This Is Me Trying
Part 3 of the "Anyone Else But You" series
Pairing: Huening Kai x Reader
Summary: Being friends with Huening Kai would be much simpler if he didn’t give you butterflies all the time.
Tropes: enemies to friends to lovers, slow burn, mutual pining, fluff, angst, stylist!reader
Word Count: 2.2k
Warnings: swearing, reader is insecure, mentions of death
A/N: I made a Spotify playlist for this fic if anybody wants to give it a listen hehe <3
“Remember how I used to be so
Stuck in one place, so cold?
Feeling like my heart just froze
Nowhere to go with no one, nobody”
—Magic, TXT
When the weekend comes around, you’re worried that you’ve hallucinated the entire situation, but when Kai knocks on your front door, he looks good. Really good.
“I–I like your outfit,” you say, taking note of the details. “It’s different from how you usually dress.”
“Yeonjun helped me pick stuff out. He said you’d like this.” Kai spins, allowing you to take in the full ensemble. He’s ditched his usual skater boy attire for a button down, slacks, and a chocolate brown wool coat that matches the color of his eyes.
“You didn’t have to dress up for me,” you say, shaking your head.
“Of course I did. You’re the coolest looking person I know.” Has he always thought that? “I don’t know how you do it every day, though. We probably spent hours picking out just this one look.”
“Every Sunday, I plan my outfits for the week. Sometimes it takes the whole day if I’m not feeling too creative.”
“That sounds stressful.”
“It is.”
“Why do you do it, then? I mean, you always look good, but does it make you feel good?”
You blink back at him. Nobody has ever asked you anything like this. You have no idea how to respond.
Kai can tell that he’s struck a nerve. “Sorry. I just meant that if it stresses you out, you shouldn’t feel pressured to do it all the time. There’s a lot to like about you besides how you dress.”
“Right. Should we get going?” you ask, fiddling with the hem of your cardigan. Suddenly you feel overdressed.
“Let’s do it,” he smiles.
All you can think about on the walk over to the concert hall is whether or not this is a date. It feels like a date. He’s dressed like it’s one.
He said he wanted to be friends, you remind yourself. Still, when he accidentally drifts close to you and your shoulders brush, you can feel your face heat up.
You sit together on the steps of the concert hall, people watching and pointing out your favorite and least favorite outfits.
“I like her hat,” Kai says, pointing to a toddler walking hand in hand with her mom. She’s wearing a fluffy beanie with bear ears.
“Maybe I can convince the team to let you wear one on stage,” you think out loud. “It would be really cute for a concert.”
“That would be so awesome, Y/N! But I don’t want you to think about work right now. Let’s just have fun today.”
“I’m always thinking about work,” you admit. “I’ve thought about clothes every second of my life for what seems like forever now.”
“You aren’t that old,” he points out.
“I’m one year older than you,” you remind him. He skipped the birthday party that Yeonjun threw for you last winter.
“Okay, I take it back,” he surrenders. “You’re old and should look into retirement soon.”
You know he’s just joking, but you can’t help but think that he’s right. Maybe you shouldn’t focus so much on what everybody is wearing all the time, yourself included.
“Y/N,” Kai says, snapping you out of your thoughts. You jerk your head up.
“I used to play in an orchestra,” you blurt out, instantly regretting answering a question that was never asked. Still, you have Kai’s full attention, and the point of this is for the two of you to get to know each other. “I, uh, I played the viola, but I wasn’t very good at it.”
“That’s so cool! I play the piano!” You already know that. Everybody does, but you appreciate how he seems to have forgotten that he’s world famous. “We should do a duet sometime! MOA would love it.”
“Uh, I’m not sure MOA would love seeing you with a girl,” you deflect. You’ve seen what dating scandals can do to someone’s career.
“Yeah, you’re probably right,” he agrees. You watch the cogs inside his head spin before a lightbulb goes off. “Maybe we can set Taehyun up with a fake one on Academy Reincarnation and you can play in the background. ”
“That… actually sounds pretty funny.”
“Ooh, Y/N, thinks I’m funny,” he muses, before turning away to face the busy square. “Seoul! Y/N thinks I’m funny!”
“Shh!” you laugh, cupping your hand over his mouth. You are not mentally prepared to deal with any crazed fangirls tonight. “We have to go inside, now.”
Before you can overthink it, Kai grabs your hand and the two of you rush inside, greeted by marble floors and draped velvets. It’s the most beautiful place you’ve ever seen.
“Wow,” you sigh, taking the entire lobby in. “You know, I haven’t been here since I was a little girl. My mom would bring me here all the time. She played the piano like you. I always wanted to take after her, but I have trouble forming chords.”
“I can give you lessons, if you want,” he offers. “I have a keyboard in my room back at home.”
“I’d like that,” you smile back. You try not to read too much into being invited into his bedroom.
“Why don’t you and your mom go to concerts anymore?” Kai asks, hoping that it isn’t too personal a question. His anxiety grows exponentially as you take your time responding.
“She passed away when I was nine,” you say calmly. It doesn’t hurt you to tell people anymore. “I wanted to come because today is actually her birthday. My dad is really sensitive about it, though, so it was just going to be me. But I’m really glad you’re here.”
“Oh… Y/N, I’m really sorry. I didn’t know. I don’t know what I’d do without my mom.” He stares at his shoes, guilt written all over his face. “I could’ve made things more special for you.”
“Don’t worry, Kai. It already is special,” you say, squeezing his hand in reassurance. “My mom would probably be happy to see me coming here with someone who loves the piano just as much as she did.”
His face relaxes again, and he does very little to stop himself from grinning ear to ear.
After you take your seats in the back of the balcony and the lights begin to dim, a strange sense of calm overtakes you.
Despite being in a crowd of strangers, sitting next to Kai in the dark and listening to the hum of strings as they warm up makes you feel like you’re the only two people in the world.
Midway through the concert, you realize he’s still holding your hand. Maybe he’s like this with all of his friends, considering you’ve seen him and Soobin skipping down the halls hand in hand on multiple occasions. Still, you hope he never lets go.
—————-
Even though it’s technically your job, it’s a rare occasion where you actually get to dress the boys. Today, all hands are on deck for the filming of their upcoming album’s concept trailer.
“I can’t believe they’re making you wear a white sweater,” you sigh, holding up Kai’s outfit for the Dreamer sequence. “Everybody else gets such cute colors.”
“At least I get to stand out,” he grins, always looking on the bright side. He’s already got on his eyepatch, but it’s a little crooked. You walk over to fix it.
“Hold still,” you say, adjusting it into place and smoothing his hair down. “There we go.”
“Was I better this time?” he asks. You look up at him in confusion.
“What?” His face is so close to yours that you can feel his breath.
“I didn’t move this time. That night at the club,” he explains, “Well, you were telling me the story of when we first met. How I flinched and walked away and it hurt your feelings.”
“Oh. Yeah, you were much better this time.”
“I’m glad. I’ll try to be good for you, Y/N. I’m really sorry about before. I feel like I really wasted our time being so… weird. We could’ve been friends much earlier.”
“It’s okay, Kai, really,” you say, stepping back and handing him his sweater.
“It’s not, Y/N. It was silly of me to be so nervous around you.”
“You were nervous?”
“I guess you don’t remember that part of the conversation either, huh?” he asks, pulling his t-shirt off. You’ve seen the rest of the group shirtless before, but Kai usually goes into the bathroom to change whenever you’re around.
Your cheeks flush as you stare at his smooth skin and his broad shoulders.
“Uh, Y/N?” he says. While you were checking him out, Kai managed to get himself stuck. “I think my shirt is caught on my necklace. Can you help?”
“Yeah, yeah, sorry,” you say, working gently to untangle the fabric around his neck. You can feel how warm his chest is, reminding you of riding in the taxi on his lap. Eventually, you’re able to get him freed.
“Thank you,” Kai smiles. “I’m really glad you’re here. Everybody else is always rushing me.”
“I might get in trouble if you don’t hurry up, Hyuka.” You’ve never called him by a nickname before. It’s foreign to think about, but somehow rolls naturally off your tongue.
“Fine, okay, I’m ready,” he says, pulling the sweater on. The color actually compliments him really well. “Do you need to add any finishing touches?”
“Hmm, spin around,” you say, twirling your finger. Kai does his signature penguin stance and waddles in a circle, making you giggle. “No, you look cute.”
Your eyes widen as you realize what you’ve just said.
“You think I’m cute,” he smiles, doing a little happy dance. “Ooh, I’m the cutest boy in the world, huh?”
“Hey! I said you look cute,” you assert, crossing your arms in an attempt to play it off. He’s right, but you don’t want him to know that.
“Close enough,” he says, grabbing his crown off of the makeup table. “I should go. I’ll see you later. You’re the best!”
He pulls you into a hug, nearly lifting you off the ground. When you’re back on your feet, he presses a quick kiss to your cheek and leaves the dressing room. Yeonjun does it all the time, but it feels different coming from Kai.
Your hand moves to your cheek, lingering on the spot where his lips touched. Fuck. You might actually be falling for Huening Kai.
—————-
For the past two months, you and Kai have alternated picking out activities to do together. Last week, you taught him how to make banana bread. He almost set your apartment on fire.
Today, he’s invited you to his place to practice playing the piano.
You’re more nervous than you need to be. It’s your first time in his bedroom, but it’s completely innocent.
Except when you’re sitting on the piano bench together, knees and shoulders pressed against each other, and he’s got his hands placed over yours to help guide you, you feel butterflies in your stomach. That’s not how people who are just friends feel.
You’ve come too far to throw it all away over a stupid crush. He’s simply much too out of your league. Still, while he’s busy explaining chord progressions, you’re staring at how long his eyelashes are and how cute he looks when he’s wearing his glasses.
“Are you even listening to me?” Kai asks, pouting. “I thought you wanted to learn, Y/N!”
“I do!” you lie. “I am very interested in what you’re saying right now.”
“What did I even say?” He crosses his arms and furrows his brow in fake anger.
“Um…” you start. You know you’ve been caught. “I’m sorry. I was distracted.”
His face shifts to worry. “Is something wrong?”
“No! Nothing’s wrong. Let’s keep going,” you say, flipping through his binder of sheet music. “Oh, I love this song!”
You had never expected him to have the piano score to Night Changes by One Direction, but you aren’t complaining. In a way, TXT’s dynamic reminds you a lot of the long gone boy group.
“This song is kind of like us,” he notes. You shoot him a confused look. It’s a love song, after all.
“What do you mean by that?” you ask, your palms now sweaty.
“I just think it’s kind of crazy how things changed between us.” That’s not really what the song is about, but you’re not going to tell him that. “I’m glad we’re friends now.”
“Oh, yeah, super crazy,” you say, exhaling. “I’m glad we’re friends too.”
“Y/N?” he asks, his face close to yours. Is he about to do what you think he is?
“Yes?”
“You have an eyelash on your face.” He brushes a finger across your cheek and holds up the lost lash with a smile. “Make a wish.”
You blow it away, vowing to never let him know that what you asked for was him.
“I have to tell you something,” you confess. “I don’t actually want to learn how to play the piano. I’d rather just listen to you play.”
“Oh,” he says, pleasantly surprised. “I can do that. Should I serenade you, too, m’lady?”
“Yes, please,” you giggle. His goofy side is such a nice departure from the gloomy, quiet Kai you were used to.
You’ve heard this song probably hundreds of times, but Kai’s version feels brand new. As you watch his fingers dance across the keys and listen to his soft voice, the lyrics begin to seem like they were written just for the two of you.
—————-
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