have time to contemplate it until his friends or family butted in. He needed to make the choice now and it was all up to him. A few years into young adulthood and he still felt like a lost child, until now. This could be his chance to take the reigns of his life. To stop following what Harrison says, or his family, because now he was in control of his life. Tom looked down at the paper that listed all the different majors. None of them sparked joy. None of them ignited the fire he had always hoped for.

Tom knew the fire was real though. He saw it every day when Harrison would go to rehearsals or talk about an amazing day in Theatre. Tom felt it resonate off Harry when he would show off the latest photography project. The way Harry would tell stories of each photograph, give it life and meaning. Even Sam, who was going to trade school, had the undeniable ambition to become a carpenter. It was something Tom envied. It gave him that pit in his stomach, the dread you get when you know you’ve done something wrong. Tom felt it every time his parents called him and asked about his future. Now though, he had three whole months to figure out his future. If twenty odd years hadn’t given it to him, how would three months?

“I’ll let you know before the first day of term, but I’m not ready right now,” Tom grabs his things and stands up. “Thank you for this though.”

Tom goes towards the door but stops.

“Tom,” Mrs. Scott sighs. “I don’t expect you to have all of your life figured out right now, but take a chance. Explore or do something you’ve never done. Come back to me when you’re ready. I hope to hear from you soon,”

Mrs. Scott is looking to Tom with big eyes. He can tell she’s been through this before. The exhaustion behind her face from the need to balance the pressure from the school and the well-being of the students. Tom felt the pit appear at the thought of causing her more stress or pain. He could just randomly pick a major, change it later when he figures it out, but her words. Those words snapped the chord in his body.

Since he arrived in Creekview he hadn’t explored much. He would go to parties, class, and work. It was a routine to keep his mind off the homesickness. Tom kept himself busy so he wouldn’t miss home, his mom’s cooking, his bed, god he even missed his little brothers. But, he hadn’t lived more than that. Tom hadn’t let himself loose. Maybe that was the fault, maybe he needed to relax. Tom’s mind became clouded with the different anxieties so he pushed them away, sighing audibly.

“I hope so too Mrs. Scott,”

Tom rolled his neck into the bar of the lawn chair, unkinking the knots from his stiff neck. The music that had been playing from the speakers was now being replaced by the nuisance of his ringtone. He saw the picture of his dad appear on his phone requesting a facetime. This wasn’t the time, he thought.

Last time Tom talked to his father was before the guidance counselor meeting. He hadn’t told his family he wasn’t going home for the summer, like the year prior, so they must be wondering where he was or when he’d be coming back. Tom exhaled, fearing what he wanted to talk about. Tom slid the phone to accept and there his parents were, smiling and talking in unison to greet him.

“Hey guys, I miss you both,” Tom pushed back his glasses and melted at the sight.

It hurt. It hurt so much to not be with them. Although they were a major part in his dilemma, it was impossible to feel normal here. Tom knew his parents would make everything better again. Their cooking would settle his nerves, or his dad’s jokes would make him crack a smile finally.

“Tom, you don’t know how much we miss you right now,” His mom gushes. “When are you coming home, sweetie? Last summer you were already here and making a mess of the place?”

Tom laughed with his parents.

“I know mum,” He bit his lip and shrugged. “I was going to talk to you about that…”

“You know Tom we haven’t heard much from you. Is school going alright? Is Harrison still with you?”

“Yeah, he is. We’re at the house right now. I just,”

The weight crushed him. He wanted advice, he wanted to know what they would have to say about the whole ordeal. He knew it would come with nagging and lecture, which terrified him to no end. Failure was not an option.

“We’ve been calling you for a while now. What’s going on?”

“Guys, everything is fine. I just need to...I need to…” His mouth was dry and something came over him. “I need to invite you guys here.”

God he wished he could have shut himself up. Not answer the phone. Fucks sake, just throw the phone in the water and get it over with faster. His parents made a ‘hmph’ noise and cocked their heads at him.

“I can’t leave California due to...school and work...so why don’t you and the boys fly out here? July or August maybe?”

Fuck. Fuck. Fuckity fuck fuck. Why in the world did I do that, he thought. Tom froze at the silence that followed. His parents looked to each other what seemed like a lifetime. This was it, this was the end of the world, wasn’t it?

“Of course we’ll come! We can’t wait to see this little town you’ve been living in!” His mother laughed and smiled. She was giddy.

“I was getting worried Tom,” His dad starts with a small laugh. “I was afraid you were going to tell us you got kicked out or you haven’t picked your major yet. But I can’t wait to see you.”

Yikes was all Tom could think. He laughed along, rubbing the back of his neck and feeling the pool of sweat coming down his skin. Fuck it was hot and he was a horrible liar.

“Love you guys. Talk to you soon,”

Their faces disappear, leaving the lock screen picture of Tessa looking adorable to overtake the phone. Tom flips it over and presses the play button on the speaker to continue the music from before. Fuck, his new favorite word because that was the only thing to describe how he felt. Tom felt stupid, angry, depressed, anxious, probably every emotion under the sun except happiness. This rut was driving him insane, but now he drove himself deeper into it. Tom flipped his sunglasses back down his nose and laid back again.

Was this going to be the rest of his life? Juggling life, unsure of what he wanted or what he needed? Trying to impress and satisfy the ones closest to him? The pit returned bringing with it the feeling of nausea. It must’ve been the beers he had been drinking for the past few hours because he felt sour. Tom clenched his fingers into the bands of the lounge chair, bending them to circulate the anxieties. He picked at things, twisted and broke them, while he was nervous. Either it was his nails, tables, clothes, you name it. It was the only calming factor he had.

“Tommy boy!” An all too familiar voice yelled.

Tom wanted to be dead. He could probably play dead and his so-called ‘friends’ would believe it. He watched as Brant and Ty made their way out to the backyard, holding up bottles of vodka and assorted mixes. Brant was a buff and tall dude, black skin and a face that nobody could say no to. He was known around campus as the star player, of football and hearts. Ty was scrawny, a lacrosse player that actually had talent. He had a long face though, almond eyes that were perpetually bloodshot. He was always high or looking to get high. They were the definition of what Creekview college boys were about.

“Tom, why are you sitting on your ass?” Brant laughed while jumping to take a seat next to him. “Dude, we need to go to Lauren J’s party tonight. With your British accent, we’ll need to be slapping the bitches off of us.”

Tom mentally groaned. He hadn’t been with a girl, not even a date since he got to Creekview. The girls here were not his type he supposed. The ones he had classes with were shallow or too dim-witted. Creekview felt like another dimension honestly. He had never experienced such fakery in his life. Nothing was real, nobody gave a shit about being authentic. It was all Daddy’s money, Mommy’s Lambo, and going to whoever’s lakehouse.

“I think I’ll sit it out. I don’t feel too great,” Tom rolled his head away from the two men looking at him.

“Pussy!” Ty cackled. “Pussy boy is afraid of fun,”

“Ty, shut the fuck up,” Brant elbowed his smaller friend and sighed. “Fuck if I care dude. More hoes for us,”

Brant shrugged it off and walked to the back of the house with Ty following at his tail. God, Ty would do anything to please him. It was pathetic. The only saving grace of the situation is that he didn’t live with them. Tom and Harrison had been renting a house for the year, getting some extra cash from their parents so they didn’t have to live on campus. Although Creekview was safe, the campus was rampant with theft and destruction. It felt like you took middle school children, injected steroids, and let them have the run of a college.

Crisis averted for now, at least. Tom loved parties back home. It was a party to have fun, to get together with your mates and drink. Creekview parties were to show off. Who has the best clothes, best mansion, best alcohol. Tom felt like an alien here. Nothing felt right anymore.

Tom heard the sliding door open again, this time it was Harrison. The blond boy smiled at Tom, shrugging his shoulders as he crossed the backyard. He wore a white shirt with neon splatters on it. There were remnants of neon paint on his face too. Tom quirked an eye at him and slid the glasses off his face.

“What’s with the paint?”

“LJ is having a neon party and she invited us,” Harrison threw a white shirt at Tom. “We should get going if we want to make it there before all the good booze is gone,”

Tom looked at the shirt, splatters of blues, oranges, and yellows scattered it in an abstract pattern. Did Harrison really have time to do this? He met eyes with his best mate, Harrison narrowed worried eyes at him. Harrison knew something was up with his friend, he saw the joy deplete from him every night after class. He saw Tom after the counselors meeting, saw the pain and stress illuminating off of him. The thing about Tom though was that he needed to figure out things for himself. He was constantly needing advice from others while also needing the pride of being self-efficient. Harrison wished to reach inside his best friend’s head and yank out the real Tom again. But, Tom sat there with heavy eyes and sighed.

“I don’t think I’ll go,” Tom rubbed the T-shirt fabric between his fingers.

“Mate, please come. I don’t want to be stuck with Brant or Ty all night,”

“So hang out with Lauren J then,”

The flicker of interest was undeniable. Tom knew Harrison fancied LJ, he could see it miles away. Everytime the sorority girl walked past. Harrison was head over heels in love. Yet, Tom didn’t know if anything had actually happened. He felt the nauseating flirting all the time, he saw the long glances to each other. Harrison however was quiet about it all, maybe out of fear that it would disappear if he spoke of it. This was a concept Tom knew too well.

“Tom, I’m really worried about you. I didn’t think that major thing would-”

“I’m fine Haz,”

Harrison sits to face Tom, hands folded in his lap like he was going to give him a lecture.

“We can talk about it if you want.”

Tom felt the pit deepens. He didn’t want to get Harrison involved, it was a mistake to even tell him. Tom did it so that it wouldn’t be so heavy on his mind but now he infected Harrison with his problems too. The brunet boy sat straight up, throwing off his red shirt and replacing it with the neon one.

“No, you know what let’s go to LJ’s party,” Tom grabbed his sunglasses and stood up as fast as he could.

“Tom, stop avoiding the topic-”

“Haz, you want to go to the party right? Let’s not keep LJ waiting,”

It was the flip in the situation that frustrated Harrison, but he wasn’t going to mention. The reverse psychology trick that Tom always pulled was getting real old, but now was not the time for it. Harrison was just happy that Tom was going to leave the house for once. Tom grabbed his wallet and keys, waiting on the front porch for his friend, nerves building up again. Thank god there will be alcohol at the party or this would be a disaster.

“You know, it’s okay to talk about your feeling,” Harrison comments as they walk towards the Jeep. “I don’t do words,” Tom smirked.

Harrison laughed, it would take a miracle to get him to shut up. Which was why it worried him that Tom had been silent for so long. Tom rolled his back into the leather seat and strummed his fingers against the plastic panel of the car door. Harrison looked to his friend again, exhaling in defeat.

“What’s your fear, Tom? Just tell me that,”

Tom froze his fingers and looked to Harrison. It was a moment of weakness, both having pleading eyes for answers. Harrison needed to know his best friend was alright, while Tom needed to know it was going to be alright.

“I just...don't want to be wrong,” His voice was barely above a whisper.

It was silent. The radio was turned off and the only sound was the car going to the somewhat empty Mainstreet of Creekview. Tom wanted to slap himself for telling the truth. Admitting failure was what was holding him back. It was the agonizing anxiety of having no control and failing to do what’s right. Tom gnawed at his bottom lip, his heart thumping against his chest so loud that he was sure Harrison could hear it. Harrison looked from the street and back to Tom.

“Whatever happens tonight Tom, it’ll be right,” Harrison finally says.

“What do you mean?”

It was the assertiveness that Harrison spoke with that sparked a little hope. He knew how to draw Tom out of his shell in times of darkness, yet nothing had been this serious before. But it was what Tom needed, that stupid faith in him.

“You will do something unequivalently right tonight. That’s final,”

The two looked off towards the sunset, visions of blue, pink, and purple bleeding out into the sky. It was...calm. For the first time since the counselor’s meeting, Tom felt at ease with Harrison, with his lack of decisions. Although it was creeping in the back of his mind, swirling through with random thoughts of terror. Tom felt okay for once and prepared himself mentally for the party.

It would be draining, shitty music and drunk people who can’t handle their alcohol. Yet, Harrison was right. Tom could do something tonight that was right. He wasn’t sure what, or even how, but it settled him for the time being. Tom rested his head on his hand, watching the beautiful colors take the sky. It was a moment of bliss, a moment of freedom that Tom was looking for. He remembered he needed to take chances, go on an adventure like Mrs. Scott had said. Maybe now, maybe this could be his first adventure that leads to many more. Tom just had to leap. He looked over to Harrison and laughed.

“It’s all going to be alright,”

Harrison smiled, nodding along with his words.

“Yes, Tom. Everything will always be alright,”

Tom breathed deeply, taking in the beautiful scene and moment. His eyes dreamily stared off into the sunset to admire the vibrancy. He had never seen anything like it in England. The California sunsets were a different breed. The colors made bubbles of serenity, and Tom smiled. He loved the way the pink shined through, it gave him a weird feeling of knowing. Like he knew something good was going to happen. Tom felt at ease with the color and he didn’t know why. It was odd, but maybe it was the anxiety finally settling so he could enjoy life for a bit.

Pink may be my new favorite color

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@screeching-student-unknown / @nyctophilicstyles / @captainbuckyy / @vintage-moonlight / @breadbudzo / @h-natale / @originalpinkpowerranger/ @happywolves81 / @drunkgreek/ @iamnida95 / @sydthekidsloth / @spiderboytotherescue / @laureharrier / @starksparker / @madon566 / @nophunleague / @itsbrittneynicole / @hereiamhereigo / @kkaup04 / @way-ward-whale / @thewackywriter

#Tom Holland imagines #Tom Holland imagine #college!Tom Holland #Tom Holland blurbs #Tom Holland fluff #Tom Holland angst #Tom Holland fanfic #Tom Holland x reader #tom holland x y/n #Harrison Osterfield imagines #Harrison Osterfield imagine #college!Harrison Osterfield

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nailriddenbat · 6 years

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Nice Handwriting

Summary: Every morning begins with a pass and for Steve Harrington, this becomes the highlight of his day. He’s on time for school and early to all of his classes, just in case another one is waiting for him. But who is leaving them and why?

Requested by: @richletozler; So at my school we have this thing for when you schedule your classes you can sign up to be an aid for the office (basically taking passes to classrooms for the office people) and it’s only a one semester class so you’ll be an aid for the first half year of school or the last half of the school year. So I wanted to see if you could write a fluffy Steve x reader where the reader is an office aid and always takes passes to the class Steve is in and Steve is just infatuated and is like “Woah, who ate THEY?” And he like tries to find out who they are to maybe get closer to them and potentially ask them on a date. Sorry I ran out of room! But this was an idea I had and I just wanted to share it with you. Sorry if this is a bad idea or anything I just wanted to share it with you!

Pairing: Steve Harrington x Reader

Word Count: 2.5k

Tags (PLEASE message me if you want to be added to the permanent tag list for any fic, especially if you already asked and I forgot!): @thegirlwhoisintoomanyfandoms @la-fille-en-aiguilles @jj-writes-shit @thebitterbookeater @with-a-hint-of-pesto-aioli @richletozler @just-smile-darling @w-ingardiumleviosa @buckysmaingirl @magic-and-timetravel @jupiter-leo @ttrraasshh @somekryptonitewriting @dudee-what @tmalchow @hedabucky @wallacetdog @blackhawklove @ssweet-empowerment

A/N: Another request is filled! I thought this idea was really really cute and I hope I understood it well enough to write it? But here, have a cute and infatuated Steve Harrington.

Another day, another pass. Steve Harrington held onto his books as he made his way into his first class of the day. His eyes instantly dropped to the desk and he grinned when he saw the all too familiar office pass with his name written on it. He snatched it up quickly before rushing over to his desk so he could sit and unfold the pass. His heart warmed up as he looked down at the perfect handwriting, reading the words to himself underneath his breath.

Today's music ain't got the same soul.

“I like that old time rock n’ roll,” he chuckled underneath his breath, running his finger over the letters slowly before he slipped the pass into his pocket. Another one to add to the collection.

The passes had started to show up shortly after his break up with Nancy. The rumor mill proved to be efficient once more as word spread fast. Nancy Wheeler dumped Steve Harrington. Steve Harrington caught Nancy Wheeler making out with Jonathan Byers. Nancy Wheeler broke up with Steve Harrington at Tina’s party so she could go home with Jonathan Byers.

Steve turned his head away from those rumors and kept to himself, as he no longer had his old group of friends since they abandoned him.

The first pass Steve was given confused him and he had no idea what to make of it.

Keep your head up, Harrington.

The handwriting was not familiar and he had no idea who could have even left it. Then another note came a few days later.

You’re better off without her anyway.

More passes followed and would be left in his class every morning. Some would have small and uplifting messages, others would have lyrics or movie quotes, and some even had a joke or two. When he had come into school a few days after El had closed the gate, still beaten and bruised from the fight with Billy Hargrove, he had gotten a pass with multiple curses against Hargrove and Steve couldn’t lie, that was his favorite pass yet. He would get one every other day and it was something that he looked forward to, despite not knowing where or who these passes were coming from.

Later on in the day, Steve was leaning over his notebook in the back of his classroom as he scribbled down the notes and drew little pictures in the margins of the notebook. He didn’t take notice of the teacher opening the classroom door and he definitely didn’t take notice of the arm that extended into the classroom, a pass in hand.

The teacher resumed class after closing the door and walked over Steve’s desk, dropping it on top of his notebook. “A pass from the office, Mr. Harrington,” he said before walking back to the front.

Steve snatched the pass and opened it quickly.

Looking good today, Harrington.

This was the first time he had received a note during class, which meant that whomever had been writing them was just here and Steve didn’t notice. He jumped up, using the excuse that he had to run to the bathroom and moved out to the hallway quickly. He looked back and forth but to his misfortune, not a single person was in sight. His hand clutched the pass as he sighed. “Who the hell are you?” he whispered to himself.

You weren’t sure why you wouldn’t come clean to Steve. You had taken up this job as an office assistant at the beginning of the school year to keep yourself occupied as you weren’t part of any other activity in school. You signed up to work until December and all you had to do was get to school early so you could take the passes from the office to wherever they needed to go, as well as check in during lunch and any free periods. It was just something to do, but now it held way more meaning.

Steve Harrington was always a puzzle to you. He was deemed the “King” of Hawkins High and was the star of the basketball team. Everyone loved him and you either wanted to be him or be with him. He had a reputation of being an asshole but despite all that you had heard, you still felt as if there was something more to him that people did not acknowledge and to an extent, even Steve did not acknowledge it.

You observed the change from a distance. Nancy Wheeler was publicly humiliated when “Starring Nancy Wheeler the Slut” had been spray painted up on the marquee of the local movie theatre. It had gotten around that Steve had been responsible for it, as well as a group of his friends. You weren’t sure why but you felt as if you had to see it for yourself, so you took a drive. You reached the theatre just in time to see Steve Harrington climb up a ladder and start to scrub at the words and in that moment, you knew that you had been right about him all along.

About a year later, Steve and Nancy were no more. Your heart broke the first time you caught a glimpse of Steve but you couldn’t find it in yourself to approach him and start up a conversation. As you were standing in the office waiting to collect the passes that needed to be distributed, your ears perked up when you heard that one of the passes needed to be dropped off in Steve’s classroom. While the receptionists weren’t looking, you quickly snatched up a blank pass from the desk and scribbled five simple words: “Keep your head up, Harrington,” and thus began the new routine of sneaking him passes every few days.

“Hey Nancy,” Steve pushed his way through the crowded hallway at the end of the day as he tried to make his way over to Nancy. Steve figured that if anyone could tell him anything about the passes, it would be her.

Nancy looked up, slightly surprised that it had been Steve who called out to her but smiled nonetheless. “Hey Steve,” she cleared her throat. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah, stellar,” Steve nodded his head before scratching it. “Listen I know this may sound like a weird question, but I’m getting these passes, every other morning or so, and I just... I have no idea where they’re coming from or who they’re coming from.”

“Oh. Well, I can promise that they aren’t from me, Steve...” she trailed off, unsure of what type of passes they were or where he was getting at.

Steve shook his head quickly, “No, no. I know that. I was just hoping you would know something.”

Nancy asked if she could see one of the passes if he had one on him and he pulled out the one he received in class.

“Oh! Steve those are the office passes, they come from the main office,” she said.

“Okay but why am I getting them so frequently and who’s leaving them?”

Nancy shrugged her shoulders and gave him a small smile, “It sounds like Steve Harrington has a secret admirer.”

“Nance, c’mon. Get serious for two seconds,” he leaned in and dropped his voice. “I need to know who this is.”

Nancy laughed a bit and patted his shoulder, “Office passes are collected during the morning before all classes start and during lunch. Hang around to see if you can ask someone if it’s them writing the passes. It’s definitely a student who volunteered to be an office aid for the first half of the school year and there are usually about two or three volunteers.”

“An office aid?” he snorted. He had no idea that was even a thing.

“Yes, an office aid. You can work September to December, or January to June,” Nancy explained as she closed her locker. “Hang around the office and you’ll find your secret admirer. Good luck!”

Steve watched as Nancy walked away and sighed. It looks like he’d be getting to school earlier than usual tomorrow.

You hung your jacket up in your locker before gathering your books for that morning. You hummed underneath your breath as you turned to head to the office, ready to pick up the passes for that morning. You wouldn’t write a pass to Steve today, deciding to wait until tomorrow. You wished the receptionists a good morning before taking the passes just as the other two student volunteers stepped up to the desk to grab more passes.

You were too busy looking down at the first pass as you walked out of the office and you didn’t notice the person standing in front of you until you walked right into them, causing you both to fall to the floor and all of your books to crash down with you.

Steve paced back and forth outside of the office. He saw three students gathered at the desk and rubbed his jaw. He had no idea how to approach either of them, knowing he’d sound like a lunatic if it turned out to be none of them.

“I’m Steve Harrington. Are you writing me notes? Stupid, stupid, stupid,” Steve muttered underneath his breath.

He was too caught up in his thoughts and turned just as a body walked right into his, causing him to fall over and shout, “Hey!”

You gasped loudly when you realized who you had walked into, your eyes going wide. “I am so sorry!” you cried out.

Steve sat up slowly with a groan but realized the girl had dropped all of her things. He moved over to help her gather them up, shaking his head, “Don’t worry about it. I wasn’t paying attention.”

You refused to look up at him. Your heart was pounding and you were sure your entire face was the same color as a tomato. You grabbed your things from his hand and uttered a quick thank you before you sat up and took off. You were so relieved that you hadn’t written him a pass that day, knowing you would have been caught which was something you were not prepared for.

Steve watched as the girl, who he had never seen before, rushed off quickly and sighed. He went to stand up but stopped when he saw a piece of paper that looked like an essay on the floor. “Hey, you forgot your-” he began to call out to her but she was already gone.

He reached over to pick up the paper and had to do a double take. The essay was written out. His eyes went wide as he snatched out a pass from his pocket and held the two papers side by side. Steve was not a handwriting expert, but it was a damn near perfect match and he could have cried out because of how excited he was. He looked up at the corner of the paper where you had written your name and grinned, reading it out loud, “Y/N L/N.” It was not a name he recognized, but he was going to make sure he grew familiar with it.

He turned to the office and walked over to the receptionist with a grin, holding up the essay. “Good morning, ladies. I just found this essay in the hallway, it looks like it belongs to Y/N L/N. Could you possibly tell me what class she has so I could return it to her?”

You sat in your classroom and tried not to completely panic. Your essay was missing and it was due next period. You had looked in every single textbook, folder, and notebook you had but you could not find it anywhere. You had spent hours working on it and could not afford to receive a zero on it for failing to hand it in.

You leaned forward as you held your head in your hands, trying to figure out what the hell had happened to that damn essay.

There was a knock on the classroom door and the teacher stopped talking so she could answer it.

“Sorry to bother you, Miss, but I found this in the hall earlier and I wanted to return it to Y/N L/N if she’s here?”

Your head snapped up and your hands dropped.

“Absolutely. She’s right over there,” your teacher pointed over at you and you held your breath.

Steve Harrington made his grand appearance as he stepped into the classroom, pushing his hand through his hair as his other hand held onto your essay. You held onto the edges of the desk to hold yourself up as he walked over to you, as you were positive that you were seconds away from falling over.

Steve slid the essay onto your desk with a grin. “Nice handwriting,” he complimented you with a wink before turning back around and leaving the classroom.

You watched him leave with wide eyes as you gripped the essay and flipped it over. Underneath it was a folded up office pass, the exact same one you had written yesterday.

That son of a bitch knows!

Steve waited by your locker, his foot propped up against it. He had no idea what he would say to you when he saw you, but he knew that he needed to do something.

You turned the corner and stopped when you saw him standing there. You considered hiding until he left but you knew that wouldn’t work, as he would try to get your attention until he succeeded. You took a deep breath and stepped forward.

Steve turned his head and stood up straight when he saw you walking in his direction. The two of you stared at each other quietly for a few minutes before you cleared your throat. Your cheeks were a shade of pink as you blushed, “So uh...this is totally embarrassing,” you said.

“Hm,” Steve hummed a bit. He had no idea how the hell he had never noticed you before and you were in his grade. Was he that oblivious? Probably, yes. “You wanna tell me why you’ve been leaving me passes?”

You shrugged a bit as you inhaled and held your books to your chest.

Steve nodded his head slowly as one hand slid into his pocket. “Maybe you’ll tell me over a slice of pizza?”

“What?” you asked what he meant, your eyes going wide.

He chuckled and stepped over to you. “You’ve been leaving me love letters and whatnot, Y/N. It’s only fair that I take you out on a proper date,” he spoke so only you could hear him.

Your cheeks went from a shade of pink to a shade of red as you blushed. You stuttered over your words and were unable to form any proper sentence so you nodded your head quickly, offering him a smile.

“Sweet,” he grinned. “Saturday at 7?”

You nodded again.

Steve chuckled and grinned at you again before walking away. He turned around and began to walk backward as he shouted out to you, “Just write your address on a pass for me and I’ll pick you up!”

You found yourself smiling widely as you nodded your head, quickly turning around so he couldn’t see how happy you just got. You had a date with Steve Harrington.

As he walked away, Steve had a large smile of his own. For the first time in a while, he was feeling optimistic and feeling like he was back on top of the world. Saturday could not come soon enough.

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westywrites · 6 years

Text

I’m Sorry

This is why I should never make promises... I know I said I would have the next part of Soulmates to go out yesterday, but obviously that didn’t happen. I was invited very last minute to be part of the ensemble for Mamma Mia in the theatre festival and between my play and hurriedly learning the blocking/choreo for that (as the festival opens tonight) I have been in theatre for more than three hours everyday since Monday. Not much time to write.

As an apology I have decided to post the entire first chapter of my WIP, “Story with Gods”

The floor was cold and hard against her back, made of metal that had been painted dark just like the walls. The room itself was bright, lit by rows of white fluorescents that stung her eyes. She laid still while making these assessments and tried to move only her eyes. There was another person on either side of her, to her left was a girl about her age but a fair bit taller, to her right was a large man who grunted slightly with each breath he took. Her mind had been spinning tirelessly for hours but she still couldn't think of where she could be or why she would be there. She had been on her way to work, a part-time job she hated, before she suddenly woke up in that small cold room full of people. She didn't dare move or speak, filled with fear and thoughts of the B-rated horror movies she loved so much. No one else seemed to be awake. Whenever the man beside her stirred she would pretend to sleep. To her it seemed like an eternity had passed before anything happened.

"It is currently 7 am. Those of you who are awake may come and retrieve your breakfast,” a man's voice said from the small speaker in the corner. "Please be sure to take only your portion and not to share with others." At this announcement a couple of others got up, a university-aged boy and a middle-aged woman in a beige blazer and pencil skirt. They moved quietly to one wall. The girl was hungry and surrendered to the smell of toast. She stood slowly and joined the woman and boy at a small counter with a row of containers on it. Without saying a word, each took a container and retreated to a corner to eat. The breakfast consisted solely of a soggy piece of toast and a small bottle of water. The girl sighed and ate slowly, as she ate she examined the room. With only bare metal walls, one large door, a bathroom and the food slot there wasn’t much to see. The people, however, were much more interesting. There were eight in total, all different in just about every way. However hard the girl searched she couldn't find anything they had in common. Slowly each person got up to eat and sat themselves around the walls of the room. They all moved in silent slow motion, their faces blank with shock or filled with confusion.

"Listen here," said a large black man in a tight shirt, "if we're going to be stuck here together we need to know a bit about each other." He waved his toast around as he spoke and the girl had a feeling that he was just talking to keep himself from having a breakdown. "I'm Isaiah, I'm a volunteer firefighter in Belleville and a father of three young girls." He turned to the lady beside him.

"I'm Jen, I work as an administrator for a company in Toronto." She looked like she was in her mid-twenties and wore very modest clothes. Her eyes were wide and her voice was barely a whisper.

"This is stupid." The university-aged boy complained, his foot tapped rapidly against the ground as his eyes darted around analyzing his surroundings. "I'm Quentin, I'm an engineering student at McMaster." From there each person introduced themselves in much the same fashion. The man who had been next to the girl was Phil, an electrician; the woman in the beige blazer was a paralegal named Karen, and the scrawny man who had sat down all too close to the girl would only say that his name was Anthony. The girl shifted slightly away from him and flashed what she hoped was a warm smile at the others.

"I'm Sophia," she said, "I'm 16 and I'll be a grade 12 student come fall." She winced at the waver in her voice and felt her smile grow awkward.

"Oh good, I thought I was way younger than everyone." The other girl sighed in relief. "I'm Olivia, just turned 17 and also going into grade 12." She pulled her dark hair away from her face and shot a sideways glance at Sophia. Her green eyes stood out against her brown skin and Sophia saw something deeper than just the pain of the current situation within them.

"Well, that was very helpful." Quentin the engineering student rolled his eyes. "What now?"

"Now we find a way out." Isaiah the firefighter responded, cracking his knuckles and forcing a deep breath. Everyone, with the exception of Quentin, anxiously scoured every inch of the room and the small adjoining bathroom. The only openings were the long, thin slit where the food had come in, a tiny vent in the bathroom, and the large door with no handle. As the largest men, Isaiah and Phil the electrician took turns trying to ram it down. Seeing as the door was made of the same metal as the floor, no one was surprised when nothing came of this. Hours had passed before everyone gave up and began to sit in quiet conversation or pace around the room.

"So what courses are you taking next semester?" The girl, Sophia, asked needing to talk about something and not coming up with a better topic.

"Math, French, drama, and a spare." Olivia shrugged, her voice had a practiced lack of emotion. "I'm excited to have a spare last class though, hopefully I'll get to go home and work in my grandfather’s greenhouse."

"I don't have any spares." Sophia smirked, talking about school in that room just seemed absurd, but at least it was better than dwelling on the present. "I'm kind of an overachiever, but I mean all my courses are fun so it'll be great. I’ve got law and English and world cultures and classical civilizations. I've got all the boring stuff second semester." She could tell by the look on Olivia's face that those courses didn't seem fun to her. "Yea I know I'm a huge geek. I literally want to become a history and law teacher, though I'm also thinking about being a university professor."

"I have no idea what I'm gonna do with my life." Olivia sighed. "My parents want me to marry the rich and successful son of one of their friends back in India and honestly I may just go with it."

"C'mon there's gotta be something you're passionate about, you can make a career out of anything if you care enough. You said your granddad has a greenhouse?" Sophia then spent the rest of the morning trying to figure out Olivia's life for her.

Come lunchtime everyone was getting restless. Leaving eight strangers trapped in a small room isn't a very good idea, and there had already been a number of small arguments. That all was nothing compared to the fight that happened when lunch showed up. At 1:30, according to the announcement, a single plastic container slid through the slot. It had a small note attached saying it was meant for Quentin and only Quentin. He opened it slowly and as far away from himself as possible, fearing that it may be a trap of some kind. Inside was half of a sandwich and a water bottle. At that moment the announcement came on again and explained that since everyone else had tried to escape only Quentin got lunch. If he shared any of it with anyone, no one would get supper. This news, understandably, caused outrage.

"You vile little creature." Isaiah hissed at Quentin. "You knew this would happen."

"You better give us each some of that sandwich," Karen, the paralegal, demanded.

"No way. You heard the announcement." Quentin held the container tightly against his chest. "If I share we all won't get to eat, besides there's not enough for all eight of us."

"Then give some to the girls,” Phil suggested gesturing at Sophia and Olivia. "They're small and young, they need to eat." Both of the girls made a face to disagree with Phil.

"It's my sandwich I earned it." Quentin backed into the corner. Isaiah cursed at him and Phil took a menacing step forward. The three of them yelled back and forth for some time as everyone else watched in silence.

"Maybe if you can't share the sandwich you just shouldn't eat it," Jen, the administrator, interrupted in a small voice.

"That wouldn't make any sense. Then we'd all just be hungry." Quentin whined at her.

Suddenly Anthony swatted the container out of his hand and the sandwich fell out onto the floor. "Only fair," Anthony said as he squished the sandwich with his foot. That effectively ended the argument and everyone sat in agitated silence, except for a few hushed conversations, until the announcer spoke again.

"It is now 6:30, please retrieve the containers from the counter." The announcer held no emotion in his nasal voice. Eight containers slid out and Isaiah looked triumphantly at Quentin. The containers were handed around and opened in anticipation. Inside each container was a water bottle, only half full, and a note with one word on it. Once they figured out the order the words formed a simple sentence. "If you really want everyone not to eat..." The announcer read out the message as soon as they had put it together. "Then don't follow the rules. It's quite simple, listen and you eat but don't listen and you don't eat." Olivia and Sophia looked at each other, Olivia didn’t even try to hide the fear on her face this time.

Karen, Isaiah, and Phil all took their turns cursing out the announcer before everyone fell into a tense silence again. That night everyone slept in groups to try and stay warm against the cold metal floor. The next day was similar to the first but they received some food three times that day. The day after was the same, and the days after that. They all struggled to understand their situation, fighting often, and crying even more. They told stories and sung songs to pass the time. However, as time passed their fear only grew, each day the portions of food seemed smaller and they all were hungry all the time. This went on for nearly two weeks before Isaiah decided he couldn't take it anymore.

"You listen here!" He yelled at the announcer. "You're starving us, we need food and you aren't giving us enough. There are children in here. I have children at home." He gestured around the room. "I know you've got a camera somewhere to watch us and I beg you. There's better entertainment elsewhere, just let us go." Isaiah knew there wasn't really any point in his protests but he just couldn't sit back anymore.

"Hey, it's alright." Sophia placed a hand on his arm. "If he wanted to kill us he would've already. We can get out of here eventually." She led Isaiah to sit in the corner. Sophia had a natural ability to talk people down from high emotions and she had found herself using that a lot during those past two weeks. She wanted to help more but there wasn’t much she could do, or anyone could do. That night at supper a portion didn't show up for Isaiah and he sat trying to hide the tears in his eyes while the others ate.

"I can't stand this," Sophia whispered to Olivia. "Us all eating while he watches. I know it's against the rules but I just can't do this."

"Wait, what are you planning?" Olivia grabbed Sophia's arm, her nails digging in. "Don't you dare screw yourself over, you need the food more than he does." Sophia had already been incredibly thin when they got there and at this point she looked sickly. Sophia debated convincing Olivia to let her, she knew she could, but she knew she had a point and surrendered. She ate her supper in silence, all the while looking forlornly at Isaiah.

Another week passed in much the same fashion and they continued to get increasingly small portions of food. There were arguments regularly but everyone stayed far away from any territory that could get their food taken away. They were all exhausted, filthy, and miserable but Sophia was determined to maintain her optimism. She forcibly kept her hope that they would get out soon and she would try to get others to tell stories or sing songs with her like they had before. Outwardly the others were annoyed by this but Sophia knew they needed it. Her determination grew even stronger when Quentin got sick. It started one morning when he wouldn't wake up for breakfast. He was pale and running a fever. Sophia sat by him and took care of him, forcing him to eat what food he was given and drink water whenever they had it.

"How's he doing, Soph?" Olivia asked her at supper. As the weeks had passed Olivia had softened to her, at this point they had told each other everything. Some unspoken bond seemed to draw them together.

"No improvement, but he's not any worse so that's good." Sophia stroked his hair repetitively. She bit her lip as she looked at how dry his lips were.

"It's really kind of you to do that," Jen said, kneeling beside them. “Wish I could be like that.”

"I just wish I could do more." Sophia shrugged. She sat with Quentin throughout the night, gently singing and talking to him while everyone else slept. In the morning they found her asleep against the wall with his head in her lap. Everyone made sure not to wake her. When the announcement came on for breakfast she opened her eyes groggily and looked down at Quentin. His breaths were shallow but his fever was down from the night before. Olivia brought breakfast for the three of them. Each container had only a small piece of toast, less than a quarter of a slice, and a nearly empty water bottle. Sophia bit at her own lip again and ran a gentle finger along Quentin's bottom lip. His lips were so dry and cracked. She made a decision then and she was the kind of person who, once they made a decision, no one could stop.

#west's words #writers on tumblr #writeblr #spilled ink #am writing #original story #Story with Gods #Olivia Misra #Sophia Grader #godly excerpts #minor characters #I love all these minor characters #shame only the girls are relevant after two chapters

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canaryatlaw · 7 years

Text

today was fine, I’m just kind of in a mood at the moment. Just feeling discontented with life and questioning the choices I’ve made, like not pursuing acting and going to law school, maybe it wasn’t because I needed to be a lawyer, maybe I just never believed in myself enough to believe I could ever actually make anything of myself acting....or maybe I actually just suck and that would be a terrible decision because I do not have what it takes and I should take the empirical evidence in that I’ve been passed over for so many roles so many times to know that I’M JUST NOT GOOD ENOUGH. It just wasn’t supposed to be like this. I was supposed to start law school and be completely content, and never looked back. but I’m not. I miss acting. I want to act. But I don’t want the “other life” option I had when I was deciding whether I wanted to go to law school or not- staying on with my theatre company who was full of really great people that I loved working with, but we could only perform a few months out of the year, and then I was stuck behind a desk for the rest of the year....so I traded it for an existence where I’ll always be sitting behind a desk?? Yes I’ll be helping people (that is, if I can get a damn job) but I could’ve been helping people with theatre. But that’s not the existence I’m yearning for. I want this reality that is never going to happen because I’M NOT FUCKING TALENTED ENOUGH TO GET FAMOUS THROUGH ACTING. I’M JUST NOT. I tell myself this is me being realistic, but maybe it’s just a lack of self-confidence. I don’t know. I just find myself constantly daydreaming about an existence I’ll never have, one that exists on tv sets and shooting with awesome casts, and going to comic cons on panels and getting to talk to fans and inspire them, and meet these amazing people....but I’m not skinny, I’m not pretty (enough), and I’m not talented enough. Of course all of these thoughts have been facilitated by the fact that I convinced myself to send in this audition tape that I’m still not gonna talk about details on because it’s not like anything is gonna happen anyway, and I spent all day learning the lines to shoot the tape tomorrow, and I keep daydreaming about getting the part, the contingencies I’d put in place to try and finish the semester and then pause my law school education to return and finish my last semester at some point in the future, and giving interviews about how I absolutely plan on returning to law school, because I could never be complete with law and acting in my life, and I could always do law and act on the side, but I couldn’t prioritize acting and do law on the side. not really. I’ve run through the scenarios and it’s just not realistic. But still....I want it. And I know I’m setting myself up to get disappointed every time I think about it like this and delude myself into thinking I have a shot when they’re going to end up casting a drop dead gorgeous skinny blonde 16 year old for the part and I am none of those things, but still I let myself hope, I listen to myself doing the lines, and goddammit I feel like I’m on to something here. for the first time in a long, long time I feel like I actually sound good in my acting. like I’ve somehow leveled up. it’s been a mental thing I’ve been contemplating for a while now, and this has just been my first opportunity to implement it as a strategy, and really I think it’s going well. But even so, the chances my video, one out of thousands being sent in, will even make it past an initial viewing is very unlikely. Even if my acting is leveled up, I probably still won’t be good enough. I know this. But why am I allowing myself to hope then? Because I’m dissatisfied with the law school life I’ve built here? Because this life isn’t everything I dreamed it would be? Because that’s just life? Or because I’m still fucking depressed and have been in denial about it since August? I just.....I don’t know. I don’t know the answers to any of this. and even in the infinitesimally small chance this turns into something, my family would absolutely flip a shit on me for the content (it’s not like, sex scenes or anything gross like that, it’s just very specific content that they have a major hang up with) and I honestly don’t know how they would react, if they’d even help support me in doing this.....which, I mean, if they don’t, I have $14,000 to my name, how far could I realistically get on that? And how fucking stupid would it be for me to move to Hollywood and start waiting tables trying to get cast in something when I have a fucking law degree? When I spent all that time, all that blood sweat and tears, not to mention all that MONEY, and then to just decide I don’t want to do law anymore? But that’s not even true, because I DO want to do law still. I’m just conflicted about how to do it and frustrated with job prospects and my family REALLY wants me to come home and I feel so guilty about it which makes me want to do it, but I also don’t know how I would react to that and I have a very hard time seeing myself be truly happy in that situation. I’ve never wanted to move back there. I’ve been wanting to get out for as long as I can remember, and I did, I flew out the door at 18 and never looked back...until now, 7 whole years later, and I miss my parents, and my sister, and it pains me so much to know she’s going through exactly the same thing I was when I was her age and I can’t physically be there to make sure nothing happens to her. If something did and I wasn’t there, never forgiving myself would be a mild reaction, to be completely honest if she killed herself I’d probably kill myself too, because I don’t think I can live in a world without her in it. That’s what I tell myself, at least, but then I think about my parents, and how that would completely destroy them. One daughter would be horrific enough, but two? I don’t think I could do that to them, no matter how much pain I would be in. So I would stay in this world and be in unbearable pain, and probably blaming myself for everything because I just KNOW that if I was there I could’ve stopped it. She’s my baby girl. I love her more than anything else in this world. I can’t lose her. So I want to be there for her. It’s just that...moving back there sounds so suffocating. I’ve been very clear with my parents that under no circumstances am I moving back into the house, even if I move back there, but at the same time like, I don’t have any money?? Long Island is expensive as hell, even if I had a job probably half my income would go to paying rent, and how am I supposed to survive on a government or nonprofit salary when that’s the case? And I don’t want to rely on my parents forever, I already feel guilty that I’m 25 fucking years old and still reliant on them, because I can’t make any fucking money while in law school so my parents pay for everything! And I just want to be independent, finally. And then I start worrying if something happens to my dad and suddenly there’s no more income, then what the fuck am I supposed to do? sigh. I'm working myself into an anxiety spiral and I need to stop now. But if anyone just read all that and has any insight your input would be appreciated.

So. Anyway. I had trouble falling asleep last night, but woke up at like 8 am anyone and couldn’t fall back asleep, and not for lack of trying. So I got up, and made a blueberry dutch baby, (I had turned my alarm off at some point past 2 am because there was no way I was making it to the church thing) and watched last night’s episode of Crazy Ex-Girlfriend. I don’t have much feedback other than I love this damn show and I hope they actually pursue the plot line of them suing Josh because I am so fucking here for that. Then I started and finished my poverty law reading, which wasn’t terribly long, just rather dry. Since I have an abbreviated school week (as I’m going to NY on Wednesday) I’m just gonna read for the actual classes I have to attend and I’ll figure the rest out later. After that I decided it was hair dyeing time, since I wanted it to look nice and bright for the audition tape tomorrow, and for my sister’s sweet 16 last week. So I did that, and while it was processing I ran through lines, then rinsed it out and listened to this program for this fellowship thing I’m doing that I’ll tell you about at some other time that took about an hour and forty minutes. Continued to memorize lines, my memorization skills have definitely improved over the last few years, I blame having to memorize huge chunks of text in small amounts of time for any and all things mock trial and trial advocacy. So I got pretty much all of it down, then I turned on Batman TAS for a few episodes, then went to Netflix and started Mindhunter, because everyone on the true crime podcast Facebook groups I follow haven’t shut up about it and at least one of them are reviewing it next week, so I figured I’d give it a shot. I also had the yankees game on live stream but muted in one of the tabs in my browser, so monitoring that as well. I got through the first 4 episodes of Mindhunter and it’s really good so far! Super interesting period piece, and Jonathan Groff is fucking amazing of course. Very intriguing plot, and I’m looking forward to seeing how it all comes together. I paused it for the last inning of the yankees game just to see them lose, and I’m just like really, universe? I couldn’t have the Cubs or the Yankees in the world series? they both had to lose?? not cool man, not cool. and yeah, after that I finished the Mindhunter episode I was watching and then got ready for bed, and got into a mood which caused me to write all of the above because I’m feeling anxious about this whole thing I guess. I just don’t feel particularly happy with life right now. It’s nowhere near as bad as the horrible depression I was experiencing over the summer when I was off one of my meds, but it’s just a general lack of happiness. I know there’s a technical term for it, but I don’t remember it at the moment. But anyway. I have to have to have to get up and go to church tomorrow since it’s our first Sunday in the new building and with only two services, so I really need to be there. I’m excited for that, though. It should be really good. As for now, I need to get some sleep, so I’m signing off. Sorry about the crazy rant above, I guess I just needed to get a lot of emotions out and hey, if tumblr’s good for anything, it’s good for that. Anyway. Goodnight sweeties. Have an awesome Sunday.

#daily journal #October 2017

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syua · 7 years

Text

92 qs tag + 30 qs tag!

tagged by @soonsyoung and @y0ungmins for each of these !!!! thank u

/first game/

RULES: you must answer these 92 statements and tag 20 people (its?? not?? 92 questions??? lol)

THE LAST:

drink: bai peach juice

phone call: idr probably my mom?

text message: i’m about to leave home & have dinner with ryan downtown

song you listened to: uhhhh ive been listening to youtube videos all day but maybe vibrato by stellar

time you cried: uhh i think i cried out of pain when i came home from getting my wisdom teeth out friday or if not i def cried cos my sunburn hurt so much like a week ago

date someone twice: no

kissed someone and regretted it: ehhhgfhghhhh

been cheated on: i mean not that i’m aware of but that’s not always something ur made aware of u know.

lost someone special: lost like died? no but if like lost contact then yes lol

been depressed: yes son

gotten drunk and thrown up: no ive never thrown up from alcohol hhhaha

LIST 3 COLOURS

12. yellow

13. pink

14. black

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU:

15. made friends: ummmm closeish lasting irl friends? no…

16. fallen out of love: thats uh

17. laughed until you cried: i can’t remember a particular time but probs lol??

18. found out someone was talking about you: not that i can think of? no one knows me they wouldn’t have anything to say lol

19. met someone who changed you: guess nottt

20. found out who your friends are: ?? not to repeat myself but i don’t have any

21. kissed someone on your facebook list: i don’t haaave one

GENERAL:

22. how many of your facebook friends do you know in real life: again lol don’t have one

23. do you have any pets: a dog (ginny) & a cat (phoebe)

24. do you want to change your name: yeah i never liked my name i always wanted to be named austin???

25. what did you do for your last birthday: umm took a final moved out of my dorm and bought myself chinese takeout

26. what time did you wake up: 1pm

27. what were you doing at midnight last night: i think i was just laying in bed watching buzzfeed unsolved over and over

28. name something you can’t wait for: when my mouth doesn’t HURT 24/7 and i can chew anything

29. when was the last time you saw your mom: like 3 hours ago

30. what is one thing you wish you could change in your life: i wish i didn’t give up art after high school & i actually tried to get into art schools?

31. what are you listening to right now: still youtube in the background

32. have you ever talked to a person named Tom: uhmmm i think

33. something that is getting on your nerves: everything really

34. most visited website: tumblr or youtube

35-37. well these questions dont exist apparently

38. hair color: blonde

39. long or short hair: longg i wish my hair was longer rn

40. do you have a crush on someone: i guesss

41. what do you like about yourself: ?

42. piercings: just one in each ear but i want more

43. blood type: noo idea

44. nickname: none

45. relationship status: single

46. Zodiac: taurus

47. pronouns: she/her

48. favorite tv show: game of thrones BUT i haven’t watched the start of s7 yet so shhh

49. tattoos: none but im trying to get one if i can get my shit together before school

50. right or left handed: right

51. surgery: wisdom teeth just friday like i mentioned;;

52. piercing: u already asssked

53. sport: none man

54. vacation: ?last vacation favorite vacation??? i just went to st augustine florida w my family but my best trip ever was suzhou/shanghai/beijing at the beginning of the summer

55. pair of trainers: what about them??? i never wear sneakers

MORE GENERAL:

56. eating: nothinnn the last thing i had was ice cream since that’s 50% of my diet in the last week (the other 50% is mac n cheese)

57. drinking: water

58. I’m about to: maybe sleep lol

59. waiting for: once again just until im not in pain

60. want to: literally nothing just lay in bed

61. get married: probabbbly

62. career: ?? art director or maybe something like front of house manager in a theatre or something in film production or ui eng

WHICH IS BETTER:

63. hugs or kisses: hugs

64. lips or eyes: eyes

65. shorter or taller: tall but most ppl are taller than me lol

66. older or younger: uhhh i guess either as long as it’s within a couple years of me, tho since im 18 right now i guess not younger. i guess for guys it would always be older but i. dont think i want to date guys

67. nice arms or nice stomach: well for ME i have neither and i would prefer to magically gain a nice stomach so

68. hook up or relationship: relationship

69. troublemaker or hesitant: ??? i don’t like loud annoying people so hesitant

HAVE YOU EVER:

70. kissed a stranger: no

71. drank hard liquor: yes

72. lost glasses/contact lenses: no ive never had them lol

73. turned someone down: yes

74. sex on the first date: excuse u im 12

75. broken someone’s hear: i don’t think so ive never been the one doing the breaking up so

76. had your heart broken: i dunno that’s a strong phrase

77. been arrested: nope

78. cried when someone died: not that i remember

79. fallen for a friend: yes

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

80. yourself: ehhhhhhghfhhhhh

81. miracles: no

82. love at first sight: it’s a strong no from me

83. santa claus: i wysh

84. kiss on the first date: sure

85. angels: no

86-89. there were no questions asked…

OTHER:

90. current best friend’s name: current What

91. eye color: blue green

92. favorite movie: the fall or only god forgives

/neeeext game/

Rules: answer 30 questions then tag 20 blogs you would like to know better.

1. Nicknames: noneee

2. Gender: female

3. Star sign: taurus

4. Height: 5'1″ / 157cm

5. Time: 7:37pm

6. Birthday: may 4

7. Favorite Bands/Groups: uhhm for kpop it’s svt, omg, loona, wjsn, etc... english it’s brand new, bad suns, stop light observations

8. Favorite solo artists: suran, heize, dean, childish gambino, hyuna, bruno mars

9. Song stuck in my head: vibrato by stellar

10. Last movie watched: uhhhh i think i watched like half of the grand budapest hotel lol

11. Last show watched: game of thrones (tho once again not the 7th season yet lol)

12. When did i create my blog: this acct is just about to be a year old but my first one was from probably summer 2012 or 11

13. What do I post: nothin exciting, kpop + whatever pictures i like

14. Last thing googled: “red velvet red flavor” idr what i was looking for tho lol??

15. Do you have other blogs?: too manyyy orz

16. Do you get asks?: yahuhh some

17. Why did u choose your url?: i just wanted smth short like i was surprised this wasn’t taken less than a year ago hhhu

18. Following: ~120

19. Followers: an amount;;

20. Favorite colors: yelloooow, pink, black, plus lately i like red more

21. Average hours of sleep: in the summer like 12-14 a day ha

22. Lucky number: 27

23. Instruments: nooone

24. What am I wearing: tshirt and boxers the only thing i ever wear

25. How many blankets I sleep with: just 1 comforter (+ the fan on tho)

26. Dream job: answered in the other game^^

27. Dream trip: baaack to suzhou

28. Favorite food(s): steak, shrimp, mac n cheese, red velvet cake, smoothies

29. Nationality: american

30. Favorite song now: uhhh i’ve been listening to 1+1=0 by suran and that’s what i like by bruno mars a lot. all time favs r wishing well by blink 182, jude law and a semester abroad by brand new, and shark attack by grouplove

okiee that’s more than u ever wanted to know about me!!! tagging anyone who read this far cause this was really far so u yes u i tag u

#tagged #e.#life!!!

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darkcozyforest · 7 years

Text

Quotes from my Stagecraft Professor Spring 2017

Okay I am going to preface these quotes by saying that this is a man probably in his late 30′s early 40′s originally from Pennsylvania and now in Missouri. He, along with his wife, has done work in the theatre for his entire professional career. He is the king of dad jokes because he is one. And he has been through hell and back with medical issues that he has gone through or his family has gone through. That said, let us begin:

“White People are like olive oil mayo. We’re not really sure why we’re here. We’re not really good for you. We don’t really taste good.”

“’She’ is a an option. Let’s start breaking those gender barriers. He or she is allowed.”

“Theatre is someone doing something and someone to watch it”

“Hamilton tickets are up to what like 3/4 the GEP of Ghana?”

“You didn’t go to see Spider-man Turn Off the Dark because it was good. You went to see it to see who would get injured that night.”

Yea I mean I guess you could say that Jeffrey Seller has a pretty good track record. Hamilton, In The Heights, Rent, Avenue Q...”

“Boston took second in the Poker game and said we’re not taking 2nd we’ll take two ones and that is why they are Local 11.Talk about petty”

“To those people who say you must be an actor I say not anymore because I grew accustomed to things like food and shelter.”

“Break down those gender barriers!!”

*When talking about where the Rock and Roll hall of fame was* “IT’S THE NORTH COAST! There’s like a shit ton of water up there!”

“I have never seen someone want to be swallowed by their own asshole so much in their life. He said nothing good ever came out of South Korea and I said ‘oh you mean like my wife?’”

“The Backstage Handbook is the greatest non-religious book known to man.”

“Nails are easy. Put it in, bang it with a rock or a hammer or your friend.”

“I am blue color all the way. Like fuck the man. If you are in administration you are like a turd on my shoe.”

“The president of our university is like our flu shot.”

“If you know anything about opera well... Save that for Monday.”

“Next time someone tells you that women don’t belong in the shop two things. A: BULL FUCKING SHIT! Some of the best carpenters I’ve seen in my life are women. B: Women think things out better than men. Dating back to cavemen when men would just focus on the same thing til it died and women would look at the whole thing.”

“This is the circulur....lar. saw La-la la-la.... Wicked? No nobody?”

“No show tunes playing during shop. You all get distracted and then try to one up each other and then you get hurt acting like idiots.”

“Pi are not squared. Pi are round.” *talking about circle formulas*

“Authority throne? I think that’s what our president uses to tweet out every morning” Other student: “Did you just compare me to--” Professor: “Yupp! Moving on.”

Me: “Then why do we call it a podium?” P: “Because we’re all fucking ignorant. It is a lectern and if any of your professors say it is a podium you walk up to them a slap them across the face and say ‘No that is a fucking lectern”

“Oh...Single clown tear of not caring.”

“And here we have the dead body in the river for a week grey traveler. Look at it. Have you seen CSI Miami? It’s the same color as those dead bodies.”

“You need to know what the Bible, Torah and Qur’an say. And you need to be able to quote Star Wars, Harry Potter and know who fuckin Indiana Jones is.”

“You always wanna be ‘something fucking something’ never “fucking something something. Like if you hear someone say Fucking Billy Bob, you know Billy Bob is an idiot. But if you hear someone say Billy fucking Bob, you know Billy Bob is a badass”

“What the fuck you said it was dry? Yea dry not cured dumbass.”

“For any of you in off campus housing with borderline slumlords for landlords.”

“If I wanted vandyke brown, which is the sexiest brown ever-- Vandyke brown is like being hugged by your favorite coffee and favorite chocolate as it holds you and just whispers it’s gonna be okay. One day I will be able to go steady with vandyke brown but until then it is just a fleeting tryst.”

“Audra McDonald is like vandyke brown in human form. My wife and I were watching the Tony’s one night and for all of you who are in this class because you are actually doing something with theatre you know who Audra McDonald is and you know that she is a gift this world does not deserve. Anyway we were watching the Tony’s and Audra comes out to start singing and I turned to my wife and said ‘I would leave you for Audra McDonald’ and my wife turned back to me and said ‘Good ‘cause I would leave YOU for Audra McDonald.”

“What do I care? I’m tenured. I can do anything short of killing you assholes.”

“My God you read the back of a hotpocket but you can’t read the back of a can of paint? You just wasted $200″

“Very good! Blue’s Clues seems to have paid off”

“We removed Spongebob from his home in pineapple acres, split him in half and now paint with him.”

“Google screaming death sounds of natural sponges”

“The shop hires do immediate death. I am patient. I wait years and years to the perfect time and then get my revenge.”

“Let’s split the tools into tools that can kill you and tools that can’t”

“And here we manipulated spongebob to make a paint cover for a roller. Someone somewhere said hey spongebob bend over and then there ya go”

“Soooo..... ELECTRICITY!”

“You’ve all shuffled your feet across the carpet then touched a friend...or your son because the fucker did it to me first.”

“9/8 time is the holiest of time signatures. It’s a Trinity within a Trinity. Thank you Johnny Bach.”

*Talking about bights in rope* “Think about it, you wouldn’t want a bite in you. Or...well... maybe... you would..... BUT you wouldn’t want your mother knowing you had a bite in you. Well played Mr. Benson (his name)”

“I don’t call you student #12. You a have a name. So do they.”

“Oh my God spell ferrule, it’s in your book.” Me: “What if we spell it with a and u (we had been giving him shit about spelling). Professor: “I will fail you for the course”

“You can make paint brush handles out of anything. Wood, plastic, metal, bones of failed students as I sit at my work bench late at night fashioning them for the next semester.”

*student dabs after giving right answer* *Mr. B gives them look of disappointment* “Hardly dab worthy.”

“The heat is distributed unevenly. Kind of like wealth in a capitalistic society *laughs sarcastically then gives deadpan* Tell me I’m wrong”

“On today’s episode of how to get away with murder in the theatre.”

“Here we have an athletic director to talk about money and how it should be spent. We’re either going to get funding for the next season of shows or learn how to dispose a body.”

“If you’re gonna murder someone, use a revolver so your casings don’t go flying.”

“Mental illness is a real thing. And it is completely okay to reach out. If you are struggling, let someone know. Because we care. I care. They care. You matter to someone even if you don’t think so.”

“There are two types of performers. Moths and cockroaches. Moths run to the light, cockroaches scurry away. Be the moth.”

“Negligence is you failed to check. Criminal negligence is you were aware and you ignored it. And now for all of you theatre teachers in the class you can be charged with criminal negligence if you get the wrong rigging equipment because I just made you all aware and it says so in your syllabus and will hold up in a court of law ha ha ha.”

“I know that look. That look either means that the cat is in the microwave, the bathroom is flooded, or there’s a mud covered swamp monster. And we don’t have a cat.”

“There are no unimportant parts in the theatre. You don’t have to act either. And now you all have like 8 columns of just some of the jobs in the theatre. How many require acting? One.”

I told you at the beginning of the semester to pick a statement. I can or I can’t. So go ahead and pick one again. Sometimes ‘I can’t’ is chosen for you. The senior who is in a wheelchair will never be able to dunk a basketball in the NBA. But she tries her damndest to do everything else in front of her. ‘I can’ takes effort. I have tried all semester to get you to believe that you can do anything within your power. You have to at least try something first. Can you get ‘I can’t’ out of your vocabulary? You already have so many people telling you that you can’t do something. So don’t tell yourself. Because you sure as hell won’t hear it from me. So you shouldn’t hear it from yourself either.”

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