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chuplayswithfire · 2 years

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So like, fandom has a racism problem, yeah. That's not a surprise. Fandom's just a microcosm of the rest of society, and society's got a racism problem. But the more I look across content, the more I've started to realize people don't seem to understand why racism is.... a problem.

And that makes it harder for people to see racism, when they don't really... understand why and how it's a problem. I've been thinking about this for the last day, and so I'm making this post today because I finally had a chance to sit and put my thoughts together in a way that I hope will make sense.

Because here's the thing. I've been getting... more and more the idea that people think racism is a problem because it makes people feel bad. That Jim stabbed that British officer because calling Frenchie a slave was an insult that hurt Frenchie's feelings. That Ed had the French captain skinned and thrown overboard because calling Ed a donkey hurt his feelings. That the ship full of aristocrats were jerks because they hurt Ed's feelings.

And like. Yeah, I mean, on a very surface level, their feelings were hurt, sure, those were shit things to experience. But it's not about their feelings, first and foremost. Racism isn't about making people feel bad. Those things weren't bad just because they were especially shit insults.

Racism is about making structural oppression. It's about making people less - not making them feel less, but legally, socially, morally, literally, less than. It's about establishing "this is a person, and that is not a person". It's about society wide depersonalization. And in the context of OFMD especially, it's about whiteness and colonization, and the way that racism is the socially created and legally enforced system through which whiteness decides who counts and who doesn't. Who is a person and who is a thing.

Slaves and donkeys? These are things. These are items to be bought and traded and sold and put down and compensated for the loss. They are not people with rights and freedoms and protections, they are line items on someone's accounting sheet, objects with monetary value pre-determined and understood.

Frenchie isn't called a slave because that British officer (yeah, I'm not learning his name, not sorry) felt like being an ass or wanted to make him feel bad. He called Frenchie a slave because he was furious that some thing, some object, some less than creature, was speaking to him as if they could have even the faintest hope of being on the same playing field, let alone equally human. He was declaring Frenchie an object and a tool that should be silent unless spoken to.

That's why Jim throws that knife at him. That's why Jim is pissed enough to blow their cover even with a fuck-off huge warship right next to them.

Because everyone on the ship knows exactly what being a slave would make Frenchie. And Jim especially has reason to be aware of and sensitive to that, given that Jim is in love with a Black man who's already been being demeaned, dismissed, and disdained through this whole encounter.

Those British officers get their shit wrecked because they're declaring people the crew loves to be less than they are, less than human, reminding them all that in the world outside of piracy Frenchie, Oluwande, and Roach aren't people but property. Objects. And that shit's not fucking acceptable.

This logic directly follows through with the French captain Ed has killed - which, let's be clear, that French captain was definitely going to be killed no matter what, because this is a pirate raid and if they massacred what seemed to be a majority of the crew already, there's little chance they'll leave the dickbag captain alive behind them. So this isn't a man who got killed because he was a racist fucking dick.

This is a man who got himself a worse death being a racist fucking dick.

The scene plays out in a very similar way as the previous dickbag racist to get got, except in this case, there's no Jim to to take control of the situation (Stede is not able particularly helpful here because of his own implicit biases that he's yet to unpack), there's just Ed and Fang here to react to this situation.

And the situation is - the French Captain being a racist, and specifically choosing to focus on being a racist to Ed rather than just being generally anti-pirate. I'd thought that was pretty clear until I came across the sentiment that Ed is lashing out here because his "feelings were hurt" rather than because he was responding to racist bigotry, so let's be blunt about that.

Stede starts the interaction with a characteristically bitchy remark about how there's a distinct lack of saucier spoons on this "supposedly first class vessel", but when the French captain throws out, "my apologies... hadn't imagined we'd be hosting your kind", the meaning of that statement goes right over Stede's head. He registers insult, sure, but the way Ed stills there? The way he closes his eyes and then turns and requests clarification in a way that is clearly meant to give this asshole a chance correct his mistake?

That's Ed identifying what Stede missed. That when the French captain says your kind he's not referring to pirates. And that's made clear by the fact that when he continues on, he doesn't direct his response to Ed And Stede, he directs it to Ed specifically.

"A rich donkey is still a donkey."

That's the French captain doing what the British officer did. Naming Ed for an object, a beast of burden, a thing that is not worthy of recognition or respect or acknowledgement. Ed's Blackbeard and yet as far as this asshole is concerned, by the very fact that he's not white nothing he's ever accomplished, not the fear he inspires or the legend he's built, matters in the face of that.

That's what racism is about.

It's about whiteness establishing that the most successful, the most fearsome, the most legendary of all pirates is an indigenous man and that makes him worth less than any white man. He's got this captain's life in his hands, and even that can't make the man treat Ed with a crumb of caution or respect. He's not a person to that French man. He's an upstart, an animal stepping out of line.

And honestly, I think too many people think Stede's reaction was the right one. Because it wasn't. At all.

Stede's not helpful here, I mentioned earlier, because he's got his own implicit bias acting as baggage. When Ed expresses his absolute fury at this man calling him a donkey, a beast of burden, an animal, even though he doesn't know nothing about Ed, Stede's response - is to try and stop the anger, rather than address the source of it. "Don't debase yourself for a man who doesn't have a single tureen on board." @knowlesian has written some great meta on the subject of this response, but to put it simply - Ed also doesn't have a tureen on his ship, Stede, and there's nothing debasing in a natural and normal anger response.

Someone labels you an animal, a beast, a creature, you should get angry. They should get cussed the fuck out. Especially because again, it's not unique. The French captain is very effectively reminding Ed that the greater society, the world, will never see him as a full person, deserving of respect and acknowledgement, no matter what he has or how he carries himself or what he accomplishes. It's foreshadowing how the party will go - to the white world, Ed will always be a novelty at best, a disobedient animal at worst.

Lashing out at that, especially with words, isn't debasing yourself.

And honestly, that guy getting thrown overboard? And skinned? (Though really, it's up in the air as to whether Fang actually bothered with that.) That's a power fantasy for so many of us fans of color, lmao, the idea that god, one of the fucked up assholes out here doing their level to remind us that the world does not see us as full and equal people, gets to suffer and die.

It's not because his feelings were hurt. It's because just like the British officers, this man is reminding Ed and the audience that the structural power of racism is such that you can never win within the system of it, because the system is built to keep us out, keep us down, keep us pinned.

Stede's reaction makes sense, because he's part of that system too - he's been born and raised in it, in the respectability politics, in the genteel illusion that the upperclass way of doing things, where you direct the initial response to the person reacting too loud, too public, showing all that messy, uncouth emotion rather than the person who's actually the problem. You look at the response rather than the source.

And Stede, to his credit, isn't trying to shut Ed up. He's trying, in his own way, to be helpful, actually!

But Stede doesn't know what it's like, to be considered not a person. As a white gay man who everyone has been able to clock as gay his entire life, he's been treated as lesser than and wrong and disgusting his entire life, by his father and his peers, but he's till a rich, land-owning white man. That makes him a person, even if a despised, rejected, undesired one. His society sees him as a person, someone who could even, theoretically, plausibly, be treated with respect if he could just behave according to their rules.

That's not an opportunity you can have, with racism. It's one of the underlying differences in homophobia and racism that I've personally felt, as someone who's experienced both. With homophobia, what you are is wrong but the expectation is that you can, should, and must, act "right", behavior "appropriately" and then you can fit in. At the bottom of the pack, but in. With racism, you're always out. You can't change your race. You can't change what you're identified as on sight. You can't do anything to overcome what you are, and that's why you're treated as and understood to be less than.

And in this time period, that's very much a legal standing, far more overtly than it is in 2022. Black people aren't people, in 1717, they're property or soon to be property or creatures without real intelligence who need to be minded by their betters. Indigenous people aren't people, they're savage animals who need to be minded by their betters, uneducated, uncontrolled.

The response to the British, and the French, and later to those aristocrats, is appropriate in this world, because this is a world that does in fact, cater a bit to that fantasy - what if some people got what they deserved, sometimes? What if it was in fact, the right thing, to fuck up a racist? The internet loves to talk about punching Nazis and TERFs, as they should, but the same goes for a racist too. These guys are reinforcing a corrupt, horrific system of abuse, and they get what they deserve.

I'm sure this won't reach many people. But if you read this post, I hope you think about what racism is, and how it works, and understand that it's not about the individual at all. It's about the system at play and how that system dehumanizes and minimizes and objectifies whole classes of people for the sake of uplifting a single race and making everyone else into objects and novelties and creatures rather than people.

Next time you see someone say Ed "had his feelings hurt" by the French captain, or imply that the British navy were "rude" to Frenchie, Oluwande, and Roach, remind them that they weren't fucking rude, feelings weren't hurt, they were being actively dehumanized in accordance with an overarching system of widespread oppression.

#low on the totem pole #bottom of the pack #ofmd #ofmd meta #fandom fuckery #edward teach #our flag means death #i haven't done a racism 101 style post in ages but certain circumstances have shown me this is necessary lol #at least for me to get my own thoughts out so i dont just roll my eyes into the back of my skull #edited to remove phrase in exchange for because reminded of bad practices with that phrase

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pandalorian36 · 8 months

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Izzy x (Genderneutral)Reader

Ed reveals the reason Izzy is always so grumpy and short tempered is because he got separated from you.

Warnings: Mentions of blood, knives/swords. Word count: 4655

Izzy stomps away from yet another shouting match muttering under his breath as he goes the rest of the crew staring after him in a state of shock. He had never yelled that much for something so little. Lucius had kissed Pete on the cheek and next thing Izzy was yelling and cursing about everything. “Well, that was intense.” Lucius nods agreeing with his partner just as Stede and Ed emerge onto deck “What the blazes was that all about?” Ed glances over at his first mate and Roach speaks up “Izzy snapped.”

Ed nods slightly “We heard that. Why?” Lucius glances at Pete “I kissed Pete on the cheek.” Stede looks shocked “Something so small? Really? We thought someone had broken the ship.” Ed looks confused a moment before looking up speaking quickly “What’s the date?”

“Sorry?”

“The date. Today. What is it?”

Lucius looks at the diary tucked under his arm “June 2nd possibly 3rd.” Ed, Ivan and Fang all exchange a look of understanding “June 3rd. I’ll go check on him.” Ed leaves the rest of the crew gathering around Ivan and Fang who clearly have the rest of the story. Stede pipes up “What happened June 3rd?" Ivan sighs shrugging “It was just over two years ago. We raided a merchant vessel, turned out to have a lot more weapons on board than we intended and was actually full of trained soldiers. We managed to set the ship a light and get back to the Queen Anne when the flames hit a gunpowder storage. Lucky our ship wasn’t damaged, but it caused a big confusion.”

He stops and Fang takes over the story “those that were on the main deck didn’t get injured, but it did confuse us enough that the merchant crew managed to take charge. Two of our crew where captured which did allow the rest to escape but Ed forbid us from going back. We now know one was killed but the second we don’t know. Their name was Y/N, they were Izzy’s. Partner? Lover? Companion? Actually, I’m not sure what they were but they were incredibly close, always had each other’s backs. God, forbid you threatened one of them the other was always close by. They were the only one who could best Izzy at swordplay,” he grins “Part from Stede.”

Ivan sighs “Before we lost Y/N, Izzy was actually pretty tolerable. He’s always had a temper and a tendency to threaten people, but Y/N could always calm them. Couldn’t help but like Y/N, don’t get me wrong they were a ruthless pirate, loyal to Ed and Izzy. Forgot to mention Y/N was Ed’s younger sibling, least we think so. Fiercely protective of each other.”

The whole crew remains silent taking the information in. Ed leans on the railing next to Izzy crossing his arms out over the water “I miss ‘em too Iz.”

“Fuck off Edward.”

“I just thought… Actually, don’t know what I thought.”

Izzy sighs shoulders sagging “Why couldn’t we go back?” Ed frowns staring out over the sea “I had to think of the crew. If we had gone back, you know none of us would of come away.” Ed clasps Izzy’s shoulder “Y/N probably would have some stupid motivational crap to say to ya but fraid all I got is they’re gone mate, not anything we can do about it. Just have to move on.” Ed walks away Stede falling into step beside him “You never mentioned you had a brother/sister?”

Ed shrugs slightly walking back into their cabin “Not something I like to talk about. They’re dead not anything can do about it.”

“Still, you must miss them. Where you close?” Ed sighs falling onto the sofa “Suppose we we’re close yea. Them and Izzy where the only two I ever trusted.” Stede sits on the edge of the sofa by Ed’s feet frowning “I’m sorry.” Ed shrugs “‘is alright. Sometimes feel guilty for it though. You know? I was captain, I ordered the raid and the burning of the ship.”

“It’s not your fault Ed,” Stede tries to sound reassuring patting his leg “I’m sure there was nothing you could have done.” Ed flips himself around, so his head is in Stedes lap letting him play with his hair “It’s not your fault.”

Izzy is still standing over the railing the ring usually safe around his neck scarf clasped between thumb and finger.

“Izzy.” Y/N hisses from the shadows pulling the first mate away from the crowds “What the fuck are you doing?” Y/N rolls their eyes “Playing crochet. What do you fucking think I’m doing. Captain Vance just turned up.”

“Shit.” Y/N snorts in response “My thoughts exactly. Come on.” The two make their way towards the docks using the back alleys both freezing when a deep gravelly voice echoes down the confined space making it seem louder “Well, well, well what do we have here? Israel Hands and Y/N Teach.” The two-freeze swearing colourfully before turning Izzy raising his sword and Y/N gripping a pistol tightly “What do you want Vance?”

Vance a large bulky man with scars decorating most of his skin the remainder coated in ink. “That’s Captain Vance to you dog.” Y/N scowls their grip on the pistol tightening as the flick the hammer ready to fire “What do you want Captain Vance?”

“I want to kill you two worthless lumps. You torched my ship.” Izzy smiles slightly “Only a little.” Vance seethes “A little. A little? You destroyed it.” Vance takes out two pistols readying them to fire “I would like to draw this out, make it painful and slow. Then watch as Black Beard finds your mutilated bodies. But unfortunately, I do not have that luxury. Still, you will at least be dead.” Y/N shoots first three shots echoing around the alley. Vance falls to the ground blood blossoming from his shoulder while his shots hit the wall sending bits of rock flying.

“Time to go.” Y/N grabs Izzy’s arm the two of them running full pelt from the alley as Vance swearing and spluttering lumbers back to his feet to give chase. Flying out into the busy street where a market is being held the two dodge between stalls skidding down another alley as Vance’s crew appear with their captain in the lead a bloodied cloth to his shoulder “FIND THEM.”

“We’ve got to get back to the ship!” Y/N turns to Izzy pausing when they both realise how close they have gotten in the small space. Izzy’s cheek heat while Y/N smirks “Am I making you uncomfortable Iz?” he shakes his head slightly making the latter chuckle pressing a soft kiss to his cheek before shooting him a wink “I’ll cause a distraction. You get Ed.”

Before Izzy can protest Y/N has leapt onto the closest stool selling jewellery grabbed a fistful of brightly coloured gems and started yelling at the top of their lungs “Captain Vance, I believe these colours would draw the attention away from that ass of a face you have. Although anyone would have to be blind before they even considered you attractive. Least you can fight… oh wait no you can’t. You’re just crap at everything aren’t you.”

Jumping from stall to stall and causing utter chaos in the midst Y/N runs deeper into town while Izzy runs back to the ship to get backup. The two of them may be the best swords on the Queen Anne but they’re also smart enough to know Captain Vance and his crew are not to be messed with. As Izzy reaches the ship as a large explosion shakes the docks a cloud of dust rising from deep inside the town. “What the fuck was that.” Ed appears on the gangplank while Izzy sighs shaking his head slightly “Who do you think?” they both say the same thing in unison “Y/N.”

As if they have been summoned Y/N comes skidding over the rooftop’s tiles falling to the floor before they topple to the ground in a heap when they jump on a barrel that is not secure “What the fuck did you do?” Izzy helps them to their feet “Caused a distraction. Captain Vance will no longer be a problem.” Ed snorts supporting Y/N’s other side as they walk onto the ship “Our worst enemy gone for good. Excellent work. Iz help ‘em get cleaned up gotta make sure we’re ready to go.”

Izzy helps Y/N limp to their cabin “Do I even want to know?” Y/N shrugs “Probably not. Got you something.” Out their pocket they take a simple diamond ring smiling proudly “It’s not real, and pretty sure it’s not even gold but for you.” Izzy takes it slipping it on the handkerchief around his neck “Where did you get it?”

Y/N starts removing their outer layers poking at a wound on their side while talking “Stole it. Its only temporary before I get you something better. Can’t have my man wearing second rate jewellery. But thought you needed something to show you were taken. Not that pirates care for such things. You don’t have to wear it; just thought I don’t know.” Izzy rolls his eyes clamping a hand over Y/Ns mouth to stop their rambling “I’ll wear it. Though we’ve already got tattoos can’t get much more permanent than that.” Y/N shrugs starting to clean their cut before Izzy takes over kneeling between their legs on the floor “Do you think we’ll be okay? With our profession and everything.”

The two stare into each other’s eyes a moment before Y/N closes the gap cupping Izzy’s face gently “We’re gonna be just fine.”

Izzy returns the ring to its rightful place. Y/N did in fact gift him much more most of it stolen but some of it actually bought, including the sword hanging at his side. He glances at the pale band of skin on his ring finger still visible despite two years, the ring that use to sit their long gone. Where he had no idea, but it felt like a stab to the chest every time he saw it was gone. Returning his gaze out over the sea he ignores the whispering crew behind him wishing he could go back and change the past and return Y/N Teach to his side.

Your P/O/V:

Shit. I duck into the nearest alley tugging my hood further forward as a group of navy officer’s marches past in perfect form. Breathing a sigh of relief when they pass, I push back my hood leaning against the wall. Finally free of that cramped cell and tattered clothing. Two years, eight months and three weeks spent in an British prison, it’s a relief to be free. Though wanted posters have started appearing around the docks with a reasonable reward.

Keeping to the shadows I head closer to the docks inspecting the ships currently docked. Taverns are the best place for gossip, and I have heard varying tales of my brother, which ones I believe I am not sure. Most people give me wary looks the heavy hood, leather and two swords crossed across my back and pistol holstered on my thigh don’t exactly scream friendly.

Finding a dingy tavern any member of the navy would avoid like the plague I step inside tossing a few coins on the counter “Rum.” The bartender an elderly man with multiple missing teeth and stringy hair pushes a glass across the counter “And information I imagine?” I smile into my drink “What do you know of Blackbeard?”

“Blackbeard? Queen Anne is under new captainage they was here last week. Not sure where Blackbeard ended up. Word is he’s gone soft sailing with some gentlemen pirate, though few believe those rumours.” I nod finishing my drink he refills it without my asking before moving along the bar to serve someone else. I sip this one leaning back against the bar, gentlemen pirate never heard of him before.

Finishing my second drink I stalk out the bar all I need is a ship. A small vessel catches my eye definitely pirate from the crew loading up supplies I watch from the shadows as they stumble about on deck. Not the most experienced of crew but they will have to all I need is the captain. Someone clears their throat behind me, and I turn “Shit.” The officer grins “Y/N Teach you are under arrest.” I sigh putting my hands in the air “Fine you caught me.” turning away for a second, I form a fist before spinning back catching the officer across the jaw sending him sprawling to the ground.

Taking of I run towards the tree line more shouts echoing behind, so much for a low profile. Several shots ring out as I start zig-zagging closer to the trees jumping over a stack of barrels and a wall before finally reaching the trees. “You are ordered to stop.” I grin speeding up as I enter the trees following a worn path deeper in land before taking a sharp turn back to the coast. Swinging myself up into the low branches I jump from tree to tree watching the navy officers below following my footprints “Where did they go?”

“They can’t be far.”

“Do we kill them?”

I jump to the next tree slowly making my way back to town. Jumping back to the ground I turn quickly when two men yelp. Drawing my sword, I turn lowering it when it is not soldiers. “You never saw me.” they both nod and I take off again reaching a small beach already inhabited. A group of pirates lounging around on the sand. “Captain?” I take a step back ready to run again when two men turn to answer the question: one an elaborately dressed blond who looks more gentleman than pirate the other. “Edward!?”

I would recognise that beard anywhere. I push back my hood taking several steps forward, his eyes widen in recognition “You’re not dead.” I snort “Not last I checked.” He runs over poking my chest then my cheek “You’re really not dead.” I roll my eyes punching him in the stomach making him grunt “Point taken.” I grin “That’s for leaving me behind.” He laughs the two of us colliding in a hug “Can’t believe you’re not dead.” I laugh “Sorry to disappoint.”

He shakes his head “What? No. Not what I meant. Shit. Izzy. Where’s Izzy? Stede where’s Izzy?” Stede the fancy blonde looks confused “Back on the ship. Why?” Ed grins grabbing my arm “Come on.” I dig my heels into the sand “Navy kinda after my head. Town is not a good idea.” Ed frowns only pausing a moment before resuming dragging me across the beach “Nope. Come on.” I manage to tug up my hood as we practically sprint to the ship I spotted earlier and up onto the deck.

“Izzy! Get your butt out here. Iz. Iz. Izzy.” Fang, Ivan, and Izzy all come running onto deck swords drawn “Edward what the hell is going… on?” I push back my hood Izzy’s sword falling to the ground “Look who’s not dead.”

“Y/N?” I smile slightly the rest of the crew disappearing my sole focus on Izzy. “I missed you Iz.” He steps forward still looking a little shell shocked “We thought you were dead.” I shrug slightly “Had a couple close calls but still here.” I smile my stomach tying in knots as I step closer “I can leave if…” I don’t get the chance to finish his body colliding with mine “Don’t. Don’t even.” I chuckle wrapping my arms around him “You really think I would leave Iz? Spent the last two years trying to get back to you.”

His grip tightens but I gently ease his face away from my neck cupping his face in one hand smiling softly “Missed you Iz.” He returns my smile the corners of his eyes crinkling slightly “You’re really here.” I nod leaning my forehead against his “I’m here.” I grin tracing the ring around his neck “Can’t believe you still have this. Which reminds me, this belongs to you.” I tug on the cord around my neck two identical silver bands with waves pressed into the metal. I take one of putting it back where it belongs on Izzy’s ring finger “I thought I lost it.” I shake my head “You left it on the side in our cabin when you helped with my stitches. I was going to return it after the raid and well you know the rest.”

My brother clears his throat the two of us pulling apart “Wait hang on. Izzy is capable of smiling?” I bite my lip leaning down to kiss Izzy’s cheek neither of us had ever been big on PDA, but I want to remind myself he’s real. Izzy scowls at the pirate who spoke making him laugh Ed steps forward before anything else can be said “Everybody. This is my little brother/sister Y/N.” Stede smiles brightly “Stede Bonnet its lovely to meet you.” I shake his hand tentatively shocked when Ed throws an arm around his shoulders smiling lovingly at the strange man “Reunion can wait we really need to get out here.”

We all turn our attention back to the docks where a large number of navy officers have gathered combing the docks from top to bottom. Stede nods “Right. Come along everyone, get the rest of those stores below pronto.�� The ship is a flurry of activity as the gang plank is raised and the sails unfurled. I remain tense till we are well out into the open sea, Izzy joins me at the prow, and I move so I can wrap my arms around his waist head resting on his shoulder “So how long has Ed been like this?”

Izzy chuckles leaning forward against the railing my arms atop his “Fair while.” I close my eyes breathing in the sea air enjoying the light breeze that ruffles Izzy’s hair “I’m sorry.” I open my eyes confused. “I thought you were behind us. I should have checked, should have been there for you.” I move my arms so they are wrapped around his chest and waist “Iz there is nothing you could have done. I don’t blame you for what happened.”

“You should.” His voice sounds so small it breaks my heart “I don’t, and neither should you. none of us knew what would happen, pirating ain’t a career known for its safety. The only thing I couldn’t stand was the fact I never got to say goodbye or tell you how much I love you or how much you mean to me.” he turns so we are face to face tears staining his cheeks which I brush away gently “Because I do love you Israel hands. Time has not changed that.”

“I love you too.” His lips are hesitant at first as they brush against mine before I draw him closer with a hand cupping his cheek. “Swear we won’t leave each other’s side ever again.” I grin “Till death do us part right?” he nods lips twitching into a small smile “Till death do us part.” I kiss him again deeper this time running my fingers through his hair while his dig into the front of my shirt pulling the two of us closer together. “This better not be a dream.” I chuckle tracing the star then the swallow tattooed on his neck “I promise its real.”

We remain together ignoring the rest of the crew who stare and whisper while we return to our previous position watching the water lapping the front of the boat while catching up on two years of tales more so from him than me catching me up on the strange crew, he has found himself with. Finally, we exhaust most topics and Izzy sighs heavily “They will want to talk to you.” I smile “I won you over, reckon I can deal with this lot.” His smile grows slightly before returning to his neutral expression “Let’s get this over with then.” We turn making our way to the centre deck the crew trying and failing to hide their curiosity. Ed saunters over grinning “You both look insanely happy. Hey, you got your ring back.” Izzy nods slightly tracing the silver band while Ed throws an arm around my shoulders “Everyone this is Y/N. Y/N this is my new crew, well our crew.” He grins at Stede “Lucius, Pete, John, Jim, Frenchie, Olowande, Roach, Swede, and Frenchie. You already know Ivan and Fang.” I nod slightly in greeting.

Olo waves while Swede looks confused “I thought they were dead.” I smile slightly “Nope.” Ivan grins “Good to have ya back.” Ed chuckles while Stede clumsily walks over stuttering over his words “Well then, how about you tell us a bit about yourself. We talk things through as a crew on this vessel. And I know I would like to know a bit more about you.” I frown “What’s there to know? I’m good with a sword, spent the last two years in a British jail cell, anyone hurts Izzy or my brother, and they get a knife in the gut.” Stede nods looking slightly alarmed “Right well I was thinking more along the lines of your favourite colour? Or perhaps hobbies?”

Izzy makes a sort of choked cough noise while I bite back a laugh “Your new to this aren't you?.” Stede beams “Yes, realatively. Now Roach is our resident cook and doctor, Izzy is first mate, Buttons is normally at the helm and Lucius is my scribe. I’m sure you will find your place soon enough; do you have any particular skills you feel may benefit the group?” Ed laughs “You kidding? They’re strong, fast, agile. Excellent with a sword and daggers, spent half their time up in the bloody rigging. Though two years out of action may have effected that.”

I grin reaching for one of my swords “Want to test that theory, Edward?” he draws his own sword spinning it artistically “Alright N/N.” Izzy sighs grumbling “You won’t beat them Ed.” I block every blow I may have been locked up for two years but that didn’t stop me from training in any way I could keeping up arm strength and agility. My muscles strain slightly but I grin putting more weight into my blows before knocking my brother to the ground sword pointed to his chest “Fuck. Really thought I could win that.” Grinning I haul him back to his feet “Don’t feel too bad about its Eddy.”

He groans rolling his eyes “Not that fucking name again.” I laugh clapping him on the back “Only if you piss me off, I promise.” The rest of the crew are grinning broadly while Ed claps me on the shoulder “So two years in prison ay?” I shrug eyes darkening “Don’t want to talk about it.”

“When did you get out?” I sigh running my thumb over my blade before sheathing it “Three days ago. I got to the coast this morning. Then you know the rest.” His face softens slightly “I’m sorry N/N.” I shrug brushing him off “It’s in the past, nothing you could have done. Just drop it.” he nods returning to his usual self “Well you catch up on some rest. Iz?” he nods motioning with his head, I follow into a small cabin immaculately tidy. A bunk along one wall just big enough for two, a writing desk, two storage chests and a small window “I kept all your stuff. Never could bring myself to getting rid of it.”

I turn pulling him into a tight hug the both of us dropping our shields “Thought of you every day.” He chuckles kissing me gently “I didn’t handle you leaving well.” I smile tugging of my jacket and laying it over the chair also removing my swords and boots “Let me guess you returned to your grouchy side.” He rolls his eyes “I’m always grouchy.” Laughing I sit on the bed pulling him down on top “Yea, but you have a grouchy side and then your super grouchy side. I know you Iz and I would have acted the same way.”

He sighs the two of us laying comfortably on the bed. He starts tracing the tattoos on my arms stopping at the largest on my bicep. An anchor with rope wrapped around it and a compass behind. “I remember when you got that.” I grin “Ed was acting all high and mighty that he got a tattoo so I had to get one that was bigger.” Izzy chuckles continuing up to my shoulder before moving to my other arm focusing on the inside of my wrist an anchor with roses wrapped around it “I regretted not getting mine more visible.”

I grin tracing the back of his shoulder blade where his own tattoo is etched. “We could get another one?” he laughs “Hmm maybe.” I shift slightly my shirt riding up “What’s that?” I freeze tugging my shirt back down “It’s nothing.” Sitting up he pushes my shirt back eyes turning cold as he examines the lines wrapping around my sides scars left from all the times the navy tried to get information out of me “Turn over.”

“Iz, I don’t think.” “Turn over.” slowly I turn almost glad I can’t see his expression as his fingers ghost over the skin. “I’m going to fucking kill them.” I turn back grabbing his hands “I’m okay Iz. I was worth more alive than dead, but they gave up trying to get information after eight months. ” I try and smile failing when Izzy looks so broken “Is your entire back…” I shrug “I have no idea. Probably. Could only see a small portion in the mirror.” Sighing I turn and pull of my shirt Izzy he traces up along the back “Fucking hell Y/N.”

“How’s my tattoo?” his hands freeze a chocked laugh coming from him “Sorry, just trying to make light of this.” His arms wrap tightly around my waist “I should have been there to protect you.” I relax into his warmth turning around so we are face to face. “Okay here’s what’s going to happen. We are going to move on from this, you are going to stop beating yourself up. I don’t blame you for anything. Look at me Iz,” he meets my eyes and I smile “Now pull yourself together. Neither of us are good with this sappy crap we can leave that to Ed and whatever him and the weird blonde have going on.”

A grin slowly spreads across his face “I don’t know what I did to deserve you Y/N Teach.” I grin rolling my eyes playfully “I love you Izzy Hands.” His mouth collides with mine the two of us falling back into the bed “We ever bump into the navy I’m slaughtering them all.” I grin kissing him again “If it makes you feel better, I already killed the two who did it.” He snorts kissing my cheek “Helps a little.” He flops onto my chest while I run my fingers through his hair.

3rd person P/O/V:

Ed walks out onto deck frowning “Anyone seen Iz?” the rest of the crew look around confused. Where is the angry man of a first mate? “Pete, Ivan? No one has seen him?”

“Nope.” “No.”

“Frenchie go check his cabin.” Frenchie nods and disappears below deck knocking gently on the door before peeking inside. Y/N and Izzy are sprawled on the bed in a tangle of limbs both sleeping soundly. Hastily Frenchie shuts the door and makes his way back to the deck “Both asleep captain.” Ed laughs “Sleeping? Really?” Stede smiles warmly “Well they have both been through rather a lot. Let’s leave them rest for a bit.”

#ofmd x reader #izzy hands #israel hands #our flag meets death #x reader #x y/n #izzy hands x reader #edward teach #stede bonnet #pirates #our flag means death x reader #izzy x reader

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gentlebeardsbarngrill · 1 month

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04/17/24 Daily OFMD Recap

== Nathan Foad ==

More pictures of Nathan in Love's Labours Lost!

== Kay Buchanan ==

Our friendly neighborhood OFMD Master Leather Worker has more pictures for us! This time, maybe Black Pete's bag? Anyone know off hand?

SRC: Kay Buchanan's IG

== Taika ==

So these pictures are adorable, but be warned of a potential jump scare if you watch the rest of the video-- thank you @ofmd-ann for the awesome stills, I did NOT want to put the full video on here xD See her post here.

(via Ritas tiktok)

== Lesley Fucking Jones ==

== Vico Ortiz ==

Sneaky shot of Vico from behind <3 Img Src: @enbybruje's IG

== Dominic Burgess ==

Technically this would be Cats & Crew but I'll allow it because Dominic is such a friggn adorable cat dad and he deserves so much love for that.

Src: Dominic's Twitter

== Watch Parties ==

= Flight of the Conchords =

Bit of an adjustment at least on the RhysDarbyFaction discord server for FotC watch party, we'll be watching 3 episodes a piece Thursday and Friday so as not to run into the next week. Continues tomorrow with episodes 5, 6, 7, of season 2 at 4pm PT / 7 pm ET / 11pm BST

#FlagOfTheConchords

#OurFlagMeansDeath

= Palm Royal Season 1 =

A new watch party hosted by @lcwebsxoxo on twitter is up and running! Thursday Episodes 3 and 4 will be playing at 1 pm PT / 4 pm ET / 9 pm BST

#PalmRoyale

#OurFlagMeansDeath

#SaveOFMD

== Fan Spotlight ==

= Cast Cards =

Tonight's cast card features the other fisherman (Pedro Lope) that Stede robbed on his first "raid". We're gonna have a whole set of cards soon I can feel it @melvisik, thank you for these!

= TealOranges & Garlic Soup Week 2024!! =

Prompts are up for this years TealOranges & Garlic Soup Prompt Week! The week will run June 23-29, 2024 with themes and prompts for each day! This prompt week celebrates all things Jim/Oluwande and Archie/Jim/Oluwande/Zheng!

Plain Text for Prompts

Additional Information & FAQ

This Years AO3

== Love Notes ==

Hey there lovelies-- I've had 3 hrs sleep today so the words on the screen are starting to run together. I'm still getting love notes from yesterdays request, and thank you so much, I promise i'm catching up to the messages, you all are the best crew someone could ask for. Thank you for spreading some joy in this crazy ass world.

Tonight I would like to send a reminder that we have not lost OFMD, as so many of said, we still have 2 wonderful seasons, and those boyfriends are currently boinking their way into oblivion in their inn, making their poor customers insane. But beyond that... had a discussion today with multiple dear friends / crewmates that made me feel a lot better about the whole thing too. I know it's months in the gravy basket now, but this is not the end for OFMD. Chaos Dad told us it was over, but in all honesty it still doesn't feel over. WBD is driving itself into the ground, Dad's been off at the WBD lot, it feels like things are moving in a better direction again. It may not be today, or tomorrow, or even the next few months, or a year or so, but I think we still have a chance to see the ending of our story.

And we've all said it before, but it bears repeating, even if it never happens, we get to make it happen. Stede and Ed live on in all our crazy ranges of work out there, that so many of you have been just CRANKING out lately, I've been astonished at how much new work I've seen from folks in the the fandom I know, and new folks I haven't met! It's so inspiring to see OFMD affect people so much that they felt they could put little pieces of themselves out into the world through art of all mediums.

I hope I'm making sense at this point.. if not, sorry about that! But know-- there's always hope. There's always S1 and S2, and the infinite universes we get to dream up from those two.

Rest Well lovelies. Img Src: @Chucklesandbleu on IG

== Daily Darby / Tonight's Taika ==

Tonight's theme - Bowties!

Gifs Courtesy of @fandomsmeantheworldtome and @sam-reid!

#daily ofmd recap #daily ofmd recaps #ofmd daily recap #ofmd daily recaps #taika waititi #kay buchanan #nathan foad #vico ortiz #dominic burgess #ofmd #our flag means death #save ofmd #long live ofmd #adopt our crew

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iamadequate1 · 5 months

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Black Pete vs Izzy (Pt 1)

I've long thought that Izzy and Black Pete are analogous like Prince Ricky and Stede. They have surface level similarities, but there is an undercurrent that sends their characters in wildly different directions. The mood has struck me to do a painstaking comparison of the two!

Starting disclaimer: Mind the "Izzy Critical" tag for realsy. I was not charmed by Izzy in S2, and I firmly view him as an antagonist all the way through. I also love Black Pete, though, and forgive all his sins.

This is going to be long and messy, but it is mine. I used to have it in one large post, but now I'm going to break this up into at least three separate posts. I have about 12 points, and it's gonna be a surprise how this develops. Let's begin!

#1: Pete and Izzy are both introduced as expressing displeasure in Stede's style of piracy

Everyone who isn't Ed seems to think poorly of Stede's pirate skills when they first meet him, but Pete and Izzy seem to be unique in that their character introductions in the series is them being most vocal about it.

Pete introduces the "real pirate" view of Stede before Stede's onscreen introduction. He gives us the first conversation of the series, and it is not flattering!

Pete: Fuck this! I'm out. Crew: Hey! Oluwande: What're you doin'? Pete: I didn't sign up to play cards. Weeks we've been out here with nothing to show for it. I should have... 20 kills by now, at least.

First of all, "nothing to show for it", and the screen is focused on Lucius. Petey, you gain a hubby from this, but you just don't know it yet!

Anyway, Pete's introducing right away that Stede is not up to real pirate captain standards when viewed by outsiders. After their first (and truly epic) raid, Pete is the first one to clearly criticize Stede:

Stede: Here it is: the spoils of battle! Woo-hoo. Congratulations on today's raid. I do have some notes, though. Uh, opening speech went well. Very inspiring. Uh, oh yes, I guess the big note is more energy! We're swashbuckling, we're looting. Let's have fun with it. Pete: Stealing a plant is hardly swashbuckling.

Like Pete, Izzy's very first scene in the series, he's not at all impressed with the Eccentric Pirate Bonnet and his savage, insane, vengeful pirate horde.

Izzy (also talking to historical Israel Hands): What kind of fuckin' idiot runs his ship aground? And this lot managed to take English officers hostage.

As a bonus, Izzy's disdain for Stede extends to Stede's entire crew! Upon meeting the entire crew in 1x4, we get Izzy's assessment to Ed:

Ed: Let's get to it. What've we got here? Izzy: Well, the ship sustained some damage in the crossfire, and the crew's completely useless, bottom of the barrel.

When Izzy is forced to partake in the teaching raid at the beginning of the next episode, he says:

Izzy: Crew of Revenge, you are not to engage. You are simply here to observe how real pirates function in the real world. Pete: Uh, we are also real pirates in the real world, so.

Yes, Petey, stand up for yourself! He was the "real pirate" in the pilot, but as the first season moved into its second act, the show starts to demonstrate more of how The Revenge is an anomaly in the pirate world even with the character who is the "real pirate" at the start. (Also, weird that we don't see Izzy on the raid that directly follows! How were they supposed to learn??)

#2: Pete and Izzy start as anti-soft

They both start the series with tinges (to very different degrees) of toxic masculinity: a push to being "manly" and dominant, minimizing emotional vulnerability, derision of the feminine or "weak." Nigel is the beginning example of this in the series as he calls Stede weak and mocks him picking flowers. On the crew side of the cast, Pete and Izzy are the ones who display these traits the strongest.

In the first episode, Pete is the most disdainful of Stede's super sweet flag activity, using misogynistic language.

Stede: Now, each of you will create a flag. And we'll vote for the best one, and that will be the official flag for The Revenge. Pete: I'm not fuckin' sewing. That's women's work. Stede: Oh, Black Pete, come on now. You know that's not true.

After their encounter with the British in the same episode, he makes disparaging remarks about a soft approach when attempting to fool the officers:

Roach: It's always the quiet ones. Frenchie: I thought that was fairly badass. Swede: You got to admit, he pulled it off. Pete: Pulled what off? Making us dress up like a bunch of fancy boys?

He doesn't make any comments as aggressively anti-femme after the pilot, but as we move along, we see him in a tender scene at the end of 1x6 when he gives Lucius the wooden finger and confesses that this feelings are deeper than a quick hookup:

Pete: So, uh, listen, I, I thought I was going to lose you. Lucius: Oh, yeah. Well, you nearly did 'cause I had a really bad infection, so. Pete: Exactly. And, uh, and, death, you know, I'm used to death, but, um, but not, um, your death. Uh, so anyway, I, uh, made this for you. It looks like a thumb, but it's a finger. I whittled it. It's, it's dumb. You don't have to wear it. Kiss: *happens, awwww* Lucius: I love it, and I didn't know you whittled. Pete: There's a lot you don't know about me... actually, that's kind of it.

At this point, we had seen Stede and Ed open up about some of their insecurities (see: Ed's bathtub confession just before this, or Stede talking to the therapist in 1x2), but this is the first scene we get a character confessing their feelings about someone to that someone in series. It's scary, it's vulnerable, and even though it's couched in violent language, it's very soft. It's also the round about confession phrasing similar to what we have with Oluwande to Jim in 1x7 or Ed to Stede in 1x9. Pete in the pilot would not have believably played this scene.

Pete progresses through the season, but in the last episode of the first season, instead of shaming him, Pete claps and makes (awkward) supportive comments to Ed's breakup song and even willingly dresses up as a "fancy boy" in the resulting talent show.

He's trying! Going into Season 2, he doesn't have a reaction at all to a woman (Zheng) calling him soft, and he just rolls with it.

Izzy, on the other hand, keeps his gendered insults throughout S1. In 1x4, we get "I'm not dying. Not for that ponce and not for you." In the next episode, we walks in on Lucius and Pete having a hookup with Wee John in the room taking a nap. He lashes out at all of them, but...

Izzy: You're all getting specific duties. Lucius: No thanks, Iggy. I only take orders from my Captain. Izzy: My name is Mr. Hands, First Mate Hands, or God as far as you're concerned, and I've got just the job for you... bitch.

Sure, it's funny in a pathetic way (the tagged on ineffective "bitch" is a big lol for me), but he ignores the disrespect Pete and Wee John give him and targets the most feminine one in the room and tosses in a "bitch" for good measure. In the end, Izzy tries to shame Lucius for being a "seductress," and it backfires as Lucius easily makes a fool of him. Izzy used the gendered insults ("bitch", "seductress", whatever that Oh Daddy thing was) as a power move, and it failed.

The next episode, he's calling Stede Ed's "pet" since they're developing a healthy friendship, and he makes sure to bring up Ed's past words re: pets that Ed is now "weak," what is a horrible, horrible thing.

This derision against the soft/weak/femme culminates in the S1 finale with Izzy's threats against Ed.

Izzy: I'm going to speak plainly. Ed: Wonderful. You know we share our thoughts on this ship. Izzy: I should've let the English kill you. This, whatever it is that you've become, is a fate worse than death. Ed: Well, I am still Blackbeard, so. Izzy: No. This, this is Blackbeard. Not some namby-pamby in a silk gown pining for his boyfriend.

(This show is awesome. The Blackbeard caricature from 1x4 has no face, but the one in 1x10 has a face and a lighthouse beside him.) Anyway, Ed is showing human emotions at having lost love, so Ed is ruined in Izzy's eyes. As mentioned above, Pete at this time was supportive of Ed (to the extent he can give), but his character mirror buddy is doing the opposite.

The beginning of this outburst feeds into the theme that will keep coming up with how deceptive and self serving Izzy is: the English were there because Izzy called them on Ed and his boyfriend. Izzy was already in the process of punishing Ed for being "weak" and having a "pet," and he thought Ed should have been punished far more harshly because he didn't immediately behave how Izzy wanted him to. The ship and crew weren't in danger from Ed and Stede sailing the seas happily, but they were in danger from Izzy. "Let the English," like he was a protector instead of the one that led them to The Revenge in the first place.

In this mocking, Izzy also continues with the derisive language. "Namby-pamby" by itself isn't a crime, but it is the same loaded language that Izzy used throughout the season, and "pining for his boyfriend" is said in a cruel mockery of the deep heartbreak Ed was going through. Ed was mourning the loss of an entire life he wanted, not the loss of a silly puppet he could scamper through meadows with when the mood struck. Izzy minimized these deep emotions so he could keep his control.

Izzy and Pete both began the season as angry against the softness, the weakness, that Stede was bringing into their worlds, but Pete dropped it much more quickly, while Izzy doubled down to the extreme. Pete got the soft affection confession, while Izzy angrily lashed out at someone having soft affection at all.

I should add as the last Pete and Izzy parallel that Izzy did also have his "fancy boy" moment in 2x6, but it felt more like a farewell for Con O'Neill than something that was organic or meaningful around Izzy. It's a parallel nontheless!

This is continued in Part 2!

Preview: They both wanted Stede dead at certain points! They both have a thing for the Legend of Blackbeard! They both are terrible pirates! Tune in next time. Same bat time, same bath channel!

Series: Part 1, Part 2, Buttons tangent, Part 3, S2 Izzy reaction GIF

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collinrobinsonsglasses · 3 months

Note

Can you do a modern Blackbeard x reader

Or steddyhands x Reader pls

A Birthday Surprise

Steddyhands X Reader (GN)

Summary: Stede, Ed and Izzy surprise the reader for their birthday.

You had been with the two captains and Izzy for a few months now. Sharing their bed, relishing the warmth of their embraces, and basking in their company each day had transformed the ship into the safest haven you’d ever known. Stede was always non-judgmental and supportive, encouraging you to open up about your feelings, something you had previously kept bottled inside. Edward, on the other hand, was tender, constantly seeking opportunities to intertwine his fingers with yours or place a gentle kiss on your forehead. This tenderness extended to all his partners, with a special affection reserved for Stede. Meanwhile, Izzy expressed his love through protective gestures, insisting on training you in swordsmanship and always being by your side during raids. Expressing your love for them was difficult, but you did your best to show how much you appreciated feeling safe and cared for by each of them.

You stood alone at the bow of the ship, leaning against the rail, lost in contemplation of the endless expanse of the ocean. A chill wind swept down your spine, causing you to shudder. The past few weeks aboard had been unusually cold. Absently, you ran your fingers along the ridges of the wooden railing, a solitary number echoing repeatedly in your mind. 30. Today marked your 30th birthday, a fact you kept to yourself, with no intention of sharing it with anyone. Birthdays had always been a source of disappointment for you, especially when you were younger. You’d raised your expectations too high, only to be let down by family members who seemed to forget about you. Recognizing your role in setting yourself up for disappointment, you decided long ago to keep your birthday a secret. After all, you couldn’t be disappointed if you had no expectations.

You made your way back to the room you had quietly slipped out of earlier that morning, curious if anyone had stirred awake yet. Upon returning to the captain’s quarters, you discovered Stede seated at the breakfast table, a spread of your favorite foods laid out before him. You halted in your tracks, eyes widening in surprise before turning to face Stede.

“What’s all this?” you asked in a hushed tone.

Stede rose swiftly, gesturing towards the array of food spread across the table. “I hope you don’t mind. I asked Roach to prepare breakfast for you. It’s your birthday, after all.”

“How did you…” you began, but before you could finish your sentence, a memory surfaced. When you first joined Stede’s crew, you recalled him asking each crew member about their birthday, with Lucius diligently recording it in his journal. Back then, you had assumed it was merely for record-keeping purposes, but now, realizing Stede’s genuine nature, you understood he had truly wanted to know.

A rush of emotion surged through you as you took in the thoughtful gesture Stede had orchestrated. Sensing the change in your expression, Stede swiftly crossed over and clasped your hand.

“I hope this is okay. I know you didn’t tell any of us, but we wanted to celebrate you,” he expressed earnestly.

“It’s perfect,” you whispered back, a genuine smile spreading across your face.

Stede lifted your hand, tenderly placing a kiss upon your palm. “That’s a relief,” he remarked with a long sign before adding, “The rest of the crew insisted on having a party tonight to celebrate you.”

Though the crew was known for seizing any excuse to celebrate, your smile remained, touched by the unexpected effort made on your behalf. You spent the remainder of breakfast in the company of Stede, engrossed in his tales of his childhood, and he inquired about yours with genuine interest. His sweet smile never wavered, his attention fully focused on you, absorbing every word you shared. As the meal neared its end, Stede paused, his expression suggesting he was contemplating something.

“What is it, Stede?” you inquired, curious about his sudden change in demeanor.

“Why didn’t you tell us it was your birthday?” he asked, his fingers finding yours and wrapping around them comfortingly.

“I just didn’t think it was that important.” as you said those words out loud, you felt a pang of guilt for keeping it to yourself.

At this response, Stede rose from his seat, leaning in close to you. “Everything about you is important,” he declared softly before sealing his words with a tender kiss. The gentle touch of his lips against yours caused your heart to flutter. Stede had always possessed a remarkable talent for making people feel cherished and wanted.

After breakfast, you made your way back onto the deck, greeted by cheerful birthday wishes from the crew members you passed along the way. As you squatted down to examine some of the knots on the deck, ensuring they were securely fastened, you suddenly felt a strong pair of hands lift you to your feet. You turned around to face the person who had lifted you, and there stood Edward, hands confidently on his hips, a mischievous glint in his eyes.

“What do you think you’re doing?” Edward rasped, shooting you a disapproving look.

“Checking knots,” you replied matter-of-factly.

“As your captain, I’m going to have to order you to stop,” he demanded, though a playful smirk danced on his lips. “No fucking work on your birthday.”

His words left you wide-eyed in surprise, but before you could respond, he planted a warm kiss on your forehead. Then, with a gentle touch, he turned you around and guided you with his hands on your shoulders towards the bow of the ship. As you reached the beakhead, Edward’s arms enveloped your waist, drawing you closer to him. His lips embarked on a tender journey, leaving a trail of soft kisses along your neck. Overwhelmed by the sensation, you closed your eyes, allowing yourself to simply savor the feeling of his lips against your skin. Edward’s love language had always been touch, so it was fitting that he would whisk you away to simply have his hands on you, expressing his affection through physical closeness.

He nestled his head next to yours, resting his chin on your shoulder. “You’re perfect,” he murmured softly, holding you in that intimate embrace for quite some time. With playful kisses and gentle caresses, he teased you all the while keeping you securely wrapped in his arms. A part of you acknowledged that simply spending part of your day wrapped in his arms made it infinitely better than any birthday celebration you had ever experienced. Throughout the rest of the day, Edward found any excuse to draw you into his embrace, holding you close at every opportunity.

As the evening approached, you spotted Izzy nervously pacing the quarterdeck, but his restless movement ceased the moment he caught sight of you ascending the stairs to where he stood waiting.

“Hey, Iz,” you greeted him, approaching with a soft smile. Tenderly, you used your fingers to brush his hair back from his face. “What’s wrong?” you whispered, concern evident in your voice.

He reached into his pocket and withdrew a small wrapped package, extending it to you with a bashful glance downward.

“You got me a gift,” you teased, enjoying the ease with which Izzy blushed at your playful remark.

“Fuck off,” he grumbled in response, his tone affectionate despite the mild protest.

You delicately unwrapped the brown paper to reveal a small dagger nestled within. Running your fingers along the top of the blade, you couldn’t help but admire its beauty.

“To protect yourself. Now that I finally trust you enough not to stab yourself,” Izzy remarked with a wry grin, his words laced with playful sarcasm.

You secured the dagger at your side, then reached your arms around Izzy’s neck, drawing him close as you pressed a kiss to his lips. Allowing him to pull you even closer, you reveled in the warmth of his embrace.

You spent the remainder of the night dancing with your partners and friends, immersing yourself in the music and fully embracing the joy of the celebration. Over the flickering glow of the birthday candles on the cake Roach had lovingly prepared, you gazed at the men you loved, your friends surrounding you, and in that moment, you realized that your birthday had been perfect. It had surpassed all your expectations. With a soft smile directed at Ed, Stede, and Izzy, you took a moment to appreciate the love and warmth they brought into your life before blowing out the candles. The rest of the night was spent nestled in the arms of each of your partners, and as the evening drew to a close, you found yourself curled up between Ed and Izzy, Ed’s other hand intertwined with Stede’s. You came to realize that any birthday spent with them would always be perfect, simply because they were all there.

#our flag means death #ofmd #ofmd x reader #ofmd fanfic #steddyhands #steddyhands x reader

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napneeders · 3 months

Text

Rush (excerpt)

1376 words of hair-pulling and blowjob from a first times blackbonnet fic I started writing before season 2 and may or may not finish at some point in my life

"Ahh, darling, not quite so hard –"

"Sorry!" Ed exclaims and lets go like Stede's hair suddenly burns him.

"No, you can – just, a little gentler –"

They've acquired a lovely little loveseat, just today, lush emerald green brocade and just the right size for two co-captains, drinking a celebratory brandy together after a successful raid; quite roomy, even, for two as snug as they are. Ed is straddling him again, up until a moment ago pressing him into the backrest with hungry kisses.

Now he's drawn back, giving Stede a chance to admire the treasure map of tattoos on his chest. He could keep on looking for hours, but Ed is biting his lip in contrivance and that just won't do.

"Really, it's fine," Stede reassures him, running his hands up Ed's sides. "Come here."

He pulls Ed back to his mouth, nibbling at that perfect bottom lip. Ed relaxes into the kiss with a sigh, melts into Stede's chest. A memory from a few days ago suddenly suggests itself to Stede.

"You like that, don't you?" he asks, sneaking his fingers up Ed's neck into his hair.

"Yeah," Ed breathes like a confession.

Stede closes his fist around a good chunk of hair and tugs. "Like this?"

"Closer to the scalp – fuck, yeah, that's it." Stede tightens his grip and Ed closes his eyes in bliss, leaning his head into Stede's hand and exposing the devastating column of his neck. "Harder."

"Really?" Stede thought he was holding on quite firmly already. He tugs experimentally.

"Fuck yeah," Ed moans again. "Is that alright?"

"Of course," Stede promises and latches his lips onto Ed's neck, slowly kissing his way up. "I just don't want to hurt you."

"It's a good hurt."

Maybe he owes Ed some of that after all the bad hurt he had inflicted on him. Maybe he can replace some of it with this.

Stede moves his hand a little higher and pulls again as his lips reach Ed's earlobe, gentle tugs and licks that make Ed squirm against the hold.

"You're gorgeous," he whispers into Ed's ear and feels him shiver all the way where they're pressed together. "I love learning what you like." He uses his handle on Ed's hair to expose his neck further, amazed at how eagerly Ed moulds to his touch.

"Fuck, Stede," Ed groans, "I think I'd like anything you could do to me."

The thought is thrilling – and, in practice, daunting. "Anything more specific in mind?" Stede asks, almost apologetically. "I know I'm not the most –"

"Shut up," Ed says reflexively, then pauses, looking both coy and mischievous. "You could –"

His eyes are dark and clouded in lust. Stede waits. Tugs again for encouragement.

"Shit. I keep thinking – you could drag me down by the hair, fuck my mouth, hold me there."

Stede blushes at that, at Ed's breathless earnest voice, at the words, at the image. "And you'd… like that?"

"That's what I'm telling you, Stede."

"Oh," Stede says. "Oh. Now?"

"Do you want to?" Ed's fingers trace patterns into Stede's shoulder. He looks nervous.

"I'm, uh." Is it wrong that the idea is so enticing to him? "Yes."

Ed tilts his head in a way that says well then? and Stede's mind scrambles to figure out how to go about this. Is he supposed to really, bodily pull Ed down? By the hair? He adjusts his grip at the back of Ed's head, with a tinge of hysteria reminded of gathering the reins, or pulling a dinghy out into the waves. He gives an experimental pull, and Ed follows with a smile. Emboldened, Stede tugs backwards, presses at Ed's shoulder with his other hand to drive the direction home, and thankfully Ed does the rest, sliding off his lap and onto the floor.

"You can grab the bun," Ed suggests and runs his hands up the insides of Stede's thighs, which fall open quite of their own accord. Stede complies, then frowns and unties the leather cord holding up the top portion of Ed's hair, gathering it into his hand instead.

Ed rests his cheek on Stede's thigh. "You ever get sucked off before?"

Stede shakes his head, lips pressed tight. The reality of what's about to happen hits him again, slightly bewildering.

"You look like you're about to bolt," Ed says, voice teasing but eyes full of a warmth that reaches even deeper in Stede than the heat of the moment. Ed rubs his thigh soothingly. "You don't have to do anything. But don't hold back on my account."

He peels off Stede's trousers, and Stede would feel utterly ridiculous sitting there with his pants around his ankles and only his thin shirt separating his arse from the loveseat, if Ed wasn't pulling him forward by the knees and diving between his thighs, and oh, it's Stede's hand that follows Ed's head now – he gives a little squeeze, remembering himself. Ed disappears under the hem of his shirt to kiss the inside of his thigh, the fabric bunching up against Stede's wrist. The sight is titillating enough, but Stede pulls back the shirt-hem with his free hand.

"Darling," he says reproachfully, "I want to see you."

Ed smiles into his thigh, nudges it affectionately with his stubbled jaw, and sucks one of Stede's balls into his mouth. Stede's hips jerk so hard he almost falls off the loveseat, hand tightening in Ed's hair rather abruptly.

"Sorry!" he stammers. "I lost – control…"

"I'd be offended if you didn't," Ed says seriously and massages his balls in his hand. Stede hopes he never gets used to it.

"Oh," he says in a small voice.

It's difficult; even as Ed licks up his desperate cock and wraps his hand around the base and closes his mouth around the head it's difficult to let himself go, even as the unimaginable wet heat covers him and Ed's teasing tongue begs him to lose all sense it's difficult not to hold back. But he tries, because Ed asked him and because Ed keeps asking him with every bob of his head, with every glance of those big brown eyes, vulnerable and bold and shy, shining between his legs. Stede keeps his hand fisted around Ed's hair like a lifeline, like he has been tasked with replacing the leather cord and the world will fall apart if he fails. He doesn't quite force Ed, doesn't quite push him on his cock like Ed asked, but he holds on tight, and Ed makes little moans around him like – like he is being given something, which is silly when he's giving Stede everything.

He wants to tell Ed all of it, what a gift he is, how Stede doesn't deserve him, not because he deserves so little (the jury is still out on that) but because Ed is more than anyone could ever deserve. But mostly what comes out of his mouth is "fuck, Ed", and "darling", and "so good", and he can only hope it communicates a fraction of how he feels.

He finds himself at his crest in what must only be minutes. He used to think that kind of arousal, that kind of urgency only existed in racy novels and the racier corners of his imagination, until Ed made it real, pulled it out of him like it was nothing, and it has only been weeks – and it has only been minutes, surely, now, but he's already panting, almost in a panic, "Ed, I'm going to –" and Ed just mm-hmms and Stede would like this to go on forever but he's already tipped over, coming in Ed's mouth and losing contact with all of his body except what's connected to Ed.

A warm body drapes itself over his side, a leather-covered leg flung over his lap. Stede wraps his arms around Ed, pets his hair and his face and his thigh and hugs him tight.

"Oh," he says when his thoughts clear, "can I…"

It takes a look shared between them for Ed to catch his meaning. "Ah," Ed says, "already came, mate."

He tries not to feel disappointed or snubbed. Ed came while sucking him, that's not a slight on him, probably the opposite, and yet he feels like he has been denied something.

#blackbonnet #smut #my writing #ofmd fanfiction

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ellaenchanting · 7 months

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Hypnovember 2023 Day 2: Brain Drain

I have committed Our Flag Means Death fanfiction! I am so sorry. Stede/Ed, Ed/Izzy, somehow happy poly and happy metamours making a lovely vee. Takes place in some AU season 2 where the last arc of the season never happened. Izzy is living his best happy masochist life.

Author knows fuck all about ships.

Izzy had gotten much more comfortable spending time with his shipmates since the Calypso's birthday incident.

There was nothing like a round of torture to bring a crew together, he thought.

Tonight the whole group had gathered in the galley under the ship, laughing and chatting long past when they usually went into their quarters for the evening. The sea had been calm that day and the mood was social. Everyone seemed quite relaxed.

Only two members were missing.

Oluwande looked up from his cuddle pile with Jim and Archie. He seemed to have read Izzy's mind. "Hey," he called out to the gathered group, "Has anyone seen the captains this evening?"

"No!" a few people responded.

"Thank God," snarked Black Pete. "Blackbeard...well Ed has been freaking me out. Yelled at me earlier about trimming the sails and you KNOW I keep them the trimmest, babe," he said to his partner Lucius.

"Yeah, he snarled at me when I told him 'hello' earlier," said Archie. "Like this!" She contorted her face into a frankly over-the-top grimace. "Made me nearly jump out of my skin. I may have heard him yell at some seagulls too? Or dolphins?"

Roach looked worried. "Neither captain has come down for dinner, yet," he said.

"Perhaps they are...occupied in the captain's quarters," speculated Izzy.

"Oh? Feeling left out, are you?" joked Frenchie, the little shit. Izzy tactfully ignored him.

Roach replied, still concerned. "Captain Stede will usually come down and request provisions in advance if they're having a long night alone," said Roach. "Thinks he's being sneaky, says they need extra energy 'for planning raids.'"

"My room is below theirs. Trust me, they've not been buggering today," piped up Wee John. "Unless they've learned to be much more quiet about it."

"Maybe they've gotten into a spat and someone's gotten pushed off the ship," spat Lucius. "That'll happen with him, you know."

"OK, that's enough," said Izzy, trying to regain control over the situation as everyone began to talk at once. "You're like gossipy fishwives, all of you. I'll go check on the captains. Make sure Bonnet's not running the ship into a cliff or something."

Izzy climbed up the stairs and started to look around the ship. Ed and Stede weren't in the captain's quarters (being quiet for once). There was no sign of them on the deck. He even craned his neck up to the bird's nest and checked. No captains there.

He finally spotted them at the back of the ship- on a little bit of the stern mostly hidden from view. They were both sitting facing out at the ocean. From a distance, Izzy could see Stede's arm was bent around Ed's shoulder, his hand occasionally reaching up to rock Ed's drooped head into slow, almost imperceptible little circles. Aside from the rocking, Ed's body was remarkably still. It was a huge change from the tense, coiled menace that Ed's frame had carried earlier in the day. Now, he looked almost like a puppet with his strings cut, only responding to Stede's guidance. His arms rested gently besides his legs, lax and pliant.

Izzy could hear Bonnett speaking in a low, soothing voice near Ed's ear but he was too far to make out any words.

Ed had mentioned mesmerism to Izzy before. It was one of the many upperclass daliances that Bonnet had introduced him to- one of those many trifling hobbies that Izzy would never begin to understand the appeal of. Izzy even knew that Bonnet had used his skills on Ed previously. His captain confided that Bonnett's fancy mesmerism routine had helped him find quiet during his not-infrequent emotional storms, that it evened out his seemingly uncontrollable highs and lows. In Izzy's mind, he had pictured the whole thing looking quite comical- Bonnett with wiggly fingers staring daggers into Ed's eyes (maybe with rays), Edward swooning and fainting away in response like a lady whose corset was too tight.

This was quieter than what he had pictured. Gentle. Intimate, even. As he looked over at the scene, he had the sudden feeling that perhaps he shouldn't intrude.

He began to walk away when Stede turned his head and look directly at him. Izzy froze for a moment, unsure what to do. Stede quietly waved him over to where the couple was sitting.

As Izzy approached, he began to get a closer look at Ed's face. His eyes were closed and his face relaxed. His chest slowly rose and fell with each breath. As he come closer, he noticed Ed's eyes were making little flickers underneath his eyelids like he was dreaming.

Izzy wondered what dreams were happening below those lids.

Ed's brows furrowed a bit as Izzy came closer, picking up the noise.

Stede stroked a reassuring hand through his hair. He spoke in his ear, this time loud enough so Izzy could hear: "Shhhhhhh sweetness. It's OK. Relax. You're not in charge right now, remember? Just rest."

Ed's expression immediately cleared. He let held breath with a sigh.

"Izzy's here," Stede continued. "He and I are going to have a chat for a bit. But you don't have to pay attention to that right now, ok? Just drift. Why don't you see how deep you can count yourself down for me while we talk? I'll be right here. I'll touch your leg when it's time for you to listen to me again, ok?"

Ed gave a slight, dreamy nod. His lips barely moved as he began to count silently.

Seemingly satisfied, Stede gestured for Izzy to sit and moved over closer to him.

Izzy sat down, still staring at Ed's lax face. Somehow that by itself was just fascinating. Ed seemed so vulnerable and bare right now. Izzy wasn't sure if he should feel honored or spooked.

"He had a bad day," Stede said gently, nodding over to their entranced boyfriend. "You know how he gets. He needed out of his head for a bit."

Izzy DID understand how Ed got- probably more than his dandyish captain ever would. Hopefully more that Stede ever would, he corrected himself. Ed had certainly told his other boyfriend at least a bit about the hurricane that had been his and Izzy's relationship in the past. When times were bad, they had only known how to take their energy out on each other. They bit and snarled and scratched at one another just to drown out all the noise inside. Izzy had always assumed Ed had NEEDED all of that- needed to hurt and make Izzy suffer the same way that Izzy needed to hurt and suffer for him. That's how they worked. That's who they were together.

Since arriving on the Revenge, though, Izzy had seen more and more of the hidden soft side of Blackbeard. The side that enjoyed fancy clothes and fine foods. The side that kissed Stede's cheek sweetly when he didn't think anyone else was looking. The side that, even now, sat loose and drifting and unguarded while his two boyfriends stayed by him and had a chat.

"Can he hear us?" Izzy asked Stede, curiously.

Stede smiled. "He can hear us, he's just..focused elsewhere right now. Mesmerism's not a magic spell, it's more like- a nice version of where Ed's brain goes when he's navigating. Or how he is when he's trying to sniff out a storm."

Izzy was familiar with his captain's tendency to tune everything out while trying to read the sea. He pictured the absolute, unshakeable concentration of his focused gaze. "Only with nice, clear skies?"

Stede nodded. "Only with nice clear skies." He looked fondly at Ed's dreaming face. "No rain. Nothing to worry about right now." He had dropped into a lighter, dreamy tone- and for a moment, Izzy wasn't sure if he was still speaking to Ed or Izzy or even somehow mesmerizing himself.

Izzy had seen many things in his travels. He once heard a street charlatan talk about mesmerism- saying mesmerism somehow balanced out a person's magnetic forces (y'know- whatever magnetic forces were). He wasn't one for all of Stede's little tricks but- he did understand about needing balance.

Izzy had initially misunderstood Ed's relationship to Stede. He worried that the gentleman pirate would make Ed weak. That he would seduce him away. That he would try to turn the great Blackbeard into one of Stede's fancy little gentleman friends. Izzy had been terrified there would be nothing left of the Ed that he loved after Stede was through.

But Ed was still Izzy's Ed, even now. He could still fight and outwit and outmaneuver anyone else on the sea. He would still protect his crew with all the fierceness of his notorious reputation. He and Izzy could still lose themselves in each other- in their old married couple bickering, in their fighting and fucking, in their indulgences of Ed's sadism and Izzy's corresponding masochism. It just- felt more controlled now. Izzy no longer wondered if Ed actually hated him or if he was just looking for someone convenient to break. He no longer worried that Blackbeard would maim him so badly that he couldn't look after the crew. Even when Ed hurt him now- and he WOULD still hurt him, Stede didn't magic that part away- Izzy was always rewarded with a kiss and some praise afterwards. "That's so good, Izzy. You did so well for me," he would say. Edward seemed so much stronger in these moments now- able to control his own fierceness and use it as a weapon- but also to hold Izzy as he fell apart for him.

Izzy looked over at Ed's quiet countenance- so different than before. It was otherworldy seeing him this serene and distant. He had a sudden desire to protect this version of Ed- Stede's gentle Ed. To keep him safe. A mad, possessive impulse made it to Izzy's mouth before he could stop it.

"Can I touch him?" he asked. "Like this?"

Stede looked surprised. "By touch, do you mean....?"

"His face, Bonnet" Izzy replied, snarkily. "Or his hand or something. His hair. Not going to wank him off on the deck, now am I?"

Stede bit back a laugh. He leaned over to gently touch Ed's leg.

Ed reacted with an almost imperceptible startle before gently settling- serene like the moon going back behind a cloud.

"Shhh- that's OK, love, you can stay relaxed. Good," Stede soothed. "Izzy was wondering if he could touch you while you're in trance. Would that be OK?"

Ed took a moment to respond, as though the words were reaching him from a great distance. Then he nodded his assent.

Stede smiled back at Izzy, reassuringly. Izzy took a breath- then reached over to slowly stroke Ed's hair.

His fearsome Blackbeard smiled in return to the gesture- giving a happy little murmur. He slightly leaned his head in. Just like an affectionate kitten, Izzy thought.

"Good," soothed Bonnet at Ed. "I bet that feels nice."

Izzy grinned too, feeling oddly proud to be trusted with this quiet moment. He and Ed had never been conventional. Maybe it was OK that Ed and Stede weren't either. Maybe it was ok that their relationships were so different- that they saw such different aspects of the same person.

Maybe it was all ok.

Maybe it all balanced.

They sat quietly for a long moment on the deck, letting the peace of the atmosphere soothe them.

Gradually Stede stirred. "Izzy- I forgot to ask: Did the men send you? Were they looking for us?"

"There's no emergency, they were just curious where you were," replied Izzy.

Stede nodded. "We should probably get back, then. Or at least get off deck. Love," he said, moving his voice back into that hypnotic tone. He touched Ed's leg to refocus him. "Are you ready to come up out of trance for me?"

Ed took a deep breath and nodded.

"Good, I'll count to 5 then. It's just to guide you- I know you know how to come up at your own pace. Bring back any of this peace and calm that you want with you, ok?"

Stede started counting- his voice slowly gaining energy as he reminded Ed to connect back with his body and helped him reorient to the ship. It all didn't seem particularly magical to Izzy- but then again he rarely tried to understand Bonnet's ways anyway. Ed finally blinked his eyes open when Stede reached 5.

He blinked a few more times, adjusting. Then, his gaze lost it's bleariness as he looked adoringly up at Stede.

"Hi, there," said Stede, smiling gently. "Back with us, love?"

"Mmmmph mostly," said Ed, scritching his beard and stretching to rouse himself. He looked over at Izzy as though reminding himself he was there and smiled. "Heya, Izz!" Ed leaned up to kiss him.

Izzy grinned into their kiss. "Heya, Captain. Didn't want to interrupt your little daydream session. Crew was just looking for you."

"Ah, we missed dinner!" exclaimed Stede. "I should have asked Roach for..."

"Provisions for planning raids, I heard," smirked Izzy. "Yes, we're all very snowed by your clever euphemisms."

"Fuck provisions, I could eat a horse," said Ed. He practically bounced up and put an arm around both of his boyfriends. "C'mon, let's get some grub!"

Helpless to his whims as always, both of his partners joyfully followed him to dinner.

Fanfic is new to me so would love some thoughts! Also this is unbeta'd so will love you forever if you would point out spelling/grammar mistakes or if there's unclear writing. I'm considering posting this to AO3 but- don't want to embarrass myself in front of the REAL fanfic writers, you know? Feedback welcomed!

Tagging @mentat101posts and @thekinkycocktailclub .If you want to be tagged in these, just lmk!

Tagging @darthkyra @linnybeenaughty @pearlqueensposts @thiskenisftm @deeperforme because they wanted OFMD hypnokink and I blame/thank you for the inspiration to actually get this down!

#hypnovember #hypnovember 2023 #fanfiction?#Our Flag means death #Gentlebeard #Compersion #hypnosis is romantic #because I say so

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amuseoffyre · 3 months

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One day I will run out of stuff to write about this show. Not today, but one day. But specifically, was watching the Jackie and Ed scenes in 2x07 and went oooooo again.

When we start episode 5 with Ed on probation, he's awkwardly trying to make amends on the ship, but clearly has zero experience of doing it and tells Stede he never apologised for anything. It takes Fang teaching Ed how to sit with himself and think about the stuff he's done. Ed realises the impact of his actions and genuinely apologises for the first time for his past behaviour.

This also leads to him realising he needs to take some time, which is when he tells Stede he wants to take things slow. It's something new for him and he's trying hard to make a change in his patterns of behaviour, the so-called whim-prone tendencies. There's also one of his many metaphors: you can't catch a fish unless it wants to be caught. He's not quite ready to be where they are yet and expresses it instead of just diving in head first.

Thanks to the speed-run of the season, we cut to the next day at the beginning of episode 6: Ed is sitting with himself and thinking about the big things that he feels remorse about.

His dad, the storm incident, cutting off Izzy's toes, killing people during the raid spree, shooting Izzy, the storm incident again and driving his employees to kill him.

He also apologises directly for the second time in his career. Not the greatest apology in the world, it must be said, but a definite leap ahead from the awkward ukelele apology Stede wrote for him the day before. And, let's be honest, also probably the only kind of apology Izzy would tolerate from anyone, prickly little cactus man that he is :D

It's such a tiny moment, but the set up of "there's a storm coming, I just can't see it" is aaaaa.

In the basket, Hornighost said "you move on or you blow your brains out". Ed's been living on the run from his memories his whole life. He's never consciously sat with them before, not until Stede and all the bleak stuff bubbled up from under the surface when he was pushed to kill someone he cared about. And after that's when he tried the blow-your-brains-out approach by proxy. (He always outsources the big job, after all)

This is first time trying something that isn't either of those two things. As Buttons said, it's about change and now, with the experience of the basket behind him, he is trying to do things differently. To give himself proverbial soup as well - taking care of himself. Getting some nutrients into him, even though it feels like poison.

He's trying to process all this guilt and decades of trauma by himself and, just as before, he falls back into water metaphors. The storm isn't about the sea. The storm isn't about the weather. The storm is about him and his emotions. Sunshine one minutes, cataracts the next. The panic and anxiety is there bubbling away like an emotional storm front moving in.

He's already got this going on when the Ned stuff happens and then he has the equivalent of Stede's conversation with Chauncey: Jackie pointing out that Stede is now successful and "the fucking man" and basically is emulating and apparently enjoying the life and lifestyle Ed has come to hate and it happened because of Ed. If Ed hadn't goaded Ned by beating his record, Ned would never have come after them and if he hadn't come after them, Stede would never have killed him. ("You're a monster, a plague, you defile beautiful things")

The emotional storm has hit and he's not handling, to the point that he's withdrawing more and more from everything and everyone, sitting quietly out of sight. And like Stede did in 1x09, he decides leaving is the best option.

Our lads are both messy disasters, but they're both trying to do so much work on themselves, trying to figure themselves out. I wanna see an S3 where they get to do some more.

#ofmd #ofmd meta #ofmd thinkie thoughts #ed teach #blackbeard

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dancing-with-the-madmen · 2 years

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The Art of Buggery

Strap in, my very dears. We’re getting cheeky today. All of this has been a mere preamble to what I really want to talk about: the “you wear fine things well” almost-kiss and what follows after. I know it’s Word of God that Stede is unwittingly and unintentionally seducing Ed, and I've seen others talking about how confused Ed must be about all of Stede's mixed signals. I’m not convinced Stede is so guileless as all that. In fact, I think he’s thirsty af, and I have receipts.

So let's set the stage prior to the Moment. We’ve had a very full day for the boys, and watch them making good on their bargain to show one another their respective worlds. Ed takes Stede on a proper raid, and while they’re there, Stede avails himself of the captain’s dining service to teach Ed about the pageantry of dining. Then the French captain has to open his vile mouth and spit poison into Ed’s heart. Even after Ed’s initial fight-response reaction, the sting stays with him, sending him into an emotional flashback,

His mother shows him the scrap of silk she stole - tells him that it’s God’s will that some people should have fine things like this, and some (them) shouldn’t. But is it not by the grace of God that she didn’t get caught taking it? So she could bring it home and give it to Ed? Doesn’t that mean that God WANTS Ed to have nice things like this? Doesn’t that mean he’s just as good as those fancy people on the estate? Then Frenchie shows up. He’s got an invitation! To a fancy party for hoity-toity people! And Ed immediately lights up. He’s anxious to put all of Stede’s posh lessons to the test, but even more, he’s emotionally raw from the French captain’s insult and desperate to prove him wrong and fulfill the promise of his mother’s scrap of silk. This is Ed’s Cinderella moment. They pull the big guns out of Stede’s closet and dress Ed in purple velvet and satin like a Phoenician prince with enough thread-of-gold embroidery and sequins to ransom a small island nation, the frothiest of impeccable white Mechlin lace, flowers in his hair and bows in his beard.

And then it all goes to shit. Cinderfella’s metaphorical gown turns back to rags right in front of all of those fine people and they laugh him out of the party. Turns out he never belonged after all, doesn’t it? But wait! Here’s Abshir and Frenchie to unveil all the shameful secrets the hoi-polloi conceal beneath their finery and painted faces. And here’s Stede to work with them and hold his fellow fancy folk to account. Embezzlement and piracy are just two fancy words for stealing. Doesn’t that mean these hoity-toity people are no better than Ed? Maybe he’s even better in some ways? At least Ed isn’t fucking his sister.

But still the poison is under his skin, and he toys with his silk when back on the deck of the Revenge. Does he not belong with “those kind of people”? Does he not deserve fine things? And then there’s Stede. Telling him “I think you’re very sophisticated.” Telling him his tatty old scrap of silk is lovely, and “sometimes old things are the best,” gently pulling the silk from between his fingers, the tactile sensation as it slides across his fingertips soft and sweet as a lover's sigh. Closing the distance between them to tuck the silk over his strangely pounding heart. Telling him “You wear fine things well,” and giving him a smile so warm and sincere Ed feels himself melting into it. Maybe Stede is the fulfillment of the promise of his mother’s silk. Maybe Stede is the nice thing that he can have. He leans in.

Allow me a small digression as I unlock personal backstory for strangers on the internet. When I was a freshman in college, I went with some friends to a winter dance. As the music was truly awful, we spent most the night chatting amongst ourselves in a corner of the vestibule, but at one point, I broke away from the group to go get myself some punch at the table across the room. It was at this point that an unknown person grabbed my arm and dragged me beneath one of the arches that led to the dance floor. Reader, my brain froze. He stood before me and pointed up, which I robotically followed with my eyes. I noted that there was something hanging above our heads, but my frozen brain refused to decipher what it was. I looked back down, and he walked away. All of this took maybe 5 seconds, but it wasn’t until he was gone that my brain unfroze and I realized, “Oh. That was mistletoe.” Reader, I submit that this?

Is “Someone wants. To kiss? Me??? Does not compute. Unrealistic. Computer, end simulation” brain-freeze face. Raised eyebrows, and jaw slack in surprise, not leaning in, but more importantly, NOT leaning away. In the stress of an unfamiliar situation (someone expressing desire for him, when everyone, his whole life through, has made it clear that nothing could possibly compensate for his many and storied deficiencies), Stede’s traitor brain opts for the Freeze coping mechanism that it turns to so frequently and RUINS EVERYTHING.

And this?

5 seconds later, lips pressed together but not turned down, eyes soft and averted from where he’s going as though focused inward? That’s introspection face. This is his “Oh. That was mistletoe” moment.

And then he turns back! If he really was an “unwitting seducer,” oblivious to the vibe, why would he turn back? If it was the writer’s intention to convey that dynamic, it would more likely go something like: Stede blithely bumbles off to his cabin with a smile on his face, secure in the knowledge that, in spite of a rough patch, the night has turned out just fine, and he made his best bro Ed happy; focus shifts over his shoulder to Ed looking back at him from across the deck, longing painted plainly on his face. The fact that he looks back TOO implicitly signals that the pining is MUTUAL. This is Stede going “”Wait - that was a Moment! Maybe I can still…? No. It’s over. Fuuuuuuuu….”

Which leads us directly into the Art of F**kery. Arguably? The horniest episode, with its surfeit of blades and masts and tentacles and insert your metaphor for penises here (no, a little to the left). A few quick tableaus overlaid with Izzy’s aggrieved narration and then we get to the first extended scene: swordplay between Stede and Ed. And, yes, “Advanced trick of the trade,” and “Stab me” and “How does one get it out?” and Izzy’s gay panic freak out about what he assumes he overhears, and all that ripe, delicious innuendo, but I want to focus on one very small moment that comes before all that. Ed’s parry throws Stede off his balance, finding Stede bent over a cannon, and Ed swiftly pivots before swatting Stede on his ass with the flat of his blade to which Stede exclaims:

It’s a very deliberate choice of curse word in a show replete with fucks and shits, and liberally peppered with all manner of other invectives. Bugger is, by comparison, to a modern viewer's ears, a bit of a silly, old-fashioned kind of swear, which has lost much of its original weight of meaning, to the point where it would not be out of place in a children’s movie, out of the mouths of children (e.g. - “Bludgers. Nasty little buggers.” says Oliver Wood in Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone, 2002). And, interestingly, it’s only employed three times in the whole of the first season of the show, twice in this episode, both times by Stede.

The first time, obviously, is during the sword fight as described above. I don’t think it’s a mistake that Ed swats Stede across the ass with his metaphorical penis and Stede’s mind jumps to “Bugger!” He missed his moment in the moonlight, dammit, and in the meantime, he and Ed have only been spending more time together and growing closer, and yet, still not as close as he so very desperately wants. Later, Frenchie is sent to collect Ed in advance of the fuckery. “So Captain figures that this will be the best view for you when they come aboard,” he says. And where is “this”? The nook where Stede’s bed is built into the wall. Stede thinks the best place for Ed to experience the fuckery is in his bed with the opaque draperies drawn. I mean to say, really. Abandon all subtlety ye who enter here.

Stede joins him after the preliminary scene on the deck, and this is where we get the second instance of “Bugger.”

He’s referring to Lucius who has just cut off his engorged member finger and spurted across the faces of the unsuspecting Dutch. And yes, Lucius is the most unapologetic and (bravely) openly gay member of the crew, so the terminology is apt, but still. Stede has sectioned himself off from the rest of the crew with Ed mere inches from his bed, and what term springs to his thirsty, thirsty lips? Bugger.

But what clinches the intentionality of the use of the word bugger for me is this asshole:

Stede’s word out of this scoundrel’s mouth, but now it has teeth. Now it’s unavoidably, unquestionably given the weight of its original meaning. And in doing so, it recontextualizes the times when Stede was using it earlier.

Just before Jack drops this bugger bomb into Stede’s psyche, he asks Stede what’s going on between him and Ed. Stede’s face is solemn, almost sullen; his brows are drawn, eyes downcast. Then Jack asks if they’re buggering one another, and Stede’s eyes FLY open. Remember, he’s not a delicate flower who fusses about cursing, and this is a word he’s used himself, so it’s not the shock of hearing naughty language. He knows and loves his crew, so doubtless he has at least some idea what goes on below decks, so I doubt this is shock about the implications of male relations. No, I think this is the surprised face of a man who has had his secrets laid bare. And by this guy? THIS guy? This loud, vulgar lout has somehow READ his MIND and just put his deepest desire out there so casually? HOW did he KNOW? Stede has been SO. CHILL!

And, tellingly, Stede doesn’t say no. He doesn’t get nervous or insist that “it’s not like that” or “we’re just friends” or any of the no homo safewords we’ve come to expect from countless queerbaiting shows in the past. What he says is “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” in a light, offhanded way, which is rich, white dude for “I am not going to talk about this with YOU.” And when Jack tries to bait him with implications about his sexual history with Ed, Stede says “Ed’s past is Ed’s business, and I respect that.” He clearly has no problem with Ed being intimate with other men.

His problem is believing Ed could ever want that with HIM.

Yes, they had that Moment in the moonlight, but Ed had quite a lot of champagne at the party, and was emotionally vulnerable, and Stede was just being SO SLUTTY and OBVIOUS, wasn’t he, and Ed pulled himself back anyway, didn’t he? And Ed has credibly threatened to kill Stede TWICE since then (pulling a gun on him when Stede was reluctant to run him through, and then the whole confession in the bathtub). And so what if he’s flirty with Stede? He’s just a flirty guy. I mean, the others didn’t see him at the party, so full of esprit, so charming, that even brother-fucker Antoinette said he could finger her dents any time like an absolute TROLLOP.

Consider the scary story Stede tells the crew the night before Ed shows them how to stage a fuckery. What does he find scary? What’s his greatest fear? A weird, old guy who no one likes, and no one wants to kiss.

(my sweet baby boy. Please stop telling on yourself. Also, can we please take a moment to appreciate the HARD side-eye Lucius is giving Ed here? Epic.)

So it’s not that Stede is an unwitting seducer, or even that he’s the king of mixed signals. It’s devastatingly low self esteem come to ruin the day once more. He wants Ed SO BADLY, that it’s spurting out of him in ways he can’t control, and is apparently obvious even to the most casual observer, But a gentleman doesn’t press his suit unwanted. And who could possibly want a weak, soft-bellied, yellow, craven, weak-hearted, soft-handed, lily-livered little rich boy like him?

#ofmd #ofmd meta #stede bonnet #I maybe identify a little too much with Stede...

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