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boxwinebaddie · 2 months

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STAN HAS THAT K CHOKER RIGHT? DOES THAT MEAN KYLE HAS AN S NECKLACE? like he could totally stack his s necklace with his star of david one

aaaaaaaaa

you know i love a lil matchy-matchy moment~

and actually, i accumulated a lot of different asks actually, mostly, interestingly enough asking me about the same roundabout thing: if jersey wears rings, how he feels about jewelry, if he has any tattoos or other piercings, stuff of the like, etc.

but i never got around to answering those because i'm kind of a perfectionist and i get all worked up in my head about how i'm going to answer things because i want them to be perfect ( i keep trying to structure nsfw ask like it's a nine page research essay, smh ) buuut

basically, as we all know well, jersey is…Particular.

particularly abt himself and what is done to him/on him.

( okay, fair warning: the rest of this answer is very long and i just talk a lot about the former question about jersey/his attachments to material things and also physical-emotional things — people — you do not have to read all that...the short answer is yes, kyle does stack a stan 's' necklace with the star of david, i talk about it more at the end, but this intro part is a lot of exposition and information. so if your curiosity does not end there...perhaps i can further it below xx )

a lot of it ties into his ocd and this need to control every aspect of his life, not being able to put it in anyone elses hands but his own because he's scared of that improbability...that margin of error.

it keeps him up at night.

for that reason, even though he has a ton of health issues, diabetes, etc. he is extremely Defiant and Volatile in doctors offices. like, he will start throwing shit, rip ivs out of his arms, ask you to explain what you are giving him In Detail and will probably still refuse to take it.

tbh, the only reason he's taking any medication at all is because he really loves sheila and she is extremely worried about losing him </3

( jersey is a mommas boy, i said what i said! )

but he takes his own blood sugar, pricks his own fingers, runs all his own tests...he really does not trust anyone else w/ that kind of thing. which ties into piercings because he does...think that they're…lowkey, highkey *jersey vc* Hawt, i’m sorry; it's true.

i do think it's his...Thing.

the man really just wants a little hot topic emo boy accessory display for a boyfriend and he is right for that. cute, shiny, edgy. i respect it.

eye candy, arm candy, if you will?

( jersey is extremely partial to candy, ofc <3 )

and idk, maybe it's just a me thing, but to me, jerseykyle, specifically, is very conceptual and is intrigued by fashion and stuff, but because when he was overweight growing up, he was sort of just shoe-horned into all this oblong, ugly clothing, whatever would fit or they could afford. so he never really got to be able to wear things he wanted to, until about right now and it's been really liberating for him? idk? aaa

i love sleek, chic, dark academia, tired 1940s evil classics professor, thrift store couture jersey in his dollar store blazers and italian loafers. like my man is an off duty model, forreal. i am obsessed with him.

and actually he really Likes tattoos and piercings and dyed hair and thinks all the little rings are cool because you're like this living art form, this distinct individual, there's a uniqueness, a cool rebellion there he can’t create have within himself, so he combats/masks it as disgust and disinterest because he doesn't like to process his complicated feelings and also doesn't like forming attachments...especially...

...to things he's inexplicably Drawn to.

which is why, initially, upon even just bearing witness to raven of crimson dawn, kyle freaked out because he was like immediately Extremely Attracted to him because he checks all these little boxes in his brain, but his brain, of course, is corroded by mental illness and trauma, so he immediately projects extreme amounts of hostility in raven's direction because he is like you're all chaos and disorder, you're a mess, you throw caution to the wind, You’re Unpredictable.

when he’s actually obsessed w/ that capricious energy?

like he makes fun of stan for all his punk rock boy 'hood ornaments' and 'anarchical embellishments', but his heart starts racing every time stan winks at him and his little eyebrow piecing winks back, or he runs his tongue over that lip ring kyle got hyperfixated on, partially because it's pretty, which...rip, not even joking…

if stan comes out in the support rock, fuck a rockstar tank top, the tiny pants and sports that little lip ring chain thing that connects to the cuff on his ear...it does something seriously ( down ) bad to kyle's brain and stan is immediately getting Railed. soz if you were waiting for stan's autograph, hes gettin ky's all over his body. woops.

but!!! it's mostly bc stan had the courage and hedonism to put something through his lip and live with it. that he could get other piercings, get tattoos, let people handle him, put his life into someone else's hands, let them have control for a second, knowing they are executing the thing you want/need without you doing it...

it's literally All a control thing.

or rather, an inability to lose it.

because he's very particular, yeah, about what he likes and doesn't like, he won't wear any fabrics that itch or bother him, he won't buy something if the hem pisses him off, if he has to wear something he doesn't like, he will bitch and moan the entire day about it. and while it's good to have that level of self-assuredness, it's also kind of a self-preservation and self destructive coping mechanism for jerseykyle.

because he pushes everything out...

but doesn't let anything else in.

and a lot of that changes when raven/stan comes back into the picture, because when they were growing up, stan was this beautiful, glowing fixture of nonconformity, this pillar of strength that was twice as strong as he was, even though kyle was the fighter. because stan fought for self-acceptance and kyle fought for self-loathing.

and really...the reason why his ed developed in the first place was because gerald and society as a whole brainwashed him into hating himself and that people would only digest him if he was in small enough, beautiful, palatable enough pieces to eat so even though he acts out or throws punches: It’s All Within The Lines.

or the confines, rather.

of the person he thinks people want him to be.

but, idk, i'm talking too much. basically, gist is, kyle has a hard time handing over control to other people/being vulnerable and the final piece to that is...permanence.

a piercing...a tattoo...is Permanent.

i mean, sure, they close up and you can get them removed, but you are irreconcilably changed and altered. you are different now.

anddddd sigh, the jersey can't say i love you ask strikes again! because jersey can't say i love you because it's handing over control, because it's vulnerable because it's...permanent and he has extremely deep-seated commitment issues because of all of that.

which means he rarely, if ever, makes said commitments.

so when he Does...

it's a very special thing indeed.

because jersey has no tattoos or piercings on his body.

save for the sun/moon one he got on his ring finger for stan ( i can never decide if i want jersey to have the sun tattoo because he is the sun or if he has the moon one so he can wear rae around with him )

*** ( i also think it's possible he might get little hebrew things for his mom or idk, something very important later...i'll think about it more )

and...One ear piercing.

i was going to go at this in more comical and dramatic way in an old post, but basically, i think kenny/bebe/craig someone basically joked about there being reduced earring piercings at claire's and they should take kyle because he's the only one without pierced ears and jersey gets really defensive about it and everyone's like ooooh! kyle's scared to get his ears pierced, so the competitive and aggressive side of him that hates to lose briefly outweighs the neurotic side and is like "fuck you!!! let's go right now! i'm not scared of anything!"

and he gets there, stan's with him, and he is...freaking out in the little plastic chair with some eight year old girl next to him ecstatically getting her ears pierced for her birthday, bc he's going to have to let someone...do something to him/inflict something on him.

( which actually, i think, is what is really beautiful about j.k and r.s' relationship and dynamic, is that jersey teaches raven that you can't just let people do things you don't want them to do to you just because you feel like you should ft. his sexual trauma and stan teaches kyle that it is okay to let other people in, to do reckless things, to allow yourself to feel and enjoy simple pleasures w/o fear. ft. his ocd

lmao, is there a branch in my eye again? y is it Watering )

and ravenstan is like, mi amor, they are just your ears, you will be okay, i will hold your hand…

everything will be fine, i swear. :’) <3

and he gets hyped up, ready to go, the 16 y/o piercing his ears tells him she'll count to three and pierce on one.

...and she pierces on Three.

i'm not sure if it's bc she pressed too soon or because she thought that if she surprised him, it might make him less nervous, but it does not!!!! kyle FREAKS out!!!! his ocd goes haywire and basically has a nervous breakdown at freaking /claires/ bc she pierced his ear before she SAID she would and destroys the confidence that he built up to let himself be vulnerable.

it seems like a Silly thing...but i think it says a lot, yknow?

and though it was a serious blow to his ego, kyle only has...one ear pierced because he panicked and could not get the second one done. and it, to this day, is one of the only asymmetrical things abt him. which, i actually think is important to him coping w/ his ocd

( similar to how kyle, sorry slight nsfw, having stan have to ask for things if he wants them, helps him, in a seemingly innocuous way, build confidence in himself/not let things just 'happen' to him without his consent ) because having only one ear pierced means he has to deal with being lopsided and that, everyday the earth doesn't crash into the sun...means that he's okay.

also a cute thing about the one ear piercing is that i think kyle wears like this cute little gold sun dangly one that has a similar ambiance to the sun and moon glasses chain charms? it's his signature.

and other than showering, sleeping, etc. he only really ever takes it out when raven is going off somewhere far away :( and he switches it with a little stan silver earring ( idk kyle feels very gold jewelry bc of his orange hair and stan feels v silver bc of his blue eyes and stuff ) and stan sometimes takes kyle's with him on tour...AAAAA i'm sad

on the subject of rings, since someone else asked me, kyle does not wear rings even though he does like them/they're pretty because they're heavy, they clank against his pen when he's writing, the sound pisses him off...but he wears stan's lil silver emo boy rings when he's away and gaslit himself into liking the sound because the sound it makes against his pen reminds him of the sound it makes when stan is excitedly scribbling song lyrics and singing to him aaaaa IM :(

WHERE WAS I GOING WITH THIS AGAIN?

oh, yeah.

extreme mental illness.

so jersey never makes adjustments or accommodations for anyone, and when he does it's a big deal...but really...

it's because Stan is a big deal to him.

stan is EVERYTHING to him.

and kyle thinks it's cute that at every show and every concert, stan always wears the little spicy k charm on his emo boy choker ( and got the little even spicier inner thigh tattoo w kyle's name on it...anyways )

so, he starts wearing a little s around his neck for stan.

which, initially, i'm sure you're like...oh God.

jersey making an adjustment to his very specific cartoon character outfit alignment of things he wears every day, things he wears at home, things he wears specifically when going out depending on the environment...this sounds like a recipe for disaster. this is a big change for him. he's gonna spin out or short circuit his brain.

but...really? it feels as easy as Breathing.

because for one of the first times in his life, kyle got something that he didn't just get for him, w/ selfish intentions or bc he needs to be in control...he got it...

to make stan happy. :)

and it does make him very, Very happy, indeed.

which is really funny to me because jersey is super annoying and just starts wearing it and pretends like he doesn't know what's going on bc he's bad at ~gestures~. so stan comes home, sees it and immediately is like *big stan eyes* 'what are you wearing??'

and kyle is like, ‘oh, this? i've had it forever, it's was just in the back of the closet. why? is it wrinkled or—‘ and stan is like 'no, dummy. the NECKLACE' and kyle, playing dumb, trying to act nonchalant because he's kind of embarrassed abt having emotions is like 'oh, that. y'know. just something i'm trying out...' and stan is like

'kyle broflovski, are you wearing a necklace with my initial on it????' and kyle is like 'alright, woah there, mr. celebrity. but not eeeeverything is about you, okay? that s could stand for anything.'

and stan is like *genuine heart eyes wowza because kyle is being annoying but stan loves dumb annoying kyle that's why he wears his lil possessive emo boy k charm on his choker everywhere* 'okay, well the k on mine stands for kiss me or kiss me kyle or whatever you want just, come and kiss me please' kshdlkshd <333 eWW

anyways...they're Gay. they're in love. they having matching tattoos and earrings and wear eachother's intials around their neck. nbd.

but...in a very longwinded format, i hope this answers your question baby and hopefully some other questions you have abt jersey. i'm sorry that was a lot but i literally could talk about jersey forever, like he is so fascinating and bc he's our narrator and he's such an unreliable one, it's hard to understand how his brain works.

hope this helps. <3

uncle nina, keeper of the cryptid jersey whore-lore

#okay i am sorry #i know this barely answers your question #but i got a lot of similar questions #and i wanted to answer them in one big ask while i was feeling inspired so here is a bunch of jersey trauma lore #i hope it's fascinating i find it all super fascinating #because he presents like this perfectly in control orderly well maintained militant self-satisfying self gratified thing #but it's just a front for the fact that he's scared of change and is scared of not being in control or making mistakes #like he is put together but a breath away from falling apart #stan teaches him to sit down kyle teaches him to stand up #also sorry kyle having a fascination with edgy boy things and piercings and stuff in particular is kinda spicy to me #i luv him like he really is like that man is a satanic abomination and i want to do terrible horrible depraved things to him #like he really saw raven of crimson dawn and was like oy gevault i have never wanted to cut my lip open on anything #more than on that mans lip ring holy hell oh my god he is so shiny and ripped up and his makeup is so cool #he is a celebrity he has no original thought he doesnt think abt anything thats why he has all those tattoos and piercings #but also y do i want to trace my fingers down them every time i look at him he reveals himself more to me i want to learn more #kinsey scale gay 6 jerseykyle everyone but specifically for dramatic crybaby bisexual punk rock boys w/ piercings #which...i think is incredible bc i do not think people would expect that from kyle...but people also thinks he cannot feel #BUT HIM ADJUSTING HIS WELL REGIMENTED LIFE TO INCOPORATE STAN INTO IT I WANT TO SCREAM #HIM LEARNING TO LET OTHER PEOPLE DO STUFF FOR HIM AND BE OKAY WITH THEM HELPING HIM #I WANT TO START FUCKING SCREAMING I COULD TALK ABOUT THIS ALL DAY I LOVE JERSEYS CHAR DEV #ok final thot is he does sometimes do a gold jewelry ring moment or somethin if he's feeling like its important to the look #but they are very insignificant things for aesthetics easily taken off or removed...its the important stuff he has trouble w #and makes it all the more rewarding i think <3 #ily jers #okay last last small thing as far as like getting little piercings and random fun tattoos goes i just think he doesnt want any #boring king ik minus the ocd and stuff he just likes all his stuff to be very a-line and crisp doesnt like massive statements #like my man Is the statement like he has beautiful luxiourous curly red hair and green eyes and his nose a modern art piece #its too busy for him its distracting and u know thats what u have a hot rockstar bf for so u can pretend 2 read ur book #but the plot of the book is tracing ur sbfs sexc hip tattoos and helping him decide what belly button ring hes gonna wear #you know!!! The Plot!!! which kyles eidetic mem comes back but he does get distracted looking at stan a lot help

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soldier-poet-king · 6 months

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well. i finally did it. i finally watched the cr2 denouements/finale that i'd been putting off for more than a year, more than two years, technically. i have problems with endings. with uncertainty. with grief and letting things go, and experiencing things 'at the right time'. i'm not sure if this was the right time, but it feels right, it doesn't feel devastating. to end this story that i started watching during one of the worst points in my life. i'm. i'm. of course i miss it. part of me always will! and still. it was a good story. nothing will ever fill the same niche. that's ok.

#im literally #eating glass. but it's ok #cr lb #anyway back to cr3!!!!#which while not hitting the same heartspace #is still very fun #im not very far into it #less than halfway #im at the part where erika is a guest #so like most of the major ruidus plot stuff hasnt happened yet #they JUST met fearne's mom #that being said. i am v attached to orym. and ashton. and laudna. so i KNOW some good shit is coming down the line #liam/marisha/taliesin pcs always just. get me. my beloveds #i really miss the m9 tho #i sleep with the m9 quilt rae made me every night #it's the topmost blanket on my bed. always. i have very many blankets on my bed. i am always cold. but this is the best one #i miss caduceus and caleb most of all. shadowgast too ofc.#the grief and the guilt and the letting go. and the faith and the vocation and the purpose. the life's work. the peace. the regrowth and ho #*hope. the family. the love. the adventure #i am trying to transform that into smthn real. it is hard. i am tired and useless. but i am trying. and trying to convince myself that i am #i am young. that i have so much ahead of me still. hopefully #that potential. that ability. the /capability/ for that goodness and change. tho i feel like caleb carrying grief and guilt #and cad alone in the grove. desperately pleading for a sign an instruction from his goddess. reckless in that desperation #i still have the two m9 specials but i am saving them. for later

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cool-as-steel · 1 month

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I really do like it when you enter the book feeling Dread and Expecting The Horrors but instead you discover a book which is. Fairly Okay Actually.

#the captain's library #my reviews thus far for 'a lady for a duke' are 'I do not think I am the target audience for this but I've gotten halfway through without #once wanting to chew glass' and 'AHAHA 95TH RIFLES JUMPSCARE'#95th rifles everywhere forever. funny as all get-out that this keeps happening.#anyway. more to the point I think that my quibbles are mostly in the vein of Well The Book Wasn't Really Trying To Do That #(setting-texture and specific clothing logistics being the main ones here)#and I feel like the parts of the plot that revolve around community and identity and addiction are being smoothed out too easily #but Then Again my bar for 'strangegirl/man with laudanum problem and also napoleon is there' is diana/stephen #and nothing is ever going to be on pob's level for Whatever That Is.#the gender parts of the deal are so far nothing worth writing home about but it's nice that the book exists!#all in all it's not going to be a favorite or a reread but it's light and not terrible and I'm having a Little fun at the very least

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peachcitt · 11 months

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it’s about to be june everybody :)

#ladrien #ladrienjune #ladrien june #wip wednesday #well. here we are again. i think im going to let the plot of this one be a surprise simply because i have no idea how to describe it #and i haven’t even thought of a title yet. june is (technically - it’s one in the morning here) TOMORROW😭😭😭#ive only prewritten two chapters and i have a vague outline of an incredibly complex plot. a typical peachcitt ladrien june ig #anyway. get ready for the vibe of a lifetime #been really into the idea of just writing a fuck all whatever vibe for fun lately. just really being confusing with it #and i think this fic will be a hard launch into my new era of self indulgence #also so far both prewritten chapters are around 1000 words which.#maybe they partly needed to be because of how i need to do setting building as fuck while also sticking with the prompts #but i think a big thing is i cannot physically shut the fuck up and i am worried about how that bodes for the rest of the month #but it’s been a couple years of this. the only way to survive a ladrien june is c’est la vie it the whole time and then it’s fine #im gonna post a bigger sneak peek to my kofi tomorrow (may 31) so keep an eye out if interested!!#okay anyway that’s enough rambling. goodnight everybody happy ladrien june eve eve

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harvestmoth · 1 year

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mosely beloved mosely (+a karen)

#little thing with more responsibilities than she should have #and i am worried forher safety in the comming chapters what the ditto whats with the ditto #genuinely cant tell if when melia meets mosely in the normal timeline if that’s actually mosely or the blue one i don’t remember their name #and im sorry karen and fans i never did the hidden library side quest my first play though and i havent gotten to the desert area yet either #so i dont. know what happens there yet other than something something death you can prevent? maybe?#wish i did it the first time though that story plot is really cool so far and karen is great #pokemon rejuvenation #also ow. mosely side quest.ow ow i didnt think that would be so painful ow #i like to think she sits around that tree and talks to maman so . yea #also doomed time line is fun i recently redid that in my new play through that i havent finished yet

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californianedgeworth · 8 months

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started Yakuza 5 with the most important part: getting my Hatsune Miku figure

#i literally gasped out loud when i saw her. i did not know she would be there #i had so much trouble with that ufo catcher compared to the normal ones. it's so much more finicky #it took me a while and on my third coin i was like if i don't get it i'm leaving for now. but on the 9th i got it #yakuza 5 is really fun so far!#the stuff in the sega arcade is so good. they have the photo booth and that taiko drum game AND hatsune miku??? i am being fed well #and i like the ramen minigame and the substories i've done so far too #i do not know what the main plot is yet. but half of the fun of a yakuza game is ignoring the main plot #my txtstuff

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perenlop · 1 year

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maybe this is just me but to me grumpy dickhead characters that are intended to be endearing only really land if they have one character that actually grounds them whether that be through them being very nice to balance it out with cute banter or them also being snarky so they can have fun banter. if a grumpy character is just an asshole to characters we dont know as well, are literally children or people who otherwise cant fight back, then like. they dont vibe with me

#thinking abt the os anime again and like yeah it had moments i didnt like where it went too far #basically any scene where misty got physical with ash #but overall the original trios bond was fun bc they could all clearly take the banter and still cared abt each other #and had plenty of genuine moments as well #and then you have jayfeather who like. tbf did have some characters to bounce off of well like his siblings and briarlight #and thats fine #but then he lost most of them and now hes a dick towards literal children all the time #and thatd be fine except we're still meant to see him as endearing bc of this bc in the same arc a child nearly dies bc of this #the protag is like ''awwwwwwww jay is like so sweet and nice tho i love him hes grumpy but i am so fond of him hes so cool''#im trying to keep all this in mind w my own grumpy characters too tho #or assholes in general like i gotta show it more but marlow is fine when it comes to sakura bc he also banters with him #and it doesnt really get under his skin except for when they mock him for never leaving town #which is part of his arc more than just ''ha ha sakura is mean isnt that funny and quirky''#and like. yeah im kinda just like ''ha ha sakura is mean isnt that funny and quirky'' but like he is vaguely antagonistic so #im kinda trying to go for a harley or raquelle vibe with him where hes not a villain per say but hes petty #and will play an antagonistic role to serve the plot if needed to the other characters #but then hes also not like that to everyone bc he does have a bit more depth than that. typical ''putting up walls'' but not really #bc he genuinely thinks hes all that theyre just also REALLY lonely and cant communicate with people #and is kinda traumatized and stressed from his brother being taken as a baby and being sick while grieving #and is also still sick actually! just gotten really good at hiding it and denies it which. just puts more stress on him #echoed voice

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goldensunset · 1 year

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i am by no means saying i’m not having fun i’m just saying. i have been missing legends arceus so so much this entire time i’ve been playing. it’s like if you went through a really emotional breakup and tried to move on and date a new person too quickly. doesn’t matter what that new person is like; if it’s too soon, you won’t have healed properly enough. you will be thinking about the one that got away the entire time. i miss pla tails i miss her a lot. it’s only been a couple months i didn’t get it all out of my system beforehand

#although i get the sense pla just set the bar so high for pokémon games #what a great game to have been introduced to pokémon with #i crave a good open world and a story that makes me go ough #and as it turns out i really do love the pokémon style of gameplay after all i like catching and training creatures quite a lot!#so that’s good #maybe it’s just that sv doesn’t seem to have as strong of a story/strong worldbuilding? it’s very free form #at least as far as i’ve seen #i’m sure there’s more later on i mean i’ve heard people say they really liked the story #and remember i am resident optimist/benefit of the doubt giver as far as analyzing media #not gonna be a debbie downer i always try to view things optimistically #hey i could be speedrunning through the main quests rn to get to the plot #but i’m enjoying doing whatever the heck on the side #hee hee #that’s proof that i’m having fun as it is rn #goldie’s pokémon violet liveblog #sv spoilers

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asexualannoyance · 1 year

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i very desperately want some good pete angst

#just pete grappling with the reality that now there is sb who Sees him who Knows him #and that vegas will continue to do so and won't let pete fade into the background #(at least not with him)#and also sth sth about how there will always be an angry man in your house if you've been raised by one #and how pete vegas and macau #(even though macau maybe less so but idk)#have grown up with one and how pete sometimes jumps/flinches in certain scenes #yk the one where vegas let's the noodle bowl fall to the ground and pete jumps?#yeah sth to that effect #i just want to read some good good pete angst #you can even make vegas angsty too because he isn't really sure what is going on and shit and doesn't really know how to help #just pete wanting to be Seen but also to disappear into the background bodyguard style #i love angst can you tell lmao #i also love the resolution and comfort but i am very shit at coming up with it #if it involves subspace and maybe cockwarming but like no actual fucking 👀#if anybody read this far in my tags and has recommendations please give them to me 🥺#vegaspete #(fun fact: i came up with a whole plot before falling asleep last night so there's that lmao)

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kaeyapilled · 1 year

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oh man i understand the hype of making ocs interact with characters from ur fav media. yes i understand now

#borrowed my oc from my own imaginary world and put him in the genshin universe #and oh boy i am going to ship this little man with kaeya SO HARD #maybe i should talk about him but. there's really no plot i just. it's just ideas. i wish i could draw #but he'd be from mondstadt and hes a doctor and he works in the church basically (because there's no. Hospitals in mond. as far as we know)#(everyone that's hurt or sick seems to just Go To The Cathedral)#so he works there but more focused on the healing and doctoring than on the religious aspect #though he is very devout to barbatos #fun fact he was a nun during his teenage years. before he transitioned #anyways he'd be an anemo catalyst healer <3 and i want him to smooch kaeya because i like kaeya. a lot #i have very cringe voicelines i wrote down for him.#right he has a name its asa #my posts

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magentagalaxies · 9 months

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someone just followed my fanfiction.net account (which i have not used since i was thirteen) and subscribed to the one fanfic i have on there (which, again, has not been updated since i was thirteen) and i completely forgot it existed so now i'm like oh i'm so sorry fanfiction.net user in 2023 that fic is never getting an update but i appreciate that someone still enjoys this random fic i put out into the universe

#i fully forgot that i'd even published anything on fanfiction.net. like i knew i wrote something for it but i have no idea how far it got #truly the only people winning who became fans of my old unfinished fanfics are the people who followed me on wattpad #bc i had a series i was writing on there from like 2015-2017 which was never finished but then in summer 2019 i revisited it #and i didn't write the 3 books i originally planned to close out all the plot lines but i did write an 8 chapter final adventure #that was this cool meta-commentary about the characters picking up the pieces after their story ended without warning #and yeah most of my original readers were just as inactive as i'd been but i had like 4 of my original fans celebrate the finale #and it was so much fun getting to close out the era even if we all kind of went our separate ways after that #ngl that wattpad thing is still one of the projects i'm most proud of specifically because of that ending #i'm not sure how much the original shit i wrote holds up bc i was literally in middle school #but i still am really proud of how i gave it a cool ending after abandoning the project for years

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lunarharp · 2 years

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a random draft where i was ramblingg about witch hat & art to myself for myself :)

rare time i feel like actually going off about the thing i’m having fun with right now in more detail ... but not on twt where strangers might try to discuss back at me lol sorry but that is scary. (not that you even have the room to soliloquy on there)

i love how there's characters for varying types of artists to relate to. people like agott who have been adept at drawing from a young age but feel overwhelmed by feelings of not meeting their expectations. and are driven mostly by feelings of wanting to prove their worth..

people like oru who have always been around the art but now are burnt out from commissions and wondering just what they're drawing for... and ones i relate to the most personally like coco and qifrey, who started drawing at an older age to the skilled people around them. like coco i'm so happy that i'm in the world of drawing(/magic) now and excited every day but also weighed down by fears that i'll never get to what i where i need to be after starting at this late stage and also whether i'm really cut out for this....

and like qifrey i only started drawing after a narrow escape from trauma... i started drawing to make sense of what my life is now, just as he was invited by beldaruit to become a witch because it was the only safe path he could take. (although i've not been through anything quite like what he's been through... ouagh)

and there’s tetia who just wants to draw to make other people feel happy about what she’s made, to have fun, and spread hope and happiness and gratitude. who feels so happy whenever someone thanks her for what she’s created - i understand now how it feels to want to thank them for thanking her and how making art, when you get a meaningful response, can be a truly warm communal type experience. but you do need that response - her overwhelming happiness when the dragon thing was happy and she said it was the first time she’d ever felt fully appreciated for her magic and it made her soooo happy. she had been drawing until then, but it was the last puzzle in place to make her realise the breadth of what magic can be for her.

and riche who is determined to not lose the “her”-ness from her art, doesn’t want to learn new techniques and become more regular and orthodox in style if it means she feels she’s losing something... i get that!!! precious autistic-coded child... the ways we feel about our art differ depending on our own mental landscapes. hahhhh... shirahama said she began this series because she was having a conversation with artist friends about how it feels like drawing just really is magic. i mean..... it is.

i think writing feels like magic too, and i’m glad i can do both now. any creation is total magic. i’ve drawn scenes that were in my head and that’s let other people see them and if i can trust their comments about it, has moved them in some way or at least let them imagine a scene or a situation that they wouldn’t have imagined otherwise. but it’s different from just telling someone about it. when you draw something, or write something it really exists now - outside of you. THAT’S SO WEIRD.

i liked drawing a lot of takarazuka things (before i realised i got kind of burnt out drawing all this transcore stuff that people were not exactly responding to because it’s so niche and weird lmao) but drawing fanart for something that also ONLY exists in art is so special. it’s not acted by real people. like.. they’re just little people that someone drew and now i draw them too. total magic. and she gets up and draws them every day the same as me...

i love that a manga isn’t just art, it’s storytelling too. doing both writing and drawing at the same time - it feels like such a perfect and fascinating combination of skills and facets of creation. i’m better at writing than drawing, so i don’t feel like i can express my original stories well enough in comic form just yet. but i might just get there.

the world is so confusing and overwhelming and terrible every day. only creation is something i can understand. sometimes i can’t understand it - when i feel REALLY bad, it’s definitely like, what’s the point. and i wish i had more things to experience at present than just creation - i want to be outside and just feel and be as well as create. and at some point i’ll definitely stop posting my creations online. but creating has become something that i don’t need to understand the reason for it - so at those times when i wonder what the real point to any of this is.... lately, i usually still create anyway. just as you’d still breathe and sleep even though you’re hurt and confused by the horrors of the world. it’s becoming how i express myself. i find myself drawing pretty much every day because it’s part of how i make sense of shit now and i naturally want to do it. not doing it is painful.

i hope this magic continues. i hope it becomes far more wonderful than i can even imagine from here.

and i won't lose.

#things really are different if you start drawing in your mid/late 20s or onwards.#you haven't developed your idea of yourself as an 'artist' at the time your brain was developing your identity.#but reading something that is basically saying- it's not too late and you have your own magic that only youan do... is so heartening.#also the manga is very gay. it's not THAT shockingly original and fascinating a story- but like...#i just don't know many ongoing fun series with interesting lovable characters where there are also major representations #for disability race queerness etc.#esp if tetia is trans. shirahama-sensei you can tell me...#MOSTLY IM LOSING MY MIND AT WHERE THE SERIES IS GOING LIKE I AM SCARED. my theories are dark and i fear for qifrey SOMEONE HELP HIMMM..#ONCE AGAIN LET SOMEONE HLEP YOU YOU QUESTIONABLE AND TRAGIC GAY LITTLE SKIRT MAN #i hate that i had to just let my fic be so short. I CANT WRITE ANY MORE RIGHT NOW...i would have to make up so much plot stuff #bc orufrey CANNT happen they cant freaking KISS until so much is sorted out between them which requires the plot moving forward and..#AUGHHH !!!! sensei please just tell me what happens please please please please please please please please please #the next chapter looks hella plot-ful but STILL..it's going to take YEARS..i just want to know if qifrey IS GOING TO SURVIVE THIS SHIT !!!!#if the brimhats [redacted] then he'll [redacted] and THEN WHAT IF [redacted] has to [redacted] I FEEL LIKE SENSEI'LL DO THAT !!! SCARED #SURELLLY she'll have [redacted] have to [redacted] but i dont think shed go as far as [redacted] ??????#i plan to go to japan next year if possible anyway but what if it's too early for an anime-fuelled merch section in animate. please #this is like the first new and non-zuka thing i've been hyperfixated on for years. i need official qifrey and oru items. I need the items #once again i feel weird putting my personal feelings and theories on the internet to an audience of nobody but once again we will die.#am i going to be on my deathbed thinking 'oh i shouldn't have happily gone off about witch hat on tumblr that time how embarrassing' no.#do you know how worthwhile it is to enjoy something. and to basically avoid other fanworks for the most part so you're just surrounded #by your own pure and enjoyable feelings.#i actually went to a local queer art place yesterday and like. man i was very different to them but #there are people somewhat like me out there huh. somewhere. i'm going to make zines and art and express my world. even if just a bit.#literally why would you priv reblog something like this i think there is something wrong with you? i feel better about myself now #i will find the ones like me not the ones like you <3

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fortune-maiden · 1 year

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Eternally torn between Quirin’s note revealing bits about his past and the DK or cryptically begging Varian to forget about the rocks and take care of himself and be safe

#don't mind me having a moment #spinning an idea in my head and the note ultimately has little impact on it #but I’m still really curious #because both options just feel so right #before the amber incident it really looked like Quirin wanted to come clean about some things about his past #since he had dug out his old chest and all #but Quirin also wrote the note under what could very well have been his final moments #in his final moments I can’t imagine him thinking of anything but what would happen to Varian without him #so the note could very well have said things like don’t pursue the rocks. reach out to the neighbors. I love you. I’m proud of you #honestly as bitter as I am about it because it’s such a tease i don’t mind that the note burned up in season 3 #from a narrative perspective there wasn’t really anything the note could tell the audience that wasn’t shown in S2 #from a characterization perspective there is a lot they could have done with it though #as far as quirin knows he blinked and he was out #if the note was about Varian taking care of himself it doesn’t matter anymore because Quirin is back #he can say the things he thought he’d never be able to #if the note had lore information that Quirin just gave himself an out on divulging information he was sworn to secrecy on #would have been fun if quirin met edmund later and got a plot dump and some kind of release from his oath #(so what he divulged going forward would be entirely up to him without any conflicting loyalties)#anyway these are a lot of thoughts over a fic idea I may or may not write and a detail in that idea that really does not matter much #the tldr is narratively I think it’s fine that the note burned up but there were still fun things that could have been done with it #tangled the series #tts quirin

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abelas · 2 years

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guess who’s writing an interactive fiction novel 👉👈 can anyone say dark fantasy horror/romance ✍️

#I AM #i think im actually doing it #im SO pleased with the concept #i've got all the romances figured out #i need to worldbuild and develop characters #its got ELVES. its got GOBLINS. its got TIEFLINGS.#im LOVING the plot so far LMAO!!! i havent written in a long time and im really not as experienced as some people #so im really trying not to be too hard on my self? like this is just gonna be a really fun project #and something to get me started w/ being creative again #cause man. i miss that. i miss like.. living life and making things i enjoy making #anyway.................. i dont want to release a demo. i want the whole first book to be done before i release anything #BECAUSE I HATE WAITING FOR DEMOS AND CHAPTERS!!!!!!!!! so i'd rather have it all accessible at once. who knows how long this is gonna take #its gonna be a WHIIIIILE before anything is released but at least i have a plot. i was worried about that LMAO but i think im getting the #ball rolling now and its exciting :')#personal

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crimeronan · 10 months

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i've seen a couple people in the notes of this very good post about fictional polyamory by @thebibliosphere say things along the lines of "oh, i've been doing it wrong :(" or "how do i know if i did this right??" or "i should probably give up and start over, i wrote this badly :(" and. no!!!!

(i AM seeing far MORE people say "oh, this clarified and helped me so much, i think i know how to fix issues i've been having with my own story" which. YES!!!!)

listen. if you're a monogamous person who's writing a polyamorous relationship, and you've been focusing mainly on The Triad and All Three Together All The Time as the endgame, that's literally fine. that's a perfectly acceptable and strong starting point for your plotting, imo. you do not need to give up on a story that you've started like this.

but the things discussed in the post Can and Should improve your execution!

you can keep the same plot beats and overall relationship arc 100%. polyamorous relationships are infinite in their formations, every one is unique. "basically a monogamous romance but with three people" Does exist, as a relationship type. you're not hashtag Misrepresenting (TM) poly people with it

BUT i do think it will help to read up on some poly people talking about how their relationships Differ from monogamous ones.

so i have outlined some basic important concepts about polyamory.

MORE IMPORTANTLY though, i've broken down some questions that you can answer throughout the writing process to strengthen your individual dyad relationships, your individual characterization, & your characters' individual feelings/experiences. this is a writing resource have fun

future kitkat butting in to say i spent over two hours writing this and it definitely needs a readmore. it is also NOT comprehensive. but everything should be pretty simple to follow! feel free to reblog if you find it helpful yourself or just want to reward me for how gotdan long this took KSLDKFJKDL.

i've grabbed quick links for a couple of the important concepts, some have SEO pitches in them but the info largely seems to be good. (if i missed anything Egregiously Gross on these sites i should be able to update the links with better ones later, since they're under the readmore.)

sidenote: this is NOT meant to be overwhelming, despite the length. if you can't read all of this, that's Okay. you do not need to give up on your writing.

here we go:

compersion!

compersion is a BIG thing in a lot of polyamorous relationships. it's joy derived from seeing two (or more) of your partners happy together, or joy derived from seeing your partner happy with someone else.

compersion is really important as a concept because it highlights that every individual relationship within a polycule is different -- and that that's a GOOD thing. it's sort of the inverse of jealousy.

by the "inverse of jealousy," i mean that instead of feeling left out and upset and possessive, you feel happy/joyous/content.

i can use personal experience as an example: it's a Relief for me when my partners receive joy/support/sex/romance/etc that i can't (or prefer not to) give them. and i love seeing my partners make each other laugh and be silly together.

it's 100% okay for a poly triad not to be together 100% of the time, it doesn't mean that the third member is being left out or not treated equally when two people do things alone together.

(i have individual dates with my partners all the time! PLUS larger 3-and-4-person date nights.)

if the third member DOES feel jealous or left out, then the polycule can have a conversation to figure out what needs/wants aren't being met, and solve that. this happens semi-regularly in my polycule, as it will happen in any relationship (including monogamous ones)! it's just part of being an adult, sometimes you have to talk about feelings.

metamours!

a metamour is someone who is dating your partner, but ISN'T dating you. this may not be relevant for people writing closed three-person romantic sexual triads, but it's a super helpful term to know.

the linked article also lists different types of metamour relationships with some fun phrasing i hadn't heard before. the tl;dr is: sometimes you'll be domestic cohabitation friends, sometimes you'll be buddies with your own friendship, sometimes you might not interact much outside of parties, every relationship is different.

there's no one-size-fits-all requirement for metamour relationships. sometimes polyamorous people will end up dating their metamour after a while (has happened to me), sometimes polyamorous people will break up with one partner for normal life reasons, but remain friendly metamours.

the goal of polyamory is NOT for EVERYONE to fall in love. it is 100% okay if this happens in your story, it happens in real life too! but it is also 100% okay for characters to be metamours without ever becoming "more than friends."

(sidenote: try to kill any internalized "more than" that you have when it comes to friendship. friends are just as important and special and vital as partners.)

of course there are a million ways for messiness to occur with metamours within a complex polycule, exactly like with close-knit platonic friend groups. however this post is not about that! there's enough "here's how polyamory can go wrong" stuff out there already, so i'm focusing on the positives here :)

open versus closed polyamorous relationships!

i'm struggling to find an online article that reflects my experience without directly contradicting at least SOME stuff. so i'll give a quick rundown

google has a bunch of conflicting definitions of open relationships and whether open relationships are different from polyamory. the general consensus seems to be that an open relationship prioritizes one partnership (often a marriage), but that each partner can have extraneous flings or long-term commitments (most often sexual in nature).

this is not typically how i use the term wrt polyamory. the poly concept is pretty simple. a closed polyamorous relationship is one with boundaries like a monogamous one. there are multiple partners in the polycule, but they are not interested in having anybody new join said polycule.

an open polyamorous relationship tends to be more flexible -- it just means that IF someone in the polycule develops mutual feelings for a new person, it's fine for them to become part of said polycule if they want to! the relationship/person is open to newcomers.

some groups will need to negotiate this all together, others will just go "haha, you kids have fun." just depends on the individuals!

with open AND closed polyamorous relationships, the most important thing is making sure that there's respectful communication and that everyone is on the same page. but there's no one-size-fits-all way to do that.

i wish i could give you guys a prescriptive "You Must Do It This Way" guide, but that's.... basically the opposite of what polyamory is about, HAHA.

feelings for multiple people!

i was gonna tack this on to the previous section but decided it warranted its own lil bit.

a defining feature (....i'm told?) of monogamous relationships is that a monogamous person only has feelings for One individual at a time. they only want a relationship with one individual at a time. or, if they DO have feelings for multiple people simultaneously, they're still only comfortable dating one person at a time & being exclusive with that one person.

this is perfectly fine!

the poly experience is generally different from this. but once again..... polyamorous people all have different individual perspectives on this.

for me, i have never been able to draw hard boxes around romantic vs sexual vs platonic relationships, & i love many people at once. my personal polycule lacks many strict definitions beyond "these are my chosen people, i want to forge a life with them indefinitely, whatever shape that life takes"

some poly people feel explicit romantic or sexual attraction to multiple people at once, some poly people feel almost no romantic or sexual attraction at all. i'd say that MOST poly people feel different things for different partners, which is not a bad thing!

some poly people are even monogamous-leaning -- they have just chosen one romantic partner who is themselves part of a larger polycule. (so this monogamous-leaning person has at least one metamour!)

or alternatively, they might have one romantic partner AND a qpr, or other ways of defining relationships. (this is a factor in my own polycule!)

i made this its own point because if you're writing a straightforward triad, this is unlikely to come up in the story itself -- but it's worth thinking about how your characters develop/handle feelings outside of their partnerships.

like, is this sort of a soulmateship, 'these are the only ones for me' type deal? in which they won't fall in love with anyone else, and can be fairly certain of that?

that's pretty close to typical monogamous standards but you Can make it work. just be thoughtful with it

alternatively, can you see any of these characters falling in love Again after the happily-ever-after? and how would the triad approach it, if so? what would they all need to talk about beforehand, and what feelings would everybody have about the situation?

it's worth considering these questions even if the hypothetical will never feature in your actual canon, because knowing the answers to these questions will help you understand all of the individuals & their relationship(s) MUCH better.

i've been typing this for nearly two hours and there's a lot more i COULD say because... there's just a lot to say. i'll close out with some quick questions that you can ask yourself when developing the dyad dynamics within your triad

first, take a page and create a separate section for each individual dyad. then answer these questions for every pair:

how does each pair act when alone?

how do they act differently alone compared to when they're with their third partner?

are there any elements of this dyad (romantic, sexual, financial, domestic, etc) that these two people DON'T have with the third partner?

if so, what are they?

are there any boundaries or hard limits within this dyad that aren't shared with the third partner?

if so, what are they?

partner 3 goes out of town alone for a few weeks. what are the remaining two doing in their absence?

(doesn't have to be anything special, it's just to get a sense of how the two interact on a day-by-day basis without the third there)

what is something that each partner in the dyad admires about the other -- that they DON'T necessarily see in the third partner?

what problem do These Two Specifically need to solve in the story before their relationship will work?

how is that problem DIFFERENT from the problems being solved within the other two dyads?

doing this for ALL THREE dyads is VITAL imo. that way, you develop complex and nuanced and different relationships that all have unique dynamics.

those questions should be enough to get you started, i hope

then After you've charted the differences in relationships, you can start to jot down similarities in the overarching triad. what does one person admire in Both of their partners? what are activities that all three like to do together? what are boundaries or discussions that all three share?

but the main goal is to figure out how to Differentiate each relationship!

a polycule is only as strong as the individual relationships within it. if two people are struggling with their own relationship, adding a third person won't fix that.

(UNLESS the third person is the catalyst for those two to, like, Actually Communicate And Work Their Shit Out. i just mean that the old adage of "maybe if we just add a third-" works about as well to fix a miserable non-communicative marriage as, uh, "maybe if we have a baby-")

AND FINALLY.

if you're not sure whether your poly romance reads organically to poly people, you can hire a sensitivity reader with poly experience. if you can't afford that, you can read up on polyamorous resources like a glossary of terms & articles actually written by poly people. (and stories written by poly people!)

you can also just.... ask poly people questions, if they're open to it. i like talking about polyamory and my own relationships so you're welcome to send asks if u want, i just can't guarantee i'll answer bc my energy levels fluctuate a lot and i don't always have time.

polyamorous people are in an uphill battle for positive representation right now & so the LAST thing i want to see is authors giving up on their stories bc they're worried about getting things Wrong. well-meaning and positive stories that treat this kind of love as normal, healthy, & aspirational are So So So Needed. even if you guys end up with some funky-feeling details.

seriously, if you're monogamous then you probably don't have a full idea of Just How Nasty a lot of people can get about polyamory. i wish it DIDN'T mean so much for you guys to want to write nice stories about us, but it does mean a lot. and it means a lot that you want to do it WELL.

in conclusion. this is not a prescriptive guide, it's just a way to raise questions. and also, you all are doing FINE.

#thebibliosphere i apologize for tagging u when we don't know each other at all i just want u to get credit for the initial discussion #given that it is so much more thoughtful and clear than anything i'd think to write.#i did NOT mean to spend multiple hours on this but once i started writing i was like #oh god i actually do have like a lot i can tell monogamous people about writing poly people & the poly perspective #anyway. i mention it in the post but people can send me (respectful. obviously) asks if they have questions #i cant promise to answer all of them bc i am bad at this. but if i'm well enough then i'll try #polyamory #non-monogamy #ethical non-monogamy #writing #my writing #writing advice #relationships

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