#fear and hroar

[southfarthing]

been stuck on the same few pages for two hours trying so so so hard to understand what finrod is talking about 😩 ngl andreth is making more sense to me

ok I feel a little stupid so would appreciate some help 😩 from what my brain is gathering on this beautiful night at 1am–

finrod: you claim that you're from arda, where everything is mortal, but you were meant to be immortal? (is he talking about imperishable bodies beyond the end of arda? because otherwise aren't elves proof that you can have an imperishable body of arda? so the issue is more about men thinking they were never supposed to die ever rather than men thinking they were supposed to live as long as arda?)

finrod: the body and spirit of the children of eru must be in harmony. you must be in harmony now, with death and all, so you're saying your 'original state' of immortality was actually the one that was out of harmony?

andreth: uhh??

finrod: elf bodies and spirits are both of arda and bound to its fate, in harmony. men's bodies are of arda but their spirits are from elsewhere. (how then is this harmony if the spirit doesn't belong? harmony for only a brief time???) so the body dies like everything else in arda but the spirit isn't confined to arda; so isn't it better that the body is mortal so that the spirit can be released and go to its true home? that is true harmony. it would be disharmony if men's spirits were bound eternally to their arda bodies when they don't belong there

andreth: if that's the case, then that's disharmony – if men's spirits and bodies are doomed to be parted. so death must be unnatural. but I agree that men, like elves, aren't living fully unless their bodies and spirits are in a loving union. so death is bad because it parts the two.

finrod: oh!! so your traveller spirit is joined eternally to your arda body – they can't be fully parted or that would be evil. which means then that your spirit must take your body with it out of arda. so your spirit can uplift your body beyond the set bounds of arda - you have a big part in the master plan of the world in healing arda and maybe even continuing the music? so when you say you were destined for better things, is this because your outsider spirit knows this, has felt it from wherever it came from? you can heal arda through your death (which then means elves can live beyond the current state of arda?)

andreth: idk bro but (mentions the old hope about eru coming into arda to heal it)

finrod: oouuuuuuhgb we will hang out forever

#i just. are men's hroar and fear in harmony or not!!!!!!!!! so what is hte truth.............. #athrabeth #sunny reads the silm #mp #(realised later that tolkiengateway has a summary but i still have some unanswered questions lmao but i dont have the brain to #actually put my questions into words)

[sylvienerevarine]

1, 14 & 41 for Sophrine please ☺️💙

1 What’s the maximum amount of time your character can sit still with nothing to do? .03 seconds. Sophrine is one of those people who needs to be busy at all times or she'll explode. Fortunately, thanks to her million jobs, two kids, one husband, and seven pets, she hasn't had a moment's peace in ages.

14 What animal do they fear most? Other than dragons? Bears. It's frustrating because she wants to pet them so, so badly, but they're so aggressive.

41 How do they feel about children?  Sophrine loves kids! She had so much fun babysitting her younger brother Bertie and various little cousins growing up, and has always figured that one day she'd be either a mom or a very involved aunt. Likewise, her husband has always wanted to be a dad, so he's all for adopting little Lucia and Hroar. And not to give things in the Solstheim Sequel away too much, but there may be a baby girl named Juniper in the works....

#oc: sophrine #asks #she is too cute for this world #protect her

[arofili]

i haven't read the silmarillion or anything related but i was wondering how do elves's fëas work?? like i read somewhere about them sharing this fëa bond with people they marry so their fëas meet and that's what makes the marriage marriage in the first place. but im not really sure about that, don't people's fëas normally touch even if they're not married? and what happens if they do touch? this is weirdly specific but im just curious,,,you don't have to answer if you don't want to ofc! thank you if you do answer my curiosities haha and you still don't, ty too! (i asked you this bc i feel like you have a lot of knowledge about elfs)

Hey anon! So, a lot of what you're talking about is fanon, though it does have basis in canon. From "Laws and Customs among the Eldar" we learn about fëar and hröar and elvish (largely Noldorin, to be specific) marriage customs.

It's worth noting, though, that LaCE underwent many revisions and is a highly dubious document as it was written in-universe by Aelfwine, a mortal from the 9th century CE who found the Straight Road to Valinor. That concept in and of itself is a framing device for Tolkien's "translation" of the Red Book into English, and isn't one he kept consistent throughout his writing or one he was ever fully satisfied with - it never made it into the texts published within his lifetime, and doesn't make an appearance in the published Silm, either. And as I said in a previous meta dealing with LaCE:

Maybe this is something Tolkien changed his mind on between writing LaCE and writing this section of what became the published Silm. Or maybe this is an in-universe distinction: the in-universe writer of LaCE is unclear but implied to be a human, not an elf, possibly Aelfwine; the writer of the Silm as we see it is Christopher Tolkien’s edits of JRRT’s translation of Bilbo’s translation of Noldorin loremasters, the chief of whom was Pengolodh. It’s complicated.

That being said:

LaCE doesn't actually offer that much information on the nature of elvish fëar in relation to marriage. We do get the quote that "It was the act of bodily union that achieved the marriage, and after which the indissoluble bond was complete." Since human concepts of marriage are mostly legal/social engagements, and by no means indissoluble, this strongly implies something different is going on with elven fëar when they marry, but it's not stated outright. Still, the wording of "bond" in relation to "marriage" gives rise to the fan-embellished concept of a "marriage bond" that is very popular in fic/meta about elf marriages.

This concept is further supported by the description that a "greater share and strength of their being, in mind and body" is required for elves to create children (when compared to Men). It implies a closeness between a married couple where their "minds" (aka fëar) are as involved in the child-making process as their bodies. Later it is specified that after marriage, elves remain individual people with individual "gifts of mind and body that differ" - a strange thing to emphasize if there was not the possibility for misconstruing married elves as becoming literally one being.

For elves, marriage is forever: the Valar state that "marriage resides ultimately in the will of the fëa." Yet later in the same paragraph, it is explained that elves who are re-embodied need to be married again, because marriage is also of the body and the first body had perished. Confusing!

There are more notes about fëar in this essay, and the concept is mentioned in other places as well, but that's the basic gist of the concept AFAIK. (I highly recommend perusing LaCE yourself if you're interested in this topic! And remember that this is fandom, you can accept or discard certain aspects of the document as you see fit. I know I do.)

Most of your questions deal in extrapolation from canon - I would argue there's a strong basis for the concept of a marriage bond in LaCE, but it's not explicitly spelled out. I can't give you firm answers, but here are my personal headcanons about fëar and bonds. Everything that follows is headcanon, unless I explicitly state otherwise.

Elves are born with bonds with their parents; these bonds are important for the health and happiness of a growing child. (There's another line in LaCE about how the parting of parents and children in their youth is "a grievous thing," which is my starting place for this particular headcanon.) I also think that they have bonds with their siblings, though this is less supported; I just think that living with and sharing parents with someone is likely to foster the slower/less formal creation of a bond. Twins, however, are born with strong bonds between one another, having shared a womb.

(I also think certain Unbegotten elves - aka the first 144 elves who awoke at Cuiviénen - came into being with bonds, thus allowing for Unbegotten elves to have siblings, like Elwë, Olwë, and Elmo. But you could also argue that, depending on how you deal with timelines, those three brothers are not Unbegotten and were born the "normal" way.)

Then there are chosen bonds. These are the kind we hear discussed (albeit vaguely) in LaCE. Marriage bonds specifically are formed when elves "unite in body" and invoke the name of Eru. My personal (aroace) take on this is that sex makes the process of bonding much easier and faster, the naming of Eru and the intent to bond is what's really important, so if a couple would rather not have sex they can still bond. And it also opens up room for debate on which specific sexual acts count when it comes to bonding, what would happen if Eru's name wasn't invoked, etc.

But I also think bonds can be created in contexts other than marriage - found family, for example. I've seen this most discussed in the context of Kidnap Dads, but it could apply in many scenarios: you decide you want X person to be part of your family, and that means you want to bond with them. In the case of orphaned children, if you go with the idea that they need a parent-child bond in order to develop properly, this could provide substitute/adoptive parents to fill that role. Or it could be that you feel like a certain person is your sibling, but you weren't born of the same parents, but you still want them to officially be your family, so you form a sibling-bond with them. These are bonds that occur without the ~physical union~, and therefore take more time and effort, and thus are less common - but they do happen.

All these bonds are basically the same in terms of function: they make ósanwë (mind-to-mind/telepathic communication) much easier and more natural, they connect two fëar together in an indissoluble way, they show a depth of commitment and love between the bonded eldar. But they are valued differently in society, and created/brought into being in different circumstances.

As for fëar "touching" - that is, in my opinion, poetic license for communication/closeness through such a bond. If you touch your spouse's fëa, for example, that's connecting with them to see how they're feeling, possibly passing along comfort or a message, etc. This "touching" is basically ósanwë, I guess? Which, in my headcanon, you can do if you're not bonded to someone, it just takes more effort and closer proximity if you don't have a bond in place.

Hope this helps, anon! Feel free to send in another ask if you have more questions!

#silm #silmarillion #silm meta #laws and customs among the eldar #lace #lace meta #tolkien meta #my meta #headcanons #fear and hroar #marriage bonds #my writing #tefain nin #long post #anon #answers

[squirrelwrangler]

“It is frightfully simple,”Aegnor told Gorlim as the two ghosts looked down upon the orcs marching in the valley below. “Morgoth made them by placing captured fëar into hroar, hroar not their own. The torture, the suppressing of their minds and wills under his own power, raised and trained and controlled, all would explain, but at the root, the discordant note that underlies their Song, is that they are not in bodies that belong to them, and the spirit knows even if it cannot speak it. My brother would know how to explain it.” 

Aegnor sighed, shifted into Taliska, the old dialect of Gorlim’s great-grandfathers when the Bëorians first settled Dothornion. He decided that since he could not explain his thoughts with the clarity and wisdom that Finrod would be able to, then it would be best to drag his words as far away from Finrod’s choice of words while still remaining decipherable to his audience, a choice to both disguise how incomplete his efforts were in comparison and to stress how he was not the philosopher. Aegnor knew he was the weakest of his siblings when it can to eloquence and debate. “You can feel as if your body is not right for you, needs to be changed. Seen it often, especially as my lord works with the re-embodied. Make a new body or alter the one they have. The Ainur make new bodies for themselves, change them like changing clothes - but they don’t steal other people’s clothes, to carry the metaphor. Mucked around with ownership, but Morgoth’s a thief so whats to expect. But that’s not orcs. Trapped in a body that’s not even a little bit their own flesh, that drives their souls mad. The whole world’s not real then, doesn’t matter. Or the world’s worth, something about worth. Things. The thought, it’s so very simple, but that doesn’t mean I understand it, understand all of it. Everything else is layered on top, the violence because that’s all they know and have been given to themselves, the treating of each other cruelly, lack of compassion, the hatred and fear and envy. And can’t even admit it’s envy, because that would be mean other beings have bodies that are theirs, that do fit, that aren’t screaming at them in the Song that everything isn’t right. It’s a pitiable greed that drives them, to escape their prison or this idea that if everyone else isn’t free, is suffering like they are, then they won’t feel that suffering anymore. Won’t work. Won’t work any more than Morgoth thinking he can claim everything. But it’s because Morgoth shoved souls into the wrong bodies, maybe for expediency or to experiment or because he didn’t understand what he was doing - or knew exactly what type of monsters that it would create.” 

Aegnor sighed and switched back his dialect. “I rarely catch their fëar to send to the Halls of Mandos. I attempt to. If I can, there they shall find healing, however long the process takes. Then they will be reborn with hroar meant for them, and no longer be orcs.”

#wip #aegnor and gorlim's buddy cop fic #the question of orcs #told you my orc canon explanation was something something zombie sort of #trying to delicately clarify that it's not body dysphoria #and the human fear are visitors but their hroar is theirs and made of Arda from the Athrabeth is a big part of this concept

[tolkien-feels]

ask game: 3 and 5 for any of the following that you have thoughts abt! (Some of them are not really textual friendships and more wishful thinking haha) finrod&Turgon, finrod&luthien, Galadriel&luthien, finarfin&fingolfin. (Can you tell the arafinweans are my favs 😅)

ANON PLEASE BEFRIEND ME YOU'RE GOING FOR ALL MY FAVORITE UNPOPULAR RELATIONSHIPS!!!

Under a cut for length, because I'm doing all of them as a token of friendship 🥺

A random headcanon I have of them

Finrod & Turgon

I think I have mentioned the comedy potential of Finrod & Turgon: Adventures In Having Sisters Born In The Same Year, haven't I? I'm pretty sure I have so I'll pick something else. They both like maps and architecture, and between them, they must've drawn schematics and artistic sketches of every inch of Eldamar. They actually have plans to build the prettiest settlement in Aman, but they're too perfectionist about it and never get to the end of the project before Exile.

Finrod & Luthien

Is it too horrible to pick as my headcanon that the only reason Luthien doesn't get very Shaken when she learns of Finrod's death is because Beren needs her to not fall apart? Okay if that's too horrible, I'll go with: Luthien assigns herself as Finrod's guide in Doriath and he has so many questions about Menegroth that at some point she actually laughs at him, which is a diplomatic faux pas but Finrod finds very endearing.

Galadriel & Luthien

You know how Galadriel has her little apprenticeship under Melian? Luthien looks at that and goes "It's free cousin!!!" Well, they're once removed, but that's the closest thing to a cousin Luthien has available and she's loving it. Galadriel, who associates cousins with varying degrees of headaches, is pleasantly surprised to find Luthien has almost as many braincells as her mother. They never become very close friends because they don't share many interests but they consider each other family and act accordingly.

Finarfin & Fingolfin

Fingolfin is very protective of Finarfin. You think fanon Maedhros is intense about being a big brother? The Fingolfin of my headcanons is Worse. In all ways but literal, Fingolfin is standing between Finarfin and the world. By "the world" what I actually mean is Feanor. In return, you know Galadriel's infamous hatred for Feanor? She got that from her father, he's just quieter about it. Finarfin also has all but cut ties with Finwe over the blatant favoritism of the guy making his brother's life a living hell.

A scene I wish we had of them

Finrod & Turgon

I know Turgon has closer kin than that, but I actually feel Finrod might have been the one to comfort him and Idril immediately after Elenwe's death, and I would like to see that.

Finrod & Luthien

Well what I actually actually want is for them to interact during the Leithian saga, but that's not something that can happen in canon. Something plausible that would delight me would be seeing them comparing notes on songs of power. Would also work as foreshadowing. Tolkien missed an opportunity there :/

Galadriel & Luthien

Any. Literally any. The POWER Galadriel and Luthien would have together, oh my god. If they're hanging out with Melian, I think books could not physically contain the awesomeness! If I had to choose just one thing, I would like to see them talk about beauty. Not because they're beautiful, but because they're The Most Beautiful of their peoples, and they both fall in love with men who seem to value them for other reasons. I feel like they might have some Thoughts about this, and I feel you could have a... Finrod and Andreth kind of debate where they discuss all sorts of topics going off this premise. The Debate of Luthien and Galadriel, with notes on the relationship between hroar and fear. Or something.

Finarfin & Fingolfin

Okay, Feanor pulls a sword on Fingolfin and Fingolfin goes see Finarfin and......??? I'm begging Tolkien to have a whole chapter about that!!

#ask game #tolkien reading day festivities #please talk to me anon!!!!!!

[goblin-spider]

Unique weapons that appear in the frostfall series (both gameplay and in stories)

Wraiths blood: originally ferrinar's glass sword, later shortened down to a dagger when found by Styx, shattered in the abandoned house in markarth. It can deal fear in enemies and has a chance to freeze enemies it slashes into.

Nightshade: normally an orcish or dwemer blade, either enchanted with a fire spell or soul trap, the dagger was made by ferrinar for morphel to protect herself with.

Sagittarius: Sil's bow. Usually a soul trap enchanted Ebony bow but can vary.

Fools jest: usually a crossbow with a lightning enchantment, a gift to Cicero from Nimue.

Judicial pig pike: an elven sword, fire enchantment, stolen of a thalmor judicidar in the heat of battle.

Tiger Lily, Peter's armour, Peter's bow and winter Burns dinner knife: items worn and carried by the king of the raging riptide. Tiger Lily is a Daedric mace with a high level ice enchantment, Daedric armour is enchanted with fortify Magicka, bow drains health of any opponent, dinner knife has a weak ice enchantment.

Winterborn blades artifact: a blades sword once owned by an unknown member of the Winterborn clan. High ice enchantment.

Winterborn armour and artifacts in general: can come in all sorts of weapons, jewelry and armour, mainly with an ice or fortify Magicka enchantment upon them. Clans items are scattered all over Tamriel, including in Morrowind and solsthiem.

Nellys ripper and hogni's ripper: Nelly's ripper is an ebony blade enchanted with soul trap. Hogni's ripper is an orcish blade with a drain health enchantment.

Ciceros axe and ripper: Cicero's ebony blade has a fear enchantment upon it (canonically in frostfall but can sometimes have soul trap in game) and his Ebony axe is acquired later, has a drain health on it.

Curnunnos' helm: Daedric helm gifted to hroar by hircine. Fortify archery enchantment.

Sil's axe: regular wood chopping axe found by the abandoned shack. Has a paralyze or ice enchantment on it.

Bandit's cowl: cowl owned by Louis that allows him to rob better in the books. Different from the grey fox cowl, obviously. Haven't created it in game yet.

Honeyed Tounge's imperial armour: penitis occulartus armour enchanted with a spell which makes him immune to harm (book only enchantment).

#vonbowiesfrostfallseries

[apaqualme]

"I don't know if these will help like the animals, but I made some blankets."

“Ah, they are beautiful. The warmth will be very comforting to the Fear and help them prepare to have Hroar once more,”

#thefatedfinwe

[ambarto]

if you feel like sharing your thoughts about trans elves, i would love to hear them :)

Why of course I would!

Now, if we go strictly by Tolkien’s logic (which I will discard very soon) one may come to the conclusion that trans Elves may... sort of not exist? Everything I can find seems to suggest that Tolkien Elves are born in a body that is the “right” one for them and tailored perfectly to them, and that aligns pretty well with the idea of Elves being his perfect Catholic babies (source: a lifetime of Catholic school).

But I’ve got a lot of beef with the “born in the wrong body” thing that gets applied to trans people, and I know a lot of trans community shares my thoughts on that. I’m not saying certain trans folks don’t feel that way, nor am I saying they are not valid in their feelings, because they most certainly are. But there are also plenty of trans people (both dysphoric and non) who find it reductive to just describe themselves as that, and many trans people who say, if they could choose whether to be trans or not, they would still choose to be. There’s plenty of reasons and experiences connected with being trans past body dysphoria. I’m aware I’m not talking for the entire trans community, and that some people will not share my views, but I find myself uncomfortable with reducing my experiences to “my body bad”. I’m nonbinary and that would be it for whatever body I was born into, even one I was not in any way dysphoric about.

So my opinion is that trans Elves are most definitely a thing. Now, the question is: how would the rest of society view them? Because yes, on one hand, it would be easy to picture that they could consider transitioning as being in some way a slight against Eru, if Eru gave them supposedly perfect bodies.

But the reason I don’t think that would happen is that we are told that Elves are incredibly in tune with their fea. Just think of Elven mother establishing a connection with the child during pregnancy, or marriage bonds. It’s possible that there could be “fea doctors”, who can reach people’s fear to see if there are any troubles with it. And there are also the Feanturi and their Maiar, who could also take care of such a work. And in that case, it would be easy enough to see if there was a mismatch between an Elf’s assigned gender and what gender the Elf actually was. Maybe that could even be detected by a marriage bond, or something of the sort. The Elf version of therapy sessions with a trans specialist could very easily be someone taking a glimpse into their fea and realizing that yes, what they are saying is true, their spirit is in fact male/female/neither as they said it was.

There could still be people trying to patologize this transness - arguing maybe there was a mistake in the development of either fea or hroa, trying to find an explanation or a way to realign the two. There could be people who would see trans Elves as doing something wrong, in a way, but I believe they would be a minority. I think most Elves, when presented with the fact that trans Elves’ fear and hroar worked in that way and that the only way to ease their discomfort was to treat them as the gender they were would mostly accept it. While there could still be some transphobia, it wouldn’t be of the “they are just faking it” kind that we know, more like “there’s gotta be something wrong with them”, a sort of trans/med point of view (no, trans/meds who may be reading this, I do not accept your criticism).

There is also, that I find interesting, a passage on tolkiengateway that says, regarding Elves, “Their spirits are in considerably greater control of their bodies” compared to Men, which also makes me think perhaps an Elf with a significantly high control over their fea could in some way influence their hroa to align better with their gender. I’m not talking about full blown reassignment surgery, but maybe they could bring some small changes not too unlike some level of HRT, like maybe some fat redistribution, things like that. Which could be further “proof”, let’s say, of the actual transness of the individual, because if that person we think is a girl insists on saying “I’m a boy” and they do in fact develop a slightly more masculine figure because their fea is making the change, well maybe he’s a boy after all.

Also, I do believe this society with a more widespread acceptance would also naturally lead to less Elves perceiving their bodies as wrong. One of the criticism to “born in the wrong body” is, after all, that many trans people feel that it’s so aggressively marketed because it makes us more palatable to cis people. On the other hand, here we would have trans Elves who yes, would at times feel dysphoric, but they would also have a supportive society that helps them transition both socially and physically (as much as possible, at least, because we’d also have to figure out whether or not they have good surgery), and on the long run the common trans narrative would probably be “Eru made you this way, he works in mysterious ways, he probably had his reasons”. In this setting trans Elves would more likely go by “I was born in the body Eru gave me, which needed a bit of tweaking here and there”.

If other trans people don’t agree with my analysis, I won’t fight them, because it’s not my place to tell anyone my idea of being trans is better than someone else’s. But within my own experiences and thoughts, this is my general idea on how would trans Elves be considered.

#arofili #ask #my meta

[yourdeepestfathoms]

Flavors of Poison (part one)

[Sweet Shop AU]

TW: Alcohol, Pot, Discussion of sexual assault

———————

Cockatrice Kiss

The barn smells of sweet alfalfa and wet hay, a pleasant, earthy aroma to contrast the sugary one of Sweet Thrills. Bessie paws around on the wall before finding the light switch and flips it on, watching the weaving of rainbow fairy lights along the ceiling flicker to life and cast their soft colorful glow across the wooden building.

Even though it’s been two years since the barn was made, she still can’t help but be proud of it when she goes in each time.

It took several paychecks to make the structure, with Aragon paying some of the expenses to cover a few tools or planks of wood Bessie just couldn’t afford. After four months of endless work in the London rain and cold and several WikiHow searches on how to build a stable (with pictures), it was finally finished: the perfect, twenty foot by fifteen foot barn.

When you first enter, you get a view of the wide space behind a short fence and gate: a haven of soft hay that sprinkles the dirt like golden snow. A wide wooden box is situated in the far left corner with two heat lamps sitting atop a grate covering the carved holes in the top. Beside it is the large, oval-shaped watering tin, which contents are murky and need to be cleaned out soon, and the long feed trough, where the remnants of a grainy breakfast remain. A ball sits quietly in the center, waiting to be played with again. Its usual user is dozing in the right corner, but it’s sort of hard to tell if she’s asleep or not because of her long bangs.

“Hyde?” Bessie called softly.

She noticed the creature’s big, fuzzy ears flick upwards and the highland heifer rises to her feet.

Her coat is a beautiful orange-red color, apart from her bangs, which fade to a silver dun shade. The locks are stringy, like ribbons of steel that blanket over her dark eyes. Horns, still not fully grown, curve upwards, menacing despite their short length.

The young heifer, Hyde, bounds up to the gate, lowing loudly, which makes Bessie giggle. She stamps her hooves into the dirt, throwing up dust into the air, watching as Bessie goes to the tack area and gets her feed. She nearly knocks the girl down when she’s walking into the pen.

“Hey!” Bessie yelped when Hyde’s snout pokes into her belly, “I know you’re hungry, just hang on a moment!”

Hyde moos again, lashing her tail as she watches and reluctantly allows Bessie to do her job. Once the oats are poured into the trough, she dives in, munching happily on her dinner.

“Chubby,” Bessie said, poking the heifer’s stomach.

As if she understood (Bessie liked to think she could), Hyde lows in between chews and flicked Bessie with her long, furry tail.

“My apologies, madam!” Bessie giggled, rubbing her hand down Hyde’s spine. “Sorry I’m so late. Will you ever forgive me?”

Hyde made a muffled cow noise and Bessie smiled.

“Sleep well, beautiful. I’ll see you in the morning.”

With that, she gathered her bag, which she had left at the door, and walked out.

The trek to the house wasn’t long- she was soon unlocking the front door and stepping into the warmth of the home.

It was dark, as she expected. It was ten at night, after all, and Cathy had school the next day. Bessie couldn’t help but smile fondly at the memory of the time she and the twelve-year-old stayed up all night building on a Minecraft world together (yeah, it’s a little childish for her to partake in at her age, but she couldn’t say no to Cathy, and a “quick build” quickly turned into a giant kingdom fit for a queen- and a dragon named Hroar.)

Bessie walks past the kitchen, not bothering with dinner despite being hungry. She didn’t want to make too much noise and wake anyone up, so she just made a beeline for her downstairs bedroom-

However, she was stopped by a sharp voice.

“Dinner’s in the fridge.”

Bessie froze, slightly startled. She turned slowly to find Aragon sitting on the couch in the living room, her legs crossed neatly over one another and her hands resting in her lap. Her facial features are calm, smooth, and her eyebrows are raised, but Bessie can’t help but think the woman is annoyed with her.

“Hey, Catalina,” The girl whispered, hunching her shoulders around her neck.

“Hello, Elizabeth.” Aragon replied, “Have you eaten dinner yet?”

“I picked something up,” Bessie lied.

Aragon’s eyebrows arched higher.

“No...” Bessie sighed.

“I’ve told you not to lie to me,” Aragon said. She stands up and walks to the kitchen, and Bessie follows with her head lowered.

“I’m sorry...” Bessie whispered.

Aragon pulls a platter of casserole out of the fridge and put it in the microwave, then turned to Bessie. Her eyes soften when she saw how pitiful the girl looked.

“It’s quite alright, dear,” She said. “I just worry about you. You need to eat.”

“I do!” Bessie said, then quickly lowered her voice. “I’m just- I’m tired.”

“Were you too tired to eat yesterday, too?” Aragon said, then added before Bessie could counter, “And the day before that?”

Bessie shut her mouth and lowered her head, finding the floor much more interesting. She hears a soft clucking sound and her chin is being lifted.

“I’m not doing this to be rude,” Aragon said, “I love you very much, my special girl.”

“I love you, too,” Bessie whispered. Her bottom lip quivers slightly, not because of what was said, but rather because of the amount of love this woman has for her, despite knowing what she has done.

Before either of them can say anything else, a tiny voice sounds from behind them.

“Mama?”

Aragon and Bessie turn around to see Cathy standing by the steps, rubbing her eyes with her fist, which is hooded by her pajama sleeve. Her hair is in complete disarray, making it look like the wild mane of a lion.

“I’m right here, baby,” Aragon walks to her goddaughter. “Are you alright? What’s wrong?”

“I just woke up because I heard voices,” Cathy said, then peeks around Aragon. “Bessie’s home!”

“Hey, Cat,” Bessie waved slightly, allowing a small smile to ghost across her lips.

“You need to get back to bed,” Aragon said, then looked at Bessie. “Elizabeth, please eat, alright?”

“I will.” Bessie assured her. “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight.”

“Night, Bessie!”

Once the two of them retreat upstairs, Bessie takes the plate of casserole out of the microwave, takes four bites, then throws the rest away, hiding it beneath other pieces of rubbish.

———

“EEUCK!!” Anne spit loudly, “You smell like a barn!”

Bessie wrinkled her nose in her coworker’s direction, slightly miffed by her dramatic reaction to the scent of cow clinging to her body.

“I didn’t have time to shower after taking care of Hyde because SOMEONE signed me up for the morning shift.” Bessie said, shooting another accusing look at Anne.

“I had already signed up for this shift and I don’t really like any of the other workers, so I didn’t want to work it with someone I couldn’t get along with!” Anne said.

“How selfless of you,” Bessie said dryly. As she’s watering Herman after switching the ‘CLOSED’ sign to ‘OPEN’ she notices Anne perk up, beaming about something.

“What?” Bessie looked at her curiously.

“There’s a party this evening,” Anne explained, “One of the frats at the college is hosting it.”

“Ah.” Bessie nodded, preparing to leave it at that, but Anne goes on.

“We gotta go!”

“No way.” Bessie immediately said.

“Come on, B, you haven’t been to a single party yet. You have to go at least once!” Anne said.

“Anne-”

“Please!” Anne was begging at this point. “Please, B! I won’t leave you alone, I promise! And if it isn’t fun or it things go bad or you get uncomfortable, then we can leave immediately! I swear it!”

Bessie looked at her coworker, who was pleading like a puppy. She’s always had a hard time saying no to people...

She sighed.

“Fine.”

“YES!!” Anne threw her arms up into the air, then hugged Bessie tightly, “Oh, thank you, B! Thank you! You won’t regret this!”

Somehow, Bessie thinks she will.

———

She expected it to play out like the same old story you read about or hear about on TV: Girl with a wild streak and some issues goes to her first legal frat party, gets drunk, and winds up in bed with a guy who ditches her and posts pictures of them doing it on the school's website. Girl is shattered, her reputation ruined and possibly ends up with a baby to sour the deal more.

So, Bessie kept a sharp eye on Anne that night, to protect her from even the slightest chance of that happening. Sure, Anne was much bigger and tougher than her, but the issues could linger and Anne was awfully fascinated by the alcoholic drinks on display.

“Just one wine cooler each, maybe two,” Bessie said, her eyes darting around everywhere. “Don't drink the punch, keep an eye on your food and drink, don't talk to anyone slurring-”

“Honey, you need to loosen up. The old Anne might have gotten herself into some deep crap, but the new Anne will be just fine. Trust me.”

Bessie didn’t know much about “old Anne” and what exactly she had gotten herself into in the past, as the two of them hadn’t known each other in high school (Anne said was living in France, but moved to London for college), but she decided to try to trust her friend.

However, it does not ease her fears.

“But-”

“Don't worry, I'll stick by you the whole night. For your sake, of course.” Anne smiled at Bessie, squeezing her shoulder comfortingly. “Come on!”

Pushing their way through the dancing bodies, Anne and Bessie ventured deeper into the party house. The smell of weed, alcohol, and mixed vapes was overbearing. A girl who was dressed in a lacy, but tight black dress pushed past Bessie, her perfume almost gagging her when she pressed against her on accident. Stepping back, Bessie dodged her friends as they hurried after her, calling out a mixture of profanities as they spilled their drinks. 

“Bessie!” Someone yelled across the party. Bessie whipped around, trying to pick out whoever called her name. Suddenly a sort of-friend from chemistry appeared at her elbow, shoving a drink into her hand. He smiled at her.

“I didn’t think you would come, girl, it’s cool that you did!”

Bessie smiled awkwardly, wiping the sweat gathering on her brow. The house was twice the temperature as outside, the multiple hot bodies dancing around the small building only serving to amplify the humidity that built up. 

“I figured I better come at least once, or else you guys will never forgive me,” Bessie said before cautiously sipping from her glass. The burning of alcohol was unfamiliar. Still, it warmed her chest- she kind of enjoyed the bite. 

“Do you wanna smoke?” Her kinda-friend asked, waggling a joint in front of her eyes.

“No, I’m- I’m okay.” She stammered.

“Come on!”

“No, really, I’m okay.”

Her kinda-friend frowned, taking a drag himself before speaking, “Whatever dude, if you hated pot smokers you should have said.”

Bessie felt guilt build as she opened her mouth to explain, but instead her kinda-friend disappeared into the mass of dancing bodies. The music was turned up, causing the bass to thump loudly in her ears, and she completely missed Anne saying something to her, so the young woman had to shake her elbow to get her attention.

“Do not smoke.” Anne said, as if she were Bessie’s mum. Bessie couldn’t help but smile at her sternness.

“Aye, aye,”

Anne smiled, then immediately whipped around afterwards, tugging excitedly on Bessie’s arm. She points to a table that several people are gathered at.

“Let’s go take shots!”

Bessie allowed Anne to lead her to the table, where the college kids were passing out shots of UV and vodka and tequila. Bessie grabbed one as it was shoved into her hands, her last glass disappearing as quickly as it had appeared. 

Several shots later, Bessie was pleasantly buzzed, leaning towards drunk. Her system wasn’t used to processing alcohol- it made her a lightweight. She laughed at one of the girls as she started to hack at the burn of the alcohol, while Anne bounced at her side, still hanging onto her arm, this time with both hands, as she chortled.

“Bessie?”

Through the music, Bessie heard a familiar, warm voice, and turned around to see none other than Anna.

The young woman was dressed in a red and black flannel and jeans and she was holding a glass of beer. The lights of the house cast a slight glow over her dark skin, neatly combed black hair, and friendly smile.

“Anna!” Bessie lit up. She pats Anne’s hands, causing her coworker to let go, and she hurries over to Anna.

“I didn’t know you went to parties.” Anna said.

“I usually don’t,” Bessie replied, then hiccuped. A blush flames red on her cheeks and she quickly covered her mouth. Above her, Anna laughed.

“I can tell,” She said. “You’re adorable.”

Bessie went to say something else, but just hiccuped again. She clenched her fingers tighter around her jaw, her blush creeping up to her ears and making them as hot as the rest of her body thanks to the heat inside of the house.

“You poor thing,” Anna cooed sympathetically. “First time drinking?”

Bessie nodded, not risking speaking again.

“Ah,” Anna nodded. “That explains it.” She wrapped an arm around Bessie’s shoulders and frowned. “Darling, you’re so hot... How long have you been here? Have you drank water at all?”

Bessie shrugged, then squeaks out through her fingers, “An hour? And...ah...no.”

“Let’s go get you some,” Anna decided.

After Bessie tells Anne where she’s going, she lets Anna lead her to the kitchen, which is surprisingly probably the least crowded room in the whole house, since the drink and snack stands were set up in other areas.

Anna gently presses Bessie into a chair at the dining room table and swaps her glass of tequila for a red plastic cup of water. It soothes her burning throat, washing away the sting of strong alcohol, which she is really starting to feel the effects of.

(Is is called “Fireball” because it makes it feel like a fireball is burning in your stomach?)

Bessie doesn’t register the cool fingers brushing her flushed, clammy cheek for a moment, but she’s leaning into them before she even notices they’re touching her. She pried open her eyelids to see Anna kneeling in front of her, an amused, but concerned look on her face.

“Someone isn’t handling her alcohol too well,” The dark-skinned woman teased lightheartedly.

Bessie replied with a “Mmmm” then a hiccup. Anna laughed.

“Honey, I think you should stick to water for the rest of the night.” Anna said, brushing a sweaty lock of hair out of Bessie’s damp face. “Wanna take your jacket off? You might be a little cooler.”

Bessie nodded and set her cup of water down so she could remove her jacket (with Anna’s help, of course. Her fingers were a little clumsy).

As they did so, a voice piped up.

“Elizabeth Blount?”

Bessie and Anna both look up to see a man with unruly brown hair and shrewd hazel eyes looking at them from the kitchen island. Bessie recognizes him as Thomas Cromwell, a kid who used to go to high school with her. They didn’t end up going to the same college, so he must have been invited or the party was open to students from other campuses, too.

“Well, I’ll be damned! Elizabeth Blount!” Thomas laughed, “I didn’t think I’d ever see you again. Especially with all your clothes on!”

Bessie’s blood runs cold. At her side, Anna’s brows knit together in concern. The older woman stands up protectively.

“Who are you?” She demands.

“Thomas Cromwell,” Thomas answers openly, “Who are you? Someone new Elizabeth has tied to her bed?”

Rage flashes in Anna’s eyes.

“Don’t you fucking talk about her like that.” She seethed.

Thomas is unfazed by her anger.

“You don’t know, do you?” He tilted his head, “Elizabeth hasn’t told you? Better yet: You didn’t hear? You must not be around here. The Whore of London was big talk for everyone when we were in high school.” He leaned in, not one bit wry of Anna’s clenched, readied fists. “Just a fair warning: Don’t go to the bathroom. She’ll try to molest you.”

Bessie leapt up and raced through the crowd of people. She heard yelling behind her- she thinks it’s Anne because Anna had to be preoccupied with Thomas to go after her.

But why would she? Anna must think she’s disgusting now.

That revelation brings tears to Bessie’s eyes. She was going to lose Anna- she didn’t want to lose Anna. She liked Anna a lot. She made her smile and laugh and made the world feel good again.

She needed Anna.

But Anna doesn’t need her. Not anymore. She’s not going to visit her ever again.

Tears flow fast from Bessie’s eyes as she shoves through all the people. Some stare at her in annoyance for being pushed, others are curious as to why she’s crying, and a handful are genuinely concerned. Right as she gets to the door, a cup is thrust into her hands and she just takes it.

Cool night air stings against her burning skin, like dry ice on bare flesh.

Bessie ran away from the frat house until her legs screamed in pain and she finally had to slow down. She took a few deep breaths and sipped from the cup she was holding. Whatever its contents were burned her mouth intensely, searing down her throat as if she was swallowing molten lava, and she nearly spit it back up. However, she forced herself to choke it down and drink it all.

She’s left sputtering and frothing liquor at the lips, but she desperately needed the relief it’ll cause. Alcohol was a depressant, after all. Bessie didn’t think it was possible for her to get even more depressed, but here she was.

It was going to be a long walk home.

#sweet shop au #six the musical #six the musical au #six the musical fanfic #six the musical fanfiction #anna of cleves #bessie on the bass #catherine of aragon #catherine parr #anne boleyn #thomas cromwell #banna #bessie x cleves #tw: alcohol #tw: drugs #tw: pot

[southfarthing]

My brain cells aren't cooperating enough right now to be able to write a comprehensible response to your Athrabeth post, but I do want to recommend this fan-annotated version of the Athrabeth: https://thainsbook.files.wordpress.com/2015/08/athrabeth.pdf

It has footnotes (written by "Bilbo"; it's very cute) that clarify some of the stickier, very philosophical parts of the Athrabeth, and it references information from other parts of the legendarium that contextualizes what Finrod and Andreth are discussing. It's been very helpful for me, so maybe it can help you too!

Ahhhh thank you!!! this was such cute read! 🥹 It helped me with some parts but there were no annotations on the pages that really broke my brain jhggjdfh it seems Bilbo too didn't want to go near that lmao

(though on reading the notes about fear and hroar at the end.......... i think i get it more? i think)

#🥴🥴🥴 #starsuncounted #replies #athrabeth

[squirrelwrangler]

A short while ago you talked a little about orcs and fear. Now on similar yet different note. What's your take on relationships between spirits such as maiar and fanar they occupy. What does it mean for them to be stuck? What sort of effects being embodied has on their sense of self? On their perception? On the way traumatic events work for them?

Well, first I have to stop myself from treating Tolkien’s Arda like Wheel of Time or especially Sanderson’s worldbuilding where the magic systems are very defined (and usually underpinned by physics). Though I will say String Theory was a wonderful thing to learn about in High School physics just as one read the Ainulindalë -- the Song is the vibrations of the very fabric of reality ahaha. And I am, disgruntled on behalf of my Sindar and Edain favs aside, one of those pro-Valar Silm fans. And someone rather lacking in theological instruction, so when questions of the universe bump up against that, I have to grab Tolkien’s favorite story to describe the point of Christ -with a befuddled “okay, sure that sounds...uh, go with that”- as the way you can get swallows out of a barn is to become a sparrow to lead them out instead of futilely trying to wave them out. IDk- it’s in the Afterwards/Notes of the Athrabeth Finrod ah Andreth.

So, Valar. They are beings of pure spirit/fëar; they are whole and complete with a fëa alone. Therefore that is where they would default, and most Ainur are tiny anima-like spirits that rarely be anything else. At least for my headcanons, the majority of their senses are operating in a realm of fëar that looks like the Quantum Realm (or spren if you’ve read Sanderson’s Stormlight Archive). In there, they are perceiving everything as spirits which can make wonky the passage of time or physical details. Not a full-on Doctor Manhattan. But that clears up when they have a hroar because they are limiting their senses to a range closer to that of physical beings, the sense of time solidifies a bit better, the vibrating String Particles get hit with a lower volume button (but not mute) so that they can dial back to deal with things as atoms and solid matter. But it’s like putting on night-vision googles for them -or maybe more accurately to use a microscope. Temporary, easy to remove (but physical bodies that are still crafted as works of self-expression, as much as part of you as a painting or story you create). And emotions start to have physical additions instead of just outbursts of spirit, which Ainur can find weird or cool. Melian did something different, more permanent, more fully plugged herself into Arda’s physical matter and thus paradoxically limiting her sense of self - without a body, their spirit spread out like wave-particles in the spiritual realm- but giving her greater clarity and control of the atoms of Arda. When the Ainur are inhabiting a physical body, they can influence and affect the actual matter of Arda to a greater and more precise extent (putting on the work gloves). Thus why Morgoth is constantly in a hroar and why Lúthien’s threat to Sauron was the emasculating threat that it was - they want to control, dominate, dictate Arda - thus they need a body. Manwë believes in the free will of other sentients so he doesn’t need to being 24/7 in a body, only when interacting with those that are as a sort of courtesy communications aid. When the Istari are sent, they are following (with a few modifications) Melian’s blueprint for hroar. As far as trauma- the only one I really thought about was Melian - she was plugged deeply into the Matrix and she was using her spousal bond with Elu to help her do that, to be able to see Arda in the elven electromagnetic spectrum, to orient herself in time progression, to actually feel objects instead of slipping between the atoms. She is hit with the very real grief of her loved one dying suddenly and violently that anyone would feel, plus the fact that her hroar starts to destabilize because she can’t focus on it and lost one of her lodestones. She doesn’t abandon Doriath in grief as much as futilely trying to stay while about to spiritually supernova in the epicenter of Doriath, sending wave particles of grief and strain across the kindgom and people that she is desperately trying to stay corporal for because of her duty and love towards them - and thus is convinced that she must leave for everyone’s well-being. (Had she stayed, Doriath would have become like the Nightshade of former Dorthonion, full of mad weeping Ents).

Sauron post-Númenor destruction is him loosing the “fake a pleasing form/ability to lie convincingly to his audience” settings on his “physical body work plugsuit”, a creative block, a ‘no more paint of those colors’.

Not sure if these ramblings answered everything, but here’s the morning thoughts.

#heget ramblings #favorite anon is back #valar #melian #They are all Spren

[squirrelwrangler]

continued rambling/clarification idk fear-hroar-orcs-ainur

just so it’s clear, in the Athrabeth the discussion reaches a point where Finrod concludes that Mortal souls aren’t meant to stay in Arda, that they are visitors instead of innate to it- but their bodies are innate to Arda and mortals don’t feel disconnected to those bodies of Arda (and then goes into Catholic Christian Assumption of Mary and Arda Renewed/Redeemed original plan might have been the mortals carrying out atoms of Arda beyond it to Eru via their bodies idk that’s where the Athrabeth got theological). So mortals have a push-pull sort of feel towards Arda itself, grow weary with it, feel their mortality isn’t right, look at everything as if reminding them of something they don’t remember and yet feels like it (hello Platonic ideals). And having their souls trapped in Arda not allowed to move on, i.e. Ringwraiths, is not a good thing for them. Strains the fear, thins it out. But for the most part it’s the unnaturalness of fear missing their hroar, which is not supposed to be what long-term state of existence elves are and definitely not mortals.

Now Ainur and the choosing of temporary bodies and the deciding of gender because they felt which ever was innate to their nature meant to me that the Ainur was both understanding and supportive of trans and agender. Manwë says t*rfs have no friends in Valinor. Pry “Some Elves when reembodied chose to change their biologic gender to match what they feel better reflects their spirit and Nienna supporting them because sure that makes sense” from my cold dead hands. So body dysphoria both exists and is not an exclusive to Morgoth thing, but something the Ainur do blame on Arda Marred as a ‘whelp our creation has imperfections now so that’s a thing lets try and turn those imperfections into something new and still good or at least heal it’. Like the concept of ice. The Second and Third Songs (which are more or less Elves and Men) are both revised plans after Morgoth ruined the original intended mistake free First Song anyway. There was no original spotless sinless version of either group. The Ainur liked the First Draft version of creation, but they aren’t assholes who always begrudge that the Draft needs Editing. Get tired and exasperated by the number of typos, sure. Uncomfortable with improvising a new page after the old lines get deleted or corrupted. Morgoth is “I should be the only one writing and/or everyone’s story should sound just like mine.” Refused to embrace the basic concept behind group project.

Except for Melian, the Ainur hroar/fear relationship is a disconnect- this hroar stuff is virtual reality, they don’t need it, but it does make interactions with Arda’s matter way easier and give more options. But they are creating bodies for themselves, not possessing preexisting bodies. In fact I don’t think that actually happens in the Legendarium except for the Hobbits sleeping on the Barrows and hints of what the Houseless do- you have influencing like the Ring, you have pouring soul into inanimate during act of creation and magical radiation curse poisoning- but since this was inspired by Discworld anyway, no Granny Weatherwax style Borrowing. That type of wrong fear in hroar is what the orcs are. It’s not the Mortal restlessness/connected but also not connected with Arda. It’s Morgoth’s corruption but not just because he’s twisting a thing that he captured but because he’s literally shoved two pieces that aren’t supposed to be together together and called it a creation. And thus orcs can be elven or mortal souls but probably 99% elven souls because the mortal ones tend to slip out of the confines of Arda to wherever mortal souls go, souls which have been scrubbed clean of memories and broken by torment as the widely accepted fanon states- but only the soul. Both get stuck in bodies made of originally elf or human or animal parts, stitched together into flesh golems in Morgoth’s labratories, the Frankenstein monster zombies. And Morgoth instead Mandos- they aren’t being reembodied in new bodies that belong to them so they know without knowing that everything is wrong in a fantasy metaphysics way. And so they also get that Ainur-ish disconnect from Arda but with extra twitchiness and it doesn’t explain away or make them inherently evil- but it helps to re-enforce the dehumanization and feelings of being disenfranchised that they are raised in and taught to treat other beings with.

And yeah, so among other horrors for my personal headcanon of what are orcs and uruk-hai- there are no live birth orcs- and if uruk-hai are cross bred human and orc- well, the biological components could work- but if orc midwives exist, if orc children exist, of which I haven’t decided is even a thing, then the midwives are actually very skilled necromancer/reanimators. And orcs are a constant twisted parody of reembodying.

.koloss of Mistborn maybe? idk, this orc as possessed + zombie isn’t a unique fantasy concept. What’s key is that they aren’t just undead or evil new creation or just twisted and tortured into evil once not evil, that there’s another step.

#heget ramblings