#caize's letters

[mahounonbinary]

It's been a little while since I last played a tag game! Thanks for the tag @always-a-joyful-note

rules: spell out your name or url with songs

I have a ton of songs I love so I'm going to spell out my URL since its longer!

M - magnet by * PsySoubi, original by 流星P, remix by Solkatt-P

A - ANCHOR by Caize

H - Harmonic Decomposition by KuriPotato

O - Out Of Sight Out Of Mind by Crusher

U - Uncanny by GHOST

N - Neomaria of the Inverted Gravestone (逆さ墓標のネオマリア) by mothy

O - Outlaw & Marionette by mothy

N - Noel (ノエル) by wotaku

B - ビノミ (Delicacy) by MARETU

I - I feel so sad. (アイフィールソウサッド) by ぐちり

N - ナミダ (Tears) by MARETU

A - あなたはそういう人間です (You Are But A Human Of That Sort) by 罪草

R - ROUND AROUND by Orange Oyster

Y - やっちゃったわね (It's Done, Isn't It) by syudou

I ended up taking over a day to do this because I just kept listening to music instead of looking for songs that start with the relevant letters LOL. All of these are songs I love & listen to regularly so I'd be happy if you gave any of them a listen!

I'll be tagging... You! The person reading this! If you want to give it a try, give it a try! If not, don't! No pressure either way, but if you do, tag me, I'd love to see yours <3

[caizen]

one of those nights | geto s. | comfort

one of the things that suguru hates the most is getting his sleep interrupted, especially at three in the morning. meanwhile, one of the things that suguru loves the most is you.

you that made him love clementine sunsets even if he doesn't even like the color orange that much. you that tells him stories about the normalcies of the world and still make it interesting. you that's still scared to order food on the phone or at the cashier no matter how many times you've practiced the words to yourself.

when those two clash together, he doesn't even stand a chance of getting mad because even when heaven and earth subside, he will still, truly love you.

so the moment he sees your name on his phone screen, his sleepiness and annoyance are quick to leave him.

"hey, something wrong?" he asks calmly, because he can never get mad at you. "can't sleep again?"

it doesn't feel like he's there with you when he talks, nor does it feel like he's far away.

suguru is just there.

suguru is here.

you don't talk, forgetting why you even called in the first place. and all that it took you to forget was hearing his voice like honey, soft and sweet (and not apathetic) that it feels like you've already closed the air conditioning that you've been aching to close five hours ago but haven't since it's too cold and you're still eight in heart and scared of the dark.

"you there?" suguru still doesn't find it in him to get upset for having his sleep disturbed.

instead, he's more patient than he's ever been, since it's you that's on the other line. the thought that there's a possibility that you're sleeping safe and sound tells him that it's okay.

he's the one after all that got him in this situation. he's the one that promised to be your home and safe haven. he's the one that asked you out, and there's no refunding even if you tell him there is because he loves you like he loves the moon, and a lot more than that.

he coos your name, in hopes of hearing you say a word but you don't.

you're still holding your breath and muffling your sobs with your mouth and the pillow right above you like you're still eight and scared of speaking up about anything at all.

"i'll be here," he tells you since he knows that's what you need the most. a reminder that he's there—here—and he'll always welcome you with open arms and go with you even to the ends of the earth. "just... say my name and tell me whatever you want whenever you want."

now, yesterday, and tomorrow, the world stays still just for you. the world stays still and doesn't pour everything all at once at you.

it lets you gradually and finely sort things out one by one, telling you that there is someone there for you that's going to give you their all—their kindness, their patience, their understanding—because to suguru, that's what love is.

and because he loves you, he tells you that he's here, waiting.

at three in the morning, you wipe your tears away yourself and say you're not okay, because you truly aren't, but with the reminder that someone—suguru—is here, you'll be okay soon.

reblogs appreciated lots

#jjk x reader #geto suguru x reader #jjk scenario #jjk fluff #jjk angst #jjk imagines #geto suguru fluff #geto suguru imagines #geto suguru scenarios #geto suguru angst #getou x reader #getou suguru imagines #geto x reader #geto fluff #geto angst #geto scenarios #geto imagines #caize's letters #we okay #we'll b okay

[caizen]

loosen up, angel | geto s. | fluff

"no, suguru," you shook your head. "this is... this is too embarrassing."

"you said you wanted it!" he only laughs at you, and it's making you want to punch him and hide even more. "so we're doing it."

with furrowed brows, as an attempt at stopping him from doing anything even more humiliating and dragging you into it, you plant your feet on the ground and rigidly move, frozen when he tries to pull you.

you could only imagine what everyone else in the room thought about you and suguru, most especially your friends that weren't too far away, gojo and shoko even recording you and suguru with smug faces.

shoko's always helped you get out of stupid things, but she was definitely not going to get you out of this one.

"i'm here with you," suguru smiles, a hand reaching out and waiting for you to take it. "who cares if it looks stupid? everyone else look dumber anyway."

today wasn't supposed to be like this. you're not supposed to be hiding your face and avoiding every camera possible. you're not supposed to be feeling embarrassed. you're not supposed to be not wanting to do the things you've always wanted to do. the chance is already out there to you, mainly because it's you (and suguru) that asked for it, and yet you're denying all that.

you're denying for a dance you asked for in the first place.

turns out you're not as shameless as you thought you were, and dances only were romantic in movies and novels. in reality, they sucked.

"last time i'm asking you," suguru seems to threaten, and he looks... disapppointed and upset. it's making you slowly give up and give into him for today, but you're not going to.

you're not going to.

you're not going to.

you're going to.

with a last swallow of your pride and dignity, you sigh and take his hand heavyheartedly, allowing him to drag you to the middle of the room.

maybe today, it's okay.

maybe today, you'll try not to care about what everyone else thinks.

it is you and suguru's wedding after all.

a/n: i cant write shiz for dayz now im crying so have this weird self-indulgent fic

when suguru calls me angel: ♥️🥰♥️🥰♥️🥰♥️🥰

when i remember he publicly humiliates me: 😟😣😟😣😟😣😟😣

#jjk x reader #geto x reader #geto suguru x reader #jjk fluff #jjk scenario #geto fluff #geto scenarios #geto imagines #jjk imagines #geto suguru imagines #geto suguru scenarios #geto suguru fluff #caize's letters #i have so many things i want to write #but i cant write it's frustrating it's annoying

[caizen]

broken dreams and illusions | geto s. | comfort | playlist

love, to you and suguru, is in the mundane.

it is at its abundance in the little things, scarce at the grandiose of life. that meant that love is, and is stored in those small smiles shared between too serious conversations to break the ice; it is and is stored within the quiet "i'm home"s and soft kisses to the forehead; it is and is stored in the warmth your hands share when they meet before, during, and after fights; it is and is stored in the flowers suguru tends to, how some of their petals are littered across the room and you don't mind them.

when he takes your phone away from you with a stern and yet dear look in his eyes, you figure that this one's disappointment instead.

it really was when your name slips off his lips with the tone of his voice. "i know that you know what i'm going to say, so i'm not going to."

"sorry. didn't mean to," you tell him without looking because if there's anything left inn you then it wasn't pride or dignity to face him. "i guess i got... carried away.... again."

suguru doesn't mean to treat you like a child, although it was probably for the best that he did, because it stemmed from childhood. just like what you two have always said: if you want to fix a problem, start with the roots.

you're back to eight, where it (probably) all started with the crying and coming home before you'd even got to school, with the loud and neverending what if's and more than that too.

you're eight again, but at nineteen years later it's so much worse.

life at eight was bad, and maybe at twelve you thought you were getting better, and then at twenty it hits you even worse that you don't know whether you are getting better or worse. by twenty-four you don't bother lying to yourself because that'd just be much more pain to deal with.

and even though you say to heal the roots of the wound before its bitter fruits, it's impossible to do the same for yourself because you don't know where it is or what it is even if you tell yourself that you do know.

suguru doesn't realize it, and neither do you, but you have been healing, only that there's so much damage to repair that it's going to take a little while.

the consequences of loving (a bit too much) and yet still lacking love; giving your all but never receiving (unlike what you'd been taught) is what you're paying.

there's not much meaning to it though when in the end it's you that's now receiving an overflowing amount of love from suguru. more than you deserve, you tell him. never enough and sometimes just right, he tells you.

you're still getting there and it's taking a while, but that's okay since time is just an illusion, and suguru's with you at every second of it even if it lasts half a lifetime.

(or even more than that, because despite impernanence being the only permanent thing in the world, there's his love too.)

it's 16 minutes past three in the morning when you figure that this is love too.

it's still love and love is the root of suguru's empathy and disappointment.

it's still love and love is stored too in the embrace he pulls you in. a gentle kiss is planted on your hair; he handles you delicately, as though you were a flower because you are fragile as much as it is, with the star shapes he traces on your back when he pats and rubs it.

this is love, and love is stored in this.

a/n: man idk we good we goodvery many love that fine that fine gonna sleep now goodhye

#jjk x reader #jjk scenario #jjk fluff #jjk angst #geto x reader #geto suguru x reader #geto fluff #geto suguru fluff #geto scenarios #geto suguru scenarios #geto imagines #geto suguru imagines #getou suguru #getou suguru x reader #jjk imagines #caize's letters #unedited #jjk drabbles #getou suguru fluff #getou suguru imagines #jjk comfort #geto comfort #geto suguru comfort

[caizen]

itadori jin has never told you that he loves you.

it worried you to no end; did he ever really love you? but you try to think about it from his perspective. maybe he doesn't say it, thinking that it'll only end up losing its meaning. you wouldn't want to get upset or mad at him at something so trivial.

he wouldn't have put so much effort in making your favorite food. he wouldn't wake up an hour earlier than he says he would just to make sure that there's a warm bath prepared for you that you loved so much especially during cold days. he wouldn't let you sleep for 10 minutes if you tell him to give you five more minutes. he wouldn't bring an extra scarf or coat or hand warmers whenever you two leave the house because you get too giddy at the thought of going out on little walks around the neighborhood that you forget about everything else but him. he wouldn't let you have the whole bed to yourself and wouldn't insist on sleeping on the couch whenever you're sick. he wouldn't hold your hand tightly when you get a little too frightened at jumpscares because you're just that much of a scaredy cat and easily scared especially with your overactive imagination. he would have thought you're annoying that you're easily frightened, but no, he adores that too. he wouldn't hum or sing your favorite songs to you whenever you wake up at dawn for no reason at all to help you relax and fall asleep despite insisting he can't sing well (in fact, he does sing well). he wouldn't have listened to you whenever you needed someone to talk to you. he wouldn't have stayed awake with you to hear about how bad your day went despite being on the brink of sleeping. he wouldn't have taken the risk of breaking your friendship of more than a decade just for his feelings.

if he never loved you, you wouldn't have his surname as your own right now.

#dont mind me #jjk fluff #jjk scenario #jjk x reader #jjk imagines #itadori x reader #itadori fluff #itadori jin x reader #??? #caize's letters

[caizen]

a letter to myself | geto s.

words have never been enough to express all that you feel, yet you continue to write because you were not given the hands of a painter, nor a sculptor, but rather the hands that could only put bandages imperfectly on the scars your little girls gets when they fall onto the ground; hands that could write the neatest and the messiest of words for letters to those who truly cherish you; hands that gain scars due to the lack of experience whenever you try to cook for your family of four (soon to be five).

you were given the hands that collect, hold, and give away the love found in the smallest corners of the world and most mundane of life.

and so, "i am loved," you scribble down on a yellowing paper because you've grown to be fond of the evidences of past.

you write the words, slightly hesitant, because even through the changes that you've adapted into from the years past, there still were remains of the childlike innocence and purity and naivete that the man who sits in front of you has come to love and accept—that you've learned to love and accept.

"i am loved," you read silently, and it feels like the first breath of fresh air after a long car trip, and it doesn't put any more baggage of burden or guilt inside of you, because you are loved, and you've finally accepted the love you've always been so afraid to take.

you are loved, and you are very much deserving of it, because in front of you sits the man who handles you like how his nifty, gentle hands handle the flowers he bundles together in a cozy little flower shop next to a small, homely bakery you've put together at the corner of the street.

in front of you sits the man who's never abandoned you, helped you forget your insecurities, sat with you throughout the whole storm, endured your shivers and frightfulness throughout a horror movie when you insist he chooses which movie to watch because he's let you pick so many times already.

in front of you sits the man who held hands with you in the cold and the warm, admired how you found happiness and love in the most mundane things in life that were often overlooked, and adored both the contrasts of your dorkiness and maturity and everything in between.

in front of you sits geto suguru, who smiles at you the same way you smile when you see a cat around the corner of the street or genuinely be fascinated at the sight of a star at night. (because as serious and cold you seemed, you were still a child at heart.)

suguru, who proved that you were, in fact, not a burden (to love and to hold) at all.

he holds the hands of a child—children—that looked like neither of you and yet were loved wholly like he did and does with you.

"i am deserving of the happiness i have right now," you end the letter with, because you are.

and suguru looks at you, modest yet proud, because you're still here, and better too, after that slow, maddening ascent to acceptance of what you are and what you have.

#jjk x reader #jjk fluff #geto suguru x you #geto suguru imagines #geto suguru scenarios #geto suguru fluff #jjk scenario #jjk imagines #jjk drabbles #geto suguru drabbles #geto x reader #getou x reader #getou suguru #caize's letters #this was supposed to be a long fic but my head emptied out before i could write down my thoughts #i had it all in my head until i left the shower🙂 #but still #this is kind of a self reflection/the character development i want for myself #there's been so many signs about reason of why i am is how i am #(if that makes sense) #and i only realized now that it's mostly because i feel so undeserving of the good things in life #and so i try to reject them and oppress myself and stuff which is pretty bad and i'm still trying to get over with #i'm still trying to be better and there's still so much i have to give and receive from and to everyone #getou suguru fluff #getou suguru imagines #geto fluff #geto imagines #geto scenarios

[caizen]

you and osamu have developed this strategy on how to find out if the other's in a bad mood or exhausted, which helped a lot since it was you most of the time that never really spoke up about your feelings. you two never really talked about it, he just noticed you doing it whenever you're not feeling well.

everytime one of you isn't doing so well, it'd be just a habit to leave a few chores undone. like washing the dishes and leaving the pots unwashed folding the laundry and leaving a few clothes in the basket to be folded or hung some other time, organizing or clearing the desk and leaving a few things out in the open.

everytime he'd find a bit of a mess left out from your chores, he'll come to you and sit or lie down close to you, hugging a part of your body unless you don't want him to. he'll stay close if you want his company, and he'll just keep quiet. this lasts for hours, and for every once in a while, he takes your hand and gives it a kiss, telling you everything you want and need to hear to feel better.

after that, you both will do nothing but eat snacks, and maybe watch a few movies if you're not sleepy and up for it.

#self-indulgent<3 #miya osamu headcanons #miya osamu fluff #miya osamu x reader #osamu x reader #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu fluff #hq headcanons #hq x reader #hq fluff #haikyuu headcanons #caize's letters

[caizen]

cw food mention

osamu doesn't mind it if i'm a dry texter or an active and loud one. he understands me either way since it reflects my mood most of the time. he'd listen if i want to talk, and he'd let me have my space if i need it. to try to cheer me up in which he always kinda succeeds bc it's him n i can't last long when it's him unless it's really bad, he sends me cat stuff or song recs he probably asked from suna, maybe pretend he's coming over to send me jolly spaghetti or donuts, maybe ice cream or pizza or whatever he can send. sometimes it isn't pretend and really does send me some. surprisingly, i don't feel guilty unlike i usually do and instead eat it lightheartedly and then block his number for the night bc hell he's cheesy. i then cry myself to sleep for multiple reasons. for example, i cry bc i love him too much.

#haikyuu x reader #miya osamu x reader #osamu x reader #miya osamu headcanons #osamu headcanons #something self-indulgent for the night<3 #yes first person #cw food #cz;shut up #caize's letters

[caizen]

at some point things are bound to end, and that's okay.

and even if nothing really lasts at all, and promises of forever are broken into dust,

there's always the love or anger or hurt that comes with recalling memories,

and its familiarity makes you feel at home.

home, even if it hurts because in the end, you will still heal even if you're uncertain that you're going to,

home, especially during the love and joy because that's what home should be full of: warmth and tenderness.

so if things end, it's okay.

if you're tired, it's okay.

nothing ever really lasts forever and you'll find yourself full of life too, soon.

#feeling lots of things #i had to fight the urge of putting suguru into this #i just #want to feel #something that doesnt make me feel miserable #but love will always make.me feel miserable #but thats okay #soft #caize's letters

[caizen]

the thought of being someone that somebody (read:geto suguru) can rely on, be vulnerable around and trust and want to be comforted by warms my heart so much it makes me cry

#the thought that's suguru's just as human as i am and he has his own problems in life makes me xry #i want to hold him close and tell him we'l be okay #i want to wipe his tears away even though im crying myself and run my fingers through his hair while he cries into my chest #tell him that we'll be okay no matter what and tell him that this'll be done no matter how long it takes #we'll heal together #cz;shut up #caize's letters #im actually crying oh wow surprise #hele by zild

[caizen]

pretend u didnt see this

#caize's letters #cz;chosozen 🎴

[caizen]

#caize's letters #cz;getozen 🏷

[caizen]

#caize's letters #cz;osazen🍙

[caizen]

2u

#caize's letters #cz;jinzen 🌸

[caizen]

heyyy :) been feeling kinda down today but i logged onto tumblr and saw u and felt a bit happier!! just wanted to tell u i love u and ur writings sm, they make my day. hope your having/have had a great day!!

AAAAHHHHH im smiling so hard rn 🥺 this is so sweet aaahhhh thank u ??? im glad that u love my works ??? aaahhhhh glad to make u happier thats so sweet and so cool !! i hope u feel better soon and take care !! xx

#this makes me so soft #thank u??? thats so sweet #ive said it so many times and thats bc i mean it !! #i love u too mwa <3 #i hope u feel better soon !! hope ur day/night goes well too !! #caize's letters #cz;mail

[caizen]

spiralling

#cz;yuzen🎐 #caize's letters