#doesnt that mean theyre still related like family since that was once their body?

[hajidumps]

I passed by the post of shipping KRS!Cale and OG!Cale!KRS

Fellas is it selfcest if you fuck your once body?

#trash of the count's family #cale henituse #kim rok soo #technically arent they related... #i mean... their souls have been switched #doesnt that mean theyre still related like family since that was once their body? #IS IT SELFCEST OR INCEST? #Or is it just monster fucking since its a dimentional difference? #i need answers

[adulting-sucks]

Dont know if this will be posted, but I'm going to say it anyways. I'm not going to touch on the topic of what is going on in tumblr between the blogs but the actual nature of the discussion of racism. I think for the most part POC have their own beliefs of what they deem racist based on their own experiences with it. There is obvious things that every POC and decent nonPOC can agree fall under racism and there's the other things that may differ based on what people have experienced or seen for them to label someone or something racist. As a POC myself, I do believe CEs recent actions and affiliations fall under racist. Yes, he isn't in the category of a white supremacist or a nazi but he is still not antiracist. If he was truly antiracist and actually cared for what POC go through he would be nowhere near these people and would make sure they stayed far away from him and his homes. He has continually spent time with these people even after everything was discovered about them. You can say it is because of the PR contract and he has no choice but that doesnt cut it. My family owns businesses, we amend or null contracts all the time. He has a choice, contracts can be amended, theres ways to get around having to actually spend physical time with that group, and theres definitely ways to make sure those people dont ever come into his home(s). Even the most lucrative contracts have termination clauses in them and also have options for future amendments. He can always buy himself out of a contract, a contract with a unknown actress from a foreign country would never be that expensive. This isn't a contract between 2 A-listers.

Being okay with spending any quality time with racists is counterproductive to being an ally. He was okay with calling out Trump and other politicians when he needed to but has totally been silent when it comes to the girl he has claimed as his gf, that isn't antiracist. If he wanted he or his team could have talked her into addressing her participation in culture appropriation and being friends with nazi sympathizers and apologizing but instead she ignores it while he continues to associate with them. I see no difference in her being friends with racists and him 'dating' her and hanging out with her bff, its the same thing the exception is her culture appropriation. Theyre both associating with racists, that alone doesnt exclude them from racism. Racism has levels, there are those have subconscious racism, there are those that are aggressive and physical with their racism, and theres systemic racism. Just because he hasn't said or done anything obvious racist doesn't mean he doesnt fall under a category of racism. Ignorance can make a person racist. He knows exactly what racism is considering he has called out people on it before but still he continues to be with these people. This includes his family and friends that are participating in this whole charade. His brother was literally posting about nazis, but has been spending time with people who are friends with a nazi sympathizer, like does he not see his hypocrisy. It would be better for all involved to not speak out on racism, body shaming, culture appropriation or anything related to what the Portugal group has been accused of because it makes them look like hypocrites when they spend time with the very same type of people they are calling out.

And thats why it is frustrating for me and i'm sure some other POC to see all this drooling over him that has been happening since the con all over tumblr. It seems like some of the people that had an issue with him and him associating with that group have totally forgotten about that because he looked good to them. And this is probably what it is going to look like once or when the girl and her friends are no longer in the picture. Many are going to go back to thirsting on him and supporting him even though they were calling him out. They're going to pretend that he never let a group of racists into his homes, that he never spent quality time with those racists, and that he never claimed a girl from that group as his girlfriend. Even if this is PR, he still made a choice to get involved with her for whatever benefit he is going to get. His team failed to research and that is on him and the people he pays. This being PR shouldnt excuse the fact that he is okay being associated with racism and for me it doesn't excuse his association with racism either.

I’ll always post a different point of view. Always. And you are perfectly right to feel the way you do per your experiences.

I only speak to my experiences and why I think and feel the way I do. I won’t ever presume to speak on yours or anyone else’s behalf.

I absolutely understand where you stand. And I can absolutely understand the frustration. I just don’t believe a person changes into a racist overnight. And that’s my opinion.

And you’re not the only person who feels the way you do, just like I’m not the only one who feels the way that I do. That’s the biggest hurdle, being able to see that this is different from this, but it’s okay to discuss it

[normal-thoughts-official]

Jsdghdshsh hey wow I got struck in a Raphael mood suddenly, and I know you've talked about how Magnus at times would make the realization that he would see Raphael as a son, but what do you think would have been the moment when Raphael realized when he would see Magnus as his father figure? -luxxmagnus

okay, so first of all, thank you for my life. I've been waiting to get a Raphael ask since forever and this one is just perfect. second of all, oof. buckle up for this one

honestly usually id be like i dont think there was a moment like when do you realize that someone is your family? it's the kind of thing that happens way too naturally for you to pinpoint, but for Raphael and Magnus specifically, i think it was after he said goodbye to Rosa

look, he's just had to turn his back to the person that he loved the most in the world. he can't ever even talk to her again, he's heartbroken, and he lost a part of himself. and we know he goes to magnus' straight after, either because hes still living with him (as i hc) or simply because canonically magnus' loft is where Raphael goes when he's hurting or going through a hard time, even automatically. the fact that he went straight to Magnus' instead of his own clan when he was tortured says everything. the fact that (if u take magnus' theory that this was a punishment for him, too, as true) aldertree knew that says even more

and by all means he shouldn't want to talk to anyone, open up to anyone, because this is personal, and even if he wasn't so wary of talking about his feelings, this is rosa. he just said goodbye to her. it's too enormous to share, too painful to explain, and doing so would feel almost like losing it. except, you know, he does want to talk about it, with magnus

and when magnus hugs him and he allows himself to cry, and shake, and scream in his pain, and he feels so safe in his arms, protected, cared for, and he realizes that he can share this with magnus because magnus is as much of a part of him as his sister, someone who he feels would intrinsecally understand - that's when it downs on him. Magnus is family, as much as rosa was. in a completely different way, of course, because no one can ever be rosa and raphael doesn't want that, but that feeling of belonging, caring, being as if theyre pieces of a puzzle? its definitely there

it's also my headcanon that Raphael grew up without a father (either because he died or because he left) and so it just. becomes clear, you know? that Magnus is that. Magnus cares for him, beyond just the usual philantrophy of giving him a house, food, etc. Magnus takes care of him, listens to him, helps him on his feet. Raphael admires him and looks up to him and relates to him and his struggles in such a deep, personal level, yet knows there's a lot he doesn't know because Magnus takes this role of caretaker with him, and yeah, fuck, Magnus is like the father he never had

which is terrible. the worst. because Magnus didn't ask for this, and Raphael is disrupting his life and peace enough as it is. he's already taking so much from him, and dragging him into so much drama, and he doesn't even have anything to offer in return, yet he wants Magnus to fulfill this role - one he was just fine without up until now, one that's an even bigger commitment. he shouldn't even be here, in his home

and the whole thing is so painful and terrifying and he would have freezed in magnus' arms if he weren't already so shaken apart by his own sobs that he could barely control his body. as it is, he just cries harder, and asks lowly for forgiveness under his breath, for leaving rosa, for being so selfish with magnus

and i think he probably would have wanted to leave Magnus' home soon after that, too, you know, needing to get some distance, both to protect his heart and leave him be. and it almost flies, because Magnus is also angsting that maybe Raphael is tired of him, disappointed at how little he can help, how inadequate he is, and what does Magnus even know about family, anyway? but once he opens up Raphael is too honest for his own good, and Magnus assures him that no, he's not bothering Magnus, he's actually kind of helping. and they work it out

but it still takes a while for either of them to gather up the courage to call each other family, to allow himselves to have this kind of relationship that feels so denied to the both of them. because it doesnt feel right, and it feels like something theyre imposing, something they dont deserve. a part of raphael also feels like maybe hes just projecting, because he just lost his other family, maybe hes just so pathetic and desperate he's looking for a new one anywhere he can. but it's obvious that's not it, not with the way his routine with Magnus feels so easy, so comfortable, and yeah idndjdndkdndk there's way too much angst in here aaa

#alao bitch i know who u r #ask #cosmicnovia #luxxmagnus #sh #shadowhunters #magnus bane #raphael santiago #brotp: i'll do whatever it takes to protect them #meta #i guess? #rosa santiago #overflowing trashcan #FORGOT TO TAG THIS LONG POST #long post

[midoriyaizukustan-inactive]

Do you have any headcanons/theories about One for All? Would love to hear 'em if you do. ^^

HM well lets see

i think for me to collect my thoughts we should list whats canon abt it first of all nd i’ll add on from there

so its a stockpile quirk obv,,,to branch off of that, i think that that means that u should be able to use the others’ quirks, not just the strength augmentation. like the other users’ quirks (if they had one) are also stored in one for all, but bc ppl usually arent able to handle more than one-three quirks, their bodies just wouldnt let them access the other quirks in one for all (which i think is also canon now?? midoriya’s gonna have like eight quirks or smth right?? poor fuckin kid hes gonna break SO MANY BONES)

its given down the line of generations; cant be forcefully taken but can be forcibly passed on. bc of that last line esp, i think there was a time where one ofa user was like dying after all for one tried taking it, and they had to pass on the quirk quickly. so they gave it to the next user despite the next user bein in denial that theyre dying and not wanting it. sad stuff man but idk why else hori would put that down bc obv that wasnt the case for all might nd midoriya,,,

hm lets see,,,

ok so. line of succession ig. and what i think their quirks were/are

obv that one dude had black whip, but im not sure where exactly to place him in the ordering,,,probably fifth but im not quite sure. i’ll put him fifth in here tho

so obv all of one’s brother was the first, nd his quirk was the ability to pass on quirks, which one for all latched onto obv. the quirk all for one gave him was a strength augmentation quirk. since most ppl can only handle 1-3 quirks, i think that’s why the showing off of the quirks in one for all stopped here (despite the other users’ quirks getting stored inside of it) until midoriya

the second user im thinkin probably had a fire quirk, bc in that one dream midoriya had, he was surrounded by flames, but obv that wasn’t the first user’s quirk. i think it would make sense, then, that it was the second user’s, bc then the first user knew him personally, which would make more sense why, when he’s showing midoirya his own memories, he’s also thinkin of his successor and his successor’s quirk

3-5 we know next to nothing abt tho,,im not quite sure what their quirks might have been. beside for the blackwhip dude, which im putting as the fifth user for now, idk much abt 3 or 4,,,

i think it’s possible that 3 had a quirk that was used to like illuminate stuff (cause once again, in the dream thing midoriya had, there was glowy stuff happening that wasnt related to the fire) but idk abt four. i think its possible 4 was quirkless and thus only focused on the strength augmentation part of ofa

anyway this brings us to the sixth. im sure he had a quirk but im not sure what it mightve been,,,i dont think he was family w nana so idk for sure,,a part of me wants to give him an empath quirk or an analytical quirk just bc heehee parallels to midoriya that way,,but i am not quite sure in all honesty

and then next up is nana. we know a lot abt her relative to the other users BUT i would like to add that i think the quirk she was born with was kinda like shigaraki’s decay. i dont think it was activated w touch tho, i think it was more vision focused, bc we didn’t see her eyes for a while, nd ik part of that had to be “ohh mysterious person who’s dead now” but another part of me is like “QUIRK HINT???” so yeah thats what im going with

nd ofc we have toshinori and midoriya after that, both of which were quirkless (supposedly,,when i buy into the dad for one theory, i think midoriya has the ability to hold multiple quirks at once, thus why toshinori or none of the other users seemed to be able to do much w one for all other than the strength augmentation and what their own quirks mightve been)

ANYWAY

i think the users all live inside of one for all still; theyre kinda restless spirits in the sense that their business isnt technically over until the world doesnt need one for all to be safe anymore, so they stick arnd

i think theyre talkin to midoriya but didnt talk to toshinori bc they only just figured out how to. like theyve just been taking a backseat to all this cause honestly when they tried, it seemed like all they could do was watch the future successors, but i think somehow they figured it out arnd the time midoriya got the quirk and toshinori was losing its embers

i think nana in particular finally figured out how to contact the living users during toshinori’s last stand against all for one; cause he kept thinkin abt her, and i dont think that was purely bc of the fight’s circumstances

anyway so using nana’s knowledge, they now can only communicate w midoriya (cause toshinori doesn’t have any embers left :[), which they do eagerly bc oh shit they can pass on their knowledge nd shit

but yeah. hmm let me think i think that might be it on my end

yea thats all i got so far, other than i like to think that all the users have a similar passion for helping people

thank u for letting me rambling i didnt know i even had this many thoughts on ofa djkfnjkfjnk i just think its interesting nd theres certainly a mystery there,,

but yea. we love them all

#THIS IS SO LONG IM SO SORRY FJKJNKJNKF GOD #one for all theory #one for all headcanon #one for all hc #one for all users #c makes a word #answer

[yuissamidare]

@codes i think i may have put this on my artblog but... Here

i guess ill start w ichi bc i always forget about him somehow like i always come up short when im making lists and im like 'oh wait shit yeah that guy’ bc im stupid n i only think of fishing trio + choro. I’m an Idiot. idk i never thought too hard on ichi bc i so rarely think about him but he looks so high its really funny i said this on main but he looks like my friend when he decided to try a weed gummy bear then started babbling about hentai then watched to watch porn with me but got mad all the intro scenes are a billion years long and started ranting about the industry but now that i think about it he looks like someone who used to send me weird shit when he was high like bad pick up lines about body parts i wish i didnt have

and thats so funny that its Ichimatsu who looks like that but also proof that hes high. but anyway!! hes really cute and im mad hes boutta ruin my reputation for my complete and utter lack of care and interest in him no matter what im mad. my friend gwyn said 'Sp lubing us up for the fuckening that is the reason why Ichi is sad in present day’ im really curious at the change like if hes trying a fake it till you make it type thing bc really emotionally exhausted or if hes just genuinely having a good time or hes puttin on a front since like. nails who stand get hammered down right??? just gotta do your best n Never Relax n i can relate to all that. but uhhh old hcs i guess

in kun ichi was the most serious! really smart but just as bad w school as the rest of them apparently but!! yeah so id think that!! ichis that guy who participates in class discussion constantly and is always willing to debate the readings, but turns in sloppy papers with typos and no a coherency or stucture or anything. he’s A+ in participation but has an average of 60% on most of the written assignments with points knocked bc of lateness then more bc its A Mess. you could ask about the prompts for one of his papers, he could babble about his position on it complete with paragraphs and footnotes but like the day before its due hes playing rpgs and watching horror movies.

his classmates think hes so smart n so intimidating. the family knows hes a hot mess. the teachers tell him he has a lot of potential but they don’t think hes applying himself. all are right. also he doesnt cheat or let people cheat off of him since hes always been about rules and boundaries and Rightness n he n jyushi were the only ones who Minded Themselves in kun

uhh jyushi!! let me talk about schoolwork again bc yeah i love jyushi so so so so much and thinking of him in a school environment is so weird i thought about it a lot n i thought about it him in kun n san and Woah!! i really really love delinquent jyushi, bc when i saw that i was like 'huh! that fits actually!!’ i love that like him and choro flip flopped completely from what i thought. his school must be so cold theyre too cheap to afford heating in the winter and in summer the acs Blast. he was so Shy and quiet and he cried and he liked to sing so i always thought that when he participated in chorus festivals hes always like right in front!! he hums a lot in class and also moves around alot bc he actually like school and people like primary trio are the types that make friends often. i wasnt supposed to talk about this yet whoops.

unlike ichi who relatively neat despite everything but has shit notes, jyushis notes are amazing and understandable and utterly illegible.

theyre covered in doodles, arrows and lines leading every which way, different colors but not like color coded n theyre not in order by date, but he opens to a random page every time yet somehow always seems to know where to find each lesson. he writes footnotes and caveats and corrections and criticisms of the teachers and random thoughts and just smears ink everywhere. sometimes his notes are on a completely different subject. the notebook itself is a horrifying mess, the front and back covers both covered in drawings and designs and falling apart, random papers shoved between the pages, coming apart at the seams, covered in stains of unknown origin. assignments are full of emoticons and informal language, and they always manage to make his teachers feel like hes smarter than they are (most likely). he does his projects the minute theyre assigned, and is finished a minute later so can talk to his friends. he loved school.

sophie told me once about how she thought was Like That was bc one of his main concerns is that he thought he had nothing that made him Jyushi n in kun she said he might have been the one who was the most concerned about having a distinctive personality and i talked about how that sorta carried over san and how he always blended in bc of how gentle and soft and push-overy he was. he was actually the and most gullible and weakest in kun so i was like :0 when i saw that and intentionally did stuff like only carry 14 yen in his pockets to be quirky but it always sorta fell flat and he was still invisible so i was like hmmmmm. and i can see how he couldve toughened up and thinking of this now!! i love that. oh im so happy. this is so much better than i ever couldve imagined ever.

totty…. i do not think he was very popular or good at school. i think he’s very decent at schoolwork but he never put much effort into it. just copies whats on the board but if the class runs out of allotted lesson time n he couldnt finish his work he just didnt do it like cram schools a pain in the ass. if he put effort hed be a star student but he just craps out whatever since hes was the laziest!! oh but something i noticed was that him and jyushi would play together often since sometime he felt overwhelmed by karamatsu a lot. also hes the money thief and scammer its great kun todo is so good. he gets shy and flustered easy too!!

but uhh yeah!! depending on the day im always like 'zaimoku love each other so much they are best friends and the perfect other halves!!’ then im like 'these mofos hate each other what the fuck is this trainwreck’ did you see their shitty small talk in the horse episode. what was that. like they are genuinely trying to communicate and are pretty easy with each other but they have nothing to say. its like when youre having a boring day at school and theres nothing to talk about with an acquaintance so you just look at the walls and go 'have you ever noticed how stupid these posters are’ then you both start reading posters aloud but you both know its not that funny and youre just doing it to waste time but you still enjoy their company you just dont want silence. thats their relationship. and i think they are just very similar in very different ways and like. the key things that make them both similar and different and the same fuck them up (like suiriku!! theyre both really similar even if it doesn’t seem like it at first which is why their compatibility in the relationship chart was so low in s1, but i saw a lot of improvement in both of their behaviours and their communication and honestly. s2 was worth it for that sophie was so happy to see her faves get along) like sometimes when you look in the mirror all the things you see are the things you dont like about yourself instead of what makes you wonderful and unique. also i didnt mean to talk about this but i guess i am.

but yeah. totty is bitter n resentful at kara during hs n karas more confused and upset at tottys behaviour in their twenties n thats bc like i said. theyre dumb. karamatsu!! i think was actually pretty popular in highschool n had a good amount of friends - i genuinely think theatre kids are well liked bc i literally know everyone in my department and im friends w a good amount of people and im not even That extroverted. my actual extrovert friends know everyone in the school by name and everyone in my department is so nice even though theres a lot of bitchiness and drama its not as bad as w other humanities studies (jesus christ humanity students outside of theatre are a hot mess.)

uh yeah n that ultimately makes totty feel a bit… betrayed? karamatsu is his partner! theyre supposed to be there for eachother! kara’s the first one to branch out, get friends etc etc and todomatsus left behind bc hes always the one playimg follow the leader and he breaks out of that once they graduate - he grows up resenting karamatsu slightly though he still cares. but this time Hes the one cancelling plans to hang out with friends instead. my friend katie put it best when, in response to me telling them this, they sent me:

'kara: totty you have so many friends now. We barely see you anymore.

totty, applying chapstick: well, I learned it from the best.’

when i told them about it. but at the time gwyn and i were babbling about possibilities and different storylines and how theres a possiblity the movie might break down into three manageable plotlines n she gave zaimoku 'popularity’ and this was me throwing out ideas but honestly. Good. (aha, the end of this scenario ended up with todo throwing hands and shoulder checking someone outside a window and then getting removed from the premise n hanging with atsushi all night after) why am i on this. shit what happened here.

uhh but yeah totty is Def someone with learned behaviours rather than being a natural extrovert honestly just look at him hes an introverted mess masquerading as a decent human being and i know full well how people like that are bc some of them have been my best friends for years n seein the new hs promos solidifies that fact bc look at him. Crybaby. He is Miniscule. A Child.

then its 'delinquent who looks like an honour student’ choro. i never studied him until sophie started liking choro n since i love sophie i wanted to take an interest in him too. n i started to think very hard about him! then gwyn planted this in me n its taken root and im just never not gonna think its great. yall see his shitty gokudo impression what a bossy lil shit. he pulled a whip on kara once and it was mad funny but also Gwyns Big Evidence for him just being the absolute worst not like a casually skips class type but a Choro was a legit a bully and really mean n sabatoged other classmates to make him look like he was 100% That Bitch. maybe not him being Mean and cruel but just an asshole who bums around, is something i really like that one a lot its been one of my faves since gwyn n i started talking about it but i just!! have a ton of other things too!!

hes a lot like karamatsu in that theyre both stupid and weird and embarrassing and they put on airs but they also!! dont try!! they talk so big and such high goals n expectations and they dont do shit bc they have so much hubris but i always talk about them bc suiriku is sophies Beloved so ill like. Not. but he acts like he’s better than all of them n forces the role of the straight man on himself because he wants to be seen as the responible, level headed one even if hes just. So Much.

i think the movies calling back to how touchy feely and clingy he was in kun and adding on to how jyushis a delinquent and kara… Is Like That he’ll be around them the most bc jyushi might either be really protective or push him away and then they do something to mend their relationship later on or hell cling to kara and they just. grow apart. sticking to my hc until the end bitches. oh.

for choro… personally!! i thought hed be a slacker instead of a delinquent but not in the way totty slacked - totty was lazy n knew the work but didnt want to put in effort but choro just. Doesnt. choro has so much energy all the time and choro Can Not deal with school situations. bc like… you always hear people say that studying is meant to be done at the desk, silently, no distractions what so ever!! focus on notes and nothing else!! ise a highlighter but dont use it too much!! make your notes legible but you only have five minutes before the board gets erased!! review!!! look at your notes or youll die! take breaks bit dont take too long and honestly. listen. kun choro wouldnt be able to stand that shit and id think hed just think he was doing it The Wrong Way n he just wasnt meant to do it.

he doesnt like quiet classrooms!! he cant study like that and hell get distracted. he cant sit still n thats why totoko broke up w him in the beer ad and why hes just Everywhere in kun!! hes understimulated and its just Ugh! you know??? he’ll fidget w his pens until he breaks them or hum or tap his foot and annoy everyone or leave for the bathroom at least three times a class just to get up and move.

eventually he just. gives up even though hes super smart he like, stops caring bc if you dont care to understand material then you wont have to read and read and reread and rereread something to get it! classes just make everything uncomphrehensible and makes any idea he may have sublimate into nothing. but he can work on the trains and the buses! he needs something kenetic to get him moving and trains n shit always have enough going on to work with, just like with home!! chorochoro motherfuckers. he works much better moving forward, ironic as that is. he feels sorta set apart from every thing like hes behind some big plane of glass doing everything wrong and being all set apart from everything. eventually he takes to acting like a real fussy mom to avoid his own problems and help everyone else out even though hes annoying and even when he graduates but it gets Worse bc then figures out how much!!! he fucked up!! then he kicks himself into high gear n still cant do shit. ahh.

its illegal for me to talk about choukei bc i talk about them so much and im always being annoying n typing stupid essays about them bc theyre… my faves.. But this is so long…

it actually makes me super happy that he kara acne he still can be really fighty and he cries and he still does stupid impulsive shit for others and even though hes really sweet and caring is still an utter monster and fucking mess of a person. love him. i always like to think his shittymatsu nickname came from iyami n it just morphed from there bc in 66 you can hear iyami calling him specifically garbage. ive always been glad they kept his sewing hobby too. ahh, actually from what i see hes pretty similarities to kun so i wonder when he decided to air out that teremity. idk what to say about him that i havent in tottys section. he just Feels like someone who had a good support group and nice friends bc of how hes able to move in the world. kara feels like some whos doing their growing up in their twenties bc highschool came easy to them and now theyre just really struggling with the real world. like i shouldve expected softboy hs kara and i appreciate him very much!! i talk about choukei a lot bc they were the first characters that spoke so i immediately attached myself to them n i talk about karamatsu Specifically but im not sure i ever mentioned how much i appreciated how smart and cautious hes proved himself to be time and time again, like how hes the only one to point out totokos fish shtick aint doing her favours or how he was the first one to notice osos irritation n how you can pick out his voice warning jyushi to calm down in the bg of 24 or how in the comedian episode he was ready to take Notes from iyami and a lot of other small things!!

i would think hes actually a bit more serious n calm in hs and san is him amping up traits that drew people to him in hs and it backfiring on kara spectacularly - kara is always gauging people and their reactions and acting in a way he believes will get something positive, but at the same time is utterly oblivious when it comes to actually Getting them n i talked about the girls on the bridge but this is also prevalent with ichi who kara just. Doesnt Get and can not figure out how to maneuver their relationship. like oso, kara is and elder brother!! and elder brothers have an image theyre supposed to uphold, but while kara acts the part he doesnt do the shit a big brother does and shrugs that responsibility off on oso until oso fucks up until s2, where they share the role more evenly and his relationship with ichi improves but this is another essay entirely. what im trying to get with that is that hyperfocus on what other people think of him, but his complete disregard when it comes to their actual reaction and instead what he wants their reactions to be would also greatly impact him transtioning from a teen to an adult im sorry im getting sloppy now

osomatsu… i really adore him too much and i understand how totty felt in their episode bc i also lent my phone to a friend who needed to desperately jack it before meeting new people n i talk about him a whole lot too. hes mean and an asshole and garbage n i know a lot of people find him plain n boring but idk. i dont think thats the case hes a really complexed n nuanced character n hes literally has always been way back from kun n thats expected from a main character but… hes always been mean n dumb n sly and he can get so pathetically vunerable and thats literally!! him. hes a normal dude nothing wrong with that n it can be real refreshing. n i suppose im so fond of fishing trio+choro bc they remind me of my friends. but yeah even if hes 'plain’ i dont see why thats a bad thing. n this they always have the most interesting body language like despite kara being So Much his body language was always closed off n singled him out as everything But exuberant and bright, and osos quirks like how he stands on his toes a lot had always been so cute… its relaxed and open n screams Talk To Me!!!!

ahh but i always end up thinking oso was. oso??? theres not much to say that i havent before but i do think that he was a lot more like he was in episode 2 when ranting to chibita about having shitty brothers and then actively Chose to be a good brother even if he wasnt a good person and be a stable rock and be someone they could all come back to at the end of the day. and hes good at math im never letting this die.

#now im sleepy fmxbfbc #mbbbaf #i didnt talk about oso much im ao tired

[misterbitches]

@flootweed ​

ATOTS

That's super fucking romantic? Like tragic but in a nice way. i love that shit. i'm a monogamous slut for romance pghiosuag even tho we have to learn to live alone too but it's just like the NOTION is nice?!??! awwww i told my mom that SOPHIE's gf was like "she died taking a picture of the moon" and how it was like idk. the gf was just processing it and she thought it was romantic and my mom was like "wow.....depressing" bc think she thought it was stupid millenial shit i was like no mother doent u see she died in the BEAUTY LMAO but then i told her jessica walter's husband died the year before and then she died and she was like "aw...kind of romantic" LMAOOOO i guess two people have to die. why did i tell this story? i am so sorry. the show ended today right (ep 10?) i didn't realize it was that short. so i hope it was a happy ending? (tell me) i understand why you love the atmos! it's like, not really been done. there's this BL that i hear isn't too great but it does take place in a rural part of thailand and there's way less budget. a lot of ppl seem to like it. ep 6 LW / LW in gen gotta be honest, rushed through it. i knew spoilers from jump cause BL spoilers are just absolutely nothing and sometimes ur just like i need to know. i do not understand the ~silently lookin 4 u~ trope it always backfires and is also DUMB. so happy about tiffy. a girl who likes girls but ends up with a man bc of mommy and also the man is ok....it's me. she's gorgeous and actually [h*lf] gay so it's great. god ok i feel so old again. lmaooo but i was like obsessed with lady gaga for that reason (dont ask...also how i got kinda popular on tumblr way back in the day) and shes just absolutely fucking beautiful and bad ass. (which kind of doesnt helpcos they r all skinnty but that's FINEEEE) right? i mean like i guess cos we knew abt it? i can see why he was so pissed off, too? i mean i'm so fucking like...sensitive to being told what to do so i was angry for him from jump. i guess i was also looking at it different wholetime cos i knew the spoilers? i'm assuming u did too lmao. so we knew hed be pissed and leave. and frankly that's what sib gets. just for you my friend i will watch it and update. i think MANY times in shows in gen but it is something you notice a lot in BL bc they are just absolute novices most times. in this case, gene's actor mostly well (and i like him as a person just cos he was on that thai 3 girls in a car show and used to date on eof them lmao) can act so i will look over that scene to see how sib's actor plays off him. but the pausing in between sentences or for so long even decent actors or actors doing better. kao is not bad, not great so they will talk slowly because dramatic acting but the problem is most times it's too long. even if the person is an adept actor it won't always work and YES THEN THAT MEANS THE EDITOR COMES IN AND SNIP SNIP SNIP! it's too long. and sometimes it just does not work even if you can act. but it is GLARING when they cant or are average (someoe said this about tharntype and my god lmao tharn..is...so...slow...in...talking...the actor idk his name it's one of em, the other one with the nose (type) is....different not better but he certainly does not talk as slow. they arent bad but they are not good so.) also sometimes they are forgetting their lines. some ppl find this charming. clearly we do not lmao. what is their relation? what is going on there? i don't have a problem with stepbrothers as long as they didn't grow up with that sibling bond. many times blended families really have to watch out for that kind of fraternizing but it's always when theyre older and teenagers bc they didnt grow up w/ each other....i mean they have chemistry so i'm whatever. but. hennYYWAYYYS.actually it's bc im an idiot i didn't read it as Mhok (singular) and aey's father. Yes and his sister who i think i may hate? im like bitch okkkkkk but. his name is lhong. and he is a psycho. i mean so is type. so. oooh it could be that he stole! but also i'm pretty sure cos hes gay lol or did they

not make that explicit? the thing is i had to skip through most of that scene too because the drama was WAY too much for me. too much. lmao. the sister thing i got and it made sense and iliked that. oh yea he is gay and they know. that's a big one.

WBL

haven’t watched color rush! did you like it? i have seen wyel, parts of mr heart, and ofc to my star :) 

ohhhhhh ok. i get you. yea he definitely wasn’t being ooc cos i think that....what u said. and also like....ugh i cant even think rn. i like sam lin a lot so i like gao shi de but i gotta say. lmao. hm. first of all. yes it is creepy what he did. it’s fucking weird. and sad that his whole life revolves around him. it’s not as fucking weird as LW but still like when he did the door thing. i was like UMMMMMMMMM cos i really didnt want it to be constructed. and when it was i was like imma suspend my disbelief. but if anyone dared...

and so what he did in s2 i think he just couldnt realize that he was loved back which is why it’s good he WAS ALONE for 5 yrs imo. but he gave shu yi 0 choice and for that i am pretty sure i would be even angrier. i do think though that the father’s role is pretty important but i can see how the show is like....letting that go? bc as fucking weird as GSD is, he was still like...20? i guess and shu yi’s dad is like. crazy? i am also like he really had to fucking start a company to get noticed like are u joking? is it also that easy? and also why? lmao i just. ugh. i think that probs bothered me the most...priorities.

i like the show! well idk if i love it but sure. i think it’s decent lmao. i understand what you’re saying. for here it bothers me less but i certainly don’t think it was OOC. immature and stupid but like...that’s.....what they are. i also don’t have a problm with the timing from a technical point.

however, when i started the show? i had NO clue what concept of time it was. and that was very annoying. tehy redeemed it bc of the comedy aspects (the first time shu yi sees shi de is so fucking good, i really loved the shot and editing; it’s hilarious and silly) and i started to go with the flow of the show through that. but the fucking concept of time in the show in general esp with repetitive outfits (i understand that they are more likely to wear multiple outfits as well, it’s just that you have to split it up or it i sconfusing visually and looks like the same scene twice or just a full day of shooting which it could be but then something should change in the clothes. this is just an ex~~*~*) and partof that is they have this already controlled narrative i guess. 

i have to admit as well...i skipped episode 1. and most of 2. i was like i rly dont want to see someone slap a pereson even if they were like. not together. it’s just not cute also not in front of ppl. and then when they were yelling and bla bla i was like listen ladies lets calm down. too much angst in a boring way. what they have now is good. also they should probably like estrange the father but i doubt they will. 

i cannot make up my mind totally now bc i see what ur saying i guess i just don’t feel that way as much but i guess i have to think about it more, too. i do think he was contorlling in getting him or like when he didnt want shu yi to find out whwatshisface liked him. i guess for me it would be if he is still that way in the rship. but even tho he’s at fault for what happened, i’m also like but his dad? but also like...did he try? why did he just stop contacting? but then i guess he emailed everyday? DO U C MY QUANDARY.

alsoi have to say i do not care abt their backdoor being opened lmao like wow business? no thanks

LMAO. did they cry a lot in UWMA? i only know the teamwin parts. which one is fluke the really pale one who died? idk what it is about that kid but i just cant watch him. it’s not his fault it’s mine.

DUDE i still dont understand the husband and wife thing and ive looked into it multiple times. ive kinda just classified it as one of those things that make me uncomfortable but arent problematic lol. it you have any insight about it id love to hear it tho !!

it’s stupid. that’s what it is (husband and wife.) it’s just something they say like many gay couples may use pejoratives in conjunction with them, the f word etc. or even imply something about being a top and a bottom. whatever. but these arent gay spaces or gay storylines. sure gay men may direct them but since BL operates and relies on patriarchy without a doubt and also stereotypes poorly kathoeys or won’t cast trans women in anything substantial and use them as jokes (and see this is one of those things where it’s like...ud never see this in the US tho like our concept of third gender or kathoeys but life stillBOOOOO.) so it’s just useless when they put it into the scripts because it’s for people to consume and lots of girls are. obviously. so the idea that if you are being penetrated and u r the wife and this is used like literally anywhere but not from gay or whatever men is gross. are cis women’s vaginas sieves to them? are trans women not women? do we have to categorize people by PHALLIC OBJECTS IN OUR BODIES SPECIFICALLY A WOMAN? it dont make no sense. plus really most ppl just experiment, there’s more ways than one to have sex, we have lives so most times it’s not just full penetration for hours anyway. it’s just so gross. like oh that’s really funny lol ur the wife cos his dick goes in ur butt XD i get it, same. i say “i’m wife’ whenever there’s a penis in me. fucking kill me. it’s not a big deal but it’s just dumb and gross. if they use it they could try and subvert it too like i like how my engineer has  a whole absurdly stupid episode about it. but in TT the dad says “if ur the wife i wont accept it” and i was like u know what gals? im good. goodbye.

pgojaihousgajigko THAT’S SOOOOOOO OOWIEOFUGHOIJ WEIRD. FANDOM IS REALLY WEIRD. i have read rpf and written it once upon a time but dont do it anymore  uch. i mean it’s weird. no doubt about that. invasive, weird, strange. but very unreal anyway. it is. plus i dont like celebs or fame and think of it as a gross capitalist scheme so i had to stop (also so weird?) but i know very many people like lean in. lean in. LEAN IN. this youtuber i watch did a video on like insanely popular ships (like that 1d one) and their insane fandoms and i just couldnt. it’s so embarrassing? and then they’re so bold????? about it? 

yea it would be cool (more queer men or visibly we should say or like out whatever.) but it doesnt necessarily mean that will be good or beneficial i guess? i mean like. i dont know. so much about the genre is about wish fulfilment for young girls. its literally selling some fantasies because the other thing is for BL (i read a paper on this...) esp for girls in more conservative societies they cna maybe replace themselves in the character? but they may not feel a threat as a woman or like their life will fall apart if they engage in sexual things with anyone really. and that’s where i’m like....for a lot of these are they just writing a story and just replacing two men? bc they also seem to think it owrks like that. and in a way that’s what it is bc of the writing and how they use certain terms. you can tell the piece is about pushing a product and less about the real affects of a story. i think ITSAY is a great example of a really intelligent great piece of work that contains multitudes. and the girl was amazing. it just depends on the goal. and for most of the ppl the goal isnt...to do anything. so i dont know. idk how to talk abt representation anymore. it both is and isnt.

 i really liked tingting from my engineer a lot (idk if u have seen) she’s so fun and unapologetic. i love how much she drinks and if someone tells her to be ladylike she says no. and i appreciate that in the show when girls were rude to her she said nothing about the girls but said “NO IM NOT LUCKY TO HAVE ALL MALE FRIENDS?” i really want to see her more in the next season. obviously tiffy is goat. super excited to see how their rship develops.

#we best love #lovely writer #we best love fighting mr 2nd

[chikotos]

speaking of That my mom is finally recognizing that when I say “i dont feel good” it doesnt mean i have a cold or sth its that Uh, im probably experiencing suicidal thoughts and cant express it well (or at least smth along those lines) and my house has been dirty cuz i havent cleaned in a while or i cant keep it clean and she n my sister cleaned an area and i repeatedly told her not to bc shes always using my sister to do things im not adequate enough to do on time and its rlly not fair to her even if she doesnt realize it cuz like shes only 12 & we dont ever even talk so she shouldnt have to take care of someone 5 years older than her.. and i was gonna clean but I basically slept all day so i could just clean alone at night when I feel safe to walk around the house . i wasnt even tired idk why i slept but now im eerily awake and maybe will be umless i force myself to sleep

its so lonely here and thats only hit me like this year cuz all the time before I would go through periods of hanging out after school maybe.. twice a year? and only hanging out with one person whod have many friends but theyd b my only friend which is a problem i tend to have. but it jst got to the point where im realizing, i think cuz i was in my schools drama program n exposed to lots of friendships, that im jst like ,really fucking lonely. Which is unfortunate because ive always been such an internal person at home and have been able to work creatively but thats all like leaving me? art doesnt make me happy anymore because i dislike my art so much and havent had a platform to share it in so long and i guess I thrive on other ppls opinions of it? and I definitely cant write anymore. I havent been able to zone in on an interest in MONTHS and thats left me creatively drained, a lot. 

I think im starting to rlly, RLLY redirect my complete attention from interests to ppl (which always ends well am i right lads) and it isnt fair to ppl who like, have others and need space and time etc or Uh, dont even know me. but its like a switch like , I can either be creative or i can feel loved and Boy Howdy, do i need both,

its just weird cuz im the only one in my family thats emoitonal like this and I think thats why i feel so isolated. like im not exxagerating when I say my dad has 0 friends tht arent family. my mom has work friends she will hang out with maybe 4 times a year not for work, but shes always complaining abt social situations which I can understand. maybe my siblings r like that too but my sisters young n focuses on minecraft n stuff n hangs out w friends more than me n we barely know each other so its not like id know, maybe my half brother is but whens the last time hes wanted to talk to me right. like i cry all the time and all it does is make my dad angry at memfor being incompetent and make my mom think its her fault and my sister confused and jst takes up everyones time

and its jst all v strange. like i was kinda raised 2 not have friends, inadvertantly i guess. i can remember my mom trying to make me feel better about something along the lines of u can b okay w/out friends if u have family but she jst told me friends dont matter and im never gonna talk to ppl i meet at my age as an adult, so it stuck w/ me and i started to make moral judgements on ppl on small things we could talk out like say, they use homophobic language sometimes but im sure theyd respect me enough to stop, but id make those judgements before we could befriend each other n take a chance, kinda to protect myself from attachments? but later in life ive found ppl who dont do stuff like that, and thats when i focus in on them im an unfair way to them and they r the only person/group of ppl in my life, etc etc and idk how to stop because im so scared of hanging out w/ most ppl alone i guess? but ill still be here, thinking about like example (namedrop bc he doesnt have me tumblr anyways) my friend jacob tht never hung out w/ me outside of school but i fuccin loved that kid n he just stopped talking to me over the summer n ignored my text i send first day of summer and now we see each other and talk briefly but its like he wont let us be friends anymore and smth like this always happens and its So

and tbh how can i expect it to not happen when i limit myself so much n they will have plenty of other close close friends when i dont? and i think ive gotten better but idk anymore. 

and uh, unrelated. I think my dog ive had for 12 years may have to end up being put down this year. hes got cataracts in both eyes and skin diseases and back problems and teeth problems (hes inbred) and hes losing his hearing too and for the past two weeks hes been peeing everywhere and we can let him out but he cant climb stairs anymore n he has to walk them to get to our yard and im the only one w/ the patience to pick him up (hes only 8 pounds) n put him in the yard bc my parents will jst scream at him n my sister doesnt like dogs and hes got seperation issues w me and whines when he cant be in my room which is the farthest from the door out n stuff. and its like rlly stressful my mom will scream at him in front of my sister n brother n me and the other day she said my dad grabbed him by the neck and threw him out on the concrete cuz he peed inside and hes so tiny that thats just gonna make everyting worse and its notmlike i can stop them bc why would anyone listen to me and hed prob b fine for s few more years if he lived in a patient house with ppl who would take him to the vet but theyre prob gonna put him down early snd its gonna b so weird w/out him

when i showered earlier i took s razor with me w/ the intent to cut my thighs, and i did a little, but i never ever draw blood wnd its strange. why am i given these urges when im so fucking terrified of blood. itll still leave marks n stuff but it makes me feel weak ? n ill bruise myself up instead but its never the same. and im such an advocate for help w self harm but i cant for myself. its like i subconsciously want 2 get caught ? idk. i did throw my razor away though and the others i have r rusty and im not THAT much of a dumbass so i dont have options to self harm anymore unless i get new ones. lifehack

and uh lol, having no schedule n it being summer my eating habits r SHIT. it always hurts to eat p much, its at different times n most of the time i just snck only or i dont eat for hours n see black spots n stuff. and when i dont eat its not a body image thing (im nt rlly happy w my nody but its not sth not eating will help with) its cuz i dknt wanna go upstairs for food where my dad is n the snacks r downstairs so its easier, or cuz i forget or cuz i like, want to punish myself? but im too lazy to self harm. its weird

n since ive stopped id’ing as ace officially my internalized lesbophobia has gotten so much worse . im so repressed and lost ans sad, nothinng rly makes sense? I either fall in love w/ anyone who flirts with me or i focus on someone who ill never fucking talk to or see again and imagine countless scenarios n set myself up to b sad. i seek validation from ppl on it but nothhing comes out right or i just cant say it, because other than when i make myself the butt of gay jokes i just cant sven get the words out of my throat that im gay cuz im jst so ashamed and disgusted with myself. ive been looking at pictures of guys lately cuz ive been trying to force myself to like them. back when i thought i was pan it always felt safer bc i could always just love a cis guy or whatever and everything would b okay for my family ykno. and its such a shameful thing for me bc my irl friends who im out to, most see me as v confident abt it at least a little bc im loud abt it u kno, and make all sorts of jokes, and i jst know so many would b surprised or like sad abt that

i want to stop liking girls so much. like holy shit. i have so many straight girl friends and i hate it when they flirt with me because lik, none r my type so i feel nothing but then i feel like i shiuld then feel like No i shouldnt then feel like i shouldnt even be around them bc im a gross disgusting creepo dyke predator. n they always use the excuse of me having a gf so its fine id never hit on them well like, now im single so i have to be DOUBLE careful not to b affectionate w them as im w all my friends and itsssssssssssssmjshfjhdjfhsjdhjshdjshdjhsjdhsjhdjshdk

and i like, think abt this girl alot n yea its romantic even thomwe never fucking talked n rlly i do that w lots of girls and its making me lose out on friendships bc i wanna b their friends somehow bc i think theyre very cool n stuff but i cant stop hodling on to stupid daydreams n idealizations i get to distract me when im sad n its jst stupid like i know its dumb but guess whos boutta keeeeeeppppp doin it??!!!!! boy!!!

and i try so damn hard to talk feeling out, n talk abt who im attracted to n stuff w ppl, n i try so hard to gush but i cant cuz smth comes outta my mouth and then i cant speak past that and no one ends up rlly knowing how i feel, bc ANY time i talk abt anytingngay related abt me its what happens. and i listen to others talking abt tht stuff and i jsut get so god damn JEALOUS bc idk how to express myself 

all these inadequacies n shit is making it rlly hard to see how,im gonna b on my own n its always been like this. at TWELVE YEARS OLD i came to fhe fucking conclusion that i was just gonna kill myself when i turned 18 so i didnt have to deal with all this and i was OKAY WITH IT and i just went through life knowing that and hiding it and so rarely questioning my inevitable suicide as a childc so instead of dealing with all that n my problems n getting better i let myself get worse cuz uh, fuck it right

idk its all just occured to me how im not a fully functioning human being, in seberal if not all aspects of my life, its weird. now that I actively want to live and realize i uh Kinda have to simce ill b the legal guardian of my brother its all very scary

sorr i was all over the place and all the typos i didnt mean anyof them n im not crytyping like, i cried a bit but i jst hate typing kn thsi shitty tablet keyboard, n dont wanna spellcheck. if u read through comgratulations also please dont message me abt like the self harm junk n my dog n stuff like, whatever ur abt to say. I Know my guy 

time to go uhhhhhhhhhhh daydream about impossible gay shit with guilt in the back of my mind

#personal #animal abuse/ #self harm/ #other stuff probably i guess #nya #its long uhh full disclosure i sjt wanted to feel like i was talkin 2 someone nyall can ignore this

[johnnythirteenguns]

logan, not spoiler free thoughts (it got long):

anyways i saw logan yesterday and im still sensitive from it and i wouldnt know where to begin having a conversation about it with people who want to see it

as a film it’s pretty good. i didnt feel too much time was wasted, if any really, it’s tropey though. so like once it gets going it is point a to b to c to d with no variation and you spot the chekov’s guns right away and you can figure out how it’s going to end half way in. which im fine with as long a movie doesnt patronize me, and i didnt feel logan did. it was just formulaic. but it was good and watchable. there is a lot to be said for exploiting a tried and true formula for story telling but fitting it to the aesthetic of the characters therein.

also although i dont talk to movies i have realized that i am increasingly more involved with reacting to them and i dont know if this means i am more empathetic with the characters on screen because i am becoming more empathetic or if im more emotional and have nowhere to direct that emotion in my real life so i put it all into relating with the characters on a given screen and so when stuff happens to them i just really React.

that being said like im really. tired. of white characters being allowed to use brown bodies as stepping stones and footstools. there are a lot of dead brown people in this film. the main characters are all white. although dafne did an admirable job as laura, if i had the chance id recast her immediately. i wouldnt have cast her at all to be honest. i hope that when an older or adult laura shows up that they cast an actual mexican actress (not a white one). in logan they imply that the babies are clones, but there’s also implication that it was actually just in-vitro using the stolen dna the way you would use donated sperm? unless i watch it again i wont know because the language seemed unsure of itself.

but yeah. i dont. know. it’s literally too much at this point like we’re just constantly thrown under the bus so to save, create, or help white characters. for example, you know the horse family is gonna die, you know it because it’s a Trope. but it’s a black family, and they die gruesomely, which okay, everyone that dies in logan dies gruesomely and violently. but theyre the only black characters with speaking parts, and there is a dearth of them elsewhere in the fox marvel universe. rictor, one of the escaped 23s, is mexican in the comics, apparently so in the movie, and i can safely assume his actor is latinx as well (but he’s a baby and so doesnt have a ton of stuff on his imdb). he’s also the only one of the kids who is shot when they’re being chased through the woods.

i honestly dont know if i would have preferred they keep it on screen or leave it off screen. clearly brown children are afterthoughts anyway? to be used as plot devices and target dummies as needed. i dont know. i do know that i was waiting for it and i thought he was going to die. they do have a line of dialogue immediately after rictor is shot to reassure you that he isnt going to die, which is something i guess.

at any rate i really cant with child death or child abuse in media lately. i dont know how i feel about laura’s self-harm scene. not good but self-harm in media in general needs to be looked at in a case by case basis i dont know about this one.

which btw wow the actress that plays gabriela is straight up from the bronx born and raised in new york and i knew she couldnt be a primarily spanish speaker that accent grated on my ears so badly  i would have preferred they find a way to have her speak spanish and english at some point to illustrate their point because whenever she spoke that accent made me desperately wish she would shut the fuck up or get to the end off her sentence if i could somehow physically share how fucking tired i am of fake mexican accents like youd faint for ten seconds from the force of my anger.

like of all the things to be that angry about but it’s honestly just One More Thing at the point and im so tired.

im really over the disposability of brown bodies and i wish it would stop.

all that being said ive been listening to this podcast and my love for the x-men and x-men adjacent characters has grown immensely over the last year and going in i was emotional about film history, about the x-men cinematic history (honestly hugh jackman has brought his a-game every time when playing logan and i thank him, even when the films themselves were lackluster), i was emotional about x-men comics history, like. i really loved how they all chose to portray the characters and the relationships between them and it was really hitting a lot of perfect notes like.

it turns into a really rough father daughter story really quickly and it got to me because of my own father, because of my possible future, it was a lot of deeply personal levels being affected. um, there’s a lot of symbolic stand-in stuff, like the canadian border, brown children crossing it alone (all their caregivers are implied to be dead to the point that they pretty much are dead due to their absence, so more dead disappeared mexican women, along with the dead teenage girls we’re told about much earlier).

i think i may have just gotten too sucked into it and too emotionally invested and am maybe looking at it through too much of a like film student lens because i was studying it for form and execution obviously and i dont feel like tropey is bad, and i say this because there were moments where most of the audience was laughing but they werent particularly funny? like haha funny moments they were a little more light-hearted (and i mean a Little, not much, to me they illuminate how very tired and hopeless logan is in comparison with other characters and the rest of the world) but because the rest of logan is couched so firmly in the same sort of world weary americana (despite none of the main characters being american, which is neither here nor there) that a film like hell or high water is that i didnt find them Funny. theyre still painful moments meant to illustrate a turning point in the characters’ relationship.

i do say this as someone who at this point just completely started crying for the rest of the movie. i was holding it back since close to the beginning because i Do like these kinds of films and stories and so im already primed to get really invested and then it just kept hitting me and. even gabriela running away with laura and how desperate but fierce they as the characters being in that situation really got me.

also there is no stinger scene so dont wait unless you want to listen to the man comes around which i love so i was fine with waiting anyway. also you see a special thanks given to all the comics creators that had a major hand in shaping laura kinney which got me and marjorie liu is listed.

#i dont know why it's telling me disposability isnt a word?

[crumpledjournal]

5.2.17

so apparently my school does this program where kids can head out into the woods for a weekend every once in a while and just… talk it out i guess. that was this past weekend, Ma (not my mom, a friend) told me to go. my old history teacher had been plugging for the trip for years, but id never actually gone. never thought id be able to explain wanting to go have a feelings jam with a buncha other kids in the woods to my dad. i didnt really until i came back and recapped a little (honoring the agreement i signed before going to not share anyones story from the trip).

on the one hand, i feel so fucking healthy!!! i feel like i have subsisted for the past year off of nothing but avocado smoothies and kale juice and like i have been doing yoga for 85 hours a day and like i finally met a person or two who i can actually speak my mind to and get more than just a “sure dude.” like, good lord does this feel good

i mean, thats what i told Ge and Di and i genuinely believe it. (both Di and i knew basically nobody other than eachother and we were alone in a sea of strangers for the first few hours.)

dont get me wrong, i feel lots better. i got a lot off of my chest. but there was also a lot left unsaid on my part. out of all the people there (about 90) there were two others who shared that they were genderqueer (and there were only like two other people who brought up the topic at all). one of them i had some p bad experiences with in middle school. the other was a student leader and facilitator of the trip, so Re (the leader) didnt really have a lot of time to talk, and in the discussions Re was mostly asking questions and… well, facilitating. plus, gender came up like once. and Re was not there.

but i was! it was nice to talk a little. i was in a meeting with the school principal about installing gender neutral bathrooms at the school a week or two ago and i talked about that with them, and i told them that being genderqueer goes waywaywayway back and lots of other stuff, i guess. but i didnt say anything about my experiences with being genderqueer, really.

and damn did i want to! idk if yall have picked up on this yet (all none of you) but talking to people about my shit is just so healing for me. thats why i have a public journal! like, talking to equals and feeling heard. i could tell my mom or the school therapist (and i do, often) about my shit and its cool, theyre supportive and shit, but since i started this class ive had no time to keep up old friendships that were based around hanging out. like, were still friends i guess, but… playing minigolf over text is just not the same, man.

there was this thing last night where from like, right after dinner until about 3 in the morning, we talked. people had seven minutes that they could use however they wanted in front of the whole group, and it was just their job to listen. and let me tell you, id been crafting my seven minutes for like, three hours before my name came up. the thing is, i planned like twenty minutes of monologue. i talked about a bunch of the family stuff ive got and that was real cathartic. i also got to talk about my struggles with depression, which was a real common topic. but… ive been thinking about the possibility of myself being a trans girl really, really hard over the past couple of months, and i still havent shared that other than with the people whove read this journal.

which is nobody, other than a couple people browsing tags when i talked about moana a little while ago. i havent told that many people i write this, but. i kinda trusted those who i did to read it i guess.

i dunno. i think im most afraid that im not going to have any healthy girl friendships. i see all these women and girls and they have such supportive relationships with eachother. i see it every day. holy shit, if you havent seen the rage and passion with which girls defend their true friends… Hoo Boy.

and im so worried i wont have that! like. i love being agender, and it’s wonderful to have the ability and the knowledge and the acceptance to be an out nonbinary person and not really have so many problems stemming from that in my life. but i have this fear that that ill be in this purgatory of a questioning period for just long enough that when i finally make up my goddamn mind and trust my conviction enough to come out as a trans girl ill have lost the opportunity to have these wonderful, girl-to-girl relationships. as an agender person i feel like so much of an intruder in these female spaces.

Like, Ha (who I met on the trip) was so wonderful and badass, especially considering the amount of shit shes had to go through. jimminy christmas, shes fucking strong. i try not to gender people here but when the topic is gender itself that kind of context feels crucial… but anyways. she came and sat with me when i was eating lunch alone in the corner and brought a couple other girls and. i mean, some of the body language of the others kind of told me they werent super interested in me being there but… it felt… so good. just to be in a female space, just to be included there for the most part, without cis guys around that i would get lumped with.

but then i think i had a panic attack like, near to immediately after that, because i felt like i was making them incredibly uncomfortable by being an intruder in their female space. and when my female friends were having a hard time during the trip (as often happened) i felt like it wasnt my place to comfort them and that as a natal male i would just make them more uncomfortable and they would doubt their friendship with me because so many guys just take advantage of women when they’re at their lowest emotional state and that’s the last thing i want to be seen as and i tried to hug a few women who were having a really hard time over the course of the trip but i just got this churning in my stomach because i might make it worse if i make them think i just want to hug them so i can feel them aginst my stupid fucking body and if i keep writing this sentence then im going to have another panic attack

i dont know what to do. i dont know who to talk to because despite the number of people who said i could come to them this weekend, nobody else talked about gender shit, and those genderqueer people who i do know have just told me to look into my heart and shit, which doesnt help because thats what ive been trying to do. i feel like i cant talk to women because to them ill just be another guy who’s venting because he feels like he can dump all his emotional shit on the closest woman (especially women i just met on the trip, i couldnt ask them to spend however long it takes out of their day to read this when i just met them). i feel like i cant talk to men because if theyre not transphobic to begin with, they either refuse to talk about emotional shit, or can neither relate to feeling like they wont have any healthy girl-to-girl friendships nor realte to being genderqueer. i know im going to send this little essay to somebody soon because i just need to hear at least one other persons thoughts but i dont know who its going to be

and on top of all of that i keep getting these stomach aches at mealtimes and no other time of day and i dont know if it was the confessions from people with eating disorders or something else but my stomach aches and then i dont eat and then it aches because im hungry until the next meal when it aches again and i cant eat and when youre choosing between not eating or eating and feeling like you want to throw up, do you have an eating disorder already? i dont know anything thats going on with my body and im depressed and i feel so ashamed because there were so many people who had stories that felt so much more real than just a pronoun and a stomach ache and they spent their seven minutes with what seemed like no regrets about not having shared things and here i am writing a fucking dissertation pity paper about myself because i feel like it wasnt enough time to talk about my dumb fucking problems even though what i have aint shit and if i fall into the spiral of ands i legitimately will have a worse panic attack and i dont know who i can comfortably ask to do the fucking weightlifting championship level shit that is required to do the emotional heavy lifting and read bullshit im putting on the page without feeling like im inconveniencing them to the nth degree

so i guess thats where im at

[the100imagine]

Imagine: A Shot In The Dark.

Requested by Anon and minidecalibre Includes: Jasper Jordan x Reader Requests: *a jasper x reader where jasper and the reader has been friends for a long time with jas and monty and monty knew abt the readers crush and vice versa but jas gets in a relationship and doesnt find out abt he reader until theyre almost dead? thank u! * Jasper jordan imagine you are kane his daughter and jasper bumbs into you when you are ln duty and kane sees that

Note: Okay so I decided to put these two together even tho they aren't even, like, similar. I just thought that bc the first one has been done similarly before—and I'm going to be honest there aren't many ways of changing it up—that I would put them together somehow.

I know I have a bunch of requests that my dumbass/lazy ass still hasn't gotten to yet, I just lost motivation in writing *cue the worlds smallest violin* and I'm hoping I have some now seeing as I'm (for some fucking reason) writing two new stories for my Wattpad like the idiot I am.

ANYWAY let's see how this goes.

Update at 12:35am after finishing; LONGER THAN EXPECTED. 

    Down on Earth, you were known as Kane and Kane alone. Nobody bothered to learn your first name considering you were related to Marcus Kane, and they just figured that you would be a clone of him. But as time went on—and they observed you—they learned that you were anything but like the man that locked them up. Although you never honestly cared that much about what they thought, it wasn't like you could pick your family or at least who your parents were.

    Only two people were dumb enough to take you under their wing, and they were Monty Green and Jasper Jordan. Ever since you landed on Earth—and supposedly had been forgiven for all crimes committed on the Ark—you started a new life for yourself.

    In a way, you tried to distance yourself from the man who referred to himself as your father, although, that was difficult when you shared the same name. Not only that but when the war against the Grounders had ended and the Mountain Men kidnapped the remaining delinquents, the slim chance of possibly seeing your father—if the Ark ever made its way down to Earth—had decreased even more.

    The clothes that the Mountain Men had given everyone were nice, but they didn't feel right. They weren't yours, it was wrong. Dante had given the remaining delinquents access to some parts of the mountain, so it was very limited with the places in which you could go and relax by yourself to just think. But you found a corridor that appeared empty and quiet, so you slid down the wall and sat with your back pressed against it, your eyes trained on the bricked wall in front of you.

    "There you are." Monty sat down beside you. You didn't even hear him approach you. Although considering the fact that you were close to a bomb when it went off, it would explain the slight hearing problems.

    "Here I am." You shrugged.

    "What are you doing out here by yourself?" He questioned, bringing his knees up to his chest, wrapping his arms around his legs.

    "Thinking."

    "What are you thinking about?"

    "My dad and myself."

    "Miss him?"

    "I don't know. I just didn't think that..." You paused, trying to think of a better way to phrase how you were feeling. "I knew, in the back of my mind, that the chance of seeing him again was next to none, you know?" He nodded. "But some small part of me, the part that will always and forever be the little kid who looked by up him, hoped that I would see him again."

    "I get it, it's like me and my mum. I miss her, but I knew I might not see her again when I was put in the Sky Box."

    "It just sucks that they won't find us."

    "Why'd you say that?"

    "Well, I doubt that Dante, and his men, would keep us alive long enough for our parents get to Earth. Or if they're already on Earth, long enough that they get here to the mountain."

    "Keep us alive?"

    "Haven't you noticed we're going missing one-by-one?"

    "That's not true." He shook his head slightly.

    "Where's Harper? Because the last time I saw her was when we went to Dante's office."

    Monty stayed quiet for a minute. "You're right, I just thought I wasn't in the same room at the same time as her."

    "No, Monty, she's been taken. For what? I'm not sure. But I don't doubt that it will be long before we find out ourselves."

    "You're kinda for freaking me out right now."

    You let out a small chuckle at the irony just before a frown made its way to your face. "Why aren't you with Jasp?"

    "He's with Maya..." The expression he held on his face was pity and sadness.

    Of course, Jasper was with Maya. He was almost stuck to her hip as of late, and it was beginning to become annoying. You couldn't really be angry at him though, it wasn't like he knew you were harbouring feelings for him. But it still stung that he chose her, a girl he's just met and barely knows, over someone who was there for him through thick and thin. A sigh left your lips as you rested your head back against the wall, staring at the bright hanging light on the ceiling.

    "Sorry...I know how much you like him." He winced slightly, almost forgetting that you liked Jasper and that would have been a sensitive subject for you.

    "Yeah, and I know how much he likes her."

    Suddenly the phrase 'speak of the devil and he shall appear' happened to be quite literal when both you and Monty turned your heads to the side when you heard Maya and Jasper laugh loudly, holding hands together as they walked down the corridor. You looked down to your hands, picking at the broken skin of your sore knuckles, a soft sigh leaving your lips. Monty turned his head to look at you, once more his expression was pitiful and sad.

    "Sorry." He mouthed as the two 'love birds' approached.

    "Hey, guys," Maya's happy and cheery voice had you suppressing an eye roll.

    "Hey Maya," Monty greeted.

    "Vie." You nodded at her, only using her last name before looking at Jasper. "Jordan." You gave him the same treatment, hoping that the feeling for him would go away if you stopped acting like you cared.

    "Kane," he replied with a confused smile, a small chuckle escaping his mouth—obviously confused at the surname passing your lips instead of the usual 'Jasp' or 'J'.

    "What are you guys doing out here?" Maya questioned, leaning her body against Jasper, her left hand holding onto his upper arm and her right was entangled with his left. "You know, they're serving chocolate cake in the mess hall, right?" It was so hard to hate her when she was so kind.

    "Oh, really?" Monty stuttered out, not liking the thick tension around your body aimed at Maya. "Well, maybe we should go get some, right Kane?" He stood up, holding the wall behind him. Jasper obviously noting something was off.

    "Well, I'm lactose intolerant so..." You started in a quiet tone before Monty yanked you up off the floor, waving goodbye to Jasper and Maya, pulling you away from them.

    Before you both left the corridor, you heard Maya, "I hope she's feeling okay, she seems a little down."

    Then Jasper. "Yeah, maybe." Although he voice was uncertain.

    "Monty!" You whisper-yelled at him as he continued to pull you through the corridors. "What the hell was that?"

    "I thought you were going to smash her head into the wall if she said another word, so I thought for best measure—hoping Jasper wouldn't see you murder someone—that I dragged you away."

    You weren't expecting that. "Smart thinking."

-

    Monty had been sitting on your bed, at the opposite end, chatting with you while Jasper was MIA with Maya. Everyone else was in the mess hall doing something, but you just couldn't be in a room with Maya and Jasper any longer. You swore that if you had to hear the giggles that Maya let out every time Jasper nuzzled his head into her neck or said something before poking her sides you would have set the whole place on fire.

    "Did you see that they were serving fried chicken in this place?"

    "What?" You laughed at his obsession with the food.

    "I've never had it, I mean that's a given, but, it's just so good. I would honestly live off of it."

    "Have fun eating grease."

    "Oh, I will." He laughed before he leaned over, glancing around before raising the level of the music.

    "What's up?" You asked, knowing that he was going to tell you something he shouldn't know about.

    "They've taken someone else. I don't know who. But yesterday, when you said about Harper being gone, I stayed up later than everyone else and I saw that there was another empty bed."

    "They're getting sloppy." Somehow you doubted that they cared if they were found out.

    "They're getting dangerously close to taking one of us next. It could be me or you. Even Jasper. Aren't you going to have more of a reaction?"

    "Monty...We were sent down here to die. I was almost murdered eight times back at camp by the other delinquents just because I was the kid of Marcus Kane. He's all I have in this world...Well, technically outside of this world. I'm losing hope of survival every time I wake up in this place."

    "So, you don't care? If you're taken, I mean."

    "In all honesty?" He nodded his head at you. "I'd be glad."

    "What? Why would you be glad?"

    "I won't be getting murdered by my friends, or murdered by my own father out in space," you started. "I'll be murdered by people who wouldn't have ever cared about me in the first place. I find peace in that."

    "You're just weird."

    "If I'm next, at least now you know that I'll be okay with it, you won't have to worry about me."

    "But I will worry about you." Monty stared at you. "I'm pretty sure Jasper will freak out."

    "Please." You scoffed. "I doubt he even remembers that I exist." You shook your head, picking at the frayed ends of the shirt you were wearing. "He probably wouldn't even notice."

    Monty frowned at you. He wasn't sure what these people were feeding you, but it wasn't the same as what he was having. You seemed different, even more so than usual. Maybe you knew something he didn't, but he doubted that because you tell him everything. You even told him how you thought you were in love with Jasper, which was a big secret between the two of you. You turned the music down a bit just as the others began to enter the dorm room.

-

    When you woke up the room was dark, it smelt different to the usual dorm room. For some reason, you weren't able to move your body. You struggled against whatever it was that was keeping you from moving, only to hear the sound of metal clinking together and the sound of leather stretching. Your eyes struggled to adapt to the darkness, but you tried glancing down to your arms, only to see legs of a table.

    You soon realised that you were face down on a medical table, strapped down in harnesses keeping you from escaping. A groan left your lips as your forehead stung. You weren't sure how long you had been out for, but your neck felt sore, almost like you had needles pressed against your skin. The searing pain began to get worse and worse as you came more around and aware of your surroundings.

    A scream left your lips as a face came to view. It was Cage Wallace, Dante's son. "Well rise and shine, it's only been a couple of days, but at last we're finally ready for your bone marrow."

    "What?" Your voice was panicked.

    "Oh, don't worry." He shook his head, shuffling his feet as he continued to crouch down to see you. "You probably won't live for much longer, so the pain won't last for long," he spoke as if it were no big deal.

    "Why are you doing this?" Tears built up in your eyes.

    "We deserve to live on the surface, it's where we belong."

    "Well find another way!" You yelled, struggling against the holds.

    "Oh, no, no. We've found that the delinquents bone marrow is a far better treatment for us. You see while you were in space, your bodies adapted to filter out solar radiation from the sun, therefore the radiation down on Earth means nothing to your mutated cells. While the Grounders—you remember them, don't you? Well, the Grounders, they just didn't do an as good of a job as you kids." He poked your nose with a smile. Clearly deranged.

    "Please..."

    "Please? You want me to get started?" He assumed. "Of course!" He stood up. The sound of a drill started up.

    "No!" You screamed. "No, get me out of here! Monty! Monty help me!"

    "No one's going to help you, they're all tied up. Well, Monty isn't. He's not here." You weren't sure what he meant, but that made the tears fall down your cheeks faster, your screams turned to pained sobs as the drill pierced the skin of your hip bone. A loud deafening scream erupted from your lips as the drill continued to the bone, extracting your bone marrow, painfully.

-

    When you woke up, your body was on a different medical bed. This time you were able to see everything around you, even though it was through blurred vision. The cave walls were surrounded by the remaining delinquents, including Abby and your dad. You were pretty sure you were hallucinating as a pained laugh fell from your bloodied lips. Of course, he'd be the last thing you'd see before you died.

    "Ready for another go?" Cage placed his hand on your forehead, his other on your thigh as you saw the Mountain Men with drills crowd around you.

    "I'm already dead." You grinned weakly at him. "I can see my dad, I'm already dead so you can go ahead. I'd rather be dead than have my dad actually watch me die."

    "Oh, but he really is here!" Cage grinned back, brushing the sweaty strands of hair from your forehead. "So, really, he is watching you die. How's this for a family reunion?" He laughed before he stared at you, a menacing smile on his face as your eyes widened. He clicked his fingers at the men before he stepped away, his hand leaving your forehead, letting the men begin the extraction once more.

    "Dad?"

    "I'm here, we're going to get you out of here."

    "How?" You asked over the sound of the drill.

    "We have a plan."

    You laughed weakly once more. "Some plan this is." Another scream burned your throat as the drill went into your thigh, your body tensing and struggling against the restraints. The pain began to increase, becoming too much as your vision darkened until there was nothing there, and the feeling soon faded into nothing.

-

    You weren't sure if you were dead. You wouldn't be upset if you were. But a tent ceiling was above you when you woke up once more. You tried to sit up, but hands pushed you back down gently. You looked over and saw Abby smiling a teary-eyed smile at you, stroking your hair back from your face. You furrowed your eyebrows. Were you back on the Ark? But she wasn't on Earth, she was on the Ark still. Was all of that just a dream?

    "Welcome back," she spoke soothingly as she sniffed. "You scared all of us, you wouldn't wake up for days. Then those days turned into weeks. Those weeks turned into a few months." She picked up a damp cloth, dabbing your face. "I sent your father away so he could shower and eat something, he'll be back soon."

    "What happened?"

    "The Mountain Men tried to take your bone marrow. But Clarke had a plan." She nodded, trying to hold back her tears.

    "C-Clarke's alive?" Your voice cracked, your eyes threatened to spill with tears as you tried to sit up, looking for her, a tiny smile almost touching the corners of your mouth.

    Abby looked shocked at your words, Clarke never mentioned that you had been friends, so your reaction wasn't what she was expecting. "Yeah, yeah she is. Along with Bellamy, Raven, Octavia, Monroe, Murphy."

    "Finn?" You raised an eyebrow.

    "He didn't make it."

    "He's safer now." You nodded. "Just like Wells."

    "So are you." She told you, a single tear rolling down her face. "You're awake, you're alive. You might be weak but you're alive!" She whispered at the end, a proud look on her face.

    "Is Jaha here?"

    "Yeah, he's here. He stayed on the Ark for his people to live, but he came down so his people could survive."

    "Touching," you spoke quickly, almost without emotion. "Does he know? About Wells?"

    "Yeah, Murphy took him to his grave. He also went to somewhere called the City of Light."

    "So, who's the Chancellor?"

    "I am."

    "Okay. Am I allowed to sit up, Chancellor?" You smirked.

    "But right now, I'm your doctor." She chuckled a bit. "And of course, you can, just carefully."

    When she helped you up, you saw Monty rush in. "I eavesdropped," he admitted when Abby was about to talk. "I couldn't wait. I know your dad was probably the second person who was meant to see you, but I got excited."

    A small smile reached your lips as you nodded to him, Abby stepped back for you two to talk, saying she was going to go see Raven, while Monty stepped closer. "Hey," you spoke softly.

    "You're alive."

    "So, I've been told. How are you?"

    "Tired. I couldn't sleep, the thought of you never waking up again put me off the idea."

    "Sorry about that."

    "We're safe now, though."

    You nodded. "Is everyone else—?"

    "Yeah. We're okay. Fox..."

    "We'll meet her again, someday. Somewhere better than this place." He nodded in response. "And Jasper?"

    "Heartbroken." You raised an eyebrow. "In order to save our people, I had to switch the fans letting radiation into the mountain. Clarke and Bellamy pulled the lever. The Mountain Men didn't make it," he told you, but you said nothing. "Maya died."

    You gulped, looking down at your bandaged legs. "She didn't deserve that." You shook your head. "If they had used my marrow on her, maybe—"

    "You'd be dead."

    "Maya wouldn't be, and then Jasper would be happy. She shouldn't have died, Monty."

    "I know, but it was the price we had to take, we couldn't just let all of our people die for Maya to maybe live. Besides, they would have taken Jasper at some point."

    "This isn't fair," you mumbled, shaking your head.

-

    Almost a month later, Abby convinced your dad to let you work as one of the guards. That way then he would be able to go outside the wall with you, keep an eye on you, and just all-in-all be close to you. Like he had always wanted. At first, he was reluctant, but with a few words from the remaining delinquents with Bellamy and Lincoln, he was persuaded. You had your own gun and uniform—although it was a little big on you. Even though it wasn't in space, the Ark was still home.

    You were on wall duty, keeping the perimeter checked while some of the guards and Grounders went out to hunt for food. Your dad stayed behind, still worried about your health, which was completely acceptable given that your bone marrow was taken from your body only a couple of months prior. A guard came over to take over your shift, allowing you to stretch your legs and walk around.

    You hadn't spoken to Jasper, not wanting to bring back memories of the mountain for him, along with ones of Maya. It was safer that way. You still hadn't seen Clarke, although Bellamy said she did leave, not wanting to carry the weight of guilt around with her. You would miss her, but she would be back. One day.

    "Oh!" You let out when you bumped into someone. "I'm so sorry, I wasn't paying attention—" You stopped talking when you saw Jasper. "Hey."

    "Hey, Kane."

    "Sorry, about bumping into you," you mumbled, trying to get around him.

    "Wait!" He called out, making you stop. "I haven't seen you in a few months. I miss you," he admitted.

    "Really?" He nodded his head. "I thought that you wouldn't want to see me, I wasn't that great of a friend back at—"

    "That's not true. I was the one who left you."

    "You don't have to talk about it."

    "No. I do." His eyes darted across your face, taking every inch of you in. "I was being selfish. It wasn't until I saw all that blood, the tears, or when I heard your screams die down that I realised just how crappy of a friend I had been. I left you for someone I barely knew, someone who I should have known it wasn't going to last with..."

    "Jasper—" You started softly.

    "I'm not done apologising," he interrupted. "I need to let this all out." You nodded your head for him to continue. "Monty told me what you said. The night before you were taken. All of it. He also told me to get my head out of my ass and to realise that the person I've actually liked all along, liked me back, but was one step away from death. I didn't believe him at first, I was upset and angry. So, I let him sit outside the medical tent for weeks, all by himself, when it should have been both of us. Hell, I should have been in there with you holding your goddamn hand!"

    "You don't have to do this to yourself." You shook your head.

    "I need you to know that I like you. Hell, I'm probably even in love with you. But that doesn't make up for the fact that I basically left you for dead for someone who already was dead. The last couple of days, before you woke up, hit me the hardest, because I knew that if you weren't going to wake up anytime soon you wouldn't have woken up at all. That terrified me. More than the thought of Maya dying." He gulped. "I'm just so sorry for everything, I have way more to apologise for, but I feel like this is a good place to start."

    "You don't have to apologise, Jasp, I'm not angry with you." His eyes snapped to yours. "What?"

    "You called me Jasp."

    "Yeah? It's your nickname."

    "All that time in Mount Weather it was Jordan, I haven't heard it in months."

    "Well, you'll be hearing it from now on." You smiled lightly.

    "Can I hug you?"

    "That's a stupid question." He frowned slightly. "You don't have to ask to hug me, Jasp, just hug me." You laughed out before his arms immediately went to wrap around your body. You could tell he wanted to hug you tightly but he didn't want to hurt you, so, he settled for a gentle hug. You wrapped your arms around him, rubbing his back before he pulled away.

    "I'm going to see Monty, but I'll see you later?"

    "Of course." You nodded before you both parted ways.

    "Who was that?" Your dad asked as you made your way over to his table.

    "Just my friend." You shrugged.

    "Just a friend?"

    "Yeah..."

    "Sure. If that's what you want to call it."

#jasper jordan #the 100 #jasper jordan imagine #the 100 imagine #imagine