#doesn't that make you want to start chewing on drywall????

[introspectivememories]

i think one of the reasons i really like bernard and darla is because they met him at a time when he wasn't robin. to me, tim drake has always felt like an amalgamation of robin and tim. and he's good at it y'know? being tim drake and robin but when bernard and darla meet him at grieves he can't be robin. he has to just be tim drake. and he's obviously struggling but he tries for his father. and that's so interesting to me because who is tim drake without robin? he obviously doesn't know either. and we see him explore this in urban legends. he even asks himself in urban legends, "who am i if i'm not robin?" and i don't think it's too much of a surprise that at the end of urban legends, when he's figured out what he wants, he chooses the boy who only ever knew him as tim drake.

#isn't it fascinating??? #tim drake who is always tim and a mask‚ and if he isn't robin‚ then he's drake or red robin or something else #and when then sits down‚ and takes a good look at himself and starts asking questions #who am i without the mask? what do i want in life? who is tim drake? #when he finally figures it out at the end of urb.leg and he realizes what he wants‚ he chooses the boy who only ever knew him as tim drake! #doesn't that make you want to start chewing on drywall???? #doesn't that make you want to sit on your kitchen floor and start rocking yourself as you sob???? #HE CHOOSES THE BOY WHOSE NEVER KNOWN HIM WITH THE MASK *wails* #also disclaimer i feel like i'm simplifying war games a little bit #and like i don't think he stopped being robin until like 2/3/4? months into the school year?? #but like for the sake of the post you kmow what i mean #dc #bernard dowd #timber #tim drake #timbern

[merge-conflict]

thinking about Goro ever leaving Arasaka is such a fun but heartbreaking thing to think about because like– what would truly make him leave? what would destroy his faith and his loyalty so utterly that he'd walk away from his identity? because it's not just a job, being a soldier is who he is, and he's specifically an Arasaka soldier. when he expresses any doubt about the life he's had or what he really wants it's always with an air of inevitability that Arasaka will exist and continue to exist. what's the alternative? he asks V, because he truly doesn't believe there can be one. he can't believe it, or if he does he has to believe it's not worth the cost, because otherwise what has his life been in service of?

but while he's stubborn and loyal, he isn't stupid. he'll deflect v or get angry when they dismiss corporations entirely not because he thinks they're shining forces of good but because he sees fighting against them as naivety. the world is hard, but that's how it is, and fighting against it will only cause more suffering.

and yet. and yet. he is blind in a particular way, that I think comes from his success and the reward for his hard work. certainly there are plenty of people like him, who were smart and worked hard and came from nothing but were never rewarded for that because they didn't do it in quite the right way, or they weren't liked, or they were simply one among hundreds and thousands, just a number on a spreadsheet– they were never someone noticed personally by Saburo Arasaka. he's absolutely conditioned to believe that the system works because it worked for him.

so to come back around to the question– what could shake his faith in that so entirely that he can start to see the lie he's pledged himself to? that this empire, this corporation is truly no better than any other, and is just as disgustingly hypocritical and pathetic when threatened as any other power?

I can see a lot of possible answers to the question, and though I'm a romantic I can't say the answer is just love– he could deny himself that, I'm sure, and any personal sort of happiness. he could tell himself anyone he loved deserves someone who can give their full attention (and how could he ever give Arasaka less than everything he has? even for his suicidal revenge he means it as a warning, a rallying cry, for Arasaka to save itself from those who would destroy it).

but! the thing about corporations is that they will tell you the rules, and their ideals, and they will enforce them. and you at some point will become a representative of that corp and make promises according to those ideals, and the corp will make a liar of you. whatever trust you've built, whatever standards you hold yourself to in order to maintain your reputation? meaningless. and that more than anything is something I think that Goro would be unable to accept, that something that was his responsibility and his promise was broken without remorse or even consultation. perhaps he could counsel himself through that doubt, and remain in the fold, but it would be one of those moments where he is truly vulnerable to break away, and certainly a reason to shake his faith.

even then– even then I don't think he could see it all at once. he's in too deep, and he wants to believe that Arasaka can work so badly, that he's blind to the reality of its existence. so even if he does break free, then what? and I think the answer to that is that he will always want to believe that if juuust a few things were fixed Arasaka would be on the right path, or would be redeemed.

and that deprogramming will take forever to undo, if he ever lived long enough to try it.

anyway I started writing this post because I'm writing that initial break from his pov where he's struggling with it and internally he's just thinking: Maybe if I kill myself righting this wrong Saburo will understand and Arasaka will go back to being something I can feel proud of! and I want to chew through the drywall why doesn't he get it (I know why)

#goro takemura #this is a VERY long ramble under the cut please be warned #the one question every goromancer must ask: what about his obligation? #you can take the soldier out of Arasaka but you just can't take the Arasaka out of the soldier #anyway not to make another parallel between him and Johnny but they are both Believing so hard it gives them brain worms

[bluejayblueskies]

Rules: List Five Comfort Characters And Tag Five People. This is in no particular order.

Tagged by @organchordsandlightning and @magnetarmadda (like three weeks ago i am so sorry 😭)

And I'll tag uhhh @anonymoussong, @quigalchemist, @thewrongshop, @judesstfrancis, and @wordsintimeandspace! if you want!

funnily enough though i gained a new comfort character in those three weeks! who knew!!!! it gets spot number one bc i am rotating it in my brain rn 💕

list under the cut!

Murderbot (The Murderbot Diaries) - ohhh my goddddd i truly have not related so hard to a character in a while like ... it's just like me for real and i love it 💜 i'm almost done with fugitive telemetry and then i'm going to go back and listen to all the audiobook versions because i need more right now immediately. it's just ... it's really nice especially to see murderbot's (what i view as) autistic traits accommodated and respected by the preservation team, especially the bit in the first book where mensah catches on to the fact that it doesn't like eye contact and adjusts accordingly. i can see this book series fundamentally changing my worldview, and i'm 100% here for it. honorable mention: ART my absolute beloved 🥰

Parker Yang (Malevolent) - 'jay, how can parker be a comfort character if he's dead?' well you see i love him, that's how. truly though, sometimes when i'm sad i think about parker and then i 🥺 and then i am a little less sad. i go absolutely wild for pre-canon arthur & parker fics. grabby hands, more parker always.

Jonathan Sims (The Magnus Archives) - to absolutely nobody's surprise, my favorite bi ace archivist is on this list 🥰 jon's another character that makes me go 'oh he's just like me fr' and i love writing him! he was the first character that i really explored my own asexuality through (though i'd known i was asexual for a while before coming across him), and i just think he's neat and i am putting a blanket around his shoulders and keeping him away from the horrors 💕

Andrew Minyard (All For the Game) - if you're at all familiar with the AFtG series, this probably seems like an incredibly strange choice, but for me comfort character = a character that i'm glad i met and that i adore and that makes me happy by existing and sometimes that makes me feel things about myself, and andrew hits all of these points. i sometimes think about andrew's past and what he's gone through and what he has now and i want to chew through drywall, and without getting too overly personal, there are aspects of his storyline that hit me hard when i first read them and have stuck with me ever since. if you haven't read the series, i highly recommend it (though i also recommend looking up a list of content warnings beforehand because it's quite intense)

Percy Jackson (Percy Jackson and the Olympians) - there are a lot of characters who could have gotten this final spot, but percy deserves it honestly. i've read the og 5-book percy jackson series like ten times and percy is just ... i loved him as a kid and i love him even more as an adult. he's the kind of character where i pick up a book and i start reading from his POV and i feel like i've just sat down in front of a fire with a cup of hot cocoa and a fleece blanket. he also reminds me of the good parts of my childhood, which is not an easy feat, and i appreciate that 💜

#tag game #i'm going so slowly through fugitive telemetry bc i don't want it to be over ;___; #eyeing that november drop date for the next book 👀 i want murderbot and art to go on adventures together

[leofrith]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love 💗 (No pressure, of course!)

omg hiiiiiiiiii thank you for thinking of me!! I've only published 4 fics so these are my favourites by default I guess:

Out of the Cold (AC: Valhalla, Eivor/Leofrith) - probably the most self-indulgent thing I've ever written to date (with the exception of my wip longfic about them, which I obviously haven't started posting yet. Someday...) and also the only piece of writing of mine that I've reread a few times simply because there are so few Eivor/Leofrith fics out there, and even fewer with canon Eivor. It has everything I crave! Hurt/comfort! Emotional constipation! Yearning! And I am aware there are like 123427837 references to things I haven't even written yet in this thing that therefore only make sense to me and one other person, but you're just gonna have to trust me on this. Trust the vision. They're everything to me, actually.

Press On, Move Along (Star Wars: The Clone Wars, Ahsoka & Rex) - one-shot that takes place not long after the end of the series, in which Ahsoka and Rex stick together post Order 66 (now confirmed to be canon, thanks Tales of the Jedi!) and are on the run. This is literally "Ahsoka and Rex have a quiet breakdown on public transit: the fic". It's based off of this art, which I saw and was immediately forced to write about and it still makes me want to chew drywall almost 2 years later. I would love to write more about these two at some point if the urge to write Star Wars fic ever returns to me. Gotta be one of my favourite found families of all time.

Bright Skies (The Mandalorian, Din & Grogu) - one-shot that takes place in between meeting Ahsoka and travelling to Tython, where Din is expecting to have to give Grogu away to a jedi. Grogu can sense Din's inner turmoil about the whole thing and is making his displeasure known by having a tantrum, as babies do. They make a pit stop on some unoccupied moon and end up both finding calm while watching a meteor shower. Which is very relatable. I think watching a meteor shower would fix me too.

Hideaway (The Mandalorian, Din & Grogu & Winta with some bonus Din/Omera) - one-shot that takes place somewhere in the middle of The Mandalorian Chapter 4: Sanctuary, which wasn't a long enough episode and I'm still annoyed about it <3. Din gets roped into playing hide and seek with the village kids and has a mild panic attack when he thinks he's lost his child, who at this point he doesn't actually consider to be his child but I mean. Let's be real. Rereading this one now induces so much cringe in me to be honest. 🥴

#i haven't read those three sw fics of mine in ages and i needed a refresher so that was interesting i guess ashgdjgf #thanks!! <3 #aeide #answer #ask games

[moderncryptid]

Damien things that make me want to chew on drywall:

- He lived alone in a house in an empty cornfield with no electricity in the middle of Nebraska for several years starting at 13. (Holy shit can you imagine how terrifying that would be at night)

- The way he sounded genuinely confused when asking if someone who gave him money was being nice to him.

- That one scene in A Neon Darkness when he's talking to Marley about wanting to have a home instead of just a place where he's staying for a bit and gets so emotional about it he starts tearing up.

- Any scene where he's talking about not understanding how people/relationships work and the general reaction from people around him when he asks is just exasperation or disgust.

- The fact that he literally tried to kill himself by having someone drown him that one time. Like I'm astonished that doesn't come up more than it does.

#tbs #the bright sessions #damien gorham

[hungryyheartarchive]

WHAT DOES YOUR MUSE SMELL LIKE? vampiis naturally smell like wet soil! so too does conrad. this is sometimes overshadowed by the smells of the city and/or his most recent kills. i will leave it up to you and your muse how pungent he is at any given moment 🥰

WHAT DO YOUR MUSE’S HANDS FEEL LIKE? young. soft, dry, barely tepid. sometimes bumpy because of the customary gashes and scratches he sustains, maybe the odd callous every now and again depending on what he's been doing, but it heals effectively if he's careful with his cleaning, so it doesn't last long.

WHAT DOES YOUR MUSE USUALLY EAT IN A DAY? conrad operates on a 4:1 ratio, so for every 4 low-value prey items he kills and consumes, he 'treats' himself to a bigger and much more nutrient-heavy item, like a medium to large breed dog. so it depends on where he is with that schedule. i can't remember off the top of my head how many hours vampiis can go without a bloodmeal for before they start to experience (possibly fatal) bloodlust, but i think he can go two days without food after eating one of his heavier meals. on an average day he kills and eats about 2.5-3kg of meat - say like, three or four adult squirrels or rats. compared to other vampiis, he's constantly in a calorie deficit, but he makes it work somehow.

DOES YOUR MUSE HAVE A GOOD SINGING VOICE? not good per se, but his voice is strong and confident enough to make you think he's carrying a tune. it depends on the song as well!! you can get away with talk-singing with some tunes and conrad's pretty good at that

DOES YOUR MUSE HAVE ANY BAD HABITS OR NERVOUS TICKS? it's his instinct to want to make jokes so he can get out of discussing something serious or being genuinely sincere or emotionally or romantically intimate with someone. this is what his brain has been hardwired to do since he was a kid. he laughs a lot when he's nervous - kind of high-pitched and shrill. and as for bad habits. the worst has got to be the burping. he burps SO much and it is noisy and he makes no effort to hide it.

WHAT DOES YOUR MUSE USUALLY LOOK LIKE / WEAR? for what he looks like - scruffy as a default, and his clothes and face are usually stained. not a day goes by where he doesn't have a bruise or a scar or a mark on him somewhere. sometimes i think it's ridiculous that conrad still thinks he has to dress like it's late 70s/early 80s but then i remember that trends always repeat on themselves and maybe he's getting confused 'cause everyone else is starting to have the same style he does. everything is thrifted/stolen. thick woolen sweaters are a staple of his wardrobe as well as big leather belts. it's hard to find jeans or khakis that fit his dumb unsightly body, but he does his best to find a pair that shows as little of his ankle and calf as possible because he always got teased as a kid for his pants not fitting right. it is hard! when you are so large and lanky.... for the summer (even though it really doesn't matter to him) he likes plain tees with plaid shirts on top of them, or short-sleeved button-ups, always tucked in. conrad is also a fan of corduroy.

IS YOUR MUSE AFFECTIONATE? HOW SO? very. true affection takes the form of a myriad of Noises - purrs, chirps, chuffs - and Noises accompanied by Gestures - head bumps, leaning his weight against you, nuzzling. he has no control over these. it's what happens when his body reaches a certain stage of happiness and contentment and trust with another person. non-vampii-isms aside, conrad will give you plenty of quality time if that's a language that speaks to you. he is very needy and gets very attached to the point of separation anxiety (this is when he starts chewing the drywall because you're not there) but once you are deemed as his Person he literally can't get enough of you. he needs to be there at all times, because you need to hear him tell him how much he loves you, even if he doesn't say it so much as purr it in your general direction. 🧡

WHAT POSITION DOES YOUR MUSE SLEEP IN? either curled up on his side with his stork legs almost pulled all the way into his chest underneath a big pile of blankets or, if his bed's a little barer, or if he feels like he's exposed/at risk - if he's not really sleeping but doing that funky half-sleep vampiis do most of the time - on his tummy, hugging his makeshift pillow.

COULD YOU HEAR YOUR MUSE IN THE HALLWAY FROM ANOTHER ROOM? you could hear conrad if you were on the moon.

tagged by: @ignisregina thank u!! <3

#headcanons. #tw animal death #tw pet death

[finsterhund]

the only thing you seem to "take and take" is abuse and pain from everything and everyone including that crazy woman. Just from reading your blog once in a while it's clear to me that you have a hard life but keep fighting through it. Even if you never hear this from anyone else I'm proud of you

Thank you anon. 🥺🥺🥺 I'm trying to make myself feel better about this. It's hard when I'm literally only drywall and shit away from her. I really want to run away and hide. I'm getting people telling me she might be some form of mentally deranged and that she's old enough for things like dementia or even that she did something to the birds herself but I don't want to blame mental illness for her being cruel and mean. Obviously my roommate said we can't move so I guess the only thing to do is wait for her to die as cruel sounding as that is. I see no way that any form of real civility or friendship can come back after this. It's a complete violation of trust. My roommate wanted to chew her out and get mad at her for it being "slander" and "harassment" I don't really know if it's either but I do know that if he confronts her she's going to get worse because that always happens. I miss the nice lady who used to live there. She was nice to Cazza and her cats would say hi to Cazza and she died of cancer just like Cazza. I wonder why this person started off being nice and giving me things only to then do this. I kept trying to tell her not to give me things but she insisted. Was that just her making it so that she could say I take and take? That's another thing that happens. Adults will "give" you things and then expect things from you. But she doesn't seem to want something from me so it's not just yet more grooming like usual. I'm so burned up and exhausted. I told my roommate I'm too scared to leave the house so he's gonna walk Scott from here on out. Hoping that if I buy myself treats and toys it'll comfort me enough to not want to die anymore but no promises. My brain has just been going "Andy die Andy want go thrift store" on loop all night which I guess is preferable to most else.

I kept trying to think of what I actually did to make her do this to me and treat me this way but my roommate said I didn't actually do anything to deserve it and it's a problem with her and she wanted an excuse to be bad and all that which in theory I understand but unlike weirdos on Twitter this is somebody that is right fucking there in the flesh.

She actually early on brought up unprompted how she hopes birds around here stay safe and nothing bad happens to them because "people are horrible" and I have to wonder if that's some sort of weird projection. I have no idea. But as someone who helped a downed nest of baby crows when I was younger and who would shoo off outdoor cats when they were outside my window chasing things up trees it's very insulting to have the blame thrust on me.

#text post #negative #anon #what was that saying about how we're not reaponsible for the versions of us that exist only in other people's heads? #that's hard for me to internalize because I grew up being punished for versions of me that existed in my parents heads

[starlit-mansion]

🎹 for malcolm!

Oh, Malcolm is suuuuch a hobbies guy. If he doesn't do things with his hands, he WILL start chewing on the drywall.

First and oldest is just regular drawing, which he never really got exceptional at, but he still does, and is technically a useful work skill, though not his primary one (his business partner was always a much better artist and designer). He first got a drawing tablet for his laptop in the mid 2000s and keeps getting new ones every time he upgrades, and at least a couple times a year he will end up drawing something, even if it's just a plan for project or a shitty layout to explain to an artist he's commissioning what he wants. Sometimes he will also draw for his friends, and considers his own skills pretty embarrassing compared to what everyone else is capable of, but they always treasure it.

He used to be a big reader as a child but not in a... healthy way. More of a "I do not want to be here and this is the closest i can get to leaving" way. He does read at least a handful of books every year, usually ones his best friend recs, because she loves to gloat when someone likes a books she recs, and she's nailed down that his favorite genre is slightly comedic sci-fi and can usually come up with something new he's never heard of before he falls back to rereading hhg or something. He's read a lot of classics in his lifetime and at this point in his life, he is determined to never read another one.

He also likes tinkering with machinery, especially cars. It took ages for him to get a hobby car, and he mostly lucked into it from knowing a guy who does custom paint jobs who knew a guy looking to liquidate a car for a lot of cash but still much less than it was technically worth, and now he has a classic hot rod to fuss over and only occasionally drive. It's a huge waste of money and he couldn't be more pleased about owning it.

Sewing, and particularly costuming, is another big one... At first it was just a practical thing, because there were only so many things they could outsource while scraping everything together to open the park, and it seemed pertinent and he was willing to muscle his way through learning how to sew an awning or hem a curtain. At this point, he's quite good, and does all the bespoke costumes, repairs and replacements over the winter off-season, as well as personal sewing projects like making accessories and alterations, and fursuit stuff (which stemmed from learning how to make anthro costumes from scratch and then became an interest of its own. He goes to a few cons a year now.)

At some point, quite early in his first marriage, he took a baking class, and to justify it, got into the habit of baking bread regularly. it was a good skill to have when money was tight, and also enough of a productive process that it could be used to self-soothe once it wasn't strictly practical anymore. also, fun tip for people with social anxiety: you can show up to events with baked goods and people will like you more and want to talk to you.

#that last one was a bit of wisdom passed to me at a podcast convention in 2012 and served me well at open mics #where people were quite happy to see that i was there if i brought several dozen cookies. *taps forehead*

[keirametzbrassknuckles]

for the blorbo ask - WITCHER OBV if nobody else has asked it yet. Otherwise: THE TERROR

EHEHEHEHE!!!! Okay!!!!

There was a not insignificant part of me that wanted to make 4/7 of these John Bridgens.

blorbo (favorite character, character I think about the most) - John Bridgens and Harry Peglar, together and separate, as a couple and by themselves... my brain is full of worms for them in every way at all times

scrunkly (my “baby”, character that gives me cuteness aggression, character that is So Shaped) - Goodsir uwu he is just so... so so shaped and I want to hold him gently by the mutton chops and kiss his nose in a purely platonic way

scrimblo bimblo (underrated/underappreciated fave) - MISTER BLANKY (I don't think he's actually underappreciated but he deserves more appreciation). Also Silna??? I feel like she doesn't get enough love. She's literally just out here vibing and I think that's very girlboss of her.

glup shitto (obscure fave, character that can appear in the background for 0.2 seconds and I won’t shut up about it for a week) - Lady Jane!!!! I hate her husband but I love her. there are literally only three female characters in the damn show and they're all so good but I think Lady Jane is my favorite. They could have been saved if she'd been listened to and it's so tragic.

poor little meow meow (“problematic”/unpopular/controversial/otherwise pathetic fave) - I mean Crozier shows up in the dictionary as the definition of problematic, controversial and pathetic and also I love him and also I want to put him in a Pringles can and shake him around just to see what he does (although I suppose one can argue that the story itself is simply Dan Simmons shaking Crozier around in a Pringles can but I want to put him inside another one and shake him some more - Pringles-ception if you will).

horse plinko (character I would torment for fun, for whatever reason) - John Bridgens (I am a simple person. I like to see John Lynch cry, especially when his character is suicidally grieving for the love of his life, especially especially when you add in some literary references, a tender score, and a basis in actual historical fact. I start chewing drywall). ((Name me something as ruinous as "John, can we sleep" and John's reaction to it, the hand kiss, his big wet soulful eyes... love to see that man suffer.))

eeby deeby (character I would send to superhell) - SIR JOHN FRANKLIN I HATE YOU SO FUCKING MUCH

#This was actually hard #tt #ask game