#hhhhh I wanna crawl into a ball and just Be | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

its-nowl · 3 years

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My gender is the ticking of a clock reverberating off the quiet walls around me. The echos send a shiver down my spine, inspiring me to move faster.

My gender is the sound of the impact of my feet against the smooth, cold wooden floor.

My gender is the chill of the air outside, the open windows along the walls happily inviting the sharp and frigid gusts of wind inside. My shivers intensify. Maybe I’m a bit underdressed.

My gender is the low, howling voice coming from the woods. It seems to get closer with each gust of wind. What does it want? Do I want to know?

Of course I do.

My gender is the creeping but comforting feeling that something’s wrong. If something were right, I’d be concerned.

The howling grows closer still. Not much longer til it reaches me.

My gender is the flood of conflicting emotions I feel when I wake up, warm and in bed. No evidence that I had been pursued by any monsters beyond the walls. I just escaped. I think I want to go back.

Does that make any fucking sense?

#leave it to me to get intensely and overwhelmingly introspective at 1 am every night #but without the words to describe my feelings in a coherent and direct way #it just comes out in the form of stuff like this #hhhhh I wanna crawl into a ball and just Be #cryptid #cryptidcore #dark acadamia aesthetic #dark academia #void #voidcore #forestcore #writing #ramble

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btxtreads · 4 years

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👓 seesaw 🕶

CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE: EUPHORIA (Part 1)

↳ Pairing: Yeonjun/Soobin (?) x Reader

↳ word count: 1.6k words

↳ rating: PG-13

↳ genre: floof

Note: Part 2 is not a necessary read unless u wanna read sumn v v filthy hhHhH

Y/N paid the cab, stumbling out of the car and racing towards that one spot she always went to.

It was that one spot where Soobin was supposed to ask her to be his girlfriend.

That one spot they always went to, where they shared many memories in.

As the now-cold sand crawled in between her toes, Y/N stumbled once more—holding onto a nearby boulder for balance as she reached that spot.

From there, she can see a person curled up in a small ball on a blanket, hugging his knees tighter to his chest as he stared out at the setting sun.

As she approached, she can feel him getting tenser and tenser.

“I-I’ll leave in a bit,” He said as Y/N sat next to him.

“Please don’t,” Y/N mumbled, sighing as she hugged her knees too—her head leaning on his shoulder.

The boy relaxed, sighing as he reluctantly rested his head on hers.

“Okay,” he breathed out.

For a moment, it was silent.

There was nothing but the dull crashing of the waves against the shore, and the occasional squawk of a seagull.

After a while, Soobin sighed.

His hand reached down to clench and unclench on the blanket they sat on as he gulped.

“H-How is Yeonjun-hyung?” He asked, looking down. “Is he treating you good?”

Y/N pursed her lips, her eyes softening as she observed the boys’ red-rimmed eyes and fatigued composure.

“You’ve been crying,” she noted.

“I wasn’t.”

“You promised me you’d take care of yourself,” Y/N frowned.

“No,” Soobin shook his head. “I promised Beomgyu,”

“I know you know ful-well that promise wasn’t for Beomgyu,” Y/N raised her eyebrows.

Soobin sighed again, leaning his head on hers once more—frowning at the open skies.

“Yeah, sorry,” Soobin said.

“Did you really love me that much?” Y/N asked.

Soobin hummed, following her hands with his eyes as it slowly reached over and took a hold of his.

“I—“

“I loved you. I loved you so much, and I love you still,” Soobin said, intertwining their hands.

“Oh,” Y/N said, nodding as she bit her lip. “Then, I’m sorry,”

His shoulder slumped for a fraction of a second before he composed himself once more, taking a deep breath.

“Okay,”

Y/N sighed, straightening up—squeezing his hand tight.

“It must have hurt letting me go.” Y/N mused.

Soobin chuckled sadly, shaking his head with a sad smile.

“Like a bitch.”

“I’m really sorry, Soobin.”

Soobin shook his head once more, breathing heavily as he stood up.

“It’s okay, you pick him,” Soobin sighed, dusting his clothes as he stood up. “I figured.”

“What do you mean?”

“I-I mean I could tell that you were so happy. With Yeonjun-hyung, I mean,” Soobin said, pocketing his hands and avoiding eye contact with the girl. “I—How could I ever compete with Choi Yeonjun, you know? He’s Choi Yeonjun,”

Y/N stood up slowly, a sad smile on her face as she walked over to cup his face.

“Soobin?”

“I—You don’t have to apologize. I was stupid to ever think I stood a chance fighting against hyung. I mean, I’m just Soobin, you know? I’m nobody, I—“

“Soobin, I choose you.”

At this, all words spilling out of Soobin’s mouth stopped as he turned over to the girl with wide eyes.

“What?”

“I’m choosing you,” Y/N sighed, pulling her hands away and locking them behind her back as she looked over to the sea. “I choose you over Yeonjun, so don’t ever say that you’re nobody, or that you can’t stand a chance.”

Soobin floundered in his spot as Y/N looked back over at him with a small smile, tilting her head.

“You do, Soobin,” Y/N said, shrugging. “I love you.”

Soobin didn’t reply, only blinking in his spot.

After a few seconds, Y/N sighed and bit her lip.

“Um,” She started as she scratched the back of her neck, taking a small step back. “I should really g—“

Without missing a beat, Soobin’s hands reached out to pull her back to him.

His head leaned down, eyes closed, as he pressed his lips on hers for the first time in months.

There was everything and nothing in the kiss—the two didn’t know what to feel except the other.

Y/N pressed deeper, eyes closed as she let her hands snake around his neck and run through his hair.

Y/N smiled as Soobin pulled away with a loving smile—the first of many he’d give her for the years to come.

“I love you,” He breathed, smiling widely.

“I love you, too.” Y/N said happily, giggling as Soobin pressed pecks to different parts of her face as he told her I love you over and over.

She smiled, pulling his face away to cup it between her hands.

He giggled, his smile reaching from ear to ear, and leaned his forehead on hers.

“It’s you, Soobin. It’s always been you,” Y/N said, smiling brightly as she brushed her lips with his.

“I love you too,” Soobin replied, leaning back down to place a kiss on her lips. “Let me show you how much,”

Part 2 for the weet woot beep boop but if you don’t want to read it pls proceed to chapter 34. All you gotta know is that they did the weet woot beep boop.

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