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bronzewool · 4 years

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One of my favourite things about Boku Dake ga Inai Machi is the quiet character arc of Satoru looking for a father figure, and instead learning to appreciate everything his mother did for him.

Bokumachi is one of those tightly compact stories where everything serves a purpose in the narrative and Satoru's lack of a father figure serves two important plot points. Firstly, it emphasis the closeness between Satoru and Sachiko, who raised him alone since he was an infant. Putting her in contrast to Kayo’s mother who abused her daughter despite the two women coming from very similar backgrounds and circumstances.

And secondly, it explains everything we need to know about Satoru’s personality and why he’s so emotionally stunted as an adult.

Satoru was deeply devastated by his father walking out on him at such a young age, and this abandonment affected his ability to form any meaningful connections. Sachiko tells the story of how Satoru once brought home a sick puppy, and despite his initial concern for the puppy’s wellbeing, lost all interest in nursing it back to health after the first night and left it in Sachiko’s care. It eventually died on the third day but Satoru didn’t even so much as cry and this was enough for Sachiko to burst into tears. Satoru is fully capable of caring for others but guards his emotions so he won’t get hurt.

Satoru’s relationship with the women in his life is very important to the overall plot of Bokumachi (Sachiko, Airi, Kayo, Kumi, etc.) and we can see through his interactions he is very protective of them, but I think his male relationships are just as important and say a lot about him as a person.

Satoru worships the fictional superhero, Wonder Guy, from his favourite manga series as a child and tries to live by his hero’s morals and ideals. Even as an adult whenever Satoru is thrust into a position where he must get involved in other people’s affairs, he may complain every step of the way but it’s clear he chooses to get involved under his own volition, because it’s what a real hero would do.

We don’t learn a lot about Wonder Guy beyond the simple premise that he is a sentei inspired superhero who fights monsters. As the series progresses Wonder Guy supposedly gains more and more allies, and Satoru wishes to have true companions of his own, not just casual playmates on the playground, but true friends he can rely on and trust to have his back. This is a clear reflection of Satoru’s desire to let down his defences and allow other people in, but he’s not ready to let down those barriers just yet.

We also learn something else in the manga, Wonder Guy has a family, specifically, a wife and child.

Satoru unintentionally tried to fill the hole in his heart by latching onto to the idea that his father left him because he had to. It wasn’t just because his parents were bad for each other and needed to live separate lifes, it was for a greater purpose, a sacrifice made out of paternal love.

Due to this trauma, Satoru had trouble communicating with the other children and understanding visual cues. He can’t comprehend why anyone would smile at him without a proper reason, or feel empathy for other people. Jun Shiritori is the biggest positive influence on Satoru’s childhood, teaching him how to communicate with his classmates by smiling. This small gesture helped Satoru make friends by mimicking what the other children were doing until he learnt how to filter his own emotions more naturally. Satoru still struggled with feeling empathy for other children, but his admiration for Jun was so strong he gets visibly angry anytime someone badmouths him.

Sawada is another important male figure in Satoru’s life, even if Sawada doesn’t remember all their interactions together. Their encounters were brief but Satoru trusts Sawada relatively quickly after first meeting him while on the run from the police. Sawada’s respect for Satoru’s mother and reciting one of her quotes is enough to put Satoru at ease. His willingness to help bring the killer to justice and his fountain of knowledge is a bright spot for Satoru at his lowest point. Even after Satoru is flung back into the past, he is excited to see Sawada again and eagerly engages with him even though this Sawada has no previous knowledge of their last conversation.

Sawada has a unique relationship with Satoru as he always treats him like he has agency and encourages his inquisitive nature to ask questions and find answers. Sawada is set up to be the perfect substitute father figure for Satoru, with his appropriate age and wisdom, but in an ironic twist, it’s not Satoru who Sawada becomes a father figure to, it’s Kenya.

And last, but certainly not least, is Yashiro Sensei, the character who had the biggest impact on Satoru through every single timeline (sometimes unintentionally and several years before Satoru was even born).

Yashiro is the most obvious father figure in Satoru’s life, his role as an elementary school teacher essentially making him an another parental figure for all the kids in his class. It’s unclear if Satoru held any sort of admiration for Yashiro in the original timeline, as we know he was still emotionally distant and may have come across as cold and uncaring towards his sensei. We do know Satoru remembered Yashiro’s graduation speech and those words resonated with him ever since. Even after losing his memories he still remembers those words.

Their connection runs even deeper than either of them realise. Yashiro was the one to give Jun the original quote about having courage when they were in school together, and years later Jun would recite those exact words to Satoru who used them to fill the hole in his heart. Satoru foiled Yashiro’s first child murder attempt before they officially met, and in the new timeline he has interfered with every kidnapping since Yashiro came back to Ishikari.

When we’re first introduced to Yashiro he comes across as a very helpful and harmless school teacher who encourages Satoru to make friends with Kayo and try his best at everything. Once he knows Satoru is aware of Kayo’s home life, he lets him in on the current situation surrounding child services, and to go along with the lie that Kayo is living with her grandfather after she’s reported missing.

After finally saving Kayo from her abusive household, Yashiro praises Satoru for his efforts and Satoru wonders if this is something his father would have said to him. This scene is very important to Satoru, who can’t remember what his father looked like, and even after everything Yashiro has put him through he still clings to that moment when Yashiro was momentarily the father he never had.

This need for parental love lead to him purposely overly looking the obvious clues that Yashiro was the killer (his name was on the suspect list, keeping a stash of candy in his car, showing up when Aya was meant to be alone, giving Satoru advice on how to approach her, etc.) but Satoru chose to overlook these incriminating acts because he needed to hold onto the memory of their conversations in the teacher’s office and sharing lollipops in his car. Even after Yashiro tried to kill Satoru’s friends and put him in a coma for 15 years, he bares no hatred or resentment for any of his actions.

And those words are the pinnacle of Satoru’s character arc. Maybe Yashiro really is the closest thing Satoru will ever get to a real father figure, but it doesn’t matter anymore. Because Satoru never needed a father figure.

This entire story was triggered by Sachiko’s murder after catching the killer in the middle of an attempted abduction, and ends with her taking care of her son while he is in a coma for 15 years and staying by his side every step of the way.

Rather than having Sachiko getting married to another man or ending with a snapshot of Satoru as a dad with kids of his own, the story ends with Satoru reconnecting with his mother after years of shutting her out.

Sachiko always put Satoru first before anything else and tried to protect him by using her influence within the media to make the town forget the murders ever happened. Her need to protect her son from the truth put a strain on their relationship after she refused to believe Satoru’s testimony that Jun was innocent.

Even though she lost the time she could have spent with her a son in this new timeline, she gained something equally as precious. By not withholding the truth from Satoru about his memories and supporting him every step of the way, he returns that gesture in kind by trusting her and allowing himself to depend on her when he needs her help. Satoru now cherishes the memories they have of eating dinner together and working as a team to save Kayo. Their bond has only grown stronger through this ordeal and that is all the parental love Satoru needs.

#erased #boku dake ga inai machi #bokumachi #long post

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mela-chronic · 4 years

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Bokumachi Drabbles pt.1

Not a Ripple update, but I’m doing Bokumachi drabbles to beat back the writer’s block, and boy are they gems.

Drabbles masterlist

Ripple

Consistency was never their forte, but when it came down to keeping their illicit tryst (Yashiro’s words, not mine), a secret, they would quite literally leap out buildings to defend it to the death. Satoru and Yashiro, from the outside looking in, were an inseparable pair of friends within a larger friend group. Kayo, Hiromi, Kenya, Aya, Osamu, and Kazu had known them since grade school. It wouldn’t be ridiculous to say that Satoru and Yashiro gravitated towards groups that thrived off of trouble. If the “trouble” involved embarrassing and shaming each other until they turned beet red, all the more reason.

Let’s see, from the beginning then: Satoru and Yashiro grew up as next door neighbors, soon next door friends, then just friends, and then best friends. Kenya can attest to this; he was green with envy the moment Yashiro walked into the picture. At first, their world was small and involved bug catching in the summers, book trades (to be fair, Satoru traded more manga and comic books than novels, but Yashiro didn’t mind), and sleepovers that lasted until the early morning. Childhood sentiment was shaken off somewhere along the way. This isn’t to be mistaken with being abandoned completely, but rather it became a stepladder to the inevitable. The inevitable was that day, the very last day of 8th grade. Yashiro, second button of his uniform in hand, chose the perfect spot for a confession; springtime underneath a cherry blossom tree, and the sky was a clear blue with no clouds in sight. The wind weaved in and out of Satoru’s hair, lifting his hair like sapphire strands; as always, Yashiro had a flair for the flamboyant and romantic. “I love you, Satoru. I’m sorry - sorry that I kept it a secret for this long! I want-want-WANT to-... to…” According to Satoru, Yashiro fainted on his feet that day. His dead eyes, parted lips, wrinkled nose bridge were a cry for help. After five minutes of waiting, Satoru wrestled the button out of Yashiro’s fist. “No, what are you-- SATORU, LET ME FINISH.” Satoru didn’t understand at first, his head denser than a cinder block, but as he watched this piece of cheap brass roll around in his hand, petals fluttering against his fingers, it dawned on him. “You know, it’s funny. I thought I was the only one for awhile. You seemed so put together, so smart, so fancy and stuff, like you were gonna marry a princess or prince.” That day was a mixed bag of out of character interactions, for Yashiro grabbed Satoru by the collar

And so, Satoru would pack a lunch, bring it to the back of their high school where an old tree firmly planted its roots for decades, and “coincidentally” Yashiro would have the same idea. At first, they’d go through the effort to make casual conversation, get the “how are you’s”, “how’s class,” and “,what did you pack for lunch?”, out of the way. No matter how mundane of a conclusion their conversation would reach, their fingers found a way to meet in the middle. If luck would have it, they’d squeeze out seconds in an empty classroom afterschool. Their lips would catch up later, but only if Kenya didn’t come rushing in out of nowhere like an opportunistic cat.

“Satoru!” Out of breath, as usual. Yashiro glared down at their hands before turning around with a honeyed smile.

“Oh Kenya, hi!” He darted back to Satoru. “Make him leave, please. I can’t do it.”

Satoru whispered back. “Me? Make Kenya go away? Do you know something I don’t--Ow!!” Yashiro pinched down on Satoru’s hand while maintaining a perfect smile.

“Hey Yashiro, mind if I cut your date short?” Kenya straightened out his blazer, well put together as always with brown eyes that judged with no reprieve.

Their minds, joined by a single conga line of brain cells, collapsed in the middle; a mental implosion of nuclear scale.

“What?” Yashiro and Satoru became one unit, stupid and gawkish as they stared up at Kenya. “What do you mean?”

“What do you me-- You’re so clueless. Satoru, I’d expect, but really Yashiro?” Kenya hit Satoru with his book bag. Satoru, panicked with an escalating heart rate, buried his face against his hands. Yashiro’s hands were making incomprehensible flourishes, his lips breaking into nervous smiles.

“Kenya, we - I don’t understand where this is coming from. I can assure you-” Satoru hid his face against Yashiro’s shoulder. His voice was muffled against Yashiro’s sleeve.

“Yas-iro, ‘re ‘aught. ‘Ust give it up.”

Yashiro dropped his head and leaned into Satoru. “You’re right… you’re right..”

Kenya flashed a prideful smile, crossing his arms as he looked down from his own, impossibly high pedestal. “Yeah, throw in the towel. Everybody knows. I don’t know why you decided to keep it a secret.”

Satoru and Yashiro leapt to their feet, perfectly on cue. “Who knows???? Who knows????” With each hand, they shook Kenya by the collar, wrinkling his stark straight dress shirt. Kenya, cool as always, looked down with empty eyes.

“Everyone. E-v-e-r-y-o-n-e.”

#erased #erased anime #Boku Dake ga Inai Machi #anime #Anime / Manga #manga #fanfiction #fanfic #my fanfic #my fanfiction #yashiro x satoru #yashiro/satoru #yashiro gaku #Gaku Yashiro #satoru fujinuma #fujinuma satoru #ripple #drabbles #one shot

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archive-creamycomet · 6 years

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Also, I’m a bit late to this because I went to bed immediately after posting that prompt but...

There’s a trailer for live action Bokumachi out!! You can watch it on Netflix JP’s twitter!

Ahhhh, there’s so much I love about it! Kayo and Satoru having a little snowball fight, be still my heart. The part where Sachiko is clearly cussing out Kayo’s mom looked amazing. Also, all the kid actors are so good -- it’s a testament to good costume design/casting that I was able to pick out who was who at a glance. My only nitpick is that Yashiro looks a little too old in the young timeline, since he’s supposed to be 28 -- but I imagine they wanted the same actor for past/future, so it makes sense.

Also, it looks like they’re following the manga super closely! I mean, first of all, adult Kenya!! Not to mention we see Satoru is his crutches post-hospital, and the explosions from the finale. Also, the scene where Satoru says goodbye to Airi in the new timeline, which is probably my favourite manga-only scene.

They also released some new stills, which you can see here!

#tldr: HYPE HYPE HYPE

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ahis2013-blog · 7 years

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yashiro dissection

This is gonna be long so it’s also gonna be under the cut

Hi. I read very deeply into things. The nice thing, though, is the author of BokuMachi seems to write very, very much to read into.

I want to start with a disclaimer: while I draw heavily from canon, many topics I will discuss will also have a heavy basis in headcanon and personal interpretation. Since peoples’ interpretations can vary, you may not agree with everything I put down. Still, my main goal is to give food for thought; Yashiro is a fascinating character no matter how you decide to interpret him.

I will be sticking to the manga’s canon strictly, and I also want to make a note that I’m going to be more or less regarding Another Record as non-canon, as some of its claims simply don’t line up with the canon of BokuMachi and BokuMachi Gaiden (namely, that Yashiro in Another Record claimed he targeted girls who “knew that life was hell,” when it was made clear in the manga that Nakanishi Aya actually had a fine home life, and Hiromi was killed out of convenience. The first girl he targeted, Atko-chan, he targeted because he became interested since she also had a hamster).

So, without further ado: Mikohara Gaku, aka Yashiro Gaku, aka Nishizono Manabu.

The Canon:

It’s important to have a starting point, and so, let’s start from all the things we concretely know about Yashiro Gaku.

He is roughly 18 years older than Satoru biologically, as Satoru is 29 when he travels back in time, and in 1988, Yashiro is 28 years old. This makes him born in roughly 1960, and puts his fifth year - ages 10-11 - at 1970. His brother’s death occurred in the year 1972, during Yashiro’s seventh year, and presumably, he moved out shortly after with his mother, when his parents divorced. He left for college at age 18 in the year 1978; in his third year, he returned to Mikoto Elementary for a two-week teaching practice. His third year would be about 1980. It’s at this time that he attempts his first serial murder, though it’s thwarted by Satoru (who is, at most, three years old at the time). Three years later - 1983 - he becomes engaged to an unnamed child psychologist, whom he later kills. It is at that point he begins to see the spider’s thread on his own head. And finally, in 1987, he becomes the teacher for Satoru’s fifth-year class, setting the scene for the events in 1988.

In the final timeline, the serial murders of children end after Satoru’s “accident,” though the way Kenya phrases it, Yashiro did not stop murdering altogether (as he did in the anime). During the 18 years of Satoru’s coma, Yashiro marries into the Nishizono family, changes his last name and his first name’s reading (same kanji, but apparently “Manabu” is the more common pronunciation), and inherits his father-in-law’s position on the city council. He becomes the budget planner. His wife is never seen, so it is most often presumed that he killed her, as well.

Using an event planned for the hospital, Nishizono intends to reawaken Satoru’s memories and kill Satoru (and, less importantly, Kumi). However, Satoru catches him while he’s in the middle of his preparations, confronts him, and tackles him off the bridge he set alight to try to kill them both, where law enforcement is waiting. At this point, Yashiro’s own spider’s thread snaps, and he gives a full confession to law enforcement with “a smile on his face,” and is practically set to earn the death penalty for his crimes.

Yashiro’s murders have a very clear modus operandi - at least, the ones before Satoru’s “accident.” Yashiro will kill a target - most often a young girl, ages 8-12, sometimes multiple, and pin the blame on an unwitting patsy. This MO is so particular that the lack of a scapegoat in Satoru’s case is evidence enough for Sawada and Kenya to believe that Satoru somehow managed to throw the killer off his game - however, because of the patsy’s existence, official police never look further than a convicted suspect, thus allowing Yashiro to get away cleanly after each “murderer” is caught and start again somewhere new. It can be thus assumed that any murders he commits without a patsy are significant in some way. The murders have no sign of sexual violence, though Yashiro will definitely use sexual attraction to cast suspicion on his scapegoats, and the murders themselves are often dispassionate. Of our known murder methods, only one was outright violent - smashing Hiromi’s head open (more on this later) - while the other three are very tame - smothering a drugged girl with CO2 fumes, freezing someone to death quickly, setting a drugged girl afloat on a lake with a leaky boat. He also authored two “suicides,” which are only appropriately violent.

Yashiro also mentions that he targets people on whose heads he can see a spider’s thread - though the exact nature of these threads - supernatural, like Revival, or a product of Yashiro’s own delusions - is unknown. I am inclined to believe they are a product of Yashiro’s own delusions, for reasons I will elaborate on further; this essay as a whole will assume they are merely the result of Yashiro’s mind, and not some supernatural external force.

Satoru has never had a thread.

The entire conceit of Yashiro’s spider threads stems from a short story of particular interest to him, “The Spider’s Thread” by Akutagawa Ryuunosuke. The story itself is interesting, but not as important as Yashiro’s interpretation - and he helpfully provides a summary for us in his backstory chapter. There will be more on this later.

Finally, Yashiro once owned a pet hamster named Spice. He owned Spice some time after his brother’s rapes began and Spice died about two years later, some time after Yashiro’s brother died. Spice was the only hamster of a litter Yashiro attempted to drown that survived, and the sight was “so thrilling” that Yashiro decided to raise Spice.

That about does it for the hard canon that we are using as our framework. All sections after this will feature a heavy dose of theorizing.

Analysis: Childhood (1960-1973)

Yashiro Gaku was born Mikohara Gaku to a wealthy father in Ishikari. He attended Mikoto Elementary School, same as Satoru.

Now, the main problem we encounter when analyzing Yashiro’s backstory is that he is something of an unreliable narrator, but not in the traditional sense. I have no doubt that he is truthful about his account of the backstory - I would even call him candid - but Yashiro fundamentally lacks the emotional lens necessary for the reader to fully grasp the situations he describes without reading between the lines. That is what I hope to provide.

Now, the way Yashiro describes his life before his brother’s rapes begin is this: he is showered with blind love for his outstanding grades, he is adored by his classmates despite not being very close to them, his brother has always been violent and foul-tempered, and, upon becoming the unfavorite of their parents, began to take out his frustration about it on Yashiro through physical violence.

Yashiro’s tone remains dispassionate and practically apathetic throughout, even going so far as to say he was “indifferent” to his brother’s “daily” beatings.

Yashiro is a ten-year-old or younger when the beatings begin. There is no possible way for a child - human being, even - to actually be indifferent about receiving daily beatings so severe that they leave you bruised and bleeding.

Just ask Kayo.

The people who WERE indifferent were his parents. Yashiro’s beatings - an everyday occurrence that left him with bruises and bloody noses - happened in their own home (in Yashiro’s own room, even)! His mother is depicted as a housewife, who has the leisure time to hang out with friends after school, so it’s very easy to assume that at least one of the parents are present in the house while this violence is happening. And yet, for all the “blind love” they rain down on Yashiro, not a single mention is made of any attempt to stop his brother from committing brutal violence on him every single day.

There is also the specific language Yashiro uses to depict his parents’ relationship with his brother - that they “gave up” on him, that they “didn’t know how to cope” with him, and - most damning of all - that his brother became “useless” to them.

The point at which one child would describe his brother as being “useless” to his parents is the point at which those parents are, beyond a shadow of a doubt, failing in their duties as parents.

So when you extract from his indifferent tone the actual circumstances of Yashiro’s “oppressive” childhood, you get a horrific picture of daily violence, parents who refuse to do so much as chastise the one doing the beatings, teachers that don’t do anything despite how well-known the older brother’s problems are (it can be easily explained away as that the father is using his wealth to keep the school quiet to avoid scandal), classmates he can’t sympathize with, and pressure to continue to succeed to receive what little scraps of parental affection are actually up for offer.

Yashiro is not “indifferent” to his situation out of choice, but out of necessity. He understands that there is no one who will come to his aid, that there is no way to escape or relieve his suffering. His parents will not help him, the teachers will not help him, his classmates cannot help him, and furthermore, cannot even understand his position.

Here we can draw another parallel to Kayo - where Kayo reached out for help, sent an SOS in the form of her essay for the class anthology, Yashiro instead turned inwards, blunting his own emotions to the point that he could say that he was “indifferent” to the senseless violence that had become merely a fact of life. In order to rationalize his situation, he sympathized with his brother. No one would say “it’s fine that he beats me, it’s necessary for him” while in their right minds, but that’s exactly what Yashiro does: “He needed a target, now that he was useless to our parents.” Yashiro’s parents have taught him that his suffering - his very identity - are practically non-entities. All his parents can see is his apparent success at school; they intentionally turn a blind eye to his pain.

By the time his brother begins to force Yashiro to help him rape girls, Yashiro is already emotionally blunted and in a heavy state of learned helplessness.

In this section of his backstory, it is once again important to remember that Yashiro’s recollections may be factually accurate, but lack an emotional lens to process the information with, as a result of the emotional blunting he carried with him all through his life. He describes himself as participating “earnestly” as his brother’s assistant, but more often than that, he actually mentions how much of an unwilling accomplice he is.

Because of his apathetic tone, it’s easy to assume it wasn’t a big deal to him, but we have to remember his emotional state by this point, even if Yashiro himself fails to acknowledge it. Yashiro has been taught through what has likely been years of experience by this point that there is no one on his side. That he doesn’t have any avenues to go to for help: his parents obviously don’t care, the school likely has its hands tied with regards to the wealthy Mikoharas, and obviously, Yashiro’s 11-year-old classmates aren’t of any use.

For Yashiro, he only has two options available: either he refuses to help his brother (and this is assuming that the first time his brother asked for help, 11-year-old Mikohara Gaku even knew what sex and rape were) and gets “severely punished,” or he gets his brother what he wants and doesn’t get beaten like he has every day for the past few years of his life.

His brother would rape a girl “every month or so,” and in exchange, Yashiro stopped being beaten. Now, I won’t say Yashiro was born an angel - I think, even in the most idyllic of childhoods, he still would have grown up somewhat cold and aloof - but let’s be honest: this is a practically impossible choice to make for anyone. Daily, painful beatings, knowing no one will ever come to your aid, or tricking a girl every month or so into getting raped?

Yashiro is the type of idiot that goes all-or-nothing in whatever he chooses to do, so once he made his choice, he went whole-hog on it.

Again, Yashiro is incredibly candid and forthcoming with his backstory in this chapter, and it never at any point seems like he’s trying to excuse his actions - only give a factual account of the events that occurred. Therefore, as much as we should trust that he performed his job “earnestly,” we should also trust just as much that he was an “unwilling accomplice.”

Since, again, Yashiro was only 10 or 11 at the time, it’s also easy to interpret this as his first try being not only unwilling but unwitting, that he didn’t actually know what his brother was going to do, and, once he DID know, that it was already too late to back out.

In any case, there’s a line he says in this part that’s very interesting:

“I was not convinced of the ‘me who was forced by my big brother.’“

Now, it’s important to note that around this age is where children start to really develop their own identities. Yashiro is beginning to wonder exactly who he is, and he isn’t “convinced” of the “accomplice” role he’s being forced into - and, by extension, the “golden child” roles his parents and teachers expect of him. The Spider’s Thread comes into play at this point of his life. The exact way that Yashiro interprets it, too, is also rather interesting.

In the original tale, after the thread snaps, the Buddha watches with sadness; though in his eyes, a corrupt heart wishing only for his own salvation falling back into hell is just. Then he continues on.

Yashiro’s version makes the Buddha seem much colder in comparison, having the Buddha simply wander away while quipping “what a merciless man.”

Even more interesting are the questions Yashiro asks about the story. “What if the thread had broken under Kandata’s legs? ...Didn’t the Buddha predict what Kandata would do? Then, was it just his whim to send the spider’s thread down?”

These questions are easy to gloss over, but I think they’re vital to understanding the self-identity Yashiro begins to build during this critical point in his development. He is incriminating the Buddha for being frivolous.

If the Buddha had already predicted that Kandata would do as he did - if he already knew what the outcome would be before he sent the thread down - then, walking away while shaking his head, it’s as if all of Kandata’s suffering was merely entertainment for the Buddha to prove himself right.

This lends more meaning to Yashiro’s follow-up questions: “I wonder if Kandata kept staring up at the ceiling with longing every day? Or if he became nicer to the other sinners even though he’s stuck in Hell?”

There’s an obvious answer to the second question, and it’s no - why would Kandata become nicer, knowing there’s no second chance? What could Buddha have been trying to achieve, by basically proving to Kandata that Kandata deserved everything he had coming to him?

“What would Buddha do?”

The Buddha in Yashiro’s story is not a nice one at all.

It’s also important to notice his act of “vicarious gratification” with a younger Shiratori Jun here: he gives him a pair of shoes (because Yashiro has another pair at home, it’s not a loss to him at all) and then spouts some “mature-sounding lines” about courage. He later muses that those words were meant for himself. What are those words, exactly?

“No matter how strong a man is, he has his fair share of problems. Courage is all about your determination not to give up in times of trouble.”

These are words meant not for Jun, but for Yashiro himself. Obviously, Yashiro’s “times of trouble” are his current predicament of continuing to be his brother’s unwilling accomplice, or being severely beaten. So what does giving up mean?

For Yashiro, “giving up” already means “dying.” He has no other options available to him, after all - his brother is already strong enough to simply smother a girl to death; the next beating Yashiro takes from him could be his last. (Again, obvious solutions of reaching out to CPS and the like are nonexistent in Yashiro’s mind.)

It is also directly after this that Yashiro meets Spice.

Now, Yashiro’s drowning of the hamsters is about as far from the standard “sociopath tortures animals for fun” bit as you can get. Yashiro just needs to “take care” of them. Easiest, most efficient way to do that is just to kill them (death is already on his mind, after all). He doesn’t even stick around to watch them struggle; he leaves for dinner and the comes back to find the hamster that will become Spice standing on the corpses of his siblings.

Why the name “Spice”?

This is a manga in which names are meaningful - and, in most cases, almost painfully on-the-nose. “Satoru” means “to understand” (and, according to jisho, “to achieve enlightement”). Sawada’s first name, Makoto, means “truth.” “Kenya” means “to be wise,” Kayo means “addition,” Airi means “love,” Hiromi means “beautiful,” and Mirai, of course, means “future.” It just sort of continues on like that.

So what’s the meaning behind the name “Spice”?

Well, here’s where things really get interesting, since I think my theory diverges a bit from popular conceptions on this point.

“Spice” is named after the “spider” in the story of the Spider’s Thread.

First of all, phrases like “spice of my life” don’t really exist in Japanese, and while we can argue that the author knows a fair bit of English, it still seems out of place in a story with so many names so laser-guided to be on-the-nose. The theory becomes more plausible when we look at the katakana for both the words -

スパイス vs. スパイダー

Now, the more common way to say spider in Japan is “kumo,” but if we’re willing to assume the author decided on the name “Spice” because they knew some English, then why not assume as well that they knew enough English to know how “spider” sounds in it?

As we’ve seen with Yashiro’s interaction with Shiratori Jun, he’s desperately trying to convince himself to stay alive despite his suffering. And then, coincidentally, here comes a hamster who is succeeding in doing just that: fighting for his life and his right to live, Spice is practically a miracle.

What does “vicarious gratification” mean? It means gratification through the feelings or actions of another. Spice is the “spider” that Yashiro is saving, and the “spider” that will save Yashiro - because Yashiro can live vicariously through Spice. Spice, who has so much fire to live that he’s willing to step over the corpses of his siblings. Spice, who - if Spice can continue on, then Yashiro can, to.

Yashiro is not a sociopath. For his own safety, he’s simply blunted his emotions to the point where he’s unable to directly experience them. His emotional life consists only of the “void” left behind when he obliterates his own negative emotions, and the “thrill” that comes of things that make him feel as though he has worth in being alive, through “vicarious gratification.”

So - then Yashiro’s brother accidentally kills a girl.

Now, let’s remember that Yashiro actually sympathizes with his brother to an extent. He understands why his brother is lashing out, and even feels a little responsibility for it. So for Yashiro, when his brother attempts to frame Yashiro for the crime, is betrayed.

The spider’s threads are Yashiro’s own delusions, born of his own intentions. The moment he sees the spider’s thread on his brother is the moment, unconsciously, that he has decided to kill him.

If Spice can live standing atop the corpses of his siblings, well - so can Yashiro.

It is at the moment Yashiro kills his brother that Yashiro asserts himself as his own entity. The murder of his brother is Yashiro’s defining moment as his own identity. It is when Yashiro stops being the “me forced by my big brother.”

Too bad he can’t let anyone know about it.

In any case, to add more proof to the unhappy household fire, the parents divorce over a scandal, when a loving family should be banding together even tighter. For all Yashiro’s posturing, this was not a happy family by any measure of the word.

Analysis: Teenage and College Years (1973-1987)

“You often hear that someone is ‘as good as dead.’ What does that mean? It means they’re not fulfilled, either mentally or physically. Right, in other words... “...I’m dead, at this very moment, as I’m living a peaceful life without risk.”

Of all the few scenes we have of Yashiro as a high schooler, one of them was a pointed shot of him on the outside of the fence on a building’s roof, in the exact panels we have where he talks about how little attachment he has to life - his, or anyone else’s.

Now, Yashiro never explicitly mentions a wish to die. It’s likely he’s not even aware of it himself, considering how blunted his emotions have become by this point. However, he DOES mention that what kept him alive was Spice, and, well...he’s gone now.

There’s some other stuff in this chapter that I will be covering later when I get to analyzing his murder methods, so let’s just move on to the juicier topic:

His fiancee.

Now, Yashiro’s opinion of her is rather high. She’s smart, she’s pretty, and having her fail to recognize him was enough of a disappointment that Yashiro began to see the spider’s thread on himself.

This, again, has the same problem of being told in a completely apathetic tone, so let’s review the actual situation, and try to find the emotional lens that Yashiro was experiencing the events with, even if he’s not consciously aware of it.

The fiancee is a child psychologist Yashiro met when she did a talk at one of the schools he was teaching at. This being three years after his third year of college (read: he’s only had maybe two years of teaching under his belt, period), it probably means they were dating for perhaps a year prior to the engagement.

Because of Yashiro’s apathetic tone, it’s easy to write her off. However, there are four reasons why she’s actually a very pivotal character in Yashiro’s backstory:

1. She’s brought up in his backstory at all. In fact, several pages are dedicated to her, where a one-off text-bubble about once having a fiancee who got too close to the truth and then having to dispose of her would do. In fact, she’s more important than Spice’s death and all of Yashiro’s high school years combined, just going by page count.

2. Yashiro actually references her earlier in the story, when Satoru asks him out of the blue why he isn’t married yet. She’s the “painful mistake.” Now, this may just be her use to him as a “factor to project my normalcy,” but the wording is rather specific (and I checked the japanese raws to make sure) - he calls her a painful mistake. (”So I’ve been too careful, I guess...”) That’s an odd word to use when the official ruling was a suicide - if your former fiancee committed suicide before the wedding, wouldn’t you call it more of a painful “experience”?

Yashiro is, in that panel, telling the full truth - which he actually likes to do quite often. He views her as a “mistake,” not an experience. There was something that went wrong there that was significant enough to warrant referencing her as early as chapter 27.

3. Her murder is one without a false culprit. Again, there not being a false culprit for Satoru’s accident is enough for Sawada and Kenya to assume that Satoru managed to throw the killer off his game. The same can be said of the fiancee’s death.

4. It’s after her murder that Yashiro sees the spider’s thread on himself. This is a fact that can’t really be ignored: why her? Why then? The spider’s thread, after all, has a single meaning given to us: Yashiro kills people that has the spider’s thread on them (or, rather, once he has decided who to kill, he sees the spider’s thread on them). And yet, he’s unwilling to kill himself. And yet, the spider’s thread becomes present after he murders his fiancee and gets away with it. Why?

Well...Yashiro wants to get caught.

Someone as brilliant as he is can easily cook up lies that don’t rely so heavily on the truth. If he really never wanted to get caught, he could do it easily - he evaded Sawada and Kenya for eighteen years, after all. And yet, when he interacts with Satoru in 1988, he’s constantly dropping hints and half-jokes as to his true identity - “so only kidnappers like you visit a place like that,” “Kayo is now safe,” the entirety of his speech on how to get close to a girl and, as mentioned above, his calling his fiancee a “mistake.”

Remember all that discussion on the building of his identity? Here’s the culmination of it: Yashiro’s identity has been cemented as that of a murderer, and he can’t tell anyone about it.

He is completely alone, just like he was when he was a child. Not a single thing has changed. And Yashiro’s emotions are so deadened and disconnected from his conscious processing that he’s unable to realize that not being alone is what he truly wants, but on some level, it’s all he wants.

This woman, his fiancee, was brilliant. And she was a psychologist. AND she was his fiancee. If ANYONE would be able to piece it together and figure it out, it would be her.

Now, here’s the thing about suicides - the jumping-from-a-building kind is relatively hard to fake. If there’s signs of a struggle, it points to foul play; if there’s drugs in their system, it points to foul play; if the person in question obviously has lots of plans and an active social life, it points to foul play. The margin for error for making sure that it looks like a suicide is very low. And, what’s more...

...Her death probably took place quite a while after she asked the “forbidden question” as a result. Meaning that Yashiro was able to whip out an alibi he probably had prepared in advance, and assuaged his fiancee’s fears enough that he was able to maneuver her into a position where he could kill her and make it look like she jumped due to stress from her job.

The “mistake” Yashiro made was the hope that she would see him for what he truly was, because, by all accounts, she should have. When she died, so, too, did Yashiro’s hope that someone would be able to see him. That he would no longer be alone.

(In other words, that was when Yashiro realized he was in hell.)

But who would be the one to cut his thread, then, if no one could even prove he existed at all?

Analysis: Murder MO

Yashiro kills a young girl or girls and then frames someone. Then he skips towns, rinse and repeat.

Why?

We know he’s not sexually attracted to young girls - the lack of sexual violence and the dispassionate murder methods are proof enough of that. We know he doesn’t have grudges against young girls. So...why?

I’ve seen lots of interpretations, and I think mine is...quite a bit different.

Yashiro is recreating his brother’s murder.

“My big brother was living inside of me.”

Yashiro kills a young girl, just like his brother did. Then, like his brother tried to frame him, Yashiro frames an innocent person. And then he sticks around to watch them be apprehended. (Why else would he stick around to watch Satoru get apprehended by police, and risk Airi or Satoru recognizing him?)

“I needed ‘something else’ that could take Spice’s role. I was quick to find the answer. Someone's death on my behalf. And the sight of someone else who resists death, or their tragic fate...they made ‘life’ feel real to me.”

We’ve already established that Spice’s “role” to Yashiro was basically that of a surrogate life. If Spice could live, then Yashiro could live. And with Spice gone, Yashiro was faced with his loneliness, emptiness, and death once more.

The most crucial aspect to his crime is not the murder itself, but the false culprit that he sets up. The murder itself is just an aspect of the “scenario” he keeps repeating: the moment that he asserted his own identity, his own right to live. What he really gets out of murdering is that same feeling - the feeling of being alive - by watching his scapegoats struggle for their own lives.

What’s up with the spider’s thread imagery, then?

Well, let’s go back to one of Yashiro’s more pressing questions about that story: “What would Buddha do?”

Buddha, as Yashiro sees him, is not a benevolent figure. Yashiro’s Buddha is frivolous, toying with Kandata on a whim for “vicarious gratification.” In a way, Yashiro is emulating him, but let me be clear - Yashiro’s role in the story is not that of the Buddha. Yashiro sees himself as the sinner, which is why Spice - the “spider” - is so important to him.

If the Buddha sends down a spider’s thread of salvation on a whim, then on that same whim, Yashiro will cut it. What would Buddha do? Yashiro is only following by example.

Yashiro is interesting to me because of his tragic self-destructing nature. What he really wants is, in a sense, to be validated. For someone to see him as he truly is, for someone to acknowledge his true identity and existence. However, he’s too smart and too clever to get caught, and he’s too dissociated from his own emotions to realize what he actually wants.

He’s someone who’s been alone for all his life that desperately craves some nature of interaction with another person on a level deeper than superficial, but because of what he’s decided to do (that is, serial kill), he’s unable to share that with anyone. On one hand, he felt like he had no choice - he had to keep living, he’d do whatever it took to keep living - but on the other hand, he’s practically destroyed his own hope with his own hands, and on some level, he recognizes that, hence why he has a spider’s thread on his own head.

Analysis: Post-Satoru (1988- )

“You’re the man that is supposed to bring life’s happiness to me.”

Yashiro’s fixation on Satoru is also very interesting, since it’s basically the culmination of all his repressed feelings focused on a single point.

When Satoru was able to predict Yashiro’s movements and circumvent them, to Yashiro, it was like everything his fiancee was supposed to be.

Again, Yashiro’s only capability of experiencing emotions has become a “void” of blunted emotions and the “thrill” of anything even remotely resembling a positive emotion. (Yashiro’s life is full of misery, self-imposed or not, so his “void” is rather large). So Satoru represents to Yashiro a great many things:

Satoru is, first of all, an equal. Someone who sees Yashiro’s presence, someone who can validate Yashiro’s existence. On that count alone, Satoru fills Yashiro with thrill - because Yashiro is not alone anymore. However, after miraculously surviving the murder attempt, Satoru also takes the place of Spice in Yashiro’s mind - the “spider” that is to save him.

What is the decision Yashiro ultimately makes?

“I choose...to move towards the ‘end’ using my own hands. And so, Satoru, the things you risked your life for...take the form of ‘death,’ and be my ‘end’...”

In other words,

“The spider’s thread is mine alone!”

And, just like Kandata, the thread snaps, and Yashiro is sent back to hell - Satoru wants nothing to do with him, everyone glares at him with contempt in their eyes, and he has nothing left but the memories of the spider’s threads and all of his regrets.

Well, this scene can also be interpreted as Yashiro making it to “Paradise,” since, after all, he’s fished out of a lotus-filled pond - and make no mistake, BokuMachi is a work without coincidences. I’m still puzzling this one out, in any case. Thoughts are welcome, haha.

Though, since Yashiro is poised to get the death sentence...maybe it’s Paradise after all?

(In the end, Yashiro isn’t someone who holds grudges or hard feelings. I think the reason he admits to all of his crimes at court, rather than just accept the rulings on the few that Kenya and Sawada managed to actually nail him with, is just his final act of “vicarious gratification” - when the hero wins, they should win absolutely, don’t you think, Satoru?)

#Boku Dake ga Inai Machi #erased #erased spoilers #yashisato #yashiro gaku

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lily-liegh · 7 years

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The Dimension Where Only I Am Missing

What is it?

An Arc-V/ Zexal/BokuMachi crossover. Pretty much imagine the cast of Zexal/Arc-V replacing the cast of BokuMachi/ERASED, and still going through the plot.

But wait, what’s BokuMachi?

Boku Dake ga Inai Machi, known as ERASED in North America, is a mystery manga that was later adapted into an anime. It follows a young mangaka with the ability to turn back time, and his involvement with a series of kidnappings that occurred when he was nine years old. The protagonist goes back in time to try and find the clues to stop the murders from happening ... among other spoilery plot details.

Who’s the cast?

Sakaki Yuuya - protagonist, aspiring mangaka; works part-time as a pizza deliverer to survive. likes to make people smile.

Hiiragi Yuzu - co-worker at the pizza delivery business and trusted friend. a practical, honest girl.

Sakaki Yoko - Yuuya’s mother. she’s outspoken and honest, and very perceptive.

Akaba Reira - a girl in his fifth grade class who was murdered. Yuuya wants to prevent her death.

Yuuto - Yuuya’s closest friend in fifth grade who wants to help him find Reira’s kidnapper and murderer.

Mr. Heartland - Yuuya’s fifth grade teacher who helps him find the kidnapper.

Tsukumo Yuuma - a kind boy who likes to befriend lonely children, and who was falsely accused of kidnapping and murdering Akaba Reira.

When will this story be posted?

Starting August 04, 2017! This story will then update weekly on Fridays on A03.

Extra notes

warnings include kidnapping, murder, child abuse, domestic abuse, and blood

approximately 44 chapters ... maybe more (:

#me post #au: a dimension without me #arc v #zexal

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wonderfulchaos69-blog · 7 years

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Since my blog is looking a little empty for writing content, have an Erased fic I wrote a while ago~ It took 3 30 minute sessions with a buddy to finish, but tbh? It is actually pretty nice to have that ‘oh shit, I need to finish this now because this person is holding me accountable within this time frame’ vibe xD

We went with the prompt: “If you were logical, you would have killed me already.”

Title: Absent Fandom: BokuMachi Rating: T for Teens xD Characters: Satoru, Yashiro Summary: Satoru arrives home before his mother on that fateful day. (And one small change can often lead to drastic consequences.) Warnings: Canon-typical violence. Allusions to kidnap and murder. Notes: Vague Yashiro/Satoru if you want to take it that way. Also, as I told Jen, ‘open ended af’~ Sorry, guys, I have a thing for Politician!Yashiro.

"Sensei," the hollowness in his own voice surprises him, but he turns and locks eyes with the man, because he wants to know, "what are you using to fill up that missing something?"

"Yashiro ... sensei?"

It doesn't sink in right away. It washes over him like a cold breath of air, slowly chilling him to the bone. It's been years since he's seen that face. Years that piled on the wrinkles and laughing lines to a once familiar face, but he can still see the man he used to know beneath it all. In the way his hair falls, disheveled, from where it was once slicked back. The motion of lunging forward, of pushing him down, makes the other's orderly appearance into something whirlwind.

"Satoru." On the other hand, there is nothing but recognition in the eyes that stare him down. A glaring red haunting him even as he turns his head and blinks. "Why are you here?"

He wants to laugh. Of all the things to be asked, he is sure that one is obvious. "I live here. I think the better question is: what are you doing here, Yashiro-sensei?"

There is a moment of tense silence as Yashiro struggles to keep him pinned down, shifting his weight to make escape something futile. Something that has no meaning here in the secluded apartment space, doors shut and locked tight. The man takes his time with a reply, even longer than should be necessary, twisting a strand of his captive's hair around his finger and grinning. "I thought your mother would be home," he says sweetly, in a recognizable way. In a tone that should have been reserved for nothing short of a trusted teacher.

Yashiro lets his words sink, bends down closer, and speaks right into a willing ear, "My, what a naughty boy you are, coming home early like this."

It's then that he recognizes the threat in the man's other hand as it creeps closer, a gleaming silver that flirts with each bob of his throat and teases a line of red against his too pale skin. It's been weeks since he's been outside, out in the sunshine, and now he's starting regret not taking that opportunity. It's beginning to look more and more like he won't be seeing tomorrow.

"How did you - ?" He stumbles over the words and cuts himself short, not wanting to know the answer in the end. It doesn't matter how Yashiro knows what he knows; what matters is that pieces of a long forgotten puzzle are beginning to fall into place. His mother noticing someone attempting to abduct a little girl. That someone being familiar - as familiar and recognizable as a beacon when you stopped to think about it. That same someone who was there, all those years ago, who could have committed all those abductions from a childhood he would rather not remember.

Memories that should have been locked away begin to rush to the forefront of his mind and he feels sick. He should have realized, long ago, recalling the words that had stuck in his thoughts for years: "Today you graduate from elementary school, but there is still so much that is missing. That goes for me, too. And yet, I think filling up that missing something is what life is."

"Sensei," the hollowness in his own voice surprises him, but he turns and locks eyes with the man, because he wants to know, "what are you using to fill up that missing something?"

The grin turns into something sharp and pointed, something more spine chilling than even the press of a knife. "You're a smart boy, Satoru. I am sure you've figured it out." He playfully pats at the younger man's face, obliging him with an answer regardless. "But if you most know ... right now, that something is you."

He swallows down the panic that rises from the pit if his stomach. Heavy like a rock, the panic sits there, stewing, and he is left with an energy that previously eluded him. His nerves thrum with a need to get out, as far and as fast as he can. There aren't many options coming to mind, but he tries to think of them anyway. Pressing his luck as he puts his hand against Yashiro's chest and shoves.

It doesn't do much, his actions, but there is a flicker of amusement across his once teacher's face before it settles into indifference. "I was expecting more of a struggle."

"And I was expecting to be dead by now," Satoru bites out before he can filter himself. Ah, I said that out-loud, he thinks. With muted horror, he pales further. He expects retaliation.

Instead, he startles a laugh out of his would-be killer. "Oh, Satoru, it was never you I was planning to kill. This simply changes my plans a bit." There is a crinkle of gloves as Yashiro pulls his knife back, lets it clatter to the floor. He grabs him by the jaw in exchange, uses his other hand to take off the glasses that have cracked in the struggle, and scrutinizes him for any further harm, tsking at what he sees. "You should clean yourself up before your mother arrives. Wouldn't want to worry her, would we?"

"What are you - " There is unbridled fury in his veins. He isn't going to let anything happen to his mother, and it fuels him on as he grabs Yashiro by the lapels of his nice suit, dragging him down. "Don't you dare touch my mother!"

Something in that sparks Yashiro's interest. With his palms flat against the ground, he looms over the person he has trapped and it makes Satoru feel as if he's back in school. Tiny and small. Helpless again to the same person that scarred his childhood. He remembers a missing friend, a missing classmate, and a friend accused of a crime he didn't commit. And here was the real culprit. The real offender who continued to commit crimes as easily as breathing.

"I will touch," Yashiro tells him, running a hand down Satoru's chest, "what I want." It is intimidation, pure and simple. A means to scare him. It works, and he instinctively raises his knee and slams it into Yashiro's gut. Not quite the reaction any of them were aiming for, but it does the trick in unbalancing Yashiro and that is the chance Satoru was looking for all along.

His heart pounding in his ears, he scrambles to get up and away. To get to the door.

He doesn't get far before a hand clamps down on his ankle and pulls, sending him to the floor with a crash. Face first and suddenly grateful for Yashiro's mindfulness in taking off his glasses. "Ah, ah, ah. Where do you think you're going?" That sense of gratefulness vanishes in an instance, along with any sense of personal space as his wrists are pinned to the floor, straddled once more by the intruder in his home. "I was being nice, and you want to ruin the fun? You've grown dull since I last saw you."

Pulled back by his hair, Satoru closes his eyes against the imminent pain that plans follow. But when nothing happens, he tentatively cuts his gaze to the side. From where he is, he can barely make out Yashiro's expression, but there is a thought there. A consideration. Right before a wide grin spreads like needles across a delighted mouth. "We're the same, aren't we."

Eyes darkening like a wave in a storm, Satoru hisses, "I am nothing like you."

"Oh, but you are, aren't you? You, too, are lacking. We're all lacking. What do you use to fill that emptiness, Satoru? Tell me."

"No." It slips out before he can stop it. He refuses to tell Yashiro anything, but the quick and resolute way he speaks his answer earns the reprimand that didn't come before it. His face slams against the floor and there are spots in front of him, dancing, a gasp ripped from his throat as he blinks back tears.

"I asked you a question. It's only proper," stresses Yashiro, "that you answer." He tries to think of something to say, something untrue, but Yashiro gives him a warning shake. "And make sure it's the truth."

He takes too long to answer and he can feel the impatience in the gloved hand that taps at his hair. Repetitive tap, tap, tapping. On a whisper, he says, "Manga," because it's what he does for a living, outside the realm of pizza delivery, but there is something that lacks in his answer. A depth that he can't find. Neither in his art nor in his life. He is lacking, but he doesn't know what. He's barely scratched the surface of his heart to find it. He doesn't want to travel that path, not into those muddy depths, afraid of the answers he'll find buried there.

"Wrong again," Yashiro practically sing-songs, but there is an amiable purr to his voice as he massages the back of Satoru's head. "But I can see that you're tried, so I'll let that one slide. Besides," the front door gives a wiggle, far away - but not far enough, "we have company. You're a smart boy. I'm sure you can guess what happens next."

#erased #boku dake ga inai machi #yashiro gaku #fujinuma satoru #chaos writes fic #now to get back to servamp stuff

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psychohelmet · 7 years

Note

23, 33, 45, 47, 55, 58, 60, 70, 87

23. What do you think happens when we die?

they return to god and either go to heaven or hell accordingly

33. How old were you the last time you went to visit Santa? Talk about that time.

lmaooo i nvr believed in santa (mainly due to upbringing and religion) plus singapore isn’t really big on the whole santa thing.

45. Tell a story that involves someone you had a crush on in school.

i had a crush on someone who turned out to be gay. and since this was way before more awareness/ acceptance of lgbt anything, i was just very confused and unsure what i should have done with my feelings. lowkey felt “betrayed” but 14 y/o me didn’t know better and the dude i had a crush on nvr came out until much much later. so him being gay was just from rumours since he nvr talked about liking any girls. lmao this isn’t really a story but whatever

47. If you woke up and had 10 million in your bank, what would be the first 3 things you did?

buy my parents that damn bungalow they keep reminding me about (it was from a promise i said as a kid and they nvr shut up about it), buy my dream home and buy manga.

55. Do you have a toy that’s really special to you and if so what is it, how did you get it?

n0pe nothing. i’m not attached to any toys. even when i was younger. i got bored of things fast. thanks adha

58. State 8 facts about your body.

i’m very soft and squishy.

i can pop my left thumb in and out very easily.

i think i can crack most of my joints including knee, upper and lower back and wrist (for the weirder body parts that people don’t usually crack)

i have a heart spaced face but thanks to my chubby ass cheeks, my face looks round

thicc thighs and butt lmao

my eyesight has improved twice but i still need specs lol

i have dry yet soft hands

my feet look tiny in comparison to the rest of my body but they’re normal like a euro 39 size

60. Are you allergic to anything? If so, what?

yesss. dust, bullshit, responsibilities and cat fur (sometimes)

70. Put your iTunes on shuffle and write the first 10 songs that pop up. Explain why each song is on there.

afraid to be cool - miyavi ( i liked some miyavi songs, so i just dled his latest album to see how it is but i don’t really like it)

deja vu - beyonce (don’t question beyonce)

狂乱 hey kids!! - the oral cigarettes (stares at noragami)

before my body’s dry - kill la kill ost (stares at klk)

プレミアム・ガール - flumpool (i kept hearing flumpool being recommended here and there so i just dled their entire discography)

thrift store - macklemore (do i really need to explain why for this song)

saying goodbye - every avenue (i really can’t rmb it’s been so long)

love and death - tokio hotel (i was a huge fan of them back in 2010. i even went for a concert they had here)

それは小さな光のような - さユり (stares at bokumachi)

the walking dead - woe, is me (i like them so yeah)

87. What is your personal definition of cheating in a relationship?

when the person you’re with has romantic/ sexual feelings for someone else and starts seeing/ going out with said person else while still being with you.

#ask meme #thanks seyma!!#boy this took a while #doumekism #ask and you will receive

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thornheartcat · 7 years

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On genre, presentation, and Anime Bullshit™

Okay this is fucking dumb but I just figured out something that bothers me about the popularity of something like ERASED/BokuMachi and I know it’s fucking dumb to be complaining about something I didn’t like more than a year after it ended and can’t you just let it go Fiona no no I can’t I’m full of salt I’m so full of salt I’m considering going through some shitty books piece by piece and complaining about them (pls tell me if you would be interested in this kind of content from my blog I’m not sure if I should do this or not) but also I think this is kind of a larger problem that is worth talking about in general and I’m using ERASED/BokuMachi as more of an example than anything else

I think part of what made ERASED/BokuMachi so popular wasn’t any of its actual content but its presentation. Specifically, the way it was presented as being this serious drama, and the way it was presented as not being super “anime”. I mean obviously it’s a fucking anime but I mean it wasn’t presented with a lot of the stylistic choices that accompany many anime like candy color hair, or super “anime” voice acting, or comical super-deformed or over-exaggerated facial expressions, etc etc (hereto referred to as Anime Bullshit™). All of that combined with the story being a murder mystery (in theory anyways) with minor genre elements (the time travel) suggested that this show was more mature and worthy of respect than something like, say, Higurashi, which features plenty of Anime Bullshit™, such as a variety of wacky characters (Rena’s OMOCHIKAERI, Satoko and her ojou laugh, Rika’s nipah and mii and nano desu) and candy hair and crazy violence and plenty of hinted genre shit that turns out to only be some genre shit but it’s still pretty genre. ERASED/BokuMachi had none of that obvious Anime Bullshit™. Only realistic hair, no over the top loud characters with dumb gibberish cutesy verbal tics, no extreme violence or fanservice, no crazy anime faces, and a generally lowkey vibe to the whole affair. And there’s nothing wrong with that: Your Name./Kimi no Na wa. had a fairly grounded presentation aside from the genre elements and it’s like one of the best movies I’ve ever seen. But Your Name./Kimi no Na wa. is incredible because it’s a great story with likable characters and it’s well thought out and goes in directions you wouldn’t expect and it looks FUCKING GORGEOUS. It’s good because it’s GOOD.

Basically what bothers me is when people act like something that’s trying to be more “realistic” and “grounded” is inherently better than something that embraces certain conventions and genre trappings, including Anime Bullshit™. ERASED/BokuMachi is simply not a better show than Higurashi. Its characters are more subtle in some ways, but that does not make them more interesting, and I’d argue that every character in Higurashi has more depth and nuance than any character in ERASED, who tend to cross the line from “subtle” to “just boring”. I was endeared to Higurashi’s characters almost immediately but could not muster the ability to give a single shit about Satoru or any of his friends for the entire show. ERASED presents itself like it’s so mature and you’re mature for liking it instead of Shitty Light Novel Adaptation #19054830 that aired the same season. But you’re not. I mean Shitty Light Novel Adaptation #19054830 almost certainly sucks, it sucks a lot, way worse than ERASED, but just because ERASED doesn’t obviously fall into some of the same Anime Bullshit™ doesn’t make it inherently good.

I’m reminded of a review I once saw of BioShock Infinite where the reviewer basically suggested that BioShock Infinite could not tell the compelling and emotionally involving story it wanted to tell because it was sci-fi, because you play a dude who mows down hundreds of people and gets the power to zap people with lightning and shoot crows out of his hands, all in a flying city, all with a story that brings in quantum mechanics, time travel, and alternate universes. As if all of that precluded it from having complex and engaging characters, as if Elizabeth’s ability to open tears in reality made her somehow less interesting and lovable, as if the flying city aspect of Columbia invalidated everything it had to say about America, racism, and imperialism, as if all this somehow softened the blow of the final twists, made the storytelling less interesting or well-crafted.

And that’s bullshit.

Something being genre or pulp doesn’t mean it can’t elicit a powerful emotional response in the viewer/player/whatever, it doesn’t mean that it can’t say anything important or interesting, and just because something avoids some of those trappings doesn’t mean that it automatically IS saying something important or being emotionally engaging, or even that it really is avoiding any of the actual bullshit that those trappings usually entail. Like, yeah there’s not any super obvious fanservice in ERASED, but that bath scene with Kayo and Satoru’s mom got SATORU excited from the other room, and the attention to detail on the mom’s tits conforming to the shape of the tub certainly didn’t escape my notice. Satoru’s mom doesn’t ever age, because god forbid a woman ever NOT look like an attractive 20 or 30 something the viewer might want to fuck. Kayo is basically engineered to make people declare her as their new daughteru and scream about how they want to protect her smile and shit. Just cause she’s not making any cute moe sounds doesn’t mean she’s not another form of moebait. Satoru is hinted at possibly getting together with Airi, a cute, very anime girl more than 10 years younger than him. The villain is a cartoon with zero depth, he just really likes murdering little girls and literally carries candy around to lure them into his car. (And I know in the manga he gets a backstory but it’s a dumb one.) The fancy deep metaphor of the spider’s thread that it brings up ends up basically making no sense and having zero connection to the villain and his story and motives. For all its high aspirations, all its pretense of maturity and serious drama, it’s honestly not that different from a lot of the anime it and its fans seem to look down upon, without even having the courage to embrace its own Anime Bullshit™.

And that pretentious, superior, smug ATTITUDE is what I think bothers me more than anything else about ERASED, and stuff like it. A work can be more grounded and realistic and be fucking GREAT, but that won’t be what MAKES it great, and it shouldn’t act like it is. And if you’re gonna do Anime Bullshit™ or any other crazy absurd genre stuff, just do it, don’t be ashamed. If your material is actually any good it will stand on that.

#BokuMachi is overrated

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