#hm. anyways

[autisticlancemcclain]

Pidge stares hard at her twisted fingers. Her eyes have long since begun to burn, and she holds her face carefully parallel to the floor, knees presses to the sides of her head, watching as her vision gets blurrier and heavier, until eventually the tear drops from her eyes and splatters on her glasses.

“How did you handle it?” she asks hoarsely, not even looking up. “The homesickness.”

For a while Lance doesn’t say anything. His breathing is steady and near-silent, quick little inhales and long, shallow exhales. Practiced breathing, when he’s choking back tears. He does it several times a day. Sometimes Pidge can’t stand to look at him. She doesn’t understand where he puts it all, the sadness that is constantly bubbling out of him. Doesn’t understand where he finds the strength to let his voice get choked up in the middle of a sentence and keep going like there’s nothing wrong. She feels hot shame heat up her own body, in the clear absence of his; a secondhand embarrassment at emotion that shouldn’t be advertised so easily, so trustingly, so constantly.

Eventually he sighs. When Pidge looks up there are tears in his brown eyes, as there so often are, but she fights the urge to look away and tucks herself under his open arm, instead.

It’s warm, in his hold. Bony too. But he holds her without fear of squeezing too tightly, winds his long arm around her back and shoulders and presses her face into his neck. He smells, as he always does, of flowers, although Pidge could not identify what kinds, and she imagines that she’s sat under the rows and rows of shelves in her mother’s greenhouse, watching her work. Her hands shake so she winds them around the creases of Lance’s jacket and grips tightly.

“I don’t,” he says after thinking about it. “I carry it with me. I always have.”

Pidge thinks she knew that, in her bones. She thinks she understood that about Lance from the very second she first saw him, two years ago at the Garrison auditorium in September; this boy who slouched and grinned and shot finger guns and laughed like a hyena and cried four times a day. The boy whose eyes were deep and dark and filled with an abyssal pain that hurts to look at. Off-putting.

“That sounds lonely.”

Lance hums. He shifts, resting his chin on the top of her head. She feels the slow drip of his tears, down his nose and plopping onto her scalp, and parcels at how his heartbeat doesn’t change, the ease in his voice. The shaky steel of it.

“It is. I can’t remember a time when I wasn’t. Lonely. It’s just something I carry.”

Her breath shudders out of her, big and large and shaking her shoulders. She hears what he doesn’t say: I have gotten used to it. She thinks to herself: I will never get used to this weight.

She says: “I don’t understand.”

Ever so slowly, he begins to rock them back and forth, barest sway of their bodies. His lips press her hairline. Her face crumples and her breathing quickens as she forces down the tears, shoves back the mirroring feeling, the mixing of Lance and Matt happening in her head.

“When I was four my oldest brother moved away. He was getting married. I never got over that, I don’t think. He lived down the street longer than he lived down the hall but I never really stopped missing him.”

He pauses for a moment, and Pidge knows it’s deliberate in the way his whole body stops moving, pondering, before starting again.

“Sometimes I miss him on purpose.”

Pidge pulls away, enough to look him in the face, to watch his sad eyes and slight smile and the familiarity in the uncanny expression, the Lance of it.

“Why?” she asks desperately, hands twisting further in his sleeves. “Why would you ever — on purpose?”

“Because I love him on purpose.” The tears drip down Lance’s face as a steady waterfall and he doesn’t even flinch at them, doesn’t even blink. Lets his eyes fill and spill over again and again like cupped hands under a leaking faucet. “When I miss my mom I love her. When I miss my sister I love her. When I miss my brother I love him. When I miss Keith I love him. When I miss you, I love you.” He gently pulls his sleeves away from her clutched fingers, wrapping his hands around them instead and squeezing. “The grief hurts like a never healing wound. But I’m terrified of not having that. I don’t want to wake up one day without the reminder of how deeply I’ve loved and how deeply it will always be a part of me, that love. I don’t know how I’d ever function without it.”

“You don’t function with it,” Pidge argues. “It — haunts you. I see it in your face.”

Lance shrugs. “I function with it. I function because of it. Every day that I miss them I live because I will miss them until I see them again. It’s an — anticipation, almost. I miss you and I can’t wait to see you again mean the same thing.”

A strange noise bursts out from Pidge’s throat, gut-punching. I miss you and I can’t wait to see you again mean the same thing.

She misses her brother in her bones. Her father in her blood. Her mother in her heart.

Waiting to see them again pulses at every level in her body. That’s — manageable.

“Oh,” she says, and she means oh, in the way you blink your eyes open in the mornings. Oh, I see now. Oh, that hurts. Oh, it’s bright.

Lance squeezes her hands again. “There are worse things than loving so much it hurts you,” he says softly.

“Oh,” Pidge says again. “Oh.”

#i have been carrying this for a while i think #hm. anyways #vld #voltron #lance #lance mcclain #pidge #pidge holt #pidge & lance #brown eyed lance #langst #pidge angst #pidge is so young actually #hurt/comfort #klance #like barely and if u squint but idc #my writing #fic #longpost

[valyrfia]

you say the only thing tethering me to this sport is a ship and i vehemently agree with you while trying to shove the python pipeline i built for fun to compare past race telemetry under the table

#i’m just a girl! why should i know anything beyond hehe man hot and be anything beyond little delusions with my friends #f1 is sadly not my only personality trait I’m also a fully paid researcher with intimate knowledge of data pipelines #you should’ve heard my rant about f1 using matlab to do analytics vs. a custom built python pipeline that I sent to the gc weeks ago #and don’t get it messed up I love lestappen too a woman can and will contain multitudes #hm. anyways

[yantao-enthusiast]

desperate for mihaly's backstory now. i KNEW something was weird with how they looked a bit apprehensive when the rest of the just dancers appeared at the end of rather be. and the reason for that is they used to IDOLIZE night swan??? take my money. take it right now i need to know the STORY (violently shaking the bars of my jail cell)

#i am in fact counting down the days to just dance 2024 #things i should be doing: finishing other games #things i am doing: playing just dance #oh i should also be doing a test #hm. anyways #just dance #just dance 2023 #just dance 2024 #just dance mihaly #jd mihaly

[mayearies]

i found the voice over yall

#! ୨🧳ɞ﹒maye! talks ₊˚ #hm. #idk how to feel. #also i think this is ai #not shamiek moore #idk #BUT #ill update #once i have the courage to listen #update: #hm. hmmmm. #hm. anyways

[evermorebytaylorswift]

thinking about “i’m highly suspicious that everyone who sees you wants you” in lover, “i don’t like that anyone would die to feel your touch, everybody wants you, but i don’t like a gold rush,” and all the infidelity remarks on ttpd

#hm. anyways

[jpegdoll]

seeing less and less people talk about palestine. hm. what's that about.

#palestine #free palestine #didnt we collectively agree to not stop talking about it? #hm? #hm. anyways #😐

[kaoharu]

i want to do smth very bad

#✧ chatting ! #hm. anyways #walks away

[wriochilde]

id download genshin for kaveh 😁

#hm. anyways #im actually very hyped for starrail to release because that guy with the white hair is doing something to me #finn.txt

[hamingo]

Tagged by @feeshies to share 5 songs on my spotify repeat!

1. Find a Way by The Used

2. Come Out and Play by The Offspring

3. Hanging Out with All the Wrong People by Billy Talent

4. This Is How It Goes by Billy Talent

5. Kill the DJ by Green Day

So I will tag @ft-willzz @timelesslyjune @vampiiriic @veshialles @jasper-the-menace and any other mutuals that want to join in!!!

#*looks at my pink barbie ass blog* #*looks at this song list* #hm. anyways #listen listen 90s/00s punk pop just pops my pussy ya know

[angered-box]

i should draw some of my ocs as horses (does not know how to draw horses)

#the question is do I make them actual horses #or mlp esque horses #hm. anyways

[yantao-enthusiast]

okay maybe getting a laptop smashed on my tits wouldn’t fix me. but god would the experience be worth paying the exorbitant price of american healthcare

#says the person who has no real concept of money #and continues to buy expensive cardigans based on their interests #i keep having the “this will fix me” mentality and i’m trying to combat it #but i don’t think i’m doing a great job at it so far #hm. anyways #you know i love a london boy ! #<3

[transmanhybrid]

also im gonna be honest i expected to like miguel a lot more than i did. he was straight up just an asshole for the entire movie LOL

#also.... i forget exactly but #if miguel replaced himself in another timeline doesn't that mean he basically abandoned his original one #hm. anyways #he's hot but that's all he's got going for him really. at least for me personally LOL

[turtleblogatlast]

It’s a good thing that the boys had cute little button eyes when they were babies, because imagine if they had big ol eyes instead, like

#rottmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rottmnt splinter #turtle tots #rise of the tmnt #I just wanted to give the babies staring moomin eyes lmao #*gives Raph and Donnie long tails BECAUSE I CAN* #they look cute with them #side note but why were Leo’s eyes white initially #I actually wondered if he instinctively shut an outer eyelid for protection since they were in a dangerous situation #either way it stood out hm #anyway I love the babies #imagine if they were often weirdly SUPER quiet #and they would just #s t a r e #turtle art tag

[meiloorun-notthefruit]

The Scooby gang are friends. The Scooby gang are BEST FRIENDS. THEY ARE BEST FRIENDS AND THEY LOVE EACH OTHER SO MUCH. THEY TRAVEL AROUND SOLVING MYSTERIES FOR AS LONG AS THEY CAN BECAUSE THEY HAVE A PASSION FOR IT AND BECAUSE IT MEANS THEY GET TO SPEND TIME TOGETHER WITH EACH OTHER. THEY ARE BEST FRIENDS.

They don’t hate each other. Maybe they get annoyed and cause they’re together all the time it might get a bit much sometimes but at the end of the day, they really deeply care about each other. They live out of a van most of the time and are on the road constantly out of CHOICE. TOGETHER. for crying out loud.

They are four teenagers and a Great Dane. They’re a family.

#scooby gang #scooby doo #velma #I’m worked up about a cartoon being so horribly bad about characterization and the creators clearly wanting to have nothing to do with #the series. they don’t care about it. how can you write for something you don’t care for. sure it’s the money but still #hm anyways watch the sword and the scoob if your want to see them be goofy teenagers #fred jones #daphne blake #velma dinkley #shaggy rogers #eli.thinks.of.things #24k and counting. damn

[corantus]

Is Snoopy a trans guy or a trans girl in your teen!Peanuts (Teenuts..?) AU?

this is how it happened. hes gay also

#asks #peanuts #snoopy #charlie brown #sorry these drawings arent the best...but anyway 🏳️‍⚧️ #TEENUTS....hm

[bluegiragi]

in action (part 2)

early access + nsfw on patreon

#what a show off #ghost seeing johnny literally double in size: hm. i see #anyway everyone please say hello to puppy soap and give him lots of good scratches #he loves the validation #monster 141 au #simon ghost riley #john soap mactavish #cod mw2 #giragi art