#considering my child self

[raedas]

alright im holding a study. reblog with what your current pronouns are, what pronouns you use for your child self, and whether or not you consider yourself trans

this post has been hit with the bouncy water. you’ve been BOUNCED

#OOOOOHHH #SORRY THIS IS LEGITIMATELY SOOOO FASCINATING TO ME. HAVING A COLLECTIVE MOMENT IN THE GC #personally i use she/they/he but i will exclusively use she/her for my child self #and i consider myself nonbinary but not trans #shamsisms

[blue-mood-blue]

I’ve grown to appreciate the aus where Shen Yuan enters the story as “Shen Yuan” - same name, probably similar face, generally able to interact with PIDW as himself and change the story through his added presence. I like the sense of “if only you’d been here, things might have been better the first time around” of it all.

And I was thinking, it’s a funny coincidence in that scenario that someone named Shen Yuan gets put into… another Shen Yuan. What are the chances? What a weird twist of fate that Airplane would pick out the name that his most dedicated critic could slip into seamlessly.

What about a version where it’s not coincidence at all?

Airplane goes to school with a kid named Shen Yuan. He’s prickly and hard to approach and a little intense, but Airplane is persistent. In fairness, Airplane is relentless - and maybe it’s a good thing that they end up being friends, because they’re a little too much for anyone else to handle. They balance each other out. They’re the “weird kids” in class and they’re okay with that, because even when they don’t have any words for it, they know they’re not like their classmates, not really. That’s okay; they don’t want to be.

Recesses and breaks are consumed with the elaborate stories that Airplane wants to tell, and all the holes Shen Yuan pokes into them. It’s not mean-spirited, though, even though Shen Yuan isn’t the kind to temper his words. It’s passionate. He cares about those stories the way Airplane cares about them, and it can’t be mistaken for anything else when they lean together conspiratorially across the lunchroom table. They’ve both got notebooks filled with details and characters and monsters. Shen Yuan’s practically got a whole bestiary sketched out in wobbly childhood attempts at art, entries fervently scrawled beside them. Airplane prattles out plots nonstop, always with the promise of shining eyes and being asked “what happens next?”

They come up with a whole world together. Airplane’s going to write about it someday. Shen Yuan is going to read every word.

Shen Yuan misses school. Shen Yuan starts missing school a lot.

Airplane goes to the hospital room instead. He doesn’t think to worry, because Shen Yuan is okay - that’s what he says. He looks okay, and he’s a kid, and it doesn’t feel real that anything bad should happen to a kid. He doesn’t think to worry. He doesn’t think to say goodbye.

It’s one of the older Shen brothers who catches him on the way up to the room one day, in the hallway just outside - snaps at him to go the fuck home, and when Airplane hesitates, pushes him into the elevator and tells him not to come back. “Tells” is a generous way to describe the way the words come out - a growl, a hiss, the sound an animal would make when a hand got too close to a wound.

(It’s not fair to name a villain after him, even if the name never really comes up in the story. He wasn’t trying to be mean. He’d lost a brother minutes before, and he was getting his brother’s friend out of the way so he didn’t have to… see. It isn’t fair, but then, none of it is fair.)

Death feels very real after that.

The notebooks get shoved into a closet, and it’s not until Airplane’s moving out and one falls on him from a high shelf that he thinks about it again. He’s written things, lots of things, but nothing as ambitious as this - nothing as important. It could be good, he considers. He’d promised. Shen Yuan wanted to read it.

The problem was that no one else does, not for a long time, not until Airplane has whittled himself and his art into a corner and into such an unfamiliar shape that he has to wonder how it’s still his own face he sees in the mirror. He has to eat. He has to pay rent. Shen Yuan would yell at him, but Shen Yuan isn’t there to yell at him, and who cares. Who cares if it could have been better? The people who actually are here love it, and it’s paying his bills, and sometimes stories don’t go the way they’re supposed to and the world is fucking unfair. It doesn’t matter.

(It does. But he shoves that thought away along with styrofoam cups and soda bottles to the bottom of a garbage bag.)

Authors are not gods and their power is limited, but Airplane exercises just a sliver of what he’s been granted and gifts an inconsequential sort of immortality. He thinks about making him a rogue cultivator, maybe the kind that goes around documenting beasts and compiling his findings. He thinks about making him someone too powerful for death to touch, or too important to threaten, but when Airplane looks at the world he crafted and everything that’s become of it, it feels like the kindest thing he can do for Shen Yuan is a childhood where he’s loved, and a death that’s peaceful. What does it say about that world, that he’d kill off his best friend too early again instead of making him live there?

(The best writing he ever does is the only, shining moment of humanity that his scum villain ever displays: a lament about death that comes too early, about a brother gone too soon. The commenters praise him. The commenters flatter over how real the emotions feel. The commenters don’t get any response from Airplane on that chapter.)

Death is incredibly real when it comes for him too early, too, still hovering over his keyboard with the story technically finished and incredibly incomplete. Airplane could tell himself that’s because the written version can never be the version in the writer’s head, always shifting and with every possibility still on the table, but he knows better than that. The System knows better than that, with its condescending message about “improving” his writing and “closing plot holes” and “achieving his original vision”...

…and he’s a child again. He’s a child in his own story, he’s Shang Qinghua now without the benefit yet of a peak or cultivation or anything, and maybe he’s a little bitter, and a little scared, and…

And Shen Yuan - with longer hair, with robes, with a couple of older kids watching him from across the street, but undeniably the prickly little boy who used to sit down imperiously across from him and tell him everything that was wrong with the chuck of writing that had been handed to him last period, but with that smile that said he was only invested because he knew it could be better and they were going to make it better - marches up to him with a fire in his eyes and a frown that warns of a coming tirade.

“You told it wrong,” is the first thing he says.

Shang Qinghua wants to ask how him how he’s here, how this is possible, or maybe laugh because, yeah - yeah, Shen Yuan has no goddamn idea how wrong he got absolutely everything.

(Shang Qinghua wants to say “I missed you” and “why did you leave so soon” but he’s here now. He’s right here.)

“I know,” he says instead. “I’m sorry. It all kind of… spiraled out of control.”

Shen Yuan frowns, but then it dissipates the way it always does, and his eyes shine with ideas the way they always used to. “That’s okay,” he relents, grabbing for his hand. “We’ll fix it. We’ll make it what it was supposed to be.”

#scum villain self saving system #svsss #shang qinghua #shen yuan #airplane shooting towards the sky #this got more into the feelings than i thought it would #surprising no one #anyway just! childhood friends au! as a reason for a shen yuan insert! #obviously he is not going to die as a child in this version #shang qinghua would not have that nope not again #also pls consider poor shen jiu who looks at this child that shen yuan has picked out for a best friend like '...really? that one??' #(it's up to you if he's shen yuan's actual brother from his first life) #(put there's a part of me that likes the idea that shen jiu also gets a second chance to spend more time with his brother) #a second chance for them to grow up together! #THAT SAID #RIP TO SHANG QINGHUA #WHEN SHEN YUAN IS OLD ENOUGH TO LEARN ABOUT ALL THE PAPAPA #the LOOKS shang qinghua is going to get #anyway here have a thing because I CANNOT add another au to my drafts thank you and goodbyyyyye

[florallylly]

i've seen model steve harrington aus. i've seen child steve harrington aus. i present: child model steve harrington

note: this came from my own desperate need to see this conceptualized and i SWEAR i've searched, i just can't find any content with child model steve so. :(

bc little steve harrington was remarkably cherub-like. his large brown eyes and soft pout ensured endless cooing and fussing from his mom's friends. and when he blushed and ducked his head in shyness, they only complimented him more. when he got home that day, his mom smiled at him.

so steve decided that he would put up with the cheek pinching and the squealing. he sat upright in his chair, sitting on his hands so he wouldn't fidget and ruin the image. because he'd do anything to keep his mom smiling at him. if he was being particularly good that day, she'd let him lay his head on her lap on the drive back home.

but everything changed at his father's birthday gala. a nearly eight year old steve harrington sat prim and proper in his seat, but a smile lit up his face--his cheeks round and his dimples showing up. he raised his hand up to cover his giggle, but he couldn't help but laugh at some silly old man with a loose toupee. then he sees his mom approaching, and his face quickly smooths over, going back to the more polite smile he usually adopted when it came to these events.

he'd ruined it. he hadn't continued being the sweet boy his mom wanted. but then, she smiles at him. and introduces him to the man behind her, who says he's a designer. the man holds out his hand, but when steve puts his hand into his palm, he doesn't shake it. the man simply holds his hand, his eyes scanning steve's face. steve tries not to squirm under the attention. but the man nods and smiles at his mom, and he gives two brief cheek kisses to steve, whispering in his ear "you're going to be a star, darling." steve looks at his mom, confused, but she waves him off to continue talking to the man.

a few months later, steve's mom whisks him off on a trip to france. and steve is so excited to go, nearly vibrating in his seat as the airplane prepares to take off. but instead of the eiffel tower and the seine, steve is taken to a studio. he's posed and changed. once again, he's being fussed over, but instead of wealthy socialites, gossiping make-up artists squeal over him. he's "perfect for the shoot" and "the most darling little boy." steve doesn't understand, but his mom is still smiling, so he lets the nice ladies brush powder over his face.

and he looks in the mirror. his hair is a little more tousled and his lips have a slight tint to them and his eyes seem to take up much of his face. he's put into new clothes, and he feels like a doll in their hands. and when he's put in front of the camera, he simply follows the photographer's directions. afterwards, he's bundled into the car and his mom can't stop gushing about how good he was.

apparently, he's a natural. and then she goes back to fussing over him, focusing more on appearance than his behavior now. but she takes him out shopping and they eat at an upscale restaurant along the champs-elysses. and steve is happy.

and then they go back home, and his mom is so much stricter than before. she has him try out all kinds of different hair products, determined to find the best combination to keep it looking shiny and soft. she controls his food intake and what he wears and makes him use weird creams and serums on his face. but this is what makes his mom happy, so he's happy to let her.

his mom is also on the phone a lot more lately, whispering harshly about the quality of brands and steve just assumes she's being picky about the clothes she buys. later, his mom picks him up and holds him, and asks if he'd like to move to italy. she looks at him intently and it's obvious what answer she wants, so steve nods. she smiles and holds him close, and it's the most loved steve has felt in a while.

so they move to italy, and suddenly steve is a lot more busy. he's put in front of more cameras for more people he doesn't know. but he's smiling and pouting and doing whatever they want him to do. his compliant attitude and polite nature have photographers and designers alike singing his praises, and steve always looks to his mom for approval. but she's been arguing with his dad a lot lately, so she's upset more often than not. but that's okay, the make-up artists are always kind to him.

but then one day, his mom takes a phone call in the middle of the shoot. and when it finishes, she's gone. steve goes back in, close to tears, but the make-up artists still hanging around look after him until a car is sent to pick him up. this becomes a trend. and eventually, steve goes alone to his shoots. he's always taken care of by the crew and someone is always there to pick him up, but it's not fun without his mom there.

but he knows that she's always enjoyed him taking pictures, so he continues to do so, hoping that she'll come watch him again sometime soon. and he busies himself with befriending the chatty make-up artists and the bossy photographers and the eccentric designers. and he's such a cute little thing that they can't help but dote on him.

steve is never catapulted into child stardom, as his mom is picky with his jobs, only choosing luxury brands and well known designers for him. but within the industry, they call him the "little prince."

and then steve is catapulted into puberty, but his intense skin regimen prevents him from getting acne, save for the occasional zit. and his diet and religious exercise schedule help maintain his look. and he's still doing remarkably well, especially now that he's fully aware that he is a Model.

and steve has truly grown into his looks. with time, he's grown more comfortable in front of the camera and made numerous friends. nearly all of them are older than him, but they're fun and loud and it fills up the space that normally surrounds him. and they're the ones who get him hooked on american movies. steve remembers living in america, but he's been in milan so long that everything he recalls is vague.

but he watches them and falls in love with the american high school experience. so when he finally catches his mom off the phone and actually in the house, steve asks if he can go to school in america. and his mom laughs. but steve keeps asking, which devolves into begging. and his mother snaps, slapping him across the face and calling him ungrateful. she cries and begs for forgiveness, cowed into shame by steve's desperate attempt to hold back tears.

and so she lets him go to school in hawkins, indiana. an odd choice, but his parents just so happened to own a property there. (in truth, both of his parents expected him to change his mind within the year). but steve finds his place at hawkins high, because even though nobody in hawkins has ever heard of versace, steve is pretty. he's pretty and charming and he knows the right thing to say. after all, he's spent his whole life perfecting his mask.

and even if his mom ended up moving back home with his dad, leaving steve all alone in that big empty house, steve is happy. he's finally hanging out with people his age and high school is so far removed from the glitz and glam of the fashion industry. and he's settled and content with tommy and carol by his side. while he misses his friends back in milan, steve finds himself longing for the clothes more often. hawkins was certainly the opposite of milan, what with the nearest mall being two hours away and only equipped with a macy's and jcpenny.

through it all, steve is determined to be normal. he laughs along with jokes he doesn't quite get and rolls his eyes at carol's cue, and he joins the swim team. and he joins the basketball team. and he goes to parties and kisses girls and wears dumb little polos with his letterman jacket and does everything that he saw in the movies.

but nancy wheeler is different. steve can't forget his time in italy and who he is and was, and he's reminded of his old life in everyone and everything in hawkins. but not nancy wheeler. she's all hawkins and all his. and then the upside down happens.

and then nancy wheeler breaks his heart.

even after three years, his parents continue to ask when he'll go back to modeling, but he's different now. the upside down and billy hargrove beat that starry eyed little kid who thrived in the spotlight. and nancy wheeler proved that adoration and love is fleeting, so what would even be the point of trying anymore? his dad was a little more approving of steve's retirement/hiatus, saying that steve must want to go to college so he can take over the family business.

but when steve doesn't get into college, he's once again badgered by his mom to go back. but he's grown and changed and he's not sure that he can pretend anymore, so he says no. and they cut him off. enter: scoops era.

the measly scoops salary is not nearly enough to cover all of the new bills and expenses steve has, but he's not willing to leave hawkins. so he reaches out to his friends back in italy, and they refer him to their american connections. steve doesn't model at the same level as before, but he poses for a couple of zines and one artist who got a little too handsy at his exhibition. but he's able to make it through until the mall blows up.

this routine continues and he starts working at family video with robin at his side, but he keeps his side job a secret from the kids, using the excuse of visiting his parents to leave town for his shoots. he's not ashamed, but he knows he wouldn't "be normal" anymore if they found out.

but how does he explain his near mental breakdown at the sight of his healing demobat scars. they're raised and ugly, ruining what should have been a perfect body. and even though he uses scar cream everyday, they refuse to fade away completely. and how could anyone stand to be near such an ugly thing when all his life, steve was meant to be pretty? after all, love and adoration is fleeting.

#steve harrington #give me grace i literally do not know how to verbalize all of my thoughts about this #child model au #imagining them finding out bc jonathan or will was interested in some photography art exhibition and steve is literally the centerpiece #everyone FREAKING OUT #robin knew bc OFC robin knew #steve feeling too self conscious to keep his old ads but he knows his mom keeps a record in her office #dustin screaming crying punching the wall YOUVE BEEN FAMOUS THIS WHOLE TIME... AND DIDNT TELL ME.... #mike wheeler feeling ill bc is steve actually kind of cool.... #italian steve harrington #because OF COURSE italian steve harrington #eddie munson asking steve if he'd ever consider doing playboy #steve going into a very serious answer about his career projection and actually that's an insult eddie. do u know who i am #and eddie is like yeah ur the centerfold in my heart baby #and then steve gets it #to be so clear. steve's mom DOES love him but she's also extremely selfish #that's why she feels bad when she slaps him and concedes to his request #but once she gets over the initial guilt she's like but he was a STAR i was the mother of a STAR

[m1d-45]

sagau childe…

summary: minor brainrot abt childe in honor the wild pulls i had the other day. may or may not elaborate later.

word count: like 350

-> warnings: spoilers for childe story quest / general childe lore… minor violence? unedited

-> lowercase intended!

< masterlist >

ajax, who uses the memory of the creator to get through the abyss. ajax, who clutches at a rosary teucer made for him, reciting the prayers he’s memorized since he was young to get him through the darkness. ajax who refuses to give up, who believes that his god will save him.

ajax who believes.

childe who still wears that rosary into battle, understanding now that he was meant to be stronger to save himself. childe who picked his weakest weapon to continue to be stronger in all areas, to continue to try and make you proud. childe who realizes that he hasn’t been forgiven when an enemy gets a lucky hit and cuts the rosary string, the wooden beads falling to the dirt.

childe who turns two of the beads, of the precious few unstained by blood, into an earring.

tartaglia who dedicates himself to his god from the shadows after their first interaction. tartaglia who remembers their expression and wouldn’t dare to force himself into their presence. tartaglia who takes it as a sign that he’s fallen from his god when he can’t feel their presence. tartaglia who works in the background, forcing himself to his limits to find the imposter. tartaglia who hopes for forgiveness at the least, please, he’ll do his best, please just give him a chance?

tartaglia who knows that even if he were to catch them, he wouldn’t be worthy of forgiveness.

tartaglia who stands over the imposter, water blade cocked under your jaw. tartaglia who’s high on what he assumes is adrenaline, his heart racing in his chest. tartaglia who looks down at you, wondering why you feel so familiar. tartaglia who doesn’t stop you when you resist.

tartaglia who wonders why he let you go.

childe who’s one of the first to recognize the fake, because he’s acutely aware of the hole in his heart. childe who puts together that the familiarity of you isn’t just because you look like the creator. childe who sits on his floor, staring at the earring in his palm.

childe who realizes what he’s done.

ajax who cries.

#genshin sagau #sagau #self aware genshin #genshin self aware au #sagau childe #sagau tartaglia #sagau ajax #uhhhhhhhhh #childe angst #tartaglia angst #look man…. words cannot describe the rollercoaster of emotions that was my pulls for childe #long story short #i now have a miko and a childe. in under 50 pulls. losing it in the club tonight. #childe is 75% built and i’m… genuinely considering building miko because i might be gay but miko’s burst animation…. #anyway. you did not come here for this. have a good one. drink water.

[blujayonthewing]

if a human asks a gnome when gnomes reach adulthood, they'll probably pin it somewhere between 20 and 40, depending on how they're interpreting the question; if an elf asks, they'll say "oh, we don't"

#speaking of 'getting mad because people don't meaningfully engage with fantasy lifespans' #EVERYONE overlooks the cultural nuance in dnd that elves are /physically/ mature not much later than humans #but are not considered an adult until some self-declared point of maturity usually around the age of 100 #that is. DIFFERENT. than 'a 50 year old elf is basically a literal child' no it ISN'T! it's a CULTURAL RECOGNITION #elves don't think it's possible for humans to mature into a really meaningful adulthood because they literally don't live long enough #'poor things have to settle down and work and marry and have children and die before they can even figure themselves out :/' #gnomes don't subscribe to this because of course they don't it's a cultural viewpoint but also they largely think it's stupid #oh yeah? you're all done growing up after 100 years? nothing left to learn about yourself as a person? #you Become An Adult when you're Wise And Mature which is a single static thing that happens in the first 1/6th of your life? #wow amazing it must be cool to be so enlightened 🙄 #... I need a general worldbuilding musing tag agsjkfdhsj #I guess for now #gnome thoughts #it's almost entirely elf thoughts but that's my only relevant established tag :'D #gnome stuff

[marclef]

⭐The Fabled CAT Longpost.⭐

well, it's finally done. over the last few months i've seen a lot of people posting their Pizza Tower OCs, and basically all of them are so freaking pretty and i wanna squeeze and love all of them. and so, here i am today, finally feeling brave enough to officially share my little Pizza friend with the world.

(first time making a post like this, hopefully it's not too cramped to read.)

cat drawings and lots of writing ahead.

So, a bit of backstory. Some time before the events of Pizza Tower, Pizzahead did all sorts of experiments on creating new life and stuff, for example the Peppino Clones/ Fake Peppino. A brief experimentation of his involved using the brains of various deceased animals/people into new bodies, regardless of compatibility, to see if they'd still work. Eyhm was one of these, a stray cat off the streets with a spare brain put into her. She barely has any memories of her past life, besides the fact that she was definitely human... and that she was quite young. She chose her name for herself though, based on remembering only the first letter of her old name: M.

At some point, Eyhm and the rest of those "created" through this experiment managed to break out, and for a while, she's just wandering aimlessly around the outside world not knowing what to do with herself. But eventually, by some strange force she finds herself heading back to the Pizza Tower again... and that's when she meets Peppino.

Personality-wise, Eyhm's normally pretty kind and polite to those she meets, but she can get very anxious in unknown territory. Thankfully throughout the Pizza Tower, she had the likes of Peppino and Gustavo to protect her, and after the game's events Peppino ends up adopting her to stay in the pizzeria after she has nowhere else to go. So, now she spends most of her time at Peppino's, providing company and a bit of happiness to her newfound friends.

By far though the one Eyhm gets closest to after the game's events would be Fake Peppino. They both relate pretty heavily, having been "created" in some form by Pizzahead. Back inside the tower as well, Fake Peppino noticed how much Peppino was trying to protect this cat, and so, it's only a natural Peppino thing to do then isn't it? He spends a lot of time with her, and if anyone tries to mess with his little kitty, things get messy.

She and Brick get along good too. They're both weird animals (and I definitely based her colors off of Brick's heh), plus the idea of this tiny kitten being friends with a rat much larger than her just delights me.

Eyhm also likes The Noise a lot for some reason. She thinks he looks like a bunny. Noise does not really like her back.

But yeah, after a rough start to her life, Eyhm gets to be comfy with her cool two dads, her giant rat friend, and her giant very friendly goopy frog. And this weird bunny/rat guy that shows up sometimes.

so yeah, that's about as much of the Cat as i have for now. she's half the reason i'm too afraid to share my own writing stuff but, maybe someday. hope you like my weird little cat gremlin child.

#and now to go hide for a few hours. peace. #my art #oc art #pizza tower #pizza tower oc #yeah. she's an oc i've had for a while. and then pizza tower came out and its like. #'welp. time to turn you into a pizza character sweetie.' #she's not a self insert at least. i uhh. do not consider myself to be an undead cat child. #you see that weird scraggly haired white guy i draw sometimes. that me. #i know i've posted a couple eyhm things before but. this is the official introduction to her i guess. #people be making those awesome like peppino clone ocs and stuff. here i am. weird cat. #might be thanks to the fact that i have 3 cats at home. you never know. #ok ive uhhh rambled enough. hiding time. cozy spot. can't see what tumblr's saying if you hide well enough. #eyhm stuff

[dcviline]

every time I see people insist that the stark sisters will automatically hate each other and say that sansa "bullied" or "traumatized" arya (or vise versa) my eyes threaten to roll out of my skull. some of y'all truly have no idea how real sibling dynamics work.

#᯽ ooc. ⊱ ── ❝ 𝘖𝘩 𝘯𝘰 𝘪𝘵'𝘴 𝘔𝘢𝘳𝘪. ❞ #the irony is I'm saying this as an only child #the closest thing I had to siblings were a bunch of cousins I was raised with #and if I had to live with those bitches every day of my life for my entire childhood? yeah we would fight all the time too #why are we sanitizing EVERYTHING?? why do we put everything into a black&white box when these dynamics are more complicated than #being mean to someone = you hate them?? #you are not gonna have a perfect conflict free relationship with anyone who is THAT close to you in your life #if you do??? if you never clash even over something stupid or petty or irrelevant??? consider. you are not actually close to them. #your relationship is not evolving. you don't truly *know* each other. #because anything that goes deeper than surface level projection of self image requires going mask-off to varying degrees #and having someone close enough to see the worse parts of you. because they DO exist. every one has flaws and bad behaviors #carefully hidden beneath the layers of the image we project #closeness requires letting another person see that #and sibling dynamics (non-withstanding traumas / abnormal childhoods / other factors) are most exemplary of that #because sometimes your biggest rival that you swear you would be better off without is also the person you would die for

[i-like-anything-water]

chlonette fic where an akuma is an akumatized egg that's responsible for taking over the whole world according to Bunnix and in order to prevent it, Ladybug must make sure whatever hatches does not fall into the wrong hands. everything is set into plan, they retrieve the egg, make sure they have everything they need for baby sitting and luckily, Ladybug is good with kids and evil eggs.

Except, Chloé isn't. And by some luck the egg likes her.

It's crack, it's chlonette begrudging co parenting, it's a surprise on whatever the heck hatches and it's good for Chloe's exploration with trauma from both parents. It also has an evil egg.

#chloe bourgeois #marinette dupain cheng #chloenette #i like making my blonde child go through different levels of panic and self reflection #let Marinette get proper sleep! #AND THERE WAS ONLY ONE BED DUN DUN DUUUUN #we are severely lacking chlonette parent shenanigans they would be awesome mothers #after they get therapy of course #if anything happens to my egg i will kill everyone and then myself - chloe #Marinette is the overprotective dad #make Marinette bite people #soft chlonette mutual pinning #'oh gosh why am i considering a future with her' #the angst the insecurity the fear of i shouldn't get attached because happy endings like these don't exist for people like me #i am driven by my period cramps #chlonette crack kinda #but when does chlonette not have some sort of crack #it's one thing i love about them

[sotogalmo]

7:51

Some hcs for CC (mostly projection<3):

C.C in a sense is used to death. He's used to talking about death. His father talks about, his brother, his mother(? if he does remember her), and maybe his sister. They talk about death like it's a scary thing..but he's somewhat fine with it. It's another stage of life (but he's also, of course, scared of it as well. He's human <- that's what he's been saying to himself as long as he was alive. "I'm human. I'm human. Emotions are a human thing, so that means I'm human"). And he knows that memories last so much longer then the body does.

CC doesn't care about gender<3. But kinda does at the same time. Toxic masculinity and such- the year he was around for were not good for him

C.C (going with the hc that William first started killing with dead animals), has seen dead bodies(or mainly blood & gore. Never the body itself: due to FNAF4, and some lines from that game). Just dead animal bodies. He blames himself for what his father has done. And his father knows that he saw (also going with the midnight motorist game, of CC being the runaway kid + the idea that C.C knows more than anyone let's on). But he regrets it so much, & stays so so quiet about it. So the others don't know? Or maybe only one doesn't know. CC doesn't bother with that fact though, since he's alone & knows much more then they think he does. And maybe since he knows how rotting works, maybe that's why his nightmares have holes/some parts that are missing

C.C has had thoughts of homicide & suicide. It goes both ways(to himself/others(suicide/seeing one's suicide) & others(homicide)). But he doesn't act on them. He never would. He just thinks & then forgets about it. That's the way he copes, and it's helpful to him. He can forget about it(only for a little bit. He can't escape it though. His brother is here, his father might be coming back later: no doubt hiding some dead bodies of animals. He can't stop feeling angry at everything & everyone).

Since he's too much of a coward to do any actual self harm(or self harm that is very visible & worthy of medical needs). He does some bruises on his legs(already can get cover up quick, and no one really cares about him). Many reasons why he does this (to feel something, punish himself: when he's already punished, I feel like it gets worse when he's locked inside his room(he's able to leave when he says he's sorry & wont do it again & he knows what he did is wrong & he's going to listen), release overwhelming emotions: anger - pulling hair, and to block memories as best as he can: slapping himself). But bruises are the main route he goes with

Whenever he was emotional or close to saying anything about himself("failure", "robot", etc). He would sometimes be compared to Bon's Burgers(if Fazbear Entertainment(but nothing bad happens) exists in TWF then BonsBurgers(but nothing bad happens) exists in FNAF. To me)'s animatronics. In the sense that he's very similar to how they are programmed?? I dunno. I like to think that Fazbear Ent. made personality for the characters, and while BonsBurgers did as well I like to think it was very minimal. Not much but simple lines, yk? And CC does a lot of the same thing: crying, blaming, etc. on loop and on loop and on loop and on loop. Everytime something goes down / he's also semi-compared to Felix(here he gets over his addiction), only when he was like, the drunk sad man at bars.

CC thinks that Felix is like him due to that information. But Felix got over his addiction and here CC is.

Forgotten.

Dead.

Just numb.

He feels cold.

He wants to be happy like Felix is.

Why can't he?

#time diary(?) #audrey/kellie's time diary #fnaf #five nights at freddy's #cc afton #crying child afton #maybe could be considered a vent??? just projecting onto CC #tw homicidal ideation #tw suicidal ideation #tw self harm ideation #im looking at you all with big ass bug eyes. timeline for someone like cc?? not good. not great. he hates life :( but also loves it #gonna add walten files to this too #mainly felix. i feel like felix & cc could've gotten along yk? #SoundCloud #the walten files #twf #twf felix #felix kranken #I GO TO THERAPY- JUST THOUGHT ID HAVE TO SAY THAT #I WILL OPEN UP TO MY THERAPIST ABOUT THESE THOUGHTS OR OTHER THINGS IF I HAVENT TOLD HER BOUT IT #but i go to therapy every monday(not this next monday. its a holiday so no school/no therapy!! <- will go crazy & dump #some stuff on friends at school). waaa

[fate-defiant]

'kay so I doodled another thing before bed, just to test the tool further. I wanted to see what I could do if I went beyond just a sketch with a bit of color slapped onto it. Not gonna lie after fiddling witth the brushes further I was a bit dissapointed - they're not unworkable, but the limitations are frustrating nonetheless. I ended up doing the lineart as though I was working with a mechanical pencil - set the brush size to being as thin as possible(i worked on a 800x600 pixel canvas here, for the record) and then just sorta went over the parts I wanted to be bolder several times. It didn't turn out great but that's more of a skill issue on my part.

All this isn't to say that's it's bad, for the record, the main goal of the people making this was clearly to make something for people to have fun together with and not a perfect clone of [insert your preffered drawing program here]. If I experimented further I could definitely figure out plenty of interesting things that can be done with just the free features, I just don't have the time or the patience tonight.

#this has been uh. a review i suppose #hm. #my anatomy skills leave much to be desired #but i man did i not feel like using a refference #also hey remember back in 2019 when i doodled a character that sorta reminded me of duck #and then i ended up sorta going with the self indulgent flow without really thinking about it much #and then i drew her like thrice #and then i spent some months ponderign the implications of the worldbuilding and parenthood and also the fact th #that i decided for her to be a very young mom and now i am the age where i decided shed supposedly have had her kid #and also now i've had some time and space to consider the effect that has both on the parent and child #and now instead of a purely self indulgent oc i spat out randomly during a time when #i pinned a lot of my self esteem on the validation i got for running this blog #this is like. someone i can potentially tell an interesting story with? #idk ive been pondering family ties here and there. now and then. #i wanna write stories abou that i think #but oh man i am not at all well practiced story teller #still id like to try #anyway uuuuuh #bertha #my art #fate.txt #this has been. a review and a ramble

[katierosefun]

hm thinking about how my academic adviser really said “if you struggle with doing things right now for yourself, just think about how much future you will appreciate it later” and bro has that changed my mind on a lot of things but also the way i want to scream doing things that i don’t wanna do right now but fine fine fine

#caroline talks #it's the whole. 'i'm okay with letting myself down i just don't wanna let others down :(' mentality huh #my academic adviser being like 'you should consider your future self or your child self as someone you don't want to let down' #and i'm like 'oh worm okay' #which is what i'm trying to do #so right now i am going to go to my goshdarn torts class #even though i haven't done the readings lmao #but it's probably better to just show up and try to absorb the class #rather than sit in my room and waste time

[felinenthusiast]

hsjgh thinking about how despite being Understood by my family that Clearly I am autistic, I was kind of asked to just Not Draw Attention to the fact I'm autistic because my dad likes to see me as the 'normal' one in contrast to my high-support needs brother.. which is just y'know. very cruel to both of us in different ways. and definitely because my dad feels 'guilty' for having The Autism Genes that he passed on.. which is sad. that he feels that way but.. hrgh

#thinking because a mutual posted something personal that resonated a lot in that regard. #and i considered like. commenting? like hey. i get it (similar experience)! holding your hand etc. but i didn't wanna make it about myself #accidentally in my attempts of offering support through having a similar pain #anyways im fine but god! wha!! #it's such a core part of who i am and undeniably shaped how i was treated throughout my childhood being othered #if it had been acknowledged while i was a child.. idk. maybe I'd not have felt like there was something deeply rotten to my core #that made all the other kids hate me #not ackknowledging is like.. cutting out part of myself. and that's fine i dont need to be my whole self around my father #rambles

[nygleskas]

my list of Crushes I Should Probably Just FO is so funny... what's going on here

#.txt #help.. #sorry for posting at 130am ik no one's gonna be reading this #i just need to post it now #my love for amanda goes so deep like my intro to horror sp/in included saw when i was a child and i loved her #and wow guess what i still do #i rw the saw movies frequently n everytime i do so i'm just thinking in the back of my head abt a self insert/ship #<- even considered au's like it's. serious. #and gladstone .......don't get me started on him jfc. i almost burst into tears everytime i see him in an ep he makes me INSANE #he's literally like jean which is wkgnrjhnskjhlks #and margo. my wife. very nice. love u.... #i wouldn't evne know where to start with a fam s/i like. i'm not smart enough to be in nasa help. what would i even do.

[screechingcheesecakecheesecake]

seeing mashima discourse on twt kinda made me realize something... on most shonen series i grew up with... Fairy Tail was actually one of the rare ones I grew up with where the protagonist, the main POV the story, is a woman.

I'm talking about this in a way where the majority of the cast aren't men or women due to appealing to certain audiences. (Like Sailor Moon (ily) etc). I mean like in series where the casts' gender are generally distributed.

And it's not like the women are written in a way where you give them one arc and they disappear into the series. Even if they aren't the main highlight anymore they still appear on arcs necessary.

Heck, the main gang (Lucy, Natsu, Erza, Gray, Wendy) almost have the equal amount of women and men. Lucy, Erza, and Wendy aren't treated as supports either. They're pretty much essential to the team. Lucy is intelligent and her deductions pretty much helped them multiple times. Erza is the leader and her ability to made the proper judgement pulled the team through. Wendy is a healer, support, and attacker and she's able to fulfill a wide variety of roles.

Sexualization aside since a lot of shonen mangas pretty much do that, the women are pretty much treated with respect and even if Mashima is not the best writer of women out there, atleast he has the sense of giving the female characters he creates proper roles that doesn't diminish them from the narrative.

It's not also like, they receive a major arc then just become support. The way Fairy tail started, the first arcs were more of an introduction to the main gang's backstories. We see their history and them making peace (or atleast resolving) with it and see how they finally move on. Then as the series went on we received new arcs and developments from them. They don't just disappear into the background. They are still written with love. And y'know what, I appreciate that

#fairy tail #hiro mashima #shonen #I VERY MUCH LOVE ERZA SCARLET IF ITS NOT OBVIOUS!!!! #SHES SO!!.FUCKING AMAZING!! MY CHILD SELF ADMIRED HER SO SO SOOO MUCH #like yes sailor moon is pretty fun too but I like weapons! swords! armors! #erza gave all that!! woman who has different armors and weapons?? and shes proficient at it??? 11 Y/O ME AWAKENED SOMETHING;!! #This is also considering that i didn't have internet back then so what i could watch were only what was available on tv #bc we werent on the age of internet back then lmao #HER LEVEL-HEADEDNESS AND SENSE OF LEADERSHIP WHICH THE MAIN GANG LOVES AND NEEDS!! #WE COULD LITERALLY POINT SO MANY SCENES OF HER BEING SO FUCKING AMAZING!!! #PANDEMONIUM!! ERZA VS ERZA!! THE TENROU ISLAND ARC!! #she was willing to have her arm mutilated so that she could continue fighting #i fucking love erza so much im going feral