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#declan likes to be carried too... by Jordan
femmesandhoney · 6 months
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did u like the ronan trilogy?
yeah it was pretty good, i think it could have benefitted from more blue and gansey tho. and there were some new chars who were very underdeveloped in the sequel series, probably bc she seemed to have planned another trc story but has decided not to publish/write it. so who knows what she had planned, but definitely parts of the sequel series were hampered by a confusing amount of unnecessary new/background characters she didn't flesh out very well. ronan and adam were fine, ronan's story specifically was good if he was your favorite and you want to know more lore about dreamers in general.
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crimeronan · 1 year
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can you talk about chronic illness themes in greywaren pretty please I’m so curious what you thought about the conclusion or lack therof
i've had this in my inbox for weeks and keep thinking about it and like. on the one hand i want to answer on the other hand i don't enjoy spending a lot of time talking about things i don't like. but i think i've nailed down the broad shape of my grievances wrt chronic illness real quick, so here's this and moving on
i think the first 2/3rds of greywaren were perfectly suited in tone to what dreamer trilogy had set up and there were Really good questions raised about matthew and jordan and declan and ronan and hennessy, i also think hennessy's arc (and the ronanessy culmination) was the only one that felt like it actually followed through on the chronic illness themes that had been set up. i was very very interested in jordan's thing about the act of creation keeping her awake, there's some good metaphors about artist survival there, tho ymmv. i know a lot of people with chronic fatigue aren't fond of it bc making art is Tiring and sometimes you Cannot Do It but tbh what i didn't get from jordan i got fine from hennessy so. that's all fine. then the last few chapters of the book take a hard transition into "now i have to wrap this whole universe up prettily to avoid rude tweets" and that apparently meant not having any messiness on the page, which is a shame because complex nuanced messiness is where stiefvater's writing most thrives.
adam and ronan's resolution was boring they didn't fix any of the things that were a problem wrt ronan's chronic illness and adam's Everything, joining souls in space is stupid, they already KNEW they loved each other, the love was not the PROBLEM, the problem was that they were on fundamentally incompatible life paths and loving each other DOES NOT MAKE THOSE COMPATIBLE.
declan and matthew's resolution was nonexistent, i'm actually Very Okay with the whole "matthew walks home" plotline but i needed his POV of that journey and i needed WAY more on the page from declan at the end there and i needed WAY more than "i can be fine relying on you guys bc bryde told me i should" when declan's treatment of matthew up til then had shown NO indication that matthew can EVER trust him.
bryde is the sickest person in the series and his end was far too ambiguous for my taste, especially when up to that point he and matthew had been interrogating the EXACT themes i'd wanted to see about what it means to be a dream and to be this kind of chronically ill. like we were almost somewhere there and then we just dropped everything about.... everything.
meanwhile adam is torn apart on the astral for days and days and days but wakes up fine and then bam, we flip forward 4 years and he's normal and there's no indication of any potential issues even tho there were themes traced all the way back to cdth about him and hennessy having similar chronic illnesses (thru lace metaphor). the epilogue firmly establishes that everyone is Better and that they all have stuff Figured Out Now and while i like knowing where people end up, i don't like a resolution that boils down to "and now we never need to struggle again."
i did not like greywaren's takes (or lack thereof) on chronic illness because it felt like we can't exist in a "joyful comfort read" because chronic illness is Bad and the author wants to avoid nasty tweets about doing Bad Things to characters.
i want to know what greywaren would have been if its main purpose had been to carry thru the series themes instead of to make trc fandom shut up and feel pleased about their blorbos and move on. stief talked about how she had to do a lot of rewriting with the dreamer trilogy up through greywaren bc she was so angry about being sick and. i want the angry book. i want the drafts that weren't pared down and rearranged and cut apart and spliced together to appease every normie person who's never felt constant pain or fatigue a day in their lives. the first two books were for me and will always have been for me, they are The Most Personal Books I Have Ever Consumed, but in order for greywaren to be for me, it would have had to Not be for certain people, and. well.
greywaren is for everyone.
so. shrug emoji. i guess.
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parrishh · 2 years
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ok here is a VERY LONG dump of every somewhat coherent thought i have put together about my first greywaren read. for the love of GOD do not click read more if you haven't read the book. unless you want to spoil literally the whole book for yourself in which case go buck wild i guess
anyway
declan motherfucking lynch, you guys. he keeps making coffee even though it makes his stomach hurt because matthew likes the smell of it in the morning. he was the first person to ever love ronan. he tried not to love matthew but then matthew reached for his hand at the fair. when he was a child he organized records by color for fun. find whoever killed matthew and make sure they are never happy ever again. he didn't want to be the last one left. you were the story i chose for myself. literally the entirety of chapter twenty seven. he used ronan's sun dogs. he sat on the driveway and cried for the first time since his father's death. he cried again when he set the moth free. he's literally everything to me. he's everything to me
ON THE SEVENTH DAY THE LYNCH BROTHERS DISCOVERED THEY WERE FRIENDS ONCE MORE
i can't believe stief played the long con for so many years making us all believe niall was a soulless irredeemable bastard when actually he wasn't. when actually he loved declan more than anything in the world and loved ronan when mór couldn't and gave up the memory of declan's birth because it was too painful to keep
i want a whole spinoff series about the new fenian btw. he's a dreamt copy of a man who carries memories around in a briefcase. that is actually the tightest shit ever i'm not even kidding
matthew punched declan in the face. that is all
actually i lied i have more matthew thoughts. he knows american sign language. he asked bryde if bryde has any bones. seems to me that if i had to learn to be sad, you have to learn to be happy. he walked all the way to the barns from boston. how did he walk all the way to the barns from boston? also where did his hair go?
i feel like a FOOL for theorizing that bryde was the big bad and had been manipulating nathan when really nathan was the big bad all along and bryde was just some guy coping with his miserable existence. sorry bryde. also i really thought whoever dreamt liliana was gonna be someone we knew, not just some random man a thousand years ago, but yeah. ok. that's fine
CARMEN AND HENNESSY GIRLFRIENDS CONFIRMED. i was hoping for carlianessy but also i guess i understand why liliana had to die in order to share her vision with carmen so i will take it
hennessy monologues so that she doesn't really have to say anything at all. her first sweetmetal since jordan in white was the notecard of her broken heart. she threw herself at the lace because she could handle the pain without the fear. jordan saw herself as just jordan without hennessy before hennessy could see herself as just hennessy without jordan. she gave ronan a snakeskin tattoo. she brought adam back from the lace. shit's about to get real touching and i worked too hard to not get the satisfaction of seeing it go down
not as much jordan as i would have liked but i guess she completed most of her arc in mister impossible? i just want more of her i love her so much she's just so GOOD. she barely knew adam but she fed him sugar water to keep him alive even when she had to fight to stay awake. how about i just take you out of that suit now instead?
ronan! RONAN! he's human but he's not. he's an ancient entity in a human body but he grew up in this world so now there's real human in him, too. it's declan who first makes him remember himself. he belongs to both worlds, actually, so he gets to pick which one he wants and he chooses the one with everyone he loves in it. he has to choose between adam and the world and he chooses the world even though adam is everything to him. he gets to keep adam anyway. he's maybe the most powerful entity in existence and his parents (dreamers? manifesters?) were worried that maybe he would end the world but he saves it instead and it's because he's so full of love
adam. my adam. adam! (slamming my head against the wall btw)
i left my adam-specific thoughts for last because i could literally launch from my seat and crash through the ceiling if i sit here and think about him for too long. his accent came back. don't call me he says but then he finds chainsaw and he cradles her lovingly like he clearly has before and he cries with his legs intertwined in ronan's and he scries even though it's dangerous. 'cause i made this fake version of me, right, and i was wide awake when i did it. he speaks to the lace politely. over the summer he tried to convince himself not to love ronan every time he was alone but fell apart every time he saw ronan again. his face just wore a raw relief, a peace
i'm gonna tear the epilogue out of the book, shred it into small pieces, and eat it. what the fuck. jordan and declan are getting married. hennessy is there with her girlfriend carmen and henry is there with his mom and all the fox way women are there too. gansey and blue are there and honestly it tracks that they're both sociology majors. adam transferred schools twice (something something he's finally realized he's allowed to make changes in his life if they make him happy instead of suffering through the present for the sake of the future) and now he works for some secretive government agency because of course he does. ronan tells gansey he wants a wedding like this and adam said the same. ronan and adam are canonically engaged. what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck
i love this book i want to be buried with it the end
wait i came back to add something because i just remembered. hennessy brought adam back with just enough pieces of himself to actually be adam. it's like gansey being remade all over again. i love that stief keeps bringing characters back to life but like, slightly off. it's soooooooooooooo
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jamiesfootball · 1 month
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i literally broke out the pen and paper (made a list and checked it twice) trying to find numbers for the ask game you hadn't been sent yet!
as many or as little as you feel like answering!
4, 17, 19, 30, 35, 56, 74
💚💚💚
Thank you thank you! Sorry for the delay, but I had to set these aside so that I could give them the proper time and focus they deserve!
4. what is the plot bunny you’ve been carrying for the longest? optional bonus question: do you ever wonder why you haven’t written it yet and experience deep existential dread?
It's got to be my original work space thing A Robot Named Future. Specifically there is A Scene in it that I first came up with back in...2014? It's loosely based off the robot interrogation scene in the Will Smith movie I, Robot. Except in my book it doesn't involve a robot, its actually about [redacted].
Then later the robot shows up.
It doesn't fill me with existential dread though- it fills me with excitement. Of all the original works I have spinning around in my brain, this one is 1 out of 2 that are the predominant ones I spin around and I've written a few scenes. One of my goals for this year is to actually sit down and outline both of these stories. I'm quite looking forward to it.
17. what is your favorite line you’ve ever written?
Oooooooof. Uh. Honestly I feel I bang on about this line too much, but of the published stuff it's still:
He wondered if maybe he wasn't Sisyphus but the goddamn boulder that kept pushing everyone down the hill.
Bonus runner up because it always makes me laugh is this entire exchange:
“Hold on, now, Rocky didn’t go around tying dicks together, bruv.” “That we know of,” Moe retorted. "Yeah, I haven't seen any of the new ones," said Colin. “Creed was dope,” said Declan. “Michael B. Jordan pulled a plane in that one.” Jan scoffed. “You mean his stuntman pulled it.” “I don’t like Rocky,” Richard added, though no one had asked. “Guys, we do not have time to argue,” Sam implored. He worried the spool between his hands, turning it about like a puzzle. “We have to be on the pitch soon.” “Sam’s right. We’ve got to make a decision,” Isaac said authoritatively. “What do we think? And it has to be unanimous, it can’t just be a few of us out there with strings tied to our willies.”
19. what are some books or authors that influenced your style the most?
Ooooh, there's more than a few. Different authors taught me different things.
First, I think I would be remiss if I didn't mention all the art history courses I've taken in the past. Poetry may have given me the vocabulary to describe a scene, but writing about artwork I think is where I learned how to paint an image of a scene. Where to put the highlights and shadows, what objects get brought into focus. One of my old art teachers would remind us that 'all lines are not equally important', and when I'm describing, say, a room or a setting, I try to keep that thought in mind. I don't need to describe everything, I just need to emphasize the important and leave the obvious vague (another one from an art teacher.)
I have to give a special shout out to Terry Pratchett, specifically in regards to how he brings focal depth into consideration when writing very emotionally wrought scenes. It is the instinct of most writers to push inwards when describing horrible things, to focus on the effect they have on the individual. But after being blistered by T-Prat time and time again, I saw a post that pointed out how at some of his most emotional scenes he actually pulls backwards, leaving the audience to bare witness and fill in the blanks with a purposefully distanced grief we couldn't possible understand. This definitely shaped how I approach emotional scenes; I try to be intentional and weigh where that depth of focus should land.
Not to bang on this gong forever, but I have a deep and abiding love for Kurt Vonnegut. His prose style is so interesting to me in a sort of 'you can write things however you want, actually' sort of way. He'll be halfway through showing you a deep examination on the human psyche and then he'll leap into omniscience to make a joke about how aliens would find this part of the human experience very stupid and needlessly complicated.
So it goes.
30. most inspirational quote you’ve ever read or heard that’s still important to you.
Not sure if it counts as inspirational, but there are two quotes from completely different series that sort of twined together in live on in my head:
One is from Discworld, where the dwarves have a saying: All things strive.
The other is from the manga Saiyuki: Even a one-inch worm has a half-inch soul.
35. tell us about a character who’s very different than you who you love a whole lot
A lot of characters are very different from me. In terms of characters, I would be Higgins. So any character who you would say is not at all like Higgins is very different from me.
Though in the spirit of answering I'll say Keeley. When I was watching Ted Lasso casually, there would just be times when I would blurt out 'I love her.' She's so wildly endearing to me.
56. five years from now, where do you see yourself as a writer?
Hopefully at a point where I am still writing and where some of the longer things I'm working on have been finished!
74. are you a planner, pantser, or planster?
All of them. Whichever the story calls for.
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my main review of mister impossible is: wow, what a boring book.
declan continues to be an icon, the star, the hero, my babygirl, etc. literally he is such a great and endearing character who does not serve to be surrounded by this mess. put him in some other better book. matthew can come too. one of several "not bad but poorly executed" ideas in here was the idea that matthew is struggling with his dream identity but also maybe some of the stuff he's struggling with is just growing up (and being an orphan whose parents were dysfunctional, and also, what i would put in if i were writing this but also i feel like just what would be in here if it were good, being rich but discovering in himself a desire to live with dignity)
ronan: dreaming bryde was a fun reveal, no notes. i like the idea of bryde as ronan's id that he's dressed up as his superego, but i also don't want to get too attached to that because who knows what will happen in the next one. my favorite ronan content in this book is how completely fucking insane he has driven himself about his relationship with adam. a specific kind of content i am always hungry for for personal reasons is stories about teenagers or young adults in love that really zero in on how insane-making this phenomenon is when you're both very young and pretty fucked up, and there are like 12 sentences in this book that really delivered on that front. other than that, it's wild to me how someone who was such a vibrant and engaging, even if imperfectly written, character in TRC is so meh here. i think my main complaint carries over from what i said last time, which is that i think ronan's personal crisis just needed to be zeroed in on and brought out a little more. the book gestures towards it enough that you know what's going on (and the thing with adam's gloves over his or whatever was maybe the most effective image in the book), but it doesn't do enough to make you feel it. this feels related to point below.
hennessy: on paper, again, the idea that she like connected to or created the lace because of her traumatic upbringing, sure. why not. in practice, i don't understand how a character so boring exists. there is really something about her that feels 100% telling 0% showing. i also think that her relationship with ronan needed to be... i was gonna say fleshed out more but idek if that's what i mean. it just needed to be better. there needed to be more of a sense of the two of them having a relationship, a specific dynamic that was meaningful to each of them, both to make their chapters less boring and also to make hennessy's betrayal-ish at the end land better. this whole book was weird because it was like in some ways constant plot but also nothing happened, so like there was no time devoted to just character work but we also didn't get to know characters through the kinds of choices they made, because mostly, they didn't (except my babe declan).
oh we did get like ALMOST EVERY CHAPTER opening up with a weird little flashback vignette. um. i DO NOT know who told her this was a good way to write an action-heavy fantasy novel, but they are either stupid or a liar. completely slammed the breaks down on any potential momentum every time that happened, which was, again, almost every single chapter, like it was bananas. like why. all of that should have either been cut or integrated into the narrative. i've been thinking about why these books feel less alive than the raven cycle did, even though the raven cycle was also dumb and badly plotted, and i think it has to do with how much "characterization" is happening in this weird silo'd off way. i mean, ronan didn't even have POV chapters in the raven boys, but he (and noah!) still came across as real characters, because they revealed themselves through their interactions with other people. extremely little of that character work is happening here (and where it could be it feels rushed or forced - like jordan cheering matthew up about being a dream - not the worst scene but not earned, either) and i think it contributes to the sense that none of these people have personalities, even though she keeps beating us over the head with their personalities and struggles and blah blah blah.
sweetmetals are another "could be a cool idea in some other less boring book"
farooq-lane, i can't with that. no thank you. the most boring of all time. i do not want stief providing wuhluhwuh representation thanks and bye.
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piningeddiediaz · 2 years
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Hii, so a question about TDT. I read TRC years ago and loved it ofc, it's one of my favorite ya series and i still think about it regularly. Gansey and adam were my favs but i still looked forward to CDTH so much, but :( i ended up not liking it all that much. I didn't connect with the new characters the way i did with the gangsey, and i barely remember the plot, except that they drove around a lot, this one girl dreamed clones of herself and declan was there. MI is on my shelf but i've never read it. So, should i continue reading? Why/why not? Does it get "better" in MI? I want to love TDT, especially since i know the last book will be out this year but idk :/
Hi! I completely understand what you’re saying - personally, I felt the same way too. I didn’t (and maybe still don’t, though it got better with MI) connect with the new characters in the way I connected with the gangsey either. But i think that’s the point? the overall themes/message trc is very different to the ones in tdt. trc, at it’s core, was a story about friendship. yeah they searched for this dead welsh king together and in doing so went through these major personal developments, but in all the challenges they faced their strength came from their bonds with each other. the impact of trc hinged on us as the reader’s connecting with the characters and their relationships with each other, because it was those relationships that led to the development of each character. adam’s development in the books doesn’t hit until you take it in conjunction with his ability to accept his friends’ love, for example.
tdt is, i think, very different from that. it’s not an arthurian tale about friendship. it’s much darker, much sinister, because it’s about the struggles of someone who physically cannot fit in. magic is a metaphor for chronic illness, and the helplessness that ronan and hennessy feel in relation to their powers, matthew and jordan’s restlessness as they grapple with their lack of identity away from their dreamers, declan’s own conflict as he tries to protect his family but feels his facade slip away - the tone is completely different, and admittedly, it can be hard to get used to after the more hopeful tone of trc. it’s not everyone’s cup of tea, and that’s completely valid!
i can’t tell you if you should carry on, but i can tell you what made me stick to it. to me, this is a story about ronan, and i think mstief is telling a really compelling one. ronan ended trc in a place where he may have accepted himself, but he didnt understand himself. whilst everyone else had in some ways healed, ronan still hadn’t. he ended it with an understanding on his powers and love in the form of adam - and the main question of the series (and certainly of mi) was: is that enough for him? ronan is still on a journey of discovery, one that he had started in trc but hadnt finished there, and i needed to experience that journey with him. this series is about healing from the things you never thought you could escape, and i want to see ronan reach that point. declan was also a big selling point for me - i liked him since trb, and the best thing tdt did for me is finally show us the depths of declan! i didnt feel any connection to the new characters in cdth (tho that did change a bit in mi) but the story that is being told about the lynch brothers is the main thing i care about.
that was probably in far more detail than you wanted 😂 but in summary, i recommend maybe trying out mi and see if it helps? if it doesn’t, that’s completely fair bcos like i said, tdt deals with much more serious, darker themes than trc. but if you do try reading it, let me know what you think!
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deer-boy · 3 years
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Sunshine Lynch and Asshole Lynch share a moment
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tommyspeakycap · 3 years
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travelling england squad headcanons my exhausted brain just thought of
jordan pickford - won’t forget anything important but will get very confuddled and mixed up with stuff when he gets to boarding. hands his passport at the wrong time, can’t find his boarding pass when it is actually in his hand etc. talks really loud and does not stop talking to the person next to him on flights
harry maguire - won’t let anyone carry his bags for him bc he doesn’t want to be a bother. will have his boarding pass and passport ready to pull out whenever needed but will never just carry it in case it gets lost. mild dad on holiday vibes but discretely and will often be found in disbelief that some of these boys have survived as long as they have. will barely speak on the plane, doesn’t mind being sat next to jp bc he’s learned to tune his voice out.
kieran trippier - dad on holiday™️. will always have his passport and boarding pass at the ready, no muss no fuss, will go at the back of the group to make sure his children (he is responsible for mason, declan and jadon. also jesse but only when marcus isn't there) and he will inevitably pick up mason's passport when he drops it while being an idiot with declan and doesn't notice. will sit with the quietest person and/or alone so he can sleep. will under no circumstances sit with pickers - has to be at least three rows away and will be monitoring behaviour.
jordan henderson - another dad on holiday™️ but funnier (he is instead responsible for jack, phil and trent). gets annoyed when other people are messy/leave mess. probably takes passports off those likely to lose them right after they pass through customs and gives them back only when they approach customs at the other airport. will sit at the back of the plane alone so he can listen to alicia keys in peace.
harry kane - never late but also never quite on time but nobody says anything because he’s never the last one there. will usually congregate with The Dads and doesn't say much (read; he is usually found next to harry maguire both standing and enjoying the silence bc girldads)
mason mount - chronically late, always last to catch up while trippier taps his foot and checks his watch. will do the innocent mason giggle and get away with it. flight attendants think he’s adorable and airport workers love him because he travels with two basically empty bags cos he travels so light. will sit next to declan to begin with and eat all of his snacks while dec sleeps. they end up getting separated by one of the dads when they’re being too loud and/or fighting over the snacks mason has already devoured.
declan rice - waits for mason no matter what, packs extra snacks because he knows for a fact mason will (and does) eat most of his. is slightly scared to sleep on the plane bc of all the things they do to wake each other. he and mason somehow end up with each other’s passports and nearly don’t get through the border. defo has passive aggressive fights with ben over who gets to sit with mason and declan plays the 'I've known you longer' card that gets mason every time.
jack grealish - gets upset when ben and declan fight over sitting next to mason because chilly is supposed to be his bestie so he goes in a huff that hendo has to sort. 100% always has his passport in the front pouch of his bag (put there by hendo) so that when they get to security and he starts patting himself down freaking out and thinking he’s left it somewhere, his dad Hendo can tell him exactly where it is. annoys trippier because he drags his heels everywhere he walks and is constantly found asking; “hey has anyone seen my hairband” when it’s on his wrist.
ben chilwell - very easy going yet simultaneously anxious traveler. does not like how late mason leaves every, is NOT fond of how little he packs and will get antsy when take off time is near and people are still mulling around. he also gets annoyed when people ask him to borrow stuff but will never outwardly show it. he packs for every eventuality and believes everyone should be doing the same. films everyone, is low-key everyone’s favourite to sit with.
phil foden - gets upset when he’s told he not allowed to do keepy ups on the plane, absolutely will not have anything but a window seat, gets funny looks going through security and people often mistake him for much younger than he is. doesn’t mind who he sits next to as long as it’s not someone boring. is generally not a problem for The Travelling Dads except he's easily distracted and is susceptible to being left behind as he is smol plus mason and declan are hard work for kieran.
marcus rashford - oh my days when he’s alone he’s so quiet and then whenever jesse is there as well the two of them are insufferable. between mason and dec and jesse and rashy, jordan is glad for alicia keys through those noise cancelling headphones. will get annoyed with jesse and they WILL end up hurting each other and making up multiple time.
jesse lingard - so fully of energy at all times and nobody can figure out why. annoys rashy when he’s trying to sleep and that’s when they always end up in fights that nearly get them separated by harry maguire who is very used to putting up with their antics anyway. tries to convince them all to learn his celebration and spends the whole time messaging marcus and pouting when his bestie isn't there with him.
john stones - him and Kyle are basically joined at the hip as they r best friends. they always pre-anticipated and planned to sit together on the plane. he has a sixth sense and will physically be able to feel it when they lose phil (was an issue for the time he wasn't in the squad and John was like oh my god we've lost phil!) only to realise he wasn't ever with them. is very protective and always worries about forgetting things that he definitely has.
kyle walker - rarely acts his age but is kind of levelled out by john and can sometimes be very irritating in the same way that people get irritated with jesse because they're very loud. can often be found next to john and reassuring everyone he's faster than Raz. will forget things he define tally needs which pisses off John (because he asked a million times to make sure he had his boots) and gives chilly so much second-hand stress that he gets chest pains.
trent alexander-arnold - probably wants to sit next to hendo but he completely refuses (and sometimes feel guilty for it but he needs his alicia keys alone time). is quite quiet in comparison to some of the other younger ones but is equally as forgetful. will fume about the 'inflation' of the meal deal prices in the airport whsmiths and despite knowing he probs shouldn't cos international rivals, he spends a lot of time texting andy robertson.
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seavoice · 3 years
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the best dynamics (with regard to compelling messiness and effed-upness) in this book imo are hennessy-jordan and matthew-declan (and also of course, ronan-bryde, but I’m keeping that for another post because otherwise whoo boy. i’ll be here all day. it’s going to get super long). it’s like. they really are the relationships in which the characters are. i don’t want to say “more than one thing to each other”. but yeah.
when that person is more than one thing to each other, especially due to the fact that you were made into these things by events beyond your control, and always definable only in relation. and those different roles are somewhat incompatible, so it’s just...they’re nothing on their own, because they’re always in relation to you, and it’s somehow become unnameable maybe? an amorphous lack, which no legal title can really capture.
when she’s your sister and your best friend and your partner-in-crime and the emotional ballast. when she’s also your creation and so your daughter, but she’s also eating away from you and so your mother, an ouroboros that’s devouring itself. when she’s your grief technically, the grief you couldn’t carry to your mother’s funeral, but she’s also the stinging lack of it, because that was the only way you could possibly walk straight-backed to the graveyard as a ten year old. she’s your mother and she’s also the lack of your mother. or maybe just a lack of seeing your mother’s brains on the wall? because she is also fundamentally the memory of your mother, just flipped sidewaya. a space where you are a version of yourself that your mother has never touched. she’s a vessel for your grief and care and sadness all bled out, but she’s also you, a you you hate, a you you love and a you you can’t bear to reconcile yourself with. except, she insists she’s not you, that she’s someone else, that she could be someone else, maybe, and that you could be someone else too, and your greatest fear is that she may be right.
when he’s your older brother, except he’s not your brother but a failing father figure, except he‘s not just a father, but a stand in, a ghost of your real father—or at least the man who you were told was your real father. and are you even brothers really, if both of you think you’re the fake brother, if your only claim to this family is that you’re a dream and his only claim to the family is on the outskirts of the dreaming? so really he may just be your legal guardian, an undefined and amorphous title, because you don’t have the space to put what you really are to each other on the school forms. which is brothers, in the best version of the world, but it could also just be two people raised in the same house by the same people, always an “and/or“ in between. it’s a weird thought isn’t it, to imagine that you may have not had anything common in your origins and your technical parentage, before the day your father died and your mother fell asleep, and the Will and that state court-sealed you as his ward? because you’re apparently a lie and he’s the best liar you know.
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nialltlynch · 2 years
Text
book challenge!!
thank u @flitwickslittlebrotha 💟💟 i am a little late but this was hard!!
favourite book from this year: alone with you in the ether - olivie blake
ebooks, audio books or prints? ebooks. let me confess something...i pirate almost all my books. i pirate almost everything first, actually. BUT I do buy things that i either really, really liked or things that i think come from a good place but is still a little rough and i like what the creator was going for so i send them money somehow. disclaimer: i have purchased most of the books mentioned herein
top five of all times: oh fuck off uhhhhhhh
a good man is hard to find and other stories - flannery o'connor
october country - ray bradbury
the stranger - albert camus
dark tales - shirley jackson
the faraway nearby - rebecca solnit
this is based primarily on things i could read again and again. i really only go back and read short story collections because i don't always have it in me to read novel length things...
faves for: (look this is gonna be really hard because i don't understand genres but oh well here we go)
sci-fi: do androids dream of electric sheep - philip k dick. on account of that's the only sci-fi i can remember actually reading. fun fact, ive attempted to watch blade runner (1982) at least three times and every time ive fallen asleep!
contemporary/romance: does gillian flynn count as contemporary? she's my wife, i love her. also i feel like these are two completely disparate genres why are they slashed here
historical fiction: does jude the obscure count? tbh i don't care. i just remember being in high school english and all the girlies were swooning over the scarlet pimpernel and at the time i was a cringe baby weaboo who only watched anime so now i have petty beef with "historical fiction" as a genre and it also doesn't help that i've never really been interested in historical stuff much anyway (though i'm willing to have my mind changed)
fantasy: this is totally a copout answer but... grimm's fairytales. the problem is this is such a fraught genre for me because spiritually it's my favorite genre but practically the vast majority of it sucks. or i guess i should say it isn't to my taste. sorry.
queer: on earth we're briefly gorgeous - ocean vuong has some immense staying power, so that i guess. i do want to say that i dont actually know what this means? like written by a queer person? contains queer perspectives? has queer characters in it?????
top 3 [canon] book couples:
jordan/declan (dreamer trilogy)
regan/aldo (alone with you in the ether)
sophie/howl (howl's moving castle)
(these aren't necessarily my faves, but just the ones ive been thinking of as of late)
top 3 book characters:
eleanor vance (the haunting of hill house)
hercule poirot
adam parrish
(these are characters i wanna put in little monogrammed koozies and carry in my purse)
book(s) with potential that didn't quite pull it off: imagine me saying this quietly after taking a long sip from my morning tea and staring distractedly out the window, unable to make eye contact.... s*mmer s*ns
book(s) that got you through something: not to be cliche but trc really did awaken something in me
book(s) you'd recommend: i suffer from i-have-bad-taste-and-no-one-can-know-it disease so I don't really have any random recs without knowing a person's taste but uhhhh i think it would be cool if more people read alone with you in the ether because i want to see pretty fanart and edits and stuff.
a genre you want a book recommended from: genre-defying books. those ones that dabble here and there and cut the pieces they want from this and take cues from that until what they've built is this patchwork mishmash that by all means shouldn't work so well yet something about it is so compelling. as i often say: thrill me.
i'm so sorry none of these are real answers. i don't think i like books. i talk too much. i think there's something wrong with me. thanks for coming to my ted talk.
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adamsbackpack · 3 years
Note
Something that makes sense in dream logic...
But a continuation of this, maybe like somehow Bryde somehow finds Declan’s apartment where Jordan is as well and Declan finds a slightly unhinged Bryde carrying in an unconscious sickly looking Ronan and he’s slowly starting to turn into a tree, like the one he was trapped in during the dream? So he’s growing leaves and vines from his fingers, his skin is turning to wood
Idk the dream ley energy from the forests that Ronan dreamt are decaying and slowly releasing the ‘ dream energy’ back into him idk and slowly Ronan wakes up in Declan’s bed half conscious and out of it and slurring works and Ronan rasps that he’s sorry he was such a bad brother and made Declan hate him and obv Declan said he never hated him and Declan’s just a big mess of asshole Declan emotions cuz for all he knows his younger brother is dying in front of him and just a lot of Declan worrying about Ronan and yelling at bryde for what he’s done
And maybe they try the sweetmetal and when they put it next to Ronan he gains some color back slightly and Declan (and jordan) and watching over him In worry wondering what to do
So just can you make it longer if you can, than the last one? Mostly Declan’s POV with a little bit of Ronan’s, even though he’s unconscious/ dying/ turning into a magical dying tree?
Had it not been for the jarring silence in the room, Declan wouldn’t have heard the lumbering steps coming from the stairwell outside his door. Had it not been for the silence, he wouldn’t have had that sinking feeling he gets when he just knows that one of his brothers is fucked. He wouldn’t have cleared the mugs of coffee off of the marble counter of the island in his cramped kitchen. He wouldn’t have sent Jordan to the door to look through the peep hole, making sure there were no straggling moderators coming to slit their throats.
Thankfully, a heavy blanket of quiet had settled itself over the apartment, which allowed enough time for Declan to manage all of these things before Jordan opened the door to reveal his dying brother.
“Help me,” growled the tall, bird like man that had Ronan cradled in his arms. Ah, thought Declan. So this must be the infamous Bryde.
Jordan gripped Ronan’s ankles while Bryde struggled to haul the rest of him by his underarms. Had the situation not been so gruesome, Declan might have been laughing. Well, maybe he would have smirked (Declan really didn’t laugh all that often). But to watch his foolish little brother being dragged through his apartment door seemed like the perfect moment for those four glorious words that Ronan hated so much: I told you so.
But Declan wasn’t laughing. He wasn’t even smirking. Because the situation was gruesome.
Nightwash spilled from between his brother’s cracked lips, leaking from his nose and ear canals and soaking the living room carpet as Jordan and Bryde carried him into the kitchen, where they draped his body across the cleared marble countertop. Dark shadows clung to his eyes, looking more and more like bruises the longer Declan looked at them until he wasn’t even sure that they weren’t. His hair, which was normally buzzed to the scalp, had begun to grow out softly from Ronan’s days spent on the road, hopping from city to city with Hennessy and Bryde. Stubble grazed his jaw, and Declan was struck in that moment by just how much Ronan looked like Niall.
But Nightwash and exhaustion were the least of his worries.
From Ronan’s fingertips, branches were stretching out towards the kitchen windows. Thick leaves sprouted on stems that shot out from the startlingly green veins in his wrists, covering the smattering of scars from nightmares of the past. Tree bark crept up his throat, leaving Ronan’s neck stiff and confined. When he started choking, Jordan tugged on his bottom lip to find a soggy bunch of wildflowers crawling out from his windpipe.
“What the hell is going on here,” Declan demanded, gripping Bryde by the collar as Jordan helped Ronan to sit up as he vomited oily black clumps of moss. Bryde, looking a little worse for wear with black liquid strewn across the front of his shirt, snarled at Declan as he tore himself away from his grip.
“You think I would have come here if I knew?” The way in which the question was spat assured Declan that he knew the answer. “I think… I think it’s Lindenmere.”
“Okay,” Declan said dangerously, “then why don’t you tell me why the fuck Lindenmere is growing inside my brother?”
Bryde’s eyes glowed. “I’m sorry, did you miss the Ley Lines going down? Thanks to your girl-“ Bryde threw an accusatory finger at Jordan, who gave him her angriest finger in return, “-Lindenmere can’t exist. It’s returning to its dreamer because it has nowhere else to go. This is its way of falling asleep, just like the rest of his dreams.”
Declan swiped his hand over his face, silently praying that when he opened his eyes, all of this will have just been a stress-induced hallucination. No such luck.
“Declan,” Jordan said, “I don’t- what do we do?”
Declan contemplated this. They couldn’t exactly go to the hospital - what were regular doctors and nurses supposed to do against an illness such as this. Where would they even begin? And it’s not like Bryde could dream up a remedy with the Ley Lines down.
A sharp groan coming from the countertop brought Declan back to himself. Ronan’s body was convulsing with every movement of the branches engulfing his flesh. He tried to speak around the garden that had inhabited his mouth but to no avail. Declan placed his hand on Ronan’s forehead and rubbed his thumb softly against his temple the way Aurora used to do when they were sick. “Hey, Ronan,” Declan said softly, and was struck by the tightness in his throat and the stinging in his eyes. “You’ve really gotten yourself fucked this time, haven’t you?” Though his body still shook violently and the wildflowers muffled his voice, Declan swore he heard his brother attempt a laugh. Ronan’s hand shot up and squeezed Declan’s tightly, a pulsing grip in time with his body tremors. “It’s okay, Ronan. It’ll be okay, just try and breathe.” Declan watched as his brother’s chest shook with the effort to take in a measured breath.
Ronan let go of Declan’s hand, only to tap at his palm until it lay flat. He traced the letter ‘M’ on his skin. Matthew.
Was it better to tell Ronan he was fine, just to alleviate some of his stress? Should he tell him the truth of the matter, which was that the youngest Lynch brother was currently unconscious in his bedroom, as he had been for the past several days?
Declan settled on a half-truth.
“He went to sign himself up for high school in DC the other day. Isn’t that great? He had a meeting with the guidance councillor to register and select his courses. He was really excited about auto class, so he can help you fix the car with Adam the next time you crash it.” Declan rambled on, side-stepping the truth and instead offering the pleasantness of Matthew being happy. Ronan was too exhausted to demand a real answer, so he drank in his brother’s distractions eagerly. At the mention of Adam, though, Ronan tensed and glanced up at Jordan, who nodded in understanding and left to call him from Declan’s landline.
“He’s not getting better,” Bryde said impatiently. The young man had been so quiet up until that point that Declan almost forgot he was there. Almost. “I… I’m sorry. I don’t know what else to try.” Well, that wasn’t good. Bryde apologizing was decidedly not good.
A blood-curdling scream erupted from Ronan so suddenly that Declan had to take a moment for his heart to start beating at a normal pace again. Through Ronan’s t-shirt - which was now soaked with a mixture of blood and nightwash - burst forth five branches, flaking with rough bark and moss. Jordan rushed in from the living room, hand held over the speaker of the phone in a futile attempt to block Ronan’s cries from Adam’s ear. “Shit,” she breathed. “Adam, hun, let me call you back.” She silenced Adam’s muffled protests with one tap to the phone.
Declan gave a shake of his head before pointing to the cupboard beside the sink. “Get me towels, as many towels as you can,” he said sharply. Bryde and Jordan came back seconds later with armfuls of soft cotton dishtowels. Snatching them from their grasps, Declan began wrapping the towels around the base of the branches until most of the blood was sopped up. Just as he stepped back to observe his work, his cell phone began to tremble in his pocket. “Son of a bitch.” Unknown number. Maybe it’s Hennessy.
He answered it.
“What.” It came out more as a demand than a question.
“Listen to me carefully, Declan. I can help you,” said Niall Lynch.
***TBC***
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emmerrr · 3 years
Note
Jordeclan going to an amusement park or a fair? They both just honestly need a break and some fun!!
anon i’m so sorry this took so long but hey i made it valentine’s day and there’s lynch bros content and i hope you like it (also on ao3)
-
Declan wakes up on the morning of Valentine’s Day not really aware that it’s Valentine’s Day.
It’s Saturday, so he doesn’t need to go into work, and he trundles down the stairs into the kitchen and makes himself a coffee. Matthew and Ronan are still asleep, the latter of whom spent the night after driving up the previous day to go to an art show with his brothers. (Ronan had been less than subtle about his disdain for the ‘art’ in question; Declan had dragged them out early to go to a diner for some burgers. Brotherly bonding at its finest.)
He sits at the breakfast bar with his coffee and checks his emails on his phone like he’s reading the news. There’s a few work things, but not too much, all things considered. He sends a good morning text to Jordan, knowing in all likelihood she won’t read it until at least noon. The thought of her brings a smile to his face, and he wonders if he’ll get to see her later. They don’t have any solid plans in place, but their relationship has never been one that follows a rigid structure anyway. She’s been a breath of fresh air in every possible way.
An hour or so later, Declan hears Ronan moving around in the guest bedroom upstairs, probably throwing his stuff together before he drives back to Singer’s Falls. Not long after that, Matthew comes down the stairs, golden curls matted to his head on one side from where he’s slept on them.
“Mornin’,” he says through a yawn, and takes a seat. “What’s for breakfast?”
“Whatever you want.”
Matthew hums. “I want eggs.”
Declan nods at the fridge. “Go on then.”
Matthew sighs but gets up again and opens the refrigerator, standing solemnly in front of it before slowly removing a carton of eggs.
He puts them down and makes a good show of looking lost as he meanders around the kitchen finding everything he needs. Declan knows he’s doing it on purpose, but goddamn if it doesn’t work. “For crying out loud, how do you want them?”
Matthew grins; he’s won this round. “Scrambled, please. You’re the best.”
“Yeah, yeah. You can make your own toast, though. And go and ask Ronan if he wants any.”
“Yes, sir!” Matthew salutes, and runs off to the hallway to yell up the stairs at Ronan.
A mountain of breakfast later, Ronan disappears again to have a shower, and Declan makes Matthew wash the dishes. He sits in the living room and turns on some nature documentary just for background noise, but only a minute or two passes before Matthew comes in and sits down.
“You cannot possibly have finished the dishes yet,” Declan says.
“They need to soak,” Matthew insists, eyes skating guiltily from Declan’s face to the TV screen. “Oh, is this the one with the penguins?” He sits down, and Declan resolves himself to finishing the singular chore he asked Matthew to do later.
“Yes, half a job Bob, it’s the one with the penguins.”
Matthew smiles indulgently and settles in to watch, but they both get distracted a moment later when they spot Ronan walking past, carrying a lot more than he originally had with him.
“Why do you have a big teddy bear?” Matthew asks.
“Is that a boom-box?” Declan asks.
“Is that a heart-shaped balloon with Adam’s face on it?” Matthew asks.
“What are you doing?” Declan asks.
Ronan leaves everything in the hall by the door and comes to stand just inside the living room, hands in his pockets. He shrugs. “Just gonna make a pit-stop at Cambridge, that’s all.”
Declan sighs. “It’s not exactly on your way. Does Adam even know you’re coming?”
“No, it’s a surprise. It’s a funny inside joke Valentine’s surprise.”
“What do you mean, Valentine’s surprise, it’s not Val—oh my god.” Declan puts his head in his hands. “Oh my god, it’s Valentine’s Day.”
“Oh, Declan,” Ronan says, the smile evident in his voice. “Forget, did you?”
Declan lifts his head. “It was a busy week at work.”
“Don’t worry, bro, I must have got all the romantic genes, it’s not your fault.”
Declan scowls but there’s little heat in it. He checks his phone and Jordan is yet to reply, which could mean nothing, but doubt now niggles in Declan’s mind. What if Jordan was expecting some kind of gesture and is now massively disappointed that Declan is so useless?
“What do I do? It’s too late to make any reservations.”
“Reservations are for chumps anyway, just go and do something fun,” Ronan says.
“Like what?” Declan snaps. All that’s running through his head is that he got Jordan some tyrian purple at great cost and at very short notice for their very first date. If her expectations for Valentine’s Day are high, he has no one to blame but himself.
“I’ll leave that up to you to figure out,” Ronan says. “I have to hit the road.”
Matthew laughs and elbows Declan playfully. “Ronan is a better boyfriend than you.”
“No he isn’t, shut up,” Declan says, which just makes Matthew laugh harder.
After Ronan hugs Matthew goodbye, Declan helps him carry the ridiculous gifts he has obviously dreamt up out to the car.
“Text me when you’re with Adam,” he says when he’s closed the trunk, “so I know you got there okay.”
Ronan opens the driver’s side door and levels Declan with a put-upon look. “Fine, I will try my very best to remember to text you when I arrive.”
Declan manages a smile. “Appreciate it. Drive safe.”
Ronan moves to get in the car, but hesitates, and turns back to his brother. “You’re not really worried that you forgot about today, right?” At Declan’s shrug, he continues, “Come on, Jordan’s cool, she’s not gonna care. Everyone knows Valentine’s Day is bullshit.”
“Says the guy who’s driving several hours out of his way in honour of said bullshit day,” Declan says pointedly.
Ronan shakes his head. “Look, the day’s irrelevant; I’m driving several hours out of my way because I miss my fucking boyfriend and this is as good an excuse as any to go see him.”
“Yes, but—”
“But nothing. Jordan likes you, for some unfathomable reason. She’s not gonna dump you because you didn’t remember to plan some posh, soulless valentine’s date.”
Abrasive as he is, Declan can’t deny that Ronan’s right. “When did you get so wise?” he grumbles, and Ronan smirks.
“Hey, statistically I’ve gotta be right about some things.”
“Once in a blue moon.”
“Asshole.”
“Yeah, yeah. Get out of here.” Ronan gets into the car, but Declan stops him before he shuts it. “You really think Jordan is cool?”
Ronan laughs. “Way too cool for you.”
Declan’s unwarranted fears about Jordan ignoring him fade as soon as she texts him back an hour or so later. She doesn’t mention the dreaded V-word, but she says there’s a fair in town, and asks if he wants to go.
A fair date sounds pretty perfect actually, and when he agrees, Jordan tells him she’ll pick him up at seven. She always does like to drive.
“I still haven’t got her a gift, though,” Declan tells Matthew. “Is it bad that I don’t have a gift?”
“You’re going to a fair,” Matthew points out. “Plenty of opportunities to be all manly and shit and win her something.”
“Language,” Declan says, and Matthew rolls his eyes.
“You should get her a card, at least.”
“Valentine’s Day cards are always so terrible, though,” Declan complains.
“So make her one. Jordan’s arty, she’d probably like that better anyway.”
Declan doesn’t like that both of his younger brothers are being smarter than him today, but nevertheless, Matthew is right, and Declan ransacks his office supplies to see what he can come up with.
He uses some high-quality photo paper to print out a picture of a pretty flower that he found online, then carefully cuts it out and glues it to the middle of the front of some card he’s folded in half. He frames it by cutting out strips of purple card and sticking them around the flower. Then he gets irritated with how shit it looks and considers throwing the whole fucking thing away and starting from scratch, when Matthew peers over his shoulder and says, “Aw, that looks really nice.”
So Declan keeps it, writes his message inside, and finds an envelope that is only a little bit too big to put it in.
Time’s getting on, so he goes to get ready. He has no idea what to wear for a date at a fair, and takes two tie options out to the living room to get Matthew’s opinion.
“Which tie is more appropriate?”
“Neither.”
“You didn’t even look.”
“I don’t need to. Don’t wear a tie. You’re not going on a job interview. Plus it’s February and you’ll be outside, put a sweater on.” Matthew does finally look at him now, and he sighs at Declan’s blue button-down and grey slacks. “This is what you wear for work, put some jeans on. You’ve like, met Jordan, right?”
“Alright, smartass, point taken.”
When Declan’s changed again, Matthew decrees his outfit of jeans and a fairisle sweater in navy tones boring but ultimately acceptable, which Declan figures is the best he’s going to get. He also thinks he’s going mad if he’s asking Matthew of all people for fashion advice.
He just has time to slip his coat on and put the card in the inside pocket before there’s a knock at the door, and Matthew runs to open it.
“Hiya, squirt,” Jordan says to him, which is funny because Matthew is taller than her.
“Hey. Declan tried to wear a tie.”
Jordan laughs, throwing her head back, and Declan finds there’s a dopey grin on his face even though his girlfriend and his brother are bonding over making fun of him. “Of course he did. Never fully dressed without a tie.” She meets Declan’s gaze over Matthew’s shoulder and winks at him.
“Hey, I’m right here,” he says, faux-wounded, and makes his way over to the door as Matthew heads back to the living room.
He kisses Jordan. “Hi.”
“Hi yourself. You ready to go?”
“Yes.”
“Have fun, guys!” Matthew yells, and Declan hesitates, poking his head in to look at his brother.
“What are you doing tonight? You can come with us if you want?”
“No way, man, I’m not third-wheeling on your date. Also it’s cute how you think I don’t already have plans, I’m extremely popular.”
“Uh huh,” Declan says, worries evaporating. “Modest, too.”
They leave, finally, and Jordan drives them to where the fair is set up, filling Declan in on any little anecdotes he’s missed since they last spoke. He’s happy just to listen to her talk; sitting in her presence is like recharging a battery, and he feels lighter than he has all week.
Parking is easy to find, and they huddle together as they walk towards the entrance, the lights from all the rides and the heat lamps looking bright and inviting beyond. Jordan slips her hand into Declan’s, and he tucks them both into his pocket as Jordan leans her head against his shoulder.
“I missed you this week,” she says.
“Did you?” Declan smiles. He likes being missed by Jordan. “I missed you too. I always miss you.”
“Well you say that now, but I’m going to destroy you at fairground games, so you might change your mind.”
Declan’s doubtful, but he grins at her amenably.
She holds up a finger. “But first, we need to go on a couple of super fast, spinny rides, because if we go on them after I’ve had something to eat I might just throw up all over you.”
“Yeah, let’s avoid that,” Declan says. “Lead the way.”
Jordan, practically vibrating with excitement, drags Declan straight to the ride she keeps calling ‘the whirligig’, because it takes you round and round, faster and faster, while the carriage you sit in is also spinning. So it’s double the amount of spinning, and when they get off, Declan has to stop for a minute with his hands on his knees while Jordan lovingly laughs at him.
She takes pity on him and they go on the ferris wheel next. They kiss when it stops when they’re at the top, which Declan knows is cliché as hell, but he’s certainly not complaining. He pulls back a little, his thumb gently brushing along her cheekbone.
“I made you a card,” he says, a little embarrassed. Jordan’s warm brown eyes go wide and pleased.
“Oh yeah?”
He pulls it out of his pocket and starts to hand it to her nervously. “It’s not very good.”
“I’ll be the judge of that,” she says, taking it from him. She opens it and smiles when she sees the flower. “So pretty.”
“It’s called a Middlemist red camellia. It’s like the rarest flower in the world. Or so Google tells me.” He knows that Jordan will know why he specifically chose this flower. He’s telling her something about who she is to him. She won’t miss the significance of that.
She brings Declan’s hand to her lips and kisses it gently, before letting it go and looking at the card again. “I love camellia’s,” Jordan says, “but I’ve never seen this one before.” She opens the card and reads the message Declan wrote inside, a soft smile growing the more she reads.
Jordan sighs and holds the card to her chest with her eyes closed. When she opens them again, she says, “I made you a card, too.”
She pulls it out of her own coat pocket, and Declan opens it. On the front is a colour pencil drawing of him, perfect hair, non-smiling, boring suit, but with the fanciest shoes he has ever seen; a more exaggerated version of the ones he was wearing when he and Jordan first met.
Declan laughs in joyous surprise. “Your card is better than mine.”
“My card is funnier than yours,” she says. “It’s not better.”
“Thank you,” he says, earnestly, looking at the portrait and cracking up again. “I think...I think I’m gonna frame this.”
“You should. It’ll be worth a fortune some day.”
Of that, Declan has no doubt. “You wanna know a secret?”
“Absolutely.”
“I forgot it was Valentine’s Day.”
It’s Jordan’s turn to laugh, and she leans in to kiss Declan’s cheek. “I forgot, too. I didn’t realise until I went to grab a coffee and there were Valentine’s specials going on all over the place.”
“Ronan of all people reminded me. He drove up to surprise Adam at Cambridge.”
“Bless him, Ronan really is a gigantic softie.”
Declan grins. “Well he told me he thinks you’re cool. Too cool for me.”
“Aw, babe, he’s right!” Jordan says, laughing at his sad pout. “Unfortunately for me, I love you anyway.”
Declan shakes his head, smiling. “You’re a dick,” he says. “But I love you, too.”
The ferris wheel starts moving again, and when it stops, they go and try their hand at some games. Jordan comes out on top at ring tossing, duck hooking, the coconut shy, and the buzzwire, but Declan does pretty well at the mini laser quest and a balloon-popping darts game.
They end up at the shooting game stall, where you have to try and knock the cans over to win prizes. There’s a cute stuffed stegosaurus that Jordan has her eye on, and Declan pays for them both to have a go to try and win it.
They each manage to knock a couple of cans over, but there’s some that are way more stubborn and don’t seem to budge even when clearly hit.
“Another round,” Declan says when his go is finished. He sighs in frustration when the results are the same.
Jordan puts his hand on his arm. “You know these things are rigged, right? They’re weighted, it’s almost impossible to win the good prizes.”
The rational part of his brain understands this to be true. The monkey part wants the prize. “Yes, but it’s Valentine’s Day and I have to win you this stupid stegosaurus. My manly pride is at stake.”
Jordan snorts. “Well how about we take your manly pride to that stall over there and I’ll let you buy me a churro, I’m starving.”
“...Churros sound good.”
Jordan links her arm through Declans as they follow their noses over to the churro stall.
“I really would’ve won it with one more go,” Declan feels the need to say.
“Sure you would,” Jordan says easily. “Maybe later.”
“Fuck later, it’s freezing. You wanna come back to mine? I’ll make you a latte.”
Jordan grins up at him. “I thought you’d never ask. Churros first though.”
“Oh, that’s a given.”
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luluandthemoon · 3 years
Text
I'm reading a lot of really good theories about The Dreamer trilogy and as much as my heart want to add to these, my tired brain just can't.
I just want:
All these idiots to be able to grow up. Because yes - they are all acting like fools, and that's accurate portrayal of the young mind, because you're a bit of (or very much) an idiot in your late teens/early twenties. You might be reading this being this age and thinking "unfair", but believe me - in ten years you will agree with me. Not that older people can't be morons too, your brain is just extra weird that period in your life.
Declan to get both laid and find happiness (not the same, but both much needed. Also he need to get fucked, like just let go and let someone take him apart in the good way. Lil baby needs to let go of his control.).
Ronan to settle the fuck down. Finding a hobby maybe? So much restless energy, dude. I would love some dance therapy for him, honestly.
Matthew to let loose and be savage. Fuck some people up. Curse his brothers out. We know he can, it's his time to shine.
Someone tell Hennesey her wise assery is fooling no one. Posturing is for the weak. Also, super annoying.
Jordan to just do what she wants. You do you, boo.
Carmen to stop being a fascist pig. Psychopath brother is not a fucking excuse.
Adam to realise the shame isn't his to bear. Saying you have shit parents is not humiliating for you, it's them who should be ashamed. There's nothing so freeing just saying "I had a shit childhood and my parents are crap" and end the discussion there. No more, no less. You don't owe anyone an explanation, but you don't need to carry someone else's shame either.
Bryde to shut the fuck up. Really - grown people who like to lecture others and think they know best are the worst kind of people. Stay clear. His whole aura just screams narcissist to me.
And of course, for the Lynches and their loved ones to live happily ever after.
Will I get what I wish for? Probably not.
But a girl can dream.
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curiousconch · 3 years
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Fight or Flight
Chapter 13 of Ricochet (An Open Heart AU)
Catch up here: Series Masterlist
Chapter Synopsis: Bryce and Heather both need to make major decisions as they face the final revelation about what truly transpired during Heather's kidnapping.
Pairing: Bryce Lahela x MC (Dr. Heather Song) ft. PLATONIC Ethan Ramsey
Words: 3.5k+ | Genre: Crime, Suspense/Thriller, Romance
Rating/Warnings: Mature (16+) / language, hints of violence
Author's Notes: So this took too long to write, and frankly, I'm still reeling with it. I have long planned the conclusion of this series but I am still shocked with how I came up with this final twist. I do hope you forgive me for sitting on this for far too long. Life wasn't making it easier.
Also, disclaimer: Majority of the characters are owned by Pixelberry, except the main character Heather Song.
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"You can't go back to the case, Lahela."
Bryce pounded his fists on his oak desk in frustration. He just came out of a meeting from Chief Tanaka, requesting for him to be assigned back on the Farrugia case.
Victim - prosecutor relations. Possible disbarrment. Termination. To sum it all up, his career will be in jeopardy.
These are the looming threats over Bryce's head if he didn't back off the case. Not that he had much choice. Now that his and Heather's faces were plastered across every Boston online article from the gala.
He couldn't help but to think that someone planned to stop his involvement in the case. Probably because that person knows he's doomed once Bryce works his way to untangle the web of conspiracies that transpired.
Resolved, the ADA swears to himself to get to the bottom of it before he lets this go. Sitting down, his mind ventures to Heather, wishing that her day back to Edenbrook was going much smoother than his was.
*** 
Unfortunately, before noon, Heather found herself in a supply closet.
It was proving more difficult to go back to normalcy after everything that has happened. Patients recognize her from the news coverage. Doctors, nurses, even half the staff was treating her like something fragile. Even the usually grumpy attending that was her boss wasn't trying to get on her toes today.
For Heather, it was incredibly disorienting.
But the probable reason behind how everyone was acting weird around her was that early morning incident.
While taking on an emergency case, she froze up. The last time she did was during her intern year. And that was for an entirely different reason. This time, her head blanked out because she thought she saw Ed Farrugia in that gurney. The slithering snake of a man he was. She couldn't move her fingers, nor speak because of the mixed emotions of her imagined vision.
Edenbrook was where it all began.
Luckily, Dr. Naveen was around to sub for her.
And thus began her slow downturn, reaching the tipping point in this condemned supply closet.
Eyes closed and breathing slowly, Heather struggled to free herself from the suffocation she was feeling. She loved Edenbrook, she loved working here. But now, why does she only feel dread the first day she again set foot on it?
Beep beep.
The sound of her pager momentarily freed her from her prodding mind. It was Ethan. He wanted to see her at Chief Banerji's office. Sighing deeply, she fixed herself and got out of the closet, wondering what this meeting might be about.
An elevator trip and a couple of minutes later, she knocked on Naveen's door and let herself in. Ethan Ramsey was already inside.
"You asked for me?" Heather said, closing the door behind her.
Her mentor and grand-mentor exchanged looks of concern before straightening up.
"Grand-protégé, have a seat," Chief Naveen gestured towards the comfortable chairs in front of her desk, where Ethan already took a seat on one.
She obliged, taking the seat opposite her boss. Dr. Ramsey didn't take long to speak right after.
"We know you've been through a lot recently Dr. Song and we-"
"Please don't put this delicately, Ethan. I can't get anymore fragile," Heather spoke up, demanding for both doctors to tell it to her straight.
"Of course, Heather." Ethan coughed, before sitting up in a more commanding posture.
"Johns Hopkins have offered a long-term position to the Cancer research partnership we have with them," Naveen said. "We both think it's in the best interest of you and Edenbrook to take the opportunity, given that it's your target specialization and -"
"It's not in Boston." Heather finished the sentence for him.
"Yes," Ethan nodded. "We don't want your career to be overshadowed by what has been going on. You have a lot of potential, and this would make you a forerunner in the advancement of cancer research."
"It's frankly what you can call it, hitting two birds with one stone," the eldest of the doctors added.
"How long will it be?" Heather asked, weighing it all in.
"A year, a year and a half, at least." Ethan replied.
"And what of my position in the diagnostics team?"
"You'll stay on to consult remotely, but your responsibilities will be diminished given that we want you to spend more time on the cancer research."
Heather swallowed hard. They're putting me into self-imposed exile.
Sensing her hesitation, Ethan reached out to her and patted her arm.
"We only want what we think is best for you Heather, so please at least give this some thought."
She met her mentors' gaze and nodded at them, before rising to stand up.
"I will think about it," she said, leaving the office.
*** 
Pulling all the strings he had left, Bryce Lahela stepped foot into the mansion of Massachusetts' prolific senator. Isolated by house arrest, thinking about Ed Farrugia made the young ADA's skin crawl.
As he walked the carpeted floors into a receiving room, he couldn't help but notice the select macabre portraits that showed war scenes hanging on the stuffy walls. Says alot about its owner, that's for sure.
The double doors he entered in opened, and a tall imposing figure in unflattering maroon satin robes came in. He looked a bit older, yet, somehow, more formidable.
"Ah, ADA Lahela. I see you are not backing down?"
Bryce almost snorted at his arrogance, immediately sensing the pretend machismo in his foe's tone.
"We'll see about that, Senator," the prosecutor replied politely. Didn't want to cross the point of no return before I had the answers I wanted.
"So, what does the young and promising prosecutor want from a disgraced politician today?" Ed sat down on one of the most pretentious armchairs Bryce has ever seen in his life.
"The truth," Bryce smiled cheekily, standing opposite the other man, matching his bravado.
The senator's response was to lean back on the too comfortable chair, crossing his legs.
"Well ADA Lahela, are you certain you are ready for the truth? It may get closer to home, more than you will ever think," Farrugia replied, a sinister grin masking his features which suddenly made Bryce feel queasy.
I don't like where this is going. He thought to himself, staying quiet.
"I thought so," Ed Farrugia nodded, watching the lawyer's stoic facade slowly crumble. "But to hell with it, it's just going to be fun to watch how you had a hand on all of what happened to your precious Doctor Song."
The former senator snapped, and in came a butler that carried a tray. In the tray was a white envelope, and a tumbler of what Bryce smelled as scotch. The politico grabbed the glass and sipped the rich liquid, neither offering Bryce any nor pouring him another glass. Instead, he reached for the white envelope and raised it to Bryce's level.
"Recognize the handwriting, young man?" Ed Farrugia was now sneering at him, expectant.
As Bryce's sight slowly trailed the cursive handwriting, he sensed the familiarity of the strokes. Ed Farrugia's name was written, but there was something about the way it was written.
When his eyes fell on the top left side, he recognized the insignia almost immediately, the hairs at the back of his neck standing up.
There it was, the name he tried to get away from since his adolescent life. Lahela. The logo of his parents' godforsaken company that duped so many families.
Bryce can only freeze in place, as the horror of the realization that his parents somehow had a hand in all of the things that happened to Heather slowly dawned on him.
"Heather Song was the doctor that saved my ass, ADA Lahela, so of course I didn't have the motive to hurt her, you know. She prevented my assassination, and I'm not an ungrateful hypocrite," Ed Farrugia began to explain. "But Heather knows this... I am not to shy away from people who can give what I want, what I need, you understand of course? You're a smart young man."
"So in exchange of a generous donation to my campaign, I am to concoct a plan that will mutually be beneficial to me and my donors," Farrugia continued. "My donors wish to teach you a lesson, make sure that you do not forget where you came from, remind you that no matter where you go, once a Lahela, always a Lahela."
"That's why we went with a warning first, remember? Get out of Boston, or else," the senator shook his head. "Your parents didn't think she'd be a good influence to you. Frankly, an orphan with an absentee father? She'd set you up for failure. At least that was what your parents thought."
"And of course, I wanted to gain something more with it, might as well do the work right? I had my kidnapping staged, that dashcam footage you received? That's from me so that you can arrive at the scene before I get killed by that amateur wannabe Jordan. What's in it for me was public sympathy - as the survivor of a second assassination attempt. Public sympathy equals votes. As simple as that."
Ed stood then, and padded his way to the nearest open window, before looking back at Bryce.
"I used my own enemy, the Travis Brothers, to deflect suspicion, of course. I also a used a middle man, someone who already wants payback from Dr. Song, someone with motive... So Declan Nash worked for me, in exchange of leniency in his role on Panacea's medicare fraud." He smirked, satisfied with the grandiose of his plan. "My only mistake was that I underestimated that ungrateful piece of crap though. Who would have thought he had the brains to record me?" his fist connected on the windowsill, startling Bryce.
"So you see, young man, everything that happened, is on you. No one is to be blamed more than you. All because of your ambition to become something you are not. Something you will never be, be apart from your family name."
Stunned into silence, Bryce can only gape at the senator. The turmoil within though, was unparalleled.
The anger that was boiling in him in the revelation that all this time, his parents was the cause of so much misery. Bryce's heart was so quenched of the discovery that he hasn't completely escaped them, nor their relentless hunger for taking control of his life.
His fists clenched, wanting nothing but to smash every single thing in that wretched room. He didn't care anymore.
What right do they have after putting him in so much pain? What do they even want to achieve? Do they want to make him crawl back to them as if nothing happened? Do they want the same pretentious respect that so many others had just for their mercy?
How does he even begin to explain all of this to Heather? That everything that went downhill for her was because of the person she loved? How can she accept him now? How can she love him now?
And as if on queue, Bryce's phone began to ring. When he saw the caller ID, he almost dropped it.
It rang once again. And he knew he had to take it.
"Bryce? Can we meet?" The voice from the other line was firm, but fragile.
He tried to level his voice, not wanting to have her worried. At least not now.
"Sure, babe. Where do you want to go?" Bryce replied, walking out of the mansion that was sucking the life out of him.
"In that cafe, where I bought you coffee that first day we met. Do you remember where?"
Bryce sensed the urgency in Heather's voice. Has she found out? He hoped not.
"Okay, what time?"
"I was hoping now. If you're done working, that is."
He was done. No reason to delay the inevitable.
"Okay, I'll drive there now. I'll see you."
With a heart heavier than it has ever been in his entire life, he drove down to where it all began, praying so much that it wouldn't be a trip to full circle.
***
Heather nervously sat by the glass wall of the Cafe, in a quiet corner. She already ordered two caramel macchiatos, the same drinks she and Bryce had the first day they met.
She rehearsed what she was about to say in her head, hoping that repetition will make it less taunting. Once she sensed Bryce, she waved him to the table and stood up.
He instantly saw her, and the load he was bearing suddenly become a little lighter. But the guilt was still there. The guilt of being the person to have caused much misery in her life.
But years of practice of showing everyone else the facade of his unbreakable confidence helped him hide what he was truly feeling at the moment, and instead smiled at her.
Her beaming return smile proved to be almost too much.
He reached out to her and intertwined his fingers with hers, almost nudging the cup of coffee in front of him.
"Hey, you remembered," Bryce was touched.
"Of course, it's probably the only thing you ordered during those meetings." Heather chuckled, brushing his cheek with her knuckles.
Her chuckle was lackluster, not her usual one full of wit.
"What's going on, Heath? It can't be that you just missed me," Bryce asked, straight to the point, hoping to dodge her intuitive powers of observation.
She sensed the edge in his voice, making her eyebrow quirk. Heather discerned it was best to ask him first.
"No, Bryce. What's up?"
For the second time that day, Bryce was stunned into silence. Heather's sharp perception of him was unimaginably accurate. And he knew he'd explode if he didn't tell her.
So he did.
From the denial and threats of Chief Tanaka, to his prodding, which led him to the heavy weight of the truth of Senator Ed Farrugia's admission. He didn't spare any detail.
Heather listened intently, trying to comprehend exactly what he was saying. She saw the guilt in Bryce's eyes when he told her that his parents set the wheels in motion, apparently for some sick and twisted lesson he needed to learn, like he was still under their supervision, under their control.
The more she heard, the more overwhelmed she got. But she didn't let go of the grip she had on Bryce's hands, reassuring him that she's there to not judge, but only hear out what he learned of the unnerving truth. And to acknowledge the strength of Bryce's character to not hold out the truth to her.
That was what she loved about Bryce. He was never one to back down from the truth, when it mattered. At least that's the case with her.
She has spent half the day pondering about her own decision. She took Bryce's position into account but she didn't expect this other factor to come into play.
If she stayed in Boston, she'd stay with him. And he won't be able to help her case. She knew Bryce, and he'll be unnerved not to be able to personally oversee it. And with this new discovery, he'd want to all the more take this case. This was personal. And Bryce wasn't one to back down against it. She's going to hold her back.
If she left... Well, Bryce would be able to take on the case.
Either way, she'll lose him. And the mere thought of it pained Heather to the core.
Bryce noticed Heather's lack of reply, the contemplative look in her face made him sense something was about to go south.
"What if there's a way, Bryce?" Heather finally spoke. "What if there's a chance for you to fight all this? Would you take it?"
"Heath, I don't think I want to know where this is heading..." Bryce stared at her, confused.
"Answer me first, Lahela. If I give you an out where all those hurdles goes out of your way, will you go through with it?" The intensity with which her eyes bore into his was unparalleled, yet rendering him clueless.
It took him a few moments before answering. Everytime he asked himself the same question, the answer was never different.
"Yes, Heath. I'll fight this to make sure those bastards can do you no more harm." his answer was firm, but as to her way, he still had reservations.
She nodded, her heart screaming not to do this. But she had to do it, else, everything her and Bryce will have between them will be diminished to nothing but resentment and guilt. With him claiming responsibility for his own parents' actions, yet unable to do anything about it. And Heather resentment, because she can't guarantee that a day won't come that she'll blame him.
They can't be together. Not until this is all resolved, not until they can leave everything behind.
Laying it down the line, Heather had to choose. She had to choose for both of them, even if it will surely hurt them both.
"Do you trust me, Bryce? Do you trust us?" Heather was firmly holding his hands, determined.
He nodded, despite himself. He feared what she was about to say, so he held his breath.
"So be it, Bryce. I'll give you an out. I'll give you what I think you need now,"
Bryce was afraid to ask the next question in his mind, but he did anyway, fuelled by Heather’s fire.
"What's the cost, Heath?"
"I'm leaving for Baltimore, Bryce," she said quietly, biting her lower lip, clearly putting in an effort to hold back tears. "I hope two years is enough for you to fight everything alone, because you'll have to. We both have to fight this separately, it seems."
Bryce's blood ran cold. No, no, no, no fucking way.
Seeing the panic in his eyes, Heather soothed him by brushing her fingertips on the back of his hand, sadness beginning to creep into her expression.
"It's the only way, Bryce, it's the only way..." she repeated, as if to convince herself rather than him.
"No, Heather, I can't lose you, not this time, not ever." Bryce's voice was pleading with her, yet he knew, deep down, that she was right. That this seemed to be the only way to fight all the remaining battles of their lives.
"If we concede now, Bryce, it would only break us. If we avoid this now, it will eventually haunt us and we'll succumb to it. We'll just end up hurting each other." She struggled to reassure him, but she pressed on.
"This way, we're not bowing down. We stand more of a chance to overcome this if you'll fight this. If, we will fight this." She rose from her seat to take the chair beside him. She wrapped her arm around his shoulders, comforting him. "We're merely carving our own way around it. It's not going to be easy, but I know we'll overcome... Because you're one hell of a prosecutor, Lahela. You're the best and you know it."
"How come you're the one who's so brave about this?" Bryce stared back at her, tears brimming in the corner of his eyes, aware that this may be their end.
"Because I believe so much in you, Bryce. Because you can do so much for this world more than how your parents defined you. You are your own person, and nothing can ever take that away from you," she paused, brushing the hair away from the beautiful amber eyes that gazed down at her. "Most importantly, because I love you so, so much. And what I can give you now, the love I have now in me, is less than what you deserve. I want to heal, for myself Bryce. I want to be whole again, so that I can give my 100%. When all of this is over, I'll come find you, that's a promise."
Bryce couldn't help himself anymore and pressed his lips against hers with fervent passion, knowing that this will be the last time in a long time before he can find her in his arms like this. Agreeing to this course of action, they bid their goodbyes, never as uncertain as they were about the decision they just made.
In less than a week, Heather left for Johns Hopkins, bidding goodbye to everyone except Bryce. Hoping the moment she stepped inside the plane, life would give her this chance to start over, to completely heal, to become whole again. Because Bryce Lahela deserved more than the fraction of what she could give. He deserved everything of her, no inhibitions, no limits, no holding back.
Bryce watched her go from a distance. He watched her plane took off from the ground, all the while concocting a plan to defeat the shadows of his past lurking around so that he could be with her again. Freely, completely and irreversibly.
That day, two open hearts chose to fight. Fight for the things that hung over their head so that it was no more. But in their decision to fight, they lost the comfort of each other.  They embarked on their separate paths with the promise of meeting again one day.
The path to the summit was often lonely. It is in their hopes however, that the moment they reach the end of this hard path they were in, they would no longer be alone anymore.
More than their willingness to overcome another hurdle in their way was their certainty to trust in each other, in the strength of their love for one another. In their endurance. In their hope.
For them, that was more than enough. It has to be enough.
Author's Notes 2: If you're reading this, I want to thank you so much for taking time to read this series. There's an epilogue in the final edits and I promise to tie the loose ends of this final chapter! Please do share your thoughts in the comments, I would really appreciate it!
Tags: @eleanorbloom @ejustlurkshere @choicesficwriterscreations @openheartfanfics
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Liverpool Football Club and West Ham United Football truth should make Jordan Henderson choice relaxed for ENG
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andrewhq · 4 years
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Oh, would you still offer your embrace (if it's another place you'd find me in?)
tags: War AU, Pirate AU, Witcher AU, GTA V AU, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Travelling through universes and stuff
AO3 Mirror link
A man in his bunk takes out a picture in his pocket and stares at it. It’s the last picture he took of Thomas, his lover, before being drafted into the military and forced to serve his country. That’s where he is now, fighting for his country.
He took the picture on Christmas night the previous year, 1940. He was arriving late to the party and saw his lover at the window. He took the opportunity to snap a picture of him, then knocked on the window. When his lover looked at him with the warmest smile, and from the outside he mouthed:
“You look dreamy tonight.”
His lover laughed, although he couldn’t hear it, he still cherished every moment of it.
He has something written on the side of the picture:
“Things to love the list
Ø
Øone your eyes forever
Too too 2 many things”
He keeps the written part folded over so the other soldiers can't see when he looks at it every night with the light of a small candle.
They ask who the man in the picture is and "someone important to me who died" because that's easier to explain somehow.
When he comes back home, people keep telling him that his lover actually died, that there was a bombing in the port while he waited for someone whose name he never spoke of. People thought of the man as mad. Every single day waiting for this unknown person. There was no way he would've survived that.
The man never broke down as hard as he did at that moment, he even ran to where the bombing happened, screaming for Thomas in desperation. Even his lover’s father told him there was no use in searching for him any longer
The army man gave up that very night, he just couldn't take it anymore. He would be nothing without his love.
--
On an island, the time unknown, a boy stumbled upon a photo of a man on the ground, a really old looking picture, dated 1940 (he couldn’t remember what year was currently), with a man so beautiful, he almost lost his breath. There's a name on the back that signs the owner of the picture. "Jordan S. Maron."
"Weird." He thought out loud since his name matched the one from the back of the picture. There was something in him telling him to search for this man in the picture. And search he did. Far and wide, high and low, trying to at least find an answer to the whereabouts of this mysterious beautiful man.
A ship came to the island he was stuck on. Jordan didn’t even get a say, he was immediately captured by the pirates and forced to slave away on the ship. For a while, that was how his life was. Sweeping floors, cleaning shit, being pushed around, and yelled at constantly. It wasn’t a pleasant life. He would spend the days working and the nights just staring emptily at the picture of the man.
One night he almost lost the picture. The Captain caught him staring at it and ripped it out of his hands. Jordan never screamed so loud in his life. He couldn’t lose the picture.
He used his chains to choke out the Captain, taking his picture back when the Captain stopped breathing. A few pirates heard the commotion and came to see the scene, their Captain dead at the feet of the slave.
From that day on, Jordan became a Captain himself. The Captain of the ship that captured him and made him a slave. It was pirate law or something. He wasn’t the most ruthless pirate in the world, but his devotion to balance scared the rest of the pirates. There was no messing with the Captain if you messed with the balance.
For a while, the ship travelled aimlessly, Jordan refusing to tell his crew where they were going. The truth was that he didn’t know himself where he was going. Just that he needed to find the man in the picture.
He arrived on an island one day. He saw smoke coming from it and went to see what was happening. The forest was on fire, a volcano erupted. He saw someone on the shore, so he got down to the island to see if it could be a potential survivor.
His breath got caught in his throat as he saw the man in the picture laying on the beach of the island. He ran to him as fast as he could, falling to his knees to check his pulse, to check any signs of life. But he could feel nothing. Nothing at all. His purpose, his reason for living, was dead in his arms.
He put heavy rocks in both of their pockets and pouches, then picked up the man, and started heading into the waves and slowly sinking with them.
--
As he was riding on a horse, a piece of paper flew into a man’s face, making him stop in his tracks. It was a really detailed small painting of a man, man so beautiful, he almost lost his breath. There's a name on the back that signs the owner of the picture. "Jordan S. Maron."
"Weird." He thought out loud since his name matched the one from the back of the picture. There was something in him telling him to search for this man in the picture. So he did. Not like he had anything better to do. He was a Witcher, constantly on the run, not belonging to anywhere or anyone. So finding a man from a painting that had his name written on felt right.
He stopped at a tavern in a nearby town and showed off the painting to people. Most did not recognize the man at all. Jordan huffed. Well, this would be harder than he expected.
He traveled to a different kingdom eventually, showing off the picture at every stop.
Eventually, someone recognized him.
“He’s the Prince, Witcher. Better get rid of the picture before someone tells on you that you have some painting of him. It’s not gonna bide well for you.” A drunken man told him after he downed his fifth mead of the night.
Jordan was quiet as he put the painting back in his pouch.
“What is the Prince’s name?” He asked.
“You should know. It’s Thomas.”
Thomas, huh?
He left the tavern late in the night and went to the castle. He didn’t want to enter, he just wanted to see him, just to confirm that the Prince was really who he was looking for.
Before he could get close to the castle, a hooded figure ran into him.
“Whoa, I am so deeply sorry! I did not mean to bust into you like that!” The hooded figure said. The voice felt so familiar, yet he couldn’t quite put his finger on it.
Jordan lifted his candle to see the man better. When he did, he saw that the hood fell off the man’s head. That was when he realized. That was Thomas . That was the man he was looking for.
“You’re… the prince? What are you doing out here so late?” Jordan asked.
“You’re a witcher, what are you doing near the castle?” The Prince immediately snarked back. Jordan couldn’t help but laugh.
Thomas crossed his arms together and puffed his chest. God, he was so adorable.
His thoughts were cut off when he heard shouts from nearby. When he went to warn the Prince, he saw a sword pushed through his chest and Jordan’s eyes went wide. Masked men stared right at the Witcher. He could see the one that had his sword in the Prince smirking at him as he pulled his sword out.
Jordan was raging. He chased after the masked men as far as he could but eventually lost them. He went back to where the Prince died and dropped to his knees. He wanted to cry, to scream, but did none of those.
When the guards came in, they accused Jordan of murdering the Prince. He didn’t even argue with them. He felt like he did anyway.
The Witcher was executed the following day for the murder of Prince Thomas of Cassell.
--
As he was running on the streets of Los Santos, a man tripped and stumbled upon a photo of a man on the ground, a really old looking picture, dated 1940, with a man so beautiful, he almost lost his breath. There's a name on the back that signs the owner of the picture. "Jordan S. Maron."
"Weird." He thought out loud since his name matched the one from the back of the picture. There was something in him telling him to search for this man in the picture. But right then he was busy running away. The police were after him after all. He pocketed the picture and took off once again.
He hid between the large brushes of a car wash and waited until the police passed, making sure no camera was following him (luckily for him, that car wash had only one CCTV near the front of its store and none at the car wash itself). From between the brushes, he managed to take off his mask, change his clothes, and put the cash into a backpack, different from the bag he was carrying.
“You motherfucker, you made it!” he heard a voice coming through his earpiece. Jordan couldn’t help but grin smugly. The voice belonged to Declan, one of his crewmates. “I mean it should’ve been obvious, cuz you’re the boss. Still in awe of it every time.”
Jordan shook his head as he looked for the bus station to find his way back to the HQ.
“It’s not that big of a deal,” Jordan said, even though it was that big of a deal. “We’ve been doing this for years, haven’t we?”
“You got a point, boss.” Declan agreed.
On the bus to the HQ, Jordan couldn’t stop staring at the picture. The man felt familiar, yet he had no idea who he was.
Weeks passed, Jordan didn’t forget about the picture, but he was a little too busy with his crew to be able to constantly search for a man who could probably be dead by now. He looked at the picture again as he sat on the rooftop of a building with his sniper rifle resting just barely over the edge. He sighed. Why was he so obsessed with finding this man?
Well, that could wait, he had a job to finish. He looked through the sniper rifle and tried to find his target. The sight of blue hair caught his attention. When he finally focused on the person, it was… the man in the picture. He held his breath as he watched him, happily chatting away with some people. He also spotted his target, chatting with the man. Through the bug planted in the room, he could hear their conversation. They mostly talked about business, selling and renting houses, the state of real estate, stuff that Jordan didn’t really care about. He then finally heard it.
Tom .
That was the man’s name. Tom. Thomas. That name felt so familiar. He tried to listen further, maybe he could hear his last name. When it sounded like the target was about to say his full name, Dec came through his earpiece and completely cut the audio from the room.
“What are you doing, Cap? You have a perfect shot!”
Jordan groaned. He lined up his shot again, moving it away from the man with blue hair, and focused it on the target. Then he shot. Straight in the head. Before the target even dropped down on the floor, Jordan picked up his grappling hook and shot it to the other building, sliding on the wire to the other side and breaking through the window. The rest of his crew also came in, guns out. More people came in, shots started being fired everywhere. Jordan went straight for the blue-haired man who looked scared and confused.
“Get out of here, Tom!” Jordan yelled and tried to push Tom away into the hallway.
But before he could do so, a member from the other crew shot Tom in the abdomen and he dropped down dead. Jordan had never screamed so loud in his life. He was stunned.
Before Jordan could do anything, he got shot in the chest and dropped down on the ground, his crewmates screaming after him. He didn’t survive, but maybe it was better that way.
Jordan gasped as he woke up, then a nurse immediately told him to calm down. It was one of the crew nurses. He didn’t die.
Before he blacked out again, he asked the nurse “Did he live too?”
He didn’t manage to hear the nurse’s answer as darkness took over once again.
After waking up a couple more times, undergoing some surgery, and weeks of healing passed, Jordan was finally allowed to leave the medical ward of their HQ.
He found Dec first.
“You look much better, boss.” Dec smiled at him.
“Yeah, I guess.” Jordan looked very lost, the memory of Tom being shot in the chest haunting his mind. “Do you know who had been leaving me flowers?”
“Oh, you don’t know?” Dec asked surprised. “Huh, you two didn’t manage to catch each other…”
Jordan narrowed his eyes in confusion. “Who?”
“Tom? The guy with blue hair you jumped in front of a bullet for?”
Tom was alive?! Jordan’s eyes went wide.
“Where is he?” Jordan grabbed Dec by the shoulders and shook him until he answered.
“Jeez, slow down man, he should be somewhere around HQ, I don’t know!”
Jordan immediately took off through the HQ. He needed to find Tom again. He needed to make sure he actually was alive and this wasn’t some sick joke.
“Where are you running, mate?” The British accent was unmistakable. “Aren’t you supposed to re-”
Before Tom could finish his sentence, Jordan went to hug him tightly.
“I’m so happy to see you again, Tom.” He couldn’t help the tears streaming down his face.
Again? , he caught himself saying. When did he meet this man again? As far as he knew this was the first time he’d seen him.
“I missed you too, dummy.” Tom said, a smile on his face, his voice sounding rough from trying to keep himself from crying as well.
Those words felt like warm honey being dripped on his heart. It hurt, even though he couldn’t quite remember. And Tom couldn’t remember either.
But maybe it was better if they never knew the tragedy of their love story.
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