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juriyuna · 7 days

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Some of the things Yuu says in her old diary entries about how "irreparably broken" she is, how she's scared that she corrupted Kei too, the intrusive thoughts about the time she accidentally squished a lizard as a kid, and all of the shame she feels about... everything, really, smells a lot like OCD to me.

Same for her paranoia about other people knowing the "real her", and her obsessive fear of moving on from the past or losing her sense of self. OCD is stupidly good at convincing your brain that crazy leaps of logic like this are, in fact, perfectly sensible. Morality OCD in particular likes to tell you that you're disgusting and/or dangerous and then make up reasons why this is irrefutably true, even if the thought of hurting people makes you feel upset or guilty. It's an endless cycle of constantly judging and second-guessing yourself and everything around you.

Unfortunately, while she and Kei fully accept each other's mental health issues, they also keep enabling one another's weird thought processes. Without any outside support or interference, this feedback loop simultaneously comforts them and drives them further into the mud, no doubt compounded by the fact that being a teenager is notoriously hard to begin with.

YMMV, everyone's got their own interpretations, but I think it's an interesting lens to view Yuu (and to an extent, Kei) through.

#magia record #yumeno yuusa #in grade... 11? we were supposed to dissect a frog or a worm or something #i don't remember exactly which animal it was #but i had to go home and study diagrams for my lab instead (custom assignment) because i couldn't do it #part of it is that i was squeamish but i had somehow gotten it in my head that if i was comfortable cutting up a dead animal #i would eventually become desensitized and have no issues cutting up myself or other humans too #the thought freaked me out so bad & i was so petrified of becoming Evil(tm) that i cried just thinking about it #maybe i'm projecting but some of yuu's self-perception and intrusive thoughts give me a similar vibe #not 1:1 obviously but similar #completely unwanted items are eating up yuu's entire fucksbudget

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skania · 1 year

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THOUGHTS ON TOMMY & LIZZIE IN S6 (PART 2)

So this has been in my drafts for almost a year now. I kept putting it off because I wanted to rewatch the season to write my thoughts more coherently, but by now I think that’s just not happening so I’m posting it as is lol

Part 1 HERE

Once again, this post will contain tons of images, and spoilers for the entirety of Season 5 and Season 6. So, read at your own discretion!

So where I left off, Tommy and Lizzie had chosen to overcome Ruby's death and all the pain and stay together.

Tommy even makes her another promise, that he will change and change for good. For real this time. Just not yet.

The thing is, Tommy is right when he says has no limitations. He doesn't know when to stop. So, he doesn’t stop to think that other people may have a limit to how much they are willing to put up with. He figures that as long as he can keep providing for them, that as long as he can stay at the top of the chain, people will stay. That they will need him.

I feel like this is the crux of his behavior towards Lizzie, but when it comes to her, it’s not about the money. In his lowest moments, Tommy likes to pretend that it is; like in the S3 where he tries to give her money only for Lizzie to refuse to take it. Or in S5, when he lashes out saying that everyone needs him, she included.

But what keeps Lizzie by his side isn’t his money, it’s loyalty. It’s her love for him. Tommy knows this. It’s the reason why, whenever he does something he knows she will not like, Tommy feels guilty but still expects her to put up with it. And really, Lizzie has put up with so much throughout the series that Tommy's expectations aren't unfounded.

Until Diana happens.

Diana

The powerful thing about this scene is that all at once, Tommy knows that he has gone too far. He knows this is something he can’t ask Lizzie to overlook. Something she may not be able to forgive.

What Lizzie feared has come true. He has crossed the line.

The focus on his wedding ring tells us all we need to know, but what follows is just as striking.

His guilt, his panic is such that he feels trapped. He is back in those tunnels in France, a man with a death sentence and no way out.

And it’s all because he has stained Lizzie yet again.

Honestly, there’s a lot to say about Tommy’s dynamic with Lizzie. Tommy keeps most of his relationships transactional, but what Lizzie asks of him—what she deserves of him—is something Tommy doesn’t know how to give. I think this is part of what makes Lizzie get under his skin the way she does.

She loves him thoroughly and honestly and Tommy doesn’t know what to do with that because he doesn’t love himself, so he doesn’t know how to love her right, either. But—and that’s the thing—he wants to try. He sincerely wants to be a better man.

This is why he has such a visceral reaction to sleeping with Diana. Lizzie deserves better, she deserves so much better and Tommy is painfully aware of this. The fact that he was even capable of doing this to her makes him sick, because what does that say about the kind of man he is?

He changes the combination to the safe after this.

It’s not even because of his sickness, but because of this betrayal. He doesn’t want Lizzie to know. He doesn’t want to hurt her. Not yet. Not when he doesn’t have results that could perhaps, somehow, make her understand why he did it.

The saddest thing is that back when Tommy took Lizzie to that hotel room, he offered to let Lizzie into some of his plans, and she rejected his offer. She said she knew enough, because she was hurt at finding herself at the top of Tommy’s regrets. But now that she understands he doesn’t regret her, Lizzie is willing to give him another chance. She wants to know again.

But now more than ever, Tommy can’t let her in. All he can give her is a promise that he hopes he will be able to keep. That once everything is done, he will bare himself to her, sins and all.

The way he even restates his promise to her during the dinner shows the importance he is giving to it. Even now, Tommy thinks there’s time to make things right.

Of course, nothing ever goes the way he plans, so Diana comes in and the bomb explodes.

This scene is tragic but it’s so funny at the same time. He doesn’t even dare to look at Lizzie when Diana reveals they slept together. He tries to but immediately looks forward again. How sad is that lol

He is literally seething after Lizzie leaves. These two bastards humiliated Lizzie — and doomed his marriage — because he himself gave them the ammo.

And then Mosley goes and twists the knife right where it hurts.

How ironic! Tommy’s entire conflict with Lizzie this season is the entire opposite! The irony is not lost on Tommy, he kept to wine despite the american’s insistance that he switch to whiskey, but after this he does ditch the wine to pour himself a glass of whiskey lmao

This exchange pretty much summarizes everything Tommy has come to realize about himself and Lizzie this season.

Tommy tries and tries to do the right thing, but his means are always wrong. Sleeping with Diana is just the latest in a list of fuck-ups, and he has come to realize that even though he would like to believe the opposite, he can’t be what Lizzie deserves him to be because he does belong at that table.

And that’s the saddest ending.

The ending he has brought on himself.

Lizzie’s goodbye

It's funny because Tommy is an inherently selfish person. He is greedy and self-centered and single-minded. Despite having no plans of making her his wife, he tricked Lizzie into not marrying John in Season 1 and made sure she wouldn't date Angeal in Season 3.

What this all comes down to is that Tommy is caught in a hell of his own making but he's not selfless enough to let her go, because he wants her by his side.

Hell, if it weren't for his sickness, I bet Tommy would've found a way to convince Lizzie to stay, even after Diana. But his sickness and his lack of future (she doesn’t deserve what I’ll become) give Tommy the last push he needs to finally put Lizzie first and to free her from the curse (him), so he lets her go without a fuss.

The tragedy in all of this, is that this is the first time Tommy has been selfless about her. This is the first time he has truly put her first. But Lizzie doesn’t know this, because she never found out why the bomb was ticking.

This is literally the biggest act of love Tommy has ever done for her, but she doesn’t even know it. To her, his acceptance probably only confirms that he doesn’t love her enough.

Truly tragic from beginning to end.

The Rings

This was one of my favorite details this season. She takes hers off, but Tommy keeps his on until the bitter end. He wears it until the very day he intends to die.

Even though Lizzie has left him, Tommy keeps the reminder of their marriage on him. He chooses to stay married to her until his last moments.

Which is no surprise because even during that plane ride, Lizzie and all the ways he failed her kept weighting on his mind.

Right now, In this Moment

I wanted to wrap this up with this scene, because holy hell did we have to wait for it.

In Part 1, I talked about muy favorite bits: the parallels behind Lizzie knowing the combination to the safe, and Tommy saying that she married a man and she married a curse. But there’s something else that really stood out to me about Tommy’s wording, and it’s the way he choses to frame his long-time-coming confession.

I feel like this has so many layers; the wording is utterly deliberate and means a lot of things at once. Tommy chose that place because they have no history there; unlike Arrow House, there are no painful memories there. It isn’t tainted by their past and their mistakes. It’s a blank canvas where it’s just him and her.

But there’s more to it than that. Tommy dreads what he will become. Not only because of his business, but most of all, because of his sickness.

He fears he will have to crawl, grow insane and helpless. A few months from now, he may not even be aware of who he is and of the way he feels about her.

So I feel that he is essentially telling her: for the record, in this moment, when I am of sound mind, and in this room, where you and I are all that matter, I want you to know that I love you. I wanted you to know this, while I can still say it. Please remember it.

And of course, Lizzie knows at once that something is wrong. That Tommy is like a bomb waiting to explode, because why else would he be admitting that he loves her now? Why else would he be expressing it with such ominous wording?

So all in all, Season 6 is just really bittersweet because it’s like Tommy and Lizzie didn’t even have a fighting chance. He was dead because of Polly, dead because of Ruby, dead because of business, dead because of his illness; and then Lizzie is gone.

Throughout Peaky Blinders, we saw Tommy fight his love for Lizzie, we saw him accept it, then we saw him admit it; but we never got to see them happy the way we should have. There was always something bigger than them going on, and it’s a huge shame.

In all honesty, I have no idea what is expecting them in the movie. In a way, I think Tommy knows that finally letting her go is the best thing he has ever done for her. In that way, their chapter may truly be closed.

But if he does manage to change, to truly change for good and become a man worthy of having her by his side, then I’d like for him to think he deserves to fight for her. I do think that despite everything, Lizzie would likely give him another chance.

Because for better or worse, Lizzie loves Tommy Shelby. And while it was often for the worse, Tommy Shelby loves her too.

#peaky blinders #lizzie shelby #tommy shelby #tommylizzie #tv: peaky blinders #to the anon that asked me about this post a while ago #I'm so sorry it took this long!#I think I've played myself #back when I started writing these posts about them I didn't even ship them #I just really enjoyed their writing in S5 so I wanted to dissect it #but now I'd definitely rather they end up together lmao

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spider-man-2o99 · 9 months

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ok i’m still On Break do not take this post as a sign that i’m like. Actively Tumblring again yet because i’m still not, 4 the most part, but i have had my ear to the ground for special interest things, of fuckign course, of course, bcuz i’m me, and i. just. i am .i’m so fucking sorry to all the new SM2099 comic fans who are only just now realizing just now how dire the straits are, here, LMAO. it has been this way for Years. earnestly and from the bottom of my heart i love spider-man 2099 so much and also nobody on the goddamn planet Cares About Him At All or can even fucking write him half-decently unless every single celestial bodie in the fucking milky way galaxy comes into perfect fucking syzygy, i think, i think, i think. why did u think we (me) had a psychotic episode after that fuckin movie dropped. fucksake. lord above. because it’s all always “ohhh being yourSELF and telling your OWN story your OWN way” until you Look A Certain Way and ARE A Certain Way and Have Symptoms That Look Frightening and Don’t Move Around Like ‘Normal’ People Should Move, fuckin’ freaky-ass creature beast-thing, and so on and so on and so on, Christ all-fuckin’-mighty. gets tiring. but. anywaygs.

it is far easier to be destructive, than constructive. so. ahem. sorry. refocusing. it seems quite simply that just yet another goddamn story missed the point that 90s future spider-man is a story about very plainly and simply loving each other as people. it’s a story about a severely depressed, miserable, cynical little man who finds new reasons to live in every kind person he meets, and there is an open earnesty to that, if nothing else, that no movie can take away 30 years later. anybody can decide to try and be a better person than the one they were yesterday, and that is goddamn important. to portray anything otherwise was an unfathomably cruel decision, on sony’s part, and as soon as we got trailer evidence that they were leaning into his more “intimidating” features back in ~dec. 2021, i.. pretty much Knew it was what they were gonna be doing with him. why wouldn’t they? i mean. who actually even cares about this obscure nobody, right? c-listers are the tried-and-true adaptational chameleons, anyways; they sure suckered in dumbasses like me, who still took blind hope in hook line and sinker, thinking he’d be important to the film, or at the very least portrayed sympathetically to his 30 years of established comic history as a character who is consciously aware that he is an adult survivor of fucking child abuse. but. c’est la fucking vie, i guess.

#talking tag #atsv #spider-man 2099 #i predicted All Of This and i am SO TIRED OF BEING RIGHT THAT I WANT TO THROW MYSELF IN2 THE SUN ABT IT :))))#i WANTED to be wrong. /CHRIST/ i wanted to be wrong so goddamn bad #articulation isnt at its peak rn. how do i even- /bridge/ the breadth of this gap. wwoof man like. just.#i just. did yall think i started writing the dissection fic with extreme violation + dehumanization themes Just Outta Nowhere?? y/k???#y’KNOW. haha. i am Intimately Aware firsthand with how years of it without reprieve shapes a brain over time. and. writing helps.#hhahaha. lord. id just go back 2 how i was Raised if i wanted 2 Constantly Hear so many ppl talkin abt how much they want evry Like-Me dead #(not-- not. not Like That. not in the nasty-ass too-online Way or whatever disgusting Assumptions that could Imply. im just a basket case.)#chroist.#not even . not even getting into the whole ‘also comic sm2099 is canonically staunchly anti-cop yet movieboy is weirdly fashy’ Thing.#i already Have a migraine im NOT getting into that right now #(holding back tears) wwelp looks like these next Seven Years Of Terrible Public Perception r gonna b long and suck so bad :))#ok goodbye again now im going back to frolicking morosely in the Fields . be safe drink some water be kind to urself and others. mwah.

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teslacarbombz · 1 year

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the world does revolve around me actually

#i should stop my meds or shave my head or attempt suicide or nastily dissect myself on the bathroom floor with a thumbtack somehow

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cliveguy · 7 months

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your current fixation being mentioned in class readings should be illegal btw. how did it get in there

#literally opens talking about it. got up from my desk got into my pyjamas and poured myself a drink.#50% oh fuck yes a little bowl of seeds for me 50% i do NOT want to hear someone who doesnt Get It dissect this rn #literally what if im sat in a seminar. and my lecturer asks hey does anyone know REDACTED. like i will have to sit there really normally #and pretend that i dont have very strong opinions on it

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romantichopelessly · 1 month

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sick of being normal. I need to infodump on someone

#and it won’t even be abt something cool or interesting #i talk sometimes #like I don’t need to talk abt marine biology I do that all day #I need to dissect Taylor swifts discography to someone #or talk about the sudden hole of bridgerton content I’ve found myself sucked into #or discuss the raven cycle (in an actual back and forth manor not just my analysis posts)

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raelyn-dreams · 5 months

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Okay so Twinkle Kuuchuusen is AMAZING (as expected and I will try to gather my thoughts about it later), but THE SOLOS OH MY GOD THE SOLOS AND THE LYRICS I'M!!!

They both reference 2x2 a lot, and you can see their development so much from their previous solos! There's a big theme of acceptance and both and they're driving me crazy with it!

Hinata's '"street" being bathed in blue and how he accepts it as a part of himself before declaring he's going to light it up with colors because he'll love himself even more!!! The way he doesn't try to gloss over the negative but decides he'll stick to his positive worldview while taking everything in stride! How he knows now that no matter how far they drift their hearts will always reconnect!

And Yuta walking the line between two worlds confidently, not looking back into the shadow of days past and pushing ahead into the unknown! Going all out and no longer suppressing his feelings, engraving them into his heart and making bold decisions as himself! The way he connects their worldviews with their differing light, knowing someone will always be at his back no matter what!

If there was ever any doubt within me about the future of 2wink, I feel like these solos resolved it. They really have come to a temporary truce and peace with each other, they'll stay together while continuing to push and compete in their separate ways. These songs feel like letters to each other almost, about how they're able to move forward with their own worldviews without shame, but will always hold the other close. And even if they do come to that breaking point in the future, after the dust has settled, they'll still be there watching the night sky - in a much better place than where they started.

#i have so much i could say here on god #my breath literally caught when hinata sang “I'll love myself even more” like PLEASE DO YOU DESERVE SO MUCH I'M SO PROUD OF YOU #i am so pleased with the direction they took yutas in it captures his new personality and motivation with the way he still cares so well #2wink climax was amazing but it also scared and emotionally broke me so i am so happy that the solos are what i hoped #people debate !! era writing which is reasonable but god. !! era 2wink has NEVER missed honestly they did them so well #hinata and yuta being so underrated always baffles me bc my valkaloidp ass is always so ready to dissect and appreciate them #2-3rd fav unit they are so good i need the fandom to appreciate them more please #my ohshc manga hitachiin roots may be showing here but damn it a well-done codependency-breaking sibling arc will always get me #enstars #ensemble stars #ensemble stars music #enstars solos #2wink #hinata aoi #yuta aoi #yuuta aoi #raelyn rambles

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