#heyreine

[heyreine]

Constant change is what it makes a life. That's why I know everything is going to be okay when things are bad. It’s a phase, it will pass. It’s not all the time lonely.The same thing goes on why I have to live and seize the moments when its great, fun and happy.

© heyreine

#changes #positivity #life #quotes #heyreine

[heyreine]

Sheets and covers.

To be vulnerable and weak for I desire to be strong during and after. The profound desire to be seen and be heard. Not by many, but by that one special person willing enough to embrace and appreciate what he will about to discover in me.

No one yet had really seen who I really am. Stripped off of all my worldly belongings, guards and walls. When what remains is nothing but my physical presence, the intricacies of my soul and the openness of my heart in welcoming  and letting in another human being who has the desire to uncover and unleash in me everything that I am suppose to be---- the deeper truth of who I am and what I am meant to become.

Don't define me. Discover and uncover me.

©heyreine

#text #sheets and covers #article #heyreine #journal

[heyreine]

On midlife crisis

 In relation to my "not a walk in a park", a visit from an old friend took  some serendipitous turns. After so much catching up with stories of our own lives, personal and career-wise, we ended up talking about midlife crisis. Here, he eventually remembered what Sister Bea had told him about it. That midlife crisis is characterized by going back or returning to one's past in order to do something one had supposed to have done. Because doing so would mean completion, a moving forward from a certain brokenness. A one big gesture of courage in making peace with the self.

At 44, I am probably walking through my midlife challenges. If I am, then I welcome it with open arms along with the possibilities of finally reclaiming the broken fragments of my life, embracing more the real me and opening myself to various chances and experiences of love, peace and happiness.

I walk my baby steps, embracing the giant challenges of my brokenness as I journey towards a renewed wholeness which is the very sense of just being myself.

As I quote Christine DeLorey: "To learn from the past and stop repeating history, we must go BACK to where we lost contact with reality and regain consciousness there."

©heyreine

#heyreine #text #article #midlife #on midlife crisis #journal

[heyreine]

I think I know someone I can trust with all of these. But then again, among many other things, we are continents apart.

©heyreine

#quotes #feelings #relationship #mine #heyreine

[heyreine]

We tend to start trekking and fearing yet loving the unknown when we begin a journey to set foot on another shore. As I embrace my fears, I unfold my capabilities.

I'm not changing me. I'm discovering more of me.

©heyreine

#quotes #relatable #fear of the unknown #heyreine

[heyreine]

Not a walk in the park.

It happened three years ago. The tragedy that made me withdrew from the real world and instead of facing it head-on, I retreated into a life online in order to regain back my sense of sensuality and confidence. At such, it made me met few real friends and with their help, encouragement and support, I started my journey towards healing and forgiving.

Today I took my walk at the street where it happened. The place that gave me so much emotional pain far beyond what people can see because I became too good in hiding the turmoil inside of me except for those very few who were able to feel and read me beyond my appearances.

Yes, I took that walk today...in jumpsuit shorts and heels...catching some attention from tourists and bystanders. It was my walk towards freedom and finally a one big giant step in leaving that past behind. No, I will never forget what happened, because it will always serve as a reminder of how capable I am in handling my traumas and issues in various ways because no matter how bad I was feeling inside, I carried on with my life normally; made and kept friendship with people who accepted me--- vulnerable, wounded and all; but most especially it finally made me walk tall after that very painful fall.

Yes it's true that sometimes it takes time for the heart to accept what the mind already knows. What happened to me had changed me forever. But I always have a choice...either I allow it to change me forever for the worst, or lead me to something better for good. I want to be better for good.

©heyreine

#heyreine #article #text #not a walk in the park #healing #journal

[heyreine]

Out and about.

It's pretty hard. I still crave staying online browsing and easily looking for materials I can post on my former blog which had me thousands of followers. People who witnessed the evolution of my 'creativity' as a curator online makes me wanna go back and do it all over again. But on second thought, I want to indulge on my own creation, at my own time, in my own real and physical world which I know will finally get me back on track again and eventually will lead me to much fulfilling relationships - both intimate and platonic.

I still have to experience a lot of first --- intimately, travel wise, romantically and just damn a lot in terms of personal first.

I am a jaded, career-oriented woman who wants to simply grow from inside out...there in the real world with my physical presence enjoying and participating.

So out, I go for now. ;)

©heyreine

#personal #heyreine #article #text #out and about #journal

[heyreine]

What I have learned from my life online.

I am an introvert. Awkward, shy and sucks at small talk. I would rather keep to myself most of the time and prefers connecting not really socializing to a very few trusted friends. But when tragedy struck me several years back, these few friends where also left out of my realm. I did not discuss it with them. I simply kept my appearances. Instead, I retreated to a life online, which had evolved into various shapes of experiences, that after two years, had me learned some great lessons the hardest and nicest ways. I broke my heart, but I have also regained myself.

Retreating on a virtual life online, I had met very sad and annoying people who may have been worthy of love but like me, are so consumed with their own sadness, and so thinks that they could find solace with a fellow lost soul like me. It never worked. Now I don't know where they are. I just hope that finally, peace, love and happiness is back in their lives.

Then there were those I call the perverted ones---and i mean this intellectually and literally. No, I never got scared nor annoyed. They became my friends. I discovered a new kind of place that was darker, naughtier and beyond the norms. But sadly, a lot of this people hide. They live double lives and I can sense that very deep inside of them is someone desperately shouting to be loved. Craving for genuine attention and care. Just like me. But only in a very different way. I enjoyed the ride of friendship with them.

Finally, I met some very dear ones. People I became deeply in friends with. Persons that I look forward meeting face-to-face someday. They are my online friends I keep on growing to love simply because they became very good examples in reflecting on me the love that I owe to myself first. A few gave me pains that paved my journey to self-reflection, letting go and moving on. Some had stood by me, helping me nurture and move forward from pains which were actually rooted from my past, and was simply aggravated by the emotional attachments I had with some of them.

Now I am starting a journey back to reality. But first and foremost, back to myself.

©heyreine

#article #text #personal #my life online #heyreine #journal

[heyreine]

Where I'm From

I had been feeling worst the last few days due to so many things that had been happening in my life lately. The person I like maybe seeing someone else, my dissertation is very much overdue, the friend I thought will be there for me told me that she is not trying to be rude but is not available, I think I gained some weight. I am 44 years old, single and what the heck, still worlds away from the life that I want.

So, to at least clear my head I took a walk in my city's red light district and ended-up winding in a Starbucks shop. Here I was approached by two foreign guys ( the Scottish guy smells funny, actually) who asked what I am writing about. I told them it's a draft for my research paper in school. Obviously I don't have to tell them where I'm from so instead, I asked them about their origin. Guy number 1 said he is from Scotland and guy number 2 is from Wales. But this time only to be asked if I know where those places are. Oh well! That one question got my irritation rung to the 5th level inside me driving me then to gracefully rant about the history of Scotland and Wales.

Sometimes it's a thing to be coming from a third world country adding the fact that a red light district is just around the bend, and so making it looks like every local has never been out of their third world-level cages of places and minds.

So does it really matter where I'm from? Yes. It can define who I am. But then again NO. I cannot be defined by anyone except me. Yes,I define me--where I'm coming from and where I'm heading at.

©heyreine

#where i'm from #text #article #personal #heyreine #journal

[heyreine]

Inside of Me

A blog that will chronicle my journey through life's ups and downs. My thoughts, reflections and lessons learned. It will not all be good stuff because it will include my rants, opinions, anger, love and hate about anything that affects me. It's my own place anyway. So feel free to read. But as my rule dictates, my opinion matters in this corner. Yours? hmmmm, if you make sense to me---and this is subjective.

©heyreine

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