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hazmatazz · 1 year

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why hollow moon by arlington reminds me of byler/will byers soo much

long post + i accidentally posted a draft of this early so if you saw that...no you didn't

[lyrics] [youtube] [spotify]

i need to qualify: i love death of the author + this song has no actual connection to stranger things this is all just me brainrotting

first:

this just reminds me of the scenes were Mike is inraptured by Will in the sun. exmaple, the van scene: (gif stealing <3)

a LOT of thoughts about this chunk so i'm going to go rapid fire

"And I won't let you step away"

Mike won't let Will rip the band-aid off

"Your lipstick's melting in the shade"

the closest thing i can come to putting something to this line is will's painting (lipstick) and how he doesn't give it until it's at a point something bad happens (melting in the shade)

(clarifying: if will had given the painting earlier i don't think he would have felt the need to say it was from el. but because he waited so long he was put in a situation where he thought lying was the best option. meaning that because he waited so long, his gifting process resulted in something he didn't want originally)

"Imagine every day

You'll drift and float and fade away

Crashed into the men involved"

while it wasn't on purpose (in fact he probably tried to avoid it), Will drifted away from Mike

i'm a "Mike tried to call Will after they moved" truther so i'm imagining mike being so crushed over Will not calling him

ALSO "crashed into" implies that both parties were harmed in the process which.. yeah??

"And now you're doing what you're told"

so in S3, Will kinda obviously didn't like Mike and El being together (see the rain fight)

but in S4, when Mike goes to Will for help, he seems to support their relationship and try to help it. "now you're doing what you're told" now he's supporting their relationship (even if he doesn't like it)

(adding on, i think this is a negative thing and that mike was wishing for a S3 will reaction telling him to break up)

"This light has got to go"

See the first chunk of this post about Will being a sun

"They stripped you naked head to toe

You never made enough in time

To live a better life"

OUGH ok. i heavily associate this with the day Will went missing

the Demogorgon goes after Will when he's alone, stripping him of any safety brought from his friends or family. In the next scene we see of Will, he doesn't have that shotgun. Not having that weapon, again, strips him of his safety

2nd part. he rolled a 7, which was not enough to save him from the demogorgon. and he ran out of time (Karen calling them to leave) to possibly find a way to make more to be safe

3rd part if Will hadn't been kidnapped he would have avoided a lottt of trauma

also for that last part. if will had been safe the party wouldn't have found el. now i'm SO glad they found el, but if el and mike never met they wouldn't have dated and it's possible will would be happier (again, i'm still happy they know el. just something to point out for this)

"Your broken heart means everything

To me, alright? Alright?"

ignore how they used the wrong your

Will's heart has been through a lot of shit. upside down trauma, "unrequited" love, bullying and abuse for being gay, etc

but Mike still adores him

also i imagine, even sketched, mike saying this to will. so. brainrot

Next!

"Cause I'm still beating like a drum"

either could be because they're still alive through everything or how despite the distance they had, they still have feelings

"Two roses in the sun

And now it's swiftly coming down

Yeah can't you hear the sound

That thunderous sound"

ok. let's get the flower part over w because we've all seen these

now the sun in this situation?

bright? check. will and henry parallels? check. "swiftly coming down"? he'll get there eventually, check. thunderous sound? fucking duh? check

next!

this mostly is giving s2 possession

"Twisty little renegade"

"renegade" is someone who deserts or betrays an organization, country, or set of principles. and sure, Will was possessed, but it was still betraying who he was and betraying The Party in some form.

"Only worth what you've been paid"

kinda off topic but the closest i have is Mike having self worth issues

"Your life is gonna change

You'll make it work, you'll be ok"

through all the negatives, Will has been able to get through them. expect the best for s5, he deserves for his life to change

also imagining mike telling will that

"Knocked into the bitter cold

And now you're thinking on your own

This fire's bound to glow"

when Will was possessed he was cold because the Mindflayer/Vecna liked it cold

After he got away from the possession, he started thinking on his own

Fire's bound to glow = Nancy burning the Mindflayer out of Will

"And keep your children from the road"

I think Joyce learned to be extra cautious with leaving Will alone :)

Also S1 when Karen wouldn't let Mike and Nancy out of the house when Will went missing

"They never had to raise a family

Entire lives"

something something Mike's family is mediocre, Will's dad mostly didn't raise him (thank god), the victims not having a life to raise a family. do whatever

"And their bleeding hearts mean everything

To me, that's right, that's right"

first thoughts were always about how Mike (and Will) care about the party and how they all have issues. you would also go down "pity for the victins" route again

lastly (because the rest of the song is repeating)

here's where the least of my thoughts went to so sorry if this is bullshit

"Do away now with words"

you know how byler often communicates without words

"You've had enough"

they fight...a lot. i'm specifically looking at the rain fight where the summer bubbles over

last lines either about the night will got kidnapped or about the rain fight/other fights. shit y'know

so sorry if this is jumbled, i don't do this offen (done only one thing similar to this before)

#babble #stranger things #will byers #mike wheeler #byler #if you read this i'll..kiss you?

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jensensitive · 5 years

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re: anon

(accidentally posted before I was done typing, sorry!)

😩 idk why I would possibly be your fav tumblr, but that’s so very sweet! I’m doing pretty well atm, hope you are too 💚

Honestly I’ve been avoiding fandom and cockles just for like mental health reasons lmao, cause honestly I’ve been a little too obsessive about cockles/the show before, them just being the only thing I ever think about and putting all of my mental energy towards them (mostly cockles lbr). It’s just not good, it’s not pretty. It’s not constructive for me or my life. I’m just wired to get so preoccupied and obsessive over one thing, and things that I really love I’m obviously really susceptible to become obsessive over. And I do really love cockles and spn and destiel. I read something recently that said social media is addictive like a slot machine because you never know if they result is going to be good or bad, that it’s that mystery every time that keeps you coming back, and I think that makes a lot of sense, and I do think it’s the same way for fandom. You never know if you’re going to get a rush of endorphins from a cute video or get totally depressed because of something disappointing or some negative speculation.

That said, I really miss fandom. I know it wouldn’t be good for me to get pulled back under, cause I’ve been really deep in it before. I had some serious anxiety when I first took a break a few months ago, and it was bad enough that I knew I didn’t want to have to do that again. And I honestly don’t know how far I could venture back in without slipping. But I especially miss Dean and Cas a lottt. I still read fic all the time, but I just.... miss them. Part of that is probably me also feeling the absence of d/c from last season idk. But I miss them.

And I miss that connection with fandom too, being surrounded by other people that understand just how important dean and cas’s love for each other is to me. There’s something to be said for fandom’s ability to at least make you feel like you’re not alone, because honestly intensely shipping destiel in this the year of our lord 2019 can feel hella isolating.

I’ve gotten to the point where I can describe a d/c fic in detail to my sister without feeling at all weird about it, but it’s not the same! It’s just not the same as connecting with someone else who also loves them like I do and knows exactly what it means and feels like to ship d/c, for better or worse.

Drowning in fandom isn’t great, but totally isolating myself from it can be really bad too. Not that writing to the writers is a bad thing, but I have felt so alone and just sad that I’ve tried drafting letters to try and convey just how important d/c are to me-- very unsuccessfully, trying to convey that in words is really hard, I certainly never sent anything, but who else would even understand that brand of heartache but fandom?

I’ve never been in any sort of romantic relationship, partly because I subconsciously just didn’t even think it was really possible because I’d never seen two women in love before, not successfully. I’ve been watching Gentleman Jack, and it’s been somewhat lifechanging in that idk that I’ve ever in my life been able to experience a lesbian ship that I care so much about and enjoy watching so much to the point that my eyes tear up just because they’re on screen and I’m looking at them kissing each other (and a ship that I know will end well! and it’s not a side ship!) It’s not even like a great love story really, certainly not anything on par with how epic d/c is, but just seeing two women in love and it feeling real (and being real in that they’re based on actual people) is something I think I’ve needed for a long time.

But I mean, ten years ago I definitely didn’t have anything like that, so I fell in love with d/c, filling that deep dark whole in me that need a fuckin wife as much as anne lister does lmao, and now ofc destiel means kind of everything in the world to me. Am I alone in that? Of course not, there’s thousands of people who are similarly emotionally invested in the ship for various other reasons. But when I spend enough time away from fandom, it can be easy to feel alone in that.

Anyway, I guess what I’m saying is that I miss my friends, and I miss fandom, and i miss nice anons. But I’m also not entirely sure how to interact with fandom in a way that’s good and healthy for me? Like other than just dropping in to drive by post sometimes. Idk, I wouldn’t be surprised if I was more active next season with it being the last season, but also who knows.

I also miss the like art and creative side of fandom too, if anyone ever wants to send me great fanart or fics (or even a fanart idea for me to draw). I can’t get sucked into scrolling tumblr, but I’ve still got it on my phone, and I definitely always enjoy getting messages, about whatever honestly.

also I hope this message wasn’t from forever ago? I don’t get notifs for inbox messages on my phone, so sometimes it takes me a minute to see them.

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