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isolatedbubble · 3 years

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Romance in MXTX, Priest, and SHL

MXTX: Flower, Wine and Dreamworld

The romance in MXTX's works is like flower that grows in ice and snow; colorful, bright and hopelessly romantic, blossoms in misery and hardships.

It features a distinct "us against the world" mindset, depicting love as the only constant in the world. It's an eternal "dreamworld" detached from worldly matters, the perfect escapism as well as a source of strengths in the face of cruel reality.

Both MDZS and TGCF are a critique of mob mentality.

The contrast between CQL and MDZS is very interesting. While the former ends with LWJ taking charge, and therefore changing the world for the better, the novel ends with wangxian isolating themselves from grand politics and focusing more on helping individuals as recluse. It has an essentially pessimistic attitude towards the morality & intelligence of the collective.

TGCF takes a slightly more optimistic approach, featuring the crowd being courageous under the right circumstances. However, both works share a similar undertone: putting one’s absolute faith in the collective is dangerous, whereas unconditional trust and devotion can be only found in one-to-one connection

MXTX herself compares MDZS and TGCF to 花间一壶酒 (A cup of wine among flowers), MDZS being the wine and TGCF being flower. She also compares MDZS to 风雪夜归人, the person returning home from snow and wind, and TGCF to 红泥小火炉, a small red furnace.

Priest: Breezing Wind and Burning Iron

The romance in priest's works is more complicated. It's the most gentle in its normal state, when it is rational and collected, in which case it's like the breezing wind, soothing, sweet and light-hearted. It gives the individuals more incentive to achieve their individual and/or societal vision, as well as more reason to value their own lives & well-being.

In Faraway Wanderers, the most distinct feature of WenZhou relationship is how in naturally sync they are, and how comfortable & smooth their dynamic is. They both have past burden, but it doesn’t matter, because they bring simple joy, understanding and happiness in each other’s lives.

In Sha Po Lang and The Guardian, the ML’s lingering love for the MC motivates them to become better version of themselves, to care about others, and to form a holistic vision about bettering society.

In The Defective, Lin Jingheng(MC) explicitly said that Lu Bixing(ML) is the only meaning in his life. He had little incentive to care about his own life after his revenge plan fell apart. LBX helped him reconnect with his inner idealism, and gave him a reason value his life.

When the passion and fiery energy manifests itself, however, the romance is like burning iron, blood and fire. It isn’t actually toxic or unhealthy, but it's not pure and innocent either; in this case, it strives for something deeper and more intense, never content with the past or the present. The sheer intensity of relationship is like a double-edged sword, walking the fine line between unconditional devotion and dangerous obsession.

SHL: Spring Water and Healing Open Wounds

The romance in SHL is like "spring water"; it's warm, gentle, nurturing. It breaks through the boundary between individuals to bring the couple closer to each other, taking them back to a utopia of their childhood dream, away from social pressure and responsibility. The theme central to their relationship is “salvation”: how love is able to bring people back to integrity.

Both drama wkx and drama zzs have lots of regret about their past sins and wrongdoings. Four Seasons Manor is essentially a metaphor for purity, acceptance and the safety of childhood home. How to make drama wkx open up and accept this safe harbor as his home is one of the most significant plot-lines of the show.

SHL couple is way more emotionally vulnerable and expressive. A significant part of SHL arc is healing the wounds in an open and honest way. They cuddle and confide in each other way more often, talk about their shameful past and even cry about their regrets in front of one another, which is very rare among MXTX/Priest works.

The heat of the relationship sometimes gets too hot and even burns; in other words, there are constant miscommunications, conflicts and misunderstandings in the relationship. However, they can never let each other go, because it's the only source of warmth left for them in their hopeless lives filled with regrets and guilt.

Similarities and Differences

*Note that this is not a SHL/TYK comparison. TYK is kind of an “unorthodox” priest novel; you will know what I mean if you have read 3+ of her works.

Relationship Dynamic & Narrative:

In MXTX’s works, the concept of “romance” itself is divined; and the characters are illustration of the ideal of “undying love”. People are made for one another, to complete one another. Her works use colorful symbolism (silver butterflies, the emperor’s smile, the 3 thousand lanterns, etc.) to depict this romanticized ideal of love.

For MXTX, the romanticization of “destined love” is one of the most recurring themes of her novels. Therefore, the readers look at their relationship through rose-color glasses. Obsession is usually framed in a jolly & romantic light, and doesn’t feature much tension or stress, and has less negative or unhealthy undertone.

In most of priest’s works and SHL, soulmates are not born but made, so they have to figure out how their relationship works step by step. Therefore the narrative is less of a “rosy picture”.

Priest has a habit of using derogatory terms to describe relationships that are mostly healthy, but somewhat “bloody” and edgy, full of excessive passion and obsession. The most common phrase is “爱生忧怖”, a Buddhist term meaning “love results in worry and fear”.

SHL obviously has to be more subtle in expressing love. That said, drama WenZhou are way more emotionally vulnerable and expressive than their novel counterparts, as well as most Priest & MXTX characters. They have a dramatic falling out once in a while, even towards the end. They barely fit the Chinese definition of Zhiji (to know me/to understand one another), but are “lovers” who are buried deep in their passion instead.

Past, Future and Evolvement:

In SHL, characters are encouraged to treasure past impressions that are thrown in figurative “wrappings”, whose luster is derived from age-old experiences (Psychological Types, Carl Jung). In other words, they are encouraged to root their love in a shared past, a Utopia of innocence.

The contrast between The Defective and Word of Honor is very interesting to observe. Both involve long separation, and the suffering and personality changes hat comes from it. SHL narrative frames their innocent childhood as something to cling to and return to. Drama WKX is encouraged to accept his identity as Four Seasons Manor disciple because it was part of his childhood past. This is a significant part of drama WenZhou relationship.

In The Defective, the narrative doesn't encourage the couple to dwell on the past that much. On the contrary, the all-knowing AI explicitly discouraged the MC from “comparing past to present”. They are advised to accept changes, however painful it might be, and build a better, more equal dynamic out of it, evolving from one-sided pandering to fighting side-by-side.

In Priest’s novels, the characters rarely return to something in the past, but look into the future. Change is usually framed as inherently beneficial, albeit usually painful and rocky, the implication being that you need to constantly strive for something better.

Sha Po Lang is a good example of this, with Gu Yun’s changing attitude towards Chang Geng after he as he matures, gradually showing his intelligence in politics. CG starts referring to GY as Zixi instead of YiFu is also a sign of this change---to see him as equal rather than a parental figure & protector.

The Defective is even more obvious in this regard, with both parties uncomfortable with the change initially, but gradually adjusting to the changes during their 16-year separation. The ML also stops calling MC by his surname “Lin”, as a sign of viewing him as equal.

In MXTX’s works, change in personality or relationship dynamic is neither framed as painful or good. It just happens. It’s a natural flow that take place when it does. Their relationships are rarely challenged by change. They are objectively at a better place compared to their past, but it’s merely the result of a series of events rather than a deliberate choice or struggle.

WangXian’s relationship naturally changes over time after WWX’s rebirth, but neither of them really struggles with the change.

Xie Lian doesn’t even recognize Hua Cheng as the someone from his past, so they start out as friends getting to know each other.

Salvation and Changing one another:

Priest herself stated in an interview that she doesn’t believe in the concept of salvation, since people have the inner capacity to be their own savior. Therefore, priest characters usually don’t actively try to change their partner’s morals or personality. Some might be willingly influenced by their partner, but there’s rarely an element of moral condemnation. Even when there is a conflict between different values, the options are 1) to reconcile them by choosing the middle ground 2) to maintain their independence and tackle it with nuance 3) to break up.

On surface level, Mo Du/Silent Reading is about Luo Wenzhou being Fei Du’s salvation. However, as LWZ pointed out himself, Fei Du would’ve been a good person at heart with or without his influence.

In The Defective, when Lu Bixing mistakenly thought Lin Jingheng stayed in the Eighth Galaxy against his own wishes because of their relationship, and that their priorities are irreconcilable, he even thought about breaking up. Of course he was not serious about it, but this showcased that he would never try to change LJH’s convictions.

In SHL, however, the concept of salvation is central to the theme. Some find it strange that SHL make drama zzs the more “moral” one of the two, despite his action being more objectively questionable. In fact, the only reason he get framed as more “moral” is that he admitted his fault sooner, and therefore could guide drama wkx’s path back to salvation: to recognize the goodness in people, make peace with external world, to clear his name in Jianghu, and to follow due process with his revenge plan to avoid collateral damages.

“I tried to change you, but you end up changing me”, said drama ZZS. This relationship dynamic is never present in any of priest’s works I’ve read. Priest characters don’t *try* to change one another.

Does MXTX believe in salvation? Hard to tell. One could argue that Hua Cheng would have be way more amoral and even immoral if it hadn’t been for XL. This is complicated and is a topic for another time.

However, it is certain that MXTX MCs don’t condemn each other morally. “The orthodox one defending their unorthodox partner in front of the world” is a common wuxia trope, but the way MXTX novels approach it is very different from SHL.

HuaLian never had a serious falling out about being on different sides. Even when they disagree, they respect each other and love each other exactly the way they are. Hua Cheng didn’t approve of Xie Lian saving Mu Qing, but he didn’t interfere with Xie Lian’s decision. Xie Lian feels responsible for helping Shi Qingxuan in Blackwater arc, but he is perfectly fine with HC helping He Xuan keep secrets. In several cases where they have different values, they are able to make it work with ease.

LWJ never *morally* condemned WWX for his action, and never once objected to WWX practicing demonic cultivation after his rebirth. In fact, LWJ never objected to WWX’s morals; in their previous life he was worried about his safety, and struggled with what to do about certain situations due to his family background, but difference in morality is not an issue for them.

The “righteous” one does not feel the need to guide their unorthodox partner or to be their salvation with regards to integrity.

*The similarity & differences part is a bit messy and some points are not fleshed-out. Sorry about that.

**I don’t claim to have the right interpretation. The lens by which we see different styles of romance is ultimately subjective.

#mdzs #tgcf #mxtx #tian ya ke #mdzs meta #word of honor #shl #sha po lang #mo du #can ci pin

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sixteenthshen · 3 years

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my rant on episodes 31/32

I feel so conflicted about them.

On the one hand, I wanted to watch the shared horse scene so much. On the other, there were so many inconsistencies and WTF moments. I can't bring myself to touch those episodes again to make more gifs, which is such a pity because WKX falling down the cliff? SO PRETTY.

Spoilers behind the cut. If you do follow the drama with Chinese fans, you’ll probably have heard the same things like a million times. To save yourself more angst/stress, skip my post.

The upside is that the director took the fans complaints to heart. They were making edits until 2am last night. I heard it’s already live, but I’m still trying to prepare myself. There’re some things that can’t be fixed ><

*hopes for the best on Tuesday*

In episode 11, WKX wanted to tear the Scorpion assassins into ten thousand little itty bits because ZZS had some blood on his lip, which made me mentally scream so much from joy. In episode 31, he LETS Duan Pengju, that evil dickface(TM) go, just like that? Where's the rage? Where's the anger? Do you see the colour of ZZS's face? Can you see what he's wearing? Do you know what dickface did?

Although it's a very touching moment when WKX decides to acknowledge the shixiong/shidi relationship, it's super weird that the ghosts are behind. I mean, I suppose it can make sense if we focus on the fact that he's planning to "retire" from being the big bad CEO of Ghost Valley. But it seems careless to expose a weakness in case someone tries to take advantage of it since they have to kill you to get to be the new CEO.

There's no follow up on the injuries sustained from being tortured by the evil dickface(TM). How could they make WKX seem so callous? Maybe a scene where ZZS asked Wu Xi to hide his injuries from WKX, but WKX's right outside. He overheard ZZS telling Wu Xi to hide it from him, so he pretends not to know. *cue angsty scene for WKX here*

The only thing related to injuries was when Wu Xi said ZZS could be saved from his self-inflicted nailing. Okaaaay. What about the piercing of the scapula? (穿琵琶骨 (piercing pipa bones) - it's supposed to cripple your martial arts ability until you heal ok)

WKX suddenly decides to go off and be a career man, which is perfectly fine. But he suddenly has Gu Xiang watch over ZZS like a hawk, not letting him drink. (Seriously, I forgot if this belongs in TYK or if this is yet another thing stolen from Sha Po Lang) Where is WKX showing any concern over ZZS's total loss of 2 out of 5 senses? I ASK YOU MS. SCRIPTWRITER. What have you done to WKX's character??? Poor WKX, poor ZZS.

And did everyone laugh off the fact that ZZS can't taste, so why should he drink wine? Ok, I can make myself accept this if I remind myself that ZZS would not like people making a fuss and pitying him anyway... (but shouldn't someone, anyone care???)

We get many hints that WKX has a sneaky scheme, but he doesn't tell Gu Xiang, his closest friend since childhood. He doesn't talk to his soulmate about this either.

WKX and ZZS's dialogue just before he falls down the cliff... Seriously reminiscent of Silent Reading, when Fei Du makes the same self-flagellating confession & Luo Wenzhou stops him.

ZZS draws his sword and stands beside WKX. What is going on?! How does he still have his martial arts ability? Did months pass since WKX saved him from evil dickface (TM)? Nothing makes any sense!

ZCL's hidden weapon is what forces WKX over the cliff. If ZCL did not know about the sneaky scheme, then WTF is this kind of scriptwriting? ZCL's character turned from a good, young child to a prop-causing drama and angst. Even if he felt betrayed, was he not there to see how depleted WKX made himself trying to save Han Ying? Did he not see how WKX tried to keep his shifu safe? Or taught him how to fight? Did ZCL become stupid all of a sudden just to create angst?

It only makes sense if ZCL knew about the scheme because of all the info he was privy to, such as Zhao Jing as the villain behind it all (when he heard WKX and ZZS talking). How would he go from knowing that to thinking ZJ should be the new head of the alliance? As a matter of fact, how could Shen Shen?

Ye Baiyi has to be in on it unless WKX suddenly gained so much martial arts ability in the short time since they last fought. I mean, it only makes sense that WKX got so much stronger because he got injured by YBY, then depleted his strength saving Han Ying.

So ZCL, YBY, Scorpion King and his buddies, fellow ghosts, possibly Shen Shen... WKX only kept it from the two people closest to him? The two most likely to do something stupid when they find out? *flails at this logic*

The scene where ZZS's nails magicked their way out of his body... It's so awkward!!! I mean, we're supposed to feel emotional, but the special effects are just awful. I tried not to skip through it, I failed.

So now what? ZZS essentially sacrificed himself to help WKX complete his goal. He gave up on his chance to be saved to fulfil WKX's pursuit of revenge (and take revenge for WKX's death). And it's all because of a misunderstanding.

Between ZZS's nails and the ZCL-issue, I'm drowning in dog blood. What happened to WKX and ZCL's characters/personalities????

Also episode 32 is VERY choppy, it seems like we’re jumping to scenes randomly, the flow isn’t there.

I can only say that the "Priest" spirit is gone; it's not a bad drama by any means. I'm still watching & I'm still going to buy the new episodes on Tuesday. But the random angst and abusive scenes inserted without no reason nor much logic are very un-Priest-like.

I feel a little cheated about the scriptwriter being a fan of Priest. Priest's novels always feature couples who communicate. The supporting characters can come off flat in a drama sometimes because they're so normal. They don't have ridiculous backstories that make them tragic villains, and they behave logically.

The angst "created" in Priest's novels makes sense. Characters don't suddenly change their personalities so that we can watch something exciting. The "dog blood angst/drama" is the big failing of so many Asian dramas. *CRIES*

Now, the GOOD & HAPPY STUFF.

WKX SAVING A-XU. *heart eyes*

NGL, no matter how short it was, I liked the horseback scene

There was a cute moment between Qi Ye and Wu Xi, scriptwriter knows how to ship!! & knows how to make it clear who’s gong/shou lol.

THE HAIRPIN SCENE. IT’S EVERYTHING.

Even though I’m 90% sure the no-alcohol thing is copied from Sha Po Lang... I have so much love for Gu Yun and ZZS that it made me happy. My drunkards <3

Did I mention WKX looks extremely pretty when he falls down the cliff? How do you fall so prettily? Plz teach me.

WKX also looks pretty fake-dead. ZZS looks pretty when he’s heartbroken

I ship xiangcao so hard even though I know what’s gonna happen. (Cao Weining & Gu Xiang) They’re too cute.

I love the Poisonous Bodhisattva, I thought the Tragicomic ghost would be my favourite because of how gorgeous she is, but she’s too tragic & not enough comic. Poisonous Bodhisattva is my new goddess.

#word of honor #opinion #just in case #i don't think anyone would want to #but just in case #don't reblog this #i just wanted to rant

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akatsuki-shin · 3 years

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Review: 默读 Mò Dú (Silent Reading)

Notes:

(Very) long post ahead

Contains spoiler

This is my personal review and does not represent the entire audience, you are free to agree or not agree with what I’ve written here

Feel free to reply/send me a message if there are things you want to discuss

Using the Donghua poster because it fits the overall story more than the Audio Drama cover. :'))

Summary:

Yan City is a bright, bustling metropolis filled with all sorts of wonders, all sorts of people. From the richest occupying the city's most prestigious residential areas to the poorest huddling together in rundown slums, from the most fortunate blessed with a life of comfort to the wretched deemed to struggle until their last breath, from the virtuous walking in the path of light to the wicked lurking under the cover of darkness.

There is as much good as there is evil, and days gone by, people coming and going along with the passage of time.

Since their first meeting during a certain case seven years ago, Captain of the City Bureau's Crime Investigation Unit Luo Wenzhou thought he would never see eye to eye with Fei Du, son of a well-known conglomerate who inherited his father's position and wealth after the latter fell into comatose due to a near-fatal accident three years ago.

Words as sharp as knives dyed their bitter exchanges, even their personality was like the heaven and earth; the bold, blunt, and straightforward Luo Wenzhou - and the astute, secretive Fei Du, with his beautiful peach blossom eyes and a smile that is not quite a smile seducing countless people, his very presence seems as if it was covered under layers and layers of deceit.

Every single time they meet, they would always part on bad terms. Yet Luo Wenzhou would never have thought that a seemingly ordinary murder case of an ordinary deliveryman would lead him into the mystery of multiple long forgotten unsolved cases, turning over the Yan City and the City Bureau itself upside down, making him question his faith to those he respected and trust - and along with it, opening a door to the truth of Fei Du's past never once known to others.

STORY: 9/10

At first glance, the overall plot of Silent Reading seems neither extravagant nor exceptional. It's just one of those police drama where the main leads had to wrestle in a battle of wits with the villains looming around them, struggling to outsmart each other and eventually, bringing justice to those who deserve it.

But that is exactly what is so good about it. Silent reading could take all of those cliche and packed them into one nerve-wrecking, enticing journey from start to finish, complete with both intense and amusing interactions, and just the right amount of romance that does not disturb the flow of the main story.

And it actually does have its own uniqueness.

In most police dramas I've ever seen, the enemy is usually either a corrupt high-ranking official committing some hideous criminal acts by abusing their authority, or an individual/group with some very extreme values or obsession. Silent Reading, however, have both of those two most general types of villains in the story and what's more? It pits them against each other, pulling around and forcing the main leads to wreck their brains, slowly unravel the tangled mess until the truth finally comes to light.

The action and suspense, the atmosphere, the analysis, everything was almost impeccable to the point of perfection.

I have to especially give my kudos to how the author (Priest) structured the mystery in such a way, connecting one dots to the other from beginning to end. During the first few cases, I thought the resolution of the case didn't feel very solid, as if there are still some details that have yet to be properly elaborated. Yet halfway through, I realize that there is actually a bigger plot that encompass everything, tying all loose ends together.

And here, I would also like to highlight my two most favorite scene.

The first one is in Chapter 114-115 when Luo Wenzhou finally peeled of Fei Du's defense and for the first time exposed his true feelings, making Fei Du faced and spoke what he truly felt for Luo Wenzhou - that he really, actually did care for him. Their entire interactions and development up to this scene fits so well with these two main characters. There was no nonsense, no sappy crying and needless drama. Luo Wenzhou was as blunt as he was desperate and Fei Du, for once, admitted to the truth straight out with his own mouth.

The second one is in Chapter 157. In this case, one of Fei Du's most trusted men and an extremely important witness (that would later become their ally) were being chased and surrounded by thugs hired by their enemy. At this point of the story, the City Bureau was already in turmoil. Luo Wenzhou was suspended, nobody knows who they could or could not trust. Yet still, his subordinates all set out swiftly under his command and followed him to save the two witnesses, appearing at the most critical time.

It was actually a typical scene that exist in many police action drama, but given the development of the story, the well-built character relationship and interactions, I think it is Luo Wenzhou's coolest scene in the entire story and it makes me admire him a lot as the main lead and a leader figure.

One thing that does not quite sit well with me is Fan Siyuan's obsessiveness towards the late Gu Zhao. His motive for the crime was clear and I understand that he was using Gu Zhao's case as an example of injustice. But his extreme emotions whenever Gu Zhao was mentioned seems strange, even baseless. It makes me think whether he considers Gu Zhao as his own family or he was maybe madly in love with Gu Zhao, whereas in the entire story, unless I'm missing something, I have only ever known that Gu Zhao was Fan Siyuan's student - nothing more, nothing less.

CHARACTERS: 9/10

Silent Reading has a balanced, yet still very much appealing casts, from the major characters to the minor ones. Even the suspects and witnesses each had their own distinguishing features that didn't make them look like they were just there as canon fodders.

The composition of Luo Wenzhou's team itself is ideal; they've got the dependable leader, the smart advisor, the best friend and trustworthy right-hand man, the genius nerd, and the dependable aide.

I especially like Tao Ran (and I think most readers would agree with me). While he looks like the typical good guy type, he really, truly is a very good person. It's hard not to find him lovable. His relationship with Chang Ning was as cliche as it could get, but hey, as long as he's happy. Dude deserve it after everything he's done.

As for the two main leads, they are probably one of the most interesting couple I've found in the past few years.

Individually, Luo Wenzhou is the type of character I always like. He is confident to the point of having a narcissistic streak, but all of those are based on real talents and experiences. He speaks bluntly, but he cares for others through his action. He does not sugarcoat things and speaks the truth for what it is. Everything about him simply screams "reliable" as a leader (and a significant other to a certain someone). He deserves all of the respect and loyalty his subordinates gave to him.

Fei Du at first looks like a complex character whose real self is hidden beneath countless coats of pretense, but at the core, he is just a pitiful young man who does not know how to value himself, does not know how to love and be loved due to the abuse he suffered during childhood in the hands of his sadistic father. Despite his composure, his intelligence, his capability, he is almost like a lost little child, wandering in the darkness, going wherever the flow would take him until Luo Wenzhou pulled him out of that abyss. It is nothing less than commendable that he could restrain himself from succumbing into his father's manipulation, even if he has to correct himself through such extreme means for a long time.

And I'm glad that now he has someone who gives him the love he has long since been bereft of.

With Luo Wenzhou, Fei Du finally has a color in his life, someone to make happy memories with, and someone who genuinely love him for who he is. Likewise, with Fei Du, not only Luo Wenzhou got someone he could genuinely care for, he also finally has a place where he could relax, taking off the strong front he'd been putting before others all day long.

It was just so fulfilling to see two characters growing from "cat and dog" into inseparable lovers. They weren't sickeningly sweet, but just two people who are content with each other and would be each other's strength. I was especially happy when I saw how Fei Du changed his phone's ring tone into the one Luo Wenzhou in the extra chapter.

Now that I've finished reading this story, these two straight up went to the top of my all-time most favorite pairing list. But of course, this is just a personal opinion. Luo Wenzhou and Fei Du simply hits all of my favorite tropes, that's why. 😂

If I really have to point out one mini flaw, I suppose it's that the main villains aren't as appealing as the rest of the casts. They were practically overshadowed, even by some minor characters that only appeared for a short while.

TECHNICAL ASPECTS: 9/10

Just some very minor complaints:

1). When the story first introduced Fei Du in the beginning, it felt kind of abrupt. The narration had only been addressing him with his physical appearance, but suddenly they changed it into "Fei Du" with barely any proper start.

2). The international conference in Yan City (Chapter 2) was supposed to be a background information of the general setting of the first case, yet it was not properly mentioned at the start - rather, one sort paragraph about said conference was simply being slipped in the middle just for the sake to be there.

3). The switching of scenes between characters in the 3rd person POV are sometimes too quick with no signs of incoming transitions beforehand like taking shortcuts.

And by that, I mean that other than those three issues above, everything else was nothing less than perfect.

OVERALL SCORE: 9/10

A realistic story with perfectly balanced action, mystery, suspense, and romance - with a dash of comedy sprinkled at the right time and place.

Reading the novel from start to finish was nothing less than enjoyable. Whenever there needed to be a flashback or explanation, it didn't feel like info dump being thrown in all of a sudden.

I would like to point out a bit about the Zhou Conglomerate Case in Book 3.

Personally speaking, I think this is the most realistic case out of the others, and by that, I don't mean the crazy rich family drama.

The other cases in the books are something that to me feels "faraway"; murders, child trafficking, psychopath, organized criminal gangs. Yet in Book 3, due to the nature of the case, it was posted publicly for all to see, and damn if it didn't bring out the most annoying thing I actually hate in real life.

Clout-chasing media, meddlesome netizens commenting without thinking on the Internet, spreading personal information of the involved individuals without consent, handing down judgment based on rumors and personal opinions even if they have nothing to do with it (and know nothing about it), crashing the website due to mere curiosity, further hindering the police working on the case from doing their job.

They weren't thinking about those actually involved in the case, especially the victim. They don't care, or maybe don't even think that their meddlesome acts could cost a human's life because they see everything as mere passing entertainment. And if something were to happen because of their meddling, the most they would say is, of course, as quoted from Chapter 72:

"I didn't do it on purpose"

"I wasn't doing it to you"

"I didn't expect this to be the outcome"

"From a certain point of view, I'm a victim, too"

Even if I was just reading a fiction, at that moment I truly wished I could shut down the Internet for a bit. 😂

Anyway, amazing story. I might re-read everything from the start again when I have some free time.

#Mo Du #Silent Reading #Luo Wenzhou #Fei Du #ZhouDu #Review #Danmei #Priest

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eleanorfenyxwrites · 3 years

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New Seductions (Ao3)

(Wenzhou one-shot - WoH episode 14 alternative scene - NSFW)

Yakalskovich on ao3/ @omgpurplefattie requested: I'd very much like to see what happens when, after they run into Ye Baiyi and the truth about the nails comes out, they finally get up close and personal again, and WKX realises what limits the nails set, and finds out how he can please his A-Xu despite them, working with the limitations set by the nails.

So this is my take on that!

Wen Kexing’s feet land solidly on the rain-slicked wood of a bridge in another of the inn’s courtyards. Gu Xiang’s pleading and crying is a grating addition to the relentless maelstrom of his own thoughts, and even though he’s left her behind a courtyard away her voice is still pinging around his head along with everything else that has happened over the course of the evening. The horrible things he’s learned and realized.

Destroyed meridians. Self-inflicted. Ten years - no, he refused help so it’s two years. He’s dying. None of them can escape death. So much death. Had his entire life not been marked by it since childhood, Wen Kexing might begin to wonder just what he’s done lately that was the final straw to earn such horrendous karma that it’s now spreading to those around him as well, making him the hub at the center of a wheel of painful torture. A spoke for his few true allies in the Ghost Valley, the Bureau of the Unfaithful. A spoke for Gu Xiang. Another for his parents. For his Ah-Xu. Anyone in his radius must be subjected to a life of pain and sorrow, it would seem.

He trudges along without thinking too much where he’s going, but when he realizes he can go no further he looks up and is unsurprised to find that he’s in front of Zhou Xu’s door. Where else would he go, after all? Where else in the world could he possibly go like this?

“Ah-Xu,” he calls weakly. He places the hand not holding the remainder of his xiao against the wood but makes no move to try to force it open, much as he might want to. It’s grounding, in a way, to press against the cool wood, to have something so steady against his palm. Steady is good. Feels good. He presses harder and leans in until his forehead is resting against it too, and that’s even better. Perhaps he’ll stay just like this for the night. As long as it’s Ah-Xu’s door he’ll stay until he’s forced to move, and even then when he is it will hopefully be to return himself to his Ah-Xu’s side.

If two years is truly all they’re going to get then he’s going to plant himself at his love’s right hand and never stray, and when Zhou Xu is gone Wen Kexing is going to leave the world behind to grieve for him in peace and quiet, where no one else can reach him.

“Ah-Xu?” Wen Kexing calls again with a gentle tap of one nail against the wood.

He huddles closer to the door and tries to imagine that it’s his Ah-Xu that he’s trying to curl around, that he could somehow make him safe with nothing but the circle of his arms, that he could heal him with nothing but the strength of his devotion. Raw power to make up for his lack of more delicate knowledge that he so desperately regrets not learning when he had the chance. The door feels nothing like when Zhou Xu is in his arms and his imagination can’t fool him otherwise, but he comforts himself with the knowledge that Zhou Xu is on the other side of it at least, that even though he can’t see him or feel him he’s still close by. It may have to be enough.

“Ah-Xu,” he begs the wood an inch away from his nose. “Let me in.”

He’s getting cold, standing there out of the rain under the eaves but already soaked from head to toe with it. He’s still cold from the flush of horror when he’d seen the nails in his love’s chest and heard what it means, as well, and though he could return to his own room and change his clothes to become physically warm he’s not sure anything will make him truly feel warm down to his bones again but holding his Ah-Xu close. He’s been waiting a lifetime for this man to hold him and light that fire in the hollows of ribs, in all the empty spaces of him - he can wait longer for it to be given again even if the weight of their two-year deadline is already bearing down on him and making him anxious to have whatever he can of his lover now, before it’s too late.

There are other things he needs to do. This farce of a Heroes Conference is far too soon, plans need to be set in motion. He needs to send someone trustworthy to check on Luo Fumeng. ‘Places’ needs to be called and each player set in their spot before his final call of ‘action’ on the revenge play he’s been planning for his whole life. He doesn’t have time to wait.

But more than that, he doesn’t have the strength to leave. Not now, not like this.

“Please,” he says so softly he can’t imagine it carries through the door, which is the only reason he’s not upset that it comes out as more of a whimper than anything else.

He’s just preparing to sink down to the ground and rest there against the door for the night when the wood suddenly disappears and he stumbles - right into Zhou Xu’s arms.

“Ah-Xu!” he gasps, eyes hungrily taking in the sight of him though it’s only been an hour or two since he stormed off after their fight. Even if pressed he won’t admit that he’s searching for any changes, any sign that his love is about to suddenly die in his arms.

“Lao Wen,” Zhou Xu says and it’s admonishing, stern, but not nearly as angry as before. That’s fine, Wen Kexing would welcome it even if he was still angry. At least Zhou Xu would still be here, calling his name, holding him steady with a too-hard grip on his elbows. “Why are you completely drenched?”

“It’s raining,” he replies numbly.

“I know that, why didn’t you -“ Zhou Xu’s eyes flick down to his hands at his sides and his brows furrow. “What happened to your xiao?!”

Wen Kexing looks down as well and brings the remains of the instrument in front of himself, studying it with a detached sort of curiosity. He raises his free hand to curl around the shards that were once the middle of the flute before he had destroyed it.

“Hey!” Zhou Xu yelps as he lets go of his elbow to tug on his hand instead, pulling his fingers away from the sharp, jagged points. “What are you doing? You’ll hurt yourself,” he fusses and it’s so surreal, hearing Zhou Xu of all people worry about Wen Kexing hurting himself after revealing the truth of what he’s done with those fucking nails, that he can’t help but laugh.

It’s a rusty, crackling, hollow sort of laugh as it escapes him in fits and bursts. He’s still staring at his hands so he watches Zhou Xu take the flute from him, and then he’s just staring at the floor when Zhou Xu turns away to set it on the table in the center of the room.

It’s only when Zhou Xu returns and puts a hand under his chin to make him look up and meet his eyes that Wen Kexing realizes he’s not actually laughing at all. The next tired sob rattles in his chest and Zhou Xu’s expression goes tight with worry, perhaps flavored with some of the anger he’d defended himself with earlier.

“Come on. You need to dry off,” he sighs a moment later and Wen Kexing allows himself to be ushered further inside so Zhou Xu can shut the door against the storm still raging outside. He manages to stop his ‘laughing’ as he trails behind his love without a second thought, perfectly content to follow as long as Zhou Xu is going to allow it. He doesn’t even bother paying attention to where they’re going, he just drags himself along in Zhou Xu’s wake and stops when he does only to realize they’ve stepped behind a privacy screen. There’s an empty bathtub stored neatly away for the night and a stack of clean, soft towels set aside on a stool, all of which Wen Kexing takes in with a sort of detached, numb neutrality that’s quickly becoming a very comfortable space to exist in.

He stays put for so long that Zhou Xu sighs softly and begins working on getting him undressed himself, which Wen Kexing stands obediently still and steady for. Each sodden layer that gets removed is arranged neatly over the screen to dry until Wen Kexing is left standing there wearing nothing but his hairpin while Zhou Xu turns to snag a towel from the stack.

It’s certainly not the first time they’ve been in some degree of undress around each other, but for reasons that are now obvious Wen Kexing has never actually seen Zhou Xu naked, and he abruptly realizes that he has never been entirely naked either. Whether that’s thanks to convenience while they’ve been traveling or an unconscious choice not to disrobe completely if Zhou Xu won’t, he’s not sure. But when Zhou Xu turns he seems utterly unaffected by the miles of skin now available for him to see, to touch, and as he begins dragging the towel over Wen Kexing’s arms and shoulders his expression stays closed off. Distant, even when he’s right there with his hands on his body with the intent to take care of him in such a mundane, practical way.

Wen Kexing continues to stand still and lets Zhou Xu rub him down with the towel, his eyes never leaving his face though Zhou Xu keeps his own gaze on his hands as he works. He finishes the task with them face to face as he slides his arms over Wen Kexing’s shoulders with a fresh towel in hand to start carefully squeezing and rubbing the water from his hair.

And he’s so close, but Wen Kexing feels like there may as well be all of the Central Plains between them.

“Ah-Xu,” he finally finds the will to mumble. A small knot of tension in his jaw loosens slightly when Zhou Xu instantly meets his gaze.

“Stop looking at me like that,” Zhou Xu murmurs, soft under the vestiges of hurt and irritation lingering around his eyes.

“Like what?”

“Like you’ve already lost me!”

Wen Kexing’s breath hitches as he sucks in a gasp and he finally finds the motivation to raise his hands again, to reach out and touch, but this time instead of grabbing for Zhou Xu’s robes he cups his face, palms tucked against the lines of his jaw, fingertips digging in just under his ears and his thumbs caressing the soft warmth of his cheeks.

“I thought we had more time,” Wen Kexing admits, voice as firm as it can be while he’s unable to raise it above an agonized whisper. “I thought we had more time, Ah-Xu, I-“

Wen Kexing’s quickly spiraling panic is stopped in its tracks, at least for the moment, by Zhou Xu leaning in to kiss him hard and fast.

Zhou Xu is not a gentle lover. Wen Kexing had been unsurprised to learn that very quickly over the course of their short (and rather hurried) relationship, but it’s only now, as he thinks what he always does, that he realizes why.

He touches me like it’ll be the last time he ever gets to.

Because it might be. Because that is, in fact, the reality that Zhou Xu has to live with every day. He estimates he has two years left but Wen Kexing had heard the resignation in his voice, the acceptance that whether it’s two years or two months or two hours, it won’t make a difference. He’s saying his goodbyes to the world now, just as they’re finally getting a chance to explore it together.

For the first time since they came together like this, Wen Kexing fights back.

He bites Zhou Xu’s lip hard enough to make him jerk in his arms, clearly startled. He slides his hands into his hair and yanks on it to force his head back so he can bury his face in his neck to bite and kiss there too, staking his claim, trying to show Zhou Xu exactly how savagely Wen Kexing longs to keep him.

“Lao Wen,” Zhou Xu snaps, a warning, but Wen Kexing doesn’t care enough to heed it, and it’s not exactly effective when Zhou Xu is hauling him in closer by a bruising grip on his shoulders anyway.

He runs out of steam soon enough though, unable to keep up the harsh biting for too long even though it’s clear Zhou Xu doesn’t mind it.

“Are you done?” Zhou Xu asks, perhaps with something a little like his usual dry humor though there’s still the sharp bite of irritation in it. Wen Kexing replies first by sliding both arms and one long leg around him, and then, softly-

“Never.”

Zhou Xu sighs long and slow right next to his ear, one hand gliding up and down his back and leaving trails of soft heat in its wake - he’s still chilled from his time in the rain, and Zhou Xu is like a furnace against him. Wen Kexing relaxes slightly as Zhou Xu slides his hand up to rest against the back of his head, cradling him close as he turns his head to nuzzle against his ear.

“You’re still cold,” he murmurs softly. “Go get in bed and I’ll be there in a second.”

Wen Kexing takes a few deep breaths in before he complies, reluctantly unwinding himself from Zhou Xu to pull back. He studies Zhou Xu’s face for a long moment to make sure he isn’t lying about joining him and only when he’s reassured himself does he retreat, snagging Zhou Xu’s comb off the dressing table on his way to the bed. He sits down in the center of it with the blanket tugged over his lap and his damp hair pulled over one shoulder to begin combing the tangles out of it with long, slow movements. His hands go still and his eyes - previously half-shut with a mixture of exhaustion and muted pleasure for the feeling of the comb in his hair - go wide when Zhou Xu steps out from behind the screen.

He’s naked. Completely and utterly bare, and while of course Wen Kexing’s gaze is drawn first to the nails holding his meridians in place, he also can’t help but stare greedily at the rest of him that is finally free for his perusal.

“Let me do that,” Zhou Xu says with a gesture at the comb as he approaches and Wen Kexing is powerless to stop him from taking it from his frozen fingers on his way to settling in behind him. Right behind him, in fact, as he parts his legs to rest them alongside Wen Kexing’s lap and presses close enough that they’re flush, Zhou Xu’s chest against his back and his chin resting on the opposite shoulder from his hair. He lowers his newly-freed hands slowly to his lap as Zhou Xu wraps his arms around him to continue combing his hair for him as if they do this every day.

“Ah-Xu…”

“Hm?”

“Can you tell me about the nails?”

“What do you want to know?”

A dozen questions rush to the tip of his tongue in response to such an open invitation, but in the moment none of them feel right, or truly important. He mulls over the issue for a few long, quiet minutes as Zhou Xu continues combing his hair, hands uncharacteristically slow and gentle as he works.

“What does it feel like?” he finally settles on, the question whispered into the peaceful hush around them, nothing but the muffled sounds of the storm outside and their quiet breathing.

Zhou Xu stays quiet even longer than Wen Kexing just had, but he can feel that he’s going to answer him eventually so he stays quiet as well. Part of him chafes at the delay, that sensation of time bearing down on them - the heartbreaking and inevitable end of this - still too strong for him to be able to truly be patient. But he knows if he pushes too hard that Zhou Xu will retreat instantly, push him away, and he won’t be able to stand that. Not now.

He takes a deep breath in as Zhou Xu sets the comb aside once he can run it through the loose sections of his hair with no resistance, and he goes willingly when Zhou Xu pulls him to lie down with him, the pair of them safely cocooned under the blankets where it’s nice and warm and some of the chill can finally leave his skin.

“It doesn’t feel like much of anything,” Zhou Xu finally murmurs as Wen Kexing turns on his side to study his profile while Zhou Xu keeps his gaze on the ceiling above their heads, laid out perfectly on his back, his hands resting on top of the blanket over his chest.

“Bullshit,” Wen Kexing replies instantly, but even that comes out sounding gentle. Zhou Xu just shakes his head a little with an achingly sad smile that Wen Kexing instantly wants to kiss away from his lips. His Ah-Xu should always be smiling of course, but that smile should be happy. He’d destroy the entire world and lay it at his feet if it made his Ah-Xu happy.

“No, I mean it. Besides the pain, which you’ve already known about, it doesn’t..feel like anything. I’m losing my senses.”

Wen Kexing goes very very still for a moment as he processes that, and then he pushes himself up onto one forearm to look down at Zhou Xu, to move into his space and force the other to look up at him instead of the ceiling.

“What?”

Zhou Xu huffs out a sigh and reaches up to pinch at the bridge of his nose and rub at his eyes with his fingertips. Wen Kexing stays right where he is - he wants answers, has wanted them for a while, and he’s going to get them - so he’s still precisely in the same spot when Zhou Xu drops his hand again and opens his eyes to find the silent demand for those answers in Wen Kexing’s steady gaze.

It doesn’t take more than the span of a few breaths before he gives in with another sigh. “The nails..when I created them, I designed them to..steal the senses, to make it impossible to do much of anything once they’ve been administered, along with destroying all of the victim’s internal force. The way I applied them slowed the process down, but I can’t stop it.”

Wen Kexing keeps studying the lines of Zhou Xu’s face as he considers the implications of that, as he holds the new information up against what he already knows of his soulmate and a few idiosyncrasies he’s noticed about him slot a little too neatly into place.

“So..you don’t eat very much because-”

“I can’t really taste it.”

“And..You never let me touch you when we have sex because-”

“I can’t really feel it.”

“So when we sleep together you’ve never actually-“

“No.”

Wen Kexing takes a slow breath in, holds it, and exhales slowly again as he leans down to press his forehead against Zhou Xu’s, his eyes slipping shut.

“Can you feel it when I kiss you?”

“Yes.”

Wen Kexing wastes absolutely no time in pressing their mouths together and he’s relieved that Zhou Xu returns the kiss without a moment of hesitation. He leans into it, kissing him long and slow in an attempt to soothe some of the aching in his own chest and hopefully to communicate to Zhou Xu that he’s here, that he doesn’t want to even imagine living any longer without him by his side. With such things on his mind it’s only natural that he would drift closer and closer, and in fact he doesn’t even really consciously notice that he’s moved until Zhou Xu’s arms wind tightly around his waist to finish reeling him in as close as possible and suddenly he’s very aware that he’s sprawled out on top of his lover - and that there’s absolutely nothing between them to separate them anymore.

“Ah-Xu,” he mumbles into their kisses which have long gone slick and hot and clumsy. Perfect.

“I can’t…” Zhou Xu mutters, frustration creeping into his voice as he shifts his hips a bit, and Wen Kexing immediately shushes him (gently) and tries to soothe him with another deep kiss, only relenting when he feels Zhou Xu shiver and then relax again.

“Do you trust me?” he asks into the hollow between the corner of Zhou Xu’s jaw and the soft curve of his ear. It’s a slightly dangerous question to ask considering the fight they’d had just hours ago, and he’s perfectly ready for the answer to reflect the anger he’d pushed his lover to out on the balcony, but when the answer comes it’s instant and earnest.

“Yes. More than anyone.”

“Let me try?”

He pulls back enough to meet Zhou Xu’s eyes only to find them full of uncertainty, which he supposes is only to be expected, and underneath it a particular flavor of vulnerability he’s not sure he’s been allowed to see before this moment.

“I don’t think there’s anything that will work,” Zhou Xu mumbles but Wen Kexing is nothing if not stubborn, especially in pursuit of his Ah-Xu. He smiles and presses a feather-soft kiss just above Zhou Xu’s upper lip, deliberately missing his mouth just to better feel him smile despite the fact that he also rolls his eyes.

“I won’t mind if it doesn’t work,” Wen Kexing promises in between little sips of more kisses, his eyes wide and pleading in his best pout to try to be as convincing as possible. “Can’t I just want an excuse to touch you for a while? I’d really like to, I can keep coming up with more reasons if you want them. But I think it’s worth trying anyway.”

For a few minutes there’s silence again but for the rain outside and the sound of their lips meeting and parting without any discernible pattern. It isn’t the first time they’ve taken their time kissing like this but of course it is the first time that they’ve done it when Wen Kexing can feel miles of warm, smooth skin pressed against his own and that alone would be enough to make him embarrassingly eager. He has to be patient though - if he tries to push Zhou Xu is just as likely to balk and call the whole thing off as he is to agree, and he just can’t take that risk.

“Alright,” Zhou Xu eventually murmurs between one heated kiss and the next. “You can try.”

Wen Kexing takes a slow, deep breath in to attempt to calm himself enough to take his time.

“Does it hurt to touch the nails?” he asks against the curve of Zhou Xu’s bottom lip, soft and warm and slightly swollen already from his kisses.

“You don’t have to try to avoid them, it’s fine.”

“Ah-Xu. Does it hurt?”

A long pause, a sigh, and then a reluctant, “Yes.”

“Mm, I won’t touch them, then. Can you feel this? No looking, just tell me if you can feel it.” Wen Kexing rests his weight on one elbow to free up his other hand to run his fingertips slowly up and down the outside of Zhou Xu’s thigh. He marvels once again at the feeling of it, all that warm, surprisingly silky skin made available to him and his wandering hands.

“A little,” Zhou Xu murmurs, frowning slightly in concentration. Wen Kexing watches his face carefully as he digs his fingers in harder - not enough to bruise or even to hurt, probably, even if Zhou Xu’s senses weren’t dulled, but it’s certainly not gentle except for how tender he feels as he does it. He keeps pushing in in slow increments until he sees what he’s looking for - Zhou Xu’s eyelids flutter and his lips part ever so slightly.

“You can feel it more now,” he murmurs before Zhou Xu can speak and the man nods as his expression does something complicated. It doesn’t seem negative, at least, so Wen Kexing is willing to let it pass without comment to instead focus on the task at hand - literally. He takes careful note of how much pressure he’s applying and then he slowly drags his hand from the outside of Zhou Xu’s thigh to the top, and then over to the inside to rub his fingertips in small, firm circles against the tender skin. Zhou Xu responds instantly, parting his legs a little further to give him more room to work.

He takes his time, just stroking and rubbing wherever he thinks Zhou Xu might be even slightly more sensitive in an attempt to help him feel his touch, and all the while he kisses him whenever the mood strikes him. That, at least, always has the desired effect, and eventually he has Zhou Xu breathless and shivering slightly underneath him.

“Lao Wen,” he breathes as Wen Kexing is pressing slightly sloppy open-mouthed kisses along the graceful curve of his collarbone, moving towards his shoulder.

“Mm?”

“I still can’t -”

“I’m nowhere near done with you yet, Ah-Xu. Let me work.”

“Lao Wen…”

“Ah-Xu.”

“You’re only going to be disappointed.”

Wen Kexing props himself up on his elbow again to look down at Zhou Xu in shock and affront, brows drawn tightly together as he searches for any sign at all that his lover may be joking.

“Disappointed?” he parrots after a moment, incredulous. “Disappointed?! Ah-Xu, for once you’re letting me have my way with you without rushing or pushing, I can finally kiss you as much as I’ve wanted to since that night by the river, I’m going to find any way I possibly can to pleasure you, and you think I’ll be disappointed?”

“Yes! If nothing makes me feel good then yes!”

“Don’t you feel good now?” Wen Kexing asks softly with a glance through his long lashes that makes Zhou Xu tip his head back to sigh gustily for the fact that Wen Kexing has his number so thoroughly - he knows precisely what to do to get right at Zhou Xu’s heart.

“Yes, I feel good,” he finally grumbles. Wen Kexing doesn’t bother to say ‘I told you so’ in so many words, but the sentiment is clearly there in his answering hum as he bends to his task again with renewed fervor. “But-”

“Enough, Ah-Xu!” he snaps, though he immediately apologizes by pressing a few soft kisses to his lover’s shoulder. “If you are disappointed then tell me so and I’ll try something else. If you’re not, trust that if I didn’t want to be right here with you, doing exactly this, then I wouldn’t be.”

Wen Kexing waits for a long moment of excruciating silence for Zhou Xu to push him away or tell him to stop, but in the end all he does is bring his hand up to the back of his head to draw him down more firmly against his shoulder and relax into the stretch of his widely-spread legs again with a soft sigh.

Wen Kexing takes a long moment to close his eyes and compose himself, to remind himself not to rush, not to accidentally hurt Zhou Xu in the course of trying to find what makes him feel. When he feels he can continue he does so happily, pleased to feel Zhou Xu growing more and more languorous under his touch. Even if they can’t find a way to get him sexually satisfied tonight, Wen Kexing would still be plenty happy with finding a way to get his perpetually-tense Ah-Xu to just relax.

“Lao Wen!” Zhou Xu finally gasps, though, and just like that sexual gratification is definitely at the very top of the agenda. He zeroes in immediately on what earned him the exclamation and chases it with a single-minded intensity.

It’s his fingers, he knows it is. He’d worked up to sliding one inside the tight heat of Zhou Xu’s body - the digits slicked with his own spit and some of the pre-come leaking steadily from his thoroughly ignored erection - a while ago, but just like with everything else so far he had decided to take his time. It’s only now that he’s stretching him open with a second and doing more with them than a simple slow thrusting, and he does it again, curls them up as much as he can and pushes slowly in again - and Zhou Xu’s back arches right off the bed.

“Perfect, Ah-Xu, absolutely beautiful,” Wen Kexing purrs as he begins to do only that, or variations of it, and within moments Zhou Xu is trembling underneath him. He’s quick to readjust his free arm a bit to slide it under Zhou Xu’s slender waist and hold him close as he closes their mouths together in a heated kiss as he continues moving his fingers inside of him, now hunting for something else that could make him gasp like that while still giving him enough of what they already know feels good to keep him pleasured.

Wen Kexing quickly discovers that as long as his mouth is free (and ‘free’ just means ‘not currently full of Wen Kexing’s tongue’, whether he’s still kissing Zhou Xu or not is apparently irrelevant) Zhou Xu can’t seem to help but call his name in a voice that sounds thoroughly wrecked. As soon as he realizes this extremely important fact he makes a point of withdrawing enough to breathe each time he curls his fingers again, and he’s rewarded with the best of both worlds - kisses that curl his toes interspersed with desperate cries of his name that are quickly growing louder, less controlled.

It takes a little longer of this before Wen Kexing can concentrate enough to find what he’s looking for, but when he does he worries for a moment that it won’t be as pleasurable for Zhou Xu as he had hoped. Wen Kexing is nothing if not stubborn, though, and so he keeps trying, keeps nudging and pressing and rubbing until Zhou Xu yanks him into a desperate kiss, all teeth and gasping breaths, in a clear attempt to muffle himself as he moans so loudly even Wen Kexing’s ears go hot with what little blood hasn’t made its way to his cock yet.

Wen Kexing holds him close and kisses him messily as he refines his process further and further, only repeating actions that make Zhou Xu whimper or moan into the possessive press of his tongue until he finally feels Zhou Xu shudder and arch his back, tearing free of the kiss in the process only to orgasm completely unrestrained. Wen Kexing has just enough common sense left to hope for others’ sake that the adjoining rooms are empty, but he personally doesn’t give a damn if others can hear or not. His Ah-Xu is finally satisfied, finally feeling as good as he deserves, and anyone who can’t appreciate that should just make themselves scarce.

Wen Kexing doesn’t stop as Zhou Xu begins to quiet again, though he’s still panting hard and occasionally making little noises that Wen Kexing will very generously not call whimpers to his face, though that’s absolutely what they are.

“How did you do that?” Zhou Xu finally groans, sounding completely wrecked as he covers his eyes with one hand - very rude of him, when Wen Kexing’s hands are busy holding him around the waist and fingering him through his aftershocks and so are unavailable to uncover him again.

“I’m still doing it, in case you haven’t noticed. Must you ask?”

“Shut up,” Zhou Xu mumbles but the beginnings of a smile are curving at the corners of his thoroughly abused lips. “I meant how when I can’t..I didn’t...Lao Wen I can’t even get hard!”

“Mm. There are other ways,” he teases with a kiss to the back of Zhou Xu’s hand over his eyes and a flex of his fingers still buried inside of him. “And you agreed that I could try to find what works for you.”

“I did..and you did,” Zhou Xu mumbles as his smile fades into..something else, though it’s hard to identify the expression with half of his face hidden.

“Ah-Xu you’re so cruel to your soulmate,” Wen Kexing sighs dramatically. “I’ve worked so hard and yet I’m not allowed to see your beautiful face as my reward? So cold to me, Ah-Xu.” He holds his pout with an effort (he desperately wants to smile instead) until finally Zhou Xu relents enough to uncover one eye to glare up at him (extremely unconvincingly).

“All you do is stare at me, Lao Wen, you can survive a few minutes without seeing my face.”

“I can’t, I can’t,” Wen Kexing sighs as he ducks in to kiss his cheek. “I miss it already, I will never see my fill of you and when I can’t see you I dream of you inst-mm!”

Wen Kexing melts into the kiss Zhou Xu has interrupted him with without an ounce of shame or hesitation. It’s quick and filthy, as their kisses usually tend to be, and Wen Kexing can’t help but to roll his hips for a bit of friction on his neglected erection.

“Lao Wen?” Zhou Xu mumbles around his bottom lip caught between his teeth.

“Hm?”

“Your turn.”

Wen Kexing breaks the kiss enough to talk, lips still brushing against Zhou Xu’s anyway as being any further apart in this moment seems completely unbearable.

“No, it’s fine this was for you-“

“Lao Wen!” He goes still at the tired frustration in Zhou Xu’s voice. “Shut up and just get inside me.”

“Mmm my soulmate is so romantic,” he teases after a moment’s hesitation as he slowly withdraws his fingers and checks to make sure that he’s dripped enough while pleasuring Zhou Xu to ease the way - and yes, he’s already made quite a mess of both the sheets and Zhou Xu’s thigh, which is unsurprising. “I make tender love to him and he says to me ‘shut up and get inside me’, I’m truly humbled to be the recipient of such sweet advances.”

“You knew what you were getting into,” Zhou Xu scoffs, finally removing his hand from his eyes. Wen Kexing meets his gaze just in time to watch them go a bit glassy and unfocused as he slides his aching cock inside of him.

“I did know,” he agrees, sounding a bit strained. “I knew and I have never wanted someone so desperately as I want you.”

After that there’s no room for coherent thought, let alone any further flirting or teasing. There’s only space in him for loving Zhou Xu, for showing him just what that love makes him yearn to do. Zhou Xu holds him close for all of it, kisses him and murmurs to him so gently that Wen Kexing might feel inclined to tease him for it if he were capable in that moment of being anything but utterly, passionately, eagerly Zhou Xu’s.

He stays right where he is after he finishes, his weight resting on his forearms on either side of Zhou Xu to avoid crushing him as he presses their foreheads together and takes the time to appreciate the simple intimacy of sharing the same space, of being connected as intimately as they are and in no hurry to part. Zhou Xu’s hands are skating slowly up and down his back again and it’s only now that he’s thoroughly warm that he realizes his lover’s hands are actually cool to the touch. Where before they had felt searingly hot when he needed them to be, now they’re soothing on his overheated skin and his entire expression softens into a besotted smile as he nuzzles his nose against Zhou Xu’s.

“Perfect,” he mouths against Zhou Xu’s lips, not even bothering to put so much as a whisper into it. He doesn’t need to - Zhou Xu smiles back and Wen Kexing knows he understands.

Not a single one of their problems are gone, and he knows that. It’s just very difficult to worry about such things anymore when he finally has his Ah-Xu fully and completely, when his soulmate has allowed himself to be vulnerable and known and held and loved. The peace they keep trying to find together will be shattered again soon, he’s sure, but for now they have this, and for now it’s enough.

#word of honor #word of honor fanfic #wenzhou #wen kexing #zhou zishu #working my way through my wips lol

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syncogon · 6 years

Video

youtube

i could legit talk about this qzgs fan video ALL DAY so here’s a tumblr post about it, in case you haven’t watched it (go watch it now), or even if you have go watch it again.

it’s so good. it’s my favorite qzgs fanvid for a reason. read on for incoherent rambling

original at bilibili: https://www.bilibili.com/video/av3118795/

A Tribute To My Favorite QZGS Fanvid Ever first of all, the song (kagefumi etranger) is catchy af, so jot that down. even though it’s not chinese but i’ll take it. (I wish I knew the lyrics, alas)

mostly I just love this because it conveys the epicness of specific scenes from the novel, as well as the overall heart-racing passion of competition. and the art is good quality and synced up so perfectly to the music

0:41 “if you like it, then treat it as glory” 0:45 look at the bags under his eyes as he leaves ee for good ;_; but still, he looks to the stars 0:53 team happy! our ragtag group of champions. su mucheng, the most popular female pro. fang rui, the number one dirty player. wei chen, the washed up old veteran back for round 2. tang rou, the fiercest. qiao yifan, the overlooked rookie who finds his place. steamed bun, the chaotic newbie here for a good time. an wenyi, the logic-driven healer. luo ji, the genius mathematician. mo fan, the scrap-picker loathed by many. chen guo, the boss holding them all together. and, of course, the god ye xiu 1:07 being blue river is suffering // even as ye xiu is cast out, he’s still aiming for the pro sphere, to return to the realm of gods 1:18 “accept the heavenly domain challenge? y/n” 1:26 “login successful” 1:28 team tyranny! f4 1:31 team samsara! eyes of gold 1:35 team blue rain! opportunity 1:41 team tiny herb! cover the fields 1:49 ye xiu running away from home; ye qiu trying to bring his stupid brother home 1:54 “I had a friend… he played glory really well.” ;_; su muqiu / autumn tree 1:57 “no problem, it’s just a new start” 2:06 glory season 2 – blue rain loses to excellent era in the first round of playoffs; huang shaotian cries, knowing that it was wei chen’s last chance at the championship 2:08 wei chen leaves behind blue rain; eight years later, xiao shiqin returns to thunderclap – “welcome home!” from dai yanqi 2:13 qiao yifan finds a place for himself in glory 2:15 “you must shoulder tiny herb’s future” to gao yingjie – and yu wenzhou and ye xiu applaud wang jiexi’s sacrifice to bolster his successor 2:17 “your skill isn’t bad, want to partner up?” blood and blossoms takes glory by storm, until… (and sun zheping’s expression is saddened, as though he can feel the injury creeping upon him) 2:21 zhang jiale – four-time second place – “for the championship, I must keep winning until the very end” 2:30 mid-tier teams roundup! thunderclap: xiao shiqin. wind howl: tang hao. void: wu yuce, li xuan. misty rain: chu yunxiu. hundred blossoms: yu feng, zou yuan. 301 degrees: yang cong, bai shu. royal style: tian sen. heavenly sword: lou guanning. and (new) excellent era: qiu fei! 2:48 summary of the finals of seasons 1-10; a decade of the fiercest battles in fourteen seconds 3:03 37 consecutive individual wins - “i left you space to surpass me” 3:15 team happy, unusually serious, ready for battle. 3:19 “glory isn’t a single player game” 3:23 happy vs tiny herb. “perhaps if they treated you as a role model, and not a foundation” 3:27 happy vs blue rain. “forgive us for being unable to accept this sort of nonsense.” 3:32 happy vs tyranny. “farewell, lin jingyan” 3:37 happy vs samsara. <glory> 3:42 “they are the champions!” 3:50 “i was fortunate on that day to meet you, the most remarkable you” 3:54 “after all, i'm a proplayer. what do you think?”

#quan zhi gao shou #qzgs #the king's avatar #全职高手 #mine #i should probably edit this post when im more coherent but i need to do this before i forget #honestly it's probably a good thing this isn't in full color because if it was i think i actually would have just died #out of sheer overwhelming epicness #fav fanvid

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mejomonster · 1 year

Text

I’m relieved to find out when i finish case 3 in silent reading the translation still has a part 4 AND extras ToT

like god i admire priest SO much. i think in many ways the writing choices in silent reading are SO ballsy. especially now that i know what publishers push toward regarding standard/norms look like all other novels don't deviate dont be brave or unique. like i know priest self published online THEN gets a print deal but like. to decide you as a public commented on author with a HUGE following where ppl buy your chapters? is gonna write THIS?

its brave i think. its brave to trust an audience to read 77 chapters of truly fucked up crime story thats main point IS TO critique the world and justice and human nature. before you get into the romance danmei readers most wanted. to make readers both feel bad for and terrified of a little girl. to remind readers every poor immigrant with a bad life who dies is a TRAGEDY and a horrible loss that society has too much allowed. to remind readers that the justice system fails to bring many people closure or help.

(babes below the cut turned into a MEGA meta on zhoudu and their completely different views on the world)

and THEN of course the LEADS priest decides to write arcs for in this. its ballsy to write a lead the other lead thinks might be capable of being a killer. to write a man objectively with as many red flags as. fei du as THE lead. like? think of 2ha and the people who hate mo ran too much to try it even just hearing of mo ran lol. fei du objectively in some ways is HARDER to empathize with and view as 'an ordinary relatable man'. mo ran when you take that hes been abused is mainly just a kid who wanted to help people typical xianxia hero style and gain power for revenge on REALLY cruel people in a really cruel Fucked up world he lives in thats painted as so much worse than our real earth world.

fei du? well he outwardly is pretty so i guess like the strangers he meets people tolerate that. but the little we get of our past lets us know he killed animals with his hands (and again its as BRAVE a writing choice as the lead in kdrama Flower of Evil who’s raised by a serial killer and trained to be like him and unable to empathize with others and he fights so HARD to be a good person but he’s no one’s definition of a safe guy to trust - but somehow he met his wife and had a daughter and loves them so dearly and he IS and has always been a good man and good kid who went through awful stuff because people were afraid of his inability to emotionally connect and his abused background). Fei du is like HIM. Fei Du self harms to an intense degree, trying to curb impulses trained in him from a young age and a natural propensity mixed with a raising teaching him and Hammering into him that death is the only absolute to feel comfort in. He could’ve become a murderer, an abuser, in the sense of his father pushing him toward it and so many things could’ve affected it - like luo wenzhou simply being not there. Fei du is fighting before anything else, himself and his own fears about himself and who he is and who he even wants to be ultimately. Mo Ran gets cursed and becomes an evil emperor, and without that was a brute revenge okay-with man (and a black lotus trope so honestly more tolerable as a violent rage fest reading-norm wise). But fei du? is just an ordinary modern man working in an office who thinks it would be nice to choke someone and watch them break down hopeless. Who’s probably felt and thought everything su luozhan did (now i’m losing track... there’s things to be said for mo ran and his abuse making him cruel and lash out like fei du and su luozhan too...but moving on for now). fei du is a realistic ‘monster.’ or an almost one. he’s a man who if taken for all he is, much of society would want removed and taken away, or see as an inevitable evil of a rich man who can’t be stopped by most. he’s like Flower of Evil’s lead and the bad rich kid who lashed out and killed people, combined into one.

priest makes him understandable, because priest is amazing at writing very good characters and depicting them and showing their nuances and evolution. and also because luo wenzhou loves him unconditionally. luo wenzhou chooses to love the hurting child, and in doing so comes to see fei du for all the multitudes of value he has as a person, for the treasure he is in ALL of himself with the bad and the good as a whole. (sort of like Flower of Evil main characters sister always loved him and saw him as her little brother needlessly hurt by the world, or the wife who eventually realized the man she loved was part of it and is real its just hes more than she knew before - luo wenzhou is both in one). and because luo wenzhou can see him, all of him, and love and appreciate all of it even EVEN when it horrifies him? even when he thinks and knows its beyond the scope of acceptable or normal, even when he’s hearing fei du lose himself in a viewpoint of the world that is so FAR from luo wenzhous ability to understand or view it. luo wenzhou STILL thinks - how do i reach out so we connect and meet halfway, even if i have to wade into that dark and try to understand, even if i have to explain the regular world like its fantastically rare and incomprehensible to him until he gets how other people like me feel. luo wenzhou thinks: no matter who he is, in fact with ALL of who he is, i’m going to go up to fei du and connect to him, we are going to eat and be okay, we are going to carve out a life together and feel whole and safe and connected there. and so for all fei du is, when we are given luo wenzhou’s fathomless endless care for him it’s impossible not to also open our hearts to fei du. to assume no matter how different he is from us or feels things, or how inhuman or whatever, he’s a an amazing individual and worthy of being understood and accepted into our care too. because luo wenzhou’s viewpoint is hard to fight. even if we think luo wenzhou were wrong, if we didn’t get sucked in, we can’t fight the fact luo wenzhou unconditionally feels this and it won’t change, it will drive the story.

there’s the choice priest made, to make an ‘ordinary’ enough hero of a story (a policeman - legal official solving crimes - who is almost superhero like in his original desire to help people and bring justice, who still ignores wounds and tries to be Larger than Life and do More than the average man, trying to save even with his very real human faults of a nepotism parentage and a short temper in his youth and a naivety he had to lose). he’s old but not jaded, he’s realistic and skilled now but still driven to give out justice, still hurts in his heart when he can’t help someone enough. and it all kicks off with a kid named fei du, and luo wenzhou wanting to heroically bring him justice and closure and save him like Superhero savior of the Cosmos young luo wenzhou did... and failing. failing. failing and having the realization he WILL fail people, legal justice is sometimes impossible or has dead ends and horrible things happen with no resolution and no one saved, and still wanting to care about fei du, wanting to do his best to help him even when it will Never ever be enough. Fei du will NEVER be saved. can not be saved. the damage has already been done (and after the basement scene, luo wenzhou realizes even into adulthood, even once fei du’s dad was in a coma, luo wenzhou still couldn’t even protect fei du from Himself, yet another way luo wenzhou can never be that Cosmic Superhero, not even that local guardian to one single boy, he loves fei du unconditionally and that does NOT mean he’ll ever be enough to protect him or undo the damage).

but luo wenzhou tries anyway. and its in that trying, that is so worth it. it’s not the outcome, its the act of trying, the ‘ceremony’ and how it means he cares. how it means he views fei du as worthy of it (and he really views by extension so MANY worthy of it who he also can or can’t help to varying degrees, and it rubbed off on fei du, because now hes the kind of man who also finds it awful a poor young man named He zhongyi dies and is willing to go to any lengths to try and get justice for him, for any particular person). Anyway, the point is luo wenzhou is an understandable hero typical of his story type. His heroics are the super-detectives who want to save everyone, his failings are the cops like Lee Dong Sik in Beyond Evil who take their small tasks seriously and are aware they may never save their world or Do Enough and justice can fail but they’re still making Their Choices every day, their baggage and damage and aged lessons coming along. He is an ordinary enough choice for a lead. His most remarkable trait in my mind, that makes him stand out, is his decision once upon a time to care about fei du unconditionally. its a choice a parent makes when they adopt, a bodyguard makes in a fantasy tale when they decide to dedicate their life to their ruler, in a realism grounded story like Silent Reading real life red flags just usually keep such a decision from being made.

Take Flower of Evil - its normal for the wife to be suspicious her husband is a killer and investigate it before ultimately picking his side. Take Beyond Evil - Juwon is younger and has fucked up, but Lee Dong Sik makes fucked decisions he doesn’t expect of the younger, makes the choice to cross lines he feels the younger shouldn’t and maybe no one should but he’s too far gone to quit his path now. Luo Wenzhou sees fei du, the teenager, making death threats and you can’t abandon your own kid. But it’s not his kid, its a stranger like su luozhan who’s killed something, lashing out and feeling unlike other humans and without any real parent who gave them unconditional love (maybe fei du had his mom once a week when she was alive but with health issues and spousal issues and dad’s nonstop threat of a presence on them, fei du was not getting that secure unconditional love environment). its a stranger completely, and luo wenzhou just decides to love him anyway.

So why’s he a brave writing choice? to use a character like luo wenzhou who does decide to love someone like that unconditionally. before the romance even starts. he’s not fei du’s family, he’s not fei du’s mentor until he Chooses to be, he’s not fei du’s lover when he makes the decision or long time spouse (like in Flower of Evil), he’s not a man who’s got enough shared experiences to understand fei du’s perspective (in fact it terrifies luo wenzhou the gulf there is between each other’s experience and view of the world). but luo wenzhou, the man that he is, chooses to love fei du unconditionally.

it makes sense for his character of course, because priest is good at writing characters. while luo wenzhou fits the relative norm for his genre, it also makes sense his particular life leads him to a choice i rarely see in these stories. He’s an idealistic naive rash ‘hero’ rookie cop. He sees a child cope with the death of his mom and his world shatter, look at him with an intense resolve that BEGS Luo Wenzhou to BE the hero that can give fei du justice. Luo Wenzhou, the rookie who think himself Hero of the Galaxy, has been dealing with petty crime and this is one of (or possibly the FIRST) time anyone has given him the responsibility and Ability to attempt to serve justice on this scale. This is his first opportunity to SOLVE a possible murder, GIVE someone closure, and truly change their life on such a scale. Of course heroic-dreaming Luo Wenzhou, thinking himself important and inhumanly capable of anything to help someone, takes up that look fei du gives him and decides “then I will give you the justice you need. I will resolve this for you.” A character like him? what other choice would he make.

And fei du is both the first time the world gives him the chance to be the Big Hero Savior he wanted to be, and the reality check that he can NOT be that Hero. That such a heroic feat is impossible, is unreasonable, is not something anyone will be able to live up to forever without fail - especially him, who turns out is lacking much of what he needs to succeed. But even if he had ALL the tools to succeed: even if Luo Wenzhou had ALREADY been a Captain, with rich influential and politically powerful allies, and had been able to legally adopt fei du and take actual political action against fei du’s dad? Even if he HAD all that, luo wenzhou would not have been able to save fei du - from the pain of his childhood, from the loss of his mom, the mystery was too hard to be solved at the time (or luo wenzhou of stubbornness i believe would’ve found a way to solve it), or from fei du’s own self hatred and self harm (just given how privately fei du keeps part of himself - he kept so much from luo wenzhou and probably always would’ve).

So even with everything, Luo Wenzhou would’ve failed. And at least failing then, as a rookie, he learned he WASN’T superman, he wasn’t infailable and Enough to save people inherently, and took the experience that he’d have to WORK and struggle and fight every single TIME to truly try and save people with him as he was promoted and gained power. That failure made him a better savior for future victims he’d help: because he’d be self aware that failure was possible, and helping others was going to be a struggle and require All his dedication every time, and is never a guarantee.

Luo Wenzhou picking fei du changed their lives. He failed fei du (and always would have) and in doing so it made him a better person to help people moving forward. and in the moment he chose to try and save fei du, an impossible thing with no Real Guarantee (as Luo Wenzhou would learn later and not ever promise so freely with certainty again), fei du DID see him as a savior. As a hope. As the first guardian angel in his life, the first belief that ANYONE outside of himself could help him. Could fix anything in his life - could explain why his mom who loved him would choose to leave him, could explain if it was his own fault for not loving her ‘enough’ or being too monstrous or if it was someone else’s fault, who could take his father to justice for the awful things he’d done when to fei du his father was the god of his world able to kill and do anything and make fei du do Anything no matter how awful. For the first time, fei du truly had a hope in something able to HELP him. And Luo Wenzhou failed. And fei du experienced both a temporary believe in the kind of “justice is served to the evil, help is provided to the innocent” that children usually simplistically learn at first but he never did (because his father didn’t teach him that but that the predators do what they want). and then experienced a cold harsh horrible shock that it WAS a lie, that the person telling him to believe it - luo wenzhou - was wrong. that fei du’s view of the world was “correct” and the false hero he’d believed in, luo wenzhou, was a fool who believed falsehoods and couldn’t do anything real. that no one Could help fei du.

and yet. despite all that. despite that failure shaping them both. it also tied them together. for all luo wenzhou failed, he still decided Inexplicably to be responsible for it. Instead of taking the loss, he went on to keep helping fei du. Caring. With Tao Ran as a contrast, its clear how excessive those actions were compared to the norm. Luo Wenzhou dragged Tao Ran into helping him take Fei Du after school, so fei du was rarely left alone in an empty house, into taking him out for food so he’d eat when the help at his house didn’t cook, these are all the acts of a godfather or a makeshift caretaker. They’re more than a responsible police officer should’ve ever gotten involved in a victim’s life - the most luo wenzhou should’ve appropriately done, was maybe call child services and insist and fight that no matter ‘how rich older master fei was’ the child still was in an enviornment that needs either an after school program for some socialization and social support, or a caretaker to move in, or if at all possible to get to live with a different guardian. But Luo wenzhou, knowing what’s appropriate, couldn’t abandon that ‘idealic heroic’ persona he learned failed and was unrealistic, still trying adamantly to be it for fei du. Even failure after failure. He would’ve adopted fei du probably, possibly, if the person he’d been fighting for custody against hadn’t been so filthy rich he’d have never had a chance. (never mind the legal issues im sure would keep him from getting custody, but the intent was there). He took fei du in as much as possible for their circumstances, then expanded that to full on parenting. To checking fei du’s report cards, to making sure he ate right, to checking on his healthcare, to commenting on his dating life as he grew up into a playboy partier, to insisting he pick a career, to worrying how he adjusted when his dad died and he had to take the business, to giving him gifts for birthdays and just cause (both secretly and also full on remembering his birthday when others didn’t), to the simpleness of scolding fei du like a regular teen caught cursing when he’d threaten violent, the simpleness of taking the Extreme-ness of fei du’s worse personality moments and simply saying ‘well whatever fucked up stuff you did or want to do, come sit down and have dinner, come on and join me.’ i care about you. lets eat. i accept you into our little family of two no matter what, and every meal is a ceremony reminding you this is permanent and secure and always here for you.

luo wenzhou can’t save fei du as a child, can’t save him as an adult from himsel, can’t save him throughout of a great many deal awful things. but he can give him a safe stable eternal home in the both of them, that is always ALWAYS there. always opening it’s doors, always mobile and coming to fei du when he feels isolated and abandoned and like he doesn’t even belong to the same world, it exists everywhere. it’s his. its a thing he never had before luo wenzhou. but it exists now. and it is THAT which luo wenzhou can provide.

He can’t save fei du from the many horrors of the world, from the monsters within himself. But he can give fei du a home that exists no matter what horrors exist or happen, a home that fei du will always belong IN no matter how monstrous he is, no matter what he’s done or what happens.

Maybe once upon a time the end of the week with his mom, had been the closest fei du had to that kind of ‘home.’ Some safe place where he was loved even with everything different about him, with the fucked up views his dad pressed on him, with the way he felt different from others and uncomprehending of the world. His mom, fleetingly, would be there with the house made ready for him, would be happy to see him and simply be with him.

Luo Wenzhou carved out a home for him after that, when he lost that, and made it permanent. It exists nonstop, always, whenever fei du is with luo wenzhou. waiting for fei du when they’re apart, always open for him to return.

wow i got distracted in zhoudu dynamic stuff lol. back to whatever the point was... priest writing brave. so. while i love all of zhoudu’s very grey area roles filled up and overlapping dynamic. i think the above portion explains well WHY it makes sense for them. Why their dynamic makes sense it would happen, from luo wenzhou’s perspective. why luo wenzhou would choose to do it, and how it would end with him and fei du connecting deeply.

Because that’s the kind of man luo wenzhou is and that’s where he was in his life, in the perfect place to make 1 single heroic Ideal decision and fail, but still feel too attached to actually quit and cut his losses. He could never cut the loss that was ‘failing fei du.’ he had to keep providing the only consolation he could, a home for fei du, even if he could provide nothing more. To Luo Wenzhou he will always be Fei Du’s very mortal and flawed Guardian Angel who couldn’t move heaven to save him or help him, but still took the job as his life’s work. And to Fei Du he will always be that very mortal Guardian Angel who lied that he was Strong enough when he wasn’t, when angels don’t exist and he was just a man, when justice doesn’t exist only this lying flawed incapable Luo Wenzhou trying to act like there is still justice. But to Fei Du, flaws and all, it’s still his Guardian Angel despite it all. In his world there are no angels, no true heroes. But this person is trying to be one, in Fei Du’s fucked up world where none exist, anyway. Luo Wenzhou is still trying to be one for him. And that’s worth something because it has MEANING, the choice to try to be an angel in a world with NONE means something, its the effort that counts. It’s the ceremony of doing it, the act, that means everything. (As luo wenzhou’s final lines in i think chapter ~79 hammer home).

Their dynamic makes sense, for them. Of course it’s where they’d end up, how they’d develop. How they’d get so enmeshed and close and Bigger Than People to each other (both symbolic Roles to each other while being gravely aware their symbol is actually just a flawed human who will never live up to it). To Fei Du, Luo Wenzhou will always be a Guardian Angel and that IS just a weak human who will fail the job. To Luo Wenzhou, Fei Du will always be his charge to Save, even though saving him is impossible, even though he’s failed for 7 years, even though fei du will never let him and both of them are More Than Aware this mission is impossible. Luo Wenzhou knows fei du is not a charge, was never one - or only one for the first time until Luo Wenzhou first failed.

Fei Du is a grown man who has done bad things, horrible things to himself, who views the world so differently from Luo Wenzhou his morality might not even be able to compare with his, who is a man he can’t fully understand but tries to reach out any try to anyway. Every single time. What a brave choice. To be commited to unconditionally loving someone and trying to understand them, even painfully knowing you never will. We may truly never be able to understand another person completely. But in these two’s case, they truly have such different internal worlds, it is a painful point for them both that they really never will exist in the other’s world and grasp it fully.

Fei Du is brave too. He knows Luo Wenzhou is an ordinary man, who belongs to the world most people understand and accept as reality. He knows he’ll never understand Luo Wenzhou, will always see some of Luo Wenzhou’s beliefs as lies or falsehoods most people seem to believe or assume or operate based on that Fei Du will never ever understand or connect to or operate under unless he tries very hard to force himself to act unnaturally. In a way, it is like an Angel loving a Demon. In reality they both realize they’re not an angel and devil - Luo Wenzhou realizes he’s painfully human and incapable, Fei Du doesn’t see himself as a demon he just thinks all humans are truly this way or walking-corpses unaware of it and Luo Wenzhou is another deluded soul lying to himself or simply way too uncomprehending to ever see the ‘truth’ of the world the way Fei Du is Only capable of seeing it. But Fei Du sees his own awareness as monstrous, in that it makes him a monster to those ordinary people and their entire world framework. And yet to Luo Wenzhou, he’s not a monster for it, just another flawed imperfect person like Luo Wenzhou is. They put themselves into the Roles of Angel and Demon, while knowing its partly untrue but unable to stop living that way when it comes to each other. Fei Du can’t help seeing Luo Wenzhou as an angel, in the warped way he’d view one in his world - a deluded hero who’s incapable, but still the closest thing to any angel in Fei Du’s world could exist. Fei Du can’t help seeing himself as a Demon, even though it’s normal to him he can’t shake the awareness its how he’d be in Luo Wenzhou (ordinary people’s) framework of the world. And then they meet in the middle somehow. And somehow even existing in different realities cause they perceive the world SO differently, Fei Du somehow catches a glimpse of himself in Luo Wenzhou’s worldviews: an innocent. An ordinary man. Not a demon, not even different from others. But someone who could and DOES exist in Luo Wenzhou’s world where people who are hurt deserve justice and people attempt to give them it, where cruelty is not the norm and not comprehensible to the masses. Fei Du isn’t compatible with that world - he’s not comprehensible to them. But somehow Luo Wenzhou can look at him, and place fei du into that world. And for the moment they’re together Fei Du EXISTS in both worlds. Is brought into the world outside his, that he can’t be part of or relate to or understand, and see as if he’s like Luo Wenzhou almost. And he wants to be one of the people providing justice to those who are harmed, one of the people who views cruelty outside of the norm and combats it. Could he do this, view things this way, if Luo Wenzhou didn’t connect their worlds by being connected to Fei Du?

And in contrast, in Fei Du’s world the cruelty is the norm, there is no one innocent only those harmed and those self aware enough they also cause it. There is no justice, only an attempt of power and control until the inevitable death. People like Luo Wenzhou cannot exist. In Fei Du’s mind, people like Luo Wenzhou can at most only be struggling helplessly against nature, hurting themselves by prodding other violent people, giving no justice because there’s no way to give it, just struggling to fight for an outcome that is impossible to provide. But because its Luo Wenzhou, Fei Du’s worldview shifts to accomodate him: Luo Wenzhou is a pathetic man fighting for an outcome that can never occur... but he keeps trying anyway. And because he’s Fei Du’s personal angel, even though angels can’t exist here in fei du’s view of the world? Fei Du almost wants to believe maybe there’s worthiness in someone trying anyway. To be like an angel. To do what nothing in his world does, want what can’t be achieved in his view of the world. And that’s where their worlds connect. Where Fei Du’s world connects to Luo Wenzhou’s and lets a sliver of Luo Wenzhou into his as something Possible. And is that why Fei Du wades into the water of doing work like Luo Wenzhou? Is that why he cares when a son dies and leaves a mom behind. In his world to care is illogical and pointless and has no use. But Luo Wenzhou IS in Fei Du’s world, and he cares. So Fei Du feels like... maybe he’ll care too, even if it is useless. He’ll let himself care still, like Luo Wenzhou cares.

There is use in the ACT of caring. Even if it changes nothing. There is worth in the act of caring, even if it fails to save anyone or stop harm. Is that one of the themes of Silent Reading I wonder... its certainly a theme of these two’s relationship.

It’s the point of Luo Wenzhou trying to explain to Fei Du what their connection is. It’s the connection of their worlds - Luo Wenzhou in our usually normally accepted one, and Fei Du in his hopeless one. It’s also the connecting point of their personalities - through knowing each other they’ve both developed a level of caring. Caring despite finding it cannot save, cannot stop the awful things that have happened and will later.

And so we get to a point where Fei Du cares about Luo Wenzhou, even though Wenzhou failed him and still does. Even though Luo Wenzhou will never fully understand him or the world he exists in.

I never realized just how wholly separate their concepts of the worlds they exist in were till I wrote this damn.

>>I keep losing the point in zhoudu meta lmao. Anyway back to priest. What I am impressed by (among many things), is priest writes that kind of dynamic as mentioned above. The ‘normal ordinary hero’ type Luo Wenzhou who can never connect to the kind of person/world Fei Du exists in, and vice versa. But somehow they meet halfway and see through the keyhole of the other person’s world anyway. Take one step in, while still being unable to enter the other’s world and abandon their own. It’s impossible. But it is. Because they choose to do it, no matter how impossible it is.

And its this relationship that outside on paper on some novel summary is the tags idk older/younger, rich/gruff, cruel/heroic whatever. When I walked in once upon a time, with the impression from a tagged summary it was going to be a cold genuis with a fascination for analysing cruelty, and a heroic gruff type combatting him and helping him ‘grow a heart’ I did not expect this kind of deep relationship dynamic i actually got. I didn’t expect a relationship that’s part caretaker/child, part opponents striving to fight yet it’s to connect their irreconcilable worlds, part lovers who were already closer than usual lovers before the romance even enters the picture. I didn’t expect 7 years of failing each other, but still being unconditional care there. Fei Du is not just a ‘cold genius’ he’s given the traits of a man from a world where he sees himself as the ordinary monster of it, and he will never ‘grow a heart’ and come to see the world like Luo Wenzhou (I’m 70% through the novel but i don’t think he will). And Luo Wenzhou for all his physical actions is not a gruff man with a ‘warm heart’ a la some sweetie pie emotional warm hero. He was an idealistic idiot who got a reality shock he wasn’t Superman, who grew into a realist. He is a guardian angel who is not actually an angel and KNOWS he isn’t but can’t stop himself from trying to be for Fei Du, the first and only time he tried to be one, refusing to quit this mission even though it’s been lost a million times and it’s painful for both of them for him to keep pretending he’s an angel instead of a man. Luo Wenzhou’s warm emotional ‘hopes and ideals’ don’t touch Fei Du and ‘change him’ (although Fei Du trying to understand Luo Wenzhou’s pov at least does open him up to witnessing Tao Ran’s idealism and kindness even though he finds it naive).

While their failures with each other certainly change them, they don’t actually change the core of each other - they are permanently too distinctly different people who see the world in an incompatibly different way. Growing up with Luo Wenzhou certainly influenced Fei Du’s behaviors, and gave him a peek into seeing the world differently, but he still ultimately exists mainly in his own world. Even with shared experiences together now, working together, it’s not shifting Luo Wenzhou into a person who sees the world as inherently cruel and monstrous like Fei Du, and its not shifting Fei Du into seeing justice as natural and possible. In some couple stories the worldviews would gradually mesh as the shared experiences grew - but no, not with these two.

The beauty of their relationship is they Will exist in their separate worlds, their incompatible worldviews and interpretations of it. But they still connect. They still carved out this space of a home together, that exists in both worlds. That has a window to each other’s worlds where they ask the other to explain what that unimaginable window’s view means, how the hell the other person is interpreting it because they don’t see it the same way. This shared home, that lets them concieve of a world where the other person can and DOES exist in their world. Fei Du sees himself as a monster in a world where it’s natural, and where angels don’t exist let alone just heroes - but Luo Wenzhou is in his world. Impossibly. He’s there, he’s part of it, he’s relentless, and he always will be. In Luo Wenzhou’s world, Fei Du exists and is just as inevitably part of it as Luo Wenzhou is. Even though Fei Du can’t conceive of existing in Luo Wenzhou’s kind of world - luo wenzhou sees Fei Du WITH him there, dragging him in by refusing to accept that Fei Du couldn’t be there.

Fei Du’s heart (in my prediction anyway lol) is not going to grow 3 sizes and decide justice is possible, is expected, and he’s an ordinary person who thinks like the others and feels wronged when he’s not given help and doesn’t instinctively think cold things. But Fei Du’s heart, despite himself and knowing Luo Wenzhou lied about being an angel in Fei Du’s world where none exists and failing him, holds a permanent space for Luo Wenzhou. A permanent part of him lets itself open the window to what Luo Wenzhou sees, and even though Fei Du simply can’t understand it, he lets the wind come in. Lets the idea drift through his own world: that for all justice is impossible, try to fight to do justice anyway. Try to conceive that people deserve it anyway, even if there is no way they do. Just humor the idea. Try anyway. It’s okay to try, even if the result will fail. Luo Wenzhou tries anyway, so you Fei Du can indulge in trying too despite it all. Fei Du’s heart has Luo Wenzhou in it, broken through the window and bringing the breeze, residing warmly in it and bringing all the ‘idealistic-fictional’ warmth from the world ‘other ordinary society thinks’ and decorates. Brings warm cooked noodles, shrimp, sweet candy so sweet its better than Fei Du’s world but here IT IS. Brings hope and determination and belief that doesn’t exist in Fei Du’s world, but here it is, in residence in his heart, with good smells that make him hungry, that taste like nothing that’s supposed to exist. And Fei Du thinks: its a lie, it can’t exist, it can’t be this good, it can’t be permanent... it must be an illusion or something that will crumble later. But its Luo Wenzhou... so Fei Du tries indulging the temporary goodness anyway, even if it WILL crumble. Like how Luo Wenzhou will still fail. Even so, even though this is nicer than any dinner in his world with his mom and dad had been, so much nicer he believes it impossible and a lie and just as hard to rely on as trying to grab the wind. He’ll still sit down and accept it for the experience it is. Because Luo Wenzhou brought it and said it was their home. And even if it makes no sense, somehow in their shared point of connection - this place where their worlds can almost overlap? It’s worth it to try. It’s the act of trying that’s important, not the outcome later. Not what’s possible or impossible. But that here, they can coexist somehow. That they tried very hard to carve out this home right here. They can be brave enough to believe the other sometimes about their other worlds, even if they can never move into the other’s. Try to go on faith on the other person, and try out the other person’s way of living in their very different world, even though it makes no sense.

It’s a love story about yes, being seen as all of who you are and still loved unconditionally (something often appealing in fiction romance). But also like. Its this heavy reality of No, actually, you will NOT ever be seen completely and understood completely by another person. We are not Fei Du and we are not usually seeing the world and it’s ‘laws’ as so drastically different as him. But like him, when we meet people even as close as we may become, as much as we share, another person will truly never see and feel exactly as we do. Words are imperfect, people’s past experiences and personalities are all different, people can’t read your mind and see your history and feel your emotions. There is no perfect fullproof way to get someone to truly understand you completely. And that’s okay. You can be loved, you can connect, even when that’s true. There is worth in making connections, even if we will ever only be understood imperfectly, only partly be able to view the world or something the same way. Even if someone can’t understand why X is that way about you or why you can’t believe Y the same way they do (even when you try your best to). There is space in all of us to find a way to still love whole heartedly, to choose to Try to understand. There is power in choosing to try, and keep choosing to, even though it’s an impossible endeavor to ever fully accomplish. Like Luo Wenzhou, we choose anyway. Like Fei Du, we realize there’s worth in just the act of trying. Even if we are never fully seen, can never fully grasp the other, there’s care there. The care builds a space for us to connect. A space for us to feel close enough, safe and loved.

#silent reading #lb #meta #zhoudu #zhoufei #WELL this turned into a mega zhoudu meta and character analysis #character analysis #i will say though. damn.#i think this is true of many (possibly all of priests works but i havent read all) of priests novels #is that they really CAN be delved into analysis wise as works of literature #Silent Reading alone? It has a LOT to say about society and justice and our expectations we're raised on #versus how society really acts. versus the unique ways individuals VARY WILDLY in their perception of it #which i didnt even go into in this meta. but in a Literature Class that'd probably be the main theme.#but then also? fei du and luo wenzhou really ARE doing something so unique with their dynamic that's worth discussing #the fact that like they DO put each other on pillars. while also being self aware those pillars are LIES. and then yet they keep #functioning as if both aware the other are only human AND still putting faith in the pillars they put them on #the fact that in this story the two NEVER reconcile their worldviews into one shared one more or less. which usually happens in these #stories of different ppl. think Goodbye My Princess or Love and Redemption or The Untamed - those different ppl #end up experiencing things that help them come to understand each others pov and perspective of the world.#but the thing is lwz and fd will NOT compromise or change their core world view understandings. lwz just CANT see the world #as inherently monstrous and cruel and kindness as so fleeting and impotent. its against his entire belief system and experiences and #against who he IS. and fei du just Cannot see the world like the ordinary masses. let alone like luo wenzhou who #when young saw himself as the pure idealistic super Hero. to fei du a man like luo wenzhou just Cannot exist and succeed or and just IS #wrong. but their choice to connect anyway is a bridge between worlds. they cant even see eye to eye. but they can choose to connect anyway #despite it.#and internally grow hope and awareness and motivation. even if their worlds remain the same

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ryukoishida · 7 years

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“Quan Zhi Gao Shou” Voice Actors Interview: Bao Mu (Han Wenqing), Xia Lei (Yu Wenzhou), San Mu (Sun Xiang)

《全職高手》韓文清（VA：寶木中陽）喻文州（VA：夏磊）孫翔（VA：三木）訪問 | “Quan Zhi Gao Shou” Voice Actors Interview: Bao Mu (Han Wenqing), Xia Lei (Yu Wenzhou), San Mu (Sun Xiang)

Notes:

I only translated the questions and answers from the audio, and have skipped some of the interviewer’s comments (there weren’t a lot of those anyway). At the end of the interview, the three VAs performed short skits portraying the opposite personalities from the characters they voiced.

Han Wenqing (Gentle) | Yu Wenzhou (Yandere) | Sun Xiang (Tsundere)

The audio link of this interview will be in the reblog!

Q = Interviewer BM: Bao Mu (Han Wenqing’s VA) XL: Xia Lei (Yu Wenzhou’s VA) SM: San Mu (Sun Xiang’s VA)

Q：As the voice actors for these three characters, how do you see your own character?

BM: At the start of the recording, they told me that [Wenqing’s] character is especially interesting; the moment he starts to speak, everyone just feels like they have to hand over their wallets to him. I feel that, due to his upright and frank personality, and he’s very opinionated, plus the fact that he’s such a powerful and skilled individual — all of that genuine self-confidence contributes to that kind of tone when he speaks. That’s not to say he’s a person who rejects others and keeps them at a distance. But the kind of attitude that he exudes makes people feel the urge to hand over their wallets to him.

XL: Yu Wenzhou is an especially calm person, and during our initial discussion about the character, the word most used to describe him is “gentle,” or that he’s a “nuan nan” (lit. "warm man”; internet slang for a man that exudes warmth and kindness). In the end, his state of mind constantly remains calm and collected. Even though his hand speed is not as fast as the other contestants’ in the professional league, he really knows how to fully utilize his own strength — his strength in his temperament. So he’s able to maximize his tactical value; in a team match, his function is even more obvious. As for voicing the character itself, I especially want to display his calm and confident attitude.

SM: From the first glance, you’d think, “Is he actually a villain?” But when you watch until the very end, you’d feel that he’s the kind of person with a youthful attitude. Even more of a coincidence is that he and I are both Sagittarius. So there are times when I feel the same way and somewhat understand this character’s thoughts. I think he’s the kind of person that would work very, very hard when it comes to things that he enjoys — just as I do. He might be a bit of a tsundere, but he has that shounen and hot-blooded mindset; it’s quite adorable.

Q: While recording for the donghua, are there any scenes that are especially memorable?

BM: In the scene when [Wenqing] first appears — when he’s running on the treadmill — and comes out after his training to discover that people are discussing Ye Xiu… Not discussing Ye Xiu, but saying that someone amazing has appeared in the new server, and everyone suspects that it’s Ye Xiu since his achievements are already at the same level as Ye Xiu’s finest back in the days. About 12 seconds. And then Old Han said, “Hmph, if that’s really Ye Qiu, then that means he’s gotten worse.” You’d feel that Old Han is that kind of person, that… “Tch, it’s Ye Xiu — only I’m allowed to criticize him; others aren’t allowed to do that.” Right, because after all, he was a strong opponent in the past. I respect this opponent, but once this opponent regresses, I’d feel troubled as well. Since we’re both well-known in the game, if you regress, I wouldn’t feel proud either. But other people can’t say that about him! Only I can!

XL: The most memorable scene for me… Actually, when I was reading the part in the book when Yu Wenzhou is analyzing with only a few limited clues — for example, the reason Liu Hao paid so much attention to Lord Grim, or some of Lord Grim’s abilities and new records etc. He immediately comes to the conclusion that Lord Grim is Ye Qiu. And so during this scene, I feel that this person is really too amazing.

SM: The most memorable scene is… ah, taking the account card, because this is probably everyone’s first impression of Sun Xiang’s character, and they just decided from the beginning that he’s a villain because they haven’t read the latter part. At the time when I was voicing this character, that was also my first time trying a “heel” character type. And at the time, does anyone remember the scene with Excellent Era’s manager Cui Li? He’s voiced by my teacher Mr. Shang Hong. I have a teacher complex, so when I acted scenes with my teacher, that feeling was pretty awesome. But the most important thing is that this character… I think this character is very charismatic, and so my first impression of him is quite deep. The most interesting scene… Since I’ve also read the novels… I’ve read through “The King’s Avatar” once already and am now reading it for the second time. The most interesting scene with him — two, there are two. The first scene is during the All-Stars Game playing against Han Wenqing, he said, “I’ve lost this time, fair and square, but this may not be the case next time.” That is the moment when I feel his character’s attitude and spirit burst out for the first time. Another scene is when he calls Xiao Shiqing “little/insignificant matter” (note: they have the same pinying). Hahaha! Very interest, very interesting, right? His character is really adorable.

Q: Next, I’d like to ask Mr. Xia Lei and Mr. San Mu, which lines did you find the hardest to voice act?

XL: The most difficult lines… Well, I can’t say it’s the most difficult since Captain Yu’s entire fundamental — as I’ve mentioned before — is his calmly confident attitude. So when he’s analyzing tactics or his opponents, his mentality remains composed. I remember in episode 10 when he figures out that Lord Grim is Ye Qiu — that line is short, something like, “This person is Ye Qiu.” I recall it’s a line like that, so under normal circumstances when we’re trying to figure out someone’s identity, we might use this kind of tone, “This person… is Ye Qiu?" Or something like that. But this doesn’t apply to Yu Wenzhou; he’s especially calm and confident. So this line, though very short, left a very deep impression on me while I was recording it.

SM: There’s a very classic scene in the first episode, in which there’s a very memorable line; it’s “I’ll let the title of Battle God resound in the world of Glory once more.” This is Sun Xiang’s first well-known quote from the novels. While recording this line, and since this is one of the first few popular lines Sun Xiang has, this line has to be recorded many times. First was because I didn’t have a complete grasp of this character yet, and second was the importance of this line, so this line had to be recorded many times. When the line comes up again while people are watching the first episode, everyone will type this line on the screen, and I feel very satisfied when I see that. It seems that I’ve met everyone’s expectations. “I’ll let the title of Battle God resound in the world of Glory once more.”

Q: Another question for Mr. San Mu. Before voice acting for the donghua, have you ever read “The King’s Avatar” novels?

SM: Yes. I’d done some online voice acting before, and I’ve acted in a few works related to “The King’s Avatar”. For example, in a few radio dramas, I voiced Luo Ji and Lu Hanwen, and in order to understand the characters better, I read the novels. The novels were quite good, and so I just kept reading. Coincidentally, while I was reading it, the work was still being serialized. When I got to the last chapter, that was when the series just ended, so I felt honoured to have finished the entire series; I felt that the series was really good, really amazing.

Q: Another voice actor’s previous performances are very different from his current role in the series. Mr. Bao Mu, what do you think about that?

BM: The characters that I’ve voiced previously are rarely the cold and haughty type; they’re usually warmer, older characters — perhaps teachers who displayed a caring nature for the younger characters, to teach them patiently, or to be friendly to others. Of course, Han Wenqing might also actually be quite friendly, but he only shows his cold and haughty side, like, “[Give me your] Wallet!” It’s pretty amusing. As well, his type of personality is especially good for us voice actors, makes it easier for us; it’s the fact that he doesn’t shout or scream, so for us, that’s especially good.

Q: At this point of the story, all three captains have come into contact with Lord Grim, and lately many people have started paying more attention to Captain Yu after his introduction. I’d like to ask Mr. Xia Lei: What do you expect from your character from this point on?

XL: There are many popular characters in “The King’s Avatar”, and each of them has their own charismatic traits, so I believe fans of those characters will especially look forward to their appearances. Captain Yu has a lot of fans as well, and in terms of Yu Wenzhou’s plot development, and his character’s portrayal, fans will have their own preferences and thoughts. From what I understand, I believe Yu Wenzhou’s future appearances will be very satisfying. Even though Yu Wenzhou’s character itself… he was portrayed as crippled in the novels, but I don’t really agree with this point. His so-called crippled hand speed is still considered too fast compared to the average players; it might just be that he’s a bit slower than Huang Shaotian and Ye Qiu — it’s merely that. But I hope that everyone will pay more attention to his character’s control of the bigger picture, his tactics used during team matches, and his overall abilities. I also hope that, through my voice, I can bring more colours and life to this character.

#quan zhi gao shou #qzgs #the king's avatar #master of skill #yu wenzhou #han wenqing #sun xiang #bowie's translations

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mejomonster · 1 year

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Oh no oh no Silent Reading au where Fei Du is an actual demon immortal or something

Finally, my man, you get to be older than Luo Wenzhou. By like centuries if not eons!

However! Despite that, despite god tier powers and strength, you somehow accidentally get poisoned and human mortal ass Luo Wenzhou nurses you back to health. Because of course he does.

Oh no I'm coming up with a whole plot. That demon immortals were ravaging Yan City in the human realm, and of course Fei Chengyu brings his little boy to watch and "join in" and learn how. And in the chaos of the city being ransacked, Fei Du's mom is killed by some human warriors. Fei Du collapses, cause it was right in front of him. Luo Wenzhou is a city guard, and he was also fighting the demons, but he stumbles into the scene late and only sees a child standing frozen unmoving in the chaos of swords and blood. So he rushes in and scoops up Fei Du, taking him to safety. And for a few days Fei Du is entirely in the mortal realm, abandoned, because the demons withdraw once they've had their fun and plundered what they wanted. But Fei Du is left behind cause no one thought he was taken to begin with. And all the humans figure he's just a newly orphaned human boy, like so many children after the recent attack.

Luo Wenzhou takes him home, and at first Fei Du is just catatonic almost, not speaking or looking at anything, just totally lost in the moment of seeing his mom looking at him before she fell. Then Tao Ran is called to help, because Luo Wenzhou needs to get this kid to talk and say if he has any family Luo Wenzhou could bring him to, and this kid needs to eat but won't touch his food. Won't even sleep. So Tao Ran comes over, and Fei Du starts absolutely thrashing. Kicking them, screaming, finally reacting. Because Tao Ran is wearing the same kind of armor the people who killed his mom wore. And Luo Wenzhou eventually holds him down, hugging him tight, trying to soothe him, figuring maybe it was the armor freaking him out - the demon soldiers wore armor when they attacked after all (Luo Wenzhou had been in plain clothes, off duty when the attack started in early morning). Eventually he gets Fei Du to admit that "the people who killed mom looked like that." Just glaring like a raging fire, desperate to consume and destroy anything like it.

Luo Wenzhou acknowledges the information, says a lot of people wore armor that day, says if the killer is still around then he'll find the monster for Fei Du. And that, that makes Fei Du's eyes light up with something more like the sun then just a raging flame, makes him look at Luo Wenzhou with a ironclad desperation. A silent plea. To please find them, please be able to, please help me make this even a little alright by getting vengeance for my mom.

Luo Wenzhou doesn't know the killer was a human soldier at first. Though he's not stupid, and the clues add up: Fei Du found among human soldiers mostly, the demons around his mother already slaughtered in the street. Fei Du angry in particular at the look of the human soldiers in the street patrolling in the aftermath, tense around them instead of feeling at ease that the demons won't surprise them unaware again. It would make sense to fear armor generally, but despite Luo Wenzhou's assurances these men are different, it doesn't seem to have any effect on Fei Du's disposition. The way Fei Du pushes him, any chance he gets to ask, which city soldiers were on the street that day: what were their names, what did they look like, what does he know or can he find out?

And Luo Wenzhou doesn't know, is looking into it, but the child's recollection can't perfectly remember the faces to begin with, and Luo Wenzhou has a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach that Fei Du doesn't want to thank those warriors. He wants to destroy them. And Luo Wenzhou is dreading the day he can give Fei Du an answer of who they were, knows its peculiar that Fei Du doesn't ask at all about the demons who invaded and doesn't beg Luo Wenzhou to look into them.

And then, one day, as unexpected as Fei Du came into his life as an orphan he saved from a nightmare of swinging blades, Fei Du disappears. Perhaps he feels there is no way Luo Wenzhou can find the culprits with his limited knowledge, and Fei Du can't either unless he returns with more resources and better equipped for the task. Perhaps his father finally finds his missing son, in the dead of night, and whisks him away like a spirit in a tale.

Either way, Luo Wenzhou is beyond distraught. This boy he took in isn't dead with a corpse he could hold and bury, or taken away by some living relative he could visit, he's just gone. There's no trace he was ever there at all, except the cat Tao Ran gave to the child to keep him company when he was at his most withdrawn. Now the cat is only guest left at Luo Wenzhou's house. Luo Wenzhou practically tears the city apart looking for him, suddenly wild, brazenly accusing city guards of harming a child.

They have no idea why. But Luo Wenzhou has an awful instinct telling him Fei Du was scared of the humans from that day, not the demons, and Luo Wenzhou suspects one of them killed Fei Du's mother and may have even caught wind of the child left alive. Maybe it was all some political assassination, orchestrated during the unexpected clash with demons so that no one would be the wiser. Fei Du was certainly decked out in nice clothes, it's possible his mom was someone important, maybe even that Fei Du was some significant heir that needed to be killed off so the threat to another's ascension would be crushed.

But eventually Luo Wenzhou can only do so much. The year passes, then another, and there's still not even a body to find. He can't find Fei Du's mothers corpse either, he couldn't even back during the incident. He saw it once when Fei Du was standing frozen in the street, then picked up Fei Du and never looked back. Someone had taken her away before the battle had ended. But aside from that peculiarity implying something more about her murder than simply a civilian caught by ravaging demons, he could uncover nothing.

No Fei Du, not even a trace. The brat didn't even leave him a letter if he'd decided to runaway himself.

Years later, near a decade passes, and Fei Du finds himself visiting the mortal realm once more. For answers about his mother, again, but this time he knows so much more. He knows someone planned for her life to end, someone from the demon realm, and used the chaos of the attack to mask it. He knows his father brought his mother to the city rampage to make her witness it, maybe to torture her with unpleasant sights, but perhaps also to put her in easy access to harms way. Fei Du still isn't sure if his father was working in tandem with the perpetrators, or also caught by surprise. And now father is asleep, locked deep in near-death by a curse. And that curse seems to be spreading, down the line, starting to hit Fei Du as well. Someone is targeting their whole family, and he intends to investigate their sloppy first attack to find traces of them that will lead to now. That will lead to rooting them out and annihilating them.

So he returns to Yan City, now a young man, dressed like the ruler of demons that he is now with his dad out of commission. Draped in elegant embroidery and long fabrics, that don't impede him because he can simply fly if the drag becomes a burden. But he's not been to the human realm in so long.

The first thing that happens, is an idiot decides to rob him.

The second thing that happens, is he uses his excessively strong powers on the poor idiot attacking him.

The third thing that happens, is the curse that's seeped into Fei Du from the unknown enemy's machinations kicks in at his draw of magic, and he collapses in pain.

And that's when Luo Wenzhou finds him, now Captain of the city guard. At the tail end, only noticing a man with a knife on the ground unconscious, and an excessively luxuriously dressed fool on his knees coughing so harshly it hurts Luo Wenzhou's ears. It takes an instant to guess the flashy peacock was being mugged, and must've been hurt by the struggle, and while he held his own enough to stop the assault... he's now past his limit.

While Luo Wenzhou hates a rich contemptuous fucker, what with all the politicians in town playing their games for the throne and leaving innocent victims in their wake (like that child years ago he knew), he isn't so heartless as to not go and at least check on a man literally coughing up blood.

And so it is, that when they reunite Fei Du is being carried by Luo Wenzhou just like all those years ago. And when his gaze focuses on that face, now that he's not the child too stunned to come back to reality but an adult who could care less about thieves and curses trying to bring him down, he's stunned at what fate brought him to. Staring unshielded, unable to put a clamp down on his unrestrained reaction that he didn't predict would overwhelm him. When he'd already planned so many actions for so many eventualities, he never expected this. And if he could have, he wouldn't have ever guessed he'd find himself gaping and staring. Unable to shield his shock.

Luo Wenzhou bites his tongue about making a joke about the man in his arms being so overcome by a handsome face, but notes in his mind it is a bit peculiar the man seems so affected by seeing him. Sure, the stranger could be into men, but this is a bit excessive even for someone meeting eyes with a sudden inexplicable attraction.

So he just settles on taking the stranger to some inn nearby, that his heavy pockets will likely have the money for, and asking for some medicine. He'll at least make sure the poor thing stops dripping blood before he leaves him.

And the stranger is quite pretty himself... Luo Wenzhou wouldn't mind being invited to stay the night, if the stranger recovers enough to feel up for rewarding him for his kindness...

But in reality, this lovely youth looks paler than death and is still shuddering from the coughs. He's going to need Luo Wenzhou to tend to him just to keep him alive through the the night. Even if the man pays an attendant to help, they might prefer to rob his well adorned corpse over struggling to keep him alive for a pathetic salary in comparison to how much his robe must cost alone, never mind the pin in his hair! Only the noble and well intentioned captain of the city guard can be trusted to nurse this beauty, without being so overcome with greed they'd instead choke the life out of him and take what's left.

No wonder he got robbed as soon as he entered the city. Luo Wenzhou's not struggling for money, his dad would help if he were truly starving, and his best friend Tao Ran is the perfect ideal of the kind of pure hearted hero who wouldn't take a piece of gold even if he had not a grain of rice in his bowl.

So Luo Wenzhou isn't overcome with a lust for the fine things in his arms, at least not the nonliving ones. But even he can feel the undercurrent urge to rip some of these nice elaborate trinkets away from the fool, who's ostentiously flaunting at this point. He hates people so materially rich they can play with other peoples lives like toys, with no concern for the law or a societal standard of respect. People who look like this use others as they please, as if no one else is even human. And Luo Wenzhou can't stand those types. The fact he can barely touch them, even with the law on his side, and they even seem to revel in how much they can abuse even if he screams to the heavens all of their cruelties.

He wonders if it'd be too forward of him to change the rich stranger's clothes once they get to the inn, into absolutely anything else. Anything that will make the very sight of him less of a screaming beacon to everyone else around, to envy or hate. To attack, rob, bristle, suspect, fear.

The young man who was staring bewildered at him before, coughs a bit more blood, finally shifts to try and wipe it away or stop the dripping, and then faints at the effort of having tried to lift his arm. Luo Wenzhou blinks down at the frail fool of a damsel, wondering what on earth possessed the fucker to come to Yan City all alone without a single attendant or bodyguard.

#silent reading #lb #zhoudu #mejo writing #silent reading demon au #WELL THANKS TTEOTM FOR MAKING ME CONTEMPLATE THIS #also yes im going by Ice Fantasy rules like Yang Kong Shi #where like immortals do age slow for 100s of years BUT if tjey WANT they grow like weeds #cause like when fei dus dad goes into coma he wont wanna be ruling as like a 14 year old #hed want ppl to respect his threatening presence so he probs let himself zoom up to looking 20s as soon as dad stsrted seeming to get #sicker and sicker

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