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payphoneangel · 6 months

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For the ask game 1, 11, 24, 23 :))

what are 3 things you’d say shaped you into who you are?

Oh boy, starting off with a bang! Uhhh this question is very broad so I guess I'll interpret 'things' as like, events. I could go media but ehhh i think events are more interesting.

1.1 I had a rare and severe disease as a child that deeply impacted how I view mortality, comfort, and the field of medicine. Luckily, I have essentially 0 lasting health impacts from it so it's all just emotional stuff! Hooray!

1.2 My parents split in my early teens, changing not only my living situation but also how I viewed the concepts of home, family, and romance/marriage. It also was the catalyst for which started repressing all of my emotions, something I had to work hard to unlearn in my late teens/early twenties. It was a good life lesson, to say the least.

1.3 Also around my late teens, I figured out I was genderqueer! This has changed a lot, both the intricacies of my gender itself, and how it's impacted my life. Everything from the way I look/speak, how I navigate interpersonal relationships, and how I conduct myself in public are impacted by my complex relationship with gender. It's fun and exciting and freeing and enlightening, but it's also frustrating, isolating, confusing, and downright scary sometimes. I wouldn't have it any other way.

11. what do you consider to be romance?

Tbh, it's something that has been on my mind quite a lot recently! Short answer: I have no clue 😅

Long answer: I have only recently just had the revelation that I cannot tell the difference between platonic and romantic attraction. I'm not even sure romantic attraction is something I'm capable of experiencing. I can recognize (and enjoy) romance in fiction, I sing along to all the love songs, I do my best to understand the feelings of those around me when they talk about romance. But for me? I don't know. I know I've loved people, deeply and earnestly-- I love people now. But every time I try to enter a romantic relationship with someone, I feel like I'm just doing what's expected of me; going through the motions of 'what romance is supposed to look like' without actually feeling it. It's hard to say though, it's hard to identify the absence of something. How do I say I can't feel these feelings if I don't know how to identify them? Or is that in and of itself my answer? To me, there isn't anything I'd only do exclusively with a romantic partner. I don't know what romance looks like because I'd happily do anything passionate, caretaking, or intimate with a friend. But I'm told there's supposed to be extra feelings, so... here I am.

23. say 3 things about someone you hate

YESSS TIME TO BE A HATER. Okay uhhhh 1) expected me to be responsible for an entire dnd group's happiness despite my own joy becoming less and less frequent when playing (exacerbated by playing become a literal obligation) 2) assumed he knew my own needs and solutions to my problems even when I DIRECTLY STATED OTHERWISE 3) decided i had daddy issues because-- and I cannot stress this enough-- I played a warlock in his stupid campaign. Then he tried to therapize me about it. thru dnd. Needless to say I did not stay in that campaign (despite his best efforts to not let me quit)

24. what’s one thing you’re proud of yourself for?

Ahhh I could connect this to any of the earlier questions but I suppose since I'm answering these on here I'll say this: My improvement in writing!!

Spn really got me into writing fic. Outside of taking a creative writing class in college, I haven't done any writing outside of scientific writing since I was a teen. I had a lot to learn and relearn! It's been really rewarding to send my drafts to my beta reader, and watch the amount of edit suggestions lower with each project as my writing skills have strengthened. Of course, I still have more to learn, but honing my writing skills is something that brings me a lot of joy; and it's been very fun to write fics that other people enjoy too!

ask me some stuff

#vinny answers #ty for the questions birdie!!#did NAWT mean to get that deep w it #you just happened to pick a couple questions that were like. Well. tell me abt ur core being #love it tho great times

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songmingisthighs · 1 month

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Wanbelyn

introduction pt. i | pt. ii | pt. iii

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ch. lxxiii - nAWt

neurosurgeon!hongjoong × reader

buy me coffee ?

genre : dad!au

rating : mature; crude jokes and filthy language

warning : medical situation

wc : 1.6 k

where love and peace is held, i never expected for this to happen. i planned and i planned, i expected, and i hoped, but it was never you. you held what i wanted hostage to make room for you, the thing that i needed but has no means of acceptance. deny me, live your best life.

"Thank God you're here, go- go there! I'm trying to get ahold of (y/n)'s cousin!" Wooyoung hissed frantically as he rushed to the nurse's station.

The first thing Hongjoong noticed was chaos, in one section of the ER. Usually, as bad as 'the emergency room' sounded, there wouldn't be this much commotion so it caused him dread when saw people rushing accompanied by the sounds of his son crying and his nanny trying to calm him down. It not a good sign when patients screaned loudly to no end and it was never a good sign when healthcare providers act frantically.

His legs took him immediately to his son's bed where the little boy was thrashing against the doctor and nurses who were trying to examine him but failing as they didn't want to hurt him accidentally. "Kijoong!" He called out, rushing to his son's side who upon noticing him, wailed louder and tried climbing onto his dad. "God, what happened?" Hongjoong asked the ER doctor who sighed, "The boy fell and we're trying our best to see if there's anything wrong with him but he's being difficult. As you can see, he had a couple of scratches and bumps due to the impact but since he fell off of the elevator, we wanted to make sure," he said. Hongjoong's eyes widened at the revelation and his heart dropped to his stomach, "What the hell did you mean he fell off the elevator?" Kijoong, who was already calming down slightly from his dad's presence, got pulled back slightly so Hongjoong could examine his condition only to see that he didn't look bad at all considering the description of what happened, "H-how did he fall? Where's-"

Hongjoong's words were cut off by the sound of the curtain being pulled back to reveal your form, looking like you had gone through hell and being held back by the nurses who wanted you to remain still. "That's not what happened," you stated, shifting your gaze from Hongjoong to glare at the doctor, "You're making it seem like he was running amok all by himself so let me tell you what actually happened." The nurses tried to get you to lean back but you shrugged them off and even tried to sit up but the pained look on your face as your body started to fold proved you had rather major injuries.

The way you winced caused Hongjoong to let go of Kijoong, knowing that he had to make sure that you were alright much to Kijoong's disappointment and he let it show by screaming for his dad. Hongjoong told him that he'd be right back soon but Kijoong kept wailing, watching as his dad started to conduct a neurological examination on you. "Fuck, what the hell happened, (y/n)? W-why-" he was trying his best to see your pupillary reaction but you kept trying to push him off, "You go tend to your son, Hongjoong, please, I'm fine!" And that ticked Hongjoong off, "Fine? Fine!? Look at you!" his eyes started to water when he looked you over. You had a small bandage over the corner of your left forehead, nasty long and deep scratches on the side of your left arm that looked red, inflamed, and still slightly bleeding, and the left side of your pants that was rolled to your knees, revealing friction burns and bruises added with two broken fingernails. "You looked like you just fought a fucking bear, (y/n), this is- you're not okay! You need my help!" he scolded, shutting you up momentarily and the sternness of his voice caused Kijoong's wails to momentarily stop. "What happened?" Hongjoong asked, this time slightly softer.

After a moment and with a deep breath, you told him. "Kijoong ran past me after his session with Mingi, I didn't even get to ask Mingi about the assessment because I knew I had to get him and I did. I got Kijoong but he tried getting away from me," you said, pausing to take a shaky breath as you eyed Kijoong, "He was trying so hard to get away from me and all I could think about was getting him away from the escalator but then he pushed me and lost his footing." Hongjoong subconsciously settled to sit by your side on your bed which seemed to trigger something in Kijoong as he began to call for his dad, calls that fell on deaf ears as Hongjong was too focused on listening to what happened to you and his son while his brain was trying to assess the possibilities of internal injuries in you and his son. "So I did what I could think of first and dove right with him, I grabbed him and try to shield him from the impact, I'm sorry," you hiccupped, getting emotional as you felt guilty for letting Kijoong get hurt. Hearing you say that, Hongjoong chuckled tearily and grabbed your face in his hands gently, "Sorry?" he smiled, "You saved his head from cracking open like coconut, (y/n), you did what you thought you had to and you did it so well," he said, really grateful for you and your actions. Your shoulders slumped in relief over realizing that he wasn't mad at you nor did he blame you for the incident.

Meanwhile, seeing you two in such a state, Kijoong grew even more agitated and had even tried to claw the nurses and doctor off fo him, He wanted to jump in between you and Hongjoong and he wanted to do it right then, no more delays, In his childish mind, he there was nothing more important and no other situation is as important as this one. In his childish mind, he had to do something for his dad who had done so much for him. But being held back like this was preventing him from doing anything about it, from doing what he wanted. And no matter how much or how loud he shouted, no one was taking him seriously and it was infuriating, it was frustrating.

And then it happened.

Within a split second, Kijoong's eyes rolled back into his head and his body tensed, his jaw slackened and his fingers curled into tight fists. The voice that wailed loudly suddenly stopped which caught the attention of Hongjoong but by the time he got a good look at Kijoong, Kijoong was already spasming on his bed.

It was then that another hell broke loose.

Hongjoong let go of you almost instantly and rushed to Kijoong's side, not that you could blame him. In fact, at that moment, you suddenly didn't care about anything else, not even about yourself or your injuries as you ripped your IV off and rushed to Kijoong's other side. Though they could have helped, you shooed the doctor and nurses away, getting to immediate work of putting Kijoong in the position he should be in as he rode out his episode.

"Why? Why is it back now- he was doing just fine," you muttered to yourself. Somehow, in this situation, you were able to assume your role well as the caretaker while Hongjoong was doing his part as the concerned parent but still trying his best to keep his composure calm. Or, well, as calm as he could because what kind of a parent would just be okay seeing their child in such a medical situation.

It took a while but Kijoong finally came to. His body stopped spasming and his eyes rolled back to their normal positioning, his muscles relaxed and he began testing his vocal skills again. "Dad, daddy," he called, whimpering with tears slowly brimming in his eyes. "Hey, bud," Hongjoong smiled leaning in to hug his son gently, "I was so worried seeing you like that, are you okay? How are you feeling?" Although his dad was talking to him, he couldn't help but block his voice and focus on seeing you, Or, more specifically, your hand that was resting on Hongjoong's shoulder.

The next moment shocked everyone as Kijoong jumped up and pushed your body away with such strength that it made you stumble back, hitting the nearby tray which caused you to wince when your injured side got the brunt. "GET OFF MY DADDY!" he yelled loudly, his face growing red and although you were already at a considerably further distance, Kijoong was advancing on you like an animal before Hongjoong got a grip on him. "Kim Kijoong, what is the matter with you? You don't talk to an adult like that, you don't talk to (y/n) like that!" he scolded which didn't bode well for him as Kijoong began thrashing in his grip, screaming for you to leave his dad alone and for you to go away at the top of his lungs. His screams echoed through the area and the next and it frightened you- no. It broke your heart to hear him saying that he didn't want you around, telling you to leave. The usually sweet boy had turned on you and you didn't know what you did.

Despite your injuries having yet to be properly checked, you stumbled back and staggered out of the ER, as if listening to Kijoong's instruction.

"Hey, hey, hey, where are you going?" Wooyoung called, slamming the nurse's station phone to end his call before rushing to you, "Excuse me, miss, your cousin is coming so you need to keep your ass- hey!" you didn't listen to him, maybe you couldn't but who cared? You simply walked out, leaving Wooyoung worriedly following you but not before he stopped in Hongjoong's line of sight, mouthing 'what the hell?' but not waiting for a reply.

As much as he hated to admit it, Hongjoong didn't know what happened or what was going on and it was worrisome. It felt like a subtle afternoon breeze had crumbled his concrete castle down and there was nothing he could do to salvage anything. Worse of all, it felt like he had managed to hurt you all over again but this time, he couldn't go to you.

Fantastic.

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